-
Day 1 Assignments
Reply to post your assignment.
-
9 Replies
-
Cameron Martin Loves This Opening!
What I learned from doing this assignment…How much goes into the first 10 pages of a script. I wanted to go with THE DARK KNIGHT, but felt that because there was Batman in the film, and it was a sequel, that it had an unfair advantage. So I went with another Christopher Nolan film because the man just knows hows to open a movie. It’s pretty much the same exact opening for every movie, but it never feels monotonous. Each of films starts with a teaser, an action sequence predicated on obtaining an easy to understand target, and a major twist that changes our perception of what we just watched and how we see the action going forward. Again, the structure isn’t hard to understand, but because each film utilizes a new concept, it keeps each opening fresh. I lucked my way into this strategy when I first started writing OPEN WIDE back in 2019. I may have said this before about it, but there was nothing really that inspired me to write it other than the frustration of not writing anything for a while. I told my wife that after she and our son went to bed, I’d be staying up and would just write something stupid, something I couldn’t take seriously, like alien parasites or making people’s mouths explode out of their heads or something. If the idea was dumb enough, then I’d be able to write it without getting bogged down in editing or worrying about outlining. I was wrong, but I did get about 17 pages in after deciding to start the film from an inciting incident and just floor it with the action. It led me to create Jude, the aliens, the bunker being unsafe, and the conscripted exterminators, while introducing all of them in the opening act. Even though I had no idea of where to go next and resorted to rewriting the story as a sonnet, I had an opening strong enough to stick with me for the next couple of years until I started this course. I haven’t worked on anything with a slow opening since. The fast paced start creates this sense of urgency with the intrigue, and compels you to keep reading. The only difficulty in it is maintaining that rapid pace. But if you structure the hell out of your story, you can have this Christopher Nolan style, all gas and no breaks opening that keeps you on the edge of your seat until the “Fade Out.”
—————
Film Chosen: INCEPTION
FADE IN:
DAWN. CRASHING SURF.
The waves TOSS a BEARDED MAN onto wet sand. He lies there.
A CHILD’S SHOUT makes him LIFT his head to see: a LITTLE BLONDE BOY crouching, back towards us, watching the tide eat a SANDCASTLE. A LITTLE BLONDE GIRL joins the boy. The Bearded Man tries to call them, but they RUN OFF, FACES UNSEEN. He COLLAPSES.
The barrel of a rifle ROLLS the Bearded Man onto his back. A JAPANESE SECURITY GUARD looks down at him, then calls up the beach to a colleague leaning against a JEEP. Behind them is a cliff, and on top of that, a JAPANESE CASTLE.
INT. ELEGANT DINING ROOM, JAPANESE CASTLE – LATER
The Security Guard waits as an ATTENDANT speaks to an ELDERLY JAPANESE MAN sitting at the dining table, back to us.
ATTENDANT
(in Japanese)
He was delirious. But he asked for you by name. And…
(to the Security Guard)
Show him.
SECURITY GUARD
(in Japanese)
He was carrying nothing but this…
He puts a HANDGUN on the table. The Elderly Man keeps eating.
SECURITY GUARD
…and this.
The Security Guard places a SMALL PEWTER CONE alongside the gun. The Elderly Man STOPS eating. Picks up the cone.
ELDERLY JAPANESE MAN
(in Japanese)
Bring him here. And some food.
INT. SAME – MOMENTS LATER
The Elderly Man watches the Bearded Man WOLF down his food. He SLIDES the handgun down the table towards him.
ELDERLY JAPANESE MAN
(in English)
Are you here to kill me?
The Bearded Man glances up at him, then back to his food.
(NOTE: It’s the first page and we have already have so much intrigue. Where are we, when are we? We’ve seen the gun before in other films, but what’s with the spinning top? Since when does a spinning top get this much attention? Who were the kids and where did they go? And there’s the line “Are you here to kill me?” All of that was set up in one page. Even if you think this script is going to disappoint you, you’re at least curious as to how.)
2.
The Elderly Japanese Man picks up the cone between thumb and forefinger.
ELDERLY JAPANESE MAN
I know what this is.
He SPINS it onto a table- it CIRCLES gracefully across the polished ebony… a SPINNING TOP.
ELDERLY JAPANESE MAN
I’ve seen one before. Many, many years ago…
The Elderly Japanese Man STARES at the top mesmerized.
ELDERLY JAPANESE MAN
It belonged to a man I met in a half-remembered dream…
MOVE IN on the GRACEFULLY SPINNING TOP…
ELDERLY JAPANESE MAN
A man possessed of some radical notions…
The Elderly Japanese Man STARES, remembering…
COBB (V.O.)
What’s the most resilient parasite?
CUT TO:
INT. SAME ELEGANT DINING ROOM – NIGHT (YEARS EARLIER)
The speaker, COBB, is 35, handsome, tailored. A young
Japanese man, SAITO, eats as he listens.
COBB
A bacteria? A virus?
Cobb gestures at their feast with his wine glass-
COBB
An intestinal worm?
Saito’s fork pauses, mid-air. Cobb GRINS. A third man is at the table- ARTHUR. He jumps in to save the pitch-
ARTHUR
What Mr. Cobb is trying to say-
COBB
An idea.
Saito looks at Cobb, curious.
3.
COBB
Resilient, highly contagious. Once an idea’s taken hold in the brain it’s almost impossible to eradicate. A person can cover it up, ignore it- but it stays there.
SAITO
But surely-to forget…?
COBB
Information, yes. But an idea? Fully formed, understood? That sticks…
(taps forehead)
In there, somewhere.
SAITO
For someone like you to steal?
ARTHUR
Yes. In the dream state, conscious defenses are lowered and your thoughts become vulnerable to theft. It’s called extraction.
COBB
But, Mr. Saito, we can train your subconscious to defend itself from even the most skilled extractor.
SAITO
How can you do that?
COBB
Because I am the most skilled extractor. I know how to search your mind and find your secrets. I know the tricks, and I can teach them to your subconscious so that even when you’re asleep, your guard is never down.
Cobb leans forwards. Holding Saito’s gaze.
COBB
But if I’m going to help you, you have to be completely open to me. I’ll need to know my way around your thoughts better than your wife, your analyst, anyone.
(gestures around)
If this is a dream and you’ve got a safe full of secrets, I need to know what’s in that safe. For this to work, you have to let me in.
(NOTE: Just as Hal said, we have our twist by the third page (one of many in this sequence actually). We don’t just flashback briefly. We stay in this flashback for the rest of the film. The opening was just a teaser to make us wonder. We want to solve the puzzle, and we’re so engaged with it, that when the exposition dump happens, we want to know what we just watched. And, with this exposition dump (which, by the way, is handled appropriately considering the context of it being an interview for a job we’re still learning about) we’re also given a twist and the question of the movie: If anything can be a dream, could this too be a dream?
4.
Saito gives this a flicker of a smile. Rises. A BODYGUARD opens double doors which give onto a LAVISH PARTY.
SAITO
Gentlemen. Enjoy your evening as I consider your proposal.
They watch Saito leave. Arthur turns to Cobb, worried-
ARTHUR
He knows.
Cobb motions silence. A TREMOR starts, they steady their glasses, Cobb glances at his watch- THE SECOND HAND IS FROZEN.
ARTHUR
What’s going on up there?
And we-
CUT TO:
FILTHY BATHROOM – DAY (FEELS LIKE DIFFERENT TIME)
Cobb, ASLEEP, SITTING IN A CHAIR AT THE END OF A STEAMING BATH. The chair is up on a cabinet- the bottom of the legs level with the rim of the tub.
A sweating man (40’s) watches over Cobb. This is NASH. A distant EXPLOSION rumbles through the room. Nash moves to the window, parts the curtains. Outside: a CHAOTIC DEVELOPING-WORLD CITY- the street filled with RIOTERS- SMASHING, BURNING.
Nash checks Cobb’s left wrist: above his watch, tape holds TWO THIN YELLOW TUBES in place. Nash looks at Cobb’s watch-
THE SECOND HAND CRAWLS UNNATURALLY SLOWLY.
Nash follows the tubes to a SILVER BRIEFCASE at Arthur’s feet: ARTHUR IS ASLEEP in an armchair. Tubes connect the briefcase to Arthur’s wrist.
Nash follows another set of tubes from the briefcase to where they pass under the door to the bedroom. Through the crack of the door, Nash sees SAITO ASLEEP on the bed, tubes running to his wrist. BOOM- a closer EXPLOSION, and we-
CUT TO:
INT. BULLET TRAIN COMPARTMENT – DAY (FEELS LIKE DIFFERENT TIME)
Nash, ASLEEP. Head ROCKING AGAINST THE WINDOW as the train BUMPS OVER A ROUGH PIECE OF TRACK.
5.
A Japanese Man, TODASHI (18) watches Nash nervously. He checks Nash’s wrist: TWO YELLOW TUBES CONNECT NASH WITH THREE OTHER SLEEPING MEN IN THE COMPARTMENT: COBB, ARTHUR, SAITO.
Todashi checks his watch: THE SECOND HAND TICKS IN REAL TIME. Another TRAIN PASSES in the opposite direction with a MIGHTY WHUMP- Todashi’s eyes FLY to Nash’s sleeping face-
NASH JERKS WITH THE MOVEMENT OF THE TRAIN, and we-
(NOTE: In the space of one page, we’re given a ton of information. The events we were watching were a dream, but then there’s another twist we weren’t expecting: the “real world” was also just a dream. The only thing we have to go off of so far to tell what’s “real” and what isn’t is the time. And we haven’t even had time to consider whether the whole time thing can even be trusted. Plus, there’s a ton of intrigue created from within each layer of dreaming. What’s with the rioters, and will they be a problem for the characters we’re following? Will anyone catch what they’re doing on the train?)
CUT TO:
INT. FILTHY BATHROOM – CONTINUOUS
Another EXPLOSION- Nash CHECKS the sleeping Cobb and we-
CUT TO:
EXT. ROOFTOP TERRACES, JAPANESE CASTLE – NIGHT
A LOW TREMOR RUMBLES THROUGH THE CASTLE. Cobb and Arthur steady themselves against the wooden rail. Several TILES and pieces of MASONRY fall. Below them a BLACK SEA churns. Other GUESTS wander the massive terraces.
ARTHUR
Saito knows. He’s playing with us.
COBB
I can get it here. The information’s in the safe- he looked right at it when I mentioned secrets.
Arthur nods. Then spots someone over Cobb’s shoulder.
ARTHUR
What’s she doing here, Cobb?
Cobb turns to see a beautiful woman, elegantly dressed, staring out at the sea. This is MAL. Cobb watches her.
COBB
You just get to your room. I’ll take care of the rest.
ARTHUR
See that you do. We’re here to work.
Arthur brushes past Mal, shaking his head. She nears Cobb. Looks out at the DROP. The WIND WHIPS HER HAIR-
(NOTE: And in the space of another page, we’re given two more things. First, we have a specific goal. Cobb is a thief, a thief of ideas, and is trying to steal an idea now. Second, who is the woman, and what’s her connection? If this is a dream, why would Cobb or Arthur care? We have to read on to find out more.)
(NOTE: By the end of the following five pages (the top of page 10 to be exact), we know that Cobb succeeds in his endeavor. This is our inciting incident, or at least it leads us to when Saito offers Cobb the job in the coming scenes. Christopher Nolan put together a heist movie with sci-fi elements and intriguing characters, and by page 10, we had a crystal clear picture of what this whole movie was going to be about.)
-
Matthew Frendo Loves This Opening!
WHAT I LEARNED: I learned what makes a great opening and how to create one. This will make every future script stronger and more marketable.
MOVIE: THE BOURNE IDENTITY
1st page: A boat finds a dead man at sea…who suddenly comes alive again!
3rd page: The man doesn’t know who he is or how he got there.
5th to 10th page: The man goes to a Switzerland to check in on a bank account that is supposedly his and hopefully find out who he is…and he then finds out he has dangerous fighting abilities.
By the 10th page: The story is about finding out who he is, why he has so many far-reaching abilities (shown so far: different languages, fighting skills) and why he can’t remember any of it.DARKNESS. THE SOUND OF WIND AND SPRAY.
MUSIC. TITLES.
EXT. OCEAN — NIGHT
The darkness is actually water. A SEARCHLIGHT arcs across
heavy ocean swells. Half-a-dozen flashlights — weaker beams
— racing along what we can see is the deck of an aging
FISHING TRAWLER. FISHERMEN struggling with a gaff —
something in the water —
A HUMAN CORPSE.
EXT. FISHING BOAT DECK — NIGHT
THE BODY sprawled there. The Sailors all talking at once —
three languages going — brave chatter to mask the presence
of death —
SAILOR #1
— Jesus, look at him —
SAILOR #2
— what? — you never saw a dead
man before? —
SAILOR #3
— look, look he was shot —
(nudging the body–)
SAILOR #1
— don’t, don’t do that —
SAILOR #2
— he’s dead, you think he cares? —
SAILOR #1
— so have some respect — it’s a —
(stopping as–)
THE BODY MOVES! — convulsing —
coughing up sea water — the
Sailors — freaked — jumping back –
– standing there, as — THE MAN
begins to breathe.
INT. FISHING BOAT BUNK ROOM — NIGHT
A wreck. Too small for all the people in here right now —
SAILORS sweeping off the table — rough hands laying THE MAN
down — THE CAPTAIN — brutal and impatient — watching from
the door as — GIANCARLO tears through the clutter —
searching for a medical kit buried in the shambles.
GIANCARLO is sixty. A bloodshot soul.
GIANCARLO
— it’s here — hang on — it’s
here somewhere — give me a minute –
– get some blankets — get some
blankets on him —
(finding the kit–)
— here we go — here it is —
GIANCARLO with an old trunk — just
getting it open, as —
THE CAPTAIN
Giancarlo.
