• Creative Mastery 15

  Lesson 14

  Posted by cheryl croasmun on May 6, 2025 at 4:54 pm

  Reply to post your assignment.

  Jeremy Kirk replied 1 day, 10 hours ago 5 Members · 4 Replies
• 4 Replies

• 

  Rita Roberts

  Member

  June 5, 2025 at 5:15 pm

  Lesson 14: QE Cycle #3: Write this Scene
  Rita's Nancy & Squire Scene – Draft 1
  What I learned:
  – There might be more traits in their actions than dialog. It turned into a scene without a lot of talking.
  – Going through traits, more was added to the scene.
  – I left it more concluded than a cliffhanger. Something to consider for the next draft.
  – Attempting BAD as promised to Hal led to something I wouldn't normally write.

  LOGLINE: Nancy's evening hike turns to an attempt to team up with Squire and escape a horror he has caused.
  ESSENCE: Conflicting goals — Squire wants to save the deer but Nancy wants to save herself and him.

  EXT. MOUNTAIN ROAD – EVENING
  Large, forested lots with log homes and three acres between them alongside a rushing creek. Nothing but wilderness past this new neighborhood built around old, miner's homesteads.

  NANCY (32) strolls uphill through her picturesque, mountain neighborhood. A fit woman in well-worn, outdoor clothing and a small backpack on a beautiful summer hike.
  She turns past her neighbor's obscenely large log house towards a trailhead.

  She waves and fake smiles at SQUIRE (56) as he dumps feed on his gravel driveway. He wears a fuchsia golf shirt and white shorts, the picture of pudgy, early retirement, city transplant.

  NANCY
  Hey, you know it's not wise to feed the wildlife. I could report you to the Forest Service.

  SQUIRE
  That's not very neighborly of you. Why don't you come in and enjoy the wildlife with me?

  He tilts his head toward the house with slanted smile and a wink.

  NANCY
  Just wait. They'll figure out your routine and you'll either have an encounter with an animal you don't want or a fine.

  SQUIRE
  Sounds like a threat.

  NANCY
  Nature doesn't issue threats.
  (to herself)
  Moron.

  A doe and her fawn leap across the creek after Squire returns to the house to watch them eat from his offering.

  Nancy picks up the pace. A few yards up the trail, she stops to listen. Scans the surroundings.

  NANCY
  Dammit. Do I take a chance?

  She rubs her forehead as she considers. One last look back at the scene, she shakes her head and continues up the mountain.

  EXT. TRAIL – DUSK
  Nancy bounds downhill, sweaty and smiling, on return from her hike toward a small bridge behind Squire's house.

  A horrific wail penetrates the still evening.

  A sound of distress no one has ever heard. Unrecognizable but clearly not human.

  She hikes fast toward Squire's yard, then she sees it.

  A mountain lion with massive paws and murderous intent in his eyes holds the doe to the ground by it's neck. His long, muscular tail stretches out to help keep her stationary.

  Squire yells.

  SQUIRE
  Hey! Get out of here!

  He runs down his deck stairs banging a pot.

  NANCY
  Oh, god.

  She runs toward the scene. Stops.

  NANCY
  Shit.

  She looks around. Thick, thorny blackberry bushes everywhere. Only the mountain on her own or the idiot below.

  Squire moves closer to the wild animals with his not-scary kitchenware.

  The lion lets loose of the deer's punctured windpipe but keeps her pinned to the ground with his body. He eyes Squire and blows a puff of angered air out his flared nostrils.

  The lion assesses his prey, still flailing with a gurgled moan but soon to suffocate with a punctured airway.

  Squire bangs and waves his arms.

  SQUIRE
  Shoo. Leave her alone!

  NANCY
  Shut up! Go back inside. Please!

  The lion spots her.

  Now he stands.

  SQUIRE
  Yeah, go on. Get outta here.

  Nancy freezes.

  NANCY
  Please shut up, Squire.

  SQUIRE
  He's got my doe.

  The doe struggles in a heartbreaking attempt to stand but she's too injured.

