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BWTV-AI Module 4 – Lesson 8: Dialogue 1 – 2
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Mod 4 Lesson 8 – Dialogue 1 + 2
Bob Creager’s Dialogue 1 + 2
What I learned: Of all the rewrite steps, I like the Dialogue Delivers Character exercise the best. Print out the lead character’s dialogue and take it line-by-line. Works really well. I used Claude with mixed results. I was able to take maybe 20% of their suggestions and turn it into something better.
Attack / Counterattack:
Scene 4:
Before — Leisa is preparing to go out on a date with her boyfriend, Sergio, who is engaged to someone else. The original scene was a short cellphone conversation where he cancels their date, blaming it on work. She knows that it is because Bonnie Sue wants to go out so Sergio caves in.
After – The same opening as above but the conversation continues. After Leisa mentions Bonnie Sue, Sergio reminds her that Leisa left him, and he ended up engaged to Bonnie Sue. Leisa blames Sergio for not following her to her special forces training. Sergio reminds her that he’s not physically capable and that Bonnie Sue treats him well. Leisa ends the call in a huff.
Dialogue Delivers Character:
Scene 11 – Leisa after causing a mission failure in a previous scene. Leisa’s at the bar with a few of her MSOT team.
What would someone with the weaknesses of “Judgmental, insecure, and impulsively protective” say?
LEISA
I let you boys down.
FREDERICK
Don’t worry, Doc. You’ll get a chance to prove yourself.
LEISA
If I don’t get everybody killed.
This dialogue highlights Leisa’s basic insecurity and predicts her impulsively protective nature.
Continues with all of Leisa’s lines.
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I learned the scene really comes alive when people attack each other and learn from each other.
Before my revision:
EXT. INDIGO’S HOME – DAY
Ryan steps out of the house. Indigo meets him there.
INDIGO
You okay?
Ryan nods weakly.
INDIGO
Gram’s readings can be intense.
RYAN
About the kids in Art Class drawing the same stuff as me… You were the only one who saw my drawings.
INDIGO
So? You think I told everyone in the school what you draw?
RYAN
Nah. Guess I have a bunch of strange little quirks I never knew I had.
INDIGO
Don’t we all.
RYAN
I think I’m going to go now. See you tomorrow?
INDIGO
School. Catch you later.
After my revision:
EXT. INDIGO’S HOME – DAY
Ryan steps out of the house, visibly shaken. Indigo approaches him, concern etched on her face.
INDIGO You alright?
Ryan nods, but his eyes betray his inner turmoil.
INDIGO Madame Olga’s sessions can be heavy.
RYAN Yeah, heavy is an understatement.
INDIGO What’s on your mind?
RYAN It’s about my drawings. Everyone’s drawing them. But you’re the only one who saw them.
INDIGO: What, you think I’d talk to anyone about your stupid drawings. You’re delirious.
RYAN: Or, I’m seeing things clearly for the first time.
INDIGO: Or, we’re all connected in ways we don’t fully understand.
RYAN: But how? Why?
INDIGO: Maybe it’s the universe’s way of telling us we’re not as alone as we think.
RYAN: I hope you’re right. I don’t meet many people like you. Not anymore.
INDIGO Welcome to the club. (pats him on the back.) We’ll figure it out. Together.
RYAN Thanks, Indigo. I appreciate it.
INDIGO No problem. Take care of yourself, okay?
RYAN You too.
Indigo watches Ryan leave, her expression thoughtful as she contemplates the mysteries swirling around them.
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Phyllis’ Dialogue 1 + 2
I learned from this assignment that attack/counterattack if a fantastic alternative to a scene, that for all. my efforts, turned out to be exposition-heavy. I also found the Dialogue Delivers Character a good exercise. I need to do it with all my lead characters.
Attack/Counterattack
I had a scene in which the 2 characters were spouting what they’d learned from investigating:
INT. PETER’S EXECUTIVE OFFICE – DAY
Diana and Peter have done their own research and are going over their findings.
DIANA
Two months after they started vetting the hosts, our married couple bought a new house and new Teslas. For cash.
PETER
And they opened a Swiss bank account.
DIANA
Somebody paid those two a lotta money to falsify their results.
PETER
And then killed them to cover up who hired them.
DIANA
Do you think whoever did this just wanted to fuck up the experiment?
PETER
Like protesters? This seems too well-funded. And professional.
DIANA
Competitors? Other countries?
