Day 1 Assignments

[Lisa Duffy]

Lisa Duffy’s Logline and One Page!

What I learned doing this assignment: I learned a better way to craft my logline.

Working Title: Aria’s Song

Logline: A homeless teenage orphan, chasing her dream of becoming the next Adele, must survive the streets of L.A. and the pursuit of the criminal who killed her family.

Overview

Note: This overview is for my first two episodes only.

Seventeen-year-old Clare Linderman is gifted with a powerful, award-winning voice and her dream is to become a global vocal megastar. But when her entire family perishes in their home explosion, a crime of revenge that was ordered by Judge Thomas Linderman’s political adversary former Philadelphia Police Chief turned state penitentiary inmate, Roy Nagle, Clare is sent to live with her aunt and uncle, Margaret and Phillip Kennedy who despise her and do not want her. Her dream of becoming the next Adele seem hopeless and out of reach.

Twenty-eight-year-old Christian Santiago is Philly PD’s hot shot crime scene investigator who has a young wife whom he does not love, but is committed to, and newborn son. Christian had the great misfortune of catching Roy Nagle lifting heroine from the DEA evidence cage to use and deal. He compels Santiago to lie about it, threatening his family if he does not. Trapped, Christian agrees, and Nagel keeps him on a short leash and commits him to do his dirty work. If he talks? Nagle will destroy his career and his family.

But why order the murder of the Lindermans, a seemingly innocent family? Because it was Judge Linderman presiding at his trial and who ultimately ordered his 25-year sentence without chance of parole.

When living with the Kennedys becomes unbearable for all parties, Margaret enlists a social worker and sends Clare to a halfway house where she meets Jed Turner, a sick, twisted child molester posing as director of the girls’ home. After a rough entry week, Clare befriends Corina Reyes, a belligerent, angry young woman who is a resident at the home. Together, the girls plot their escape from the abusive Jed and the oppressiveness of the whole living arrangement.

Plotting their escape together brings closeness, conversation, and healing for both girls. Despite the chaos their prank causes, they successfully escape. Clare hops on a bus to Los Angeles with a new persona – Aria James – and Corina goes wherever the wind blows. But little do they know Nagle has commissioned Christian Santiago to find Clare – and finish the job.

Corina finally succumbs to her deep depression within a few days of freedom and ends her life, while Clare is completely out of money and ends up homeless, fighting to survive the menacing streets of Los Angeles. Despite battling depression and loneliness, she refuses to allow the irony of her situation prevent her from achieving her dream. She must find a way to bootstrap her way to being discovered, while remaining anonymous.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by  Lisa Duffy.

[Samuel Rubin]

Hi Lisa, Do you have a partner? If not, would you consider partnering up with me? I think your story is beautiful. ~ Sam [samrubinactor@gmail.com]

[Lisa Duffy]

Thanks, Sam! Sure, I’d love to partner with you. Your story sounds wonderful! Thanks so much for reaching out.

[Samuel Rubin]

Great! Thanks. Also, please send me your email. I think it’s a good back up.

[Jeff Hall]

Jeff Hall’s Logline and One Page

What I learned: How to create a logline.

Log Line 1:

A disgraced deputy discovers a string of gruesome murders are connected. He must leave everything behind to stop the slaughtering of countless victims.

Log Line 2:

After his innocent best friend is hung for brutal murders, a deputy discovers the murders are part of a string of gruesome slayings. He must leave everything behind to stop his ghost-like serial killer.

One Page Summary:

A tall man in black silently slaughters a family in their sleep. Each member, suffers one blow in the head with an ax. Blood splatters upon the walls. We hear sounds of him inhaling loudly.

Deputy Ben Cole has a slow-minded friend, Roy, discovers the bodies and is

immediately accused of it. The town rises up and Ben can not get his sheriff

to stop them, even though he possess the power to do so. Ben physically tries to stop the mob, but is assaulted by them. Watches his innocent best friend die. Ben examines the crime seen and finds the same crime has happened in the next town, just east of them. They are connected by the Railroad and the killer’s campsite is adjacent to the tracks. Presenting this to his sheriff, he is forbidden to investigate any further. Someone has already been punished for that crime and the sheriff does not want anything to hinder his re-election.

Ben discovers his fiance is sleeping with the sheriff. He nearly kills him. Emptying his gun all around them. The deputy throws his gun and badge at the sheriff and jumps the train.

Aboard the train, hobos rob Ben of all his money and belongings and throw him off the train in the next town. With his last few coins, he joins a poker game in an attempt to gain more. He loses and can not pay for his drinks and they throw him out.

Speaking with the local sheriff, Ben attempts to explain that he will be looking for a murderer. The sheriff responds with suspicion and warns him about disrupting his peaceful town. Ben hides in the shadows and watches the town.

He gains employment as a hand at a local farm. He finds they’re dogs have been killed. The family feeds him and allows him to sleep in the barn. He wakes early and see a strange Tall Man standing in the distance. Ben enters the house and finds the entire family murdered. Exiting the house, Ben chases after the Tall Man but he has disappeared. In town, he informs the sheriff who immediately locks him up. Shortly after, the entire town shows up to punish their suspicious newcomer. The sheriff tries to stop them, but his tied up. They drag him through the streets to the hanging tree.

They pull him up by the neck and as Ben’s life leaves, the sheriff arrives. A rifleman fires from the roof top at the man. The rope is released and Ben falls to the ground… alive. The sheriff had telegraphed Ben’s sheriff who came to make things right. However, in all the chaos Ben slips onto the train and disappears.

Ben’s sheriff follows him, but is killed by the Tall Man. As the sheriff dies, the Tall Man places his mouth of the sheriff’s mouth and inhales. Pleasure and extacy in his eyes.

At the next town, Ben arrives penniless, mute, and destitute. But still determines to find his Tall Man, he attempts be unseen. The broken man appears homeless and is ignored by most and glared at by others. Two young orphans give him candy and seeing his condition, they bring Maria, their “mother” from the orphanage. She takes him in for a few days and nurses him back to health. He can barely speak, but warns her about the slayer coming this way and convinces her to bolt the windows and doors. Once recovered, Ben remains on watch in the town.