  NANCY
  It's not your doe, it's his dinner.

  Squire yells at the mountain lion. Another sound of distress that's barely human.

  The big cat looks even bigger as he moves in slow motion closer to Squire. Now, it's a face off.

  SQUIRE
  Oh shit.

  He get it. Freezes.

  NANCY
  Finally.

  A rustle in the bushes catches all their attention.

  The fawn bleats or brays, calls to it's mother.

  The lion lifts it's nose in the fawn's direction.

  Squire looses his cool. Bangs on the pot and charges.

  SQUIRE
  No you don't!

  NANCY
  Oh, Jesus. Stop!

  The lion keeps his focus on the extra, tasty morsel in the bushes.

  Bangs and yells continue.

  Nancy heaves her backpack in the fawn’s direction. It takes off, a tempting chase.

  The lion lunges toward the fawn.

  Nancy makes a break for it.

  She tears across the bridge, through the tall open grass of Squire's undeserved property, up his deck stairs.

  NANCY
  Come on, Squire! Get inside.

  She tugs on his shirt as she runs past but he only stumbles backward but stays put.

  SQUIRE
  It's just a helpless little fawn. How are you so heartless?

  The doe lies lifeless next to the pile of feed. The fawn was a quick and easy kill. Dinner and desert.

  Squire's useless, noisy percussion continues.

  The cat's ears lower as he stalks Squire.

  SQUIRE
  Oh my god!

  Nancy bangs a pair of tongs on the lid of Squire's spotless grill, like he ever cooks. Now she's the screamer.

  And then… quiet.

  The color drains from her face as her neighbor's head hits the bottom stair with the lion on his back.

  Giant, sharp fangs sink into Squire's jugular as blood spirts out across the lion's head. He closes one eye and waits.

  There's that same horrific wail. Like no one has ever heard before, now from Squire's mouth but much more brief.

  The lion drags Squire's limp body, reduced to meat, to the creek, head first into the shallow water and leaves it there.

  In shock, Nancy just watches.

  The lion returns for the doe. Drags her all the way across the creek into the brambles.

  He rips into the fawn. A quick appetizer before the feast.

  Nancy collapses onto the redwood boards of the deck and wails. A very human sound of horror and grief.
• 

  Mary

  Member

  June 6, 2025 at 2:19 am

  LOGLINE: Two soldiers in a combat situation must learn to work together or die.
  ESSENCE: The real enemy of these two soldiers is not the snipers shooting at them but their own flaws.
  SCENE ARC: Two soldiers find themselves teamed together on a combat mission but make a total mess of it.
  QE 3 – First Draft
  What I learned: It is possible to fit a bunch of maximum interest techniques and character traits into a scene even if it is a fairly short scene. In a way it kind of feels like fitting together the pieces of a puzzle.

  EXT. JUNGLE WAR ZONE – DAY

  Bullets fly as Sgt. Nancy Shaw and Lt. D. Squire duck behind a small mound together to escape the bullets whizzing by.

  SQUIRE
  See the world, join the army. Nobody told me it’d be like this.

  NANCY
  Where’s the Captain? I don’t see him. He was right in front of me.

  SQUIRE
  Who cares about him? He’s the one who got us into this mess.

  NANCY
  Look, you sorry excuse of a soldier. We’ve got to find Cap and make sure he’s okay.

  SQUIRE
  Why? With him out of the picture, I’m the ranking officer here, and I say we get the hell out of here.

  NANCY
  Then I’ll report you as a coward. I knew you weren’t lieutenant material when they promoted you over me. What did you do, sleep your way to the top?

  SQUIRE
  It’s not my fault the ladies like me. Every one but you. Though I’d like you to prove me wrong.

  NANCY
  You sleaze ball. Even here! We’ve got to find Cap.

  SQUIRE
  No way. I’m in charge and I say we don’t look for him, we head back down the hill the same way we came. And that’s an order, Sergeant!

  NANCY
  How about this, Lieutenant. Cap has the radio codes. Sure, we could make it back to the bottom of the hill. But we’ll still be in enemy territory. We’ll never get airlifted out of here without those codes that Cap has.

