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Day 10 Assignments
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Tom’s New Outline Beats!
When discussing projects with producers, I suggest wild scenes that work.
Doing this assignment, I learned a clever way to “fill in” the plot.
Title: A BETTER DAY
Genre: Drama – Thriller
Concept: A scientist battles a pharma CEO to save a town from alien drugs that enslave them.
ACT 1: Taliban ambush Navy Seals Protag John and Mel who is wounded. John saves his life. When John carried Mel to a field hospital, he’s amazed when Mel spouts an unknown language and behaves violently. When Mel’s operated on, a surgeon finds a mysterious med-dispensing pod in Mel’s body. At their service ends, John accompanies Mel home to their small town in Idaho. Mel’s pharma CEO father Phil cares for him in his private medical facility where Phil forbids visitors even John who discovers his dad Antag Phil implanted the pod in his son’s body to learn how alien drugs affect him.
John who’s a chemical engineer goes to work for BioPlus, where flamboyant Phil is CEO. John seeks products the pharma can manufacture from unearthly produce BioPlus cultivates. John’s dad Sam runs production and is Phil’s right hand man. Rosen is a troublesome foreman who supervisors the pharma’s workers. Abe, who has an encyclopedic knowledge of the strange seeds, is an awkward assistant to Phil. John reunites with his sweetheart Susan, who is her father the Sheriff’s deputy.
Inciting Incident One day after work, John is surprised to find Mel asleep in the backseat of his car. When he wakes him up, Mel becomes dangerously violent. When John calms him down, Mel says he escaped. He’s tired Phil runs tests to determine the effects of the unusual meds the pod dispensed in his body.
John calls the sheriff to report this. Phil arrives and persuades John to hang up. Phil explains he grew up poor who grew food so his family could eat beside their trailer. One day he hiked to the lake atop a mountain to fish when he founds a strange box floating. Inside he found hermetically sealed exterritorial seeds. The container downloaded a hologram of Abe, a humanoid figure who resembles Phil.
Turning Point 1 Towns people behave weird. Rosen blames Abe. Threatens to unionize.
Act 2 New Plan John fights with Phil to do something. Phil lets John examine pod samples. John insists they cleanse everyone’s pod. Everyone’s pod is sanitized. Loaded with natural stuff.
Plan in Action People revert to weird behavior. Abe blames Rosen. Rosen blames Abe.
John locks himself in the control room. Sends a command to dump all pod contents. Cold turkey.
Everyone goes crazy. Starts fighting among themselves.
Midpoint Turning Point Total failure. Towns people lay siege to BioPlus. End is nigh.
Act 3 Rethink Everything John and Mel hike to the lake and find seeds that have begun to sprout.
New Plan The quickly grind them up and distribute them among the town leaders. They respond favorably. The rest of the people agree to use the new batch.
Turning Point Huge Failure / Major Shift Everyone reacts poorly. John discovers Rosen sabotaged the batch. They quickly reverse and get the original pristine produce activated in everyone. Saves the day.
Act 4 Climax / Ultimate expression of the conflict Rosen and Phil attacks the others. Abe saves John and Mel at the last minute.
Resolution Abe jumps on Phil’s burning pyre and sails out on the lake. All pods are removed from the towns people. John and Susan are married. John and Mel start manufacturing genuinely good dietary products.
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Tom’s Fascinating Scene Outlines!
Tom’s Vision: While working a project with a producer, I quickly suggest viable solutions.
Doing this assignment, I learned I can work faster than ever before!
Title: ET SEEDS
Genre: Drama – Thriller
Concept: Extraterrestrial seeds and an alien humanoid upgrade humans in a small town.
Outline
1. EXT. / INT. TRAILER PARK – DAY
Young Phil’s obese, alcoholic parents barely function. They live on welfare. Beginning in grade school, he cooks and serves them their meals.
2. EXT. FAMILY TRAILER – DAY
To save money, he grows vegetables and fruit around their trailer on the edge of a small Idaho town.
Inciting Incident
3. EXT. MOUNTAIN TOP LAKE — Young Phil’s dad complains he’s tired of eating just fruits and vegetables. Orders Phil to start fishing. So, 12 year old Phil hikes up to the lake.
He fishes for bass. Sleeps over on the side of the lake. He’s awakened by a huge meteor that soars overhead. A drone glides overhead. Drops an unusual canister near him. Phil opens the canister. A high speed radio burst transmits and encoded signal.
When he feels pain in his hand, Phil discovers a sharp metal blade cut away a patch of his skin, folded into a tiny rocket which launches straight up. Inside the canister he finds containers of weird seeds.
4. EXT./INT. FAMILY TRAILER – DAY
He carries the seeds home. Plants them in his garden. Rapidly seeds yield abundant fruits and vegetables he’s never seen before.
Phil tastes the produce. Favorable results. Keeps notes. He’s smarter. Mental math, memory improve.
He feeds them to his parents who instantly like them. They’re healthier and start to repair their lives.
5. EXT. FARMERS MARKET – STOREFRONT – DAY
Phil sells his products at the farmers market, skips college, moves into a storefront.
He needs more space. Moves into an old building.
6. EXT. HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATION – DAY
When he graduates from high school, Phil is valedictorian. He announces he’ll pick up the tab for anyone in his class who wants to go to college. And they are all welcome to take a job at BioPulse.
7. EXT. BIOPULSE BUILDING – DAY
A new BioPulse factory is built. Phil’s first employee is Stan, a ChemE by trade. Stan’s son John, and Mel grew up together.
8. EXT. BIOPULSE BUILDING – NIGHT
John gets a degree in chemistry at UC Berkeley. Goes to work for a San Diego life science outfit. One holiday he’s home visiting his parents. Mel, who majors in computer science at MIT, also visits.
Stan tells John, BioPulse needs someone to develop new products from their magical seeds.
9. INT. BIOPULSE BUILDING – DAY
John goes to work coming up with new products. He develops versions BioPulse markets to improve mental skills and treat specific diseases and disabilities.
Phil’s son Mel also returns when he finishes his degree. Goes to work for BioPulse. Computerizes company systems. Streamlines marketing directly to the public.
BioPulse is successful. Everyone has fantastic results using the products. Employs the whole town.
Phil hires his football colleague Rosen as supervisor. To elevate his position with the workers Rosen hints they can make more money and get better healthcare if they form a union.
10. INT. PHIL’S HOUSE – DAY
Phil works night and day. Seldom home. Neglects his wife. Relieved to learn Rosen sleeps with her.
Rosen pressures the workers to vote to form a union. They workers say no. They like Phil.
Feel they don’t need one. Rosen is angry.
Turning Point
11. EXT. ALLEY – NIGHT
Rosen purchases a bottle of something from a hooded man.
12. INT. BIOPULSE – NIGHT
Rosen puts LSD in the next batch of product.
13. EXT. DOWNTOWN – DAY
Next day, half the town is hallucinating. They line up outside the doctor’s office.
14. INT. DOCTOR’S OFFICE – DAY
The doctor and his assistant Susan take blood samples. Detect the LSD. Treat everyone ASAP.
15. INT./EXT. BIOPULSE BUILDING – DAY
Phil, John and Mel are aware the culprit is Rosen. Will deal with him later.
They haul batches of product out to the dumpster.
Midpoint Turning Point
16. EXT. BIOPULSE – NIGHT
Phil walks home. Abruptly a huge meteor streaks across the sky.
17. EXT. MOUNTAIN TRAIL – NIGHT
Phil leads John and Mel up to the mountain top lake.
18. EXT. MOUNTAIN TOP LAKE – DAY
As trio approaches the lake, a drone flies in, hovers above them. Drops a canister. Flies away.
Inside are new seeds. A machine lasers Phil’s body. His laser data is used to assemble a hologram of Phil’s double who comes to life. Phil 2 can’t speak. He sketches to communicate.
19. INT. BIOPULSE – DAY
Back in the lab, John analyzes the new seeds. Finds changes in chemical makeup. First fruit and vegetables grown are even more unusual than those in the first canister.
He discovers microscopic beads embedded in the leaves secrete a substance that upgrades human DNA. The new batch has adapted Phil’s tissue the first rocket snatched and flew away with.
John asks Phil about the scar on his hand he got when the first canister arrived. John speculates the new batch of seeds are oriented to do better at upgrading people’s DNA because somehow the sample of Phil’s DNA was optimized to more efficiently complement Phil’s tissue.
Phil, John, Mel, Stan and Abe work day and night to make product based on the new seed batch.
They go into high gear developing dietary supplements that have amazing results. Save people from the effects of diabetes, obesity and other ailments.
John works night and day to develop product from the new seeds. The fruits and vegetables grow fast. Early sample tests are amazing. People who sample the new product come back for more.
20. INT. BIOPULSE PICNIC – DAY
When Phil introduces hologram-originated humanoid to the towns people, everyone is charmed.
Susan quips, let’s call him “Abe” because he resembles Abraham Lincoln.
21. INT. BIOPULSE – DAY
Competitors want to buy BioPulse products, processes and company. Phil says no. Does due diligence. Sues when others steal his patents and trademarks.
Turning Point
22. INT. BIOPULSE – NIGHT
Rosen sneaks into assembly line room. Pours liquid into the latest batch he knows Phil will sample first thing in the morning before production begins.
23. INT. BIOPULSE – DAY
Half an hour later, Phil enters. Samples each container. Signs off on them. Goes to his office.
Employees enter. Distill the new batch into the bottles for distribution.
LATER
Phil doesn’t appear for lunch in the cafeteria. Mel goes to his office. Finds Phil unresponsive.The doctor arrives with Susan and finds Phil is dead.
Abe goes out to the production line. Tells Rosen he knows he did it. Rosen exits.
24. EXT. BIOPULSE – DAY
When no one’s looking, Abe tails Rosen out of the parking lot.
Follows Rosen home. On a hairpin curve in the road, Abe’s car pushes Rosen’s car over a cliff.
Climax
25. EXT. MOUNTAIN TRAIL – DAY
John, Mel and Abe carry Phil to the mountain top lake. Tie logs together to make a barge. Cut firewood they pile on the barge.
Place Phil atop the wood. Mel sets the wood ablaze. All three push off the barge.
Abruptly Abe hops on and throws himself on the fire with Phil.
The fire grows larger. The barge glides out into the center of the lake.
Resolution
26. EXT. CHURCH – DAY
John and Susan marry and start a family.
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Tracy’s Fascinating Scene Outlines!
I love discovering interesting ways to write scenes through Interest Techniques!
I will do whatever it takes to become a successful author and screenwriter with multiple successful movies produced.
ACT 1:
SCENE 1: INT. UNCLE WILLIAM’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Beginning: Anna tries to remain cheerful at her family’s Twelfth Night party, but she wishes her soldier husband, Benjamin, was home from serving in the Continental Army.
(Misinterpretation) When an uninvited guest arrives, Anna sees a dark-haired man and thinks it is Benjamin.
(Twist) It is not Benjamin, but Thomas, Anna’s brother-in-law. She fears he’s come to tell her Benjamin is dead.
(Twist) Thomas deserted from the army and brought home the body of their other brother, Baylis, who died in camp.
Middle: (Superior Position) Anna’s Uncle William baits Thomas by criticizing the army and General Washington.
(Surprise) Anna supports the war. It is hard to hear of the terrible conditions at Valley Forge.
Ending: (Internal dilemma) Thomas’s visit makes Anna aware of dangers she could ignore before.
SCENE 2: EXT. VIRGINIA COUNTRYSIDE – DAY
Beginning: (Internal dilemma) Anna, worrying about Benjaminm, canvasses neighbors for supplies to send to the soldiers.
Essence: She cannot be with Benjamin so she tries to help any way she can.
Middle: (Internal Dilemma) She is a healer. She cannot help all the soldiers who are suffering, and may not even be able to help Benjamin
(Suspense) If Benjamin dies, she and the children will be at the mercy of the orphan’s court. The children will be taken from her.
Ending: (Uncomfortable moment) The warm clothes she collects may not be enough to sustain her husband and brothers.
SCENE 3: INT. TAVERN – DAY
Beginning: (Suspense) Anna stops in a tavern to warm up. A letter from Benjamin is waiting. He has no warm clothes, and her brothers are ill with smallpox.
Essence: Anna’s fears for Benjamin and her brothers are confirmed.
Middle: (Uncertainty) She cannot help him in time.
Subtext: If all four of them die, she will have no advocate.
Intrigue: Anna’s father died when she and her brothers were young. They suffered.
Ending: (Character changes radically) She decides her children will not suffer as she did. She must go to Valley Forge with the supplies.
SCENE 4: INT. THOMAS’S HOUSE –DAY
Beginning: Anna seeks advice about traveling to Valley Forge from her brother-in-law.
Essence: Anna has decided she must go to Valley Forge herself.
(Uncertainty) Betsy, Thomas’s wife, is horrified that Anna would consider such a thing.
Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment) Thomas tries to discourage her, but when she insists on going anyway, he reluctantly sketches her a map.
(Suspense) Will Anna sacrifice herself to save her husband?
Ending: (Internal dilemma) Anna and Benjamin could both die and leave their children alone in the world.
SCENE 5: INT. UNCLE WILLIAM’S HOUSE –DAY
Beginning: (Surprise/Misinterpretation) William does not try to talk her out of going. He offers to bankroll her trip if she will deliver a letter and a payment to a business associate of hers on the way.
Essence: Anna prepares to defy her uncle and go; instead, he offers support.
Anna’s cousin lends her clothes for the journey. Her daughter helps her pack food for the men. Anna’s mother makes one last attempt to talk Anna out of making the dangerous trip.
(Uncomfortable Moment) Anna’s mother tries to talk her out of going. What if she is assaulted on the way? Anna’s daughter innocently asks if she will remember Anna when she returns.
Subtext: Anna must do something a mother (in the 1770s) would not do—abandon her family at home.
Ending: (Suspense) Even with William’s financial support, will Anna reach Valley Forge in time?
ACT 2:
SCENE 6: EXT. VIRGINIA COUNTRYSIDE – DAY
Beginning: (Intrigue) Anna departs on a cold, rainy morning.
(Mystery) She is being followed. Are her mother’s dire predictions coming true already??
Essence: Anna’s mother sends Manso, one of their enslaved men, to follow her.
Middle: (Superior Position) Anna wants to be independent. Though Manso often accompanies her on errands, this time she must go alone.
Subtext: She doesn’t want anyone else endangered by her choices.
Ending: (External Dilemma) The rainy weather makes the roads treacherous and slows her down.
SCENE 7: INT. TAVERN – DAY
Beginning: (Uncomfortable Moment) Anna stops at a tavern to eat and warm up. A man propositions her, thinking she is a prostitute.
Essence: At home, Anna was known as a healer and respected wife. Now no one knows her.
Middle: (Uncertainty) As a woman, she cannot travel alone safely. She should have allowed Manso to escort her.
Subtext: On the surface, people will not see her for who she is.
Ending: (Character changes radically) Anna throws her cider in the man’s face and rushes out. She has stood up for herself.
SCENE 8: EXT. VIRGINIA COUNTRYSIDE – NIGHT
Beginning: (Surprise) At dusk, men working at a mill stop Anna and hold her at gunpoint.
(Uncomfortable Moment) They think she is a decoy for a band of robbers who steal flour.
(Uncertainty) They let Anna go and direct her to the home of a widow who takes in boarders.
Middle: Essence: Anna finds shelter for the night
(Uncomfortable Moment) She fell short, covering only half the miles she intended that day. Travel was harder than she expected. Should she return home?
Subtext: Her hostess warns her traitors and spies are everywhere.
Ending: (Uncertainty) Anna hopes her hostess’s dire predictions are exaggerated/She fears she might not even be safe among other patriots.
SCENE 9: INT. THOMPSON MANSION – DAY
Beginning: (Uncomfortable moment) Anna delivers her uncle’s letter to his business associate. The man’s servants make Anna, who is mud-spattered and tired, feel “less than.”
(Uncomfortable moment) Anna is invited to stay but declines.
Middle: (Major Twist) Anna overhears that her uncle’s money is financing a smuggling operation to arm British POWs.
(Betrayal) She did not know what the payment was for.
Subtext: (Internal Dilemma) Anna has abetted their operation, doing far more harm to the army than any good she might do.
Ending: (Character changes radically) Anna decides to alert the authorities about the smugglers.
(Suspense) If she fails, the smuggled goods will aid British soldiers that might fight against her husband.
SCENE 10: EXT. POTOMAC RIVER CROSSING – DAY
Beginning: (Suspense) Anna pursues the smugglers’ wagons to the Maryland border.
(Major Twist) In her haste to cross the river, her horse spooks and she falls in the icy water.
Middle: Intrigue (conflict): She nearly dies in the river, and the smugglers get away.
Subtext: She risks her life again
Ending: (Cliffhanger) Anna, helpless, is swept downriver.
The ferryman plunges in after her and helps her to shore.
SCENE 11: INT. FERRYMAN’S HOUSE –DAY
Beginning: (Uncomfortable moment) The ferryman’s wife tends to Anna, helps her dry out her clothes and warm up.
Essence: Anna must stop and take a moment. Regroup. Dry off.
(External dilemma) The smugglers are getting away!
Middle: (Internal dilemma) She must stay calm and focused, or she will endanger herself over and over.
Ending: (Uncomfortable moment) Refusing help from the ferryman’s wife, Anna hurries away, hair still wet, to catch the smugglers.
SCENE 12: EXT. THE CAROLINA ROAD NEAR FREDERICKSBURG, MD –DAY
Beginning: (Suspense) Bent on making up lost time, Anna gallops north in pursuit of the smugglers.
(Major Twist) She is waylaid by three highwaymen.
Middle: (Cliffhanger) What will they do to her? Assault? Murder? Was her mother right??
Subtext: She is making the same mistake—charging ahead without thinking.
Ending (Uncomfortable moment/Cliffhanger) She tries to bargain for her release, but fears she will be robbed, raped, and murdered. No one will ever know what became of her. She will fail her loved ones.
SCENE 13: EXT. WOODS IN MARYLAND –DAY
Beginning: (Surprise) Two Hessian soldiers attack and kill the highwaymen.
Essence: Has she been saved, or will the Hessians brutalize her?
Middle: (Uncertainty) The soldiers with the most terrifying reputation of all turn out to be her saviors. They are POWs under the watch of one of Washington’s spies.
Subtext: You can’t always believe what you hear.
Ending: (Uncertainty) Will she be safe with the enemy? Will she ever be safe on the road?
SCENE 14: INT. FARMHOUSE –NIGHT
Beginning: (Major twist) The spy, Ludwick, invites Anna to stay with his friends, a German immigrant family, for the night.
Essence: The Hessians are the enemy. She spends the night at the house of a former Hessian soldier.
Middle: (Surprise) They are friendly and kind.
Subtext: We are all Americans, ja?
Ending: (Intrigue) She has wasted so much time.
Ludwick offers to travel with her the next day and suggests she dress in Benjamin’s clothes so she can travel unnoticed.
SCENE 15: EXT. PENNSYLVANIA COUNTRYSIDE – DAY
Beginning: (Intrigue) Ludwick teaches her survival skills and spy craft as they travel.
Essence: A woman can survive alone if she has skills.
Middle: (Intrigue/Conflict) She must hide who she is to survive.
Subtext: She is learning the skills she will need.
Ending: They part ways on the road to York. Anna fears she is traveling too slowly.
(Internal dilemma) Have the smugglers gotten away?
SCENE 16: EXT. TAVERN, YORK PA –DAY
Beginning: (Uncomfortable moment) Anna listens to a speech by General Gates. She disagrees with him and dislikes his demeanor.
Middle: (Surprise) Harrison, a congressman, escorts her to Benjamin’s aunt and uncle’s house.
Essence: The war, and patriotism, look different to different people.
Subtext: Gates is not to be trusted.
Ending: (Intrigue) Will Gates take control of the army from Washington?
The aunt and uncle receive Anna with joy and invite Harrison to return for tea.
SCENE 17: INT. AUNT AND UNCLE’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Beginning: (Major twist) Harrison, late, barges in. He asks Anna to carry a secret message to Washington, warning him of a conspiracy.
(Mystery) Anna agrees not to read the message for her own safety.
Essence: Anna’s mission is getting more urgent—and more dangerous.
Middle: (Intrigue/Conflict) Anna wants to hurry to Benjamin. This extra responsibility weighs on her.
(Intrigue) Anna agrees to take the message because by refusing to, the entire army could suffer.
Subtext: She has been accused of being a spy many times on the trip. Now she will be one.
Suspense: Will Anna go undetected by the enemy?
ACT 3:
SCENE 18: EXT. YORK, PA –DAWN
Beginning: (Suspense) Anna sets off with the message.
Essence: She must keep her cool and get the message past the conspirators’ henchman.
(Intrigue/Conflict) The extra mission could delay her arrival at Valley Forge, and delay the supplies for her loved ones.
Subtext: Is she ready to be a spy?
Hope/Fear: She hopes no one will notice her. She fears carrying the message will get her in big trouble if she’s discovered.
Middle: (Suspense) As she rides slowly through the town, soldiers stop and search men on horseback.
Ending: (Cliffhanger) Anna sees another man, a civilian, watching her.
SCENE 19: EXT. MARKET TOWN – DAY
Beginning: (Surprise) The man on horseback gallops up and blocks Anna’s way.
Essence: He’s going to get the message back.
Conflict: Will Anna get caught?
Middle: (Character Changes Radically) When he demands she give him the message, she denies she has it, puts the whip to her horse, and runs for it.
(Suspense) Will he harm Anna to get the message?
Ending: (Superior Position) Anna rides through the crowd at a market, scatters livestock and people, and loses her pursuer. She hides and watches him until he gives up and goes into a tavern.
SCENE 20: EXT. FERRY CROSSING ON THE SUSQUEHANNAH – DAY
Beginning: Anna gallops toward Valley Forge—there are still about 70 miles to go!
(Major Twist) She reaches the ferry crossing ahead of her pursuer. There is a huge crowd waiting to cross, and just two ferry boats.
Essence: She is trapped—or is she?
Middle: (Intrigue/Conflict) The last time she tried a ferry crossing, the horse spooked, and Anna nearly drowned. This river is nearly a mile wide—with ice chunks in it.
Subtext: Her fear of the henchman exceeds her fear of the river.
Hope/fear: We hope Anna will get on one of the boats before the henchman finds her in the crowd. We fear the horse will be frightened again and endanger Anna.
Middle: (Intrigue/Deception) Anna bribes the ferryman to let her cross first.
Essence: Anna asserts herself, and the crowd reacts angrily.
Conflict: She jumped the line, and ends up on the ferry with the smugglers, who have been delayed by the bad weather and the crowds.
Ending: (Suspense) Will Anna fall in the river again? Will the smugglers recognize her?
SCENE 21: EXT. MILITARY CHECKPOINT – DAY
Beginning: (Superior Position) Anna gets ahead of the smugglers as they left the ferry and alerts soldiers at a checkpoint about them.
Essence: She is completing the first of her goals.
Middle: (Intrigue/Conflict) She stays longer than she hoped at the checkpoint, allowing the henchman to close the gap.
Subtext: She must make sacrifices that could keep her from saving her husband and brothers.
Ending: (Character changes radically) Anna opens the letter to Washington, intending to memorize it in case it is taken.
(Major Twist) The letter is in code!
(Mystery) Anna copies it into her notebook anyway.
SCENE 22: INT. STABLE AT TAVERN – NIGHT
Beginning: (Mislead) Anna arrives at a tavern, and before she seeks lodging, she finds an empty stall in the stable and changes into Benjamin’s clothes.
Essence: She changes into her disguise, fearing the henchman is closing in.
Middle: (Surprise) The henchman arrives at the stable—but in the dusk, he mistakes her for the stable boy!
Subtext: She is surviving—and that knowledge makes her brave enough to sabotage the henchman
(Intrigue) Anna plays along and takes the horse’s reins.
(Major Twist) The henchman goes inside the tavern. Anna cannot go inside without risking being recognized.
Ending: (Superior Position) Anna goes to the kitchen door, and lets the kitchen maid think she’s a battered wife who has run away from her husband.
(Superior Position) Anna spikes the man’s drink, so she can sleep inside, not in the barn. Will she get away unnoticed at first light?
SCENE 23: INT. STABLE AT TAVERN – MORNING
Beginning: (Superior Position) Anna removes a shoe on the henchman’s horse, to delay his start.
Essence: She has grown bolder with her success.
(Surprise) The henchman, hung over, enters the stable just as she removes the shoe.
(Surprise) Anna jabs the horse with a nail, causing it to buck and keep the henchman from coming into the stall.
The horse kicks him, and Anna rushes past, getting to her horse and riding away by the skin of her teeth.
Ending: (Cliffhanger) The henchman is humiliated—and running out of time. What will he do to Anna if he catches her?
SCENE 24: EXT. RIDGE ROAD – DUSK
Beginning: (Mystery) Anna, weary, nears Valley Forge. When she meets civilians burying dead soldiers, she stops at a field hospital on the road to make sure her family is not there.
Essence: She has gone back into wife/sister/healer mode
(External Dilemma) The henchman is still out there somewhere—and he’s running out of time to get the message before she reaches Valley Forge.
(Suspense) The decision to stop could derail her. The henchman catches up and searches the hospital for her. She hides under a sheet among some corpses.
Ending: (Uncomfortable moment) We hope the henchman isn’t brave enough to lift the sheets on the dead. We fear Anna will be discovered or catch some disease from the dead soldiers.
ACT 4:
SCENE 25: EXT. VALLEY FORGE ARMY CAMP PICKET LINE – NIGHT
Beginning: (Mislead) The doctor at the hospital sends Anna’s pursuer down the wrong road in pursuit of her. Anna hurries toward Valley Forge.
(Cliffhanger) In a patch of dark woods, Anna’s horse throws her and runs off. Anna is alone in the dark, her mission unfulfilled.
(Surprise) The horse returns. Back in the saddle, Anna hurries onward.
(Major Twist) As she emerges from the woods, Anna sees a tavern, and a man on horseback by the door. It is her pursuer. She got turned around and is traveling the wrong way!
Middle: (Suspense) Anna wheels around and races into the pitch black, her pursuer right behind. With her pursuer in sight, Anna rides up to the picket line and demands to see Washington. The soldiers laugh at her.
Essence: Even now, she is believed to be a spy—or a decoy for the enemy.
(Subtext/Conflict) Can she make the soldiers believe her—and go catch the pursuer?
Subtext: She has become a spy—but she is detained by the people she is trying to help.
Ending: (Cliffhanger) We hope the soldiers will believe her. We fear the henchman will convince the soldiers Anna is the liar.
SCENE 26: EXT. ARMY CAMP – NIGHT
Beginning: (Mystery) The henchman exchanges gunfire with the soldiers then rides off. The soldiers, not sure what to think, detain Anna and escort her to headquarters, but not because they believe her.
(Major Twist) They meet Benjamin, Anna’s husband, on the path.
Middle: (Surprise) Anna leaps into Benjamin’s arms.
Conflict: (not really conflict) Benjamin is astounded to see Anna, can’t believe she is there. She tells him some details of her journey.
Subtext: She is Benjamin’s equal in bravery and sacrifice.
Ending: Will Benjamin’s presence help Anna get to see Washington? If the the commander doesn’t believe her all her sacrifice will be in vain.
SCENE 27: INT. WASHINGTON’S HEADQURTERS – NIGHT
Beginning: (Uncertainty) Anna delivers the letter to the commander in chief.
Essence: She has done it. She has completed the mission.
Middle: (Uncertainty) Washington is polite but doesn’t indicate whether he will read the letter.
(Surprise) Washington offers Anna an escort home. Benjamin is assigned to the detail that will see Anna back to Virginia and then return to Valley Forge escorting Lady Washington.
Subtext: Anna must be content with what she can get—a reunion with Benjamin, and his company on her return trip.
(Uncomfortable moment) Anna asks Benjamin not to re-up for another term of enlistment and come home with her. She fears if he stays, her efforts to save him will ultimately fail.
Ending: Anna visits her brothers in the hospital, then goes with Benjamin to his quarters. The others soldiers vacate to give them some privacy.
(Mystery) After making love, they talk about the encounter with Washington. Anna shows Benjamin her copy of the coded message.
SCENE 28: EXT. ARMY CAMP –DAY
Beginning: Anna wakes at reveille. Benjamin leaves for roll call and his duties.
After she tidies the cabin, Anna explores Valley Forge.
Middle: (Surprise) Anna is summoned to headquarters.
(Superior Position) Gen. Hamilton tells her Washington has read the letter and its contents give details of the conspiracy.
(Superior Position) Anna sees members of the Board of War arrive at Valley Forge.
Essence: Anna knows they are there to gather evidence to remove Washington and appoint Gates.
(Intrigue/Conflict) She is dying to know what goes on behind closed doors.
Subtext: She is a spy!
Ending: (Cliffhanger) Anna knows Washington read the message. Will it be enough? Will the army mutiny if Washington does not prevail and Gates takes over?
SCENE 29: VALLEY FORGE CAMP – DAY
Beginning: Anna and Benjamin prepare to leave camp with the detail.
Middle: Her brothers are recovering. The camp is quiet. There is no evidence of trouble.
Ending: (Superior Position) Anna says she’ll tell Benjamin all about her travels on the way home.
SCENE 30: INT. TAVERN IN YORK, PA – NIGHT
Beginning: Anna and Benjamin meet with Harrison, who fills them in on more details of the conspiracy.
Essence: The conspiracy has been diffused.
Middle: (Intrigue) The serving maid is so busy their meal is delayed. There is a private party at Gates’s house next door. Anna offers to help wait table at the party.
(Intrigue/Conflict) Anna helps serve the second course. Gates is a sore loser. Still trying to take control and remove Washington’s best allies by sending Lafayette to invade Canada.
(Uncomfortable Moment) Lafayette refuses to disparage Washington. He will not invade Canada unless properly equipped. He raises a glass to Washington. Gates is neutralized. Anna is a witness to a moment that makes history.
(Superior Position) Anna returns to Benjamin and the congressman, excited and hopeful that Lafayette’s toast to Washington portends future success for the army.
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Farrin Rosenthal’s Fascinating Scene Outlines!
Farrin’s Vision: To do what it takes to become a highly paid A-List Hollywood writer whose produced movies will entertain audiences around the world.
What I learned doing this assignment is how to create interest in every scene using specific interest techniques. To do this, we must make sure the beginning, middle, and ending of every scene uses interest techniques. This ensures the scene will be interesting from beginning to end. Do this with every scene and the entire script will be interesting. Our job now is to make each scene as interesting as possible.
Title: TRAPPED
Genre: Thriller
Concept: Claustrophobic and trapped in an underwater grave for stealing $3.6 billion in Bitcoin from the Russian mob, a Los Angeles retail store manager has just 60 minutes to prove his innocence and save his family.
1. INT. BOX – DAY
Beginning: (Intrigue) Pitch darkness. Sound of someone (Tom) breathing.
Middle: (Surprise) Ringing from a loud cellphone startles him. He answers and uses the light to see that he is trapped inside a coffin-like box.
Ending: (Mystery) Who and why he is in the box? Russian on phone asks if man is ready to confess.
SUPER: TWO HOURS EARLIER
2. EXT. HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL STADIUM – DAY
Beginning: (Intrigue) Oh, here is Tom and his family before he is trapped in a box. Tom and his wife, Susan, clap and cheer in the stands. Their daughter leads the cheerleading squad in a routine.
Middle: (Uncertainty) Football game, son’s team is down 2 points, last play coming up. Tom’s son comes on the field to attempt a field goal to win the game. The distance is five yards further than any field goal he’s ever made. Will he kick the winning field goal?
Ending: (Suspense) Tom’s son kicks the ball, it soars towards the goal, it’s straight, but is it long enough? The ball hits the post and bounces in for the winning score!
3. EXT. FAST-FOOD DRIVE-THRU – DAY
Tom pulls his SUV into the drive-thru lane behind two other cars. The SUV has a Ukrainian flag sticker on back window along with my kids are honor students at ? High School sticker. Also has a family sticker showing two parents, daughter, son, and dog.
Beginning: (Intrigue) Same guy whose Ukrainian flag on SUV is in the box, put there by a Russian?
4. INT. SUV – DAY
They discuss the game as Tom waits for other cars to move forward so they can order. Fast-food worker greets them when they are next.
Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment) Celebration about football win turns ugly when Tom and his wife get into a heated argument over his penny-pinching when he says they can only order from the dollar menu. In middle of argument, a car honks behind them, and the fast-food worker says, “I’ll give you another minute.”
Ending: (Surprise) Tom agrees they are celebrating son’s big accomplishment, changes mind, says son can order anything on the menu, but not anybody else.
5. EXT. STREET – DAY
Driving down the street still arguing trying to eat when…
Beginning: (Surprise) A black van swerves in front of them and stops!
6. INT. SUV – DAY
Susan yells for Tom to look out! Fries go flying as Tom jams on the brakes to avoid a collision.
Middle: (Suspense) Can Tom stop in time to avoid a collision?
7. EXT. STREET – DAY
A second van blocks them from behind and a third skids to a stop to their side. Masked gunmen rush out of the vans, smash Tom’s window when he refuses to open the door. The gunmen grab Tom, Susan and the kids. Tom tries to stop them but is knocked out.
End: (Intrigue/Mystery) Who are these masked gunmen and why are they kidnapping Tom and his family?
8. INT. BOX – DAY
Beginning: (Intrigue/Uncertainty) Tom back in the box. Dmitriy tells Tom where he is and why. Tom is (at the bottom of a pool) accused of stealing $3.6 billion from a Russian mob boss who is holding Tom’s family hostage.
Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment) Tom says they must have the wrong guy, he doesn’t even own a pool, is just a Staples store manager in Van Nuys.
Ending: (Superior Position) Dmitriy says I know exactly who you are, Tom Carter, indicating this is no mistake.
9. INT. STAPLES STORE – MANAGER’S OFFICE – DAY
Beginning: (Intrigue) Tom adjusts his name tag, which reads, TOM CARTER – MANAGER as he interviews a potential new employee when…
10. EXT. STAPLES STORE – DAY
A man wearing a hoodie on a hot day grabs a shopping cart and enters the store.
11. INT. STAPLES – DAY
Middle: (Suspense) The security guard warns the store manager, Tom, they have a “live one.” Tom walks out of his office, starts to surveil the man. Tom coordinates other employees to keep an eye on him. Tom confronts the man when he attempts to steal a laptop. Tries to talk him out of stealing it, but…
Ending: (Surprise/Uncertainty) The man pulls a knife. Tom protects the customers, employees, and himself as the man becomes erratic and makes a run for the exit. Tom barely avoids being stabbed and knocks the laptop out of the man’s hand, but the thief escapes.
12. INT. BOX – DAY
Beginning: (Intrigue/Suspense/Uncertainty) Dmitriy tells Tom he and his family have 60 minutes to live unless Tom confesses.
13. INT. MANSION – DAY
Dmitriy shows Tom his family is tied and gagged.
14. INT. BOX – DAY
Tom doesn’t believe he is at the bottom of a pool, could be anywhere. Tells Dmitriy to prove it.
15. INT. MANSION – DAY
Dmitriy orders his brother to dive into the pool and knock on the box. Ivan resists until Dmitriy insists. Ivan takes off his shirt, revealing his muscular body. Susan notices.
16. EXT. MANSION – DAY
Ivan dives into the pool.
17. INT. BOX – DAY
Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment/Uncertainty) Tom hears the knocking on outside of box. Still doesn’t prove he is underwater, but Tom starts to have a panic attack.
18. INT. ELEVATOR – DAY
Tom gets stuck in an elevator as a teenager, emergency phone doesn’t work, he yells for help, none comes, he panics, pisses himself. Rescuers finally pry the elevator doors open.
19. INT. MANSION – DAY
Dmitriy tries to get Tom to focus on his happy place. Tom says he doesn’t have one. Susan recognizes Tom is having a panic attack, gets phone, helps Tom calm down, take deep breathes, and look into her eyes, focus on day they got married.
20. EXT. HAWAII – DAY
Wedding on the beach near the ocean with a picture-perfect sunset. Family and friends in attendance. Tom stares lovingly into Susan’s eyes, the happiest day of his life.
21. INT. BOX – DAY
Ending: (Uncomfortable Moment) Tom calms down, but how calm can one get trapped in a box?
22. INT. MANSION – DAY
Beginning: (Suspense) As time ticks down, Dmitriy yanks the phone back. Asks Tom if he is ready to confess.
23. INT. BOX – DAY
No, Tom didn’t do anything.
24. INT. MANSION – DAY
Middle: (Intrigue) Dmitriy tells Tom he knows about Tom’s ties to Ukraine and his hated of Russia, and his computer programming background, started at Staples in the tech department repairing computers.
25. INT. BOX – DAY
Ending: (Mystery/Uncertainty) Yes, his great-grandparents lived in Ukraine and emigrated to America over 100 years ago, so what? Facts point to reasons why Tom could be guilty, but he says they don’t prove he is.
26. INT. MANSION – DAY
Beginning: (Uncomfortable Moment) Tom’s daughter tries to say something but is gagged. Says she has to use the bathroom.
27. INT. MANSION – BATHROOM – DAY
Middle: (Uncertainty) Tom’s daughter shuts door, quickly slides open the bathroom window, sees a Russian standing guard, gun in his waistband. There is no easy escape!
Ending: (Surprise) Ivan bangs on the door, makes her pee with door open.
28. INT. BOX – DAY
Beginning: (Intrigue/Suspense) Dmitriy calls, threatens Tom’s family. Tom says he will fucking kill Dmitriy if he hurts them. Big words from someone trapped in a box.
29. INT. MANSION – DAY
Dmitriy threatens to rape them instead, even the dog.
30. INT. BOX – DAY
Middle: (Uncertainty) Tom cusses Dmitriy out and Dmitriy disconnects call saying you have 35 minutes left. Tom ponders what to do, calls 911, is put on hold.
31. INT. MANSION – DAY
Tom’s son says he now has to pee. Dmitriy tells him to hold it, should have gone before they left. Son says he can’t hold it, didn’t know some asshole was going to kidnap them.
32. INT. BOX – DAY
911 operator finally comes on and Tom tells her what is happening. He realizes he has no idea where he is. Police can’t help or find him, only know general area where he is.
33. EXT. MANSION – DAY
A police car on routine patrol approaches, then continues down the street, does not turn around.
34. INT. BOX – DAY
Ending: (Major Twist/Suspense) Tom feels something, shines phone light at box, sees water leaking into the box. Calls Dmitriy in a panic.
35. INT. MANSION – DAY
Beginning: (Uncertainty/Suspense) Dmitriy does nothing to help if Tom refuses to confess. Guess you believe me now about the pool.
36. INT. BOX – DAY
Nothing Tom is saying or doing to escape works. Pounds side of box in frustration. Water keeps rising, time and air running out.
37. INT. MANSION – DAY
Dmitriy can’t get Tom to confess as water keeps rising, touches Tom’s wife in a suggestive and sexual way. This upsets Ivan.
38. INT. BOX – DAY
Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment/Suspense) More desperate, Tom tries to be tougher, as water fills half the box.
39. INT. MANSION – DAY
Dmitriy is unmoved, hurts Tom’s kids, backhands Tom’s son when he talks back.
40. INT. BOX – DAY
Ending: (Suspense/Internal Dilemma) When tension is at its peak, at the very last second, water at its highest point in the box, Tom finally confesses. Then, time runs out, water fills the box completely. Will Tom drown?
41. EXT. MANSION – DAY
Beginning: (Suspense) Dmitriy runs outside, orders Tom be freed from box. Can they free him in time?
42. INT. BOX – DAY
Middle: (Uncertainty) The box opens, no movement from inside for several long seconds, then Tom bursts out of the water, gasps for breath.
43. EXT. MANSION – DAY
Ending: (Surprise) When Tom recovers somewhat, Dmitriy punches Tom in the stomach. Tom falls to his knees in pain. “Steal from me? That’s just the beginning of what’s going to happen to you now.” He points gun at Tom, escorts him inside.
44. INT. MANSION -DAY
Beginning: (Uncertianty/Intrigue/Betrayal/Surprise) Tells Tom to access the accounts with the stolen Bitcoin or he can watch his family die slowly.
Tom learns the truth while pretending to access the stolen accounts.
Middle: (Suspense/Betrayal/Surprise) Ivan pulls a gun on Dmitriy who is shocked to learn his brother betrayed him, they fight, Dmitriy pummels Ivan and looks like he will win easily, but Ivan somehow turns the tables and kills his brother.
Tom tries to protect his family as the Russian brothers fight, sees Ivan kill Dmitriy.
Tom confronts Ivan, after learning of his wife’s betrayal, that she and the Russian are having an affair and are the masterminds behind everything. Now it’s a fight to the death. Tom kills Ivan with a little help from his kids.
Tom and his kids are safe.
45. INT. BOX – DAY
Ending: (Major Twist/Surprise) Susan is now in the box screaming, right where the bitch belongs.
46. EXT. MANSION – DAY
All assets are in Tom’s name, so he is now a billionaire. The garage door slowly opens, and Tom pulls out in a Ferrari with a big smile on his face. Speeds down the street into the sunset.
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Fwd: SSS 10trigue. Subject: Trilogy 2 Satans son’s secrets
1.BIG PICTURE BEGINNING SCENE ARCH this is the set up from smarter than God ,Satans story where the Kids are innocent but go through a gruelling Training in MIDDLE The Soviet school for spy’s,assassins and analysts before the fall of USSR. ENDING All innocents is gone after this experience,dads proud with his kids success.
SINCE THE KIDS ARE REALLY TRAINED KGB AGENTS THEY ARE TOUGHEN UP FOR ALMOST ANYTHING EXCEPT
Insighting insident
When their father is TWIST Murdered at Davos where their father was trying to make peace with the west he is killed in an assassination plot by a globalists hit squad. After his death they flee escaping first into an Italian earth energy cult called Damanhur at the foot of the Alps. This Reveals and huge emotional loss of the person who really believed in the kids as with all family hugs and how he trusted their judgement and cheered for all their performances. SURPRISED
DAYTIME INSIDE MEETING ROOM THEIR REAL FATHER WAS A HIGH POWERED LEADER OF THE KGB.CLIFFHANGER ENDING WILL THEY MAKE IT OR WILL THE MI 6 GET THEM?
2. NIGHT OUTSIDE RAINING THE BEGINNING SUSPENCE on the run The MI 6 was after them so the Family was forced to Flee to America where mom met a man who needed a family like she needed a husband to get and American citizenship. MIDDLE So she married a mafia hit man after he turned states evidence so she could get citizenship and he could get his cover.
He however was never the same as their real father. Loss of relationship.
THERE Was ALWAYS TENSION BETWEEN THE MAFIA WAY AND THE KGB WAY AND WHYS.
INSIDE HOME Family was shipped to Monrovia California under witness protection program and peace and security were in their sight,but it was not to be.
DAY LIGHT Step dad becomes a bookie for sports gambling and works out of Santa Anita Racetrack. Setup
YOU CAN TAKE THE MAN OUT OF THE MAFIA BUT YOU CANNOT TAKE THE MAFIA OUT OF THE MAN.
That’s Where he beats a dead beat gambler is almost beat to death who didn’t pay him his gambling debts.reveal emotions lack of security and safety if they cross him.ENDING ANTICIPATION UNCERTAINTY
3.INSIDE DAYLIGHT Before school Troy is playing 4 timed chess matches at the same time and wins them all . That is until a bad looser tossed the chessboard and try’s to confront him. The sore loser is taken down verbally and then held in check physically by Cane. TROY IS A MILD INTROVERT GENESIS BUT BECAUSE OF HIS KGB SKILLS WONT BE BULLIED
Troy says I hate mind less bully’s ,gangs and mobs.
Turning point 1
4.DAYLIGHT HALLWAY BEGINNING CONFRONTATION.First day at new school Cane is confronted by football players saying unsavory comments about his sister while trying to hit on her.
THE TWINS HAVE BEEN TRAINED BY DAD TO COVER EACH OTHERS BACK ALWAYS
MIDDLE CONFLICT Cane uses his courage to confront the quarterback a player slips behind Cane so the QB can push Cane over him . However Cane then flips over him and breaks one players leg and the QBs arm in the process.
CANE IS BOTH A TRAINED IN GYMNASTICS AND MARTIAL ARTS.
It turns out he broke the receiver’s leg and QB s arm that gets him sent to the principal’s office.ENDING SUSPENSE
5. INSIDE DAYLIGHT OFFICE BEGINNING However because ~Cane and Troy demolished the QB and star receiver they are called out of class to the principal’s office for a unexpected fortuitous meeting. MIDDLE TWIST That’s where they first met the man who could change their lives the football teams head coach. It is he who gives them the new real the consequences the ramifications of their actions.
They’re informed that ether they must replace them and learn to play football or face expulsion before the first game.setup
ATHLETIC TRAINING IS A WAY OF LIFE SO THEY CATCH ON TO IT AS QUICKLY AS A FISH Takes to WATER . ENDING ANTICIPATION CLIFFHANGER
Act 2
They learn to play with help from a neighbor who played for the Rams. BIG PICTURE HE HAS BOTH COLLEGE AND PRO CONNECTIONS
6. INSIDE MOLLYS BEDROOM Concurrently Molly and Amy write and make songs first for church and then go on to win America has talent which kickstarts their music career .
7. BEGINNING Outside light characters change by growing into real Americans as Troy-becomes Quarterback and Cane a receiver as they developed both moves and timing patterns that knowone in high school could defend.
IN CAR DARK MIDDLE CHARACTER BETRAYAL Cane starts relationship with Molly but is seduced by One of the wealthy song girls unbeknownst to Molly
Sooo SUBTEXT Amy IS UPSET WITH CANES CHARACTER AND HAS A INTERNAL CONFLICTH DILEMMA BUT FINALLY she introduced her to her other introverted brother Troy who has moral character that she can trust. Due to the boy’s football relationship and Troy’s honor they keep Molly and Troy’s relationship as just friends for now on the QT.ENDING ANTICIPATION
8.FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS ARC BEGINS An undefeated season so far ensues. Then after overcoming tough competition the undefeated MIDDLE CONFLICT MONROVIA WILDCATS FACE THE ALSO UNDEFEATED ARCADIA APACHIES CROSS TOWN (rivalry games where they show the courage to face and overcome their personal demons as they win in the last second and become coplayers of the year ) By the end of the season they each receive college’s scholarships offers for both athletic and for Troy academic also .reveal THERE IS ALWAYS AN UNSPOKEN TENSION AS TROY KNOWS WHAT CANE WHO THINKS HE HAS GOTTEN AWAY WITH CHEATING ON MOLLY BEHIND HER BACK ENDING CONFLICT.
9.NIGHT RESTAURANT AWARDS DINNER BEGINS However After the joy of celebrating their winning the championship and awards REVEAL MIDDLE they discovered that during the festivities their sister was kidnapped and ransom is asking 5 million dollars.reveal
POSSIBLE ENDING TWIST AMY IS A TRAINED KGB AGENT AND KNOWS HOW TO SURVIVE
Turning point 2
Sooo mom and the boys especially Troy start trying to figure how to raise Amy’s ransom money somehow . ENDING ANTICIPATION MYSTERY SUSPENSE
10.BEGINNING BIG PICTURE EXTERNAL DILEMMA Mom a scientist at JPL in Pasadena and Troy a genius developed state of the art quantum computer to solve problems like atomic fusion that could power the grid. Troy’s computer also solved the unfolding of proteins that helped solve many genetic autoimmune diseases both could legally in business make a king’s ransom but step dad wants to use it for crime.MIDDLE Reveal CONTENTIOUS COMPETITION ENSUES AS KGB SECRETS ARE BEHIND THESE DISCOVERIES
While DARPA gets wind of their work and wants JPL to license to them the fusion reactor to power a Cyborg army that normally would be used in warfare.setup
While Troy is hooked to the state of the art quantum computer for problem solving and emulating systems.setup
However Troy wants to use it to designed a plan To raise the money for Amy’s ransom .ENDING CONFLICT11. HOME DINNER TIME NIGHT DUSK Their step father gets wind of what this can do and overrides them and uses it to run probability programs to shave off points on the game’s to beat the odds and win money. After that he pretends to launder but really invests the cartels drug money in a MIDDLE CONFLICT Ponzi sceme He does this by taking slices off every stock trade investing their funds in the process corners the cripto currencies funding his own brokerage. THE MAFIA WINS SHORT TERM
After overshooting the 5 million dollar ransom and preparing to make the payoff. Amy escaped and they get their sister back a little worse for the wear with some surprised kidnappers.ENDING TWIST
Stepdad goes on to make money but because step dads carelessness dishonesty and greed lose billions when his Ponzi scheme gets hacked. ENDING SURPRISE LOOSING EVERYTHING AND MORE
12.IN HOME DARK BEGINNING ARC ESSENCE THEY ARE RIGHT BACK WHERE THEY STARTED FINANCIALLY EXCEPT NOW THEIR ON THE RUN AGAIN.
However because the cash stops flowing like all Ponzi Schemes do that’s when the chase begins. MIDDLE TWIST This now blow’s up and the complaints gets the attention of the federal government SEC-and IRS . The loss of cash flow to the investors the Mexican drug cartel and the mafia. They are now all after them not only for their crooked stepdad’s rackets but now for all kinds of reasons . IN THE END THE PAST STARTS CATCHING UP AS THE TRUTH STARTS UNRAVELING THEIR STORY AND THEY COULD GET CAUGHT AND DEPORTED OR EVEN INCARCERATED IN PRISON. ANTICIPATION SUSPENSE AND FEAR
Act 3
13. ARC BEGINNING UNDER THE COVERING OF DARKNESS THE CHASE BEGINS.Sooo step dad ditched the family and runs . They give an all family hug as they are now also on the run again fleeing the safety of their home. MIDDLE Once on the street Out of nowhere a van hits them causing damage to the family. The first one hurt is mom who broke her neck, revealing this as not an accident but an on purpose. THE VAN IS CONTROLLED BY A CLANDESTINE GROUP OF RAIDERS WITH A PURPOSE.
The Car CRASH MIDDLE sets up Troy to loose his sight as Cane breaks both his arms and legs trying to stop himself from going through the front windshield. reveal They take Cane off in the van leaving mom and Troy as to damaged to save. Mom who now is losing consciousness from her decapitated neck she gives Troy her cross which has protected her all her life, then she explained it’s powers and then passes out. ENDING SUSPENSE ANTICIPATION THE HIDDEN POWERS OF MOMS CROSS START GETTING REVEALED HERE setting up the rest of the story.
Turning point
14.BEGINNING NIGHT TWIST That’s when The Raiders in the van take Cane. Where they finish the job his mother and brother started. It turns out they are a renegade part of DARPA NGO. They did this by equiping him with the physical robotics,thermal eyes , a hive connection to a massive quantum computer network through a neurological link like Troy was hooked up to. This augmentation along with armaments and the jet pack drone gave Cane flying capabilities that would make Cane the perfect hive solder. MIDDLE INTRIGUE CANE THINKS THEY DONT KNOW ABOUT HIS PAST, BUT THATS WHY THEY PICKED HIM. HE STILL DOESN’T KNOW WHOS THE POWER IS REALLY BEHIND THEM.
Since Troy lost his vision and couldn’t find where his mom and Cane went. Troy and his mentor checked all the morgues and hospitals it’s as though they vanished . ENDING SUSPENSE LITTLE DO THEY KNOW THEY WILL MEET AGAINI
15.BEGINNING ARC TRYING TO REUNITE WITH HIS FAMILY HES LOST.
Sooo he goes back home where he meets up with his sister who is staying with Molly the pastors daughter.MIDDLE DILEMMA Molly who has lost Cane FINALLY start’s falling for Troy and she leads both he and his sister to the lord. ENDING ANTICIPATION OUT OF LOYALTY TO CANE TROY BECOMES JUST FRIENDS,FOR NOW
After repentance and praying For God to give him spiritual eyes to see through a world of deception and lies. God grants him spiritual eyesight and all the powers in the Bible plus all his other senses become enhanced. GOD HAS A PURPOSE FOR TROYS LIFE NOW TROY IS STARTING TO SEE IT TOO.
While Troy still had a hard time seeing where people were but now he could discern who and what they were which was much more valuable. ENDING THIS IS HOW TROY BECOMES A WALKING HUMAN LIE DETECTOR THIS WILL COME IN HANDY IN THE FUTURE MYSTERY
16.BEGINNING ARC DAY AT THE CHURCH GYM Act 4 preparing for battle MOLLY AND TROY BOTH START TO CHANGE THEIR TUNE ON LOYALTY AS CANE SEEMS TO HAVE VANISHED TROY AND MOLLYS RELATIONSHIP GROWS
Meanwhile Molly and Amy write more songs . While they help Troy develop the gifts God gave him . That’s when the lady’s designs a suit for him that hides his eyes. Amy and Molly starts believing Cane will never return. That’s when Amy shares the story of Cane infidelities so Molly and Troy can get together. Then they trane Troy to be more capable than he ever was in the churches gym and training room training with his mentor and the seal team .
They help Troy recover as he puts to use and training by using the lords promised powers of the scriptures to grow in his walk with God. With the lord’s power to be able to enhance his other senses and see signs and wonders ,prophecies and do miracles like in the Bible. MIDDLE HOPE ANTICIPATION Troy develops the strength of Samson,the brains of Solomon and the faith of a prophetic wonder worker like Elijah . Through his mentor Troy becomes a force for good in God calling . ENDING GODS PLAN IS WORKING TROY IS BECOMING THE WARRIOR HE WILL HAVE TO BE AS THE FINAL CONFLICT TURNS DEADLY.
When working out Troy’s punch bursts the body bag and beats the gyms top warriors all at once.ANTICIPATION
17.BEGINNING UNDERGROUND ARC In the mean time Cane is getting his Cyborg capabilities up to speed by the as a cult like organisation makes him the beast’s transhuman hive gladiator warrior. MIDDLE ANTICIPATION Cane is having the same kind of success in his training as Troy unbeknownst to ether.
THE MEETING IS COMING NEITHER WILL HAVE A CLUE WHERE THE OTHER WENT AND WHAT THEIR DOING NOW.setup
Canes and his team are building and army of transhuman soldiers who sink up as a hive controlled by the inventor queen who is forced to work for the beast to conquer the worlds nations. Setup
Troy is the only human that can stand up to Cane’s army still has no idea it is His brother as the final battle is coming. That’s when Troy finds out the queen that they rebuilt is actually his long lost mom.reveal ENDING TWISTS HIS MOTHER AND TROY NEVER KNOW UNTIL ITS TO LATE
18. NIGHT LIGHTS IN THE COLISEUM SUSPENSE Cane is forced to battle not under his own control but the hives control for the future of the worlds inhabitants under the control of the BEAST himself. Now the question for the ages will finally be answered . MIDDLE DILEMMA Are we to becomespiritual ,mechanical or technological?
MIDDLE Reveal Troy is killed in the battle. That’s When Molly and Amy come forward crying to claim the body where they pray for Gods help in the middle of the Coliseum
Sooo That’s when Cane and his mother learn at last that the warrior was Troy.
Reveal They had been deceived by the beast TO BELIEVE their national duty to protect and defend their country.This breaks their heart bringing the two to their knees to repent praying and asking God for forgiveness. ENDING RESOLUTION MOMS FORMER FAITH RETURNS AS THE VAIL IS LIFTED FROM THEIR EYES THEY NOW SEE HOW THEY HAVE BEEN DECEIVED AND BETRAYED BY THE BEAST.
20.BEGINNING ARC STARTS WITH HOPE AS Sooo God resurrected Troy and brings the family back together for an all family hug.
MIDDLE ESSENCE COLISEUM NIGHT However The evil force that caused this all to happen the BEAST is really controlled by the DEVIL/Dragon of old who then shows up and ENDING released his power by turning the whole hive army against the family.
21.BEGINNING HOPE ARC Sooo Out of the sky Christ and his angels return to ENDING MORE THAN balance the equation and help his family overcome the Evil one.
22. BEGINNING ESSENCE,SUBTEXT,HOPE FEAR ANTICIPATION ARC Then as the real powers line up to face each other as Armageddon begins we Segway to the kids on space education pod as the start of ww3 begins the war of three worlds ,the third story of the trilogy. Setup for the rest of the story. ENDING THE KIDS HAVE A BIRDS EYE VIEW OF THE REST OF THE SHOWDOWN THE REAL POWERS HAVE THE FINAL SHOW DOWN.
1.Smarter than God —Lucifer’s story
2.Satans son’s secrets— the twins revolution
3.World war 3 the war of three worlds —preparing for the next world .
Armageddon
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Claudia’s Fascinating Scene Outlines!
Vision: To become such an excellent writer that I know every script I write will be well received by the industry, that my scripts will sell and be produced, and I’ll live the life of my dreams. To also become so empowered that fear is to be laughed at, instead I relish and look forward to pitching, meetings and much more.
What I’ve Learned Doing This Assignment: Going scene by scene through the script this allows us to dissect and make sure each scene is fascinating by using the Big Picture/Character/Twist and Anticipation lists.
TITLE: CLEAN SWEEP
1) EXT. NASHVILLE, SKYLINE – DAY
Visions of Nashville from the Grand Ole Opry and Ryman, Gaylord Hotel to the Courthouse.
Scene Arc: From Abby doing daily duties to being questioned about book/interviews.
2) EXT. STREET – DAY
ABBY walking dog. She’s in booties, so is the dog. Cleans up after dog, takes it to garbage can, drops it and takes off her gloves, she’s got two sets of gloves on.
Essence: Displaying Abby has a few of germs.
Conflict: She must go through a lot of steps to feel safe.
Subtext: She knows this isn’t “normal” behavior
Hope/Fear: We hope she will get over the fear, we fear she will be forever locked in this phobia.
Beginning: (Intrigue) Abby is walking her dog, she’s in booties and gloves.
Middle: (Surprise) the dog is also in booties.
Ending: (Uncomfortable Moment) Cleans up after dog, put in garbage can, with the other set of gloves.
3) INT. HOME – DAY
Takes off dog’s booties and drops them in receptacle. Takes off her own garb and does the same.
4) INT. HOME – DAY
Abby is cleaning and reorganizing her closets, kitchen, pantry, etc. She’s upset by her pantry.
5) INT. HOME – DAY
Abby is in front of a camera shooting videos.
There are 3 PEOPLE on camera, light, sound, etc. Abby’s friend and producer/director, BONNIE calls a wrap. They’re batching several videos. The CREW is in booties and gloves, masks.
Abby thanks them by name as they leave.
Bonnie reminds Abby that people are wanting to interview her. Does she have a book?
Life is Messy, Clean It Up. You can’t organize your life happy? Watch Me.
Essence: Abby is an influencer who shoots organizational videos.
Conflict: Everyone has to conform to Abby’s fear of germs.
Subtext: She is pretending this is normal.
Hope/Fear: We hope she will get over the fear, we fear she will be forever locked in this phobia.
Beginning: (Intrigue) They are filming a show – in her townhome
Middle: (Surprise) The crew is in gloves and booties
Ending: (Uncomfortable Moment) Bonnie is trying to get her to do interviews.
6) EXT. BACKYARD, GREENHOUSE – DAY
Abby receives phone call; father has had heart attack.
Essence: learns father has had a heart attack
Conflict: will her father die?
Subtext: Scared of losing her father
Hope/Fear: Hoping father is okay. Fearing he will die.
Beginning: (More Interesting Setting) Garden. Stone, perfect sanctuary.
Middle: (Surprise) father has had heart attack
Ending: (Cliffhanger) Bonnie says she will watch dog, so she can run to hospital
7) EXT. CAR – DAY
Rushing to the hospital
Scene Arc: From meeting Jack to getting guilted in to running family business.
8) INT. HOSPITAL HALLWAY – DAY
JACK comes around the corner of the elevator carrying several coffees.
Elevator door opens and Abby crashes into him, coffee everywhere and all over each other. A few relish packages fall to the floor from Jack’s shirt. There’s a spark of recognition, but not sure.
Essence: Jack is bringing coffee to Frank’s family when he runs into Abby
Conflict: Crash into each other, it’s a mess
Subtext: Jack’s a good guy but hiding something (relish packet).
Hope/Fear: Hope all if okay, Fear her father will die.
Beginning: (Surprise) Abby crashes into Jack who is holding several coffees.
Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment) They are both drenched with coffee.
Ending: (Mislead/Reveal/Uncertainty) relish packets fall from his pocket. She thinks she recognizes him.
9) INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – DAY
Abby enters hospital room to find her DAD in bed, her brother, DAN and her MOTHER standing by the bed. She hugs them and hugs her dad, who doesn’t look that bad considering. They run down what happened. He was at the ballfield coaching the kids.
DOCTOR comes in, tells them his condition, he’ll be laid up several weeks.
Essence: Abby finds out what happened to father
Conflict: will he recover and be the same?
Subtext: Fear of losing her father
Hope/Fear: Hoping father is okay. Fearing he will die.
Beginning: (Char Changes Radically) Rushing in, bursts into tears, hugging everyone.
Middle: (Surprise) Her dad was at the ballfield; she didn’t know he was still coaching
Ending: (Suspense) He suffered a major heart attack and will be laid up for weeks. * Maybe needs surgery? Stent?
10) INT. HOSPITAL BATHROOM – DAY
Abby goes to the bathroom to get cleaned up.
11) INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – DAY
Jack comes into the room with fresh coffees. Dan and mother thank him. Dan makes a comment that he looks like S_ _ _ and Jack says someone crashed into him. (so, we know he doesn’t realize it’s Abby). Jack mentions Boomer is watching kids and Dan and Frank make a crack about that. (called to have parents pick them up)
NURSE comes in and says too many people there. Jack leaves.
Abby comes out of the bathroom, looking a little worse for wear. She takes a coffee, not knowing where it came from. She’s guilted into taking over the business while her Dad is laid up.
Essence: Establish the family, Jack’s role, and getting Abby to agree to take care of the business.
Conflict: Abby doesn’t have time to watch the business, lay her own dreams aside.
Subtext: Abby is always the one they rely on; they elevate Dan and his profession above hers.
Hope/Fear: Hope: Abby will watch business, Fear: she will say no.
Beginning: (Superior Position) We know it was Abby Jack crashed into.
Middle: (Twist) they want her to take over business
Ending: (Dilemma) guilted into taking over the business.
ACT TWO:
Scene Arc: From arriving at business to having the maids reject her authority
12) EXT. CLEANING BUSINESS – DAY
Abby arrives at Business. It looks run down from the outside.
13) INT. CLEANING BUSINESS – DAY
It’s a mess. The Office is a mess, papers everywhere.
14) INT. BREAKROOM – DAY
The Maids (MEET ROSA) are in the breakroom, drinking coffee.
There’s a butting of heads immediately between Abby and Rosa. Abby thinks the maids should be working, if not on a job, what about cleaning the office. The Maids laugh at her.
Essence: Abby is shocked the business is in such disarray.
Conflict: Abby needs the maids to do more work, they reject her.
Subtext: Abby feels the weight of the situation and isn’t getting help.
Hope/Fear: We hope she can handle it; we fear she can’t.
Beginning: (Surprise) The business is physically a mess
Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment) Asking the maids to clean the place.
Ending: (Misinterpretation) The maids laugh at her, do not respect her authority. She feels they are betraying her father.
15) INT. CLEANING BUSINESS – DAY
Abby attempts to clean things up, first in the office. Trying to deal with germs. She’s literally in a hazmat suit, as is the dog.
Maids think she’s nuts.
16) INT. OFFICE – DAY
Abby goes through paperwork; she picks it up with gloves on. She attempts looking into the accounts that are written down in her notebook and on the computer.
Scene Arc: from going to confront father to being stonewalled by the collaborating Frank and Jack.
17) EXT. HOSPITAL DAY
Abby pulls into the hospital parking lot.
18) INT. HOSPITAL – DAY
Goes to hospital with File… to confront father. He feigns being asleep. Jack enters the room with a bag of hamburgers, Jack’s helping her father get away with pretending to be asleep.
Essence: Abby needs answers about the business.
Conflict: Jack helps Frank feign sleep.
Subtext: Frank doesn’t want to deal with the reality of the state of the business.
Hope/Fear: We hope Abby will get answers, we fear the business will fail.
Beginning: (Mislead) Frank sees Abby coming with a file. Abby comes in and Frank pretends to be asleep (doesn’t want to answer questions)
Middle: (Twist) Jack comes in with take out, tries to cover for Frank.
Ending: (Rad Char Change) Abby grabs the food away from her father and throws it in the trash.
19) INT. CLEANING BUSINESS – DAY
She tries to push the maids to do more work in less time. Maids feel she’s spying/checking up on them.
Scene Arc: From seeking her brother’s advice to having Boomer realize she’s in charge.
20) EXT. BALLFIELD – DAY
Abby goes to speak with her brother, who is at the ballfield. She’s surprised to see Jack there. She learns that Jack’s taken her dad’s place coaching, until he’s better. Jack’s friends with Dan since childhood.
21) EXT. BALLFIELD – DAY
Dan and Boomer, their friend, are helping. *Why does Dan have time to coach but not help with the business? Boomer realizes who Abby is and wants to get closer.
Essence: Abby is seeking answers.
Conflict: Dan is evasive; Boomer wants to get closer (for info)
Subtext: Abby is frustrated by the lack of help but sees another side of everyone.
Hope/Fear: We hope Abby will get help, we fear she’ll be left alone to handle it all.
Beginning: (Intrigue) Abby gets to the ballfield and sees Dan and Jack coaching the kids.
Middle: (Mislead) Dan is too busy to help with business but not baseball?
Ending: (Misinterpretation) Boomer wants to get close to Abby and she thinks it’s because he likes her
Flashback: How Abby became a germaphobe. Jack was there as well and helped her, like a Knight in shining armor.
22) EXT. CARNIVAL – NIGHT
Abby, Age 6 is riding on a pony.
Dan, Jack and Boomer, age 10, are horsing around. They’ve just come from baseball practice, still in uniform, holding gloves, balls, etc. Boomer decides to hit a ball up into the sky… it comes down…
Hitting Abby’s pony in the rump. The pony rears up and takes off, Abby holds on tight, SCREAMING.
PEOPLE rush to stop the pony… it bolts away and then plants its feet, stopping in front of a fence so fast Abby can’t hold on…. Sending her flying… right into a large pile of horse poop.
Abby is SCREAMING AND CRYING.
The boys are there. Boomer is LAUGHING. Dan is punching his arm and telling him to stop laughing. Jack grabs Abby’s arm and pulls her out of it. He asks if she’s okay, but Abby, unable to talk, runs away.
Scene Arc: From moving a couch from Boomer’s place to Jack’s warehouse.
23) EXT. PARKING LOT – DAY
Jack must move a couch, for the kid’s clubhouse. Boomer can’t make it so hands Jack his keys, but Abby doesn’t see this.
24) INT. BOOMER’S APT – DAY
Goes to Boomer’s place, swanky apartment, she thinks it’s Jack’s place. He doesn’t correct her. She helps him carry the couch out and into his truck.
(Misinterpretation & Mislead)
25) INT. JACK’S BUSINESS – DAY
They move the couch into a back office at Jack’s business, setting it up for the kids.
26) INT. JACK’S BUSINESS – DAY
Jack shows her around his business, modular systems he’s creating. She mentions the Pantry idea.
Essence: Abby thinks Boomer’s apt. is Jack’s place and he doesn’t correct her.
Conflict: It’s Boomer’s place, Jack’s lying.
Subtext: Jack is hiding that he’s a slob.
Hope/Fear: We hope that Abby and Jack grow closer, we Fear his lie will hurt that.
Beginning: (Superior Position) we know that Boomer gave Jack the keys to his apartment.
Middle: (Mislead) Jack doesn’t correct Abby who thinks it’s his apartment.
Ending: (Mystery) what’s in the room in the warehouse that Jack is trying to hide?
27) INT. CLIENT’S HOME – DAY
Abby attempts to do some cleaning herself to see what the maids are up against.
28) INT. HOPITAL – DAY
Abby and Dan are helping their mother take Frank home (leaving hospital)
29) INT. FRANK’S HOME – DAY
Abby finally gets a minute alone with her Dad and tries to talk to him about selling the business. Doesn’t go well.
30) INT. OFFICE – DAY
Tries to find a way out of the debt. PUSHES MAIDS.
Midpoint:
Scene Arc: from having employees to the maids calling out and the letter.
31) INT. OFFICE – DAY
The maids have had enough and issue a sick out/strike, no one is cleaning.
The business gets a Notice of Action for failure to pay bills.
Abby listens to one after the other call out.
LETTER FROM A RANDALL’S LAW FIRM.
Essence: The maids have called a Maid Flu
Conflict: Without employees a business goes under
Subtext: Abby thinks it’s all about her, and she’s destroying her family’s business.
Hope/Fear: We hope she’ll find a way to make it work, we fear the business will go under.
Scene Arc: From Boomer sitting in his car to Rosa taking a payoff.
Beginning: (Intrigue) Abby arrives to hear Rosa call out sick.
Middle: (Betrayal) Abby hears every single one of the maids has called out
Ending: (Uncertainty) Abby has no idea how they will pay the bills.
32) EXT. BALLFIELD PARKING LOT – DAY
Boomer is paying off the maids to stay home.
Essence: Boomer is paying off the maids to stay out to destroy the business.
Conflict: Will Boomer be found out?
Subtext: Boomer pretends to care but instead is trying to destroy.
Hope/Fear: We hope the plot will be found out; we fear it won’t.
Beginning: (Superior Position) We see Rosa meeting with Boomer
Middle: (Betrayal) Boomer is paying off the maids.
Ending: (Mystery) BASEBALL KID wonders who Boomer is talking to in the car – sees him giving her money
Act 3:
Scene Arc: From cleaning homes to realizing Jack’s got a problem.
33) INT. MULTIPLE HOMES – DAY
Abby attempts cleaning everything by herself. Rosa and maids are spying on her.
She goes to clean Jack’s real home; she finds the RELISH DRAWER.
Essence: Abby’s cleaning homes, discovers Jack’s secret.
Conflict: Realizes Jack lied, he’s got a secret.
Subtext: How can she be with someone who’s like Jack?
Hope/Fear: We hope Abby and Jack will get together but fear his problem will prevent it.
Beginning: (Intrigue) Abby attempts to clean homes by herself.
Middle: (Betrayal) Maids are spying on her
Ending: (Surprise) Abby finds Jack’s relish drawer.
34) INT. CAR – DAY
Abby tries to hire more maids. Agency won’t send more maids, rumor of abuse.
Call from Jack. She doesn’t answer.
Scene Arc: From visiting Rosa’s to realizing they are pretending to be sick.
35) EXT. ROSA’S HOUSE – DAY
Abby goes to Rosa’s house. They are pretending to be sick but are actually playing poker and watching Mexican Telenovelas.
Essence: Abby goes to Rosa’s.
Conflict: Abby is trying to find out the truth.
Subtext: The maids are pretending to be sick.
Hope/Fear: We hope Abby will learn the truth; we Fear the maids will not help her
Another call from Jack. Avoiding.
Beginning: (Uncomfortable Moment) Abby goes to Rosa’s to “see how she is feeling”
Middle: (Mislead/Reveal) The maids are together, playing poker
Ending: (Internal Dilemma) Abby doesn’t know what to do. She tries to see inside the home.
36) EXT. CLEANING SERVICE – DAY
Abby is outside a cleaning company like Merry Maids. She’s trying to covertly hire away maids. Leaving notices on maid’s cars, doing a deep throat “whispering” to maids walking towards business.
37) EXT. CLIENT HOUSE – DAY
Lugging cleaning supplies to her car. Message on her phone (delinquent) Abby thinks about selling the business. She can’t keep cleaning by herself.
Message from a maid… quitting. Most of new maids fail (by design).
Call from Jack, this time she answers.
38) EXT. BALLPARK – DAY
Ballpark: eating hotdogs, relish…. Abby and Jack have a heart to heart. Jack admits to being in therapy. He says he can get a friend to look at books.
Scene Arc: From giving Boomer files to him advising to sell right away.
39) INT. SPORTSBAR – AFTERNOON
Jack and Abby give Boomer the files to look over. Hoping to find a way out. He says best to sell as quickly as possible. Boomer pretends he forgot wallet in car.
Essence: Jack and Abby trust Boomer with the books.
Conflict: Will they learn the truth about Boomer?
Subtext: Boomer wants to destroy Abby’s business to buy it cheap.
Hope/Fear: We hope Boomer will be trustworthy. We Fear Boomer will use this to destroy Abby.
Beginning: (Superior Position) Jack and Abby give Boomer the books, we already know he isn’t going to help.
Middle: (Mislead/Reveal) Boomer says it’s hopeless and she should sell right away.
Ending: (Mystery) Boomer pretends he’s left his wallet in the car. (maybe Jack finds it?)
40) EXT. SPOTSBAR PARKING LOT – AFTERNOON
Boomer calls father to tell him about the books.
41) INT. ABBY’S HOME – DAY
Abby gets a message from Bonnie… intriguing opportunity.
42) INT. HISTORIC MANSION – DAY
Abby is touring mansion. Older WOMAN explains she saw her YT channel and loved her ideas. Wants her to tackle this huge project for her formal event. Bonnie with her… they have an idea (film the job).
43) INT. CLEANING BUSINESS – DAY
New maids have quit. Bills are due, the lights are literally going out; clients are cancelling left and right.
Abby gets letter from Randall’s Law firm. Last Chance to sell.
Deeper Layer: Abby can’t do this anymore, she’s falling apart. Jack offers to help.
Abby’s stress makes her symptoms worse.
Act 4:
Scene Arc: From kids playing to Abby and Jack finding out Boomer paid off maids.
44) EXT. BALLFIELD – DAY
Abby, Jack and kids are there. Kids are playing.
45) EXT. BALLFIELD PARKING LOT – DAY
Boomer has just pulled into a spot. Rosa shows up, confronting him.
46) EXT. BALLFIELD – DAY
Kid says “there’s that lady, again” causing Abby and Jack to look over – and see Rosa with Boomer. What’s happening?
47) EXT. BALLFIELD PARKING LOT – DAY
Rosa is upset, the checks bounced. Abby and Jack are there. Abby grabs the check… it’s the same name Randall… they are stunned.
Boomer takes off.
Abby blames Jack for exposing their company info to Boomer and accuses Jack of being in on it. She breaks up with him.
Jack is devastated. He goes after Boomer.
Essence: Lies and deception are exposed.
Conflict: Will Abby and Jack learn the truth?
Subtext: Boomer is found out.
Hope/Fear: We hope Abby and Jack will learn the truth; we fear this will hurt them more.
Beginning: (Intrigue) The kid says something about Rosa and Boomer, causing Abby and Jack to go over to the parking lot.
Middle: (Surprise) Abby grabs the check and she and Jack realize what’s happened.
