Day 10: Adding Truly Meaningful Action

[Mary Chamberlin]

Mary and Rich’s Meaningful Action

What I learned doing this assignment is that a talking head scene only tangentially tied to the meaning takes on a new life when looked at in a different way, repetition is a core skill we’ve heard before. This proves it, keep repeating the process until it works.

– Go through your script and select a scene where the action doesn’t add to the drama in some way or there is no action at all.

(9) [E4] EXT. DELL’S DINER – NIGHT

Morty offers Jax a ride home in his rolling wreck named Mabel. Jax carries the doggie bag with some of their name-calling cash already inside.

– Read scene and discover what the deepest meaning in the scene is. Look for what the scene is truly trying to communicate. Once you have that, write it down at the top of the scene.

MEANING – GenX and GenZ “Odd Couple” can’t seem to agree on anything, but they must or they fail the class and both lose big time.

– Considering that meaning, brainstorm actions that will either support or contrast that meaning.

1) Jax is allergic to exhaust, Morty loves the smell that reminds him of his own Dad. Choking, he does an open door and roll out of the moving car to get away from this deathtrap.

2) Jax points to Morty as “Environmentally Unconscious” for having this old wreck. Later Morty reacts by creating “Weedblocka” in Yard Wars Game as Green and eco-friendly.

3) Morty is lonely, so he added a CPU to Mabel who matching her rust and lack of amenities acts like a mother in law backseat driving. Jax never knew his Mom, jokes this is probably what she’d be like by now. Could be court ordered by a Judge.

4) They are silent all the way to Jax’s home – the guard at the gate balks at Mabel’s noise, won’t let them in. Jax says hi to Guard, who then lets them thru. Morty says “What’s the problem? Nobody here goes to bed early anyway.” OR Morty gets out and starts to

argue with guard, Jax slides over and drives thru.

– Select the meaning that delivers the most drama, comedy, horror, etc. for your story and REWRITE THE SCENE.

EXT. DELL’S DINER – NIGHT

They walk up to the badly parked beater of a car. Jax looks funny as Morty pulls out keys to unlock Mabel.

JAX – you actually lock this thing?

MORTY – Mabel’s a fine seasoned vehicle.

JAX – Who’s Mabel?

Morty puts the key in the lock, turns it methodically, and holds open the door to a rusty squeeky sound acting like a doorman at a fine hotel.

MORTY – May I introduce my personal rolls royce, Mabel. She has her charms.

JAX: I can see.

Jax chuckles as he gets in the car. Morty jaunts around to the other side and gets in the driver’s seat. Morty starts the car. Loud rumbling ensues from the muffler. Smoke wafts into the car.

JAX: (coughing and waving his hand) What the…?

MORTY: Oh, that’s just Mabel’s lungs. No big deal.

JAX: No big deal echoes the passenger as he dies from exhaust fumes. Morty, you know you are being environmentally unconscious.

MORTY: I need the bucks to get her fixed, and we’ve already established I lose at slots.

A female voice from the back seat of the car interrupts.

FEMALE VOICE: Are you going to put me in drive or just sit there thinking about it?

Jax pivots around.

JAX: What the hell is that?

MORTY: Aah, that’s Mabel. My invention. I call it the Driver’s Assistant. Driver’s Ass for short. Well, I suppose I could use a better name.

Morty pulls out of the parking space.

FEMALE VOICE: Traffic on Main Street is slow. Sometimes slower is better.

Jax looks around and there is virtually no traffic.

JAX: Just getting the kinds out?

MORTY: Yeah, or adding them?

FEMALE VOICE: Legal speed limit exceeded. Contacting law enforcement. Woo, woo.

The horn starts beeping.

Morty jams on the breaks and Jax jerks forward.

FEMALE VOICE: Now, operating in safe parameters.

JAX: We’re stopped.

MORTY: But we are quite safe.

JAX: It’s a car. You’re supposed to drive it.

MORTY: Okay, I’ll turn off the speaker. It is a bit experimental, yet. But maybe you’d like to take her out for a spin sometime? Alone.

JAX: Never.

[Mary Andrews]

MARY J. ANDREWS ADDING TRULY MEANINGFUL ACTION.

What did I learn from this? possibly to use actions to expose the presence of my antagonist
and how he sees things since I cannot have him show up in person yet.

REWRITE A SCENE:

(16) INT. TANIVOL PLEASURE PALACE – CONTINUOUS p.23

Two burly attendants stop Ira and Laynald as they enter the building.