Ben sees a tall man and follows him. At night, that man enters a farm house with something that appears a hatchet. Panicked, he runs into the house and assaults the man, who is revealed to be the tall teenage son of the house. The father grabs his gun and gives chase. Ben runs into town and hides in an alley in the darkness of night. The father meets the Tall Man in the middle of the street. Ben sees an ax come down on his head. The Tall Man places his mouth of the man’s mouth and inhales the soul as it leaves. Then, he drags the body away. Ben finds the local sheriff who puts him in temporary holding.

The man’s wife hears what happened and comes to kill Ben. She shoots at the trapped prisoner who hides behind his mattress. He’s hit with several pellets from the shotgun. She unlocks the door and he uses the mattress to push the woman down. He manages to escape and flee down an alley and up onto a rooftop. Hysterically she tries to find him and inadvertently shoots the sheriff, killing him.

During this time, Ben sees the Tall Man set fire to the hay around the parameter of the orphanage. The flame immediate grows high. The Tall Man climbs on the roof and brings his ax down onto the roof. The doors and windows are bolted and the children are trapped. As Maria and others attempt to put out the fire, Ben jumps off the roof and climbs onto the burning building. The Tall Man has created a hole and is inhaling over that hole…awaiting the children’s souls. Ben strikes the man and they fight. Ben crashes through the roof and is able to open the door. Most of the children are saved. When one dies, he hears the train whistle. Ben jumps on a horse and chases the train. He barely makes it on board.

Ben searches the train and finally finds the Tall Man. They fight. Ben has no weapon and attempts to avoid the ax. Ben is out strengthed and out-weaponed. As the train cross a river, Ben is pushed off and barely hangs onto the edge. As the ax rises, he grabs the leg of the tall man and pulls. They both descend into the river. In mid-air, Ben grabs a hold of the ax and does not let go. They plunge into the water and tumble through the strong current. Barely surviving, Ben crawls onto the shore possessing the ax.

Ben helps with rebuilding the orphanage. He holds Maria’s hand.

[Patty Rice]

Logline and One Pager for Patty Rice

What I learned doing this assignment: That you can fit a whole story on one page

Working Title: His Own Heart

Logline: A jaded businessman who gets a second chance at success, uncovers explosive corruption behind his mentor’s violent murder while fighting for his life, family, and his company’s future.

David King is no longer the celebrated wonder boy of New York’s commercial real estate world. His jealous father-in-law, Stan Benjamin fired him, blackballed him, and broke up his marriage. Now ten years later, David has lost his ambition and is flipping ugly houses with his friend and business partner, Nate Hoffman.

Nate tries to tempt David back into big stakes real estate with a juicy development deal in Miami. But David is sure Stan’s company, Dominion Development Group is hot for the deal, and he doesn’t want to rock the boat.

Meanwhile, Stan’s company has suffered major losses without David. He’s on the brink of layoffs and plans to blackmail the Selection Committee into giving Dominion the Miami contract. Stan and his son, Jon are killed by a team sent to find a flash drive called, “The Key to the City.” But the killers come up empty.

At the funeral, David is asked to be Dominion’s new CEO. He refuses. However, a pivotal conversation with Nate (and a revisit to his past) changes David’s mind on one condition: he must run the company his way and bring in his own team. The team includes his oldest son, Monte in Business Development, his middle child, Aaron as COO, his daughter, Taylor as head of marketing, and Nate as CFO. In addition, Nate agrees to quietly help David investigate who murdered Stan and Jon and why.

As the killers search for the “Key to the City,” Monte tells David that Dominion does NOT have the Miami contract like everyone thought. They learn that Stan lied. What’s worse, the Board Chair finds out that the Selection Committee has cut Dominion from the bidding process.

Without the Miami contract, the company will either fold or David must cut several hundred jobs. His back against the wall, David finds a silver key under Stan’s desk with a note that mentions Dominion’s biggest competitor, Orco. Desperate to get Dominion back into the vetting process, David sends Monte to Miami where he bribes a contract manager for information that might help.

David attends his welcome reception where he spots Bree Hylton. Bree is the sexy, young wife of his employee, Ryan. Their powerful attraction ends in a one-night stand. But David gets back to business with a quick trip to Miami where he convinces the Selection Committee to reconsider Dominion’s bid.

David’s appearance unsettles Michael Blackwell, one of the Selection Committee members. Blackwell orders the killers to get David when the time is right. He’s in cahoots with Orco to get the Miami contract by any means. Just as David learns Bree is pregnant with his baby, one of Blackwell’s bad guys tries to strangle David, but Nate saves his life.

Blackwell decides to handle the hit himself. He heads to New York and invites David to dinner, pretending to offer David help to win the contract. However, Nate finds out the hit man’s van is part-owned by Orco’s CEO, Dominic Russo. Russo and Blackwell are old friends and business associates.

David sends Bree’s husband, Ryan to meet Blackwell and Ryan is killed. David also finds the “Key to the City” and has the FBI capture Blackwell. Afterward, Nate figures out that David and Bree had an affair, and David admits to wanting Ryan out of the way. Nate issues a judgement that the pain David caused is the pain he will see in his own house. This precipitates a series of traumas that unravel David’s life. The news of Ryan’s death causes Bree to have a miscarriage. Taylor has a nervous breakdown. Monte is murdered by a mafia figure. And after David elopes with Bree, his son, Aaron steals the company.

At rock bottom, David has nowhere to go but God. He is remorseful and seeks forgiveness for his sins. Then, Aaron shows up and announces that he has been fired. Dominion wants David back because Archie Williams, Chair of the Selection Committee for Miami, refuses to do business without David. Aaron pulls a gun but is killed when Nate stops him from shooting David.

In the end, David is restored. He’s humble and aware of lessons learned. He gets the Miami project but ends up turning one of his house flips into a home for boys with Nate, Taylor, Bree and their newborn there to help him celebrate a brighter future.

[Jean Stone]

Marie Stone’s Logline and One Page!

