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BWTV-AI Module 2 – Lesson 9: Make Every Line Intriguing!
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JP Serra Presents Non-Stop Intrigue
What I learned doing this assignment is that a set off has no place in a pitch bible if it doesn’t have a payoff.
I dissected every line of my pitch bible and I’m extremely proud of the result. Making every line intriguing made my pitch bible a page-turner. I can’t wait to send it out to producers.
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BWTV-AI MODULE 2 – LESSON 9: MAKE EVERY LINE INTRIGUING!
Moses Quainoo
Presents Non-Stop Intrigue ASSIGNMENT
Using Intrigue Patterns, elevate as many lines in your TV Bible as possible.
1. Pull out your TV Pitch Bible. Read through it and highlight any paragraphs that need more interest or that you would like to be even more intriguing.
PILOT AS INCITING INCIDENT
ROUGH DRAFT 1:
“Can SKYY LAR, a feral pigeon with a new prosthetic leg, turn personal adversity into a powerful force for environmental change?”
(Setup) SKYY LAR, a squadron leader, lives an ordinary life as a pigeon. It strategically mentors and educates five hundred young pigeons on surviving in urban environments.
However, when SKYY LAR heads to Dalston Market to seek sustenance, everything takes a different turn.
SKYY LAR’s feet become trapped in synthetic waste and struggle to escape. Two months pass before passersby seem to care.
However, everything shifted when a five-year-old girl arrived in a stroller with her mother and baby brother and entered the Shopping Mall from the Lower Ground Car Park.
What makes the Shopping Mall the preferred choice? Since it was a spot, the pigeon could express its hardship to people passing by.
SKYY LAR is in distress, tied up, and unable to move in the Lower Ground Car Park walkway. It is finding it difficult to handle and undergo a mental and emotional change. EMMA has participated in an environmental project at school to realize SKYY LAR’s situation.
SKYY LAR mistrusts humans and keeps flying away in short bursts.
EMMA draws her mother’s attention, gathers grain hidden beneath the stroller, and reaches for SKYY LAR. Gradually, it begins to peck the grains. EMMA catches SKYY LAR, and her mother retrieves a pair of scissors from a kit for EMMA to de-string SKYY LAR.
SKYY LAR is currently building trust with humans.
The synthetic material severely injured SKYY LAR’s left leg, making it impossible to save. EMMA tries to imitate SKYY LAR by hopping on one leg but confesses her inability. (Open-loop): What is SKYY LAR going to do?
SKYY LAR seeks healing and adaptation after the injury. (Open-loop): How can EMMA assist SKYY LAR?
EMMA brings SKYY LAR to her house to care for and watch its movements. She then introduces it to her bedroom workshop, filled with eco-friendly inventions. She constructs a false leg to help SKYY LAR move past barriers. EMMA’s solution presents a new challenge for SKYY LAR during take-off.
SKYY LAR forms a bond with EMMA. SKYY LAR relearns Basic movements after two weeks and flying and landing techniques adaptation through trial and error. EMMA explores the origin of synthetic waste and its impact on city wildlife, while SKYY LAR takes a solo flight above the London Eye.
A Peregrine Falcon ambushes SKYY LAR from above and behind. SKYY LAR engages in a fierce battle with the mighty bird. Surrounded by skyscrapers and bustling streets, two birds engage in a dramatic aerial battle. While the fight escalates, the birds maneuver through the intricate cityscape, avoiding obstacles and spectators.
SKYY LAR is a resilient and strategic thinker despite being physically inferior, thrusts the prosthetic into the Falcon’s eyes as it tumbles into freefall. SKYY LAR’s left foot holds excellent value.
The clash intensifies as the Falcon chases SKYY LAR and cannot see the approaching traffic. A car hits the Falcon.
Following the terrifying ordeal, SKYY LAR returns to its residence under the London Fields Station train bridge, and (Setup) RAPHAEL tells it that someone rented the space. SKYY LAR expresses curiosity about everything that occurred while he was gone.
Word travels among the bird community and beyond that Squaddie SKYY LAR returned alive with a Marvel prosthetic.
Numerous birds gathered to express their concerns and well-wishes. (Payoff) SKYY LAR’s entire squadron visited their leader, and visitors and different pigeon species arrived, too.
SKYY LAR expresses a solid commitment to preserving their habitat.
RAVEN, a visitor, arrives from Ramsey Island, off Pembrokeshire Coast. A distinct cue marks RAVEN’S arrival: the left eye is cobalt blue, and the right eye and wooden crook are Brunello red. Maybe not a red crook but wooden.
RAVEN is always seen with a crook, symbolizing its leadership and guidance among birds.
RAVEN shows seasoned behavior toward SKYY LAR and says it cannot travel to London, catch its face, and then abruptly return. RAVEN shows concern about SKYY LAR’S welfare and the prosthetic and will spend the weekend with them.
RAVEN sees how SKYY LAR adapts to its new prosthetic leg and navigates its environment. It provides insights into SKYY LAR’S resilience, determination, and potential to overcome personal and collective challenges.
RAVEN shares tales of environmental degradation from the outside, which educates SKYY LAR on the broader environmental issues.
RAVEN monitors SKYY LAR’s interactions with other birds to gauge its leadership qualities, decision-making skills, and ability to inspire and unite different groups.
