Day 1 – What I learned …

[Deb Johnson]

Based on my observations of the scene from Jaws, I decided to rewrite a scene to create more suspense. Here are just a few things I changed: I added a ticking clock. I created a threat, which at first, the motivations of the villain are unclear. I highlighted the emotions of those involved emphasizing fear, panic, and a need to diffuse the situation. I created an unexpected interruption which adds to the suspense.

[Isti Madarasz]

The suspense is caused by an unexpected situation: the shark turns up, much bigger than expected. They have to reassess the situation and change their plans – right now, which leads to rushing and nervousness. The little details add to this: everyone running around, shoes slipping on the side of the boat because of the rush, failing to tie a knot, shouting at each other, a radio call… in the midst of this huge challenge, little distractions get in the way of the heroes to increase the tension.

When a plan is finally hatched and executed with great difficulty, the shark escapes with the barrel strapped to its body… nothing happens the way they want it to and it all adds to the tension.

I’ve learned that when my protagonist finally has a plan and sets out to carry it out, I have to put every obstacle in front of him so that the audience gets more and more excited about whether he’s going to succeed. To do this, of course, I have to make it clear what the goal is.

[Mary Dietz]

In the Jaws scene, the chum starts the suspense. The chief was reluctant; he’s also the one least ready to encounter the shark. His facial expression registers the danger, as do the postures and facial expressions of the other characters. The scene is stretched out by focusing on the silent responses of the players as well as their actions. The tracking of the fin is a setup to view the full 25 feet and 3 tons of the shark at the side of the boat.”Slow ahead”, “How do we handle this?”, “I’ve never steered a boat in my life,” “I’m coming around again,” and “What do we do now?” state the insecurity of the situation. “Why?” allows emphasizing the danger.

The barrel getting attached is one payoff, but when it disappears, there’s another round of suspense that is delayed as the sun sets.

In rewriting my scene I’ve increased the dialogue, including a number of questions. One of my characters is in control; the other has his life at risk but is not fully aware of that at the moment. I’m slowing the action by adding details in the environment so far as they enrich the setup. I’m also flashing to a similar situation taking place in a different venue. This is the climax scene. The payoff is that the murder is foiled.