(Giancarlo turns back–)
We pick him up? Okay, we have to
pick him up. But that’s as far as
it goes.
GIANCARLO
He needs a doctor.
CAPTAIN
Fuck that. He lives? He dies? I
don’t care. We’ve wasted two hours
on this shit already. You do what
you can, but we’re not going back.
(pure steel now)
You understand me?
GIANCARLO
Yes, sir.
CAPTAIN
(to the rest of them)
Let’s get back to work! GIANCARLO
watching them run out. Snagging a
quick pull on a pint of rum he’s
got stashed and —
INT. FISHING BOAT BUNK ROOM — DAWN — TIME CUTS
Transformed into a makeshift operating room. A light swings
overhead. THE MAN layed out across the table. Sounds —
groans — words — snatches of them — all in different
languages.
2.
GIANCARLO playing doctor in a greasy kitchen apron. Cutting
away the clothes. Turning THE MAN on his side. Two bullet
wounds in the back. Probing them, judging them. Now —
GIANCARLO with a flashlight in his teeth — TINK — TINK —
TINK — bullet fragments falling into a washed-out olive jar.
Now — something catching GIANCARLO’S EYE — A SCAR ON THE
MAN’S HIP — another fragment — exacto knife cutting in —
tweezers extracting A SMALL PLASTIC TUBE, not a bullet at
all, and as it comes free — THE MAN’S HAND SLAMS down onto
GIANCARLO’S and we SMASH CUT
INTO A —
FIRST PERSON POV — we are staring up at —
GIANCARLO
You’re awake. Can you hear me?
(we’re blinking–)
You’ve been shot. I’m trying to
help you.
(we’re trying to find our
voice–)
You were in the water. You’ve been
shot. It’s okay now.
THE MAN
Where am I?
GIANCARLO
(switching to English)
You’re American. I thought so.
From your teeth — the dental work –
–
THE MAN
Where am I?
GIANCARLO
You’re on a boat. A fishing boat.
Italian flag. We’re out of Vietri.
(he smiles)
It’s the cold that saved you. The
water. The wounds are clean. I’m
not a doctor, but the wounds, it
looks okay. It’s clean.
THE MAN
How did I get here?
GIANCARLO
You we’re lost at sea. They pulled
you out.
(we say nothing)
3.
(MORE)
Who are you?
(still nothing)
You were shot — two bullets — in
the back. You understand me?
(we try to nod)
Who are you? Long dead pause.
THE MAN
I don’t know.
EXT. OCEAN — DAY
The Trawler plows through heavy seas.
INT. FISHING BOAT BUNK ROOM — DAY
GIANCARLO is hunched over a desk — tweezers and flashlight —
busy working at that strange plastic tube that came out of
THE MAN’s hip. THE MAN is bandaged. He’s sitting up, and it
must hurt like hell, but physical pain is not the thing
troubling him right now. He’s staring around the room — at
his body — at the walls — haunted —
THE MAN
What if it doesn’t come back?
GIANCARLO
(still working that tube)
I told you. You need to rest.
Silence. THE MAN can’t rest. Too
busy trying to make sense of all
this.
THE MAN
I can read. I can read that sign
on the door. I can count. I can
talk…
(focusing now–)
What are you doing? GIANCARLO
rummaging around — finding a
magnifying glass —
THE MAN
What is that? INSERT — MAGNIFIED
POV — a slip of plastic from the
tube — written there — 000-7-17-
12-0-14-26. GEMEINSCHAFT
4.
GIANCARLO (CONT’D)
BANK, ZURICH.
GIANCARLO
It came from your hip. Under the
skin.
(turning back–)
You have a bank in Zurich.
(waiting)
You remember Zurich?
THE MAN
No. GIANCARLO staring at him now.
Different suddenly. Suspicious.
GIANCARLO
Look, I’m just on this boat, okay?
I’m an engineer. Whatever this is,
it’s not for me to be involved,
okay?
THE MAN
I don’t remember Zurich. GIANCARLO
pulls his pint. Takes a hit.
GIANCARLO
(offering the bottle–)
You drink rum?
THE MAN
I don’t know.
EXT. FISHING BOAT DECK — NIGHT
THE MAN stands at the rail, staring out to sea. So lost. He
turns to head inside — there, a surfcasting rod propped
against a locker. THE MAN picks up the rod — flips the bail –
– traps the line — now he’s casting far out into the
darkness. And for the first time, he smiles.
INT. FISHING BOAT GALLEY — NIGHT
A ratty old espresso machine. THE MAN standing there,
staring at the thing like it’s a test. Then his hands begin
to move — trying to pack a grind — trying to fit it in —
turning on the steam and — The whole thing explodes.
-
DAY 1 – What Makes a Great Opening?
Lisa Loves This Opening!
What I learned is to not start at the beginning. Add twists. Add very descriptive dialogue and descriptions. Add subtext. Build intrigue so that the audience wants to know more about your main character.
THE LONG KISS GOODNIGHT
A WINDOWPANE
Assaulted from without by SNOWFLAKES. Wind tossed.
INSIDE, a bed, dappled with moon shadow. A LITTLE GIRL, fast
asleep. The wind whistles and sighs outside. She DREAMS…
Eyelids closed, eyes roving beneath… then suddenly they
SNAP open. A stifled cry. She thrashes for her STUFFED BEAR,
as a soft voice says:
(NOTE: Windowpane being “assaulted” by snowflakes – the very first line starts out using the tough lingo that we’ll hear throughout the entire movie.)
VOICE
Shhhhh.
And there’s MOM, kneeling beside her. Vague shape in the
dimness. The full moon throws light across one sparkling eye.
LITTLE GIRL
Mommy, the men on the mountain…!
MOM
Shhhh. Gone, all gone now.
(strokes her hair)
I’m here. Mommy’s always here and no
one can ever hurt you. Safe now…
safe and warm… snug as a bug in a
rug.
(beat)
I’ll sit with you, think you can
sleep?
(NOTE: Something has happened to this little girl and her mom. Who are the men on the mountain?)
LITTLE GIRL
Turn on the nightlight.
The mother nods. Passes her left hand gently over the girl’s
forehead.
MOM
Close your eyes now. I love you.
The child subsides, breathing steady. Eyes closed. The mother
rises. Regards her through the dimness. Slowly turns, heads
for the door. Flicks on a Winnie the Pooh NIGHTLIGHT —
Her entire right forearm is slicked with blood. More blood on
her Czech-made MP-5 machine gun.
(NOTE: PROVOCATIVE OPENING. What?! This is not a normal mom!)
She staggers just a little… barely noticeable. Passes out
on the light. Into darkness. Sits beside her daughter’s bed.
The child sleeps peacefully. Outside snow slithers at the
glass.
FADE OUT. Pause. Blackness.
FADE IN:
It’s snowing in southwestern Ohio. Before us, nestled in the
rolling hills: a postcard slice of suburbia. SUPER the
legend: UPPER SANDUSKY, OHIO.
Three Weeks Earlier.
(NOTE: TWIST. Flashback. Now we’re going to find out what happened to these two)
Peaceful. Serene. It’s the town in the glass bubble, the one
God shakes to watch it snow…
(NOTE: Poetic)
1 EXT. SUBURBAN STREET – DAY 1
CHILDREN, dozens of them, bursting from houses. Slapping of
screen doors. A HORSE-DRIVEN SLEIGH is rattling down Main
Street. Flanked by kids. Christmas carols, droning from
loudspeakers.
HAPPY, LAUGHING SANTA waves howdy, chortling his “Ho’s” in
groups of three, meanwhile he’s really a grizzled old fire
marshall named EARL, freezing his nuts off.
Beside him sits MRS. CLAUS, about whom we notice two things:
First, she’s the June in this June/December pair — and
second, she’s to kill for, an effortlessly beautiful woman.
For the record, meet SAMANTHA CAINE.
SAMANTHA
How you holdin’ up?
EARL
Freezing my nuts off.
Santa produces a bottle of Seagrams. Starts to open it.
SAMANTHA
Put that away.
(NOTE: Samantha has some manners when it comes to children)
Earl complies, grumbling. Some teenage burnouts howl from a
street corner:
BURNOUT
Ow! Mrs. Claus is HOT!
Samantha squirms in her seat, scowling.
SAMANTHA
I can’t take it, Earl, this dumb
costume is giving me a wedgie.
SAMANTHA
Driving me crazy, but there’s these
kids here –
EARL
Right, you don’t wanna be rootin’ —
SAMANTHA
In front of little Billy, age four,
yeah. “Look, Mommy, Mrs. Claus
chooses to go butt-mining.”
(NOTE: Oh! She’s also crass)
EARL
This is little Billy talking?
SAMANTHA
Age four, kid’s unbelievable.
(sighs)
I’m too old for this, Earl.
EARL
Yeah, yeah. Spare me, I got a
prostate the size of a melon.
Samantha stares at him.
EARL
Seriously, half my life’s a doctor’s
hand up my ass, I should marry the
fucker.
SAMANTHA
Say that a little louder, there’s a
kid in back didn’t catch it.
EARL
It’s not that fucking little Billy
again, is it?
(NOTE: Humor)
SERIES OF SHOTS:
Throughout the following NARRATION, we watch Sam: 1) Rallying
the varsity CHEERLEADERS; 2) Showing off a GERBIL to her
seventh graders; 3) Kneeling in church with her HUSBAND,
blessing herself; 4) Absently fingering a silver KEY which
she wears round her neck; and finally 5) Probing at a tiny
ridged SCAR under her hairline.
SAMANTHA (V.O.)
Eight years. I keep hiring
detectives, but they never find
anything.
(beat)
I was born 3000 days ago on the
beach in New Jersey. I entered the
world fully grown, wearing clothes I
don’t remember buying. Nothing in
the pockets but a single key, filed
smooth.
(beat)
I’m married now. Nice guy, early
forties. I stand naked in the mirror
and try to guess my age. Thirty-five, maybe. I have lots of scars.
(NOTE: TWIST. We hear that Samantha doesn’t know who she is. She’s hired detectives to no avail. But she’s married…with lots of scars. Where did the scars come from?)
2 EXT. SNOWY SUBURBAN STREET – AFTERNOON 2
Samantha walks with her husband HAL. Late thirties. Balding.
Coming out of St. Paul’s Episcopal Church.
SAMANTHA
Hal, I gotta tell you, of all the
Christmas pageants I’ve seen, this
was by far the most recent.
(NOTE: Samantha has a sense of humor)
HAL
Aw, honey, I had teenage girls
playing the wise men, what’d you
expect?
SAMANTHA
Teenage boys?
HAL
Well, I thought they did fine.
SAMANTHA
Just fine? Come on, it was ground
breaking stuff. The first Nativity
where Joseph stares at the wise
men’s tits all night.
She hugs him good-naturedly. As they near their house, an
eight-year-old GIRL drops from a TREEHOUSE and comes running,
leaps into Mommy’s arms –
SAMANTHA
Hey, you!
The kid leaps into her arms, as we HEAR:
SAMANTHA (V.O.)
Her name is Caitlin. She’s my
daughter and when I woke up on that
long-ago day, she was two months
grown in my belly.
SAMANTHA (V.O.)
I don’t know who put her there. I
may never. I just know she’s mine,
and she’s about to turn eight.
(NOTE: TWIST. Samantha’s intrigue continues…she doesn’t know who her daughter’s father is!)
The family troops up the driveway to their SUBURBAN HOME.
Chipper little A-frame. Christmas lights abound. Behind the
house, a vast frozen POND. It is idyllic.
3 INT. ELEMENTARY SCHOOL – NIGHT 3
PARTY in progress. Laughter. Mingling. In the corner, CAITLIN
puts pipe cleaner antlers on the gerbil. Samantha shepherds
her home room class past the punchbowl. She is radiant. EARL
surreptitiously nips from a silver flask.
SAMANTHA (V.O.)
days. I teach now, fifth grade. I
have the key, I wear it around my
neck for luck. Except for that, and
my name, all traces of my prior life
are lost.
(beat)
Was I in love ever…? Did someone
look in my eyes, did I say,
“Darling, I’ll never forget you…?”
(beat)
Because fuck me, darling, I managed.
(NOTE: Where did the key come from and what does it mean? Samantha has a rough edge by the way she speaks)
ACROSS THE ROOM — Her daughter CAITLIN hangs with two young
girls. Shows off a plush TEDDY BEAR, says:
CAITLIN
His name is Mr. Perkins, my Mom
named him for me.
GIRL #1 points, whispers excitedly:
GIRL #1
That’s her?
Caitlin nods. Kid #2:
GIRL #2
That’s who?
GIRL #1
(excitedly)
Her Mom, she’s got amnesia.
GIRL #2
Swear?
CAITLIN
Swear.
GIRL #2
Too weird.
A voice interrupts their reverie:
SAMANTHA
Excuse me.
The girls whirl around, startled — Samantha is leaning on
the desk behind them. Busted. She smiles amiably:
SAMANTHA
Hello, girls. Caitlin, I’m going to
help Dad with the refreshments.
(leans in, whispers)
Which one’s Dad? I forget.
The girls look at her like she’s grown a tail.
SAMANTHA
Kidding.
(NOTE: There’s her sense of humor again. This is an interesting woman. She gives only bites of the story leaving many questions. And leaving the audience wanting to know more. The dialogue is efficient and creates an edgy feeling.)
CUT TO:
A DOOR KICKED OPEN, WHAM-! Splintered. Lock shattered.
4 INT. MOTEL ROOM – AKRON, OHIO – NIGHT
A NUDE COUPLE on the bed. They look up, startled — as three
men burst through the door. The LEADER: a haggard-looking man
sporting a soup-stain on his tie, whoops, that’s the design,
sorry. MITCH HENESSEY, private investigator and con man
extraordinaire. He flashes a phony badge:
(NOTE: Humor in the description:”…a haggard-looking man
sporting a soup-stain on his tie, whoops, that’s the design…”)
YOUNG MAN
POLICE. DON’T MOVE.
