Screenwriting Mastery › Forums › The ProSeries › ProSeries 80 › Dramatic Devices › Day 10 Assignment
-
Day 10 Assignment
Posted by cheryl croasmun on November 14, 2021 at 8:45 pmReply to post your assignment.
0Janeen Johnson replied 3 years, 7 months ago 10 Members · 15 Replies -
15 Replies
-
Hi classmates: I’m happy to swap feedback here on the forums if you post your scene and my feedback tonight so I could review your scene in the AM. I’ll be happy to post my review of your work under your review of mine. Unfortunately, I’ll be traveling so I can’t reply after tomorrow. I appreciate anyone’s notes. Have a happy Thanksgiving.
Day 10 Assignment
What I learned… this was a great module. I had a lot of fun working on these assignments.
SCENE INFO:
Name: TYLER, THE GHOST
Traits: Arrogant, Sarcastic, Immature, Romantic
Subtext: Scared, in Denial
Character Logline: Tyler is the ghost of an entitled college jerk who was murdered 20 years ago by a masked serial killer, and now has to overcome his hidden guilt and fears to save a new group of college kids from suffering the same grisly faith as him.
Name: MADDIE, THE FINAL GIRL 20 YEARS LATER
Traits: Brave, Tough, Stubborn
Subtext: Paranoid
Character Logline: Maddie is the sole survivor of the original massacre who is obsessed with the return of the masked killer who was never caught and sets out to stop the killer at any cost now that the killer’s back.
Name: CHARLES, THE MASKED KILLER WHO WAS NEVER CAUGHT
Traits: Nerdy, Rational, Sadistic
Subtext: Concealing, Nice Exterior
Character Logline: Charles is Tyler’s nice and nerdy half-brother (only seen briefly in the opening scene) who wants to fulfill his secret urge to murder people and getting away with it, but now has to face off with the ghost of his brother and the final girl (Tyler’s girlfriend) he’s always loved.
LEX, THE GOTH HIGH SCHOOL GIRL
Traits: Prickly, Sarcastic, Intelligent, Resourceful
Subtext: Insecure, Lonely
Character Logline: Lex is a brilliant high-school goth obsessed with true crime and grisly murder mysteries who (secretly) came to the manor with her college-aged sister (and her party friends) to attempt communicating with Tyler’s ghost.
INT. FATHER’S TROPHY ROOM – MANOR – NIGHT
Tyler’s Father hunting trophies collect dust on the walls. Lex storms in, followed closely by the masked killer, armed with his axe. A large desk stands between Lex and the killer. Lex throws anything within reach at the killer’s face. She manages to cut the killer’s forearm through his clothes. But the killer barely reacts.
Tyler rushes in through the wall as the killer charges at Lex with his axe. They can’t see him. And only Lex can hear his voice.
TYLER
Lex!
Lex dodges the attack, the killer’s axe gets stuck on the desk.
Tyler glances around him nervously, his eyes glue to an antelope’s head on the wall.
ON LEX AND THE KILLER
Tyler jumps into the killer’s body as the killer attempts dislodging the axe.
Controlling the killer’s body, Tyler turns the killer around and runs straight into the antelope horns.
LEX
Kill him!
The killer raises his arms and presses the palm of his hands against the wall, an inch within being impaled. Tyler’s pushed out of the killer’s body and down backwards to the floor.
LEX
What happened?
TYLER
He kicked me out. I didn’t know the living could do that.
LEX
Get back in there!
Tyler sets out to repeat the plan as the killer turns around slowly, pissed off. The killer towers over Tyler and never looked more menacing than now.
Tyler gulps, lunges at the killer decisively. The killer remains frozen.
FROM THE KILLER’S POV
In slow motion: the killer can’t see Tyler. But he can hear his steps on the creaking hardwood floor.
Tyler jumps towards the killer. The killer raises his arm and grabs Tyler by the neck mid-air. It shocks Lex but it shatters Tyler’s world. Tyler is paralyzed by fear.
LEX
How?
FROM THE KILLER’S POV
The killer presses Tyler’s invisible but tangible neck. Tyler is actually dying… again?
The killer notices the blood from the cut in his arm dripping slowly over Tyler, making a hint of his body plain to the eye.
The killer smears his own blood over Tyler’s eyes, making them visible.
The killer studies Tyler’s eyes.
CLOSE-UP
The world stops as Tyler and his killer lock eyes. Tyler stares into the masked man’s cold blue eyes.
Suddenly, a HUNTING KNIFE flies straight into the killer’s arm. The killer lets go of Tyler, Tyler drops to the floor.
Lex and Tyler turn around, discovering the BEARDED GAS STATION ATTENDANT the college kids encountered on their way to the manor.
LEX
You’re the gas station guy!
The Attendant says nothing, and wastes no time fighting the killer in hand-to-hand combat.
ATTENDANT
(to Lex)
I told you not to come here.
Lex is speechless. The Attendant’s voice grabs Tyler’s attention.
The killer hits the Attendant on the face, kicking him down to the floor. Tyler and Lex gawk as the Attendant’s FAKE BEARD comes off.
The Attendant gets up, his long shaggy hair covers his face.
TYLER
Who is this dude?
The Attendant throws his hair back revealing to be a WOMAN IN HER LATE THIRTIES.
LEX
You’re a—
Tyler’s jaw drops to the floor. He can’t believe this…
TYLER
Maddie.
LEX
(to Tyler)
The final girl.
Maddie turns to Lex, she can’t see or hear Tyler.
MADDIE
I hate that word!
Maddie punches the killer on the stomach.
MADDIE
Final girl!?
Maddie fights the killer. Punches. Kicks. Lex watches in confusion. Tyler’s in awe.
MADDIE
I’m not a victim. Or a survivor…
Maddie high-kicks the killer, sending him flying backwards. The killer thuds on his back. Maddie stands in fighting pose, looking like an action film badass.
MADDIE
I’m a fucking Gladiator.
TYLER
(to Lex)
Tell her she’s just as beautiful as I remembered.
MADDIE
(catching her breath, to Lex)
You alright, kid?
Lex nods, out of words. Maddie turns towards the killer, he’s gone. She sighs in frustration.
MADDIE
(approaching Lex)
Is anyone else alive?
Tyler approaches Maddie, tempted to caress her face with his fingers.
TYLER
She looks different. Hardened. But it really is her.
(to Lex)
Tell her I’m here.
MADDIE
Girl!
Lex jumps out, distracted by Tyler.
LEX
Yes! My sister! She is hiding—
TYLER
Tell her it’s me!
(shouts to Maddie’s ear)
Maddie, I’m right here!
MADDIE
The killer won’t stop unless we kill him. We need to find her before he does.
TYLER
(gets ready)
Lex, I’m just gonna jump into your body if you don’t tell her I’m—
LEX
Goddam it, Tyler!
Lex stops herself. She’s got Maddie’s full attention now.
MADDIE
(to Lex)
Did you say Tyler?
0-
Armand,
I’d be happy to swap critiques and feedback on your submission – and i’ll post the feedback for you tomorrow. Enjoy your trip and Happy Thanksgiving to you!
0 -
Armand, you put us in the middle of a terrific battle, ramp up the conflict & tension and maintain it throughout your scene.
