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Day 10 Assignments
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Rachel’s inciting incident
What I learned:
The importance of letting myself write OUT of chronological order when I need to. This is not the inciting incident – not a very long scene – no quality – but I’m exploring the characters within these scenes and seeing what they tell me and where they want to go. Haven’t gotten very far, nor as far as I wanted, but I made another step forward.
INT. HOUSE
Vic walks in carrying Sarah’s other suitcase.
She stops and sets it in front of a shut bedroom door.
All is silent from within. Vic lifts her hand to knock…then halts as she sees the wedding ring on her third finger.
She shuts her eyes briefly in sorrow. Then pulls her hand back and quietly goes on down the hall.
INT. SARAH’S BEDROOM
Sarah, lying on her bed, sits up as light footsteps pause outside her door. She listens to the silence, as if she might get up and cross over to the door.
The steps fade down the hall.
Sarah sits back onto her bed. Her shoulders droop.
Presently she goes to her suitcase and begins unpacking. Clothes, books, a hairbrush.
From the pocket of a dress, she pulls out something small and silver – a locket. She stares at it, opened in her palm.
A faded old picture: a kind-eyed man, and a woman whose intense gaze burns into Sarah’s. The woman holds an infant girl.
Sarah puts the locket on and carefully tucks it into her dress collar.
Through her window, she can hear as the front door opens and shuts. She glances out.
Vic walks across the yard toward the corrals, wearing dusty work clothes, black dress nowhere to be seen.
Sarah scowls at the sight, then turns back into her room.
To be continued
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What I learned:
The freedom to let myself go – to just write – even if its a draft or it won’t make it into the actual script. All writing can lead to something I can use – I can work with. I’m also learning about the characters – my antagonist and my protagonist. I see them as having dual journeys.
EXT. BOBBY’S HOME
A ramshackle two-story brick house, that’s seen better days. It used to look pristine – back in prohibition times but the front yard is overgrown with weeds – the windows are high – with some windows having stain glass from the early 19th century.
The front door opens and JUDY – a sixteen-year old with red hair like Angela’s – very pretty, with a pert nose and bangs framing her oval face – comes running out. She wears cut off jeans and a floral blouse.
Judy carries a large stuffed duffel bag, a purple backpack, and a brown leather purse. She is visibly shaken and crying.
Angela comes barreling after her.
ANGELA
“Drop those bags! You ungrateful little whore!”
JUDY
“This is my stuff Ma – they belong to me”
Angela and Judy get in a tug of war match with the duffel bag. Both refuse to budge. They both struggle furiously until the duffel bag breaks, spilling open to reveal its contents: clothes, toiletries, books, etc.
ANGELA
“Get the hell out! Take nothing you vile wretched
Cursed thing!”
Bobby looks on – hiding behind the slightly ajar front door.
JUDY
“What is wrong with you? It was an
Accident….your lord in heaven
can forgive me!!”
ANGELA
“You’re an unsullied rotten creature!
Leave now before you taint your brother
with your sin!”
JUDY
“You are delusional! You
Crazy fucking bitch!”
Angela straightens up. She glowers menacingly at Judy. She slaps Judy hard across the face.
BOBBY
Mom?!
Judy is not shocked – but angers quickly. She slaps Angela back.
BOBBY
Stop! Please stop fighting.
Angela’s face reddens, now she is truly furious. Bobby cowers behind the door, clearly scared of her.
Judy breathes heavily – her eyes darting back and forth between Bobby and Angela. She gives Bobby a slight nod – as if saying goodbye and goodluck.
She grabs her backpack and purse quickly. She starts running.
Unbeknownst to Judy, Angela takes off right after her and starts running too.
ANGELA
“You ungrateful little harlot! Damn you to hell!”
She catches up to her Judy. She yanks the backpack off her. In the commotion, Judy falls down. Angela snatches at Judy’s blouse and rips it off her.
Judy clutches a piece of the fabric to cover her bra and herself. She still has a purse and she takes off running into the street – with cars dodging to avoid her. Once safely on the other side of the street – she takes off running further.
Angela does not follow.
Bobby stares out the living room window with tears running down his face.
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Well, that was interesting. I learned that the part of me that is the perfectionist and the part of me that is ready to write “crap” for the sake of writing, are like two polar opposite wills in my head, or maybe they’re like the Angel and the Devil on either shoulder, fighting for control, I surrender to one, and go along with him for the ride for a while, until I’m a slave to it. Then, I turn to the other guy and he frees me from the grips of the other control freak. I go along with that guy until I’m all bound up and hitting walls, until the other guy takes the wheel again. I hope someday these two learn how to get along! But in the meantime, I’ll have to keep “slamming on the breaks” and “jolting to high speed” as I write along. 15 pages later, I got my inciting incident, and my emotional response. It’s not exactly like I envisioned it, but I went chronologically, until the key ACT 1 moments manifested. Looks different then I first imagined in ways, but it’s oddly satifying…
INT. CAR ON HIGHWAY
Chuck drives while wife is engrossed in maps of California.
WIFE
Maybe David can come out a little earlier. You know, meet us at the airport or something.
