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David Kandel — Max Interest Part 1
David Kandel — Max Interest Part 1
What I learned: I completely changed Aaron’s character traits and made Kristen’s temperament more extreme. The Interest Techniques listed in this lesson provide a very valuable, clear, useable approach to making characters more intriguing.
Logline: Kristen’s ex-boyfriend, Aaron, a drop-dead Greek god, hunk of a man, comes to her house unexpectedly and tries to apologize for an unforgiveable offense during the course of their brief relationship and Kristen goes ballistic.
Essence of the scene: Kristen is waiting for her new-found friend, Chris Luther, to come for dinner. We expect the knock at the door to be Chris, albeit 30-minutes early, but it’s Aaron Swart, Kristen’s ex-boyfriend. He’s a drop-dead gorgeous hunk of masculinity, charm and style. He’s the equivalent of a modern-day Greek god. He’s done something terribly wrong to cause Kristen to end their relationship. He’s come to beg forgiveness and salvage the relationship. We don’t know what he’s done but it enrages Kristen who makes it clear that she never wants to see him again.
Rewrite techniques:
Surprise: Kristen and the audience thinks the knock at her door is new potential boyfriend Chris, who she invited to dinner the week before.
Suspense: Kristen and her roommate Maddie are incensed that Aaron is in their house. It’s clear he has done something terrible to hurt Kristen, but we do not know what he did yet. He won’t leave until Maddie calls 9-1-1.
Character changes radically: Up to this point Kristen has been a calm, lovely person. In Aaron’s presence she turns into a shouting, raging wronged woman who can’t control her fury.
Mislead: Aaron will initially come across as sincere, likeable, sensitive and compassionate. His incredibly good looks will make the audience believe in his sincerity.
INT. KRISTEN’S APARTMENT — DAY
Kristen and Maddie are putting finishing touches on dinner. The table is elegantly set for three. Kristen wears tight jeans and a baggy sweater.
Hazel is sleeping on the couch, still in her cone.
MADDIE
That sweater? No honey. You’ll put him to sleep in that. Tonight is a red sweater night.
KRISTEN
That one may be too–
MADDIE
Exactly. He won’t be able to keep his eyes off you.
Kristen nods and goes to the bedroom to change tops.
The doorbell rings.
KRISTEN (O.S.)
Shit. Is that him?
MADDIE
I told him seven sharp. He’s a half hour early! Jeez.
Maddie opens the front door expecting to see Chris.
MADDIE (CONT’D)
You’re a half hour–
But it’s not Chris. It’s AARON SWART, 27, Kristen’s ex boyfriend, a drop-dead gorgeous hunk of masculinity, charm and style. He’s the equivalent of a modern day Greek god.
He barges in carrying a box of chocolates.
MADDIE (CONT’D)
Aaron, wait!
Hazel barks at him.
AARON
Where’s Kristen? I’ve got to talk to her.
MADDIE
She’s not here. She’s went out.
KRISTEN (O.S.)
Hi Chris! You’re a little early.
MADDIE
It’s not–
Kristen comes around from the corner expecting to see Chris. She’s wearing a tight, low-cut sweater and a gorgeous necklace. She looks stunning.
MADDIE (CONT’D)
–Chris
AARON
Kristen.
KRISTEN
Aaron? What are you doing? No! Get out!
AARON
Can’t we just talk?
Aaron tries to give her the chocolates. She refuses them. Hazel growls.
KRISTEN
No! Go! We have nothing to say. Please go.
AARON
How many times do I have to say I’m sorry? I was an idiot. I’m sorry! I was stupid. I was so wrong.
KRISTEN
Get out of my house. Now.
AARON
Kristen, please hear me out.
KRISTEN
Now.
Maddie pretends to call 9-1-1 on her cell phone.
MADDIE
Yes, is this 9-1-1? Yes, this is an emergency. There’s a man who barged into our house without permission and he’s threatening us. Yes.
AARON
What are you doing?
MADDIE
Yes. An ex boyfriend. Yes. He may be armed. You’ll send a cruiser right away? Thank you! Please hurry!
Maddie opens the front door.
KRISTEN
Leave.
Aaron drips with sincerity. He doesn’t take no for an answer.
AARON
Kristen, please. We have something beautiful. We can fix this. What I did was so wrong. I was infatuated with you. It clouded my better judgement. We can work though this. Please, Kristen. Please. Everybody deserves a second chance. Please.
MADDIE
You deserve to get arrested.
AARON
This doesn’t concern you.
KRISTEN
Go. Get out. Now.
AARON
Here. These are your favorites.
Aaron tries to give her the chocolates again. She knocks the box out of his hand and sends it flying across the room. It lands on the dining room table shattering several glasses.
Hazel barks.
KRISTEN
God damn it!
AARON
Kristen, I’m sorry. That was an accident.
Kristen screams. Hazel barks.
KRISTEN
Get out! Get out! Now! Go!
Aaron starts to leave. He turns around to get the last word.
AARON
You’re not being fair to me, Kristen.
Aaron storms out. Kristen slams the door shut. Hazel barks.
AARON (O.S.) (CONT’D)
(shouting)
We’re not done, Kristen. This isn’t the end. I’m not giving up on you! I love you! And you love me! I know you do!
KRISTEN
(shouting)
Never come back here!
MADDIE
Kristen, I am so sorry. I opened the door because I thought it was Chris. He just barged in.
Red splotches have appeared on Kristen’s neck and chest. She’s shaking.
KRISTEN
I know. It’s not your fault.
MADDIE
He’ll be here any minute. I’ll clean up the glass. You better change. You’ve got red splotches all over your — eye candy.
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