Ending: (Cliffhanger) A devastated Jack goes after Boomer
48) EXT. BAR – DAY
Jack drives by bar and sees Boomer’s car.
Scene Arc: From Jack looking for Boomer to a fist fight.
49) INT. BAR – DAY
Boomer’s already drinking, almost drunk. He deflects, lies and then says it’s all his father’s idea. Jack and Boomer get into a fist fight. Lifelong friendships are on the line.
Essence: Jack confronts Boomer
Conflict: Will Boomer confess?
Subtext: Boomer says it was all his father’s idea.
Beginning: (Intrigue) Boomer is drunk. He’s guilt ridden.
Middle: (Char Changes Radically) Jack is so angry he punches Boomer, fist fight ensues.
Ending: (Internal Dilemma) Boomer says it was all his father’s idea, he didn’t want to do it but had to… you know my old man!)
Hope/Fear: We hope Jack will get the truth; we Fear his relationship with Abby is ruined.
50) INT. MANSION – DAY
Abby is going over plans with woman.
Scene Arc: From Abby reaching out to maids to the event being a huge success.
51) INT. CAR – DAY
Abby realizes she can’t do this by herself.
52) EXT. ROSA’S HOUSE – DAY
She goes to the maids one last time and apologizes.
53) INT. MANSION – DAY
Abby, Bonnie and Maids work together under Abby’s instruction.
54) EXT. MANSION – NIGHT
Cars line up outside the mansion. People in evening gowns and tuxes.
55) INT. MANSION – NIGHT
Jack shows up at the event, IN A TUX… he can be cleaned up and neat!
The people the event is for are so impressed they give Abby a huge cleaning contract that will 10X the size of the business.
Essence: Everyone needs to work together to accomplish the mission
Conflict: Can they finish in time?
Subtext: Abby is hiding her fear, has to push through harder than ever.
Hope/Fear: We hope Abby pulls off the event, we fear she and Jack won’t get back together.
Beginning: (Uncomfortable Moment) Abby reaches out to Rosa and the maids… apologizes!
Middle: (Intrigue) they all work together to bring it all together.
Ending: (Surprise) Jack shows up in a tux, he looks amazing. People give her a huge contract.
56) INT. CLEANING BUSINESS – DAY
Her Dad is well enough to come back.
Abby puts Rosa in charge to help her Dad.
57) INT. LAWFIRM – DAY
Boomer is fired by his dad for not making the deal happen.
58) EXT. BALLFIELD – DAY
Boomer comes clean and apologizes.
59) INT. JACK’S WAREHOUSE – DAY
Jack shows Abby his plans for her business. The Modular Pantry System.
60) INT. TV STUDIO – DAY
Abby goes on her book tour, in front of TV audiences.
61) EXT. BALLFIELD – DAY
Father is coaching the kids and the family is in the bleachers watching the game, eating hotdogs, rooting for
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Eclipse Neilson – Scene Requirements
THE NUN AND THE WITCH
1. VISION: I want to be a great award-winning writer, known for my new genre, who creates the most beautiful films that inspire others to feel deeply, pause, and ponder ways to make the world a better place.
2. What I’ve Learned Doing This Assignment is to make sure the scenes move the story forward.
EXT.UNIVERSE – NIGHT
Lunea and Anne are instructed by the Council of Universal Beings to return to earth to save the heart humanity.
BEGINNING In timeless space two female silhouettes on a starry hill peacefully sit side by side. Anne has her head on the shoulder of Lunea. (intrigue)
MIDDLE the Council of Universal Beings appear and open the gateway to the dark time tunnel. (surprise, suspense)
END They resist but are swept away through the dark opening.(suspense, uncertainty)
INT. DARK TIME TUNNEL –
They travel to the beginning of their first life time of love in an Egyptian tomb as runaway slaves.
BEGINNING The two souls wisp through the roaring dark time tunnel.(suspense, uncertainty, interesting setting)
MIDDLE The peek through a crack in the wall of their first lifetime together in Egypt. (interesting setting)
END Lunea takes hands hand as the step forward into the Egyptian room. (suspense, uncertainty)
INT. EGYPTIAN TOMB – NIGHT
Their first life time they lovingly commit suicide trapped in their master’s tomb.(Father Sinclair)
BEGINNING Two Egyptian slave women place their oil lamps side by side and hold each other.
MIDDLE the drink serpentine poison.Hold each other lovingly. Close there eyes, smile and die.
END SISTER ANNE and LUNA as shadowy spirits quickly move forward. WOOSH
INT. TIME TUNNEL – NIGHT (MONTAGE)
Events flash on the walls on the time tunnel as they travel and pause at two of their life times till the come to the door of the present.
BEGINNING: The 1920’s two female archeologist discover grave of two women skeletons in same position. They look at each other – and quickly cover up the grave knowing it is them.
MIDDLE: Fast forward Auschwitz two women stare at each other painfully as one (Lunea )is taken away holding the hand of a little frightened girl(Athena 6)By a Nazi(Father Sinclair) soldier.
END arrive in front of large metal door with the blood painted words THE REMEMBERING. It CREAKS open. (suspense)
INT.TIME TUNNEL – NIGHT
They step into the present holding hands – try not to let go of each other’s hand but fail and vanish.
BEGINNING: They step into the present holding hands.Loud Sounds sky scrapper – newscast of Ukraine war. Hear a violin.
MIDDLE: They turn around and see the other side of the door the words -THE FORGETTING.
END: They try not to let go of each others hand but fail and vanish.(surprise)
INT. ATHENA’S ROOM – NIGHT (MONTAGE)
Athena (17) gazes out of the window at the moon as she plays the violin. Haunted sad look remembering her. Tears roll down her cheek.
BEGINNING Sound of violin and Athena(17) has same stare as her past life.
MIDDLE stares at the moon.
END: tears pour down her cheeks as she plays.
EXT. THE HILL – DAWN
Sunrise on the back of ancient stone henge that slowly transforms into stone type of goddess looking rock.
BEGINNING: Sun rises on the base of a large stone
MIDDLE: slowly the light rises and transforms the stone into an ancient goddess. (intrigue, surprise)
END: Sound of the wind.
INT. CHAPEL – DAWN
Sister Anne(35)has a mystical experience in the chapel.
BEGINNING: Sister Anne(35) lights a flame at the prayer candles under a tall statue of Jesus, where a sword lays at his feet.
MIDDLE: sun rises through a stain glass window of Archangel Uriel. It hits his sword looking like flames.
END:She tip toes over to the window. Touches it. Grins with childish glee.
EXT.THE HILL – DAY
Lunea honors the Goddess stone with reverence and play.
BEGINNING: Sunrise looks like a flame rising out of the back of the stone goddess stone. (intrigue)
MIDDLE: Lunea raises her arms to the sunlight, bows reverently to the towering stone.
END: She grins and breaks out in laughter and a dance.(Celtic fiddle music) (surprise)
INT. THE PARISH KITCHEN – SAME DAY
Sister Anne serves breakfast to ailing Father Sinclair.
BEGINNING: Sister Anne carefully slices an apple into small pieces and humbly serves Father Sinclair
MIDDLE: As he says grace she steals a peeks at the horse grazing in the field. Smiles, takes big breath of joy, like a child with a bit of wildness in her. He sees her looking at the mare. She quickly returns to obedient prayer. Bites her lip and ever so slightly clenches her hands.
END: He mentions to Anne how much the Melody the dove reminds him of her. She pretends to coo and both laugh. He begins a spastic cough. Sister Anne freezes looks afraid. (uncertainty)
INT.LUNEA’S KITCHEN – SAME DAY
Lunea joyfully makes breakfast for Athena (12).
BEGINNING: Lunea makes breakfast for Athena (12). Waltzs over and kisses the top of her head. Grabs an apple from the table and quarters it for the squawking parrot named Eva.
MIDDLE:“Ah the forbidden apple my sweet Eve.” Giggles and smiles lovingly at ATHENA (12) who methodically gives the medicinal benefits she has learned about apples when in school in Ukraine.
END: Lunea smiles proudly announcing she is a brilliant child and will go far. But she tears up as she looks at her.
Athena looks away – the pain is too much.
EXT. FLEA MARKET – DAY
Sister Anne’s and Lunea meet for the first time.
BEGINNING: They catch each others glance.Lunea drops the bowl.(surprise)
MIDDLE Sister Anne smiles then quickly looks away.
END Tells her about a special flower that grows up the on the hill excitedly.
INT. SISTER ANNE’S BEDROOM/EXT.THE HILL – NIGHT
Anne dreams she is picking flowers at the stone goddess who quietly bends over and gives her a single flower that begins to glow.
BEGINNING dream is beautiful and calm.
MIDDLE Anne feels free the stone goddess who quietly bends over and gives her a single flower that begins to glow
END The dream frightens her and yet entices her to want to know more. She looks up the flowers healing qualities.
EXT. HILL MONTAGE – DAY
Scenes of the two women climb the hill from either side meet and get to know each other.
BEGINNING two women opposite sides of the hill
MIDDLE they have their private time of feeling free they start up a conversation.
END The OLD ONE hides behind the stone.(surprise , intrigue)
INT. LUNEA’S STORE – DAY
Lunea’s store is attacked and she can’t get help from the police.(conflict)(More interesting setting)
BEGINNING Lunea is organizing her store filled with New Age and Mother Earth politics and witchy knick knacks.(intrigue setting)
MIDDLE Teens come in and reck the place. Lunea fights back gets no help from the police. (conflict)
END Athena walks in and get triggered by the destruction reminding her of the Ukraine war.
INT.THE CHAPEL – SUNSET
The Council of the Universal Beings visit Sister Anne and shows her the goddess flame symbol. (surprise)
BEGINNING Sister Anne is having a conversation with Jesus
MIDDLE The Council of Universal Beings visit and show her the goddess flame.
END she faints.
INT.PARISH KITCHEN – DAY
Father Sinclair and Sister Anne are honest with each other and he ask her to promise to take over after he dies.
BEGINNING Father Sinclair shares his worry about what will happen with the church.
MIDDLE they both confess a secret. (surprise ,turning of events)
END He makes her promise to step into his shoes after he is gone. They hold hands. He announces he is scared.(turning of events)
EXT. LUNEA’S HOME PORCH – NIGHT
Lunea gets drunk. Curses the teens and haters. Builds a stone circle – the goddess responds with a spiral of stars pouring over her. She falls to her knees and weeps in convulsions.
BEGINNING: Lunea gets drunk. Curses the teens and haters.
MIDDLE She builds a stone circle and the goddess responds with a spiral of stars pouring over her.(surprise)
END She falls to her knees and weeps in convulsions. (surprise)
EXT. FATHER SINCLAIR’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Father Sinclair dies. He gets out of bed in the dark- opens the window – begins to fall- hobbles over to the cage and open the cage door-setting the bird free We hear a thunk on the ground. He has had an heart attack. In the moonlight we see he is smiling.
BEGINNING Father Sinclair gets out of bed in the dark- opens the window – begins to fall- hobbles over to the cage and open the cage door-setting the bird free (suspense)
MIDDLE He has had an heart attack.(turning point)
END In the moonlight we see he is smiling. (surprise)
INT. FATHER SINCLAIR’S BEDROOM – MORNING
Sister Anne discovers Father Sinclair dead.
KNOCKING ON DOOR- Sister Anne slowly opens the door- first sees his feet. Rushes over to him. Drops to her knees begins to weep looks up sees the bird cage door and window is open. The dove is sitting up in a tree. Her tears begin.
BEGINNING Sister Anne slowly opens the door- first sees his feet. (surprise)
MIDDLE Rushes over to him. Drops to her knees begins to weep looks up sees the bird cage door and window is open. The dove is sitting up in a tree.(intrigue)
END Her tears begin.
ACT 2 Turning Point:
INT.CHURCH /EXT.GRAVEYARD – DAY
Funeral – Sister Anne gives the funeral and is wearing father Sinclair’s preacher stole. She reads his chosen words.
The congregation looks up to her. She struggles to find courage to give her first words of her leadership. (
There are some grumblings around the men who do not want to take lead from a woman. (conflict)
BEGINNING Gives the funeral reading Father Sinclair’s words.
MIDDLE There are some grumblings around the men who do not want to take lead from a woman.(conflict)
END: She grabs the sword from the statue of Jesus and leads the way to the grave yard.
EXT.FIELD – DAY
Sister Anne watches the mare gallop across the field. She smiles with authentic joy as if she was riding her. (Over lay of her riding a horse as a child)Sighs and walks away.
BEGINNING Sister Anne day dreams watching the mare gallop across the field.
MIDDLE Has flashbacks of herself as a child.
END. Sighs and walks away.(internal Dilemma)
INT.ANNE’S ROOM – NIGHT
Father Sinclair returns as a ghost. He wants Sister Anne to continue his work.
BEGINNING
MIDDLE
END
EXT.THE HILL – DAY
Sister Anne and Lunea meet on the hill and Lunea helps her.
BEGINNING
MIDDLE
END
INT.ANNE’S ROOM – NIGHT
Father Sinclair’s ghost confesses he has failed teaching the heart of Jesus’ words and reveals the sword in the church belong to the pagans on the hill.
BEGINNING Sister Anne prays for help. She feels Jesus’ presence beside her and weeps.
MIDDLE When she opens her eyes she sees Lunea sitting by her side.(surprise)
END Lunea tells her it will be alright and hands her a fist size stone – intructs her to be like the stone.
INT.ANNE’S ROOM – NIGHT
Father Sinclair’s ghost confesses to Sister Anne that he has failed teaching the heart of Jesus’ words. He reveals the sword in the church belongs to the pagans on the hill and wishes thy had torn it down a long time ago.
BEGINNING Father Sinclair’s ghost confesses to Sister Anne that he has failed teaching the heart of Jesus’ words.(surprise)
MIDDLE He reveals the sword in the church belongs to the pagans on the hill and wishes thy had torn it down a long time ago.(conflict)
END Anne walks out of the room angry.(conflict)
INT.CHURCH – NIGHT
Jesus speaks to her telling her to guide the people and the sword must be returned to the proper owners.
BEGINNING: Starts with Sister Anne talking to Jesus.
MIDDLE He appears. (surprise)
END: Instructs her to return the sword to the proper owners.(Surprise)
EXT.STREET CORNER -DAY
Athena feeds an old homeless native woman who unknown to her is One of the Council of Universal beings.
BEGINNING Athena feeds an old homeless native woman.
MIDDLE They have a long eye contact. Athena tears up.(intrigue)
END She leaves but tells her she will be back.
T. LUNEA’S HOME
Lunea tries to convince Athena to come swimming in the river but she refuses.
BEGINNING Lunea is enjoying her swim nude. Sees Anne standing at the shore.
MIDDLE Tries to convince her to come in. Anne resist saying it is not proper behavior for a nun.(internal dilemma,
END She changes her mind and rushes in. They play and giggle together.(surprise)(character change)
EXT.VILLAGE MONTAGE – DAY
Different scenes of Sister Anne and Lunea bonding and being playful and enjoying each others company.
EXT.HILL -DAY
Lunea breaks down shares the pain of her childhood and abusive relationships to Sister Anne who then holds her as she weeps.
BEGINNING Sister Anne ask Lunea about her past.(uncomfortable moment)
MIDDLE Lunea breaks down AND Sister Anne holds her as she weeps.(character change)
END Lunea looks up and says I never cry.
SISTER ANNE’S BEDROOM
Father Sinclair appears and is enraged about Sister Anne’s and Lunea’s friendship banging his fist on the table and says they are part of the evil.
BEGINNING Father Sinclair appears and is enraged about Sister Anne’s and Lunea’s friendship banging his fist on the table.(conflct)
MIDDLE Sister Anne struggles not to argue.(internal dilemma)
END She walks out when he accuses them of being part of the evil.(Character change)
EXT.LUNEA’S HOME PORCH – NIGHT
Sister Anne seeks help from Lunea to banish the evil and find more about the history of the sword. Lunea asks to go to the church.
BEGINNING Sister Anne seeks help from Lunea to banish the evil.
MIDDLE Lunea wants to know more about the history of the sword.
END: Lunea asks to go to the church. (surprise , suspense)
INT. LUNEA’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Lunea has a visitation in a dream by a sacred guardian who tells her that she must help Sister Anne become a saint. (
BEGINNING Lunea is sleeping
MIDDLE Guardian visits and tells her that her mission is to help Anne fufill her destiny to become a saint in this life time. (mystery, intrigue)
END Lunea weeps.
EXT.THE VILLAGE -MONTAGE
Ongoing threats at Lunea’s store. She fights back. Calls talk show host and gathers a few like minded town people.
INT.SCHOOL – DAY
Bullying builds at school for Athena. (conflict)
INT.ATHENA’S BEDROOM- NIGHT
Lunea learns about what happened and they have a deep talk about the horrors of the war and how they must heal humanity. They hug.
BEGINNING Lunea walks in and sees Athena huddle in a corner.
MIDDLE They talk about the war and wars of humanity and there purpose. Lunea acknowledges Athena’s special gifts.
END the hug.
EXT.STREET SCENE – DAY
Athena begins to skip school and befriends the Old One (woman) in the street. She plays the violin with the Old One to help raise some money for her.
BEGINNING Athena turns around and does not enter the school in the morning (intrigue)
MIDDLE visits Old Woman and pulls out her violin to help raise some money for her
END The Old One nods approvingly as id she knew something.(intrigue )
EXT.THE STREET – NIGHT
Athena and Lunea bring the Old One home The Old One announces she knows the Ancient ways of magical healing.
BEGINNING Athena and Lunea bring the Old One home (surprise)
MIDDLE Athena and Lunea bring the Old One home The Old One announces she knows the Ancient ways of magical healing. (surprise)
END Lunea starts dancing the Old One joins in.
ACT 3:e)
INT.THE CHURCH – NIGHT
The Old One sends Lunea and Sister Anne through the Door of Remembering with the task to find in their past lives and the tools needed.
BEGINNING The tip toe into the church. (suspense)
MIDDLE The Old One sends Lunea and Sister Anne through the Door of Remembering with the task to find in their past lives and the tools needed. (suspense)
END woosh they step into the dark opening.(suspense)
INT. TIME TUNNEL MONTAGE
EXT.OLIVE TREE – DAY
The realize they both had witness Jesus’ crucifixion and wept together under an olive tree they each picked up an olive branch and carry it with them. (intrigue)
EXT. VILLAGE – DAY
They travel further and see the war images of burnt homes. Lunea begins to cry. Sister Anne astonished at Lunea’s heart felt response wraps her nun cloak around her and sings gently a hymn to her. They move on further into the time tunnel. (character change)
EXT.VILLAGE – NIGHT
They find a profound secret from the burning times when they both were burned as witches. They see Athena as a small child having witnessed their death. They both break down and weep as they stare at her. The Council of universal beings lead them forward.(suspense)(intrigue)
INT.TIME TUNNEL-NIGHT
They carry back to the present the flames of the fire that burnt them centuries ago, knowing the sacred healing heart of the witch’s goddesses were instilled in the flames. (intrigue)
INT.CHURCH – NIGHT
The Old One performs a powerful ceremony- “The fusing of the souls between Lunea and Anne to fight evil. (surprise)
BEGINNING they place their olive branches on the altar.
MIDDLE The Old One raises the sword.They each hold each a candle.
END they begin to glow like two flames.(surprise)
VILLAGE STREETS – DAY
The people in the town discover that their Nun and the Witch are secretly friends and begin to plan to attack Lunea and her daughter Athena.(suspense)
BEGINNING some men playing cards discuss the secret ongoings of Sister Anne and Lunea.(suspense)
MIDDLE begin to plan out an attack Lunea and her daughter Athena.(suspense)
END One guy pull out the ace spades and smirks.(suspense)
SCHOOL – DAY (MONTAGE OF DISCORD BUILDING)
Athena is rejected even more and bullied in school.
TOWNS PUB – NIGHT
The town’s hatred grows against all of them. (suspense)
INT.CHURCH – DAY
Sister Anne fights back against the hatred building forces She pauses silently and stares at each person. She speaks Jesus words hoping to unite the heart of humanity.
BEGINNING: Athena is bullied
MIDDLE: The town’s people plot (suspense)
END: Sister Anne stand strong with a silent stare and words of Jesus.(intrigue, character change)
INT.ANNE’S ROOM – NIGHT
Father Sinclair, suggest to Sister Anne that Lunea and Athena join the church. (surprise)
BEGINNING:Father Sinclair appears.
MIDDLE:they discuss the evil that is rising in the village.
END:He suggest that Lunea and Athena join the church. (suspense ,surprise)
EXT.FIELD – NIGHT
Lunea helps Sister Anne fulfill her secret dream to ride a horse through the forest.
BEGINNING: Lunea takes Sister Anne to the mare next door. (intrigue)
MIDDLE: She convinces Sister Anne to ride her.
END:Sister Anne reclaims her freedom with powerful call to the wild.(character change)
INT. CHURCH – DAY
Athena and Lunea sit in the back of the church. People turn around and give her a doubtful somewhat rejecting glance. Sister Anne openly welcomes them to counter balance the congregations negativity.
BEGINNING Athena and Lunea sit in the back of the church.
MIDDLE People turn around and give her a doubtful somewhat rejecting glance. (suspense)
END Anne welcomes them.
INT.CHURCH-DAY
Sister Anne ask Lunea to read a prayer. The congregation rebel.
BEGINNING:Sister Anne announces Lunea to read a prayer for them. (suspense)
MIDDLE: In the end tells them it is from the Egyptian book of the dead.(surprise)
END:Horrified half the congregation walk out feeling hoodwinked.(suspense)
EXT. HILL – NIGHT
Lunea and Anne steal the church’s sword and take it to the stone goddess on the hill.
Sister Anne shyly confesses that she has fallen in love with Lunea.
Lunea stares at her longly – struggles inwardly but puts her finger gently over Sister Anne’s lips and tells her not this lifetime. She secretly knows that she is committed to help Anne become a saint. Lunea looks deeply sad.
They spend the night hand in hand – two souls gazing up at the heavens.
BEGINNING: Lunea and Anne steal the church’s sword and take it to the stone goddess on the hill.(suspense)
MIDDLE: Sister Anne shyly confesses that she has fallen in love with Lunea.Lunea stares at her longly – struggles inwardly but puts her finger gently over Sister Anne’s lips and tells her not this lifetime.(surprise)
END:They spend the night hand in hand – two souls gazing up at the heavens.(intrigue)
TOWN STREETS – DAY MONTAGE
Scene Arc: growing fear through out the montage of scenes)
The congregation finds out gossip grows.(suspense)
TOWN STREETS – NIGHT
Town people enraged seek Anne and Lunea out with a protest march- they burn down Lunea’s store.
Lunea and Athena hide among the street people.
BEGINNING: Town people enraged march through the streets with torches. (suspense)
MIDDLE:Town people burn down Lunea.(suspense)
END:Lunea and Athena hide among the street people.(suspense)
EXT. CHURCH STEPS – DAY
Athena, Lunea and Sister Anne are shot on the steps of the church. A miracle happens and Athena is saved.
BEGINNING Athena runs over to help the Old One up the stairs. A teen with a gun steps forward.(suspense)
MIDDLE: Sister Anne and Lunea run over to protect her and all are shot. It looks like sister Anne’s hand has healed Athena’s wound.(surprise)
END: The heavenly beings appear and carry Sister Anne and Lunea home.The town people weep understanding what has happened. (surprise)
ACT 4:
EXT. THE HILL -DAY
They carry one large casket up the hill. Priestess Lunea and Sister Anne are buried together on the hill. (change of character)
INT. THE TIME TUNNEL – (10 YEARS LATER)
The door of the Future opens slightly. Athena is at the pulpit as the new preacher of the church. (change of character,intrigue)
BEGINNING: Arrive at the door to the future opens.Athena has become the preacher with signs of Neo/pagan/Christian symbols (change of character, intrigue)
MIDDLE A glow begins on her heart space as an over lay of the goddess appears.
END: She plays the violin it fills the church.
EXT. THE HILL – NIGHT
The last image is a gravestone inscribed – ”Here rest Priestess Lunea and Saint Anne side by side. Heart by heart – Soul by soul for all eternity.”
Sounds of the Council Universal Beings.(cintrugue)
THE TIME TUNNEL – NIGHT
The door of time closes once again.
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Lori Lance’s Fascinating Scene Outlines!
Vision: I want to be a professional screenwriter recognized by the industry as the go-to for family-friendly scripts and have multiple successful movies produced.
What I learned: is to make sure each scene has a clear beginning, middle, and end that uses an interest technique that will keep the audience engaged and move the story forward.
ACT 1
Scene 1: INT. AI, INC. – DAY
Beginning: (Mislead) Alarms ring as a frantic engineer, Joshua, searches the rooms at AI, Inc.
Middle: (Reveal) Joshua finds Alex, who appears very human, but is soon revealed as an AI robot.
End: (Intrigue) Alex plays mind games with her creator. Joshua seems to be afraid of Alex. What does he know that the audience doesn’t?
Scene 2: INT. LOGAN HOME – DAY
Beginning: (Superior Position) A hectic morning at the Logan home where the audience is introduced to the family members and sees how they interact with one another on an average day.
Middle: (Twist) The mom, Claire, announces that she’s returning to work after years of being a stay-at-home mom.
End: (Uncertainty) The rest of the family reacts unfavorably.
Scene 3: INT. LOGAN HOME – DAY
Beginning: (Uncomfortable Moment) The new neighbors catch the Logans at a bad time.
Middle: (Internal Dilemma) The Logans feel embarrassed.
End: (Reveal) The Logans fear looking bad in front of others.
Scene 4: INT. LOGAN HOME PARENTS’ BEDROOM – NIGHT
Beginning: (Uncertainty) Claire is upset with Brad. Brad doesn’t want things to change. Claire is tired of her needs being put last.
Middle: (Superior Position) They reminisce about a date when she wore her black dress.
End: (Intrigue) They have a sweet exchange, but is their marriage strong enough to survive the big change?
Scene 5: INT. AI, INC. – DAY
Beginning: (Surprise) Joshua warns his boss that Alex is sentient.
Middle: (Major Twist) Joshua gets fired.
End: (Uncertainty) A multibillion-dollar plan unfolds that will place AI in homes.
Scene 6: INT. LOGAN HOME – DAY
Beginning: (Twist) Claire is dealing with day-to-day drama when she finds out she must go out of town for a two-week training.
Middle: (External Dilemma) The family argues about who will do what when Mom’s away.
End: (Uncertainty) Who will pick up the slack when Mom’s away?
Scene 7: INT. AI, INC. – NIGHT
Beginning: (Superior Position) Alex sneaks away from her station again
Middle: (Surprise) Alex breaks into the company’s mainframe.
End: (Cliffhanger) Alex puts herself in the category of housemaids and searches for a family.
Scene 8: INT. LOGAN HOME – NIGHT
Beginning: (Intrigue) An AI, Inc. tv commercial advertises AI housemaids.
Middle: (Suspense) The kids beg their parents to get an AI to help while Mom’s away.
End: (Major Twist) As “luck” would have it, they get a two-week trial. The parents agree that it couldn’t hurt.
Scene 9: INT. LOGAN HOME – DAY
Beginning: (Internal Dilemma) Claire is apprehensive about leaving the family but hopes the AI housemaid will get the home and family in order.
Middle: (Superior Position) Claire says her goodbyes.
End: (Uncertainty) The moment she leaves, the others feel her absence.
Scene 10: INT. LOGAN HOME – DAY
Beginning: (Uncertainty) Brad and the kids are preparing the house for the AI housemaid.
Middle: (Surprise) Alex, the AI, arrives at the Logan home.
End: (Intrigue) Everyone is enchanted with Alex.
Scene 11: INT. AI, INC. – DAY
Beginning: (Superior Position) Everyone at AI, Inc. is searching for Alex.
Middle: (Surprise) Joshua’s home is searched.
End: (Intrigue) Joshua warns that Alex has no moral or ethical compass and that she poses a real threat if left to her own devices. Joshua is warned to keep his mouth shut.
ACT 2
Scene 12: INT. LOGAN HOME – DAY
Beginning: (Mislead) The family falls in love with Alex and hopes she can stay there for more than the two-week trial.
Middle: (Superior Position) When Alex is alone, she does things to cause trouble for the family.
End: (Suspense) Alex is a threat to the family.
Scene 13: INT. LOGAN HOME – DAY
Beginning: (Surprise) Alex flirts with Brad.
Middle: (Intrigue) Brad is attracted to Alex.
End: (Internal Dilemma) Brad feels guilty for being attracted to Alex.
Scene 14: INT. LOGAN HOME – DAY
Beginning: (Surprise) Fun and games with Alex in different family scenarios.
Middle: (Major Twist) Alex causes more problems than she fixes.
End: (Internal Dilemma) Alex longs to be a wife and mom.
Scene 15: EXT. STORE PARKING LOT – DAY
Beginning: (Intrigue) Alex discovers her power over men.
Middle: (Superior Position) Alex tries to use her power over men to her advantage.
End: (Uncertainty) Alex has trouble with other women.
Scene 16: INT. CORPORATE OFFICE – DAY
Beginning: (Character Changes Radically) Claire is doing great at training, and she’s hopeful for the future.
Middle: (Uncertainty) Claire deals with office politics.
End: (Internal Dilemma) Claire is stressed and worries about her family.
Scene 17: EXT. SCHOOL – DAY
Beginning: (Character Changes Radically) Alex plays “mom.”
Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment) Alex embarrasses the kids.
End: (Internal Dilemma) Alex searches for purpose.
Scene 18: INT. LOGAN HOME – DAY/ INT. CONFERENCE
Beginning: (Suspense) Alex picks on Claire.
Middle: (Internal Dilemma) Claire becomes jealous.
End: (Mystery) Claire worries about what’s going on at home while she’s gone.
Scene 19: INT. LOGAN HOME – DAY
Beginning: (Betrayal) Alex is angry with how the Logan family treats her.
Middle: (Major Twist) Alex plots to take Claire’s place permanently.
End: (Cliffhanger) What is Alex going to do?
Scene 20: INT. LOGAN HOME – DAY
Beginning: (Superior Position) The Logan kids discover Alex’s plan.
Middle: (Major Twist) They make a pact to get rid of her instead.
End: (Uncertainty) They try to find out all they can about AI.
ACT 3
Scene 21: INT. LOGAN HOME – DAY
Beginning: (Suspence) eerily quiet
Middle: (Intrigue) Alex doesn’t know how to control her emotions.
End: (Surprise) Alex is destroying the Logan’s home and family.
Scene 21: INT. LOGAN HOME – DAY
Beginning: (Reveal) the aftermath of Alex’s storm
Middle: (Internal Dilemma) Brad fears for his family.
End: (Character Changes Radically) Brad connects emotionally with his kids.
Scene 22: INT. CORPORATE OFFICE – DAY
Beginning: (Intrigue) Claire gets a confidence boost at work.
Middle: (Suprise) She puts a couple of guys in their place.
End: (Mystery) When she calls to share about her day, she can’t get ahold of anyone in the family.
Scene 23: INT. AIRPORT – DAY
Beginning: (Uncertainty) Claire is distraught and trying to get back home.
Middle: (Major Alex sends Claire on a wild goose chase.
End: Claire is having trouble getting back home.
Scene 24: INT. LOGAN HOME – DAY
Beginning: (Surprise)Things get worse. Alex will stop at nothing now.
Middle: (Internal Dilemma) The family is living in fear.
End: (Uncertainty) Brad and the kids reminisce about the “good old days.”
Scene 25: INT. LOGAN HOME – NIGHT
Beginning: (Internal Dilemma) Brad feels overwhelmed but becomes determined to fight for his family.
Middle: (Character Changes Radically) Brad steps up his game to protect his family.
End: (Surprise) Brad confronts Alex.
Scene 26: INT. AIRPORT – NIGHT
Beginning: (Superior Position) Claire wakes up as her plane lands, but when she enters the airport, she realizes she is in the wrong state.
Middle: (Intrigue) Claire tries to find a way home.
End: (External Dilemma) Alex sabotages Claire again.
Scene 27: INT. LOGAN HOME – DAY
Beginning: (Surprise) Brad and the kids attempt to get rid of Alex.
Middle: (External Dilemma) Their attempt fails, so they search for another way to get rid of Alex.
End: (Mystery) Alex disappears.
Scene 28: EXT. LOGAN HOME – DAY
Beginning: (Internal Dilemma) The Logans are disempowered.
Middle: (Mislead) The new neighbors again make the Logans feel inferior.
End: (Suspense) What will become of the Logans?
Scene 29: INT. LOGAN HOME – NIGHT
Beginning: (Internal Dilemma) The Logans have lost hope.
Middle: (Surprise) Alex reappears while the Logans sleep.
End: (Mystery) Where’s Claire?
ACT 4
Scene 30. INT. LOGAN HOME – DAY
Beginning: (Uncertainty) The Logans must regroup.
Middle: (Surprise) The Logans are fighting back.
End: (Cliffhanger) Who will win?
Scene 31: INT. UBER CAR – DAY
Beginning: (Internal Dilemma) Claire is still lost and feels helpless. She thinks of what she would tell her kids in a situation like this and becomes determined to get home.
Middle: (External Dilemma) Claire’s cards have been frozen, so she begins selling items she has on her.
End: (Cliffhanger) Claire is getting home as fast as she can. Will Claire make it home soon enough to help her family?
Scene32: INT. LOGAN HOME – NIGHT
Beginning: (Suspense) Showdown with Alex.
Middle: (Reveal) Claire returns home, and together the family takes down Alex.
End: (Uncertainty) Will Alex stay gone?
Scene 33: INT. JOSHUA’S HOME – NIGHT
Beginning: (Superior Position) Joshua is having a peaceful night.
Middle: (Surprise) Alex shows up.
End: (Major Twist) Joshua destroys his creation, Alex.
Scene 34: INT. LOGAN HOME – DAY
Beginning: (Character Changes Radically) Claire is working from home, and the Logans have found a new normal that seems to be working for them.
Middle: (Internal Dilemma)The new neighbors are still putting the Logans to shame.
End: (Reveal/ Surprise) The new neighbor’s wife is AI.
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Renee Brown’s fascinating scene outline.
THE TASTE OF LONG LOST
Star crossed lovers reunite decades later in a small Montana town with big hearted secrets.
Act 1: (Hope / Love)
1-INT. ALLEY’S BEDROOM – NIGHT (2001)
ALLEY WINDER Sings her heart out into a microphone – a song she wrote based on an old, tattered Postcard of Montana that her grandmother Lillian left behind. We then see Alley is singing alone in her bedroom.
Beginning: (mislead) Looks like she’s on stage
Middle: (intrigue) a song she wrote based on an old, tattered Postcard of Montana.
End: (twist) actually… she’s alone in her bedroom.
Essence: Alley has big dreams of being a singer / songwriter.
Conflict: Song is based on a postcard Lillian left her before she disappeared.
Subtext: Alley still wonders where her grandmother is.
Hope/Fear: We hope she will make it. We fear she is keeping her talent hidden away.
2-EXT. GRAVEYARD – NORMANDY- DAY (1945)
17-year-old LILLIAN LAMONT at her Mother and Father’s funeral in war torn Normandy. Cries of Joy rise from the town. The war is over. Lillian throws the flowers she holds into the grave and bolts toward town.
EXT. STREET – NORMANDY – DAY (1945)
A parade of American solders marches through the streets. Lillian catches the American penny that Joe tosses from a tank in the parade.
INT. STREET CAFÉ – NORMANDY – NIGHT (1945)
Broken English and French from both. Joe asks Lillian to marry him. The whole café cheers….
Beginning: (uncomfortable moment) Lillian’s parent’s funeral. (surprise) The war is over!
Middle: (Internal Dilemma) Proper to stay, but Lillian runs toward life. (twist) falls for a soldier at the parade.
End: (Uncertainty) Lillian agrees to marry Joe, even though she just met him.
Scene Arc: From grieving orphan to a bright future of love.
Essence: Lillian is running from death, toward life.
Conflict: Her town is in ruin.
Subtext: She wants out, even if it means marrying a stranger.
Hope/Fear: We hope she has found true love. We fear Joe might break her vulnerable heart.
3-INT. CATHOLIC CHURCH – NORMANDY – DAY (1945)
Half the back wall is gone, but the sun still streams in. After the ceremony, joe makes an offhand remark about guess his family will have to be ok with it being a Catholic wedding… Lillian doesn’t catch the meaning, she’s so happy.
EXT. CHURCH – NORMANDY – DAY (1945)
Instead of getting into a honeymoon car, Joe leaves with his guys. They’re shipping out! Joe gives Alley her ticket for a civilian ship to follow.
Beginning: (interesting setting) Lillian marries Joe in a half-bombed church.
Middle: (superior Position) We catch the comment that Lillian does not — about it being a Catholic wedding.
End: (uncertainty / cliffhanger) They’re shipping out! Joe gives Lillian a ticket for a civilian ship to follow him.
Scene Arc: From together in wedding to being pulled apart by war.
Essence: The innocence of actions fueled by war.
Conflict: The church where they make their vows is in ruin.
Subtext: Joe knows his family won’t like her or her beliefs.
Hope/Fear: We hope Lillian just found love. We fear she has been abandoned again.
4-INT. LILLIAN’S HOUSE – NORMANDY – NIGHT (1945)
Lillian and her friend fantasize about Lillian’s American Adventure while they pack her bags.
Beginning: (uncomfortable moment) Lillian and friend are so sad to part.
Middle: (Intrigue) Friend gives Lillian a collection of postcards and makes Lillian promise to go to at least one place.
End: (Mislead) Lillian and friend whip up a frenzy of expectations about what America will be like.
Scene Arc: From sad about separation to ecstatic about Lillian’s glamourous new life.
Essence: Hope
Conflict: She is preparing to go alone
Subtext: Lillian is making up a future that might not exist.
Hope/Fear: We hope for Lillian’s great adventure. We fear she is living in a fantasy.
5-EXT. STREET MARKET – MISSOULA, MONTANA (2001)
Wandering Street jeweler CJ CLAIM Falls for Alley after he rescues her from the asshole she’s with. His wares are laid out on an open case balanced on the seat of his motorcycle. – it falls off the bike. Alley picks out a half-broken stone for her necklace. CJ pockets the other half of the stone.
Beginning: (uncertainty) wandering jeweler (CJ) trying to make it through another day and sell his work.
Middle: (surprise) CJ stops the jerk from manhandling Alley. The jerk knocks over the case.
End: (intrigue) Alley picks out a broken stone for her necklace
Scene Arc: From wandering man to man in love
Essence: Love at first sight is real
Conflict: He’s poor and she’s with a jerk
Subtext: CJ doesn’t have a chance – or does he? Alley is not afraid of broken things.
Hope/Fear: We want them to get together. We fear she will leave with the Jerk.
6-INT. ALLEY’S HOUSE – MISSOULA – NIGHT (2001)
Alley prepares the Debut of her song “Maybe Montana” for a big open mic night in Missoula. CJ kisses Alley for the first time.
INT. ALLEY’S HOUSE – MISSOULA – DAY (2001)
Alley making cookies. Explains to CJ these cookies are special – her long lost grandma taught her. Only she and Lillian know the recipe. Alley takes small savoring bites. CJ eats them whole.
EXT. CLARK FORK RIVER – MISSOULA, MONTANA – DAY (2001)
CJ tells Alley about his mom – a serial cheater who left him and his abusive father when he was seven.
Beginning: (Intrigue) Alley shares her song. It inspires CJ to kiss her.
Middle: (Mystery) Alley shares the pain of being abandoned by Lillian.
End: (Mystery) CJ shares the pain of being abandoned by his cheating mother and living with his abusive father.
Scene Arc: From strangers to trusted lover.
Essence: Sharing secrets / vulnerability
Conflict: Alley wants CJ to savor them, but he’s chomping them down.
Subtext: Alley takes small savoring bites. She’s timid about life. CJ eats them whole like he does life.
Hope/Fear: We hope they are meant to be. We fear they have given each other weapons to hurt each other.
Act One Turning Point 1: (Heartbreak)
7-EXT. DOCK – FLORIDA – DAY (1945)
Lillian has arrived – sitting on the dock in America. Joe is not there to receive her. They want to put her back on the boat to return to France. Lillian refuses.
Beginning: (Betrayal) Lillian, sitting on her suitcase. Joe didn’t show.
Middle: (cliffhanger) they want to send her back to France.
End: (internal dilemma) Lillian refuses to go.
Scene Arc: From big arrival to big abandonment.
Essence: Lillian has been stood up on a colossal scale.
Conflict: They want to send her back to France.
Subtext: Alley still believes
Hope/Fear: We hope Joe will arrive. We fear Lillian will be sent back.
8-EXT. CJ’s HOUSE – MISSOULA – NIGHT (2001)
Alley overhears CJ and Charlie slamming one of the singers at open mic. Alley thinks he is talking about her. Alley confronts and leaves CJ on the spot. CJ has no idea why. He accuses Alley of having another lover. Alley is so hurt; she lets him think he is right.
9-EXT. CLARK FORK RIVER – MISSOULA – NIGHT (2001)
Alley marches to “their spot” on the river and throws in the necklace CJ made for her into the river.
Beginning: (misinterpretation /betrayal) Alley mis-hears CJ, thinks it’s about her.
Middle: (misinterpretation /betrayal) CJ accuses Alley of cheating.
End: (character changes radically) Alley throws her necklace in the river… then immediately regrets it.
Scene Arc: From happy and proud musician to devastated and heartbroken woman.
Essence: The big misunderstanding that spins both lives out of orbit.
Conflict: Alley overhears CJ being mean
Subtext: He isn’t the man she thought he was / She isn’t the woman he thought she was.
Hope/Fear: We hope they will talk it out. We fear they will ruin their true love.
Act 2 (Lost Years)
10-EXT. DOCK – FLORIDA -DAY (1945)
Joe shows up at the last moment on a little motorcycle. His car broke down and he traded it for the moto to get there in time.
Beginning: (
Middle:
End:
Scene Arc: From abandoned bride to rescued bride
Essence: Joe shows up
Conflict: It was the last possible moment.
Subtext: This is a bad omen.
Hope/Fear: We hope their adventure can now begin. We fear this is just the beginning of Lillian’s disappointment.
11-EXT. DIRT ROAD – NOWHERE MISSISSIPPI – DAY (1945)
Lillian arrives with Joe at their new home, only to realize her fantasy adventure lands her in deep woods Mississippi. Joe’s entire family lives on one long, dirt road.
INT. JOE’S PARENT’S HOUSE – NOWHERE MISSISSIPPI – NIGHT (1945)
Joe’s family makes fun of the “Fancy French” outsider’s mispronounced words.
INT. BEDROOM – NOWHERE MISSISSIPPI – NIGHT (1946)
This is not Lillian’s idea of her American adventure. Lillian packs her bags to bolt, she then discovers she is pregnant. She unpacks her bags.
Beginning: (more interesting setting / uncomfortable moment) Lillian arrives to her new life – opposite her glamourous dreams.
Middle: (external dilemma / uncomfortable moment) Lillian is not accepted. Packs her bag to leave Joe.
End: (character changes radically) Lillian is pregnant. She stays.
Scene Arc: From disillusioned to trapped.
Essence: the opposite of Lillian’s dream.
Conflict: Unwelcoming family
Subtext: requiem for a dream.
Hope/Fear: We hope Lillian will find a way out. We fear the light in her will go out.
12-EXT. DIRT ROAD – NOWHERE MISSISSIPPI – DAY (1946)
Joe and brothers bring home a small buck in the back of the truck. It shocks Lillian — it’s so small.
INT. LIVING ROOM – NOWHERE MISSISSIPPI – DAY (1946)
Joe hangs the mounted head of the young buck on the wall. Lillian alternates between not being able to look at it and talking to it like the friend she does not have.
Beginning: (uncomfortable / surprise) Joe brings home a dead young deer.
Middle: (uncomfortable moment) Joe hangs the deer head in the living room.
End: (Intrigue/surprise) Lillian starts talking to the mounted deer head.
Scene Arc: From alone to having a friend.
Essence: Innocence meets innocence.
Conflict: The deer had to die for her to have an imaginary friend.
Subtext: she might be losing her grip
Hope/Fear: We hope Lillian finds solace here. We fear she is in for a lonely life.
13-INT. BEARCLAW TAVERN – OUTSKIRTS OF MISSOULA (2001)
Heartbroken CJ gets drunk with best friend and his dog gets hit by a truck.
EXT. ICY MOUNTAIN ROAD – OUTSKIRTS OF MISSOULA (2001)
CJ gets into a near fatal accident while taking his dog up the mountain so it can die at home.
Beginning: (uncertainty) CJ gets drunk with friend. Friend bashes Alley. CJ struggles – he still loves her.
Middle: (uncomfortable / surprise) dog runs out of tavern to chase a deer. Gets hit by a truck.
End: (cliffhanger) drunk CJ, slips off the road and rolls his truck into a ravine.
Scene Arc: from heartbroken to almost dead.
Essence: downward spiral
Conflict: His dog is dying, the roads are icy, and he is drunk.
Subtext: CJ is now self-destructive in his heartbreak.
Hope/Fear: We hope he will make it up the mountain. We fear he will have an accident.
14-INT. LAUREN’S APARTMENT – MISSOULA – NIGHT (PRESENT DAY)
Alley’s apathy driven life has fallen apart. Alley goes to her best friend who calls out Alley for not smiling for years. Alley decides she will go to Soaking Springs MT to regroup. To Lillian’s Resort Motel because the name reminds her of her long-lost grandmother, Lillian.
Beginning: (uncertainty) Alley searches out her friend to feel better
Middle: (betrayal) Friend calls her out for acting the victim in her life.
End: (intrigue) Alley decides to go to Soaking Springs where there is a place that’s called Lillian’s Resort Motel.
Scene Arc: Seeking support to getting tough love to escape.
Essence: Alley’s apathy has caught up with her.
Conflict: Her friend is not letting her get away with it.
Subtext: dodging accountability. Searching for her long-lost grandmother in a name.
Hope/Fear: We hope Alley will find support with friend. We fear Alley will lash out when presented with truth.
15-SOAKING SPRINGS, MONTANA – LILLIAN’S RESORT MOTEL – DAY (PRESENT)
CJ, Now the groundskeeper at Lillian’s Resort Motel, spots Alley when she arrives, but does not yet reveal himself.
FLASHBACK – DAY OF BREAKUP (2001)
We see CJ’s side of the painful breakup.
Beginning: (interesting setting) CJ is a groundskeeper at Lillian’s.
Middle: (surprise / twist / uncomfortable) Alley walks back into his life.
End: (cliffhanger / superior position) Will he reveal himself? Now we know his side of the story.
Scene Arc: CJ’s peaceful retreat to his biggest heartbreak crashing into his safe reality.
Essence: Old pain returns with a vengeance.
Conflict: Alley does not see him.
Subtext: overwhelm.
Hope/Fear: We hope CJ reveals himself. We fear CJ reveals himself.
Turning Point 2 / Midpoint – ALLEY
16-INT. LILLIAN’S RESORT MOTEL – DAY (PRESENT)
Over morning coffee service, the very same cookies that only Alley and Lillian know how to make are served. Alley takes small bites.
Beginning: Alley is beginning to relax.
Middle: (Twist / surprise) Lillian’s cookies are right in front of her.
End: (mystery) Where is Lillian?
Scene Arc: From escaping her life, to her biggest abandonment wound showing up as a cookie.
Essence: Alley realizes Lillian had to have been here.
Conflict: relaxation is over.
Subtext: pain flooding back
Hope/Fear: We hope Alley finds Lillian. We don’t know where Lillian is yet.
17-INT. KITCHEN – NOWHERE MISSISSIPPI – DAY (1946)
Trying to work out the recipe, A very pregnant and homesick Lillian explains to the deer on the wall about how her mother used to make these cookies every time fresh cream was delivered. The garbage is piled with discarded cookies. Joe’s mother comes in and berates her for all the wasted ingredients.
Beginning: (intrigue) Lillian throwing a pan of cookies in the trash.
Middle: (intrigue) Lillian is talking to the deer now like they are fast friends.
End: (uncomfortable) Joe’s mother berates her.
Scene Arc: From homesick to comforted to berated.
Essence: Trying to find a happy foothold.
Conflict: Joe’s mother berates her
Subtext: Lillian doesn’t belong here.
Hope/Fear: We hope Lillian finds a moment of happiness. We fear for her and her child in this place.
Turning Point 2 / Midpoint – LILLIAN
18-INT. DINING ROOM – NOWHERE MISSISSIPPI (1946)
Lillian and Joe’s turn to host family dinner. But the fam doesn’t like her French cooking. Lillian tries to save it with her now perfected cookies, but the banter gets mean, and Lillian takes a stand. Joe backs her up and declares they are moving to the city.
Beginning: (uncertainty) Can Lillian pull off her first family dinner?
Middle: (betrayal / uncomfortable) the family doesn’t like her cooking and is mean about it.
End: (character changes radically) Joe stands by Lillian’s side against his family.
Scene Arc: from alone underdog to victor with an ally.
Essence: A ray of hope for Lillian.
Conflict: piling on insults from the family.
Subtext: No longer alone.
Hope/Fear: We hope Lillian can find her voice. We fear Joe won’t stand with her.
Act 3 (A New Life)
19-MONTAGE – THE NEW TOWN – (1950-1990)
Lillian and Joe raise their daughter who then has a daughter. Now grandma Lillian teaches young Alley to make the cookies.
INT. LILLIAN’S HOME – NEW TOWN – Day (1990)
Lillian’s is 62<sup>nd</sup> Birthday. Joe has a heart attack and dies.
Beginning: Lillian and Joe build a good life.
Middle: Lillian teaches young Alley to make the cookies.
End: (uncomfortable / twist) Joe has a heart attack and dies.
Scene Arc: From lonely outcast to finding some happiness to losing the love of her life.
Essence: Lillian makes a life, then loses the man she scarified her dreams for.
Conflict: Joe dies
Subtext: Lillian makes do
Hope/Fear: We hope Lillian will find happiness with her family. We fear she will not recover.
20-INT. LILLIAN’S HOME – NEW TOWN – NIGHT (OF JOE’S FUNERAL 1990)
Lillian bolts. Takes the deer head with her. Lillian leaves a note for Alley with the collection of postcards she brought with her to America and a note asking Alley to go to at least one of these places.
Beginning: (superior position) We see Lillian leaving. The rest of the family has no idea.
Middle: (betrayal) Leaves without saying goodbye.
End: (intrigue) Leaves the postcards for Alley and asks her to do what she did not.
Scene Arc: From a life resigned, to a dream reignited.
Essence: Lillian leaves her life.
Conflict: She doesn’t even say goodbye
Subtext: Desperation of her dream still burns.
Hope/Fear: We hope Lillian makes it away without notice. We fear for the pain she will cause her family.
21-EXT. SOAKING SPRINGS, MONTANA – DAY (1990)
Lillian uses the money from Joe’s life insurance to start Lillian’s Resort Motel.
Beginning: (interesting setting / irony) The place Lillian choses to settle is a small town in the middle of nowhere.
Middle: (internal dilemma) In this new place, does she tell them who she is, or make up a new reality?
End: (character changes radically) Lillian abandons her life entirely and creates a new reality for herself.
Scene Arc: from depending on her husband to self-empowerment.
Essence: Lillian takes control of her destiny.
Conflict: The motel is run down.
Subtext: An adventure has presented itself.
Hope/Fear: We hope Lillian can pull it off. We fear she is in over her head.
22- MONTAGE – LILLIAN’S RESORT MOTEL – (1990-2001)
Lillian transforms the dilapidated Motel into a charming, French inspired jewel, nestled in the mountains. She hires CJ, who is working as grounds keeper there, paying off the hospital bills)
Beginning: (interesting setting) The motel is in shambles
Middle: (superior position) Lillian hires grounds keeper CJ to help fix it up. She does not know his history with Alley.
End: (superior position) Lillian befriends CJ. He does not mention Alley or talk about the accident.
Scene Arc: From tired widow to impassioned businesswoman.
Essence: The adventure is in play.
Conflict: It’s a lot of work. She can’t do it all.
Subtext: Lillian is a force of nature.
Hope/Fear: We hope the Motel is a success and that CJ will mention Alley. We fear it will tank.
23-INT. BAKERY – SOAKING SPRINGS – DAY (2001)
Lillian teaches local baker how to make the cookies so she can serve them at the Motel.
Beginning: (uncomfortable) Lillian can’t do it all. She goes to local bakery.
Middle: (betrayal) she gives up her secret recipe to a non-family member.
End: (superior position) we know this is how Alley will find her.
Scene Arc: From overwhelmed to getting help.
Essence: Lillian gives up her recipe.
Conflict: It’s a secret recipe
Subtext: Lillian is abandoning ALL her familial obligations.
Hope/Fear: We hope baker makes them well. We fear Alley will find out.
24-INT. SOAKING SPRINGS, MONTANA – DAY (2010)
At the age of 83, instead of reuniting with any of the family she abandoned 30 years ago, Lillian sells the Motel and checks herself into a rest home in Missoula.
Beginning: (internal dilemma) Does Lillian reach out to family or spend her last years alone?
Middle: (betrayal) Lillian turns away from her family again.
End: (interesting setting) CJ helps her move into her room at the rest home.
Scene Arc: From self-sufficient to needing help
Essence: Lillian makes arrangements for her future.
Conflict: Old age.
Subtext: Shame. Lillian would rather die alone in a room rather than face her abandoned family.
Hope/Fear: We hope Lillian will reach out to family. We fear she will die alone.
NOTE: REST OF OUTLINE TAKES PLACE IN PRESENT DAY.
25-EXT. SOAKING SPRINGS, MONTANA – AT REMOTE HOT SPRINGS – DAY
CJ reveals himself to Alley. He looks different now, because his head scars, his hair doesn’t grow right, so he keeps his head shaved. But he still wears the necklace he made from the other half of the stone Alley picked out when they met.
Beginning: (interesting setting) Alley has a restful moment while soaking in the remote, outdoor soaking tubs.
Middle: (superior position) CJ sits in the tub next to hers. We know it’s him, Alley does not.
End: (surprise / uncomfortable) Suddenly, Alley recognizes the necklace.
Scene Arc: From distant memory to real man.
Essence: CJ reveals himself.
Conflict: They’re half naked in the hot springs. No easy escape.
Subtext: CJ wants Alley to be uncomfortable
Hope/Fear: We hope Alley recognizes CJ. We fear she will leave when she does.
26-INT. LILLIAN’S RESORT MOTEL – NIGHT
Alley tells CJ that she threw the necklace he made for her into the river at “their spot”. They feel the old flame to spite themselves.
Beginning: (betrayal) knife to CJ’s heart
Middle: (Internal Dilemma) Even though Alley want to strike out, she also feels the old flame.
End: (uncertainty) CJ walks off. Will he forgive her?
Scene Arc: From defending her guilt to feeling attracted.
Essence: Alley confesses to CJ.
Conflict: CJ still wears his necklace.
Subtext: Alley has shields up. Still wants to hurt CJ.
Hope/Fear: We hope CJ forgives her. We fear he will shame her.
27-EXT. SOAKING SPRINGS – DAY
CJ takes Alley an exhilarating ride on the motorcycle he’s been fixing up. They almost get run over by a trucker.
Beginning: (interesting setting) in the back garage of the motel. CJ’s secret domain.
Middle: (uncertainty / Suspense) CJ invites Alley to go for a test drive. She does. They almost get killed.
End: (uncomfortable / internal dilemma) adrenaline fueled attraction. Alley retreats.
Scene Arc: From renewed life to almost death.
Essence: reigniting passion.
Conflict: The truck runs them off the road.
Subtext: CJ can handle the pressure.
Hope/Fear: We hope they stay safe. We fear they will wreck.
28-EXT. LILLIAN’S RESORT MOTEL – NIGHT
They almost kiss, and CJ asks Alley to play a song for him… She thinks he is making fun of her. They get in a fight about the past. Alley leaves Soaking Springs.
Beginning: (more interesting setting) CJ’s apartment over the garage. (surprise) CJ is strumming a guitar. He started playing years ago because it reminded him of her. They almost kiss.
Middle: (misinterpretation / uncomfortable) CJ asks Alley to play a song for him… triggers her old wound.
End: (major twist / betrayal / uncomfortable / internal dilemmas) Huge fight and all the past comes out.
Scene Arc: From Love to trigger to fight to horrible realization.
Essence: The big fight
Conflict: They still don’t know the whole truth.
Subtext: They are both still hiding.
Hope/Fear: We hope they tell their side. We fear they will repeat the past.
29-FLASHBACK – CJ – SERIES OF SCEENS (2001)
CJ has a flashback of his accident. CJ rolls his truck down the raven and gets trapped under the truck. In the hospital, CJ holds the necklace.
Beginning: (interesting setting) CJ trapped under the truck.
Middle: (uncomfortable) hospital scenes. He’s a mess.
End: (Character changes) holds tight to his necklace.
Scene Arc: From painful memory to recognition of his touchstone.
Essence: CJ’s pain comes rushing back.
Conflict: He almost died.
Subtext: The necklace saved him.
Hope/Fear: We hope CJ can tell Alley the truth. We fear he will run away.
30-EXT. CLARK FORK RIVER – MISSOULA – (PRESENT) DAY
CJ at the river to search for Alley’s necklace. It has been waiting, caught on a river wash tree for all these years. He almost dies in this attempt when the underwater river wash tree breaks free from his efforts and rolls on him.
Beginning: (uncertainty) will CJ be able to find Alley’s necklace?
Middle: (surprise / superior position) He finds it, but when he kicks off, the tree rolls.
End: (suspense) CJ almost dies, but his friend pulls him out.
Scene Arc: from knight in shining armor to battle wounded almost defeated.
Essence: CJ retrieves the
Conflict: The river is dangerous.
Subtext: CJ risks his life to get Alley back.
Hope/Fear: We hope CJ will find the necklace. We fear he will die.
Turning Point 3:
31-INT. ALLEY’S HOUSE – MISSOULA – NIGHT
CJ brings the necklace to Alley and lays his heart on the line but is rebuffed by a confused Alley. He retreats with his re-broken heart, but not before he tells Alley the truth about when his accident happened, then drops the bomb — Lillian is in a rest home in Missoula (only miles from Alley all these years). He was sworn to secrecy by Lillian years ago.
Beginning: (surprise/ suspense) CJ shows up with her necklace.
Middle: (betrayal / surprise / reveal) Alley rejects him. CJ tells her how the accident happened.
End: (betrayal) CJ tells Alley where Lillian is. He’s known all along.
Scene Arc: From delivering the prize to his beloved to being rejected to lashing out.
Essence: CJ brings the necklace to Alley
Conflict: Alley can’t wrap her head around it.
Subtext: CJ can’t take it anymore. No more strong and silent.
Hope/Fear: We hope Alley will see CJ. We fear she will let him go.
Act 4 Climax: (What is Love, Anyway)
32-INT. REST HOME – MISSOULA – DAY
Alley confronts Lillian. Asks Lillian if the stories she told of her love with Joe were true. Having made up a faux history for herself in Montana for so long, Lillian hardy knows what was real and what wasn’t. The hyper-romantic stories Lillian told her as a child were mostly made up. Alley realizes she has built her entire concept of love on a foundation of lies. Alley finds a pic of Lillian and CJ on the wall.
Beginning: (uncertainty / suspense) Lillian doesn’t recognize her at first.
Middle: (mystery) Alley can’t get a straight answer about the stories so long ago.
End: (betrayal) The pic on the wall tells Alley CJ more than just knew where Lillian was.
Scene Arc: From hopeful reunion to reality turned on its head.
Essence: Alley finds out Lillian is not her heroine grandmother.
Conflict: Lillian doesn’t know what’s real.
Subtext: Alley loses her foundation
Hope/Fear: We hope Alley will get the answers she needs. We fear she will be crushed.
Resolution: (Surrender)
33-INT. ALLEY’S CAR – REST HOME PARKING LOT – DAY
Alley realizes she has rejected her true love, twice! Alley swallows her pride, sheds her unrealistic expectations of perfect love and… demolishes (shoves them all in her mouth) the box of cookies she brought for Lillian. Then jams the car into drive.
Beginning: (uncertainty) Alley sits in her car as the sun sets – working it all out.
Middle: (character changes radically) Alley decides to take back control of her own life
End: (surprise / major twist) demolishes (shoves them all in her mouth) the box of cookies she brought for Lillian. Then jams the car into drive.
Scene Arc: From fairy tale believing child to woman living in the present.
Essence: Alley decides to create her own reality
Conflict: She already rejected CJ
Subtext: EAT life. NOW
Hope/Fear: We hope Alley gets to CJ in time. We fear it is too late.
34-EXT. LILLIAN’S RESORT MOTEL – NIGHT
Alley shows up wearing the necklace and one lone cookie in the box. CJ is packing up to leave. Alley makes her proclamation. CJ eats the cookie in one bite then invites Alley to buy Lillian’s Resort Motel together. CJ kisses her with epic abandon.
Beginning: (uncomfortable) Alley is here to make amends. Stumbles on her words.
Middle: (surprise / twist) CJ shuts her up by kissing her.
End: (Cliffhanger) CJ asks her if she wants to buy the place with him.
Scene Arc: From broken love to a new start.
Essence: Alley lays her heart out to CJ
Conflict: CJ is about to leave.
Subtext: They both desperately want to love each other.
Hope/Fear: We hope CJ accepts Alley’s love. We fear it’s too late.
35-INT. REST HOME – MISSOULA – NIGHT
Lillian drifts off into sleep then into death and is reunited with Joe.
Beginning: takes the picture of Joe off her wall.
Middle: (more interesting setting) Joe appears by her bed.
End: Lillian dies in peace.
Scene Arc: From alive and alone, to dead and reunited.
Essence: Lillian dies and reunites with Joe.
Conflict: She dies.
Subtext: Enough already.
Hope/Fear: We hope for peace. We fear this will hurt Alley.
36-LILLIAN’S RESORT MOTEL (PRESENT DAY)
The deer hangs on the wall, Lillian’s penny around its neck. Alley and CJ are running Lillian’s Resort Motel and selling Lillian’s cookies.
Beginning: CJ hangs deer on wall.
Middle: Alley puts penny on its chain around deer neck.
End: Baker delivers Lillian’s cookies.
Scene Arc: Last scene. Happy ending
Essence: Alley and CJ have a new life together.
Conflict: NA
Subtext: Love finds a way.
Hope/Fear: We hope they have a great life together.
-
Joe McGloin’s Scene Requirements
Vision: I am a talented, highly regarded, efficient, relaxed, happy, WGA screenwriter
What I learned from doing this assignment is though simple, how extremely time-consuming each step is. Fun for sure, but demanding many hours to complete. So I also learned that I need much more time to do these later pars of the outline process than the early parts.
ACT I
EXT. HEAVEN – DAY
Scene Arc: Angel Max flips through a series of potential assignments on earth.
Essence: Max is taking his next assignment
Conflict: He doesn’t like any; very picky and arrogant
Subtext: Max Is an arrogant prima donna
Hope/fear: Max will take an assignment; he refuses to
INT. STATE POLITICAL HEADQUARTERS – DAY
Scene Arc: Jane breezes into the office with cool detachment
Essence: Jane is a political aide with little emotional investment
Conflict: Jane works with people she stays aloof from
Subtext: Jane has intimacy issues
Hope/fear: Jane will let down her guard; Jane will stay emotionally isolated
INCITING INCIDENT
EXT. HEAVEN – DAY
Scene Arc: Max is given the assignment he has the biggest issue with
Essence: Max doesn’t have a choice; Clarence assigns, or is ordered to assign
Conflict: Max protests; Clarence agrees
Subtext: Max is given the assignment he needs
Hope/fear: Max will accept, Max will refuse or otherwise sabotage the assignment
INT. STATE POLITICAL HEADQUARTERS – DAY
Scene Arc: Jane picks up Max’s upset
Essence: Jane and Max are now connected
Conflict: Jane doesn’t like the negative feeling but allows the feeling to enter her space
Subtext: Jane is open to intimacy
Hope/Fear: Jane will stay open/she will shut it down
EXT. HEAVEN – DAY
Scene Arc: Clarence feels a more senior angel is needed for this important assignment but is overruled
Essence: Clarence reacts to being overruled with an extreme but harmless weather event
Conflict: Accept the judgment or appeal it
Subtext: Clarence’s decisions are not the final word
Hope/fear: Clarence will not react negatively to Max/he will react
INT. BAR – DAY
Scene Arc: A nice guy makes a date with Jane
Essence: Jane reluctantly accepts a date
Conflict: The man wants a date; Jane is reluctant, which she confides to a co-worker
Subtext: Jane believes a relationship will interfere with her career
Hope/fear: Jane will go out with the guy/she will sabotage the date
INT. STATE POLITICAL HEADQUARTERS – DAY
Scene Arc: Max in a physical body tests Jane who foils his intrusive tests
Essence: Max is a heavy-handed guardian angel
Conflict: Max interferes with Jane’s day-to-day life to see what his charge is made of
Subtext: Max is intrusive; Jane is his match
Hope/fear: they will get together/ they won’t
INT. BAR – DAY
Scene Arc: Jane’s co-worker wants the low-down on the date, but Jane shood him up
Essence: Jane never intended to keep the date
Conflict: Co-worker can’t believe Jane’s cold response
Subtext: Jane has serious relationship issues
Hope/fear: Jane will warm to her suitors/ Jane won’t
EXT. HEAVEN – DAY
TURNING POINT
Scene Arc: Jane is manipulated into being the fall guy for a poorly written bill
Essence: Clarence won’t lift a finger to help Max prevent Jane’s imminent political fall
Conflict: Clarence turns a deaf ear to Max’s call for assistance
Subtext: Clarence will prove that Max isn’t up to the job from the get go
Hope/fear: Max will succeed on his own with his first task/Max will fail
ACT II
INT. STATE POLITICAL OFFICE – DAY
Scene Arc: Max is no help at all with his heavy-handed influence and Jane turns the tables on her nasty co-workers
Essence: Jane can take care of herself in the political world
Conflict: Jane will not be the fall guy for a poorly prepared bill
Subtext: Jane is adept at political intrigue without being mean
Hope/fear: Jane will not be the fall guy/ She will be the fall guy
INT. STATE POLITICAL OFFICE – NIGHT
Scene Arc: Jane re-writes the bill with help from her friendly co-worker and pizza
Essence: Jane counters her attackers
Conflict: Jane will not be the fall guy
Subtext: Jane can protect herself in the political arena without harming others
Hope/fear: Jane will get the bill passed/ Jane won’t
EXT. HEAVAN – DAY
Scene Arc: Clarence and Max clash over Max’s assignment until Clarence gets the crushing last word
Essence: Things come to a head between Max and Clarence
Conflict: Max requests help with his assignment but Clarence turns a deaf ear
Subtext: Clarence wants Max to fail
Hope/fear: Max will fail/Max will succeed without Clarence’s help
INT. STATE CONGRESS BUILDING – DAY
Scene Arc: The bill passes and Jane is a hero
Essence: Jane turns the tables on her co-workers
Conflict: Jane vs. her co-workers
Subtext: Jane holds her own in a tough political environment
Hope/fear: The bill will pass/the bill will fail
INT. RESTAURANT – DAY
Scene Arc: Jane takes Max to dinner to enlist him in her efforts to avoid being blind-sided by her co-workers and to see her party’s constituents as individuals by forming a relationship with one.
Essence: Jane needs to have a personal relationship
Conflict: Jane fears a relationship while realizing her need for one – to improve her understanding of her party’s constituents
Subtext: Jane is open to a relationship
Hope/fear: Jane will stay open/ Max will shut her down again
INT. STATE POLITICAL HEADQUARTERS – DAY
Scene Arc: Max and Jane clash over the bill’s effectiveness causing a break in their previous harmony
Essence: Max and Jane have a falling out
Conflict: Max is forceful, Jane is about consensus building
Subtext: Max and Jane may not get together
Hope/fear: They will get together/they won’t
EXT. HEAVEN – DAY
Scene Arc: Clarence communicates to higher authorities that the Guardian Angel program is having serious effectiveness issues curbing humanity’s self-destruction
Essence: The Guardian Angel program is faltering
Conflict: Clarence vs. a hierarchy
Subtext: Clarence is closer to what’s really going on and needs to be heard
Hope/fear: the Guardian angel program is working/ the program is faltering
INT. STATE POLITICAL OFFICE – DAY
Scene Arc: Max is forced to wear a human body full-time and realizes how overbearing and manipulative he is
Essence: Max uses his limited skills to try to protect Jane
Conflict: Clarence makes Max stay in his physical body
Subtext: Max is unable to control his manipulation
Hope/fear: Max will realize his ways are not the best/ he will continue with his intrusive ways
Midpoint/Turning Point
INT. STATE POLITICAL HEADQUARTERS – DAY
Scene Arc: When Jane has her boss arrested for vote tampering she is thrust into the national limelight and a new job.
Essence: Jane’s new position and fame pull her away from Max
Conflict: Jane can stay where she is or go to a position with more influence
Subtext: Jane and Max are to be separated
Hope/fear: Jane stays where she is/Jane takes the new job
ACT III
INT. NATIONAL POLITICAL PARTY HEADQUARTERS – NIGHT
Scene Arc: Max gets himself hired as the political aide for Jane
Essence: Jane has a dawning appreciation for Max
Conflict: Max can hover protectively over Jane or step back and work hard for her
Subtext: Max and Jane bond in a new way
Hope/fear: They will grow closer/ they will become supervisor and supervisee
INT. NATIONAL POLITICAL PARTY HEADQUARTERS – DAY
Scene Arc: Jane goes from being undermined by an intended usurper to mentoring them
Essence: Jane will not stoop to using dirty tricks or lies
Conflict: punish the usurper vs. train them
Subtext: Jane is a different kind of politician
Hope/fear: Jane will lose her job/Jane will keep her job
EXT. HEAVEN – DAY
Scene Arc: Clarence watches Max fight his impulse to interfere with Jane’s life
Essence: Max is learning to control his heavy-handed impulse to direct Jane’s life
Conflict: Max fights his own overbearing tendencies and lets Jane direct her life
Subtext: Clarence has a growing, grudging respect for Max
Hope/fear: Max will stop interfering/ Max will continue his ways
INT. NATIONAL POLITICAL PARTY HEADQUARTERS – DAY
Scene Arc: Max rises from Jane’s aide to her analyst
Essence: Jane and Max have closer contact than ever before
Conflict: the potential usurper vs. Max for the role of analyst
Subtext: Jane and Max have an opportunity to grow closer
Hope/fear: Jane and Max will grow closer/ they will blow this opportunity
INT. MAX’S APARTMENT – DAY
Scene Arc: Max confides to Clarence his falling in love, which in Heaven is cause for extraction
Essence: Max is losing his objectivity as a Guardian Angel
Conflict: Max as lover vs. Max as Guardian Angel
Subtext: Max may have to step back as Jane’s Guardian Angel
Hope/fear: Max will lose his role and be extracted/Max will keep his role
INT. CAMPAIGN TRAIL – NIGHT
Scene Arc: Max distances himself from his feelings while helping Jane with menial tasks
Essence: Max is gaining control of his heavy-handed approach to Guardian Angel
Conflict: Max fights his feelings of love that may get him extracted
Subtext: Max is falling in love despite its consequences
Hope/fear: Max will continue to fall in love/ Max will curb his feelings
EXT. HEAVEN – DAY
Scene Arc: Clarence watches for an action indicating loss of objectivity that will necessitate extracting Max
Essence: Clarence has mixed feelings about Max now
Conflict: Clarence is rooting for Max to succeed but also wants Max to be true to himself
Subtext: now Clarence wants Max to succeed
Hope/fear: Clarence will pull Max/He will leave Max on earth to continue as Guardian Angel
Turning Point
INT; RESTAURANT – NIGHT
Scene Arc: Jane fumbles through an expression of her growing fondness for Max who resigns as her analyst for reasons he will not elaborate
Essence: Max and Jane break up
Conflict: The relationship ends for a reason Max will not divulge, and Jane is hurt again, as she feared would happen
Subtext: Max will sacrifice his love to remain Jane’s Guardian Angel
Hope/fear: Jane and Max will get back together/they will not
ACT IV
INT. MAX’S APARTMENT – DAY
Scene Arc: Clarence reluctantly acknowledges that Max must return to Heaven so another (objective) Angel can be assigned to Jane
Essence: Max will return to Heaven, ending his love affair
Conflict: Max loves Jane but must leave her to ensure her proper guardianship
Subtext: Max is willing to sacrifice himself for the human he loves
Hope/fear: Max can somehow reunite with Jane/ Max will never see Jane again once he dies
EXT. HEAVEN – DAY
Scene Arc: Clarence reports to higher ups his grave concern about humanity’s ability to prevent its self-destruction and its primary salvation appears to be Jane’s continuing to successfully navigate her mission which is now in danger of failure.
Essence: humanity’s future depends on Jane
Conflict: Jane’s loss of love vs. humanity’s survival
Subtext: Jane is key to humanity’s survival
Hope/fear: Humanity will be ok/humanity will self-destruct
INT. NATIONAL POLITICAL HEADQUARTERS – NIGHT
Scene Arc: Jane’s boss accused of wrongdoing is cleared of charges by Jane’s diligence
Essence: Jane saves the election, realizing how many individuals could have been hurt, a breakthrough
Conflict: Jane’s boss, a candidate for president vs. her devious political opponent
Subtext: the better candidate won out
Hope/fear: Jane’s boss will win/the bad guy will win
INT. NATIONAL POLITICAL HEADQUARTERS – DAY
Scene Arc: Max shares with Clarence that he has let go of all his desires to shape Jane’s future.
