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Lesson 13
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6 Replies
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Debbie’s Horror Scare, Release and Creep.
I posted the same scene as my last lesson, with a little rewrite, because I realized that I had most of what this assignment is about in that. A added a scare and release at the very beginning. What I learned from this lesson is that if you are paying attention to all the lessons that came before, you'll realize that as the script progresses, you'll be using more and more of the elements that came before while adding in the specific emotions that each act calls for.
INT. RIVERBOAT – LILITH’S ROOM – NIGHT
Lilith hurriedly goes through her witchy supplies and finds a bag of salt. She grabs a little leather pouch and fills it with salt, then attaches the pouch to her belt.
INT. RIVERBOAT – GIRLS' ROOM – NIGHT
A dim lantern flickers. The river groans beneath the boat, a long, hollow sound.
Lilith stands outside the door to the girls’ quarters. She knocks—three sharp raps.
Silence.
She knocks again.
LILITH
Girls?Nothing.
INT. RIVERBOAT – GIRL’S ROOM – NIGHT
Lilith steps into the empty room. The bedsheets are crumpled. A shawl lies discarded on the floor. It’s a normal mess from six girls sharing one room.
Suddenly something flies out at her face and screeches. Lilith falls back against the door, closing off her escape. She reaches for the leather pouch on her belt, but then her eyes land on Bella’s parrot.
She chuckles nervously, then walks over to the parrot. She notices the little dishes are empty, and fills the water, then the food with seeds. The parrot happily begins to eat.
LILITH
I bet you know where they are, don’t you.
Lilith sighs. The parrot’s not talking, she walks back to the door.LILITH
Maybe they’re all topside.
As Lilith approaches the door, she realizes she’s standing in the middle of a muddy puddle. She runs to the door and out into the corridor before she can get her emotions under control.
LILITH
Please, not my ladies.INT. RIVERBOAT – CORRIDORS – CONTINUOUS
Lilith moves cautiously, quietly. Lanterns swing causing shadows to dance down the long, narrow corridor. She jumps every now and then, when a shadow seems like something more.
At the intersection of another corridor, she stops and plasters herself against the wall. She listens but there is only silence. Cautiously she peeks around the corner and finds the corridor empty.
She exhales, steps forward, and jumps as the boat shifts on the water and lets out a low, guttural moan.
She moves more quickly now, her fear overcoming her need for caution. She finds the stairs leading up to the deck, grasps the railing and begins to slowly move up while staring at the gaping darkness that shadows the top of the stairs. One step up. Then another. And another.
Another step up. Something moves inside that blackness. Then the staircase trembles, and the creature comes into few view just above her. The barely human form drips black water onto the wooden steps. The water rolls down the steps toward Lilith.
A thin gasp escapes her lips and she stumbles/falls back down the stairs, her bag of salt catching on the wood—ripping free from her belt. Unnoticed, it falls and disappears into the space between the steps.
Lilith turns to go back down the corridor, but seaweed hangs from the ceiling, blocking her path. She turns back to the stairs and runs down into the hold.
INT. RIVERBOAT – CARGO HOLD – NIGHT
The lanterns down hear and sparse and darkness pools between the crates of mail and foodstuffs. The crates are stacked high with narrow paths snaking between them.
Lilith weaves her way through them, putting as much distance between herself and the creature as she can.
Suddenly there’s a rustling to her right. Lilith jumps as a rat runs across her path and disappears.
She continues to the back of the hold. She emerges into an open space with a door on the back wall. Lilith runs to it, but it is locked.
A wet squelching comes from behind her. She grabs for her bag of salt, but it’s gone. In a panic, she searches the floor, but there is another squelch.
She turns, but can’t see anything in the dark. So, keeping her back to the wall, she sidles back to the crates and hides in a pool of darkness.
The monster appears, oozing through a narrow pathways between the crates. It flows into the opens space and walks all around it. It approaches Lilith’s hiding place and, when her breath hitches, slaps a hand over her mouth.
The thing shifts, and a misshapen swivels, its hollow sockets fixed on the place she is hiding.
Lilith does not move.The head turns back. After an eternity, the creature returns to the locked door.
A dripping tendril tries door, but it’s is locked. So it presses its form against the door. The wood groans and bows.Lilith watches in horror as the monster sort of melts, its form liquefying into blackened sludge that oozed through the cracks, the hinges, the seams, spilling down the other side and into the room beyond.
Lilith sees her chance and makes a run for it, but stops in her tracks by the SCREAMS of her girls.
Lilith runs back and throws herself at the door. She tries the door knob again. Still locked. She pummels, pounds, shaking the handle, kicks the door.
LILITH
(voice tinged with hysteria)
Don’t you touch them. Don’t you dare.The screams inside don’t stop and Lilith screams in frustration, rage, and desperation.
