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Janeen’s Inciting Incident
What I learned doing this assignment is that this is getting easier if first, I empower, then I write.
INT. MAMA’S HOUSE – AFTERNOON
The family members are all sprawled on the living room furniture and floor with dessert plates on the coffee and end tables. All are asleep except JEROME and BEN who are sitting in chairs on opposite sides of the room. ASHLEY is laying across BEN’s lap.
Ben slips his phone out of his pocket and takes photos of each part of the room.
BEN (murmuring)
Evidence.
Jerome looks on with vague distaste and Ben’s rue smile fades.Ben’s SONS (8 and 10 yo boys) run through the end of the room and down a hall. Ben shushes them as they come through and they obey.
The clock ticks on as Ben and Jerome sit in awkward silence while the family sleeps in their food comas.
INT. JYM’S GYM – DAY
CAM BROOKER, late 30’s, bodybuilder type, ex-military White guy sits across the desk from JYM. Cam is dazzled by Jym’s beauty, self-assurance, and drive to help her community. He is interviewing for a job as the gym’s trainer.
JYM
We talked on the phone about theposition and you indicated that you’d put together fitness programs for people of all ages. As you can see, my gym has a lot of female members. Have you worked with women much?
CAM
Some. There weren’t as many womenin the military as men most of the places I was stationed. I love to work out and I’ll learn anything you want.
Jym blushes and he realizes she’s thought of a double entendre to his “anything you want” phrase. He blushes too.
CAM (CONT’D)
I can do group classes or one-on-ones.
Another blush from Jym and he looks away in embarrassment.6.
JYM
This is a small gym and we don’thave many people who are as committed to fitness as you obviously are. Do you think you would be happy here?
She looks away abruptly when he catches her fixated on his biceps and pecs.
CAM
When we spoke on the phone, I couldtell you were committed to the neighborhood. I’m used to working in a team environment and I think your gym would be a good way for me to get back into society after spending so much time downrange.
JYM
Downrange?
CAM
In war zones, ma’am.JYM
You don’t have to call me ma’am. Itmakes me sound ancient.
CAM
It’s a military thing. I’ll work onit, but ma’am comes naturally to me when I’m speaking to a woman.
JYM
Okay, then. You’ve got the job.When can you start?
CAM Is tomorrow okay?
JYM
Great.
She stands to shake hands with him and he automatically scans her body. She blushes, her hand out. He blushes, takes her hand and grips it firmly.
CAM
I’ll be here when you open.JYM
Great.
He leaves her office and she watches him go with appreciation.7.
MARTA HUERTES, late 30’s OB/GYN, short, fit, trim, post workout but still in workout gear enters Jym’s office.
MARTA (low whistle)
Serious eye candy.
JYM New trainer.
MARTA
I predict your women’s classes willbe full and the men will be jealous.
JYM
Agreed. He’s an inspiration. Mmm,mmm, mmm. It’s a good thing I’m his boss.
MARTA
Why’s that?
JYM
He’s off limits. I’ve got to focuson work.
Marta chuckles and heads out.INT. BEN’S OFFICE – DAY
Ben sits in his office at an upscale medical clinic looking at his holiday pictures on his phone.
JASON, a fellow doctor, pokes his head in.
JASON
Holiday pics? I’ll show you mine ifyou show me yours.
BEN
No, just checking my private email.Let’s see yours.
Jason flashes a few pictures of his trim wife, equally trim extended family with his upscale home as a backdrop.
JASON
No pics?
BEN
My wife’s the shutterbug in ourfamily.
Later!
JASON
8.
Ben goes through the photos on his phone again, happy with the ones of his kids and their presents, sad at the shots he took of everyone sprawled after dinner. He stops on one of Jerome looking with disdain at the group and heaves a sigh.
INT. JYM’S GYM – DAY
The calendar says January 3rd. MARTA and JYM are chatting in Jym’s office.
JYM
I binged last night after only aweek of Ben’s latest diet. It was a really hard one. I was always hungry and the cravings were horrible.
MARTA
What are you going to do?JYM
I’m not going to tell Ben, that’sfor sure. He’d just give me another lecture and tell me I’m weak.
MARTA
You’re not weak. You just haven’tfound the right diet for your metabolism.
JYM
But I’ve looked up every diet he’sever given me and they all have raving fans on the internet. Why don’t
they work for me.Marta gets a page.
MARTA
Baby on the way. Gotta go.Jym turns back to her computer where she is searching for binging.
CAM enters her office, sweaty and hunky. Jym sees him out of the side of her eye, clenches her fist in restraint and looks him in the eye as he stand at parade rest in front of her desk, his biceps bulging, six-pack at attention.
JYM
What kind of diets work best forpeople who binge?
CAM
You mean like binge and purge?9.
JYM
No, like binge and get fat.CAM
I can’t really help you. I burnabout five thousand calories a day so weight’s never been a problem.
JYM
Five thousand, really?CAM
Really. Hours of weight work.JYM
I don’t think so. People never usedto be fat. In the 30s, almost no one in pictures was fat. I wonder what happened.
Cam looks vaguely confused.
CAM
I have a class. I just wanted tosay good morning.
Jym turns back to her computer to search for 1930’s typical diet.
JYM Good morning, Cam.
INT. BEN’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
BEN and ASHLEY are getting changed for bed, but stop for a quick canoodle.
ASHLEY
I’ve been so tired this week. Ithought it was just the holidays last week, but I’ve been exhausted all week.
She rests her head on his shoulder and he caresses her shoulder.
BEN
How have your numbers been?ASHLEY
Better than they were after eatingat hour mom’s over the holidays, but not good.
He holds her close, looking worried.
10.
ASHLEY (CONT’D)
Ben, is there anything we can do?He thinks long and hard, then speaks.
BEN
I think we’ll get you an insulinpump. That may help. Ashley pulls back, startled.
ASHLEY
You always said they were fordiabetics that were on their way downhill in a hurry. Are you saying –
He holds her close. Fiercely.
BEN
No. No, honey. I’m not saying that.I just think one of the newer pumps could level out your insulin levels so you’re not so tired all the time.
He kisses her hair, cheeks and neck. She looks at him with complete trust.
ASHLEY You’re sure?
BEN
I’m sure.
He holds her close again, but tears come to his eyes. -
Ricardo Williams LESSON 10
What I’ve learned doing this lesson is how to add details to show the impact of the inciting action.
LESSON 10
INT. DOCTOR’S OFFICE – DAY
JOLYN takes JOE to the doctor’s office. He is having stomach pains. There are red spots all over his body.
DOCTOR:
Our test results show that your husband, Mr. Robichaux is allergic to mosquito bites.
JOLYN:
Doctor that is impossible. There are no mosquitoes here in April.
DOCTOR:
Let me recommend a specialist to you. They can run more comprehensive testing.
INT. HOSPITAL – NIGHT – 1971
JOE is at the hospital to have a specialist conduct a panel of test.
DOCTOR:
MRS. ROBICHAUX, I am so sorry. The test results show your husband has a rare case of Leukemia and it has progressed too far. He is going down fast and there is no medication to put it into remission. He has less than two weeks to live.
INT. HOSPITAL – DAY
JOLYN paces the hospital room, she gets a call. It is MR. Hayden from the office.
MR. HAYDEN (V.O):
Mrs. Robichaux, the man is here with the trucks.
JOLYN:
What man and with what trucks?
MR. HAYDEN (V.O.):
We have three new ice cream trucks here. He wants Mr. Robichaux to sign the papers.
JOLYN:
Hold on.
JOLYN turns to JOE
JOLYN (CONT’D):
Honey, what is this? There are three new trucks at our location.
JOE:
Oh, I bought three trucks, so we can expand into Wholesale.
JOLYN:
(Back to speaking on the phone).
MS. Hayden send the gentleman to the hospital and I will meet him outside.
JOLYN puts on a mask and meets the gentleman outside.
JOLYN (CONT’D):
My husband has a condition that is highly contagious so we cannot go in there. So, let me see these papers.
GENTLEMAN
Can I go in with you and have him sign them?
JOLYN
You cannot come in because my husband’s germs are contagious and will kill you, but mines will not.
The gentleman looks puzzled, but hands JOLYN the papers and she takes them into JOE’S room and she signs them. JOLYN returns the signed papers to the gentleman showing a $75,000 debt.
GENTLEMAN
OK, everything is all set. The trucks are all yours.
INT. HOSPITAL – NIGHT – CONTINUOUS
A feeble JOE is lying in bed. He holds JOLYN’s hand. ZENOBIA is sitting in the corner of the room observing. JOE smiles. JOLYN looks concerned but composed.
JOE:
You are so beautiful. I love you very much. You have been a good wife and I want to thank you for everything you’ve done. You gave me two beautiful children and I thank you. You threw some of the best parties I’ve witnessed. I remember when you learned to cook and served me some of your worst meals (smiling). We had so many wonderful vacations the best I remember was going to the Rose Bowl game in Los Angeles. Some of the happiest moments of my life was watching you golf.
JOE squeezes JOLYN’s hand. She is sobbing and losing her composure. She is sniffing hard.
JOLYN:
Sweetie, I am so sorry. I am so sad (she is losing control as she weeps while he squeezes her hand). You are my heart and I love you. I will never forget you. I will treasure our memories every day of my life.
JOE closes his eyes for one last time.
ZENOBIA
(Screaming)
Who is going to take care of me now? Eh? Who is going to take care of me?
Jolyn puts her arms around Zenobia and they both continue to cry.
INT. JOLYN’S HOME – DAY
JOLYN lies in bed all morning. She has a pillow over her head. She is weeping silently. She can hear movements in the living room as the kids prepare to leave for school. She lacks the energy to get involved. It’s going to be another long boring day.
INT. JOLYN’S HOME – NIGHT
JOLYN
is sitting in her bedroom in the dark. She is smoking a cigarette. Cigarette
butts overflow in the ashtray. Clothes are scattered on the floor. JOLYN hears
the words, “You are running out of time,” echoing in her head. Then she hears,
“Sell the company.” Then she remembers MARY MCLEOD BETHUNE shaking her hand and
the words, “You can run your own company,” appear in her head. Then she hears
the final stanza of INVICTUS, “I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of
my soul.” She feels energized and ready to take matters into her own hands. -
Melanie’s Inciting Incident
What I learned: Breaking the script down into smaller pieces (key scene by key scene) is easier (at least psychologically) to digest !
INT. LUDINGTON FARMHOUSE – NIGHT
Sybil cleans up the dishes from the table, munches on a ginger cookie. Her MOTHER takes a dish from her.
MOTHER
You go to bed, dear. It is still your birthday.
Sybil offers a small smile.
MOTHER
Oh, and here, we got you something.
Her mother proudly holds out a small cloth-covered box.
SYBIL
Is it a knife?
Her mother’s eyes widen in shock.
MOTHER
No, of course not. Why would you say that?
Sybil opens it anyway. It’s a small necklace with a locket, in it a picture of her parents.
MOTHER
Here, I’ll put it on.
She fastens it around her daughter’s neck.
SYBIL
Thanks, mother.
BANG! BANG! Their weathered, wooden front door buckles with the pressure of each knock.
COLONEL LUDINGTON stands up from his seat at the fireplace and answers the door.
COLONEL LUDINGTON
Can’t be good at this hour.
A gust of wind blows in as the door is thrown open. He finds a SOLDIER slumped over the railing outside. Colonel helps him into the house, getting him to a chair.
COLONEL LUDINGTON
Boy, what’s your name? Sybil, grab him some water.
Sybil grimaces, noticing his white shirt has turned crimson red and heads to quickly fetch the water.
MESSENGER
Thank you, Colonel. General Washington sent me, sir.
He stops, trying to catch his breath. Sybil is back with a jug of water and a compress for his bleeding side.
COLONEL LUDINGTON
Slow down. Catch your breath.
MESSENGER
The British landed on the shore of Fairfield. They’re marching to Danbury. We need you to muster your troops.
He stops, in pain, clenching his eyes.
COLONEL LUDINGTON
It’s impossible. I just sent the men home to sow the fields.