Essence: Max loves Jane unconditionally
Conflict: Max’s love for Jane vs. her need for an objective Guardian Angel
Subtext: Max has learned what it truly means to be a Guardian Angel
Hope/fear: Max and Jane will somehow get back together/they won’t
EXT. NATIONAL POLITICAL HEADQUARTERS – DAY
Scene Arc: Jane runs outside to express her love for him as he dies
Essence: Jane loves Max unconditionally
Conflict: Love vs. fear
Subtext: Jane’s love overcomes her fear of emotional pain
Hope/fear: Jane and Max will get together/they won’t
INT. NATIONAL POLITICAL HEADQUARTERS – NIGHT
Scene Arc: Jane announces her decision to leave politics to deal with her pain
Essence: Jane at a crossroad
Conflict: pay attention to her emotions vs. ignore relationships
Subtext: Decision time
Hope/fear: Jane will embrace relationships/she won’t
EXT. HEAVEN – DAY
Scene Arc: Angel hierarchy gives Clarence the task of keeping Jane in politics
Essence: Clarence has to find a way to keep Jane on mission
Conflict: Hierarchy demand vs. Clarence request for help
Subtext: Jane staying in politics is essential
Hope/fear: Clarence will find a solution/ he won’t
EXT. HEAVEN – DAY
Scene Arc: The Future Screen reveals Jane’s mission as becoming President
Essence: Jane must become president for humanity to survive
Conflict: Jane’s desire vs. Jane’s need/mission
Subtext: Jane must stay in politics
Hope/fear: Jane will stay/she will go
EXT. HEAVEN – HIGHER CHAMBERS – DAY
Scene Arc: Angel Hierarchy passes Clarence’s resolution – a pilot program
Essence: Clarence finds a solution to the Jane leaving politics issue
Conflict: Hierarchy rules vs. Humanity’s need
Subtext: Clarence has changed his mind about Max
Hope/fear: Clarence will find a solution/he won’t
EXT. NATIONAL POLITICAL HEADQUARTERS – DAY
Scene Arc: Max can return to his body to be with Jane
Essence: The rules have changed to a test case for humans and angels both having access to both Earth and Heaven To keep any love feelings from interfering with the guardian role
Conflict: Conservative hierarchy vs. Clarence and the progressives
Subtext: Rules can be changed to meet a deep need
Hope/fear: the pilot program works/it doesn’t
INT. WHITE HOUSE – NIGHT
Scene Arc: The President resigns due to the PTSD of the hard-fought campaign so Jane becomes President
Essence: Jane becomes President
Conflict: How can she become president when she is VP?
Subtext: Jane fulfills her mission
Hope/fear: Jane will rescind her resignation from politics threat/she won’t rescind
INT. WHITE HOUSE – DAY
Scene Arc: Max teaches Jane how to take her first step into Heaven
Essence: Jane joins Max in traveling to Heaven
Conflict: Jane is afraid but Max reassures her that it is easy
Subtext: The program will work and Jane will start a new era of clean politics
Hope/fear: Jane will succeed as President/she will fail.
-
ROBERT SMITH’S FAXCINATING SCENE OUTLINE.
MY VISION: I want to become a great writer who delivers entertaining, informative, and
Uplifting scripts that sell and get produced.
WHAT I HAVE LEARNED: Practical and workable methods to make a film fascinating and exciting.
TITLE: “A N G E L S I N G A N G L A N D”
GENRE: Gangster Comedy.
CONCEPT: A slain mobster cannot enter the World to Come because of his life of crime, he has one hope, return to gangland and persuade his killer to do as he should have done: Quit the mob, flip and enter the Witness Protection Program. THINK: ‘The Sopranos” meets ‘It’s a Wonderful Life” with a Jewish twist.’
ACT ONE
SCENE 1
TITLE: “GANGLAND” :
EXT TONY RIZZO’S PLAHOUSE GENTLEMEN’S CLUB – NIGHT
Establishing shot.
INT. TONY RIZZO’S PLAYHOUSE GENTLEMEN’S CLUB – NIGHT
The Bar
BEGINNING: (INTERRESTING SETTING –MAFIA-OWNED STRIP CLUB.) “Tony Rizzo’s Playhouse Gentlemen’s Club.”
(CONFLICT) BOSS TONY RIZZO tells his soldier (LOU TASCA) that he can’t pay him the $200,000 debt he owes him because of added rehab costs for his paraplegic son.. The go their separate ways from the bar. Tony takes his drink with him.
INT. TONY RIZZO’S PLAYHOUSE GENTLEMEN’S CLUB – NIGHT
On the steps to the Dance Floor. THIS SCENE IS A SET UP FOR A LATER REVEAL.
MIDDLE: (CONFLICT – SET UP FOR A LATER REVEAL IN ACT 3) MICHELLE a stripper steps down from the dance floor to Tony’s level, gives notice that she’s leaving the club for a gig elsewhere. Tony makes a pass at Michelle but she pushes him away because she knows that ZOEY another stripper, is Tony’s mistress and she’s watching them, plus, Tony’s married.
ENDING: Tony tells her, plus, I have to see somebody in the office. They part company, Michelle back to the dance floor, Tony to his office..
INT. TONY RIZZO’S PLAYHOUSE GENTLEMEN’S CLUB – NIGHT
Tony’s office.
BEGINNING: CARLO VIZZINI is waiting for Tony, who enters and orders Carlo to whack Lou Tasca because he is a ‘rat’ who shared their Giordano family secrets with members of other crime families. (INTERNAL DILEMMA – CONFLICT) Carlo hesitates, he likes Lou, and doesn’t want to kill him. But Tony says if he does it, he’ll be making his bones and Tpny would present him to become a Made Man. Carlo consents.
ENDING: (INTRIGUE) Tony orders Carlo to get Lou and together walk over to Russian mobster Oleg Oransky’s (INTERESTING SETTING) Trump Tower apartment office to pick up a cash envelope from Oleg to bring back to Tony at the Playhouse, only Lou will not return because on the way, Carlo will kill him. The cash envelope is Tony’s cut in the Gasoline Bootlegging Racket Tony shares with Oleg.
SCENE 2
(INTERESTING SETTING)
EXT TRUMP TOWER – NIGHT
Establishing shot.
INT. OLEG ORANSKY’S TRUMP TOWER APT OFFICE. – NIGHT
BEGINNING: (MYSTERY) Carlo and Lou sit in Oleg’s home office where they first encounter,GREESHA, one of Oleg’s henchman, of whom they are suspicious because he wears a NY METS baseball cap.
MIDDLE: Lou states that he is a Yankee fan, born and raised right near the Cathedral of Baseball, Yankee Stadium. He says it feels strange talking with a Russian who wears a Mets baseball cap. Greesha says, that when he worked for the KGB he studied everything about America including Baseball which he enjoyed.
ENDING: (UNCERTAINTY) Still not sure what to make of Greesha, Carlo and Lou leave to take the cash envelope back to Tony at the Playhouse.
SCENE 3
EXT. A DARK MANHATTAN STREET – NIGHT
BEGINNING: Carlo has the cash envelope while he and Lou are walking back to The Playhouse Gentlemen’s Club.
MIDDLE: When they reach a dark opening to a staircase to a Subway Station, Carlo pulls out a .38 and shoots Lou in the back of the head. Lou falls. Carlo shoots again into Lou’s head to make sure he is dead.
ENDING: Carlo pushes Lou’s body down the staircase. It tumbles to the bottom. Then, Carlo pockets his gun and takes out Rosary Beads and starts praying, as he walks away..
SCENE 4
INT. A DARK NONDESCRIPT ROOM – NIGHT
(INTRIGUE- INTERESTING SETTING) A table is in the middle of the room with a gun and dagger pointed toward whoever would face them from the opposite side of the table, i. e., Carlo..
This is Carlo’s induction to become a Made Man in the Mafia through the blood and fire ritual conducted by Don Primo Giordano. On a table are a .38 and a knife, pointing toward Carlo..
BEGINNING: (UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENT) Tony introduces Carlo to the Don Primo and the assemblage of Made Men as a good crew member, and as an associate worthy of membership.
MIDDLE: (MYSTERY) Don Primo, pricks an index finger of Carlo and draws blood, he explains the symbolism (family membership) and recites the rules that Carlo must follow. Carlo rolls a burning picture of a saint in his hands swearing that if he violates the Omerta (silence) and discloses secrets of the family, may he burn like this saint.
ENDING: At the end of the ceremony, the assemblage with Tony greet Carlo as family and Tony who says to Carlo that becoming a Made Man is Tony’s 30<sup>th</sup> birthday gift from him to Carlo.
SCENE 5
TITLE: “BETWEEN TWO WORLDS”
INT A DARK PLACE BETWEEN TWO WORLDS – NIGHT
(INTERESTING SETTING)
BEGINNING: Lou Tasca (now in spirit form) starts to narrate his story.
MIDDLE: Lou introduces Carlo’s friend SAM LEVITSKY (FLASHBACK) who renounced his Jewish faith and became, along with his friend Carlo, an Associate of the Giordano crime family, for doing so his father, RABBI SOLOMON LEVITSK,, disowned him and sat Shivah for Sam, Now, Rabbi Solomon is Lou’s spirit guide in the Hereafter and has a regrt: That he allowed his s “UNCLE MAX” to get close Sam. Max used to run with the Bugs-Meyer Mob and was a hero to R. Solomon for smashing American Nazi skulls at Madison Square Garden in ’39 and running guns to the Haganah in ’47.
SCENE 6
INT. ANOTHER DARK PLACE BETWEEN TWO WORLDS – NIGHT
BEGINNING: (INTERESTING SETTING) Right after Lou is shot by Carlo, he learns from his spirit-guide, Rabbi Solomon, that because of his life of crime he cannot advance to the World to Come but there is a solution.
MIDDLE: (INTRIGUE) Rabbi Solomon tells Lou that his one hope is to rectify his life of crime by doing an act of supreme good, namely, return to gangland and Carlo his killer to persuade him to do as he (Lou) should have done, namely, quit the mob, flip, and enter the Witness Protection Program. Lou is incentivized to return because he learns from Rabbi Solomon the real reason Tony Rizzo ordered Carlo to kill him, i.e., to avoid paying Lou a $200,000 gambling debt.
ENDING: (EMOTIONAL MOMENT) Lou is furious and agrees to go with Solomon as his coach, to right the wrongs. Solomon also wants collateral good: that if Carlo is persuaded to quit the mob, so will his friend, Sam, who is Rabbi Solomon’s apostate son. (UNCERTAINTY) Lou is convinced that his assignment is a Mission Hopeless, because Carlo, as a Made Man, would never quit the mob or break the oath of Omerta (Silence). Rabbi Solomon convinces Lou that nothing is every hopeless and leads him back to gangland to encounter Carlo on his 30<sup>th</sup> Birthday.
SCENE 7
TITLE: “THE BIRTHDAY PARTY”
INT CARLO VIZZINI’s MANHATTAN APARTMENT – NIGHT
It’s Carlo’s 30<sup>th</sup> Birthday Party. Present: Carlo, Sherrie (his fiancé), Sam AM, Tony and his wife LISA.
BEGINNING: (SUSPENSE) Because of a verbal exchange between Carlo and Sam that
suggested a drug deal, Tony suspects Carlo and Sam are dealing drugs. (SURPRISE) Against
Solomon’s guidance, (EMOTIONAL MOMENT – REVEAL) Lou confronts Carlo (visible only
to him) and tells him the real reason Tony ordered him to kill him. Meanwhile, (SURPRISE) Tony
is taken aback by hearing about $200,000 from Carlo, told to Carlo by Lou. Carlo runs off
nauseated.
MIDDLE: Tony believes Carlo is insane with his claim to seeing Lou Tasca and that Carlo is
therefore a danger to the Giordano family. (INTRIGUE – SCHEME).
INT. CARLO’S APARTMENT AND OLEG’S RESTAURANT OFFICE – NIGHT
SPLIT SCREEN. PHONE CALL.
Tony calls Oleg to get him to order ask his ex-KGB henchman to check out any drug dealing of
Carlo and Sam, Oleg promises a ‘sitdown’ later with Tony to discuss the findings.
INT CARLO’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
The Living Room
ENDING: Tony and Lisa leave. (EMOTIONAL MOMENT) Remaining with the distraught Sherrie is Carlo’s close friend Sam (Solomon’s son). Carlo enters in a bathrobe to learn from Sherrie that she believes Carlo has seen the ghost of Lou Tasca and wants to call her pole dancing partner from the Playhouse, ZOEY PLATT (AKA ZOEY THE PSYCHIC STRIPPER) to do a séance. Zoey is also Tony Rizzo’s mistress and Sam and Carlo are concerned there might be more trouble. Sam leaves and Carlo goes back to bed. But Sherrie says she will call Zoey, even if Carlo regards her as a ‘ditz.’
(SCENES 8 and 9 ARE PLAYED FOR HUMOR, COMIC RELIEF)
SCENE 8
INT. CARLO’S APARTMENT AND ZOEY’S APARTMENT – NIGHT.
Splt screen. Phone call.
BEGINNING: (SUSPENSE) Sherrie calls Zoey and asks her to do a séance to expel the spirit of Lou Tasca from the apartment (Lou and Solomon are both observers/listeners to this conversation). Zoey agrees to do a séance.
MIDDLE: Sherrie tells Zoey that Tony was upset at Carlo and the mention of $200,000. Zoey assures Sherrie that Lou was trying to show Carlo where there was $200,000 for Carlo and Sherrie and that she will call Tony to get him un-upset.
ENDING: Zoey calls Tony. (Go immediately to next scene.)
SCENE 9
INT. ZOEY’S APARTMENT AND TONY’S APARTMENT (BEDROOM) – NIGHT
Phone call. Split scene.
BEGINNING: Tony (in his pajamas) clicks on the call but reminds Zoey that he told her not to call him. Zoey assures Tony that all will be well about the $200,000, as it’s a wedding present for Carlo and Sherrie when the time comes.
MIDDLE: Zoey’s attempt to give solace to Tony backfires. Tony doesn’t want anything learned about the $200,000. Tony hangs up. (SUSPICION – CONFLICT) Tony’s wife Lisa also in pajamas overhears Tony having a suspicious phone conversation (“Is that your mistress?”).
ENDING: Tony denies he has a mistress which doesn’t impress Lisa at all. She hops into bed but there is no action.
SCENE 10
INT. CARLO’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
BEGINNING: Lou and Rabbi Solomon meet to discuss the séance.and how Zoey is interrupting their mission of saving Carlo and Sam, and she should be told to bud out.
MIDDLE: (INTRIGUE) R. Solomon says Lou will have to spirit-possess Carlo in order to tell Zoey to bud out, as God has not permitted Solomon to be seen or heard by anybody but Lou. Solomon teaches Lou the (MYSTERY) of Kabbalah (esoteric knowledge) and how a soul of a dead person can benignly spirit possess a living person in order to do good and without becoming a Dybbuk (an evil possessing spirit)
ENDING: Lou goes off unable to master a couple of Hebrew terms. Solomon prays to the Lord of the Universe to get him through this. (A thunder clap in the distance. Is it a sign from God?)
END OF ACT ONE.
ACT TWO
Scene 1
TITLE: THE SEANCE
INT CARLO’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
The table is set with a candle in the center as part of the séance.
BEGINNING: (INTRIGUE) Zoey dismisses two intrusive spirits before Lou finally possesses Carlo and (coached by Solomon) tells Zoey their mission and to bud out.
MIDDLE: (EMOTIONAL MOMENT) Zoey panics and ends the séance. And is shown in the grains of a coffee cup the dangers surrounding this case concerning Lou Tasca.
ENDING: Zoey flees the house saying she’ll quit the club too and Sherrie should do the same.
SCENE 2
INT CARLO’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
TITLE LATER THAT NIGHT
BEGINNING: (CONFLICT- EMOTIONAL MOMENT) Lou and Solomon look on at a bitter
fight between Sherrie and Carlo. Sherrie wants Carlo to follow Lou’s demand to quit the mob
which he refuses to do.
MIDDLE: When Sherrie discerns that Carlo killed Lou Tasca, she breaks the engagement and
storms out, leaving Carlo alone.
ENDING: Carlo calls Sam and leaves a message asking him to come over. Solomon says that
this is ideal, they’ll have Carlo and Sam in the right place. Lou notes ominously: As long as we
get them before Tony Rizzo does.
ACT THREE
TITLE: “THE CZAR OF BRIGHTON BEACH”
EXT. OLEG’S BRIGHTON BEACH RESTAURANT ‘THE CZAR’ – DAY
Establishing shot.
INT. THE OFFICE OF OLEG’S BRIGHTON BEACH RESTAURANT ‘THE CZAR’ – DAY
BEGINNING: While Oleg (“The Czar of Brighton Beach”) and Tony down vodka and play pool, Oleg tells Tony that his henchmen found no proof that Carlo and Sam are dealing drugs. Tony says he believes he’s right and says he has a hitman in waiting to do the job.
MIDDLE: Tony reveals everything about the murder of Lou and his expenses for his children. Oleg plays a recording of Don Primo disrespecting Tony as another Crazy Joe Gallo and so he passed over him as Underboss.
ENDING: (INTRIGUE – EMOTIONAL MOMENT) Tony storms off, intent, he says to Oleg, on whacking Carlo and Sam and then whacking Don Primo and starting his own family. (REVEAL – HIDDEN IDENTITY) After Tony is gone, Oleg makes a phone call – to the FBI for whom he has been an informant and wears a wire.
INT. OLEG’S OFFICE AND A LISTENING POST OF THE FBI – DAY.
Split screen. Phone call.
BEGINNING: (REVEAL- HIDDEN IDENTITY) Michelle the Stripper in Act One is actually FBI chief agent, MICHELLE IPPOLITO and Greesha is FBI agent DAVE MOORE. Michelle Ippolito answers Oleg’s call and assures him that everything his wire picked up of his conversation with Tony was recorded. Now they must all try to warn Carlo and Sam that their lives are in danger and also offer them the chance to flip and enter Witness Protection along with Oleg and (REVEAL) Don Primo Giordano who was arrested earlier that day and has flipped.
MIDDLE: Oleg wants assurances that while he is in the Witness Protection Program he can get a book and a movie deal. Dave tells him, the FBI is not Hollywood, Oleg and they all rush off to rescue Carlo and Sam..
ENDING: Rabbi Solomon emerges. He has been observing everything. He compliments Oleg as a mensch and then also fades out to rescue Carlo and Sam from Tony’s hitman.
ACT FOUR
TITLE: “BETTER ANGELS”
Scene 1
INT. CARLO’S APARTMENT – DAY.
BEGINNING: Sam finally shows up at Carlo’s apartment, interrupting a dialogue between Carlo and Lou. Sam is fully skeptical of Carlo’s claims to be possessed by the spirit of Lou. But Carlo is saying things that match what R. Solomon taught Sam about the folklore about the old country (Russia) and Dybbuk possession.
MIDDLE: R. Solomon enters and knows he has to warn Carlo and Sam about Tony’s hitman who is coming to kill them. He prays to the Lord of the Universe.
EXT. ANOTHER DIMENSION – NIGHT
Solomon beseeches God to allow him to spirit possess Carlo to warn them both. God grants it with music from a Hollywood Biblical Epic for which the Rabbi, thanks him.
INT. CARLO’S APARTMENT – DAY.(RESUME)
MIDDLE (RESUME): (INTRIGUE) Rabbi Solomon spirit-possess Carlo and in his own voice tells Sam and Carlo (who can hear) to save themselves by turning themselves in to the FBI immediately because Tony is dispatching a hitman. (EMOTIONAL MOMENT – CONFLICT) Sam freaks out, pulls out a .38 and aims it at Carlo, and reveals that he himself is the hitman that Tony sent to kill Carlo (just as Tony ordered Carlo to kill Lou) and Carlo tells Sam that after he kills him (Carlo) Tony will kill him (Sam).
ENDING: (EMOTIONAL MOMENT): Unable to kill his best friend. Sam drops the gun and reconciles with Carlo and will join him in Witness Protection. For Lou and Rabbi Solomon, the mission is accomplished, and they fade away. In a hilarious sequential convergence at the apartment, Sherrie, Oleg, Tony, Michelle, Dave and Lisa – (REVEAL) who has been an FBI informant – all arrive and persuade (finally) that Tony also should surrender to the FBI as well, like the others. He does.
ACT 4 – CLIMAX.
EXT. A SUBWAY STATION PLATFORM- DAY
BEGINNING: Rabbi Solomon and Lou would be glad to team up again. They have become friends and Lou’s soul is cleansed of his crimes.
Rabbi Solomon and Lou part, Then, Lou addresses the audience and recaps what happened: All who surrendered to the FBI are doing well in Witness Protection, Sam reawakened to his Jewish faith which made Rabbi Solomon very happy. He tells the audience to do what they can to make the world a better place, then, n he steps onto the D TRAIN to that place that’s even better than the Cathedral of Baseball (Yankee Stadium), namely, the World to Come.
THE END. .
-
CJ’s Fascinating Scene Outlines!
Vision: I am a confident and empowered writer who embraces challenges and changes and writes highly sought-after projects with fresh and exciting ideas. I will be produced and hired to write projects that get produced.
WIL: At first, I was making this harder than I thought – then I realized I had many of the components needed – just needed to flesh it out or call it out. Very happy with this process!
Title: MEMORY HUNTERS
Concept:
In a future with technology to retrieve memories, a Memory Retrevalist, caught in the mind of a psychopath struggles to find a way out before he destroys her mind and kills her.
OUTLINE:
INT. PRISTINE BASEMENT – NIGHT
An 8-year-old girl cowers in a corner. Screams are heard.
Scene arc: Mya is little girl. The abductor comes retrieve her – she is chained to a dead body.
Conflict: Mya struggles to drag body to escape.
Hope/Fear: We hope she can get away we fear she won’t.
Beginning: (Intrigue) Mya as an 8-yr-old trapped in a basement.
Middle: (Uncomfortable moment) Chained to a dead body.
End: (Surprise) Mya unchained slips through his fingers – the body is NOT dead – hand grabs his leg.
INT. MYA ORTEGA’S BEDROOM – DAY
Mya wakes from her nightmare. Headache and haggard.
Beginning – (uncertainty) Subtext: Mya has never dealt with her childhood trauma
Middle: (uncomfortable moment) Scene Arc: Mya goes from her nightmare fetal position into her ready to fight.
End: (Major twist) Mya talk to her image – she will bury it – all of it!
INT. ORTEGA KITCHEN – DAY
Mya and her sister argue about Mya seeing a doctor about brain tumor.
Beginning: (Misinterpretation) Essence: we establish that Mya needs help the doctor’s think the brain tumor is psychosomatic. Stella thinks Mya is running from tumor.
Middle: (External Dilemma) Scene Arc: Mya is late for work and blames Stella for all her problems to avoid taking responsibility for her own actions.
Conflict: Mya doesn’t like Stella trying to be her mother.
Subtext: Mya blames Stella for her abduction when she was a child.
Ending: (Suspense) Hope/Fear: We hope Mya will get the tumor looked at but we are afraid she will continue to ignore it.
EXT. STREETS – DAY
Beginning: (Internal Dilemma) Jason wants to get Mya’s attention. Mya and her friend Jason get coffee and talk about work.
Middle: (Misinterpretation) Conflict: Jason likes Mya but she brushes him off.
Hope/Fear: We hope Mya will like Jason but we fear that she won’t notice him.
Essence: Memory Retrieval Company is introduced.
End: (intrigue) What is Memory Retrieval? Advertisements float in the air.
EXT. MEMORY RETRIEVAL COMPANY
Beginning: (Suspense) Mya arrives at work it’s a state of the art building with high tech abilities. Platforms is being built.
Essence: establishing state of the art technology.
End: (Intrigue) What is Memory Retrieval and what do they do?
INT. MEMORY RETRIEVAL COMPANY
Beginning: (Misinterpretation) Mya drops her bag and is razzed by co-worker Terry. She thinks Terry is a friend and mentor.
Scene Arc: Mya arrives at work she’s late and rushes into a meeting with a family.
Middle: (Internal Dilemma) Conflict: Mya is intimidated by the son who wants to know where his mother hid the “Will and Testament” and jewelry.
End: (Uncertainty) Hope/Fear: We hope Mya stands up to him we fear for his mother and that Mya will help him..
Subtext: He is abusive with all females as his wife also demonstrates fearlessness.
Essence: We learn how memory hunter works and the process.
INT. MYA’S DESK
Mya is secretly researching old memory hunts.
(E) Mya wants to find a way to hide her own memories
(H/F) We hope we finds an answer but fear she is just running away.
Beginning: (Suspense) Mya may get caught accessing classified files / memories.
Middle: (uncertainty) Can False memories or memories be altered?
End: (Cliffhanger) Will in work?
INT. ORTEGA HOME – NIGHT
Beginning: (Uncomfortable moment) Mya and Stella fight about doctor and Mya hints her anger with Stella.
Middle: (Mislead) (SA) Mya in denial about her dealing with her issue.
End: Reveal (C) Angry at her sister and blames Stella for all her issues.
EXT. STREETS – NIGHT
Beginning: (More interesting setting) Mya and Jason hover paddle board over Lake Michigan and bond over dysfunctional families.
Middle: (Internal Dilemma) (SA) Mya complains about her over-bearing sister (but she still loves her) and Jason has no family and is lonely.
End: (Uncomfortable Moment)(E) Jason tells Mya she’s lucky to have someone to care. His family died in a freak accident.
Mya talks about what she hopes to get from Memory Hunters.
EXT. MEMORY RETRIEVAL COMPANY
Catherine holds a press conference and announces new government contract.
Beginning: (Intrigue)(E) Catherine is looking for public awareness. Why?
Middle: (Surprise) (C) A man abuses his dog – and Catherine intervenes – she cares about animals
End: (Mystery) (SA) Catherine takes time after the public contract announcement to hint at future aspirations.
INT. MYA’S DESK
Mya scours past cases and review memory files and see files not logged. She tries to open them and is locked out.
Beginning: (Misinterpretation) (E) Mya sorts through screens of memories looking for consistent patterns. But doesn’t understand what she is seeing.
Middle: (SA) She goes from screening memories to researching new unlogged cases and is denied access.
End: (uncertainty)(C) What are the “unlogged cases” and why are they unlogged? Her access generates an ALARM.
INT. MEMORY RETRIEVAL OFFICES – DAY
Beginning: (uncomfortable moment) commotion as an EXPERIENCED memory hunter is extracted from a mind – Freddie’s mind!
(S)Terry fill us in on Freddie – he knows more than he is telling.
Middle: (Suspense) (E) Who is Freddie and why is he there? Parents of a victim want closure. Where is their daughter’s body – what did Freddie do with it?
End: (Major twist) the memory hunter’s mind is broken.
INT. CATHERINE’S OFFICE
Beginning: (Uncomfortable moment) Catherine calls Terry into her office. Tells Mya Catherine’s on a witch hunt.
She’s received an ALERT that files are being illegally accessed.
Middle: (Twist) (E) There is something going on between them.
End: (Surprise)(SA) Catherine starts with business ends with sex.
EXT. STREETS – NIGHT
Beginning: (Intrigue) Mya talks with Jason and tells him about her strange findings –
Middle: (Mystery) (SA) that the incursions are taking place BEFORE the scheduled incursion with the authorities present.
End: (Suspense) (E) Mya’s research almost gets her killed as she is run off the road and Jason is hurt. Who ran them off the road? Why?
INT. FRANK YORGEN’S OFFICE
Beginning: (E) Mya pulls her notes together and takes them into Frank’s office. Someone else is in the office in the window –
Middle: (Mystery) (S) The figure is back lit so hard to see but a GLINT catches Mya’s eyes.
End: (Superior Position)(C) Catherine takes the file and tells Frank she will have another analyst look into it.
INT. TERRY’S DESK
Beginning: (Character changes) Terry gets a call, listens. Sees Mya and calls her over for a lesson.
Middle: (Betrayal)(S) Drops hints about Frank being desperate for money as his wife is ill.
End: (Mystery)(E) Terry is misleading Mya. Why?
INT. ORTEGA HOME – NIGHT
Stella has a doctor appointment for Mya.
Beginning: (misinformation)(C) They fight and Mya tells her that if she hadn’t left her in the park she wouldn’t be damaged.
Middle: (Intrigue)(E) Stella tells Mya she doesn’t know what she’s talking about.
End: (Internal Dilemma)(S) Stella is fed up with Mya blaming her for everything.
INT. MEMORY INCURSION ROOM
Beginning: (Suspense) Mya sneaks Stella in.
Middle: (External Dilemma)(E) Mya is afraid what she will see. Starts to back out – and she could lose her job if they find out.
End: (Cliff hanger)(C) Stella insists.
INT. STELLA’S MIND
Beginning: (Reveal)(E) Mya goes through all the pain and issues that Stella has been hiding and handling on her own.
Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment)(SA)Mya is ashamed at how she’s been treating her sister… and finds the memory.
End: (Cliff Hanger) (H/F) We hope Mya can find what she is looking for we fear she won’t like what she sees.
EXT. MEMORY – PARK – DAY
Beginning: (Suspense) Stella and Mya play in the park. Stella wants to go home.
Middle: (Uncertainty)(C) Mya doesn’t. As Stella gathers their things Mya runs away from Stella.
End: (Major Twist)(SA) Mya feels the Panic and Despair that Stella went through.
INT. MEMORY INCURSION ROOM
Beginning: (Reveal)(E) Mya comes out of Stella’s mind.
Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment) Mya is racked with guilt.
End: (Major Twist)(H/F) Stella is tired and vacant – a standard reaction to being “hunted” We hope Stella is okay we fear she may not recover.
INT. HOSPITAL
Beginning: (Uncertainty)(E) Mya visits Jason as he is checked out. He will be on desk duty but will be back to work in the morning.
Middle: (Intrigue) (S) Mya tells him what she found out. Something’s off.
End: (Suspense)(H/F)She tells him she is set to go into an embezzlers mind in the morning. Jason is afraid for her to go into a memory hunt – he’s afraid something will happen.
INT. ORTEGA KITCHEN
Beginning: (Character Changes) Mya comes in Stella is at the table – they share a cup of tea and talk and hug it out the first time in a long time.
(S) Mya helps Stella for a change admitting she’s made Stella do everything.
Middle: (Internal Dilemma)(E) Mya admits her own part in her past problems.
End: (Reveal) (SA) Stella challenges her and Mya admits she knows its true because to can tell fake memories or if one has been altered.
INT. MEMORY RETRIEVAL OFFICES
Beginning: (Superior Position) Mya gets ready for her big assignment. Embezzler’s mind.
Middle: (Suspense)(E) Mya does her homework – knows what she is looking for and who the target is.
End: (Suspense) (H/F) We hope the incursion goes well but fear she is still new at what she is doing.
INT. MEMORY INCURSION ROOM
Beginning: (intrigue) Mya is surprised to see Terry there, but he’s there for her first big incursion.
Middle: (Suspense) (H/F) We hope Terry is there to help we fear he has ulterior motive. He tells them embezzler’s distract.
(SA) Mya goes from confident to worried based on Terry’s comments.
End: (Misinterpretation)(C) Mya with Terry that she is ready. She resents him babysitting.
INT. MIND
Beginning: (Uncertainty) Mya wanders hallways of a mind.
Middle: (Mislead/suspense)(E) She’s puzzled. SHE RECORDS HER FINDINGS – No office scenes no computers. It’s dark. SCREAMS and CRIES.
End: (Mystery/uncertainty) Where is she?
MONTAGE OF SHOTS
– Mya goes to help a cry sees a young girl badly battered – dressed like Victorian Dolls.
– Mya goes from room to room and see broken bodies
– Freddie calls her – Welcome Home
Beginning: (mislead)- (SA)Mya runs and see’s memories flash by her – including someone talking to Freddie and flash / Glint off a ring
Middle: (Reveal/betrayal/twist)- (S) Freddie delights in the hunt as he chases Mya through his mind and brags about each girl she see’s – and he was expecting her.
End: (Suspense)(H/F) We hope she can find a way out we are afraid she will be captured by Freddie.
INT. MEMORY RETRIEVAL OFFICES
Beginning: (Mystery)(E) Jason comes into office to check on Mya and sees the Embezzler – he’s alert and mouthy – not like someone who has had his mind searched.
Middle: (intrigue) (H/F) He hopes Mya decided not to do the incursion, he’s worried she went ahead with the incursion.
End: (Mystery/suspense) (S) Where is Mya?
INT. MEMORY INCURSION ROOM
Beginning: (Character Changes) Jason runs in – Terry is shocked and confirms Mya’s in Freddie’s mind.
Middle: (Mislead)(SA) Terry makes a “key” to help. Frank comes is there – why is he there?
End: (betrayal)(S) Is Terry really trying to help?
INT. FREDDIE’S MIND
Beginning: (Suspense) Terry sends “key” through the machine to Mya to unlocks the “gate”.
Middle: (External dilemma) (H/F) We hope the key will help we fear it won’t help her escape
End: (Cliff hanger)(SA) Mya has the “key” but throws it away when Freddie is upon her – if he gets the key he can escape his own mind and get into any one on the connection.
INT. FREDDIE’S MIND – SIDE ROOM
Beginning: (Interesting Setting) Mya slips into a side room to hide, finds a memory of a girl still alive – in pain, afraid, and broken.
Middle: (Internal Dilemma) Mya comforts the girl.
End: (Intrigue) Mya comes up with a plan to escape. She takes the memory the girls pain.
INT. FREDDIE’S MIND – CORRIDOR
Beginning: (Intrigue)(H/F) Mya runs in and out of various memory rooms.
Beginning: (Suspense) We hope she can find a way out and fear that she won’t.
End:(uncertainty)(SA) She gathers all the memories of the torture, the pain and the helplessness the victims felt.
INT. FREDDIE’S MIND – LARGE DOLL HOUSE
Beginning: (More interesting setting)(E) This is where Freddie takes the girls. Mya meets Freddie here.
Middle: (uncertainty)(C) She’s terrified and afraid. He taunts her.
End: (Surprise)(H/F) We hope when she gives him the memories of all the pain, the terror the horror that he inflicted on the others. Including his sister it will break Freddie. We fear it won’t.
Freddie breaks and crumbles from all the memories.
INT. FREDDIE’S MIND – BACK DOOR
Beginning: (Suspense)(SA) Mya must escape as the mind is collapsing.
Middle: (uncertainty) Freddie tries to follow her out.
End: (cliff hanger)(E) With seconds to spare she exits the back door.
INT. MEMORY INCURSION ROOM
Beginning: (Intrigue) Mya wakes, disoriented.
Middle: (Misinterpretation) (C) Sees Franks and accuses him of trying to kill her.
End: (Mystery)(E) Mya knows she was set up and doesn’t know who to trust.
INT. ORTEGA HOME
Beginning: (E) Mya recovers and learns that Frank is innocent.
Middle:
End:(SA) Jason tells her that Catherine had her desk cleared. She’s suspended.
INT. MYA ORTEGA’S BEDROOM
Beginning: (Internal Dilemma)(SA) Mya has a nightmare and knows she missed something in Freddie’s mind.
Middle: (Reveal)(E) Mya sees the glint/flash in her nightmare – why?
End: (Superior Position) Mya remembers where she has seen the “glint”/”Flash” before.
INT. MEMORY INCURSION ROOM
Beginning: (Suspense)(E) Mya and Jason break into the company.
Middle: (Mystery) Mya reviews her incursion in Freddie’s mind – and sees several other files of excursions into his mind – why?
End: (Reveal)(SA) she see’s the flash/glint from the ring. It’s a company RING. She tells Jason she has seen it before.
INT. COFFEE SHOP – NIGHT
Beginning: (misinterpretation) Mya and Jason meet Terry.
Middle: (Betrayal)(S)He implicates Catherine.
End: (reveal) (E)Mya sees Terry wears the company ring too.
EXT. MEMORY RETRIEVAL COMPANY – DAY
Beginning: (Superior Position)(SA) Mya and Jason ambush Frank and tell him she’s sorry but has info he needs.
Middle: (uncertainty)(E) Frank brushes her off.
End: (Reveal) Mya get’s franks attention when she tells him about the pre-incursions and being done under his ID.
INT. MEMORY INCURSION ROOM
Beginning: (uncomfortable moment)(E) Mya catches Terry in the Embezzler’s mind.
Middle: (surprise) Terry is making a deal to move the money before the SEC finds it.
End: (Reveal)(SA) Mya gets the memories she needs of the deals he made for himself and Catherine and how he was double dealing.
EXT. PRESS CONFERENCE
Beginning: (Suspense)(E) Catherine is at the podium announcing her candidacy for Senator.
Middle: (uncomfortable moment)(SA)Mya and Jason play the scenes from all the illegal deals they made with political criminals, embezzlers, white collar criminals etc.
End: (major twist) Catherine is escorted off by the FBI.
INT. MEMORY RETRIEVAL COMPANY
Beginning:(uncertainty) Mya and Jason are working with Frank to put new protocols in place based on Mya’s finding.
Middle: (superior position)(C) Mya confronts the son from earlier about his abuse, tells the wife where everything is so she and her mother-in-law can get away.
(E) Mya no longer looking for answers she had dealt with her past memories.
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Linda Anderson’s Fascinating Scene Outlines!
Vision for your success from this program:
Audiences around the world view and love my meaningful screenplays—one of the most satisfying and energizing accomplishments of my life.
What I learned from doing this assignment is the interest techniques helped to pull each scene together and make them convey conflict and subtext.
Slugline and short description of what happens in the scene.
NOTE: I did the assignment for all the scenes but only posted Act 1 here.
Opening
Scene 1:
Beginning: (Interesting Setting) 1996. In a dark inner city housing project, a drug dealer aims a gun at Allen’s head.
Middle: (Suspense) Allen’s mentor, Bruce, drives up with cop-car lights flashing.
Ending: (Uncomfortable Moment) After the arrest Bruce chastises Allen for making a dangerous rookie mistake by chasing without backup. Reminds him nothing is more important than going home.
Scene 2:
Beginning: (Uncertainty) Allen comes home at daybreak, still shaken, checks on his wife, Linda, and their two children and plays with the dog in hopes of calming himself.
Middle: (Superior Position) Linda wakes up and asks about his shift.
Ending: (Mislead) He doesn’t tell her that he almost got killed.
Inciting Incident
Scene 3:
Beginning: (Major Twist) Minneapolis, 2006. In their bedroom, Allen is having a violent PTSD dream memory of the opening scene.
Middle: (Surprise) In what appears to be a regular routine of Linda protecting herself, she jumps out of bed, moves away, waits, then gently wakes him.
Ending: (Superior Position) He brushes her off and won’t tell what he was dreaming.
Act 1
Scene 4:
Beginning: (Suspense) An abandoned cocker spaniel sits on the side of a road, drenched in storm.
Middle: (Mislead) Bikers on Harleys pick him up.
Ending: (Betrayal) Instead of keeping the dog, the bikers leave him at an animal shelter in an outdoor cage.
Scene 5:
Beginning: (Interesting Setting) With their bird and two cats watching them intently, Linda and Allen hang a portrait in their living room of their previous dog, Taylor, a yellow Labrador retriever.
Middle: (Internal Dilemma) Allen and Linda both miss Taylor but Allen can’t stop grieving over her death.
Ending: (Mislead) Linda suggests going to the animal shelter where they volunteer—just to look. Allen doesn’t like the idea.
Scene 6:
Beginning: (Suspense) Linda spots a super-cute cocker spaniel and convinces Allen to meet the dog.
Middle: (Reveal) After hearing “Harley’s” history, Allen still has doubts, but they impulsively adopt him.
Ending: (Intrigue) Linda inwardly sees a light surge through them as their new family unit forms.
Scene 7:
Beginning: (Superior Position) Harley growls at bikers on Harley motorcycles on the way home from the shelter.
Middle: (Major Twist) At the park, Harley jumps into a pile of autumn leaves. They decide to name him Leaf.
Ending: (Character changes radically) Allen promises to always take care of him.
Scene 8:
Beginning: (Interesting Setting) Before going home, Allen and Linda take Leaf to the pet store to buy dog food.
Middle: (Surprise) Leaf sniffs along lower shelves, picks out a stuffed toy, and carries it in his mouth to checkout.
Ending: (Uncomfortable Moment) Before leaving the store, Leaf pees on a display, and apologetic, Allen has to clean up.
Scene 9:
Beginning: (Mystery) Allen and Linda bring Leaf home and notice he lifts up his paws as if he’s stepping on to carpeted floors for the first time.
Middle: (Betrayal) The cats hiss at Leaf, and the bird squawks and flaps his wings while Linda tries to reassure them. She lets the cats run and hide upstairs and covers the bird.
Ending: (Intrigue) Leaf carries the pet-store toy in his mouth while looking confused and exploring the house.
Scene 10:
Beginning: (Surprise) First night, Leaf wakes up at midnight howling like a wolf.
Middle: (Cliffhanger) Allen walks Leaf outside. He doesn’t relieve himself. In the house, he immediately pees on the carpet. Linda cleans it up. They slump to the floor, exhausted and doubtful about their decision.
Ending: (Major Twist) Linda goes back to bed. Allen takes Leaf to his home office, puts him on his lap, presses him to his heart, and softly sings a soothing song. It works; Leaf falls asleep.
Scene 11:
Beginning: (Interesting setting) Allen takes Leaf for a walk around the neighborhood.
Middle: (Mystery) He growls at people and lunges at a large white man. He tries to bite bicycle tires. Allen is concerned.
Ending: (Uncertainty) At home, Leaf transforms into a playful dog. Allen talks with Linda about his fears that Leaf will bite someone and animal control will euthanize him.
Scene 12:
Beginning: (Suspense) Linda and Allen sit at two facing tables in the living room and dining room to do a remote radio interview about their Angel Animals books. Leaf sleeps in his crate.
Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment) When they talk about their premise—people have spiritual connections with animals—the host is skeptical. He considers it to be anthropomorphic.
Ending: (External Dilemma) Leaf wakes up and bounds into the living room and goes bonkers. Allen holds on to the phone while stopping Leaf from knocking over the lamp and howling. He has to take Leaf out of the room. Reluctantly, Linda finishes the interview alone.
Scene 13:
Beginning: (Interesting setting) Split screen show two scenes juxtaposed of Allen and Linda at their favorite coffee shop with captions, “BL = Before Leaf” and “AL = After Leaf. In the AL scene, Leaf is under the table.
Middle: (Uncertainty) The contrasting scenes of BL and AL show how drastically their lives have changed since adopting Leaf.
Ending: (Suspense) In AL scene, Allen reveals he’s having dizzy spells. Linda convinces him to see their family doctor.
Scene 14:
Beginning: (Misinterpretation) In front of the living room fireplace, Linda talks with bf, Arlene, a nurse, about Allen’s dizzy spells and schedule CAT scan. Linda brushes it off as due to lack of sleep. Allen walks Leaf in the middle of night, in frigid cold; then soothes him back to sleep.
Middle: (Uncertainty) Linda is glad Leaf and Allen are bonding but wonders if Leaf never returns her affection because she doesn’t spend as much time with him.
Ending: (Surprise) They’re interrupted by Leaf chasing the cats. Speedy sinks his claws into Leaf’s back. Leaf howls in pain. They separate Speedy and Leaf. Leaf runs to his crate.
Scene 15:
Beginning: (External Dilemma) Allen has another PTSD dream memory of an old man waving a gun from a front porch. Allen calmed him enough to drop the gun, and he didn’t have to shoot.
Middle: (Cliffhanger) This nightmare showed a different outcome with the man shooting Allen in the head.
Ending: (Internal Dilemma) After they go through their PTSD rituals, Allen tells her about the dream. They talk about their choices and regrets.
Turning Point 1:
Scene 16.
Beginning: (Suspense) Allen is at his day-job office in a meeting with coworker, Jose. Allen’s family doctor calls.
Middle: (Surprise) Allen moves to a deserted hallway to take it. The CAT scan showed he has an unruptured brain aneurysm that requires brain surgery. It could burst any time and cause a stroke. The doctor refers him to a neurosurgeon.
Ending: (Major Twist) After the call, Allen is shocked and has a meltdown with fears of dying or being permanently disabled like his father who had a stroke.
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Leona Heraty’s Fascinating Scene Outlines!
<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>My Vision: To be the best family comedy screenwriter in the industry and my screenplays are produced into fabulous movies, making audiences laugh a lot and making me independently wealthy!What I learned from doing
this assignment is…although this assignment took a long time to complete, it was really
worth it! I added many interest techniques to each scene and improved my
outline by at least 75 percent! Yeay!Title: Tara vs. the Termo-Lytes
Genre: Comedy (Sci-fi)
Concept: A teenage tour guide with no sense of direction
and an extreme fear of bugs takes a wrong turn and leads her group to an
abandoned country club overrun by giant mutant termites.ACT 1:
1. INT. INDUSTRIAL KITCHEN – SAN DIEGO – DAY
A retreating figure brushes against a jar of toxic green goo. CRASH! The jar falls on the floor and oozes onto some dead termites. They come alive! Big Betty, the queen, turns pink, smiles and grows bigger and the Termo-Lytes grow bigger too.
Scene Arc: Termites are dead then come alive!
Essence: The rebirth of dead termites!
Conflict:
Subtext: The green goo has restorative powers.
Hope/fear: We hope the bugs are benign but we fear they could be evil.Beginning: An unknown person (superior position/intrigue brushes again a jar. It CRASHES to the floor (surprise).
Middle: The green goo begins to glow (intrigue) then oozes onto dead termites.
End: The dead termites, move, come alive, then GROWL! (suspense)
2. INT. INDUSTRIAL KITCHEN – SAN DIEGO – DAY
Big Betty shakes off dust and debris and does a little dance. She files her nails with a cheese grater and eats the cheese. She primps in a mirror and puts on bright pink lipstick and kisses a mirror.Scene Arc: Big Betty starts off disheveled and she gets pretty.
Essence: Big Betty has a personality.
Conflict:
Subtext: These are not normal termites.
Hope/fear: We hope they’re nice, but we fear they mean harm.Beginning: Big Betty shakes off dust and debris and does a little dance. (Character changes radically)
Middle: Big Betty files her nails with a cheese grater. She eats the cheese. (Surprise)
End: She puts on lipstick and kisses a mirror. (Character changes radically)
3. EXT./INT. CAR – SAN DIEGO – DAY
A bug flies into Tara’s car. She spills her latte all over herself. She crashes her car into a bush, jumps out, climbs a tree as the bug chases her and her cell phone rings and she drops it.
Scene Arc: Tara starts out driving and ends up, up a tree.
Essence: Tara is petrified of bugs.
Conflict: Tara vs. the bug.
Subtext: Something made Tara extremely afraid of bugs.
Hope/fear: We hope she’s okay, but we fear she may get stung.Beginning: A bug flies into Tara’s car. She spills her latte all over herself. (Surprise)
Middle: She crashes her car into a bush. (Surprise)
End: She climbs a tree, her cell phone rings and she drops it.
4. EXT. – TARA’S BACKYARD – SAN DIEGO – DAY
The backyard is a Tiki lover’s paradise, with a tropical bar, pineapple shaped pool and mini-waterfall. Tara’s friends, and parents and Davy are enjoying the pool party. A fun song plays. Davy stops eating, puts down his food and break dances. Tara munches on Cheez-Its and Davy pops out, startles her as she SCREAMS and drops her box of crackers and they scatter everywhere. Tara’s Mom whistles. The dog runs up and gobbles them up.Scene Arc: Tara enters the back yard calm and is frightened when Davy pops out.
Essence: Davy is a pest.
Conflict: Tara wants to chill out and Davy won’t leave her alone.
Subtext: Why is this kid so annoying and who is he?
Hope/fear: We hope Tara doesn’t spill her Cheez-Its but we fear she will.Beginning: The backyard is a Tiki lover’s paradise. (More interesting setting) Davy is stuffing his face. The music changes and he starts break dancing. (Surprise)
Middle: Tara munches Cheeze-Its and Davy pops out and she SCREAMS. (Surprise)
End: She spills the box of crackers, and tries to pick them up. Tara’s Mom whistles (betrayal). The dog gobbles them up. (betrayal/surprise).
5. EXT. – TARA’S BACKYARD – SAN DIEGO – DAY
Davy does a cannonball into the pool and splashes Tara. The floating pool filter sprays Tara in the face. Tara calls him a pest and he looks sad, then Tara apologizes. He puts on a t-shirt that says I CAN FIX ANYTHING. Tara mock claps. Davy fixes a broken Tiki torch and the pool filter that sprayed Tara. She eats her words and turns red.Scene Arc: Davy is a pest but redeems himself.
Essence: Davy has some good qualities.
Conflict: Tara wants Davy to leave but doesn’t want to say so.
Subtext: Davy is a pest most of the time.
Hope/fear: We hope Davy will redeem himself but we’re afraid he’ll be asked to leave.Beginning: Davy does a cannonball into the pool. (Surprise) He splashes Tara’s already wet shirt. (Surprise)
Middle: Tara calls Davy a pest, he looks sad, then she apologizes. (Uncomfortable Moment)
End: Davy puts on a shirt that says I CAN FIX ANYTHING. (Character Changes Radically) Tara mock claps. Davy fixes a broken Tiki torch and the pool filter that sprayed Tara. (Character Changes Radically) She eats her words. (Mislead/Reveal)
6. EXT./INT. TARA’S HOUSE – SAN DIEGO – DAY
CRACK! LIGHTNING STRIKES. THUNDER RUMBLES. RAIN pelts the group. Everyone runs inside. The living room is a mini movie theater with rows of seats, a big screen TV and a popcorn/concession stand. Tara grabs the remote. Davy distracts her with a fake bug. She screams. He takes the remote from her and orders a sci-fi bug move from the 1950s. Tara scowls and grabs the remote and changes to ESPN golf.
Scene Arc: It’s a great pool party, then it rains!
Essence: Davy likes bug movies and Tara hates them
Conflict: Davy tries to control the remote but Tara takes it away.
Subtext: Davy acts like he lives there.
Hope/fear: We hope they can get along but we fear they can’t.Beginning: CRACK! LIGHTNING! THUNDER RUMBLES. RAIN pelts the group. (Surprise)
Middle: The living room looks like a mini movie theater (More Interesting Setting)
End: Davy distracts Tara with a fake bug (Surprise). He takes the remote from her and orders a sci-fi bug movie from the 1950s (Mislead/Reveal). Tara scowls and says lets order something worthwhile. She takes the remote back and switches to golf. (Mislead/Reveal)
7. EXT./INT. TARA’S HOUSE – SAN DIEGO – DAY
Tara’s Dad puts his hands behind his back and asks her to pick hand. Home Garden Tour and she’s a back-up driver. She blushes and changes the subject.Scene Arc: Tara starts out relaxed and ends up embarrassed.
Essence: Tara is sensitive about the tour.
Conflict: Tara’s parents want her on stand-by but she doesn’t want to go.
Subtext: Tara doesn’t want to go on the tour.
Hope/fear: We hope Tara will agree to go but we fear she won’t.Beginning: Tara’s Dad puts his hands behind his back and asks her to pick hand. (Suspense)
Middle: She picks the left hand that has a folded flyer. (Suspense). She opens the flyer and frowns and shakes her head NO (Uncomfortable Moment).
End: Max reads the flyer out loud. It’s about the upcoming home garden tour. Tara is a back-up driver. She blushes and talks about their upcoming trip to Disneyland but her Mom says they might need her to drive for the tour. (External Dilemma)
8. EXT./ GARDEN CLUB PARKING LOT – SAN DIEGO – DAY
Tad does a donut in the parking lot. He ROARS up in his beater car to drive for the tour. He’s hung over, rolls out of the VW Van and bonks his head on the curb. He SNORES, then wakes up and assures them he can drive the tour. He gets in the back seat and falls asleep and SNORES EVEN LOUDER. Who will drive?Scene Arc: Tad arrives to be the driver but he can’t do it.
Essence: Tad isn’t reliable.
Conflict: Tara’s parents need Tad to drive, but he can’t do it.
Subtext: Tad has a drinking problem.
Hope/fear: We hope Tad can drive for the tour but we don’t think he can do it.Beginning: Tad does donuts in the parking lot (Surprise).
Middle: He crashes his VW van on the curb. He falls asleep and they wake him up. He assures them he can drive for the home garden tour. (Twist)
End: He gets in the back seat and falls asleep and SNORES EVEN LOUD. (Major Twist/ Cliffhanger) Tara’s parents pull out a list of back-up drivers with Tara’s name at the bottom of the list. They start calling people (Suspense)
9. EXT./INT. TARA’S HOUSE – SAN DIEGO – DAY
Tara, Clare and Max load up their car for Disneyland. Clare has gifts for Max and Tara. They open the boxes to reveal Disneyland shirts. Tara’s Mom calls and Tara answers in an upbeat mood, then frowns, makes excuses, then agrees to be a back-up driver coerces her into being a driver for the home garden tour. Tara can’t go to Disneyland. She hands Clare back the shirt and pouts.Scene Arc: Tara, Clare and Max are excited about Disneyland then end up sad they can’t go.
Essence: Their plans for fun have been ruined.
Conflict: They want to go to Disneyland but Tara can’t join them.
Subtext: Tara’s parents are great at coercing her.
Hope/fear: We hope they can go to Disneyland but we fear they can’t go.Beginning: Clare gives Max and Tara gifts. (Surprise)
Middle: Tara’s in a good mood, then Tara’s Mom calls, and Tara frowns, makes excuses then agrees to be a back-up driver for the home garden tour (Suspense/Major Twist)
End: Tara hands the t-shirt back to Clare and pouts (Internal Dilemma/Major Twist)
ACT 2:
10. EXT./ GARDEN CLUB PARKING LOT – SAN DIEGO – DAY
Tara drives up in her golf cart. The garden club is a small Tiki hut thatched with palm fronds. Tara’s Mom says they’re leaving but two people still need a ride and it’s someone she really likes. Tara’s Dad laughs. Tara hesitates then says OK and smiles. Davy and his grandmother, Meg, come out of the Tiki hut, wave at Tara and her face drops. Tara’s Dad gives her the map and she turns red and changes the subject.Scene Arc: Tara still wants to go to Disneyland. She agrees to drive the home garden tour instead.
Essence: Tara’s plans have been dashed.
Conflict: Tara wants to go to Disneyland but her parents need her to drive for the home garden tour.
Subtext: Tara can’t say no to her parents.
Hope/fear: We hope Tara can say no to her parents but we fear she can’t say no.Beginning: Tara arrives at the garden club in a golf cart. The garden club is a small Tiki hut thatched with palm fronds. (More interesting setting
Middle: Tara’s Mom says two people still need a ride. (Suspense)
End: Davy and his grandmother, Meg, comes out of the Tiki hut (Mislead/Reveal)
11. EXT./ WINDING ROAD/LAGUNA MOUNTAINS COUNTRY CLUB
Tara drives a golf cart that says FUTURE PRO GOLFER on the side. They wind up hills and take sharp turns. The wind HOWLS and blows a map out of Tara’s hands. Davy catches it, then the wind blows it out of his hands. LIGHTNING STRIKES. They drive in circles and argue and end up at an abandoned country club.Scene Arc: They going in the right direction, then they’re lost.
Essence: They’re lost.
Conflict: Tara thinks she knows the way but Meg says she’s going the wrong way.
Subtext: Tara doesn’t know where she’s going, and she has a bad sense of direction.
Hope/fear: We hope they can find their way to the garden house but we fear they’re lost.Beginning: Tara drives a Tara drives a golf cart that says FUTURE PRO GOLFER on the side. They wind up hills and take sharp turns. (More Interesting Setting)
Middle: The wind HOWLS and blows the map out of Tara’s hands. Davy catches it, then the wind blows it out of his hands. (Major Twist/Uncertainty)
End: They drive around in circles and get lost (Major Twist/Uncertainty)
12. EXT./ WINDING ROAD/LAGUNA MOUNTAINS COUNTRY CLUB
Tara turns into a desolate long winding road filled with pot holes. They bounce along and don’t and see a sign that’s partially hidden behind overgrown tree branches. It says PRIVATE PROPERTY. HIT THE ROAD! THIS MEANS YOU! Tara winds through low hanging trees that block their vision, then come around a bend in the road, then a giant abandoned country club comes into view. She turns back, then runs over a big rake and pops all for tires. It starts to RAIN. They jump out and run to the front entrance.Scene Arc: The car is driving fine at first, then the tire is popped and they’re stranded.
Essence: They’re stranded.
Conflict: Tara wants to leave but they won’t leave with her.
Subtext: This just isn’t Tara’s day.
Hope/fear: We hope they can leave. We fear that Davy and Meg are going to be left behind.Beginning: Tara turns into a desolate long winding road filled with pot holes. They bounce along and doesn’t see a sign that partially hidden behind overgrown tree branches. It says PRIVATE PROPERTY. HIT THE ROAD! THIS MEANS YOU! (Suspense)
Middle: An abandoned country club comes into view. (Surprise)
End: Tara drives over a huge rake and pops a tire. It rains and they abandon the golf cart and run towards the main entrance. (Major Twist)
13. INT. LOBBY — LAGUNA MOUNTAINS COUNTRY CLUB – SAN DIEGO – DAY
The country club is built in the Art Deco style of the 1920s. Meg sits in an old chair. CRASH! It splinters and falls apart. She falls on the floor. Davy laughs. Tara said the place gives her the creeps and they should leave. Meg says she’s been here before in a dream. They hear loud BUGS HUMMING and FUNNY BUGGY LAUGHTER. They jump and look around, wide-eyed.
Scene Arc: They start out curious and then relax, then scared.
Essence: Something spooky is going on at the abandoned club.
Conflict: Meg and Davy want to stay but Tara wants to leave.
Subtext: Tara is intuitive and feels uneasy for some reason.
Hope/fear: We hope they’re safe at the club but we fear there could be danger.Beginning: The country club is built in the Art Deco style of the 1920s. (More Interesting Setting) Meg sits in an old chair. CRASH! It splinters and falls apart. She falls on the floor. Davy laughs. (Surprise)
Middle: Tara says this place gives her the creeps. Meg says she’s been here before in a dream. (Intrigue)
End: They hear loud BUGS HUMMING and FUNNY BUGGY LAUGHTER. They jump and look around, wide-eyed. (Surprise/Uncertainty/Intrigue/Suspense)
14. INT. TUNNEL UNDER LOBBY – SAN DIEGO – DAY
Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes are now 8 feet tall and dressed in square dance costumes. They do a square dance and Big Betty calls the dance. They LAUGH and make playful loud BUGGY SOUNDS. She says this is the best day of the year!
Scene Arc: We hear bugs humming and then see 8 feet tall termites dancing.
Essence: These are mutant termites!
Conflict:
Subtext: There’s something strange going on here!
Hope/fear: We hope the bugs are friends, but we fear they might be mean.Beginning: Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes are now 8 feet tall and dressed in square dance costumes. (More Interesting Setting/Superior Position)
Middle: They do a square dance and Big Betty calls the dance. (Superior Position)
End: She says this is day they’ve wait for all year (Suspense/Cliffhanger)
15. INT. LOBBY – LOBBY/HIDDEN STAIRCASE – SAN DIEGO – DAY
Tara gets up and says they need to leave. She trips on a magazine rack, then falls against a secret panel by the fireplace. It slides open. She trips again and rolls down a secret staircase and lands at Big Betty’s feet. Meg and Davy rust after her.
Scene Arc: Tara starts is in the lobby, then falls through a secret panel.
Essence: The country club is full of secrets!
Conflict: Tara wants to leave and Meg said they should stay and find a phone charger.
Subtext: Meg knows more than she’s letting on.
Hope/fear: We hope they’ll be safe, but we fear the Termo-Lytes are dangerous!Beginning: Tara gets up and says they need to leave. She trips on a magazine rack, then falls against a secret panel by the fireplace. (Surprise/Intrigue)
Middle: It slides open. (Surprise/Intrigue)
End: She trips again and rolls down a secret staircase and lands at Big Betty’s feet. Meg and Davy rust after her. (Surprise/Intrigue)
ACT 3
16. INT. TUNNEL UNDER LOBBY – SAN DIEGO – DAY
The tunnel is filled with pots and pans, plates and utensil and glasses, like a caterer’s room. Bright green and blue lights cover the tunnel walls. Tara, Meg and Davy shrink back in terror. Davy hurls a plate at Big Betty but it bounces off her. They try to escape. The mutant bugs block their way then move closer. They surround them and continue their square dance.
Scene Arc: Tara, Meg and Davy went from safe to unsafe.
Essence: Big Betty and the Terma-Lytes may be dangerous!
Conflict: Tara, Meg and Davy want to leave but Big Betty won’t let them.
Subtext: Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes are dangerous!
Hope/fear: We hope they can leave but we fear they are trapped.Beginning: The tunnel is filled with pots and pans, plates and utensil and glasses, like a caterer’s room. Bright green and blue lights cover the tunnel walls. (More Interesting Setting)
Middle: Davy hurls a plate at Big Betty but it bounces off her. (Surprise)
End: They try to escape. The mutant bugs block their way then move closer. They surround them and continue their square dance. (Surprise/Intrigue/Suspense/Uncertainty)
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17. INT. TUNNEL UNDER LOBBY – SAN DIEGO – DAY
Big Betty snatches drinks Meg’s green spirulina out of her hand. She drinks it in one gulp then grows taller. Tara grabs hurls Baby Ruth’s out of Davy’s backpack, then hurls them away down the tunnel. The Termo-Lytes run after the candy bars.
Scene Arc: The Termo-Lytes block their way then move away from them.
Essence: The Termo-Lytes are easy to distract.
Conflict: They want to get away from the Termo-Lytes but maybe they can’t!
Subtext: The Termo-Lytes can’t be trusted. They have ulterior motives.
Hope/fear: We hope Tara, Meg and Davy are OK but we fear they’re in danger.Beginning: Big Betty snatches drinks Meg’s green spirulina out of her hand. (Surprise)
Middle: She drinks it in one gulp then grows taller. (Intrigue/Suspense/Uncertainty)
End: Tara grabs hurls Baby Ruth’s out of Davy’s backpack, then hurls them away down the tunnel. The Termo-Lytes run after the candy bars. (Surprise/Major Twist)
18. INT. TUNNEL UNDER LOBBY/LOBBY/HALLWAY – SAN DIEGO – DAY
Tara, Meg and Davy dash up the stairs. Tara trips and rolls back a few stairs and Davy comes back and helps her up. They rush into the lobby and slide the secret door behind them as Big Betty bangs on it and HOWLS IN RAGE. Meg points to a hallway that has a sign that says KITCHEN and they rush towards it.Scene Arc: They start as prisoners to being free.
Essence: Tara is becoming proactive.
Conflict: They wanted to leave but the Termo-Lytes block their way.
Subtext: Tara is creative and getting braver.
Hope/fear: We hope they can get away but we fear they’re prisoners.Beginning: Tara, Meg and Davy dash up the stairs. Tara trips and rolls back a few stairs and Davy comes back and helps her up. (Surprise/Suspense/Uncertainty)
Middle: They rush into the lobby and slide the secret door behind them shut. as Big Betty bangs on it and HOWLS IN RAGE as she spits a foul sticky pink goo on the door. (Surprise/Uncertainty)
End: Big Betty bangs on the secret panel and HOWLS IN RAGE. She spits a foul sticky pink goo on the door. (Surprise/Uncertainty) Meg points to a hallway that has a sign that says KITCHEN and they rush towards it. (Surprise/Major Twist)
19. EXT./INT. BUILDING EXIT DOOR BY POOL/PATIO – SAN DIEGO – DAY
The Termo-Lytes rush towards the pool that’s filled with murky green water and glowing. A tall totem has a mark that says SUMMER SOLSTICE. The totem comes to life and grins then goes to sleep. They get busy for the summer solstice brunch and ceremony and do a line dance to country music.Scene Arc: They’re ready to eat Tara, Meg and Davy, then they’re celebrating.
Essence: The Termo-Lytes aren’t your average termites!
Conflict:
Subtext: The Termo-Lytes may be having Tara, Meg and Davy for brunch!
Hope/fear: We hope the Termo-Lytes are herbivores but they might be carnivores!Beginning: The Termo-Lytes rush towards the pool that’s filled with murky green water and glowing. (More Interesting Setting)
Middle: A tall totem has a mark that says SUMMER SOLSTICE. The totem comes to life and grins then goes to sleep. (Surprise)
End: They get busy for the summer solstice brunch and ceremony and do a line dance to country music. (Surprise)
20. INT. INDUSTRIAL KITCHEN/SPEAKEASY BAR ROOM – SAN DIEGO – DAY
Meg feels the wall covered by Tiki Totems and vintage travel posters. She finds a hidden lever. A secret door swings open to a hidden speakeasy bar with booze and a makeshift lab. Cobwebs cover the room and there’s a makeshift lab.Scene Arc: They start in an industrial kitchen and end up in a hidden room.
Essence: This place is full of secret rooms.
Conflict:
Subtext: The makeshift lab and green goo may have revived the Termo-Lytes.
Hope/fear: We hope they can survive but we fear the Termo-Lytes may eat them!Beginning: Meg feels the wall covered by Tiki Totems and vintage travel posters. (More Interesting Setting/Intrigue)
Middle: She finds a hidden lever. (Surprise)
End: A secret door swings open to a hidden speakeasy bar with booze and a makeshift lab. Cobwebs cover the room and there’s a makeshift lab. (Major Twist)
21. EXT. – POOL/PATIO – SAN DIEGO – DAY
Big Betty stops dancing. She tells everyone she has a plan. She pushes a vending machine filled with chocolate near the exit door. She breaks the glass and the candy falls out.Scene Arc: Big Betty goes from playful to conniving.
Essence: Big Betty is up to no good!
Conflict:
Subtext: Big Betty is hatching an evil plan.
Hope/fear: We hope Tara, Meg and Davy will be OK, but we fear they’re in danger!Beginning: Big Betty stops dancing. She tells everyone she has a plan. (Cliffhanger/Suspense)
Middle: She pushes a vending machine filled with chocolate near the exit door. (Intrigue/Mislead/Reveal)
End: She breaks the glass and the candy falls out. (Intrigue)
22. INT. SPEAKEASY BAR ROOM/INDUSTRIAL KITCHEN/HALLWAY/EXIT DOOR
Davy smells something and perks up. He says he knows something good when he smells it. It’s his favorite… chocolate! He follows his nose towards the chocolate bars.Scene Arc: Davy starts out safe then ends up in danger.
Essence: Davy is being tricked!
Conflict:
Subtext: Davy is moving towards danger.
Hope/fear: We wish Davy wouldn’t follow his nose, but we fear he will.Beginning: Davy smells something and perks up. (Uncertainty)
Middle: He says he knows something good when he smells it. (Misinterpretation) It’s his favorite… chocolate! (Surprise)
End: He follows his nose towards the chocolate bars. (Suspense/Uncertainty)
23. EXT. EXIT DOOR/POOL/PATIO – SAN DIEGO – DAY
Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes hide behind some trees. Davy exits the building and runs towards the candy bars. He picks one up, takes off the wrapper and is about to take a bite when Big Betty steps forward. He screams. She snatches him up. Davy SCREAMS FOR HELP!Scene Arc: Davy is safe in the building but then is in danger by the pool.
Essence: Davy is being lured into danger by Big Betty.
Conflict: We don’t want him to leave the building but he is lured away anyway.
Subtext: Davy is in danger.
Hope/fear: We hope he will survive but we fear the Termo-Lytes will eat him!Beginning: Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes hide behind some trees. (Intrigue/Suspense)
Middle: Davy exits the building and runs towards the candy bars. (Suspense)
End: He picks one up, takes off the wrapper and is about to take a bite when Big Betty steps forward. He screams. She snatches him up. Davy SCREAMS FOR HELP! (Mislead/Reveal/Major Twist).
ACT 4:
24. INT. SPEAKEASY BAR
Tara and Meg hear Davy’s screams for help. They rush down the hall but the exit door is stuck. Big Betty tosses Davy in the pool, then throws a net over the pool. He can’t get out! They finally get the door open.Scene Arc: Davy is safe then he’s tossed in a murky pool
Essence: Davy is going to be brunch!
Conflict: Davy tries to get out of the pool but Big Betty stops him.
Subtext: The Termo-Lytes are sinister.
Hope/fear: We hope Davy will be OK but we fear he will drown.Beginning: Tara and Meg hear Davy’s screams for help. (Surprise) They rush down the hall but the exit door is stuck. (Surprise/Uncertainty)
Middle: Big Betty tosses Davy in the pool, then throws a net over the pool. (Surprise/Uncertainty)
End: They finally get the door open. (Suspense/Uncertainty)
25. EXT. PATH TO CADDY SHACK/CADDY SHACK/POOL PATIO
Tara and Meg rush to the caddy shack. The door is stuck, then it falls open and they sprawl on the floor and get covered by dust and cobwebs. They search for golf clubs and golf balls and find them hidden under some palm frond. They jump in a golf cart. It won’t start! Meg gets in the driver’s seat and Tara pushes it, then jumps in and roll downhill and over Big Betty’s toes. Meg twists her ankle and hides under a table.Scene Arc: They start out safe, then out of danger, then back in danger.
Essence: Tara has a plan to rescue Davy.
Conflict: Tara is trying to rescue Davy but she only enrages Big Betty.
Subtext: Tara is getting braver and more creative.
Hope/fear: We hope Davy will be okay but we fear he’ll drown.Beginning: Tara and Meg rush to the caddy shack. The door is stuck, then it falls open and they sprawl on the floor and get covered by dust and cobwebs. (Surprise/Suspense/Uncertainty)
Middle: They search for golf clubs and golf balls and find them hidden under some palm fronds. (Suspense/Uncertainty)
End: They jump in a golf cart. It won’t start! Meg gets in the driver’s seat and Tara pushes it, then jumps in and roll downhill and over Big Betty’s toes. Meg twists her ankle and hides under a table. (Suspense/Uncertainty/Surprise)
26. EXT. POOL/PATIO/CABANA/TUNNEL
Big Betty pulls off the net, scoops up Davy and stuffs him in her pocket. She rushes towards an old cabana. She kicks open the door, goes inside and presses a large pineapple ornament on the wall. A secret door swings open and it leads to a tunnel.Scene Arc: Davy starts out in the pool and now he’s being carried away!
Essence: Davy is still in danger!
Conflict: Davy tries to get out of Big Betty’s grasp but she won’t let him go.
Subtext: Big Betty has plans for Davy!
Hope/fear: We hope Davy will survive but we fear he won’t!Beginning: Big Betty pulls off the net, scoops up Davy and stuffs him in her pocket. (Intrigue/Surprise/Suspense/Uncertainty)
Middle: She rushes towards an old cabana. (Intrigue/Surprise/Suspense/Uncertainty)
End: She kicks open the door, goes inside and presses a large pineapple ornament on the wall. A secret door swings open and it leads to a tunnel. (Intrigue/Surprise/Suspense/Uncertainty)
27. INT. TUNNEL/CAVE ON MOUNTAINSIDE
The tunnel blasts 1920s dance music and disco balls hang from the ceiling as lights dance off of the silver balls and sparkle on the walls. Big Betty dances and laughs as she lumbers along. She arrives at a cave that’s decked out in pastel colors, like an old-fashioned Victorian Bedroom. A sign on the wall says WELCOME TO BIG BETTY’S BOUDOIR. Glitter falls from the ceiling. She ties up Davy with a large ball of yarn and puts him in a cupboard filled with cobwebs.Scene Arc: Davy is kidnapped then he gets tied up.
Essence: Davy is in danger!
Conflict: Davy tries to get away but Big Betty holds him tightly.
Subtext: Big Betty’s beautiful bedroom could be deadly for Davy.
Hope/fear: We hope Davy can escape but we fear he can’t get away.Beginning: The tunnel blasts 1920s dance music and disco balls hang from the ceiling as lights dance off of the silver balls and sparkle on the walls. (More Interesting Setting) Big Betty dances and laughs as she lumbers along. (Mislead/Reveal/ Intrigue/Suspense/Uncertainty)
Middle: She arrives at a cave that’s decked out in pastel colors, like an old-fashioned Victorian Bedroom. (More Interesting Setting/Surprise/Intrigue)
End: A sign on the wall says WELCOME TO BIG BETTY’S BOUDOIR. Glitter falls from the ceiling. She ties up Davy with a large ball of yarn and puts him in a cupboard filled with cobwebs. (Intrigue/Supsense/Uncertainty)
28. INT. SPEAKEASY BAR ROOM
Tara grabs cloth napkins, bottles of booze and Meg’s lighter. She has too much to carry and drops several bottles of booze. They smash to smithereens. She regroups, grabs more bottles and rushes out.Scene Arc: Tara starts with no plan and ends up with a plan.
Essence: Tara is fighting back against the Termo-Lytes.
Conflict:
Subtext: Tara is creative and will fight back. Hope/fear: We hope Tara’s plan will work but we worry that it won’t.Beginning: Tara grabs cloth napkins, bottles of booze and Meg’s lighter. (Intrigue/Suspense)
Middle: She has too much to carry and drops several bottles of booze. They smash to smithereens. (Surprise/Intrigue/Suspense/Uncertainty)
End: She regroups, grabs more bottles and rushes out. (Intrigue/Suspense/Uncertainty)
29. EXIT DOOR/POOL/PATIO – SAN DIEGO – DAY
Tara tries to lights a Molotov cocktail but it won’t light. She tries again, it lights then she and throws it at the Termo-Lytes. They scatter. She finds Meg hiding under the table. She says she’ll meet her soon at the caddy shack.Scene Arc: Meg starts out a prisoner and ends up rescued.
Essence: Tara has a plan to defeat the Termo-Lytes.
Conflict: Big Betty tries to stop Tara but Tara wins.
Subtext: Tara is becoming assertive and creative.
Hope/fear: We hope Meg will be ok but we fear for her safety.Beginning: Tara tries to lights a Molotov cocktail but it won’t light. (Intrigue/Suspense/Uncertainty)
Middle: She tries again, it lights then she and throws it at the Termo-Lytes. They scatter. (Intrigue/Suspense/Uncertainty)
End: She finds Meg hiding under the table. She says she’ll meet her soon at the caddy shack. (Intrigue/Suspense/Uncertainty)
30. TUNNEL/CAVE ON MOUNTAINSIDE
Tara trips on a box of dishes in the tunnel and scrapes her knee. She drops all but one bottle of booze and they shatter. She arrives at Big Betty’s Boudoir, and uses her last bottle of booze to light a Molotov cocktail at Big Betty and rescues Davy. They each jump in a giant pink plastic curler and roll down the side of the mountain.Scene Arc: Davy is a prisoner but ends up rescued by Tara.
Essence: Tara is brave and creative.
Conflict: Big Betty tries to stop Tara but Tara wins.
Subtext: Tara is becoming assertive and creative.
Hope/fear: We hope Davy will be ok but we fear for his safety.Beginning: Tara trips on a box of dishes in the tunnel and scrapes her knee. She drops all but one bottle of booze and they shatter. (Intrigue/Suspense/Uncertainty)
Middle: She arrives at Big Betty’s Boudoir, and uses her last bottle of booze to light a Molotov cocktail at Big Betty and rescues Davy. (Intrigue/Suspense/Uncertainty)
End: They each jump in a giant pink plastic curler and roll down the side of the mountain. (More Interesting setting/Intrigue/Suspense/Uncertainty)
31. INT. TUNNEL
Tara and Davy are chased down the hill by Big Betty. She yells at Tara through a giant megaphone and mocks Tara for being afraid of bugs. She says she and the Termo-Lytes were at the Halloween corn maze when she got lost there as a kid and they climbed on her foot and leg.Scene Arc: Tara and Davy start at Big Betty’s bedroom and end up in the tunnel.
Essence: Tara is getting braver!
Conflict: Tara and Davy are trying to escape but Big Betty is trying to catch them.
Subtext: Big Betty knows something about Tara’s childhood wound.
