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Day 1 Assignments
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Cameron Martin’s Great Subtext Scene
What I learned doing this assignment is…There’s more than one way to include the audience in on your story. There’s a feeling you get when you know something’s poorly written. Finding out how to write poorly written dialogue must be a difficult a skill to learn as it is contingent upon the writer knowing how to develop good dialogue. I compared what I was reading with a side mission from the video game BORDERLANDS 2, where you listen to a Grandma Flexington recite a play she’d written. Of course, it’s terrible, and one of the main reasons for its poor quality is that the characters Grandma Flexington voices say EXACTLY what’s on their mind. This is bad for two reasons. One is that no one on GOD’s green earth talks like that, not even in therapy or in a court house. Second is that it only exists if the writer assumes the audience is too stupid to understand their story otherwise.
In reading both STEVE JOBS and IT, as well as THE PURGE, there’s definitely a different felt quality in the way these different writers develop their characters and the characters’ dialogue. THE PURGE and RON’S GONE WRONG suffer from a similar problem in that the writer created characters to voice the writer’s own opinions, which made for shallow dialogue that didn’t invite the audience to explore anything deeper than what could just as easily been communicated through a Twitter post. Compare that with the dialogue in IT, and each character has something else going on beneath the surface. Will’s parents are hide their grief through stonewalling, the Rabbi is talking to Stan like he’s his own son, and Pennywise gives empty promises to lure in it’s prey. With STEVE JOBS, much of the dialogue can be boiled down to a single question, “Are the little things worth obsessing over?” The script doesn’t directly answer this question, but it does invite us to explore the question as it relates to the titular character/person, who was adopted. The script even includes a scene early in the story that calls attention to the fact that children who’re adopted tend to outperform those who weren’t. Steve making such a big deal about each little minute detail may seem counterproductive to the rest of us, but to Steve he is a little detail that his biological parents weren’t willing to obsess over, and every time someone argues in their own way that the little things don’t matter, Steve takes it upon himself to fight for those little things with the relentlessness he wishes his biological parents were willing to fight for him. Now, Aaron Sorkin could come out and make that observation clear as day, writing Steve to literally say in the script “I have issues stemming back from when I was given up by my biological parents, and I push people away when I feel like they’re giving up on the little things, which to me the little things are a representation of who I was as a wee baby.” But, that would not only be surface level dialogue, but it also would signify that Aaron doesn’t think the audience is smart enough to get it otherwise. Luckily, Aaron has respected the audience for years, and sums up that whole atrocious, surface level monologue with Steve telling his daughter after she confronts him, “I am poorly made.” In addition, that line “I am poorly made” invites further interest into who Steve Jobs was, and what his journey might say about us.
Script chosen: STEVE JOBS
STEVE’s on stage in front of a giant screen showing changing slides that reflect whatever he’s mentioning at the moment. He’s dressed in dark jeans, a white shirt buttoned up to the neck and a black sport jacket. On a small table, which is in the dark at the moment, sits a computer under a dark silk sheet.
STEVE’s loose and having a good time with the hundred or so employees in the audience who are revved up for the big morning.
STEVE
A fast modem and also a 4MB IrDA built in. You wanna beam your digital photographs from your digital camera? It’s built in to every product.
(to his employees)
Check it out–no notes, no note cards–ready?
(back to it and faster now to play with the employees in the house)
We’re going to the new generation of IO–12Mb USB, two ports–we’re leaving the old Apple IO behind. Stereo Surround Sound built in to every product, a great keyboard and the coolest mouse you’ve ever seen. This time we used real mice.
(NOTE: This is obviously practice, and the jokes and easygoing nature of Steve contrast with the Steve we’ve seen in previous scenes. This time, he’s more calm, self assured, confident. Similar to the presentation for the new iMac, he’s been in this business now for so long that it’s comparable to a stroll in the park for anyone else.)
JOANNA
(calling to the stage)
We’re opening the house in 10 minutes, Steven, you want to stop horsing around?
STEVE
Bless my eyes, that’s Steve Wozniak sitting out there.
(NOTE: Steve’s ignoring of Joanna here is similar to much of it throughout this script. Steve’s time comes before anyone else’s.)
The APPLE employees give him a cheer and WOZ gives a sheepish wave.
STEVE (CONT’D)
Give yourselves a treat and ask Woz if he happens to have the correct time.
(NOTE: Another way of saying “Go meet my friend and an amazing person.)
JOANNA
I have the correct time and we’re running out of it. “A great keyboard.”
(NOTE: Joanna talking back. “Stay on track and wrap it up. Contrary to what you believe, the world doesn’t revolve around you.”)
STEVE
A great keyboard and the coolest mouse you’ve ever seen. This is what those things look like today.
(NOTE: “Those things” implying a certain disgust with hardware that Steve considers outdated.)
On the screen flashes a picture of a bulky PC. Some people in the rehearsal audience who are seeing the full production for the first time laugh.
STEVE (CONT’D)
And now I’d like to show you what they’re going to look like tomorrow. This is the iMac.
STEVE yanks the dark silk sheet off an iMac as a pool of perfect light comes up on the table.
CHEERS and APPLAUSE from the APPLE EMPLOYEES.
STEVE clicks the mouse and the screen shows a lightning fast succession of applications complete with a heart-racing percussion score–
–after which the screen fills with the words “Hello (again).”
The hundred or so people sitting and standing around out in the house CLAP AND CHEER.
STEVE (CONT’D) (pause)
That was cool. Why did I like that better than I usually do?
JOANNA
I don’t know.
(NOTE: Code for “Move it along.” It’s a continuation of the conflicts going back to the beginning of the script between “Even the littlest things make big impacts” and “The littlest things (like having a computer say “Hello”) aren’t worth obsessing over.”)
STEVE
Something was different.
ANDREA CUNNINGHAM, the publicist from the Mac launch, is standing at the foot of the stage–
ANDREA
Hey stupid.
(NOTE: Not a normal thing to say to a stranger. The only options are “This is a good friend where the relationship goes way back” or “This is a rival that want’s to tear you down.”)
STEVE looks at her–
STEVE (pause)
I think she’s talking to one of you guys.