MAN ON BED
What the hell is this…?!!
YOUNG MAN
Don’t give me an attitude, sir.
You’re assuming I won’t shoot your
sorry ass, and everyone knows when
you make an assumption, you make an
ass out of u and mption.
YOUNG MAN
I’m Sergeant Madigan, Vice, and if
you cop a ‘tude, jerkoff, I will see
to it you spend the next ten years
in prison getting ass-fucked, and if
the case is thrown out because my
arrest is too violent, then I will
personally HIRE men to ass-fuck you
for ten years. So if you’re an ass-fucking fan, go ahead and mouth off,
but meanwhile you’re under arrest
for the crime of prostitution, now
shut the fuck up before I cut out
your kneecaps and use ’em as
ashtrays.
(beat)
Officer Donleavy, read him his
rights.
Donleavy looks pale, pasty. He stutters a few words. Loses
interest. Wanders away across the room.
MAN ON BED
(a trifle confused)
Please, this is my first, I… I’ve
never done this before, I’ll do
anything…!
YOUNG MAN
Sir, listen to me. I understand
you’re not a wealthy man, but in
light of the damage this arrest will
cause you, we might be able to make
an arrangement —
Donleavy plops in a chair. Belches. Grins foolishly. The man
in bed points to him:
MAN IN BED
Is he all right…?
THE REMAINING COP is swaying on his feet. Like a tree in a
hurricane. Donleavy pukes all over the floor. We CUT TO:
5 INT. BARREN GREY OFFICE – NIGHT 5
THERE’S THE GIRL. The one in bed moments ago. She and
Henessey are dividing a wad of bills.
GIRL
We gotta stop using bums.
(NOTE: These are cons. How do they fit into the story?)
MITCH
(lights a smoke)
Forget it. They looked like cops. We
pulled it off, didn’t we?
GIRL
It was embarrassing.
MITCH
You want I should hire actors, for
Chrissake? These guys are cheap,
they work for food.
GIRL
Uh-huh. So, when they puke all over
you is that, like, a refund?
MITCH
Trin, I’m pissin’ myself over here,
you’re so funny. What’s this?
He indicates an envelope earmarked for him. Labeled in magic
marker: SAMANTHA CAINE.
(NOTE: INCITING INCIDENT. Now we know that our amnesia-mom is being looked into. Who is she?)
TRIN
New case, honest to God chick with
amnesia. You want the job?
Henessey opens the envelope. Extracts a black and white HEAD
SHOT of Samantha, says immediately:
HENESSEY
Yep. Yep, yep, yep.
Stares, mesmerized. Trin peers over his shoulder:
TRIN
Wasn’t there a lady on TV named
Samantha? Had a magic nose or
something.
HENESSEY
‘Bewitched’, yeah. Good show. Chick
lived with a faggy guy, then in the
last season it was a different faggy
guy. Okay. Here’s what we do; get on
the horn to amnesia chick, tell her
yes. Then tell her in 1967 she
promised to give me a blow job.
Worth a try, right?
(NOTE: 10<sup>th</sup> page, we know that the movie is about a mom with amnesia and why she’s being looked for. We want to find out who she is, what she did, how she ends up, etc.)
-
Day 1 – What Makes a Great Opening? – Assignment
Mike O – Loves this opening
What I learned doing this is the importance of setting the stage, so to speak. Drawing the reader into the script and the world you have created requires a “hook.” The opening scene for me must be innovative, insightful and visually create a “shock-and-awe” vibe. The twist is a good facet, I normally go from opening scene which spills into the inciting incident. Good to have this “tool” to improve the first ten pages.
——————————————————
1. Pick a great opening from a script you enjoy.
I picked the “Tomorrow People” by Julia Plec. I like her work. Her and JJ Abrams scripts I read and reread…
———————————————————————
2. Paste 3 – 5 pages of the opening scene into an email and note how it shows the basic structure of great openings.
1st page: Provocative opening A character named John is robbing a building at night
3rd page: Twist After John trips an alarm, not only has the building security coming to investigate but men from a organization called Ultra appear and are supernatural like John.
5th to 10th page: Inciting Incident The Ultra agents begin chasing after John. They knock out the building security guard and follow John through the building. John transports himself out of the 40<sup>th</sup> floor window and reappears on the sidewalk below
By the 10th page: We know what the story is about.
We know there is at least two factions who have supernatural powers. One called Ultra, which is hunting John and Cara, whom we assume are rogue operatives or people born with these powers who are not part of Ultra. There is also an additional mystery element in that whatever John stole (a file) Ultra wants it as well. The file contains a person with abilities, who we later learn is the protagonist.
—————————————————————–
ACT ONE
ESTABLISHING: NEW YORK CITY. AN OFFICE TOWER. THINK NAKATOMI PLAZA (AKA THE DIE HARD BUILDING).
INT. OFFICE TOWER — HALLWAY – NIGHT
FORTY STORIES UP, A SHADOW slips around a corner. It’s after hours. Whoever this is, shouldn’t be here. TRACKING with him down the hall we ANGLE ON a motion detector TURNING RED.
INT. LOBBY – MOMENTS LATER
CUT TO A SECURITY GUARD at his post. Reacting to a SECURITY SCHEMATIC ON A COMPUTER. A RED LIGHT blinking.
SECURITY GUARD (INTO WALKIE)
Code up on the top floor. Standby. I better check it out.
Swapping walkie-talkie for his GUN, he EXITS.
INT. DARK ROOM – INTERCUT
CUT TO CARA, early 20s. Her beautiful, anxious face lit by a COMPUTER with the SCHEMATIC. She’s hacked into the system.
CARA
Nice. You just tripped an alarm.
INT. HALLWAY – NIGHT
BACK AS THE SHADOWY FIGURE steps into the light. REVEAL JOHN, late 20s, handsome, cool under pressure. We assume that he and Cara are talking VIA EARWIG.
JOHN
Whatever. I’m almost there.
As John reaches a perpendicular hallway. Right or left?
JOHN (CONT‟D)
Which way am I going?
BACK WITH CARA.
CARA
(speaking to someone O.S.)
Pull up a floor plan of the tower —
CUT TO JOHN. Cara’s VOICE in his ear.
CARA (V.O.)
TIM says there’s someone in the east elevator. You gotta bail.
Service elevator’s to your left…
But John spots a sign: “Medical records” pointing RIGHT.
JOHN
(glibly ignoring Cara)
Right it is…
BACK WITH CARA, pissed.
CARA
TIM says you’re an idiot…
BACK WITH JOHN, reaching the DOOR at the end of the hall. Marked MEDICAL RECORDS. Only it’s locked. And not an ordinary lock, a sophisticated electronic keypad.
CARA (CONT‟D)
Let me guess… It’s locked?
CLOSE ON JOHN as we hear his thoughts. For future reference all telepathic conversation will be in italics.
JOHN
You musta read my mind…
CLOSE ON CARA, responding telepathically… And sardonically.
CARA
I also read the mind of the guy in the elevator who’s got a gun.
BACK WITH JOHN looking over his shoulder at the ELEVATOR, uh oh.
INT. ELEVATOR – NIGHT
CUT TO THE GUARD, READYING HIS GUN. Almost to John’s floor.
INT. HALLWAY – NIGHT
BACK WITH JOHN. BING. AS THE ELEVATOR OPENS BEHIND HIM.
He’s TRAPPED. But just as the security guard steps out… JOHN VANISHES INTO THIN AIR…
INT. MEDICAL RECORDS OFFICE – CONTINUOUS…
ONLY TO REAPPEAR ON THE FAR SIDE OF THE LOCKED DOOR. WTF?
INT. HALLWAY – INTERCUT
The guard surveys the EMPTY HALLWAY. Huh. That’s weird. He holsters his gun. Relaxing, raising his walkie-talkie…
SECURITY GUARD
(into walkie talkie)
False alarm.
But when the guard turns around towards the elevator, he finds THREE SUITED MEN standing behind him. Dressed like government agents. Where the hell did they come from?
SECURITY GUARD (CONT‟D)
(reaching for gun)
Hold it right there…
ONLY TO FIND HIS HOLSTER EMPTY. PULL BACK from his confused expression as WE REVEAL HIS GUN FLOATING IN MID-AIR. Next to his head. Just… Levitating.
SECURITY GUARD (CONT‟D)
What the — ?
CLOSE ON THE LEAD AGENT, flanked by the other two. Staring at the levitating gun… Like he’s controlling it.
LEAD AGENT
Let me help you with that
–Before the guard can react, lead agent plucks the gun out of mid-air and CLOCKS THE GUARD in the head. He’s out cold.
BACK WITH CARA. Reacting to the live feed. She goes ashen.
CARA
Something’s wrong…
INT. MEDICAL RECORDS OFFICE – CONTINUOUS
Meanwhile, we CUT TO JOHN flipping through a file cabinet. He finds what he’s looking for, a MEDICAL RECORD. Bingo.
CARA (V.O.)
(get out of there)
ULTRA’s in the building…
BACK WITH JOHN. Cara’s warning comes too late. A VOICE
VOICE (O.S.)
I’ll take that file.
John slowly turns. The agents fan out. Surrounding him.
LEAD AGENT
It’s over, John…
THAT’S WHEN JOHN TURNS AND RUNS STRAIGHT TOWARDS A WALL.
About to hit it when WHOOSH, HE DISAPPEARS. But these agents know the drill. Chasing John they reach the wall and VANISH.
INT. ADJACENT OFFICE – CONTINUOUS
REAPPEARING on John’s heels. Arms pumping, John eyes two sets of FILE CABINETS. He runs between them.
ON THE AGENTS following. THE DRAWERS FLY OPEN. SMASH, TWO AGENTS GO DOWN. BUT LEAD AGENT DUCKS, SLIDING UNDER THE DRAWERS, LEAPING BACK TO HIS FEET.
John looks over his shoulder. Damn. This guy is good. He spots a nearby window. Runs towards it.
AT THE WINDOW, John gazes on the STREET… FORTY STORIES DOWN. A moment of focus before HE SUDDENLY DISAPPEARS…
EXT. STREET – CONTINUOUS
REAPPEARING ON THE STREET BELOW. Only it’s like he ran the distance. John staggers towards a SUBWAY ENTRANCE. WHEN LEAD AGENT APPEARS ON THE STREET BEHIND HIM. Still trailing.
———————————————————————
3. Tell us anything you feel makes that opening stand out.
The manner in which the supernatural element is introduced into the script. It has an almost natural feel, nothing forced. Their powers seems “normal” to me, just as walking and talking are normal activities for us. Also, the chemistry between John and Cara is well done. Not heavy-handed, but enough to tell us they are an item, if not a couple.
-
Dev Ross – The first ten pages.
As a former script analyst, I already knew that the first ten pages are crucial. I often didn’t read past the first ten if certain story markers weren’t hit as I had a pile of other scripts to get through. Though I really didn’t learn anything new in this exercise, I enjoyed doing it because it was again a strong reminder of how crucial the first ten pages are.
THE MATRIX
FADE IN:
THE OPENING IS QUITE PROVOCATIVE IN THAT IT SETS UP SOMETHING FAMILIAR – A COMPUTER SCREEN – BUT WITH VOICES HEARD ON A PHONE. THESE VOICES SET UP THAT THEY ARE WATCHING SOMEONE WHO THEY ARE TOLD IS VERY SPECIAL. WE KNOW TRUST IS INVOLVED, THAT THIS IS DANGEROUS AND THAT ONE CHARACTER IS ALREADY QUESTIONING THEIR MOTIVES.
1 ON COMPUTER SCREEN 1
SO CLOSE IT HAS NO BOUNDARIES.
A BLINDING CURSOR PULSES IN THE ELECTRIC DARKNESS LIKE A
HEART COURSING WITH PHOSPHOROUS LIGHT, BURNING BENEATH
THE DERMA OF BLACK-NEON GLASS.
A PHONE BEGINS TO RING, WE HEAR IT AS THOUGH WE WERE
MAKING THE CALL. THE CURSOR CONTINUES TO THROB,
RELENTLESSLY PATIENT, UNTIL —
MAN (V.O.)
YEAH?
DATA NOW SLASHES ACROSS THE SCREEN, INFORMATION FLASHING
FASTER THEN WE CAN READ: “CALL TRANS OPT: RECEIVED.
2-19-98 13:24:18 REC:LOG>.”
WOMAN (V.O.)
IS EVERYTHING IN PLACE?
ON SCREEN: “TRACE PROGRAM: RUNNING.”
WE LISTEN TO THE PHONE CONVERSATION AS THOUGH WE WERE ON
A THIRD LINE. THE MAN’S NAME IS CYPHER. THE WOMAN,
TRINITY.
TRINITY (WOMANV.O.)
I SAID, IS EVERYTHING IN PLACE?
THE ENTIRE SCREEN WITH RACING COLUMNS OF NUMBERS.
SIMMERING LIKE GREEN-ELECTRIC RIVERS, THEY RUSH AT A
10-DIGIT PHONE NUMBER IN THE TOP CORNER.
CYPHER (MANV.O.)
YOU WEREN’T SUPPOSED TO RELIEVE ME.
TRINITY (V.O.)
I KNOW BUT I FELT LIKE TAKING A SHIFT.
THE AREA CODE IS IDENTIFIED. THE FIRST THREE NUMBERS
SUDDENLY FIXED, LEAVING ONLY SEVEN FLOWING COLUMNS.
CYPHER (V.O.)
YOU LIKE HIM, DON’T YOU? YOU LIKE WATCHING HIM?