The Colonel stands up, crossing to the fire, thinking. The boy starts to stand, clutching the chair to get up.
MESSENGER
I can go.
But Sybil catches him before he falls, his blood staining her dress. Her mother comes over to help him back into the chair.
MOTHER
Sit. You need to rest.
Sybil’s mother lifts his shirt to look at the wound. It’s a gash – a clean bullet hole that has torn through his abdomen. Sybil’s face turns white at the blood.
MOTHER
You’ve been shot.
COLONEL LUDINGTON
You’re in no condition to go, boy. I’ll go get the Doctor then we can decide our plan.
MESSENGER
But the British…they will burn Danbury if we don’t stop them.
Colonel quickly grabs his pea coat by door, slips on his riding boots. Sybil is at his side in a flash.
SYBIL
Father, I can ride on. Alert the troops for you. I can go.
Her father looks at her with a laugh.
COLONEL LUDINGTON
You? But you…aren’t a soldier. You’re just a girl.
Sybil’s cheeks redden.
SYBIL
I know where to go, father. Please. Let me go. I can help.
He swings the door open.
COLONEL LUDINGTON
Not this madness again, Sybil. Once and for all, you will do nothing of the sort. Your place is here with your mother like I’ve said a million times. I’ll be back as soon as I can.
Her hands clench into fists.
SYBIL
Please, father!
But the front door SLAMS in her face. She watches out the window, her cheeks wet with tears.
After a beat, she storms into her bedroom, grabbing her cape and kisses her youngest brother’s forehead who is fast asleep.
She barrels through the living room and leaves.
MOTHER
Sybil!
CUT TO:
I/E BARN – CONTINUOUS
Sybil struggles to open the heavy barn door fueled by anger and humiliation. She manages to swing it open, almost flying away with it in the wind. Marching into Star’s stall she finds her horse, with ears alert and questioning eyes.
Throwing the cinches over top of her, Sybil hoists the saddle onto the back of the horse. Quickly, she secures the girth. The horse DANCES, snorting anxiously.
SYBIL
Star! I don’t have time to fight you too.
She wipes away her tears, trying to control her impatience. She loosens the cinch a little and then loops it twice before tightening it. The horse stares at her, ears now pinned.
SYBIL
C’mon!
She lifts herself up into the saddle and with a kick they are off.
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Sam Reynolds – Inciting Incident and Aftermath scene
What I learned is by remembering the characters old and new ways, I could gently infuse this into the scenes, making the characters arc a little more obvious. It was also helpful in writing the dialogue.
INT. HOSPITAL – MORNING
The hallway turns and Nadine and Johnny find themselves in the hospital.
A custodian is finishing up the polishing of floors and dusting.
Jaime, Nadine and Johnny are met by DR. COOPER, female and in her 40s, and DR. BATES, male and in his 40s.
DR. COOPER
Good morning.
JAIME
Dr. Cooper, Dr. Bates. This is Nadine and Johnny.
DR. COOPER
Yes. Hello. Sorry we have to meet under these circumstances. Dr. Bryant is a good friend of mine. She wanted me to tell you she is thinking of you.
Jaime looks to Nadine and Johnny.
JAIME
Do you have any questions for me?
Nadine defers to Johnny.
JOHNNY
No. Thanks. We are fine.
JAIME
Very well. I will be in touch in a few days.
DR. BATES
Thank you Jaime.
Follow me Nadine and Johnny.
The doctors lead the couple to an exam room off to one side of the corridor.
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – MORNING
Nadine sits alone behind a green curtain. She takes in her surroundings. Slowly she takes off her blouse and puts on the blue hospital gown. But before doing the gown up she takes one more look at her belly and caresses it. (looks in mirror)?
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – CONTINUOUS
The green curtain is pulled back and Nadine lies on a hospital bed. Johnny stands behind her. An ultrasound machine and other equipment surround them. A large monitor hangs behind Nadine so she can’t see it. A standard wall clock ticks beside the monitor.
Nadine looks concerned. Johnny squeezes her hand.
Dr. Cooper looks to Dr. Bates who moves to lock the door.
DR. COOPER
Before we begin, I just need to ask you one last time: Is this what both of you want?
Nadine looks at Johnny.
NADINE
Can we have a moment?
DR.COOPER
Of course.
Dr. Cooper joins Dr. Bates as he prepares materials on a large metal tray.
NADINE
(whispering)
Are we sure baby?
JOHNNY
Yes. Sweetie, she will have little to no life.
NADINE
It’s just so hard…I don’t…You are right.
JOHNNY
We are her parents. We need to make the choice for her.
Nadine nods.
JOHNNY
Ok. Thank you.
DR. COOPER
Alright? I also want to acknowledge that the two of you are so brave being here today. This is not easy.
Johnny kisses Nadine’s forehead.
In the background Dr. Bates prepares materials on a large metal tray.
DR. COOPER
This will not take long and I will walk you through each step. We will begin with an ultrasound.
Dr. Cooper lifts Nadine’s gown and moves the ultrasound instrument on her belly.
NADINE
(shivers)
It’s cold.
DR. COOPER
(to screen)
Good morning sweety.
The doctors look up to a monitor that is behind Johnny and Nadine. The baby is there, moving.
Johnny looks behind him at his baby. Nadine cranes her neck sideways to also catch a glimpse.
Dr. Bates approaches the bed with a metal tray.
Nadine looks to the tray. She is not terrified. She looks stoic. Curious. In shock?
NADINE
(to Johnny)
This is right, right?
JOHNNY
Yes.
DR.COOPER
(to Johnny)
Hold her hand.
(to Nadine)
This first needle is a strong sedative.
Dr. Bates rubs some numbing solution on Nadine’s belly.
DR. BATES
Take a deep breath and try not to move. You shouldn’t feel a thing.
NADINE
Will she?
DR. BATES
A small prick. Like a pinch.
Drs. Bates and Cooper look to the monitor.
DR.BATES
Left. A little more. Yes. Ok.
Dr. Bates inserts the needle and expunges its contents.
DR. COOPER
You ok?
NADINE
I felt her move a little.
DR. COOPER
Yes. That’s normal.
Dr. Cooper looks to the screen.
DR. COOPER
She is asleep now.
Nadine squirms a little. All of this feels so wrong.
Dr. Bates takes another needle. He looks to the monitor again.
This is not easy for the doctors at all. The stress of the situation is not lost on them.
DR.COOPER
This next one will stop the heart.
Dr. Cooper rubs more numbing solution on another part of Nadine’s belly.
Johnny caresses Nadine’s forehead.
Johnny looks up to the monitor. He sees his baby.
DR. COOPER
Try not to move honey.
Dr. Bates takes one more look at the monitor and slowly inserts the second needle BUT just as quickly pulls it out.
Nadine gasps.
JOHNNY
What happened?
DR. BATES
(wiping his brow)
Have to try again. It needs to be precise.
Dr. Cooper moves the ultrasound instrument around a bit more.
Dr. Bates takes a few deep breaths and readies himself once more.
Silence except for the hospital room’s clock. Tick. Tick.
DR. BATES
(this is not easy)
Almost. Ok.
DR. COOPER
(to Nadine)
Medicine is going in now. This will be over very soon.
Dr. Bates expunges the needle.
Nadine shivers. She has felt her baby go.
Dr. Cooper and Dr. Bates share a look.
DR. COOPER
She’s gone honey. I am so sorry.
The monitor behind Johnny goes dark.
CUT TO:
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – DAY
Nadine opens the green curtain. She is finishing getting dressed.
DR. BATES
Has Dr. Bryant scheduled the birth?
JOHNNY
Yes, we will be back early next week.
DR. COOPER
No matter what, you are parents. Do not let anyone tell you otherwise.
(takes Nadine’s hand)
These abnoramlities happen. They are rare but they do happen. I promise we will do our best to find out everything we can.
Nadine and Johnny smile tentatively. The doctors exit down another corridor.
EXT. HOSPITAL – MORNING – DREAM
Nadine is standing at the edge of the hospital’s roof. She is contemplating jumping. She caresses her belly, take a breath and leaps.
EXT. HOSPITAL – DAY
WOMAN
Hi there.
Nadine is startled. A PREGNANT WOMEN is standing next to her.
WOMAN
Looks like we are due about the same time. Your first? It’s mine.
Nadine looks at her like a deer in headlights.
WOMAN
I am so scared of the birth. I don’t like pain.
A NURSE not too far away is smoking a cigarette.
WOMAN
Mine’s a girl. Do you know what yours is yet? It’s so exciting.
Nadine nods. Where is Johnny? He is taking forever.
The nurse, who was smoking, walks by the women and throws her still lit cigarette onto the pavement.
The women wait in silence. Nadine eyes the cigarette.
WOMAN
Have you thought of a name yet?
Nadine is past her breaking point. She bends down, grabs the butt and takes a long drag and blows the smoke at the pregnant lady. Feels so good.
HONK!
The woman can’t believe what Nadine has just done. She walks away in disgust.
HONK!
Johnny is there in the Toyota.
Johnny looks around the car.
JOHNNY
Forgot the bag. Be right back.
He runs inside.
Nadine lifts her head and looks to the roof of the hospital then back to the windshield.
EXT. TOYOTA – MORNING
The rain is coming down. The car’s wipers swish back and forth. Nadine watches the rain run down like tears.
-
Renee’s Inciting Incident
What I learned doing this assignment is when you create an outline first for each scene it is much easier to get the first draft of the scene down on paper.
2<sup>nd</sup> Main Character Introduction
EXT. STREET – DAY
Mia hurries along the street. She weaves between PEOPLE. Ahead of her is a large gaggle of WOMEN loaded down with shopping bags.
Mia swerves to the left but doesn’t clear the gap and bumps into one of the women. She turns and continues to hurry down the street backward.
MIA
I’m so sorry.
IAN LAWSON, 23, steps out of a doorway and onto the sidewalk, right in front of Mia. Mia turns around and smacks right into Ian, falling to the ground.
IAN
Oh shit! Are you alright?
Mia shakes her head and rolls over onto her butt. Ian crouches down.
IAN
I am so sorry. I didn’t see you.
MIA
It was my fault. I wasn’t looking where I was going.
Ian stands tall and offers his hand to Mia. She looks up and smiles, grabbing his hand. He hauls her to her feet.
MIA
Thanks.
Mia brushes off her pants. She winces. She looks at her hand, it is bleeding, several small rocks are embedded in her palm.
IAN
Oh, man. You better get that cleaned up. I have some hydrogen peroxide and bandages in my apartment. It would only take me a few seconds to run up and get them.
MIA
That’s alright. I’m running late as it is. Besides they have all that first aid kit at my work. But thank you.
IAN
Sure. Are you sure you’re alright?
MIA
Absolutely. I gotta go.
Mia turns and limps down the street.
IAN
Have a good rest of your day.
Mia gives him a half-wave as she disappears around the corner. Ian watches her for a second more. He shakes his head and walks off in the opposite direction.
Inciting Incident
INT. CAFÉ – DAY
Lonnie is at the front of the café bussing a table. He loads the dirty dishes into a tray and wipes down the table and chairs. A bell chimes as the front door opens.
Ian steps inside and looks around. He strides up to the counter and is greeted by BRITTANY JACOBSEN, 20, a bubbly blonde, who will probably still be working at the café on her fortieth birthday.
BRITTANY
Welcome to the Reveille Coffee Company. How may I serve you?
Ian looks around the café again. Lonnie finishes cleaning the table and makes his way back to the counter. He places the tray of dirty dishes under the counter.
IAN
Well, I’m looking for a woman that I think works here.
BRITTANY
What’s her name?
IAN
That’s the problem I didn’t catch her name.
BRITTANY
Well, can you describe her?
IAN
She’s about yea high, brown hair, olive complexion.
BRITTANY
That sounds like Mia. She’s in the back. I’ll go get her for you.
Brittany bounds to the back and disappears. Lonnie walks up and starts wiping down the counter.
LONNIE
What do you want with Mia?
IAN
I just want to apologize again for knocking her over this morning.
LONNIE
So, you’re the guy that hurt her.