Nice use of dramatic irony with Maddie as the Gas Station Attendant, and it’s also a great twist. You utilize a number of twists here – Tyler getting kicked out of the Killer’s body, Tyler possibly dying again, Maddie/Gas Station Attendant arrival, Lex mentioning Tyler and getting Maddie’s attention. Very well done.
I can see numerous Setups/Payoffs, too. The Gas Station Attendant a disguise for Maddie from an earlier scene, Tyler getting kicked out of the Killer’s body is a payoff for later and Maddie’s evolution to a badass – Maddie IS a badass.
Great setting to maximize conflict and tension, and you’ve created the Crucible that has implications. The Misleads and Reveals and Setting up the Scenes for the Future with the Killer’s escape, Lex mentioning Tyler and getting Maddie’s attention as well as Maddie being fully involved and completely prepared to battle the Killer.
I believe you’ve touched every component of the Dramatic Devices module in this exciting scene. I fully understand when you mentioned having fun with this – it shows! Armand, you’ve done a masterful job here with Dramatic Devices – I must compliment you, great work!
0
-
-
Emmanuel’s being Dramatic!
What I learned doing this assignment is using dramatic devices to create enticing scenes is the best way to engage readers, producers, and actors into participating or gaining buy-in to develop a script.
0 -
Budinscak is being Dramatic
Day 10
What I learned doing this assignment:
o Very good module providing the writer with numerous tools to amp up the conflict and tension.
o I appreciate the checklists at the end of a session. It’s a roadmap for success when I get off on a tangent.
o This is a brand new scene and it stems from the lesson “Settings that add Drama”.
1. Characters
Jack – slick/street smart, selfish, condescending, generous
Subtext – Conniving
Logline – Jack isn’t a role model, nor does he want to be, but … when presented with a captive audience – his nephews, Puck & Sal – he will present whatever version of his facts as he sees fit.
Puck – nerdy, book smart, insecure, devious
Subtext – Devious
Logline – Puck is a moral compass during the trip, constantly holding his uncle accountable while plotting to stay two steps ahead of his cousin, Sal.
Sal – sneaky, manipulative, smartass, bit of a bully
Subtext – Sneaky
Logline – Sal is a mini-Jack, a sneaky storyteller and convincing liar – the one most apt to initiate trouble, benefit from it then abscond from blame.
Setup:
Act II has just begun as has the journey for Jack, Puck and Sal. They’ve been on the road for a few hours, it’s hot and the air conditioner isn’t working properly.
SUPER: 1986
INT. CADILLAC – DAY
Sweat beads on Jack’s brow and rolls freely down Sal’s face. Strangely, Puck is unaffected. Sal lowers the window, Jack raises the window from his panel. He locks the windows.
SAL
It’s hot in here.
JACK
Something’s wrong with the air conditioner.
SAL
We know that. How come I can’t lower the window?
JACK
It’ll let the hot air in.
Puck and Sal glance at one another.
PUCK
That’s not entirely true. We’ll at least have air circulating …
JACK
No.
PUCK
No what?
JACK
We’re not lowering the windows.
SAL
You don’t want the wind to mess your hair.
JACK
You know what I want? Peace and quiet for the next hour.
INT. CADILLAC – LATER
Only a few minutes have clicked off the clock.
SAL
I’m hungry.
JACK
You’ve been hungry all day.
PUCK
I gotta go to the bathroom.
JACK
No surprise there.
EXT. HIGHWAY – DAY
Up ahead, an exit sign for “Lakeside Heights”.
INT. CADILLAC – CONTINUOUS
Jack points out the windshield.
JACK
We’re gonna stop there. We’ll grab a bite, get some gas and then you’ll be good boys and be quiet for a while, sound good?
The boys reluctantly nod in agreement.
EXT. CONVENIENCE STORE – DAY
Jack’s Cadillac parks next to one of the gas pumps.
JACK
You two idiots try not to get hurt. I’ll be right back.
INT. CONVENIENCE STORE – CONTINUOUS
Jack and the store CLERK watch Puck and Sal chase one another around the Cadillac.
CLERK
Been on the road long?
JACK
Couple of hours, why?
CLERK
Your boys got some pent up energy.
JACK
You might say that.
Outside, Puck tags Sal, turns the other way and runs. Sal’s in pursuit.
JACK
How’s that river to swim in?
CLERK
The water’s great …
RING – the phone rings
CLERK
Excuse me, I’m expecting a call.
JACK
No sweat. You said the water’s great?
The Clerk is consumed with the phone call. Jack waits a second before he pivots and leaves.
EXT. CONVENIENCE STORE – CONTINUOUS
Jack signals to the boys to get in the car.
INT. CADILLAC – CONTINUOUS
Jack wears a satisfied look on his face.
JACK
I got an idea before we eat. Sal, you wanted to go for a swim in the Atlantic Ocean, right?
SAL
Correct, Uncle Jack.
JACK
Instead, how ‘bout a dip in a river? That river!
Jack points, the boys cheer.
EXT. CONVIENENCE STORE – CONTINUOUS
The Cadillac parks on the side of the store, out of sight of the store Clerk.
The Cadillac doors pop open and out jumps Puck and Sal in their bathing suits. They make a beeline for the river with Jack only a few steps behind.
They run down a hill and stop on the river’s edge. They dip their toes in the water.
INT. CONVIENENCE STORE – DAY
The Clerk hangs up the phone and continues the conversation with Jack.
CLERK
The water’s great, you just got to be careful. (he looks around) Hello?
On the counter, the Clerk adjusts a Poison Ivy medicine display.
EXT. RIVER – DAY
Sal backs up into a small green patch as he readies to run and jump in the river. Puck jumps in front of him waving his hands.
PUCK
Stop! Don’t move.
SAL
Why?
PUCK
I think you’re standing in poison ivy.
Sal jumps about four feet in the air.
A few steps away, Jack bends to pick up an opaque filmy kind of skin and there’s lots of them on the river bank. Snakes are molting their skins right here!
JACK
We got snakes around here!
Jack leads Sal and Puck as they sprint up the hill.
INT. CONVENIENCE STORE – DAY
Jack, Puck and Sal burst through the store’s door.
CLERK
Hey, where’d you go? You didn’t go to the river, did you?
The uncle and his nephews nod their heads sheepishly.
INT. CADILLAC – DAY
The Caddy’s windows are barely cracked – they whistle – as the car flies past slower moving traffic.
Both boys sit on new towels, they still wear their wet bathing suits. Sal’s poison ivy powder-covered feet rest on another new towel on the floor.
PUCK
How much longer do we have to be quiet?
Sal begins to giggle. Jack makes eye contact with Puck through the rearview mirror. It’s not a friendly look.
SAL
It’s hot in here. Can I put the window down?
JACK
No!
PUCK
I gotta go to the bathroom.
SAL
I’m kinda getting hungry.
Jack grits his teeth and tightens his grip on the steering wheel.
-
This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by
John Budinscak.
0-
Hello John:
I love the logline and how Jack and the kids have strong character (and subtext) traits that will play against each other really well.