(NOTE: Playing along.)
ANDREA
Did you notice a difference?
STEVE
That’s what I’m–the exit signs were off!
ANDREA
Full blackout.
STEVE
You did it.
ANDREA
We wired all the exit lights to our board, they go out for seven seconds with the cue and come back on again in theory.
(NOTE: Andrea’s whole MO in this bit is “look at what a badass I am. Did you notice?”)
STEVE
We think that’s legal?
(NOTE: Steve doesn’t really care if it is or isn’t. This is giving praise or showing that he’s impressed. For once, someone is willing to cast aside the rules just like he is, even for something so small, yet so vital as a total blackout.)
ANDREA
No, we’re very certain it’s not. You want to see some quotes?
(NOTE: Almost bragging. Shifting the conversation down the road to more positive vibes.)
JOANNA
Let’s hold off on those.
(NOTE: Joanna wants to stay on topic, and not get carried away with patting everyone on the back before the REAL presentation takes place.)
ANDREA
He’ll like ‘em.
JOANNA shakes her head “no.”
ANDREA (CONT’D)
(to STEVE)
I’ll give ‘em to you later.
STEVE
I’ll take ‘em now.
STEVE takes a couple of stapled pieces of paper from ANDREA and as ANDREA turns around she mouths “I’m sorry” to JOANNA while JOANNA says–
JOANNA
Pick it up from there please, we only have a couple of minutes so let’s just do the 360.
STAGE MANAGER
It’s Cue 84, right where we are, you’re bringing out the camera.
STEVE (presenting again)
We’re gonna bring out a wireless camera we stole from Panasonic and show you what this looks like.
(NOTE: Whether Steve actually stole a camera or not is irrelevant. He’s name dropping and using a certain type of humor to draw the audience in.)
A CAMERA OPERATOR with a camera on his shoulder comes out from the wings and circles the iMac, showing a 360 degree picture on the big screen as STEVE describes and points to what we’re looking at.
STEVE (CONT’D)
The whole thing is translucent, you can see into it.
(calling out)
How’s that for a compromise, Woz? You still can’t get into it but you can see into it.
(NOTE: A joke with his old friend. This is less about the computer and more about building back the bridge between them. The uncompromising Jobs is compromising in his own way, and revealing this with one of the oldest arguments the two of them have had.)
WOZ
(calling back)
Fair enough.
(NOTE: Woz responding with an “I see you and accept.)
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DEV ROSS – DAY ONE – SUBTEXT
What I learned is how subtext can make veiled threats, love affirmations, give warnings… all without saying them, which creates intrigue and tension.
Before: Cal and Tracy’s marriage has fallen apart due to boredom and loss of communication. They still love each other but no one’s making the big move to get back together. Both have experimented outside the marriage. Tracy once – Cal – over a dozen.
EXT. THE WEAVER BACKYARD – LATE EVENING
Cal looks into the living room. Tracy has brought out ice cream – three spoons.
CAL HAS BEEN KEEPING THE LANDSCAPE IN SHAPE, SHOWING HIS UNWILLINGNESS TO LET GO OF HIS HOME. HE’S STRUGGLING.
INSIDE – Tracy calls him, thinks of something. Steps into KITHEN, closes the door and DIALS phone. Cal sees this, is suspicious. HIS PHONE RINGS. He jumps to silence it.
BOTH CAN’T LET GO. BOTH STRUGGLING.
He answers. She has no idea he’s outside.
TRACY
So… I’m in the basement. I’m trying to get the water heater working cause the pilot’s out and I don’t know how to fix it.
Obviously, Cal sees her NOT in the basement. Big clue to him that she’s missing him and wants to reach out.
TRACY
I’m sorry to bother you, I just… what do I do?
CAL
It’s fine, it’s fine. I’m glad yu called. Here: I’ll walk you through it. Do you see the little grEy door?
HAL’S PLAYING ALONG BECAUSE HE’S TELLING HER HE STILL WANTS TO TAKE CARE OF HER.
TRACY
Yeah.
CAL
Pull it down.
She pantomimes this in the kitchen. SHE DOESN’T WANT TO LIE – NOT ANYONE – SO THIS IS THE LEAST SHE CAN DO.
TRACY
Okay, it’s down.
CAL
Now, you see the red button? I wrote ‘push’ on it?
Tracy
I got it.
CAL
Push. Now turn that to the right and stick the match in.
TRACY
Oh, there it goes!
CAL
Good. Now just close the door and you’re good to go.
A CHARADE TO SAY THEY MISS THE LITTLE THINGS ABOUT EACH OTHER, THE LITTLE THINGS THEY HAD IN LIFE THAT MADE UP A BIGGER LIFE.
Silence, The charade is over. Now what?
TRACY
Well, thanks, Cal. I appreciate you help. Talk to you later?
TRACY
Yeah. And… thanks again.
Cal hangs up. He takes one final look back at his wife as the sprinklers go off and douse him.
THE ENTIRE SCENE THEY WERE TELLING EACH OTHER HOW MUCH THEY MISS AND LOVE THE OTHER. THE FINAL MOMENT OF DOUSING CAL WITH WATER SIGNIFIES HOW HE’S ALL WET AND BEEN A FOOL NOT TO FORGIVE HER.
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DAY 1 Subtext and Its Revelation
Lisa’s Great Subtext Scene
What I learned from this scene is that you don’t have to be on the nose with conversations between characters. It’s the emotion and subtext that can say what the words don’t say.
*Prior to this scene, Tracy and Cal are estranged and he has moved out of the house they used to share with their 3 children.
CRAZY, STUPID, LOVE
79 EXT. THE WEAVER BACKYARD – LATE EVENING
MUSIC CONTINUES as we spy the Weaver family through their
windows: Robbie plays video games in his room. Molly
watching her show in hers. Tracy in the kitchen.
We MOVE DOWN the house, and OUTSIDE, where we discover:
Cal in stealth mode, tending to his backyard. He
fertilizes, trims and waters. All under cover of night.
NOTE: Surface action covering that Cal is worried and missing his family. He is showing his love by keeping up the backyard and being near them.
TRACY (O.S.)
Kids! Ice cream!