What I’ve learned doing this assignment is that this story can be distilled into a logline and One Page far more easily than I thought. The story already feels much clearer than in the previous drafts.

Working Title: Spirits of Cypress Point

Logline: A veteran of the brutal Mexican Wars for Independence is sent to the childhood home he swore he would never set foot in again to gain support for the newly installed Republic. But when a bank of fog driven by angry spirits traps him there, he and his childhood tormentors must face nasty truths about their pasts or die.

One Page:

Central California, 1824. Father Zabala’s prayers are interrupted by the sound of Fog Spirits rolling off the Pacific, encasing the Mission in mournful cries. He sprints out to the cliffs and spots a young Ohlone girl singing a traditional song of comfort and knocks her down, performing an exorcism. The spirits flee wailing into the night, and the girl cries out that they will come back and be angry. Zabala calls her a witch and has her hauled away.

Ramon Madera arrives at the Mission with his wife Eulalia and a complement of soldiers to represent the newly installed Mexican Republic. He has visited every town in Alta California, and he’s been dreading this one the most – it was his childhood home, and he thought he had left it behind for good. The crowd greets him with fanfare, but as soon as the celebration begins, the claws come out. Enrique Madera, Ramon’s abusive father, is still angry with him for leaving and wants an apology. Maria Alvarez, Enrique’s second wife and Ramon’s one-time sweetheart, thinks Ramon is here to steal the ranch from her. Maria’s father Domingo and brother Antonio are still racist bullies and try to embarrass and undercut Ramon, pointing out his mestizo heritage. And Zabala, a big believer in everyone knowing their place, vents his hostility to the very idea of a republic. Disgusted, Ramon orders his soldiers to pack for Mexico City as quickly as possible – he’s done with these people.

In the night, the Fog Spirits roll in over the water and blanket the Mission once again, their sad cries now turned to rage. They attack Enrique and kill him. Everyone awakes to find the fog so thick that they can’t see more than a foot or two away. No one is going anywhere. When Enrique’s body is found, accusations start to fly. Ramon steps up and assures everyone that he will figure out what is going on and bring the killer to justice. As he investigates, the fog spirits begin to mess with people’s minds, making them see things – horrible apparitions from the past. Every awful thing they have done and everything others have done to them manifest into terrifying life. They all begin to lose their grip on reality. Antonio becomes increasingly erratic and violent. Maria grows more paranoid and manipulative. Eulalia is terrified that men are coming to kill and rape her, as they did to her sisters during the war. Ramon sees and hears a dead woman and her child, but he refuses to acknowledge them – he is a man of reason, not superstitious nonsense. Zabala sees ghosts of all the natives who have died, victims of the Mission system that forced them to convert and used them as slave labor – all the comforting symbols of his faith are turned into horrifying scenes of illness and torture. He blames the native workers and punishes them, but it only worsens the problem. Determined to fight these demons, he attacks one, only to discover that he has murdered the native girl. The workers erupt into a revolt, and Zabala throws himself off a cliff. As the Mission is engulfed in violence, Antonio kills his father and sister, then blames Ramon and comes for him. The fog spirits confront Ramon with a long-buried memory – his native mother was not killed by bandits. Domingo, Antonio, and Enrique hunted her down when she tried to return to her people, and killed her in front of Ramon, clubbing the little boy unconscious when he tried to interfere.

Ramon sees everything now. He takes down Antonio and greets his mother, singing her the traditional song. The spirits fade and the violence with them, leaving the survivors to pick up the pieces. Ramon organizes a fairer system for the workers and departs for Mexico City.

[Joan Butler]

Joan Butler’s logline and overview of LIES AND TRANSFORMATION.

What I’ve learned doing this assignment is a useful method for creating a logline and how to strip my story down to the essentials.

Logline: A counselor at a transition house has 6 days to deprogram a brainwashed woman and convince her not to return to the abuser who she believes is a good man and under her control.

​When SELMA (40’s) counselor receives an eviction notice, she looks for work at the Flying Dove Transition House for abused women where she is interviewed by GAIA (60s), the South Asian manager. She explains that she needs a counselor to deprogram brainwashed women and convince them not to return to their abusers. The counselor will work with one woman at a time for one hour a day, and must complete the counseling in 6 days. Although Selma has never counseled abused women, she takes the job. After ELIZABETH (40s) White brainwashed physician, is scalded by her abusive husband, she flees to the transition house and becomes Selma’s first client.

The deprogramming begins. Gaia teaches Selma deprogramming techniques that are often used to free brainwashed followers from their cult leaders. Feigning experience, Selma lies to Elizabeth telling her that she, Selma, has seen this kind of counseling help other abused women. When she tries to counsel Elizabeth, she pushes back because she believes her husband is a good man and he is under her control. Their conflict increases when Elizabeth discovers Selma has lied. Day after day, Selma shows Elizabeth the techniques her abuser uses to control her, but she is too angry and suspicious to accept what Selma is saying. She struggles to regain Elizabeth’s trust, but it’s a no-go. Selma can’t break through. The pressure mounts as Elizabeth clings to the belief that she controls her husband. The sessions trigger flashbacks and nightmares of Selma’s abusive childhood and the flashbacks become more intense as the counseling continues. Unbeknownst to Selma, Elizabeth phones her husband, MARK (40s) White surgeon, every night. And every night he tries various forms of psychological abuse, including gaslighting, to lure her back. Elizabeth tries to stay away, but when he threatens to ruin her career, she decides she must return. Selma tries to convince Elizabeth that she could die, but she won’t listen. Selma offers her resignation because she believes she has failed both Elizabeth and Gaia. When Gaia can’t understand why the deprogramming didn’t work, Selma admits she lies when she feels insecure and she lied to Elizabeth. Selma accepts that her lie may cost Elizabeth’s life and says she wants to quit lying, but she doesn’t know how. She also states that she is plagued by guilt because she didn’t keep her abusive father from killing her mother. Selma tells Gaia the abusive childhood has left her with flashbacks and nightmares as well as a fear of men. Gaia suggests that Selma see a therapist and Selma agrees.