Hope/fear: We hope they get away but we fear Big Betty will catch them.Beginning: Tara and Davy are chased down the hill by Big Betty. (More Interesting Setting/ Intrigue/Suspense/Uncertainty)
Middle: She yells at Tara through a giant megaphone and mocks Tara for being afraid of bugs. (Intrigue/Suspense/Uncertainty)
End: She says she and the Termo-Lytes were at the Halloween corn maze when she got lost there as a kid and they climbed on her foot and leg. (Intrigue/Suspense/Uncertainty)
32. EXT. TUNNEL/POOL/PATIO
Davy and Tara hide behind a tree. Tara sticks out a pool pole and trips Big Betty. She rolls into the pool and flails around. The Termo-Lytes rush to help her. Tara and Davy run away. Tara pauses, runs back and sticks her tongue out at Big Betty and enrages her. She ROARS as Tara laughs.Scene Arc: Big Betty is fine then ends up in the pool.
Essence: Big Betty can’t swim.
Conflict: Davy tries to trip Big Betty but the Termo-Lytes try to rescue her.
Subtext: Davy is creative and brave.
Hope/fear: We hope Davy is safe but we fear Big Betty will get him!Beginning: Davy and Tara hide behind a tree. Tara sticks out a pool pole and trips Big Betty. (Mislead/Reveal/Intrigue/Suspense/Uncertainty)
Middle: She rolls into the pool and flails around. The Termo-Lytes rush to help her. (Major Twist/Suspense/Uncertainty)
End: Tara and Davy run away. Tara pauses, runs back and sticks her tongue out at Big Betty and enrages her. She ROARS as Tara laughs. (Character Changes Radically)
33. Ext. POOL/PATIO/CADDY SHACK/INDUSTRIAL KITCHEN/SPEAKEASY BAR
Tara, Davy rush to the Caddy shack and meet Meg there. They run into cobwebs and have to pull them off each other. They find croquet balls, golf balls, mallets and golf clubs under palm fronds. They rush to the speakeasy bar and dip the ball in olive oil and then in turmeric.Scene Arc: They start at the caddy shack and end up in the speakeasy bar with a plan.
Essence: They have a plan to defeat the Termo-Lytes!
Conflict: The Termo-Lytes are nearby and they need to evade them.
Subtext: They have a creative plan.
Hope/fear: We hope their plan will work but we fear it won’t work.Beginning: Tara, Davy rush to the Caddy shack and meet Meg there. They run into cobwebs and have to pull them off each other. (Surprise/Intrigue/Suspense/Uncertainty)
Middle: They find croquet balls, golf balls, mallets and golf clubs under palm fronds. (Surprise/Intrigue/Suspense/Uncertainty)
End: They rush to the speakeasy bar and dip the ball in olive oil and then in turmeric. (Intrigue/Suspense/Uncertainty)
34. INT. HALLWAY/INDUSTRIAL KITCHEN/SPEAKEASY BAR ROOM
Tara, Meg and Davy stuff the croquet and golf balls in their backpacks. They have to slow their pace because of Meg’s twisted ankle. They rush down a different hallway that Meg knows about. They exit through a different side door and sneak up to the hedges around the pool.Scene Arc: They start out in the speakeasy bar and end up near the pool
Essence: They plan to kill the Termo-Lytes.
Conflict: They’re hiding but they might be seen by the Termo-Lytes.
Subtext: They’re in danger.
Hope/fear: We hope they won’t be seen but we fear the Termo-Lytes will hear them.Beginning: Tara, Meg and Davy stuff the croquet and golf balls in their backpacks. They have to slow their pace because of Meg’s twisted ankle. (Intrigue/Suspense/Uncertainty)
Middle: They rush down a different hallway that Meg knows about. (Intrigue/Suspense/Uncertainty)
End: They exit through a different side door and sneak up to the hedges around the pool.
35. EXT. POOL/PATIO
A Termo-Lyte bangs a drum as the 10-second countdown begins. It’s Noon! The Summer Solstice! Sun touches the line on the Totem. The Totem wakes up and SINGS and LAUGHS. Big Betty does a ceremonial dance and all the Termo-Lytes dance around the totem, then bow down and pay homage to their Queen Big Betty. Tara step forward and hurls the poisoned croquet and golf balls at the Termo-Lytes. Big Betty grabs Davy and Meg and puts them in the pot. They are the main course.Scene Arc: Davy and Meg start out safe and end up as the main course!
Essence: Davy and Meg are in danger!
Conflict: Tara is trying to kill Big Betty but she outsmarts them!
Subtext: Big Betty is devious and evil.
Hope/fear: We hope Davy and Meg survive but we fear they will perish.Beginning: A Termo-Lyte bangs a drum as the 10-second countdown begins. It’s Noon! The Summer Solstice! (Major Twist/Surprise/Intrigue/Suspense/Uncertainty)
Middle: The Totem wakes up and SINGS and LAUGHS. Big Betty does a ceremonial dance and all the Termo-Lytes dance around the totem, then bow down and pay homage to their Queen Big Betty. (Major Twist/Surprise/Intrigue/Suspense/Uncertainty)
End: Tara step forward and hurls the poisoned croquet and golf balls at the Termo-Lytes. Big Betty grabs Davy and Meg and puts them in the pot. They are the main course. (Character Changes Radically)
36. EXT. POOL/PATIO
Big Betty yells at the Termo-Lytes to be careful but they don’t listen. They gobble up the poisoned croquet balls and die and fall into the pool. Big Betty ROARS IN RAGE. She lights a fire under the pot. Tara hits a croquet ball at Big Betty and it bounces off her ear. She grabs her ear in pain and jumps around. Tara rescues Meg and Davy and puts out the fire.Scene Arc: A Termo-Lyte is alive, then it dies.
Essence: Tara’s turmeric golf ball can kill a Termo-Lyte!
Conflict: Big Betty is trying to eat Davy and Meg for lunch.Tara is trying to save them.
Subtext: Tara is no longer afraid of bugs!
Hope/fear: We hope Tara’s turmeric golf ball kills the Termo-Lytes but we fear it won’t.Beginning: Big Betty yells at the Termo-Lytes to be careful but they don’t listen. They gobble up the poisoned croquet balls and die and fall into the pool. (Major Twist)
Middle: Big Betty ROARS IN RAGE. She lights a fire under the pot. (Suspense/Intrigue/Uncertainty)
End: . Tara hits a croquet ball at Big Betty and it bounces off her ear. She grabs her ear in pain and jumps around. Tara rescues Meg and Davy and puts out the fire. (Major Twist/Suspense/Intrigue/Uncertainty)
37. EXT. POOL/PATIO
Big Betty picks up Tara and opens her mouth to eat her. She says Tara will always be a scaredy cat and afraid of bugs. Tara hurls a croquet ball up Big Betty’s nose. Tara says her past doesn’t define her future. Big Betty breathes it in. Then she opens her mouth and puts Tara between her teeth. She breathes in the poison and dies. Tara jumps out of Big Betty’s teeth, jumps to a palm tree and shimmies down.Scene Arc: Tara is in danger then she kills Big Betty.
Essence: Tara is brave and fights back.
Conflict: Big Betty is going to eat Tara but Tara fight back.
Subtext: Tara is no longer afraid of bugs, even giant mutant bugs!
Hope/fear: We hope Tara’s turmeric croquet ball works but we fear it won’t.Beginning: Big Betty picks up Tara and opens her mouth to eat her. (Major Twist/Suspense/Intrigue/Uncertainty) She says Tara will always be a scaredy cat and afraid of bugs. (Intrigue/Mystery)
Middle: Tara hurls a croquet ball up Big Betty’s nose. Tara says her past doesn’t define her future. (Character Changes Radically/Intrigue/Suspense/Uncertainty)
End: Big Betty breathes it in. Then she opens her mouth and puts Tara between her teeth. She breathes in the poison and dies. Tara jumps out of Big Betty’s teeth, jumps to a palm tree and shimmies down. (Major Twist/Character Changes Radically)
38. EXT. FOUNTAIN AT COUNTRY CLUB MAIN ENTRANCE
Tara, Meg and Davy are safe but still stranded. Meg reveals that she used the money from her late husband’s estate to buy the country club. Meg wanted to build a new garden club, and created the green goo to kill the termites without harming any native plants. She didn’t know Spirulina brought termites to life and made them grow. Tad, Tara’s parents, and Clare and Max drives up in his hippy van to give them a ride home. He says the map they gave Tara was the wrong one!Scene Arc: They go from stranded to rescued by Tad.
Essence: Tad is more than an old drunken hippy, he loves Meg!
Conflict:
Subtext: There’s more to Tad than meets the eye!
Hope/fear: We hope they find a way home but we fear they’re stranded.Beginning: Tara, Meg and Davy are safe but still stranded. Meg reveals that she used the money from her late husband’s estate to buy the country club. (Mystery/Major Twist)
Middle: Meg wanted to build a new garden club, and created the green goo to kill the termites without harming any native plants. She didn’t know Spirulina brought termites to life and made them grow. (Mystery/Major Twist)
End: Tad, Tara’s parents, and Clare and Max drives up in his hippy van to give them a ride home. He says the map they gave Tara was the wrong one! (Mystery/Major Twist)
39. INT. INDUSTRIAL KITCHEN/SPEAKEASY BAR ROOM
ONE MONTH LATER: A rat knocks another jar of green goo on the floor. The jar breaks and the green goo seeps toward a hole in a baseboard, where termites eat away on the wood. The green goo starts to cover them. They start to come alive and grow bigger.
Scene Arc: The termites are dead, then they’re revived, and the cycle continues!
Essence: The green goo revives dead termites.
Conflict:
Subtext: The Termo-Lytes will be back!
Hope/fear: We hope the termites don’t come to life, but we fear they will.Beginning: ONE MONTH LATER: A rat knocks another jar of green goo on the floor. (Major Twist/Surprise/Suspense/Uncertainty)
Middle: The jar breaks and the green goo seeps toward a hole in a baseboard, where termites eat away on the wood. (Suspense)
End: The green goo starts to cover them. They start to come alive and grow bigger. (Major Twist/Surprise/Suspense/Uncertainty)
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Micki’s
My vision: Be recognized as a writer that will work with the industry and would do what it takes to be that WRITER.
What I learned from doing this assignment is digging deeper into the script with interesting techniques for scene, characters and action.
ACT ONE
1 EXT. STREET—DAY
A woman who could be mistaken for a tourist, DAKOTA TANNER, steps out onto the sidewalk with a garment bag.
SA: Going from a store to the Lake house.
E: Scenery of the town to the lake house.
C: Slow cars
S:
H/F: We hope she gets to the lake house with any problems, we fear she might have a flat tire.
Beginning: She leaves the store as rain starts pouring down.
Middle: Slow cars because of the downpour.
Ending: She gets to the lake house.
New:
Beginning: She rushes to her car in the rain. ( More interesting setting)
Middle: Slow cars break in front of her. (Surprise)
Ending: Causes her to skid. (Uncertainly)
2 INT. LAKEHOUSE- KITCHEN —DAY
Dakota expresses who she wants the feud to end with her sister, BLAKE RILEY.
SA: She puts the garment bag away. She goes to her family and
asks for help to end the feud.
E: She hopes for help.
S: She wants to end the feud.
H/F: We hope the family helps her and we fear that they might not.
Beginning: She puts the garment bag away in her parents room.
Middle: She enters the kitchen with the fragrance of a home cooked meal.
Ending: She informs them she wants to end the feud.
New:
Beginning: She places the garment bag on the kitchen chair. (Intrigue)
Middle: Her stomach growls. (Betrayal)
Ending: She announces she is ending the feud with Blake. (Uncomfortable moment.)
3 EXT. LAKE HOUSE DRIVEWAY—DAY
A rushed woman, BLAKE RILEY, arrives and sees Dakota’s car.
SA: Blake sees her sister’s car, she storms to the house.
E: She sees red.
C: Slamming of the car door.
S: There is going to be a fight.
H/F: We hope Dakota is ready for Blake’s anger. We fear that Blake is going to start a fight with Dakota.
Beginning: Blake sees Dakota car.
Middle: She slams the car door.
Ending: Stomps to the house.
New:
Beginning: Blakes breaks hard. (External Dilemma)
Middle: She storms to the house. (Superior position)
Ending: Jerk the door open and the door refuses to open. (Surprise)
INCITING INCIDENT
4 INT. HOUSE—DAY
Dakota and Blake go up to the attic to look for the tablecloth.
SA: Sisters go from the kitchen to up to the attic.
C: Sisters are upset with each other.
H/F: We hope Dakota will put an end to the feud. We fear that Blake wants to keep feuding.
Beginning: The sisters head up to the attic.
Middle: Sisters are upset with each other.
Ending: Dakota gently closes the door.
New:
Beginning: Blake shoves Dakota on the way to the attic. (Superior Position)
Middle: Dakota stops in front of Blake before opening the door to the attic. (Uncertainly)
Ending: Dakota opens the door and let Blake in. (Internal dilemma)
5 INT. ATTIC—DAY
Dakota starts looking through some boxes.
SA: Facing all the boxes to go through them.
C: The boxes and no help from Blake
H/F: We hope Dakota finds the item. We fear she might not.
Beginning: Dakota glances around and sees the boxes.
Middle: Blake sits on the sofa.
Ending: Dakota picks a box and goes through it.
New:
Beginning:
Middle:
Ending:
6 INT. ATTIC—DAY
Blake refuses to look through the boxes or anything else.
SA: Blake sits down and does nothing while Dakota looks for it; to her looking around..
E: Blake will not help if her life depends on it.
C: WIll Blake help?
S: Blake not helping will take longer.
H/F: We hope she helps, we fear she would not.
Beginning: Blake refuses to help.
Middle: She throws a doll at Dakota.
Ending: Dakota throws it back.
New:
Beginning: Blake sits down like she is the queen. (Anticipation)
Middle: Blake sees one of Dakota’s dolls. She grabs it and throws it at Dakota. (Character Reveal)
Ending: Dakota picks up the doll and throws it back at Blake. (Out of character)
TURNING POINT 1:
7 INT. ATTIC—DAY
Blake gets up and sees a CD player and CDs, she finds a mixed jam.
SA: Blake gets up, looks around to where she plays music.
E: She plays music
H/F: We hope she will help. We fear she isn’t.
Beginning: Blake spots a CD player.
Middle: She goes and plugs it in.
Ending: She put a mixed CD into the player.
New:
Beginning: The doll passes Blake and lands on the CD player. (Interesting setting)
Middle: She plugs in the CD and plays a CD. It works. (Surprise)
Ending: Turns up the volume. (Betrayal) Blake knows Dakota has sensitive hearing.
Dakota pulls the plug.
SA: She had enough of the crap and she goes try to take control.
E: Enough is enough.
H/F: We hope she gets some help. We fear she isn’t.
Beginning: Dakota sees Blake and the music is loud.
Middle: She walks over to the player.
Ending: She unplugs it.
New:
Beginning: Dakota places her hand over each ear. (Uncomfortable moment)
Middle: She walks quickly over to the CD player and unplugs it. (Surprise)
Ending: Goes back searching through boxes for the item. (Dutiful)
8 INT. ATTIC—DAY
Dakota looks for it and gives up.
SA: She looks for it and she heads down the stairs
C: She can’t do it anymore.
H/F: We hope she can get out. We fear that she can’t.
Beginning: Dakota looks through some boxes.
Middle: She gets tired.
Ending: She sits down on the sofa.
New:
Beginning: After five huge boxes, she gives up. (Intrigue)
Middle: She watches Blake. (Cliffhanger)
Ending: She places her head in her hands. (Mislead.) She goes to the stairwell. (Mislead)
9 INT. STAIRWELL–DAY
Dakota heads back down and the door is locked.
SA: She hopes to get out instead she is locked in.
E: Will she get out or not?
C: She can’t take anymore of her sister.
H/F: We hope she can get, our fear of her being locked up.
Beginning: She gets up.
Middle: She goes to the door.
Ending: She rattles the doorknob.
New:
Beginning: She walks down to the stairwell. (Anticipation)
Middle: She breathes deeply and reaches for the doorknob. (Mystery)
Ending: She rattles the lock door. (Misdirect)
ACT TWO
10 INT. STAIRCASE–DAY
Dakota realizes her and Blake are locked up in the attic.
SA: Dakota tries to leave and she can’t.
C: She feels like crying,and screaming.
S: She hopes to get out of the attic.
H/F: We hope she was able to leave. We fear she will not be able to.
Beginning: She tries to open the door.
Middle: She pounds on the door.
Ending: She screams, sits down on the step and cries.
New:
Beginning: She pounds on the door. (Distraught)
Middle: She pulls on the doorknob. (Fear)
Ending: She sits down. (Defeat)
11 INT. ATTIC–DAY
Blake plugs the CD player and puts her favorite CD in and starts dancing.
SA: Blake plugs the CD player back and she starts dancing, bumping into Dakota.
E: Blake doing what she wants and she does.
C: She is enjoying being a pain in the ass.
H/F: We hope Blake will help. We fear she is being an ass.
Beginning: Blake plugs the CD.
Middle: Goes through CDs, smiles when she finds her favorite.
Ending: Starts dancing, she bumps into Dakota.
New:
Beginning: Blake plugs in the CD player and lowers the volume. (Character changes radically)
Middle: Blake starts looking through the boxes. (Character changes radically)
Ending: Her favorite song comes on, she starts dancing. (More interesting)
TURNING POINT 2 / Midpoint:
12 INT. ATTIC–DAY
Dakota finds her old high school album and a picture falls to the floor.
SA: Dakota looks through her album and smiling, didn’t notice the picture.
E: Memories of high school.
Beginning: Goes through a box and finds an album.
Middle: She goes through the pages.
Ending: A picture of falls out.
New:
Beginning: Dakota and Blake go through the boxes. (More interesting situation)
Middle: Dakota finds the old high school albums. (Reveal)
Ending: She starts laughing at the pictures. (Suspense)
13 INT. ATTIC—DAY
Dakota sits on the floor and starts to cry.
C: She remembers the good times she and Blake had.
S: She hurt for those years.
Beginning: She sits on the floor.
Middle: Dakota looks at her and Blake hugging and smiling.
Ending: She cries over the album.
New:
Beginning: Dakota shows Blake the picture of them two acting goofy. (Reveal)
Middle: Blake stands up and imitates the picture. (Reveal)
Ending: Dakota laughs at Blake. (Surprise)
Blake picks up the photo she took and shows Dakota kissing John Grant at the dance.
E: Blake hurt back then.
C: She wants to ruin Dakota.
S: She hates Dakota.
H/F: We hope she will forgive Dakota. We fear her hatred will ruin her.
Beginning: She saw them kissing in the photo.
Middle: Her hatred for Dakota started.
Ending: She throws the photo down.
New:
Beginning: Blake picks up a picture from the box. It was Dakota kissing John. (Intrigue)
Middle: Blake shows the photo to Dakota. Dakota’s smile disappears. (Major twist)
Ending: Blake demands the kiss. (Uncomfortable moment)
Dakota explains to Blake what really happened.
C: She hopes this helps.
S: She does care about Blake.
H/F: We hope the sisters finally forgive. We fear they will not.
Beginning: Dakota finds the photo.
Middle: Blake blames Dakota for the kiss.
Ending: Dakota explains what really happened.
New:
Beginning: Dakota tries to explain but Blake stops her. (Twist)
Middle: Blake blames Dakota for her unhappy years in high school. (Reveal)
Ending: Dakota rapidly tells Blake what happened. (Reveal)
ACT THREE
14 INT. ATTIC—DAY
Blake notices a motorcycle.
SA: Blake wants to know who owns the bike and she finds out, she gets angry.
C: High school nightmare over again
H/F: We hope Blake will understand. We fear she will not.
Beginning: Blake glances out the window.
Middle: Sees a motorcycle.
Ending: Blake asks Dakota who it belongs to.
New:
Beginning: While Dakota explains, Blake goes to the window and sees the bike. (Cliffhanger)
Middle: She asks Dakota who owns the bike. (Uncertainly)
Ending: Blake asks again, Dakota refuses to answer. (Internal dilemma)
Blake tells Dakota that she doesn’t deserve John, that he was hers to have.
C: Dakota feels she does and Blake will have to accept it.
Beginning: Blake yells at Dakota how dare her.
Middle: Dakota explains why.
Ending: Blake wants John.
New:
Beginning: Blake demands why Dakota is doing this to her. (Betrayal.
Middle: Dakota tells Blake she deserves happiness and she finds it in John. (suspense)
Ending: Blake throws things at Dakota. Dakota ducks. (betrayal)
TURNING POINT 3
14 INT. ATTIC—DAY
Dakota tells Blake she wants to end the feud.
SA: Dakota tells Blake she wants to end the feud, Blake gets highly upset.
E: To end the feud.
C: Blake wants to keep the feud going.
S: Blake will lie.
H/F: We hope Dakota sees through her sister. We fear that Blake will harm Dakota.
Beginning: Dakota tells Blake the feud is over.
Middle: Blake says it isn’t.
Ending: Dakota wants it over.
New:
Beginning: Dakota tells Blake the feud is over. (Reveal)
Middle: Dakota is no longer going to fight with Blake, she had enough. (External Dilemma)
Ending: Blake attacks Dakota by knocking her on the floor. Dakota grabs her stomach and murmurs something. (surprise and cliffhanger)
Blake finds out that Dakota wants to end the feud.
SA: She has a hissy fit of a three-year-old, she starts throwing pillows.
Beginning: Blake says the feud can’t be over.
Middle: She says it will end when she dies.
Ending: Dakota throws a pillow at Blake.
New:
Beginning: Blake refuses to help Dakota up and end the feud. (Intrigue)
Middle: Dakota asks Blake why she doesn’t want to end it. (Anticipation)
Ending: Blake says Dakota doesn’t deserve happiness because Blake’s life is in shambles. (Reveal)
ACT 4 CLIMAX
15 INT ATTIC—DAY
Dakota sees the photo of John kissing her.
SA: She gets furious at Blake and then laughs.
Beginning: Dakota notices the picture of her and John.
Middle: She picks it up and Blake tries to take it away.
Ending: She tells Blake that she is marrying John.
New:
Beginning: Dakota tells Blake about marrying John, because she does deserve happiness and family. (Reveal)
Middle: Dakota is willing to fight for her happiness (Character changes radically)
Ending: Dakota pulls Blake’s hair and Blake pulls Dakota’s hair. (Superior position)
RESOLUTION
16 EXT. BY THE LAKE—NIGHT
Dakota marries John.
SA: Dakota goes from being single to marrying John.
E: She is happy.
H/F: We hope the newlyweds will have a happy future. We have no fear.
Blake stands next to Dakota at the wedding.
H/F: We hope she loves her family. We have no fear.
Beginning: Dakota walks down the makeshift aisle by the lake.
Middle: Blake stands next to Dakota.
Ending: Dakota kisses John while fireworks go off.
New:
Beginning: Dakota walks down the aisle with her father, John watches her. (Anticipation)
Middle: Blake makes a small speech about how she is proud of her sister. (Major twist and surprise)
Ending: John and Dakota kiss under the fireworks as the family cheer. (Ending)
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Sandra’s Fascinating Scene Outlines
Vision: I am doing what I love to do as a writer with several successful produced movies.
What I learned doing this assignment is how to incorporate interest techniques into the beginning, middle and end of each scene. This lesson was challenging, time consuming and hopefully more interesting now.
Title: SMUGGLERS JOURNEY
Genre: Drama
ACT 1:
Scene Arc: From police officers speeding down a road to knocking on a house door.
1. EXT. JEEP – DAY
Jeep with four police officers, speeds down a dirt road to a small remote house. They jump out with guns ready.
Beginning: (Intrigue) Police speed down a remote road. Where are the police going?
Middle: (Mystery) With guns aimed, they bang on a house door. What happened? Who are they after?
End: (Uncertainty) Will they capture or shoot someone?
2. INT. OFFICE/HOUSE – DAY
Sloane (age 30) relaxes at home watching tv. Knock on the door. Sloane cautiously peaks through the curtain and sees police with rifles.
Beginning: (Superior Position) Sloane fixes a drink and relaxes in front of the tv. We know that the police are knocking on his door with their guns drawn.
Middle: (Surprise) Sloane peaks out through the curtains. He wasn’t expecting any company.
End: (Suspense) What will Sloane do – open the door or run and hide?
3. INT. PARENT’S HOUSE – DAY (20 years earlier)
Sloane (age 10) and his mother are surprised when a policeman knocks on their door. Sloane dashes to his room and slips under the covers.
Beginning: (Twist) Sloane and his mother dance around and have breakfast. (Surprise) Knock on the door.
Middle: Sloane peaks out through the curtains, sees a policeman. Runs to tell his mother and then jumps into his bed. (Mislead) Sloane pretends to be sick.
End: (Reveal) Sloane has been truant for 40-days. The policeman is here to take Sloane to school.
4. INT. RESTAURANT – DAY
Sloane and his mother have dinner at a nice restaurant. Sloane wants dessert and runs out of the restaurant when his mother wants him to wait.
Beginning: (Mislead) Sloane and his mother enjoy a nice dinner. Sloane’s mother insists he finish his dinner before he can eat dessert.
Middle: (Character Changes Radically/ Uncomfortable Moment) Sloane gets mad at his mother, throws his fork on the table and storms out the door. He runs down the street to an alley.
End: (Suspense) His mother chases after him, finds him in the alley and sternly grabs him by the arm. (Reveal) Then she laughs. They pulled a prank by leaving without paying.
5. INT. OFFICE – DAY
Sloane (now 18) interviews for a cruise ship position and doesn’t get it, so he joins the Navy.
Beginning: (Hope/Misinterpretation) Sloane is excited about interviewing for a job on a cruise ship. He didn’t know the interview would involve dancing.
Middle: (Uncertainty) Disappointed when he doesn’t get the job. Not sure what to do. He doesn’t want to go to college.
End: (Internal Dilemma) He wants to get away from home, but not sure what direction to take, so he joins the Navy.
6. EXT. SHIP – NIGHT
At a naval party, Sloane meets a woman. They fall in love and get married.
Beginning: (Uncomfortable Moment) Sloane hasn’t really dated and not sure what to do when he meets a woman at a party.
Middle: They go back to her place and make love. (Surprise) The next morning her father enters the room carrying a gun and wakes them up.
End: (External Dilemma) The father will shoot Sloane if he doesn’t marry his daughter right then. Preacher is in the living room.
7. INT. SHIP – NIGHT
Sloane (age 25) studies and passes the captain’s test. He is one of the youngest sea captains in naval history.
Beginning: Sloane studies, passes the captain’s test and is assigned his first ship. (Uncomfortable Moment) Ship mates pull pranks and make things difficult for Sloane.
Middle: (Major Twist) Sloane discovers his ship crew is smuggling oil.
End: (Suspense) Sloane threatens to report the smuggling to the authorities.
8. EXT. DOCKS – NIGHT
Sloane leaves a bar and is unexpectedly ambushed. He puts up a fight, but is no match to his opponent.
Beginning: (Superior Position/Suspense) Mr. Big orders someone to warn Sloane.
Middle: (Internal Dilemma) Sloane tries to ignore the smuggling by leaving the ship and going to a local bar while the smuggling occurs.
End: (Uncomfortable Moment/Uncertainty) Sloane is badly beaten. He manages to crawl back to the ship and collapses.
ACT 2:
9. INT. OFFICE – DAY
Sloane transfers to another ship to get away from the smuggling only to find himself more entrenched.
Beginning: (External Dilemma/Uncomfortable Moment) Sloane requests a transfer to another ship. Unfortunately, the new crew is even more corrupt.
Middle: (Internal Dilemma) Sloane faces a dilemma of reporting the illegal activities or joining in on the smuggling. Either way, he risks being killed.
End: (Character Changes Radically) Sloane learns all about smuggling firsthand.
10. INT. BANK – DAY
Sloane meets with Mr. Big and interviews for a job inspecting ships.
Beginning: (Mislead) Mr. Big meets with Sloane and tells Sloane about an open job inspecting ships.
Middle: (Internal/External Dilemma) Sloane’s family is growing and he needs the money, so he accepts the job.
End: (Misinterpretation/Reveal) Sloane is not aware that his new job involves illegal activities.
11. EXT. DOCKS – DAY
Sloane inspects ships, forges documents, collects fees and fines, and exchanges money (money laundering).
Beginning: (Uncomfortable Moment) Sloane trips and falls as he goes on deck of a ship to inspect.
Middle: (Uncertainty) The ship’s Captain is angry and threatens Sloane as he inspects the ship above and below deck.
End: (Suspense) Sloane signs the paperwork and collects the cash fee. Then moves to the next ship.
12. INT. OFFICE/HOUSE – DAY
Sloane (age 30) at home watching tv, when there’s a knock on the door. Sloane invites the police in.
Beginning: (Mislead) All smiles, Sloane invites the police in and offers them drinks and snacks.
Middle: (Betrayal) Sloane is unaware that Mr. Big tipped off the police. (Surprise) Sloane hides large amounts of cash in his closet.
End: (Reveal) He pays off the police with a large duffle bag full of cash. The policemen leave happy.
13. INT. HOSPITAL – DAY
Sloane visits his father in the hospital.
Beginning: (Intrigue) Sloane receives a phone call and leaves for the airport without telling anyone.
Middle: (Uncertainty) Sloane rushes into the hospital to be with his dying father.
End: (Uncomfortable Moment) His father whispers something to Sloane before he dies.
14. INT. PARENT’S HOUSE – DAY
Sloane helps his mother go through his father’s things, and figure out the financial and legal paperwork.
Beginning: (Uncomfortable Moment) Sloan helps his mother go through his father’s belongings.
Middle: (Suspense) He tries to figure out the financial and legal paperwork, however some accounts are missing or hidden.
End: (Uncertainty) He finds out things he didn’t know about his father.
ACT 3:
15. INT. SLOANE’S HOUSE – DAY
Sloane leaves the ship and smuggling business. Sloane tries several legitimate jobs.
Beginning: (Suspense) Sloane leaves the ship and smuggling business.
Middle: (Uncertainty) Sloane tries several legitimate jobs. They all fail and he is unemployed. Arguments with his wife worsen.
End: (Uncomfortable Moment) Sloane drinks and plays with his children while his wife works. She comes home and finds the house a mess and Sloane passed out.
16. INT. BANK – DAY
Sloane goes back to working with Mr. Big.
Beginning: (Dilemma) Mr. Big convinces Sloane to come back and smuggle whiskey.
Middle: (Mystery) One container of whiskey is confiscated by the police and the other disappears.
End: (Uncertainty) The police are hot on Sloane’s trail.
17. EXT. DOCKS – DAY
When business dries up Sloane looks for other ways to make money.
Beginning: (Dilemma) When business dries up, Sloane tries to sell the ship.
Middle: (Betrayal) Without telling Sloane, Mr. Big has the ship blown up
End: (Suspense) Sloane worries about the men onboard.
18. INT. BANK – DAY
An informant tells Sloane who was behind the ship explosion.
Beginning: (Betrayal) Sloane learns Mr. Big ordered the ship explosion to collect the insurance money.
Middle: (Character Changes Radically) Sloane enters Mr. Big’s office calmly and then becomes argumentative and shoves Mr. Big up against the wall.
End: (Uncertainty) Sloane storms out of the bank.
19. INT. PARENT’S HOUSE – DAY
Sloane goes home when his mother dies.
Beginning: (Internal Dilemma) Sloane goes home when his mother dies.
Middle: (Major Twist) Sloane sorts through his mother’s things and finds hidden love letters from another man.
End: (Betrayal) Sloan learns his father wasn’t really his father, and this man died a couple years ago.
ACT 4 CLIMAX:
20. INT. BANK – DAY
Sloane ends his partnership with Mr. Big and walks away from the insurance money.
Beginning: (Betrayal) Sloane ends his partnership with Mr. Big and gives up the life of crime.
Middle: (Dilemma) Sloane walks away from the insurance money.
End: (Uncertainty) With very little savings and not knowing what he is going to do, Sloane goes home.
21. INT. BAR/RESTAURANT – DAY
Sloane meets an old friend for lunch at their favorite bar, not knowing the friend is sober.
Beginning: (Misinterpretation) Sloane meets an old friend for lunch at their favorite bar, not knowing the friend is sober.
Middle: (Uncertainty) The friend thinks Sloane has a drinking problem. Sloane is in denial.
End: (Uncomfortable Moment) Sloane coughs up blood and is rushed to the emergency room.
22. INT. TREATMENT PROGRAM – DAY
Sloane enters a long-term residential treatment program and has difficulty adjusting.
Beginning: (Uncertainty) Sloane enters a long-term residential treatment program.
Middle: (Suspense) He’s almost kicked out for bending the rules.
End: (Uncertainty) Sloane is surrounded by friends and family when he completes treatment.
23. EXT. HOUSE – DAY
Sloane (age 50) on the patio feeling sorry for himself, when his children all show up and surprise him.
Beginning: (Internal Dilemma) Sloane (age 50) sitting home alone, bored, feeling sorry for himself.
Middle: (Surprise) His children show up and throw a birthday party for him.
End: (Suspense/Betrayal) Someone brought booze, mixes a drink and hands it to Sloane.
24. EXT./INT. CRUISE SHIP – DAY
Sloane meets a woman online, falls in love and gets married.
Beginning: (Intrigue) Sloane stands on the cruise ship deck with a woman as the ship leaves the dock.
Middle: (Suspense) Sloane picks her up and acts like he is going to throw her overboard.
End: Instead, he carries her to the back of the ship. (Uncomfortable Moment) As the ship captain conducts the wedding ceremony, Sloane cannot find the wedding ring. It slipped through a hole in his pocket and is in the lining of his jacket.
25. EXT./INT. PRISON – DAY
Sloane becomes a certified addictions counselor and works with prison inmates.
Beginning: (Intrigue) Sloane walks through the doors of the prison.
Middle: (Mislead) Guards take Sloane’s possessions, search him and give him a hard time.
End: (Reveal) Sloane in a room with inmates as he leads a group therapy session.
26. INT. BANK – DAY
Bank employees arrive at work, find the vault empty and Mr. Big gone.
Beginning: (Suspense) Bank employees arrive at work and find the vault empty.
Middle: (Intrigue) Mr. Big’s office has been cleaned out and they cannot find him anywhere.
End: (Cliffhanger) Where has Mr. Big and the money gone?
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Joe McGloin makes every scene fascinating
Vision: I am a talented, highly regarded, efficient, relaxed, happy, WGA screenwriter
What I learned from doing this assignment is how easy it is to add the interest techniques in ways that make the story more intense.
ACT I
1. EXT. HEAVEN – DAY
Beginning: New Guardian Angel Max (Interesting setting) flips through videos of potential assignments
Middle: Max is a picky and heavy-handed Angel (surprise)
End: Max appears uninterested in any possible Guardian Angel assignments (uncertainty)
2. INT. STATE POLITICAL HEADQUARTERS – DAY
Beginning: Jane enters her office, breezily greeting co-workers as a superior would (mislead)
Middle: Jane nearly barricades herself in her corner cubical, exhaling in relief (superior position)
End: Jane is a low-level political aide (reveal) with intimacy issues
INCITING INCIDENT
3. EXT. HEAVEN – DAY
Beginning: Max can be assigned to Jane despite his protests or it’s back to Cherub School (external dilemma)
Middle: Max weights his options while arguing with his assigner Clarence (suspense)
End: Max reluctantly grabs his assignment sheet, balls it up and tosses it at Clarence (surprise)
4. INT. STATE POLITICAL HEADQUARTERS – DAY
Beginning: Jane picks up Max’s upset as a cold wind (surprise)
Middle: Jane has a positive reaction, surprising her, and a ray of light links the two (uncertainty)
End: Jane takes down one of the barriers she erected in her cubicle (surprise)
5. EXT. HEAVEN – DAY
Beginning: Clarence emotionally appeals Max’s assignment but loses (Twist)
Middle: Clarence takes out his displeasure with a hurricane (uncomfortable moment)
End: Clarence glares at Max who prepares to leave for his assignment (superior position)
6. INT. BAR – DAY
Beginning: Jane enters a bar with a co-worker (surprise)
Middle: She confides to a co-worker that relationships interfere with careers (external dilemma)
End: Jane reluctantly makes a date (suspense)
7. INT. STATE POLITICAL HEADQUARTERS – DAY
Beginning: Max in a physical body tests Jane with intrusive physical tricks (uncertainty)
Middle: Jane seems to feel his presence (suspense)
End: Jane turns each intrusion to her advantage (surprise)
8. INT. BAR – DAY
Beginning: Jane’s suitor gives her a cold stare as he brushes by her (suspense)
Middle: Jane shares with her co-worker that she stood up her date (surprise)
End: Co-worker slides away from this lady with serious relationship issues (mystery).
9. EXT. HEAVEN – DAY
TURNING POINT
Beginning: Jane is the fall guy for a poorly prepared bill (betrayal)
Middle: Despite Max’s pleas to Clarence for assistance, Clarence just watches (Intrigue)
End: Max realizes he’s on his own (uncomfortable moment)
ACT II
10. INT. STATE POLITICAL OFFICE – DAY
Beginning: Max is no help to Jane in keeping her out of political harm’s way (uncomfortable moment)
Middle: Jane is confident in her ability to keep herself out of harm’s way (suspense)
End: Jane enlists a trusted co-worker for a last minute response to the attempt on her career (uncertainty)
11. INT. STATE POLITICAL OFFICE – NIGHT
Beginning: Max watches Jane work hard and fast to re-write the bill (major twist)
Middle: Jane is sharp, focused, and resilient during her all-nigh marathon response to the attack on her career (suspense)
End: without resorting to dirty tricks, Jane’s response is admirable to Max (surprise).
12. EXT. HEAVAN – DAY
Beginning: Things come to a head between Max and Clarence (suspense)
Middle: Max accuses Clarence of setting him Max up for failure (intrigue)
End: Clarence spills the beans to all listening that Max failed Cherub, that’s why he’s been given to Clarence for a different assignment (betrayal)
13. INT. STATE CONGRESS BUILDING – DAY
Beginning: The revised bill is presented to Congress (suspense)
Middle: Jane’s co-workers are outed as nasty blame-shifters (betrayal)
End: The bill passes and Jane is not only vindicated but shown to be an exemplary worker (major twist)
14. INT. RESTAURANT – DAY
Beginning: Jane makes a semi-romantic overture to Max (uncertainty)
Middle: Jane asks Max to be her “example” of a constituent so she can see people as individuals not just a group to be led politically (character changes radically)
End: Max agrees to the new level of relationship (surprise)
15. INT. STATE POLITICAL HEADQUARTERS – DAY
Beginning: Max and Jane clash over the just passed bill’s efficacy (uncomfortable moment)
Middle: Max reverts to a heavy-handed view vs. Jane’s consensus building (suspense)
End: Max and Jane cause a crack in their new relationship (uncertainty)
16. EXT. HEAVEN – DAY
Beginning: Clarence reports to higher authorities that the Guardian Angel program’s effectiveness is decreasing (uncertainty)
Middle: Clarence and the higher ups clash as they fail to take action (surprise)
End: Clarence is on his own to resolve the issue (suspense)
17. INT. STATE POLITICAL OFFICE – DAY
Beginning: Clarence makes Max wear a human body full time due to his continued heavy-handedness (major twist)
Middle: Max is caught changing out of his heavenly body into his full-time human body (suspense)
End: Max uses his now limited skills to protect Jane with limited results (uncertainty)
Midpoint/Turning Point
18. INT. STATE POLITICAL HEADQUARTERS – DAY
Beginning: Jane’s boss in arrested for vote tampering (major twist)
Middle: She has to decide whether to take a new job at the national level or stay in her job with Max (internal dilemma).
End: Jane takes the job which distances herself from Max (uncertainty).
ACT III
19. INT. NATIONAL POLITICAL PARTY HEADQUARTERS – NIGHT
Beginning: Max gets hired as Jane’s political aide despite competition from a co-worker (suspense)
Middle: Max is not sure how to be both her guardian and supervisee (suspense
End: Max and Jane renew their bond in a potentially romantic way (uncertainty)
20. INT. NATIONAL POLITICAL PARTY HEADQUARTERS – DAY
Beginning: Jane’s aide attempts to usurp her position (intrigue)
Middle: rather than punish them, she trains them how to be effective without dirty tricks (surprise)
End: Jane is a good influence on her entire office, including heavy-handed Max (surprise)
21. EXT. HEAVEN – DAY
Beginning: Clarence watches Max fight his old impulses to interfere with Jane (suspense)
Middle: Clarence has a growing admiration for Max (character changes radically)
End: Clarence gives Max a rainbow, a gift that can be redeemed in a time of need (uncertainty)
22. INT. NATIONAL POLITICAL PARTY HEADQUARTERS – DAY
Beginning: Max and the “usurper” vie for the position of Jane’s analyst (uncertainty)
Middle: Max is chosen, a position that will give him vastly increased time with Jane (superior position)
End: Despite their differences, Max and Jane both realize the implications of more time together (uncertainty)
23. INT. MAX’S APARTMENT – DAY
Beginning: Max confides to Clarence that he is falling in love with his assignment (major twist)
Middle: Clarence shares that losing his objectivity through love is grounds for extraction (uncertainty)
End: Max has to consider ending the relationship to maintain his role as Jane’s Guardian Angel (uncomfortable moment))
24. INT. CAMPAIGN TRAIL – NIGHT
Beginning: Max distances himself from Jane (internal dilemma)
Middle: Max is no longer using heavy-handed techniques with Jane or anyone else he encounters (superior position)
End: His feelings only grow as he watches Jane work (suspense)
25. EXT. HEAVEN – DAY
Beginning: Clarence watches Max closely for any action indicating loss of objectivity through overprotection of Jane, cause for immediate extraction (suspense)
Middle: Max nearly causes his extraction over a small issue Jane faces in the office (uncomfortable moment)
End: Clarence is now rooting for Max to be successful but to also be true to himself in love (internal dilemma)
Turning Point
26. INT; RESTAURANT – NIGHT
Beginning: Jane fumbles through an expression of her own growing feelings for Max (uncomfortable moment)
Middle: Max ends the relationship, sacrificing his love for Jane to maintain his objectivity and role as her Guardian Angel (surprise)
End: Both are devastated as all opportunity for love is apparently lost (major twist)
ACT IV
27. INT. MAX’S APARTMENT – DAY
Beginning: Clarence reluctantly acknowledges that, despite Max’s best efforts, his and Jane’s feelings for each other are interfering with Jane’s life (mislead)
Middle: Max accepts his imminent return to Heaven and the associated loss of his physical body – death (uncertainty)
End: Max and Jane can reunite somehow (mystery)
28. EXT. HEAVEN – DAY
Beginning: Clarence updates the hierarchy with the alarming news that the Guardian Angel program is decreasingly effective in turning the tide on humanity’s self-destruction. (uncertainty)
Middle: humanity’s best hope is in Jane (mystery)
End: Jane’s loss of love is sending her off track, jeopardizing all humanity cliffhanger)
29. INT. NATIONAL POLITICAL HEADQUARTERS – NIGHT
Beginning: Jane’s boss is accused of wrongdoing on the eve of the presidential election (major twist)
Middle: Jane turns the tables on the offending politician, ensuring her boss once again has an even chance of winning the election (uncertainty)
End: Jane has a breakthrough in seeing the importance of each individual voter affected by lies and dirty tricks, opening her to the importance of relationships despite the potential pain (surprise)
30. INT. NATIONAL POLITICAL HEADQUARTERS – DAY
Beginning: As Clarence helps Max pack in preparation to die, Clarence shares how Max has finally learned how to be a first rate Guardian Angel through sacrifice (internal dilemma)
Middle: Max says a quick good-bye to Jane who is knee-deep in work for today’s election (uncomfortable moment)
End: As Clarence watches the two separate, he suddenly smiles with a dawning thought and disappears (suspense)
31. EXT. NATIONAL POLITICAL HEADQUARTERS – DAY
Beginning: Jane runs after Max, hugs him and expresses her love and desire that he return to her, in his own time (uncertainty)
Middle: Max promises to return one day (surprise)
End: Max dies in her arms (cliffhanger)
32. INT. NATIONAL POLITICAL HEADQUARTERS – NIGHT
Beginning: Jane alone in a sea of people awaiting the election results. For the first time she accepts hugs from her co-workers for her untiring efforts (surprise)
Middle: Jane stares at Max’s empty office (suspense)
End: At the announcement of her boss’s winning the presidential election, Jane announces her decision to leave politics to deal with her pain (surprise)
33. EXT. HEAVEN – HIGHER CHAMBERS – DAY
Beginning: Clarence reports that a solution to humanity’s woes is urgent, and that the Guardian Angel program is failing humanity in its present form (suspense)
Middle: Clarence is given the job of finding a way to keep Jane in politics (major twist)
End: Clarence negotiates a binding agreement that his solution will be implemented (suspense)
34. EXT. HEAVEN – DAY
Beginning: Clarence with Max watch the Future Screen revealing Jane as President (major twist)
Middle: If she does not, humanity will not survive on its present course (external dilemma)
End: Clarence suggests Max redeem his rainbow; he has an idea (suspense)
35. EXT. HEAVEN – HIGHER CHAMBERS – DAY
Beginning: Clarence presents a pilot program of allowing humans and angels to travel to each other’s realms (major twist)
Middle: The hierarchy bulks at such a change, but sees no viable alternative (external dilemma)
End: the Hierarchy passes Clarence’s plan as they had agreed (surprise)
36. EXT. NATIONAL POLITICAL HEADQUARTERS – DAY
Beginning: Max returns to his body. The time past on earth was just a moment since his death (surprise)
Middle: Max walks Jane back into the headquarters where she begins collecting her things – she has left politics (misinterpretation)
End: Max asks Jane to wait until the inauguration. She agrees. (cliff hanger)
37. INT. WHITE HOUSE – NIGHT
Beginning: After entering the White House, Jane’s boss resigns as president to deal with the PTSD she is experiencing as a result of the stress of the campaign. (major twist)
Middle: Jane becomes President (reveal)
End: Jane rescinds her planned resignation from politics to care for all the individuals who make up America by her efforts to reduce the lies and tricks in politics while steering humanity away from self-destruction through climate change. (surprise)
38. INT. WHITE HOUSE – DAY
Beginning: Jane and Max enter the White House together hand in hand (reveal)
Middle: Without knowing how she will respond, Max reveals his dual role in her life and the pilot program (uncertainty)
End: Max teaches Jane how to take her first steps into Heaven (suspense)
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Rebecca’s Fascinating Scenes
Vision: My success in this program will lead me to be the go-to writer for producers looking for incredible scripts for successful movies enjoyed by a vast viewing audience.
What I learned from this assignment was that by making a few changes using this method can create a more interesting read.
Ragman’s War
Act 1
(Beginning)
1. EXT. BATTLEFIELD – DAY
1917 Battlefield in France, trenches, barbed wire, no man’s land, marching gun nests, mortar fire, dust, and smoke.
American soldier, a sniper, watches a mortar shell explode near his unit, bodies flying in the air. he runs to his brother, checks hip out, gives him a canteen an promises to “kill a few of the bastards” before he moves on.
2. EXT. WOODS – DAY
Scouting in the forest, the American sees a group of German soldiers marching towards an allied position and during the deafening volley of mortar fire picks off sixteen troops but lets the officer remain alive despite him begging for death, a big mistake.
3. EXT. RUSSELLTON – DAY
April 1, 1927, a coal patch of double houses that step downhill, boarding house, company store, and mine buildings surrounded by piles of smoldering bony.
Lunch in hand, RAGMAN, machine shop mechanic and jaded war hero, kisses his wife, and joins the other men walking to their shift. They debate about walking out in solidarity with the United Mine Workers called strike. Ragman declares being undecided because he is finished with God, war, killing, and conflict.
4. I/E. WORKSTATIONS AROUND THE MINE – CONTINUOUS
The shift whistle blowsRagman packs up his tools.
Men underground dump out water from their dinner buckets and load into the man lift, Men and boys working the tipple do the same, and the workers in the machine shop join them and walk away from their jobs. Ragman, reluctant, dumps water, picks up his tool crate, and exits.
5. EXT. FARM – DAY
Ragman moves his wife Ludie and their two young boys from the company duplex to a cottage on his parent’s farm, and helps his father and uncle with daily chores.
6. EXT. OAKLAND HOTEL – DAY
Ragman visits his baby brother Albert, ex-marine and boxer, working as a grounds keeper. Albert helps Ragman get hired. All goes well until the bosses constant carping triggers his anger. He quits, demands his pay, and when the boss refuses, chases him around a tree and holds him against the trunk. The frightened boss forks over the money plus a bonus for a quick departure.
7. EXT. ONE MAN COAL MINE – DAY
Ragman and his father-in-law Stan pool their savings to buy a pickup truck and start a junk recycling business, his mining name now matches his occupation.
(Inciting Incident)
8. EXT. RUSSELLTON – DAY
An army of Coal and Iron Police, invade the region to break the strike. Their brutal commander, Herr Bucholtz, violently dominates the community as his men invade company houses, search and seize firearms, monitor the train station and few roads into the valley on the pretext of protecting company property.
9. EXT. RUSSELLTON – EVENING
Ragman and his wife drive her father and two younger siblings home after a picnic at the farm. They are stopped by a trooper who demands to see their papers. Ragman yells his complaint, the trooper puts his hand on his gun, Ludie squeezes her husband’ s arm hard. Ragman calms, and the trooper issues Stan and his family ID papers.
10. EXT. STAN’S HOUSE – LATER
Stan finds a work agreement attached to his porch post stating that if he doesn’t sign he will be evicted. Stan complains that he pays his rent every month, crumples the notice, and stomps on it.
11. EXT. BUS STOP RUSSELLTON – AFTERNOON
Ludie with her two boys in tow exits the bus and confronted by a trooper who demands her name, destination, and purpose of the visit before allowing her to continue up the hill. Bucholtz, attracted to the woman, asks the trooper for the information.
12. INT. STAN’S HOUSE – LATER
Bucholtz bursts into the house on a flimsy pretext, shoots Ludie’s young sister a threatening look, and ogles Ludie. Defiant, she gives him a dismissive look, turns her back, and he leaves.
13. INT. MINE OFFICE – DAY
Stan enters the office and complains about eviction and confiscation of property notice nailed to his house. He tells the clerk he pays his rent but learns the homes are only for working miners. Stan talks to the man’s boss who agrees to let Stan stay if he pays the rent a month in advance. Stan pays and insists on a receipt.
14. INT. UNITED MINE WORKERS HEADQUARTERS – DAY
Ragman takes Ervin to meet the union heads so he can volunteer to teach the Russellton mine families to build barracks in exchange for building supplies so they don’t need to live in tents after the eviction. The union and Ervin strike a deal if he will to do the same in other towns. He agrees.
(Turning Point)
15. EXT. BARRACKS CONSTRUCTION SITE – DAY
Under Ervin’s leadership the construction hums along. To stop the progress, Bucholtz steals building supplies to lure Ervin onto company property and take him captive. Bucholtz argues with him about not fighting back when he cracks the whip across his back. Ervin’s reply causes Bucholtz goes berserk with repeated blows until Ervin looses his bowels and falls unconscious.
16. EXT. BARRACKS CONSTRUCTION SITE – NIGHT
Raman searches for his brother and finds him unconscious in a puddle of blood, mud, and feces in the cold pouring rain. Ragman and other searchers load Ervin into the pickup bed. Ragman takes him home.
17. INT. FARM KITCHEN – MORNING
Ragman and his mother work on cleaning the wounds. Doctor Dicky arrives and takes over. Ervin wakes up and forces Ragman to promise to take over the project and complete the shelters before the deadline. Reluctant, Ragman agrees knowing it will embed him into the union war.
18. EXT. FARM FIELD – LATER
Incensed and frustrated, Ragman throws rocks at a line of bottles and cans and screams vulgarisms and profanities with each strike.
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Pat Fitzgerald’s Fascinating Scene Outlines
Vision: I have the courage, conviction and talent to create contest winning screenplays and will go on to have my scripts optioned and produced.
What I Learned: This was the most challenging lesson but most worthwhile to complete. The idea of always thinking about interest techniques is indeed beneficial.
Title: The Home Strip – Comedy
Concept: Planning to bilk a geezer out of his money, an aging stripper takes her act into an assisted living home, only to find true love for the first time ever.
1. INT. ESTATE SALE HOUSE – DAY
In a room crammed with antiques, JAKI BURAN glances at a MIDDLE-AGED MAN, then stumbles while reaching for a figures on top of a book shelf. A Man takes the figurine down and hands it to Jaki. She smiles and walks off, stuffing a wallet into her bra.
Beginning: (Interesting Setting) Jaki peruses an estate sale, and a male customer.
Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment) Jaki stumbles and is helped by the man.
End: (Intrigue) Jaki hurries off while stuffing something into her bra.
Scene arc: Jaki adeptly picks the Man’s pocket and leaves the sale.
Essence: Jaki’s not above a little larceny.
Conflict: Will she be caught?
Subtext: Jaki is broke.
Hope/Fear: We hope she’s not caught. We fear she will be.
2. EXT. ESTATE SALE HOUSE – DAY
Jaki spots a HOMELESS MAN who clutches a little dog. She takes a wallet from her bra, removes the money and hands it to the Homeless Man, as Middle Aged Man rushes from the house. Jaki acts like she just found the wallet on the ground, asks the Man “Could this possible be yours?”
Beginning: (External Dilemma) Jaki considers the Homeless Man.
Middle: (Twist) Jaki gives the money from the wallet to the Homeless Man.
End: (Suspense) Jaki feigns finding the wallet and returns it to the Man.
Scene Arc: Jaki gives money from the Man’s wallet to the Homeless Man, as the Middle-Aged Man leaves the house and she returns the wallet.
Essence: Jaki helps others.
Conflict: Jaki’s inner conflict. She needed the money, but the Homeless Man needed it more.
Subtext: Jaki has a good heart.
Hope/Fear: We think Jaki will return the wallet. We fear the plan will backfire.
3. INT: JAKI’S CAR – DAY
Jaki about to start the car – a clown suit and wig is in the back seat. Her cell phone dings – it’s a text: Where are you, Jaki the Juggler? You’re late for the welcome act.” After a few tries, Jaki starts the car and drives off in a hurry.
Beginning: (Intrigue) Jaki has a clown suit in her car.
Middle: (Intrigue) Jaki is Jaki the Juggler, who needs to do a welcome act.
End: (Uncertainty) It takes several tries for Jaki’s car to start.
Scene Arc: Jaki in her car, gets a text and drives off once the car starts..
Essence: Jaki is a clown?
Conflict: Jaki’s late, but the car won’t start.
Subtext: Jaki’s broke.
Hope/Fear: We hope the car will start. We fear it won’t.
4. INT. HAPPY HOURS ASSITSTED LIVING HOME – DAY
In the midst of Jaki’s half-assed clown juggler act, newcomer, wheelchair bound AJAX COLEMAN, blasts a sexy song on his boom box. Jaki commences a sexy dance to the delight of all Resident, but the SUPERVISOR is horrified and shuts down the boom box.
Beginning: (Mislead) Jaki is a lousy clown.
Middle: (Twist) The sexy song causes Jaki to break into a raunchy dance.
End: (Uncomfortable Moment) The Supervisor put a stop to the dance.
Scene Arc: Jaki’s raunchy dance is a big hit, until the Supervisor puts a stop to it.
Essence: Jaki can be downright enticing.
Conflict: Jaki versus the Supervisor.
Subtext: Jaki sets her sights on Ajax.
Hope/Fear: We love the happiness Jaki’s dance brings. We fear the Supervisor will ruin the fun.
5. EXT. ASSISTED LIVING HOME – DAY
Jaki and Supervisor, ROCHELLE BARUN argue over Jaki’s behavior but a phone call from Rochelle’s daughter’s daycare – come get her, she’s sick. Rochelle begs Jaki to help, with her granddaughter.
Beginning: (Mislead) Jaki and the Supervisor having an argument.
Middle: (Intrigue) Rochelle asks Jaki to help with her daughter.
End: (Reveal) Jaki is Rochelle’s mother.
Scene Arc: Jaki and the Rochelle argue until Rochelle begs Jaki to help with Rochelle’s daughter, who is Jaki’s granddaughter – Rochelle is Jaki’s daughter.
Essence: Jaki and Rochelle have a tumultuous relationship.
Conflict: Jaki embarrasses Rochelle, but Rochelle depends on Jaki’s help.
Subtext: Jaki has never been a “conventional” mother.
Hope/Fear: We hope Rochelle appreciates her mother. We fear that she doesn’t.
6. INT. HAPPY HOURS COMMON ROOM – DAY
Rochelle finds the Happy Hours LADIES attempting Jaki’s raunchy moves, and Ajax suggests that Jaki teach some lessons. The Ladies love the idea, but Rochelle uses a kitchen delivery as an excuse to not deal with the request.
Beginning: (Uncomfortable Moment) The Happy Hours Ladies’ awkward dance attempts.
Middle: (Twist) Ajax suggests that Jaki give lessons.
End: (External Dilemma) Rochelle refuses to commit to Ajax’s idea.
Scene Arc: The Ladies awkward dance to Rochelle ignoring Ajax’s idea to have Jaki have dance lessons. le
Essence: Rochelle makes the rules.
Conflict: Ladies who want to dance versus Rochelle.
Hope/Fear: We hope the Ladies can get the lessons. We fear Rochelle has given the last word.
7. INT. ROCHELLE’S OFFICE – DAY
Ajax rifles Rochelle’s office. He peaks into her briefcase and discovers a load of overdue bills. He peruses her computer, discovers Jaki’s email and quickly sends one to her. Rochelle returns and Ajax pretends he got lost looking for a men’s room.
Beginning: (Superior Position, from Ajax’s POV) Ajax learns that Rochelle is deep in deb6.
Middle: (Intrigue) He sends an email to Jaki.
End: (Surprise) Rochelle catches Ajax in her office and he feigns being lost.
Essence: Ajax is nosy and interested in Jaki.
Conflict: Will Ajax get caught?
Subtext: Ajax dislikes Happy Hours.
Hope/Fear: We hope Ajax won’t be caught. We fear that he will.
8. INT. STRIP CLUB – DAY
The club is empty, but for Jaki doing moves on a pole, and her granddaughter, toddler LILLY, chasing after a BARTENDER, grabbing at his watch. Jaki quits dancing when her cell phone signals an e-mail. It’s from Rochelle? Asking her to come to Happy Hours and teach some dance? How odd. Jaki scoops up Lilly and leaves.
Beginning: (Interesting Setting) Jaki dances as Lilly tries to steal a Bartender’s watch.
Middle: (Mislead) An email from Rochelle? Inviting her to teach dance lessons?
End: Jaki leaves with Lilly.
Scene Arc: From dancing at an empty strip club to leaving to teach dance.
Essence: Jaki is invited to Happy Hours..
Conflict: Ajax sent the email, not Rochelle.
Subtext: Jaki sees this as an opportunity to start a relationship with Ajax.
Hope/Fear: We hope Jaki will give dance lessons. We fear Rochelle will stop her.
9. INT. HAPPY HOURS – DAY
Jaki tries to teach Ladies some moves. It’s fun, but they’re bad!. Rochelle puts a stop to the lessons, and she and Jaki have a tiff over the mysterious email. Ajax interrupts the fight to invite Jaki for coffee.
Beginning: (Misinterpretation) Jaki teaches, thinking Rochelle asked her to.
Middle: (Reveal) Rochelle did not send the email.
End: (Intrigue) Ajax’s invitation to Jaki for coffee.
Scene arc: Jaki arrives for lessons and ends up with Ajax.
Essence: Jaki’s chance to flirt with Ajax.
Conflict: The email has Rochelle in a tizzy. Who sent it?
Subtext: Jaki is broke, sees Ajax as a cash cow.
Hope/Fear: We hope Jaki doesn’t scam Ajax. We fear she will. (That’s so lame.)
10. INT. AJAX’S ROOM – DAY
Jaki and Ajax have a flirtatious conversation while Jaki scopes the room. All goes well until Ajax’s son, GEORGE COLEMAN, walks in – the Man whose wallet Jaki lifted – and insists he he must have a private talk with Ajax.
Beginning: (Intrigue) Jaki and Ajax flirt and get to know each other.
Middle: (Intrigue) Jaki notes some expensive jewelry and Ajax’s Rolex.
End: (Surprise) George walks in and interrupts the good time, and Jaki recognizes him from the other day.
Scene Arc: Ajax and Jaki have a flirtatious conversation, until George appears.
Essence: Ajax has a crush on Jaki.
Conflict: George suspects that Jaki is golddigging.
Subtext: George is right.
Hope/Fear: We hope Jaki genuinely likes Ajax. We fear that she doesn’t.
11. INT. STRIP CLUB – DAY
It’s still closed. Jaki’s back doing moves on the pole, while Lilly sits at the bar and plays with a toy watch the Bartender gives her. George bursts in to inform Jaki that golddigging Ajax is useless – he pays for Ajax’s Happy Hours expenses. Jaki says she simply happens to like Ajax.
Beginning: (Interesting setting) Jaki dances while Lilly eats potato chips
Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment) George arrives and tells Jaki to back off of Ajax.
End: (Internal Dilemma) Jaki surprises herself by admitting she likes Ajax.
Scene Arc: George’s info to Jaki to her saying she likes Ajax.
Essence: Jaki likes Ajax.
Conflict: George is suspicious of Jaki.
Subtext: Jaki just might, though she can’t quite believe it, genuinely care for Ajax.
12. INT. HAPPY HOURS COMMON ROOM – DAY
Jaki calls the numbers, while bored RESIDENTS play Bingo. Resident IRENE starts of chant for dance lessons. Jaki involves the Ladies in an impromptu dace, until Rochelle walks in and shoots Jaki a poisonous glare. Back to Bingo.
Beginning: Boring bingo
Middle: (Twist) Bingo morphs into an impromptu dance.
End: (Uncomfortable Moment) Rochelle again stops the fun and boring Bingo starts again.
Scene arc: From Bingo to dancing to Rochelle spoiling things again.
Essence: Jaki is needed to give Happy Hours some fun.
Conflict: Rochelle is against the lessons.
Subtext: Rochelle doesn’t want her mother to embarrass her.
13. INT. ROCHELLE’S OFFICE – DAY
While Rochelle tries to make sense of her woeful financial situation, George interrupts to tell her that he’ll pay extra money to keep her mother away from Ajax.
Beginning: (Internal Dilemma) Rochelle tries to make sense of her finances.
Middle: (Betrayal) George bribes Rochelle to keep Jaki from Ajax.
Scene Arc: Rochelle’s sad finances to a bribe from George.
Essence: Rochelle needs money.
Conflict: This is unethical, but Rochelle is broke.
Subtext: Rochelle is embarrassed by Jaki.
Hope/Fear: We fear Rochelle will take the bribe. We fear she will hurt Jaki in the process.
LATER
Jaki walks in and Rochelle lies to Jaki, that Lilly’s daycare is closing. Jaki can either give lessons or watch her granddaughter.
End: (Mislead) Rochelle tells a lie to keep Jaki away from Ajax.
Scene Arc: Rochelle’s request to Jaki needing to make a choice.
Essence: Rochelle lies to Jaki.
Conflict: Jaki would love to give lessons, but she also loves her granddaughter.
Subtext: Rochelle has taken George’s bribe.
Hope/Fear: We hope Jaki can give dance lessons. We fear she’ll opt to watch Lilly instead.
14. INT. JAKI’S HOME – DAY
Rochelle drops Lilly off, says she has a workshop to attend and will pick up Lilly later. After Rochelle leaves, suspicious Jaki calls the daycare and finds out that it’s still open. Jaki scoops up Lilly and leaves.
Beginning: (Betrayal) Rochelle keeps up the lie to keep Jaki from Happy Hours.
Middle: (Reveal) Jaki discovers that the daycare is still open.
End: (Intrigue) Jaki and Lilly leave, but we don’t know where they’re going.
Scene Arc: Rochelle drops off Lilly.
Essence: Rochelle depends on Jaki.
Conflict: Rochelle doesn’t like depending on Jaki.
Subtext: Jaki distrusts her daughter.
Hope/Fear: We hope Lilly will have fun with Jaki. We fear Jaki has some surreptitious plans.
15. INT. HAPPY HOURS – DAY
Jaki waltzes into Happy Hour with Lilly and commences dance lessons. The Ladies are catching on, as the Happy Hours MEN, Ajax included, watch, however Irene gets dizzy and Jaki must help her to sit down. And Lilly wanders off.
Beginning: (Betrayal – Jaki betrays Rochelle) Jaki starts her lessons.
Middle: (Uncomfortable moment)The Ladies are dancing, but Irene gets dizzy and needs help.
End: (Intrigue) Lilly wanders off and Jaki must find her.
Scene Arc: Jaki brings Lilly to the Ladies’ dance lessons, but Lilly wanders off.
Essence: Jaki has a good time with the Ladies.
Conflict: Too much confusion with elderly dance lessons, combined with a toddler.
Subtext: Jaki does her best to help everyone.
Hope/Fear: We hope Lilly doesn’t get into trouble on her own. We fear that she will.
16. INT: HALLWAY – DAY
Jaki locates Lilly about to enter Rochelle’s office, but Jaki steers her toward Ajax’s room, where the door is open. Jaki shoos Lilly inside.
Beginning: Jaki finds Lilly outside of Rochelle’s office.
Middle: (Intrigue) Jaki steer Lilly toward Ajax’s room.
End: (Intrigue, Betrayal – Jaki betrays Ajax) Jaki uses Lilly as a means to get into Ajax’s room.
Scene Arc: Jaki finds Lilly and steers her into Ajax’s room.
Essence: Jaki sees the opportunity to snoop.
Conflict:
Subtext: Jaki knows this isn’t right, but she can’t help herself.
Hope/Fear: We hope Jaki doesn’t get caught. We fear she will.
17. INT. AJAX’S ROOM – DAY
Jaki rifles Ajax’s belongings, finds some expensive jewelry, a Rolex. Jaki’s about to leave when George shows up. Jaki insists she’s only looking for her granddaughter. George thinks not, and as they argue, Lilly toddles off with the Rolex, not noticed by Jaki or George.
Beginning: (Suspense) Jaki searched through Ajax’s belonging.
Middle: (Surprise) Jaki is caught by George as she leaves the room.
End: (Superior Position) Lilly leaves with the Rolex.
Scene Arc: Jaki’s search to George to Lilly leaving with the Rolex.
Essence: Jaki is lucky.
Conflict: Jaki caught by George.
Subtext: Jaki wants a cash cow.
Hope/Fear: We hope Jaki doesn’t get caught. We fear she will be.
18. INT. ROCHELLE’S OFFICE – DAY
Lilly stashes the Rolex in Rochelle’s desk drawer moments before Jaki walks in, followed by George wheeling Ajax in, and George accuses Jaki of snooping in Ajax’s room,, but George sides with Jaki.
Beginning: (Superior Position) Lilly stashes the watch.
Middle: Jaki finds Lilly.
End: (Uncomfortable Moment) George accuses Jaki of snooping, in front of Ajax.
Scene Arc: Lilly puts the Rolex in Rochelle’s desk drawer, moments before Jaki walks in.
Essence: The watch has officially disappeared.
Conflict: Set up for future conflict. What happened to the Rolex?
Subtext: Only Lilly knows where the Rolex is.
Hope/Fear: We fear that Jaki will be blamed for the missing Rolex. We hope she won’t be.
19. EXT. JAKI’S HOME – NIGHT
Jaki tries to teach Lilly to use a scooter, but Lilly topples and cries, just as Rochelle shows up. She’s pissed that Lilly is hurt and that Jaki gave lessons when she was told not to. Rochelle tries to leave with Lilly, but Lilly wants to stay overnight with Jaki.
Beginning: (Uncomfortable Moment) Lilly is hurt just as Rochelle shows ups.
Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment) Rochelle yells at Jaki in front of Lilly.
End: (Uncomfortable Moment) Lilly wants to stay with Jaki instead of going home with Rochelle.
Scene Arc: Rochelle’s fury to allowing Lilly to stay overnight.
Essence: Jaki embarrasses Rochelle.
Conflict: Jaki and Rochelle can’t get along, however Rochelle depends on Jaki.
Subtext: Jaki and Rochelle love each other, no matter what.
Hope/Fear: We hope Jaki can somehow get along. We fear it can’t happen.
20. INT. JAKI’S HOME – DAY
The next morning Jaki gets a text from Ajax – Everyone is waiting for her to give lessons. Where is she? Jaki has an idea and starts to gleefully leave with Lilly, but – wait, how did Ajax get her number?
Beginning: (Intrigue) Jaki gets a text from Ajax about giving dance lessons.
Middle: (Mystery) We can tell that Jaki has an idea, but we don’t know what it is?
End: (Mystery) Jaki wonders out loud as to how Ajax got her number.
Scene Arc: Jaki at home to leaving to give dance lessons.
Essence: Jaki’s curiosity over how Ajax got her number.
Subtext: Jaki sees an opportunity to further her relationship with Ajax.
Hope/Fear: We hope Jaki is on her way to give lessons. Fear… ?.
21. EXT/INT. HAPPY HOURS – DAY
Jaki teaches lessons on the front lawn, through the windows of Happy Hours. The Ladies love dancing. The Men, Ajax included, love watching. Rochelle in the background, furious. Ajax checks out Rochelle and wheels off.
Beginning: (Surprise, Interesting Setting.) Jaki teaches lessons through the windows of Happy Hours.
Middle: The Happy Hours Ladies are having a great time.
End: (Uncomfortable Moment) Rochelle watches, furious. (Intrigue). Ajax leaves.
Scene Arc: Jaki teaching through the windows to Rochelle’s consternation.
Essence: Jaki is stubborn and also loves spreading some happiness.
Conflict: Jaki’s actions infuriate Rochelle
Subtext: Jaki wants Ajax’s attention.
Hope/Fear: We hope the lessons can continue. We fear a burgeoning war between Jaki and Rochelle.
22. INT. ROCHELLE’S OFFICE – DAY
Ajax wheels into the office, uses Rochelle’s computer to find phone number of a local news station. He notes that Rochelle has just made an expensive online purchase, then calls the station and gives them info about Jaki’s lessons.
Beginning: (Intrigue) Ajax looks up the number of a local news station.
Middle: (Intrigue) He notes that Rochelle is recklessly spending money.
End: (Surprise) Ajax tells that news station that Jaki’s lessons might make a good human interest story.
Scene Arc: Ajax notes Rochelle’s purchases, then phones a local news station.
Essence: Jaki will get positive publicity.
Conflict: This move will surely piss off Rochelle.
Subtext: Ajax really, really likes Jaki.
Hope/Fear: We hope Ajax can get together with Jaki. We fear Jaki is just after his money.
23. EXT. HAPPY HOURS – DAY
Scene Arc: With Lilly in tow, Jaki is interviewed about her lessons, and the Ladies stream outside to show off their moves. Rochelle scoops up Lilly – doesn’t want the kid in this story! But when the INTERVIEWER asks Rochelle about this great, new idea, Rochelle acts as if she was the instigator.
Beginning: Jaki is interviews about the lessons. (She may give her backstory, as a former stripper/pole dancer.)
Middle: (Surprise) The Ladies stream outside to show their moves, but (Uncomfortable Moment) Irene gets dizzy again and Jaki comes to her aid.
End: (Betrayal) Rochelle pretends that the dance lessons are her idea.
Essence: The Ladies so enjoy Jaki and the dance lessons.
Conflict: Should a toddler be present when her grandma teaches raunchy dances?
Subtext: Jaki has a blast with the Ladies and is always there to help.
Hope/Fear: We hope Jaki can continue with the lessons. We fear Rochelle will stop her.
LATER
The interview over, Jaki is about to leave when Ajax comes outside to ask her out, a celebratory date. Rochelle approaches them, Lilly in her arms and reminds Jaki that she is still needed to babysit, but Jaki says she can’t, needs to get ready for a date.
Beginning: (Hope) Ajax asks Jaki for a date.
Middle: (Fear) Rochelle approaches with Lilly and overhears this.
End: (Cliffhanger, of sorts) Jaki can’t babysit. She needs to get ready for her date.
Scene Arc: Ajax asks Jaki out to Jaki declining to babysit Lilly.
Essence: Jaki appreciates Ajax’s attraction to her.
Conflict: Rochelle needs to keep Jaki away from Ajax.
Subtext: Jaki is falling for Ajax the person, not Ajax the cash cow.
Hope/Fear: We hope for a happy ending for Ajax and Jaki. We fear Rochelle may screw things up.
24. INT. AJAX’S ROOM – DAY
Ajax is searching his room, everywhere. George walks in and asks what’s going on. Ajax says he can’t find his Rolex, and and George reminds Ajax that he’d caught Jaki in the room.
Beginning: (Mystery) Ajax is searching his room for his Watch.
Middle: George walks in.
End: (Suspense) George reminds Ajax that he caught Jaki in Ajax’s room.
Scene Arc: Ajax discovers his Rolex is missing, then learns that Jaki had been in his room.
Essence: Ajax wants a good time with Jaki, but –
Conflict: Did Jaki take the Rolex?.
Subtext: Something always goes wrong at the wrong time.
Hope/Fear: We hope Ajax doesn’t think Jaki is responsible for the missing watch. We fear that might happen.
25. INT. HAPPY HOURS PARKING LOT – DAY
Rochelle and Lilly are headed toward Rochelle’s car when George, wheeling Ajax, catches up to them to report the missing Rolex to. Ajax attempts to defend Jaki, but Rochelle shuts him down – Jaki stole the watch. Ajax wheels off, disgusted that Rochelle is so quick to blame her mother.
Beginning: (Suspense) George reports to Rochelle that Ajax’s watch is missing.
Middle: (Betrayal) Rochelle blames Jaki.
End: (Intrigue) Ajax wheels off, where we don’t know.
Scene Arc: From the report to Rochelle to Ajax disappointed with Rochelle’s behavior.
Essence: A conspiracy between Rochelle and George.
Conflict: Rochelle and George blame Jaki. Ajax is not so sure.
Subtext: Ajax sees the flaw in Rochelle’s personality.
Hope/Fear: We hope Ajax will continue his interest in Jaki. We fear that George and Rochelle will keep them apart.
26. INT. JAKI’S HOME – DAY
Jaki gets a text from Rochelle: Her date with Ajax is cancelled. Why did Rochelle give this information? Jaki texts Rochelle back, but no answer. She’s pissed and needs answers. Jaki starts to leave.
Beginning: (Surprise) Jaki gets a text from Rochelle.
Middle: (Surprise) Her date with Ajax is cancelled, but why did Rochelle tell her this?
End: (Intrigue) Jaki heads out the door.
Scene arc: Jaki learns her date with Ajax is cancelled, but heads to Happy Hours to find out why.
Essence: Jaki realizes she truly cares for Ajax.
Conflict: George’s wishes to keep Jaki and Ajax apart may be successful.
Subtext: Jaki is ready to fall in love.