  SQUIRE
  Shit. You’re right. Okay. I’ll stay here, and you go up ahead and look for him.

  NANCY
  Me? You’re going to make me go ahead, while you sneak back off down the hill.

  SQUIRE
  That’s not my plan.

  NANCY
  What is your big plan, assuming you have one?

  SQUIRE
  My plan… that’s none of your business. As the ranking officer, it’s not your job to question my battle plan.

  NANCY
  You mean, you don’t have one. Well, you’d better get one quick because the snipers could be moving in.

  SQUIRE
  I don’t want to be their target practice any more than you do. But one of us has to go ahead and get those codes off Cap. And lucky me, I am the one giving the orders here.

  The bullets STOP. It’s an eerie silence.

  NANCY
  The shooting! They’ve stopped. They’re gone. Now is your chance to rush up the hill, and prove you deserved your promotion. I’m sure they’ll give you a hero’s medal for that.

  SQUIRE
  Nancy, I’m glad it’s you here behind this mound with me. I’ve always wanted to tell you — I wanted you to get promoted to Lieutenant. I wanted us to be promoted together. I’ve always admired you, Nancy. You are the bravest…

  NANCY
  You’re trying to charm me into dying instead of you? What an ass! We both know those snipers out there haven’t left, they’re just trying to draw us out. They’ll blast away as soon as one of us steps out. As soon as they get a clean shot. And without those codes, we’re both gonners.

  SQUIRE
  And still, I’m the one in charge. The one who gives the orders that says YOU have to continue up the hill. I don’t have to tell you my reasons.

  NANCY
  Fine, asshole. I’ll go. But know this. Cap doesn’t have the radio codes, I have them. I only said that so you’d help me find him because I know what a selfish jerk you are. So if they shoot me, you are toast, never to party your way through this war like you intended. And everyone will know it was your ‘leadership’ that got us both killed, and that they made a big freaking mistake promoting you instead of me.

  She steps out from behind the mound and heads up the hill.

  SQUIRE
  Wait, Nancy! I didn’t mean it! I changed my mind! Come back! Come back! Come….

  SMASH CUT TO BLACK.

  • This reply was modified 5 days, 9 hours ago by  Mary.
• 

  carl marshall

  Member

  June 8, 2025 at 11:24 pm

  Carl Marshall
  LOGLINE: the train station
  ESSENCE: find the keycard
  SCENE: INT. ABANDONED TRAIN STATION – NIGHT
  A LOUD BUZZ from an old intercom precedes a mechanical CLUNK — a door slides open.)
  NANCY (40s, storms in, heels echoing. She sees SQUIRE (30s, roguish with a fake smile) already lounging on a crate, feet up, smug as ever.
  NANCY
  Of course you’re early. What, couldn’t seduce your way out of traffic?
  SQUIRE
  Thought I’d soak in the ambiance. Something about rain makes lies sound romantic.
  NANCY
  Cut the charm act. If this job goes sideways, I’m not taking the fall.
  SQUIRE
  Job’s already sideways. We’re missing the keycard, and you’re not as stealthy as you think.
  NANCY
  (leaning in) You think I lost it? Or sold it?
  SQUIRE
  (grinning) Just betting against your record.
  NANCY
  They put us together to clean up a corpse nobody wants found. Why would they trust you?
  SQUIRE
  Why would they trust *you*? Maybe they want us both buried in the mess.
  NANCY
  (pauses, calculating) You think this is a setup?
  SQUIRE
  Oh, I don’t think. I *know*. And they’re watching — right now.
  (A red laser dot lands on Nancy’s blazer. She freezes.)
  NANCY
  Don’t move. We’re being watched.
  SQUIRE
  Relax. That’s just my old friend, the sniper. He likes foreplay.
  (Nancy PUNCHES Squire hard across the face. He staggers back, laughs, spits blood.)
  SQUIRE
  Now we’re finally communicating.
  (From above, an unseen drone WHIRS, recording. Neither notices.)
  NANCY
  If we don’t find that keycard, the body’s going public — with our names on it.
  SQUIRE
  Then I guess we better dig… or bury each other.
  (They stare each other down. Thunder ROLLS. The lights SNAP off. BLACKOUT.)
• 

  Jeremy Kirk

  Member

  June 10, 2025 at 12:25 am

  LOGLINE: two window washers argument becomes more extreme than ever imagined.

