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Day 1: Clarify Your Story!
Reply to post your assignment.
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12 Replies
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Mary and Rich’s Logline and One Page!
What we’ve learned doing this assignment is that a well thought out character sketch overlaps with dramatization – one feeds the other in a recurring process.
Logline: GenX Morty and GenZ Jax are involuntarily paired in Screenwriting 101, and immediately struggle to pair wildly different concepts that mirror their chaotic lives into one amazing winning script.
A little more than 1 page synopsis: What’s that old guy doing in school? Morty and the unusual teacher Mz. Bustamonte are the only ones above 20 in the whole class. When he walks to the back of the classroom, Morty sees the only open seat is next to a strange looking sleeping kid. He’s paired with Jax on the first and biggest assignment, to create a screenplay to enter in the Big Contest with $500 prize. Morty is serious, but Jax acts like its a game. After class Jax is waiting outside, tells Morty forget about getting a good grade, but they agree to go to a diner to talk.
Morty and Jax argue back and forth. Morty calls Jax “kid.” Jax calls Morty “old man.” Agree to create a pot of money every time one uses those names. Exchange initial ideas, a “Shakespeare vs Hitler WW2 potboiler” or a “futuristic saga.” They can’t agree so they have their waitress judge whose idea they should develop. Jax wins, Morty pays for dinner. Jax is introduced to Morty’s car, “Mabel”, as Morty offers to give “the kid” a ride home from class. Jax agrees, but when Morty starts the car Jax hears no muffler and senses a death trap, he wants to get out. Morty confides Mabel needs $250 or it’s the wreckers, so he must win.
Morty shows up way too early at Jax’s apartment. 8 a.m. Morty is not a late night person, but an early bird. Jax is the opposite. Jax is groggy. Morty sees Jax’s apartment. Looks at his stuff, lingers on kid photo, then questioning Jax. One word answers. Finds out about his Dad, Jax is a rich kid with a fancy place. “Hey I don’t care about money – it never made my Dad happy.” That night Jax opens up a little in class to Morty. The Rest of students continue to snub them. All are asked to present their ideas. Jax presents but people look confused. “What’s the logline? the teacher asks. “Pitch me.” Morty gets up, and starts to tell but the class snickers as he presents. Back at his seat, Jax gives Morty the evil eye.
When the two start to outline, Jax has to keep explaining things to Morty, but says that the teacher is hot. Waitress hears and says that they’re not her type, but they’re both catches. Jax tries to get back on topic, but they find the waitress is right, each is single and unattached. To get back on topic, Jax bargains with Morty, says he will get him a hot date (via social media) and in return Morty will commit 100% to wormhole aliens, and forget Shakespeare vs Hitler. They’ll continue the outline in the morning, this time at Morty’s place.
Jax shows up at Noon, teases Morty about his place. “I’ll clean later, I’ve been working on the script.” Jax sees picture of Morty’s wife and child. Finds out about them being killed. Jax sees Morty in a new light. There is more to him than meets the eye. Feels for Morty at last, intros him to dating apps, bringing in new ideas. Each starts to see his partner not as an obstacle but a collaborator. Morty hates apps says he likes Bella Bustamante the teacher. He proceeds to plan asking her out electronically. Jax helps him “get with it” by learning texting, etc. Morty flubs the text message to Bella so its an insulting typo. Jax riles Morty for not doing the text right. Morty complains about the size of the keyboard on the phone for big fingers.
Jax gets a phone call and lies to his Dad, says Melanie/Kyle left, and he’s working hard with Morty – the Dad will wire him some cash. Morty “listens in”. “I thought you didn’t care about money.” Jax rebuffs him. As they become more like a team (family) they both start to care about making the screenplay be both their ideas.
Morty buys flowers for Melanie before they pop over for a quick errand. Morty charms Melanies epileptic kid Kyle with jokes and really hits it off. Jax gives her a check, brushes off Morty as just some old guy he is forced to work with. Melanie makes him apologize. Kyle loves WWII planes which Morty’s Dad flew, so Morty tells him amazing stories that the kid cant get enough of. Later when Kyle has a fit, Morty helps him thru, says “you were just flying in the clouds – you should’ve seen you.” Neither know that Melanie’s Mom will be the App date Morty will have soon.
Later Morty shows up as Melanie is leaving with her son, Kyle. Kyle begs to get together soon, Melanie relents. Morty says we’ll go flyin’, maybe in a big grass field. There is a local air show over the three day weekend and maybe they all can go. Jax hears/sees Morty in a new light. Morty beams, tells last night when he got home, the App had setup a first date.