RAVEN proposed that SKYY LAR form a coalition of birds against environmental harm. The crook is a physical support and a metaphorical shepherd’s staff, guiding the avian community. RAVEN’s immediate interest in SKYY LAR’s welfare and the prosthetic leg and shares harrowing tales of environmental destruction seen in its travels.
At dawn on Monday, overlooking the city from a high vantage point, when the city’s noise is lowest, RAVEN proposes SKYY LAR form a coalition of birds against environmental harm. The offer aligns with SKYLAR’s core motivations of community protection and wisdom sharing.
Maybe it’s all wrong because SKYY LAR, an injured pigeon, is rising to prominence. How could this be?
Next, an informant reveals that a chemical leaked into a river nearby, along with secret meetings to promote harmful activities.
Maybe it’s all wrong because SKYY LAR, an injured pigeon, is rising to prominence. How could this be?
Next, an informant reveals that a chemical leaked into a river nearby, along with secret meetings to promote harmful activities.
Then, an insider spills a report that a chemical spilled into a nearby river, Coupled with clandestine meetings to expand harmful practices.
THE INTRIGUE PATTERNS
SKYY LAR becomes trapped in synthetic waste and struggles to escape.
A. Establish something shocking and point to the terrible things it could mean.
SKYY LAR becomes trapped in synthetic waste and struggles to escape… but isn’t those legs for strutting and scratching? How is he going to defend it from attack?
B. Strong statement; question about something underhanded beneath the surface.
C. Questions that point to Hidden Agendas, Hidden Identity, Conspiracy, etc.
D. Character 1 is convinced/worried/wondering that Character 2 has done _____________.
E. But maybe it is all wrong.
SKYY LAR, an injured pigeon, is rising to prominence.
Maybe it’s all wrong because SKYY LAR, an injured pigeon, is rising to prominence. How could this be?
F. A Pattern that Leads to Future Consequences
G. If he does ________________, that means ___Intrigue_____.
H. State the mystery.
I. Should be/could be _______, but it is even worse.
J. Intense language.
2. Check the Setups/Payoffs and brainstorm possible replacement lines.
3. Rewrite any parts you feel could be improved.
4. Tell us what this has done for your TV Pitch Bible.
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Marie’s Presents Non-Stop Intrigue
What I learned doing this assignment is that reducing the content of the TV bible with this set-up – pay off method using intriguing patterns is very efficient. It gave me a different perspective on 2 characters!
What this has done to my pitch bible is:
– It shortened my paragraph, made them clearer.
– It gave more intrigue to the story
– It makes it easier to read and it’s (I hope) interesting in each of the lines. (The image of the producer placing his finger anywhere on the text, stayed with me).
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BWTV MODULE2 LESSSON 9 MAKE EVERYLINE INTRIGUING.
I learned that if the beneath the surface is strong and intriguing you script stand out good. My topic is itself intriguing. But I am not getting pictures at GPT. And it does not discuss mythology. Since it is crucial topic. So, I have to go by my knowledge of script. But GPT is very helpful in improving your language expression. I will use the reverse method after completing the script. I am thinking of writing a movie then writing BWTV IF GPT is not talking about this topic calling it crucial, better way is to express quickly through movie then write BWT
Main intrigue.
I am your god. Britisher my god. Hindu my god! Jewish my messiah! and Muslim my Allah! Christian my Jesus! How many gods are there.
Layer 1. Haridwar India arti going at ganga ghat. People floating Earthen candles one by one. Harry sits on wheel chair. Her fiancée SONIA holds her wheel chair.
Layer 2 harry comes to Usa to join computer technology. But change his mind after meeting JOHN, who bring him from airport, Harry joins THEOLOGY CLASSES.
Layer3 teacher teaching Hindu religion in class. There are so many deities in Hindu religion. John raise hand Are all are God?
Layer 4. After class john says to harry your religion are polytheism. How you handle so many gods. Harry insists john to visit Washington DC temple.
Season 2.
I am your god. Britisher my god. Hindu my god! Jewish my messiah! and Muslim my Allah! Christian my Jesus! How many gods are there.
Layer1 WASHINGTON DC TEMPLE.
HARRY AND JOHN IN THE TEMPLE.
Harry to john you ask anything from God he never denies.
INT. TEMPLE – LORD HANUMAN – MORNING
Layer 1. Safety god. –lord hanuman. he protects us from all evil.
Layer 2 Lord Ganesha. A deity with elephant head.
Lord of wisdom and perfection
Layer 3. Lourdes LAXMI. A goddess of wealth. You can ask for as much money as you want.
As they walk further. john -A bank .
harry- no teller , no locker. John- where is the money?
Harry- have patience Lourdes give. It comes to your house.
Layer 4. Lord Krishna -do right action never ask for fruit.
Layer 4. Lord Rama
This god suffer from the hands of people while performing his duty honestly.
John what we ask from this lord.
Nothing but character like Rama.
John so he is genetic change lords
Harry as close to lord Rama not too perfect.
John so it gives discount
Nothing is perfect in this world.
John -you have so many gods how you please them all.
Harry- we assign day for each lord. But you can ask anything any times.
Layer 5 Lor shiva. He is a lord of destruction
Layer 6. Conclusion by john what he asks from God? Application in real life.
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