Screenwriting Mastery Forums Character Mastery Character Mastery 5 Week 2 Day 1: What I learned rewriting my scene/character…?

  • Joan Butler

    Member
    December 13, 2022 at 6:48 pm

    Before I understood how to make the friends in my script belong together, their dialogue rambled.

    Breakthrough: I had them like the same sugar and cream in their coffee, had one offer to be the waitress the other one needed, and had them help each other put together some furniture. The dialogue rewrite is now shorter and more focused.

    Breakthrough: I can show belonging in many ways.

    I showed two characters belong together with 4 lines of dialogue where they joined in a game of make believe.

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  • Robert Kerr

    Member
    December 13, 2022 at 8:23 pm

    Bob Kerr

    What I learned rewriting the scene and characters:

    The relationship between my main character (Fran) and the World Champion rowing coach has more opportunities for dynamic tension and drama. The relationship can be built out and the end result is a more human coach and a greater character arc for both characters.

    +1
  • Lynn Vincentnathan

    Member
    December 13, 2022 at 9:17 pm

    What I learned rewriting my scene/character:

    I needed to make sure there was more than attraction between Ellie and Jim in this Rom-Com. I needed to improve the notion that they belong together.

    I think I did this in Scene 3 when I rewrote it for last week’s exchange. She is in despair, he is happy-go-lucky (on the surface). She needs him to lighten her load, help her become an effective eco-activist; he needs her to help him through his difficult future (which comes out in later scenes). Without Jim, Ellie is too serious and despairing. With him in Scene 3 and later he gets her to smile a bit, infuses her with a more positive and hopeful zest.

    It really comes out in Scene 6 where he finds out Ellie is his pastor’s (Rev. Rudy’s) niece. From that point Jim is into wanting a more serious relationship than a fling, though it isn’t stated. His only problem with her is he has to go to great lengths to get romance-shy Ellie into a relationship without her knowing it’s a relationship.

    —————————————-

    A BREAKTHROUGH from Week 2 Audio and “Start looking at scenes and ask what’s their future and is there anything in that scene that indicates their future” & in reference to A STAR IS BORN.

    It occurred to me that I hadn’t really given Ellie much of a future — just a vague idea of eco-activism, getting married, and helping her great-uncle Layo with his alt energy inventions.

    Now I’m making it clearer her future is to be a talented writer/communicator in her eco-activism pursuits. We know she’s a journalism major & has class assignments to write for the college newspaper. We know she wants to help Layo publicize his inventions. But I needed a plant or two about her great writing skills, so I redid Scene 12 (1st scene in Act 2) in which her roommate and Jim praise her article. And a bit in Scene 31.

    However, she had earlier envisioned writing as a way of hiding — she had figured she could live on recluse Great-uncle Layo’s remote ranch and write about his inventions, avoiding engaging the world in a more personal way. I’ll see if I can stick that in some way… Fixed now in Scenes 35 & 36, just before the final act.

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  • Mi Lock

    Member
    December 13, 2022 at 11:24 pm

    INSIGHTS: I love the audio about characters relationships! Especially when Hal said to look for what they do in a movie and that I love, check if I’m already doing it, otherwise add it to my toolbox => learn from the best!

    BREAKTHROUGH: will have to go over the whole script, keeping in mind to have worthy opponents/ mismatched allies and add more personality traits to them in order to rise the conflicts or highlight the differences between the characters.

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  • Wilton Blake

    Member
    December 14, 2022 at 1:09 am

    What I Learned:

    Again, I’m not counting on having a relationship that would leverage this topic. However, I can see how it can be done well if it is done with some subtlety.

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  • Ann Marie

    Member
    December 14, 2022 at 3:38 pm

    Learning that is it important to show clues that characters belong together was very insightful as it gave more focus to my scene in terms of dialogue and wounds. I particularly liked Joan’s insights from earlier.

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  • Mi Lock

    Member
    December 14, 2022 at 11:11 pm

    After analyzing SEABISCUIT’s scene, I checked in my script if the first scene when my characters meet has subtle signs of belonging. Made small adjustments and I think it shows up really well 🙂

    0
  • Donna Stockwell

    Member
    December 18, 2022 at 3:46 am

    What I learned rewriting my characters:
    I need to infuse hints of “living in the future with a character” into the scene, with subtle actions – simultaneous, agreement, positive answers to their wounds.

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