BWTV-AI Module 4 – Lesson 13: Description Part 2

[Bob Creager]

Bob Creager Has Great Introductions!

What I learned: The intros of the sub-world and characters went well. Struggled a little with irony but found that I already had some in place.

In the original version, two of the main characters were introduced like you would introduce somebody at a meeting. Not very intriguing. Changed it so that their action showed them competing with each other on the confidence course which was supported by dialogue.

Irony – Changed the description where we first see that Naphan is not a hostage, but maybe is in charge of his situation. This is also a setup for future.

[Lenore]

BWTV Module 4, Lesson 13 Character Intros

Lenore Bechtel has great introductions!

What I learned doing this assignment is that I think I’ve already introduced my sub-world and my characters in the best possible way.

The subworld is hypnosis, and I start with a hypnosis show. Most scenes take place in Joshua’s hypnosis office. The feel of the world comes out in every suggestion Joshua gives to any subject.

My teaser has Hypnotist Joshua Hope on stage with volunteers he treats with great care. I don’t identify his age or race because he could be any race in his thirties, forties, fifties, or sixties. By the end of the teaser, we know he’s satisfied being a Tulsa celebrity while his Girl Friday Lilly aspires for national recognition for him and the book she’s ghosting for him. Lilly’s age of 36 will be revealed later by the son she ghosted at birth.

We also know Joshua has a habit of hiring pretty girls. The teaser introduces the latest one, and Lilly’s distraught reaction to still another.

The teaser also introduces Quinten Quebeck and the ruthlessness he’ll pursue to destroy Joshua’s reputation—thus destroying Lilly’s chance for a best-selling book.

In Act 1 we quickly find out that Vicki, Joshua’s cousin and receptionist, had a hard time holding a job and flirts with all the male clients. It doesn’t seem necessary to say she’s in her early 20s.

Shay is identified as 18 because of his being Lilly’s son she gave up for adoption.

Maudie, Timothy, Bernadine, Dr. Dan, Tyrell are introduced by their quirks, and their personalities quickly come through. All of them could be any age and any race.

I also searched for places in my pilot that irony could be used effectively in the description.

The pilot has irony because Vicki loves reading Quinten Quebeck’s scandals and still admires him even though he wants to destroy Joshua’s reputation. Also irony because Lilly helps Joshua get what he needs for his unorthodox treatments, even though she objects to them. More irony that Dr. Dan and Joshua are devoted friends even though their treatment beliefs are worlds apart. Trying to find a place to state these ironies, which the reader will surely grasp, seems a waste of time.

I’m feeling satisifed with my pilot as is, but am looking forward to the lesson 14. I hope to find there some suggestions I feel could make my pilot better.

[Jeff Chase]

Jeffrey Alan Chase Has Great Introductions!
What I learned doing this assignment is again, there is always room for improvement. I thought my descriptions were solid, but I found several instances where I could elevate, 1) a homeless woman, 2) Father Zeke, and 3) Catherine and 4) Kane. All are now more compelling characters.
JONAH, protagonist: Originally, he was a little flat and only interested in killing Taliban in the Afghan war. I elevated him so that on Page 1 we know that he rejected God long ago and wants nothing more to do with Him as he performs what the Army requires of him. The irony at the end of the Teaser is that now when Jonah is injured by an IED, he asks Jesus to save his life.
KANE, antagonist: Using irony, I portray him as a caring individual who wants simply to bring Jonah to justice for the death of his twin brother… but is unknowingly driven by a demonic possession to do not only that but is also programmed to then murder Jonah.
CATHERINE, supporting character: I used descriptive lines to make sure that her set up as a Jewish woman searching for salvation was clearer.
GINO MORELLI, supporting character: I made Gino’s bi-polar issues stand out more right from his introduction and all through his lines in my pilot.
FATHER ZEKE, supporting character: Using irony, I set him up as caring and involved with all of his homeless charges… then show him with stacks of hundred-dollar bills that he will never be able to spend.