ATTENDANT ONE

I’m sorry, sirs, but can we see your passes?

Laynald and Ira present a fist over heart salute, activating their crimson lit Gov Idents to blaze from the backs of their gloved hands.

The ATTENDANTS step back, but stand their ground uncertainly.

Ira lifts his dark glasses directing laser-lit signs to wickedly reflect from his eyes.

The big guys step aside and the agents continue down the hallway.

IRA
They telepathed our presence to upper management, didn’t they?

LAYNALD
Doesn’t matter. Judging from this empty corridor, I’d say they are expecting us. I don’t like this.

Ira picks up his pace as Rael, in the distance, abruptly stops and turns from the main hall to face one of the privacy booths lining its left wall.

The shimmering curtain is pulled open by Tristen and Rael steps in without so much as a backward glance.

Laynald allows himself to lag behind to study the main hall more closely. Intoxicants flow freely, and a large colorfully dressed crowd parties in happy abandon. Customers in varying states of dress dance or lounge around the large stage as it begins to rise and float across the room. The Xanadu PSI-Troop segue into another song and anti-grav dancers drop from the rafters trailing colorful streamers.

Laynald has no problem discerning employee from clientele.

LAYNALD
They’re keeping everyone away from this area.

Ira unlatches the glimmering curtain and slides it partially open. In the center of the silver-hued room, Rael stands, mesmerized by TRISTEN. Unlike the statuesque beauty Ira had seen through Rael’s eyes earlier, she stands only five-foot three tall. Her body is thinner, her face less exotic than he remembers. Likewise, in place of the sensuously silken dress she wears a loose gray shift with no adornments.

Still ignoring Ira, TRISTEN gently entwines her fingers around RAEL’s and draws him across the room, until they stand before a wall. TRISTEN pulls back an ornate tapestry to reveal the vague outline of a door.

IRA crosses the room and, grabbing RAEL’s shoulder, spins him around to land a right cross to his jaw. The blow sends RAEL sprawling across the room.

Tristen crumples to the floor.

LAYNALD stands in the doorway. He steps in pulling the curtain closed

LAYNALD
Captain’s not going to like that at all.

IRA
But I’ll be the one picking him up this time, won’t I?

LAYNALD glances back through the curtain, then points to TRISTEN on the floor.

LAYNALD
She needs to stay asleep, doesn’t she?

IRA
Yes, but —

Laynald pegs her with one of his many specially tinctured darts and crosses the room to retrieve it before magne-cuffing her hands and feet.

LAYNALD
Glad we wear gloves all the time. This place is just chocked full of Paranormal beings.

Ira glares at him before moving to help Rael up from the floor where he’s sitting rubbing his jaw.

RAEL
What happened this time?

LAYNALD
The youngling hit you, Captain. Let’s go.

Laynald hefts Tristen over his shoulder.

RAEL (TO IRA)
You hit her too?

IRA
You get the blow or the backlash. Next time I’ll hit her.

Ira removes his dark glasses and starts for the exit. Laynald shifts Tristen’s weight a little to free up his right arm in case he needs to reach a weapon.

Ira pulls back the heavy curtain to the privacy booth. Laynald and Rael fall in behind Ira as he steps out of the room allowing the curtain to close behind them.

BEFORE — DELETED:
They both fall in behind Ira. Nobody gets in their way, not once, all the way back to the ship.

AFTER — ADDED:
Suddenly, in the main hall, the music stops. The hover-stage halts in mid-air, gravity dancers no longer twist and turn in aerial acrobatics above. Diners and dancers alike rise or turn to face the Gov. Agents from across the grand hall, but nobody approaches them.

A hand shoots through the curtain and grabs Rael, drawing him back to the room. Rael elbows his assailant, spins and lands a solid blow. His attacker crumbles and doesn’t get up.

RAEL
I’ve had my fill of this. We’re leaving. Follow the wall away from the curtains in 3 … 2… 1

The agents step across the aisle and Rael’s temple plates burst into a brilliant glow. Everything goes dark. The agents set a deliberate slow pace down the long hallway. Their boots sounding in unison. Nobody mans the entrance. Nobody follows them. The moment they step foot outside, the music and lights start back up. Laynald hands Tristen, still unconscious, to Ira.

LAYNALD
Now they’re just messing with us.

The team hastens toward dark alleys traveling away from the night crowds until they near and board the Nemesis.

FADE OUT.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by  Mary Andrews.

[Elliott Williams]

Subject line: Elliott Williams Meaningful Action

“What I learned doing this assignment is…?” there are scenes that are really flat that you thought were great because of dialogue and sharing of information and not anything more.