Gaia convinces Selma to try one last intervention with Elizabeth. Selma intercepts her as she leaves the transition house. Elizabeth breaks down and admits to herself and Selma that Mark controls every aspect of her life and she gave away her new-born baby because he convinced her that she was delusional. Mark shows up at the transition house with a gun and tries to force Elizabeth into his car. Facing her fear of men, Selma struggles with Mark. Gaia joins Selma and together they hold him off until the police arrive and arrest him. Five years later, Selma and Elizabeth create a world-wide self-help organization for survivors of domestic abuse.

[anna harper]

Hello Joan, I am just going ahead with the script review required. I picked yours. I was drawn to it ( as a now retired social worker.)

The only comment I would make regarding plausibility is it would seem important to have a triggering event for the victim to have an epiphany. I would also, for the sake of dramatic interest detail interviews with some of the deprogramming techniques.

It is also very unlikely that a counselor would be able to lie her way into a position as references would be checked, and due diligence has to be done. You can probably come up with something to deal with this.

How wonderful it would be to have something that actually worked this quickly.

Best of luck. Anna

[Samuel Rubin]

Sam Rubin’s Logline and One-pager:

What I learned from doing this assignment is about trimming the detail to get to the bones of the story.

Logline: An autistic deli worker tries to befriend a beautiful customer only to find that his intense OCD-like pursuit of her leads him straight into the dangerous web of a serial killer on the loose.

Working Title: Deli Boy

One page overview:

When we meet Ethan, late 20s, an artist with high-functioning autism, he is in a therapy session with Gwen working on his social skills with women. By day, he works in a NYC deli.

Clara, mid-20’s, a grad-student at Columbia, enters the deli for a sandwich. She’s beautiful. It’s love at first sight for Ethan. Seamus, late 20s, enters. He’s quite disagreeable and “doesn’t smell right” which Ethan attributes to his synesthesia.

When he returns to his apartment, Ethan’s roommate, Stanley, a gum-shoe wanna-be with Tourette’s Syndrome, tells Ethan about The Gotham Slasher who is a serial killer going after college-aged women. Stanley is taking an online class in how to be a detective. He says he’s going to crack the case.

Day after day, Clara comes to the deli for her sandwich. Ethan finally works up the nerve to invite her to his upcoming art show which Clara attends with Gwen, her friend, his therapist. Ethan awkwardly asks Clara if she would pose for him. She, of course, turns him down.
Seamus, also at the show, commandeers Clara away from the event, to see his famous family’s personal fine art collection worth millions. When they leave, Stanley tails Seamus and Clara to Seamus’ high-end Upper West Side apartment. Seamus’ seduction of Clara begins.

Back at their apartment, Stanley goes on a diatribe about how serial killers work…seduction is part of the pattern. Ethan is concerned and agrees to help Stanley with his case.

Clara invites Ethan to come to her class to show some of his art work as part of her presentation for her paper, comparing Ethan’s bagel-figure-fusion art with Bruegel’s “The Peasant Wedding.” This infuriates Seamus who asks questions of Ethan, intended to humiliate him. But, Ethan’s responses are so sincere that Seamus looks like a jerk. Clara defends her position that Ethan’s work is relevant. When the class is over, Clara thanks Ethan for coming and apologizes for Seamus’ appalling behavior. Ethan says something profound about art and the impermanence of it—and life—that makes Clara think he may be deeper than he appears to be on the surface.

Clara doesn’t show up at the deli the next day. Stanley announces that he has figured out The Gotham Slasher’s pattern and suggests to Ethan that Seamus is the potential killer. Glenda, the gallery owner, calls Ethan to inform him that his work has been vandalized. All the bagel sculptures have a bite out them and someone has spray-painted on the walls, “Stay away from Clara. She’s mine.” Ethan remarks to Glenda that he hopes the villain had a good meal because it’s going to be his last; He used toxic epoxy to glaze the work. Ingestion causes certain death.

Seamus ends up dead. Clara is found by the police at his apartment, handcuffed in a closet. Stanley has cracked the case. And Ethan ends up in the position of “nice guys finish last.” Clara might pose for him after all.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by  Samuel Rubin. Reason: The paragraphs didn't register as separate bodies of text
• This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by  Samuel Rubin.

[Terry Hicks]

Terry’s Logline and One Page!

What I’ve learned doing this assignment is how much work my one page still needs.

Title: Out of The Woods

Logline: A superficial realtor must survive Heaven’s “wake up call” when he switches bodies with an older widow to whom family means everything.

One Page:

Michael Jeremy (early 30s) denies who he truly is: a gay man and son of poor migrant farmers. Not able to continue living a lie, Michael has divorced his wife, ANNA, and left his son. Unable to live his truth either, he pushes himself to become Santa Fe’s most successful realtor and a wealthy permanent bachelor. Material success and Search and Rescue volunteer efforts are enough to grant access to the social elite.

His Guardian Angel’s continued efforts fail to inspire Michael’s better self. Instead, fear shuts Michael down more. He focuses on winning the national realtor-of-the-year award. He forgets his son’s birthday. Carmen, his secretary, confronts his business choices. Anna challenges his plans for their son. His Taos trip to close a major deal ends badly. Frustrated, angry, he races back to Santa Fe to salvage the loss.

Meanwhile across the state Georgia Woods (late 70s), a recent widow, tries to understand fragmented dream messages from her beloved late husband, Charlie, and the Ranch Matriarch Mountain Lion. When her nephew, David, doesn’t show at the family memorial gathering, Georgia knows something bad has happened. Georgia trailers her horse, Isis, and drives to the Pecos Wilderness to find him.

Michael’s and Georgia’s worlds collide in a head-on car crash, sending both to Heaven. In angry denial, Michael’s focused on one thing only: how to get back to his car. His Guardian Angel shows him the “Wake Up Call” section in his Life Contract. Michael argues he didn’t sign any contract.

Meanwhile, Georgia sacrifices her reunion with her beloved husband to volunteer for the other role in Michael’s “Wake Up Call.” She agrees to return to earth, in Michael’s body, knowing David’s best chance for survival is for her to find him.