LILITH
(voice breaking)
You leave my girls alone.Then, a soft CLICK, and the door swings open beneath Lilith's fists. The screams stop. Slowly Lilith steps inside.
INT. LOCKED ROOM – CONTINUOUS
Her girls huddled in the furthest corner of their cage, crying and trembling.
Lilith sees the monster. It makes a move toward the cage and Lilith launches to place herself between it and her girls.
LILITH
No. I will not let you harm them.
The monster and Lilith face off. Tears fill Lilith’s eyes and spill down her face.
A tendrils of black water stretches toward her. More tears fall. She knows she’s facing death, but she will not move.
The tendril becomes pencil then, and with a feather-light touch, catches a tear on its tip.
The drop clings to the dark liquid. Then it is absorbed into the muddy mass.
After another eternity, the monster backs away and then, with a sickening squelch, dissolves into a slick, black puddle. The puddle slides out the door and is gone.
Lilith gasps as her legs give out and she sits down on the floor. Behind her, the girls continue to sob.
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This reply was modified 2 months, 3 weeks ago by Deborah Daughetee.
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This reply was modified 2 months, 3 weeks ago by
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Renee’s Scares, Releases, and Creepy Moments
What I learned doing this assignment is how to incorporate scares, releases, and creepy moments through the outline to keep the audience guessing and in a state of fear.
INT. STAIRWELL – DAY
The group descends cautiously, their footsteps echoing in the narrow stairwell. Flashlight beams slice through the dimness, bouncing off the cold, concrete walls.
Stacy leads, tense, scanning every step. Eliza clutches a crowbar, knuckles white. Anthony grips a wrench, hyper-alert. Rebecca and Patty whisper behind them, barely breathing.
At the next landing – a flashlight lies abandoned on the floor.
ANTHONY
It’s Chuck’s.He kneels, reaching for it. The others crowd behind him. Then – Patty gasps.
PATTY
Oh my God.The group turns to the wall – and freezes.
Chuck’s shadow is still there, cast against the concrete, but twisted – one arm-mid motion, his head tilted in a silent, frozen scream. But Chuck isn’t there.
A heavy silence weighs down on them. The shadow twitches – not like flickering light, but like it’s alive.
ANTHONY
This isn’t possible.He grips his wrench, stepping closer. The flashlight flickers in his hand – then, with a loud boom, the entire building’s power dies. Everything plunges into total darkness.
The stairwell becomes an abyss, a void of absolute black. The group sucks in sharp breaths, some muttering curses, others fumbling blindly.
Then – red emergency exit lights sputter to life, bathing the walls in a sickly crimson glow. A collective exhale. The light is weak, but it’s something.
Rebecca stiffens. She lifts her shaking flashlight toward the wall where Chuck’s shadow should be. It’s gone.
A whisper snakes through the air, low and distorted, as if coming from deep underwater. At first, it’s indistinct, layered voices merging together. Then – it sharpens, a single voice breaking through.
CHUCK (V.O.)
Stay… in the light.The group goes still.
Patty
(whispering)
Did you hear that?A breathy almost ragged exhale fills the stairwell.
TRACY (V.O.)
(whispering)
RUN.The shadows around them shift, stretching independently of their owners.
A heartbeat of silence. Then – the whispers rise, turning into a deafening, suffocating hum. A sharp wind slams down the stairwell – but the windows are sealed shut.
Then, something unseen starts descending toward them from above. Heavy, deliberate footsteps echo down the stairwell. Someone screams.
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LESSON #13
Nick’s Scares, Releases, and Creepy Moments
What I learnt: I’ve pretty much exhausted my outline because of new ideas I get writing scenes, I’m headed in another, better direction than from the start. The initial outline was a general outline that provided the rails. As I get into specifics, something else rears it horrific head and I go that way to see where it lands me.
EXT. EDGE OF CLEARING – DAY – INCLUDE MONSTER’S HUT
Joe and Frank watch as the monsters throw buckets of water into Gene and Lee’s faces.
The monsters lead them off the veranda towards the stock barn behind the hut.
They unlock the barn door and push Gene and Lee into it and follow them in.
JOE
Wait here. I better retrieve the bikes while they’re in the barn, before they get any other ideas.
Joe runs low and gets to the bikes as the monsters exit the barn. Joe flattens himself to the ground and panics as he watches them through the high grass.
JOE
(sotto, to himself)
Shit, shit, shit…
The monsters turn and lock the door with a length of board.
Joe sprints to the closest shelter–the hut–and presses himself against the outside wall off the veranda. He sneaks a daring peek around the corner. The monsters, approaching.
He ducks back in, his eyes darting with fear, uncertainty.
The monsters step onto the veranda and stop. #2 sniffs the air, senses something. He walks to the other end of the veranda and looks around the corner where Joe was a moment ago and peeks around it. No Joe.