WE BEGIN MOVING TOWARD THE SCREEN, CLOSING IN AS EACH
DIGIT IS MATCHED, ONE BY ONE, SNAPPING INTO PLACE LIKE
THE WHEELS OF A SLOT MACHINE.
(CONTINUED)
1 CONTINUED: 1
TRINITY (V.O.)
DON’T BE RIDICULOUS.
CYPHER (V.O.)
WE’RE GOING TO KILL HIM. DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT? HE’S GOING TO DIE JUST LIKE THE OTHERS.
TRINITY (V.O.)
MORPHEUS BELIEVES HE IS THE ONE.
ONLY TWO THIN DIGITS LEFT.
CYPHER (V.O.)
DO YOU?
TRINITY (V.O.)
I… IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT I BELIEVE.
CYPHER (V.O.)
YOU DON’T, DO YOU?
TRINITY (V.O.)
IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY, I SUGGEST YOU SAY IT TO MORPHEUS.
CYPHER (V.O.)
I INTEND TO, BELIEVE ME. SOMEONE HAS TO.
THE FINAL NUMBER POPS INTO PLACE —
TRINITY (V.O.)
DID YOU HEAR THAT?
CYPHER (V.O.)
HEAR WHAT?
ON SCREEN: “TRACE COMPLETE. CALL ORIGIN: #312-555-
0690.
TRINITY (V.O.)
ARE YOU SURE THIS LINE IS CLEAN?
CYPHER (V.O.)
YEAH, ‘COURSE I’M SURE.
WE MOVE STILL CLOSER, THE ELECTRIC HUM OF THE GREEN
NUMBERS GROWING INTO AN OMINOUS ROAR.
TRINITY (V.O.)
I BETTER GO.
CCONTINUED)
THE MATRIX – REV. 3/9/98 3.
CONTINUED: (2) 1
HE HANGS UP AS WE PASS THROUGH THE NUMBERS, ENTERING THE
NETHER WORLD OF THE COMPUTER SCREEN. SUDDENLY, A FLASHLIGHT CUTS OPEN THE DARKNESS AND WE FIND OURSELVES IN —
THIS MARKS THE THIRD PAGE WHERE WE GET A BIG TWIST. WHERE WE START IN A TECH WORLD, WE ARE NOW IN A WORLD REMINISCIENT OF THE FIFTIES AND SIXITIES. TYPICAL COP AND FBI RELATIONSHIP. PUT DOWNS ALL AROUND. IN MOMENTS WE WILL FEEL SOMETHING VERY ODD. WE ARE NOT IN KANSAS ANYMORE.
2 INT. HEART O’ THE CITY HOTEL – NIGHT 2
THE HOTEL WAS ABANDONED AFTER A FIRE LICKED ITS WAY
ACROSS THE POLYESTER CARPETING, DESTROYING SEVERAL ROOMS
AS IT SPOOLED SOOT UP THE WALLS AND CEILING, LEAVING
PATTERNS OF PERMANENT SHADOW.
WE FOLLOW FOUR ARMED POLICE OFFICERS USING FLASHLIGHTS AS
THEY CREEP DOWN THE BLACKENED HALL AND READY THEMSELVES
ON EITHER SIDE OF ROOM 303.
THE BIGGEST OF THEM VIOLENTLY KICKS IN THE DOOR. THE OTHER
COPS POUR IN BEHIND HIM, GUNS THRUST BEFORE THEM.
BIG COP
POLICE! FREEZE!
THE ROOM IS ALMOST DEVOID OF FURNITURE. THERE IS A FOLDUP TABLE AND CHAIR WITH A PHONE, A MODEM, AND A POWERBOOK
COMPUTER. THE ONLY LIGHT IN THE ROOM IS THE GLOW OF THE
COMPUTER.
SITTING THERE, HER HANDS STILL ON THE KEYBOARD, IS
TRINITY; A WOMAN IN BLACK LEATHER.
BIG COP
HANDS BEHIND YOUR HEAD! NOW! DO
IT!
SHE SLOWLY PUTS HER HANDS BEHIND HER HEAD.
3 EXT. HEART O’ THE CITY HOTEL – NIGHT 3
A BLACK SEDAN WITH TINTED WINDOWS GLIDES IN THROUGH THE
POLICE CRUISERS. AGENT SMITH, AGENT BROWN, AND AGENT
JONES GET OUT OF THE CAR.
THEY WEAR DARK SUITS AND SUNGLASSES EVEN AT NIGHT. THEY
ARE ALSO ALWAYS HARDWIRED; SMALL SECRET SERVICE EARPHONES
IN ONE EAR, THE CORD COILING BACK INTO THEIR SHIRT
COLLARS.
AGENT SMITH
LIEUTENANT?
LIEUTENANT
OH SHIT.
(CONTINUED)
THE MATRIX – REV. 3/9/98 4.
3 CONTINUED: 3
AGENT SMITH
LIEUTENANT, YOU WERE GIVEN
SPECIFIC ORDERS —
LIEUTENANT
I’M JUST DOING MY JOB. YOU GIMME
THAT JURIS-MY DICK-TION AND YOU
CAN CRAM IT UP YOUR ASS.
AGENT SMITH
THE ORDERS WERE FOR YOUR
PROTECTION.
THE LIEUTENANT LAUGHS.
LIEUTENANT
I THINK WE CAN HANDLE ONE LITTLE
GIRL.
AGENT SMITH NODS TO AGENT BROWN AS THEY START TOWARD THE
HOTEL.
LIEUTENANT
I SENT TWO UNITS. THEY’RE
BRINGING HER DOWN NOW.
AGENT SMITH
NO, LIEUTENANT, YOUR MEN ARE
ALREADY DEAD.
4 INT. HEART O’ THE CITY HOTEL 4
THE BIG COP FLICKS OUT HIS CUFFS, THE OTHER COPS HOLDING
A BEAD. THEY’VE DONE THIS A HUNDRED TIMES, THEY KNOW
THEY’VE GOT HER, UNTIL THE BIG COP REACHES WITH THE CUFFS
AND TRINITY MOVES —
IT ALMOST DOESN’T REGISTER, SO SMOOTH AND FAST, INHUMANLY
FAST.
THE EYE BLINKS AND TRINITY’S PALM SNAPS UP AND THE NOSE
EXPLODES, BLOOD ERUPTING. HER LEG KICKS WITH THE FORCE
OF A WRECKING BALL AND HE FLIES BACK, A TWO-HUNDRED-FIFTY
POUND SACK OF LIMP MEAT AND BONE THAT SLAMS INTO THE COP
FARTHEST FROM HER.
TRINITY MOVES AGAIN, BULLETS RAKING THE WALLS,
FLASHLIGHTS SWEEPING WITH PANIC AS THE REMAINING COPS TRY
TO STOP A LEATHER-CLAD GHOST.
A GUN STILL IN THE COP’S HAND IS SNATCHED, TWISTED, AND
FIRED. THERE IS A FINAL VIOLENT EXCHANGE OF GUNFIRE AND
WHEN IT’S OVER, TRINITY IS THE ONLY ONE STANDING.
(CONTINUED)
THE MATRIX – REV. 3/9/98 5.
4 CONTINUED: 4
A FLASHLIGHT ROCKS SLOWLY TO A STOP.
TRINITY
SHIT.
5 EXT. HEART O’ THE CITY HOTEL 5
AGENT BROWN ENTERS THE HOTEL WHILE AGENT SMITH HEADS FOR
THE ALLEY.
6 INT. HEART O’ THE CITY HOTEL 6
TRINITY IS ON THE PHONE, PACING. THE OTHER END IS
ANSWERED.
MAN (V.O.)
OPERATOR.
TRINITY
MORPHEUS! THE LINE WAS TRACED! I
INCITING INCIDENT – THERE IS A TRAITOR AND THEY’VE BEEN GIVEN UP. THIS IS LIFE AND DEATH.
DON’T KNOW HOW.
MORPHEUS (MANV.O.)
I KNOW. THEY CUT THE HARDLINE.
THIS LINE IS NOT A VIABLE EXIT.
TRINITY
ARE THERE ANY AGENTS?
MORPHEUS (V.O.)
YES.
TRINITY
GODDAMNIT!
MORPHEUS (V.O.)
YOU HAVE TO FOCUS. THERE IS A
PHONE. WELLS AND LAKE. YOU CAN
MAKE IT.
SHE TAKES A DEEP BREATH, CENTERING HERSELF.
TRINITY
ALL RIGHT —
MORPHEUS (V.O.)
GO.
SHE DROPS THE PHONE
BY PAGE TEN WE KNOW THAT THERE ARE GOVERNMENT FORCES TRYING TO STOP A NEW LEADER FROM ARISING AND WILL STOP AT NOTHING TO CATCH HIM.
-
PS81 – Dana Loves This Opening
What I learned Doing This Assignment
Reading SIGNS gave me a better understanding of how to craft my first ten pages. The beginning, middle and end of the first ten pages must capture the heart of the movie. The first page grabs the reader, the twist by page three holds them, and by page ten, you capture their interest to read the entire script.
The first ten pages also needs to setup the twists and turns throughout the story to the final scene and the last image/line of the movie.
SIGNS – M. NIGHT SHYAMALAN
FADE IN:
INT. WINDOW – MORNING
We are looking out a second story window of a house. The backyard is large and green with a wooden jungle gym, worn from use. A single tree throws shade onto a barbecue and a picnic table.
The backyard is lined by crops. Corn. Golden and brown. Six feet high.
Everything is perfect. Like a postcard. And then we HEAR A CHILD SCREAM. IT’S FAR AWAY. WE DON’T KNOW WHERE IT’S COMING FROM.
NOTE: It’s a peaceful, rural setting. Then we hear the children screaming, breaking the Normal Rockwell image. This draws into the story, immediately knowing something is wrong.
CUT TO:
INT. BEDROOM – MORNING
GRAHAM HESS wakes up from his sleep. He thought he heard something. He listens. HE HEARS THE HEATER. THE REFRIGERATOR DOWNSTAIRS HUMMING. THE OCCASIONAL BIRDS OUTSIDE CHIRPING.
Graham climbs out of bed. He moves in his pajama pants and white Barron’s minor league baseball T-shirt towards the bedroom door.
CUT TO:
INT. HALL LANDING – MORNING
Graham stands in the hall landing where three bedroom doors meet. He moves to the door that has children’s drawings taped to it. He puts his ear close. Listens. Beat.
He relaxes. Graham leans down and picks up two balled up sweat socks and a child’s sweater from the hallway floor. He puts it in the hallway hamper before heading back into his bedroom.
CUT TO:
NOTE: We now know that the screaming children belong to Graham, but that he doesn’t know they’re in trouble and need help. This adds to the suspense of the scene.
INT. BATHROOM – MORNING
A bathroom door is open. WE HEAR THE SINK RUNNING. WE HEAR THE SOUNDS OF TEETH BEING BRUSHED.
Outside the bathroom on the bedroom wall is the sun faded outline of where a large CATHOLIC CROSS used to hang. It’s ghostly stained forever on the blank wall.
NOTE: The faded outline of a cross on the wall is an indication of Graham’s lost faith, which is pivotal to the story. This moment helps set up the last image on the last page.
A CHILD SCREAMS FROM FAR AWAY.
The water from the sink stops. Graham steps into the doorway. Toothbrush and foam in his mouth. He becomes very still.
CUT TO:
INT. CHILDREN’S BEDROOM – MORNING
The bedroom door bursts open. Graham steps into his children’s room. There are children’s books everywhere. Overflowing off shelves. Piled in corners.
Graham’s eyes move to the small messy beds. They’re both empty.
NOTE: The imagery of the empty beds confirms Graham’s fears, and ours, that his children are in trouble. These scenes convey suspense without one spoken word of dialogue.
CUT TO:
INT. GARAGE BEDROOM – MORNING
WE HEAR THE VOICES OF TWO CHILDREN NOW. THEIR SCREAMS FLOAT INTO A DARKENED BEDROOM OVER THE GARAGE.
MERRILL HESS throws the bed sheets off himself as he swings onto his feet in one quick motion. He is hyper-awake. Merrill is in his late twenties. He is well build. His muscles are tense as he stands in his red bikini briefs and looks around bewildered.
CUT TO:
EXT. BACKYARD – MORNING
Graham bangs open the back screen door and runs into the backyard. He spins as he looks around.
Merrill, now with a T-shirt and jeans, rumbles down the side stairs adjacent to the garage building.
Merrill and Graham make eye contact as they approach each other across the yard.
MERRILL
Where are they?Graham looks around — panic growing in his eyes.
CHILDREN
(yelling in the distance)
Daaaad!Graham and Merrill in unison turn in the direction of the YELLING. They look away from the house, across the yard and into THE THICK WALL OF CROPS.
CUT TO:
Note: What have we learned in these few pages? It’s a family farm; the two men are brothers; Graham has more than one child; Graham is having a crisis in faith; the mother is missing or gone; the children are in trouble. And we learn all this with only two lines of dialogue.
EXT. CROPS – MORNING
The tall stalks of corn smack Graham and Merrill’s faces as they run through the crops.
A LITTLE GIRL appears in the crops thirty feet ahead of them like an apparition. She is in her nightgown. She is four.
They reach her fast. She stands unaware of them in a daze. Her hair is messed from sleep.
GRAHAM
Bo where’s Morgan?BO stands peacefully lost in her thoughts. Beat.
GRAHAM
Bo?Bo finally looks at her father. Beat. She smiles softly.
BO
Are you in my dreams too?Beat.
GRAHAM
This isn’t a –BOY (O.S.)
Dad!Graham looks in the direction of THE BOY’S VOICE. He’s close. Graham picks up Bo and rushes through the crops.
He finds MORGAN standing with his hands in the pockets of his pajama bottoms. DOGS ARE BARKING NEARBY.
GRAHAM
Morgan what’s happening?Graham puts Bo on the ground and moves right in front of Morgan. The ten-year old boy looks deep in thought.