CHUCK
What happened to our plan to search for a house together on our own and explore all our options?
WIFE
So David can’t help?
In the rear view mirror, the car from the gas station slowly approaches.
CHUCK
…What do we need help with?
WIFE
You know, a third mind, someone from the newer generation, might have a fresh opinion.
CHUCK
I don’t remember agreeing to that.
WIFE
So you’re refusing to even consider the opinion of your only son? Your only heir? He’s most likely going to inherit the house when we’re gone.
CHUCK
And he can sell it then, if he doesn’t like it. And I didn’t refuse anything yet. We’re just talking aren’t we?
The car gets closer, and closer as they squabble.
The car keeps approaching. It doesn’t slow down at all.
CHUCK
What the hell-
BANG! The car bumps into the back of the RV. Wife SCREAMS
WIFE
What are you doing???
CHUCK
Nothing! The idiot behind us just hit us!
The car behind jostles a little bit, but continues in its velocity steadily behind them.
CHUCK
I don’t know if I should speed up or let him pass!
WIFE
Let them pass!
CHUCK
They can pass, they can totally pass.
WIFE
Then why isn’t he?
CHUCK
Like I know? ane how do you know it’s a he? I can’t see a damn thing through those windows!
WIFE
It’s totally a man driving.
The windows on the car are tinted so they can’t see what’s going on. Wife picks up her phone and dials 911
CHUCK
What are you doing?
WIFE (ON PHONE)
Yes, I’d like to report a reckless driver, we are on Route 66 in Nevada, about 3 hours west of Denver, and its a green, looks like a prius or a smartcar or something new, I can’t make out the model. He came out of nowhere.
CHUCK
He came from behind us.
WIFE (ON PHONE)
No there’s no landmarks around here. I’ll try to read the next road marker-AHHH what are you doing?
Chuck veers into the left lane and starts to slow down. The starts to pass them on the right. It continues down the road with steady velocity. The car passes with steady velocity.
CHUCK
There’s a marker.
Chuck stops the car abruptly making wife screem.
WIFE
God I hate your driving!
CHUCK
Hadn’t had an accident our entire marriage. And look, he’s gone now.
They watch the car continue its path into the horizon.
WIFE (ON PHONE)
Uh, yes, I’m here, I’m here, sorry. Marker 58 mile 201, Route 66 heading west. No we’ll wait here.
CHUCK
Maybe we can meet at the next rest stop or something?
WIFE
HERE! We’ll be here. Thank you.
Chuck sighs and surrenders.
CHUCK
By the way, he drove up cordially, your nose was buried in the map.
DISSOLVE TO:
HIGHWAY, later.
RV on highway. Sun a little lower in the sky. Patrol car parked next to RV as patrolman interviews Chuck and wife.
PATROLMAN
So, no other identifying markers on car other than tinted windows?
CHUCK
Correct
WIFE
Correct
PATROLMAN
You didn’t get a license plate as he drove by?
Chuck and wife both look at each other.
WIFE
We we’re both pretty scared at the time.
CHUCK
My view was blocked. She had the passenger side view of the road as he passed.
PATROLMAN
Well, we haven’t seen a car matching that description, and haven’t had any other reports, but we’ll keep an eye out. Call us if you see him again. And head down the road. Maybe you should switch it up a bit?
CHUCK
What the hell’s that supposed to mean?
WIFE
He drives like a maniac sometimes, but after that, I’d be even worse!
PATROLMAN
Is that so?
CHUCK
Officer, I haven’t had an incident our entire marriage!
PATROLMAN
Oh I know I know, we looked at your record, it’s spotless.
WIFE
How much further does this road go before we hit civilization?
PATROLMAN
Well, there’s a rest stop about 90 miles up the road. Maybe by then you’re nerves have calmed and you’ll consider switching up the driving by then? Take care now.
He leaves.
CHUCK
You had to embarrass me?
WIFE
What?
CHUCK
He thinks it was my fault.
WIFE
Well how fast were you going?
CHUCK
I was spot on. That driver was out of his mind.
Long pause.
EXT. REST STOP – AFTERNOON
The RV pulls into the stop. They scan the parking lot.
WIFE
You need to pee?
CHUCK
I’m good. What about yo-
she’s already out and walking to bathrooms.
INT. REST STOP
Wife comes out of the bathroom. Sees her husband chomping on a beef stick and sipping a latte.
CHUCK
Who’s driving?
WIFE
I’ll drive.
The walk out of the building just as the car pulls up into parking lot, halfway between them and their RV. It just sits there. Nobody gets out.
The wife turns around and runs back into the building.
WIFE
Call the police!
CHUCK
Are you sure that’s him?
WIFE
Not taking chances!
CHUCK
Where’s your phone?
WIFE
In the car, shit!
CHUCK
OK, stay here, while I go get the car, I’ll pull up in front-
WIFE
WHAT? You’re not leaving me alone!
She runs to his side.
CHUCK
OK, here we go.
They walk slowly past the car, staring at it. No motion, no movement.
Chuck slows down as they pass it. Chuck clicks the remote on the RV. As soon as it beeps, wife grabs the keys and runs to the RV.