Now, to the skill mastery sheet:
Conflict/tension: I think the opening scene in the car succeeds in setting up an internal conflict (Jack having to take care of his nephews unexpectedly) and the external issue with the air conditioning gives us glimpses of the boys’ personalities. Could you go further with the tension, stretching it out till breaking point and see what you find out about your characters that adds to your already solid scene work.
Twists: The Jack/Clerk scene sets up a good twist related to the poison ivy. It also had an element of dramatic irony. It excited me.
Setting: I got a strong comedic feel through the whole travel-river sequence and I felt I could see these characters making choices with their own voices.
The “Snakes” line lost me a little bit. Did Jack just pick up snake skin or did he see an actual snake?
Overall, I think you followed the class lessons and did a very nice job. I’m sure you can finesse it and go deeper if you want to, solid work!
0-
Thank you, Armand – I appreciate your insights and agree 100% with your comments. I’ll clean up the ‘snakes’ piece and amp up the conflict/tension.
Enjoy your vacation, safe travels and Happy Thanksgiving!
John B.
0
-
-
This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by
-
DEAR FRIENDS AND COLLEAGUES: I WOULD BE DELIGHTED TO EXCHANGE FEEDBACK.
PS80 DAY 10 BOB SMITH IS BEING DRAMATIC
“What I learned is…?” The value of the Dramatic Devices Mastery sheet is something I want to keep with me not only for class but beyond. When inspiration is short, this jogs me into writing.
Character traits, subtext and Character Loglines:
EMIL JANNINGS: His traits are that he is Jealous, imperious, fearful (about his possible
loss of star-status and for his future career). Subtext: Deceitful and manipulative.
Logline: Emil Jannings is the Oscar-winning star of “The Blue Angel” but is jealous of Marlene Dietrich whom he fears will undermine his star-status.
MARLENE DIETRICH: Her Traits: Ambitious, creative, subservient (to director, von Sternberg). Subtext: Domineering (publicly); subservient to von Sternberg; contemptuous of Jannings.
Logline: Dietrich is the unknown discovered by director, von Sternberg and cast in the prominent role of showgirl Lola Lola whom he grooms for her role and for future stardom, although she is in a feud with the film’s star (Emil Jannings).
JOSEF von STERNBERG: Traits: Perfectionist, artistic, exacting.
Subtext: Demanding.
Logline: Josef von Sternberg is the celebrated director of “The Blue Angel” who cast his discovery Marlene Dietrich as Lola Lola in defiance of the studio brass and the star (Emil Jannings) and now find himself in a relationship of both lover and mentor of Dietrich while trying to direct “The Blue Angel” and play referee in a feud between Jannings and Dietrich.T
KURT GERRON: He plays the Magician in “The Blue Angel.” Traits: Affable, amiable; Subtext: Conciliatory.
Logline: If Santa Claus were clean shaven, younger and Jewish, he would be Kurt Gerron; a real show business trouper who spreads joy.
HANS ALBERS: He plays Mazepa the strongman in “The Blue Angel” Traits: Intelligent, cautious. Subtext: conceals rather than speaks.
LOGLINE: A dashing young actor with a future who is building it by acting in “The Blue Angels.”
DR. MAGNUS HIRSCHFELD: Known as a sexologist and first ever gay advocate in Germany who also advocates for a more sexually open society. Traits: caring, father-like, warm, and very smart. Subtext: Wants things to be right and for the good in a society that is becoming more Nazi.
LOGLINE: Known as “the Einstein of Sex” He is a pioneer sexologist and social activist, a people person who cares for the fate of Jews and homosexuals under what appears to be inevitable Nazi rule.
Rough draft expressing scene idea:
After first introducing director von Sternberg and fellow “Blue Angel” cast members (Emil Jannings, Kurt Gerron, and Hans Albers) she takes them to gay cabaret Club Silhouette – a hangout for show people of all sexual orientations. Here, Dietrich and her party are invited to sit with the sexologist, Dr. Magnus Hirschfeld, “the Einstein of Sex” and the first advocate for gay rights in Germany who advocated for greater openness about sexuality in society. However, Nazi Brown Shirts hurl rocks through the club’s windows. Hirschfeld warns that this is only the beginning of what will soon happen all over Germany when the Nazis inevitably take over rule. He predicts when that happens it will be devastating to homosexuals and Jews and that to remain in Germany and may require cooperation with the oppressor this is the CRUCIBLE of the script, it continues the matter raised by Major Kershaw when he asks Jannings, Why did he allow himself to become a tool for Nazi propaganda. Thus, the dramatic techniques of a scene with a future address the future of Germany and the trajectory of the film and of the morality of Emil Jannings decisions to take part in Nazi propaganda films as a way “to hide in the open” and protect himself and family from Nazi oppression.
This scene will use the techniques of giving the scene a future.
INT. THE CLUB SILHOUETTE – NIGHT
The club is art deco with a brash Victorian bar of one piece of wood and mirrors, lavishly supplied with liquors.
On stage, a chorus line of DRAG QUEENS, enters and begins a musical number.
Marlene Dietrich, Josef von Sternberg, Emil Jannings, Kurt Gerron, and Hans Albers enter, through the club’s front door.
Dietrich is dressed androgynously, in tuxedo with tales, pants, and a silk hat.
DR. MAGNUS HIRSCHFELD and his partner GEORGE, wave to Dietrich inviting her and von Sternberg, Jannings, Gerron, and Albers to join them at their table. He calls upon a waiter to move another table next to their own to make room for Dietrich and company, who then are seated.
The Drag Queen musical number ends and they start to walk off stage after taking a bow.
The crowd applauds.
Dietrich rises to make an announcement.
As Dietrich makes an introduction, each person named stands up and takes a bow.
DIETRICH
I have news; I have auditioned successfully to
appear in “The Blue Angel” directed by Hollywood’s finest director,
(introducing von Sternberg)
Josef von Sternberg. And featuring, players known
to all of you, Kurt Gerron and Hans Albers.
The crowd applauds.
DIETRICH
Last but not least, the star of “The Blue Angel” the
first winner of Hollywood’s Academy Award for Best
Best Actor, Emil Jannings.
Loud applause for Jannings.
After bowing, Jannings, von Sternberg, Gerron, and Albers seat themselves again.
DIETRICH
So, Mr. von Sternberg gave my first major role as a cabaret
showgirl, named, Lola Lola. So I want to celebrate my getting
the part and buy drinks for all of you, even those of you who
said I can’t act.
DRAG QUEEN
You got the part but you still can’t act.
Everyone laughs.
Jannings rises.
JANNINGS
It’s her legs that can act.
Another round of laughter but not from Dietrich who doesn’t think the joke is funny. No one laughs at the table where Dietrich sits.
Dietrich crosses to a table where two women are seated, she bends down and kisses one of them on the lips, a scene to be repeated in “Morocco” (von Sternberg’s next film, starring Dietrich).
Emanating from the street outside are the sounds of a marching army. They are the NAZI BROWN SHIRTS who keep march to the tune of the Horst Wessel which they sing.
They halt and stop singing. Next, with curses they hurl rocks through the windows of the club. Glass shatters. The crowd is paralyzed into fearful silence. .
Outside, the Brown Shirts come to order and march forward, again, singing the Horst Wessel. The sounds come to an end.
