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BWTV-AI Module 2 – Lesson 9: Make Every Line Intriguing!
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Jeffrey Alan Chase Presents Non-Stop Intrigue
What I learned doing this assignment is that working backwards from the end of my bible helped me to work on just the paragraph in question without any expectation of reading the subsequent paragraph. I made sure I had setups and reveals and was able to make the bible flow better. I also found some rascal spelling errors.
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Phyllis presents non-stop intrigue
What I learned from this assignment is that practicing the intrigue patterns on many lines in my tv pitch bible made that process start to flow. I now understand its value!
My TV pitch bible is vastly improved, with more open loops, strong statements and compelling questions.
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I think what I’m learning the most is that the story can go off in directions I never thought of before. I’m making this TV show from a screenplay I wrote but this is really going off script and is much deeper and having fun seeing new things every time I work on it.
STAR ROVER
Magical Realism – One Hour Drama
Logline:
Relentlessly pursued by Hermes, a malevolent government psy-ops entity, a socially awkward teen discovers a dire threat to his girlfriend and classmates, compelling him to submit to a perilous experiment involving channeling alien spirits into humans, sparking a desperate battle for survival and the fate of those he holds dear.
Concept:
Ryan Gordon, 14, once known as Star Rover, craves normalcy like a drowning man gasping for air. Haunted by his ability to channel both human and alien spirits, he vanished after witnessing the horrifying murders of those he identified for Hermes. Now, under a new identity in a sleepy town, he fights shadows in his sleep and echoes in his mind.
But normal shatters when alien spirits, fleeing a dying realm, crave human forms and empathy to survive. Hermes, desperate to control this power, hunts Ryan, the only known channel. Meanwhile, a rogue agent, Seth, who helped Ryan escape, believes the aliens offer humanity’s salvation – a shared galaxy bathed in alien technology.
Torn between survival and sacrifice, Ryan embarks on a desperate quest. He must unlock the secrets of the medallion, a dormant key to his full potential, while evading both Hermes and the aliens. Each pushing him closer to madness and further from the boy he longs to be.
Intriguing World:
Hermes, a subterranean cage gilded realm where kidnapped children with psychic ability spend their lives imprisoned and forced to use their gifts to locate enemies. Children with minds ablaze, their whispers of resistance choked in glass enclosures. Dr. Blaine, their warden – and the guards, with hearts as cold as the glass enclosures mirror the callous swagger of high school bullies.
Then there’s high school, a meticulously crafted labyrinth of conformity. Obedience, the highest virtue, drilled into minds like diamonds into stone. Teachers, puppeteers with honeyed voices and steely gazes, echo the manipulative charm of Hermes’ warden, Dr. Blaine. Her smile, a predatory gleam, mirrored in the smirk of the history teacher who feasts on fear, the math instructor who wields equations like whips. Every rule, every test, a twisted reflection of the psychic probes and brutal training in Hermes.
Summary:
Seven years after escaping a secret psychic experiment, Ryan Gordon, the boy who was once hailed as “Star Rover” craves anonymity. He’s just another freshman, passing tests, helping peers with math, burying his past under fabricated normalcy. But shadows linger.
In creative writing class, a teacher’s challenge to elaborate on his past, make it sing, ignites a spark. Ryan weaves a fantastical tale – a kidnapping, government conspiracies, and the ability to channel dead children’s spirits, alien spirits and Jimmy, a spirit mentor. The class, awed, amazed as Ryan spins a fantastical tale. Except for Indigo, whose touch unlocks a terrifying truth: Ryan’s story isn’t fiction, not one bit of it.
Whispers from beyond confirm it. Hermes, the program that once exploited Ryan, is desperate. They’ve contacted alien minds trapped in a dying realm, beings who crave human bodies and Ryan’s unique skill as a bridge. The aliens promise salvation – advanced technology, a cosmic escape – but their motives are shrouded in an ominous darkness.