PETER
I have no fucking idea.
AFTER THE REVISION:
INT. PETER’S EXECUTIVE OFFICE – DAY
Diana and Peter are deep into their own research. Suddenly, a real estate contract and car purchase agreements come up on the FLATSCREEN.
PETER
What’d you find?
DIANA
What they did two months after they started vetting the hosts. The fuckers.
PETER
Well, don’t keep me in suspense.
DIANA
They were on the take.
PETER
Are you sure?
DIANA
First, they bought two top-of-the- line Mercedes. Then a house in a swanky neighborhood. For cash.
PETER
Maybe they were just rich.
DIANA
Not according to their bank statements. But after they took the job, they felt the need to open a Swiss bank account.
(pointed)
Somebody paid them a lotta money to falsify their results. And then killed them to keep them quiet.
PETER
We sound like conspiracy theorists.
DIANA
If the shoe fits.
PETER
What I don’t understand is why.
DIANA
I don’t think we’re gonna know that until we find the “who.”
Dialogue Delivers Character
I went over each line of dialogue for my character Diana. In the following scene, I used her public mask of Confidence and her Coping Mechanism of Seizing Control to strengthen her responses in the following (partial) scene:
INT. BUNGALOW – CONTINUOUS
Crammed with scientific books. On two flatscreens, color-enhanced cross-sections of the human brain.
OLDER PETER
And here I thought you would’ve taken up gardening.
OLDER DIANA
C’mon, you know me better than that.
OLDER PETER
I do know how much the project means to you, Diana.
OLDER DIANA
Don’t sell me, Peter. Just get on with it.
She sits on her couch. He sits in the armchair opposite.
OLDER PETER
We’re closing in. But I can’t pull the trigger without your patent.
OLDER DIANA
God bless America, where you actually own what you create.
OLDER PETER
I’m prepared to offer you a princely sum.
OLDER DIANA
Whatever it is, it’s not enough.
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Sunil Pappu’s Dialogue 1 + 2
“What I learned doing this assignment is… that I was able to look at some scenes which could use attack/counterattack dialogue and added them to the scenes. I also looked at the main lead character dialogues and wrote to their profiles.”
Scene using Attack/Counterattack dialogue: Here Lina and Priya both have different perspectives, objectives, emotional states, and realities.
BEFORE:
INT. UNIVERSITY HALLWAY – DAY
Lina bumps into Priya in the hallway and flashes a badge. There’s a fleeting look of recognition or guilt that she quickly masks.
LINA
Priya? You don’t have to talk to me… but believe it or not… I’m a friend…
Priya opens her locker… ignores her…
LINA
Look… just tell me what happened with Radhika.
PRIYA RAO
What do you mean?
LINA
Your classmate… I heard you guys didn’t get along… you were accused of cheating from her… I don’t care about all that…
PRIYA RAO
I didn’t cheat… she did!
LINA
That’s motive, Priya. Did you kill her?
PRIYA RAO
Kill her? What are you saying?
LINA
Her class project was missing… do you have it?
PRIYA RAO
No! That’s it. I’m done talking…
LINA
Look I know about your father… I cannot imagine what the poor man would do if he heard his daughter is a murder suspect and a cheat.
PRIYA RAO
Get away from me… you’re no friend…
LINA
Don’t say I didn’t warn you… here… call me…
She leaves her contact inside the locker. Priya shuts the locker door and walks away in tears…
AFTER:
INT. UNIVERSITY HALLWAY – DAY
Priya sees her locker has been tampered with…
Lina bumps into her in the hallway. There’s a fleeting look of recognition or guilt that she quickly masks.
LINA
Uh… hey honey… Priya?… I’m a friend…
Priya opens her locker… ignores her…
LINA
Look… just tell me what happened with Radhika.
PRIYA RAO
Who are you… a cop?
LINA
Look honey… I heard you guys didn’t get along… you cheated from her on your paper… I don’t care about all that…
PRIYA RAO
I didn’t cheat… she did!
LINA
Listen… I don’t care, okay? I’m not here for that. But that’s motive, honey.
PRIYA RAO
Motive? Not like she’s dead…
LINA
Oh, haven’t you heard?
PRIYA RAO
What?… When? … Am I a suspect?
LINA
Look, honey… her class project was missing…
PRIYA RAO
And so what… you think… oh my god…
LINA
Priya… I’m just trying to help…
PRIYA RAO
No! I’m done talking…
LINA
Look… I cannot imagine what your father would do if he heard his daughter is a murder suspect and a cheat.