  ESSENCE: Nancy is looking to make a point about Squire’s unfaithfulness to her brother.

  SCENE:

  EXT. HIGH RISE OFFICE BUILDING – DAY
  Two window washers work at opposite ends of the platform using long poles to soap and clean the windows.
  NANCY, a shaved headed staunch lesbian with tattoo sleeve down one arm and a bandana around her head, drags the pole down with a SQUELCH of clean window.
  Her partner, SQUIRE, is a fit gay man with a half shirt and his bandana tied around his neck like a scarf.
  NANCY
  I swear Squire, I could have washed both sides of these windows already?
  SQUIRE
  That’s because I’m distracted by all these men.
  He blows a kiss and waves to the businessman working on the other side.
  NANCY
  And why aren’t you wearing your fall harness? You wanna die?
  SQUIRE
  Bitch, like you care? Besides bright orange doesn’t go with my eyes.
  NANCY
  Neither will your skull if you fall twenty stories.
  Nancy hits the hoist motor and it stalls out.
  SQUIRE
  You should use some of that money your saving for your next tattoo and get that fixed.
  Nancy kicks it and it starts to descend.
  NANCY
  It’s fine, see, still works.
  As they pass a new floor, Squire pulls down his shorts and exposes his happy trail.
  NANCY
  Bro, seriously? Start working.
  Squire places the long poled squeegee in the bucket which sloshes liquid soap out onto the platform and over his work boots.
  SQUIRE
  I think my soap and water solution isn’t correct? I think it’s leaving a film on the windows?
  NANCY
  So now it’s my fault you can’t clean a window?
  SQUIRE
  Geez, somebodies a bitch this morning.
  NANCY
  Yeah, well, when were you going to tell me about you and Carlo breaking up?
  SQUIRE
  I don’t know who you get your information from –
  NANCY
  He’s my brother ass hat, who do you think?
  SQUIRE
  We had a falling out?
  NANCY
  A falling out? He told me he found you in bed with three other men?
  Squire gets a sly little smirk.
  SQUIRE
  Four.
  NANCY
  Four! I don’t even know logistically how that would work. You broke his heart man, you really did.
  Squire sloshes the window, spots a man looking out and draws a heart on the window with his finger.
  SQUIRE
  Oww.
  He places his finger in his mouth and pouts.
  NANCY
  What did I tell you when you started dating my brother?
  With the finger still in his mouth.
  SQUIRE
  To not break his heart.
  NANCY
  That’s right. And what would happen if I found out you broke his heart?
  Finger still in mouth like a pacifier.
  SQUIRE
  Consequences.
  NANCY
  That’s right, consequences. And in this situation, what should the consequences consist of?
  Squire smiles.
  SQUIRE
  A spanking?
  NANCY
  How about your wash bucket being filled with soap and a large amount of nitric acid?
  Squire looks at the bucket that’s been springing leaks and creating a puddle over the platform.
  NANCY
  You see nitric acid won’t harm windows. So the glass will be fine. However…
  The medal platform ruptures, the metal dissolved away. Squire falls through the hole and catches himself with both hands on the metal.
  His torso dangles below the wash platform. He SCREAMS for help.
  Nancy walks over to the hoist motor and starts the slow descent down.
  NANCY
  Maybe this piece of shit can get you down in time. Maybe you die wishing you wore your fall harness?
  As Squire holds the metal, the acid HISSES and he has to move his hands constantly.
  NANCY
  Fuck with my brother’s heart again and see what’s what.
  The platform CREAKS as it lowers it’s way to the sidewalk.

  • This reply was modified 21 hours, 7 minutes ago by  Jeremy Kirk.

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