Meanwhile, whispers from within warn Ryan – his former allies at Hermes are playing a dangerous game. He’s not just a tool; he’s a crucial piece in a cosmic power struggle. They want him back and are prepared to kill anyone who gets in their way.
Safe haven crumbles in the school cafeteria. A seemingly small act of kindness – preventing a bully from eating a peanut-laced candy bar due to a vision from his spirit-grandmother – inadvertently exposes Ryan. Safe haven no more, Ryan faces an impossible choice: flee the relentless pursuit of Hermes or save his fellow classmates who fall under Hermes control and use them as pawns to gain Ryan’s cooperation.
Trapped, Ryan faces a brutal choice: vanish once more or embrace his extraordinary burden and confront the whispers that haunt him – whispers of betrayal, alien genocide, and his own forgotten destiny.
Characters:
Ryan Gordon: As he delves deeper into the spirit realm, he discovers a chilling possibility—the alien entities might be a ruse. Is Hermes orchestrating a deadly gambit, manipulating Ryan’s unique gift to cover up a decades-old experiment gone awry?
Dr. Roberta Blaine: As one of the initial recruits of Hermes, Roberta, to preserve her dying boyfriend had to use her channeling ability to reduce his essence onto a computer chip. She lost her boyfriend and her powers in the process. Now he can be brought back but only at the cost of countless lives.
Seth Roemer: Was he the architect behind the Christopher project? Is he the clandestine ally of the ethereal children, safeguarding Ryan for a grander, more intricate plan? Amidst the uncertainty, Seth’s skepticism about the approaching alien entities grows. Silent for years, are these beings truly the Christopher Project’s lost children? Or might they be a cosmic force offering salvation at a harrowing price?
Indigo Rivers: When Indigo’s touch brushes against Ryan, her psychic senses scream of encroaching malevolence. Now intertwined with him, she fears that not only is Ryan in peril but she and her peers might be ensnared in a larger, darker plot.
Jimmy: Ryan’s spiritual guide and protector, connected to Ryan through a St. Christopher medallion, aiding him in channeling spirits. But who or what is he. The mystery of Jimmy’s true identity, whether he’s an alien, St. Christopher, or something more sinister. A dangerous pattern unfolds: Ryan’s psychic prowess, amplified by Jimmy’s guidance, aids Hermes in their sinister pursuits. However, revelations of Hermes’ lethal intentions force Ryan to consider severing ties with Jimmy.
Episode 1: “The Escape” Seven-year old Kenny’s world shatters as he watches Hermes agents execute his parents, thrusting him into Dr. Blaine’s dark web of psychic intrigue. Gifted a cryptic medallion by the enigmatic Seth, Kenny connects with ethereal remnants of a celestial experiment and JIMMY, his cosmic guide. Reborn as Ryan in a quiet Midwestern town, he aims for a normal high school life. But when an incriminating photo surfaces, Hermes’ hunt escalates, jeopardizing his newfound peace.
Episode 2: “The Hunt” Ryan’s identity is compromised when his photo leaks, forcing him to flee. With friends captured by Hermes, a desperate rescue mission unfolds. Seth’s tragic sacrifice underscores the stakes. Seth is aware that the aliens are really the children from the Christopher Project returning to earth. He still wants to free them. There’s only one way. Kill Dr. Blaine.
Episode 3: “The Ethereal Kids” Returning to a haunted safe house, Ryan communicates with trapped souls from the St. Christopher project. They tell Ryan, the only way they can be freed is by killing Dr. Blaine as she is the channel who reduced their essences to blips on a computer program. However, the leader of the Christopher children begs Ryan not to kill her, as she was his first love. As Dr. Blaine’s grip tightens, Jimmy offers a daring plan, leaving Ryan at a critical crossroads.
Episode 4: “Contact” A meteor shower becomes the catalyst for reanimation, empowering the ethereal kids. Ryan must lead them against a relentless Hermes. The cave’s collapse signals a chaotic showdown with the agency.