PRIYA RAO
How dare you? Get away from me…
LINA
Don’t say I didn’t warn you, honey… here… call me…
She slips her card into the locker. Priya bangs the locker door shut and walks away in tears…
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Margaret’s Dialogue 1 + 2
What I learned: I had a scene that was mostly exposition but little attack/counterattack. I used the A.I. feedback and realized that 70% of my dialogue already fit the character’s profile.
Before: Scene was filled with exposition, one character speaking and another filling in information.
After: I changed to attack/counterattack for the lines. It brought the scene to life and made it interesting and entertaining while still getting the information across.
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BWTV Module 4 – Lesson 8: Dialogue 1-2
Lenore Bechtel’s Dialogue 1 + 2
What I learned from this assignment is that dialogue becomes very distinctive when it keys in on the character’s profile—and even more so with attack/counterattack. I will be using these techniques in all my writing in the future.
AI told me
- “The dialogue is largely relective of the characters’ profiles, particularly in the case of Joshua’s confident and offbeat lies.
- “The best lines are those that showcase the characters’ personalities. The least effective lines are those that feel too on-the-nose or expository.
- There is a moderate aount of generic dialogue.
Improvment: The dialogue could be sharpened by ensuring each character’s lines are distinct and reflectived of their unique voice. Avoid exposition and aim for subtext and wit.
I examined every scene and found that each scene that was between only two characters already was written with attack/counterattack. I ended up tighening dialogue in several places, but made no major changes.
Now I’m going to do a run-through for each character.
My run-through on both Quinten and Tyrell bought lots of more appropriate dialogue for the two of them. This technique is great!
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Denice’s Dialogue 1 & 2
What I learned doing this assignment is that all scenes need dialogue help. I had the required attack/counterttack for the scene I chose. It needed to be elevated to make it be more of a reflection of my protagonist’s insecurity, inner anger, and ability to defend herself, in an unexpected way.Before: The scene is a typical beginning-of-school scene. It’s Maya’s sixteenth birthday, but she doesn’t want anyone to know. Her Dad donates heavily to the school and everyone knows it. Her only girlfriend gives her a present, and an unwanted teen boy gives her a rose.
After: To make everything worse, I cotinued the scene by having some of the students unveil a banner that says, “Happy Birthday, Princess Maya” as she rounds a corner. A Jock tries to hand her a scepter while students bow. But instead of her usual avoidance, she surprises everyone by kicking and breaking the scepter and continuing to class.
How I improved their dialogue: I added dialogue for more needed information and conflict, and to reflect more of the main character’s profile. I still need to do more, even if I already did one pass. The dialogue of one character relies on what comes before and after, so it was necessary to change other character dialogue, too.
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Jeffrey Alan Chase Dialogue 1 + 2
What I learned doing this assignment is how improving my dialogue also helped me to tighten up my story, elevate my characters and solve one problem. My characters are now speaking in their voice, rather than mine. The cool thing is there’s still room for improvement.
There were numerous scenes I elevated. This one is where a trucker buys the protag a meal. (NOTE: I’ve changed the name of the protag from Noah to Jonah.)
INT. RESTAURANT – LATER
James and Noah sit in a booth. Noah shovels in his food.
NOAH
Really appreciate this, James.
JAMES
It’s like you ain’t eaten for days.
NOAH
That’s for sure.
JAMES
My pleasure.
NOAH
For a meal like this I’d gladly
nearly get run over again….What
is it about the backpack?
James doesn’t understand —
NOAH (CONT’D)
Can’t keep your eyes off it.
James studies Noah —
JAMES
I think I’ve seen it before.
Noah CHOKES on his mouthful —
JAMES (CONT’D)
Four years ago. A woman. Whew…
(off Noah’s stare)
I’m headed for Memphis. Want to
ride along? Maybe talk some.
Noah swallows —NEW DIALOGUE
INT. RESTAURANT – LATER
James and Jonah sit in a booth. Jonah shovels in his food.
JONAH
Really appreciate this, James.
JAMES
It’s like you ain’t eaten for days.
JONAH
Can’t remember when…
James glances at the backpack sitting next to Jonah.
JONAH (CONT’D)
What is it about the backpack?
James doesn’t understand.
JONAH (CONT’D)
Can’t keep your eyes off it.
James studies Jonah — and the backpack.