Graham takes hold of Morgan’s chin and turns his face so he’s looking straight at him.
GRAHAM
Are… you… hurt?Beat. Morgan’s eyes reveal he’s come to some answer.
MORGAN
I think God did it.Beat. THE DOGS KEEP BARKING.
GRAHAM
Did what Morgan?Morgan takes hold of his father’s unshaven chin and turns his face. Graham is forced to look to his right. Beat. Graham sees something.
Graham Hess slowly rises to his feet. He starts moving forward towards something.
He walks through a thin layer of crops and emerges in a clearing. Two German Shepherds are running back and forth. They are clearly agitated.
Graham looks around at the THOUSANDS OF CORN STALKS LYING FLAT ON THE GROUND. THEY LAY IN A GIGANTIC CIRCLE, A HUNDRED FEET WIDE.
Graham Hess looks around in a daze as he walks out into the center. Merrill, Bo and Morgan follow him.
The dogs keep running and barking as WE PULL BACK AND REVEAL THE FOUR MEMBERS OF THE HESS FAMILY STANDING IN THE MIDDLE OF THIS PERFECT, GIGANTIC CIRCLE.
WE KEEP PULLING BACK TO EXPOSE THIS EERIE DESIGN – FIVE HUNDRED FEET WIDE — SITTING IN THE MIDDLE OF AN ENDLESS, UNTOUCHED CORN FIELD.
LEGEND:
“BUCKS COUNTY PENNSYLVANIA…
THIRTY MILES OUTSIDE PHILADELPHIA”NOTE: This is the TWIST in the opening scene. Graham’s corn field has been turned into a crop SIGN for events to come.
INCITING INCIDENT
His daughter, Bo, unable to sleep that night, wakes Graham up and asks for a glass of water. (Her phobia of believing water is contaminated after one sip is an intracule part of the climax of the script). Graham takes Bo back to her room, and while talking to her about her dead mother, Graham’s eyes drift through the bedroom window to see a dark figure on the adjacent rooftop watching them. This is the alien doing recon on their home.
WHAT THE MOVIE IS ABOUT
Graham Hess’ and his family experiencing a crisis of faith during an alien invasion.
WHAT STANDS OUT
The peaceful setting in contrast to the children screaming at the beginning grabs your attention. And the suspense Shyamalan crafts into the narrative keeps you reading:
The TWIST when the SIGNS in the crop field are revealed.
The dogs act out violently until the son is forced to kill one.
The sheriff telling them of other strange events in town.
And finally, we realize an alien is spying on Graham’s family, although he suspects it’s someone else.
-
June Fortunato loves this opening- Catch Me If You Can Day 1 of first ten pages
What I learned- I analyzed my script and found that I hit the marks on page 1, 3 and by page 10. the second protagonist is offset but has the same number of pages for her points.
INT. – GAME SHOW SET. – DAY 1 BLACK AND WHITE FOOTAGE FROM
1978 MUSIC UP: A SIMPLE GAME SHOW SET —
One long desk-that houses four “CELEBRITY PANELISTS,” a small
pulpit with attached microphone for the host, BUD COLLYER,
who walks through the curtain to the delight of the audience.
Bud bows and waves to the celebrities — ORSON BEAN, KITTY
CARLISLE, TOM POSTON, and PEGGY CASS.
BUD COLLYER
Hello, panel, and welcome everyone
to another exciting day on “To Tell
The Truth.” Let’s get the show
started.
THE CURTAIN STARTS TO RISE BRIGHT LIGHTS SHINE on the faces
of THREE MEN who walk toward center stage. All three in wear
identical AIRLINE PILOT UNIFORMS, each with blue blazers and
caps.
Gentleman, please state your names.
PILOT #1
My name is Frank Abagnale Jr.
THE PILOT IN THE MIDDLE steps forward.
PILOT #2 My name is Frank Abagnale
Jr.
THE THIRD PILOT does the same.
PILOT #3
My name is Frank Abagnale Jr. Bud
smiles, grabs a piece of paper.
BUD COLLYE
R Panel, listen to this one.
(he starts to read)
My name is Frank Abagnale Jr, and
some people consider me the worlds
greatest imposter.
NOTE Page 1 FUN AND INTERESTING GAME. AKA Provocative
As Bud reads, the CAMERA SLOWLY PANS the faces of the three
PILOTS.
BUD COLLYER
((READING) From 1964 to 1966 I
successfully impersonated an
airline pilot for Pan Am Airlines,
and flew over two million miles for
free. During that time I was also
the Chief Resident Pediatrician at
a Georgia hospital, the Assistant
Attorney General for the state of
Louisiana, and a Professor of
American History at a prestigious
University in France. By the time I
was caught and sentenced to prison,
I had cashed over six million
dollars in fraudulent checks in 26
foreign countries and all fifty
states, and I did it all before my
18th birthday. To this day, I am
the only teenager ever to have been
placed on the FBI’ s most wanted
list.
My name is Abagnale Jr.
NOTE OUTRAGEOUS FRAUDSTER. WHO COULD GET AWAY WITH ALL THAT?
Warm applause as the THREE MEN walk behind a desk that faces
the pa They all sit down at exactly the same time.
BUD COLLY
Okay, panel, you have work cut out
for you. Kitty Carl , you have the
first question.
Imposter number one, how many years
were you in prison?
PILOT #1
I served two years in France, and
five years in Atlanta, Georgia.
KITTY CARLISLE
Imposter number two, I find all
this very fascinating. Who was it
that finally caught you?
3.
SLOWLY PUSH IN ON THE PILOT IN THE MIDDLE — A thin smile
across his lips as he faces the panel — his manicured hands
out in front of him on the desk — his back straight in his
chair — his cap pulled slightly forward on his head — the
way pilots like to wear them.
NOTE TWIST ON PAGE 3 HE’S IN PRISON
PRISON. – MARSEILLE – NIGHT 2 SUPER: MARSEILLE, FRANCE
DECEMBER 25, 196 2 EXT. – PAPIGONE MAXIMUM SECURITY 7
A heavy rain falls on JOE SHAPE, 40’s, who wears a black hat
and holds a black umbrella as he bangs on the window of a
small GUARDHOUSE in front of a LARGE GATED PRISON. Joe is
sneezing as he holds up an IDENTIFICATION CARD TO THE GUARD.
JOE SHAPE Joe Shaye, FBI.
3 INT. – PAPIGONE PRISON WARDEN’S OFFICE. – DAY 3
Joe is walking down a long corridor inside the prison,
struggling to close his umbrella as he faces WARDEN GARREN
and TWO GUARDS.
JOE SHAPE
I have orders see a prisoner named
Abagnale, t e his statement and
solicit so I can prepare for
tomorrow’ tladition.
Joe takes a roll of CASH out of h` ocket, casually slips the
money to the Warden.
JOE SHAPE
If I give you another twenty, will
you turn up the heat in here?
4 INT. – PAPIGONE PRISON – FRANK’S CELL/CORRIDOR. – DAY 4
Warden Garren is leading Joe down a small, isolated corridor
just off the main floor. They pass CEMENT DOORS with metal
SLIDE HOLES and numbers taped to the front. There are no bars
or windows in this area, and complete silence. Garren stops
at the last cell and opens the SLIDE HOLE.
Don’t pass him anything through the
HOLE-
(MORE)
4.
Garren walks off, and Joe immediately starts to smile,
looking around for a long BEAT as he stares at the cell door.
page 3
JOE SHAYE
Yoohoo. Hello? Is the lady of the
house at home?
Joe tries to control his excitement as he kneels down and
looks through the metal slide hole.
THROUGH THE HOLE 5 INT. – PAPIGONE PRISON – FRANK’S CELL. –
NIGHT 5
WE SEE FRANK ABAGNALE JR., his face partially hidden in the
dim cell, which gets its only light from a hanging bulb.
Frank is lying on the cement floor, his back up against the
far wall. He wears only a pair of underwear and clutches a
torn blanket.
JOE SHAYE
Jesus, Frank, you look terrible. I
heard about French prisons, but
this is positively barbaric.
WE HEAR a sound come fr)dthe cell, and then heavy coughing.
JO,E YE (cont ‘ d)
That doesn’ t o d(rr4ood. I have a
little cold my Help me.
JOE SHAYE
Help you? Yes, I’ll help you,
Frank. N Why do you think I’ve been
fighting to have you extradited.
Why do you think I came to take you
home? Do you know that 21 other
countries want’you in their
prisons? I saw the list — Egypt
was on there. Who the hell goes to
Egypt to write bad checks?
FRANK
I’m sick… please…
JOE SHAYE
Don’t worry, Frank, you just have
to make it through one more night.
BUD COLLYER (CONT’D)
5.
And then tomorrow I’ll help you
onto a plane, clean you up, and put
you in a cell for the next twentyfive
years.
INSIDE THE CELL CLOSE ON FRANK ABAGNALE JR.
His face covered by a beard and matted black hair. Frank
closes his eyes and starts to cough.
FRANK
Help me, please. I can’t breathe…
OUTSIDE THE CELL
Joe listens to Frank, who is coughing so hard he starts to
choke.
FRANK
(CONT’D) Can’t… breathe…
JOE SHAYE
Don’t start this shit, Frank.
FRANK
Can’t …Can’t
Joe looks through the slot i e11 door, but can only see faint
images of Frank rol the floor holding his THROATJOE
SHAYE (cont’d)
Frank, what’s happening? Damn it,
just calm down! Somebody help me!!
SMASH CUT 6 INT. – PAPIGONE PRISON – FRANK’S CELL/CORRIDOR. 6
Frank is being dragged across the floor by Warden Garren and
a second GUARD, each holding an arm as they drag Frank’s
emaciated six-foot frame through the halls. Joe Shaye jogs
behind the guards.
JOE SHAYE
He’s not breathing. I think he
stopped breathing!
7 INT. – PAPIGONE PRISON INFIRMARY. – DAY 7
6.
A small, empty room with four empty hospital beds. Frank is
lifted onto one of the beds, his legs and arms flailing out
to the sides, kicking a thin curtain out from the wall.
JOE SHAYE
What’s happening to him?
Garren and the Guard quickly move toward a sink, where they
start to wash their hands.
JOE SHAYE
What are you doing?
ASSISTANT WARDEN GARREN
Washing off the lice.
JOE SHAYEHe
can’t breath. You have to call a
doctor.
STANT WARDEN GARREN
The doctor p fnl’sf in the morning.
You can’t just t him die. I have
orders from the Embassy! This man
is going t tradited to the United
State am holding you responsible if
ant happens!
Suddenly Garren looks past Shaye — eyeing the curtain that
partially encloses Frank’s bed. Garren slowly moves toward
the curtain, pushes it open. FRANK IS GONE CLOSE ON GARREN
drawing his gun and sprinting out the open door of the
infirmary, yelling in French for the Guard to follow. Joe
Shaye stands motionless, staring down in horro r at the empty
bed.
JOE SHAYE
, shit.. .Frank!
Note by page 6 we learn just how slippy dippy the protagonist <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>is, and that an investigator is supposed to extradite him. We <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>know what the story is about- also from the title.
8 INT. – PRISON. – CONTINUOUS 8
The prison ALARM has sent every prisoner to the front of
their cells, where they see Frank stumbling through the
prison –a thin smile on his lips as he tries to move his
starved legs toward the main door. As Frank makes his way
past a row of cheering prisoners, he trips and falls, his
body too weak to run as he starts to crawl across the prison
floor. Joe and Garren easily catch up to him, Garren quickly
kneeling down and holding his gun against Frank’s head —
cocking the weapon. Frank stops crawling, rolls over on his
back and smiles up at Joe Shaye.
(MORE)
7.
FRANK
Okay, Joe…let’s go home.
9 INT. – NEW ROCHELLE ROTARY CLUB. – BANQUET ROOM. – NIGHT 9
SUPER: NEW ROCHELLE. NEW JERSEY 1964
A smoke filled oak dining room packed with CLUB MEMBERS —
HUNDREDS OF MIDDLE AGED WHITE MEN wearing black suits and
holding long cigars as they drink from brandy glasses. FRANK
ABAGNALE, 15, a BUCKLEY PRIVATE SCHOOL BLUE BLAZER AND WHITE
PANT with his mother, PAULA, 33, at a center table near
themes Paula is a stunning blonde dressed in diamonds and and
since she’s the only woman in the room — she’s getti t of
attention.
CLUB PRESIDENT JACK WRIGHT ta kes rophone at the front of the
stage.
JACK WRIGHT The New Rochelle Rotary
Club has a history that goes back
to 1859. In all those years, we
have only inducted a handful of
deserving men as lifetime members,
an honor that has seen 187 names
enshrined on the wall of honor.
Tonight, we make it 188. So please
stand, as I present my good friend,
Frank William Abagnale.
Applause all around as FRANK ABAGNALE SR. steps up to the
MICROPHONE. He is handsome and impeccable groomed — wearing
a black suit and holding onto his plaque with two hands.
Two little mice fell in a bucket of
cream. The first mouse quickly gave
up and drowned, but the second
mouse wouldn’t quit. He struggled
so hard, into butter — and crawled
out. Gentleman, as of this moment,
I am that second mouse.
Laughter from the men in the room as Frank continues.
FRANK SR. (cont’d)
I stand here today humbled by the
presence of Mayor Allen, and our
club President, Jack Wright. But
most of all, I am honored to see my
loving wife, Paula, and my son,
Frank Jr., sitting in the frontrow.
I’m just a business man, a
working stiff — but tonight you
have made me royalty.
STANT WARDEN GARREN (CONT’D)
(MORE)
8.
And for this, I am eternally
grateful.
The men applaud as Frank Sr. smiles down at his wife and son,
giving them a wink as he raises the plaque in the air.