The crowd in the Club Silhouette is relieved.
Hirschfeld speaks his mind.
HIRSCHFELD
Luckily no one is injured. But when the Nazis take
over – which I fear is inevitable – homosexuals and
Jews will be amihiliated. And I am both.
GERRON
I am also a Jew. And these scum of the earth Nazis
say they are the Master Race. Is it time to go back
to Palestine.
HIRSCHFELD
I am going there next year. I am not religious
but I want to see the land of our heritage. I don’t
think I’ll stay. The Arabs don’t want us there,
even though Jews have lived in the land for thousands
of years, they are killing us.
ALBERS
Well, this effects me. The love of my life is Jewish.
GERRON
I didn’t realize Hansi was Jewish.
HIRSCHFELD
My advice to you is take Hansi and leave Germany.
ALBERS
I can’t live in any other country but Germany – bad
as it may become..
HIRSCHFELD
Then send Hansi abroad for her own safety and hopefully
meet later.
JANNINGS
I am in a similar situation to Hans: My mother is
of Jewish origin. I too need to stay here but how do
I survive the Nazis?
HIRSCHFELD
First of all tell no one about your mother. Then, I
recommend for your own sake and the sake of your
family that you pretend to support the Nazis. You’re
an actor, make a few films for the Nazis.
JANNINGS
In other words, hide in the open?
GERRON
How far do you go in cooperating with an enemy
when it’s to save you life and the life of your
family? What is morally permissible? I wonder
what a Rabbi would say.
JANNINGS
About what?
GERRON
It is permissible to collaborate with an enemy
in order to save your life and life of your loved
ones?
DIETRICH
If he says it is not permissible. Ask him what
he would do.
STERNBERG
Well, I am glad, as Jew that I can get out of
Germany and go home to America, to Hollywood.
DIETRICH
Take me with you.
STERNBERG
With Rudi’s permission, of course.
DIETRICH
(to Hirschfeld)
That’s my husband.
STERNBERG
Rudi must come also. We’ll get him work
as an assistant director.
The music strikes up again and a Jewish comedian steps on stage.
M.C.
And now, ladies and gentlemen, the one and only
Schmuly Silbermann.
SILBERMANN trots out to the microphone.
SILBERMANN
Good evening, everybody. I think our army
Of Drag Queens could have scared off the
Brown Shirts. Let’s remember that for
next time Hitlers alcolytes show up.
M.C. (O. S.)
You mean acolytes.
SILBERMANN
No I mean alcolytes. The way they behave
They must be stoned on something. Which
reminds me. Hitler once met Jesus and asked,
“How did you feed 5,000 with only five loaves
of bread and two fish?” Jesus said, “I’ll tell
you if you tell me how you made thousands
of Germans drunk on you without liquor.”
The audience “oohs” and “ahs” with the dangerous political statement.
-
This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by
Robert Smith.
0 -
This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by
-
Rob Bertrand is Being Dramatic
What I learned is: I really loved this module and feel I learned the most from it. Really looking forward to the next module.
Annie Andrews – Protagonist
Basic character traits: Sarcastic, quick tempered, fragile teenager who aches for acceptance.
Character Logline: Annie is a high school student, overwhelmed with guilt over the death of her mother, who’s struggling to come out to her traditional father.Jessica Andrews – Side Character
Basic character traits: Shy, Nervous, Crafty, and inherited her sister’s gift of sarcasm.
Character Logline: An eight-year-old girl becomes obsessed with horror movies after the death of her mother and soon starts to believe there’s a monster living in her closet.Jack Andrews – Side Character
Basic character traits: Exhausted, foul-mouthed, conservative father, who’s protective of his daughters.
Character Logline: Jack is an overworked auto mechanic, who’s grieving the death of his wife, Nora, while struggling with alcoholism and his daughter’s deteriorating mental health.Jocelyn Wilcox –Side Character
Basic character traits: Free Spirited, Rebellious, Seductive
Character Logline: A free spirited rebel, who lives in fear of her overprotective parents.INT. BASEMENT – NIGHT
The room is lit by candles, sporadically placed around the room. They flicker ominously.
Annie sits on the floor, in a semicircle with Jessica, Jocelyn. They watch as their flamboyant Spanish friend, ARMANDO HERRERA, 17, prepares for the seance. Around his neck, a necklace of different colored crystals. He takes this very seriously.
ANNIE
Are you sure about this, guys?ARMANDO
Oh yes…don’chu worry, baby. My abuela taught me everything I know…JOCELYN
Yeah…chill. He knows what he’s doing.In the center of the human circle, lays Nora’s wedding dress. Armando lights a series of candles surrounding the dress.
ARMANDO
The candles are used to attract the spirit with warmth and light.Next, he lights some incense. The smoke wafts up into the air.
ARMANDO
And the incense will increase my psychic powers.ANNIE
Great. My dad’s gonna think I’ve been smoking weed down here…Armando pulls out a wood pentagram.
The pentagram makes Annie uncomfortable.
JESSICA
Cool!ARMANDO
This is a–JESSICA
Pentagram!Armando is shocked.
JESSICA (CONTINUED)
What? I like horror movies…ARMANDO
(irritated)
Don’t steal my thunder, kid…Yes, this is a pentagram. Together, we will use it to draw power to our circle.He sets the pentagram down on top of the dress.
ARMANDO (CONTINUED)
Picture, please?Annie hands Armando a framed photo of Nora. He places it above the wedding dress.
ARMANDO
Alright….let’s begin. Everyone, join hands.Jocelyn takes Annie’s hand first, then the others follow. Annie fights an urge to smile.
ARMANDO
Close your eyes and clear your mind. To make contact, we must all be one…feel the energy growing within the circle.Annie peaks at Jocelyn. She’s fully bought in.
ARMANDO
Tonight, we are here to speak to the spirit of Nora Andrews. Please, Nora, join us in this circle and communicate with us. We invite only, Nora Andrews. We claim protection from all evil beings. Let only Nora enter this circle, tonight.There’s a moment of silence, broken when Armando GASPS.
JESSICA
What is it?ARMANDO
She’s here. I can feel her presence.JESSICA
Annie, I’m scared.ANNIE
Maybe we should stop…A large bang from the wall makes the group jump.
ARMANDO
She wants to make contact.JOCELYN
Let’s keep going!ANNIE
Uh…okay, I guess.ARMANDO
Everyone, place a hand on the planchette and keep the image of Mrs. Andrews in your mind.Armando clears his throat.
ARMANDO
I am speaking to the spirit of Nora Andrews. Please give us a sign of your presence.From somewhere deep in a wall comes a faint TAPPING.
JOCELYN
Did you hear that?ANNIE
Hear what?ARMANDO
Spirits can communicate a whole lotta different ways…tapping is a common one.JESSICA
Mom…is that you!?In response, another series of KNOCKS from a different part of the wall.
ANNIE
Holy shit!ARMANDO
Mrs. Andrews, if that is you, give us a sign of your presence.From upstairs, a door SLAMS, followed by the sound of footsteps walking across the house.
JESSICA
I told you! I told you mom is haunting us!ARMANDO
Mrs. Andrews, please use one tap for yes and two taps for no. Do you understand?The question is answered with one TAP.