IAN
Well, she kind of ran into me and fell. So, technically she did it to herself.
The door behind the counter swings out and Mia walks through, with Brittany close behind. She sees Ian and stops. Brittany runs into her.
BRITTANY
Hey, what’s the big deal.
MIA
Sorry
Mia shakes her head and walks to where Ian stands. Brittany follows but busies herself at the pastry case, eavesdropping.
MIA
What are you doing here?
IAN
Well, I came to apologize again and see how you’re doing.
MIA
Well, other than the giant lecture from my boss for being late, I’m good.
IAN
How’s the hand?
Ian reaches forward and takes Mia’s hand in his. Brittany gasps. Ian looks over Mia’s shoulder at Brittany, who quickly grabs a set of tongs and starts placing new pastries in the case. He turns back and examines Mia’s bandage.
IAN
Someone did a really nice job of bandaging this up for you.
MIA
Lonnie helped me.
She turns and looks at Lonnie as he wipes down the front of the pastry display case.
IAN
I’m glad Lonnie was here to help.
Mia turns back to him and removes her hand from his. Her cheeks are flush.
MIA
Did you want some coffee?
IAN
Sure, I’ll take a large Americano.
MIA
Okay.
Mia rings up the order in the register and takes his cash. Brittany makes the drink before placing a lid on the cup and bringing it to Ian.
Ian takes a sip and smiles. He nods at Brittany.
IAN
That is one good Americano.
Brittany giggles. Ian turns his attention back to Mia.
IAN
So, I didn’t just come here to check on you and get some coffee.
MIA
You didn’t?
IAN
No. I actually want to see if you’d like to have dinner with me sometime. A sort of apology for causing you pain.
MIA
But you already apologized.
IAN
You got me. I really just want to take you out to dinner. Saturday night?
Mia looks down at the counter. Brittany looks from Ian to Mia.
BRITTANY
She’d love to.
Mia turns and gives Brittany an incredulous look. She turns back to Ian and smiles.
MIA
I’ll have to check my schedule, but here’s my number.
She reaches for a pen and a napkin and scribbles down her name and phone number. She hands it to him.
MIA
Give me a call in a couple of days and I’ll let you know if I’m free on Saturday.
IAN
Great. I’m Ian by the way. It’s nice to meet you.
MIA
It was nice to meet you too.
Ian smiles at her. He grabs his coffee and walks out the door.
BRITTANY
Oh my god! You are so lucky. He is so hot.
LONNIE
He’s not that hot.
BRITTANY
You’re just jealous.
Mia smiles as she watches Ian disappear down the street.
Character’s response to the Inciting Incident
INT. MIA’s BEDROOM – NIGHT
Mia stands in front of her closet staring at her limited wardrobe of black sweatshirts, black jeans, white t-shirts, and dark blue work polos. She sighs.
There’s a knock on her door.
MIA
Come on in Breanna.
The door opens, and BREANNA HANNIGAN, 24, waltzes into the room. She’s wearing a loose tank top and shorts that barely cover her legs that go on for miles. She’s carrying a bright pink, slinky dress and a pair of matching shoes.
BREANNA
I thought you could use some help.
Breanna throws the dress and shoes on the bed.
MIA
There’s no way that is going to fit me.
BREANNA
The only difference between us is our height. So, it will hit a little lower on your legs.
Mia rolls her eyes. Breanna grabs Mia by the shoulders and directs her to her desk and shoves her into the chair.
BREANNA
Now, what are we going to do with your hair? I was thinking a simple updo.
Breanna grabs the bulk of Mia’s hair and holds it to the top of her head. She stands in front of Mia and tilts her head.
BREANNA
Perfect. With the right necklace, you can highlight your neck.
She lets Mia’s hair fall back around her shoulders.
BREANNA
I’ll be right back. Don’t move.
Breanna strides out of the room, leaving Mia to look at the dress on the bed.
Breanna quickly returns, hands full of hair and makeup tools. She sets them on the desk in front of Mia.
BREANNA
I can’t believe my little Mia is going on a date, with . . . what’s his name again?
MIA
Ian.
BREANNA
Right, Ian. Aren’t you excited?
MIA
Nervous is more like it. I’ve never been on a real date before. I’m not sure I know what to do.
Breanna steps behind Mia with a brush and a dozen or so bobby pins hanging from her mouth.
BREANNA
You’ve never been on a date before.
MIA
My foster mom made me go to prom with her son. But I don’t really think that counts as a date since we lived in the same house.
Breanna starts to run the brush through Mia’s hair, gathering it up in one hand.
BREANNA
That’s so sad.
Breanna twists Mia’s hair and starts pinning it to her head.
BREANNA
Now you can’t tell me none of those hottie art students in your figure drawing class haven’t been interested.
MIA
I don’t know. I tend to keep to myself.
BREANNA
Well, that is all about to change tonight.
Breanna holds up a mirror and lets Mia see her hair. Mia gives a tentative smile.
BREANNA
Now, let’s move on to your makeup.
MIA
I don’t know. I don’t typically wear makeup; don’t I want him to see the real me.
BREANNA
Oh, darling. Don’t be silly. You only want to show him the real you after you’ve made him fall in love. Then it’s harder for him to leave.
MIA
Isn’t that a bit dishonest?
BREANNA
No. It’s just the way of things. The guys know it, the girls know it. It’s just the way things work.
Mia takes a deep breath and sighs. She tilts her head up to Breanna and closes her eyes.
BREANNA
That’s my girl.
Breanna does quick work of Mia’s makeup and before she knows it Breanna is pulling her up from the chair and pulling her shirt over her head.
BREANNA
Now, let’s get this dress on you.
Mia takes her pants off and lets Breanna put the dress over her head. The dress fits Mia snuggly in all the right places, accentuating her curves. Mia looks down and groans.
MIA
Don’t you have something that will cover . . .
Mia motions to her chest.
MIA
These a bit more.
BREANNA
Nonsense. You want to highlight those puppies.
There’s a knock at the door. Breanna looks down at her watch.
BREANNA
He’s early. That’s a plus. Why don’t you get your feet into those shoes, and I’ll go greet your gentleman caller?
MIA
Please don’t call him that.
Breanna laughs and disappears out the door. Mia sighs and sits on the bed.
BREANNA (O.S)
Hello. You must be Ian. Come in, come in. Mia’s just putting on some finishing touches, she’ll be out in just a moment.
Mia straps on the shoes and stands on shaky legs. She takes one last look at herself in the mirror, grabs her purse, and walks out the door.
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Sandra’s Inciting Incident
What I learned doing this assignment is the importance of including the protagonist’s emotional reaction to the Inciting Incident. Great lesson!
INT. UNIVERSITY PROFESSOR CLARKS OFFICE – DAY
BEGINNING: Professor Clark, on the phone with a pharmaceutical company explaining how promising the early trials are for the big research project he is working on. He hangs up. Lucy waits patiently.
MIDDLE: Professor Clark describes how grants fund their research. Lucy needs funding to test her dissertation project on humans. Professor Clark suggests maybe they could work together on his project when she graduates.
END: Professor Clark stands, walks around his desk, massages Lucy’s shoulders. Lucy feels uncomfortable, makes excuses, gathers her bag, heads towards the lab.
INCITING INCIDENT SCENE
INT. UNIVERSITY RESEARCH LAB – DAY
BEGINNING: Lucy enters the lab. Note on the desk to Lucy from her assistant reads, “Fed the mice. Will be back later after class.”
MIDDLE: Lucy looks at the mice in their cages. Notices TM1 isn’t moving. She pokes him with a pencil – he doesn’t move. She puts on gloves, takes him out. He still doesn’t move. She places a mirror near his mouth – no breath. She can’t believe it. Third dead lab mouse this month.
END: Lucy’s afraid how this will affect her dissertation and she won’t graduate.
EMOTIONAL REACTION SCENE
INT. UNIVERSITY RESEARCH LAB – DAY
BEGINNING: Lucy sits at the desk, places her head on her arms, sobs. Looks up, wipes away her tears.
MIDDLE: Thinks her life is over. Everything she’s worked so hard for is ruined. Not sure how she will be able to do her dissertation today. Blames and berates herself.
END: Lucy picks up her phone, then puts it down. Checks the other mice – they are all okay. Checks the data. Paces the room deciding what to do.
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What I learned from this assignment is to write the scene in Final Draft format, then copy and paste it into the assignment, and not worry about the formatting. Also, I learned about the importance of the “Reaction to the Call.”
Mark’s Act 1 – Inciting Incident
ACT 1 – BEAT SHEET
EXT. DESERT – DAY
OPENING; Tony is hot-dog flying through the desert with Victoria enjoying it. He proposes marriage, she is ecstatic. They are infatuated with each other completely.
EXT. POST OFFICE – DAY
She receives the notice of the arctic research expedition
INT/EXT. HER HOME – DAY
TE 1: PLACEHOLDER she decides to go on the arctic cruise. Grandfather?
EXT. FRONT PORCH – DAY
INCITING INCIDENT: He forbids her to take the artic voyage. She demands her freedom to go. They part in anger.
EXT. MONTAGE – TRAIN STATION, DOCKS
TE 2: The trip involves trains and ships, and she struggles at the same time she is awed by her new world. She struggles to keep her wits and luggage. Drake follows Victoria on the dock before the ship sails. She is afraid and loses him.
EXT. RESEARCH SHIP DECK – DAY
PLACEHOLDER; Enjoying her first impression of the arctic world
EXT. RESEARCH SHIP – DAY
TURNING POINT; The ship she boards sails into a storm and gets locked in the ice. The wind blows them away from land toward the North Pole.
INT. SHIP – DAY
PLACEHOLDER; Drake, the first mate, tries to test Captain Jensen. Victoria overhears, has Drake on her radar. Argument over the radio call for help.
ACT 1 – OUTLINE
EXT. HIGH DESERT – DAY
BEGINNING: A rabbit is frozen, staring ahead. A 1930’s open cockpit plane roars over a rise and zooms low. The rabbit scampers away from the ROARINS ENGINE.
MIDDLE: Tony is showing off for Victoria, flying low, careening around hills and doing dangerous maneuvers. She is squealing with delight. He is inspired by her reactions. He proposes to her in a steep climb. She screams “Yes!”
END; He roars down the main street of town, turns upside down, yelling in joy.
EXT. SMALL TOWN MAIN STREET – DAY
BEGINNING: Victoria walks through town, and is congratulated by a friendly girl and politely thanks her.
MIDDLE: Victoria meets the mayor who also congratulates her on her engagement. Victoria is embarrassed by the stunt flying.
END: The mayor likes and compliments her in the name of the town.
EXT. POST OFFICE – DAY
BEGINNING: She opens an official-looking manila envelope
MIDDLE: She is happy and excited.
END: She jumps for joy.
INT. TONY’S BARN – DAY
BEGINNING: Tony is working on building a race plane. Victoria enters and shows him the paperwork describing an arctic research voyage.
MIDDLE: He ignores it and tells her not to go. Its a crazy idea. She rebels, warns him not to change her life. She doesn’t try to change him. He thinks she is trying too hard to model herself after Amelia Earhart. She reminds him that Amelia has done things he only dreams about, since he got kicked out of the Flying Corps.
END: She opens an old wound. He is deeply hurt. She leaves.
EXT. COUNTRY ROAD – DAY
BEGINNING: Riding her bicycle, she drops the envelope and stops, upset, crying.
MIDDLE: She leaves it in the road, turns around and starts back the way she came.
END: She stops, undecided. Then she turns around again, picks up the envelope and continues.
ACT 1 – INCITING INCIDENT
INT. TONY’S BARN – DAY
It looks like a hospital for airplanes, with parts strewn all over and a half-built plane in the center.
Victoria enters, excited. She shoves the papers at Tony.
VICTORIA
Isn’t is fabulous. Its a huge ship and it sails through ice. I would be almost a scientist.
He glances at it, then ignores it and changes tools.
Its a crazy idea. Victoria. Its just crazy.
She is startled. Speechless.
TONY
You’re not Amelia Earhart you know.