10 EXT. – FRANK’S HOUSE. -/W ROCHELLE. – DAY 10
A tree lined, picture ce of suburbia, with large homes
splashed with snow, Ca n the driveways and kids sledding in
the street.
11 EXT. – FRANK’S HOUSE CHRISTMA4ER2MF , – DAY 11
DEAN MARTIN is singing EVERYBOD SOMEBODY on the radio, as
Frank Sr. hammers his PLAQUE i the wall. in the middle of the
DEN, Frank is dancing with his mother, who is holding a glass
of wine as she dances.
PAULA
You’re a better dancer than your
father, Frankie. The girls don’t
know what they’re in for.
FRANK SR.
Paula, show him the dance you were
doing when we met. Who can
remember?
FRANK SR.
The people in that little French
Village were so happy to see
Americans, that they decided to put
on a show for us.
I know the story, Dad.
FRANK SR.
So they cram two hundred soldiers
into this tiny social hall, and the
first person to walk on stage is
your mother. And she starts to
dance… Paula steps away from
Frank, and she starts to dance a
ballet, smiling as she tries to
remember the steps.
FRANK SR.
STANT WARDEN GARREN (CONT’D)
(MORE)
9.
It had been months since we had
even seen a woman, and here’s this
blonde angel on stage — and the
men are literally holding their
breath. And I turned to my buddies,
and I said..
FRANK (imitating his father)
I will not lea France without her.
Paula spins around, accide1 49, ILLS HER GLASS OF WINE —
PAULA
Oh, shit, the rug! I b relieve I
did that. Frankie, run /get a
towel…
As Frank runs off, Paula drops to her knees and scrubs the
stain with the hem of her dress.
PAULA (CONT’D)
This will never come out.
She looks up at her husband.
Whenever I dance for you, I get in
trouble.
12 INT. – FRANK’S HOUSE. – MORNING 12
Frank is asleep in his bedroom. His father walks in carrying
a plate of scrambled eggs.
FRANK SR.
Wake up, Frank… it’s eightthirty.
Frank opens his eyes,
stares at his father.
FRANK
I overslept. Mom’s gonna kill me.
FRANK SR.
school today.
FRANK
Is it snowing?
FRANK SR.
STANT WARDEN GARREN (CONT’D)
10.
Do you own a black suit? FRANK A
black suit? Why?
FRANK SR. We have a vermportant
meeting in the city.
13 EXT. – MEN’S SHOP. – 13 THE WHITE CADILLAC
is park ont of A MEN’S CLOTHING STORE — Frank Sr. banging o
tme lass door, trying to get someone’s attention. ply( l
FRANK SR.
Ma’am, open the door. Just open up,
please, it’s important.
THE DOOR OPENS A CRACK AND DARCY, 40’s, low cut blouse, a
bagel in her hand, stares at Frank Sr.
DARCY
we don’t open for half an hour.
FRANK SR.
What’s your name, ma’am? DARCY
Darcy.
FRANK SR.
Darcy, that’s a pretty name. I’m in
a bit of fix — I need a suit for
my kid. This is my son, Frank, he
needs a black suit. There was a
death in the family, my father,
eighty-five years old, a war hero,
there’s a funeral this afternoon —
a military funeral — planes flying
overhead, gun salute. Frank needs
to borrow a suit for a couple of
hours.
NOTE And on page ten we know where Frank Jr learned his tricks
-
Anna Harper Loves This Opening
What I learned from this assignment; the importance of setting the pace and tone of the movie, putting the audience right into the thick of it, and the amazing use of atmosphere to set us up for a MYSTERY genre movie. Where are we and what just happened?
my comments ARE AT THE BOTTOM AFTER THE SCRIPT
LOST
Written by Jeffrey Lieber J. J. Abrams Damon Lindelof
LOST
“Pilot”
ACT ONE
1 OVER BLACKNESS, MUSIC. OMINOUS AND FOREBODING. THEN, OUT OF 1
THE DARKNESS, A SINGLE WORD. FLOATING IN SPACE, OUT OF
FOCUS, TOWARD THE CAMERA. AS IT APPROACHES IT COMES INTO FOCUS,
BUT IT’S SHARP ONLY FOR A BRIEF MOMENT:
LOST
AS IT NEARS US IT AGAIN LOSES FOCUS — AND AS WE MOVE THROUGH
THE “O” OUR MUSIC CRESCENDOS, THEN STOPS ABRUPTLY AS WE CUT
TO:
2 A MAN’S EYE 2
EXTREME CLOSEUP. Open wide. The man’s skin wet, speckled
with soil and flecks of blood. His breathing CLOSELY MIKED —
erratic. This man’s in shock. The SOUNDS of INSECTS and
ANIMALS other-worldly. A blink.
Then, the REVERSE ANGLE: staring up hundreds of BAMBOO
STALKS. Sunlight almost impenetrable through the dense
forest.
SLIGHTLY WIDER on the Man’s face as he stares upward,
disoriented, stunned. 40-years-old. Fit. In normal
circumstances, one glance would make you feel confident in
him. Trusting. But here, now, he’s the one in trauma.
His name is JACK.
Then, a RUSTLING SOUND — something COMING — it gets LOUDER
and Jack suddenly SNAPS his head to the side to see something
appear through the thick bamboo foliage —
A WHITE LABRADOR.
Collar. Tags. It stops abruptly, twenty feet away from
Jack, looking at him. And for the first time, we PULL BACK
TO A WIDE SHOT of the intense, alien-looking BAMBOO FOREST.
The dog just stares at Jack, who we now see wears a BUSINESS
SUIT and lies on his back, caught in broken bamboo stalks.
And Jack just stares back.
(CONTINUED)
http://www.pressexecute.com
It’s an odd tableau — man and dog looking at each other,
both entirely out of place…
Finally, the Lab turns and huffs back into the jungle,
disappearing in the claustrophobic bamboo — and Jack would
call out “Wait” if he could even think that clearly and he
turns to sit up and it’s a PAINFUL MOVE — he manages to
extricate himself from the plants — and while still on his
knees, he opens up his suit jacket to check out the source of
his pain. Something on his left side — but we’re so TIGHT
on his face that whatever he sees, we don’t. Yet.
His reaction to his wound is more disappointed than
terrified. He manages to get to his feet, feeling something
in his jacket pocket. He reaches in… and pulls out a
MINIATURE BOTTLE OF VODKA.
And we HOLD ON his face as he looks at it… considering…
his heart beginning to POUND, his fear growing, as does a
SOUND — a FRIGHTENING, ODD SOUND — something REVVING in the
distance — SOMETHING LOUD — and the horror of what he
suddenly understands far outweighs any physical pain. He
moves off —
3 EXT. BAMBOO FOREST – DAY 3
Jack moves as fast as he can through the THICK BAMBOO — and
as he goes there’s something that almost beckons to him — he
hurries through the thick growth, his determined eyes focused
on the thing he approaches — and as he gets closer to it, we
finally see it:
A WHITE TENNIS SHOE
Laces untied, caught mid-fall in a bamboo tree, hanging by a
branch, twelve feet above ground. He stops for a moment,
looks at it. Again: THE LOUD REVVING — but it’s CLOSER NOW –
– and suddenly the most important thing in the world is that
he get there and fast — so he’s moving now, even faster than
before — through a straight-away miracle path, he’s near
SPRINTING now — BREATHING QUICKLY, ERRATICALLY as he makes
his way —
4 EXT. BRUSH – DAY 4
— and now he’s running from bamboo into JUNGLE BRUSH —
thick still, but there’s some more sunlight and he’s almost
there and finally he bursts out of the brush onto —
5 EXT. BEACH – DAY 5
— and Jack runs up, finally stopping dead in an EXTREME
CLOSEUP.
2.
2 CONTINUED: 2
(CONTINUED)
http://www.pressexecute.com
He’s bathed in SUNLIGHT now — squinting at what he sees —
and we’re just on his eyes. HOLD ON HIM, in shock, until he
moves forward — and IN THE SAME SHOT, we PAN AS HE MOVES —
180 DEGREES UNTIL WE’RE BEHIND HIM, LOOKING OUT ON SOMETHING
ABSOLUTELY HORRIFIC. Only twenty yards away…
6 A PLANE CRASH ON THE BEACH 6
777 — PASSENGER AIRLINER — 250-Seater — the MIDDLE SECTION
of the fuselage PLOWED INTO THE SAND — one WING STICKING
STRAIGHT UP, TOWERING SEVEN STORIES INTO THE SKY, sporadic
SPARKS BURSTING FROM THE INVERTED ENGINE, showering down on
the absolute MAYHEM on the sand —
7 ANGLE 7
— and it is like a fucking WARZONE: scattered FIRES and
wreckage — DOZENS OF PEOPLE RUNNING ABOUT, some injured,
others not — they’re helping each other, SCREAMING — their
cries drowned out by the SOUND and WIND caused by the
ENORMOUS JET ENGINE — no, not the one on the wing pointing
upward — the other one — the one on the INVERTED WING, now
cracked off its brackets and resting at SAND LEVEL. And the
ENGINE STILL REVS — SPASTICALLY, ERRATICALLY — SPEWING
COOLANT and SPARKS and SUCKING IN SAND every time it
THROTTLES UP —
8 TIGHT ON JACK 8
as he takes this in, overwhelmed — knowing he’s part of it —
his eyes WELL UP in fear — sorrow — confusion — and he
turns to look for help —
9 ANGLE 9
— but what he sees… is nothing. His look spans 360
degrees: there’s only spectacular ocean, waves violently
CRASHING as far as a half mile from shore — a distant
coastline — then MOUNTAINS — jagged, 2000-foot high peeks —
a deep valley of JUNGLE — then his eyes are back on the
horror of the CRASH —
10 ANGLE 10
— where DOZENS OF LIVES are in the balance — and all at
once he knows that some — perhaps most — will die if he
doesn’t take action — and so he does —
11 EXT. CRASH SITE – DAY 11
Chaos. Terror. Smoke, fumes, fire — people desperately
trying to help each other — running, screaming — everything
happening at once —
3.
5 CONTINUED: 5
http://www.pressexecute.com
12 ANGLE 12
And amid the madness, the JET ENGINE MOMENTARILY REVS DOWN —
enough to HEAR A MAN’S SCREAM — Jack turns to the source: a
MAN is caught — STUCK UNDERNEATH two rows of airplane seats
— ten feet to the side of the malfunctioning engine —
Jack hurries across the insanity toward the man — flashpassing pieces of conversation as he runs —
KOREAN MAN
(searching for his wife)
— SUN!!! SUN!!!
MAN #1
— GET AWAY FROM THE GAS!!!
STAY OVER THERE!!!
WOMAN #2
— SHE WAS RIGHT HERE! I
DON’T KNOW!
MAN #2
I NEED SOME HELP! PLEASE–!
13 ANGLE 13
— Jack races past a pretty 20-year-old girl who we HOLD ON
for a moment — she just stands there, SCREAMING LIKE A
MOTHERFUCKER. We’ll meet her later.
14 ANGLE 14
Jack gets to the man stuck under the seats — he’s too close
to the terrifying, LOUD ENGINE — which is still so hot that
HEAT RIPPLES can be seen behind Jack — who sweats now as he
tries to LIFT THE ROW OF SEATS off the man —
With the DEAFENING VOLUME of the jet drowning out any
dialogue, we see Jack YELLING for TWO MEN close by (one of
them is LOCKE, 58, someone else we’ll get to know in a bit) —
they run over and help — and the three STRAIN HARD as they
lift the chair sections off — Jack then moves to the man —
whose leg BLEEDS SEVERELY.
Jack rips off his tie, and immediately goes to business the way
only a man with medical training could: he begins making a
TOURNIQUET, tying the injured man’s leg off —
15 ANGLE 15
As he ties the leg, Jack looks up to see a whole mess of
simultaneous emergencies — including a 60-year-old WOMAN in
a PEACH BLOUSE, who lies unconscious with a 30-year-old MAN
desperately trying to revive her —
16 WHIP PAN 16
across the beach of debris to a PREGNANT WOMAN, on her knee struggling to stand, but with no one to help —
4.
http://www.pressexecute.com
17 ANGLE 17
Jack then yells to the two men he’s with to take the
Tourniquet Man to safety — and Jack RUNS — OVER THE WING,
18 BEHIND THE MONSTROUS REVVING ENGINE — 18
over to the Australian Pregnant Woman (CLAIRE) — he helps
her up — helps her walk — but she stumbles again, strains:
CLAIRE
— I’m having contractions —
Jack helps her lie down–
JACK
— That’s not ideal… how many months
pregnant are you –?
CLAIRE
(crying)
— Almost eight months —
19 ANGLE 19
— and he glances up, checking on the unconscious 60-year-old
Woman in the peach blouse, the 30-year-old Man still trying
to revive her — though his eyes are there, he asks Claire:
20 ANGLE 20
JACK
— How far apart are they –?
CLAIRE
— I don’t know, a few of ’em just
happened —
21 AND WE CUT BACK 21
to the two Men, carrying Tourniquet Man away from —
22 THE LOUD ENGINE 22
— and they’re at a safe distance — that’s when ANOTHER MAN,
his back to us — someone we haven’t seen — runs past us,
just in front of the massive engine — just as it REVS FULL
BLAST — AND THE MAN GETS SUCKED INTO THE ENGINE AND JUST AS
HE HITS THE BLADES WE CUT BACK TO:
5.
http://www.pressexecute.com
23 JACK 23
With Claire as the engine EXPLODES in the distance behind
them — camera ROCKED, Claire SCREAMS, Jack COVERS Claire
with his body as debris falls — LITTERING THE SITE WITH
PIECES OF FIERY DEBRIS.