Michael wakes in the hospital to find he’s trapped in Georgia’s comatose body. One week to find his way back to his true heart. One week to create a new life path to survive his upcoming heart attack. Reality hits. Michael uses a force of will to re-claim his body. But he can’t last a minute, much less the 24hrs needed to fully reclaim his body. Instead, he slams back into Georgia’s. Cries of outrage go unanswered by the Heavens and Earth.

Jesse (early 30s), one of Georgia’s adopted sons, gay and heart-centered in life, takes “Georgia” home to live out “her” last days on her beloved ranch. He becomes the key to Michael learning forgiveness, compassion and opening his heart to love beyond his fears.

Michael discovers his heart is the path to re-claim his body. But lifelong fears are not easily vanquished and slam him back into Georgia’s before he can cross the 24hr threshold. His failed attempts endanger not only Georgia’s fragile body, but also his heart and her search for David as they all run out of time.

Only when he embraces who he truly is, whole heartedly, is he able to fully reclaim his body in time to finish Georgia’s search. Michael chooses not to go alone. He enlists Anna, Jesse, and Isis to help. They find David hidden in a cave, shot and barely alive, protected by the Mountain Lion he once rescued. Together they circumvent the poachers’ return to kill them all and manage to get David home alive.

Michael realizes David’s survival is dependent on one last conversation with Georgia. Only by trading places with Georgia can he facilitate that. He knows the cost. His life when his scheduled heart attack happens. He does it anyway.

Michael’s heart attack happens. He dies before he can help them. Back in Heaven he ignores his own death and pleads David’s and Georgia’s case for one last conversation. Heaven finds Michael’s ultimate gift of love successfully creates his new life thread, one untouched by the heart attack. The ripple effect reunites David and Georgia before she returns to Heaven. And Michael returns to earth renewed and ready to start a new life with Jesse.

[Joan Butler]

Hi Terry,

I hope this gets to you. I just read your 1 page. I gave it a thumbs up. I was touched by the emotions in your story. This is something my script needs.

Take care.

Joan

[Terry Hicks]

Thanks for your thoughts Joan!

[Marian]

Marian Redmann’s Logline and One-pager:

What I learned from doing this assignment: According to the internet one page can be either 300 or 500 words. Also to celebrate areas for improvement!

DISCLAIMER: I write in German language, this is a translation and may have some language flaws!

Logline: When an explosion of an WWII Submarine Cave at the German high-sea island Helgoland traps tourists in a collapsed bunker, claustrophobic marine biologist Lisanna has to fight dangerous bull sharks to save the group and her estranged daughter Mia before the bunkers are flodded.

Working Title: SHARK ABYSS

One-page overview (approx. 300 words):

Shark expert LISANNA is to clarify whether a mysterious death near the German offshore island of Helgoland could be an attack by one of the most dangerous of all sharks, the bull shark. But there are no sharks in the North Sea. Their client JULIAN’S company is to dispose of a large quantity of explosives in a previously unknown World War II submarine bunker under the island. Lisanna fears for the island where her 13-year-old daughter Mia lives together with Lisanna’s ex-husband CLAAS. Lisanna, despite her claustrophobia, dives into the flooded underwater bunker with Julian’s two co-workers. She discovers in a side cave near an old submarine cages with captive bull sharks. One of the divers attacks Lisanna, but a giant bull shark kills the man. The other diver escapes, accidentally setting off an explosion of explosives. The entire cave system is shaken, causing the bunker system, which is also open to the public, to sink. The trapped sharks are able to free themselves. While Lisanna is trying to get to safety from the shark, she comes across a group of survivors in the bunkers. Tourists led by her daughter MIA. The bunkers continue to flood from the encroaching water and the group is attacked by the sharks. Lisanna must face the battle with the sharks to save the group and especially her daughter, who is estranged from her. However, not everyone wants Lisanna to survive. Julian has planned from the beginning to blow up the whole island in order to exploit huge oil deposits in the nature reserve. Laura, as a former militant eco-activist, is supposed to be the scapegoat. No one is allowed to survive for this, least of all Lisanna. Laura now fights not only against time, before the bunkers are completely flooded and everyone runs out of air, but against the most dangerous of all sharks and Julian’s brutal mercenaries!

🦈

[Stefani Zabner]

Zabs’ Logline and One Page

What I’ve learned doing this assignment: Improving my logline has already helped me discover the problems in my script that I knew needed work, and I have a clearer idea of how to fix them.

Title: Infinity Plus One

Logline: A jaded loner seeks the truth about her late father’s shameful past but digging for answers could mean losing her sister’s trust forever.

One Page:

Having secluded herself in the mountains following her mother’s death and a stint in rehab, Infinity spends her days hiking with her dog Badger while actively avoiding people and phone calls. When she finds out her estranged father has passed away, she makes the trek back home to the city that broke her to put him to rest.

Infinity arrives at her sister Anne’s home in the Hollywood Hills where everything is annoyingly perfect, from her three immaculate nieces to the pristine guest house where she’ll be residing. Infinity asks about the funeral, but Anne avoids the subject. She gives Infinity her annual guilt trip for not visiting their mother’s grave and leaves for bed. Ever the night owl, Infinity seeks solace at a bar where she meets a sassy chick named Tabs. Infinity insists on running solo, but she warms up to Tabs and confides her deepest secret: She has always wondered if her sister was lying about being molested by their father. It’s a huge accusation. But so was her sister’s.

Infinity begins to break through Anne’s walls, and they rekindle their relationship. They laugh over good memories and create new ones. But as they grow closer, Infinity finds more evidence that her father was innocent. Which means her sister lied.

With Tabs’ help, Infinity realizes she doesn’t need to confront Anne. She can forgive both parties without needing to know the truth. At her father’s funeral, she honors him for the good he has put in the world, despite any animosity they may have had in the past. But she’s said too much, and Anne storms off.