However, Morty finds out Jax’s secret, that he’s helping Melanie and her young son, Kyle. That’s where his money goes, because even though Jax hates his Dad and his money, he has to take it to help out. Now they write their script, and it’s starting to be a collaboration.
Morty tries to find Jax’s Dad and get him to “show up” for his son during their presentation. Melanie mentions her Mom has a new beau, that he’s older but “a catch.” They plan a joint party to celebrate all their good news. Morty gives Jax a ride to school. Morty beams after his date, which was fancy dress with Dollar Menu at Mickey D’s and a Redbox rental. He texts well, things good with this mystery woman. Morty asks Jax if Kyle is actually his son. Jax says no, they are all just good friends. Besides what does it really matter—his blood family never did anything good for him anyways.
They work after class on scenes. A whole new idea combining their concepts, Yard Wars, with characters like Weedblocka and Dark Spader. With a three-day weekend coming up, they decide to take a writing break and have the Picnic then. Morty can invite his new date and Jax can invite Melanie and Kyle.
Jax’s Dad, who is a bigwig at the airshow presenting corporate stuff, notices Jax driving in. Bella Bustamonte is with him, she’s an ex-air force flyer demonstrating planes today. Jax sees Bella, thinks she’s the “mystery” date of Morty’s. But then, he is surprised when Melanie’s mom shows up and is Morty’s date.
Jax gets into an argument with his Dad, because he sees him with Melanie and Kyle. Dad cuts off funds. Morty tells the Dad off, too, after Jax leaves on the sly.
Says “I wish I still had a son to screw up like you have.” Later Jax confronts Morty about dating Melanie’s Mom. They argue, then he sees Bella getting Kyle to do push-ups and he likes military discipline – Jax goes wild, shades of his Dad’s stern ways.
Morty almost relapses to despair, but realizes he’s gotta right things, to help Jax and be a father He feels sympathy but work has stopped, they will fail. Jax realizes Dad’s money has stopped, and Melanie panics, then her Mom says shes breaking up with Morty and hitting the road. Jax promises support, don’t worry. Feeling the responsibility, his only recourse is to win the contest.
Morty and Jax sit in Mabel. Jax professes how stupid this is. Before returning to work on the play, Morty insists that they do one thing first. Jax goes to Melanies apartment, stands below her balcony. Rings her on the cell phone, and tells her to step out. Melanie says this is crazy, but Jax tells her that Morty insists. Morty waits in the car. Jax professes his love for Melanie and wants more. He has no more of his father’s money. Melanie says that all she ever wanted was Jax.
M&J pull it together and work over many cups of coffee into the night of the diner. The next day Morty’s place is completely decked out computer area with big screen and speakers, etc. Morty is the one who presses the “send” button to enter the manuscript into the teacher’s mailbox and the contest.
The following week, Morty is too nervous to see the results. He waits in the schoolyard. Jax does and approaches Morty and tells Morty they won, and now he can get his car fixed and Jax is not a loser anymore. He hands him the $250. His share. Wrong! In truth, they lost. “Both Shakespeare and Hitler almost went broke, y’know!”
Morty refuses the money. Refuses to fix Mabel….. then they count their ka-ching money and it’s exactly $250. Jax gets Morty to sign up for Screenwriting 102. MORTY: “I THINK THIS IS GOING TO BE THE START OF A BEAUTIFUL FRIENDSHIP.” JAX: THEY ALREADY USED THAT LINE IN CASABLANCA. BUT KEEP IT UP. With the class over Bella Bustamante can date Morty, show them flying off to Las Vegas. Jax Dad relents, and he buys the Diner, which becomes “JAX AND MEL’S DINER” With a food truck in the Alley, Kyle’s Not-so-Plane Sandwiches.
Show the Yard Wars script made into a movie over the ending credits.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by Mary Chamberlin.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by Mary Chamberlin.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by
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Elliott’s Logline and One page
What I’ve learned: I don’t know that story as well as I thought I did.
Log line:
A young college dropout comes home only to witness her father violently murder her mother, but when the CIA takes him away, she goes on a journey to uncover a shocking dark secret.
Synopsis:
April comes home from college because she refuses to take any more of the pills she’s been attached to over the years. However, that has sent shockwaves through her life and she can’t deal anymore. She has bizarre visions that are disturbing to say the least and she thinks she is on the verge of going crazy. Going home, although not ideal, is a place where she can reduce stress.