ARMANDO
Annie, talk to your mom.Annie looks reluctant.
ANNIE
I don’t…I don’t know what to say?JOCELYN
Just, trust your heart…ANNIE
Okay…uh…mom? Is that…really you?One tap replies yes.
ANNIE
Mom…why are you here?ARMANDO
Remember, only yes or no questions.ANNIE
Right…uh…Mom, have you been trying to talk to us?One tap, yes.
JESSICA
Do you need our help?One knock.
ANNIE
How can we help, mom? How can we help you!No answer.
ANNIE (CONTINUED)
Are you trapped here?Two knocks.
JESSICA
Are you here to say goodbye?One knock.
ANNIE
Mom…I…I’m so sorry. It’s my fault.Annie eyes flood with tears. They stream down her cheeks.
ANNIE (CONTINUED)
If I hadn’t been driving…you’d still be here.One knock.
ANNIE (CONTINUED)
See? See! She blames me…I knew it.Annie let’s go of Jocelyn and Armando’s hands.
ARMANDO
Wait! Breaking the circle can be dangerous….The knocking behind the wall starts POUNDING. It sounds like something is going to come through the wall.
ARMANDO
Dios mio, man!Annie quickly takes Jocelyn and Armando’s hand again. The pounding stops.
JOCELYN
Holy shitballs!JESSICA
She’s very angry.ANNIE
Mom….do you blame me for your death.For a long moment, there’s silence.
One tap.
The answer sinks in as Annie’s face fills with dread and pain.
Up the stairs, the basement door SLAMS open. The teenagers look up to see JACK ANDREWS. His face both shock and anger.
JACK
The fuck is going on down here?He tromps down the stairs, flips on the light, revealing the kids sitting around an altar. The wedding dress. The pentagram. The candles. Angry, he stumbles forward, clearly intoxicated.
JACK (CONTINUED)
Wha…what are you doing? What is this…devil worship!?Jack reaches down and grabs Nora’s dress. Pulls it free from the pentagram.
ANNIE
Dad…wait–JACK
Party’s over. Ya’ll need to go home. Go!Armando quickly gathers his things without making eye contact with Jack.
ANNIE
We were just hanging out–JACK
Smoking weed, by the looks of it! Which one of you drank all my beer.Annie’s temper detonates in 3…2…1…
ANNIE
We’re not smoking weed. No one drank your fucking beer, you God damn alcoholic!JACK
Ah fuck, here we go with that bullshit. Why do you think I drink? Maybe because it’s like walking on fucking egg shells around you? Well, those shells are ground to dust now!ANNIE
Oh, shit…sorry dad! I mean I just lost my fucking mom! You might notice we’re hurting…except your too busy cuddling mom’s wedding dress every night, getting loaded!JACK
I lost her too, God damn it. Did you forget that? I lost her too! She was my wife before she was your mom! She was my best friend! And I have to live every day with–ANNIE
Say it! Say it! With the girl that killed her!Jocelyn pushes Jessica and Armando up the stairs.
JOCELYN
I’ll text you…JACK
I didn’t say that, Annie.ANNIE
Yeah…well…you didn’t have to. Your face says it all. I wish you were dead. Not mom!Annie runs up the stairs, as her father calls up after her.
JACK
Yeah, well…if I had a gun, that wouldn’t be problem! Trust me!He looks down at Nora’s wedding dress in his hands. He balls it up into mess of lace and fabric.
CUT TO:
0-
You’re being dramatic quite dramatically. Excellent Seance scene. A few typos here and there. But most importantly, good characters, believable actions, and dialogue. Are a lot of these tappings actually done by the kid living behind the wall? If you don’t want to reveal that, it’s okay. You have a gem there, Rob.
0-
Thanks Bob. I’ll fix the typos. I wrote this on the fly between holiday functions. I appreciate your support!
Rob
0
-
-
-
Amy is Being Dramatic
What I learned from doing this assignment is that you can add drama to most every scene.
Andrea
Basic character traits: well-spoken, image conscience, playful, competitive
Want/Need: Wants to become a network anchor, wants Josh and her kids back, needs to feel validated
Paradoxes: Wants to be a good wife and mother but also wants a demanding career
Secret: She once gave a co-worker the wrong directions to a story location so that she could beat her to the story
Flaw: She can be selfish
Special: She was the ugly duckling at school until her braces came off and her acne went away, then she became one of the popular girls.
INT. – MEAGAN’S CAR – NIGHT
Meagan stares through the windshield as the science lab burns. Suddenly, SIRENS ARE HEARD.
Meagan quickly starts up her engine and exits the parking lot.
INT. – NEWS VAN – NIGHT
Matt the cameraman drives the van. Andrea listens to the scanner and scribbles notes.
DISPATCHER (O.S.)
Flames and smoke showing from exterior. One entrapment at this time. All units 10-33 traffic.
ANDREA
Oh, no! Is it Professor Smity? Drive faster!
Matt steps on the gas.
EXT. – SCIENCE LAB – NIGHT
The lab is ablaze. Multiple fire trucks, an ambulance and a couple of police cars are there.
The WBEN news van pulls in screeching tires.
Andrea and Matt jump out, microphone and camera ready.
Andrea turns to the camera.
ANDREA
Are we rolling?
MATT
In 3-
Matt points to Andrea
ANDREA
Ladies at gentlemen, were at the Johnston City University science lab which is at this moment on fire. Let’s see if we can find out what happened.
Andrea walks over to a POLICEMAN.
ANDREA
Here is Sergeant Davis from the Johnston City PD. Sergeant, do you have any idea what caused this?
SERGEANT DAVIS
Not yet. Once we get this under control, we begin our investigation.
ANDREA
Thank you, Sergeant Davis.
Just then, two PARAMEDICS wheel out Professor Smitty. He has an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, but he’s trying to talk.
ANDREA
It looks like Professor Smity has something he wants to say. Let’s go speak with him.
Andrea runs to him, followed by Matt.
ANDREA
Professor Smity, are you okay?
PARAMEDIC
He’s suffering from smoke inhalation. He shouldn’t talk.
But Professor Smity removes the mask from his face. He immediately starts coughing and choking.
PARAMEDIC
Sir, you need to put the mask back on.
PROFESSOR SMITY
I know who did this.
SERGEANT DAVIS
You mean this was intentional?
PROFESSOR SMITTY
I saw her slipping out the back. She didn’t see me.
SERGEANT DAVIS
Who?
PROFESSOR SMITY
Meagan Donahue, my TA.
Sergeant Davis turns to ANOTHER POLICEMAN standing there.
SERGEANT DAVIS
Let’s bring her in for questioning. Look her up.
ANDREA
No need. I know exactly where she is.
0 -
My crisis scene is not ready yet but I played with the crucible, lies, subtext, conflict, misleads/reveals, hyperbole, understatement, time crunch, and got a surprise for me and the audience so that Litonya had secretly married Ibrahim in Mecca a few months previous though she is Jake’s common law wife.
EXT. IBRAHIM’S YACHT – EVENING
Betty can barely walk and her eyes are rolling as she greets Jake and Litonya who arrive in a rowboat. Ibrahim is conked out on a couch on the deck with the remains of an elegant meal on a table before him.