Infinity confronts Anne, who finally confesses to the lie she told that broke their family apart. Infinity can’t understand why Anne would do such a thing. Anne drops the bomb that the man who raised them is not her biological father, only Infinity’s. And that it’s his fault Anne learned she was the product of rape. Infinity is heartbroken but still forgives her sister. Only, her forgiveness isn’t enough. Anne can’t look at Infinity now that she knows the truth. She cuts Infinity off for good. Infinity blames Tabs for pushing her into this situation and abandons Tabs at the funeral.

Infinity returns to her hideaway in the woods to find her house completely flooded. She gives in and befriends a neighbor, asking for help. He teaches her the very simple meaning of friendship. Infinity realizes she’s been pushing everyone away because she fears losing them. She finally understands she doesn’t have to be alone.

Infinity apologizes to Tabs. She visits her mother’s grave for the first time. And Anne, having received Infinity’s olive branch, joins her at the grave as Infinity’s “plus one.”

[Kenneth Wood]

Ken Wood’s Title, Logline and One Page Story Summary

Title: THE SANTA BROTHERHOOD

A buddy dramedy

Logline: When an employee of a retail outdoor store, who likes to play it safe, accepts the invitation of three store Santas to join their ranks, he does, only to find they are part of an ancient secret society and the quest they want him for is clandestine and perilous.

One Page Description: Bills keep piling up for Adventure Outdoor World’s top in-store display designer, Doug Glenn. But, that doesn’t stop him from reaching into his own pocket to help a young mother, Louise, and her young daughter, Peyton, with their winter heating bill. The three store Santa’s who take turns doing seasonal work there, happen to be in store and witness Doug’s sacrificial generosity. The Santas invite Doug to join their ranks, but when Doug realizes they are part of a secret society dating back to the original Saint Nicholas, upon which the Santa Legend is founded, and that their actual mission and goes far beyond making money as store Santa’s, but actually engages in benevolent missions in places where danger lurks around every corner.

Doug is reluctant, proclaiming that his mission in life has always been, to play it safe , even if working retail has gotten him further behind in his bills. However, the lure of living for a higher purpose, leads him to accept their challenge to join their mission. That mission is to transform the lives of children and single moms in a housing project at the epicenter of the city’s highest criminal activity. It was given to them by the grandmother of The Project, Miss Amy. Doug becomes emotionally attached to the quest while on a tour of The Project. Then he discovers that the young mother and daughter he helped at first, live there and are in danger from a crazy gang leader named T. Roy.

Doug and the Santa’s go to work conducting events for the children at The Project. When the Santas succeed in foiling T. Roy’s plans to rob the outdoor store of guns and ammo, T. Roy determines to thwart their goal of a Christmas Eve gift drop for the children in The Project. Doug negotiates an uncharacteristic truce with T. Roy. When T. Roy violates it, Doug and the Santa’s have no choice but to go face to face with T. Roy’s gang. All, the while, Doug’s new commitments to the Santa Brotherhood, take a toll on his work ethic, resulting in his dismissal from the job and the foreclosure of his house.

When the owner of Adventure Outdoor World, Tommy Moss, investigates why one of the company’s best employees was terminated, his eyes are opened to the work of Doug and the Santa’s do in The Project. This inspires him to start a new division in his company and to ask Doug to head it. Doug and the Santas also find a way to fulfill Miss Amy’s final request to work with T. Roy in prison.

What I Learned: This lesson helped me hone my logline to better encapsulate the core of my story and to add more dynamic impact to the logline.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by  Kenneth Wood.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by  Kenneth Wood.

[Arial Burnz]

What I’ve learned doing this assignment is…

Writing a one-page synopsis is not has hard as writing a blurb for a novel! LOL

Title: Haunted Fixer-Upper (1-hour TV Pilot)

Logline: When a middle-aged housewife is thrust into a divorce, she returns to flipping houses and discovers her first property is haunted. With the help of her grandmother’s spirit, she must get rid of the ghosts before they get rid of her.

One-Page Synopsis

Nikole Phillips-Sawyer is a middle-aged empty nester whose marriage is failing. When she awakens to pee in the middle of the night, she encounters her grandmother – Skye Phillips-Montgomery.

What Nikole thinks is a dream is actually a spectral visit from Skye, who delivers the news that Nikole has just inherited her family psychic gifts. Moments later, Nikole’s mother calls with the bad news – Grandma Skye just passed away.

After the funeral, Nikole and her mother, Sharon, share a drink to catch up and Nikole learns some family secrets – Granny was a kook who thought she was psychic, and she’s the reason Aunt Dottie has been in a mental hospital. But that’s Sharon’s story and perspective. After the dream she had and the recent sightings of Skye’s ghost, Nikole isn’t so sure her mother has the facts straight.

However, Nikole has bigger things to worry about. Her daughter, Madison, has been M.I.A. since she disappeared during her US Air Force deployment to the Middle East three years ago. Although her husband is willing to accept their daughter is dead, Nikole refuses, so her husband asks for a divorce. Nikole has no choice but to move in with her best friend, Rhonda Fernandez.

Rhonda, being the no-nonsense friend she is, helps Nikole realize moving on with her life doesn’t mean she’s giving up on her daughter. So, Nikole falls back on her old career of flipping houses.

In a “chance” meeting with a real estate agent, Nikole buys a Victorian fixer upper. What Nikole doesn’t realize is the seller of house knows her family history and has targeted Nikole to work on the Bailey House. His agenda? Unknown.

Grandma Skye is finally able to get Nikole to speak with her and proves talking to ghosts isn’t so bad after all. Nikole learns Skye has unfinished business and Nikole must learn to use her newly inherited gifts to help her resolve it so she can move on.

The following week, Nikole moves into the Bailey House and has a horrific encounter with the ghostly residents. This house is haunted! And a little research uncovers that the previous owners have all died in the same ways as the original owners. Nikole might very well be next if she doesn’t learn to get rid of the ghosts.

Skye and Nikole venture back into the house to confront the ghosts, but they learn the hauntings are more complicated than a classic haunting. Nikole is tired of getting kicked when she’s down and turns to Skye for help. “Ghosts we can handle, Bunny,” says Skye. “But this midlife crisis stuff? We’re going to have to work on that together.” Nikole takes Skye’s spectral hand, and they march back into the house to being this journey of self-discovery.