VICTORIA
I could be. You think I’m just an ordinary girl…helpless.
Tony stops what he is doing.
TONY
No darling. I love you. Its dangerous. I forbid it.
She kisses him on the cheek
VICTORIA
Dangerous! Look who’s talking. Your ex-wife thought you were too dangerous. She tried to stop you from flying. I don’t. Who gave you the right to change who I am?
TONY
You’re trying to be Amelia Earhart. You’re not.
VICTORIA
Amelia is accomplishing feats of flying that you can only dream of. You think you’re so great, and you got kicked out of the Flying Corps.
TONY
I was 17 for god’s sake.
VICTORIA
And the youngest ace of the Great War was washed up for doing a stunt.
He is deeply hurt by this old wound.
VICTORIA (CONT’D)
What I’m doing isn’t that bad.
She walks out angry.
KEY SCENE 3 – EMOTIONAL REACTION TO THE CALL
EXT. COUNTRY ROAD – DAY
Victoria rides her bicycle slowly. The envelope drops in the dirt and she stops, upset, crying.
She leaves it in the road, turns around and starts back the way she came.
She stops, undecided. Then she turns around again, picks up the envelope and continues.
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Clendon – Inciting Incident – Day 10 homework
[1] What I learned doing this assignment? How process and structure work. They give your writing the framework needed to tell the story in a compelling way.
[2] Outline Key Scenes 2 & 3 for Act 1.
EXT. CITY PARK – DAY
BEGINNING: Klendon and Gina sitting close: He pours wine, talk, flirt; he shows her his crucifix.
MIDDLE: Klendon explains the mythology behind a Celtic crucifix. He puts it around her neck, tells her it’ll keep her safe.
END: Gina is moved; they kiss.
———————
INT. HIGH-SCHOOL CLASSROOM – AM
BEGINNING: Klendon in class doodling, when the principle walks in and speaks w/ the teacher.
MIDDLE: Klendon steps out, into the hallway with the principle, encounters the lady detective.
END: Detective tells Klendon his mother’s been murdered. In denial, then shock, Klendon follows them to the principle’s office.
[3] Write your Inciting Incident scene.
INT. HIGH-SCHOOL CLASSROOM – MONDAY MORNING
Classroom door opens. Heads turn.
MR. JENKINS (school principal) enters, walks up to the teacher, speaks in a hushed voice. Thin, balding, and demonstrative, you either love Mr. Jenkins or hate the man.
TEACHER “Klendon Masters, principal Jenkins would like a word with you.”
No one makes a sound, all eyes are on Klendon as he leaves.
INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY – CONTINUOUS
Klendon and female DETECTIVE lock eyes.
KLENDON “If this is about yesterday…”
JENKINS “Detective Ramirez is with homicide. I’m afraid there’s been an accident. Your mother’s…
KLENDON “My mother?! (shakes his head no) There must be some mistake. No, no way, it’s not possible…say it’s not so.”
Detective notes boy’s shock as blood drains from his face.
JENKINS “I’m sorry, she was a great lady.”
HOLD ON Klendon’s devastated expression, his mind locks on the verb was. Everything turns surreal. School bell RINGS. Hallway fills with TEENS as classrooms empty.
Flanked between principal Jenkins and detective Ramirez, Klendon walks without seeing or hearing the world around him.
[4] Write the scene for the Reaction to the Inciting Incident.
INT. INTERROGATION ROOM – LATER
Klendon sits handcuffed to a metal table. Lost in thought.
RAMIREZ “You were close to your mother, Mary, is that correct? “
KLENDON “Very.”
RAMIREZ “Who else knows the code to your home security system?”
KLENDON “Rosa, our cleaning lady, might. I’m not sure.”
RAMIREZ “Rosa, got suspicious this morning when Mary didn’t come to the door.
The alarm wasn’t triggered. So, either your mother opened the front door and let the person in…
KLENDON “Or, someone let them self in. What time yesterday was she…
Klendon can’t bring himself to say the word.”
RAMIREZ (lies) “Coroner hasn’t released time of death.”
KLENDON “I never should’ve moved out. It was stupid!”
RAMIREZ “Explain why, when you were told your mother was murdered, you didn’t shed a single tear. That tells me something.”
KLENDON (faux claps) “I’m guilty because I didn’t burst into tears… You need to work on your sympathetic demeanor.”
RAMIREZ “If you killed her, I will find the proof to take you down. Promise.”
KLENDON “You’ve a murder to solve… Better hope I don’t find him first, detective. “
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Assignment 10
What I learned doing the last 2 assignments is that I needed to add scenes and events to the story more interesting, more compelling and develop the relationship between the Stepdad and Stepson better.
Inciting incident: Losing boy’s favorite ornament which also was last gift from dad before he died
Turning point: Stepdad has to find lost ornament by stepping out of his comfort zone
ACT 1
Interior Living room with Christmas Tree, TV Christmas show on, New Year’s Eve
Opening Scene: Closeup on hands of Stepdad applying tracking device locator he invented and then extremely carefully wrapping each ornament in bubble wrap and placing in storage box. Moves on to next ornament. Christmas music playing on TV show.
Widens scene to see grandpa asleep in chair watching Christmas movie. Mom is packing away ornaments in small boxes before putting them in large storage containers. Stepdad on ladder taking ornaments off tree and carefully wrapping them after applying tracker disc. Tells stepdad how much she appreciates him helping take ornaments off the tree. He mentions how much he hopes stepson likes the drone and maybe he’ll start to like him too. She mentions they need to get changed soon for the costume party.
Scene 2: Interior boy’s room. Can hear Christmas music in background, street outside boy’s window just before sunset
Boy is on zoom call with friend after completing assembly of the small drone gift from his stepdad. Operates drone in room for his friend to see. Friend says stepdad is cool but boy says no, he’s a nerd and can’t stand him. Boy picks up photo of his Dad and tells friend that his Stepdad is absolutely nothing like his dad. Boy glances out his bedroom window watching garbage trucks picking up discarded Christmas trees in front of houses on the opposite side of the street. Boy continues using drone in his room.
Scene 3: Living room with tree and TV
Mom calls out boy to help finish taking ornaments off tree reminding him they are leaving soon for NY Eve costume party and grandpa will watch him. Stepdad and Mom are now dressed as Indiana Jones with a whip and his female sidekick. Boy and dog come bouncing into room. Dog licks sleeping grandpa and wakes him. Boy starts taking ornaments off tree with Stepdad. Mom leaves living room for kitchen to get food ready for boy and grandpa before she leaves.
Boy ridicules/imitates Stepdad wrapping ornaments in front of mom as she’s leaving. Boy is muttering within earshot of his mom about what a jerk the Stepdad is. Boy complains they will never finish taking ornaments off the tree.
Stepdad reaches to remove the boy’s favorite ornament off the tree when the boy screams “STOP! Don’t touch that” The boy’s firefighter dad gave him the firetruck ornament the last Christmas before he died.
Stepdad freezes and looks at the mom.
Scene 4: Kitchen
She calls Stepdad into kitchen and explains quietly about the ornament.
Scene 5: Living room
To undermine Stepdad’s relationship with mom, when no one is looking the boy deliberately breaks an ornament the Stepdad had carefully wrapped to prove his overwrapping is stupid.
Parents come back into living room to keep removing ornaments and packing them away. Boy shows them one of the ornaments is broken. Boy says well all that stupid wrapping didn’t work, did it? Stepdad is suspicious about how it broke but says nothing.
Inciting Incident: As the boy watches, Mom kisses Stepdad on cheek telling how much she appreciates his effort even though one ornament broke. Stepdad smiles at mom pretending to be oblivious to the boy.
Transformational Events: Boy sees tracking device unit on table and while everyone is busy, he secretly removes the batteries from the device so it won’t work. He calls out to his Stepdad to prove his device works. Just as Stepdad grabs it and is about to turn it on a Breaking News story comes on.
Transformational Event 1: Not realizing she knocked the small box for the firetruck ornament under the table, Mom and everyone else all stop what they are doing, move over closer to the tv to watch the story about the escaped lion which was formerly a trained circus lion for a few minutes. Mom gets frantic call from local News studio where she is a producer to rush to the studio to cover the story but promises to be back in time for the party. Still in costume she races off for work promising to be back in time for the party unknowingly leaving the empty box under the table.
Boy starts playing fetch with the dog throwing a dog toy across the room. Dog toy lands on grandpa who once again fell asleep. Dog jumps on him to get toy.
Stepdad takes the rest of the ornaments down, wraps them and when he’s out of small storage boxes, he believes the job is done. He packs up the large ornament storage box with the small boxes, seals it up and removes the tree from its stand.
Scene 6: Street in front out house, dusk
Stepdad struggles to take the tree with the firetruck ornament still hanging on it out front for the garbage pickup just as he sees garbage truck is coming on their side of the street picking up discarded Christmas trees. Stepdad stands watching as garbage truck picks up their tree.
Scene 7: Living room
Inciting Incident: Boy throws toy and it lands under the table this time and the dog finds the empty firetruck box under the table and brings it out wanting to play. Boy realizes his favorite ornament must still be on the tree. He runs out front to see the garbage truck driving off with tree and ornament hanging off back.
Stepson screams at Stepdad furious and insulting him as incompetent and nerdy and leaving the ornament on the tree on purpose. Boy runs out of house.
Scene 8: Inside garbage truck, dusk
Driver has on headphones and is rocking out so he can’t hear the boy and keeps driving
Scene 9: Sidewalk and street in front of house, dusk
Feeling horrified Stepdad follows the boy out the front door. He’s standing there frozen in fear as he watches the boy chasing the garbage truck down the street screaming for the driver to stop. Stepdad realizes he must chase the garbage truck and get the ornament back or he will never be forgiven by his stepson and possibly his mom. Then he starts running too.
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Pam’s Inciting Incident scenes
What I learned: Outlining from a Beginning, Middle and End perspective — that is added to my text from the Beat Sheet to make a scene — is really helping me move my story along. Speed over Quality, I like it! :0)
EXT. BRADLEY & TIFFANY’S HOUSE, MALIBU – DAY
Henri parks his convertible on the street, behind a black SUV. Puts his phone in the glove box. He sees Bradley enter through his front door.
Henri walks up the driveway carrying some “Modeling Glue” product from the salon. He’s suddenly horrified at the view through the living room window. A man points a gun at Bradley. Gunshots ring out. Bradley falls to the ground in a pool of blood. A gunshot to his head. Henri gets a good look at the KILLER’S face. Gasps, drops his bag, and hides behind a big Yucca plant near the entrance.
The Killer exits the house and walks to his black SUV, now wearing a cowboy hat to obscure his face. Sees Henri’s car and stops. Looks inside the car, and takes a salon bag from the front seat? Then looks back at the house.
Notices the bright-shirted Henri. Takes aim with his handgun. Henri takes off his polarized sunglasses and tilts them back and forth, temporarily blinding the gunman. A bullet hits the planter. Henri drops his sunglasses. Henri and the gunman’s eyes meet and a foot chase ensues.
EXT. MALIBU NEIGHBORHOOD – CONTINUOUSHenri flees, terrified as the Killer chases him through the neighborhood. Henri is able to get temporarily out of sight. He climbs a fence when he sees a backyard pool. Strips off his clothes down to his boxers and jumps in. As the killer looks for him, Henri hides in the pool. In the background, Henri is unaware when a housekeeper quietly grabs his clothes and takes them inside.
Henri sees that the Killer has given up for now. He gets in his SUV and drives off. Now that it’s safe to get out of the pool, Henri discovers his clothes are missing. Tries the back door of house — it’s locked. Frustrated, he hops back over the fence. Darts back to his car, dripping wet.
EXT. HENRI’S CONVERTIBLE – CONTINUOUSHenri goes back to his car. Retrieves his phone and calls police. They tell him to stay put. (add dialogue here later) Henri’s car is empty except for the hair styling travel kit. Opens it up and finds the black nylon cape. Ties that around his waist for modesty and walks up the driveway.
EXT. BRADLEY & TIFFANY’S HOUSE – CONTINUOUSHenri tries to get inside, but all doors are locked. He peers in the window. Bradley is not moving. Lies on his side, still clutches his script.