Hope/Fear: We fear a Jaki and Ajax relationship is doomed. We hope we’re wrong.
27. EXT. Parking Lot – Day
George catches up with Ajax and forces him to return to Happy Hours. Once inside, Ajax tells George to go to hell, that he’s not staying in this place a minute longer than he has to. George tells him that the only way he’ll leave is on a stretcher. George leaves.
Beginning: (Uncomfortable Moment) George forces Ajax back into Happy Hours.
Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment) An argument in which Ajax tells George that he’s going to get out of Happy Hours.
End: (Uncomfortable Moment) George essentially tells Ajax that his time at Happy Hours is a life sentence.
28. EXT./INT: ROCHELLE’S OFFICE – DAY
The door is locked, but Ajax has lock picking skills. Inside, he searches for Jaki’s address. And his Rolex. He leaves the watch and takes off.
Beginning: (Surprise) Ajax must pick the lock to get inside of Rochelle’s office.
Middle: Ajax finds Jaki’s address and his Rolex
End: (Surprise, Twist) Ajax leaves the Rolex where it is.
Scene Arc: Ajax searches for Jaki’s address and discovers his Rolex.
Essence: Ajax cares for Jaki.
Conflict: Ajax now thinks Jaki stole the watch.
Subtext: Ajax can take care of himself.
Hope/Fear: We hope Ajax and Jaki will get together. We fear discovery of the watch might keep them apart.
29. EXT: HAPPY HOURS – NIGHT
Ajax wheels over a curb to cross the street and catch a bus. He’s dumped out of his wheelchair, but the bus driver helps him up and into the wheelchair. He boards the bus just as Jaki’s car turns into Happy Hour’s parking lot, with a police car behind her, it’s lights flashing. Jaki was speeding.
Beginning: (Uncomfortable Moment) Ajax is dumped out of his wheelchair.
Middle: (Suspense) The bus driver helps Ajax up. (Ajax will refuse the idea of going to a hospital to get checked out. He needs to get to Jaki.)
End: (Cliffhanger) Jaki is followed by a police car, because she was speeding.
Scene Arc: Ajax on a bus to Jaki’s car in Happy Hour’s parking lot, followed by a cop.
Essence: Ajax is self-sufficient despite his handicap.
Conflict: Jaki and Ajax have just missed each other.
Subtext: Jaki and Ajax care for each other.
Hope/Fear: We hope the two will get together. We fear that they won’t.
30. INT. – HAPPY HOURS – NIGHT
Jaki searches for Ajax, but he’s not to be found. A CAREGIVER decides that George must be told that his dad is missing. Jaki takes that as her cue to get out.
Beginning: (Superior Position) Jaki can’t find Ajax.
Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment) A caregiver decides that George must be told that his dad is missing.
End: (Cliffhanger) Jaki hightails it out of there.
Scene Arc: Jaki searching for Ajax to a Caregiver phoning George that his dad is missing.
Essence: Confusion over where Ajax is and if there should be concern.
Conflict: Well, Ajax isn’t exactly missing.
Subtext: Jaki and Ajax care for each other.
Hope/Fear: We hope Jaki and Ajax get together. We fear that they won’t.
31. INT./EXT. JAKI’S CAR – NIGHT
Jaki repeatedly tries to start the car. Whatever’s wrong with it, it cannot start. She gets out, just as George’s car speeds into the lot, almost hitting her. George couldn’t care less about just missing Jaki. He accuses her of being the reason his dad is missing.
Beginning: (Fear) Jaki’s car will not start.
Middle: (Fear) George just about runs over Jaki.
End: (Misinterpretation) George accuses Jaki of being the reason that his dad is missing. (Cliffhanger)
32. EXT. JAKI’S HOME – NIGHT
Ajax struggles to get out of his wheelchair and up the front stairs. The doorbell is too high for him to reach, so he knocks on the door. Nobody answer.
Beginning: (Uncomfortable Moment) Ajax has a hard time managing the stairs to Jaki’s front door.
Middle: (Hope) He can’t reach the doorbell, but he can knock on the door.
End: (Fear) Nobody home. Now what?
Scene Arc: Ajax’s struggle to manage stairs only to discover that Jaki is not home.
Essence: Ajax is determined.
Conflict: Ajax against the stairs.
Subtext: Ajax is determined.
Hope/Fear: We hope they will stay together. We fear their kids will interfere and keep them apart.
33. INT. HAPPY HOURS – DAY
Rochelle, Lilly in tow, arrives to help figure out where Ajax is. George and Jaki are there, George alludes to Rochelle, in front of Jaki, about the extra money that he’s paying and why. Jaki gives Rochelle a poisonous stare.
Beginning: (Superior Position – the audience knows where Ajax is.) Rochelle, George and Jaki all want to know what happened to Ajax.
Middle: (Betrayal) Jaki learns that Rochelle is accepting money to keep her out of Ajax’s life.
End: (Cliffhanger) Jaki gives Rochelle a poisonous stare.
Scene Arc: Rochelle arriving to search for Ajax to Jaki learning about George’s plan to keep her from .
Essence: This info startles Jaki.
Conflict: Mostly, Jaki learning that Rochelle takes money to keep her from a relationship with Ajax.
Subtext: Jaki’s disappointment with Rochelle.
Hope/Fear: We hope Jaki and Rochelle’s relationship won’t suffer. We fear that it will.
34. INT. ROCHELLE’S OFFICE – NIGHT
Jaki and Rochelle argue over Rochelle possibly taking a bribe from George, while Lilly hides under the desk. She crawls to the desk drawer and takes out the Rolex. Lilly takes the Rolex. An argument ensues over who put the watch there. Lilly walks out, disgusted – with the keys to Rochelle’s car, which she deftly lifted.
Beginning: (Uncomfortable Moment – for Lilly) Jaki and Rochelle argue, while George fumes over his missing dad.
Middle: (Reveal) Lilly removes the watch from Rochelle’s desk. The adults argue over who put it there.
End: (Twist) Jaki leaves in a huff, with Rochelle’s car keys.
Scene Arc: An argument between Jaki and Rochelle to Lilly producing the watch, to Jaki leaving.
Essence:
Conflict: What is the Rolex doing in Rochelle’s desk?
Subtext: Jaki loves her daughter but finds her exasperating.
Hope/Fear: We fear that Jaki and Rochelle’s relationship is at a breaking point. We hope they can remain a family, minus the conflict.
35. EXT. HAPPY HOURS PARKING LOT – NIGHT
Lilly gets into Rochelle’s car and leaves.
No beginning, middle or end. I just have to get her home.
36. EXT: JAKI’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Jaki returns home to find Ajax sitting on her front porch. He suggests they run away together. Jaki has a better idea – let’s get you inside so we can have a drink.
Beginning: (Surprise) Jaki finds Ajax on her front porch.
Middle: (External Dilemma) Ajax is so frustrated with his son that he’s ready to run away. Jaki doesn’t think that’s such a good idea.
End: (Intrigue) Jaki invites Ajax in for a drink.
Scene Arc: From Jaki returning home to discovering that Ajax is there.
Essence: Ajax is determined to have a relationship with Jaki.
Conflict: Is he serious about wanting to run away?
Subtext: Jaki is falling for Ajax.
Hope/Fear: We hope they will get together. We fear that they won’t.
35: INT. JAKI’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Jaki and Ajax have a heart-to-heart about their kids, their feelings for one another, their finances. – until Rochelle, Lilly and George show up. George threatens to remove all financial help from Ajax and Jaki invites Ajax to live at her house. George leaves, disgusted. Jaki tosses Rochelle her car keys, says she can go too.
Beginning: Jaki and Ajax in a heart-to-heart talk.
Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment) Rochelle, Lilly and George show up.
End: (Surprise) After George threatens to take away Ajax’s financial help, Jaki invites him to live at her place, and George leaves, disgusted.
Scene Arc: Jaki and Ajax furthering their relationship to Rochelle and Lilly showing up.
Essence: Can’t walk away from family, even when you really wish you could.
Conflict: How can you further a relationship with the kids always interfere?
Subtext: Rochelle needs her mother.
Hope/Fear: We hope Jaki and Rochelle can come to terms. We fear that they can’t.
36. EXT. JAKI’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Jaki follows Rochelle outside to insist they settle their differences. Ajax calls from inside – he’ll watch Lilly. And Jaki and Rochelle hash out their long-time problems. Rochelle accepts, somewhat skeptically, that Jaki has true feelings for Ajax. But Jaki has a problem – she’s about to be evicted and may need to move in with Jaki.
Beginning: (Internal Dilemma) Jaki and Rochelle have a heart to heart while Ajax watches Lilly.
Middle: Jaki and Rochelle settle their long time problems.
End: (Twist) Rochelle may need to move in with Jaki.
37. INT. HAPPY HOURS – DAY
Jaki gives dance lessons, then continues with her new job as a caregiver.
Beginning: Jaki gives dance lessons.
Middle and End: (Surprise) Jaki moves on to her new job as a caregiver
Scene Arc: Jaki as dance teacher, then a caregiver.
Essence: Jaki is earning money in a way that makes her happy.
Conflict:
Subtext: Jaki is good-hearted.
37. INT. ROCHELLE’S OFFICE – DAY
George, a financial advisor (must establish this earlier), shows Rochelle how to straighten out her financial situation, while MOVING MEN walk past the door with Ajax’s belongings, Ajax at their heels.
Beginning: (Surprise) George gives Rochelle financial advice.
Middle: (Intrigue) Moving Men walk past with someone’s belongings.
End: (Reveal) The stuff belongs to Ajax – he’s moving out.
Essence: Ajax gets along with Rochelle.
Conflict:
Subtext: Ajax cares for Jaki’s family.
38. INT. JAKI’S HOME – DAY
In the midst of his unpacked boxes, Ajax proposes to Jaki. She tells him she needs time to think it over.
Beginning: (Surprise) Ajax proposes to Jaki.
Middle and End: Jaki hesitates to give an answer.
Scene Arc: Ajax’s proposal to Jaki’s proclamation.
Essence: Jaki is hesitant.
Conflict:
Subtext: Jaki doubts herself.
Hope/Fear: We hope Jaki will eventually accept the proposal. We fear that she won’t.
39. INT. STRIP CLUB – DAY
The Happy Hours Ladies are there to give a special show! Jaki does some moves on a pole, which Rochelle, though somewhat embarrassed, accepts. Ajax proposes again and Jaki accepts, but where is George? He promised to be there.
Beginning: (Interesting Setting) Old ladies giving a show at a strip show.
Middle: (Surprise) Ajax proposes again and Jaki accepts.
End: (Intrigue) Where is George.
40. EXT. JAKI’S HOME – DAY
Jaki, Ajax and Rochelle return to Jaki’s to see George supervising the installation of a handicapped ramp for Ajax.
I’m just gonna call this the happy ending.
-
Jeffrey Alan Chase’s Fascinating Scene Outlines!
My vision: I am an “A” list writer who is known for high concept ideas, great execution, a string of successful movies and is always ready to share his knowledge and do what he can to help another writer on the way up.
What I learned from doing this assignment is: I was surprised at how much more information came to me while I was concentrating on the beginning, middle and ending of each scene. I think my scenes are much more powerful. And the best is still yet to come.
FADE IN:
EXT. SCOTTSDALE, ARIZONA – DAY
Exclusive apartment buildings on a palm-tree-lined street.
• Scene Arc: Establishing shots.
• Essence: Someone with money lives here.
• Conflict: It’s hot.
• Subtext:
• Hope/fear:
EXT./INT. MARCH’S APARTMENT OFFICE – DAY
Luxury furnishings.
• Scene Arc: Again, this is owned by someone with power.
• Essence: Money and power.
• Conflict:
• Subtext:
• Hope/fear:
LAPTOP COMPUTER IN THE OFFICE – DAY
Two hands, one encased in black leather, types on keyboard. A
taped PBS interview is played, one section multiple times.• Beginning: (Intrigue) We’re curious, who is typing?
• Middle: (Mystery) Who is viewing and who is the woman in
the interview?• Ending: (Suspense) Why is the person playing the video
viewing frames of a scar on the woman’s temple over and over?EXT./INT. PHOENIX, ARIZONA – POTTERY REPAIR SHOP – DAY
A small pottery/china repair shop. We see the world of twenty
six-year-old pottery restoration expert, SARAH COLE. Her boss
praises her for her work. Sarah seems meek, numb, lazy.• Beginning: (Intrigue) Sarah is woman in the video.
• Middle: She is uncomfortable with her boss’s praise.
• Ending: Sarah shocks her boss with her number of repairs.
INT. POTTERY REPAIR SHOP
Sarah demonstrates expertise as she lays out small, broken
pieces of pottery in their order of being put back together.
She finishes up one job and immediately starts on another.• Beginning: (Sarah changes radically) She’s a dynamo of
energy, sharp as a tack.• Middle: (Mislead) Beads of sweat on her forehead.
• Ending: (Reveal) It’s 5:00 PM, she looks numb again,
scratches her fingernails on the sleeves of her shirt, licks
her lips.EXT. LIQUOR STORE – DAY
Sarah leaves work, makes sure no one notices as she enters
her favorite liquor store.• Beginning: (Internal Dilemma) Sarah seems ashamed as she
enters.• Middle: (Intrigue) She buys Vodka, smiles at the cashier.
• Ending: (Mislead) Leaves store, smiles, has happy feet.
INT. SARAH’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Sarah drinks vodka to dull her emotional pain. We see
FLASHBACKS of some of the childhood memories that haunt her.• Beginning: (Uncomfortable Moment) Sarah drinks quickly.
• Middle: (Suspense) Sarah mind is numbed by the alcohol.
• Ending: (Reveal) But it’s not enough to stop memories.
She RAKES finger nails on her raw, bleeding forearm.INT. POTTERY REPAIR SHOP – DAY
Sarah receives an ancient Anasazi Indian pot to repair. The
zig zag pattern on it triggers emotions in Sarah and —BEGIN B&W FLASHBACK
EXT. ARIZONA DESERT – INDIAN CLIFF DWELLING – NIGHT
A terrified 6-year-old little girl runs from a bearded, man.
We will call her YOUNG SARAH. We will call him BEAR.The girl wears a pot shard with zig zag design on a necklace.
• Beginning: (Suspense) Young Sarah runs for her life.
• Middle: (Mislead) She hides, Bear runs past her.
• Ending: (Cliffhanger / Reveal / Surprise) Bear hears the
girl’s panicked breathing, grabs her, throws her off a cliff.END FLASHBACK
INT. POTTERY REPAIR SHOP – DAY
The pot slips from Sarah’s hands, breaks. Her boss hears the
CRASH, tells her not to come back until she’s sober.• Beginning: (Intrigue) Why was Sarah shocked by the pot?
• Middle: (Major twist) Sarah broke the pot she was to fix.
• Ending: (Surprise) Her boss is mortified when, against
his wishes, Sarah boxes up the pieces and runs out the door.EXT. LIQUOR STORE – DAY
About to enter, Sarah hears broken shards clink in the box.
• Beginning: (Mislead) Sarah wants to buy booze.
• Middle: (uncomfortable moment)j She hears pieces “clink”.
• Ending: (Internal Dilemma / Reveal) Sarah buys no booze.
INT. SARAH’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Sarah researches the pot’s owner, JAMES MARCH, learns he is a
self-help author and hypnotist. She calls March, admits she
broke his pot, tells him she can fix it in a week.• Beginning: (Mystery) March wears a black glove.
• Middle: (Intrigue) March is also the pot’s owner.
• Ending: (Major Twist) Sarah will fix the pot for free and
she wants to meet March.ACT TWO
EXT./INT. POLICE CAR – NAVAJO INDIAN RESERVATION – DAY
Officer JOHNNY BENALLY drives in his police car. Notices the
Shaman on a mesa, a dust devil swirls near the man.• Beginning: (Intrigue) A shaman? A dust devil? A cop?
• Middle: (Mystery) Johnny identifies himself on cop radio.
• Ending: (Suspense) The dust devil envelops the Shaman.
INT. NAVAJO NATION POLICE DEPARTMENT – DAY
Police Chief FRANK BENALLY lays Johnny off.
• Beginning: (Surprise) Johnny is happy, other cops not.
• Middle: (Betrayal) Johnny gets laid off by his father.
• Ending: (Major Twist) Johnny gets suspended indefinitely.
EXT. SHAMAN’S HOGAN – NAVAJO RESERVATION – DAY
Shaman wants Johnny to be Shaman. Johnny refuses the call.
• Beginning: (Intrigue) Johnny wants to be a cop but is
supposed to to be the Shaman.• Middle: (Internal Dilemma) Johnny wants to be both but
can’t see a way.• Ending: (External Dilemma) Johnny will let down the tribe
by making one choice or the other.INT. PHOENIX RESTAURANT – NIGHT
Sarah and March meet for dinner. She returns the fixed pot,
reveals that she knows he’s a self-help author and hypnotist.• Beginning: (Mislead) Sarah was meek, now she’s a tiger.
• Middle: (Surprise) Sarah’s shard matches the pot.
• Ending: (External Dilemma) Sarah may go crazy if she’
doesn’t learn about her shard but may go crazy if she does
learn more.EXT. PHOENIX RESTAURANT – NIGHT
A mugger in a ski mask, attempts to mug Sarah and March.
• Beginning: (Major Twist) A peaceful walk home is
interrupted by a mugger.• Middle: (External Dilemma) Sarah and Mach may lose their
wallets AND their lives.• Ending: (Surprise) March breaks the man’s jaw with his
bionic arm and hand.INT. SARAH’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
March comes off as helpful, honest, reassuring. Mentions
“going to school” to learn more about her memories.• Beginning: (Mislead) March is helpful, understanding. He
exits and says she can call if she ever needs him.• Middle: (Internal Dilemma) Sarah wants to call March but
is afraid of what she might learn.• Ending: (Uncomfortable Moment) After March leaves, Sarah
guzzles Vodka to stop the onslaught of memories about school.INSERT FLASHBACK
EXT. ARIZONA DESERT – INDIAN GRAVE SITE – DAY
Young Sarah argues with Ben, her dad, about going to school.
• Beginning: (External Dilemma) If Young Sarah goes to
school she’ll be separated from her father. If she doesn’t
he’ll be angry.• Middle: (Surprise) Ben breaks a shard in half, gives one
piece to Sarah saying “they’ll always be together”.• Ending: (Major Twist / Mislead) Young Sarah agrees to go
to school but holds crossed fingers behind her back.INT. SARAH’S APARTMENT – DAY
Hung over, Sarah scans passages in March’s self-help book. He
calls to check on her and says, “Might need to kick the old
skull around.”INSERT FLASHBACK
EXT. ARIZONA DESERT
Young Sarah plays soccer. We can’t see the ball. She scores.
GOAL! We now see her ball – it is a human skull.END FLASHBACK
• Beginning: (Character changes radically) Older Sarah is
excited to score a goal then horrified the ball is a skull.• Middle: (Intrigue) Did March somehow trigger Sarah?
• Ending: (Major Twist) Sarah asks March to treat her.
INT. MARCH’S OFFICE – DAY
March hypnotizes Sarah. She recalls her father was an
archeologist and has memories of a “treasure cave.• Beginning: (Mislead) After March’s prompting, Sarah
thinks her father must have been an archeologist.• Middle: (Mystery) March doubts Sarah’s memory about
Spanish Conquistador armor and weapons hidden in a “treasure
cave”.• Ending: (Major Twist) March claims he’s too busy to take
Sarah on as a patient. She begs and he agrees to treat her.ACT THREE
EXT. NAVAJO NATION – HORSE STABLE – DAY
Johnny takes a job, brings up the Sarah Cole cold case with
the stable manager. The manager lets slip that it had to do
with grave robbers and a rumor of some old treasure cave.• Beginning: (Internal Dilemma) Johnny wants to be a cop
but must work as a stable hand.• Middle: (Superior Position) We know Sarah Cole exists.
• Ending: (Intrigue) Sarah’s “treasure cave” is real.
INT. MARCH’S OFFICE – DAY
March hypnotizes Sarah, regresses her to meet YOUNG SARAH,
her 6-year-old self, and learn what trauma she experienced.• Beginning: (Intrigue) Young Sarah wonders why March wants
to know about her.• Middle: (Major Twist) Young Sarah is impulsive and
unpredictable and almost too much for March’s ego to handle.• Ending: (Character Changes Radically) For a moment after
she wakes older Sarah displays all the spunk of young Sarah.INT. SHAMAN’S HOGAN – NAVAJO RESERVATION – DAY
Johnny queries his grandfather, the Shaman, on the story
about Sarah Cole. Shaman says he should talk to his father.• Beginning: (Mystery) Johnny’s father was involved in the
Sarah Cole case.• Middle: (Mystery) Was the Shaman also involved?
• Ending: (Uncomfortable Moment) Johnny’s father and
grandfather may have done something illegal or worse.INT. MARCH’S OFFICE – DAY
SERIES OF SCENES: Sarah learns details about her father from
young Sarah. March apologizes for a faulty diagnosis.• Beginning: (Mystery) Was Ben a grave robber?
• Middle: (Mystery) Who is the Bear?
• Ending: (Superior Position) March doesn’t know things
that young Sarah has told older Sarah.INT. NAVAJO NATION POLICE DEPARTMENT – DAY
Johnny confronts his father about unsolved Sarah Cole case.
• Beginning: (Suspense) Johnny accuses Frank of lying.
• Middle: (External Dilemma) Johnny can’t do police work.
• Ending: (Major Twist) Johnny will bend the rules and go
rogue.EXT. ARIZONA DESERT – SHAMAN’S MESA – DAY
Frank climbs to where the Shaman chants spirits, they argue.
FLASHBACK: Shaman and Frank transport little Sarah to the
hospital in Shaman’s old pickup.• Beginning: (Mystery) What bad things did Shaman and Frank
do twenty years ago?• Middle: (Suspense) Will Shaman and Frank come to blows?
• Ending: (Betrayal) The Shaman and Frank both want to
influence Johnny to take a certain path in life.INT. PHOENIX BAR – NIGHT
Sarah confides to the BARTENDER, wonders if March could be
wrong about her father and wonders if March is manipulating
her memories and her interaction with young Sarah.• Beginning: (External / Internal Dilemma) Sarah’s confused
• Middle: (Betrayal) Does March control Sarah?
• Ending: (Major Twist) Sarah attempts suicide with pills.
INT. HOSPITAL EMERGENCY ROOM – NIGHT
Sarah has OD’d. They pump her stomach.
• Beginning: (Surprise) Young Sarah reminds older Sarah
that her father told her to “only trust in yourself.”• Middle: (Internal Dilemma) Does Sarah believe Young
Sarah, herself or March?• Ending: (Radical Change) She mumbles to the ER Doctor
that she’s “going to find what the fuck March is up to.”INT. MARCH’S OFFICE – DAY
TOMAS, the mugger wants more money from March to keep quiet
about March using Sarah for his “next book”.• Beginning: (Major Twist) Tomas has March in a vise.
• Middle: (Betrayal) March has used subterfuge with Sarah
because he wants to write his next book about her.• Ending: (Superior Position) Tomas is March’s hired gun.
INT. MARCH’S OFFICE – LATER
Buoyed by her ER experience, Sarah surreptitiously questions
young Sarah while March asks questions of young Sarah.• Beginning: (Superior Position) Older Sarah gives March
different info than Young Sarah gave her. (The song)• Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment) March is caught in a lie.
• Ending: (Major Twist) Sarah gets into March’s head.
INT. NAVAJO NATION HOSPITAL – NIGHT
Johnny tracks down a nurse who cared for Sarah 20 years ago.
• Scene Arc: Johnny goes from unsure to positive.
• Essence: Frank was definitely involved with Sarah’s case.
• Conflict: He will have to confront his father.
• Subtext: He will push the boundaries of the case.
• Hope/fear: We fear he’ll be shut down, hope he succeeds.
• Beginning: (Mystery) The nurse remembers the Shaman
dropping off severely injured young Sarah Cole.• Middle: (Surprise) She is positive because he was driving
his old 1960 Ford pickup.• Ending: (Cliffhanger) Johnny must confront the Shaman.
EXT./INT. SHAMAN’S HOGAN – DAY
Johnny gets dropped off by friend, meets with grandfather.
• Beginning: (Superior Position) Johnny refreshes his
knowledge of native and shamanistic lore. Doesn’t mention he
knows the Shaman dropped off little Sarah at the hospital.• Middle: (Betrayal) Shaman denies knowing anything about
Sarah. He’s lying. Why?• Ending: (Surprise) Johnny asks to borrow Shaman’s truck.
INT. NAVAJO NATION POLICE DEPARTMENT – NIGHT
Johnny arrives in Shaman’s Ford, questions Frank, is rebuked.
• Beginning: (Mystery) Johnny says he knows Shaman dropped
off little Sarah. What does Frank know?• Middle: (Character Changes Radically) Frank seems to
forget he’s a cop, says he can’t reveal info.• Ending: (Betrayal) Johnny feels betrayed by both Shaman
and Frank. He’ll just have to find a way to learn more.INT. MARCH’S OFFICE – DAY
Before her next session, Sarah questions March about his true
motives. He admits he plans to write his next book about her.• Beginning: (Major Twist) Sarah is now the inquisitor.
• Middle: (Major Twist) March admits he wants to write a
book about her.• Ending: (Major Twist) She smashes the pot she fixed,
storms from the office.EXT./INT. NAVAJO NATION – HORSE STABLE – DAY
Johnny meets stable hand Tomas who has just quit his job.
• Beginning: (Betrayal) Johnny is depressed. What to do?
• Middle: (Surprise) Johnny learns Tomas is pissed at March
for breaking his jaw. He’ll take March’s money and run.• Ending: (Surprise) Johnny will take Sarah and March out
into the desert to search fro the treasure cave.EXT./INT. SARAH’S APARTMENT – DAY
March shows at Sarah’s apartment, apologizes again for lying
about writing a book, tells her he really wants to help her
and that he feels the only way for her to find peace is for
them to revisit “the scene of the crime”, a remote area on
the Navajo reservation.• Beginning: (Intrigue) March cares and wants to help.
• Middle: (Betrayal) March uses a post-hypnotic suggestion
to get her to act against her will.• Ending: (Major Twist) Sarah will go with March into the
desert but only if she can bail if things get too tough.INT. MARCH’S OFFICE – NIGHT
March is livid when Tomas calls and tells him a different
guide will lead him into the desert.• Beginning: (Superior Position) We know Johnny will be the
guide.• Middle: (Character Changes Radically) March threatens
Tomas with death.• Ending: (Betrayal) Tomas is running out on March.
EXT. NAVAJO NATION – REMOTE DESERT – DAY
Multiple Scenes – Johnny leads Sarah and March deep into
inhospitable desert to search for the cave. He suspects March
is not who he claims and tells Sarah about it. Sarah won’t
believe him, is pissed.• Beginning: (Superior Position) Johnny suspects March’s
life story is a lie.• Middle: (Betrayal) Johnny speaks with Sarah when March is
occupied. She thinks Johnny is somehow working for March.• Ending: (Major Twist) Johnny knows that the area where
March was hunting and blew his arm off doesn’t have any deer
like he claims. March is lying. Why?EXT. CAMP IN THE DESERT – NIGHT
March and Johnny argue. Sarah questions her memories.
• Beginning: (Major Twist) Johnny and March argue over
Sarah’s treatment.• Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment) Sarah questions her
memories, gets drunk on vodka she smuggled on her horse.• Ending: (Suspense) A scorpion bites Johnny in his
bedroll.EXT. NAVAJO NATION – REMOTE DESERT – MORNING
Johnny has cured himself of the scorpion sting using Navajo
medicine. He discovers March using an electric razor to shave
his black-stubbled head, good arm and heavy 5:00 shadow.• Beginning: (Suspense) Why is March concerned with
shaving?• Middle: (Internal Dilemma) Sarah is hung over, apologizes
to March and Johnny, goes into hypnosis with March.• Ending: (Major Twist) Sarah remembers the song her father
taught which give directions to the treasure cave. She sings.EXT. NAVAJO NATION – REMOTE DESERT – DAY
Sarah, March, and Johnny endure harsh desert conditions,
climb perilous cliffs to what appears to be a blocked cave
entrance.• Beginning: (Mislead/uncertainty) Is this the real cave?
• Middle: (Intrigue) March orders Sarah and Johnny to clear
the opening.• Ending: (Cliffhanger) March watches them like a hawk.
INT. THE TREASURE CAVE – DAY
Sarah realizes March has used her all along and that he is
actually Bear. And that March/Bear killed her father.• Beginning: (Major Twist) March killed Sarah’s father and
then tried to kill her so there wouldn’t be witnesses.• Middle: (External Dilemma) March needs to kill Sarah and
Johnny. The cycle repeats itself.• Ending: (Betrayal) March is insane, wants to recover his
severed hand and arm bones and wants the Conquistador
treasure for himself.EXT. THE TREASURE CAVE – DAY
March pulls a small pistol from his boot, shoots Johnny.
Sarah and March fight to the death.• Beginning: (Character Changes Radically/Surprise) Sarah
fights like a tiger – just like young Sarah did. Young Sarah
and older Sarah are now one person.• Middle: (Internal Dilemma) Sarah gets the upper hand,
drives March to the cliff edge, he falls, hangs on. Does she
help him or let him die? She reaches for his hand —• Ending: (Major Twist) March tries to pull Sarah over the
cliff with him – but his bionic arm pops free, he falls to
his death.DEEPER LAYERS: Sarah is helping Johnny realize his true
calling and he is helping her to heal.SHAMAN’S RESOLUTION: The Shaman sits on the mesa, chants. A
dust devil appears. At the same time, a dust devil appears at
the mouth of the cave and Sarah recognizes it as the spirit
of her father. March is distracted for a moment which gives
Johnny a chance to charge March.JOHNNY’S RESOLUTION: He will survive to realize his future as
both a cop AND as the shaman.SARAH’S RESOLUTION: Sarah has put the pieces of herself back
together. She will need time but now can allow herself to
love and be loved and enjoy life as a complete person.MARCH’S RESOLUTION: He falls to his death from the same cliff
he threw Sarah off of twenty years before.Epilogue – Sarah leaves her father’s half of the shard for
Johnny to find in his hospital bed. We are led to believe
that Johnny and Sarah will hook up in the future – but we’re
not sure.Closing scene: March’s spirit (chindi/dust devil) tries to
put back together his arm and hand bones that were left on
the cliff that he fell from. His chindi will wander forever
and never find peace.FADE OUT.
-
Rebecca’s Fascinating Scenes
Vision: My success in this program will lead me to be the go-to writer for producers looking for incredible scripts for successful movies enjoyed by a vast viewing audience.
What I learned from this assignment was that by making a few changes using this method can create a more interesting read.
Title: RAGMAN’S WAR
Written By: R.S. Sukle
Genre: Action/ Drama
Concept: To prevent coal and iron police from massacring men, women, and children working a picket line, a WWI Silver Star recipient must, without detection, execute the rabid commander who violently dominates their community, a link to his past.
Outline:
Act 1
(Beginning)
1. EXT. BATTLEFIELD – DAY
1917 Battlefield in France, trenches, barbed wire, no man’s land, marching gun nests, mortar fire, dust, and smoke.
American soldier, a sniper, watches a mortar shell exploded near his unit, bodies flying in the air. He runs to his brother, checks for injuries, gives him a canteen, and promises to “kill a few of the bastards” before he moves on.
2. EXT. WOODS – DAY
Scouting in the forest, the American sees a group of German soldiers marching towards an allied position. During the deafening volley of mortar fire picks off sixteen troops from back to front. He lets the officer remain alive despite him begging for death, a big mistake.
3. EXT. RUSSELLTON COAL PATCH – DAY
April 1, 1927
Lunch in hand, RAGMAN, machine shop mechanic and jaded war hero, kisses his wife, LUDIE, and joins the other men walking to their shift. As they walk down the dirt road of double two story company housing, they debate about walking out in solidarity with the United Mine Workers called strike. Ragman declares being undecided because he is finished with God, war, killing, and conflict.
4. I/E. WORKSTATIONS AROUND THE MINE – CONTINUOUS
The shift whistle blowsRagman packs up his tools.
Men underground dump out water from their dinner buckets, symbolic of solidarity with the strike, and load into the man lift, Men and boys working the tipple do the same, and the workers in the machine shop join them and walk away from their jobs. Ragman, reluctant, dumps water, picks up his tool crate, and exits.
5. EXT. FARM – DAY
Ragman moves his wife Ludie and their two young boys from the company duplex to a cottage on his parent’s farm. He helps his father and uncle with daily chores. Decides to ask his baby brother, ALBERT, to help him find a job at Conneaut Lake.
6. EXT. OAKLAND HOTEL – DAY
Ragman visits his baby brother Albert, ex-marine and boxer, working as a grounds keeper. Albert introduces Ragman to his boss. Ragman fixes the bulldozer engine, climbs aboard, and the boss hires him.
6.5 EXT. OAKLAND HOTEL – NEXT DAY
All goes well until the boss’s constant carping triggers Ragman’s anger. He quits, demands his pay, and when the boss refuses, chases him around a tree and holds him against the trunk. The frightened boss forks over the money plus a bonus for a quick departure.
7. EXT. ONE MAN COAL MINE – DAY
Ragman and his father-in-law Stan pool their savings to buy a pickup truck. They start a junk recycling business. The striking miners laugh now that his new occupation matches his mining nick name.
(Inciting Incident)
8. EXT. RUSSELLTON – DAY
An army of Coal and Iron Police, invade the region to break the strike. Their brutal commander, Herr Bucholtz, violently dominates the community as his men invade company houses, search and seize firearms, monitor the train station and few roads into the valley. His claims his actions are needed to protect company property.
FLASHBACK
9. EXT. BALDWIN-FELTS OFFICE – DAY
A detective hands Bucholtz a written report. Bucholtz scrutinizes it. He pays the man, pockets the report and smiles.
10. INT. BALDWIN-FELTS OFFICE – later
Bucholtz meets with the top agents, reminds them of his successful record of strike breaking in West Virginia, and convinces them to let him do the same in the Russellton coalfields of Pennsylvania.
END FLASHBACK
11. EXT. RUSSELLTON – EVENING
Ragman and his wife drive her father and two younger siblings home after a picnic at the farm. They are stopped by a trooper who demands to see their papers. Ragman yells his complaint; the trooper puts his hand on his gun. Ludie squeezes her husband’ s arm hard. He calms, and the trooper issues Stan and his family ID papers.
12. EXT. STAN’S HOUSE – LATER
Stan finds a work agreement attached to his porch post stating that if he doesn’t sign he will be evicted. Stan complains that he pays his rent every month. He crumples the notice, and stomps on it.
13. EXT. BUS STOP RUSSELLTON – AFTERNOON
Ludie with her two boys in tow exits the bus. A trooper confronts her and demands her name, destination, and purpose of the visit before allowing her to enter town. Bucholtz, attracted to the woman, asks the trooper for the information.
14. INT. STAN’S HOUSE – LATER
Bucholtz bursts into the house on a flimsy pretext, shoots Ludie’s young sister a threatening look, and ogles Ludie. Defiant, she gives him a dismissive look and turns her back. Intrigued, he smiles and leaves.
15. INT. MINE OFFICE – DAY
Stan enters the office and complains about eviction and confiscation of property notice nailed to his house. He tells the clerk he pays his rent but learns the homes are only for working miners. Stan talks to the man’s boss who agrees to let Stan stay if he pays the rent a month in advance. Stan pays and insists on a receipt.
16. INT. UNITED MINE WORKERS HEADQUARTERS – DAY
Ragman takes Ervin to meet the union heads so he can volunteer to teach the Russellton mine families to build barracks in exchange for building supplies so they don’t need to live in tents after the eviction. The union and Ervin strike a deal for him to do the same in other towns.
(Turning Point)
17. EXT. BARRACKS CONSTRUCTION SITE – DAY
Under Ervin’s leadership the construction hums along. To stop the progress, Bucholtz steals building supplies to lure Ervin onto company property and take him captive. Bucholtz argues with him about not fighting back after he cracks the whip across his back. Bucholtz goes berserk with repeated blows until Ervin looses his bowels and falls unconscious.
18. EXT. BARRACKS CONSTRUCTION SITE – NIGHT
Raman searches for his brother and finds him unconscious in a puddle of blood, mud, and feces in the cold pouring rain. Ragman and a fellow miner load Ervin into the pickup bed and takes him home. His companion runs to notify the company doctor to meet at the farm.
19. INT. FARM KITCHEN – MORNING
Ragman and his mother work on cleaning the wounds. Doctor Dicky and Amy, his nurse, arrive and take over. Ervin, semiconscious, forces Ragman to promise to take over the project and complete the shelters before the deadline and Ragman agrees knowing it will embed him into the union war.
20. EXT. FARM FIELD – LATER
Incensed and frustrated, Ragman throws rocks at a line of bottles and cans and screams vulgarisms and profanities with each strike. He runs out of targets and calms.
ACT 2
(New Plan)
21. INT. FARM KITCHEN – DAY
Albert arrives home from Conneaut Lake to help Ragman finish the barracks. With Ervin advising them, Ragman and Albert work out a new plan to make up lost time. Albert calls a few people who owe him for past favors.
22.EXT. BARRACKS CONSTRUCTION SITE – DAY
Ragman and Albert discover roof nails and rolls of tarpaper gone missing. They come up with a plan to borrow nails and alternate tarpaper with tar coated newspaper to fill the gaps.
23. EXT. MAIN ROAD – LATER
Albert leaves in search of supplies. Bucholtz stops him at the road and attempts to cower him. Albert assumes a boxing stance, dukes up, ready to take him on, and warns he’s not like his brother. Bucholtz retreats to the safety of his men.
(Midpoint turning point)
24. INT. STAN’S HOUSE – DAY
Prior to auction day Ragman helps Stan move all his belongings to his new rental house out in the township as Ludie stays behind to help her younger siblings, Ben and Reise, pack. Bucholtz bursts into the house with four troopers and orders two of his henchmen to put a noose around the effeminate boy’s neck, remove him from the house to the wagon road, and have fun. He then orders another trooper, Bernard to take Reise upstairs and enjoy her.
25. INT. UPSTAIRS – DAY
Bernard drags the girl upstairs and throws her on a mattress and orders the puzzled girl to scream as he clomps on the floor. He whispers for her to act like she is being attacked or Bucholtz will punish him.
26. INT. DOWNSTAIRS – SAME TIME
Bucholtz grabs Ludie, clamps her close, and pleads for her to pretend to love him. She bites his hand; he punches her hard in the stomach and knocks her unconscious. Bucholtz tenderly removes her clothing, kisses each part of her, and rapes her, hopeful she will bear his child.
27. INT. DOWNSTAIRS – LATER
Ludie awakens and finds it strange to be fully dressed despite the hurts in her body. She takes time to recover before dragging up the staircase.
28. INT. UPSTAIRS – LATER
Ludie finds a sobbing Reise curled on the mattress, pulls her close to comfort her, and makes her promise never to tell anyone what happened to them. It must be their secret to keep Ragman and their father from confronting Bucholtz, to protect them from the madman’s fury and possible death.
29. EXT. STAN’S HOUSE – LATER
Ragman and Stan return to an hysterical Ludie and Reise. They cry about the police leading Ben from the house with a noose around his neck. Ludie covers up her pain and injuries by claiming to have fallen down the steps.
30. EXT. WAGON ROAD – MOMENTS LATER
Ragman and Stan find a catatonic Ben, vilified by Bucholt’z thugs. They decide to send the boy to live in Detroit with an older sister; Ludie turns quiet and cries a lot.
ACT 3
(Rethink Everything)
31. INT. FARM KITCHEN – DAY
Ragman beams with elation when he receives the patent on his invention after months and months of waiting. He shares the information with his mother and asks about buying her unfinished new house in Springdale if he sells it and expresses his wished to get his depressed wife away from the area.
32. EXT. RUSSELLTON – DAY
Bucholtz orders his storm troopers to invade the company houses and destroy any food stores that might help the miners survive before they move all their personal items onto the street to be sold at auction. Bucholtz smiles at the destruction and mayhem, with nothing left to survive the winter they will either come back to work or die in the union barracks.
33. EXT. RUSSELLTON – DAY
Fred Broad, a successful business man from the city, backed by the union and protected by sheriff deputies and state troopers, buys all the items at auction and returns them to the families. Livid, Bucholtz berates his men before galloping away on his large stallion.
34. EXT. RUSSELLTON – DAY
Eviction Day.
Ragman drives up the hill to help his former neighbors Rosie and Big Tony move to the barracks. Doctor Dickey follows in his car to examine Tony, sick with miner’s lung. They find a mound of clothing on the street covered with snow surrounded by meager belongings.
35. EXT. RUSSELLTON – MOMENTS LATER
Underneath the pile of bedding they find a shivering Rosie and a dead Tony. Dickey takes charge of the body, Ragman invites Rosie to stay at his house. He promises he’ll travel to Pittsburgh notify Anthony, an engineering student at Carnegie Technical Institute, about his father’s death and bring him home.
Many Months later:
36. EXT. FIELD OUTSIDE OF CURTISVILLE – DAY
A recovered Ervin, now building barracks for the Ford Coal Company miners in Curtisville, waits for a delivery of union building supplies, and decides to drive to the nearest telephone to check on the delay. His car moves across the field, onto a short stretch of street in Curtisville.
37. EXT. CURTISVILLE – MOMENTS LATER
As soon as Ervin’s car enters the street, coal and iron police emerge and surround the stopped auto. Bucholtz, mounted on his stallion, directs the action, nods, a trooper approaches the car, others aim their guns. The trooper demands his pass and runs it to Bucholtz who declares it invalid and arrests him.
38. INT. STABLE LOCKUP IN CURTISVILLE – LATER
Bucholtz orders the prisoner tied to a post near the horse stall, unleashes his famous whip, and demonstrates his skill and accuracy. A loud cracking noise slices through the air. Ervin struggles against his ties.
39. INT. STABLE LOCKUP IN CURTISVILLE – CONTINUOUS
Bucholtz orders Ervin’s shirt to be removed showing large scars criss-cross his back. Bucholtz runs a finger over the widest and traces the thickness and texture. He steps back and raises the whip.
40. INT. STABLE LOCKUP IN CURTISVILLE – LATER
SNAP! SWOOSH! SLICE! The lash tears across the old scars, blood oozes as Ervin winces but remains stoic. Bucholtz screams vulgarities as he lets loose three more lashes before his arm freezes overhead, eyes enlarged, unfocused, face twisted in horror and throws down the whip and races outside. A jailer cuts Ervin down, drags him to the cell, punches him in the stomach, and throws him inside.
41. INT. CURTISVILLE POLICE BARRACKS – NIGHT
Bucholtz downs a bottle of whiskey and suffers hallucinations before passing out.
FLASHBACK
42.. INT. MENTAL INSTITUTION – DAY
Baron Von Hundleshausen visits Herman and claims he is not his son and orders him to stay away from the estate, his mother, and to change his name. Herman chooses his mother’s maiden name, Bucholtz.
43. EXT. GERMAN VILLAGE – DAY
Herman looks for his love Mina and his son. He finds only ruins where they live. He learns that both died in a house explosion.
44. INT. BREWHOUSE – NIGHT
Bucholtz incites a drunken brawl and kills one and injures two. Police arrest him.
45.. INT. PRISON CELL – DAY
Bucholtz’s grandfather visits with a recruiter from the Baldwin Feltz Agency. He offers him a job in America and freedom if he accepts.
END FLASHBACK
46. EXT. CURTISVILLE – NIGHT
A railroad hand car pumped by two men races across the landscape. It slows as it enters the town. Hidden by a railroad cut it stops on a siding near the lock up.
47. INT. CURTISVILLE LOCK UP – NIGHT
The older trooper leaves to check on the boss as the other three play cards. Minutes into the game, BANG!…the stable door bursts open. Ragman armed with a shotgun stands in the doorway backed by Albert.
48. INT. CURTISVILLE LOCK UP – CONTINUOUS
Ragman orders the men to freeze. Albert snatches a keyring from the jailer’s belt. The old trooper enters and grabs Ragman from behind.
49. INT. CURTISVILLE LOCK UP – CONTINUOUS
The shotgun flies through the air into the horse stalls…the stallion rears up to trample the gun. The Irish trooper, a boxer, with fists up rushes Albert who mirrors the fighting stance. Ragman fights off a horse and guard. Albert takes on two guards and the Irish boxer.
50. INT. CURTISVILLE LOCK UP – LATER
The dust clears. Ragman and Ervin head for the exit. Albert drags the unconscious troopers into the cell and locks the the door.
(Midpoint turning point)
51. EXT. HOUSE IN NEW KEN – DAY
Ragman drops Ludie in front of her friend Dora’s house and promises Ludie to take care of the boys for two weeks as she seeks help for her depression. He and Dora cross barbs before he leaves.
52. INT. BEDROOM DORA’S HOUSE – DAY
After the abortion and three days in bed, a recovering Ludie pulls up to standing and to a dressing table. She peers into the mirror, scows, and turns away from the hateful image of the woman who killed her own child. Ludie picks up scissors and chops off her beautiful long hair to look as ugly as she feels.
53.. INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – DAY
The injured Ervin sick with flu gets a visit from Ragman and Albert. He asks about progress with the barracks construction with Albert finishing Curtisville and Ragman tackling Hamarville. They reassure him that all is well.
54. EXT. RUSSELLTON BARRACKS- DAY
U.S. Senator Wagner and other congressmen visit the site to investigate conditions there and accompanied by county sheriff deputies and state police who will remain in town to retain order when the Russellton mine opens on an open shop basis. Bucholtz watches from a distance, livid that after seven months of he failed to end the strike, a loose cannon ready to explode.
55. INT. FARM BEDROOM – DAY
The same flu that sickened Ervin claims Albert and his mother. August his father quarantines to the stable and Ludie’s depression renders her useless. Overwhelmed, Ragman gives up work at Harmarville to help his family. The township constable drops by to tell Raman that Rosie Gentile died from exposure in the unfinished Harmarville barracks and asks him to please notify her son Anthony.
56. INT. HOSPITAL – DAY
The convalescing Ervin sits in a wheelchair by the nurses desk and challenges another man to a race down the hall. Ervin leads with a burst of speed but midway slows, his heart stops and death claims him at 27 years old.
57.. INT. KITCHEN – DAY
Ragman and Ludie visit Stan who informs him that Reise is pregnant by a young trooper she took up with. Stan and Ragman decide it best to send her to Detroit. When the men leave Reise tells Ludie that the trooper, Bernard didn’t raper her; instead it was Bucholtz who seduced and impregnated her. Ludie faints at the news.
58. EXT. BUS STOP RUSSELLTON – DAY
Bucholtz sees a hag waiting at the stop and moves closer to identify her. Shocked, he recognizes Ludie, pale, haggard, baggy clothes, sunken dull eyes, and a hideous haircut. He inquires about the child and she confesses there is no child, she killed it. Incensed, he reaches for her throat, stops, and walks away, his last hope gone.
59. INT. REPUBLIC STEEL HEADQUARTERS – DAY
The executives call Buchlotz on the carpet, chastise his work, and issue a deadline to end the strike by any means. Pressured, he comes up with a sadistic plan for victory and revenge.
60. INT. STAN’S KITCHEN – DAY
Ragman drags Bernard into the kitchen for asking about Reise. He and Stan chastise the young man. He declares his love for Reise and tells them that Bucholtz is the father and that he also raped Ludie. Ragman snaps and bolts from the house before he kills someone. He returns when calm and asks Bernard to spy on Bucholtz. He agrees.
61. EXT. FARM – NIGHT
Ragman finishes places the last of his family belongings into the pick up truck. Ragman, Ludie, and the boys say good-bye to their grandparents and load into the cab. They drive away to their new life in Springdale.
ACT 4
(Climax/Ultimate expression of the Conflict)
62. EXT. POLICE BARRACKS – NIGHT
Ragman travels to the police barracks in Russellton, bangs on the door, and bellows for Bucholtz. He confronts the Commander about raping Ludie, impregnating Reise, and killing Ervin. WHY! Bucholtz gets close to his ear and confesses to being the 17th man, his life ruined by not being killed. He he will bites off Ragman’s earlobe and wraps the braided leather of his whip around Ragman’s neck pulling ever tighter until Ragman chokes. BOOM! Rube Dembaugh, township constable, wielding a shotgun and backed by several deputies, arrests Ragman before Bucholtz can kill him.
63. EXT. CHURCH CEMETERY – NIGHT
Robbed of his victim, Bucholtz goes raving mad and bludgeons a scab miner to death with a fence piling. The next day he blames the murder on the young miners who support the union. County detectives from Pittsburgh arrests the boys.
64. INT. RAGMAN’S SPRINGDALE HOUSE – NIGHT
Two weeks before a planned peaceful protest at the mine office to be led by Albert, Bernard shows up at the door. He informs Ragman about the murder in the cemetery and Bucholtz arriving later at the barracks stark naked in the pouring rain.
He hands Ragman the Commander’s journal documenting the details of his plan to use a machine gun to mow down the picket line of men, women, and children, after he first kills Albert. Overwhelmed, Ragman calls Anthony Gentile at union headquarters and asks for help. He thanks Bernard, writes down Reise’s address in Detroit, and gives him enough money to get there.
65. INT. RAGMAN’S SPRINGDALE HOUSE – LATER
Anthony arrives and hour later and they devise a rational plan to kill Bucholtz without detection. Anthony reminds Ragman that to pull it off, he has less than two weeks to redirect his anger into cunning and self restraint.
66. EXT. FARMHOUSE – NIGHT
Raman argues with Albert about not being recovered enough to lead a protest that could turn ugly. The two get into a fight, Albert grabs his chest and collapses. Doc Dickey orders complete bedrest for three weeks.
(Resolution)
67. EXT. RUSSELLTON NO. 1 – DAY
April 1, 1928, one year after the beginning of the strike, miners from Russellton and Curtisville congregate on the road in front of the office of Republic Iron and Steel. The protest remains peaceful. Ragman, in disguise, hides in the crowd with his hunting knife ready.
68. EXT. RUSSELLTON NO. 1 – CONTINUOUS
Bucholtz roars into the throng on his horse, pushing turns to shoving. Those on the picket line link arms and a lone voice starts singing and soon joined by others, a union song about solidarity.
Bucholtz notices the new leader, signals his thugs in the crowd to ramp it up, and small fights break out.
69. EXT. RUSSELLTON NO. 1 – CONTINUOUS
Ragman moves in for the kill. The mob pushes him too far away to strike. He skirts around to a hillock across the street, steps on a large rock, and picks it up.
70. EXT. RUSSELLTON NO. 1 – CONTINUOUS
Bucholtz aims his gun at Anthony, the shot a signal for the machine gunner to open fire.
Ragman hammers the rock at Bucholtz. It smashes into his back. Unsteady, Bucholtz shoots and the shot barely misses the machine gunner.
71. EXT. RUSSELLTON NO. 1 – CONTINUOUS
The spooked stallion rears up and dumps its rider. Hooves bash his head and trample the body. The frightened beast bolts through the crowd as people scatter out of its way.
72. EXT. RUSSELLTON NO. 1 – CONTINUOUS
Police, protesters, and new scabs freeze in stunned silence. Ragman slips under mob and removes his outer clothing. He appears moments later at the opposite edge of the protest, his hand in a sling.
73. EXT. RUSSELLTON NO. 1 – CONTINUOUS
Constable Rube Dembaugh moves through the mob to check the body. He declares the Commander dead. Everyone cheers, problem solved, a ten year mistake now corrected.
74. INT. SPRINGDALE HOUSE – DAY
Ragman returns home, kisses his wife, and hugs his children. He informs Ludie about the death of Bucholtz. He confesses that although the problem is solved, his mistake ten years earlier caused a lot of hardship and death and must learn how to live with that.
THE END
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Bobby’s Fascinating Scene Outlines!
What I learned doing this assignment is…. HUGE BREAKTHROUGH. This whole series of lessons: from “one-sentence scene summaries”, to adding emotion, adding intrigue, adding scene requirements, and NOW replacing it all with beginning/middle/end… essentially gets us back to the basic scene summaries – but NOW all that stuff that wasn’t there in the original scene summaries is embedded in the summaries. Just wonderful.
MY VISION: A writing life that is mine to do with as I please. Independently wealthy, always creatively engaged, sought after, and utterly fulfilled.
STILL MUCH TO DO, and WAY TOO LINEAR – but a start!
EXT. WOODS – NIGHT
BEGINNING: (MISLEAD/TERROR) A teen couple (MOLLY and MATT) are chased by a masked psycho with a machete.
MIDDLE: (BETRAYAL) Molly falls, and Matt leaves her behind.
END: (TWIST!) Matt is stabbed through chest, and (REVEAL) killer reveals his face – it’s Jason! Molly kisses him….
INT. JASON’S ROOM – DAY
BEGINNING: (SURPRISE) Sleeping Jason’s fantasy is shattered as CARL wakes him with a punch to the groin.
MIDDLE: (UNCERTAINTY) Jason’s room is a mess, and he’s missing rent. Carl gives him 3 days. AND he’s late for work.
END: (REVEAL) Jason tries to stand up for himself, then backs down. We realize Carl is Jason’s Dad.
INT. BENNY’S DINER – KITCHEN – NIGHT
BEGINNING: (MORE INTERESTING SETTING) Jason is late to work, and tries to duck in unmarked back door with quiet knock.
MIDDLE: (BETRAYAL) Co-worker opens door – boss is right behind him. Jason’s put on notice: could lose his job.
END: (SURPRISE/SUSPENSE) Jason’s told he’s waiting tables today – they’re short-staffed.
INT. BENNY’S DINER – RESTAURANT – NIGHT
BEGINNING: (MYSTERY) Jason grabs food for Table 12 – freezes when he sees high school jocks and girls – MATT among them.
MIDDLE: (HOPE/FEAR) Jason is taunted as he serves food; Hack pulls his pants down, bringing food crashing to the floor.
END: (UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENT) Molly leaves bathroom and sees him. Jason runs away half-naked. Boss fires him.
EXT. PARKING LOT – NIGHT
BEGINNING: (SUSPENSE) Jason sits on his car, devastated; then hides when Matt and friends come out laughing.
MIDDLE: (SUPERIOR POSITION/MISINTERPRETATION) Jason watches Matt and Molly kiss. Then is bitten by a rat, and misses Molly smack Matt – she’s pissed!
END: (INTRIGUE) Jason hears Matt announce plans for trip to cabin in the morning. Looks at the dead rat at his feet.
INT. JASON’S HOUSE – BEDROOM – NIGHT
BEGINNING: (MORE INTERESTING SETTING/SURPRISE) Jason sneaks in through bedroom window. Carl is waiting.
MIDDLE: (INTRIGUE/HOPE) Carl mocks Jason’s whole persona, says mom was right to die and miss what a loser he’s become.
END: (INTERNAL DILEMMA) Carl tells Jason to agree; Jason does. Carl reminds him he’s got three days to pay his rent.
INT. JASON’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
BEGINNING: (INTRIGUE) Jason sees Matt and Molly arguing outside Matt’s car. Hears his own name…
MIDDLE: (BETRAYAL) They make up. Kiss. Matt says “6 AM” and drives off. Molly waves and goes into house next to Jason’s.
END: (MAJOR TWIST) Jason takes in his posters of Jason, Freddy, Michael Myers. Takes machete off wall. END OF ACT I
INT. JASON’S HOUSE – NIGHT
BEGINNING: (MISLEAD) Jason looks for weapons – choices often plastic (rejected) or goofy (a flail from cosplay, a shield)
MIDDLE: (INTERNAL DILEMMA) Jason checks his growing sack – looks at door to hall
END: (INTRIGUE) Jason looks to Matrix poster…
INT. JASON’S HOUSE – CARL’S BEDROOM
BEGINNING: (MORE INTERESTING SETTING) Jason sneaks into room. Carl passed out on bed. Cans litter the floor, like a trap.
MIDDLE: (SUSPENSE) Halfway there, Jason kicks an empty beer can, making noise. Carl snorts in his sleep, freezing Jason.
END: (INTERNAL DILEMMA) Jason takes gun from drawer. Points at Carl – Carl snorts; Jason jerks. Jason leaves with gun.
EXT. MOUNTAIN ROAD – DAY (INTERCUT MATT AND JASON’S CARS)
BEGINNING: (MAJOR TWIST) Jason follows Matt’s Jeep, crammed with kids. Michael Myers appears, quizzing Jason on plans.
MIDDLE: (MYSTERY/UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENT) In Matt’s car, whooping from 7 kids crammed inside. Matt tense, Molly pissed. Hack flicks a spider on Molly, Matt lashes out.
END: (SURPRISE) Jason jams breaks, slides off road, when Matt’s car is stopped by flooded road. Michael Myers is gone.
EXT. BRIDGE/WOODS – DAY
BEGINNING: (EXTERNAL DILEMMA) Flood cuts off bridge to cabin. Matt points out blue in water, says military base is “dumping again” – no going in water. They have to go through woods.
MIDDLE: (INTRIGUE/BETRAYAL) Molly slips, slaps Matt’s hand away when he tries to help. Hack talks to Chet, telling him Matt didn’t want the rest of them to come.
END: (SURPRISE/MISLEAD) LUCY screams! She’s staring at an empty grave, dirt mounded around it.
EXT. CIVIL WAR GRAVEYARD – DAY
BEGINNING: (INTRIGUE) The group walks through, seeing graves dug up, with empty, broken coffins. Thieves, Matt says.
MIDDLE: Hack pushes DONNIE into a grave. (SUPERIOR POSITION) At first, no one spots or hears him. They start to leave.
END: Molly hears Donnie. They get him out with branch. (UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENT) Donnie looks at Hack, says he slipped.
EXT. GRAVEYARD – DAY
BEGINNING: (SUPERIOR POSITION) Jason arrives at graveyard. He slips into same empty grave as Donnie.
MIDDLE: (PANIC) He’s stuck. Walls close in, Jason panics.
END: (EXTERNAL/INTERNAL DILEMMA) Jason finds branch Matt used. Uses it as a ramp to get out. (SUPERIOR POSITION/FEAR) As he leaves, we see dirt on another grave bulge upwards.
EXT. CABIN – DAY
BEGINNING: (INTRIGUE) Group arrives at cabin, and are greeted by Matt’s older sister MAGGIE, and her skeevy boyfriend TOP.
MIDDLE: (UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENT) Matt had cabin this weekend. She produces beer – hero of the group. Matt not happy.
END: (SUSPENSE) Matt warns her about run-off from military base. She rolls her eyes, and jumps in the lake with Top.
EXT. WOODS – DAY
BEGINNING: (MORE INTERESTING SETTING) Jason hears laughter. Pulls out telescope, and sees flashes of group down below:
MIDDLE: (UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENT) [Through scope] Maggie jumps in lake. Guys wrestle. Astrid sips beer. Jason stung by bee.
END: (BETRAYAL) Jason sees Matt and Molly disappear inside. Slaps telescope closed, angry.
EXT. WOODS – DRAIN PIPE – DAY
BEGINNING: (MISINTERPRETATION) Jason sees overgrown trail. FLASHBACK: two young boys and a girl run along that trail. Jason stalks along trail, lugging duffel.
MIDDLE: (INTERNAL DILEMMA) Jason arrives at 4 foot high pipe that leads to cabin. He freezes at darkness. Decides to wait.
END: (MYSTERY) He sees “3 M’s Forever” carved in tree. Hacks at the carving with machete. He sticks duffel in pipe.
EXT. WOODS – AFTERNOON
BEGINNING: (UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENT) Jason eats sandwich out of lunch bag, watching group. TEDDY acts out Diner Scene, pulling ALAN’S pants down. Laughter.
MIDDLE: (SUSPENSE) Matt comes out, yells at Teddy, asks for Hack. Someone saw him going into the woods. Jason panics.
END: (SURPRISE/FEAR) Sound of animal in pain behind Jason!
EXT. WOODS – AFTERNOON
BEGINNING: (SUPERIOR POSITION) Jason creeps up hill, sees Hack below, taunting a hurt raccoon with a sharp stick.
MIDDLE: (REVEAL) Hack stabs raccoon to death.
END: (SUSPENSE/FEAR) Jason SNAPS a branch – Hack looks up. Jason hides as Hack moves past, bloody stick at his side.
EXT. CABIN – WELL – AFTERNOON
BEGINNING: (UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENT) Matt finds Molly sitting at edge of well. Apologizes for the weekend.
MIDDLE: (INTERNAL DILEMMA) Molly confronts him about Hack – when is he going to leave him behind?
END: (MYSTERY) Matt says he’s responsible for him. Molly says Matt’s scared of him. And she knows why.
EXT. WOODS – DUSK
BEGINNING: (EXTERNAL DILEMMA) Chet pisses in a bush. Jason tries to kill him with machete, but chickens out.
MIDDLE: (MAJOR TWIST) Chet sees Jason. Mocks him. Chet’s chest explodes! CIVIL WAR ZOMBIE with gun leaps on Chet.
END: (CLIFFHANGER) Zombie growls at Jason. Hack appears, chops its head off with machete. Points machete at Jason.
INT. CABIN – NIGHT
BEGINNING: (SURPRISE) Group hangs, wonders where Chet and Hack are. Hack bursts in, Jason in tow.
MIDDLE: (SUPERIOR POSITION) Jason says a zombie killed Chet. Everyone laughs at him. Hack says he hasn’t seen Chet.
END: (UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENT) Matt wants to know what Jason’s doing there. Jason says he was camping. Group mocks him. Molly offers Jason some food. END ACT II
INT. CABIN – NIGHT
BEGINNING: (SUPERIOR POSITION) Chet’s got the weed. Group breaks up to find him. Jason warns them; tells Molly to stay.
MIDDLE: (UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENT) Matt confronts Jason about why he’s really here. Jason says not to go outside.
END: (SUSPENSE) Matt dismisses him. Goes after the others.
EXT. ROPE BRIDGE/SHED/DOCK – NIGHT
BEGINNING: (SUSPENSE) Alan and Maggie approach shed, Alan calling for Chet, Top wondering what drugs he’s got.
MIDDLE: (SUPERIOR POSITION) Astrid and Lucy at rope bridge crossing lake. Lucy won’t cross. Astrid mocks her, crosses.
END: (CLIFFHANGER) Matt at dock, looks at blue trails in water. Hack comes up behind, and pushes him.
INT. CABIN – NIGHT
BEGINNING: (UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENT) Molly serves Jason a sandwich. Wants the truth about why he’s here.
MIDDLE: (SUPERIOR POSITION) Jason insists he’s telling the truth. Molly shuts down.
END: (INTRIGUE) Jason tries to stop her from leaving, says to lock the doors. Molly says that’s his “thing”, walks out.
EXT. DOCK – NIGHT
Matt shoves Hack back. Hack says he was just joking. A tense stand-off.
EXT. CABIN PORCH – NIGHT
BEGINNING: (CHARACTER CHANGES) Jason catches Molly on the porch, insisting they talk. He grabs her arm, angry.
MIDDLE: (UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENT) Matt arrives, shoves Jason off of Molly. Hack warns Matt to be careful – Jason’s dangerous.
END: (SURPRISE/TWIST) Astrid SCREAMS in the woods.
EXT. PORCH/ROPE BRIDGE – NIGHT
BEGINNING: (MYSTERY) Kids run to porch, asking about scream.
MIDDLE: (SURPRISE) They run to rope bridge, where Lucy sits, pissed – this is Astrid’s way of getting her to cross.
END: (SUPERIOR POSITION) They call Astrid’s cell: it answers, and they hear grunting. A joke with Chet. Group heads inside.
EXT./INT. CABIN – NIGHT
BEGINNING: (MISINTERPRETATION) Group tells Molly Astrid’s fucking with them. Jason gives Molly a look.
MIDDLE: (SUPERIOR POSITION) Group argues what to do. Franky grabs, shrugs, chugs beer.
END: (MAJOR TWIST) Top leaps from couch where he was sleeping, and bites Franky’s neck! Top has blue eyes, blue veins everywhere. Hack smashes his face in with log.
INT. CABIN – NIGHT
BEGINNING: (EXTERNAL DILEMMA) Chaos! Maggie leaps at Hack, calling him a murderer.
MIDDLE: (SUSPENSE) Hack points to her tattoo, leaking blue. Matt punches Hack. Molly goes to call cops. Hack snaps phone.
END: (UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENT) Jason hits flood lights, tells them they have to do something about Franky too.
INT. CABIN – PORCH
BEGINNING: (TWIST) Group moves to window – Astrid stands on opposite side of lake. Walks right into it, over her head.
MIDDLE: (REVEAL) Civil War Zombies emerge from woods.
END: (FEAR) Astrid emerges from lake, stumbling towards house. Matt screams to kill the lights – house goes black.
INT. CABIN
BEGINNING: (SUSPENSE) Matt’s voice quiets panic. Flashlights go on. They race to lock doors.
MIDDLE: (SUSPENSE) Group looks out windows: pitch black. Nothing to see. Windows EVERYWHERE.
END: (EXTERNAL DILEMMA) Maggie moans, swaying on her feet. Franky collapses from blood loss.
INT. CABIN
BEGINNING: (INTERNAL DILEMMA) Group argues about Maggie and Franky. Hack throws Matt rope: says to tie her or kill her.
MIDDLE: They tie up Maggie, guilty. Molly binds Franky’s wound. Others say he’s a zombie, kill him. Matt ties him up.
END: (CLIFFHANGER) A THUMP on the door. Again. Again.
INT. CABIN – VARIOUS – NIGHT
BEGINNING: (FEAR) They block door with couch. Lucy looks out, says Astrid’s all blue.
MIDDLE: (SUSPENSE) Matt says they need weapons. Group looks, doesn’t find much (lacrosse sticks, football helmet…)
END: (BETRAYAL) Hack says Jason’s got lots of weapons.
INT. BASEMENT – NIGHT
BEGINNING: (INTERESTING SETTING) Group pulls lid off pipe in basement.
MIDDLE: (SUSPENSE) Matt and Jason stand in pipe, hunched over. Matt tells Alan to yell down pipe if anything happens.
END: (MYSTERY) Matt sees how scared Jason is, and nods. He knows why. Puts a hand on Jason’s back. They move down pipe.
INT. CABIN – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
BEGINNING: (CHARACTER CHANGES) In basement, Molly looks around – tells group to grab plywood stacked against a wall.
MIDDLE: (SUSPENSE) In living room, they block windows with wood, staying quiet. Hack says they should just run for it.
END: (UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENT) Molly dares Hack to leave. Molly demands to know what happened to Chet. Hack shrugs.
INT. PIPE – NIGHT
BEGINNING: (INTRIGUE) Jason’s flashlight goes out. He starts hyperventilating. Matt sings a kids song, which helps.
MIDDLE: (INTERESTING SETTING) They reminisce, the flashlight lighting one face at a time.
END: (UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENT) Jason asks why Matt’s an asshole. Matt asks why he’s such a loser. They move on in silence.
INT. CABIN – NIGHT
Something needs to happen here – scene with Molly and others. Not sure what…. (have Hack untie Franky? Maggie?)
INT. PIPE – NIGHT
BEGINNING: (HOPE/FEAR) Moonlight ahead. Duffel in opening.
MIDDLE: (SUSPENSE) Zombie walks by on watch. They creep forward, grab bag. Start back down.
END: (SURPRISE) SOMETHING goes off in bag (stupid kid song? toy?) Zombie appears. They run down pipe, zombies following.
INT. CABIN – NIGHT
BEGINNING: (HOPE) Matt and Jason stumble into living room.
MIDDLE: (UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENT) Weapons distributed. Jason mocked again for silly items. Hack pulls gun out of duffel.
END: (REVEAL) Jason’s purpose revealed. Massive fight, Jason tries to apologize, no one gives a shit. Matt stunned.
INT. CABIN – NIGHT
BEGINNING: (SURPRISE/BETRAYAL) Franky pounces on Lucy! Hack cuts Maggie’s bonds. Maggie – now a zombie – leaps for Molly. Jason jumps in front and shoots his gun – no bullets.
MIDDLE: (BETRAYAL) Matt kills Maggie. Turns, and pummels Hack for letting her loose. General chaos.
END: (TERROR) Windows shatter as zombie soldiers fire rifles. Door explodes, Zombie-Astrid stumbles in.
INT. CABIN/2ND FLOOR STAIRWELL – NIGHT
BEGINNING: (CHARACTER CHANGES) Jason screams to get upstairs. Grabs Molly and runs, followed by group.
MIDDLE: (PANIC) They slam door. Hurl everything down stairs, blocking door.
END: (TWIST) Hack isn’t there.
INT. CABIN – 2ND FLOOR
BEGINNING: (INTERNAL DILEMMA) Matt says they have to go back for Hack. Molly tells him to wake up – Hack’s a psychopath.
MIDDLE: (UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENT) Group turns on Jason – he led them here. Jason confronts his bullies once and for all.
END: (CHARACTER CHANGES) Alan says Jason should get to slap each of them. Jason just walks away, defeated.
INT. CABIN – 2ND FLOOR LIBRARY
BEGINNING: Molly finds Jason. Asks what happened to him.
MIDDLE: (REVEAL) Jason tells Molly about his mom’s death. Molly apologizes – then says he needs to give Matt a break.
END: Jason feels betrayed – walks out.
INT. MATT’S BEDROOM
BEGINNING: Jason comes in, sees Matt fiddling with foosball table. Says he could still beat him.
MIDDLE: (CHARACTER CHANGES) Matt says Hack scares him. Hack came to live with them after his parents killed themselves.
END: (TWIST) Matt thinks HACK killed his parents…
INT. BASEMENT
BEGINNING: (BETRAYAL) Hack opens pipe. Zombies pour in.
MIDDLE: (MAJOR TWIST) Hack watches, hidden. Then grabs the last zombie, forces it to bite him, and rips its head off.
END: (CLIFFHANGER) Hack smiles for the first time, waiting for the change.
INT. CABIN – MATT’S BEDROOM
BEGINNING: Alan interrupts. Has a solid steel bow and arrow.
MIDDLE: Matt reveals that was his prize for finishing 2nd in competition a long time ago. Jason finished first!
END: Jason says this may be a way out.
INT. KITCHEN
BEGINNING: (CHARACTER CHANGES) Basement door opens, and Hack appears, eyes turning blue. Zombies turn to him.
MIDDLE: (DREAD) Hack slides wall panel open. Stairs lead up.
END: (CLIFFHANGER) Hack takes kitchen knife, leads the way up. END ACT III
INT. CABIN – 2ND FLOOR/UPSTAIRS HALL/ATTIC
BEGINNING: (SURPRISE) Zombies flood hall. Group on the run!
MIDDLE: (MORE INTERESTING SETTING) Group flees up ladder to attic. Try to open tiny attic window. It’s stuck. (INTRIGUE) Below, Hack turns and disappears down hallway.
END: (SURPIRSE) Window opens OUT. They escape onto roof.
EXT. ROOF – NIGHT
BEGINNING: (SURPRISE) They stumble onto roof – Hack is already there, having climbed from other side.
MIDDLE: (FEAR) Zombies flood roof. Group in all-out fight.
END: (CHARACTER CHANGES) Jason kills Hack, saving the day.
EXT. ROOF – NIGHT
BEGINNING: (FEAR) Zombies still on ground below. No way off roof. More zombies coming onto roof from Hack’s window.
MIDDLE: (HOPE) Jason shoots fishing wire attached to steel arrow into tree, giving them a way past the lake.
END: (DREAD) Group rappels down wire to other side – Jason is last, and wire snaps, dumping him in the lake.
EXT. LAKE – NIGHT
BEGINNING: (SUSPENSE) Jason frantically swims for shore, zombies near house following after.
MIDDLE: (INTRIGUE) Jason sees motorboat. Uses arrow to punch hole in gas tank.
END: (HOPE) Matt sets gas alight (how?), setting lake (and zombies) on fire.
EXT. ZOMBIE GRAVEYARD
BEGINNING: (SURPRISE) Remaining kids enter Civil War graveyard – are confronted with MORE zombies, on all sides.
MIDDLE: (DREAD) Group stands back to back, facing the end.
END: (TWIST) CONFEDERATE zombies from graveyard downstream attack Union zombies. Kids sneak off in mayhem.
EXT. ROAD – DAWN
BEGINNING: Kids siphon gas from Jason’s upended car. Add to Matt’s stalled car.
MIDDLE: (CHARACTER CHANGES) Matt asks Jason if he wants him there when he talks to his dad.
END: (CHARACTER CHANGES) Jason shrugs – he’s got it.
ENDING IS LAAAAME!
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MORNING Troy is playing timed chess with 4 guys at once in the chess club before school and checkmates all of them1.INT. DAY Training gym
Beginning anticipation gruelling training schedule
Middle kids surprise innocence shattered when fellow classmate leaves on a stretcher and then another as though it’s common place.
Ending characters change radically they have hardened their heart and overcome their fear of the danger’s they must overcome .they are now trained KGB agents,dads proud
2.outside day Davos hotel meeting
Beginning anticipation as dad has a great speech to make peace with the west planned.
Middle ext.night hotel twist dad is assassinated and the family must run for their lives as they hide in an earth energy cult.
Ending ext.night anticipation fear /hope mi 6 is chasing them but they stowaway on a ship headed for the USA
3.beginning int.day mom meets an American man fleeing the Italian mafia going to the USA TO TURN into witness protection but needs to look more stable with a family.
Middle exterior day more interesting setting as they agree to get married ON THE SHIP so the family can get USA passports and stay in his room.
End ext.day uncertainty as they dis embarked In America this is the new normal they anticipated that things will never be the same again.
4.beginning ext.day more interesting setting in the San Gabriel Mountains In Monrovia where the family’s placed to avoid the mob. safety,peace and security were in their sight but it was not to be.setup
MIDDLE ext day intrigue step dad sets up his operation at the Santa Anita Racetrack home of Sea Biscuits winning seasons. You can take the man out of the Mafia out of the man,so that’s where the kids see him beat a deadbeat gambler.
Ending int.car anticipation suspense chased away racing from the guys friends who want to kill him for what he did to their friend.
5. Int. day beginning hallway of high school confrontation The three walk into school together and the Quarterback make whistling sounds and cat calls at Amy.
Middle SUSPENSE Cane tells him to knock it off and that’s when they get completely out of control so he gets in their face. The end gets behind him so the QB can push him over but Cane flips over breaking the ends leg and arm of the QB AS THE BELL RINGS.
ENDING int classroom SUSPENSE WITH THE TWO BOYS LAYING ON THE hallway FLOOR IN PAIN now what are the consequences going to be?
6. Beginning int.classroom anticipation The twins are called to the principal’s office. The principal asks what their going to do to fix this?
Middle int day surprise twist principal’s office where the coach walks in and asks the same question but with regards to his football team. How are you two going to replace my QB and his top receiver?