JAMES
I think I’ve seen it before.
Jonah CHOKES on his mouthful.
JAMES (CONT’D)
Four years ago. A woman. Whew…
James is overwhelmed by emotion.
JAMES (CONT’D)
I’m headed for Memphis. Want to
ride along? Maybe talk some.
Jonah nods, swallows. -
Renee’s Dialogue 1 + 2
What I learned doing this assignment is that I still struggle with dialog. But, like with any skill the more I practice it the better I’ll get at it.
Original Scene:
INT. PROPERTY ROOM – DAY
James walks into the room and greets DARLA, 40s, with a wide smile.
JAMES
Hey Darla. Ms. Thornfield here needs her personal belongings.
Veronica comes up behind him and waves to Darla. Darla smirks.
DARLA
Sure thing. Give me a minute.
VERONICA
Take your time.
Veronica leans on the counter as Darla gets up and disappears in the back. James studies her a moment.
JAMES
Let me ask you something, Veronica. Is it worth it?
Veronica turns to him puzzled.
VERONICA
Is what worth it?
JAMES
The job. Getting arrested? Is it worth it?
Veronica studies him for a moment.
VERONICA
Is your job worth it?
JAMES
Absolutely.
VERONICA
Even with the long hours and horrible things you see daily.
Darla comes back to the desk and sets Veronica’s belongings, her purse, phone, keys and a small envelope.
DARLA
So, what’d they get you for this time?
JAMES
Breaking and entering.
DARLA
Dang. That’s some serious shit. I hope you have a good lawyer.
She looks down at the tray and picks up the envelope. It is plain, with no markings. She turns it over.
For a brief moment, the objects on the counter blur, their outlines shimmering like a mirage. Veronica blinks. Everything snaps back into focus.
VERONICA
This isn’t mine.
She tries to hand it back to Darla. Darla shakes her head and puts out a hand to reject the envelop.
DARLA
Sorry. If it was in your stuff, it’s yours.
Veronica turns the envelop over before stuffing it into her back pocket.
JAMES
Come on, I’ll walk you out.
Veronica smiles and taps the desk.
VERONICA
Catch you later, D.
DARLA
I’m sure I’ll see you soon.
James and Veronica walk toward the exit.
Improved Scene:
INT. PROPERTY ROOM – DAY
James walks into the room and greets DARLA, 50s, with a wide smile.
JAMES
Hey Darla. Ms. Thornfield here needs her personal belongings.
Veronica comes up behind him and waves to Darla. Darla smirks. She stands up and leans over the counter, fisted hand outstretched.
Veronica smiles and engages in a complicated-looking “secret” handshake. James rolls his eyes and shakes his head.
DARLA
You get caught stealing candy from those giant corporate babies again?
VERONICA
Nah. I wasn’t quick enough to actually steal anything; it seems my accomplice turtle wasn’t exactly quick enough in our escape.
DARLA
I guess you should start thinking about a career change. Perhaps competitive snail racing?
Veronica lets out a booming laugh.
VERONICA
Competitive snail racing? Maybe, but I’m not ready to hang up the ole’ shell.
DARLA
Right, right. You, the baddie from Basile.
JAMES
Don’t encourage her.
Darla and Veronica chuckle.
DARLA
I’ll go grab your stuff.
VERONICA
I’ll be here.
Veronica leans on the counter as Darla gets up and disappears in the back. James studies her for a moment.
JAMES
Let me ask you something, Veronica. Is it worth it?
Veronica turns to him, puzzled.
VERONICA
Is what worth it?
JAMES
The job. Getting arrested? Is it worth it?
Veronica studies him for a moment.
VERONICA
Is your job worth it?
JAMES
Absolutely.
VERONICA
Even with the long hours and daily horrors?
Darla returns to the desk with a tray and Veronica’s belongings, purse, phone, keys, and a small envelope on the desk. The lights behind Darla flicker.
Veronica looks down at the tray and spots the envelope. It is plain, with no markings. An eerie, almost inaudible sound catches Veronica’s attention. She looks around the room.
She looks at Darla, brows raised, but Darla doesn’t seem to hear it. She looks down and reaches for her belongings.
For a brief moment, the objects on the counter blur, their outlines shimmering like a mirage. Veronica blinks. Everything snaps back into focus.
She reaches for the envelope, her hand trembling.
VERONICA
This isn’t mine.
She tries to hand it back to Darla, but Darla shakes her head and puts out a hand to reject the envelope.