Henri moves to Bradley’s backyard and finds some bushes. Nervously stays hidden and trembles. Breathes a sigh of relief when he sees red and blue flashing lights.
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Fred’s Inciting Incident Scenes
What I learned from this assignment is that new ideas and spins can take off from the original scenes I had in mind. The process of outlining can sometimes inspire new directions.
THIRD SCENE: Wrapping Up, leaving
BEGINNING: Aunt leaves early, Grandfather compliments her for what a fine job she’s done.
MIDDLE: Mother brings out fruit for the men. Han points out the skin hasn’t been completely peeled off before biting into it.
END: Mother is waiting in the car for Han who is drunk and saying goodbye to everyone else.
INT. CAR – NIGHT
Beginning: Han is passed out in the front seat while Mother is driving. A call for Han comes in through the car, connected via bluetooth. Mother doesn’t answer it.
Middle: Call comes in again. She picks up this time. A distraught women is on the other line demanding to know why Han hasn’t been picking up. Mother asks who this is. She hangs up.
End: Mother looks at rearview mirror to see if Jin was listening. Jin closes his eyes and leans on the side to pretend he’s sleeping. His hand/foot is shaking/tapping.
INT. PARKING LOT – NIGHT
Beginning: Mother parks the car. She slams on the horn to wake up Han, who startles in his seat. She storms up to the apartment.
Middle: Han is cussing her out from inside the car. Jin offers to take the leftovers from the trunk.
End: Back in the apartment Jin and Han find Mother raiding her closet and throwing everything in a suitcase.
INT. PARENT’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Beginning: Han asks what the hell she’s doing. Mother claims she’s done putting up with his bullshit.
Middle: Han tells Jin to go to his room but Mother says Jin needs to hear this to. Your father is cheating on me… again.
End: Mother tries to storm out but Han gets in the way. They struggle in the doorway and knock over Jin’s leftovers, spilling it all over the ground. Han tells her to have it her way.
INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Beginning: Jin cleans up the mess on the floor.
Middle: He studies the numerous wedding/marriage photos of his parents displayed around the room.
End:
EXT. PHOTO BOOTH – DAY
PLACEHOLDER: Date with EMMA (17), Jin’s girlfriend. Sticker photos of them together printing. Jin’s face is conflicted. Emma leans in for a kiss but his eyes remain open.
Discussion about dinner with his family again. Jin has to lie. INITIAL REACTION: DENIAL
INT. HOUSE – DAY
PLACEHOLDER: House is a mess, no cleaning done whatsoever. Dirty dishes, dust, laundry.
Emma offers to help but Jin adamantly says no. The parking system notifies a car coming in: Han. He tells her to leave now, but not through the garage. She doesn’t understand, she wants to say hi, but he insists on it.
Han comes in quite frustrated. The unkempt house only adds to his rage. He tells Jin to let the cleaning lady know that she should start coming twice a week now. Jin doesn’t know her number since her mother takes care of this. Han just tells him to notify her when she comes next time.
And her mother? Han says your mother walked out on us. She gave up on us. A family is supposed to stick together. That’s the most important thing. Now it’s just the two of us.
EXT. HOTEL BUFFET – DAY
Beginning: Jin and his relatives are celebrating his birthday/college acceptance, etc. They ask where his mother is and Han comes up with an excuse.
Middle: Jin sees a female employee drop a plate of glass noodles just like him. The plate shatters and a male manager comes over to ream her out, while putting on a faux apology to the customers. (Or another married couple)
End: Jin’s grandmother makes a comment or gives him advice about marriage? – I wish I get to see you get married before I leave this world.
EXT. PARK – DAY
Beginning: Jin meets up with his Mother. She looks completely different. Years younger with her hair and attire, no longer shackled by the burdens of marriage.
Middle: Mother explains that his father has a history with cheating. First found out when Jin was a child. She took him and ran off to America. Agreed to keep it under the lid while you were growing up. But now you’re an adult and you should know.
End: Mother regrets marrying young. Graduated top of her class and never got to use her degree or work. All his in laws wanted was an industrious housewife.
INT. MOTHER’S APARTMENT – DAY
Beginning: Mother gives a brief tour of her new place. Tidy but tiny. Not sure what she wants to use the extra room for.
Middle: Jin asks if she doesn’t want any revenge? Mother doesn’t want her business to interfere with his life.
End: Jin asks if he can move into the spare bedroom.
Point of no return: Jin moves in with his Mother and severs all connections with his father’s side of the family.
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Dave Holloway’s Inciting Incident
What I learned doing this assignment is that looking at the scene objectively as an inciting incident allowed me to write a better, more interesting scene than I would have if I hadn’t realized the importance and the qualities of the inciting incident.
INT. NIGEL’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Beginning: Nigel is sitting at home doing mundane chores when a SKYPE call comes in. He rushes to answer it.
Middle: It is Livia, calling from the prison in Shiloh, where she has been incarcerated. She tells Nigel she’s been imprisoned on false charges, and numerous other prisoners are being executed. She’s very frightened.
End: Nigel promises to do anything he can to help free her.
REACTION TO THE INCITING INCIDENT
INT. PUB – NIGHT
1. Nigel and his best friend, Roger, sit in a pub, drinking beers.
2. Nigel tells Roger about Livia’s call, and confesses how worried he is. He was unable to sleep the previous night after receiving the call. He’s unsure how to go about obtaining her release. Worse, he’s worried he only has a short time to do it, before she is put to death.
3. The two agree that an appeal to the Prime Minister is the best plan. They hope that, since Livia is a British citizen subjected to brutal treatment in a foreign country, the English government will be motivated to help her.
INCITING INCIDENT
INT. HOME – NIGHT
Nigel arrives home, looking tired and somewhat depressed. His cat walks up to him.
NIGEL: There, Summer, I expect you’re hungry, aren’t you.
He opens up a cabinet, selects a can, and empties it into the cat’s dish. He sets it down, and the cat begins eating hungrily.
NIGEL; Isn’t easy being here alone all day, I fancy. You have it worse than I do. At least I see people at the office. Though I’m lonely when I’m here.
From the living room comes the sound of an incoming SKYPE call. Nigel hurries into the living room and presses a key on a computer that rests on a coffee table. Livia’s face appears on the screen.
NIGEL: My God, darling, it’s so wonderful to see you.
Livia gives a pained smile. She looks tired and emotionally worn down.
LIVIA: I’m happy to see you, too, Nigel. But I don’t have very good news.
NIGEL: What is it?
She almost breaks down, then collects herself.
LIVIA: I’m in Shiloh, the military state. I’ve been arrested for spying.
NIGEL: How can they do that? Haven’t you told them you’re a journalist.
LIVIA: I did, but they don’t want to listen.
Her voice lowers.
LIVIA: This is a horrible place, Nigel. I think they’re afraid of outsiders finding out what it’s really like, and that’s why they arrested me.
NIGEL: Darling, can you get out? Surely your employer can call them and assure them you’re not a spy.
LIVIA: They’re not open to persuasion, dear. This is a police state. And Nigel – they’re executing some of the prisoners here.
NIGEL: What for, Livia?
LIVIA: Most of them were imprisoned because they’re against the Shiloh government. After they have them here for a few weeks, they execute them.
Nigel is silent for a moment, horrified.
NIGEL: Is there anyone you can appeal to, Livia? Any of your journalist colleagues? Can you go to the press there?
LIVIA: They’re separated me from everyone I know here. And I’ve heard the press is totally controlled by the government. Nigel, you’ve got to do something. Go to our government, or to the press. Let people know what is happening. If there’s a strong enough public appeal, maybe the government can do something.
NIGEL: I will, Livia.
LIVIA: Please hurry, Nigel. I’ve already been here for three days, and I’ve heard they often execute people after two or three weeks.
NIGEL: I’ll do everything I can. Please hang on, darling. Somehow, we’ll get you out of there.
LIVIA: Thank you, dear. And now I must go. I love you.
NIGEL: I love you too, Livia.
Her face disappears from the screen.
INT. PUB – NIGHT
Nigel and Roger sit in the pub, drinking beers.
NIGEL: I can’t believe it, Rog. I spent all day today trying to get an interview with the government, and talking to the press. I’m going on “Britain Today” in two days time.
ROGER: “Britain Today” is watched by tens of millions every night. That should stir something up.
NIGEL: There’s going to be an article tomorrow in the London Times. The government said they’d tell me tomorrow when I can get an interview with them.
Roger hangs his head.
ROGER: It’s terrible, mate. I never knew Shiloh was such a rotten place. Sounds like some third-world dictatorship.
Nigel sighs.
NIGEL: Worst part is, I don’t think any of those steps are going to help. When was the last time a dictatorship listened to reason or an appeal to decency.
He takes a sip of beer.
NIGEL: I think I’ll have to go over there. Try to free her by myself, somehow.
ROGER: How will you do that, Nigel?
NIGEL: Haven’t the bloody faintest idea. Just try to raise holy hell, and see if I can get help from someone there, or from another country, if they hear about it.
Roger is quiet for a moment.
ROGER: If you do go, mind if I came along?
Nigel looks at him in surprise.
NIGEL: Sure, Rog. It would be great to have some support.
ROGER: Bloody military state won’t stand a chance against two stout, young English blokes.
NIGEL: Cheers, mate.
They touch glasses in a toast.
NIGEL: Have no idea what we’ll face over there. But I’ll do whatever I can to save her from those bastards.
They fall silent.
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This reply was modified 4 years, 1 month ago by David Holloway.
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This reply was modified 4 years, 1 month ago by
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Dale’s Outline for Scene 2:
What I learned from today’s assignment is the idea of a scene that shows the reaction of the protagonist to the inciting incident. In this case, inciting incident and reaction to it seemed to be joined in one interchange, but it still helped to see them as different events.
INT. PRENTISS UNIVERSITY – FACULTY LOUNGE – DAY
And…
INT. HALLWAY OUTSIDE FACULTY LOUNGE.
(These two scenes – one continuing from the other – actually together form a combination of inciting incident and reaction to that incident.)
Beginning: Elizabeth and her fellow professor and friend, Barbara Benton, are in the faculty lounge discussing the boring paperwork required of them when Richard walks in.
Middle: Barbara comments on his good looks. He joins them at their table, immediately charming Barbara. But his comments about his tendency to and to “ride several tracks at once” gives Elizabeth a glimmer of what she might be dealing with in terms of her new TA’s style.
End: Richard further challenges her by first complimenting her work, and then throwing out an unusual perspective on that work.
INT. PRENTISS UNIVERSITY – FACULTY LOUNGE – DAY
BARBARA BENTON and Elizabeth are sitting at a table. Barbara is an energetic and ebullient woman in her 40s. In front of her are a disorganized pile of papers.
BARBARA
When I was first hired to teach, the last thing I thought I’d be spending my life doing was filling out goddamn forms!
ELIZABETH
They are part of any job.
BARBARA
That’s easy for you to say. You had them completed, alphabetized and cross-referenced two weeks before they were due!
ELIZABETH
Look, if you like, I’ll help you.
BARBARA
Oh, would you! Liz, you’re a life saver!
She tosses the forms into a file folder and shoves it over to Elizabeth.
Richard enters the lounge, looking around.
BARBARA
Who is that young man?
ELIZABETH
He’s my new TA.
BARBARA
Well, he sure is easy on the eyes!
ELIZABETH
Barbara!
BARBARA
Just sayin’
Richard comes over to them.
RICHARD
Dr. Drewer?
ELIZABETH
Yes, hello, Richard. How have you been settling in?
RICHARD
Sleeping on a friend’s couch right now, but I have some leads on apartments.
ELIZABETH
Very good.
BARBARA
(thrusting out her hand)
Hi. I’m Barbara Benton.
ELIZABETH
Oh sorry. Barbara: anthropology. Richard: new TA.
RICHARD
(shaking Barbara’s hand)
Encantado.
Barbara smiles, clearly charmed by this.
BARBARA
Back at ya.
Elizabeth looks at her watch.