In a closer scene, we see Aunt Dottie in the mental hospital being comforted by her dead sister, Snookie. Hovering over Dottie, feeding off her psychic energy, is a gargoyle-like demon. Exactly what kind of family secrets is Sharon hiding?

————

The series-long problem is Nikole solving the mystery of who is haunting the house while trying to renovate her own life.

[Daniel Rangel]

Danny Rangel’s Logline and One-pager

What I learned from doing this assignment:

When to say “good enough is better than perfect.”

Logline: “A cynical war hero overcomes self-hatred and guilt when she opens herself up to the magical beliefs of a little girl she’s sworn to protect.”

Working Title: The Kingdom of The Father

One-page overview:

In the year 2106, feudalism dominates the globe. North American nobility struggle to maintain power against violent revolutionaries through a highly skilled, highly trained military. War veteran RAFAELA GUTIÉRREZ struggles to find meaning in her life and blames herself for the kidnapping and murder of her young daughter.

She dreams of starting over through an expensive retirement program called “After-Life,” which allows clients to live out their days within a simulation indistinguishable from reality. Unfortunately for Rafaela, the program’s cost keeps this dream from becoming a reality.

When offered a lucrative job helping a powerful anti-noble militia, Rafaela risks her home and social status to transport defectors into the protection of The Hide, a mystical scientific group on the verge of discovering where consciousness goes in the afterlife. Skeptical about such claims, she agrees when promised enough gold to pay for a luxurious retirement sim.

The journey begins as 11-year-old defector LENA interacts with her deceased father inside a simulation using a new technology carried by serum in her blood. When the militia leader is murdered in a coup led by her lieutenant JUAN, Lena entrusts Rafaela with the only remaining vial of serum that had been kept secret. Rafaela drinks the serum without understanding its effects.

They flee to the estate of her matron, where Rafaela learns the serum will kill her without a transplant. Juan’s group raids the estate, killing the matron and her children. Rafaela and Lena escape to a penal colony.

As Lena and Rafaela’s condition worsens, an irate Rafaela learns they must wait until the following midnight, using a magic rite, within a two-minute window to receive The Hide’s coordinates. Juan’s militia invades the colony and kills everyone just as Rafaela performs the ritual and gets the location. This act rekindles a sense of faith she thought long dead.

At The Hide’s secret location, Rafaela discovers that Lena’s father had previously agreed to perform the “ascent of the soul” ceremony, sending his consciousness to track the destination of an energy beam that peaks on a cycle synchronizing with the impending solar eclipse.

Juan brings his battle with nobility to the location. He destroys Lena’s black box while she’s inside with her father, sending her into a coma. Rafaela abandons her transplant to save Lena.

Rafaela kills Juan after telling her he’d rigged the signal to acquire The Hide’s location and her ritual meant nothing. With the total eclipse imminent, she screams at Lena’s lifeless body, insisting nothing can make her perform the “ascent of the soul” ceremony.

Rafaela performs the ceremony using the serum in her blood to bring back Lena. Lena wakes from her coma, and Rafaela goes into the afterlife, forgiving herself for her daughter’s death.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by  Daniel Rangel.

[Annie Macdonald]

Annie Macdonald

I learned how crucial it is to write a one-page outline to find the CORE. The problem is I haven’t found it quite YET🙃

TITLE: Colonel Mourad’s Violin

LOGLINE: A Syrian refugee’s dream of playing for peace in a famous venue in London is derailed when her long-lost childhood friend, in a process of radicalization, publicly exposes her father’s alleged war crimes and threatens to kill her.

This is the story of violin prodigy Leyli Mourad, her best friend, the insecure, easily manipulated Ibrahim Safar, and her envious servant, Rashid Ahmad who harbors revenge in his cruel heart. When the civil war breaks, the Safar family joins the rebellion. Rashid returns from the gulf countries, radicalized, full of hatred, and dreams of domination. Leyli and Ibrahim end up orphans. Rashid hounds Leyli to make her his bride by force, using Ibrahim as his bait. She flees, not believing that her “Ibby” could ever turn against her.

Ibrahim follows Rashid to London, planning to recruit disillusioned westerners. Unaware of his nefarious revenge plot against Leyli, Ibrahim blindly carries out his orders. While Leyli suffocates in a refugee camp in Turkey, playing a stringless violin until war correspondent. Gavin Scott finds her.

Despite her declining health Kate, a family friend and music agent rescues Leyli who must now contend with her bitchy daughter Fiona (26). Even if she is more than ever determined to follow her dream, Leyli hits wall after wall with each attempt to move forward. Denied entrance at the Music Academy, on her way back, her chance meeting with long-lost friend Ibrahim proves disastrous. Denied audition at a synagogue because of Ibrahim’s rumors involving Colonel Mourad’s crimes, she seeks in vain advice from Nagano, a violin teacher who used to be her father’s friend. Unable to confide in ailing Kate, she keeps her defeats to herself, but after Kate’s death, nothing can stop her from playing a heartbreaking tribute for her all-time champion.

Discovered by a music promoter, In the hours that follow a threat to her life, she decides it’s time to stand up and fight back. Interviewed on the BBC she fiercely responds to hard questioning, yet she shows mercy to those who have hounded her. In Rashid’s car on his way to kill her, Ibrahim watches the interview on his cellphone, spellbound.

As Leyli comes out of the TV station and is targeted by a demented Rashid, Ibrahim, in a desperate attempt to protect her, takes the bullet. Leyli must make the hardest choice of her life, stay at his side, or perform at the concert of her dream.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by  Annie Macdonald.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by  Annie Macdonald.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by  Annie Macdonald.

[Annie Macdonald]

Hi ZABS, I’m curious about what problems you discovered while doing the 1-page outline. If you feel comfortable sharing, please do! 😊 Incidentally, your story is similar to what happened to my daughter-in-law. So I also wonder if it’s based on a true story…

[Dan Jan al]

Dan Janal Logline and One Page

“What I’ve learned doing this assignment is…?”

Have I given enough information?