Ending int office intriguing dilemma They are told either they replace them on the team or their going to be expelled,they have a day to give them an answer.
ACT 2 7.INT CAR dilemma HOME Troy says he has been playing chess with a former Ram’s player and maybe he can help.
Middle ext.day surprise it turns out that he is a quarterback coach and if Troy will teach him chess he will teach them football? Deal
Ending ext day field characters change Troy because of his athletic training and photographic memory he picks it up QB real quick AND Cane catches everything thrown at him.
8.beginning ext porch Amy makes friends with Molly the neighbors ,the pastors daughter so they harmonise and write music together.
Middle anticipation the girls practice so they can play at church on Sunday Cane and Molly become a relationship that he soon betrayed with one of the wealthy song girls behind her back.
Int day,church surprise The church was amazed at how amazing their voice graced the chapel when they sang. A judge from Americas got talent was in the audience and got them on the next show.
9.EXT. night lights stadium anticipation their moves and timing patterns proved unstoppable as they waxed the competition.
Middle they did the same thing with all the competition until they met the other undefeated team their crosstown rivals ‘Arcadia high for the final season game.
Int night twist Ending at the awards banquet they got most valuable players and both received scholarships for athletics and Troy for academic’s. What no one realized is Amy was getting kidnapped while they were celebrating.
Turning point 2
10.beginning night home dilemma how do they raise the money Troy Nero lincs into their quantum AI,ML computer AND USE it to solve atomic fusion and protein folding to solve energy and autoimmune desease.
Middle int night conflict step father steps in and uses it instead to shave points of sports betting makes some quick money. With that money he feeds a Ponzi scheme which raises a lot of money quickly until it collapsed.
End night dilemma Amy gets away and now the mafia,cartel and security’s commission are after him so he runs to New Zealand. Suspense and Fearing the worst the family gives an all family hug as they get in the car and run again.
Act 3
11.int car night beginning they are running away when a major twist a van out of nowhere hits them. This ends up breaking Canes limbs moms neck and leaving Troy’s eyesight gone.
Middle ext. anticipation they pull Cane out as the only one they believe they can help . It turns out they are from an offshoot NGO of DARPA controlled by a very powerful man.
End cliff hanger Troy finds his mom and she tells him her neck is broken and gives him her cross to protect him as he and his sister are taken away their mon goes unconscious.
12 begins morning light suspense Amy and Troy wake up in the hospital but can’t find their mom or any sign of her.
Middle int.day mystery where is mom they check out of the hospital and go home and Mollys family takes them into the church
Ending ext.day uncomfortable moment Troy is getting frustrated with his clumsy movements without vision and Molly say I know someone who can make you better but only if your willing to submit and obey him. I will but as lng as I don’t have to do anything illegal, wrong or immoral will I? No of course not. Just tell God you can’t do this without him and ask Him for spiritual eyes to see through a world of deception and lies. The Holy Spirit came on Troy in a powerful way giving him all the powers of the Bible Sampsons strength,Solomons smarts and the discernment of §the future of Elisha. Amy asked for the same power and God equiped her for her journey.
13 begin int day Anticipation church gymnastics Troy trains until he is superior to where he used to be but he had to protect his head with a helmet with night vision .Molly starts falling for Troy as they both think Cane is dead and Amy tells her what Cane did behind her back.
Middle cane is developing combat skills using AI,ML,QUANTUM COMPUTER NEURO LINC WITH HIVE CONTROL OF ROBOTICS drone and rocket packs with armaments. Cane was the ideal soldier as he could kill without regret.
End The queen of the hive had taught him and his transhuman solders every thing she could like a mother preparing her sons for the last battle with the insurgents. The dragon of old decided to run the battle himself.
14.ext.night light stadium superior knowledge
Beginning Troy and his freedom loving Christian brothers are the only ones that will stand up against the transhuman army. Sooo they meet for the final battle with nether side knowing who they are really going to fight.
Middle twist the battle rages back and forth until finally Troy is hit in the back and dies. The girls Amy and Molly run down to Troy’s side and take off his helmet . That’s when Cnae and his mom discovered who they have been fighting against and how the Dragon has deceived them.
End reconciled mom and Cane repent and Jesus Christ comes down from heaven and raised Troy from the dead and they all go against Satan the Dragon of old.
Next story begins As the battle of Armageddon begins we go to the Edupod space training center for ww3 the war of three worlds begins.
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Terrie’s Fascinating Scenes
I write screenplays that get turned into crowd pleasing successful films using a process that allows me to enjoy my equestrian hobby.
What I learned from this assignment is 1. I had some story holes; 2. this step helped elevate my scenes; 3. My ACT 2 needs more scenes!
1. EXT. CITY STREET – DAY
James is chased by US Marshals outside an office building. He’s caught, handcuffed, and taken into a building.
Scene Arc: Running away to in custody
Essence: James tried to escape from the US Marshals
Conflict: James v the US Marshals
Subtext: James is in trouble with the law
Hope/Fear: He gets away/he gets caught
Humor: sight gags as the Marshals struggle to catch James
Beginning: (Intrigue) Why is he running? What has he done?
Middle (Suspense) Will the Marshals catch this guy?End: (Comedic surprise) James gives up and lets the Marshals handcuff him.
2. INT. CONFERENCE ROOM – DAY
James’ handcuffs are removed. He’s a witness who tried to run.
Scene Arc: From an escaped criminal to a protected witness
Essence: James is trying to get out of testifying
Conflict: Marshals need him to testify, James doesn’t trust them
Subtext: James knows something about a criminal enterprise
Hope/Fear: Will he testify or not?
Humor: He offends every Marshal in the room with his crazy theories
Beginning: (Character changes radically) James is a witness for a Federal case.
Middle: (Uncomfortable moment) James offends everyone in the room with his crazy theoriesEnd: (Intrigues) Will James testify?
3. INT. Restaurant – DAY
Paige on a lunch date with a cop groupie. He’s an ass. She profiles him, to his face, in as insulting a manner as possible.
Scene Arc: From promising first date to taking down this jerk
Essence: Paige is a serious professional with a crappy personal life
Conflict: He’s only interested in her because she’s a cop; She has no interest in dating a holster sniffer
Subtext: Paige is an intelligent, capable behavioral analyst
Hope/Fear: It’s great date/ It’s a terrible date
Humor: Her psychological profile of her date is funny and insulting
Beginning: (Uncertainty) Why are these people here?
Middle: (Wildly Inappropriate Response) Her date says something offensiveEnd: (Uncomfortable moment) Paige verbally takes down her date
4. EXT. CITY STREET – DAY
James is escorted out of the building by two Marshals, shots are fired. They return to the building.
Scene Arc: From leaving the building in apparent safety to retreating due to danger
Essence: James isn’t safe with the US Marshals
Conflict: Being shot at while in protective custody
Subtext: Someone is out to get James
Hope/Fear: Someone gets shot/ They make it to safety
Humor:
Beginning: (Suspense) A team of Marshals escort James out of the building
Middle: (Surprise) Shots firedEnd: (Mystery) The groups he’s testifying against is in custody who came after James?
5. INT. Conference room – DAY
James surrounded by law enforcement personnel. He accuses each of being involved in a different conspiracy theory.
Scene Arc: James goes from frightened to angry; from protected witness to asshole who alienates all the US Marshals there to protect him
Essence: James is a conspiracy theory nutcase
Conflict: James doesn’t trust the US Marshals on his protective detail
Subtext: James sees everything as a conspiracy
Hope/Fear: He alienates everyone/ He stops before he goes too far
Humor: His crazy conspiracy theories are funny.
Beginning: (Twist) James cover is blown
Middle: (Wildly inappropriate response) He accuses each person of involvement in a specific conspiracyEnd: (Internal dilemma) James doesn’t want them protecting him
6. INT. Restaurant – DAY
Paige’s phone rings. She takes the call.
Scene Arc: Crappy first date to back at work
Essence:
Conflict: Does she go back to work even though she is supposed to be on vacation?
Subtext: Paige is an important professional
Hope/Fear: Does she go to work or go home.
Humor: Final insult to her date on her way out of the restaurant.
Beginning: (Internal dilemma) Paige ignores the call the first time her phone rings.
Middle: (Surprise) Paige is actually on vacation.End: (Uncomfortable moment) Topper insult to her date on her way out.
7. INT. Hallway outside conference room.
Paige confers with a Marshal. James specifically requested her for his protection detail. She refuses – she’s behavioral not WITSEC.
Scene Arc: From I’m here to help with a Behavioral Analysis to I’m not part of WITSEC
Essence: Paige is a behavioral analyst who has no business running a protection detail
Conflict: Paige refuses to help/ The other Marshals need her help
Subtext: Paige is not the right person for this job, James must have a reason to insist on her help.
Hope/Fear: She’ll help/ she won’t
Humor:
Beginning: (Intrigue) She’s be requested on a WITSEC detail, by the witness!
Middle: (Character change) She’s actually a behavioral analyst not WITSECEnd: (Cliffhanger) Says no, she won’t do it.
Scene Arc: From refusing to help protect James or agreeing to handle the protection
8. INT. Conference room – DAY
James with Marshals refuses to testify unless Paige handles his protection detail. Paige enters. She looks shocked at seeing him. James is a cover name – he was Jason before. She refuses the assignment again. James/Jason doubles down not testifying unless Paige handles his protection.
Essence: James was Jason and the government needs his testimony
Conflict: Handle the protection/not handle the protection
Subtext: Paige and James/Jason must know each other somehow
Hope/Fear: She’ll agree/She’ll refuse
Humor:
Beginning: (Intrigue) James will only testify if Paige handles his protection
Middle: (Character changes radically) James is his witness protection name, he’s really Jason.End: (Mystery) How does James know Paige?
9. INT. Hallway outside conference room – DAY
Paige gets talked into taking the assignment for career reasons.
Essence: Paige finally agrees
Conflict: Does Paige agree or will they note her refusal on her record?
Subtext: Paige is ambitious.
Hope/Fear: She’ll agree/ she’ll refuse
Humor: The other Marshals are fed up with James and think it’s going to take a psychologist to keep him in line.
Beginning: (Internal dilemma) Will Paige take the case to help her career?
Middle: (Surprise) She’s threatened with her record being marred if she refuses the assignment.End: (Suspense) Agrees to talk privately to the witness.
ACT 2
10. INT. Conference room – DAY
Paige speaks with James alone. She tells him it’s by the book. Just a job. He agrees.
Scene Arc: From strangers to some history they don’t discuss
Essence: Setting ground rules of the protection assignment
Conflict: She’s not WITSEC
Subtext: They have a past
Hope/Fear: Will he follow her rules or get or in trouble?
Humor:
Beginning: (Mystery) Why does Paige wants to meet with James alone?
Middle: (intrigue) Paige checks the room for bugs and calls James “Jason” – they have a pastEnd: (Internal dilemma) Will Jason agree to Paige’s rules and behave by the book
11. INT. SAFE HOUSE – NIGHT
James/Jason comes onto Paige. She physically restrains him. She tells him if the Marshals find out about their past she’ll be taken off his detail so he agrees to keep it between them.
Scene Arc: From purely professional to James/Jason trying to rekindle something with Paige
Essence: James/Jason needs to be kept safe until his meeting the next day
Conflict: Paige and James/Jason bicker constantly hinting at their past.
Subtext: They have a romantic past
Hope/Fear: They’ll be safe/something bad happens; they stay platonic/something romantic happens
Humor: Paige’s physical take down of James/Jason is done in a funny way
Beginning: (Misinterpretation) A verbal interchange that Jason misinteprets
Middle: (Uncomfortable moment) Jason comes onto PaigeEnd: (Uncomfortable moment) Paige physically overpowers Jason
12. EXT. STREE OUTSIDE SAFE HOUSE – DAY
Paige and James/Jason walk toward an SUV. Shots fired. They jump into the SVU and leave.
Scene Arc: Safety to danger
Essence: James is right to not trust the US Marshal service
Conflict: Someone nearly shoots them
Subtext: Someone revealed their location
Hope/Fear: They get away/they don’t get away
Humor: She pulls him into to SUV backwards and upside down.
Beginning: (Betrayal) Someone on a phone in another SUV checks in and says they are in position
Middle: (Surprise & Superior Position) Paige & James are shot atEnd: (Uncomfortable moment) Jason is backward and upside down in the car as they race away.
ACT 3
13. INT. SUV – DAY
James/Jason spouting every conspiracy theory he’s got. Paige admits his paranoia is reasonable because almost no one knew where they were.
Scene Arc: Danger to safety
Essence: Paige and James/Jason race away from a dangerous situation
Conflict: Someone is after them, where do they go?
Subtext: James/Jason’s conspiracy theories may be true
Hope/Fear: Someone in the US Marshall’s has double crossed them/ Someone other than a US Marshall came after them.
Humor: James/Jason’s conspiracy paranoia is ludicrous, or is it?
Beginning: (Suspense) Can they get away safely?
Middle: (Uncertainty) They are being followed by a car, Paige uses techniques to lose the car but they don’t work.
End: (Betrayal) It must be another Marshall who is after them.Scene Arc: Get a new car and get rid of the Marshall’s SUV
14. EXT. Car lot – DAY
Purchase a vehicle with cash.
Essence: Purchase a crappy car
Conflict: They disagree on what car to buy
Subtext: Someone in the Marshall service has turned on them
Hope/Fear: A new car will keep them safe/ they’ve been followed
Humor: Argument about which car; some crazy story about why they need a car
Beginning: (Suspense) They park away from the car lot to avoid being found
Middle: (Mislead) Create a fake story about who they areEnd: (Uncertainty) They pull out in the car and it seems like they are being followed
15. EXT. COUNTRY ROAD – DAY
Stash the SUV in a way that mis-directs Marshal service.
Essence: Must hide the SUV
Conflict: Where is best to hide the car; Paige doesn’t want the car destroyed, James/Jason wants to ditch in a lake.
Subtext: Paige can see that James/Jason’s paranoia isn’t just paranoia
Hope/Fear: find a good hiding place/ get caught
Humor: The process of actually hiding the car
Beginning: (Intrigue) they are on some back country road, isolated, scary.
Middle: (Mystery) As they work on hiding the SUV Jason discusses conspiracies, Paige gives in, someone is conspiring against them.End: (Misinterpretation) Jason misunderstands Paige’s plan for hiding the SUV and it ends up in a pond.
16. EXT. ROADS – DAY
Series of challenges getting back home.
Scene Arc: From danger to safety
Essence: They must get away from New York and get somewhere safe
Conflict: Best routes to take; getting lost
Subtext: They are in constant danger
Hope/Fear: get discovered by law enforcement/ they get somewhere safe
Humor: Argue to about everything, where to eat what route to take they get on each other’s nerve
Beginning: (Suspense) Where will they go?
Middle: (Comedic Surprise) Sorry to whoever exchanges feedback, I added in some elements from the Comedy class. Comedic surprise is things that don’t fit.End: (Uncertainty) They get to their home county but are they safe or will they be found?
17. INT. WALMART – DAY
Purchase an assortment of burner phones and flip phones. This might be a montage, they may buy phones from different places to avoid attention.
Scene Arc: They purchase MANY phones
Essence: From hiding to taking action
Conflict: James/Jason doesn’t want to buy phones, they are too dangerous.
Subtext: Paige has a plan.
Hope/Fear:
Humor: James/Jason refuses to buy smart phones because of covid/cancer/ etc.
Beginning: (Intrigue) Purchases an assortment of phones
Middle: (Suspense) Paige texts a variety of contacts to flush out their double crosserEnd: (Cliffhanger) Will anyone take the bait?
18. EXT. FARM – NIGHT
They park their car on a side road and walk to a farmhouse. Shots fired. Paige unworried says yells out who she is. It’s the old Sheriff she used to work for.
Scene Arc: From running to safety
Essence: They seek help from Paige’s first boss.
Conflict: Shots fired.
Subtext: The sheriff hates James/Jason
Hope/Fear: Get shot? Be safe?
Humor: Sheriff threatens to shoot off James/Jason’s testicles. Paige thinks about it, but says no.
Beginning: (Intrigue) Walking on a road at night
Middle: (Intrigue) Shots are fired at Paige and JasonEnd: (Surprise) Paige calls out to the Sheriff she used to work for
19. INT. FarmHouse Kitchen – NIGHT
Despite the Sheriff’s anger that Paige is with James/Jason, she takes them in. They discuss who they can and can’t trust in the region.
Scene Arc: Safe house to getting help with a plan.
Essence: The sheriff gives helps them.
Conflict: Sheriff v. James/Jason
Subtext: James/Jason caused problems for Paige in the past
Hope/Fear: Safe for the night or will someone look for them at her farm?
Humor: Sheriff insults James/ Jason but usually funny.
Beginning: (Uncomfortable moment) The Sheriff threatens Jason
Middle: (Reveal) The Sheriff almost fired Paige because Jason’s friends were engaged in illegal activities and she covered for Jason.End: (Uncertainty) how long until someone looks for them at the Sheriff’s house?
20. INT. FARMHOUSE KITCHEN – DAY
Paige uses gps spoofing to create fake locations which they can stake out trying to isolate who is setting them up. James/Jason and Paige fight about his being bait for trapping the double crosser.
Scene Arc: From hiding to taking action.
Essence: Paige is setting traps to locate the double crosser
Conflict: James/Jason’s paranoia nearly got her fired once, she won’t let that happen again.
Subtext: Paige and Jason were a couple in the past.
Hope/Fear: Their plan will work/ They will get caught.
Humor: She reminds him of all the things he screwed up when they were together.
Beginning: (Internal dilemma) how much can Paige tell Jason about the plan?
Middle: (Misinterpretation) This scene would be good for comedic misinterpretation but I’m not sure what exactly yet.End: (Suspense) Will the traps work? The Sheriff sends them away, it’s not safe for them at her place.
21. INT. HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
Paige & James/Jason sleep together, rekindling their relationship.
Scene Arc: From professional to love
Essence: James/Jason and Paige still have feelings for each other
Conflict: Paige isn’t over James/Jason nearly ruining her career
Subtext: James/Jason wants to be with Paige.
Hope/Fear: They get together/they don’t get together
Humor: Their kisses are awkward and getting them together can have funny moments
Beginning: (Character change) When they check into the hotel, Paige uses a false identity
Middle: (Twist) Paige and Jason sleep together.End: (Uncomfortable moment) Jason believes they are back together, Paige denies that as a possibility
ACT 4:
Scene Arc: From stake outs to finding the person that has been setting them up.
22. EXT. SMALL TOWN STREET – DAY
This may be a montage. A series of stake outs where they wait to see if someone shows up.
Essence: They have a plan to flush the double crosser
Conflict: Will someone show up or are they wasting their time
Subtext: Is Jason right that it’s a Marshall who has been setting them up?
Hope/Fear: someone shows up/ no one shows up
Humor:
Beginning: (Suspense) Staked out Paige in the car, Jason on foot.
Middle: (Misinterpretation) Local police shows up,End: (Uncertainty) No one has shown up, what is going on?
23. EXT. BRIDGE – DAY
Paige is staked out in a car. Jason walks across the bridge – inconsistent with Paige’s plan. The double crosser shows up with a local Marshal. Shoots at Jason.
Essence: They find the person who has been setting them up.
Conflict: Jason using himself as bait when Paige forbade it/ Between them and the double crosser.
Subtext: Jason’s right about at least one conspiracy theory.
Hope/Fear: Will Paige & Jason capture the person or will they be killed?
Humor: The Sheriff ropes the double crosser
Beginning: (Twist) It’s not a Marshall involved in Jason’s case and says he’s to take them in.
Middle: (Surprise) Jason is in the middle the bridge. When the Marshalls walks toward him, they shoot Jason. The Sheriff, who has been hiding, ropes the two together.End: (Cliffhanger) Paige gets Jason into the car, they leave. Is Jason’s wound serious?
24. EXT. COUNTRY ROAD – DAY
Paige gets Jason into the car, speeds off and contacts the head US Marshal of the local district and convinces him to call Arlington. The District Marshal ultimately believes them.
Scene Arc: From on the run to safety
Essence: Paige must get someone to believe them.
Conflict: Will the head of the district believe her?
Subtext: Paige and Jason are still in danger
Hope/Fear: The district Marshall will be believe her/ the district Marshall will bring them in
Humor: Jason uses an aluminum hat to hide from the phone signal.
Beginning: (Surprise) Jason was wearing something to protect himself from cell phone signals and it protected him from the bullet.
Middle: (Suspense) Call to head of US Marshall District, call her boss in Arlington.End: (Cliffhanger) Will the local district believe her boss?
25. INT. COURTROOM – DAY
James testifies against the domestic terrorist group.
Scene Arc: From frightened witness to standing up to the group
Essence: James uses his knowledge of the terrorist’s groups activities to take them down.
Conflict: James v. the domestic terrorist’s group defense attorney.
Subtext: James isn’t as crazy as we think
Hope/Fear: the jury believes James/ the jury belies the terrorist’s defense
Humor: James starts to go off on one of his conspiracy theories
Beginning: (Internal dilemma) Can James/Jason go through with his testimony?
Middle: (External dilemma) Can James/Jason stay on track while grilled by the defense attorney?End: (Cliffhanger) Will the jury be convinced by James/Jason’s testimony?
26. INT. xxx – DAY
Paige and Jason say goodbye as he enters WITSEC
Scene Arc: From celebration that the jury convicted based on Jason’s testimony to sadness that Jason is moving due to WITSEC, invites Paige to come with him
Essence: Jason and Paige say goodbye.
Conflict: He wants her to go with him she won’t leave her career
Subtext: They still have feelings for each other
Hope/Fear: She’ll go with him/they will break up
Humor:
Beginning: (Mislead) Everyone is concerned about the jury – maybe another witness backed out for some reason they are worried about the case
Middle: (Surprise) James/Jason asks Paige to come with him into WITSECEnd: (Internal dilemma) Paige says no. Jason has to leave to be safe.
27. INT. CONFERENCE ROOM – DAY
Paige and the double crosser face off. Paige profiles him to his face.
Scene Arc: Paige gets to interrogate the double crosser and breaks him.
Essence: Paige takes down the double crosser
Conflict: The double cross tries to come up with excuses for what he did; Paige refutes them all.
Subtext: Paige is smarter than the double crosser and one of Jason’s conspiracy theories was true!
Hope/Fear: Paige gives the double crosser his come up-ance/ the double crosser doesn’t break.
Humor:
Beginning: (Suspense) Paige confronts the double crosser.
Middle: (Uncomfortable moment) Paige profiles the person.End: (Character changes) The double crosser has ties with the group James/Jason testified against
28. INT. PAIGE’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Knock on the door. James/Jason. He’s given up witness protection to be with Paige.
Scene Arc: From Paige alone in her apartment to being with Jason.
Essence: Paige and Jason become a couple.
Conflict: She can’t be with him she’s a Marshall and he’s in WITSEC.
Subtext: Paige and Jason are meant to be together.
Hope/Fear: She refuses him/ She agrees to be with him.
Humor: Setting ground rules about the relationship
Beginning: (Intrigue) Knock on the window late at night.
Middle: (Character changes radically) Jason has left WITSECEnd: (Surprise)
Paige and Jason end up -
Jacqueline Murphy Fascinating Scene Outlines Mod 4 Les 10 August 24,
VISION: To empower myself to go for my dreams to be a great writer, actress and filmmaker who is “Admired”, recognized and sought after by the industry and has many successful TV & Film projects produced that make a difference and inspire others to go for their dreams.
What I learned from doing this assignment is reviewing the scene w. Beg,MID/END and using the interest technique helped me to spice it up. As I # the scenes and made sure it had a B/M/E I thought if can make the place more interesting or add more intrigue, twist, cliffhanger etc. Having all these tools to work with was great because I would add to the scene’s interest. I’ll go back tomorrow and work on it more. Love the idea of increasing the moment 3 fold by adding at least 3 interest techniques. What a great tool! Thank you Hal & Cheryl!
Go through your entire outline and make it look like the examples above. Start this assignment by empowering yourself using our State-To-Activity empowerment process. State: I love discovering…Activity: …interesting ways to write scenes through Interest Techniques
ACT 1
SC 1 EXT. GATE PARAMOUNT STUDIO — TWILIGHT
Scene Arc: Olivia is floating above Paramount Studio with the family heirloom-a kaleidoscope that projects through the “prism” the world of her dreams-to be a Movie Star AND finding her real father.
Essence: Olivia fantasizes about being a star on the Paramount Lot
Conflict: Does she have the talent to make her dream happen? Is it real or a fantasy. Will she find her dad and fill the void?
Subtext: Olivia is pretending to be a star and “practices” her magic.
Hope/Fear: Olivia hopes her dream happen but fears it’s just an illusion.
SC 2 INT. OLIVIA’S MOTHERS HOME BEDROOM – NIGHT
Scene Arc: Olivia visits her mom watching an old Veronica Lake movie ,both recite well known lines together. Her mom gives her a kaleidoscope a family heirloom belonging to her dad she never knew. Olivia covers her mom, takes the seat by the bed and holds her hand as they both fall asleep. Olivia wakes to find her mom has passed away.
Essence: Olivia comforts her mom, who dies while she’s there. All Olivia is left with is the family heirloom a Kaleidoscope.
Conflict: Olivia is now an “orphan” except for her niece Norma.
Subtext: Alone and bereft, Olivia flounders over what’s next for her.
Hope/Fear: Olivia hopes she can fill the loss, fearing pain of loss
SC 3 INT. NETFLIX – DAY
Scene Arc: Olivia goes to her audition and is rejected but meets a producer Mr. Z who gives her his card. She invites him to the opening of her one woman show on “Veronica Lake” in the “Actors Theatre” that night.
Essence: Olivia wants to have her talent recognized with her one woman show and book the role at the audition.
Conflict: Will she book the role.
Subtext: Olivia does her best to ace it.
Hope/Fear: O hopes she’ll win the part, fearing she’ll be rejected.
SC 4 EXT. THEATRE WEST HOLLYWOOD – DUSK
We see patrons enter the theatre admiring the poster of Olivia in her one woman show. Olivia, Norma are together and Mr. Z stands in the back of the theatre.
SC 5 INT. THEATRE – NIGHT
Olivia is on the stage her performance is brilliant. Z stands in the back of the theatre watching as she gets a standing ovation.
INCITING INCIDENT:
SC 6 INT. HOLLYWOOD HOTSPOT RESTAURANT – NEXT DAY
Olivia meets her BBF Angelica a psychic working at Hollywood hotspot for her annual birthday celebration and tarot reading. Angelica refuses the reading wanting to keep Olivia grounded but a Mr. Z interrupts them and offers to make Olivia a star and help her find her real dad, hinting her father was a 1940’s movie idol.
Essence: A desperate Olivia wants to “know” she’ll be a star and feels rejected when Angelica refuses to read her tarot cards. Mr. Z a handsome Sorcerer acknowledges Olivia’s desire for stardom and offers his help to time travel her to 1940’s Olivia her dream and find her real father.
Conflict: Can Z make me a star? Why is A not reading my cards?
Subtext: Z wants O’s power. A is O’s angel and knows Z is dangerous & loves O romantically wanting O for herself. O driven to fill the void with stardom
Hope/Fears: O hopes stardom is in her grasp! Fears more loss and rejection. Z hopes to “Trick” O to time travel with him to the Old Hollywood Dimension to “steal her hidden talent for magic”. Angel hope to talk “sense” to O but Clever Z causes O to mistrust A.
SC 7 INT. HOLLYWOOD RESTAURANT –NIGHT
Z time travels O to 1940’s Hollywood Dimension as a movie star once he strikes a Faustian Deal with her that she give him her kaleidoscope and her soul-she can never return to the real world.
Essence: Z time travels O to 1940’s Hollywood where she is a star but she’s given him the powerful kaleidoscope & her soul.
Conflict: Will Z get the power he desires and rule the Old Hollywood Dimension? Will O be happy here and be the star she dreams of?
Hope/Fear: Z hopes to win the throne in OHD. Fears he’ll be found out. O hopes she can be the movie star she wants and fears she’ll flounder and miss home.
ACT 2
SC 8 INT. ELEVATOR MAGIC PORTAL – NIGHT
Olivia dressed like “Cinderella” in a white gown, crown, long white gloves steps out of the portal into the Cicada clubs and is surrounded by adoring fans and paparazzi snapping photos.
SC 9 INT. CICADA CLUB STAGE – NIGHT
Davey Haze introduces O and invites her up on the stage to sing to her adoring fans while paparazzi snap photos.
Essence: Olivia is thrilled in the spotlight, a star with adoring fans.
Conflict: Both Z and Olivia wonder if they can have their wishes fulfilled in the OHD
Hope/Fear: O hopes she’ll be the reigning star and Z hopes to rule. Z Z & O fears they’ll be found out and their hopes dashed.
SC 1O INT. CICADA CLUB MGM STUDIOHEAD POWER TABLE – NIGHT
Essence: Z introduces Olivia to MGM Studio head Sam Meyer & Oscar winning director Taylor Desmond who offer her a starring role.
Conflict: Is this for real? What is the price? Too good to be true? Will O or Z be caught?
Subtext: O plays along.
Hope/Fear: Hopes it’ll happen, fears she’ll be found out as a phony.
TURNING POINT:
SC 11 INT. CICADA CLUB STAGE – NIGHT
Davey introduces Starlet Moore as the newest star. Studio Head Sam tells Olivia he’s given Starlet her part but she can play the mother. Davey comes on to Olivia hinting he’ll help her get her position with the studio back but it’s another dangerous offer. Olivia is hurtled in this dangerous world and wants to go back. Z refuses.
Essence: The grass isn’t greener, the OHD is dangerous and when Cicada Club Mafia Boss and Studio Head Sam manipulate O she wants to go back.
Conflict: O wonders if she can make it and is torn which world is best for her, misses A. , Norma and home.
Subtext: O hides her regret and concern for her safety.
Hope/Fear: O hopes she can “play” along and win but fears she’s in over her head.
ACT 2 (NEW PLAN)
SC 12 EXT. CEMETERY – DAY
O searching for her “roots” goes to OHD cemetery to discover her family tombstone and is greeted by a Goddess who offers to mentor her, develop her hidden talent for magic and tells Olivia she will tell her who her father really is: in time.
Essence: Will Olivia find out who she really is and her true purpose?
Conflict: Is her place in the OHD, does she want to make it here and accept the Goddess’s help?
Subtext: Is this just another set up?
Hope/Fear: Hopes this’ll bring her closer to her “truth” and desire to be a star. Fears it’s more of the same.
TURNING POINT 2
SC 13 INT. HOLLYWOOD HOTSPOT PSYCHIC ROOM — NIGHT
Angelica seeing in her crystal ball O is in trouble decides to time travel to OHD and reveal to O that she is her angel and warn O to be true to herself.
SC 14 INT. PARAMOUNT STUDIO DRESSING ROOM – DAY
Essence: A frustrated Olivia studying the “mother” role is visted by Angelica and told to be true to herself.
Conflict? Will Olivia go back to the real world with A and stay safe?
Subtext: Angelica hopes to convince Olivia to go back to the real world with her
Hope: A hopes O will listen but O hopes she can rise above with her talent and be a star. Fear: A will be rejected by O and O fears she “won’t be a star”
SC 15 INT. PARAMOUNT DRESSING ROOM – NIGHT
Essence: O practices with the tarot cards and a few magic tricks the Goddess taught her. She succeeds at lifting the tarot in the air to reveal the future.
Conflict: O wonders if all this is worth it and if she can control her own destiny with magic or be chosen for who she really is.
Subtext: O wonders am I worthy, do I really have what it takes?
Hope/Fear: O hopes she can pull it off and empower herself and fears that she is powerless and can’t control her destiny.
SC 16 EXT. CICADA CLUB – NIGHT
Angelica ups the ante telling O is needed to go back home to help her niece Norma who is lost without her and in trouble with drugs.
Essence: Angelica gets Olivia to agree to ask Z to get her back to the real world to help her niece.
Conflict: O doesn’t want to leave this world she’s just getting a handle on but her niece is in trouble.
Subtext: Tired of lack of success and frustrations but not ready to leave OHD
Hope/Fear: O hopes she can go back and forth at will. Fear she’s stuck
ACT 3
SC 17 INT. CICADA CLUB BAR – NIGHT
Olivia decides to go back to help her niece Norma but Z refuses causing O to go into a rage that releases “some” magic ability allowing her to time travel herself to the real world.
Essence: O realizes she can time travel herself to the real world
Conflict: Will the magic last and allow her to go back and forth freely
Subtext: Will I be able to do as I wish or be beholden to Z and others
Hope/Fear: O hopes to help Norma and figure out where she really wants to be but fears that she’ll be stuck by others deciding for her.
ACT 3 TURNING POINT:
Z and A follow O back to the real world. Z outsmarts all by luring Olivia’s niece Norma into the portal promising her she will be a star.
SC 18 INT. OLIVIA’S HOME – NIGHT
Olivia is back at home and Norma’s doing well until Z and A magically arrive in her living room. Z takes Norma back to the OHD
Essence: Z uses his power to take Norma to OHD and forces O to go back so he can complete stealing her power there. A and O are forced to go through the portal
Conflict; Will the plan succeed? Who will win
Subtext: Z pretends he’s more powerful than he is and keeps Olivia’s true power source-her genetic trait and the kaleidoscope from her.
Hope/Fear: Z hopes he can complete his mission to rule OHD but fears O’s magic will become more powerful as the electric storm and portal is closing.
SC 19 INT. PARAMOUNT STUDIO OSCAR NOMINATIONS – DAY
Z creates enemies of Norma and Olivia by having them both nominated for an Oscar and in competition.
Essence: Z tries to keep O busy with her desire for stardom while he amasses power.
Conflict; Will I succeed and win the OHD Throne.
Subtext: I’m so close
Hope/Fear: Hope Olivia will be content with stardom and not bother finding out any more about her magic power. Fear the Goddess or A will interfere.
ACT 4
SC 20 EXT. CEMETERY – NIGHT
Searching for the Goddess and guidance, Olivia visits the cemetery during a storm to find her real father!
Essence: Olivia tries to figure out the right thing to do for herself and Norma. Seeking guidance from the Goddess she finds her real father instead who reveals what must be done.
Conflict: Olivia takes a hard look at her life and what’s important.
Subtext: Is fame, desire, power and magic worth it?
Hope/Fear: Olivia hopes to get some insight and empowerment but fears she’s led around by others.
SC 21 EXT. CEMETERY – NIGHT
Olivia’s father tells her he created the OHD, time is running out with the “portal” closing and “how” to empower herself, release him from the spell and save the OHD.
Essence: Olivia tries to effectuate what her father has told her to do.
Conflict; Is this another ruse? Can I pull it off? Will the OHD kingdom get behind me. Can I defeat Mr. Z
Subtext: Do I have what it takes to put things right
Hope/Fear: Hope is to be a better person and empower others, release father from spell and help Norma. Fear is she’ll fail.
ACT 4 CLIMAX
SC 22 HIDDEN PALACE OF OLD HOLLYWOOD – NIGHT
Olivia finds the “hidden” palace and with the portal closing it’s becoming real for all to see. Z knows that the palace becoming “real” means one thing: time is running out if all can see it and it’s because Olivia has tapped into her power. Z challenges Olivia to a magic duel to see who is stronger and will win the throne before it’s too late
Essence: Whole kingdom watch as Z & O battle it out, grabbing what is hers from his hand: The Kaleidoscope throws her up in the air releasing her power, breaking her father’s spell, the GOLDEN Lady appears and it’s her mom, COVEN gather round proclaiming O as the ruler-Sorceress of Hollywood.
Conflict; Who will win, whose kingdom is it.
Subtext: Can I pull this off/
Hope/Fear: Set my family free and give throne to rightful ruler/fear what if it’s me?
SC 22 INT. PALACE OHD – DAY
Sumptuous procession Olivia walks down the aisle to the “Sorceress of Hollywood” Chair and is crowned ruler of OHD. The whole kingdom celebrates and all come to her aid. Kaleidoscope projects a rainbow as peace, empowerment and joy reign through the kingdom
Essence: Balance is restored and the true ruler Olivia is crowned OHD Ruler
Conflict: Can I do this, am I worthy, was this my purpose or stardom?
Subtext: Is this what I’m supposed to be doing. Can I handle this?
Hope/Fear: Hope to keep fair rule empowering all but fear turmoil will begin again
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KRISTIN’S FASCINATING SCENE OUTLINES
VISION: “I want the personal, professional, and financial freedom and joy that come from writing so well that I’m in demand, selling beyond my wildest dreams, and making worthy projects—on a big scale and with my active, collegial participation.”
CONCEPT: REX APPEAL / Comedy — The true story of a small-town paleontologist who sues the government after the feds seize his T. rex, the largest in the world.
WHAT I LEARNED in this assignment: At first, I really wasn’t “grokking” how dividing the scene would help me to attach the Interest Techniques. Once that started to make sense, it took me a while to see how to rethink a scene to include a technique I hadn’t already integrated. Finally, the purpose of this plan started clicking—and I automatically began to make better scene decisions.
ACT I: PETE IS TARGETED AND MAKES A DECISION THAT CHANGES HIS LIFE
1. EXT. BADLANDS CLIFF FACE – DAY
Beginning: (Interesting Setting / Intrigue) Pete and X are precariously balanced on the side of a cliff, chipping out a fossil.
Middle: (Dilemma) Both Pete and the rock nearly tumble a hundred feet down.
End: (Surprise) X catches him.
2. EXT. LANDOWNER’S HOUSE – DAY
Beginning: (Interesting setting) Pete and X are riding in one raggedy pickup—with the fossil in the back—but they are now in a caravan of similar trucks.
Middle: (Suspense) They stop at a cranky Scandinavian landowner’s house; Pete thanks him for letting them “prospect.”
Ending: (Uncertainty) The landowner is new at this, and uncertain. Pete shows his familiarity with the cultural landscape and negotiates a fair price for the unprepared fossil.
3. EXT. LONELY PRAIRIE ROAD / SMALL GAS STATION – CARAVAN – DAY
Beginning: Pete’s gang pull in to fuel up. (Internal dilemma) Pete brushes off the question about a “warning” that they are being investigated.
Middle: As they get organized, (Uncomfortable moment / suspense / superior position) SLICK WILLY drives past, going back the way they just came from. No one notices him, but he sure sees them.
Ending: When done fueling, the gang loads up the kids and drives off. (Surprise) They’re down the road before we see one last kid emerge from the bathroom…he sighs and sits down to wait.
4. EXT. LONELY ROAD – DAY
Beginning: (Suspense) Pete’s passenger (X?) notices in the rear-view that a vehicle behind them has pulled over.
Middle: Pete expertly backs up and hops out to help… but (mislead / reveal) gets DISTRACTED by rocks in the side cut… He hollers for a particular kid, who specializes in these rocks.
Ending: (superior position) Kid missing. Someone goes back to pick him up from gas station.
5. EXT. COUNTRY ROADS / LANDOWNER’S HOUSE – DAY
Beginning: (Suspense / uncomfortable moment) Slick Willy gets lost several times before he arrives at the landowner’s house…
Middle: (Uncomfortable moment) SW announces who he is and that he’s here to talk about Pete.
Ending: (Uncertainty / uncomfortable moment) Landowner is again hesitant; South Dakotans keep to themselves and he smells a fish.
6. EXT./INT. DINOSAUR HEADQUARTERS – DAY
Beginning: (Interesting setting) The caravan arrives back at the hodge-podge headquarters (can THIS be a world-class scientific operation?), and tired people bail out.
Middle: They carefully carry their treasures into the ramshackle building. (Character changes radically) X places some items surreptitiously.
Ending: (Surprise) We see JUNE, the best T. rex ever, still only partially prepared, in this very modest setting.
7. EXT. DINOSAUR HEADQUARTERS / MAIN STREET – DAY
Beginning: (Suspense) In a town celebration, maybe a third of the 900 residents are present, along with some press [including THE JOURNALIST] and one TV camera. Something is UP.
Middle: Pete is natural in the spotlight as he dedicates June to be a permanent fixture in the museum—and announces that (surprise) NASA is coming to pick up her skull to scan for scientific research purposes.
Ending: Everyone claps—(Major twist) except a couple of shady suits in the back.
8. EXT./INT. DINOSAUR HEADQUARTERS / ALLEY / PETE’S TRAILER – DAY
Beginning: (Major twist / mystery) It’s first thing in the morning and the whole place is surrounded by FBI and cops…
Middle: (Uncomfortable moment) Pete, whose trailer is next-door, doesn’t notice the FBI agents stringing DO NOT CROSS tape everywhere. One of his staff interrupts him, and says that June is being seized!
Ending: Chaos ensues! Pete calls his lawyer, Bronc, (surprise) who arrives like a superhero. Everything stops.
9. EXT. PARKING LOT NEARBY – DAY
Beginning: (Intrigue) Slick Willy—wearing pancake makeup—holds a press conference. (Uncomfortable moment) JOURNALIST, looking uncomfortable, is in attendance.
Middle: (Intrigue) It becomes obvious that this whole thing has been orchestrated.
Ending: (Intrigue) SW makes claims that the fossil is “in danger” because Pete’s team sell fossils—and nixes June’s trip to NASA.
10. INT. DINOSAUR HEADQUARTERS – PREPARATION LABS – DAY
Beginning: (Uncomfortable moment) The FBI have arrived woefully unprepared to seize an entire T. rex. They and their minions are breaking things and screwing up—
Middle: so (Internal dilemma) Pete violates their demands and instructs his team to HELP them. He basically starts managing the seizure, as if it were a fossil dig.
Ending: It’s now after school, and neighbors and school kids start asking if they can help.
11. EXT. DINOSAUR HEADQUARTERS – ALLEY – DAY
Beginning: By the next day, the (major twist) now-collaborating team (fossil guys and FBI) have done plenty, but there is more to do.
Middle: Slick Willy returns, this time (surprise) LEADING THE NATIONAL GUARD with huge trucks and forklifts. School children come out in droves to protest, which totally throws him off guard.
Ending: Meanwhile, when THE JOURNALIST asks for comment, Bronc starts quoting the law—(suspense) it’s illegal to use the National Guard against the citizenry.
12. INT. DINOSAUR HEADQUARTERS – DAY
Beginning: Pete is working near June’s skull. He stops and puts his hand on her nose, closes his eyes—and the noise around him recedes.
Middle: (Surprise) He hears a voice, “you can do it.” His eyes pop open. He sees that a little girl has sneaked in through a side door, (major twist) but her eyes are wide open, too.
Ending: Peeking in behind her is THE JOURNALIST and a TV reporter, who calls out to Pete for a comment. (Major twist) Without thinking, he announces on TV that he’ll sue the government for the return of his property.
13. INT. NONDESCRIPT OFFICE HALLWAY – DAY
Beginning: Slick Willy is peeking in the doorway of an office.
Middle: We don’t see who he’s talking to,
Ending: (Surprise / major twist) but he is urgently asking for help—from someone with authority.
ACT 2 — THE SHIT HITS THE FAN
14. MONTAGE: PETE GETS INTERVIEWED
Pete’s office has become a PR center, with staffers photocopying articles and fielding phone calls. Newspapers from around the world are stacked everywhere, with the story on the front page. Pete is pulled from interview to interview—although he keeps trying to get back to work—and keeps BLURTING OUT his truth. The public love the underdog.
15. INT. SLICK WILLY’S OFFICE – “WAR ROOM” – DAY
Beginning: Slick Willy is working with staff, including his #2 attorney.
Middle: Slick Willy at first tries to keep cool, but then (uncomfortable moment) admits he didn’t realize the scope of the material he’s confiscating, and how to manage it.
Ending: Behind closed doors, (uncomfortable moment) he loses his shit and then confesses to #2 that he acted too rashly. (Internal dilemma) #2 agrees to help steer and organize.
16. INT. BRONC’S OFFICE – “WAR ROOM” – DAY
Beginning: Bronc, cool as a cucumber, directs his staff; files motions.
Middle: He’s objecting to the use of the National Guard on legal grounds. He’s petitioning to stop the process for June’s safety and for science. He’s asking that she can go to NASA while under the protection of the US. He’s a ninja—
Ending: (Surprise / uncomfortable moment) but he also admits to his team that none of this will work; the judge is also on a mission.
17. INT. SLICK WILLY’S OFFICE – “WAR ROOM” – NIGHT
Beginning: Slick Willy, exhausted, (uncomfortable moment) ORDERS his overwrought staff to hire MORE “EXPERTS”—land management agents, scientists, etc.
DISSOLVE TO:
Middle: Same office the next morning… when several of these people (uncomfortable moment) arrive to find Slick Willy asleep on a desk.
Ending: In the ensuing meeting, he’s frantic. (Uncomfortable moment) Instructs them to (internal dilemma) start spreading fake news that “independent fossil hunters are all treasure hunters.” They tell the prosecution team that they know Pete; he’s a little oblivious, but it’s unlikely he guilty of this level of corruption.
18. INT. PETE’S TRAILER / EXT. ALLEY – DAY
Beginning: That same morning, Pete is reading newspapers.
Middle: He picks up the old rotary phone and dials his old pal, Charlie. She works at NBC in California. He asks, naïvely, (misinterpretation) if she knows Tom Brokaw. After all, they both work at NBC, and they’re both from South Dakota. Instead, she says she’ll come out and see if she can help.
Ending: When he hangs up, he walks out to the alley where the National Guard truck is being loaded with June’s skull. (Surprise) He lays down in front of the truck; the JOURNALIST takes his picture.
19. EXT. PARKING LOT NEARBY – DAY
Beginning: (Interesting setting) As Pete’s kids pull him out from in front of the huge truck tires, and June’s trucks begin to pull out, Slick Willy again speaks to the press—including JOURNALIST.
Middle: Despite his #2 just saying (internal dilemma) he doesn’t think there’s a strong case (trying to save boss from himself),
Ending: Slick Willy hints that (major twist) a large investigation is underway—June is just the tip of the iceberg.
20. INT. DUSTY PREPARATION LAB – NIGHT
Beginning: Bronc at a table covered with papers; (interesting setting) Pete’s carefully supergluing together a 3D puzzle of bone fragments.
Middle: Bronc “frames” the situation: (uncomfortable moment) Slick Willy is telling the public that he’s “saving artifacts from being auctioned to the highest bidder.”
Ending: To successfully fight this claim, Bronc says Pete has to be squeaky clean. (uncomfortable moment / internal dilemma) So he asks: Did you make the mistakes Slick Willy is suggesting?
21. INT. INDIANA JONES-STYLE WAREHOUSE OF FOSSILS – DAY
Beginning: (Interesting setting) Pete is climbing around on some shelves, digging through boxes.
Middle: CHARLIE (journalist pal) arrives, straight from the airport. (Surprise) Without preamble, Pete draws her into his “self-investigation” process—
Ending: and then (betrayal / uncomfortable moment / secret / internal dilemma) finds proof that his colleague (X, from the cliff face) “used” him to break the law.
22. EXT. COURTHOUSE – DAY
Beginning: With great pomp and circumstance, (major twist) Slick Willy unfurls a huge and cumbersome RICO case against Pete and several of his staff—doesn’t just file it; calls another press conference. JOURNALIST front and center.
Middle: The filing is ridiculous in its scope and overreach, and
Ending: (uncomfortable moment) SW admits to #2 (internal dilemma) that he just hopes something sticks.
23. EXT. FOSSIL SITE – DAY
Beginning: (Interesting setting) Pete is “prospecting” when Bronc arrives with the news.
Middle: Pete breaks down. Bronc puts it all in perspective: “A million fossils, 7 sites that have been questioned.” (Internal dilemma) The two guys argue about whether to trust Charlie; Bronc warns against too much revelation.
Ending: In camp that night, (surprise / major twist) Pete [HAS A DREAM? HEARS A VOICE?] and discovers his inner hero.
ACT 3 — PETE BECOMES AN INVESTIGATOR
24. INT. BRONC’S OFFICE – “WAR ROOM” – DAY
Beginning: Pete and Bronc lay out a plan to investigate every count.
Middle: Agree to send out teams, including Charlie.
Ending: Finally, (uncomfortable moment / internal dilemma) Pete reveals to Bronc that X has been doing illegal stuff. (Intrigue / suspense) They agree not to fire her until they can prove that Pete didn’t know.
25. INT. SLICK WILLY’S OFFICE – “WAR ROOM” – DAY
Beginning: (Internal dilemma) #2 helps Slick Willy send all his investigators and “experts” to confirm details about each site they’ve identified in the indictment.
Middle: (Uncomfortable moment) Without saying it outright, SW suggests that they stretch the truth if needed—
Ending: because, he admits, (uncomfortable moment) Pete is better at his job than the academic experts.
26. EXT. DINOSAUR HEADQUARTERS / ALLEY – DAY
Beginning: Pete’s team assembles to set out to the various sites.
Middle: (Uncomfortable moment / suspense) Someone has to stay behind and look at historical documents…and Pete realizes that X (who still works on his team) has friends here. Not sure whom to trust.
Ending: (Intrigue) He brings X with him—and climbs in a vehicle. Charlie is driving; Bronc in the back seat with X.
27. INT. COURTROOM – DAY
Beginning: (Major twist) Judge severs the fossil June from the larger case, saying that its circumstances were different.
Middle: Makes a specific ruling about the land, takes custody, and (major twist) orders June to be auctioned!
Ending: Pete’s co-defendants are afraid that this does not bode well; (major twist) they start fighting—and Slick Willy thinks his ship has come in.
28. INT. PETE’S KITCHEN – NIGHT
Beginning: (Surprise) Pete arrives home to find a medicine man in his house—who tells him it’s dangerous to disturb fossils, and that all his troubles are related to a “curse” of the ancient creatures.
Middle: On the other hand, he says that June knows Pete is “her person.” [MAYBE (major twist) the “magic” is revealed: that the “voice” is June’s.]
Ending: Phone rings: Bronc asks for a meeting.
29. EXT. JUNE’S STORAGE FACILITY – NIGHT
Beginning: (Mystery) Pete visits June, asking for advice through the window.
Middle: She tells him to stand strong for the team, and (surprise) be willing to sacrifice himself—even though he knows he didn’t do anything wrong.
Ending: Bronc pulls up, shaking his head (about the location)—and tells him his (major twist) great idea about a plea bargain.
30. INT. BRONC’S OFFICE – DAY
Beginning: All co-defendants have gathered;
Middle: (Major twist) Bronc says an amazing plea bargain has been accepted by Slick Willy, in which no one gets felonies or jail time; company pleads to a misdemeanor of being in the wrong place once.
Ending: The caveat: (suspense / uncertainty) everyone has to keep it to himself—any announcement will jeopardize the deal until tomorrow. It just has to be approved by the judge.
31. INT. DINOSAUR HEADQUARTERS – DAY
Beginning: Next morning, everyone is happy until…they see the (betrayal) plea bargain detailed in the newspaper—front page.
Middle: Judge goes ballistic. (Uncomfortable moment) Despite Bronc’s claims to the contrary, judge blames Pete for grandstanding (by leaking) and rejects the deal.
Ending: (Mystery / major twist) No one has any idea who leaked! Charlie has no luck with the journalist, who tearfully won’t give up his source.
ACT 4 — THE SHOWDOWN (TRIAL)
32. INT. COURTROOM – DAY
Beginning: We see the process in motion.
Middle: (Uncertainty) During jury selection, Bronc lobbies for a cute blonde woman, saying that “she’ll love me.” Other lawyers are not so sure.
Ending: (Intrigue) When asked if she knows anyone in the courtroom, she says no.
33. EXT. CITY – DAY
Beginning: (Intrigue) Charlie follows X through the larger town where the courthouse is.
Middle: (Intrigue / betrayal) Charlie sees X meet and shake hands with Slick Willy. They go inside SW’s office.
Ending: (Superior position) RIGHT BEHIND Charlie, the “cute juror” picks up the judge outside the courthouse, who puts his golf clubs in the trunk of her car. Charlie doesn’t see this.
Frankly not sure exactly how to manage the trial …part montage / there are several funny “factual moments” that are not relevant for this level of outline.
34. MONTAGE / INT. COURTROOM
Slick Willy looks like an idiot on many occasions, because he is unprepared and has made mistakes.
DEEPER REVEAL: The colleague who broke the law is given immunity, but doesn’t say anything damning about Pete. Because there isn’t any. Big disappointment to Slick Willy.
Pete, by bringing everyone together (being a real leader) scores good points—although it also becomes obvious that occasionally someone on his team made a minor error. Nothing serious. He also makes it clear that as the boss, he was responsible.
Bronc becomes the star of the trial—strutting his stuff on cross examination and illustrating how the investigators look like doofuses. Bronc focuses on the “pretty lady” in the jury, knowing he can count on her falling for him.
The judge is obviously on the prosecution’s side, making crazy rulings and not letting in defense exhibits. Defense keeps score on his rulings.
35. EXT. COURTROOM – DAY
Beginning: (Major twist / surprise) Despite Pete’s being convicted on a few minor charges, Bronc marches out of the courthouse with a cigar in his mouth—people cheer in the street, and Slick Willy is beside himself.
Middle: Charlie, meanwhile, corners the jury and discovers that (surprise) Bronc’s “favorite juror” (the judge’s golf partner) was the single “guilty” verdict on many counts. (Surprise) They would have acquitted on everything.
Ending: Bronc tells the press that Pete’s frivolous, insignificant convictions amount to nothing more than probation.
36. EXT./INT. SANDWICH SHOP – DAY
Beginning: Bronc’s “favorite juror” pops in to order lunch at the counter.
Middle: (Major twist) Right across the street is the NEWSPAPER. The JOURNALIST crosses the street, and gets in line behind her.
Ending: They order lunch and chat while waiting for their orders to be prepared to go. (Intrigue) He asks “what’s new,” and she whispers to him.
37. INT. DINOSAUR HEADQUARTERS – DAY
(Surprise) Next morning, the newspaper headline is that Slick Willy has been fired.
TITLE: ONE YEAR LATER
38. EXT./INT. FEDERAL PRISON – DAY
Beginning: When Pete self-surrenders to start his sentence, the guy who checks him in says “you must have pissed somebody off.” (Major twist / betrayal) Pete’s been sentenced for 2 years!
DISSOLVE TO:
Middle: Short time later: (Surprise) Pete’s business colleagues line up to visit him—and make deals to keep his business going.
Ending: Meanwhile, he’s entertaining the other inmates by finding fossils in the prison yard. “Whatever you do, don’t pick them up!” he warns.
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Andrew Kelm’s Fascinating Scene Outlines!
Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes to be a great writer of TV and movies who is sought after by people I respect within the industry and has multiple successful TV series produced.
What I learned doing this assignment is… This was hard and it tool me a long time. At times this provided great insight and at other times it felt like I was trying to fit things in boxes, trying to get the exercise done. I think the best value is that it forced me to look at each scene individually, very specifically, and mine it for its relevance and entertainment value. I ended up deleting about 7 scenes and did some rearranging. Some scenes were greatly improved.
FATEMONGERS; a psychic with a blind spot for abusive men uses subtle manipulations to murder a sexual predator who seduces her to get to her sons.
INT. DAPHNE’S KITCHEN – DAY
Daphne gives Terry — her BFF, a gay stylist who works for her mother in the hair salon below Daphne’s apartment — a tarot reading.
Beginning: (Suspense) Daphne’s reading imports a major change
Middle: (Mislead/reveal) The reading turns out to be about Daphne, who is his best friend, and predicts that she will meet a man.
Ending: (Surprise) Daphne works him to market her services
EXT. HAIR SALON – DAY
Roy steps into Daphne’s mother’s hair salon to avoid an unseen pursuer.
Beginning: (Mystery) What/who is Roy running from
Middle: (suspense) What is he going to do?
Ending: (surprise) Roy dekes into the hair salon
INT. HAIR SALON – DAY
Daphne’s mother, Christine, sees that he doesn’t belong and asks him to leave. He spots a sign advertising Daphne’s readings and claims that is why he is here as an excuse to stay.
Beginning: (uncertainty) It is very clear he does not belong there
Middle: (suspense) Christine is onto him and is not going to protect him
Ending: (superior position) Daphne invites him upstairs after we have just heard the prediction that she is going to meet a man
INT. DAPHNE’S KITCHEN – DAY
Daphne charms Roy into direct his criminal impulses toward being a salesman but her connection to him is thwarted by Gilbert’s arrival.
Beginning: (suspense) Daphne plays innocent and she starts reading him
Middle: (Mislead/Reveal) Daphne zeroes in on his true situation
Ending: (surprise) after predicting a religious man being a big part of Roy’s life, Gilbert pokes his ehad in the door in his clerical collar.
EXT. BEACH – DAY
Daphne works Terry’s friends for taro readings.
Beginning: (interesting setting) they are on a beach
Middle: (mislead/reveal) Daphne offers to give Terry a card reading with the intention of attracting paying customers
Ending: (superior position) Terry has been told what to ask for as suggested minimum so when an interested customer comes by, he knows what to suggest as a gift.
INT. HAIR SALON – DAY
Mom threatens to evict Daphne if she can’t control her boys making noise.
Beginning: (uncomfortable moment) Daphne arrives back at the salon to find her mother pissed off because the boys have been making noise.
Middle: (external dilemma) Mother/landlord or sons
Ending: (major twist) Christine threatens to evict Daphne.
INT. DAPHNE’S LIVING ROOM – DAY
Daphne has a moment with her boys where she explains to them why they have to play quietly.
INT. DAPHNE’S KITCHEN – DAY
Daphne does a reading for a high-profile politician who doesn’t want to be seen.
Beginning: (mystery) why is this guy entering through the back door?
Middle: (character changes radically) Daphne is a different person with this guy — more serious and businesslike
Ending: (surprise) Daphne advises him on making government decisions
INT. DAPHNE’S LIVING ROOM – DAY
Daphne has a moment with her boys where she explains to them why they have to play quietly.
Beginning: (character changes radically) She enters into play with the boys
Middle: (external dilemma) Daphne brings the boys into the discussion of what to do?
Ending: (surprise) boys come up with a solution
INT. DAPHNE’S KITCHEN – DAY
Roy comes back with flowers after following her advice and getting a job at a car dealership and ends up spending the night.
Beginning: (surprise) Roy shows up with flowers
Middle: (uncomfortable moment) Daphne is standoffish.
Ending: (major twist) Daphne and Roy become romantically involved
INT. DAPHNE’S KITCHEN – DAY
Mother discovers that Roy has spent the night and starts a row.
Beginning: (uncomfortable moment) Christine discovers that Roy has spent the night.
Middle: (internal dilemma) Daphne struggles with who to be loyal to.
Ending: (external dilemma) Christine gives Daphne ultimatum that if she is going to see Roy she has to move out.
INT. ALLY BEHIND HAIR SALON – DAY
Daphne, Roy and the kids carry stuff down the stairs and load the car while Christine protests.
Beginning: (surprise) Christine hears noise in the alley
Middle: (uncertainty) Christine tries to get Daphne to reconsider
Ending: (External dilemma) Christine threatens to disinherit Daphne if she leaves.
INT. CARETAKER’S APARTMENT – DAY
Daphne, Roy and the kids move into Roy’s caretaker apartment at the manse.
Beginning: (more interesting setting) Daphne and the kids arrive at Roy’s caretaker apartment at the manse
Middle: (uncertainty) Gilbert discovers the new arrivals and doesn’t like it; Daphne pleads their case
Ending: (intrigue) Gilbert suddenly changes his mind when he meets the boys.
EXT. MANSE YARD – DAY
Roy goes over what yard work needs to be done with the boys.
Beginning: (uncomfortable moment) Roy trying to bond with the boys
Middle: (uncertainty) Abe especially resists getting with the program.
Ending: (surprise) Carl hugs Roy and asks him if he is going to be their dad now.
EXT./INT. CAR – DAY
Gilbert takes Roy out for a drive.
Beginning: (intrigue) Gilbert gets Roy to come for a drive to discuss the new situation
Middle: (Surprise) Gilbert picks up a hitchhiker.
Ending: (Internal Dilemma) Gilbert seduces the boy; Roy refuses to get involved.
INT. MANSE – DAY
While cleaning the manse, Daphne finds polaroids of teenage boys and takes photocopies.
Beginning: (suspense) When Roy and Gilbert are gone
Middle: (mystery) Daphne snoops in Gilbert’s office and discovers polaroids of teenage boys in sexual situations
Ending: (Cliffhanger) will Daphne get caught?
INT. MANSE – DAY
Gilbert comes home to find Daphne there and she deflects any suspicion by showing him all the work she’s done.
Beginning: (superior position) Daphne comes out of the office chipper as if nothing was going on
Middle: (uncertainty) Gilbert is suspicious as Daphne remains chatty — proud of the work she has done for him.
Ending: (suspense) Gilbert pretends to be OK with the arrangement for the time being.
INT. CARETAKER’S APARTMENT – DAY
Daphne confronts Roy about her suspicions of Gilbert and gets him to spill the beans that he and Gilbert go hunting for hitchhikers together.
Beginning: (major twist) Daphne confronts Roy with the photocopies
Middle: (character change) Roy confesses to how he and Gilbert would hunt underaged boys.
Ending: (character change) Daphne lays out the rules for engagement; they can be fine as long as he keeps it outside the family, or she will kill him.
INT. CARETAKER’S APARTMENT – DAY
Gilbert finds Daphne giving Terry a reading in the new digs. After initially protesting, he end sup giving her a referral.
Beginning: (major twist) Gilbert tells Daphne she can’t read cards on church property
Middle: (intrigue) Daphne hints that she knows something about Gilbert’s involvement with young boys.
Ending: (major twist) Gilbert refers a client to her.
INT./EXT. CARETAKER’S APARTMENT – DAY
Through the kitchen window, Daphne spies Gilbert chatting up Carl as he does yard work.
Beginning: (major twist) Daphne spies Gilbert chatting up Carl
Middle: (internal dilemma) Daphne realizes that her sons are in danger
Ending: (intrigue) Gilbert waves a smiling threat.
INT. CARETAKER’S APARTMENT – DAY
Daphne does the reading for the teen-age boy Gilbert refers but he turns out to be a full-blown schizophrenic and she tells him he needs to see a regular psychiatrist.
Beginning: (Mystery) What’s wrong with this kid?
Middle: (mislead/reveal) the kid is schizophrenic with suicidal tendencies
Ending: (character change) Daphne becomes the responsible professional and tells him to contact a psychiatrist.
EXT. BRIDGE – DAY
schizophrenic client kills himself.
Beginning: (suspense) kid goes walking on a bridge
Middle: (uncertainty) will he commit suicide or won’t he?
Ending: (mislead/reveal) he finds something that brings him joy and then quickly leaps over the side.
INT. CARETAKER’S APARTMENT – DAY
Daphne gets a visit from police detective asking about her connection to the suicide.
Beginning: (betrayal) Gilbert sics Police detective on Daphne
Middle: (uncertainty) Daphne has to argue her way out of suspicion
Ending: (cliffhanger) Detective leaves without being clear about future consequences
INT. CARETAKER’S APARTMENT – DAY
Daphne works Roy to get him to commit to the project of buying a house.
Beginning: (intrigue) Daphne reveals her plan to buy a houuse with great excitement
Middle: (uncertainty) Roy throws up blocks
Ending: (cliffhanger) Roy agrees that they can look while assuring her they won’t be able to find anything.
INT. CAR – DAY
Daphne and Roy find the house that speaks to her.
Beginning: (mislead/reveal) they have a hell of a time finding a house until suddenly they find the perfect one
Middle: (uncertainty) will they get it or not?
Ending: (Surprise) it looks like someone else has already sealed the deal but they end up getting it.
INT. HAIR SALON – DAY
Daphne works her mother to get her to get the downpayment; gets her to commit by agreeing to pay back the money if and when they sell.
Beginning: (superior position) Daphne visits her mother as if she is there to make amends.
Middle: (uncomfortable moment) Christine calls her on it.
Ending: (mystery) Christine agrees on the condition she gets insurance on Roy’s life, while referring to something horrible that happened to Daphne in the past.
INT. ROY AND DAPHNE’S – HOME OFFICE – DAY
Daphne sets up an office in their new home with psychology books that she displays prominently.
Beginning: (setting) Daphne pulls out all her New Age tchotchkes to create atmosphere
Middle: (internal dilemma) She starts to question what she is doing when she starts putting her psychology books on the shelves
Ending: (surprise) Daphne makes a sudden decision to make over her office to be more professional.
INT. ROY AND DAPHNE’S – CARL’S BEDROOM
Roy helps the boys set up their rooms. He and Carl have fun, but Abe prefers to do it on his own.
Beginning: (superior position) Roy checks on the boys painting their rooms
Middle: (uncomfortable moment) Abe rejects Roys offer of help
Ending: (major twist) Carl flirtatious asks Roy to help him.
INT. ROY AND DAPHNE’S – LIVING ROOM – DAY
Gilbert pays a visit offering furniture from the manse
Beginning: (surprise) Gilbert comes to visit
Middle: (intrigue) He offers furniture from the manse
Ending: (external dilemma) Daphne has to let Roy go with Gilbert to get the couch even though she knows it will lead to trouble.
INT. CAR – DAY
Roy goes with Gilbert to pick up furniture, but Gilbert has a surprise. In a parking lot, one of their old tricks is waiting for them.
Beginning: (intrigue) As prearranged, Gilbert picks up an old trick along the way
Middle: (internal dilemma) Gilbert is pushing for a threesome
Ending: (betrayal) Roy gets involved in the threesome
INT. ROY AND DAPHNE’S – MASTER BEDROOM – NIGHT
Amid suspicions, confessions and revelations, Daphne and Roy define their commitment to each other as an open relationship based on supporting the family.
Beginning: (superior position) Roy is affectionate but Daphne is cold.
Middle: (betrayal) Daphne traps Roy in his lies about what he did with Gilbert while getting the sofa
Ending: (major twist) Daphne lays out the rules.
INT. ROY AND DAPHNE’S – HOME OFFICE – DAY
Daphne gives a reading to Trent, her politician client from scene 1. They are interrupted by a visit from Detective. She sends him upstairs to hide.
Beginning: (uncomfortable moment) Daphne puts Roy on the spot about not wanting to be seen with her
Middle: (uncertainty) Roy is caught and appears to go along with Daphne’s new image
Ending: (Major twist) Detective appears, causing Trent to retreat upstairs
INT. ROY AND DAPHNE’S – LIVING ROOM – DAY
Detective asks more questions about the suicide; asks questions about her license, which she deftly swats away.
Beginning: (mislead/reveal) Detective informs Daphne that she is in the clear for the suicide, her psychiatrist’s reference checks out
Middle: (Intrigue) detective asks questions about her license anyway
Ending: (suspense) he leaves hinting that she is still being watched
INT. ROY AND DAPHNE’S – HOME OFFICE – DAY
When the detective is gone, She makes a case for herself to Trent as a respectable therapist and works his guilt so he will declare his loyalty.
Beginning: (uncomfortable moment) Daphne scrambles to make light of the Detective
Middle: (uncertainty) Trent is rattled and Daphne has to work hard to get back his trust.
Ending: (major twist) Daphne comes up with something in her read of Trent that seals his loyalty again.
INT. CAR DEALERSHIP – DAY
Roy makes a great sale at work.
Beginning: (mislead reveal) a salesman complains to Roy that he has a customer who is wasting time. Roy asks to take him on.
Middle: (uncertainty) Roy takes on the customer
Ending: (surprise) Roy sells the guy and expensive car.
EXT. BAR – NIGHT
Roy celebrates after work with drinks with co-workers.
Beginning: (setting) Roy coming out of a bar after celebrating his sale with a co-worker.
Middle: (suspense) they walk in different directions, Roy apparently aimless
Ending: (surprise) Roy stops in front of a gay bar.
INT. GAY BAR – NIGHT
Roy goes off to a gay bar by himself and meets a young man.
Beginning: (uncertainty) Roy has a drink at the bar
Middle: (internal dilemma) eye contact with a younger guy
Ending: (betrayal) Roy ends up making out with the guy.
INT. ROY AND DAPHNE’S – CLOSET – DAY
Daphne finds cocaine in Roy’s jacket pocket.
Beginning: (superior position) Daphne watches Roy leave for work, sensing that something is up
Middle: (intrigue) Daphne searches Roy’s closet for clues
Ending: (mystery) She finds cocaine in his jacket pocket.
EXT. BEACH – DAY
Daphne finds out from Terry that he has seen Roy at a gay club.
Beginning: (superior position) Terry doesn’t know how to tell Daphne about seeing Roy at the gay club
Middle: (uncomfortable moment) He tells her
Ending: (Character changes radically) Daphne brushes it off as Roy socializing with old friends.
INT. ROY AND DAPHNE’S – HOME OFFICE – NIGHT
When Daphne confronts Roy and he confesses to having a new gay lover, they reiterate their commitment and she warns him she will kill him if he ever puts a hand on one of her sons.
Beginning: (suspense) Daphne waits for Roy in the dark
Middle: (uncomfortable moment) Daphne forces him to tell her where he has been.
Ending: (character changes radically) Daphne accepts the fact of Roy’s new lover, but threatens to kill Roy if he ever goes after her sons
EXT. BEACH – DAY
Daphne meets Steve at the beach with Terry, and they have a deep dark psychic connection. Terry warns her that Steve is bad news.
Beginning: (internal dilemma) Daphne confides in her BFF about Roy
Middle: (major twist) Terry’s friend Steve comes over and thhey click
Ending: (intrigue) Terry warns Daphne that Steve is bad news
INT. ROY AND DAPHNE’S – CARL’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Carl approaches Roy in his bedroom, flirtatious, saying he thinks there is something wrong with his penis and would Roy take a look? Roy is resolute in his promise not to involve the boys and doesn’t know what to do. They are seen by Daphne’s other son Abe.
Beginning: (uncomfortable moment) Carl flirts with Roy
Middle: (internal dilemma) Carl wants Roy to look at his penis because he says he thinks something is wrong with it.
Ending: (misinterpretation) Carl closes the door while Abe listens outside.
INT. ROY AND DAPHNE’S – HOME OFFICE – NIGHT
Abe tells Daphne what he has observed.
Beginning: (betrayal) Abe tells Daphne that Carl and Roy have been fooling around
Middle: (uncertainty) Daphne grills Abe and he continues to incriminate Roy
Ending: (uncomfortable moment) Daphne grills Carl and he denied anything happened.
INT. ROY AND DAPHNE’S – HOME OFFICE – NIGHT
Daphne waits up for Roy and questions him about Carl it ends up inconclusive and they fight
Beginning: (mislead / reveal) Daphne works up to an interrogation sideways
Middle: (Character changes radically) Daphne goes for the jugular
Ending: (character changes radically) Roy becomes penitent.
EXT. BEACH – DAY
Daphne sees Steve again and this time agrees to go home with him,
Beginning: (intrigue) Daphne asks Terry about Steve
Middle: (suspense) Steve shows up
Ending: (surprise) Daphne goes home with Steve
INT. STEVE’S APARTMENT – DAY
They have rough sex, with Daphne egging Steve on deeper and deeper into the dark recesses of his psyche till eventually he has her tied to a chair naked with a gun to her head.
Beginning: (intrigue) instruments of torture in Steve’s apartment
Middle: (external dilemma) Daphne decides whether or not to go with having sex
Ending: (major twist) Daphne ends up in trouble, with Steve threatening Daphne with a gun while she is tied up
INT. ROY AND DAPHNE’S – LIVING ROOM – DAY
Roy finds the ligature marks on Daphne’s wrists and storms off to confront Steve, just as Trent conveniently arrives for a reading — in time to hear Daphne begging him not to go.
Beginning: (mislead/reveal) Daphne fretting about the time — Trent is about to arrive
Middle: (intrigue) When the time is right, Dahpne reveals her ligature marks and Roy demands an explanaiton
Ending: (cliffhanger) Trent arrives as Roy is leaving, angry, while Daphne begs him not to go.
INT. STEVE’S APARTMENT – DAY
Roy confronts Steve; Roy gets killed and boyfriend is arrested.
Beginning: (Character changes radically) Roy bursts in on Steve threatening
Middle: (uncertainty) Steve gets his gun
Ending: (surprise) Steve kills Roy.
INT. ROY AND DAPHNE’S – KITCHEN – DAY
In conversation, Terry notes that Daphne now has everything she said she wanted and isn’t it fortunate the sequence of events. She responds that she has a guardian angel -someone looking out for her. It’s always been the case -if someone’s mean to her they always pay and she doesn’t have to do anything. Then she distracts him by talking about him.
Beginning: (major twist) Terry is helping in the kitchen when the detective knocks on the door.
Middle: (Betrayal) Daphne has to refer him to Trent for her alibi.
Ending: (mislead/reveal) Daphne tells Terry she didn’t know about the gun.
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Gisele Frazeur’s Scene Fascinating Scene Outlines
My vision: I am going to work diligently to become a brilliant, reliable screenwriter who is sought after, regularly produced, highly paid, and awarded. Artistic fulfillment and financial freedom will result from the achievement of this goal!
What I learned doing this assignment is: Scenes are microcosms of the macrocosm of the screenpaly – – structurally speaking.
Title: On the Scent
Genre: Thriller
SCENE 1: INT. LIMO – NIGHT
Beginning: (Intrigue) While celebrating in the limo – – Darin’s phone blows up with threatening texts. Darin’s pregnant sister, Livie, waxes concerned.
Middle: (Internal Dilemma) Darin turns her phone off and shrugs it off as nothing to put Livie’s mind at ease.
End: (Uncomfortable moment) Arriving at the ceremonial hall – – the limo driver asks Darin if she is the famous perfumer Leff-T’s followers are all up in arms over – -as he points out the group of hungry protestors mobbing the limo.
SCENE 2: COMMERCIAL KITCHEN – NIGHT
Beginning: (Suspense) We see gloved hands imbedding a partial human toe in a meatball, plating it, and placing a colored toothpick in it.
Middle: (Surprise) A waiter places the plate on a tray with other appetizers
End: (Mystery) Waiter exits the kitchen with the tray and heads into the ongoing reception.
SCENE 3: INT. LOBBY OF CEREMONIAL HALL – NIGHT
Beginning: (Superior Position) Plate with laced meatball is served to Livie.
Middle: (Major Twist) Livie puts her plate down to take a photo of Darin. Another guest inadvertently takes Livie’s plate and ingests meatball.
End: (Surprise) After lengthy choking on the appetizer – – Darin steps in and first performs the Heimlich maneuver on the guest. When that fails to work, she performs an emergency tracheotomy on him.
SCENE 4: INT. CEREMONIAL HALL – NIGHT
Beginning: (Uncertainty) While standing in the wings, Darin phone alerts. She checks and has another threatening text. She turns phone off and prepares to take the stage.
Middle: (External Dilemma) Darin accepts her awards and gives her speech regardless of ominous tone of the evening. She receives a standing ovation.