ELIZABETH
Walk with us?
RICHARD
Sure.
INT. HALLWAY OUTSIDE FACULTY LOUNGE – CONTINUOUS
Elizabeth, Barbara and Richard walk down the hall together.
ELIZABETH
I assume you’re reviewed my syllabus?
RICHARD
I have. Stunningly well organized.
ELIZABETH
I think it helps keep everyone on track.
RICHARD
Yeah, I have a tendency to ride several tracks at once.
ELIZABETH
Ah, well, we’ll cure you of that.
RICHARD
You’ll be the first.
Barbara laughs quietly to herself over that.
RICHARD
I have to say. I’m so glad they accepted my transfer. This is such a thrill, working under you. I’ve read most of what you’ve published.
ELIZABETH
Really?
RICHARD
God, to follow your arguments, it’s like traveling into a wonderfully intricate maze. But you always get us out in the end.
ELIZABETH
Well, thank you.
She glances at Barbara, smiling a bit smugly.
RICHARD
I particularly enjoyed your newest piece on Descartes. Although it seems, I mean… the discoveries of quantum physics are forcing us to reassess the whole issue of dualism, don’t you think?
ELIZABETH
What do you mean?
BARBARA
(amused)
Yes, do say more.
RICHARD
I mean, on the subatomic level, you’ve got minds reaching out and determining in some strange way the action of particles. What happens to your dualism then? There can’t be the problem of a ghost in the machine if the ghost is the machine, can there?
ELIZABETH
Yes, well, I’m aware of the essentials of quantum mechanics, but I don’t necessarily see how they–
RICHARD
Oh, by the way, Professor. I’m also glad they assigned you as my graduate advisor. I have confidence you will guide me well!
(Looks at watch)
Oops. Ontology seminar in five. Gotta go. Un placer, senoras. Hasta luego!
And he is off down the hall. The two women look at each other. Elizabeth shakes her head, as if to say: What was that?
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Does anyone else get the feeling that Assignment 10 and 11 are similar?
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Lesson 10: Inciting Incident
What I learned about this assignment is the plan works but I am confused about the pages. Act I
should be about 25 pages. I not near there. When I complete the rough draft, I may discover my concept is too simple. On paper, it looked complex.
Scene 1. INT TRAVIS HARVELLE’S KITCHEN DAY
Travis grabs three water bottles, a vegetable tray and a plastic container of prepared sandwiches from refrigerator and places them in a soft thermal cooler. He packs a bag of potato chips, napkins, paper plates in a plastic bag and walks out the back door to the dock where his party barge is waiting.
As he gets on the boat, he looks and sees his friends coming around the house, down the hill to the lake.
They wave and walk faster. Travis lays out the snacks and hands each a bottle of water.
TRAVIS
I’m glad you could make it today, JJ. I’m leaving for a Christmas holiday with the family tomorrow
and I wanted to discuss the renovations with you before I left. I’m glad you agreed to do the work.
SYDNEE
When JJ said we were coming out to the lake for a ride, I was so happy. Thanks for the invitation
and the sandwiches. Tell me, where are you going for the holidays?
TRAVIS
Mother arranged for us to celebrate Christmas in Vermont. It’s weird.
The party barge leaves the dock.
JJ
What’s weird about that? Vermont is beautiful at Christmas. I’ve seen pictures.
TRAVIS
My family always celebrates Christmas for a week in Orlando. Neither my mom nor my sister,
Marty, don’t like cold weather. Any temperature less than fifty-five degrees is freezing to them.
JJ
Do they know how cold it gets in Vermont at Christmas?
TRAVIS
I told them. There is another reason I don’t’ want to go. I was married there at the same hotel
where we are staying, five years ago this Christmas. Becca divorced me a year later.
Sydnee
That’s a little crazy. If you change your mind about going, you can spend the holidays with us
at Wildflowers B & B. We have enough room for you.
TRAVIS
Mom has called me every night this week to make sure I get on the train tomorrow. I don’t know
what she has planned, but it better be something better than the last time I went there.
JJ
Well, if it gets too bad, spend the day outside or inside a ski resort. Your family won’t be there.
They’ll be by the fire. Margo told me you take this boat ride every day at 5:00PM.
TRAVIS
Yeah. I ride and relax. Play Jake Jones music or special holiday music for the people who live on the lake. I think about all my family and friends who are driving home in Orlando traffic on I-4, bumper to bumper. It takes an hour to get home, with all the horns blowing and cars stopped for wrecks. Sometimes I pause on the lake and say thanks for living in Madison County.
JJ
This is a peaceful place. Look people are coming out of their homes and a waving at us.
SYDNEE
I feel like I am the Queen of England as I greet my minions. This is fun.
(Sydnee starts waving like the Queen of England.)
TRAVIS
The family who lives in that big brick home on the ho;; had a wedding on the lawn. I drove around the lake that day and played the Love Boat theme. The bride and groom loved it.
SYDNEE
That sounds so sweet. So, you are a romantic at heart.
TRAVIS
Maybe. But definitely no romance with Becca.
Scene 2 INT JACKSONVILLE FLORIDA DAY
Liz Bradford is rushing to catch the train to Vermont. She is running late but comes to a halt when she hears Jake Jones singing a Christmas song over the loud speaker. A gentleman runs into her from the back. She drops all her packages, phone. He helps her retrieve her things and she rushes forward. She runs into a Christmas Elf when she shifts her packages, knocks the elf down. It is plastic. A housekeeper assists her in gathering her things and placing the Christmas Elf in an upright position.
Phone rings.
Split screen phone call
LIZ
Hello, Mom. I really don’t have time. I’m running late. I just arrived at the station and I’m trying to get on the train.
ANNABELLE
I was hoping you were already in your cabin, Dear.
LIZ
What is wrong? I can tell in your voice there’s a problem.
ANNABELLE
The entertainment duo for the lounge called. They cancelled.
LIZ
They can’t do that. They are under contract.
ANNABELLE
They are both homebound sick with the flu.
LIZ
(As she hands the conductor her ticket) Don’t worry. I will check my contact list and get somebody.
Jake Jones walks into Annabelle’s office. The country music star is home for the holidays. Annabelle sees the solution to her problem and smiles at him.
SPLIT SCREEN on phone
ANNABELLE
(waving Jake to enter her office) Sweetheart, don’t worry. I think I may have the answer to our
problem.
Over the loud speaker: “ All Aboard”
LIZ
Mom, what are you thinking? Please wait until I get on the train. I am walking up the steps now. I
can handle this.
ANNABELLE
Glad you are headed home. We will talk later. Bye, Love.
LIZ
Wait! We need to discuss our options. Oh, no. What is she doing now, I wonder?
LIZ
I can’t worry about it now.
ANNABELLE
Jake, have a seat. Welcome home to Wellington and the Bradford Inn.
JAKE
Hello, Ms. Annabelle, it’s good to be home. Is Lizzy around today?
ANNABELLE
She’s getting on the train to come home. Will arrive some time tomorrow.
JAKE
I want to see her. I made a mistake and I need to apologize to her. I tried to talk to her last
Christmas, but I could never catch up with her.
ANNABELLE
I’m glad to hear that, Jake. I believe she will want to talk to you, too. Liz is VP of Marketing
now. She is a key employee here. How is the music business? I hear you are making big bucks.
JAKE
Going great. I have five new songs ready to record in the new year. My agent thinks this
may be my biggest album yet.
ANNABELLE
How would you like to debut those new songs on our stage? Our holiday performers are
sick with the flu. I need an act for the lounge for four days.
JAKE
I will be happy to perform for you. Let’s sign the contracts and we’ll be set. I’ll pack that
lounge every night. Tell Sam to order lots of tickets. Jake Jones is coming home to debut
his new songs. Don’t worry about the publicity. I’ll call the radio station and newspapers.
ANNABELLE
Sounds great! I’ll leave that to you. I know Liz has a lot on her plate right now.
JAKE
Speaking of Lizzy, I need her phone number. I have something special planned for her
during the holidays.
ANNABELLE
You know I can’t give you her number. If you are sincere about apologizing to her, you will
have to do this without my assistance. Hear sign this contract and I have to go check out the
restaurant. Check in with Sam and let him know what you need.
Jake signs and leave the office. The phone rings. It’s the restaurant supervisor. Annabelle answers.
ANNABELLE
Hey, It’s Annabelle. I’m on my way.
Annabelle leans back in her chair, looks at the signed contract, thinks about the situation and smiles. She looks at the big picture of her deceased husband, Lawrence, on the office wall.
ANNABELLE
Lawrence? Sometimes love works in strange ways. I believe our daughter is about to be happy again.
Scene 3. INT THE HALLWAY OF THE TRAIN DAY
Liz is balancing her packages, her computer and phone as she meanders through the passengers, traveling to her cabin. When she gets to cabin 36, she hears a deep voice talking on the phone in the cabin next to hers. She pauses and takes her time getting the key in the door when “deep voice” says Bradford Inn. She walks in but leaves the door slightly ajar.
Split phone call
TRAVIS (deep voice)
Yes, I’m on the train, but tell me again why we are spending the Christmas holidays at Bradford
Inn. You know how I feel about that place?
JILL HARVELLE
Your dad never gets to rest when we stay at home in Orlando. He needs to be away from that
office. He is exhausted. We are familiar with the Bradford Inn and I feel it will be a good trip.
TRAVIS
You remember what happened there right before Christmas five years ago?
JILL HARVELLE
Don’t dwell on the past, Dear. You won’t believe this place. It’s fabulous! Marty and I
walked every inch of the building today.
TRAVIS
How deep is the snow?
JILL HARVELLE
It is snowing, but I don’t know how deep it is. We are staying inside most of the time.
Did you bring warm clothes? It’s a little chilly.
TRAVIS
The train is departing from the station. I will see you tomorrow.
Travis realizes his door is open. He closes it with his foot.
I want you and Marty to go outside and practice making snowballs. I want us to have
a family snowball throwing contest while we stay at the lovely Bradford Inn.
JILL HARVELLE
Travis, you are teasing, right?
TRAVIS
See you tomorrow, Mom.
Travis grabs a magazine he purchased at the depot and rests, looking out the window.
TRAVIS (V.O.)
I wish I knew what this trip is really about!
Scene 4: INT Liz’s CABIN DAY
Liz opens her computer and reviews her contracts, hits SEND to Annabelle. Then she checked her
business notebook and looked for entertainment acts for the holidays. She writes down a few
names and numbers. She calls Annabelle.
Split phone call
ANNABELLE
Hello.
LIZ
Okay, I have three groups that might be available for the holidays. They are great family
entertainers.
ANNABELLE
That’s okay. I’ve solve the problem. We’ll discuss when you arrive tomorrow afternoon.Enjoy your ride home. I’m busy in the restaurant.
LIZ
What is the name of the group?
ANNABELLE
Trust me. It’s going to be fabulous! Relax. I got is covered.
LIZ
Did you hire Jake Jones?
ANNABELLE
Now, Liz, he has changed. He was delightful in my office. He will be debuting five new
songs on our stage. He will pack the lounge. He’s getting ready to record a new album.
I think he is very successful. (She pauses.) I believe you might want to re-consider your
situation with that man.
LIZ
I have re-considered it every Christmas for seven years. It’s not going to happen. Jake
must work with either Sam or you. I am out of the picture on this one.
ANNABELLE
Is this going to be a problem for you?
LIZ
No, Jake Jones is your and Sam’s problem. I’m going to the dining car and eat. Hugs
and kisses. See you tomorrow.
ANNABELLE
Hugs and kisses to you, Sweetheart. Love you.
Liz checks the time. Usually, the dining car is full around this time. She combed her hair, grabbed
her folder. She would complete the analysis of her contracts this trip after she ate. Jake Jones was not going to ruin her meal. She walks out the door and runs into a huge chest. She knows immediately, “deep voice” is standing in the hallway.
LIZ
I apologize. I travel this train all the time. I had something on my mind.
TRAVIS
Headed to the dining car?
LIZ
Yes.
Travis points in the right direction. Liz turns around and moves toward the dining car. Liz
greeted people she met.