BETTY
I did what you said. I am not a doc, but he looks gone and I am going. Go ahead. The drugs are downstairs.When Jake’s back is turned, Ibrahim springs from the sofa and grabs him. The fight makes Jake lose his PD balance. Betty is floundering near the table but Litonya rushes towards us. At seventy, she still has the strength of a forty-something woman or even man. She separates them as Ibrahim glares at her.
IBRAHIM
Choose.Litonya backs off. She never liked people enough to be a martial artist. Betty’s southern drawl comes to the rescue.
BETTY
Since it’s the drugs you want, yall can just mosey down to the hull where you’ll find ’em in bright blue boxes labelled Bright Space Brain Buffet..As Jake and Litonya iwalk down those short, rickety stairs, Betty slams and locks the door.
This lab only has four high tech computer stations, no animals of course, and no active vials and tubes. Jake rushes towards that blue door to open it, grabbing two boxes that look purple but are correctly labelled Bright Space Brain Buffet. It opens like a suitcase. He grabs the pills labelled “hormone balancing.” Done. Then he assembles the injection kit for the “plaque clearance.” Suicidal people hit the temple. Did it! Last he applies the non-invasive brain stimulator around his scalp. It is like a vibrator, nothing invasive or painful. Then he sits beside Litonya and open up a computer, looking at sights, listening to sounds, typing almost as quickly as he used to, but gets distracted by her beautiful face, youthfully smooth and cinnamon, her long, straight, silky, newly dyed black hair, and the strong body that makes him feel love in his crotch, a gift from the Bright Space Brain Buffet. He squirms and smiles. Litonya is not distracted. She never is. She is a genius.JAKE
Darling, here they are. Don’t you want your suitcase of precious drugs?
She shakes her head. Always a woman of few words.JAKE
I can inject you.” She shakes no, her eyes stay on her screen.JAKE
Put this fabulous stimulator on your brain to improve whatever you are doing now. Feels great—just like a vibrator..
Then I remember she never needed vibrators. When I first saw her in 1998, she was having orgasms naked while climbing a rock waterfall. So she doesn’t need man-made or woman-made or LGBTQ-made drugs. She is linked to higher spirits in rocks, trees, and water. FLASHBACK.But now Jake wants her so his fingers find the right spot through her clothes, and off they cum. He slips down to the floor under her computer. It doesn’t take long for her orgasms to warm this frigid lab. He stand up with a mastery that melts into making love. Never romantic, Litonya buttons up and returns to her work at the computer.
JAKE
Thank you. I love you. Listen darling, I realize you are in top form now, but these drugs are prophylactics. They are for our future. No human is immortal. You need your brilliant brain for at least another thirty years. Please take something. We risked our lives to get them.
LITONYAI must finish this now.
JAKE
I wonder what they are doing on the deck. The agreement was that Ibrahim was supposed to be poisoned and dead. Betty was supposed to sacrifice herself. IJake goes up the stairs and tries the door, knocking and banging. He screams. Nothing. He looks out a small window to see they are slowly making our way north up the Hudson. Unlike Betty, I am not hypnotized by the gentle rocking of a boat going nowhere.
JAKE
Litonya, where are they? Where are we going? I hear nothing. Shit, I can’t get into my email or social media. Help me.LITONYA
The server’s down. I am doing research. Our phones are dead.Time moves too slowly for Jake’s new drug-infused energy. Litonya’s patience is endless.
JAKE
We need food, water, a place to pee. There is a sanitized toilet, thank God or rather Betty’s obsessive cleanliness. There is a dorm fridge with skim milk and oranges. Here, take one.
You are human enough to eat, drink, and pee. But where will we sleep? Or do these drugs make sleep optional? That would be great if we felt rested. I look around. There is nowhere to lie down. I hate sleeping in a chair like the homeless. I think of the comfortable chaise lounges on the deck. I scream, Betty, and bang again. Have they abandoned ship? Then we’ll crash but maybe we can get out. I realize you often live in Deep Time but where were you when you disappeared for ten months? We need to have a conversation.TIME PASSES with a repetition of shots, taking drugs, having sex three times a day, using the toilet, working at the computer, but they are starving.
Suddenly the door opens, and Betty hands Jake a huge platter of fresh food as well as preserved and packaged goodies. Her eyes say shut up, so he nods gratefully, and she shuts the door. I can only imagine what is going on. Litonya and Jake eat this Mediterranean marvel slowly, savoring everything so they don’t throw up, then put some of the perishable leftovers in the empty fridge.JAKE
It looks like they plan to leave us here for a while, but what are they doing? Now that my brain is functioning on a higher level, we must have an intellectual conversation. I know nothing about the science of climate change, and you could care less about fitness, wellness, popular music, and my interests. I am smarter but not about to take on physics and geology. So darling, now that I am slowly recovering my mental faculties and cleansing my body of the terrible Parkinson’s disease, I think we should marry legally before we die.LITONYA
I am not into social contracts.JAKE
Are you afraid we would have to be married forever if we never die? Do you think these drugs or the new ones they are working on will give us immortality or another century?
LITONYA
We shouldn’t tamper with nature.JAKE
Come on, Litonya. Nature can be a bipolar serial killer worse than small-time Betty or any human..
LITONYA
We will be recycled.JAKE
Into what? I was never good at recycling. I don’t want to be someone or something else. I want to be a better me with perfect you.
“
LITONYA
Just enjoy life.Jake kisses her passionately and twinkles his dimples.
LITONYA
So where were you for the past ten months? You disappeared longer than your Sandy Storm runaway with Kisele.LITONYA
That is the point of these vacations, to vacate. To take a break. To have a recess.JAKE
Yeah, I guess relationships need sabbaticals too. Never thought of it that way. But they publish their books when they come back. What did you learn, see, hear, or do? Anything you want to share?Litonya prefers silence to sharing.
Ideas to continue: Bash in a hole, water comes in and they try to swim out. Betty comes down and says Ibrahim is dead but he jumps up and gets them. A fight with the three of them to throw him overboard. Do Jake and Litonya do this together or singly? The surprise is that Litonya married Ibrahim in Mecca to ensure a better financial future for her kids. Ibrahim would like to divorce her when he finds out she is a traitor. So they must kill him any way they can. If that is what they want. If Litonya really loves Jake. Does she? She liked the sex, now dependent on the new drugs. Betty goes to the Caribbean or should I have them kill her or should she kill herself?0 -
Jodi is being Dramatic!
The more dramatic devices we use in a scene, the better the scene should turn out. I started the scene with the element of having an interesting setting, which helped the scene a lot. And seemed a lot better with each new element after that.
Antagonists:
Governor CHAD BABBITT Hypocrite, Chauvinist, loves guns, loves wife Unethical
CRUSHER VENNICK Selfish, dumb, reactive only No consequences
Supporting:
MADISON BABBITT Rebellious, Kind, Daydreamer Escapist
MAKAELA BABBITT Agitator, loyal, can be opportunistic Evasive
KATHRYN BABBITT Refined, proper, good Mother Underestimated
TOUR GUIDE
Back history: In the opening scene of my script:
Crusher’s adrenaline rush of stalking a young female teen, causes an accident. Crusher’s friend, Billy, who is also in the car with him, insists they stop to help the girl. Crusher sees the young teen slip in and out of consciousness. Knowing this could be manslaughter if she dies of her wounds later, he deceives Billy by asking him to run to his car and call for help. While Billy does this, Crusher chokes the girl to death. “It’s either you or me, and it ain’t gonna be me” he says.