DARLA
You think I have the time to be putting extra shit in people’s property inventory? If it’s in your property bag, it’s yours.
James smirks. Veronica turns the envelope over before stuffing it into her back pocket.
JAMES
Come on, I’ll walk you out.
Veronica smiles and taps the desk.
VERONICA
Catch you later, D.
DARLA
I’m sure I’ll see you soon.
James and Veronica walk toward the exit.
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Jerry Robbins Dialogue 1 + 2
What I learned from this lesson is that the attack/counterattack method could be used to sharpen a scene through dialogue. Also, dialogue brings out the character in a way like no other.
Attack/counterattack:
Before:
Holding his badge in front of him, he approaches some police officers. A POLICE OFFICER looks at the badge.
POLICE OFFICER
Holloway, Robinia? Chief of Security?
VINCE
Officers, we need your cooperation to check their identification. We cannot allow unidentified Robobs to roam free — it's a capital offense for them not to have an owner.
The police now become inquisitors under Holloway's steely direction. They move methodically through the crowd, their scanners casting a cold glow on faces and wrists, human and otherwise.After:
Vince holds out his badge, which has the Robinia company name along with “Special Security” emblazoned on it.
VINCE
Vince Holloway, Robinia Private Security Forces. We require your cooperation in allowing us to check the identification cards of these demonstrators.
OFFICER RODRIGUEZ
They have their permit, sir. As long as they continue to demonstrate peacefully–
VINCE
According to company policy, their owners must be notified first. They need to present their True Identification Certificates.
OFFICER RODRIGUEZ
I have not received any orders to check those, sir.
VINCE
Officer…Rodriguez, I said we require your cooperation. We don’t take orders from you. Just let us do our job.
OFFICER RODRIGUEZ
I can’t do that. Please disassemble, sir.character through dialogue
At a city park, Iris and Jeremy watch swans swimming in a pool. In the center of it is a three tier fountain. The whole thing is a hologram. They glance at a menu of different scenes that can be replicated at the push of a button.
JOHNNY
We could try a bonfire.
IRIS
Er, no! What if they called the fire department? Just kidding.
JEREMY
The little boy–
IRIS
No. Maybe the swans. Or the rock.
JEREMY
JEREMY
Your choice.
IRIS
The rock.
They make their selection, and immediately the three tier fountain is replaced by a giant rock from which “rain” falls into the pool. They sit down on a bench.
IRIS
Can I ask where you lived before?
JEREMY
Sure. New York. My dad, I mean, my owner, taught me the things I know. The one I thought was my Mom finally got drunk and told me about how they couldn’t afford or qualify to adopt, but since I had a few defects, they bought me cheap.
Iris glances at Jeremy, not quite knowing whether to believe him.-
This reply was modified 1 year ago by Jerry Robbins.
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This reply was modified 1 year ago by
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Barbe’s Dialogue 1 – 2
What I learned doing this assignment is scrutinizing every line of dialogue is difficult but necessary. Attack/Counterattack is useful in so many ways – sometimes it’s just a discussion or a debate – but it can be used by the screenwriter to artfully address the questions that the audience might have. So, one character is presenting the case from the point of view of the audience.
1. Attack/Counterattack dialogue.
Before:
The scene in question did not exist before this assignment. I realized it would be a great way to introduce the lead characters and highlight their love and affection for each other. The bantering belies the trouble to come.
After:
EXT. SPACE
Two small spaceships (Odyssey Flyer – 1 & 2) on a test run race each other through space.
NOREN: It’s too spicy.
NIKA: Nonsense, it’s perfect. It’s their traditional dish.
NOREN: Well, Gam can come up with a milder version. For the uninitiated.
NIKA: Such a baby.
NOREN: Watch the stabilizer.
NIKA: Pushing it is the only way to know.
NOREN: Fine, just don’t break it.
NIKA: Let’s see.
Pilots try to outdo each other in aerial acrobatics.
NOREN: What was the name of that restaurant on Valkyia?
NIKA: Baraga da Magor. Loosely translated. Freedom!
One ship speeds past the other into open space.
A third voice chimes in.
GAMMA: Shall I alert the medical facility on Lumor to expect two crash victims?
2. Character dialogue: Noren Amsala
For the most part, this lead character’s dialogue was true to the profile. I did find one exchange in which the strength of the scene was given to the other character. I rewrote it so that Noren Amsala has the proactive lines.
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