Now that she’s gone, he stops and eyes up the vehicle.
CHUCK
There’s nobody in there!
He walks towards it slowly.
Wife starts the RV and then sees Chuck approaching the car.
WIFE
What the hell?
CHUCK
There’s nobody in there!
Chuck gets closer and closer.
He’s at the window of the car. He leans in with his hands up, and starts to lean his face into the shaded glass.
The car comes to life and veers off, practically running him over. It flies out of the rest stop and onto the highway.
INT. RV ON HIGHWAY
CHUCK
I’m telling you, its one of those driverless cars gone berzerk! It’s going to kill somebody. If we see it again we’d be doing a public service by knocking it off the road. It’s malfunctioning and its going to kill somebody.
WIFE
C’mon, do you really think that can happen?
CHUCK
Damn straight it can happen! Ever hear of the Titanic? The Hindenberg?
WIFE
Anything this century?
CHUCK
Yeah, you know about Neutrinos right?
WIFE
Oh not this again. Did you verify that?
CHUCK
Absolutely its verified! Millions of Neutrinos from the sun pass through you and me and straight through the Earth every second, and they play with all those micro-switches in the car, and trigger things that only your foot pedal should trigger. People couldn’t stop their cars and it kept driving straight to their death. It’s totally verified, look it up!
WIFE
You know the second I start searching for that on my phone I’m gonna get all kinds of creepy pasta in my feed and that’s NOT how I want to start this chapter of our lives. Got it!
Silence
CHUCK
If we have another encounter, and it so much as taps us, I’m running that thing off the road, whether you like it or not.
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WILL’S INCITING INCIDENT
Good stuff–and by good stuff, I mean shitty stuff–but that’s the point. Especially in the second scene, I could feel my footing solidify because I realized I could actually race through the scene without worrying… And that’s when the tiny owl showed up. Not sure if that’s going to be something, but it wouldn’t have landed on the window sill if I hadn’t had the window open.
EXT. AMBITION STREET – DAY
Lauren steps out into the busy street. Then hesitates. She looks back at the spot where they two Apaches had been standing. They’re gone. She checks a couple other spots in the area. Nothing.
She turns around. And they’re standing right there. She might even make a little squeak of surprise.
Before Lauren can react, he reaches both hands for her face and turns her head slightly. That flaw in her iris CATCHES THE SUN. The older one says something in Chiricahua Apache language.
YOUNG APACHE
(to Lauren) You bear the mark.
Shocked, Lauren tries to pull away, but the effort is feeble and the man’s grip is strong.
LAUREN
Mark? What mark?
The Old Apache speaks again. The Young Apache translates.
YOUNG APACHE
He says your life is in danger. You must come with us.
LAUREN
No– What? No.
YOUNG APACHE
(repeats) You are in danger. He is hunting you.
LAUREN
What?
The Old Apache says something, grabbing for her arm.
YOUNG APACHE
Come with us. You must meet the Chief.
Lauren pulls hard to free herself, but the old man’s grip is like iron.
YOUNG APACHE
You must come with us. Or you will die.
The old man speaks English.
OLD APACHE
You will come. If you do not–
Half of the old man’s face blows off. He slumps. Lauren lets out a horrified gasp.
The Young Apache drops to the ground and throws himself on the body of his companion.
Lauren looks up. Standing a few yards away is SHERIFF JAKE THORNE, a lean, tanned mustache of a man with a glinty eye and a towering presence.
LAUREN
W-What did you–
JAKE
Don’t thank me, girl. I might get emotional.
Jake nods toward the Young Apache and says to a man standing next to him, DEPUTY DAILY.
JAKE
Take that one to the House.
Lauren stumbles back from the body as Daily, gun drawn, grabs the shocked Young Apache.
.LAUREN
turns away. We turn with her, keeping on her right side, following her face as she stumbles back to the Fool’s Gold Saloon.
She pushes into the saloon, past CUSTOMERS. As some of them look up, a few react to something we can’t see.
Lauren numbly pushes behind the bar, where Maggie gives her an intense look.
MAGGIE
The hell happened to you?
Lauren shakes her head, forcing herself back into her calm.
LAUREN
Nothing. Just give me a moment. I’ll be okay.
MAGGIE
You’d better clean yourself up first.
Lauren looks up at her. Then she turns to the mirror behind the bar. And we finally see the left side of her face.
It’s drenched in blood.
INT. TINY LIVING SPACE – DAY
Lauren stands at a small wash basin in front of a mirror and splashes water on her face. The Apache’s blood swirls in the clear water.
A bird flies in. It’s a TINY OWL. Lauren stares at it.
The water swirls red.
Then the bird leaves. Lauren strips the blood-stained shirt from her body and fetches a slightly cleaner one from a small drawer. As she pulls it over her head, her eyes settle on an old PHOTOGRAPH.
A slender NATIVE AMERICAN WOMAN sits stock still, a young girl in her lap. We might recognize the girl as Lauren if her face wasn’t a blur of motion. But even in the blur, there’s an ember evident in the eyes.
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