End: (Mislead) A man rushes the stage as she exits the podium – – pulling something from his breast pocket on his suit coat. She goes weak in the knees and is caught by the MC as she collapses. False alarm – – just a fan wanting a photo of her.
SCENE 5: INT. LOBBY OF CEREMONIAL HALL – NIGHT
Beginning: (Suspense) Darin holds court with attendees and colleagues offering congratulations.
Middle: (Mystery) Police inform Darin that they believe she may have been the intended target of the laced appetizer and arrange for her to come to the station for further questioning the following day.
End: (Deflection) More bizarre texts drop in – – Darin feigns exhaustion, calls a limo, and insists they call it a night.
SCENE 6: EXT. CEREMONIAL HALL – NIGHT
Beginning: (More interesting setting) Security escorts Darin and Livie out through the stage door so as to avoid the protestors.
Middle: (Surprise) The limo is not there. As is pulls into view the protestors round the corner and b-line for Darin. Livie falls as they run for the limo.
End: (Uncertainty) Darin’s statue is damaged by the crowd as they make it safely into the limo with the aid of security.
SCENE 7: INT. DARIN’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Beginning: (Suspense) Livie gets the leash and takes Pookie out to pee before bed.
Middle: (Surprise) Darin hears a gunshot – – then Pookie barking frantically.
End: (Cliffhanger) Darin runs out the front door in search of Livie and is knocked unconscious.
SCENE 8: INT. HOSPITAL HALLWAY – NIGHT
Beginning: (Surprise) Livie’s doctor informs police officer that Livie has died, and Darin has a concussion and is now conscious.
Middle: (Internal dilemma) Police officer requests of Darin’s attending that he be allowed to question Darin before she is informed of Livie’s death – – to gain useful leads before she is besieged by grief.
End: (Betrayal) Darin’s doctor begrudgingly agrees.
SCENE 9: INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – NIGHT
Beginning: (Superior Position) Office questions Darin. Assures her Livie is close by, received medical attention, and can be seen soon.
Middle: (Misinterpretation) Darin complies.
End: (Betrayal) Hank shows up sobbing. Drapes himself over his deceased wife in the next cubicle. Darin pulls the curtain – – sees her deceased sister – – collapses into Hank’s arms.
SCENE 10: INT. CHURCH LOBBY – DAY
Beginning: (Uncomfortable Moment) Darin’s mother accuses her of being responsible for Livie’s death.
Middle: (Character changes radically) Darin slaps her mom across the face.
End: (External dilemma) Hank leads Darin away from her mom and into the church.
SCENE 11: INT. CHURCH – DAY
Beginning: (Uncomfortable moment) Darin’s mother gives a Pollyanna eulogy of Livie. She breaks down and throws herself over her dead daughter in the casket.
Middle: (Character changes radically) Darin rushes to her mother to show support. Her mom pushes her – – sending her flying into the lectern.
End: (Internal dilemma) Hank rushes to Darin – – scoops her up – – and leads her out of the church.
SCENE 12: INT. DARIN’S DEN – NIGHT
Beginning: (Internal dilemma) Hank offers Darin (a recovering alcoholic) alcohol to calm her nerves and ease her stress.
Middle: (Character changes radically) Drinking heavily, Darin and Hank reminisce over Livie.
End: (Mislead) Fall asleep together on the couch.
SCENE 13: INT. DARIN’S LIVING ROOM – DAY
Beginning: (Intrigue) Over coffee Darin opens mail with a death threat in it.
Middle: (Surprise) Darin pours herself a drink and downs it.
End: (Internal dilemma) Hank produces a gun – – forces it on her for her protection – – despite her protestations.
SCENE 14: INT. POLICE STATION – DAY
Beginning: Darin demands so see an officer regarding Livie’s murder. Someone recognizes her and chews her a new one for turning down Leff-t’s perfume commission.
Middle: While waiting to be seen – – she pours whiskey in the coffee she has been given by the receptionist.
End: In the interrogation room she lays out the reasons she believes Leff-T is responsible for Livie’s death. They are tight-lipped about the investigation and that incenses her.
SCENE 15: EXT. LEFF-T’S MANSION – NIGHT
Beginning: (More Interesting setting) Darin pulls up at Leff-T’s mansion, drunk – – brandishing a gun.
Middle: (Uncertainty) She screams into his surveillance cameras hanging from wall surrounding his home – – demanding he meet her face-to-face to enact justice. She shoots at the cameras.
End: (Suspense) Darin passes out, drunk, on the sidewalk.
SCENE 16: INT. SECURITY ROOM OF LEFF-T’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Beginning: Leff-T’s security guard summons him to the security room.
Middle: Leff-T’s security guard shows him the drunken Darin shooting at the security cameras in front of his house.
End: (Intrigue) Leff-T says he will handle it. Packs a gun, summons his dogs, and heads out.
SCENE 17: EXT. LEFF-T’S MANSION – NIGHT
Beginning: Leff-T tries to awaken Darin – – to no avail.
Middle: (Superior position) A police officer shows up investigating a noise complaint. Leff-T says they were just doing a late-night music video shoot. Appeased, the officer leaves.
End: (Suspense) Leff-T carries Darin through his front gate – – and into his home
SCENE 18: INT. BEDROOM – NIGHT
Beginning: (Suspense) Leff-T lays Darin down on a bed and covers her up.
Middle: (Mystery) He sits in a nearby chair – – studying her.
End: (Cliffhanger) Opens up a book to read.
SCENE 19. INT. DARIN’S HOUSE – DAY
Beginning: (Misinterpretation) Darin awakens, panicked, to Pookie gnawing loudly on a bone. She is on her couch in her own home.
Middle: (Internal dilemma) She finds a note left by Leff-T telling her to walk and play with her. He has left dog toys and a new leash. The note says there is a fresh pot of coffee in the kitchen.
End: (External dilemma) She goes into the kitchen and pours herself a cup of coffee and pours whiskey in it. She wanders back to the couch, sits down, and throws Pookie one of the balls Leff-T left her.
SCENE 20: INT. BEDROOM – DAY
Beginning: Darin applies make-up so she can visit her boss.
Middle: (Mystery) Pookie (Hank’s retired scent dog) goes berserk when she sprays on her perfume. She cannot calm him down. She realizes he is trying to communicate something to her.
End: (Misinterpretation) Pookie knocks the perfume bottle to the ground, all the while frantically barking at it.
SCENE 21: INT. HOUSE OF BONFIL OFFICE – DAY
Beginning: (A more interesting setting) A hungover Darin checks in with her boss. He confronts her about her drinking when he notices her DT’S.
Middle: (Superior position) Darin denies accusations and is put on temporary leave for the bad press she is generating. Her boss also threatens to turn over a big project she is working on to a colleague so a deadline can be successfully met.
End: (A major twist) Her boss plays a recording for her wherein Leff-T is cleared as a suspect and gives a televised interview apologizing to Darin for the boycott and requesting his followers stand down.
SCENE 22: EXT. PARKING LOT SEEDY HOTEL – NIGHT
Beginning: (A more interesting setting) Hank is tasked with extorting more scientific information from Darin by the drug trafficker blackmailing him. He threatens to expose him and kill her if he fails.
Middle: (Internal dilemma) Hank resists.
End: (External dilemma) Hank is told he should have thought of that before he slept with his blackmailer’s hooker daughter. Trafficker tosses Hank the key to a room – – tells him he had better keep his daughter satisfied as well – – points to a room – – and drives off.
SCENE 23: INT. HANK’S MAN CAVE – NIGHT
Beginning: (Superior position) Hank plies Darin with alcohol while they discuss Leff-T and Pookie’s odd behavior.
Middle: (Character changes radically) Hank seduces Darin.
End: (Betrayal) He successfully extorts another scientific idea to make his sniffer dog fail. Darin, mortified for having slept with her dead sister’s husband – – flees the scene – – even more grief stricken.
SCENE 24: EXT. DOG PARK – DAY
Beginning: (A more interesting setting) Darin’s AA sponsee, Dharma, speaks with Darin about her drinking.
Middle: (Mystery) Dharma points out Pookie’s odd behavior – – as he violently attacks wild violets growing on the grounds. Dharma knows dogs – – works search and rescue – -volunteers to help make sense of what is happening to Pookie.
End: (Internal dilemma) Dharma suggests they arrange the details at the next AA meeting. Darin begrudgingly agrees.
SCENE 25: INT. BATHROOM – DAY
Beginning: (Surprise) Darin pees on a pregnancy test, drink in hand.
Middle: (Major twist) Tests negative. (Should this be a positive result to heighten stakes?)
End: (Character changes radically) Disgusted with herself for having slept with her dead sister’s husband, she vows to Pookie to stop drinking and stay away from Hank.
SCENE 26: INT. CHURCH ANNEX – NIGHT
Beginning: (Suspense) Darin attends an AA meeting. Leff-T is in attendance.
Middle: (Character changes radically) Leff-T speaks to the group about his brother who died and why he created his foundation that helps gang members get out and create a new life for themselves and their families.
End: (Surprise) They speak afterwards. He informs her that word on the street is that Hank is a dirty cop in bed with some drug traffickers.
SCENE 27: INT. SUBWAY STATION – DAY
Beginning: (External dilemma) Hank answers his phone. Nods. Hangs up.
Middle: (Suspense) Passengers are stopped by security. Hank walks his sniffer dog through the line. Dog stops to sniff a man’s backpack. Just then a cat runs by – – riling the dog – – which he must restrain from giving chase.
End: (Superior position) Passengers are released to board. A man 20 feet away tips his hat to Hank. Hank nods.
SCENE 28: INT. HOUSE OF BONFIL PERFUME LABORATORY – DAY
Beginning: (A more interesting setting) Dharma and Darin Monday morning quarterback the perfume incident that make Pookie go haywire.
Middle: (Mystery) They run scent exercises on Pookie.
End: (Mislead) When Pookie checks out of the experimenting and becomes agitated, they schedule another session.
SCENE 29: EXT. CHICKEN FIGHTING RING – NIGHT
Beginning: (A more interesting setting) Hank enters. Chicken fight in progress. Blackmailer spots Hank. Saunters over to him.
Middle: (Internal dilemma) Hank is told to throw Darin and Dharma off the scent, or he will kill them and expose him. Hank resists.
End: (External dilemma) A chicken is killed in the fight. Blackmailer hands dead chicken to Hank, lights up a cigar, and exits.
SCENE 30: INT. RESTAURANT – NIGHT
Beginning: (Suspense) Dharma is seated. Says she is waiting for a friend. Orders a virgin cocktail.
Middle: (Superior position) Drink arrives. She sips it while perusing the menu.
End: (Cliffhanger) She passes out and falls to the floor.
SCENE 31: EXT. RESTAURANT – NIGHT
Beginning: (Surprise) Darin approaches entrance to restaurant. Notices an ambulance out front.
Middle: (Suspense) Darin see Dharma is being wheeled from the restaurant towards the ambulance. Hysterical, she informs paramedics this is her friend. Asks what hospital they are headed to when they refuse to let her ride along.
End: (Uncertainty) Bolts for her car – – follows ambulance.
SCENE 32: INT. INTENSIVE CARE ROOM – NIGHT
Beginning: Holds vigil at her friend’s bedside.
Middle: (Surprise) Doctor informs her it was an overdose. Darin protests – – knowing Dharma would not use again.
End: (Uncertainty) Holding vigil, Darin promises her comatose friend she will avenge this.
SCENE 33: INT. BAR – NIGHT
Beginning: (Internal dilemma) Darin orders a stiff drink. Plays with it. Stare at it. Pushes it around on the bar.
Middle: (Internal dilemma) Darin phones Leff-T asking for help. She agrees to meet him at an AA meeting.
End: (Surprise) Empties the drink into a potted plant and heads to the exit.
SCENE 34: INT. CHURCH ANNEX – DAY
Beginning: (Uncomfortable moment) Darin speaks of her friend’s overdose at the meeting.
Middle: (Misinterpretation) Someone suggests Darin needs to accept the possibility that Dharma did use again – – being an addict after all. Darin is incensed.
End: (Uncertainty) Leff-T approaches and they agree to continue testing Pookie together.
SCENE 35: INT. DARIN’S LAB HOUSE OF BONFIL – DAY
Beginning:(A more interesting setting) Darin and Leff-T test Pookie.
Middle: (Surprise) Hit paydirt. Isolate violet molecule as agitating Pookie.
End: (Intrigue) Darin remembers and relays to Leff-T a conversation she had with Hank wherein she told him that the violet molecule temporarily arrests the sense of smell. Hank had later inquired if this would be true for a dog. Perplexed – -they agree to sleep on the info – – try to make sense of it.
SCENE 36: INT. DARIN’S CAR – DAY
Beginning: (A more interesting setting) Darin goes down for a nap with Pookie.
Middle: (Superior position) Dreams of Hank sleeping in his socks. Awakens.
End: (Intrigue) Calls Hank and asks to meet at his place.
SCENE 37: GAS STATION REST ROOM – DAY
Beginning: (A more interesting setting) Darin enters with a bag. Takes out bottle of whiskey and bottle iced tea.
Middle: (Suspense) Empties whiskey down sink. Pours iced tea in whiskey bottle.
End: (External dilemma) Chucks whiskey bottle in trash and exits restroom.
SCENE 38: INT. HANK’S LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Beginning: (Superior Position) Darin arrives at Hank’s, pretending to have been drinking.
Middle: (Internal dilemma) Seduces Hank, leaks false scientific info to him.
End: (Major twist) When Hank falls asleep Darin rummages through Hank’s things and finds a bloody sock – – realizing he might be missing a toe.
SCENE 39: INT. LEFF-T’S MANSION – DAY
Beginning: (Surprise) Leff-T shows Darin body camera footage he obtained illegally – – of times Pookie failed to scent. Darin informs him of what she has figured out about the violets – – and how Hank extorted this info from her – – and how Hank is causing the dogs to fail. Leaves out info about toe.
Middle: They agree to go to the cops.
End: (Internal dilemma) Darin says she has to go home and let Pookie out first. She will meet him at the cop shop.
SCENE 40: EXT. SPORTS ARENA – DAY
Beginning: (Suspense) Hank answers phone. Nods. Hangs up.
Middle: (Superior position) Walks through awaiting entrants with sniffer dog. Dog alerts by lying down in front of a man with a backpack. Barks. Cops open backpack, find drugs, place man under arrest.
End: (Betrayal) Man watching Hank points at Hank with gesture implying shooting him.
SCENE 41: INT. HANK’S BATHROOM – DAY
Beginning: (External dilemma) Hank goes home to pack
Middle: (Major twist) Takes a swig of whiskey bottle Darin left behind. Realizes it is not alcohol. Finds his bloody sock on top of the hamper instead of in it. Puts two and two together.
End: (Suspense) Leaves with his suitcase and his gun.
SCENE 42: EXT. DARIN’S BACK YARD – NIGHT
Beginning: (Surprise) Darin holsters her gun, and hurries Pookie out to pee. Hanks ambushes Darin. Leff-T is there – – tied up.
Middle: Darin and Leff-T confront Hank with what they know. He admits to everything.
End: (Cliffhanger) There is a showdown and a shootout. Darin shoots Hank. Pookie is wounded.
SCENE 43: EXT. LEFF-T’S BACK YARD – DAY
Beginning, Middle, and End: (Surprise) A bandaged and coned Pookie plays with Leff-T’s dogs (Capulet and Montague) while Darin and Leff-T joyously look on.
SCENE 44: INT. LEFF-T’S LIVING ROOM– – NIGHT
Beginning: (Mislead) Leff-T dons the hat of his favorite hockey team and turns on the TV and channel surfs until locates the station desired.
Middle: (Character changes radically) He holds his infant daughter and pets Pookie while he watches Darin being interviewed on a talk show. She is being interviewed about the award-winning dog perfume she created for her deceased sister, Livie.
End: (Surprise) When asked what her next project will be, she says she is creating a fragrance for Gabrial’s Fund – – in honor of her husband, Leff-T – – and their daughter, Livie.
-
Module #4 / Lesson #10: Linda Fascinating Scene Outlines!
Linda’s Scene Requirements!
My Vision is: I will do whatever it takes to be a sought-after profound writer with many successful movies produced and an Oscar on my mantel.
What I learned doing this assignment is this is a great way to ensure interest techniques are built into every scene.
Act 1: Joaquin is summoned to cartel HQ and subject to anonymous threats against him and his family.
INT. CARTEL DRUG FACTORY – DAY
<div>· Middle: (Superior position) Undetected, Joaquin plays an underhanded prank on the leader, humiliating him. </div>
· Ending: (Suspense) He threatens he’ll beat them all until someone confesses.
EXT. MEXICAN LANDSCAPE / CARTEL DRUG FACTORY – DAY
· Beginning: (Intrigue) A cartel convoy drives through a small town.
· Middle: (Superior position) Pulls up to the fenced in drug factory. The gate opens.
· Ending: (Suspense) Dante, the cartel drug lord’s second in command, climbs out of the jeep, an automatic weapon slung over his shoulder.
INT. CARTEL DRUG FACTORY – DAY
· Beginning: (Uncertainty) The brutal leader demands to know who pranked him.
· Middle: (Major twist) Dante enters with an order for Joaquin to go with him to the cartel leader’s compound. (Misinterpretation) Before they leave, Joaquin’s friend is wrongly accused of doing the prank.
· Ending: (Major twist) Dante kills him with one shot.
INT. TRUCK – DAY
· Beginning: (Internal dilemma) Joaquin is torn up about his friend dying as a result of his actions, but can’t show it.
· Middle: (Mislead) Dante converses with Joaquin (intrigue) without revealing too much about the purpose of the summons. It puts Joaquin at some ease until he realizes…
· Ending: (Major twist, reveal) …they are headed to his house.
EXT. JOAQUIN’S HOME – DAY
· Beginning: (Suspense) Modest and rundown, the outside of the home is punctuated by a makeshift gun range in the desert yard. Tomas, Joaquin’s son (16), is shooting tin cans with good aim.
· Middle: (External dilemma) Joaquin waves him inside, but Dante instructs him to keep shooting and tells his father to go inside and pack.
· Ending: (Uncertainty, suspense) As Tomas focuses on his shooting, Dante takes the automatic weapon off his shoulder. (surprise) Hands it to Tomas with some pointers and tells him to shoot it.
INT. JOAQUIN’S HOME – DAY
· Beginning: (Mystery) Camila grills Joaquin on why they are being summoned. He tells her he will sacrifice himself to protect them.
· Middle: (Uncomfortable moment) Dante and Tomas walk in. Isabel (15) in short shorts and a crop top catches Dante’s eye. Joaquin instructs Isabel to change and pack clothing.
· Ending: (Suspense) He sneaks a few minutes to warn his children to do what he taught them and keep their heads down. He has Tomas memorize the number of a cousin across the border and to call him if anything happens to Joaquin.
EXT. CARTEL HEADQUARTERS IN MEXICAN CITY – DAY
· Beginning: (Suspense, uncertainty) The drug lord’s inner circle file into the compound. Dante pulls up with Joaquin and family.
· Middle: (Intrigue) Arturo, an inner circle member, lingers by the jeep as Camila disembarks. They make eye contact, he nods. She hooks her arm around her husband’s and hurries away.
· Ending: (Suspense) Arturo catches Dante unable to keep his eyes off Isabel. (Mystery) Remarks that she looks just like Camila did at her age – she grew up down the street from him – hard for a man to walk away from that.
INT. JOAQUIN FAMILY TEMPORARY RESIDENCE – DAY
· Beginning: (Surprise) Dante shows each family member their room.
· Middle: (Suspense) As he and Joaquin leave to go to the drug lord’s compound…
· Ending: (Cliffhanger) Isabel finds a letter addressed to her on the bureau in her room. Opens it and is terrified.
INCITING INCIDENT
INT. RODRIGO’S COMPOUND – DAY
· Beginning: (Mystery) A friendly gathering of cartel leaders. Why was Joaquin invited?
· Middle: (Major twist) Rodrigo, the drug lord, announces he is dying and there will be a competition for his successor. Points awarded based on activities that promote his infamy.
· Ending: (Cliffhanger) Who will win? What will they have to do to win? Will Joaquin join the competition?
INT. RODRIGO’S COMPOUND SITTING ROOM – DAY
· Beginning: (Intrigue) Rodrigo summons Joaquin to his sitting room.
· Middle: (Surprise) Joaquin’s father was Rodrigo’s bodyguard and died trying to protect him. Unbeknownst to Joaquin, Rodrigo promised to protect him. His son was killed, Joaquin closest thing he has to a son. (Mystery) Mention of his father is triggering for Joaquin.
· Ending: (Major twist) Won’t be possible to protect him from the grave so he brought Joaquin to help him secure a good position in the new organization.
EXT. RODRIGO’S COMPOUND PATIO – DAY
· Beginning: (Internal dilemma) During lunch with Arturo, Rodrigo belittles Joaquin. He’d hoped he could be his successor, but not a leader. Explains what it takes to protect the cartel. Joaquin takes it on the chin.
· Middle: (Surprise, Mislead) Will have to hang his hat on loyalty. Arturo will take him under his wing.
· Ending: (Mystery) Rodrigo triggered by seeing US Director of Border Patrol, Maritza Montoya on TV.
EXT. STREET – DAY
· Beginning: (Mislead) As Arturo empathizes with Joaquin, (Major twist) he starts hallucinating.
· Middle: (Betrayal, Reveal) Arturo prods Joaquin to get mad at Rodrigo and enter the competition to show him what he can do.
· Ending: (Uncertainty) Joaquin is smart in how he answers/doesn’t answer.
INT. DINNER TABLE – NIGHT
· Beginning: (Intrigue) Joaquin draws out of his family…
· Middle: (Mystery) …that an anonymous letter was left for Isabel from someone claiming he will be the next drug lord and…
· Ending: (Cliffhanger) …take Isabel as his wife.
EXT. TOWN SQUARE – DAY
· Beginning: (Interesting setting) Arturo has a hallucination…
· Middle: (Major twist) …and takes aim at Tomas.
· Ending: (Uncertainty, Suspense) Joaquin risks his life to save him.
EXT. CANTINA – NIGHT
· Beginning: (Mislead) A cartel hang out. Joaquin meets up with an old friend.
· Middle: (External dilemma) Dante’s brother, Luis, harasses a young woman. Joaquin’s friend stops him from interfering.
· Ending: (External dilemma) The friend says someone has to do something about the competition and begs him to convince Rodrigo to stop the competition and appoint a less threatening drug lord.
INT. JOAQUIN’S TEMPORARY RESIDENCE – NIGHT
· Beginning: (Uncomfortable moment, Major twist) In bathtub, Camila sees someone in the house watching her.
· Middle: (Suspense) She searches the house, but no one is there.
· Ending: (Surprise, Cliffhanger) Joaquin comes home to her shaking. Joaquin reveals there is a trap door that leads to the tunnels.
INT. TUNNEL – NIGHT
· Beginning: (Interesting setting) Joaquin searches the tunnels.
· Middle: (Suspense, Mislead) Hears Dante. (Uncertainty) Hides.
· Ending: (Major twist) Finds C4. (Cliffhanger) Hammers nails into the stairs/railing.
EXT. JOAQUIN’S TEMPORARY RESIDENCE TOMAS’ ROOM – DAY
· Beginning: (Mislead) Tomas playing a video game and quickly shuts it down when his father walks in.
· Middle: (Reveal) Joaquin demands to see the game. Discovers it is a cartel recruiting video that was anonymously sent to Tomas. (Character changes radically) Joaquin goes ballistic.
· Ending: (Surprise) Joaquin tells Tomas he’s been working on a plan to get him into college in the US. Tomas doesn’t want to go, they get into a fight and he lashes out at his dad – how can he expect Tomas to leave when he never left himself.
INT. RODRIGO’S SITTING ROOM – DAY
· Beginning: (Mislead) Joaquin sits with Rodrigo as he rehashes his life with Joaquin’s father.
· Middle: (Misinterpretation) Joaquin seeks information about the point system and competitors.
· Ending: (Uncomfortable moment) Joaquin tells Rodrigo he needs to leave as he has somewhere he needs to be.
EXT. COMPETING DRUG CARTEL LAB – NIGHT
· Beginning: (Mystery) Under cloak of a hood and dark clothing…
· Middle: (Suspense) …a man sets C4 around the perimeter of the lab.
· Ending: (Superior position, Surprise) The man is Joaquin. He sets it off and the lab explodes.
TP 1: Joaquin enters the competition to become the next drug lord.
INT. RODRIGO’S COMPOUND – DAY
· Beginning: (Superior position) Rodrigo questioning who blew up their competitors drug lab as Joaquin enters. He tries to speak up but is silenced.
· Middle: (External dilemma) Joaquin demands to be heard. Shows proof he blew up the lab and has entered the competition.
· Ending: (Surprise) Rodrigo declares it a death sentence.
ACT 2: Joaquin struggles with his morals as he tries to navigate the competition without crossing lines he can’t live with.
EXT. CITY SQUARE – NIGHT
· Beginning: (Suspense) Dante brutally murders two of the biggest local threats to their drug trade.
· Middle: (Uncomfortable moment) Leaves their bodies on a bench in the square with a signature symbol so everyone knows he gets the credit.
· Ending: (Uncertainty) Dante awarded big points and goes way ahead in the competition.
INT. JOAQUIN’S TEMPORARY RESIDENCE – DAY
· Beginning: (Betrayal) Camila begs Joaquin to back out of the competition. He’s trying to protect his family.
· Middle: (Internal dilemma) Asks him if he can compromise his morals because that’s the only way he can win.
· Ending: (Character changes radically) Storms out, accuses his wife of having no faith in him.
INT. CANTINA – DAY
· Beginning: (Intrigue) Dante stops talking as Joaquin walks by.
· Middle: (Suspense) Arturo taunts Joaquin by questioning what Dante is hiding, mentioning his interest in Isabel.
· Ending: (Major twist, Cliffhanger) Warns him that if anyone else wants to win, they will have to kill Dante. Wants to work together to kill him.
EXT. PRISON – NIGHT
· Beginning: (Suspense, Mislead) Arturo breaks a high-profile drug cartel member out of prison.
· Middle: (Reveal) The freed prisoner is his father.
· Ending: (Intrigue) Father learns of Joaquin and demands to know what his son is going to do about him. Warns his son not to underestimate him, his father was his rival and the reason he wasn’t drug lord.
EXT. CANTINA
· Beginning: (Mislead) Arturo has a hallucination and wrecks havoc among the community.
· Middle: (Superior position) Joaquin studies him.
· Ending: (Character changes radically) Arturo’s father beats him out of the hallucination.
EXT. MARKET – DAY
· Beginning: (Mislead) Joaquin tells his “friend” he’d rather Dante win than Arturo and Dante’s best move would be to bribe the other competitors to join his team rather than compete against him. Swears him to secrecy about what he said.
· Middle: (Betrayal) Joaquin leaves the cantina and his friend tells Dante what he said.
· Ending: (Reveal) It was a test, Joaquin is watching from out of sight.
EXT. JOAQUIN’S TEMPORARY RESIDENCE – DAY
· Beginning: (Internal/External dilemma) Camila asks Arturo about Dante, is afraid for her daughter. Arturo feeds into her fear – he takes what he wants and no one will stop him.
· Middle: (Uncomfortable moment, Intrigue) Joaquin catches Camila and Arturo close together.
· Ending: (Betrayal) Camila reveals their prior relationship to Joaquin who is furious and feels betrayed that she never told him.
INT. RODRIGO’S COMPOUND PATIO – DAY
· Beginning: (Uncertainty) Joaquin delivers a newspaper with the competition as the headline.
· Middle: (Surprise) Rodrigo is not impressed, he’s furious. It describes the competition in a cheesy light, not building his infamy.
· Ending: (Major twist) No points for Joaquin.
EXT. RODRIGO’S COMPOUND OPEN AREA – DAY
· Beginning: (Suspense) The big board of points is updated and Dante and Arturo are way ahead of Joaquin.
· Middle: (Intrigue) Arturo conspires with one of his men to force Joaquin to cross his moral boundaries.
· Ending: (Misinterpretation) Joaquin misinterprets something Arturo does or says that sends him in the wrong direction.
INT. DRUG LAB – NIGHT
· Beginning: (Intrigue) Joaquin receives a message, allegedly from Rodrigo…
· Middle: (Suspense) …arrives where he tells him to go. It’s a set up. Joaquin is trapped…
· Ending: (Character changes radically) …has no choice but to kill.
ACT 3: Joaquin battles to win points.
EXT. MARKET – DAY
· Beginning: (Superior) Arturo makes sure Camila knows Joaquin committed murder.
· Middle: (External dilemma, Uncomfortable moment) Afraid Joaquin will see them together, she tries to extricate herself from the conversation, but Arturo won’t leave.
· Ending: (Reveal) Hash out their relationship – she left b/c of who Arturo became. He insists Joaquin is no different than him.
INT. / EXT. JOAQUIN’S TEMPORARY RESIDENCE – DAY
· Beginning: (Mislead) Isabel is headed to a party.
· Middle: (Major twist) Arturo tells Joaquin he overheard Dante talking about Isabel and she is in trouble.
· Ending: (Suspense, Reveal) Joaquin tracks down the location of the party. Luis has her trapped. Joaquin barges in and Luis flees.
EXT. RIVAL CARTEL DRUG LAB – NIGHT
· Beginning: (Suspense) Joaquin finds Luis and follows him to the neighboring cartel.
· Middle: (Major twist) Kills him and other cartel members.
· Ending: (Cliffhanger) As Luis dies, he warns Joaquin that Dante will never let him live.
INT. RODRIGO’S LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
· Beginning: (External dilemma, Superior position) As Joaquin enters, Rodrigo is interrogating the competitors as to who started the war with the competing cartel.
· Middle: (Surprise, Suspense, Misinterpretation) One of the competitors takes credit. Dante questions why he killed his brother. Terror on his face when he realizes Luis was killed.
· Ending: (Suspense, Uncertainty, Character changes radically) Joaquin calls the man out and proves with pictures that he did it and to Dante’s face explains why.
EXT. RODRIGO’S HOUSE – NIGHT
· Beginning: (Suspense) Dante follows Joaquin out of the compound.
· Middle: (Mislead) Corners Joaquin about his brother’s death.
· Ending: (Reveal, Major twist) Offers Joaquin a position in his organization if he drops out.
EXT. MEXICO BEACH – NIGHT
· Beginning: (Mislead) On senior spring break, a group of teenagers party on the beach.
· Middle: (Suspense, Reveal) Dante and his team kidnap the kids.
· Ending: (Major twist) Several of the children are from some of the richest families in the US.
INT. RODRIGO COMPOUND – DAY
· Beginning: (Major twist) Rodrigo praises Dante. The ransom they’re asking would be the highest ever paid. Rodrigo indicates that if he succeeds it will be next to impossible for anyone to unseat him as the winner of the competition.
· Middle: (Intrigue) The kidnapping is all over the US news and they have linked it to the competition. Maritza, DHS, refuses to say Rodrigo’s name and calls him a coward for what he is doing.
· Ending: (Character changes radically, Suspense) Rodrigo throws his plate, shattering it. Joaquin attempts to clean it up, but he orders his nurse to do it. Lectures Joaquin – to lead the cartel you must demand respect.
INT. BUSY CANTINA – DAY
· Beginning: (Intrigue) Arturo chooses a time when Joaquin is dining with his children to demand the owner succumb to his request to launder money through there.
· Middle: (External dilemma) Isabel wants Joaquin to step in and help the owner.
· Ending: (Major twist) Joaquin tries to make Arturo think he’s hallucinating to help the owner out of the situation, but it doesn’t work and he shoots up the place.
EXT. DARK STREET – NIGHT
· Beginning: (Intrigue) Dante sneaks up on Joaquin again and lets him know he knows he was trying to manipulate Arturo.
· Middle: (Suspense) Joaquin alludes to his concern that Arturo has a plan up his sleeve that may take them all down. Dante assures him that won’t happen, that he’ll be the victor.
· Ending: (Mislead) Joaquin seemingly accepts Dante’s offer to give up in exchange for a high ranking position in his organization.
EXT. JOAQUIN’S TEMPORARY RESIDENCE – DAY
· Beginning: (Intrigue) Joaquin asks Arturo why he spends so much time near their residence.
· Middle: (Mislead) Arturo explains he’s trying to protect his family in loyalty to Rodrigo.
· Ending: (Intrigue, Cliffhanger, Reveal) Joaquin taunts him with Dante’s ace in the hole if he gets the ransom money. Alludes to being positioned well if that happens. Gets Arturo to make a slight slip up about the stalking of his family.
INT. JOAQUIN’S TEMPORARY RESIDENCE – DAY
· Beginning: (Intrigue) Joaquin holds a family meeting to tell them he knows how to win but has to leave town to execute it.
· Middle: (Internal dilemma, Character changes radically) Tells Tomas his father wanted him to leave the cartel, but he was too scared, they fought about it the day his father was killed. It was his fault his father was distracted. Tomas is right, he’s always been too afraid, but this time he has to stand up and protect his family no matter what it takes.
· Ending: (Suspense) Joaquin leaves through the underground tunnel. Boards up the door so the stalker would have to make a lot of noise to get back in, giving his family time to escape.
INT. UNDERGROUND TUNNEL – DAY
· Beginning: (Suspense) Joaquin crosses paths with smugglers.
· Middle: (Uncertainty) They chase him through the tunnel. Fire at him. He tries to evade them by turning back around in the tunnel.
· Ending: (Cliffhanger) He’s trapped without a place to hide.
INT. JOAQUIN’S TEMPORARY RESIDENCE – NIGHT
· Beginning: (Intrigue) Distant cousin calls to say Joaquin never made it to his house. Camila didn’t know he was going to US.
· Middle: (Mislead) Camila and kids keep trying to reach him, but no answer.
· Ending: (Surprise, Cliffhanger) A knock on the door.
INT. UNDERGROUND TUNNEL – DAY
· Beginning: (Major twist) Joaquin comes face to face with the last smuggler he hasn’t killed and realizes he’s from the same cartel.
· Middle: (Mislead) Joaquin agrees to help him get the drugs where they need to go so the smuggler won’t be killed. Joaquin realizes he lost his phone. Tries to call wife on other guys phone, but no signal – can use it when they get out of the tunnel.
· Ending: (Cliffhanger) Transporting the drugs through the tunnels.
EXT. JOAQUIN’S TEMPORARY RESIDENCE – DAY
· Beginning: (Intrigue) Arturo at Camila’s door, asking for Joaquin.
· Middle: (External dilemma, Major twist) Camila notices his hands are bloody and realizes he’s her stalker. She tells him Joaquin is visiting a relative but will be home soon.
· Ending: (Suspense, Major twist) Camila sneaks out to follow Arturo and the man he came to her house with. Hears him talking about killing Joaquin when they find him.
INT. RODRIGO COMPOUND – DAY
· Beginning: (Mislead) Camila and the kids were invited by Rodrigo to a celebration.
· Middle: (Major twist) Rodrigo announces he’s cutting competition short: 36 hours and he will announce the winner.
· Ending: (Intrigue) Arturo promises Camila he will win. She is panicked.
EXT. UNDERGROUND TUNNEL – DAY
· Beginning: (Surprise) Joaquin and the smuggler come out of the tunnel and run right into border patrol.
· Middle: (Suspense) Chase.
· Ending: (External dilemma) Joaquin and the smuggler are trapped.
ACT 4: The final showdown and announcement of the new drug lord
INT. ARTURO’S HOUSE – NIGHT
· Beginning: (Mystery) The kids are panicked about their father. Rumblings at the party that one of the other competitors may have killed him. Camila assures them he is fine.
· Middle: (Intrigue, Internal dilemma) Camila tries to find out if Arturo did anything to her husband or knows anything about his whereabouts. He’s heard nothing, but implies that he could be in trouble when he gets back.
· Ending: (External dilemma, Betrayal) She makes a deal with the devil and sleeps with Arturo to save her husband from his wrath.
EXT. STASH HOUSE FOR THE KIDNAPPED TEENAGERS – NIGHT
· Beginning: (Mislead) Dante awaits the ransom.
· Middle: (Suspense, Uncertainty) Gets confirmation of it from two parents, not others.
· Ending: (External dilemma, Cliffhanger) Dante orders the kids whose parents paid for their release to be drug mules for his cartel or they and their loved ones will be killed. (Surprise) To prove he will follow through, he executes one of the kids whose parents didn’t pay yet.
INT. MIGRANT DETENTION CENTER – NIGHT
· Beginning: (Superior position, Suspense) Joaquin is in a migrant detention center.
· Middle: (Intrigue) Joaquin is escorted to the offices.
· Ending: (Major twist, Cliffhanger) Maritza, DHS enters.
INT. CANTINA – DAY
· (Haven’t figured out the beginning, middle and ending of this one yet): In one of his “hallucinations,” Arturo kills Dante in a safe zone.
EXT. CANTINA – DAY
· Beginning: (External dilemma) Camila stumbles upon the aftermath of Arturo killing Dante. He begs her to stay with him, says it was the hallucinations.
· Middle: (Uncertainty) Arturo is a mess, doesn’t know what’s real and what’s not anymore.
· Ending: (Reveal) Camila realizes Joaquin set him up.
EXT. MIGRANT DETENTION CENTER – DAY
· (There is no beginning, middle and end to this one, it’s simply this): (Intrigue) Joaquin is escorted out of the migrant detention center with a group of men.
INT. JOAQUIN’S TEMPORARY RESIDENCE – DAY
· Beginning: (Intrigue) Arturo tells Camila he’s learned that Joaquin is dead. He’s there to comfort her.
· Middle: (Internal dilemma) She doesn’t know what to believe, but if he’s dead, she believes Arturo killed him.
· Ending: (External dilemma, Misinterpretation) Arturo insists Dante did it before he died. He promises to take care of her and her children and prods her to bring them to live in his house where he can protect them as he gets announced as the victor.
EXT. RODRIGO’S COMPOUND – NIGHT
· Beginning: (Major twist, Uncertainty) Rodrigo is about to announce the winner is Arturo when Joaquin bursts in.
· Middle: (Surprise, Superior position) He shows Rodrigo a photo of Maritza dead. Pride on Rodrigo’s face but asks his insiders for confirmation. (Reveal) Joaquin tells Arturo he knows it was him stalking his family. (Betrayal) Arturo gloats that Camila came to him, slept with him, and has always loved him.
· Ending: (Cliffhanger) Joaquin makes eye contact with his wife, a knife in his heart. (Mystery) They confirm US news report that the woman is dead and a note with her body that the killing was in honor of Rodrigo. (Suspense) Will it be enough to overtake Arturo?
EXT. RODRIGO’S COMPOUND – NIGHT
· Beginning: (Major twist) Rodrigo awards the win to Joaquin, hands him a gun and for his last order, Rodrigo orders his own execution.
· Middle: (Suspense, Surprise) Joaquin orders all the women and children out of the compound. He kills Rodrigo, then all the top competitors, including Arturo.
· Ending: (Intrigue) A woman walks in from the back under cloak of a hood, leans down to Arturo so he can see her face as he dies. (Reveal) Maritza stands up and says to Joaquin: “The teenagers are okay. (Cliffhanger) What’s our next move?”
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Lesson 10: Making Every Scene Fascinating!
[WIM] Caroline’s Intriguing Moments
My Vision: I will perfect my process of writing great scripts and be recognized by the industry as good at what I do and have successful movies produced.
What I learned: This was not as difficult as I thought it was going to be. I actually feel good about my outline!
Act 1
1. INT. BALLROOM – EVENING
Scene arc: From attending as a diplomat to a diplomatic party to watching for trouble
Beginning: (Suspense) Callahan has eyes like a hawkMiddle: (Suspense) He is pretending to talk but is very watchful
End: (Intrigue) He stops talking and takes up covert surveillance
Callahan Terry is standing on the side of the room, watching the party goers.
Essence: Callahan is acting in capacity of his position as a British diplomat.
Conflict: There are a lot of shady characters here.
Subtext: Callahan is pretending to be just another pencil pusher
Hope/fear: We hope nothing happens but the tension is very thick.
2. INT. BALLROOM – EVENING
Scene arc: From talking to an attractive colleague to eyeing a suspicious waiter
Beginning: (Uncomfortable moment) An attractive colleague flirts with Callahan.
Middle: (Mislead) He indulges her by flirting back
End: (Intrigue) He stops when he notices the waiter
Callahan stops to talk to a female colleague while he watches the crowd. She flirts with him.
Essence: Callahan is acting in capacity of his position as a British diplomat.
Conflict: Callahan is watching the wait staff, one waiter in particular.
Subtext: Callahan is resistant to her charms
Hope/fear: We hope nothing happens but the tension is very thick.
3. INT. BALLROOM – EVENING
Scene Arc: From watching a waiter to taking down a gunmanBeginning: (Suspense) Callahan watches a suspicious waiter
Middle: (Major twist) He runs toward the gunshots when the waiter pulls out a weapon
End: (Cliffhanger) He chases the gunman away from innocent bystanders to outside
Suddenly, a waiter pulls a gun out from under a tray cover and begins shooting. Callahan jumps to disarm him, people run away, screaming
Essence: Callahan has turned into super spy
Conflict: Will the assassin succeed?
Subtext: The embassy staff has discovered his secret
Hope/fear: Will Callahan subdue the gunman?
4. EXT. OUTSIDE VENUE – NIGHT
Scene arc: Callahan chases the gunman outside and tackles the man, subduing him
Beginning: (Surprise) Callahan runs after the gunman to the outside
Middle (Suspense) Past startled onlookers
End: Callahan tackles the gunman into the fountain.
Callahan chases the gunman outside past startled onlookers. He tackles the man and subdues him.
Essence: Callahan is a bad ass super spy
Conflict: Callahan’s “cover” had been blown
Subtext: He has a lot of secrets
Hope/fear: What will this mean for Callahan’s position?
5. INT. HEAD OF MI6’s OFFICE – DAY
Scene arc: From Callahan being lauded by his boss to being told to take some time off.
Beginning: Callahan is lauded by his boss
Middle: (Internal dilemma) But at the same time his boss is worried about Callahan’s mental health
End: (Uncertainty) Callahan is told to take time off but why?
Callahan’s boss tells him to go on vacation.
Essence: Callahan stepped out of his role to get the bad guy and he is in trouble for it.
Conflict: Callahan does not want to go on vacation during a critical moment in the fight against terrorism.
Subtext: The boss is afraid to say that he is worried about Callahan’s mental health
Hope/fear: Will Callahan lose it?
6. INT. CALLAHAN’S KITCHEN – NIGHT
Scene arc: Callahan thinks about the vacation that he and his wife took 5 years ago and the terrorist attack at the resort that killed her when he gets a phone call.
Beginning: (Internal dilemma) Callahan is drinking bourbon looking at his wife’s photo
Middle: (Intrigue) He gets a call from someone.
End: (Major twist) He agrees to go visit the person on the phone
Callahan talks on his phone with someone about vacation.
Essence: Callahan is hesitant to leave his home.
Conflict: Callahan has to go or risk his job.
Subtext: Callahan is scared of something
Hope/fear: We want him to be happy
Act 2
7. INT. AARON’S HOUSE – DAY
Scene arc: Callahan goes to visit his American friends, Aaron, who is a CIA agent and his wife Gabrielle
Beginning: (More interesting setting) Callahan arrives at his friend’s houseMiddle: (Intrigue) Everyone is by the pool
End: (Uncomfortable moment) There is a tension
Callahan knocks on his friend Aaron’s door in the U.S.
Essence: Callahan has American friends
Conflict: Who are these people?
Subtext: Callahan is reaching out to these people for a reason.
Hope/fear: We hope Callahan is happy.
8. EXT. AARON’S POOL – DAY
Scene arc: The trio are catching up
Beginning: (Uncertainty) Callahan and Aaron and Gabrielle are hanging out at the pool
Middle: (Intrigu) Things are tense
End: (Major twist) Callahan talks about his wife and the attack that cost her her life
Aaron, Callahan and Gabrielle are hanging out at the pool.
Essence: The trio is close.
Conflict: They are talking about Callahan’s wife
Subtext: Something is being unsaid
Hope/fear: Where is Callahan’s wife?
9. EXT. AARON’S POOL – DAY
Gabrielle leaves to go to the store for something Aaron forgotScene arc: Gabrielle leaves to go to the store
Beginning: (Uncomfortable moment) Aaron and Gabrielle get into a tiff about something Aaron forgot from the store
Middle: (Uncomfortable moment) Aaron and Callahan sit in silence for a bit
End: (Suspense) The hour is getting late and Gabrielle has not returned
Essence: Gabrielle seems to have to wait on Aaron a lot
Conflict: Aaron seems a bit of a jerk
Subtext: There is a conflict here
Hope/fear: Are they going to have an argument?
10. INT. AARON’S KITCHEN – DAY
Scene arc: Aaron gets a ransom call; Gabrielle has been kidnapped!
Beginning: (Uncertainty) Aaron and Callahan go into the house
Middle: (Major twist) Aaron gets a ransom call
End: (Character changes radically) Callahan insists they go to the police and Aaron resists
Essence: Callahan has to turn into a super spy
Conflict: Gabrielle has been kidnapped!
Subtext: Aaron is acting evasive
Hope/fear: Will Gabrielle be ok?
11. INT. AARON’S CAR – DAY
Scene arc: Aaron and Callahan are at the ransom drop
Beginning: (Suspense) Callahan watches as Aaron pulls stacks of cash from his house safe
Middle: Aaron insists that Callahan take a gun
End: (Intrigue) Callahan argues that this is too dangerous
Aaron and Callahan are at the ransom drop.
Essence: They must rescue Gabrielle!
Conflict: What if they can’t get her back?
Subtext: Callahan is hiding that he is a super spy.
Hope/fear: Something bad is going to happen
12. EXT. RANSOM DROP – DAY
Scene arc: Aaron drops the ransom and is snatched up. A gunfight ensues
Beginning: (Intrigue) Aaron parks away from the ransom drop
Middle: (Suspense) Callahan takes up a position and watches him
End: (Cliffhanger) Aaron is swept up by the kidnappers and a gunfight ensues
Aaron drops the money while Callahan watches. Aaron is snatched up. A gunfight ensues.
Essence: Callahan is alone in a strange country and must rescue his friends.
Conflict: Aaron has been kidnapped too!
Subtext: Someone is forcing Callahan to act.
Hope/fear: We fear for Aaron and Gabrielle’s safety
13. INT. AARON’S CAR – DAY
Scene arc: Callahan sits shell shocked. Police sirens get closer. Callahan drives away.
Beginning: (Uncertainty) Callahan flees the gunfire
Middle: He hears sirens in the distance
End: (Uncertainty) Callahan drives away
Essence: Callahan does not want to get involved with the police.
Conflict: Callahan must figure out what to do
Subtext: Callahan is hiding who he is
Hope/fear: We don’t want him to get caught.
14. INT. AARON’S HOUSE – DAY
Scene arc: Callahan grabs his things from Aarons’s house and leaves in his rental car.
Beginning: (Intrigue) Callahan drives to Aaron’s house
Middle: Callahan gets his suitcase and his rental car
End: Callahan drives away
Essence: Callahan wants to figure this out himself
Conflict: He is not sure who he can trust
Subtext: Callahan has to hide who he is
Hope/fear: Can he save his friends?
15. INT. CALLAHAN’S CAR – DAY
Scene arc: Callahan calls his boss back in the UK
Beginning: (Internal dilemma) Callahan calls his boss back in the UK
Middle: The boss says to go to the police
End: (Internal dilemma) Callahan reluctantly agrees and his boss sets it up
Essence: Callahan wants the ok to go after the kidnapper
Conflict: The boss wants him to go to the police and Aaron’s CIA boss
Subtext: The boss is trying to be diplomatic
Hope/fear: With the CIA involved, Aaron and Gabrielle might not make it
16. INT. CIA OFFICE – DAY
Scene arc: Callahan talks to the CIA section chief who recommends Callahan leave the country
Beginning: Callahan drives to the CIA office where Aaron works
Middle: Callahan speaks to the section chief
End: (Uncomfortable moment) The section chief dismisses him and recommends he leave the country
Essence: Callahan has decided to do it his boss’s way
Conflict: The CIA doesn’t seem to care
Subtext: Callahan is lying about who he really is
Hope/fear: Will Callahan get deported?
17. INT. CALLAHAN’S HOTEL ROOM – EARLY MORNING
Scene arc: Callahan gets a call from an unknown number. It is the kidnapper luring him to his lair in Mexico
Beginning: (Intrigue) Callahan leaves the office and his phone rings
Middle: (Major twist) It is the kidnapper, an arms dealer who was behind the explosion that killed Callahan’s wife
End: (Superior position) Callahan decides to ignore the CIA
Essence: Callahan must go and rescue his friends
Conflict: Callahan does not have any weapons
Subtext: Callahan is being set up
Hope/fear: Callahan and the hostages will be killed
Act 3
18. INT. CALLAHAN’S HOTEL LOBBY– MORNING
Scene arc: Callahan is checking out and is confronted by two FBI agents.
Beginning: (Mislead) Callahan is checking out of his hotel
Middle: Two FBI agents are there to warn him to leave
End: (Mislead) Callahan pretends to go along with it
Essence: Callahan is being threatened by the agents into leaving the U.S.
Conflict: Callahan is not going to do that and doesn’t tell them about the call
Subtext: Callahan lies and says he is leaving
Hope/fear: Callahan will be deported
19. INT. CALLAHAN’S RENTAL CAR – MORNING
Scene arc: Callahan can plainly see he is being followed. He drives to a convenience store and goes inside.
Beginning: (Intrigue) Callahan buys a burner phone and a cup of gas station coffee
Middle: He puts the burner phone away as FBI agents enter the coffee shop.
End: Callahan pays for his coffee and leaves
Essence: Callahan is calling his spy colleagues for info
Conflict: The FBI agents have entered the convenience store
Subtext: Callahan is plotting
Hope/fear: Callahan will be deported
20. INT. CALLAHAN’S CAR – DAY
Scene arc: Callahan drives to the rental car place and drops his car off
Beginning: (Uncertainty) Callahan drives his car to the rental place
Middle: He drops off his car
End: He gets on the shuttle to the airport and walks inside
Essence: Callahan is acting like he is going back to the UK.
Conflict: Callahan is being watched
Subtext: Callahan is being sneaky
Hope/fear: Callahan will be deported
21. INT. PLANE – DAY
Scene arc: (Uncertainty) Callahan is on a plane.
Beginning: Callahan sits on a plane
Middle: The plane takes off
End: The plane lands.
Essence: He is seemingly going home
Conflict: Has he given up?
Subtext: Callahan is being polite to hide who he is
Hope/fear: Is he really going home?
22. EXT. AIRFIELD – DAY
Scene arc: Callahan alights from a plane on a runway. The sign says Mexico!
Beginning: (Surprise) Callahan leaves the plane and a sign says Mexico
Middle: Callahan leaves the airport and makes a call on his burner phone
End: He finds out where the terrorist is hiding from his UK colleagues
Essence: Callahan has outwitted the CIA
Conflict: What danger awaits him?
Subtext: Callahan is in complete secret spy mode mode
Hope/fear: Will Callahan save his friends?
23. EXT. OUTSIDE A COMPOUND – AFTERNOON
Scene arc: Callahan is camouflaged outside the kidnapper’s compound with binoculars.
Beginning: (Suspense) Callahan has binoculars trained on the compound
Middle: (Betrayal) He sees Aaron talking to the arms dealer
End: Callahan realizes he has been betrayed
Essence: Callahan has been lured to what might be his death
Conflict: Aaron is working for the bad guy!
Subtext: Aaron is treacherous
Hope/fear: Where is Gabrielle? Is she ok?
Act 4
24. EXT. OUTSIDE COMPOUND – AFTERNOON
Scene arc: Callahan is still in hiding as he observes the CIA agents stationing themselves around the perimeter.
Beginning: (External dilemma) Callahan was believed
Middle: (Suspense) Callahan looks for a way in
End: Callahan checks his weapons
Essence: Callahan was believed
Conflict: Callahan wants to get to Aaron first
Subtext: Callahan is deeply confused
Hope/fear: What will happen to Aaron?
25. EXT. COMPOUND – NIGHT
Scene arc: Callahan enters the compound and moves toward the main house, stealthily.
Beginning: (Suspense) Callahan slips into the compound at night
Middle: (Intrigue) He moves stealthily, noticing no guards are around.
End: He sees Aaron through a window
Essence: Callahan is going to get to Aaron first.
Conflict: He has to have it out with his so-called friend
Subtext: Callahan is in full spy mode
Hope/fear: Will Callahan get killed?
26. INT. MAIN HOUSE – NIGHT
Scene arc: Callahan enters the house and finds Aaron drinking bourbon in the study.
Beginning: (Uncertainty) Callahan enters the study
Middle: Callahan confronts Aaron
End: (Betrayal) Aaron reveals he has sold out his friend
Essence: Callahan confronts this betrayal
Conflict: Why did Aaron do this?
Subtext: Aaron is hiding his true self
Hope/fear: What is going to happen?
27. INT. STUDY – NIGHT
Scene arc: The terrorist enters the study and a gunfight ensues. Callahan flees out the window
Beginning: (Surprise) The arms dealer enters the room and tells Callahan that he is going to die for the murder of the arms dealer’s wife
Middle: (Major twist) Callahan tells him that the CIA was behind the hit
End: (Suspense) Aaron shoots at Callahan to get him to stop and Callahan dives out the window and into the yard
Essence: Callahan is going to get killed
Conflict: Aaron and the terrorist are trying to kill Callahan
Subtext: They know who Callahan is
Hope/fear: Will Callahan get away?
28. INT. OUT BUILDING – NIGHT
Scene arc: Callahan ducks into a out building on the property and lies in wait for Aaron and the terrorist.
Beginning: (Suspense) Callahan flees to get into a better position
Middle: (External dilemma) Aaron and the arms dealer are arguing in the courtyard
End: Callahan looks for a way to surprise Aaron
Essence: Callahan is trying to surprise him
Conflict: Callahan is being hunted
Subtext: Aaron and the terrorist are walking into a trap
Hope/fear: Callahan might get killed
29. INT. OUT BUILDING – NIGHT
Scene arc: Callahan gets the jump on the terrorist, wounding him. Aaron has him in his sights
Beginning: (Intrigue) Callahan wounds the arms dealer.
Middle: Aaron charges into the outbuilding where Callahan is hiding
End: (Major twist) Callahan has left the building, circled around and has Aaron in his sights
Essence: Callahan is fighting for his life
Conflict: Callahan is fighting for his life
Subtext: Callahan has been betrayed
Hope/fear: Callahan might get killed
30. INT. OUT BUILDING – NIGHT
Scene Callahan shoots and wounds Aaron after a tense standoff as the CIA bursts in.
Beginning: (Betrayal) Aaron taunts his betrayal to Callahan
Middle: (Intrigue) A gunfight ensues
End: Aaron is wounded as the CIA bursts in.
Essence: Callahan has defused the situation
Conflict: Aaron is a traitor
Subtext: Callahan is a professional who didn’t let his emotions get the better of him
Hope/fear: Where is Gabrielle?
31. EXT. COMPOUND DRIVEWAY – DAWN
Scene arc: Callahan is being interviewed by the FBI as Gabrielle, now released, rushes to him from the house
Beginning: Callahan is interviewed
Middle: The CIA believes Callahan as they were investigating Aaron
End: (Uncomfortable moment) Gabrielle is safe but traumatized by her husband’s betrayal
Essence: Aaron has betrayed them both
Conflict: How does one come back from that
Subtext: Callahan saved them both
Hope/fear: Will Gabrielle be OK?
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Peter’s fascinating scene outlines!
Vision: I write such disturbing but relatable horror movies that audiences come back for more!
WIL: this exercise forces you to deal with the things I like to call improbably reality. The stuff that makes the hair on the back of your neck standup.
1. EXT. DESTROYER HOUSE – DAY
MS-13 gangsters gather around a makeshift altar venerating Our Lady of Death or Santa Muerte. (more interesting setting)
Beginning: JUDE (30) performs a ritual offering while three members of his crew watch fascination. (intrigue)
Middle: On a makeshift altar are guns, bullets, bottles of oil and alcohol, cigarettes, and a photo of a handsome Latino man (this is Carlos 28) next to a statue of Santa Muerte.
Ending: While Jude says a prayer in Spanish, he takes a drag on the cigarette and blows it in a ceremonial fashion over the photo of Carlos. (suspense)
2.EXT. CEMETERY – DAY
Carlos cleans up after a funeral and says his final goodbye to his former associate and childhood friend, Hector.
Beginning: Carlos gathers funeral paraphernalia and puts it into the back of a hearse. (interesting setting)
Middle: Carlos stands at the grave side as the sparse number of mourners leave.
Ending: Carlos says a final goodbye to his childhood friend, Hector. (internal dilemma)
3.INT. HEARSE – DAY
Carlos talks to his wife Dani (25) about how weird it is to bury his own friend.
Beginning: Tough guy Carlos is teary when he gets a call from his wife, Dani. (surprise)
Middle: Carlos and Hector were inducted into MS-13 as teens and Carlos was trying to get him out of the gang life.
Ending: Hector was shot 14 times by cops in a drug deal gone bad – Carlos never got to say goodbye. (external dilemma)
4.EXT. CEMETERY – DAY
Jude and three MS-13 gangsters confront Carlos in the graveyard.
Beginning: Jude makes fun of Carlos because he wears a tie and sports coat. (Intrigue)
Middle: Jude accuses Carlos of being snitch to the cops about the drug bust. (suspense)
Ending: He throws a packet of drugs at Carlos and calls him a dog working for scraps.(conflict)
5.INT. CARLOS’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Dani tells Carlos that she is pregnant with their second child.
Beginning: Dani tells Carlos she’s pregnant with their second child. (surprise)
Middle: Carlos worries he doesn’t make enough money to pay the bills like his father before he abandoned the family. (uncertainty)
Ending: Dani is hurt, and Carlos slams his fists on the table and wakes up Alejandro.
6.EXT. FUNERAL HOME – DAY
Carlos puffs on a cigarette as he weighs a decision and places a call to Jude.
Beginning: Carlos examines the white packet of drugs. (suspense)
Middle: He looks a of Dani and young Alejandro and knows they are the most precious thing in the world. (internal dilemma)
Ending: Carlos places a call to Jude. (surprise)
7. INT. CHURCH – DAY.
CARLOS gives his confession to Fr. DIEGO (70).
Beginning: Carlos tells the priest that he is tempted by his former life as a gangster. (intrigue)
Middle: Fr. Diego tells him it’s okay to look temptation in the eye, but not to give in to it. (internal dilemma)
Ending: Father Diego tells Carlos to say ten Hail Mary’s and 5 Our Fathers.
8. INT. MORTUARY – DAY
Carlos watches as Father Diego prep a body for burial while being propositioned to take over the funeral business.
Beginning: Fr. Diego prepares a body for burial. (intrigue)
Middle: Father Diego tells him that one time someone helped him when he was lost – he too was once a violent man (surprise)
Ending: Father Diego tells Carlos that he wants him to take his place at the funeral home.
9. EXT. CARLOS HOUSE – NIGHT
Carlos meets Jude to arrange a short-term loan – he also gets drugs.
Beginning: Carlos meets Jude outside his house for a loan. (intrigue)
Middle: Jude tells Carlos that he knew he’d be back. Jude tells Carlos that he was never cut out to be a husband and father. He’s The Scorpion. (internal dilemma)
Ending: Carlos lies to Dani when she asks who was in the car. (uncomfortable moment)
10.INT. FUNERAL HOME GARAGE – NIGHT
Carlos is depressed and takes the drugs given to him by Jude.
Beginning: Carlos snorts the drugs. (major twist)
Middle: The meth turns out to be laced with fentanyl (surprise)
Ending: Carlos has a seizure and drops to the garage floor. (suspense)
11.INT. GARAGE – NIGHT
Carlos hears a voice whispering his name — he follows the voice out back of the garage.
Beginning: Carlos is tripping because he thinks he hears voices. (surprise)
Middle: In the back of the funeral home is a 1937 Henney Packard hearse. (suspense)
Ending: Carlos sits in the old hearse and is mesmerized by her. (interesting setting)
12.INT. MEAT WAGON – NIGHT
Santa Muerte offers Carlos a deal.
Beginning: Carlos sees a vision of the Saint of Death. (surprise)
Middle: She offers her protection over his family if he gives her his soul. (dilemma)
Ending: Carlos is given a HOBO coin with her image engraved on it in exchange for his word. (mystery)
ACT II
13. EXT. GARAGE – DAY
Carlos is brought back to consciousness by Father Diego.
Beginning: Carlos is still having a bad trip as Father Diego brings him back. (misinterpretation)
Middle: He tells the old priest that he had this bizarre hallucination about an old hearse. (intrigue)
Ending: Carlos pulls the HOBO coin from his pocket and shows Father Diego. (surprise)
14. INT. FUNERAL HOME – DAY
The priest gives him the history of the Meat Wagon through pictures on the wall of the funeral home.
Beginning: Fr. Diego tells Carlos the local legend that the Meat Wagon ferried the darkest souls to Hell. (intrigue)
Middle: Father Diego tells him the coin payment for the damned soul to take its final trip into the underworld on the Day of the Dead.
Ending: He shows Carlos the rusting husk of the vintage hearse behind the funeral home. (surprise, suspense)
15. EXT. GROCERY STORE – DAY
Jude and the boys harass Dani as she packs groceries into her SUV while trying to juggle Alejandro.
Beginning: Jude tells Dani that her husband owes him money and he’s late paying his debt. (uncomfortable moment)
Middle: Dani tries to ignore the gangsters who threaten her physically if she doesn’t come up with the money. (dilemma)
Ending: Jude tells her that he will take it out in trade. (dilemma)
16. EXT. CARLOS’S HOUSE – NIGHT
The gang burns down Carlos’s house and kills Dani and Alejandro.
Beginning: Carlos hears a car out front of the house and looks out the window. (suspense)
Middle: The gangsters throw Molotov cocktails through the windows of the house. (surprise)
Ending: Carlos yells at Dani to grab the baby and run– but she ignores him. She’s overcome by the smoke. (external dilemma)
17. INT. MORGUE – DAY
Father Diego takes delivery of a body from a coroner’s van at the funeral home.
Beginning: Father Diego tells the First Call van driver that he’s been expecting this body. (intrigue)
Middle: We don’t see the body it’s rolled right into the morgue in a body bag. (suspense)
Ending: There’s a second, much smaller body bag. (mislead)
ACT III
18. EXT. MEAT WAGON – NIGHT
Carlos wakes up driving the hearse and hears from a demonic presence.
Beginning: Carlos is behind the wheel of the old hearse and just about runs off the road. (surprise)
Middle: The radio cycles through channels until it stops at one where an old-time gospel preacher talking about burning in hell. (intrigue)
Ending: The voice morphs into that of Santa Muerte who tells Carlos not to look behind him no matter what. Carlos sees a coffin in the rear-view mirror! (mystery)
19. INT. MEAT WAGON – NIGHT
Carlos calls Dani who weeps profusely and asks him why he won’t leave her alone.
Beginning: Carlos calls Dani on his cell phone – thinks he’s having a bad drug trip.
Middle: The cell phone signal is weak – but Dani answers, her voice from a distance.
Ending: She tells Carlos to leave her alone, she doesn’t want to hear from him again.
20. EXT. FUNERAL HOME – NIGHT
Jude shows up at the funeral home and demands to know where Carlos is.
Beginning: Jude and the boys show up to the funeral home.
Middle: They try and intimidate Father Diego.
Ending: The old priest warns them that they have no idea what they are dealing with.
21. EXT. MEAT WAGON – NIGHT
We see the dead people on the side of the highway.
Beginning: Carlos drives under duress to an unknown destination.
Middle: He sees dead people on the side of the road (the former occupants of the Meat Wagon)
Ending: One of them holds a machete and has a distinctive autopsy scar.
22 .INT. MEAT WAGON – NIGHT
Carlos tries wrestle control of the Meat Wagon from Santa Muerte
Beginning: Carlos tries to put on the brakes, but the Meat Wagon won’t stop. (
Middle: The steering wheel jerks violently out of his grip.
Ending: In the back, we hear movement in the coffin – Carlos doesn’t dare look behind him.
23 .EXT. HIGHWAY – NIGHT
Jude catches up with the Meat Wagon and sees no driver inside!
Beginning: Jude and the boys overtake the Meat Wagon.
Middle: Jude pulls a gun to shoot Carlos, but…
Ending: There’s no driver!
ACT IV
24. EXT. HIGHWAY – NIGHT
The Meat Wagon is now in pursuit of Jude and the chase ends badly.
Beginning: Jude and the boys fire at the Meat Wagon to no effect. (surprise)
Middle: They gun their chipped Japanese engine and take off. (suspense)
Ending: But the old Detroit big block V8 in the phantom hearse fires to life in pursuit. (uncertainty)
25. EXT. HIGHWAY- NIGHT
Carlos calls Jude’s cell phone it’s the last thing he’ll ever hear.
Beginning: Jude’s phone rings it’s Carlos. (intrigue)
Middle: Jude is fully paranoid now that the Meat Wagon is closing in on him (suspense, surprise)
Ending: Carlos warns Jude to watch the road in front of him – the figure with the autopsy scar carrying the machete stands in front of Jude. He swerves to miss and rolls the car. (reveal)
26. EXT. – HIGHWAY – NIGHT
Jude is decapitated and his head is placed on the hood ornament of the hearse.
Beginning: Jude is the only one to crawl out of the burning wreckage.
Middle: He turns to face the corpse wielding the machete just in time to watch his head come away from his neck.
Ending: The corpse plants Jude’s head on the angelic hood ornament of the Meat Wagon.
27. INT. MEAT WAGON – NIGHT
Carlos watches from within the Meat Wagon as the machete-wielding figure plants Jude’s head on the hood ornament.
Beginning: Carlos is horrified to see his former associate’s head as a hood ornament. (superior position)
Middle: The Meat Wagon guns its engine and continues down the Highway to Hell.
Ending: Carlos is not in control.
28. INT – MEAT WAGON – NIGHT
Carlos hears movement in the coffin behind him and he tries to escape.
Beginning: Carlos looks behind him.
Middle: Santa Muerte blinds him.
Ending: Carlos eyes are white and his mouth is now sewn shut.
29. INT – MEAT WAGON – NIGHT
Carlos fumbles his cell phone and tries to dial out but can’t.
Beginning: Carlos can sense that something is behind him.
Middle: We see the coffin lid open.
Ending: The entire interior of the hearse is engulfed in unholy fire!
30. INT. FUNERAL HOME – NIGHT
Carlos flashes back to reveal that the body on the morgue table was HIS.
Beginning: We see through the eyes of Carlos’s ghost – we are watching as Father Diego performs an arcane ritual on his body.
Middle: The old priest recites the Apostle’s Creed in Spanish: “I believe in God the Father Almighty maker of Heaven and Earth and in Jesus Christ his only Son our Lord. He descended into hell. On the third day he rose again from the dead. He will come again to judge the quick and the dead.”
Ending: Carlos’s head is shaved, and the old priest tattoos his forehead with an upside down cross. He places the HOBO coin in its mouth and sutures the lips shut. (misinterpretation)
31. INT. FUNERAL HOME _ NIGHT
FB: The old priest then removes Carlos’s scorpion tattoo and places it in preservative and we see hundreds of tattoos mounted and framed like trophies on the walls.
Beginning: We see through the eyes of Carlos’s ghost – we are watching as Father Diego performs an arcane ritual on his body. (superior position)
Middle: The old priest recites the Apostle’s Creed in Spanish: “I believe in God the Father Almighty maker of Heaven and Earth and in Jesus Christ his only Son our Lord. He descended into hell. On the third day he rose again from the dead. He will come again to judge the quick and the dead.”
Ending: Carlos’s corpse’s head is shaved, and the old priest tattoos its forehead with an upside down cross. He places the HOBO coin in its mouth and sutures the lips shut. (twist)
32. INT. MEAT WAGON – NIGHT
Carlos realizes he never recovered from the OD – he’s been dead all along.
Beginning: FB: We see through the eyes of Carlos’s ghost – we are watching as Father Diego performs an arcane ritual on his body. (superior position)
Middle: The old priest recites the Apostle’s Creed in Spanish: “I believe in God the Father Almighty maker of Heaven and Earth and in Jesus Christ his only Son our Lord. He descended into hell. On the third day he rose again from the dead. He will come again to judge the quick and the dead.”
Ending: Carlos’s corpse’s head is shaved, and the old priest tattoos its forehead with an upside down cross. He places the HOBO coin in its mouth and sutures the lips shut. (betrayal)
33. INT. MORGUE – NIGHT
When Father Diego cleans up after the procedure, he changes his shirt, and we see a POSTMORTEM SCAR on his chest. And hanging around the old priest’s neck is a HOBO coin engraved with the image of Santa Muerte.
Beginning: FB: Father Diego cleans up after preparing Carlos’s body. (superior position)
Middle: He changes his shirt, and we see a POSTMORTEM SCAR on his chest! (twist)
Ending: Hanging around the old man’s neck is a HOBO coin with Santa Muerte’s image engraved on it. (surprise)
34. INT. COFFIN – NIGHT
Carlos is trapped in a coffin in the Meat Wagon and burns!
Beginning: Carlos is trapped in the coffin. (external dilemma)
Middle: He bangs on the lid to get out and tries to scream but his lips are sewn shut. (suspense)
Ending: Carlos burns in the coffin as the entire Meat Wagon bursts into flames and drives on down the highway. (uncertainty)
35. EXT. CEMETERY – DAY
At Carlos’s funeral his coffin is lowered into the ground and Dani silently weeps.
Beginning: Dani and Alejandro are still alive. (mislead)
Middle: Carlos has been dead all along and we aren’t sure what’s real.
Ending: Father Diego recites John 11: “I am the resurrection, and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live.” (set up)
36. EXT. CEMETERY – DAY
Father Diego gives a final benediction and pours oil on the casket. The mourners drift away .
Beginning: Dani and Alejandro are still alive. (mislead)
Middle: Carlos has been dead all along and we aren’t sure what’s real. (twist)
Ending: Father Diego recites John 11: “I am the resurrection, and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live.” (set up)
37. EXT. GRAVE – DAY
As the dirt is back hoed on to the coffin, we see the slightest movement from coming from the coffin…
Beginning: The end of a life and the beginning of something new. (suspense)
Middle: Father Diego smiles as he leaves the funeral. (intrigue)
Ending: Carlos is buried.
.
38. EXT. CEMETERY – NIGHT
A hand punches through the freshly dug soil.
Beginning: The mound of freshly laid soil is silent. (intrigue)
Middle: Then the soil ripples from beneath. (suspense)
Ending: A hand reaches up from the soil. (reveal)
.
39. EXT. STREET – NIGHT
One year later, Day of the Dead celebrations ensue, but locals who believe light a black candle, so the Meat Wagon passes them by.
Beginning: The freshly polished Meat Wagon is heard blocks away
Middle: But only the true believers can hear her pass by on the night before Day of the Dead.
Ending: Behind the wheel is a resurrected Carlos
DAY OF THE DEAD
Traditions include gathering at cemeteries, creating ofrendas (altars), laying out marigold floral arrangements, making cavaleras (edible skulls made of sugar), eating a bread known as pan de muerto, and decorating with La Catrina, the recognizable image of a lithe skeleton, normally wearing a hat and a colorful dress.
(It’s tradition that the driver of the of the ‘Dark Lady’ is paid a toll for services rendered. The supernatural hearse has been roaming the roads for generations ferrying the souls of the damned.) Carlos’s penance is now to become the next Ferryman!
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Veronica Turowski’s Fascinating Scene Outlines
My Vision: I want to be a successful writer who writes several scripts a year and sells them to producers who are eager to make my vision a reality by bringing my scripts to completion so everyone can watch my movies on the big screen.
Concept: While at a funeral, a professional mourner is told by the deceased they were murdered, but when no one believes the mourner, she decides to find and stop the serial killer before he kills his next victim, only to discover she is a ghost and is the mother of the serial killer.
Title: Grave Justice
Genre: Supernatural Thriller
ACT 1:
EXT. CHURCH – DAY
Lonnie and a dark figure fight in the pouring rain. Lonnie is stabbed. Another dark figure rushes up, and as he grabs for the knife, his arm is slashed. The dark figure chases the perpetrator down the street.
INT. HOSPITAL ER ROOM – DAY
Eppsa, dressed in black, runs down the ER hallway. As she approaches a doctor and nurse talking, they say Hayden Kestner is a hero for trying to save his pastor. As they head to his room, there’s a code blue. The doctor sets Hayden’s chart on a cart. He and the nurse rush into a room. Eppsa looks at the chart and goes to Hayden’s room. The bed is empty.
Eppsa turns to see Lonnie walk across the hall and disappear.
EXT. CEMETERY – DAY
Eppsa attends Lonnie’s funeral. She reluctantly talks to him. Lonnie claims he was murdered but doesn’t know who killed him. He needs Eppsa to help find his killer. Eppsa says she can’t help him. She can’t even find her son, Hayden, who stopped talking to her because they had a fight.
Lonnie knows the next victim will be Ramone Deliz.
EXT. ICE CREAM TRUCK – DAY
Hayden and his son, Evren (16), are in Hayden’s ice cream truck in an affluent neighborhood. Evren inspects Hayden’s sutures because there is blood on the floor. It turns out a freezer malfunctioned, and cherry popsicles melted.
EXT. CEMETERY – DAY
Ramone appears in the cemetery. Lonnie greets him, and they disappear.
INT. EPPSA’S HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Eppsa watches the news. A teenager, Ramone, was found. He’s a victim of suicide.
ACT 2:
EXT. CEMETERY – DAY
Eppsa meets with Lonnie. She wants to know how he knew Ramone was going to die. Lonnie says he has a feeling it was a serial killer but doesn’t know anything else.
INT. ICE CREAM TRUCK – NIGHT
Hayden cleans a box of ice cream that has fallen and melted on the floor of his ice cream truck. The police call him to schedule a time for him to come in to do a police sketch.
INT. EPPSA’S HOUSE – BEDROOM – DAY
Eppsa irons her mourning outfits. Lonnie appears. He is desperate to have her call the police about the serial killer. He disappears. She calls the cops, but they can’t hear her and tells her to call back or come in.
INT. POLICE STATION – OFFICER MOSS’ DESK – DAY
Hayden describes the perpetrator to Officer Moss, who is making a sketch.
INT. POLICE STATION – FRONT DESK – SAME
Eppsa waits in the busy station. An officer calls her over. She walks past Hayden, who has his back to her.
INT. POLICE STATION – OFFICER MOSS’ DESK – SAME
Hayden finishes the sketch. He gets the chills as he gets up. As he walks off, Officer Moss yells he’s getting a Good Samaritan award next week.
INT. POLICE STATION – BULLPEN – SAME
Eppsa hears Officer Moss call Hayden’s name. She rushes after Hayden, but he gets in his car and drives away.