The two storylines in this scene happen close to Act 2: Madison/Governor and Crusher/Governor.
EXT. GOVERNOR’S MANSION – DAY
A plaque that reads: Governor’s Mansion public tours: open 2 – 4 pm.
MADISON BABITT is in a heated argument with her Father, GOVERNOR CHAD BABBITT.
MADISON, VO
Dad, you just don’t understand being in love.
INT. GOVERNOR’S MANSION, KITCHEN – SAME
Madison and her Father are making sandwiches. MAKAELA BABBITT, the younger sister to Madison is very slowly stirring soup, listening and smirking.
CHAD, VO
Maddy, you’re going to have to come up with something better than that.
MADISON
We love each other and are going to travel a few months before tourists start to.
The Governor slaps mayonnaise aggressively onto his sandwich.
CHAD:
That would be during school, tell me that’s not what you’re saying.
EXT. GOVERNOR’S MANSION – SAME
A crowd gathers, most of them are in warm attire. Two of the gatherers have cameras looped from their necks, at the ready for the next award-winning picture.
There is clearly one leader of the pack here, she is the docent TOUR GUIDE.
TOUR GUIDE:
Okay gang, gather round, gather around please, come on and huddle in.
The crowd huddles in.
INT. GOVERNOR’S MANSION – SAME
CHAD:
Godammit, you are not going to play hookie with that goddam loser.
Shaking the butter knife, he turns from Madison, with anger on his face he shoots mustard onto his slice of bread. Makaela still stirring the soup chuckles.
MADISON:
Quit spying dweeb.
Makaela:
I’m not doing anything.
KATHRYN BABBITT walks in sushing them all. She is the Matriarch of the family.
MADISON: Mom, he’s impossible.
KATHRYN:
Shhhhhh. Keep your voices down, tours start soon.
CHAD:
No tours today. Sheila said nobody booked for today.
Makaela:
And the umbrella is right-side up.
The house phone rings on their landline. Kathryn walks over to answer the call.
KATHRYN:
Well then, carry on, but more civilly please. Mickey, just dish the soup and quit eavesdropping.
Kathryn picks up the whole phone and then the receiver answering the call.
KATHRYN:
Hello?
Kathryn walks into a closet with the phone.
Makaela:
Mom, no tours today.
Kathryn waves acknowledgement and walks into the closet with the phone anyway.
EXT. GOVERNOR’S MANSION – SAME
TOUR GUIDE:
The Governor and his family reside in the second story of this three-story mansion. It was built in 1868 after the civil war ended. You see here the pillars are–
INT. GOVERNOR’S MANSION – SAME
MADISON:
Granite Dad, you’re like granite. Why can’t you ever be flexible. Why is everything your way?
CHAD:
You can always move out and do things ‘your’ way, but while ‘you’re’ under my roof, it’s my way or the highway.
MADISON:
So original!
Madison slaps some bologna on her sandwich, while Chad is slicing tomatoes.
CHAD:
I was young once. I’m warning you right now, you’re going to throw your life away on a boy who just wants sex.
MADISON:
How could you say such a thing? He loves me, and I love him.
CHAD:
It can’t go anywhere, his family has no breeding.
MADISON :
Code for money, Dad? No, his family doesn’t care about
Madison does air quotes.
MADISON:
“breeding”.
CHAD:
Believe me life can get away from you,
(beat)
things can happen. Your plans for the future could change in an instant.
MADISON:
Things
(beat)
Like what things, what do you mean Dad?
Chad throws the knife in the sink.
CHAD:
(beat)
Never mind.
MADISON:
Things might have happened to you and Mom but that doesn’t mean they’ll happen to me.
Chad turns to Madison and walks to the table with his sandwich.
EXT. GOVERNOR’S MANSION, PORCH – SAME
At the front door the tour guide gives a directive.
TOUR GUIDE:
Okay, everyone, stay close together and do not leave the group.
The tour guide opens the door and walks in with the group behind her. As they enter the mansion they can hear shouting. The tour guide walks swiftly towards the shouting and the group follows closely on her heels.
CHAD:
You cant’ leave my Alma Mater, think how this affects others, not just you.
MADISON:
You mean you Dad?
CHAD:
You’re on track to intern next year, this is going to blow your chances.
MADISON:
Dad, I wouldn’t have gotten in without your pull, there’s always the next year.
CHAD:
What other kids would give to have the opportunities you girls have.
As Madison rolls her eyes and demonstrates a dick yank, the tour guide opens the kitchen door. The people behind the tour guide are clamoring for a look. Madison looks at them but Chad doesn’t see them as his back is to the door.
Chad slaps her face so hard it is red.
CHAD: Don’t you ever disrespect me, young lady!
The tour guide tries to get the Governor’s attention politely by coughing, she is intimidated. Chad angrily turns around toward her. He then puts a phony smile on his face and greets her. The tourists whisper loudly. You can hear cameras snapping and see flashes go off.
TOUR GUIDE:
I am so sorry to have interrupted. Should we come back later with this tour?
His eyes give away his smoldering anger.
The tour guide starts shaking. Tears are starting to well up in her eyes.
TOUR GUIDE:
I’m so sorry sir, this is my first tour, please forgive me, I must have gotten it wrong.
CHAD:
No, no, don’t worry. We’re just having a family disagreement. We all have them right?
The touring group and the guide make nervous sounds of agreement.
CHAD:
This home is your home, it belongs to you, the people. Just give us a few minutes and we’ll go on upstairs.
TOUR GUIDE:
Oh, thank you sir. Please give me another opportunity. I promise, I’ll get the signals right.
CHAD:
It’s fine. It’s forgotten.
TOUR GUIDE:
Oh, thank you sir, and take your time, we’ll go to the pool house and garden first instead.
CHAD:
(fake smiling)
You are so kind.
Kathryn comes out of the closet as she hangs up the phone. She is startled to see the tour guide and the faces behind her. The tour guide smiles apologetically at them all and then backs out of the kitchen. They stare at each other in silence as the tour guide speaks.
TOUR GUIDE, VO
Okay people, slight change of plans. The pool house and the green house are spectacular this time of year. We’ll circle back around after that.
CHAD:
I’m gonna kill Sheila! Kathyrn, tell her she needs to fire that girl.
Chad turns his gaze to Madison, they speak as if in a library now.
CHAD:
You do this and you’re on your own Maddie. No more lavish lifestyle, and you can hand your beamer over to Makaela.
Hearing this Makaela makes a gesture like she scored.
Makaela:
Yes.
MADISON:
Shut up Mickey
CHAD:
You’ll be taking the bus with all the other losers.
Makaela:
I didn’t say anything.
MADISON:
Losers!?, because they weren’t fortunate enough to have luck on their side like you, or money, or opportunity, or contacts in their life? You’re messed up Dad!