TRAVIS (V.O.)
Miss Emerald Eyes speaks to every person she meets. She must be in sales. She’s caring a notebook. Workaholic. Can’t even eat without taking notes. Her auburn hair is beautiful and it bounces every time she takes a step.
LIZ (V.O.)
“Deep Voice” is very handsome. He has muscles. He’s probably a coach. He never speaks to people. He’s a snobbish coach. He reminds me of the picture Mom has of Rock Hudson. He walks a little too close to me, like he’s smelling my perfume or something. AT least I am not thinking about Jake Jones. Oh heck!
When they arrive at the dining car, there is only one table left.
LIZ
(looking over her shoulder) Would you like to share a table?
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Subject line: (Mary Ellevold’s) Inciting Incident (place in first line)
What I learned doing this assignment is…outlining first, and add a reaction.
EXT. STREET – SMALL TOWN, USA
An ordinary day. Bright sun. An ordinary Mid-western street. Older homes, lots of trees, children playing down the street.
In the parking lot sits a red Monster truck wanna be, an old truck jacked up but is crooked. It leans to one side and is emblazened with the hand written words ‘D.O.A. – DOGS AND OTHER ANIMALS – CAROL COUNTY”. There is a cage, along with lots of litter in the back.
Jon places his backpack on the seat. A little bird hops up to Jon. He steps over it, and it hops after him. He places a bird soap on the antenna, and gets in the truck.
The sky darkens, birds are gathering on the wire near his truck. More and more birds cluster on the wire, until the wire is thick with birds.
Birds poop bomb the car. Starts slowly, until hundreds of birds overhead. Plop-plop-plop. Jon is pushing the window wipers, faster and faster. The bird poop sprays the windshield, the wipers smearing the gooey mess all over the window.
Jon attempts to start the truck. It is slow starting and the radio goes off and on. There is a message.
RADIO SPEAKER
You! Are under God’s wrath.
JON
(screams)
Aaahhh.
Jon shuts off radio, tries again and again to start the vehicle, which stalls.
Windshield wipers continue to smear bird bombs across windshield until water stops working.
Finally, the truck starts, staggering forward. Too late. The vehicle is smeared from top to bottom with bird bombs. Jon has his head out window as he tries to drive while talking on the car phone.
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DeRuve’s Inciting Incident
What I learned doing this assignment is that by focusing on speed, and quantity over quality, I am able to hammer out scenes. I have allowed myself to write lower quality, and embraced that I will improve it later. With that approach I realize I have already got my first fifty pages written.
Inciting Incident + Reaction to it –
INT. LAUNDROMAT – NIGHT
Cannoli lays on the floor under the chair Rhino slouches in watching his laundry spin in the dryer.
On the far side of the laundromat two kids JB, 8, and TYLER, 10, toss a baseball back and forth. JB whips one passed Tyler, it kicks off a machine skipping towards Rhino.
He snatches it swiftly and holds it up.
BILLIE (O.S.)
Ya’ll better take that into the parking lot, I don’t know where you get off throwing the ball inside.
Tyler approaches Rhino presenting the ball.
RHINO
Who’s your favorite team?
TYLER
The Yankees.
RHINO
Damn, straight.
Rhino tosses him the ball, he runs off, BILLIE BELLE, 28, approaches. Rhino’s eyes widen, she has exotic almond eyes, milk chocolate complexion, and long tightly woven box braids.
BILLIE
You give your Momma this much grief growing up?
RHINO
Oh, absolutely. But, once I grow up, I plan on givin’ her a break.
BILLIE
(smiles)
I’ve seen you in here.
RHINO
I seen you too.
BILLIE
You look like Marlon Brando.
He holds a look on her grin for a moment.
RHINO
You don’t look like nobody I know.
BILLIE
No?
RHINO
My Auntie Marie got a goatee.
BILLIE
(chuckles)
Should I call you Brando?
RHINO
Rhino.
BILLIE
Rhino? Uh-huh. I’m sure your Momma named you Rhino.
RHINO
It’s a nickname.
BILLIE
I’m not calling you that.
She widens her eyes and pops her hips waiting a reply.
RHINO
Wanna know how I got it? Most people think it’s ‘cause I’m humungous, but it ain’t true. I was waitin’ in the lock for my first pro fight, I’m a fighter, and I got myself a new robe. Real stylish, nothin’ flashy, all class, ya know? I had my name stitched into the chest like this here, and it must’a had some kinda fold in it, and they saw, R-I-N-O, and pronounced it rhino. Severino the Rhino was born by serendipity they call that. The right place at the right time kinda thing.
BILLIE
Severino is much nicer than Rhino.
RHINO
I’m a fighter, I’m not supposed to be nice. What’d’they call you?
BILLIE
Billie Belle.
Rhino giggles under his breath.
BILLIE (CONT’D)
Oh, you think that’s funny?
RHINO
No, not at all. It’s got a nice ring to it.
BILLIE
(laughs)
You sure you’re a fighter and not a comedian?
RHINO
Comedian is my real job, I’m a boxer on the side.
(she laughs)
What’s with them books you’re always luggin’ around, Billie Belle?
BILLIE
I’m in law school.
RHINO
I figured you was smart. You look real sharp, ya know, not like the rest of these bums out here.
BILLIE
(blushes)
You’re more charming than you think, Severino. A fighter may be what you are, but it isn’t who you are.
(beat)
You feel me?
RHINO
If I ain’t a fighter, who am I?
BILLIE
You’ll figure it out eventually.
She turns to leave.
RHINO
Hey, when’s the next laundry day?
BILLIE
Why? You want to meet me here?
RHINO
Maybe so.
BILLIE
Next Sunday. See you.
RHINO
See you.
Cannoli comes out from under the chair putting his head on Rhino’s lap, they exchange looks.
EXT. PORT OF ALBANY – DAWN
The steam whistle screams, longshoremen report for work. Rhino eats an apple watching the labor make their way for the docks blanketed in a thick fog.
He sees GIL, 48, in the mix of other laborers. He advances briskly, Gil catches a glimpse of him and quickly runs, Rhino pursues with bad intentions.
He catches up and shoves Gil from behind who stumbles across the pavement. Rhino snatches him up and slams him up against a steel shipping container.
RHINO
What’re ya runnin’ for, Gil, huh?
GIL
I’m sorry, man, I’m fuckin’ sorry!
Rhino cocks his fist back, Gil cowers, but it’s only a threat. He straightens Gil back up.
RHINO
What time is it, Gil?
(beat)
Huh?!
(beat)
It’s time to pay the man. If I go back there with nothin’ and it reflects poorly on me, capisce?
GIL
What can I do, I’ll do anything…
RHINO
You seen y’er buddy Jonny? He’s eatin’ sausages through a straw right now.
GIL
I gots grandkids to look after, please. Have a heart.
Rhino grips his jacket in his fists, frustration mounting, but he lets him go.
RHINO
One week. You got one week. And I want it all.
Gil can’t believe it.
RHINO (CONT’D)
Don’t make a fool of me.
GIL
One week, you got it Rhino, thank you, thank you.
Gil back peddles before running for safety. Rhino can’t believe his own actions. He disappears into the fog.
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Gayle’s Inciting Incident
What I learned doing this assignment is my writing
time is too limited for me to create the way I’d like. I am not in a good
headspace to fully complete assignments the way I’d like. Having a day job
takes too much of my time when I’d rather be writing.INT. KITCHEN
Samantha makes coffee for the Agent who tells them about offers
Beginning The agent
JOSIE LARA, 40, their agent, has a cup of tea while reviewing the state of their career.
JOSIE
“A Genie Among Us” has dropped to number 67 on the New York Times bestseller list.
SAMANTHA
That’s still good, right. Top one hundred.
RICK
Are you high? No, sweetheart, it is not “still good.”
SAMANTHA
Okay, but you don’t have to speak to me like that.
JOSIE
And with the movie tank–
Samantha stands behind Rick motioning for Josie to not go there.
JOSIE (CONT’D)
Let’s move beyond this book. When can I expect the next one?
RICK
Don’t look at me. I’m the one busting my ass keeping us in the public eye.
SAMANTHA
I know, I know. But the blog has kept me so busy. There’s a case from the (FORBIDDEN WOODS in JAPAN) where a man saw a ghost who just–poof! Exploded into dust particles and went up to Heaven. I’m obsessed.
JOSIE
I wish you’d be more obsessed with writing your next series of adventures. “A Genie Among Us, Part Deux” pehaps? How can I be an agent without something to sell?
RICK
What about the movie franchise? When’s the sequel?
JOSIE
Not happening. No one cares about the demon djinn anymore. The only offers you have are the bookstore signing Thursday. Oh, there’s a panel in Amityville on the anniversary of the DeFeo murders.
RICK
Get me on that panel.
JOSIE
No, Rick you don’t want this. It’s about discrediting the horror story. They want to embarrass you.
RICK
Which is why I need to go. Close minded people are close minded because no one’s taken the time to charm them first.
SAMANTHA
Maybe Josie’s right. I’d rather we stay closer to home. Now would be a great time to start a family. Like we planned.
RICK
Says something about waiting until the future is perfect.
SAMANTHA
Says something about the time will never be right but it is always the right time.
JOSIE
There is something. Pretty big money, if you’re looking for an extra cushion. I wasn’t going to tell you because it’s not a sure thing.
RICK
I’ll do it. What is it?
JOSIE
A reality show. Maybe.
RICK
What?!
JOSIE
Describes the show.
SAMANTHA
But we’d be on the road at least half a year for production.
tells them there won’t be a sequel and there are no big offers
Middle – but they have a book signing and possible panel which Rick doesn’t want to go to because it is beneath him but Sam doesn’t want anything thinks it time to have a baby and living off the money she’s made writing their experiences and that of others. She can take care of him and he can fix up the house
End – The agent says there is one last possibility – a reality show contacted him about pitching a travel series. Rick is elated. Sam is dismayed.
INT. BEDROOM
Inciting Incident – p. 10 – they argue over opportunity and it wakes Caroline – who is watching but unseen.
SAMANTHA
No. I don’t want to go on the road for six months.
RICK
Talks about the money and success the TV ghost busters have.
SAMANTHA
Good for them. I’m concerned about us.
RICK
Not paying attention. This guy Blanchard just bought the Devereux plantation in Louisiana and had a pay-per-view special where they summoned ghosts of slaves. Over a million viewers. We can do that.
Beginning – Rick wants
Middle – Sam plays devil’s advocate
End – things shake or the electricity surges and a wind blows through the room. A cold spot where Caroline is standing.
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John T’s Inciting Event
What I learned by doing this assignment is that the inciting event needs to be a compelling reason for the protagonist to start the journey.
INT. ROD’S APARTMENT – DAY
Clare watches TV, a self-advocacy law firm spot. Rod steps in front of the screen.
ROD
We need to talk.
Clare hits the mute button, stands up.
CLARE
I’m listening.
ROD
About your rude departure yesterday.
CLARE
I wasn’t the one being rude.
Rod looks puzzled.
CLARE
Heard all of it. You left your phone on monitor mode.
ROD
Well… good. You needed to hear it.
CLARE
I need to move out.
ROD
Agreed. You’re not keeping your side of our, ah, arrangement.
CLARE
Me?
ROD
Yes, you, Clare. You’re here but you’re not here.
CLARE
I don’t work full time and come home and cook and clean for you?
ROD
Yeah, but there’s more to life than just toilets and Tottingers.
CLARE
Cute. So I thought we were gonna be just roomies.
ROD
I need something more than that. You’re going to have to move out.
CLARE
Oh, great. That’s just great. Sold all my stuff, paid off my bills and now suddenly I’m homeless.
(beat)
Fine, I’ll move out but I need time to get settled.
ROD
How long?
CLARE
A month and a half.
ROD
Six weeks? That’s too long.
CLARE
I took care of your mother for six months-
ROD
And I appreciate that but-
CLARE
It’s the least you can do.
ROD
Tell you what. If you agree to go with me to a resort for the weekend, you can stay until you get settled.
CLARE
And why would you want that?