Cal looks into the living room. Tracy has brought out
ice cream: a carton with three spoons. The kids race
down the stairs, join her, and start eating. Laughing.
We take in the real-time TABLEAU:
Cal’s wife and children — his family — inside. Cal:
watching them from the outside, looking in.
It’s touching. It’s complicated. It’s horribly painful.
INSIDE… Tracy looks at her kids, thinks of something.
She steps into the KITCHEN, closes the door, and DIALS
her phone. Cal leans toward the window, suspicious.
OUTSIDE… Cal’s phone rings. He jumps to silence it.
NOTE: Surface action covering that Tracy is missing Cal too.
CONTINUED:
Hello?
TRACY
Hi, Cal.
Silence. Cal is looking at her inside. She has no idea. *
TRACY *
So… I’m in the basement. I’m *
trying to get the water heater *
working ‘cause the pilot’s out and *
I don’t know how to relight it. *
Obviously, Cal sees she’s not in the basement.
NOTE: Subtext: Tracy is lying because she only wanted to hear Cal’s voice. And Cal knows she’s lying but plays along because it loves that she misses him as he misses her.
*
TRACY *
I’m sorry to bother you, I just… *
what do I do? *
Cal lowers the phone, looks at her, hesitates. Then: *
CAL *
It’s fine, it’s fine. I’m glad *
you called. Here: I’ll walk you *
through it. *
(then) *
Do you see the little grey door? *
TRACY *
Yeah. *
CAL *
Pull it down. *
She pantomimes this in the kitchen. *
TRACY *
Okay, it’s down. *
CAL
Now, you see the red button? I
wrote ‘push’ on it?
TRACY
I got it.
CAL
Push. Now turn that to the right
and stick the match in.
TRACY
Oh, there it goes!
79 CONTINUED: (2)
Good. Now just close the door and
you’re good to go.
Silence. The charade is over. Now what?
NOTE: The “relighting the pilot light is over.” Now they are both sad because they’ll have to hang up. They say other words, but the audience knows that they are mutual in their feelings.
TRACY
Well, thanks, Cal. I…
appreciate your help.
CAL
No, anytime. Call anytime with
stuff like that.
(awkward beat)
Talk to you later?
TRACY
Yeah. And… thanks again.
Cal HANGS up. He takes one final look back at his wife
as the sprinklers go off in the backyard and douse him.
NOTE: This scene is all subtext because they don’t say what they mean, but we know what they want to say.
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June Fortunato’s Great Subtext Scene Day 1
What I learned: It’s nice to identify the type of subtext. That’s a new twist.
Subtext and Its Revelation Day 1
The script is TRUMBO
Based on a true story of the House Un American Activities Committee’s chase for Hollywood “communists” (AKA Jewish artists). In the beginning, Trumbo is top of his profession- much sought-after. He works with all of the top actors of the day. Trumbo is a union organizer (seen at a party)- who wants appropriate compensation for all workers- not just the execs.
Next scene is in a movie theatre. The Trumbo family: wife, two kids and Trumbo, watch a premiere. The newsreel prior to the feature introduces his antagonist- a gossip columnist- Hedda Hopper- out to make her fame by tearing down Trumbo and fellow writers- the union organizers – and disparaging them as communists. Trumbo is shown on screen- 40 feet high at the party from the earlier scene. The family is shocked. They leave the theatre. This starts on page 10.
Newsreel
A new CLOSE-UP of Hedda Hopper in her office:
HEDDA HOPPER (ON SCREEN)
…like many of those strikers — and their supporters — a registered Communist.
NOTE LOGICAL AND ALSO UNCONSCIOUS
HEDDA IMPLIES THAT SHE’S REVEALING THE EVIL IN HOLLYWOOD. We get the sense that she’s just trying to boost her career and show how smart she is in the guise of ‘smart
reporter’ she’s whipping this up and misrepresenting it. Oh, and SOMEBODY approved it. BACK TO TRUMBO AND NIKI
As daughter looks at father, surprised — is that true?
NOTE EMOTIONAL
HIS DAUGHTER IS SURPRISED BECAUSE SHE’S BEING TOLD ON THE SCREEN that her father is evil. Subtext is that she doesn’t want that to be true, but might have to believe it. Trumbo doesn’t meet her questioning gaze, just smokes and stoically takes in:
HEDDA HOPPER – UP ON SCREEN
Dwarfing him:
HEDDA HOPPER (ON SCREEN) Which is why we must know: Who exactly was behind that walk-out… and why?
NOTE: EMOTIONAL, LOGICAL AND EXTERNAL
SUBTEXT IS a call to action, and a ‘got-cha’ The gauntlet is thrown.
The scene now CUTS TO various CONGRESSMEN, INVESTIGATORS and AIDES mounting the stairs of the U.S. Capitol.
HEDDA HOPPER (V.O.) (CONT’D) Our elected leaders will find out.
The CAMERA SINGLES OUT a bald, fifty-ish New Jerseyite —
HEDDA HOPPER (V.O.) (CONT’D) Congressman J. Parnell Thomas and his House Un-American Activities Committee.
CONGRESSMAN THOMAS (ON SCREEN) Communism is not some faraway threat; its most dangerous agents are here, controlling the airwaves and movie screens, taking over its employees and their unions. They need to be identified as the enemies they are.
NOTE: EXTERNAL
HEDDA HAS THE POWER of the congressman and government and now Trumbo has the government gunning for him- even though it is not illegal to be a communist.
INT. MOVIE THEATRE – LOBBY – LATER THAT NIGHT The five Trumbos stream out with the audience. When suddenly —
A YOUNG FATHER WITH HIS KIDS Hey, that you in the newsreel…?
NOTE: UNCONSCIOUS AND EMOTIONAL SUBTEXT IS if it was you, pain is coming your way.
It was, yes —
The Father FLINGS Coke into Trumbo’s face, SPLATTERING him —
YOUNG FATHER Traitor —
— terrifying Cleo and the kids before taking off.
DALTON TRUMBO (dripping, calm) No harm done, everybody okay?
NOTE UNCONSCIOUS AND EXTERNAL SUBTEXT IS that was not good that was threatening but he pretends to take it in stride.
