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David Kandel — Puts Essence to Work
David Kandel — Puts Essence to Work
What I learned is… Essence is everything. It’s the bones that hold the spine of the story together and is essential for writing a compelling story.
Script I choose: The First Temptation of Chris
Scene 1 Location: Sidewalk in a residential neighborhood in a university town
Logline: Kristen is walking her dog Hazel and has a chance encounter with Chris which ignites immediate sparks between them both.
Essence I’ve discovered: Chris needs to be viewed by Kristen as the Good Samaritan, which is ironic that she would use a Biblical analogy, especially when she will reveal later to him that she is a closeted Atheist.
New Logline: Chris stops to help a gorgeous young lady, Kristen, whose dog was injured during her walk by a broken beer bottle. She confesses that Chris is a “Good Samaritan” for driving them to the vet which is where sparks begin to ignite between the two.
Scene 2 Location: Kristen’s apartment
Logline: Kristen’s former boyfriend, Aaron Swart, comes to her apartment unannounced to try and win her back.
Essence I’ve discovered: Aaron’s offense, which led to the break up, needs to be unforgiveable.
New Logline: Kristen’s former boyfriend, Aaron Swart, comes to her apartment to apologize for taking a video of Kristen without her knowledge during their first intimate encounter.
Scene 3 Location: Chris’s apartment
Essence I’ve discovered: The physical relationship between Chris and Kristen must evolve in a slow and sensitive way – the complete opposite of the relationship Kristen had with Aaron.
New Logline: After several dates, sparks continue to heat up as Chris and Kristen share their very personal feelings about physical relationships which draws them closer to each other but also causes them to take some time before they share their first intimate encounter.
Scene 4 Location: Kristen’s apartment
Logline: Kristen and Chris are falling deeply in love for each other and plan to consummate their love, but Aaron shows up unannounced and ruins the moment for the two lovers.
Essence I’ve discovered: No matter what she says and does, Aaron will not leave her alone. He becomes a predator/stalker who now wants revenge since Kristen will not take him back.
New Logline: Kristen and Chris are falling deeply in love for each other and plan to consummate their love, but Aaron shows up unannounced and ruins the moment but Chris confronts Aaron, embarrasses him, and shields Kristen from his wrath, which then leads to a passionate love-making session between Chris and Kristen.
Scene 5 Location: Local bar
Logline: Kristen reluctantly reveals to Chris that she is a closeted Atheist.
Essence I’ve discovered: The fact that Kristen confesses that she is a non-believer really shocks Chris. This is a big existential issue for him. How can he turn his back on his faith? How can he continue a relationship with a woman who doesn’t believe in God, especially when he is the choral director of the local Catholic High School?
New Logline: Chris is figuratively sucker-punched when Kristen reveals she is a closeted Atheist which cause him to question everything about their relationship.
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2 Replies
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I’m amazed at how some do this assignment. I write a complete play and try to essence my way through it. Others do it differently. I wonder which way is more effective. I like what you did here. Very interesting. Thanks, Karen Crider
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Thank you Karen. I appreciate your kind words!
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