Title: Chameleons

Log line – When Enka Gershon, a brilliant art history student who is mocked at work by her entitled male co-workers, discovers an international art smuggling ring while aboard a cruise ship, her life is in danger.

Story

Enka suffers the slings and arrows of a hostile workplace. To escape her dreary life, she takes a vacation to America aboard a cruise ship. With the help of a friend who works for the art gallery auction house on the ship, she discovers a smuggling ring that is planning to sell masterpieces from Europe to American billionaires.

The smugglers learn they have been discovered and kill her friend, mistaking the pair. Now Enka must disguise herself, stay alive, and notify authorities of her discovery. Many chase scenes occur. Eventually, she eludes her would-be captors and notifies the FBI.

The FBI uses her to uncover unscrupulous art dealers in New York and foil the plot.

[Samuel Rubin]

It looked like the assignment was to give feedback on another writer’s one-pager. Where are we supposed to post that feedback?

[anna harper]

Previously, I have sent my feedback in a PM

[anna harper]

Anna’s Logline and a one-page synopsis.

What I learned doing this assignment; I was having trouble with the final act, wrapping up the story properly. This enabled me to get a bird’s eye view and create the ending. Thank you.

THE LONG DARK

A remote Yukon community is terrorized by Sasquatch and Spirit Animals. who have come to teach the reservation inhabitants the error of their ways and lead them to live better lives.

A group of men kidnap a young girl Willow Smith, from the reservation and viciously assault her. dousing her with gasoline and threatening to burn her alive.

The men pass out and lay unconscious as Willow breaks free and saves herself. The men wake to be attacked by giant grizzly bears, ripping them limb from limb. One man, the ring leader, Smiley Ford, escapes.

A bush helicopter lands at the reserve, delivering an art consultant the government has hired (Lilly,) to run a project for the local women helping them to sell their art and improve their financial and social circumstances.

Bill, the pilot instructs Lilly to be careful as this is the most dangerous reserve in the north. He offers to rescue Lilly should she need a fast exit. Lilly assures him that she is excited by the prospect of adventure in the north and has nothing to fear.

Lilly is exploring the woods behind her cabin and encounters Sasquatch. Terrified she phones a local contact George Brownwolf a traditional healer and keeper of stories.

George is a community leader and an elder, he instructs Lilly on staying safe and interprets her encounter with Sasquatch as a positive sign as she has come to the reservation to help the local women.

He also explains that it could be interpreted as a warning. Lilly hears of the vicious attack on Willow and begins to understand the reality of what she is taking on.

A series of horrifying attacks by spirit animals on local people spurs Chief Frankie Manystreams and his best friend George to galvanize the residents to mend their ways using indigenous traditions. Chief explains that Sasquatch is working together with the spirit animals, they are communicating with each other.

Chief Frankie’s speech does not go well, with troublemakers on the reservation opposing any suggestion of change. and the attacks become more and more frequent and horrifying causing the entire reservation to go into a hysterical meltdown.

Smily Ford, the caucasian outsider who instigated the attack on Willow is still on the loose.

Outside of the local bar, Smiley encounters an older man assaulting a teenage boy. Smiley shoots and seriously wounds the offender and threatens to kill him if he lays on eyes on him again. The boy is saved.

Chief Frankie Manystreams organizes various healing ceremonies sweat lodges, sweetgrass ceremonies, drumming, and dancing. He declares the reservation is an alcohol and drug-free reservation, closing the bar. and vows jail for anyone caught will any alcohol or drugs.

Sasquatch and the spirit animals have not finished their business with the reservation and the attacks continue. Yvonne Brownwolf, daughter of George the healer is one of the trouble makers. Her children have been removed due to her drug and alcohol problems.

Yvonne is walking along the bush road when she sees a huge cougar stalking her. In the sky above, Bill sees the encounter and scares off the cougar, swooping down with his copter, and picks up Yvonne taking her to safety.

Bill continues to form a relationship with Lilly, who is becoming increasingly nervous and questions herself about staying on the reservation. As Christmas approaches she works to finish up her work with the women and plans to leave before the winter storms make it impossible to leave.

It’s now a week until Christmas.

The attacks appear to have come to a halt. The reservation is holding a moose stew supper to celebrate the arrival of the last truck before the road closes, which will cut the reservation off until the ice road opens.

Christmas excitement is building.

The big rig truck arrives with the expected supplies and the 18-foot artificial tree for outside the community hall and due to a mistake, 300 equally huge Christmas trees, one for each resident. The reservation is situated in an area of naked land, due to deforestation enabling residents to observe threats of bear attacks. A decision is made to erect a decorated Christmas tree forest in the middle of town much to the enjoyment of the local children.

George decides to send his friend in the city a special present and packs two ordinary suitcases with frozen Cariboo meat and sends it away on the truck.

Bill and Lilly decide to go to Mexico together and plan to leave as soon as Lilly has crated up all the women’s artistic creations.

George receives a phone call to say the suitcases have gone missing. He fills in an insurance claim for a new expensive parka, leather gloves, jeans with winter shirts and long johns, a pair of winter snow boots, and a fancy espresso maker.

The snow is starting to fall regularly, the reservations seem quiet. People shop and the local store for gifts. The ban on alcohol appears to be holding. People are able to start using their Skidoos for hunting.

Lilly is struck by the reality of where she living when she wakes up to see ski doos parked outside her cabin and a truck with a dead moose on its back, feet up in the air.

Reserve children are enjoying the trees and playing around them, family members are taking selfies and videos of their kids. Sanity seems to have returned.

George receives another phone call from an annoyed customs person in Toronto. The suitcases with the melting Cariboo have been found.

Bill and Lilly leave in the helicopter on their way to Mexico.

It’s early morning when Smiley Ford is filling up his truck at the local gas station. No one is around. He is also filling up gas tanks and throwing ropes in the back of the truck cab. A cougar appears, stalks him, partially eats him, and knocks over the gas tanks, which spontaneously combust. Smiley Ford is burned alive.

It’s night, the reservation is quiet, the snow is falling, smoke is rising from village cabins, the sickening howls of Sasquatch ring out. F.O.