CUT TO:
EXT. LAZY-T RANCH – CORRAL – DAY
Mountain, meadow and sky dwarf this fine spread. Trumbo walks along the fence while Niki rides a horse next to him.
NIKI So, are you a Communist?
DALTON TRUMBO I am.
NIKI Is it against the law?
DALTON TRUMBO It is not.
NIK Is That lady with the big hat said you’re a “dangerous radical.” Are you?
DALTON TRUMBO Radical, maybe. Dangerous, only to men who fling Cokes.
NIKI You don’t want to overthrow the government?
DALTON TRUMBO No, we have a good government. But anything good can be better, don’t you think?
NIKI Is Mom a Communist?
No.
NIKI Am I?
DALTON TRUMBO Let’s give you the official test. Mom packs your favorite lunch…
NIKI Salami.
DALTON TRUMBO …and you see someone at school with no lunch — what do you do?
NIKI Share?
DALTON TRUMBO You don’t tell them to get a job?
NIKI (aware she’s being teased) No.
DALTON TRUMBO Offer a loan at six percent?
NOTE: LOGICAL He’s showing how the poor and working class are extorted and given an uneven hand.
NIKI Dad.
DALTON TRUMBO Then just ignore them.
NIKI No.
He studies his oldest daughter with great affection.
DALTON TRUMBO Well, well. You little Commie.
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Matthew Frendo’s Great Subtext Scene
WHAT I LEARNED: I learned what subtext actually is and how it works in a script, as well as how to create it. This will make scripts more interesting and intriguing for an audience.
Script chosen: DESPERADO
In this scene, the Mariachi has already gotten a reputation for killing drug dealers. He walks into a bar that is run by dealers who have heard of his antics. All they know is that a Mariachi is killing people. When he enters, they fear he might be the one they have heard about–
INT. TARASCO BAR – DAY
Mariachi pushes open the door, and as the door hits the wall, the high note ends. Cuts off, actually. All is silent.
NOTE: the bartender and bar guests are really drug dealers pretending to be regular bar people…so that right there is subtext.
He stands at the door for a lost moment, SCOPING out the room. Short Bartender sees him and notices the GUITAR CASE.·He looks from the case to Mariachi’s face several times. Mariachi begins his waJk towards the bar.
The other Rogues notice the case, and follow Mariachi with their eyes as he walks past them to the counter.
NOTE: Right here, the bar goers have heard of the Mariachi who is killing criminals. And they are fearful it’s him, but don’t want to show it.
SHORT BARTENDER
(suddenly) What do you want?
Mariachi stops in his tracks. He’s in the middle of the room. Short Bartender seems uneasy and overly cautious.
NOTE: The bartender doesn’t care what he wants. He’s nervous because this Mariachi could kill him.
MARIACH
I rm looking for work.
SHORT BARTENDER
There’s no work here.
Bartender’s suspicious eyes are rapidly darting between Mariachi and the guitar case he’s carrying.
NOTE: What bartender is really saying is “I want you to leave now.”
MARIACHI
Is there something to drink?
SHORT BARTENDER
Is there- something in the case?
Beat. A verbal standoff. ·
NOTE: What the bartender is really asking…”is the case full of weapons?”
MARIACHI
(shrugs)
My guitar. I’m a musician.
Mariachi is laying the guitar case on the floor.
MARIACHI·
Are· you sure you don’t want to hear me play_ before you say there’s no work?
Before Mariachi can open the first latch, he has TWO GUNS pointed at his head.
NOTE: He is the killer Mariachi and is trying to either hide it or get his guns out…we don’t know yet.
SHORT BARTENDER
Get away from that case! We just want to take a look inside … If it’s what you say it is you can drink all you want.·
NOTE: Now we see what they are really worried about.
MARIACHI
I told you. I’m a musician, and this is my guitar.
Mariachi UNSNAPS one of the latches.
SHORT BARTENDER
Leave it alone! (to the others) Get him away from that case!
Mariachi is violently jerked up into· a standing position. He RAISES HIS HANDS halfway. ONE ROGUE has a gun on Mariachi’s temple. The O1HER ROGUE is OPENING the Guitar case. Short Bartender seems to be at his wits end.
MARIACHI
( to the Case Opener)
Careful with that. It’s an heirloom.
SHORT BARTENDER
What is it?
MARIACHI
( to Short Bartender)
It’s old.
The Case Opener UNSNAPS another latch. ALL EYES are on the CASE … Except for the Rogue with the gun to Mariachi’s temple … He’s staring coldly into Mariachi’s eyes … studying him.
SHORT BARTENDER
Hurry it up!
NOTE: His nerves show here…and his fear of getting killed, which he’s trying to keep hidden in the bar.
The last latch UNSNAPS. The CASE LID is opening … Mariachi’s eyes quickly SEARCH the room. Short Bartender is leaning over the bar … STRAWING to see … The Case Opener turns to Short Bartender.·
CASEOPENER
It’s a guitar.
Short Bartender gets a clear view of the case. So do we.
It is a GUITAR..
NOTE: this gives the Mariachi his alias…covering up who he really is.
The Rogue with the gun pointed at Mariachi’s head looks to Short Bartender for further instructions. Short Bartender motions for him to let him go. Rogue LOWERS his gun, and begins to walk back to his seat ..
Mariachi takes a deep, nerves calming breath as the FAKE GUITAR TOP silently begins to RlSE up on it’s HINGES, creaking … slowly revealing an arsenal of WEAPONRY beneath it .. No one sees this as it happens .
NOTE: Now it’s revealed…he is the killer Mariachi. But they don’t see it yet.
SHORT BARTENDER
I’m sorry. But we’ve all heard stories of the bastard that runs around with a guitar case full of guns. We just had to be sure.
NOTE: Now he comes clean about his true intentions earlier. The Mariachi now knows he is scared…which means he’s also a dealer.
Mariachi takes another deep breath. We slide into slow .motion.
The Case Opener turns to close the case. He SEES the weapons that are now magically before him.
CASE OPENER
It’s HIM!!!
Mariachi raises his hands the FULL DISTANCE. The countdown begins …
NOTE: Now, everything is out in the open. He knows they’re scared of him and they know who he really is.