Episode 5: “Hermes” The reanimated army confronts its first test, leading to a cavernous clash. Dr. Blaine’s sinister past catches up, and as the cave crumbles, Ryan races against time to save his friends.
Episode 6: “Escape” With the cave imploding, Ryan guides trapped kids towards freedom. Split decisions lead some towards society, while Ryan and Indigo face vengeful soldiers, setting a thrilling chase in motion.
Episode 7: “Showdown” Trapped between an army and vengeful soldiers, Ryan’s group faces a moral reckoning. As dissent brews within the army, Ryan’s diversionary tactics intensify, culminating in a heart-stopping cliffhanger.
Episode 8: “Aftermath” As Star Rover, Ryan takes center stage against a relentless army blockade. With Jimmy’s guidance, a daring escape ensues, leaving the group’s fate hanging in the balance as they head to Fairbanks.
FIVE SEASON SUMMARY
Season 1 – “Awakening”
Teen fugitive Ryan challenges the sinister Hermes, unraveling dark secrets and discovering his psychic abilities. Escaping with classmates, Ryan faces an uncertain future pursued by Hermes.Season 2 – “Revolution and Betrayal”
Ryan battles mind control technology and internal strife within his rebel group. Confronting a manipulated town, a hostile population teeters on the brink of disaster. The kids from the Christopher Project, thought to be freed have become a bridge to alien civilizations who study us, looking for weaknesses. Their aim is to pit us against each other and have us kill each other off to give them our planet carte blanch.Season 3 – “Spiritual Awakening”
Dr. Blaine’s return merges with Indigo, revealing alien influences linked to the Christopher project. As the truth unfolds, Ryan faces a high-stakes confrontation, intensifying the cosmic struggle. Dr. Blaine is a pawn of the aliens and is instrumental at carrying out their plan to exterminate the human race.Season 4 – “Alien Machinations”
Ryan exposes aliens manipulating human vulnerabilities, racing to thwart their cosmic agenda. The shocking revelation of Seth’s collaboration intensifies the battle for Earth’s fate. Jimmy turns out to be one of the aliens, protecting Ryan only because of his awesome channeling ability. His goal, to use Ryan to channel the aliens into human receptors.Season 5 – “Extraterrestrial Showdown”
In a final face-off, the aliens’ true intentions unveiled, Ryan and Jimmy meet in an intense showdown leaves that Earth on the precipice of an unknown future, reaching a riveting and unpredictable conclusion.<br clear=”all”>
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Margaret presents non-stop intrigue
What I learned: I was too wordy and my intrigue was buried in fluff.
I used ChapGPT and ScreenwritingU’s Feedback analysis to help me hone in and improve my TV Bible. It is 50X better! 🙂
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BWTV-AI Module 2 – Lesson 9: Make Every Line Intriguing!
Sylvia Presents Non-Stop Intrigue
What I learned doing this assignment is this helped to trim down my Bible. It still needs more trimming. I am moving ahead and will continue to do so as I catch up.
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Barbe Presents Non-Stop Intrigue
What I learned doing this assignment was that it
helped me prepare for completing the Studio Binder TV Series Bible template:
Character Descriptions of less than 150 words, Episode and Season descriptions
of 1 or 2 sentences. Every line must be intriguing! -
Jenn Presents Non-Stop Intrigue
What I learned doing this assignment: It’s worth taking the time to elevate each part of the pitch bible, even if it’s painful.
The bible is definitely getting stronger as I take each section apart and work it piece-by-piece to make it as compelling as possible.
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Gayla Betts Presents Non-Stop Intrigue
What I learned doing this assignment is that everything can be improved by looking at it through a new lens and working through the process.
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Natalie presents non-stop intrigue
WIL: going backwards helped me elevate and condence seasons’ and episodes’ description. Getting there.
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