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis has Great Introductions.
I learned from this assignment that my character introductions, world introduction, and descriptive irony were all there. At least I think they are…
My sub-world that is presented in the Teaser is futuristic, high-tech and mysterious. The Teaser actions are: A glass enclosed central chamber, four unconscious elderly individuals and four brain-dead individuals, electrodes attached to each elderly-brain-dead pair, scientists do countdown, bolts of electricity kill the elderly individuals.

[Phyllis Strong]

Something is wrong with my reply function: it doesn’t allow me to put in returns, and just runs all the sentences together (this only happens in the posting, not on my screen when I’m replying).

[Denice Lewis]

Denice Has Great Character Descriptions
What I learned doing this assignment is that most of my descriptions are generic, without interest or excitement, even though I thought they were. Breaking down the elements makes it easier to recognize where the changes need to take place. One step at a time is a better way to create more exciting descriptions. I will do these steps for every description, but want to keep going with the lessons to keep up.
1. How I improved the main sub-world was to create a pastoral scene and add a horde of horned monsters. It’s only a glimpse in the teaser before it’s gone. When I revisited the scene, I added children with home-made weapons as part of the resistance against the monsters to add more emotion.
2. I improved the main character by adding irony. My teen is rich, but her bedroom is minimalistic.
3. How I improved irony was to find a boring description of an entombment and make it slower and more magical.

[Margaret]

Margaret has Great Introductions!
What I learned: How to use irony for introductions.
Assignment results:
INTRO TO JACK CHANGED –
EXT. TOP OF MASADA – DAY
The sun casts eerie reflections, small circles of light dance over the rugged terrain of Masada.
JACK (20’s), a history enthusiast, and his girlfriend, ELIZA (20’s) a woman whose never silently thinks, lean against the stone wall encircling the Masada ruins.
JACK
But look at the history!
Jack goes to one knee. Eliza gasps as he reaches into his pocket, pulling out an object he covers with both hands.
ELIZA
Jack! Yes!
Jack takes the object, thrusts it towards his chest, and falls forward.
Eliza stares in shock. Is he dead?
ELIZA
Jack?
No response.
Eliza takes her foot, turns Jack over. He opens his eyes and his hands, revealing a pair of sunglasses. Still on his back, he grins up at Eliza and slowly puts on the sunglasses.
JACK
Yes?
Eliza tries to cover up her misconception.
ELIZA
I wasn’t thinking that… I mean, that’s not the way it happened! Yes, it was suicide, and yes, Elazar talked them into it. But it was a noble thing!

Jack gets up, pats away the dust from his clothes.
JACK
No way! He was clearly wrong! What difference is there between him and the guy who made everyone drink the Kool-Aid?
Intro to Alo changed:
Jack looks up to see ALO, the spiritual advisor of the Donek tribe, offering a hand to help him up. Alo’s long brown tunic and untrimmed white hair and beard resembles an aging hippie, but the strength of his arm suggests a younger man.
World intro changed:
EXT. TOWN – SIDEWALK – SAME
Jack slouches as he walks with the Alo through the town to disguise his height. With the exception of himself and Alo, both over six feet tall, the people are all 5’10” or shorter. Their dress suggests medieval with a hint of court jester.
JACK
Definitely not in Kansas.
Alo smirks.
ALO
Kansas? Your home, then?
Jack’s eyes reveal his confusion.
JACK
Where am I?
ALO
Standing on a sidewalk.
JACK
(frustrated)
But where?
ALO
In town.
Jack looks up and down the street. The town could be anywhere, USA. Except for the short stature and unique style of dress, the people could be from almost anywhere as well. Almost half of the men have a thick dark triangle painted on their foreheads, giving the impression of a warlike tribe. Jack nods towards a man with the marking.