The ROGUE that had a gun on Mariachi turns and sees the WEAPONS in the case. He throws Mariachi a cold, hard stare.
The Case Opener pushes the case far away from Mariachi. The Short Bartender SEES the weapons …
SHORT BARTENDER
Shoot him …
NOTE: Now all the subtext has vanished and a full on battle is happening. At this point, a huge gun battle emerges.
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PS81 – Dana’s Great Subtext Scene
What I learned from this assignment:
It’s more interesting suggesting motivation with subtext rather than blunt, obvious statements. It gives layers to the characters and adds depth to scenes.
SCENE – BATMAN
After robbing a mob bank and stealing from Gotham’s gangsters, the Joker strolls into a private mob meeting and gloats about his achievement and offers them a deal.
EXT. BACK ALLEY, HOTEL, DOWNTOWN – DAY
A line of high-end AUTOS dispenses well-dressed GANGSTERS.
INT. KITCHEN, HOTEL — DAY
The Chechen walks through a METAL DETECTOR manned by two CHINESE. A lean, African American man, 50’s, is being wanded. This is GAMBOL. He nods at the Chechen, wary.
NOTE: Everybody being guarded and wanded confirms none of the gangsters in the room trust each other.
INT. CONFERENCE ROOM, HOTEL — CONTINUOUS
Gotham’s most notorious GANGSTERS. A door opens, and two BURLY CHINESE enter, carrying a TV. They set it down on the end of the table.
CRIME BOSS
The hell is this…?
The screen flickers to life: Lau. The room ERUPTS.
NOTE: Lau meeting with the gangsters via TV shows he fears for his safety, especially for what he’s about to tell the room. And it demonstrates he’s slippery and one step ahead of his “partners.”
LAU (ON T.V.)
Gentlemen, please. As you’re all
aware, one of our deposits was stolen.
A relatively small amount: 68 million.
CHECHEN
Who’s stupid enough steal from us?
LAU
I’m told the man who arranged the
heist calls himself Joker.
CHECHEN
Who the hell is that?
MARONI
Two-bit whack-job wears a cheap
purple suit and make-up. He’s not
the problem – he’s a nobody.
(looks at Lau)
The problem is our money being
tracked by the cops.
Murmurs of surprise.
NOTE: They don’t consider the Joker a serious threat and, by their contempt, underestimate him.
LAU
Thanks to Mr. Maroni’s well-placed
sources we know that police have
indeed identified our banks using
marked bills and are planning to
seize your funds today-
NOTE: “Well-placed sources” – they have informants in the police force.
Everyone starts SHOUTING at once.
EXT. VARIOUS DOWNTOWN BANKS — CONTINUOUS
Gordon sits in a SWAT van outside a bank. Stephens is outside another. Ramirez a third…
SWAT teams CHECK WEAPONS and prepare move…
INT. SOCIAL CLUB, DOWNTOWN — CONTINUOUS
Lau waits for the noise to subside.
CHECHEN
You promised safe, clean money launder-
LAU
With the investigation ongoing, none
of you can risk hanging on to your
own proceeds. And since the
enthusiastic new D.A. has put all my
competitors out of business, I’m your only option.
MARONI
So what are you proposing?
LAU
Moving all deposits to one secure
location. Not a bank.
GAMBOL
Where, then?
LAU
Obviously, no one can know but me.
If the police were to gain leverage
over one of you everyone’s money
would be at stake.
CHECHEN
What stops them getting to you?
LAU
As the money is moved I go to Hong
Kong. Far from Dent’s jurisdiction.
And the Chinese will not extradite
one of their own.
From the back of the room comes LAUGHTER. It grows and grows, until it fills the room. All eyes turn:
The Joker. Sweaty clown makeup obscuring the AWFUL SCARS which widen his mouth into a PERMANENT, GHOULISH SMILE.
THE JOKER
I thought I told bad jokes.
NOTE: By walking into the lion’s dean laughing, the Joker not only shows his contempt for the gangsters and their trust in Lau, but shows he has no fear for his own life, that he may be crazy.
GAMBOL
Give me one reason I shouldn’t have
my boy here pull your head off.
The Joker pulls out a freshly sharpened pencil.
THE JOKER
How about a magic trick?
The Joker SLAMS the pencil into the table, leaving it UPRIGHT.
THE JOKER (CONT’D)
I’ll make this pencil disappear.
Gambol nods. His BODYGUARD MOVES at the Joker – who SIDESTEPS-GRIPS his head – SLAMS it, FACE DOWN, onto the table…
The Bodyguard goes LIMP and slides off the table. The PENCIL is gone. MAGIC. The Joker BOWS. Grins at Gambol.
THE JOKER (CONT’D)
And by the way, the suit wasn’t cheap.
You should know. You bought it.
NOTE: Disposing of the bodyguard with a “magic trick” and admitting he stole their money, the Joker has taken command of the room. He’s the man in charge.
Gambol STANDS, furious. The Chechen stops him.
CHECHEN
Sit. I wanna hear proposition.
The Joker nods his thanks. Rises.
THE JOKER
A year ago these cops and lawyers
wouldn’t dare cross any of you. What
happened? Did your balls drop off?
See, a guy like me-
GAMBOL
A freak.
Laughs. Which the Joker tries to ignore.
NOTE: The gangsters may see the Joker as a “freak,” but he sees himself as their superior.
THE JOKER
A guy like me… I know why you’re
holding your little group therapy
session in broad daylight. I know
why you’re afraid to go out at night.
The Batman. He’s shown Gotham your
true colors. And Dent’s just the
beginning.
(indicates Lau)
And as for his so-called plan – Batman
has no jurisdiction. He’ll find him
and make him squeal.
(smiles at Lau)
I can tell the squealers every time.
NOTE: “Dent is just the beginning” – Batman is inspiring people to stand up to the Gotham gangsters, and if they don’t pay the Joker dispose of him, their empires will fall.
CHECHEN
What you propose?
THE JOKER
It’s simple. Kill the Batman.
Jeers. Laughter.
MARONI
If it’s so easy, why haven’t you done
it already?
THE JOKER
Like my mother used to tell me- if
you’re good at something, never do
it for free.