This scene is trying to communicate a connection between Kerry and April and his interest in her father’s research.

INT. FORT BELVOIR MILITARY BASE – RESEARCH COMMAND – DAY

April waits in an empty lobby with no sign of anyone. She takes in the white wall with it’s humongous SHIELD showing the research command Crest then looks up to see four video cameras angled directly on her.

April takes a step towards the front door, glances at her watch. No sign of anyone.

April looks up – the cameras are still on her. They moved – odd.

BZZZZ – the sound of a door latch unlocking startles April. She looks up, sees a twenty-something year old guy with a mop full of hair entering into the lobby. Not sure exactly who she was expecting.

TWENTYSOMETHING GUY

You must be April Jackson?

APRIL

I am.

(beat)

And you?

TWENTYSOMETHING GUY

Kerry James. Just call me Kerry.

April glances back towards the cameras.

TWENTYSOMETHING GUY/KERRY

You ready?

APRIL

Ah huh.

KERRY

Come with me.

And we’re moving with the two down a

NARROW CORRIDOR

April has a few questions.

APRIL

The cameras– they followed me.

KERRY

Motion censored. They follow everybody.

APRIL

Oh.

A beat.

APRIL

You look pretty young to be a scientist.

KERRY

Research Assistant. Just got out of college. And that isn’t even as glamorous as it sounds. More like office manager to gopher to waterboy.

April laughs. The first smile we’ve seen on her face in a long time.

KERRY

Glad I could make you smile. Looks good on you.

The two stop at a suite of offices at the end of a T-shaped hallway. April sees a placard with Teeg’s name on the front indicating that they’re at his workstation.

KERRY

I’ll let Dr. Spears know you’re here.

APRIL

Thank you.

Kerry is about to walk away then remembers something.

KERRY

Sorry about your mother and your dad.

April’s taken aback. Surprised that he knows. Kerry sees her expression.

KERRY

I– I followed your father’s work for years. That was one of the reasons I chose to work here. This is the place to learn.

APRIL

Really?

KERRY

He’s like a rock star around here.

APRIL

For what?

KERRY

Neurochemical research.

JAMESON (O.S.)

Kerry, there you go exaggerating again.

And the two turn to see DR. JAMESON SPEARS, mid 40’s, gruff, with eyes discerning as ever… not missing a thing.

He’s the lead research scientist and heir apparent to Jake’s previous research projects.

JAMESON

Kerry, thank you.

KERRY

Yessir.

Kerry takes off with April and Jameson still standing in the…

HALLWAY –

REWRITE

EXT. Strip Club – Night

April watches Kerry hop out of his car and bound into a Western themed strip club.

INT. Strip Club – Night

April scans the room for Kerry, he’s at a small table attended to by a waitress in daisy dukes, a cowboy hat and a midriff knotted cowboy shirt.

April takes a deep breath, undoes the top buttons of her shirt, revealing surprisingly nice cleavage and she strides to his table.

April

Anyone sitting here?

Kerry looks around, surprised, albeit it seems pleasantly.

Kerry

No.

She sits. Kerry does his best to be cool, like this happens all the time.

April

You here alone?

Kerry

Yes. Yes.

April

Blowing off steam?

Kerry

I hope so.

April

I like blowing off steam too. Keeps everything working properly.

Kerry is getting excited. Can’t believe this.

April

What brings you here?

Kerry is a little confused by the question. He looks around at the view. April giggles.

April

I mean to this town? You kinda stand out.

Kerry

Work.

April

I bet it’s interesting.

Kerry

Yeah. I would say.

April

I bet it’s important.

Kerry

It’s Ok.

April

I know it’s a big deal, now.

Kerry

Well, I do research. It’s hard to explain.

April

Perfect. I like hard.

Kerry receives the inuendo. Gulps.

Kerry

I work on a secret project for the government. It’s for telekinetic biological and psychosomatic responses. Clairvoyance and the like.

Kerry pulls out the photo of her father.

April

Do you know who that is?

Kerry

Wait, what is this?

April

I’m his daughter.

Kerry

Dammit! I should have known it was too good to be true.

Kerry gets up.

April

Wait! I need your help. He’s on the base.

Kerry stops.

Kerry

He’s alive?

April

Yes and he’s supposed to be on the base, but no one will let me see him.

Kerry

If I help you, what do I get out of it?

April

What do you want?

Kerry

I want to pick his brain.

April

You get me in, you get to pick.