Irony examples:
Jack takes the object, thrusts it towards his chest, and falls forward. (We think it is a ring he will propose with)
A woman, IMARA (20’s), a feisty beauty who would rather fight than negotiate, looks like the perfect homemaker as she enters with a plate of food.
ARKUJI, a radical Hedeon, confronts him. His high pitched, squeaky voice belies the power and passion of his words.
ARMANN (40’s), the leader of the Hedeon who rules with a steel hand and no velvet glove, reclines like a couch potato. Taron stands before him.

[Art Blum]

I learned that I naturally put in irony into much of the description.
The unique sub-world: Hermes
The sterile white walls of the workstation are a stark contrast to the vivid, otherworldly images that cover them. Dr. Blaine, her lab coat billowing behind here, strides purposefully down the rows of cubicles, her heels clicking on the polished floor with each measured step. The sound echoes through the eerie silence, broken only by the soft scratching of pencils on paper.
In each cubicle, a child sits motionless, their eyes glazed and unfocused. The white jumpsuits they wear are a uniform of conformity, a symbol of their captivity in this strange, clinical world. Their hands move with a mechanical precision, guided by an unseen force as they sketch out scenes of alien landscapes, technology beyond human comprehension, and strange, cryptic symbols.

Before: MARIA, 60, a weathered-faced Hispanic woman straightens the T-shirt of slight 14-year-old RYAN GORDON. Her head askew at the ferocious, snarling wolf emblazoned on his shirt.

After: MARIA, 60, her face etched with the lines of a life filled with struggle and sacrifice, gently tugs at the shirt of

RYAN GORDON, 14, a scrawny boy with haunted eyes that seem to carry the weight of the world. As she straightens the fabric, her gaze lingers on the ferocious wolf emblazoned on the shirt, its jaws frozen in a perpetual snarl. The contrast between the boy’s slight frame and the fierce creature on his chest hints at the duality of his nature.

Before: Fat, sloppy SETH ROEMER, 48, chomps a Popsicle as he drives. Cigarette butts and beer cans litter the floor.

After: SETH ROEMER, 48, a man whose once-imposing frame has been ravaged by years of self-neglect, slouches behind the wheel of his car, a half-eaten Popsicle dangling from his lips. A wasteland of cigarette butts and empty beer cans, the detritus of a life spiraling out of control fill the vehicle.

DR. ROBERTA BLAINE (47), a regal, in-charge woman paces around a tiny windowless room, bright white, floor to ceiling.

After: DR. ROBERTA BLAINE, 47, an imposing figure with an air of authority that commands respect, paces the confines of a small, windowless room. The walls, floor, and ceiling are a blinding white, creating a claustrophobic, almost clinical atmosphere. Despite her regal bearing, there’s a tension in her movements, a coiled energy that suggests a woman on the brink of something momentous. Her eyes, sharp and calculating, scan the room.
Irony:
1. “Ryan pedals fast. The wind blows back his dirty blond hair. His mountain bike whizzes past dilapidated homes, an abandoned tire factory, and a vacant lot.”

The irony here lies in the contrast between Ryan’s speed and energy as he rides his bike, and the lifeless, decaying surroundings he passes through. The juxtaposition of youth and vitality against a backdrop of abandonment and decay creates a subtle irony.

2. “Fat, sloppy SETH ROEMER, 48, chomps a Popsicle as he drives. Cigarette butts and beer cans litter the floor. A bright flash. He spots his fragment of the medallion glowing.”
The irony in this description comes from the contrast between Seth’s unhealthy, self-destructive lifestyle (evident from his appearance and the state of his car) and the sudden, mystical appearance of the glowing medallion fragment. The divine or supernatural element is at odds with the character’s mundane, troubled existence.

3. “DR. ROBERTA BLAINE (47), a regal, in-charge woman paces around a tiny windowless room, bright white, floor to ceiling.”
The irony here stems from the juxtaposition of Dr. Blaine’s commanding, authoritative presence and the small, confining space she finds herself in. The description of the room as “bright white” also contrasts with the potential darkness or secrecy of her actions and the organization she represents.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu Has Great Introductions!