CHAD:
Get out of here. Get your shit and get the hell out of here. Leave, now!
MADISON:
Dad?
Climbing the stairs, Chad yells back.
CHAD:
And do not take Mickey’s NEW car!
Makaela:
(smiling)
Sorry sis.
MADISON:
I bet you are.
The doorbell rings. Kissing Dad’s ass now Makaela runs to open the door.
Makaela:
I’ll get it.
It’s Crusher.
Makaela:
Hey Crush.
CRUSHER:
What’s up?
He walks in without being invited.
CRUSHER:
Where’s Pops?
Makaela:
Upstairs in the living-room. Crusher shouts up as he climbs the stairs.
CRUSHER:
Hey, Unc, how ya doin’?
Chad acts a little reserved as he stands to greet him. But Crusher goes in for a hug. Chad looks a little surprised and hugs him back.
CHAD:
Hey, Crusher, what’s up?
CRUSHER:
Aw, not much, just wanted to come hang for a few.
CHAD:
I’m glad you did. Kick your feet up.
Before Chad finished his sentence, Crusher had already bounced onto the couch and used the coffee table as a foot rest in this elegant and historically decorated room.
CRUSHER:
You look great, you been working out?
Chad looks at him quizzically. No response.
CRUSHER:
Ah, dude. Five bucks Bendogin strikes out.
CHAD:
You’re on. He’ll hit a homer.
CRUSHER:
You’re usually right.
(joking)
Can I change my bet.
They watch the game intently. Madison walks into the room and Chad shows irritation as he turns the volume up.
MADISON:
Fine! Be that way!
She storms out.
CRUSHER:
What’s up her ass?
Chad starts to speak but shakes his head in disgust and decides not to. Then switches gears.
CHAD:
I don’t understand those girls.
Keeping his eyes on the game.
CRUSHER:
You and me both. Woohoo, what’d I tell you!
Fist bumps Chad. Music and cheering is heard from the television.
CRUSHER:
(Hesitatingly)
So, Unc. Something terrible happened a few days ago, Mom said I should talk to you.
Chad takes the remote and mutes the volume.
CHAD:
Yeah, your Mother called me.
CRUSHER:
Oh, okay.
CHAD:
So, what happened?
CRUSHER:
Mom, said you’d know how I should handle it.
CHAD:
Okay. Spit it out son.
Chad stares at him in silence.
CRUSHER:
I was driving up the mountain and a car sped by me right. It looked like the driver was drunk. I laid on the horn trying to get the girl’s attention but she was out of it. It was very upsetting. Five minutes later I was winding around a sharp corner and her car is dead stopped in the road in front of me. So, I laid on the horn again, she jumped up and floored it, her car was swerving and she went right over the shoulder down into a gully.
CHAD:
No!?
CRUSHER:
Yeah, so, I panicked and hit the gas.
CHAD:
You didn’t stop to help?
CRUSHER:
I high-tailed it out of there cause I scared her when I hit the horn. The car behind me saw the whole thing. I know now that wasn’t the right thing to do. What should I do Uncle Chad?
CHAD:
Well, you didn’t cause her accident because she was drunk, the toxicology report will back that up, so it’s not manslaughter. It is odd though that she reacted so fast drunk.
Crusher feigns caring.
CRUSHER:
Yeah, sad.
CHAD:
Did you go to the police after?
CRUSHER:
No, I’m too scared to, that’s why I came to you.
CHAD:
I know you’re worried, but don’t give it too much more thought, I’ll look into it. Where’d you say this happened?
CRUSHER:
Up Highway 16.
CHAD:
Oh yeah, it is treacherous up there.
Crusher’s goal of getting his Uncle’s help is accomplished. He’s done there. He hops up.
CRUSHER:
Well, Uncle, I appreciate your help, like I said I ran scared.
Crusher extends his hand out for a handshake with his Uncle to seal the deal.
0 -
Janeen is Being Dramatic!
What I learned doing this assignment is that trying to make each statement more dramatic adds drama to the entire scene (although a short one). The technique list is a great menu for adding drama.
Characters:
Morgan Day <div>Basic Character Traits:
Insecure; Curious/Eager to learn
Perfectionist — can’t leave well enough alone; Bold under pressureSubtext Character Traits: Intimidated, Crafty
Logline: Morgan is a wealthy fashionista who wants to help other women to prove to herself that she is not just a trophy wife.
Possible areas of subtext: Pretends to believe she is inferior to her husband. Collects friends who help intimidated women while not realizing she is intimidated. Pretends altruism while her work is a form of revenge against her husband.
Daniel Richards
Basic Character Traits:
Temperamental artist; Insecure; Incredibly good designer; Perfectionist
Subtext Character Traits: Cloaking, Vengeful
Logline: Daniel is a fashion designer who finds himself venting his frustrations with his clients on his submissive wife but Morgan is somehow empowering his wife to defy him and that must stop.
Possible areas of subtext: Obsequiously bows to his clients’ wishes in fashion. Gets as nitpicky with his wife at home as he feels his clients are with him. Hates anyone who challenges his right to be absolutely, unequivocally in charge at home.
Amber Richards
Basic Character Traits:
Loving; Gentle; Long-suffering; Fiercely protective of her kids
Subtext Character Traits: Intimidated, Secretive
Logline: Amber is a good mother and must find the courage to protect herself and her children from her vicious husband before he kills them.
Possible areas of subtext: Pretends she is in control in front of her children no matter what Daniel is doing to her.
SCENE
INT. RICHARDS HOME STUDIO – EVENING
MORGAN pulls the curtain open on the dressing room and she is wearing a stunning, yet unfinished dress that flatters her figure and demands attention.
DANIEL contemplates her critically, and tugs at a specific point on the dress.
DANIEL
I’ll let it out just a touch here so it skims your body rather than making you look lumpy.
MORGAN
Lumpy? I’m a customer, not one of your models.
Anger flashes across Daniel’s face and then morphs into obsequiousness.
DANIEL
Of course you are, and you’re one of my best customers and the best advertisement for my line that I have.
MORGAN
Thank you.
Morgan contemplates the dress in the mirror from several angles.
MORGAN
It seems to pucker a bit here when I move my arm. Can you fix that?
DANIEL
Of course I can, dear. I can fix anything.
Daniel places a pin in the spot indicated by Morgan and stands back to give the gown a long look as Morgan continues to look in the mirror at it.
DANIEL
I’ll have this ready for you by tomorrow afternoon at the shop. Take it off.
Morgan quickly ducks back into the dressing room and pulls the curtain.
INT. RICHARDS ENTRANCE HALL – NIGHT
MORGAN follows DANIEL through the entrance hall again.
She smiles slightly and gives a sigh of relief when she sees the book is gone from the table.
Morgan glances into the living room. AMBER stands, blocking her kids from view. She waits until Daniel is out of sight, then gives Morgan the sign for help (hand up in stop position, then tucking the thumb across the palm followed by curling the fingers down over it).
Morgan is startled, but nods quickly and hurries through the door Daniel has opened.
DANIEL
Tomorrow afternoon at the shop.
MORGAN
Of course.
Daniel closes the door with a look of anger on his face and turns toward the living room.
</div>
0
Log in to reply.