That night her father, Brent, seems possessed and murders her mother with disturbing ease.
The next day, her father is remorseful, a shadow of himself and April is without answers, but CIA agents come and take him away in an armored truck.
April goes to the base where he’s being held and discovers that he’s was a part of a secret program and her father had been in hiding under an alias this whole time. After getting help from a soldier, Kerry, on the inside, she finds out there is someone who was a part of the program that may be alive. April’s visions lead them to him.
They find Ayoki Koji, a strung out drug addict, but he helps them get back onto the base and reveal a secret area that has been locked away for decades. They find her father, but he won’t leave with them, he’s changing into something else. It turns out he and Ayoki are about to become something subhuman because they were a part of a military experiment to hyperdrive clairvoyants to reveal targets. Instead they were able to see beyond the human realm.
April and Kerry try to help them, but they change comes to quickly and they have to try to escape with their lives while trying to avoid being captured or buried by the people who are trying to cover up the program.
They barely escape with their lives, but the ordeal is not over. In the throes of trying to escape the beasts her father and ayoki became, April discovers her visions were actually her clairvoyance. She had to go to the realm beyond to defeat them and now she only has a limited amount of time for them to figure out how she can be helped.
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Hi Elliot,
I have no idea how to partner up on this forum and nobody has responded to my questions yet.
As I understand it we are suppose to critique at least one of the submitted stories so far. I’ve read yours and have some suggestions if you are interested. If so, how do I submit it?
Thanks, Mary J. Andrews
Author of psionic sci fi
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This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by Mary Andrews. Reason: Clarity
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Hello Mary:
We are supposed to connect in the profiles, I suppose. email me at elliott.producer@gmail.com
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This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by
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Logline: An initial murder causes supernatural beings to appear, highlights human darkness and pushes life examinations.
The story opens with a murder. Because of this evil act, a snake appears from the ground.
The next scene takes us to a party where disrespect, gossip, and cause a disruption.
Corey is this jackass engineer and his so-called girlfriend, Mixie, prance through the town like they are all that and then some.
A conversation between good friends (Joel and Piper) on the phone draw up old feeling about people in their home town that treated them badly when one friend is there to be with his band to perform at the party.
Piper’s parents push her to visit home. To Piper’s delight, Leela -someone from her complex – is going to the same place as Piper for a History tour. (Leela is accompanied by someone who says he is in all of her classes with her. and he is on the same tour with her).
Another murder happens. Joel is killed.
Piper returns home. She sees Joel’s car being pulled out of a canal.
Piper has to face Mixie and Corey, who degraded Joel and her growing up. Leela is there to help Piper but her actions have created a super natural journey for help.
These conflicts, snakes and characters collide pushing each other to face their own shortcomings/faults/mistaken beliefs.
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Mary J. Andrews Log line and One page
What I learned: I found my story core, but still can’t cull down the details. Everything is so interlaced.
Log line:
In
a star-faring distant future, The Universal Government’s three man Special Ops
Team, in search of a psychic kidnapper, must rescue a surgically blinded slave
girl with extraordinary powers, and subsequently recognize the beginnings of an
intergalactic coup to threaten the keepers of the peace in the Dark.Synopsis:
In the far distant future, eons after Earth’s death-by-asteroid, Humanity has spread across the universe. In all colonized galaxies, the space between planets belongs to The UNIVERSAL GOVERNMENT. It keeps the peace.
Special Agent RAEL POINTE (35) leads an elite three man Special Dark Ops Team on assignment to locate a psychic ring who have psi-jacked a Government Ambassador’s mind and left him writhing in pain, totally unresponsive.
Aboard Gov Starbase 15, everyone is afraid and avoids SPECIAL AGENT IRA HAZE (24) when he arrives to examine Ambassador Dash. Wall Masters are reputed to be able to usurp a man’s mind and body and his eyes mark him as a rogue talent as well. His examination does not go well and he has to be retrieved, unconscious by his team mates. No one will dare touch a Wall Master. After recovery, he reports that the Ambassador’s attacker is still present, a hostage herself locked within her victim’s mind. Ira can detect no visuals from the link he initiated to attempt rescue of the ambassador. The team decides to go where the Ambassador was originally found.