24 ANGLE 24
At least the HORRIBLE ENGINE NOISE IS GONE now — and with
Jack’s horrified face close to Claire’s, he forces himself to
appear calm — to his focus on her:
JACK
— listen to me– listen to me, you’re
gonna be okay — do you understand? But
you need to lie absolutely st–
CLAIRE
(suddenly, winces, scared)
— There — God, that’s a big one–
JACK
— Okay —
(looks up, calls out:)
YOU!
The random person who turns is a MAN — a large guy, more or
less frozen in terror — this is HURLEY.
JACK (CONT’D)
COME HERE!
HURLEY
— The — the plane crashed–
JACK
Yeah, I know — get over here!
And Hurley does — in this moment he might just follow anyone
anywhere — Jack rips off his watch, gives it to him:
JACK (CONT’D)
— I need you to get this
woman away from these fumes!
Take her over there!
— Then stay with her! Don’t
let her move! If her
contractions occur closer
than three minutes apart,
call out for me!
HURLEY
— Okay — okay–
— You gotta be kidding me —
6.
(CONTINUED)
http://www.pressexecute.com
JACK (CONT’D)
(with bedside manner, to
Claire)
I’ll be back soon.
CLAIRE
— Thank you —
Jack’s already up — Hurley calling out:
HURLEY
— Hey, what’s your name?!
And here it is, the first time we’ve heard it:
JACK
Jack!
And Hurley turns back to Claire, who says, crying:
CLAIRE
— I’m sorry —
Hurley quickly begins helping Claire up — and though
terrified, he tries to comfort her —
HURLEY
— Don’t be sorry — this wasn’t your
fault —
25 WITH JACK NOW 25
— as he runs to the unconscious 60-year-old Peach Blouse
Woman (ROSE) — immediately taking over for the 30-year-old,
whose name is BOONE:
JACK
— Stop — her head’s not
tilted far back enough —
you’re blowing air into her
stomach–
(as he does the work)
— You seriously need to
think about giving back that
license —
BOONE
— Are you sure? I’m a
lifeguard! I’m licensed!
And Jack’s performing it now on Rose the way it should be —
breath, breath, pump, pump, pump —
BOONE
That’s exactly what I was doing!
7.
24 CONTINUED: 24
http://www.pressexecute.com
26 ANGLE – HURLEY AND CLAIRE 26
As Hurley moves with Claire to an area on the other side of
the plane — Claire lying down again, in pain, on the sand.
27 ANGLE – JACK AND ROSE 27
As he keeps trying CPR on her — Boone watching —
BOONE
— Hey man, she’s still not breathing!
(then)
Maybe we need to do one of those hole
things — where you stick a pen in her
throat?
JACK
(just get the fuck outta here)
— Yeah, good idea — you go get me a
pen!
And Boone hurries off — Jack just relieved to be rid of
him, goes back to Rose — trying to bring her back — when
suddenly: WREEEEEEEEEEORRRRRR!!! — a LOUD METALLIC WHINE
which makes Jack TURN AROUND to look —
Dear God, it’s —
28 THE FUCKING WING 28
— THE 75-FOOT WING POINTING TOWARD GOD — IT’S ACTUALLY
BENDING AT THE FUSELAGE WHERE IT’S CRACKED — IT’S STOPPED
FOR THE MOMENT, BUT IT’S CLEAR: THIS THING IS MOMENTS AWAY
FROM CRASHING DOWN UPON THE SAND — WHIP PAN down to the sand
— WHERE HURLEY AND CLAIRE REST ON THE SAND, oblivious — and
in the direct path of the enormous metallic WING FULL OF FUEL
— HORRIFIED —
29 JACK WORKS ON THE WOMAN FASTER NOW 29
JACK
— Come on! Come on!
30 AND THE WING BENDS AGAIN — 30
about to go — a SHOT FROM ABOVE THE WING — FUEL SPRAYING
FROM IT —
31 JACK KEEPS PUMPING — PUMPING — 31
Suddenly ROSE GASPS FOR BREATH — horrified, disoriented, but
ALIVE —
8.
http://www.pressexecute.com
32 ANGLE 32
Seeing this, Jack’s already RUNNING NOW as the WING BENDS
AGAIN — CRACKS MORE — and as Jack runs he yells out:
JACK
MOVE! MOVE!
Hurley turns — sees Jack approach — Hurley’s confused:
HURLEY
You — you said don’t move!
JACK
GO, GET HER UP!!! NOW!!!
33 HURLEY TURNS — SEES THE WING — WEEEEEEEEEEEEORRRRRRR!!! 33
HURLEY SCREAMS AS THE WING STARTS TO GO — a LONG LENS SHOT
as JACK ARRIVES — GRABS THEM, PULLS THEM TO THEIR FEET AND
RUSHES THEM AWAY AS THE WING FALLS RIGHT BEHIND THEM LIKE A
TIPPING REDWOOD TREE —
34 — AND THE WING SMASHES TO THE GROUND 34
LANDING ON pieces of FIERY ENGINE DEBRIS and KA-BOOOOOOOM!!!
THE WING EXPLODES — AN ENORMOUS BLAST — pieces of FIERY
METAL RAIN EVERYWHERE —
35 JACK 35
instinctively protecting Claire, SCARED BUT DETERMINED —
JACK
— You okay?
She nods — fast —
JACK (CONT’D)
(to Hurley)
Stay with her.
HURLEY
(out of breath)
Dude, I’m not goin’ anywhere.
Jack gets up and moves off —
36 EXT. CRASH SITE – DAY 36
Now we’re LONG LENS as Jack walks through the wreckage scene
— amid smoldering piles of debris, and People helping each
other.Things seem to finally be calming down. JACK SCANS THE AREA 37
looking to make sure there’s nothing that needs an urgent
response. He finds one MAN, 45 in a suit, who lies on the
ground, unconscious. BLEEDING BADLY from the head. Jack
pulls open the Man’s jacket — TO REVEAL A PIECE OF METAL
SHRAPNEL STUCK INTO HIS STOMACH.
Seeing this, Jack’s eyes go flush with concern. He checks
SHRAPNEL MAN’s pulse — pulls open his eyelids. Jack
delicately removes the man’s jacket, drapes it over him,
forming a makeshift BLANKET. Jack turns to the ripped-open
end of the fuselage — where first class and the cockpit
would normally be —
38 INT. FUSELAGE – DAY 38
INSIDE the fuselage, looking out, the tumultuous OCEAN framed
by this giant shattered aluminum tube. It’s a disorienting
shot since the plane is BANKED ON ITS SIDE. At this angle,
SEATS are on a SIDE WALL, the wreckage-strewn floor actually
a long row of windows.
And Jack appears, looking into the fuselage — and we PUSH IN
ON HIM. What Jack sees — despite his ER training — sickens
him. Then Boone arrives, urgent, holding a HANDFUL OF PENS.
BOONE
— I didn’t know which one would work best.
For a long beat, Jack’s eyes don’t leave the fuselage.
Finally he looks at Boone. And the pens. And tears well in
Jack’s eyes — the whole experience finally catching up to
him. Jack takes all of the pens, saying, softly,
emotionally, kindly:
JACK
…They’re all good. Thanks…
And Jack walks off, past Boone, who turns, watching Jack go.
39 EXT. BEACH – DAY 39
A fifty-yard distance from the wreckage, a fellow survivor
stands here, staring almost angrily at the wrecked plane.
He’s 35, handsome, with a cocky, self-centered vibe. And
he’s smoking. Meet SAWYER.
A few others recover about here — including another Man, who
approaches. 25. English rocker. Self-deprecating —
somewhere between an adult and a child. This is CHARLIE.
These two have never spoken.
10.MY COMMENTS ON THE OPENING OF LOST
st Page provocative opening
The first page establishes the tone of the first act.
FAST/CHAOTIC/EMOTIONAL
The first page is highly descriptive of the environment[BAMBOO FOREST) and the experience of a traumatized main character JACK.
Excellent opening in my opinion because; it causes us to experience the disorientation, and the strain of Jack to make sense of where he is and what is going on.
The use of sound and no sound enhances the scene. The pace of the scene fast, struggling, creates a sense of urgency. We are running through the bamboo forest with JACK.
TWIST
JACK does not know where he is running to or why, though he is drawn to the noise, then he sees a tennis shoe and the reality of what has happened pierces his awareness. He runs and suddenly he is out of the bamboo forest, then jungle, and onto a beach. The use of camera work is, close-up on JACK’s second shock as he sees the plane crash on the beach. the camera work throughout emphasizes the drama.
5th to 10th Page
The scene, and JACK’S response (doctor/helper/rescuer), is as one of a battle MASH unit. “a fucking war zone”
Bodies, injured people, a woman he brings back from the dead with CPR,, and a man, who just escapes in time as the engine explodes with the help of JACk and other passengers. By now we understand that some people have survived and that JACK evidenced by his skills and interventions is a doctor.
People are running, there is a pregnant woman in labour. The FAST pace and the chaos of a disaster permeate every element of the scene.
Before the 10th page we understand that this is a disaster, a crashed plane on a beach God knows where, We understand that JACK is the hero, that he is recruiting and recruiting helpers, and that the drama is ongoing, playing out with discoveries of trapped bodies, hysterical people, and a woman about to give birth on a beach prematurely.
-
This reply was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by anna harper.
-
This reply was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by
-
PS81 Day 1 (First 10 Pages) Anita Loves This Opening
What I learned: It was interesting looking at first draft scripts for the following movies: Armageddon, Back to the Future, Analyze This and An Officer and A Gentleman. None of these films’ written page openings resembled the final production. For example: Officer and A Gentleman – the film actually starts on page 12 – everything prior was his hardship back-story which was implied and referenced in the film rather than shown, as in the script. And what was produced was much better. Which tells me that as the script drafts evolved, the story got sharper, and in each case less set-up was incorporated, diving us right into the middle of the story.
I wound up analyzing a simple, older script. But I think it stands up precisely because of its solid structure.
Chosen Script: InnerSpace
1st page: Provocative opening: Establishes hype around space program personnel: those “in” and those on the fringes.
3rd page: Twist: <st1:place w:st=”on”><st1:country-region w:st=”on”>Lydia</st1:country-region></st1:place> is a reporter; drunk Tuck comes to her rescue; she ultimately has to rescue him.
5th to 10th page: Inciting Incident: <st1:place w:st=”on”><st1:country-region w:st=”on”>Lydia</st1:country-region></st1:place> leaves Tuck.
By the 10th page: We know what the story is about: Tuck is involved in some secretive program. He loves <st1:country-region w:st=”on”><st1:place w:st=”on”>Lydia</st1:place></st1:country-region> but she has broken his heart. And we have a glimpse into our hapless hero, Jack the hypochondriac. (However, this bit doesn’t all come together for a few more pages.)
Tell us anything you feel makes that opening stand out.
The first 10 pages establish the 3 main characters in well-rounded tones: Tuck, a down on his luck drunk fly-boy; <st1:country-region w:st=”on”><st1:place w:st=”on”>Lydia</st1:place></st1:country-region> – a reporter who is in a dead-end relationship with Tuck; and Jack – a mild-mannered hypochondriac. We don’t yet know how Jack fits into the story. Tuck holds some mystery (what’s up with the rabbit research?). And theirs is obvious on-again-off-again chemistry between <st1:country-region w:st=”on”><st1:place w:st=”on”>Lydia</st1:place></st1:country-region> and Tuck, who came to each other’s rescue in the establishing scene, which sets them on equal footing.
INNERSPACE
FADE IN:
1 INT. HOTEL BANQUET ROOM – NIGHT
A crowded cocktail party is in progress. Open bar and huge
buffet table. A well-dressed, predominantly male crowd in
attendance. Uniforms from all branches of the military are
in evidence everywhere.
CAMERA PROWLS THROUGH the room picking up random bits of
conversation. A TELEVISION NEWS CREW, reporting live from
the scene, comes INTO FRAME.
NEWS CORRESPONDENT
(into hand-held mike;
facing mini-cam crew)
… Bob, I think that you and the
viewers at home can see that this
room behind me is packed to
overflowing. Former astronauts,
Space Shuttle crew members,
<st1:state w:st=”on”><st1:place w:st=”on”>Washington</st1:place></st1:state> bigwigs, Pentagon
officials… well, you name it
and they’re here in <st1:city w:st=”on”><st1:place w:st=”on”>San Francisco</st1:place></st1:city>
tonight to celebrate the 30th
Anniversary of NASA, the National
Aeronautics and…
CAMERA MOVES OFF, eventually finds:
2 <st1:place w:st=”on”><st1:country-region w:st=”on”>LYDIA</st1:country-region></st1:place> MAXWELL
A knockout brunette in her early thirties. She is engaged
in earnest conversation with a man whose eyes are seen to
wander over her anatomy as they talk. (We’ll call him
ROVING EYES.)
CAMERA PANS TO:
3 TUCK PENDELTON
Emerging drunkenly into the banquet room from a door
marked “No Admittance” and crashing head-on into a busboy
with a loaded tray of dirty dishes.
The busboy is knocked for a loop and the DISHES SMASH to
the floor.
Tuck reacts with inebriated indignation. He points to
the “No Admittance” sign.
TUCK
How come it says ‘restrooms’ when
it’s really the damn kitchen!?
The busboy looks baffled, and Tuck moves off with his
dignity intact. Noticing that his glass is empty, he
shoulders his way to the bar.
TUCK
(to bartender)
Cutty. Up.
As he waits for his drink, we see that Tuck’s rugged good
looks are fading slightly and his once square jaw is in
need of a closer shave. His Navy captain’s uniform —
stretched tightly across his chest — suggests that
several pounds have been added since the last fitting.
As Tuck receives his drink from the bartender, a DISTURBANCE
is heard to break out somewhere across the room:
ROVING EYES
(to <st1:country-region w:st=”on”><st1:place w:st=”on”>Lydia</st1:place></st1:country-region>; loudly)
What are you doing!? That’s a tape
recorder!