“What I learned doing this assignment is…to improve introductions to character and worlds and introduce irony into descriptions.”

Introduction of sub-world:
Tone: Deceptive, covert
Subtext /meaning: this is a heist gone wrong
Intrigue: scare, scheming, hiding, secret codes
Items/Actions described:
A bomb goes off in a secret vault…
A nerdy girl on a motorbike escapes with a backpack
ominous figures give a chase on motorbikes
breaking into a sealed house
radio announcer reports about a terror attack at a stock exhange
a secret book with a strange symbol in a secret compartment
a faint memory of clandestine meetings with strange books and symbols
a phone call that talks about thieves, rules and saving lives using code names

Character Intros:

PRIYA RAO (AKA ROOKIE), a petite girl in her late 20s, too big for her motorbike, weaves through the back alleys of Mumbai… hits the jam-packed streets with festive revelers in the pouring rain… tries to lose the ominous figures tracking her…

Priya, smart and lost, traces patterns in the air as she tries to solve a math problem she created from watching a group of students playing on the lawns. She visualizes the problem state… heckled by her classmates.

Her ailing FATHER, late 60s, kind but forgetful, is laid up in bed with an oxygen tank and other medical paraphernalia.

PROFESSOR (Arjun Nair AKA Raven), late 30s, delightful and menacing, writes a problem on the green board.

HARSH MEHTA (AKA The Cobra), late 30s, a huge pitbull-faced bouncer watches the crowd from his perch scanning for any threats… tucks a dancer’s dress to cover her breasts.

SOFIA PETROVNA (AKA CHAMELEON) in disguise passes for someone in her late 20s, watches over the group and catches Harsh in his perch.

LINA CHEN (AKA ORACLE), late 50s, too smart to pull off a beat cop, bumps into her in the hallway. There's a fleeting look of recognition or guilt that she quickly masks.

Priya blocked by RAW AGENT # 2 (30s)… skinny and tall with his clothes barely hanging onto him…

Wringing her chaffed hands she punches MANDEEP SINGH (AKA SHADOW), the loyal lieutenant who wears his heart on his sleeve. He grabs her hand but Priya steps around him to nail him to the ground…

MEERA VERMA (AKA GHOST) late 20s, hacker with a bad attitude, start to cheer…

RAGHAV PATEL (AKA The Hyena), late 30s, the charismatic and frightening leader of the Hawala Network in the middle of his peculiar ritual… watches the stock market on TV…

Irony in descriptions:

excited but nonchalant…

They dance around fiercely… hurting each other…

Mandeep holds his ground… defying his mentor…

Lina jumps out of the van… her agility belies her age… enters the building through a secret service door… she knows this building better than anyone… she designed it!

• This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by  Sunil Pappu.

[Jerry Robbins]

Jerry Robbins has Great Introductions
What I learned by doing this assignment is that you don’t need long descriptions of what your character looks like or their background. There are 4 key ways to introduce a main character: 1) present through a scene filled with intrigue and irony, 2) show what is unique or special about them, 3) put them in action, and 4) show their relationship to another character. When presenting the world, you don’t have to describe it extensively, simply show it through emotion and intrigue. The use of irony can help create empathy, intrigue, and deeper meaning. Irony can also provide subtext.
1 World – Juxtapositions – the teaser begins by comparing the world Alexai has just left with the new one she has entered, a simple verses a vastly more complicated present (in 2074). There is also the contrast of the robobs having owners, with the rich owners themselves and the authority they wield over the robobs. These opposites or juxtapositions bring out the conflicts and intrigue by the opposing dialogue and action.
2. Character – The characters are given short, simple introductions of a few words that shows “which side” they are on, and perhaps a few details about their appearance. The rest of the characterization is through action and dialogue.
3. Irony – Since we have opposing worlds for the characters, this provides for lots of irony , as well as attack/counterattack and setup/payoffs.