Upon Tanivol, a pleasure planet, the Captain RAEL POINTE (35), is mesmerized by a beautiful woman, TRISTEN (21), and lured to The Pleasure Palace where members of the Psi Ring they’ve been seeking await. Ira and Laynald follow him and manage to capture Tristen and bring her back to Nemesis. Rael finds himself still under her control and longs to see her, but fears others will notice.
Once again off world, LAYNALD LOCKHEIM (63)—team healer, statistician and assassin— is suspicious of her in every way. He determines She is a slave and has no vocal chords. Also she’s been surgically blinded at a young age.
Ira realizes she is telepathic and sees through the eyes of others. When alone, she is blind. Eventually he rewrites her mind and she believes herself to be Rael’s slave, despite his dislike of the concept. She immediately frees Rael from her control, expressing much regret. After sussing out the limitations of her powers, the team returns to Starbase 15 to free the ambassador and deep search his mind for clues to what originally happened, after which Ira is ordered to rewrite his memory of the whole situation.
Tristen is mentally scorched during the integration of such incompatible energies. Ira comes to her aid. He has begun to feel a kinship and affection for her though he would never act on it. His abilities require continuous control.
When the ambassador checks in with Dark Ops Prime, Rael is informed that his adopted mother who had rescued him from the Hive Planet as a baby and is now the Head of Dark Ops, has strangely fallen ill and is dying. They set out to Dark Ops Prime.
Rael realizes he is under attack. Rael is despondent.
Laynald & Ira join him on the bridge where he is staring out the main port. It suddenly all starts to come together…a pattern is forming: the Psi Ring’s inquiries about them, Tristen’s appearance, the Oracles and their mysterious planet, the impending death of his adopted mother, and the inevitable power vacuum that will affect The Government in this galaxy.
The universe has always seemed so big, but suddenly, it is not big enough. “I am under attack,” he tells them. Laynald steps forward and points out deeper ramification and suspicions that it has all the earmarks of a coup or invasion in the making.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by Mary Andrews. Reason: thinking positive
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This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by Mary Andrews.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by Mary Andrews. Reason: realized error in story. Did not have previous scene in it
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This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by Mary Andrews. Reason: fine tuning after adjusting script
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This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by Mary Andrews. Reason: updated ending to reflect new ending
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This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by
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Sandra’s Logline and One Page!
What I learned doing this assignment is how to get to the core of the story.
Title: BETTING ON IDAHO
Genre: Drama/Dramedy
Logline: In order to save her failing business, an ambitious New York City real estate developer has three days to convince a small-town mayor and a tradition-bound Tribal Chief that working together will save the town, the tribe, and her business.
Overview:
Abigail (35) is a tough, no-nonsense workaholic business woman in a male profession who has had to fight her way to the top. The opening scene shows Abigail at home working out on an exercise bike, while she argues with her father on the phone about an account she recently lost and not wanting to work for him. The angrier she gets, the faster she rides and breaks the bike. She constantly tries to prove her worth and business skills to her uncaring father. Abigail is unaware that her father has been sabotaging her business deals.
Her company needs a big deal to keep them afloat. If they don’t sign a deal soon, the major investors will pull out. After firing the fifth salesman for failing to close a vitally important deal, Abigail, packs her bags and heads to Idaho. Abigail only has three days to convince Scott, the mayor of a struggling small town, and a Tribal Chief that working together will save the town, the tribe, and her business.
However, Abigail must pass the tests the Chief and Mayor have secretly set up. Abigail and Scott have different points of view, are single and have had their hearts broken before. Neither claim to want anything more than a business relationship, but the undeniable attraction between them grows. Although decades apart, Abigail and Chief White Eagle both received MBA degrees from Harvard. She’s all business and the Chief is a more balanced prankster.
Scott takes Abigail on a camping and canoeing trip to meet the Chief in Northern Idaho. She is not comfortable roughing it in the great outdoors. She only sees the development possibilities, while Scott discusses the environmental concerns of the town and tribe. She falls out of the canoe and is unconscious. Luckily, a medicine man is near by. Abigail is okay and meets the Chief, who has ever-increasing demands, including requiring her to live in Idaho.
Before the deal is signed, Abigail’s father has a heart attack and she returns to New York. He dies a few days later. Abigail realizes she has fallen in love with the Idaho culture, scenery and mayor. She finds that money is less important than honesty and love. She goes from being a demanding money-is-most-important business woman to being a more people-oriented and altruistic person. One year later, Abigail has rebranded herself as an ecologically minded developer. She is married to Scott, living in Idaho, and pregnant.