INT. CLARE’S MOM’S KITCHEN – DAY
A kitchen in dire need of remodeling. Clare and Lois doing a mother-daughter cake.
CLARE
That’s what I said. He wants me to go with him.
LOIS
Of course he does.
CLARE
And they have the technology to help you learn about yourself from a robotic double.
LOIS
Sounds dreadful. And why are you still with this man?
CLARE
He means well.LOIS
Now that’s delusional, Clare. I see all the signs.
CLARE
That why you never left Dad.
LOIS
That was different. I had you and your brother to worry about. And I still worry. Are you still seeing Doctor Silvers?
CLARE
No, can’t afford it.
Lois whips out a very sharp knife. Whacks it down on the cutting board.
LOIS
Still having those nightmares?
CLARE
Yes. Maybe this island trip can help me.
LOIS
Are you sure?
CLARE
I don’t know. I need to buy time before I can move. And he’s paying for everything.
LOIS
He better be… trustafarian dipshit.
CLARE
Mom!
LOIS
Don’t let me stop you. You’ll learn to drop this guy like a heat lamp.
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EUGENE’S INCITING INCIDENT (Lesson 10)
What I learned doing this assignment is that the inciting incident could be much stronger, but this will do as a place keeper for the time being.
INT. CITY HALL – L.A. – DAY
Beginning: Patrick & Celeste have a meeting with the Los Angeles City Planning Department about the New Project they have proposed “Angel City” a solution to the homeless problem.
Middle: The officials seem confused about this proposal until Celeste tells them who Patrick Lee really is.
End: They okay the project to go to the second stage of development.
Inciting Incident:
EXT. EMPTY LOT – L.A. – DAY
Beginning: They break ground on “Angel City.”
Middle: We see that Celeste with Patrick by her side is supervising the building of these square structures. The units are 10 foot cubes with two large solar panels extending from the roof to the ground on opposite sides and with a ladder to a garden on the roof.
End: The City of some 60,000 units is completed in only 7 days, Seco is arrested on site.
INT. CITY HALL – L.A. – DAY
Celeste and Patrick sit at the table across from Los Angeles City Planning Department Officials who are looking over detailed plans for “Angel City,” a development to house over 50,000 residents.
L.A. PLANNING OFFICIAL #1
You really plan to house the population of Skid Row in these units.
CELESTE
That’s the idea.
L.A. PLANNING OFFICIAL #2
What are they constructed of?
PATRICK
Recycled plastic.
L.A. PLANNING OFFICIAL #2
What if there was a storm? How would they hold up?
PATRICK
Much better than standard construction. They can withstand a hurricane, a flood, an earthquake, they’re even fireproof.
L.A. PLANNING OFFICIAL #1
What about the solar panels?
CELESTE
Incase of a disaster they fold up to the sides of the walls and are automatically clamped down.
(We see the detailed drawing that illustrates what she is talking about)
L.A. PLANNING OFFICIAL #2
All well and good, but if we give you this permit, what proof do we have that you will finish the project.
CELESTE
When we purchased the land, we already had all the funding in place to build it.
L.A. PLANNING OFFICIAL #2
And the funding to run the site, on a continuous basis.
CELESTE
The City of L.A. will fund the maintenance of the facility.
L.A. PLANNING OFFICIAL #1
I don’t think the City is going to like that.
CELESTE
We are getting rid of Skid Row. Do you know how much the City spends to clean Skid Row each year?
L.A. PLANNING OFFICIAL #1
Yes, quite a substantial amount.
CELESTE
Well it will cost less to maintain “Angel City.”
L.A. PLANNING OFFICIAL #1
Are you sure about that?
CELESTE
Do you know who planned it? Mr. Lee, here planned it.
L.A. PLANNING OFFICIAL #1
(he looks down at the blueprints)
Are you “The Patrick Lee?”
CELESTE
Yes, he is, and I’m Celeste SeedlingSun.
L.A. PLANNING OFFICIAL #2
Well, why didn’t you say so…
Inciting Incident:
EXT. EMPTY LOT – L.A. – DAY
They’re breaking ground on “Angel City.” Prefabbed recycled cubes, 10′ x 10′ x 10′ are being lowered onto the site about 20 feet apart. Ten foot solar wings are being attached to the opposite sides of each cube, extending from the roof to the ground next to the solar wing of the adjoining cube.
The flat roofs with built in ladders attached to them are having top soil poured onto them and evenly spread over the 100 sq. ft. surface.
We see both Celeste and Patrick supervising the construction of the City.
MONTAGE
We see progress as “Angel City” unfolds like the transformation of a caterpillar into a butterfly.
EXT. ANGEL CITY – L.A. – DAY
It it seven days later and a CITY INSPECTOR is with Celeste and Patrick, who are flanked by Samuel and SECO BRIGHTCLOUD, early 30’s.
CITY INSPECTOR
I am supposed to be inspect your progress.
CELESTE
Well, it’s finished.
CITY INSPECTOR
Your permit is only 7 days old. You’re not telling me you built this in a week?
PATRICK
Yes.
SAMUEL
With a little help from his friends.
CITY INSPECTOR
I am going to have to call in a whole team of inspectors to check everything before you open this up to the residents.
SECO
How long will that take?
CITY INSPECTOR
Probably more than 7 days.
(WE SEE a POLICEMAN come up behind Seco BrightCloud)
(Seco turns as the Cop addresses him)
POLICEMAN
Are you Seco BrightCloud?
SECO
Yes.
POLICEMAN
Mr. BrightCloud, you’re under arrest.
SECO
For what?
POLICEMAN
(putting handcuffs on Seco)
For conspiracy…
SAMUEL
That’s my son your arresting. This is crazy.
POLICEMAN
You’re welcome to follow me to the station. I’m just doing my job.
CELESTE (sternly)
Don’t worry, Seco, we’ll get you out.
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This reply was modified 4 years, 1 month ago by Eugene Mandelcorn.
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Bob Colley – Inciting Incident
What I’ve learned doing this assignment is I wish I took tough typing. Search and pluck bites.
Key Scene 2: Inciting Incident Outline
BEGINNING:
Sheriff John Saxon is enjoying a beautiful country day on his horse in the hills overlooking his town.
Sees several moving dots in the sky. What is it?
Hears the whirls as 6 drones fly past him toward town
MIDDLE:
Each GPS drone has a kilo of C4 and flies to bank, post office, grocery store
gift shop, school and playground
END:
The town is scene of carnage
Key Scene 2: Inciting Incident First Draft
EXT. COUNTRY HILLS – DAY
John Saxon pauses riding his house, looks up and smiles as the sun shares her love. Over the tree tops he sees several small dots moving toward him.
JOHN
What the hell?
Six small drones whirl overhead and b-line straight toward the town.
EXT. <st1:street w:st=”on”><st1:address w:st=”on”>MAIN STREET</st1:address></st1:street> – DAY
One drones flies right into the front of the Mason bank and explodes. Glass and bodies splatter the street.
Another drone targets the post office blowing the side out of the building. Letters and smoke billow out.
One drone lands on the roof of the grocery store and explodes caving the roof in. Deafening loud then dark then screaming is heard.
The same carnage is brought to the school, playground and the town hall.
Key Scene 3: The protagonist reacts emotionally to the Inciting Incident.
BEGINNING:
rides back to town
MIDDLE:
destruction and bodies and fires
END:
his quiet town has been attacked
Key Scene 3: The protagonist reacts to the Inciting Incident First Draft
EXT. COUNTRY – DAY
John rides back to town at a full gallop. As he comes closer he sees the plumbs of smoke and the destruction of his quiet town.
JOHN
Whoever you are you’re going
to die for this.
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Paul’s Inciting Incident.
What I learned doing this assignment is that I can use these techniques to help me finish this script that I have been working way too long on.
1. Outline Key Scenes 2 & 3 for Act 1.
Key scenes for act 1 include:
A) Patricia getting the text threat from her father.
B) Her father Jesse’s reaction.
C) Pearl remembers back to when she first met Jesse.
2. Write your Inciting Incident scene. (This is also my opening scene).
INT. PATRICIA’S LIVING ROOM – DAY
Flowers fill the room as PATRICIA, 28, dressed in a delicate bridal gown, carefully applies some lipstick.
A bustle of activity surrounds her as BRIDESMAIDS chatter, compare outfits, and hug each other.
PEARL, 60’s, is the odd one out and the only one that sits. She wears a blouse with an ANTIQUE BROOCH that contains the image of a lady.
Pearl watches with pride as her daughter Patricia prepares for her big day. She cries tears of joy.
PATRICIA
You good, Momma?
Pearl nods as a phone on a table near Patricia vibrates.
Patricia picks it up. Stares at the screen in disbelief.
JADE, 36, her sister, feisty and always ready to speak her mind, notices Patricia’s reaction.
JADE
What’s wrong, Sis?
Speechless, Patricia hands the phone to Jade, who reads the text.
JADE
Oh, my God. He wouldn’t! Would he?
PATRICIA
I will never ever forgive him for this! He is… He is unbelievable!
3. Write the scene for the Reaction to the Inciting Incident.
INT. PEARL’S LIVING ROOM – DAY
A MAN’S HAND opens a gun cabinet. Takes out a rifle. Loads and cocks it – ready for business.
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Adam’s Inciting Incident
What I learned – I like the Beg/Mid/End for each scene to start. It really helps the arc of each scene in an easy way and I can see the purpose of the scene quickly – if there’s no arc and no change in character or plot in the scene then there’s no need for the scene (or find a way to make work)
ACT 1
KEY SCENE 1
EXT. SCHOOLYARD – DAY
BEGINNING: Les speaks with another teacher in the schoolyard. He jokes about trying to drink out of a fountain with a mask on. The other teacher leaves and Les notices some commotion between students in the yard.
MIDDLE: He wanders and finds a GROUP OF KIDS surrounding a kid, CURTIS. They yell things like ‘anti-masker’, ‘conspiracy douche-arist’, ‘grandma killer’.
END: Les breaks it up and the group of kids run off. Curtis is left, defeated, sitting on the ground. Les asks if he can tell him who the kids are. He says ‘they were my friends’, ‘but now my parents have made me see what’s really going on and when I say anything to them they won’t listen’.
INT. LES’S HOME – EVENING
Placeholder scene – Les talks to his family about their school and kids bullying about the pandemic.
INCITING INCIDENT
EXT. SCHOOLYARD – MORNING
Beginning: Les has Curtis bring his mom, JEN, over to tell her about the bullying.
Middle: She says she expected that to happen, but she’s just trying to teach her kids critical thinking and through their research they’ve discovered a lot is wrong with the pandemic. She says thanks for his help and that she knows some of the bullying kids parents so she’ll talk to them about it.
As she’s about to walk away, Les asks her what sort of information? She talks about faulty testing, conditioning, erosion of democracy, etc.
‘Isn’t that all just crazy conspiracy stuff?’
Jen says, ‘I have three questions for you: Has a governing body, or a person or group of people in power ever abused that power?’
Les, ‘Well, yes of course, countless times… and well continually as we speak’.
Jen, ‘Okay, and has a anyone in power ever colluded and conspired behind closed doors to advance their own agendas and garner more power?’
Les, ‘Yes.’
Jen, ‘So why is it then, we don’t question these same authorities and their decisions in this time of crisis? Why do we believe everything they’re saying, especially when the message is so convoluted, confusing and forceful?’
Les, ‘I, uh, don’t know… it’s a good question. I didn’t really think about it.’
Jen, ‘Well I hope you start’.
End: She begins to walk away. Les stops her again – he gives her his email for her to send some more info about it.
Jen, ‘Okay, but I’ll warn you… it’s terrifying’.
INT. LES’S HOME OFFICE – NIGHT
Beginning: Les sits on his computer and looks at an email from Jen. There are links to articles, videos, etc.
Middle: Les watches and reads. He pauses, thinks. He sits with his head between his legs. Donna comes in to see if he’s coming to bed, he lies and says he’s got lots of papers to greade.
End: Dawn. He’s been up all night. He can barely stand – the information has blindsided him. Knocked him to his knees. He throws up in the washroom.
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