#2 steps off the veranda, his curiosity peaked. He walks along the side to the back corner.
Joe runs to the opposite back corner of the hut and disappears around it as #2 rounds the other back corner sniffing the air.
Sensing he’s onto something, he stomps to the back corner Joe just disappeared around.
Joe dashes along the side of the hut to the opposite veranda corner from whence he started. He peeks around it. #1 is standing at the opposite corner with his back to Joe.
MONSTER #1
(to #2, unseen)
(translated)
“See anything?”
#2 rounds the back corner as Joe disappears around the veranda corner.
Joe creeps along the veranda wall and slips through the main door into the hut just as #2 steps back onto the veranda and #1 turns to #2.
MONSTER #1
(translated)
“Nothing, huh?”
MONSTER #2
(translated)
“Funny. The smell must be stuck in my nose memory.”
Giving up, they enter the hut.
EXT. EDGE OF CLEARING – SAME
Frank can’t believe his eyes as he watches Joe enter the hut and the monsters go in after him. He feels alone with only his dead brother to comfort him.
FRANK
Now Joe’s gone, too. It’s just you and me, brother, and Sammy, if he makes it back… Joe was right. I should never have thrown away my gun. If I still had it, I would use it to join you, Manny.
He looks off.
FRANK
Why couldn’t he have left the damned bikes be. There’s nobody to ride them now, anyway.
INT. MONSTER’S HUT – DAY
Monsters #1 and #2 share the workbench working on the newly taken eyeballs. Woman monster and monster child enter with baskets full of blackberries and dump them on the table. The woman monster’s neck is adorned with an eyeball necklace.
WOMAN MONSTER
(translated)
“The cattle will be well fed tonight.”
MONSTER #2
(translated)
“We got two more to feed. They came right to our doorstep. Can you believe it? Two got away. We’ll look for them tomorrow. So, count on four altogether.”
WOMAN MONSTER
(translated)
“That will certainly help with the chores around here.”
MONSTER #1
(translated)
“We decided to slaughter the old bull, so we’ll be using them to clear the back forty and do the field work.”
Woman monster wrinkles her hairy, pugged nose.
WOMAN MONSTER
(translated)
“What’s that smell?”
MONSTER #2
(translated)
“Aha, you smell it, too.”
Woman monster looks around behind the skin easel and under the bed.
WOMAN MONSTER
(translated)
“Funny. The smell is right in front of me somewhere.”
She turns around slowly, eyeing every nook and cranny.
MONSTER #1
(translated)
“We had two cattle in here just a little while ago. That’s what you’re probably smelling.”
MONSTER #2
(translated)
“You’re probably right. Lingering odor. They were awfully sweaty and stinky.”
WOMAN MONSTER
(translated)
“That must be it.”
During this, Joe is stretched lengthwise along a rafter, as still as a dusty stick, dreading they will look up.
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David Wickenden Scares, Releases, and Creepy moments!
“What I learned doing this assignment is…?”
By setting this up in the outline, we are able to create a believable fear track that builds on previous scare.INT. LAB 2 – NIGHT
Webster moves to clear a storage room. He is shaking with terror.
Scare: He opens the door, causing a mop to fall over and Webster opens fire, causing the others to spin to face the threat.
Release: He killed a mop. – no monster.
Creepy moment: From the bullet holes in the wall, black slime oozes out to form the monster. It will attack from an area already deemed safe.-
This reply was modified 2 months, 2 weeks ago by David Wickenden.
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This reply was modified 2 months, 2 weeks ago by
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PAT’S SCARES, RELEASES AND CREEPY MOMENTS
What I learned from this assignment is to let imagination run wild and silence the censor. And could possibly be creepier than a monster made out of shit?
INT. SOUTHERN MANSION – DRAWING ROOM – DAY
Mika and Arianna locate Dahlia.
MIKA
Miss Stewart, there’s no bathroom.
EXT. OUTHOUSE – DAY
The girls gape at the Porta-Potty set up next to an ancient but still solid outhouse.
DAHLIA
Take your pick.
ARIANNA
What is that?
DAHLIA
That is an outhouse. They didn’t have indoor plumbing in colonial days.
ARIANNA
Ugh.
MIKA
How did they shower?
DAHLIA
Laundry tub likely in the kitchen or close by. Water had to be heated on the stove and poured in.
ARIANNA
This is getting more disgusting by the minute. And people lived like this?
DAHLIA
The rich people. The poor had to make due with whatever they could find. Don’t be long. There’s a lot of work to do.
She heads to the house. Mika and Arianna don’t move, aghast.
A shower of water splashes off to their left.
Startled, they jump a little, look over.
Johnny Ray relieves himself against a tree.