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How do we partner up?
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What I’ve discovered so far:
Click on person’s icon to seek out their profile.
On right side there is a red button labeled “CONNECT”. Push the button and write that person a question or invite to connect with you.
From there on, you both can communicate.
At the top of this menu, at the far right there are symbols for mail and notices. A little red number will tell you if you have anything waiting for you.
When you have made a connection, that person’s icon image will appear in you profile.
Hal, in the first video, has advised that it could be helpful to exchange phone numbers and to delve deeper into each other’s stories. That is an option, too.
Hope this helps.–Mary Andrews.
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Very involved…very detailed but detailed don’t form a clear direction just that they are there…hard to visualize and form a bridge from one scene to another… characters are there but not completely clear
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What I learned was that giving a summation makes you more aware of who your main character is and the turning points.
LOGLINE: A prospective bride receives a death threat on her wedding day from her father. She struggles to work through issues from their past to determine if she can forgive him or not.
SYNOPSIS: When Patricia gets a death threat on her wedding day, she is advised to call the wedding off. As she contemplates her options, Patricia looks into her mother Pearl’s eyes, and we are taken back into time to where…
Pearl meets Jesse, a young man, at her church. He has an eye for the ladies, who woos her when he not only shows interest in her, but is also kind to her mother, Maude, who has mental health issues and talks to a wall clock.
Jesse marries Pearl. He is often away, works hard, and they raise a family, including Patricia, the youngest. Life is not perfect, but it’s good until…
Patricia follows Jesse and finds out that he is secretly raising another family, and she has step-siblings! She even finds him with yet another woman at a shopping mall, and when she approaches him, he denies he even knows her!
At home, Jesse threatens Patricia not to say anything. Knowing she and Pearl are in danger, Patricia keeps her dark secret. Waiting, hoping that one day she can fly this coop and escape to college. But when the day comes, she has other worries…
Pearl is forgetful, showing signs of early-onset dementia. After graduating, Patricia marries Blake, but Pearl is no longer the mum she once had. Jesse is not concerned she is losing weight. Jesse hates God and takes an instant dislike to Blake because he is a Pastor.
With her mother’s health deteriorating, Patricia feels her faith is being tested. With no other options, Patricia spirits Pearl away to care for her. This incurs the wrath of Jesse, who threatens her and Blake.
Years after Pearl has passed away, Patricia still feels the raw wounds of her father’s emotional neglect and verbal abuse. She contacts Jesse on Christmas Eve. He is now alone, and even though it’s the hardest thing she has ever done, Patricia digs deep and finds it in her heart to forgive him.
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Quinn’s Logline and One Page!
Sorry, guys…got a late start!
What I’ve learned doing this assignment is how much I go for perfection from the get-go rather than just starting. I had several different ones to use and I couldn’t decide. It’s a curse I’m working on. Also, I sent this script to a service when I wrote it 20 years ago. They shredded it. They were being kind. I figure if I can turn this 1 into a 5, then I’ll have the skills to turn a 5 or 6 into a 7-8, maybe even a 9.
Logline: A young man’s life turns upside down an ancient tarot deck throws him deep into a corruption plot that threatens the life of his friends.
Summary: Travis, a young programmer, has just broken up with his girlfriend when he hits it off with his attractive neighbor, Jana. Soon after Jana discovers her boss, city councilman Perkins, is an organized crime boss and finds a file which details the laundering scheme he has going on. She takes it to Travis, hoping to figure out what to do with it. Perkins sends his strongman Hank, disguised as a cop, to get the file back.
Travis hides Jana until Hank leaves, then he takes her to his friend, Jessica’s, apartment, where they are ambushed by Hank and Rick, Travis’s best friend who has been working for Perkins unbeknownst to the others. Travis and company are able to flee to a farm house where they plan their next move. Rick finds them and leads Hank to the house. Jessica is captured while Travis and Jana hide.
Jessica is held hostage while Perkins via Rick send Travis and Jana through a series of directions to get them to the warehouse where Perkins runs his side-business. Rick has a change of heart and secretly frees Jessica. He tells her to call the cops. Travis and Jana show up and there is a standoff followed by a fight during which Rick is shot in the shoulder saving Travis’s life. The cops show up, arrest Perkins, and Travis gives the investigating detective the file.
Also, tarot cards Travis got from a fortune teller foreshadow events sporadically.
…like I said, it’s garbage.
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