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WIM+AI – WIM Module 9 – Lesson 1: Test Your Description
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Margaret has Tested Every Line
What I learned doing this assignment: My descriptions were wordy.
Difference for my script: Went from 112 pages to 107.
Original intro:EXT. CITY STREETS – PHOENIX – DAY
The sweltering sun casts a harsh glare over the bustling city streets. An ambulance streaks by, its lights and sirens a frantic blur of urgency.
INT. AMBULANCE – SAME TIME
Inside the ambulance, the steady beeping of the heart monitor cuts through the suffocating silence. JACOB (20), a college senior with tousled hair, lays motionless on the gurney, eyes closed. He is calm despite reasons to be desperate, his serenity betrayed by the lone tear escaping down his face.
EXT. GRANDPARENT’S HOUSE – DAY
The family, JOHN (46), EMILY (38), Jacob, and ELI (13), creep along the front of the Christmas decorated house.
Jacob trips, bumps into his mother. Emily grabs ahold of her husband, John, to keep herself from falling. She turns, makes a pout face at Jacob.
John waves his family to keep their heads low, under the windows, puts a finger to his lips to silence their giggles.
As the family reaches the front door, John reaches for the doorknob, gently turns it, opens the door.Revised IntroEXT. CITY STREETS – PHOENIX – DAY
An ambulance streaks by, sirens, lights a frantic blur.
INT. AMBULANCE – SAME TIME
Steady beeping of the heart monitor cuts the silence. JACOB (20), a focused college senior, lays motionless on the gurney. Calm despite reasons to be desperate, his serenity betrayed by a lone tear.
EXT. GRANDPARENT’S HOUSE – DAY
The family, JOHN (46), EMILY (38), Jacob, and ELI (13), creep along the front of the Christmas decorated house.
Jacob trips, bumps into his mother, Emily, a woman full of motherly love. She stumbles, turns, shoots Jacob a pout face.
Jacob’s father, John, a no-nonsense, God-fearing man, waves his family to keep their heads low, puts a finger to his lips to silence their giggles.
John quietly opens the front door.
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