NOTE: Their conversation shows the effect Batman has made on the gangsters’ business, but they’re too afraid to deal with him. The Joker is not, demonstrating his reckless and anarchist character. It also demonstrates the gangsters, except for Gamble, are willing to do business with anyone – even a crazy man.
CHECHEN
How much you want?
THE JOKER
Half.
Laughter. The Joker shrugs. Rises.
THE JOKER (CONT’D)
You don’t deal with this now, soon
Gambol won’t even be able to get a
nickel for his grandma-
GAMBOL
Enough from the clown.
Gambol gets up, MOVING at the Joker, who casually opens his coat, revealing EXPLOSIVES wired to his chest. Gambol stops.
THE JOKER
Let’s not blow this out of all
proportion.
NOTE: The Joker’s willing to kill himself to avoid being captured. A true anarchist.
Gambol stares at the Joker. Hard.
GAMBOL
You think you can steal from us and
just walk away? I’m putting the
word out- 5 hundred grand for this
clown dead. A million alive, so I
get to teach him some manners, first.
The Joker shrugs. Turns to the assembled.
THE JOKER
Let me know when you change your
minds.
NOTE: Joker knows they will need him eventually, and he has the patience to wait.
The Joker strolls out.
NOTE: The subtext of
this scene tells us 1) the Joker has contempt for the Gotham gangsters; 2) he
is obsessed with Batman as both his arch-enemy and his equal, and 3) he’s a
true anarchist. A crazy genius. -
Day 1: Subtext – Anita’s Great Subtext Scene
What I learned from this scene: An excellent reminder to let thoughts and feelings shine through the dialogue. It isn’t necessary to be overt to get an idea across.
Film: GRAN <st1:place w:st=”on”>TORINO</st1:place>
These are the opening scenes spanning 5 pages.
FADE IN:
<st1:place w:st=”on”><st1:placename w:st=”on”>INT.</st1:placename> <st1:placetype w:st=”on”>CHURCH</st1:placetype></st1:place>
We’re at the funeral of Dorothy Kowalski. In attendance are mostly old folks, their offspring and several bored teenagers.NOTE: Right away we know we are dealing with the aged.
WALT KOWALSKI stands towards the front of the church. He speaks to an older MAN in a bulky, out-of-date suit.
OLDER MAN
I’m real sorry about Dorothy, Walt. She was a real peach.WALT
Thanks for coming, Al.Walt Kowalski looks young for his age. He has slate blue eyes, physically fit and has had the same buzz cut hairstyle since getting out of the military in 1953. Walt is also a perfectionist. Nothing escapes his hawklike eyes, eyes that pierce and judge.
Walt looks around at how the young people have dressed at his wife’s funeral. His eyes narrow at his GRANDDAUGHTER’s belly button ring.
WALT
Jesus Christ.NOTE: Walt is old-fashioned, and also judgmental by nature.
Walt’s two sons, MITCH and STEVE, watch their father from across the pews.
MITCH
Look at the Old Man glaring at Ashley. He can’t even tone it down at Mom’s funeral?STEVE
What do you expect? Dad’s still living in the ‘50s. He expects his granddaughter to dress a little more modestly.MITCH
Yeah, well your kid’s wearing a Timberwolves jersey. I’m sure Dad appreciates that.STEVE
My point is that there’s nothing anyone can do that won’t disappoint the Old Man. It’s inevitable. That’s why we stopped doing Thanksgivings; the deal with the boat motor, the
broken bird bath, it’s always something.NOTE: Walt does not have a close relationship with either of his 2 children. This conversation underscores his conservative and probably out-dated and judgmental ways.
MITCH
What are we going to do with him? Don’t you think he’ll get in trouble by himself over in the old neighborhood?NOTE: They may be concerned about his living conditions, but not in a kindly way.
STEVE
Why don’t you have him move in with you?MITCH
Ha ha.<st1:place w:st=”on”><st1:placename w:st=”on”>INT.</st1:placename> <st1:placetype w:st=”on”>CHURCH</st1:placetype></st1:place> – LATER
The choir sings the Beatitudes.Walt looks around disgustedly at the people gathered as one woman looks through her day planner, an old guy dozes and his Granddaughter Ashley applies nail polish.
FATHER JANOVICH, the very young parish priest, steps up to the altar and delivers the eulogy for Walt’s wife. Walt sits ramrod straight and listens to the thin, weak, unconvincing words of Father Janovich.
FATHER JANOVICH
Death… is often a bittersweet occasion to us Catholics. Bitter – in the pain it causes the deceased… and their families. Sweet to those who know the salvation that awaits them. And some may ask, what is death. Is it the end? Or is it the beginning? And what is life? What is this thing we call life?WALT
Jesus.NOTE: His posture, his observations, and his reaction to the Priest tell us many things about Walt. He is a rigid man with no time for even religion. In a word, Walt is a curmudgeon.
Walt coughs. He takes a handkerchief and wipes his lips. He looks down and notices a speck of BLOOD on the white cloth.
NOTE: Walt is sick. But we don’t know with what, or how bad it is.
INT. WALT’S HOUSE – SAME TIME
The house is crammed with people following the service. Walt doesn’t know what to do with himself. He has to keep busy. Steve steps over to his father.STEVE
A lot of people showed up after the service.WALT
Yeah, well, I s’pose they knew there’d be plenty of ham. I think I’ll go downstairs and get some more chairs.NOTE: Walt just doesn’t like people. He is anti-social. And people don’t like him much either.
STEVE
I’ll do it, Dad.WALT
Naw, we need them now, not next week.NOTE: Walt is cold and mean – even to his son.
INT. CELLAR – SAME TIME
Grandsons JOSH, DANIEL and DAVID look through boxes in the cellar. A box of old Korea War photos are pawed through. Josh holds up a black-and-white PHOTO — a young WALT looks utterly exhausted, behind him six bodies are sprawled dead on the ground.DAVID
Is that Dad?DANIEL
No, it’s Grandpa Walt.