Arianna rolls her eyes in disgust, turns for the house.
Mika watches him a moment in obvious jealousy, looks at the outhouse, decides no and turns to follow Arianna.
Nat passes them. Johnny Ray finishes, zips up, nods at Nat.
JOHNNY RAY
All yours.
NAT
I wish. I need a sit down. Let Franklin know I’ll be a while.
JOHNNY RAY
Good luck with that.
Nat frowns after him, steps up to the Porta-Potty and yanks the door open. Just as quick he slams it shut, eyes tearing.
NAT
Damm me, what are those construction guys eating for lunch?
He goes to the outhouse, gingerly opens the door. When he’s not assaulted by smell or occupant he steps in.
INT. OUTHOUSE – DAY
Nat checks out all corners and beams of the 6’ by 3’ space for infestation, gives a leery glance down the hole under the toilet seat.
The sludge is an undefined mess of dissolving paper, excrement and lime powder.
The door closes with a SNICK. He shrugs, drops his pants and plops down.
EXT. OUTHOUSE – DAY
A towering tree behind the outhouse shivers. The lowest limbs bow down and tendrils of Spanish Moss snake down to cover the outhouse door.
INT. OUTHOUSE – DAY
Standing, Nat gives his pants a final adjust, puts a shoulder to the door. Grunts when it doesn’t yield to his push.
He backs up the bare foot of floor space, plants both hands chest high and shoves. Nothing.
Behind him, deep in the hole something moves in the sludge.
An arm forms out of excrement, snakes up the wall.
Fingers evolve, flexing to grab.
Nat pounds on the door.
NAT
Hey! Anybody out there? Not funny, guys.
He catches a whiff of rotting waste, gags. SOMETHING SCRATCHES a STONE in the hole.
He doesn’t want to look, has to. Keeps his feet as close to the door as possible while he leans over to look.
The sludge is rising up the hole. Two arms now pulling a hulking form higher, bulbous head sunk low between shoulders.
Panicking, Nat humps his hip against the door. Pummels it.
NAT
Help. Somebody! Let me out. There’s something alive in here. HELP!
He pounds for all he’s worth, eyes tearing, gagging on the stench, on the verge of vomiting.
Fingers inch over the seat rim, catch hold. -
EXT. WOODS – DUSK
Only a glimmer of light remains. The sky is gray and gloomy. Three U.S. Calvary soldiers, spread apart, move cautiously ahead with their rifles at the ready. Their breaths are visible in the cold air. One soldier is slightly ahead of the others in formation. He raises his hand for the others to stop.2ND SOLDIER
What is it?He motions for quiet. He listens intently. He gives the go ahead to move forward. A few moments later, a loud cracking sound is heard. The soldiers are startled and freeze. They slowly look at each other, then toward the direction of the sound. There is silence. Suddenly, a large shadow engulfs the soldiers. They step back with rifles aimed straight ahead.
1ST SOLDIER
Fire!All three fire their rifles as they move backwards. The shadow continues to move with them. The fire more rounds. IT doesn’t stop.
2ND SOLDIER
Oh shit! Run!They turn and run. They are dodging trees and branches as they run. The fog from their breath becomes heavier as they run.
1ST SOLDIER
Hurry. We’re almost there.Cracking tree branches are heard. A deep howling growl can be heard getting closer. Suddenly, a flash of movement sweeps across the screen and the 1st Soldier disappears.
2ND SOLDIER
What the hell is that thing?The remaining two soldiers continue to run, dodging branches. A branch slaps one in the face.
3RD SOLDIER
Ouch!He continues to run. His breath creates a heavy fog.
2ND SOLDIER
Come on. Let’s…Suddenly, the 2nd soldier falls to the ground. A grunt is heard. He is laying on the ground in front of a fallen branch. He jumps up and is breathing heavy.
2ND SOLDIER
Where did it go?Suddenly, we see another flash of movement just as he starts running again. He disappears. His cries of pain is hear briefly and stops suddenly.
3RD SOLDIER
Please make it.The last remaining soldier continues to run frantically. He sees a fence constructed of poles or small tree trunks.
Branches are heard breaking along with the deep growl.
He reaches the fence gate. A U.S. Calvary insignia is on the gate. He can’t open the gate.3RD SOLDIER
Open you son-of-a-bitch. Help, let me in.The shadow now engulfs him. He turns around toward the creature. He takes off his hat anc clutches it against his chest. He is frozen. He slowly slides down the fence to a sitting position on the ground. He’s trembling and shaking head head back-and-forth.
3RD SOLDIER
No, no, no.He is sobbing and starts to scream…we see blood splash onto the fence along with claw marks.
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This reply was modified 2 months, 2 weeks ago by Barry Barry Durbin Durbin.
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This reply was modified 2 months, 2 weeks ago by
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