Roving Eyes indicates a small Sony protruding from <st1:country-region w:st=”on”><st1:place w:st=”on”>Lydia</st1:place></st1:country-region>’s
clutch purse.
ROVING EYES
You can’t do that, young lady!
Give that to me.
He swipes the recorder from her purse.
<st1:country-region w:st=”on”><st1:place w:st=”on”>LYDIA</st1:place></st1:country-region>
Hey!
Other partygoers turn and look. So does Tuck. His eyes
blaze. He storms over.
TUCK
What’s going on here?
<st1:country-region w:st=”on”><st1:place w:st=”on”>LYDIA</st1:place></st1:country-region>
(surprised to
see him)
Tuck!…
TUCK
What’s the trouble, <st1:country-region w:st=”on”><st1:place w:st=”on”>Lydia</st1:place></st1:country-region>?
<st1:country-region w:st=”on”><st1:place w:st=”on”>LYDIA</st1:place></st1:country-region>
He stole my tape recorder.
ROVING EYES
(to Tuck)
She was recording my conversation!
<st1:country-region w:st=”on”><st1:place w:st=”on”>LYDIA</st1:place></st1:country-region>
I told you I worked for a newspaper.
ROVING EYES
This is a cocktail party, not a
damn news conference!
<st1:country-region w:st=”on”><st1:place w:st=”on”>LYDIA</st1:place></st1:country-region>
(firmly)
Give it back to me, please.
TUCK
You heard the lady… hand it over!
Roving Eyes looks startled by Tuck’s abusive tone.
TUCK
I said, hand it over… ya damn
pencil-necked civilian!
Suddenly, the room falls silent, and Tuck realizes that
all eyes are upon him.
ROVING EYES
Captain, you’re drunk.
Tuck looks embarrassed. He looks down at his drink, then
looks up again with a big, foolish grin on his face.
TUCK
Well… he’s right. I’m drunk.
(to <st1:country-region w:st=”on”><st1:place w:st=”on”>Lydia</st1:place></st1:country-region>)
Guess I owe these folks an
apology, <st1:country-region w:st=”on”><st1:place w:st=”on”>Lydia</st1:place></st1:country-region>.
She puts her hand on his arm.
<st1:country-region w:st=”on”><st1:place w:st=”on”>LYDIA</st1:place></st1:country-region>
(softly)
It’s okay, Tuck. Forget it.
Tuck pulls away from her.
TUCK
(belligerently)
Not until I apologize to these
people!
(for all to hear)
We got some real famous, all-
American hero-types with us
tonight! Space-walkers, an’ moonwalkers…
an’ Earth-orbiters!
It’s obvious who Tuck is talking about. They stand there
in their crisp uniforms, with short hair, erect postures
and disapproving expressions.
TUCK
Gentlemen…
(belch)
… I’m sorry…
Tuck is standing before a DISPLAY OF LARGE ROCKET MODELS
charting the history of the space program.
TUCK
(indicating one of
the rockets)
You boys have all gone up in these
babies. Hats off to you. I envy
you fellas…
(beat)
… The most excitement I ever had
was the time I landed a crippled
F-14 on the deck of a rocking
flattop in zero visibility with
the nose gear —
Tuck sees RUSTY, one of the ex-astronauts in the crowd,
turn away in disgust.
TUCK
— Don’t turn your back on me,
Rusty…
(beat)
… At least when my moment of
truth came, I didn’t take a dump
down the leg of my flightsuit…
if that rings any bells for you!
Rusty looks enraged. He advances toward Tuck. But Tuck
stands his ground — smiles — and drops Rusty with a
hooking right fist. Uproar!
TWO young MARINES rush up to Tuck.
FIRST MARINE
Take it easy, Captain.
TUCK
Only two of you?
Tuck raises his fists. The Marines exchange a look.
They know that they have no alternative.
SECOND MARINE
Sorry, Captain.
Pow! Tuck takes it on the chin. He goes tumbling backwards
into the rocket display. The MODELS BANG into each
other like falling dominos. Onlookers gasp and scream.
The TV News Crew hurries over. They turn on their lights
and roll tape.
NEWS CORRESPONDENT
(to Marine)
Who is he?
MARINE
Captain Tuck Pendelton, ma’am.
The News Correspondent looks disappointed.
NEWS CORRESPONDENT
(to crew)
Kill it, boys. He’s nobody.
Tuck props himself up on one elbow and works his jaw.
<st1:country-region w:st=”on”><st1:place w:st=”on”>Lydia</st1:place></st1:country-region> rushes to his side.
<st1:country-region w:st=”on”><st1:place w:st=”on”>LYDIA</st1:place></st1:country-region>
Oh, Tuck… are you all right?
Tuck gives her a dazed expression. No one else offers
assistance. They look upon Tuck as a complete disgrace.
Then, one man comes forward. Dressed in a business suit.
Tuck’s own age. Clean cut. Athletic-looking. His name
is PETE BLANCHARD. He offers Tuck his hand.
Tuck looks up at Blanchard and smiles sadly.
TUCK
Where’s your uniform, Pete?
Blanchard pulls Tuck to his feet.
BLANCHARD
I grew up, Tuck. I wear a suit
now.
(beat)
Take him home, <st1:country-region w:st=”on”><st1:place w:st=”on”>Lydia</st1:place></st1:country-region>.
<st1:country-region w:st=”on”><st1:place w:st=”on”>Lydia</st1:place></st1:country-region> begins to lead Tuck away. But she leaves his side
for a brief moment to snatch back her tape recorder from
Roving Eyes’ unsuspecting hands.
<st1:country-region w:st=”on”><st1:place w:st=”on”>LYDIA</st1:place></st1:country-region>
Pencil neck!
ROVING EYES
You should have your press
credentials revoked!
<st1:country-region w:st=”on”><st1:place w:st=”on”>LYDIA</st1:place></st1:country-region>
Write a letter to your
congressman!
<st1:country-region w:st=”on”><st1:place w:st=”on”>Lydia</st1:place></st1:country-region> marches off, reclaims Tuck who waits for her on
tottering legs, and heads for the door.
//
5 INT. <st1:place w:st=”on”><st1:country-region w:st=”on”>LYDIA</st1:country-region></st1:place>’S CAR – TRAVELING – NIGHT
Tuck is slumped in the passenger seat as <st1:country-region w:st=”on”><st1:place w:st=”on”>Lydia</st1:place></st1:country-region> drives him
home. She glances at him with a concerned expression.
TUCK
Don’t give me that look.
<st1:country-region w:st=”on”><st1:place w:st=”on”>LYDIA</st1:place></st1:country-region>
(innocently)
What look?
TUCK
That ‘Poor Pitiful Tuck’ look.
(beat)
I had a great time tonight. I
like getting drunk. I enjoy
being hit in the face.
<st1:country-region w:st=”on”><st1:place w:st=”on”>Lydia</st1:place></st1:country-region> rolls her eyes at Tuck’s hopelessness. Tuck picks
up the tape recorder from the car seat.
TUCK
What’s on this, anyway?
<st1:country-region w:st=”on”><st1:place w:st=”on”>LYDIA</st1:place></st1:country-region>
I’m working on a story.
TUCK
I should have guessed.
<st1:country-region w:st=”on”><st1:place w:st=”on”>LYDIA</st1:place></st1:country-region>
It’s a good story.
(beat)
Not that you’ll ever know, of
course. You never read any of
my articles.
TUCK
That’s not so. I read the one
about me.
//
Tuck takes a moment to mull this over, removing a pocket
flask from beneath his uniform in the process.
TUCK
Okay. Tell me about the story.
<st1:country-region w:st=”on”><st1:place w:st=”on”>LYDIA</st1:place></st1:country-region>
Espionage in <st1:place w:st=”on”>Silicon Valley</st1:place>.
The buying and selling of advanced
technological secrets.
TUCK
Hmm…
<st1:country-region w:st=”on”><st1:place w:st=”on”>LYDIA</st1:place></st1:country-region>
That’s why I had my tape recorder
with me. Every high-tech company
on the West Coast was represented
at that party tonight.
TUCK
Well, you’re right about one thing,
<st1:country-region w:st=”on”><st1:place w:st=”on”>Lydia</st1:place></st1:country-region>…
(takes a pull on
the flask)
… I ain’t gonna read it.
6 INT. TUCK’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Tuck and <st1:country-region w:st=”on”><st1:place w:st=”on”>Lydia</st1:place></st1:country-region> enter. Tuck turns on a light. The place is a
cramped, unkempt bachelor’s den.
Despite the usual clutter, <st1:country-region w:st=”on”><st1:place w:st=”on”>Lydia</st1:place></st1:country-region> notices right away a new
element in the disarray: Biological charts, books and models.
All of which pertain to the internal workings of rabbits!
She picks up one of the models.
<st1:country-region w:st=”on”><st1:place w:st=”on”>LYDIA</st1:place></st1:country-region>
What’s this?
TUCK
Nothing. Just some homework I’m
doing.
Tuck takes it from her hand and puts it down.
TUCK
How about a drink?
<st1:country-region w:st=”on”><st1:place w:st=”on”>LYDIA</st1:place></st1:country-region>
I can’t stay, Tuck.
TUCK
Just for a minute.
(beat)
I know what you’d like: Tea! Can
I fix you some tea?
<st1:country-region w:st=”on”><st1:place w:st=”on”>LYDIA</st1:place></st1:country-region>
No, Tuck. I —
Tuck goes into the kitchen, begins to rummage through
the cabinets.
TUCK
What’s tea come in again? A can?
A jar? Wait… I remember.
Little bags, right? Yeah…
here they are.
<st1:country-region w:st=”on”><st1:place w:st=”on”>LYDIA</st1:place></st1:country-region>
(firmly)
I’m not staying, Tuck.
Tuck can see she means it. His expression turns serious.
TUCK
Don’t go, <st1:country-region w:st=”on”><st1:place w:st=”on”>Lydia</st1:place></st1:country-region>. Please stay.
He puts his arms around her.
<st1:country-region w:st=”on”><st1:place w:st=”on”>LYDIA</st1:place></st1:country-region>
Tuck —
He begins to nuzzle her neck.
TUCK
Mmmm. I love your perfume.
What’s it called again?
<st1:country-region w:st=”on”><st1:place w:st=”on”>LYDIA</st1:place></st1:country-region>
I don’t wear perfume.
TUCK
C’mon. What’s it called again?…
He’s breaking down her resistance.
<st1:country-region w:st=”on”><st1:place w:st=”on”>LYDIA</st1:place></st1:country-region>
(softly)
Midnight Lace.
TUCK
Mmmmm. Smells so good. Don’t
go, <st1:country-region w:st=”on”><st1:place w:st=”on”>Lydia</st1:place></st1:country-region>…
He kisses her. She fights it — but then melts.
7 INT. TUCK’S BEDROOM – DAWN
Tuck is asleep in bed, but <st1:country-region w:st=”on”><st1:place w:st=”on”>Lydia</st1:place></st1:country-region> is dressed. She’s leaving.
She gives Tuck a farewell glance, then slips quietly out of
the room.
But the slamming of the front door awakens Tuck. He realizes
that <st1:country-region w:st=”on”><st1:place w:st=”on”>Lydia</st1:place></st1:country-region> is gone.
TUCK
<st1:country-region w:st=”on”><st1:place w:st=”on”>Lydia</st1:place></st1:country-region>?…
Then, from outside the house, he hears her car engine GROAN
as it tries to fire up.
TUCK
<st1:country-region w:st=”on”><st1:place w:st=”on”>Lydia</st1:place></st1:country-region>!
Tuck jumps from the bed. He’s naked. He wraps the sheet
around himself, then stubs his toe on the bed leg.
TUCK
Owwww!!
8 EXT. TUCK’S HOUSE – DAWN
Tuck hops out of the house, favoring his injured toe, holding
the sheet around his waist.
<st1:country-region w:st=”on”><st1:place w:st=”on”>Lydia</st1:place></st1:country-region> is inside her car, desperately trying to get it started.
TUCK
<st1:country-region w:st=”on”><st1:place w:st=”on”>Lydia</st1:place></st1:country-region>! Wait!
Tuck rushes up to the car window.
TUCK
Where you going?!
<st1:country-region w:st=”on”><st1:place w:st=”on”>LYDIA</st1:place></st1:country-region>
(almost in tears)
I’m leaving, Tuck. Don’t try to
stop me. Our relationship has
no future, and you know it. You
drink too much. You fight too
much. You don’t value anything.
You destroy everything that’s
good in your life. You ruin it.
You throw it away. And if I
stayed any longer, I’d be next.
TUCK
<st1:country-region w:st=”on”><st1:place w:st=”on”>Lydia</st1:place></st1:country-region> —
<st1:country-region w:st=”on”><st1:place w:st=”on”>LYDIA</st1:place></st1:country-region>
— You’re a big, dumb Palooka,
Tuck, and I know I love you, but
I don’t think we should see each
other again for a long, long time.
With that, <st1:country-region w:st=”on”><st1:place w:st=”on”>Lydia</st1:place></st1:country-region> drives off in a cloud of white exhaust smoke.
Tuck stands in the street, in the dawn’s early light, clutching
the sheet, his head and toe throbbing, bewildered and
alone.
DISSOLVE TO:
9.
9 EXT. SUBURBAN MEDICAL BUILDING – DAY
TITLE: THE <st1:place w:st=”on”><st1:placename w:st=”on”>SILICON</st1:placename> <st1:placetype w:st=”on”>VALLEY</st1:placetype></st1:place>
Two Months Later
10 INT. A DOCTOR’S OFFICE – DAY
JACK PUTTER sits on the examination table. He’s an agreeable-looking fellow in his mid-thirties.
[and the next 2 pages 9-10, firmly establishes him as a hypochondriac about to go off on vacation.]
Log in to reply.