Josh turns the photo over and reads it…
JOSH
‘Third Platoon, E company, March second, 1952, <st1:place w:st=”on”><st1:country-region w:st=”on”>Korea</st1:country-region></st1:place>.’DANIEL
Where’s <st1:country-region w:st=”on”><st1:place w:st=”on”>Korea</st1:place></st1:country-region>?JOSH
Hell if I know?NOTE: The grandchildren really don’t know their grandfather. In fact, that generation doesn’t seem to know much about the world outside themselves.
David holds up a MEDAL.
DAVID
Cool, I found a medal.They hear someone coming downstairs. By the time Walt descends the staircase, the boys sit on the couch, pretending to be doing nothing.
Walt gives them a hard look as he grabs some chairs.
NOTE: The hostility / lack of empathy is mutual.
UPSTAIRS
People eat and chat. Ashley marches over to her parents, KAREN and Mitch.ASHLEY (GRANDDAUGHTER)
How long do we have to stay, this ghetto is a dead zone for my cell and I’m bored.Walt stands behind them with an armful of folding chairs, he overheard his Granddaughter. Mitch and Karen are embarrassed.
MITCH
Ashley, honey. Why don’t you help Grandpa Walt with the chairs?ASHLEY
Me?KAREN
Yes you.ASHLEY
Grandpa Walt, can I help you with the chairs.WALT
I’ll take care of it, you just painted your nails.NOTE: Walt doesn’t miss a thing, and the thing he notices is – his grandkids are spoiled and selfish.
Walt opens the folding chairs and looks out the window. It’s snowing. Walt puts on his coat, he almost looks relieved to get out of the house.
WALT
I’d better salt the sidewalk before someone falls and breaks a hip.NOTE: Grouchy attitude about everyone and everything.
Walt taps the floor with his boot and DAISY, his very, very, very old DOG follows him outside.
EXT. WALT’S HOUSE – EVENING
Walt carefully shovels his sidewalk. He deliberately stops at the boundary of his property. The reason for this is that Walt’s neighbors are now mostly Asians who moved into the house that once belonged to Polish families. Next door to Walt’s house some sort of party is going on. Walt can see through the window that the living room is jammed with at least forty people, all Asians, all Hmong. And this is a problem for Walt, because Walt is a full-blown, unrepentant racist.Walt lights a cigarette and speaks to his dog, Daisy.
WALT
Jesus Christ, how many swamp rats can they cram into a living room?Walt spits in the snow and walks back to the garage.
NOTE: This is the reveal of his racist attitudes – the reasons hinted at earlier in seeing a picture of him in the Korean War with lost comrades in arms.
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Day 1 – Subtext And Its Revelation – Assignment
Mike O – Great Subtext Scene
What I learned is… the nonverbal is the “real” message as it is in real life when two people converse. 80% of a conversation’s merits and believability are intuited on a nonverbal level. So it is with scripts.
1. Find a scene of three pages or more from a produced script with lots of subtext. If the scene is in the middle of the script, give us enough background to understand what is happening.
2. Analyze your scene like I did with the scene from THE AMERICAN PRESIDENT. With that scene, make a note anywhere you see the following:A. The surface action/text that covers the subtext.
B. The reason for the subtext, if you know.
C. Where the meaning is revealed and what it is.
NOTE: Be sure and label any notes with capital letters like I did here.
=========================================
INT. VENERATION – EVENING[Scene: Protagonist, Brooklyn, is meeting with the enemy, Richard, the antagonist. New to town, here to handle her father’s estate, she is a fish-out-of-water]
Arriving fifteen minutes early, Brooklyn enters and walks to the podium, lit-up with gold Christmas lights. She gives her name to the hostess informing her a gentleman named “Richard” would be arriving in a few minutes.
Opting for a drink, Brooklyn gestures to the bar forgoing the comfortable looking waiting benches.
The restaurant is eclectic. There are booths and secluded alcoves, a wrap-around bar sporting no less than four Christmas wreaths. Plenty of artwork on the walls.
Moonlight spills in from strategically positioned sky-lites adding to the ambiance. The oversized fireplace is soothing, the music romantic.
(NOTE: ambiance is clearly romantic. Did Richard choose this restaurant for its food or does he have an ulterior motive?)
BAR
Brooklyn finds an empty bar stool near the fireplace. Two stools down from her, a distinguished, white-bearded gentleman in a tailored suit gives a nod — does a double take.
Brooklyn reaches for wine list.
WHITE-BEARD (gestures to painting) “Any chance you a relation?”
CLOSE ON painting above the bar back — voluptuous woman lying on her side — modeled after Cooper’s, “The Kansas City Girl.”
Brooklyn looks over at him — who are you?
BROOKLYN (frowns) “We don’t look a thing alike.”
WHITE-BEARD (sips martini) “Not her. Obviously. The painter — Joshua Murray.
(NOTE: the inference to the voluptuous woman not looking a thing like her is a dig. Clearly, the elderly gentleman has a bone to pick with Brooklyn)
BROOKLYN “You’re telling me that Joshua, that he (drifts off in thought)
(NOTE: Brooklyn did not know her father was a painter. This stuns her)
WHITE-BEARD “Small town, word travels fast. Also, you have his eyes.”
Brooklyn STARES at the painting for a long beat, trying to imagine her father as an artist. SQUINTING, she cannot make out the artist’s signature.
White-beard waves the bartender over.
WHITE-BEARD (CONT’D) “Kids nowadays, scatter to the four winds chasing after careers with their fancy college pedigrees. (re: Brooklyn) Never come around, till it’s too late.(frowns) Your father was a fine man; he missed you something fierce, missy. Man was a real gem.”
Judgment rendered, White-beard drops a twenty on the counter, gathers up his Fedora.
WHITE-BEARD (gaze includes bartender) “When the town lawyer has to give Joshua’s eulogy, there’s something wrong. Shamefully wrong.” (re: Brooklyn) Alan’s speech was a thing of beauty.”
(NOTE: Whitebeard shames Brooklyn good. The deeper meaning of the subtext is that the man does not like today’s society. His disparaging commentary is about society at large.)
He TAPS on the hardwood bar counter as if knocking on a door.
WHITE-BEARD “Oscar, you make the best dirty martini in town. Thank-you, young man. I appreciate someone who masters their craft. Says something about them.”
OSCAR “Thank you for saying so, Mister Canaday.”
Mister Canaday walks off without so much as a glance back.
Stunned by the verbal assault, Brooklyn accepts the condemnation. She finds Oscar staring at her; curious, not apologetic.
BROOKLYN “He’s right; I was a lousy daughter.”
LONG SHOT – RECEPTIONIST PODIUM – RICHARD
From where Brooklyn is seated, she has an unobstructed view of the entrance. A people watcher, Brooklyn sees Richard FLIRT with the hostess: notes the confidence, his self-assuredness and perfect smile.
Clearly, his good-looks have been opening doors for him since adolescence or earlier.
(NOTE: Brooklyn sizes Richard up. He is a player.)
Brooklyn waits until he looks to the bar to WAVE him over. There is an unsettling predatory swagger to his stride.
BROOKLYN (reaches for her drink) “Casanova’s playground.”
She gives the restaurant, a quick once over: linen tablecloths, silver wear and china, all of it a stage, window dressing for Richard’s intentions.
Watching as Richard pauses at a table, puts his hand on a woman’s shoulder and flashes a charming smile, she adds —
BROOKLYN (at a whisper) “Ingratiating.”
— to her list of observations.
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DAY 1
ANNA’S SUBTEXT REVEAL SCENE
What I learned from this assignment; Being aware of subtext has enabled me to amp up the electricity in the scene and has also had consequences for changing the story web.
WOOD BUFFALO HOSPITAL
Character Name CODY
Subtext Identity Life coach, man about town. hero
Character Traits Scheming, narcissistic tendencies, intelligent, lonely
Subtext Logline
Cody appears very sure of himself while hiding his insecurities from others. He has pride in his work and prefers to be a hot dog rather than a team player.
Possible areas of subtext
Quickly sizes up Sarah as a prize that would suit his ego. Schemes to get her. Uses his competencies as a way of displaying his manhood. for example, hunting prowess.
Character Name SARAH
Subtext Identity mental health worker hiding her own issues
Character Traits
Hidden fragility, too empathic for her own good, poor assessor of danger, willing to take risks despite her fears.
Subtext Logline
Sarah will gird her loins and deal with her fear in order to do what is right firstly for her son and then for the community. She is a wounded romantic. Overconfident in her abilities in dangerous situations.
Possible areas of subtext
Displays confidence when deep down she is scared shitless. Has issues with taking relationship entanglements. Highly empathic, yet still learning to have healthy boundaries which are constantly tested in a wounded community. Falls for bad boys.
SITUATION:
SARAH is driving towards a new work destination in the Yukon bush when she encounters CODY.
CODY
Good afternoon, nice day for a ride. The buffalo look happy. They must have had a good day grazing and no one was shooting at them. Where are you headed? LYING, CONCEALING, WAS TOLD OF SARAH’S ARRIVAL AND DECIDED TO CHECK OUT THE NEW FEMALE PROSPECT FOR HIS OWN BENEFIT
SARAH
Oh my God. Thought we were done for, they are huge! I’m headed for Old Buffalo Hospital.
UNAWARE, UNPREPARED OF THE REAL NORTHERN DANGERS
CODY
Nice to meet you. Looks like The buffalo are here to welcome you. An encounter with the buffalo means you are being welcomed. CHARM OFFENSIVE, SHOWING OFF HIS KNOWLEDGE OF WILDLIFE BEHAVIOUR
SARAH
Really? Well, that’s great. I’m just glad we haven’t been killed! UNDER PRESSURE OF DANGER, HER FRAGILITY SHOWS UP
CODY
No worries Sarah. Follow behind me slowly. I’ll see you up across the bridge to the hospital.
DISPLAYING HIS HERO TRAIT, A PART OF HIS SCHEME TO WIN THE INTEREST OF THE NEW MENTAL HEALTH WORKER
Sarah moves her head to get a look at Cody’s jacket.
SARAH
Look, Eli. There’s a huge eagle on his jacket. Eagles are good luck and blessings.
EXT. hospital ROAD-SARAH’S CAR and CODY’S BIKE-DAY
POV Follow the trip to the hospital. Car and bike pull up.
SARAH
Thank you so much for the escort. Who are you?
CODY
I’m the local expert on all things Old Buffalo, businessman, arranger of fun times, man about town! It’s Cody Jack at your service, Miss Sarah. NARCISSISTIC TENDENCY PEEKING THROUGH, SHOWING HIS STATUS, PURPOSEFUL DISPLAY TO HOOK SARAH’S INTEREST
SARAH
Thank you again. You probably saved us from death by Buffalo! I thought I would like to drive around the town first and get a look at the place.
ELI
I wanna go pee now Mom!
Sarah
O.K. There’s a perfectly good bush just here. I’ll come with you. Thanks Cody. We’ll be OK now, I can see the Hospital from here.
Sarah exits the car and walks toward Cody.
A MOTH TO A FLAME, BAD BOY ATTRACTION, AND AMBIVALENCE.
CODY
I can show you the way around the town if you like. Give you the full tour and expert commentary. SCHEMING, SURE OF HIMSELF, HEROIC CAPABILITY
SARAH
You have been very helpful. Thank you so much. We’ll be OK It’s not that big of a place. I’m sure we will see each other again. GUT FEELING SHE SHOULD ERECT BOUNDARIES, TOO MUCH CHEMISTRY PROBABLY A BAD BOY, FEELING VULNERABLE.
Cody stands a little closer to SARAH, she does not move, they don’t smile, or speak, they look into each other’s eyes, LONG BEAT Then they both give each other little smiles. Cody mounts his bike and roars off.
CODY DEMONSTRATES HIS PROWESS, IN RESPONSE TO SARAH’S REBUFF. SARAH HAS A FATAL ATTRACTION ALARM GOING OFF IN THE MIDST OF GRATITUDE AND FATIGUE. NOT A MEET-CUTE. MORE A MEET DYNAMITE.
SARAH
Well my God, what a start! (NOT ONLY TALKING ABOUT THE BUFFALO HERE ) think I’m still in shock. O.K. if you are all done watering the grass, let’s go take a look at our new home and get something to eat.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by anna harper.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by anna harper.
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