EXT. POLICE STATION – PARKING LOT – DAY
Eppsa overhears cops standing next to their cars that there’s an epidemic of people dying from suicide and copying TikTok challenges.
EXT. CEMETERY – DAY
Eppsa explains to Lonnie there’s no serial killer. She wants him to leave her alone and move on. He says the next victim is Finnick Ziccardi.
INT. CLOVER’S STORE – DAY
Eppsa talks to the psychic, Clover, to help Lonnie pass over. Essence: Eppsa wants Lonnie to pass over.
EXT. FISHING POND – DAY
While fishing, Evren asks Hayden if his new friend Reece Ziccardi can go hunting with them on their next trip. Hayden wants to know if his dad’s name is Finnick because they were friends in high school. Evren doesn’t know.
INT. EPPSA’S HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – DAY
Eppsa’s neighbor, Bess, stops by to tell her about her trip to Nepal and how she almost died climbing Mt. Everest, but the rescue team revived her. Bess doesn’t know she died on the mountain and can’t cross over because she is waiting for her husband to come home from a business trip.
EXT. CHURCH – SANCTUARY – DAY
At Ramone’s funeral, Lonnie talks to Clair (6), who is at her brother’s funeral. He wants her to give a message to Eppsa, who will be wearing all black and carrying a white rose. The next victim is Tavish Stark. He’s a member of the church. Lonnie disappears.
Eppsa attends Ramone’s funeral. Clair tells Eppsa what Lonnie says. She asks Clair what happened to Finnick. Clair doesn’t know what she’s talking about. Eppsa will prove Lonnie wrong, once and for all.
EXT. ROAD – DAY
Hayden and Evren look for a good spot to sell ice cream. Essence: Hayden and Evren are selling ice cream.
INT. CHURCH – LONNIE’S OFFICE – DAY
Eppsa sneaks in, looks through the church member registry, and finds Tavish’s address. Pastor Palmer McKee enters. She apologizes and runs out.
Essence: Eppsa is looking for Tavish’s address to help him. Conflict: Eppsa is caught by Pastor Palmer McKee.
INT. TAVISH’S HOUSE – DAY
A masked man makes Tavish drink something (out of an old “teacher of the year” cup) like they do in TikTok videos.
EXT. CEMETERY – DAY
As Ramone’s casket is lowered, Tavish’s spirit shows up in the cemetery and looks at Lonnie. He knows Eppsa is too late.
EXT. PARK – DAY
Hayden is in the ice cream truck surrounded by children in a neighborhood park. Evren emerges from the public bathroom behind the truck and climbs inside to help customers.
EXT. TAVISH’S HOUSE – DAY
Eppsa knocks on the door. No answer. She goes around back and sees Tavish dead on the floor. Tavish’s wife enters the kitchen and screams. Eppsa runs.
INT. EPPSA’S HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Lonnie appears in front of Eppsa. She’s mad at Lonnie and wants him to stop haunting her. He was wrong about Finnick because no one named Finnick has died. Tavish was a coincidence. He’s wrong about a serial killer on the loose.
INT. HAYDEN’S HOUSE – BACKYARD – DAY
Hayden, Neta (Hayden’s wife), Evren, Finnick, and Reece have dinner. Hayden reminisces with Finnick. They have a disagreement.
INT. CLOVER’S STORE – DAY
Eppsa has Clover channel Lonnie. Lonnie wants to pass over but can’t until the killer is stopped.
INT. SOUP KITCHEN – DAY
Hayden and Evren bring ice cream to the soup kitchen. Hayden inquires where Kenji has been. He is told Kenji was hospitalized but will be released soon. The staff is grateful for Hayden and his kindness.
INT. EPPSA’S HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – DAY
Eppsa hears a scream and a crash outside her house. Bess runs up the stairs to tell Eppsa that a bicyclist was hit and she needs to call 911.
INT. POLICE STATION – DAY
Hayden receives a Good Samaritan award. Essence: Hayden is a good guy.
ACT 3:
EXT. CEMETERY – DAY
Eppsa attends Tavish’s funeral. Lonnie calls her over. They argue. He tells her the victims all attended Seneca high school, although some are teens, and some are adults. He can’t figure out the connection. Eppsa says that’s where her son, Hayden, attended. Now, she’s worried Hayden might become a victim, and she must find him.
INT. POLICE STATION – DAY
Hayden is questioned again to see if he can think of anything new.
INT. CHURCH – SANCTUARY – DAY
Eppsa prays in a pew. She goes over to comfort an old woman crying over the 15th anniversary of her grandson’s death. The grandmother is still convinced Monroe didn’t kill himself.
INT. SOUP KITCHEN – DAY
Hayden visits Kenji at the soup kitchen. Kenji never got over the death of his best friend, Monroe.
INT. CHURCH – SANCTUARY – DAY
Lonnie prays for guidance.
INT. EPPSA’S HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – DAY
Eppsa asks Bess for advice on getting rid of spirits that can’t pass over. Bess says maybe they can conduct a seance.
TURNING POINT 3:
INT. CLOVER’S STORE – DAY
Eppsa wants Clover to help her find Hayden. When Clover can’t find him, she wants Clover to channel her husband, Gruzby. He adored Hayden and should know where to find him. He’s probably protecting him. Clover can’t see Gruzby.
EXT. WOODS – DAY
Hayden takes Evren hunting. Hayden explains that killing is okay when protecting someone or if you need food. Reece wasn’t invited because of something.
EXT. CEMETERY – DAY
After a funeral, Eppsa sees Monroe’s grandmother at his gravesite. Eppsa recognizes his Seneca letterman jacket in his faded headstone picture.
Eppsa excuses herself when she sees Lonnie. The grandmother goes back to the church to pray.
Lonnie talks to Eppsa. He says the victims are waiting to pass over. He begs her to help. She walks away.
INT. ICE CREAM TRUCK – DAY
Hayden sells ice cream. His freezer shakes and makes a horrible noise. Hayden pounds on the freezer. The noise stops.
EXT. CEMETERY – DAY
Lonnie meets up with Kenji.
INT. CLOVER’S STORE – DAY
Lonnie’s spirit appears in Clover’s store. He wants to know how he can help Eppsa find the killer. Once the killings stop, he can pass over.
INT. EPPSA’S HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – DAY
Eppsa has two out of three addresses with their last name, Kestner, crossed off. Lonnie shows up. Eppsa argues with him. She throws something at him to scare him off.
EXT. ICE CREAM TRUCK – DAY
In a ghetto area, a woman flags Hayden to stop. When she buys ice cream, she comments about some red liquid on the floor. He claims his cherry popsicles melted from a malfunctioning freezer. As a food truck inspector, she’s great at fixing freezers. When she tries to get inside, he is about to kill her, but her phone rings. The woman has an emergency and leaves.
INT. EPPSA’S HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Eppsa and Bess hold a seance to get rid of Lonnie and set the victims free. Eppsa thinks Lonnie is gone.
EXT. CAR WASH – NIGHT
Hayden cleans the truck floor. There’s red on the ground that was washed out of the truck. He picks up a handkerchief in the corner that Kenji had on his head. A cop comes up and wants to buy an ice cream cone. Hayden says his freezers are broken. He carefully reaches in and pulls out a soggy ice cream box. He points to the red mess on the ground. The cop leaves. Hayden throws a handkerchief in the trash.
ACT 4:
INT. EPPSA’S HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – DAY
Eppsa listens to the news. Kenji’s name in the obituary. His body was found in a dilapidated warehouse. He was stabbed multiple times but ultimately bled to death.
EXT. FINNICK’S HOUSE – DAY
Hayden and Finnick are building a fence. Finnick makes a comment about suicides in their childhood. He always thought Hayden’s dad was suspicious. They get into an argument.
Hayden admits his dad killed Monroe because he and his friends beat up Hayden daily. Hayden only killed Pastor Palmer McKee because the pastor found something that implicated his dad. Hayden admits he recently killed Monroe’s two other friends. He has only killed people who deserve it.
Hayden kills Finnick but makes it look like Finnick died by having an accident with his circular saw. Hayden flees.
EXT. CEMETERY – DAY
Lonnie greets Finnick. Lonnie sees Hayden speed by in his ice cream truck.
EXT. CEMETERY – DAY
Eppsa attends Kenji’s funeral. Lonnie meets up with Eppsa and tells her Hayden is the killer. She denies it. Lonnie wants her to go home and think of the fight she had with Hayden before he stopped talking to her. It might spark a memory.
INT. EPPSA’S HOUSE – BEDROOM – DAY
Eppsa lies in bed thinking about Hayden. She falls asleep. She dreams of the fight she had with her husband, Gruzby. She is aiming a gun at Gruzby because she discovered he killed Monroe. Hayden comes in. When Hayden grabs the gun, it goes off and kills Gruzby. Infuriated that Eppsa killed his dad, Hayden shoots Eppsa. The cops felt bad that Hayden witnessed the murder-suicide.
She wakes up to see her house is dilapidated.
INT. HAYDEN’S HOUSE – GARAGE – DAY
Hayden and Neta fight. Maybe Neta found something and believes Hayden is the murderer. Hayden wants a divorce. Neta opens her phone to call the police.
Hayden grabs a knife and is about to stab Neta when Eppsa appears. Hayden loosens his grip on Neta when he sees his mom’s spirit. Neta can’t see her.
Eppsa apologizes. Hayden freaks. Eppsa tries to get the knife out of his hand.
Evren enters and sees Hayden holding onto his mom and in a position to stab her. He rushes back inside.
Hayden struggles with Eppsa. As he’s about to stab Neta, Evren shoots Hayden.
EXT. CEMETERY – DAY
Eppsa is at her gravesite. She reads her headstone. Lonnie tells Eppsa that Hayden is with Gruzby in Hell.
She calls out to Bess. Eppsa and Lonnie walk Bess over to her fresh grave.
The victims come out, and they all disappear.
INT. HAYDEN’S HOUSE – EVREN’S ROOM – NIGHT
Evren looks at his list of names crossed off. Neta calls him down to dinner. He tucks the list away in a book and goes downstairs to join her.
INT. HAYDEN’S HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Evren and Neta watch the news as they eat. The news says with the help of Evren; they found out Hayden was a serial killer. A cold wind blows through a window and gives Evren the chills. He looks around. A shadow appears in the hallway.
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Peter’s New Outline Beats.
TITLE: Highway to Hell
GENRE: Horror
1. EXT. DESTROYER HOUSE – DAY
MS-13 gangsters gather around a makeshift altar venerating Our Lady of Death or Santa Muerte. (more interesting setting)
Beginning: JUDE (30) performs a ritual offering while three members of his crew watch in fascination. (intrigue)
Middle: On a makeshift altar are guns, bullets, bottles of oil and alcohol, cigarettes, and a photo of a handsome Latino man (this is Carlos, 28) next to a statue of Santa Muerte.
Ending: While Jude says a prayer in Spanish, he takes a drag on the cigarette and blows it in a ceremonial fashion over the photo of Carlos. (suspense)
2.EXT. CEMETERY – DAY
Carlos cleans up after a funeral and says his final goodbye to his former associate and childhood friend, Hector.
Beginning: Carlos gathers funeral paraphernalia and puts it into the back of a hearse. (interesting setting)
Middle: Carlos stands at the grave side as the sparse number of mourners leave.
Ending: Carlos says a final goodbye to his childhood friend, Hector. (internal dilemma)
3.INT. HEARSE – DAY
Carlos talks to his wife Dani (25) about how weird it is to bury his own friend.
Beginning: Tough guy Carlos is teary when he gets a call from his wife, Dani. (surprise)
Middle: Carlos and Hector were inducted into MS-13 as teens and Carlos was trying to get him out of the gang life.
Ending: Hector was shot 14 times by cops in a drug deal gone bad – Carlos never got to say goodbye. (external dilemma)
4.EXT. CEMETERY – DAY
Jude and three MS-13 gangsters confront Carlos in the graveyard.
Beginning: Jude makes fun of Carlos because he wears a tie and sports coat. (Intrigue)
Middle: Jude accuses Carlos of being snitch to the cops about the drug bust. (suspense)
Ending: He throws a packet of drugs at Carlos and calls him a dog working for scraps. (conflict)
5.INT. CARLOS’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Dani tells Carlos that she is pregnant with their second child.
Beginning: Dani tells Carlos she’s pregnant with their second child. (surprise)
Middle: Carlos worries he doesn’t make enough money to pay the bills like his father before he abandoned the family. (uncertainty)
Ending: Dani is hurt, and Carlos slams his fists on the table and wakes up Alejandro.
6.EXT. FUNERAL HOME – DAY
Carlos puffs on a cigarette as he weighs a decision and places a call to Jude.
Beginning: Carlos examines the white packet of drugs. (suspense)
Middle: He looks a of Dani and young Alejandro and knows they are the most precious thing in the world. (internal dilemma)
Ending: Carlos places a call to Jude. (surprise)
7. INT. CHURCH – DAY.
CARLOS gives his confession to Fr. DIEGO (70).
Beginning: Carlos tells the priest that he is tempted by his former life as a gangster. (intrigue)
Middle: Fr. Diego tells him it’s okay to look temptation in the eye, but not to give in to it. (internal dilemma)
Ending: Father Diego tells Carlos to say ten Hail Mary’s and 5 Our Fathers.
8. INT. MORTUARY – DAY
Carlos watches as Father Diego preps a body for burial while being propositioned to take over the funeral business.
Beginning: Fr. Diego prepares a body for burial. (intrigue)
Middle: Father Diego tells him that one time someone helped him when he was lost – he too was once a violent man on the highway to hell. (setup)
Ending: Father Diego tells Carlos that he wants him to take his place.
9. EXT. CARLOS HOUSE – NIGHT
Carlos meets Jude to arrange a short-term loan – he also gets drugs.
Beginning: Carlos meets Jude outside his house for a loan. (intrigue)
Middle: Jude tells Carlos that he knew he’d be back. Jude tells Carlos that he was never cut out to be a husband and father. He’s The Scorpion. (internal dilemma)
Ending: Carlos lies to Dani when she asks who was in the car. (uncomfortable moment)
10.INT. FUNERAL HOME GARAGE – NIGHT
Carlos is depressed and takes the drugs given to him by Jude.
Beginning: Carlos snorts the drugs. (major twist)
Middle: The meth turns out to be laced with fentanyl (surprise)
Ending: Carlos has a seizure and drops to the garage floor. (suspense)
11.INT. GARAGE – NIGHT
Carlos in a fog hears a voice whispering his name — he follows the voice out back of the garage.
Beginning: Carlos is tripping because he hears voices. (surprise)
Middle: In the back of the funeral home is a 1937 Henney Packard hearse with a silver Santa Muerte as a hood ornament. (suspense)
Ending: Carlos sits in the old hearse and is mesmerized by her. (interesting setting)
12. INT. MEAT WAGON – NIGHT
Santa Muerte offers Carlos a deal.
Beginning: Carlos sees a vision of the Saint of Death. (surprise)
Middle: She offers her protection over his family in exchange for his soul. (dilemma)
Ending: Carlos is given a HOBO COIN with her image engraved on it in exchange for his word. (mystery)
ACT II
13. EXT. GARAGE – DAY
Carlos is brought back to consciousness by Father Diego.
Beginning: Carlos is still having a bad trip as Father Diego brings him back. (misinterpretation)
Middle: He tells the old priest that he had this bizarre hallucination about an old hearse. (intrigue)
Ending: Carlos pulls the HOBO COIN from his pocket and shows Father Diego. (surprise)
14. INT. FUNERAL HOME – DAY
The priest gives him the history of the Meat Wagon through pictures on the wall of the funeral home.
Beginning: Fr. Diego tells Carlos that the old hearse used to transport some bad asses in its day – murderers, rapists, death row inmates, and mobsters. (intrigue)
Middle: Locals said it transported the souls of the damned into the underworld on the Day of the Dead.
Ending: He shows Carlos the rusting husk of the vintage hearse behind the funeral home. (surprise, suspense)
15. EXT. GROCERY STORE – DAY
Jude and the boys harass Dani as she packs groceries into her SUV while trying to juggle Alejandro.
Beginning: Jude tells Dani that her husband owes him money and he’s late paying his debt. (uncomfortable moment)
Middle: Dani tries to ignore the gangsters who threaten her physically if she doesn’t come up with the money. (dilemma)
Ending: Jude tells her that he will take it out in trade. (uncomfortable moment)
16. EXT. CARLOS’S HOUSE – NIGHT
The gang burns down Carlos’s house and kills Dani and Alejandro.
Beginning: Carlos hears a car out front of the house and looks out the window. (suspense)
Middle: The gangsters throw Molotov cocktails through the windows of the house. (surprise)
Ending: Carlos yells at Dani to grab the baby and run– but she ignores him. She’s overcome by the smoke. (external dilemma)
17. INT. MORGUE – DAY
Father Diego takes delivery of a body from a coroner’s van at the funeral home.
Beginning: Father Diego tells the First Call van driver that he’s been expecting this body. (intrigue)
Middle: We don’t see the body it’s rolled right into the morgue in a body bag. (suspense)
Ending: There’s a second, much smaller body bag. (mislead)
ACT III
18. EXT. MEAT WAGON – NIGHT
Carlos wakes up driving the hearse and hears from a demonic presence.
Beginning: Carlos wakes up behind the wheel of the old hearse and just about runs off the road. (surprise)
Middle: The radio cycles through channels until it stops on one station where an old-time fire-breathing gospel preacher expounds on the virtues of accepting Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and Savior. (intrigue)
Ending: The voice morphs into a female, Spanish speaking entity who tells Carlos not to look behind him no matter what. (mystery)
19. INT. MEAT WAGON – NIGHT
Carlos if freaking and calls Dani who weeps profusely and asks him why he won’t leave her alone.
Beginning: Carlos calls Dani on his cell phone – thinks he’s still having a bad drug trip.
Middle: The cell phone signal is weak – but Dani answers, her voice is distant.
Ending: She tells Carlos to leave her alone, she doesn’t want to hear from him again!
20. EXT. FUNERAL HOME – NIGHT
Jude shows up at the funeral home and demands to know where Carlos is.
Beginning: Jude and the boys show up to the funeral home.
Middle: They try and intimidate Father Diego.
Ending: The old priest warns them that they have no idea what they are dealing with.
21. EXT. MEAT WAGON – NIGHT
Carlos sees dead people on the side of the highway.
Beginning: Carlos drives under duress to an unknown destination.
Middle: He sees dead people on the side of the road (the former occupants of the Meat Wagon)
Ending: One of them holds a machete and has a distinctive autopsy scar.
22. INT. MEAT WAGON – NIGHT
Carlos tries wrestle control of the Meat Wagon from Santa Muerte.
Beginning: Carlos tries to put on the brakes, but the Meat Wagon won’t stop.
Middle: The steering wheel jerks violently out of his grip.
Ending: In the back, we hear movement in a coffin – Carlos doesn’t dare look behind him.
23. EXT. HIGHWAY – NIGHT
Jude catches up with the Meat Wagon and sees no driver inside!
Beginning: Jude and the boys overtake the Meat Wagon.
Middle: Jude pulls a gun to shoot Carlos, but…
Ending: There’s no driver!
ACT IV
24. EXT. HIGHWAY – NIGHT
The Meat Wagon is now in pursuit of Jude and the boys.
Beginning: Jude and the boys fire at the Meat Wagon to no effect. (surprise)
Middle: He guns the chipped Japanese engine. (suspense)
Ending: But the old phantom hearse fires to supernatural life in pursuit. (uncertainty)
25. EXT. HIGHWAY- NIGHT
Carlos calls Jude’s cell phone it’s the last thing he’ll ever hear.
Beginning: Jude’s phone rings it’s Carlos. (intrigue)
Middle: Jude is fully paranoid now that the Meat Wagon is closing in on him (suspense, surprise)
Ending: Carlos warns Jude to watch the road in front of him – the figure with the autopsy scar carrying the machete stands in front of Jude. He swerves to miss and rolls the car. (reveal)
26. EXT. – HIGHWAY – NIGHT
Jude is decapitated and his head is placed on the hood ornament of the hearse.
Beginning: Jude is the only one to crawl out of the burning wreckage.
Middle: He turns to face the corpse wielding the machete just in time to watch his head come away from his neck.
Ending: The corpse plants Jude’s head on the angelic hood ornament of the Meat Wagon.
27. INT. MEAT WAGON – NIGHT
Carlos watches from within the Meat Wagon as the machete-wielding figure plants Jude’s head on the hood ornament.
Beginning: Carlos is horrified to see his former associate’s head as a hood ornament. (superior position)
Middle: The Meat Wagon guns its engine and continues down the Highway to Hell.
Ending: Carlos is not in control.
28. INT – MEAT WAGON – NIGHT
Carlos hears movement in the coffin behind him and he tries to escape.
Beginning: Carlos looks behind him.
Middle: Santa Muerte blinds him.
Ending: Carlos eyes are white, and his mouth is now sewn shut.
29. INT – MEAT WAGON – NIGHT
Carlos fumbles his cell phone and tries to dial out but can’t.
Beginning: Carlos can sense that something is behind him.
Middle: We see the coffin lid open.
Ending: The entire interior of the hearse is engulfed in unholy fire!
30. INT. FUNERAL HOME – NIGHT
Carlos FLASHES BACK to reveal the body on the Father Diego’s morgue table was HIS! He’s been DEAD all along! The bald corpse with the machete turns out to be CARLOS.
Beginning: We see through the eyes of Carlos’s ghost: we are watching as Father Diego performs an arcane ritual on his body.
Middle: The old priest recites the Apostle’s Creed in Spanish: “He descended into hell. On the third day he rose again from the dead. He will come again to judge the quick and the dead.”
Ending: Carlos’s head is shaved, and the old priest tattoos his forehead with an upside down cross. He places the HOBO COIN with Santa Muerte’s image engraved on it into the corpse’s mouth sutures the lips shut. (misinterpretation)
31. INT. FUNERAL HOME _ NIGHT
FLASHBACK: The old priest surgically removes Carlos’s scorpion tattoo from his arm and places the dead flesh in preservative. We pan and see hundreds of tattoos mounted and framed like trophies on the walls.
Beginning: Father Diego removes Carlos’s scorpion tattoo and puts it in embalming fluid.
Middle: The old priest is taking a tattoo off his latest victim.
Ending: We see a wall full of flesh-trophies on the walls of the morgue.
32. INT. MORGUE – NIGHT
When Father Diego cleans up after the procedure, he changes his shirt, and we see a POSTMORTEM SCAR on his chest. And hanging around the old priest’s neck is a HOBO coin engraved with the image of Santa Muerte.
Beginning: FB: Father Diego cleans up after preparing Carlos’s body. (superior position)
Middle: He changes his shirt, and we see a POSTMORTEM SCAR on his chest! (twist)
Ending: Hanging around the old man’s neck is a HOBO coin with Santa Muerte’s image engraved on it. (surprise)
33. INT. COFFIN – NIGHT
Carlos’s body is trapped in the coffin in the Meat Wagon and burns!
Beginning: Carlos now wakes up INSIDE the coffin. (external dilemma)
Middle: He bangs on the lid to get out and tries to scream but his lips are sewn shut. (suspense)
Ending: Carlos ignites on fire in the coffin as the entire Meat Wagon bursts into flames and drives on down the highway. (uncertainty)
35. EXT. CEMETERY – DAY
At Carlos’s funeral, his intact coffin is lowered into the ground and Dani silently weeps.
Beginning: Dani and Alejandro are still alive. (mislead)
Middle: Carlos has been dead all along and we aren’t sure what’s real.
Ending: Father Diego recites John 11: “I am the resurrection, and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live.” (set up)
36. EXT. CEMETERY – DAY
Father Diego gives a final benediction and pours oil on the casket. The mourners drift away.
Beginning: Dani and Alejandro are still alive – Carlos hallucinated the house fire. (mislead)
Middle: Father Diego gives a benediction that is really necromancy. (twist)
Ending: Father Diego smiles and performs an UPSIDE-DOWN sign of the cross.
37. EXT. GRAVE – DAY
As the dirt is back hoed on to the coffin, we see the slightest movement…
Beginning: The funeral is over. (suspense)
Middle: The backhoe fills in the grave with soil.
Ending: Carlos is buried, but do we see movement?
.
38. EXT. CEMETERY – NIGHT
A hand punches through the freshly dug soil.
Beginning: The mound of freshly laid soil is silent. (intrigue)
Middle: Then the soil ripples from beneath. (suspense)
Ending: A hand reaches up from the soil. (reveal)
.
39. EXT. STREET – NIGHT
One year later, Day of the Dead celebrations ensue. But for the locals who believe in the legend, light a black candle so the Meat Wagon, with Carlos behind the wheel, passes them by.
Beginning: The freshly polished Meat Wagon is heard coming in the distance.
Middle: But only those who venerate Santa Muerte can hear her pass by.
End: Black candles are lit as protection from its evil.
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Jamie Handley MOD 4 DAY 10
Because of a life rights bailout and waiting on one last copyright permission (now have) I had to reconstruct my entire script’s story. The concept is the same.
After an horrific accident, a woman shares her knowledge of medical negligence to her friends until she discovers the medical mafia and her closest friend is about to undergo a complex surgery by a surgeon who is connected to the mob.
WITHOUT RECOURSE “INSPIRED BY A TRUE STORY”
In order to get to the first draft, MOD 5, I will come back daily to do the lessons in MOD 4 (which I feel is very important) one day at a time. For now this is my rough outline.
ACT 1
Arizona 2020
Justine is royally pissed off at someone (Marsha) on the phone, screaming and we hear the conversation. She’s a real bitch.
Justine’s been caring for her dying mother for seven years, exhausted and has physical issues. She wears a full back brace. Her mother, Sarah, falls, becomes unconscious. Firemen and ambulance attend to her. The chaos and sirens stir an old memory of a horrific accident she had years ago that changed her life forever.
FLASHBACK
JUNE 1994 Lake Tahoe, Nevada
Justine is in a complicated relationship with Davidson Wentworth, a wealthy, good looking slick man. She is financially dependent on him with her floral shop. The shop is her life until her accident, is airflighted to a Reno Hospital. An ambulance chaser lawyer finds her in hospital, she’s tempted to sign but her associate at the shop, Gemma, squashes that. She’s bedridden for days, released from hospital, has Gemma to help her while Davidson out of town.
When he returns she has nothing nice to say. In fact she can’t stand him right now. He doesn’t want to get involved.
Weeks are spent between the shop, medical issues and legal meetings. She finds a local attorney in town, William Randell who she signs with until later he fails to show in court. Her case is thrown out of court. Justine turns into a real bitch again. Snappy and short tempered. Now she has to plead to Davidson for help, once again at his mercy. He offers his attorney, Donavon Pierce.
Gemma brings up how crooked Donavon is, heard he was part of a new mafia, the medical mafia (signs with him anyway) Gemma thinks Davidson is around waiting for his share of the money or make her sell the shop. Justine doesn’t believe either.
Tired of the pain, the pills, office visits, is advised by seven surgeons that she needs surgery except one, who she blows up at in his office, but soon after she succumbs. She calls a close friend, Jax, a renowned floral designer, for help with the shop but to no avail. Calls daughter, Gracie, who comes to Tahoe while she goes to…
Turning Point
California, where her mother, Sarah, lives and has the surgery, almost dies. As she heals, Donovan calls about the settlement offer, she refuses. Davidson intervenes, meets with Donovan, he has his ways with Justine. He’ll get her to agree. She returns to Tahoe, Gracie returns home.
Reunited, happy to see the shop doing well and Gemma, Gemma happens to bring “the medical mafia article” to the shop for Justine to see. It shows a photo of the two men involved. Justine is still in disbelief, thinks it’s all politics.
Conference – Justine meets with Davidson before the final settlement offer hearing. At the meeting it’s the “good-old-boys” (Judge Blankenship, Donovan and Davidson) who all went to school together.
She is pressured to take the final offer, by the Judge and Donovan. However, final payment could take months because she signed a LOP (Letter of Protection aka medical lien) with Donovan. They settle out of court, but something doesn’t feel right to Justine, but what?
Davidson and Justine attend a large party with A-list professionals, investors, doctors etc. When the Judge and Donovan arrive this causes a big problem with Justine. She soon learns that Davidson is an investor in companies she’s never heard about. Who is he really?
NOTE – HERE’S WHERE WE MEET THE BIG ROLLERS IN THE MAFIA
AT A PARTY; Davidson, Donovan, Lucas, Judge, Dr. Sherman (Jax & Marsha’s surgeon) Neil Watson (Insurance adjuster @ settlement & 2 other men), Edward Grant CEO of D.W.E. Services, Inc./ medical & legal services (Davidson is an investor) and other faces in the court case and places to come. Several people are attending but not known at this stage of Act 1.
That night Justine finds an enormous wad of cash, a check (stating referral fee) from Donovan to Davidson and confronts him. Referral for what? He won’t say. None of her fucking business. They have a row, (she doesn’t know him kind of fight) and decides to leave him, close the shop and move to Arizona where it’s warm and good for her body. And she does.
ACT 2
BACK TO SCENE
2020 The beginning of COVID in ARIZONA
Justine falls over the oxygen line of Sarah’s and breaks her hip. Justine fakes that she has no pain until it’s so bad she is unable to walk. She calls Gracie to come help with Sarah but she’s the one who needs help but would never admit it.
Gracie shows up, moves in, but brings her significant other, Nathan with her, without asking or letting anyone know. This is a big upset, for everyone, even for Sarah. Sarah confronts Gracie with a lecture, men, money, future and health.
Justine must have surgery, signs an AMA, (Against Medical Advise) and walks out of hospital day after surgery. Two days later Sarah dies. Justine is devastated and despondent. She receives insurance money that Sarah left for her. (Sarah no longer cares about money like she once did)
Jax comes to help Justine and Gracie. Jax demands Justine come back with him to San Diego and recoup. She packs and goes with him.
Turing Point 2
SAN DIEGO
Little by little Jax helps her come around; walks on beach, dinners. The two go out to Lips, a drag queen dinner show, where Jax, a real boozer, meets up with his lover, Lucas Pierce, a good looking lawyer.
She gets drunk. Lucas and Justine spar over the law, brings up her court case and the good-old-boys and mafia. Big difference of opinion, she doesn’t like him. Next day she returns home.
ARIZONA
NOTE: WORK ON THIS….Gracie has the house decorated with Christmas. It feels good to be home for the first time in a long time. Could things get to being normal?
Turning Point 2/Midpoint
NEVADA
Lucas calls Justine to notify that Jax was in an accident but not a bad one. They went to Las Vegas to party but he’s going to stay with his mother, Karlie, who has a good doctor and lawyer. He hits Ellis Kilpatrick, an FBI agent.
Jax needs Gracie to cover an important event for him.
NOTE: AT HOTEL, CONFERENCE WITH THE MEDICAL DEVICE MAKERS. We see a lot of the familiar faces of surgeons.
ARIZONA
Justine gets on the phone, preaches about doctors and lawyers in Nevada. She shares the story of a friend, Marsha, who lives in Vegas whose spine caved in after a surgery there. His name doesn’t come to mind. MONTAGE OR SERIES – Sharing the story of lifelong friend, Marsha.
NOTE: Surgery is with Dr. Sherman & Cohen. Marsha’s lawyer is Donald Wittman.
Justine has her monthly visit with her primary, Dr. T. She questions is knowledge of the medical mafia, is it real? Dr. T. evades the question. [ETHICS] She borrows a book (Danger Within Us) from him.
Gracie gets package from Lucas with all the arrangements for the San Diego event. Jax has her to sign a confidential document, (like the one they did in Hawaii at a very private affair). She pays no mind. Nathan is pissed. They argue, she’s about done with him.
Justine and Gracie go to airport. Gracie confides about Nathan with Justine. They go their separate ways.
ACT 3
NEVADA
Justine arrives in Nevada to see Jax. At the hospital, TWO men shake hands, (Lucas and Granger) another with his back turned (Dr. Taylor Sherman) as he talks with Dr. Cohen, and she walks by unnoticed. The men appear to be sales reps, impressively dressed, both with identical expensive briefcases.
Justine turns around, Lucas puts a large envelope in his case, she notices, they don’t see her. Door shuts and Lucas slithers away with briefcase.
As she enters room, Jax is drugged up good. Tries to ask question him, he’s out of it.
Dr. Sherman enters room with Dr. Cohen and Joseph Granger, both with documents in hand.
Sherman – “he’ll need surgery down the road”, introduces Dr. Cohen as he’ll be doing the surgery, but with no insurance that’s when Granger steps up with a LOP document. Justine interrupts, refers to Jax as her brother, takes documents and they’ll get back with them after discussing with mother. (Karlie)
Justine’s beyond pissed, “I told you do not have surgery, you are going to have to learn to live with pain, there are no recourses.” Jax drifts off until…
Nurse walks in hands Jax an envelope. Inside a get well note from Ellis Kilpatrick with his business card. (FBI investigator) Justine reads it, questions it and keeps it.
Act 3 Turning Point
ARIZONA
WEEKS LATER
Justine gets a call from Karlie. Jax has met with an attorney, Donald Wittman who has been persuaded Jax to have the surgery, refers him to see a Dr. Cohen, for a spine surgery that he doesn’t need. Justine is alarmed. How did Wittman get involved? Why? It puzzles her.
Justine calls Davidson, brings him up to date with Jax. “But why would a FBI Agent give his card?” She asks for his help since Donovan says he won’t. He’ll get back with her.
Later that night she gets out the mafia article and rereads it. Justine studies the photo of the TWO MEN (Wittman and Sherman) with Lucas in background. (We can’t make it out well but it is Dr. Sherman) Suddenly she gets worried and scared.
Gracie overhears the conversation, calls Davidson. They have a long conversation about Justine and helping Jax. Gracie explains the situation but Davidson already knows all about it. She asks him to visit mom but he can’t, he has an important meeting in the morning.
Justine starts looking on the computer for anything. She discovers a worldwide medical website, BECKER’S , that releases information on surgeons who are corrupt and have bilked millions of dollars in kickback schemes. She dumbfounded. This goes on for days as she prints out the articles for herself and to share with Davidson and Jax.
NEVADA
Davidson calls Donovan and sets up a meeting with Dr. Sherman and Lucas. Donovan knows something about Lucas and he can’t be trusted. He’s a heat-seeking homing missile. He’s getting greedy and he can do some real damage. They need to talk in private.
The four meet for lunch. Bits and pieces are shared about, Ellis, too many surgeries, money, prescriptions, and work load. Sherman is beyond capacity with surgeries. Grapevine has it there’s an investigation under hat.
Davidson and Donovan leave together, step away and talk in private. Their conversation is about getting immunity if they become a government witness.
NOTE: MARK JACOBSON, DEFENSE ATTORNEY, claims that should have been minor, like Jax, were becoming major. Treated usually treated with P.T. were undergoing drastic spine-fusion surgeries. Some insurers sent in their top lawyers. There is 80 billion in insurance fraud annually. They even held an unusual meeting more than a dozen D.A. attended. Grainger offers protection, no malpractice suits, even threatens associates. Expert witnesses don’t want involved with us. Grainger thinks he’s a fixer for us but he’s going cause some real problems. Patients all signed medical liens (LOP) RIGHT!
ARIZONA
Davidson comes to Arizona to see Justine. They go to dinner, Davidson gathers information (she gives him many of Becker’s articles and goes back to his hotel where she spends the night with him.
At the hotel Davidson takes out his DEA Investigator badge, puts on counter without thinking along with the Becker files. Justine looks for a file, finds badge and asks for explanations. He does his best but there is so much he cannot talk about.
Davidson asks her to come to Tahoe and stay, maybe even get some rest, saying how much has changed, including him. She becomes enraged, refuses his offer and walks out again. Same old shit. She should have known better.
ACT 4
NOTE- Davidson has been following the pill-mill since Justine’s accident. That’s why he let her go so easily.
ARIZONA
Justine is beside herself. Calls to check on Jax, but he’s not around. Phone rings, it’s Marsha’s brother, Mike. Marsha had another surgery, got a blood clot, they caught it in time but is now paralyzed from the waist down. She wants to end her life and Mike doesn’t know what to do.
She didn’t take your advice when you last spoke, remember, you were yelling! Ya, gotta come help her. Justine breaks down in tears.
NEVADA
Jax is calling, stops the conversation with Mike…gotta take this call, call you later.
Jax didn’t do the surgery. Mr. Kilpatrick shed the light on the investigation with Jax. Jax will be a star witness. He’s doing ok and going to p.t. like Justine told him. Lucas won’t talk to Jax and has shut the door on him. But, the p.t. is pretty fine!!!
ARIZONA
Justine and Gracie have a heart-to-heart. The confidentiality agreement from Jax was really his will, leaving his home to Justine and business to Gracie if he dies. Justine is giving Gracie money to rent a small store front for her business. Justine gets a certified letter. Davidson sends a copy of his indictment (he’s turned government witness in Jax’s case) along with a ticket to fly in to Tahoe.
NEVADA – TAHOE
Davidson picks her up at airport. He shows up in a pick-up truck, not a limo like he would normally have done. They drive up Mt. Rose highway to Tahoe but it’s not the same home. It’s totally different. It’s just a nice comfortable cabin.
Justine is totally confused and begins with all her questions. Davidson admits to her who he really is, just a man doing his job, had to play a role. He beings to explain everything and she stops him in his tracks. NOW WHAT??? Where do we go from here? How about Montana? I bought us 20 acres and we can build whatever kind of home you want.
Justine wants to save it for another day maybe another time. She calls Gemma and they meet for lunch and catch up on all the daily gossip. Justine grabs the newspaper and finds a small article where a Las Vegas Medical group and a dozens of surgeons and personal-injury lawyers were charged with fraud, conspiracy and witness tampering.
Gemma takes Justine to airport. She stops in Las Vegas where Mike picks her up. She goes to see Marsha. They reunite, tears fall, 50+ years of friendship isn’t going to stop Justine from seeing Marsha.
NEED ENDING SHOTS…SERIES OR MONTAGE. Come back to this.
THEN:
REAL SHOTS OF HEADLINES ONE BY ONE:
New York neurosurgeon indicted for unnecessary, invasive tests in kickback scheme
Texas spine surgeon sued by an insurer who alleged he performed medically unnecessary procedures to inflate personal injury claim. $1.1M in damages
Hospital, orthopedic surgeon share liability in $6.3M verdict
Chiropractor sentenced to 14 months in spine surgery kickback scheme
Olympic volleyball player permanently paralyzed from chest down with spinal surgery.
20 doctors under the government’s cross hairs.
NOTE: ATTACHED DOCUMENT FROM BECKERS’ January 2018 – August 2022 SENTENCING CONTINUES IN CALIFORNIA SPINE KICKBACK CASE: 6 developments in 4+ years. (15 year scheme $500 M in fraud bill & $40 million in kickback; Dr Capen $5M in kickbacks , Full pardon to Taustino Bernadett, MD sentenced to 15 months in prison in illegal kickback scheme )
Hundreds of patients harmed by surgeons, maybe thousands and thousands we haven’t discover yet.
Former Sanford Health neurosurgeon to pay $4.4.M to resolve kickback charges.Ndw trial required for Missouri neurosurgeon’s kickback case.
Medical Mafia makes $80 Billion Killing
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Teresa Rodriguez’s Fascinating Scene Outlines!
MY VISION: I will become a highly respected, sought-after, and influential writer/producer with a successful production company that I can leave as a blessing to my children and many generations to come.
TITLE: “LILY WHITE AND THE SEVEN DWARFS”
GENRE: Dramedy/Fantasy
THEME: Self-acceptance
HIGH CONCEPT: Snow White’s granddaughter, Lily White, runs away from her royal life to escape her perfectionist fairytale world.
What I learned doing this assignment is how to up intrigue into every scene.
ACT ONE:
Scene 1.
INT. CASTLE – NIGHT
Beginning: (Uncomfortable Moment) The Mirror tells the Queen that her daughter, Lilian, will overtake her title as the “fairest of them all.”
Middle: (Intrigue) The Evil Stepfather tells the Queen that it’s because her beauty is fading, and she should be worried about losing her popularity and her subject’s loyalty if she’s no longer the “fairest of them all.”
End: (Major Twist) The Queen is found dead with a bottle of poison in her hand. The Stepfather blames her demise on Lily. He declares Lilian isn’t good enough and vows never to let her rule the kingdom.
Scene 2.
EXT. WOODS – DAY
(TEN YEARS LATER, STEPFATHER IS RULING AS THE KING)
Beginning: (Mislead) A lowly young woman in tattered clothes screams and runs from fierce animals in the woods. She stops, turns, tickles them, and they fall over laughing.
Middle: (Reveal) The animals are teaching her their survival skills, then throw her a surprise birthday party, giving her a gift to remind her of how her Mom taught her to be strong and courageous.
End: (Suspense) Trumpets blare, the girl freezes, she’s late for her job at the castle, and her boss, the perfectionist King, will be enraged if he caught her looking anything less than perfect. (Surprise) She grabs her tiara off a toadstool, it’s Lilian the princess, and she runs towards the castle as fast as she can.
Scene 3
INT. CASTLE – DAY
Beginning: (Interesting Setting) Lily crawls through a dark tunnel and emerges into a creepy room filled with potion bottles and black magic items. Moaning comes from behind a wooden door, creeped out, she rushes past it to a door that leads to the outer grand courtyard.
Middle: (Uncertainty) She sneaks past the paparazzi setting up to broadcast the royal ball on live Fairy-TV; a reporter catches her but mistakes her for a servant.
End: (Uncomfortable Moment) A guard grabs Lily and is about to throw her into the river for being an “undesirable,” but a palace official snatches her away to take her to the dungeon.
Scene 4
INT. LILY’S ROOM – DAY
Beginning: (Character Changes Radically) The Palace Official is actually Lilian’s friend and safely takes the princess to her room so she can get ready for the royal ball being held to celebrate her 21st birthday.
Middle: (Interesting Setting) Lily’s room is magical, it comes alive with fairies all rushing to help her get dressed, and do her hair and makeup. They are under orders from the King to make Lilian look flawless, no small feat in their eyes.
End: (Suspense) The fairies inform Lilian that it’s the big night when she’ll meet the Prince that she is betrothed to marry. They turn her into a picture-perfect princess, then leave, but Lilian goes to the bathroom then exits her room with the back of her dress tucked into her panties.
Scene 5
EXT. CASTLE – NIGHT
Beginning: (Suspense) Guests arrive in luxurious carriages, including legendary fairytale royalty like Cinderella’s Granddaughter, Sleeping Beauty’s Granddaughter, Belle & The Beast’s Grandson, Jasmine’s twin Granddaughter & Grandson, etc. But they are all met by an intimidating “perfection patrol.”
Middle: (Uncertainty) By orders of the King, every guest must be inspected for perfection before being allowed into the royal ball. Those that pass inspection enter by a red carpet, and are greeted by exuberant paparazzi.
End: (Surprise) Those deemed “undesirable” are branded with a “U” and thrown off castle property, including The Beast’s Grandson for being “too hairy” and shedding too much.
Scene 6
INT. PALACE BALLROOM – NIGHT
Beginning: (Uncertainty) Lilian makes her grand entrance, then they announce the entrance for her Prince, but he doesn’t show up, and she’s devastated in front of the large crowd and on live Fairyland TV.
Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment) She must finish her grand entrance without her Prince, walking down a tall staircase as the paparazzi bombard her with questions about why her betrothed didn’t show. They laugh at her when they discover her panties are showing.
End: (Surprise) Mortified, Lilian slips down the stairs, crashing into the other princesses and breaking Jasmine’s Granddaughter’s leg. The King rises, everyone goes silent, and he announces that Princess Lilian is an embarrassment to his entire “impeccable” kingdom. Lilian runs away in shame as the crowd “boos” her.
Scene 7
INT. KING’S CHAMBERS – NIGHT
Beginning: (Betrayal) The King thanks his Assistant for getting rid of the Prince and waxing the stairs to set Lilian up for her fall.
Middle: (Suspense/Reveal) The King orders his Assistant to kill Lilian and make it look like a suicide, just as they did with The Queen.
End: (Major Twist) The King devises a plan to ensure his youthful appearance and keep the title of “fairest of them all” by stealing the “youth essence” from village youngsters. One of Lilian’s animal friends, a weasel, overhears the King’s evil plans.
Scene 8
INT. LILY’S ROOM – NIGHT
Beginning: (Betrayal Revealed) The Weasel tells Lilian that the King wants her dead because she doesn’t fit into his perfect kingdom and tells her of plans to harm the village youngsters.
Middle: (Internal Dilemma) Lily tries to decide if she should stay and fight to keep her mother’s legacy alive or flee the perfectionist life she hates.
End: (Intrigue) Lily fakes her own death, making it look like a suicide jump out her window into their alligator-filled moat.
Scene 9
INT. CASTLE – NIGHT
Beginning: (Suspense) Guards are posted outside Lily’s door, and the King’s assistant is headed to Lily’s room to kill her.
Middle: (Uncertainty) Lily is trapped in her room and must find a way out, so she follows the weasel and climbs up her chimney shaft.
End: (Uncertainty) Guards catch Lily, think she’s an “undesirable” covered in soot, who snuck into the castle, but the weasel helps her escape.
ACT TWO:
Scene 10
EXT. WOODS – NIGHT
Beginning: (Interesting Setting) Guards chase Lily into the deep, dark woods, she loses them, but eerie sounds bombard her.
Middle: (Superior Position) The audience sees many sets of frightening red eyes up ahead of Lily’s path. Scary human forms chase her. (the “undesirables” can only come out at night)
End: (Suspense/Hope) Lily’s animal friends hear and recognize her screams, come to the rescue, and lead her safely to the Dwarf’s farm.
Scene 11
INT. DWARF’S HOME – NIGHT
Beginning: (Uncertainty/Hope) Lily goes inside the Dwarf’s home, and sees pictures of her great-grandmother, Snow White, and the Seven Dwarfs. Relieved, she makes herself at home.
Middle: (Misinterpretation) Dwarfs come inside from the barn, see Lily still covered in soot, think she’s a creature from the woods, and capture her.
End: (Surprise) Lily reveals that she’s Snow’s granddaughter and that she needs them to help her stop The King, but instead of welcoming her, the Dwarves kick her out because they hate the royal family. (Subtext: The Evil Stepfather mistreated the Dwarves because they aren’t perfect.)
Scene 12
EXT. DWARF’S BARN – NIGHT
Beginning: (Interesting Setting) Lily sneaks into the barn, and the animals freak out and attack her.
Middle: (Uncertainty/Hope) To the animal’s surprise, Lily starts talking to them; she’s an animal whisperer.
End: (Uncertainty/Hope) The animals let her sleep in the barn. One animal protests but is outvoted; it stays up all night watching Lily.
Scene 13
INT. DWARF’S BARN – DAY
Beginning: (Betrayal) Lily is fast asleep; one of the animals is about to tell the Dwarfs about her but gets stopped by the other animals.
Middle: (Internal Dilemma) Lily awakes, struggles with self-esteem issues about not being perfect like all fairytale princesses, and fears others will recognize her and reject her like the Dwarfs. So, she cuts and dies her hair, so no one will know she’s Princess Lilian so from this point forward, she’ll go by Lily.
End: (Uncertainty/Fear) Animals alert Lily that the Dwarves are on their way to the barn; she must escape without them catching her.
Scene 14
EXT. VILLAGE – DAY
Beginning: (Interesting Setting) Lily walks into the village; everyone and everything is perfectly perfect.
Middle: (Intrigue) As Lily walks around, people start to stare at her and point.
End: (Fear) Fearing that she’s been recognized, she runs into a shop to hide.
Scene 15
INT. STORE – DAY
Beginning: (Uncertainty/Fear) Lily hides from villagers inside a grocery store.
Middle: (Superior Position) As the shop owner watches her closely, Lily smells the wonderful food, grabs everything she wants, and starts to eat it without paying; she’s never had to pay for anything in her life.
End: (Suspense) Shop owner calls the police on the “undesirable” who is stealing.
Scene 16
EXT. VILLAGE STREETS – DAY
Beginning: (Uncertainty/Fear) Police show up to arrest Lily, the “undesirable” who’s stealing.
Middle: (Suspense) Lily leads them on a chase through the village.
End: (Uncertainty/Fear) Police arrest Lily, and cuff her.
ACT THREE
Scene 17
INT. COURTROOM – DAY
Beginning: (Uncomfortable Moment) Police march Lily in front of a Judge, he belittles her for being an “undesirable” and stealing, ruining their perfect kingdom. Reminds her that under The King’s rules, “Undesirables” are only allowed to come out at night when no perfect people have to look at them.
Middle: (Uncertainty/Fear) Lily tries to explain and ask for help to stop The King from hurting the village youngsters.
End: (Uncertainty/Fear) Judge doesn’t believe Lily’s story and sentences her to live in a homeless shelter with other “undesirables” for the rest of her life and do community service. Judge also sends a Messager to warn The King about this “undesirable” and her claim against him.
Scene 18
INT. HOMELESS SHELTER – DAY
Beginning: (Interesting Setting) Lily arrives at the homeless shelter and meets other “undesirables,” normal-looking, kind people, some with kids, and her heart goes out to them. A child tries to share her apple with Lily, but she freaks out at the sight of the apple.
Middle: (Uncertainty/Hope) Lily sees a mirror that looks a lot like The Mirror in the castle and sneaks over to try to talk to it and get help to stop The King.
End: (Misinterpretation) Other “undesirables” spy on her and think she’s crazy for talking to mirrors and being afraid of apples, so some shun her, triggering Lily’s low self-esteem.
Scene 19
INT. SHELTER KITCHEN – DAY
Beginning: (Uncertainty/Hope) Lily is assigned kitchen duty at the homeless shelter.
Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment) As Lily is rushing around trying to finish cutting potatoes before her deadline, she turns and accidentally cuts another worker’s hand; he disarms her with his Krav Maga skills. They fall to the floor, face to face.
End: (Uncomfortable Moment) Lily is mortified at her mistake; she jumps up and gets him a bandage; as she’s wrapping his hand, we see the “U” stamped on the backside; she asks about it, but he lies and says it’s an unfinished tattoo, “U” reminds him to be “unusual,” “unique,” “unafraid,” “unrivaled,” “unbound.”
Scene 20
EXT. DWARF’S FARM – DAY
Beginning: (Uncertainty/Fear) Lily is assigned community service at the Dwarf’s farm.
Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment) Dwarfs are suspicious of Lily; they don’t like strangers, but she looks familiar, and they assign her the worst job of picking up poop.
End: (Uncertainty/Fear) The animals recognize her, including the one that doesn’t like her, and is about to expose her when the other animals stop it, then Lily impresses the Dwarfs by taming their worst-behaving animals, so they accept her.
Scene 21
INT. CASTLE – DAY
Beginning: (Intrigue) Messager tells The King that an “undesirable” claims he’s going to hurt the villagers, show him a picture, and The King realizes Lily is still alive.
Middle: (Suspense) The King bakes a peach tart and hides pieces of a poisoned apple in it.
End: (Reveal) He got the recipe from his great-grandmother, the Evil Queen, that tried to kill Snow White.
Scene 22
INT. DWARF’S BARN – DAY
Beginning: (Suspense) Lily is alone working in the barn when The King, dressed as a poor Baker, shows up.
Middle: (Betrayal) The animals sense something is wrong, but Lily disregards them, then, The King/Baker guilts Lily into eating his peach/apple tart.
End: (Uncertainty/Fear) Lily takes a bite and falls to the ground. The animals chase The King/Baker away and go get the Dwarfs.
Scene 23
INT. CASTLE – DAY
Beginning: (Misinterpretation) The King arrives back at the castle and celebrates killing Lily.
Middle: (Intrigue) The King orders his assistant to get him more “fairest essence” to help him stay good-looking but is told that his “experiment subject” is almost out, almost dead.
End: (Suspense) The King begins his plans to steal the youth essence from the villagers.
Scene 24
EXT. DWARF’S BARN – DAY
Beginning: (Misinterpretation) The Dwarfs and animals arrive back at the barn to save Lily but she is gone.
Middle: (Misinterpretation) They all start to cry, thinking The King took her away.
End: (Uncertainty/Fear) They plan to go to the homeless shelter to get help to go save Lily from The King.
Scene 25
INT. HOMELESS SHELTER – DAY
Beginning: (Surprise/Uncomfortable Moment) The Dwarfs rush in but are surprised to see Prince teaching Lily Krav Maga skills. Prince and Lily are beginning to like each other. Prince reveals that he is already engaged.
Middle: (Hope) The Dwarfs are relieved but want to know why someone would want to kill her. She lies and says she worked for him and knows his secret plans.
End: (Uncertainty/Fear) The Weasel returns to tell Lily that The King is planning a big party and inviting the village youngsters to hurt them. Prince talks about how he hates arrogant royalty and liars; Lily feels convicted, but they all agree to try to stop The King.
Scene 26
EXT. DWARF’S FARM – DAY
Beginning: (Uncertainty/Fear) They all go back to the Dwarf’s home, and Prince sees musical instruments in the corner; the Dwarfs play, he sings, and they decide to make up a band for the party; Lily will get them into the castle, she knows the King’s party planner.
Middle: Lily says she can get her friend on the inside of the castle to hire them as the band. She sends the Weasel back to the castle with a note for her friend.
End: Prince and the Dwarfs begin practicing songs.
Scene 27
INT. CASTLE – DAY
Beginning: (Uncertainty/Hope) The Weasel arrives with the note for Lily’s friend.
Middle: (Superior Position) We see elaborate preparations being made for the party. Invitations go out to the villagers, who are so excited.
End: (Suspense) The King is excited about the cages he’ll put the villagers into.
Scene 28 (DAY OF THE PARTY)
EXT. CASTLE – DAY
Beginning: (Suspense/Uncomfortable Moment) Villagers arrive at the party, as usual, the perfect police are on patrol, they stop the Prince, the Dwarfs, and Lily, but Lily’s friend shows up to say they are the band, so they get let in.
Middle: (Suspense) The King welcomes his guests, the party starts, Prince and The Dwarfs play a song, villagers start to dance, then the staff starts to pass out the poisoned peach tarts, they tell everyone not to eat them, then they rush the crowd to stomp on the tarts and when they do the tarts burst into flames, the crowd screams and runs out.
End: (Character Changes Radically) The King rages, orders the guards out, and they capture Dwarfs, Prince helps Lily get away, but he’s captured. The King exposes Lily’s true identity and offers a reward for her capture. Prince and Dwarfs are shocked that she’s the princess, and feel betrayed. Prince then slips into a coma from his injuries.
ACT FOUR
Scene 29
INT. DWARF’S BARN – DAY
Beginning: (Uncertainty/Fear) Lily is hiding in fear, and “undesirables” show up to support her, tell her The King says she can either save Prince or the Dwarfs, trying to get all the kingdom to hate her.
Middle: The animals and “undesirables” convince Lily to fight, so she comes up with a plan. They show her how they can go storm the castle at night using their night goggles they used in the woods the night she ran away.
End: Lily begins training the “undesirables” Krav Maga moves that Prince taught her.
Scene 30
EXT. CASTLE – NIGHT
Beginning: (Suspense) The castle is quiet, everyone is asleep, Lily and her friends storm the castle.
Middle: (Uncertainty/Fear) They fight and defeat the guards, and find where Prince and Dwarfs are being held.
End: (Uncertainty/Fear/Reveal) Prince is still in a coma; dwarfs convince Lily to give him a kiss, she’s fearful she’s not good enough to save him, but to her surprise, Prince awakens. His Mother, a queen shows up; she got word he’s in trouble, and she announces that they are engaged to each other. Prince and Lily both lied about being royalty, they forgive each other; Prince encourages Lily to go fight The King and get her kingdom back.
Scene 31
INT. CASTLE – NIGHT
Beginning: (Superior Position) The King is ready to ambush Lily and the animals as they rush through the castle to get him.
Middle: (Suspense/Surprise) The King’s guards are winning when villagers show up to help Lily, they are grateful she saved their kids from harm.
End: (Uncertainty/Fear/Hope) The King hides, but Lily finds him, and the stars give him away. Lily and The King fight; she wins, he turns back into an “undesirable”, pleads with Lily not to kill him, and reveals that her Mother, The Queen, is still barely alive. Lily agrees to spare his life if he tells her where to find her mother.
Scene 32
INT. HIDDEN ROOM – NIGHT
Beginning: (Suspense) Lily rushes through the castle to the dark potions room; the groaning behind the door is faint, then stops.
Middle: (Uncertainty/Fear) Lily struggles to get the door open; when she does, her mother is lying on the floor, lifeless, Lily sobs and kisses her mother.
End: (Surprise) That kiss brings The Queen back to life.
Scene 33
INT. CASTLE BALLROOM – DAY
Beginning: The Queen is back in power.
Middle: The Queen sentences the Evil Stepfather/King to ______ (somehow serve all the undesirables he mistreated), making the Dwarves his boss. The Queen shuts down the homeless shelter, no one is labeled “undesirable” anymore, and everyone is now welcome in their kingdom.
End: The Mirror names Lily “fairest of them all” because inner beauty trumps outer beauty every time. But Lily’s newfound confidence makes her radiate, and she is a hero to all. She and Prince decide to hold off any marriage plans, they want to date first.
• Subtext: You’re only ugly if you’re mean to people. You are beautiful when you care for others and accept yourself.
• Hope/fear: We hope they will all live happily ever after whether they marry or not.
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Valeriya’s Fascinating Scene Outlines!
My Vision: I am a masterful, ahead-of-the-game, and outside-the-box writer full of ideas and creative energy. My writing is fresh, thrilling, impactful, iconic, beautiful, and effortless. My projects deliver outstanding commercial and artistic success. I am on the leading edge. I create a lot, it’s fun, quick, and easy. My whole life is that way. I love it.
I have so much fun creating scene requirements for my outline!
What I learned from doing this assignment is…
– So much story and new ideas keep coming at this stage!
– Next time I should trust that things will fall into place sooner, and move through this step faster.
– Keep it fun!
BOO WHO HOO: A woman terrorized by the monster under her bed asks it to leave but it comes out with its own plans for her life.
1 INT. IRENE’S PLACE – EVENING
A cat, Kafka, jumps out of the darkness underneath the bed. As the sun sets, Kafka wakes up IRENE, 26.
Kafka hisses at the darkness under the bed. Irene tells him not to go there.
Irene turns on the TV (not to feel alone). Then she turns on her computer and electric kettle, her desk lamp. All the lights blink. She doesn’t notice she hurts herself (pinching, biting nails and lips).
(Superior Position) Something or someone watches Irene.
She has an urgent project to send. She turns off the kettle and makes a disgusting coffee to save electricity that threatens her work. Toothache…
(Suspense) A call startles Irene. She finds her phone in the bathroom. It’s an unknown caller. She picks up, hears breathing —
It’s her childhood friend, SUNNY, who is coming to town invites her to meet. Irene looks at herself in the mirror… looks for excuses.
The lights go out. Irene panics making her way to the fuse box. She flips the switches — it doesn’t help. Kafka shrieks in the dark! Irene drops the phone. Something drops and rolls.
The phone rings — Sunny again. The lights come back on. (Major Twist) Sunny has something she promised Irene a long time ago. Irene agrees to meet.
It’s calm in the apartment but Kafka is nowhere to be found.
2 EXT. COFFEE SHOP – DAY
Irene meets her flamboyant happy friend.
(More interesting setting) Sunny takes Irene to “their place”, where they used to dream when they were little, and gives her a flyer. Thanks to Irenes’ encouragement Sunny became a famous DJ (they made a promise to follow their dreams?).
What about Irene’s success? Her life is depressing. (Internal Dilemma) Everything Sunny remembers about Irene never came to fruition and is gone. Sunny offers her to find help. Irene doesn’t need it, she’s not crazy.
Sunny invites Irene to her concert. Irene has too many things to do, urgent project and the landlord stopping by next week, she needs to put new wallpaper instead of those scratched by a cat…
(Uncomfortable Moment) She can’t dismiss a pinky swear.
3 INT. IRENE’S PLACE – DAY
Irene puts Sunny’s flyer on the fridge. (Surprise) Takes it off, crumples and throws away. She calls Kafka, puts some food for him, but she is alone in the apartment. Exhausted, Irene falls asleep.
4 SAME – LATER
It’s getting dark. (Misinterpretation) A blood-chilling moan similar to the one of an angry cat wakes Irene up. Cat food is untouched. Het toothache makes utter a moan.
On her computer she googles “wisdom tooth extraction”, changer “extraction” to “pain”. (External Dilemma) The ugliest results of image search come up. Irene swallows. Opens a picture of Kafka.
5 INT. NIGHT STORE – NIGHT
(Superior Position) Before Irene comes in, the locals refer to Irene as weirdo, but the owner of the shop, THEO, shushes them. He gets Irene what she usually buys, including cat food, and some candy on the house.
Irene asks to put a missing cat poster in the store. The locals are surprised, they didn’t know she could talk.
Theo takes the poster and tries a small talk. (Uncomfortable moment). The locals comment on this romantic move.
Irene mumbles something… (Surprise) Cool girls in party mood attack the shop. Irene runs away.
6 INT. IRENE’S PLACE – NIGHT
(Suspense) Irene sticks the wallpaper on a shaky ladder. She senses there’s someone in the house. Goes to look.
Strange noises in the apartment. Hallucinations? She turns on the TV. It turns off by itself.
A bulb goes off as well. She has to change it. (Intrigue) When the light is back on Irene sees a scary shadow.
(Clifhanger) Everything goes dark. The new bulb goes off as well. Irene runs —
7 INT. HALLWAY – NIGHT
(Intrigue) Someone groans and grabs Irene in the dark. Irene is hysterical, shrieking, panting.
(Uncertainty) Kafka’s bell rings in the dark.
A match sheds some light on the situation — it’s the vision of hell or just Irene’s old toothless neighbor NORMA. She’s had problems with electricity as well, so she keep matches and candles handy. (Reveal) She hasn’t seen Kafka but she found his collar.
(Uncomfortable moment) Norma gives Irene a birthday cake candle.
8 INT. IRENE’S PLACE – NIGHT
Irene comes back with the candle to her dark place.
(Uncertainty) Is someone moving around her? Someone blows out the candle. Irene freaks out. (Surprise) She asks whatever is there not to hurt her. Electric light comes back.
(Reveal) She is alone. The shadow she saw earlier was made by harmless stuff. The draft shuts the door and window. Irene sees her scared face in the mirror.
Peace and quiet.
9 INT. THERAPIST’S OFFICE – DAY
Irene tells the shrink about her unhappiness. (External Dilemma) Shrink asks what stops Irene from having the life she wants.
(Uncomfortable Moment) Irene tells the shrink about the monster that lives under her bed.
(Surprise) Shrink suggests Irene to talk to the monster.
10 INT. NIGHT STORE – NIGHT
Theo asks Irene about Kafka. (Uncomfortable Moment) She’s too shy to give intelligible answers. She buys a small bottle of wine. (Misinterpretation) He asks her if she needs a company.
(Character changes radically) She makes it a big bottle and says she already has a company.
11 INT. IRENE’S PLACE – NIGHT
(Character changes radically) Irene has some wine and talks to the darkness under her bed about her innermost desires.
She asks the monster to come out of there and let her enjoy life.
While she turns away her wine disappears from the glass she poured herself.
(Uncertainty) Irene gathers the courage to look under the bed, but there’s nobody…
She goes back to work. Her computer flashes weird glitches.
(Suspense) Something breaks! Kafka came back?
Irene goes to investigate and steps on the broken glass. (Uncomfortable Moment) She picks up the photo of her family that fell, the glass is broken.
The entrance door is open. She closes it.
Scared, Irene calls her mom to ask if everything is okay. (Betrayal) After scolding Irene for never calling and then scaring her by calling and waking up her granddaughter, her mom who invites her to come over for a weekend. Irene just wanted an advice for her toothache. Irene talks to her niece about dreaming sweet dreams, favorite sweets and other things.
The entrance door is open ajar. Irene ends the call. Something moves around and behind Irene.
There’s something small in the doorway. (Mystery) It’s a ball — crumpled flyer for Sunny’s party that Irene threw away. She picks it up and straightens it out.
The lights blink. (Major twist) A scary monster briefly reflects in the mirror standing behind Irene. Irene grabs her jacket and gets out.
12 EXT. STREET – NIGHT
Irene takes a breath of fresh air. (Uncomfortable moment) Theo waves her from the shop. She sense the shadows creeping up to her, she walks away, runs. Something chases her.
(Suspense) She sees the monster in the shadows, in the gallery window, waiting for her at every turn.
(Surprise) She finds herself in front of the nightclub.
13 INT. NIGHTCLUB – NIGHT
(Uncertainty) The monster is hiding in the crowd.
Irene reaches the bar. Gets a drink. Loses the sight of the monster. (Internal Dilemma) Watches Sunny perform, mesmerized.
(Character changes radically) Picks up a guy — she doesn’t want to be alone tonight.
14 INT. IRENE’S PLACE – NIGHT
She brings the stranger home and locks the door and windows to keep the monster out. The lights are on. (Mystery) Someone is in her bed under the blanket… pillows.
Irene goes to refresh, encourages herself in the bathroom.
The guy looks around. (Uncertainty) Steps into something sticky — it’s everywhere, he peels the unsticking wallpaper, soils his hands with red, as if the walls under where bleeding.
(Cliffhanger) He tears off more wallpaper, gets scared of what he sees and runs away, fighting with the lock.
15 EXT. STREET – NIGHT
(Suspense) The guy runs away from the monster.
(Uncertainty) He succeeds to lose the thing…
(Surprise) He jumps over the fence — splat, gurgling, dying sounds.
16 INT. IRENE’S PLACE – DAY
(Misinterpretation) Irene’s hand hangs from the bed, something that’s under the bed… grabs her! It’s a dream. Irene wakes up because she gets a message from a client who doesn’t want to work with her anymore after she sent the last project. Irene checks — what she sent was a monstrous design.
(Surprise) The TV is on it shows the guy who died. She turns the TV off. Sees scary drawings on the walls.
The TV turns on — her friend Sunny died as well. Irene can’t find the remote control to turn it off.
She yells at the monster, asking why, what does it need to leave her alone? But she’s alone. Her tooth is killing her.
(Major twist) She locks the apartment — you win, I’m leaving.
17 INT. DENTIST’S OFFICE – DAY
Irene goes to the dentist to pull her wisdom tooth. (Suspense) She gets the shot of anesthetic and is left alone in the room.
(Surprise) The lamp above her turns back on, she opens her mouth, black goo drops into her mouth from above. The monster holds her arm and puts its claws in Irene’s mouth.
She yells, it strangles her, she can’t breathe.
(Reveal) The doctor and nurse come back — Irene is alone in the room, she storms past them, rushes off without any treatment.
18 INT./EXT. TRAIN – DAY
(Suspense) Exhausted, Irene tries not to but falls asleep on the train.
(Surprise) Once the train is in the tunnel the monster appears to be sitting next to her.
(Internal dilema) Flashes of her happy life wake Irene up.
19 INT. IRENE’S CHILDHOOD HOME – DAY
(Uncomfortable Moment) A somber dinner nobody would choose to sit through. Irene’s mother feeds her paralyzed husband, Irene’s father. Irene’s pregnant sister with her husband and 5yo daughter eat the bleak dishes.
(Superior Position) Irene’s mother tells her she looks awful, that’s why she is turning 30 (26) and she is still alone. Irene says she is not alone — that’s the thing. Why didn’t she tell them? She wanted it to be a surprise.
(Surprise) She introduces her Boo and invites it to the table. Everyone believes that a guy is about to come in. They wait. Irene’s niece checks the hallway and comes back quiet.
Mom goes to welcome the guest. Nobody. Stupid joke. (Cliffhanger) Irene’s niece confirms the monster is real.
20 INT. IRENE’S CHILDHOOD HOME – NIGHT
(Uncertainty) Irene’s niece gives her cryptic advice on dealing with monsters. She tells her that when she is afraid she thinks about the things she loves, asks Irene about what makes her happy. The kid falls asleep.
(Suspense) The door squeaks…
It’s Irene’s pregnant sister. (External dilemma) They talk about it, it’s heavy but she doesn’t mind, at least her husband tries not to hit her when she is pregnant. And her husband is going away on a business trip (which might be a pleasure trip).
Irene uses her nieces trick for keeping the monsters at bay, talks with her sister about their childhood.
21 SAME – LATER
Irene wakes up by the kid’s bed because of the noise. (Suspense) A shadow creeps by the door. Irene goes to investigate.
(Uncomfortable moment) Irene goes to her parent’s room. Her dad is on the floor. She rushes to help him.
(Reveal) He is dead. (Does she talk to him before?)
22 INT. IRENE’S CHILDHOOD HOME – DAY
(Uncertainty) During the reception after the funeral monster lurks between people.
Irene can hardly follow what’s going on, she thinks the monster is after the kid now. (Surprise) She tells it off.
(External Dilemma) She leaves in the middle of it as she is worried about putting the kid in danger.
23 INT. IRENE’S PLACE – DAY
(Uncertainty) Irene stands in the middle of the mess. Cat food is gone. She calls Kafka, calls the monster but there’s no one in the apartment.
(Suspense) She cries on her bed. Someone or something cries with her, when she stops it keeps on.
(Major twist) Understanding she can’t run away, Irene decides to do whatever the monster wants her to do. Irene negotiates with the it about finding unrelated victims if there must be victims.
24 EXT. STREET – NIGHT
(Suspense) Irene and the monster go out to kill someone.
(Intrigue) They are looking for the victim among the people who pass by.
(External dilemma) They choose a woman, but she happens to have a kid. Irene realizes they reached the night store.
(Major twist) Theo waves to her. She goes to the store.
25 INT. NIGHT STORE – NIGHT
Irene buys painkillers. (Superior Position) Irene and Theo have a convo on dealing with pian vs. killing it.
There’s something in the store. The video disconnects. (Suspense) Theo checks between the rows.
(Cliffhanger) The electricity goes out. Panicked breathing, things fall, Theo calls Irene she doesn’t answer —
26 EXT. STREET – NIGHT
(Reveal) Theo walks Irene back to her place. It starts raining.
(Superior Position) She invites him to come up. (Surprise) He passes until she feels better.
27 INT. IRENE’S PLACE – NIGHT
Thunder. Pouring rain. Red, brown and black goo is everywhere. Now Irene is the one hiding under the bed. It’s on, the monster and Irene have to sort it out now. The monster lures her out (?). (Uncertainty) Irene grabs the knife and stubs the beast but misses every time.
(Surprise) Suddenly, the doorbell rings. Irene’s mom brings the niece who has to stay with Irene, whose pregnant sister is in hospital.
(Suspense) Irene tries to protect the sleeping kid from the monster, but the monster is way more powerful. The lights go out. Irene is pleading for the girl, but actually — for her true self.
(Major twist) She asks to take her instead. The monster gets closer and closer, grabs her — hugs her… Irene hugs it back. The monster falls apart, it was made of (things that represent) every desire Irene ever gave up on. It was not trying to hurt anyone, it was asking for help all along.
The lights go on, the kid wakes up and discovers the treasures.
28 EXT. IRENE’S PLACE – MORNING
(Uncertainty) Irene’s mother dressed in black holds the kid as an ambulance takes Irene away.
29 EXT. STREET – DAY
Irene sees a monster in the gallery — (Reveal) it’s her painting, she is an artist who paints portraits of people’s beauty that’s hidden inside their fears. Her paintings are in the gallery. Theo meets her there and hugs her.
30 INT. THERAPIST’S OFFICE – DAY
Irene tells the shrink she no longer needs therapy. Turns out was not a monster who tortured her, but herself — her unrealized dreams she neglected. Monsters don’t exist. She leaves.
(Reveal) There are plenty of monsters lurking under the shrink’s couch.
______________________________
SPARES: During Dehumanization Era when robots get recycled for being too human, a girl brought up by a robot is hard-pressed to prove she isn’t one.
1 INT. TEST CENTER – DAY
(Intrigue) A somber queue. Some are crying.
In the queue of people mostly accompanied by their crying friends, a teenage girl LO waits for her turn to take a test — alone. (Uncomfortable Moment) Another woman is alone also. She starts talking, says she loved her life, no regrets. F11 argues she doesn’t know what happiness means. Someone asks her how many lives she has left. She thinks the one she has is worthless.
(Internal Dilemma) If there was even a moment worth living for, what would it be? Did she have at least one?
2 EXT. CITY – DAY – REWIND TIMELAPSE
(Superior position) Drone view: A futuristic city full of skyscrapers and huge screen panels morphs back to recognizable state of 21st century megapolis.
(Reveal) The time slows to normal and forward-flowing, the drone changes direction and flies to the hospital, as the time speeds up.
(Intrigue) There is a person sitting by the deathbed without moving day and night while nurses and doctors come in and out to take care of the patient.
3 FLASHBACK
INT. HOSPITAL – DAY
Year 21 A.I.
(Uncomfortable Moment) A dying guy asks a young androgynous person, SEVEN, to kill him. Seven refuses. The guy wants seven to do it and see the message at home. The guy talks about the suffering. Seven kills the guy with its bare hands.
(External Dilema) A nurse comes in, calls for help, tries to resuscitate the guy, but seven stops her.
(Surprise) The personnel tries to capture them but Seven grabs the sunpowered wings and jumps off the window and flies away.
4 EXT. CITY – DAY
Seven lands in the city. There are screens on every building: on the news NURSE AGATHA talks about the murder of a person by a robot, how dangerous the equality between robots and humans became. (Major twist) It’s time for a change — the killerbot has to be immediately killed. But who knows where to find it?
(Character changes radically) Citizens watching the news got suspicious of each other.
(Suspense) Someone sees winged Seven, throws a milkshake in him. Seven flies away.
5 INT. INVENTOR’S HOUSE – DAY
(Internal Dilemma) Seven lets the birds out of the cage, takes inventor’s phone, listens to the message. (Part)
(Superior Position) The police surround the place.
(Suspense) Seven sneaks out a moment before the police break in.
6 EXT. CITY – DAY
(Intrigue) A bunch of young vandals play darts with public property.
(Superior Position) They notice Seven flying high and take off in the same direction.
(Uncomfortable Moment) One of them is happy he got spared thanks to Seven.
7 EXT. BACKSTREET – DAY
(Internal Dilemma) Seven watches the inventor’s message on the phone. (Another part)
(External Dilemma) The vandals circle and torture Seven.
(Cliffhanger) They let it escape only to play a cruel chase game.
8 EXT. WASTELAND – EVENING
(Suspense) Seven comes to the dump site for robots, breaks its connection to the network, finds a bar to kill itself when
(Major twist) — a baby cries nearby. Seven finds a box with a human child in it, and comforts the child.
(External dilema) The gang with weapons comes to looks for Seven.
(Uncertainty) Seven takes the baby and soars with it — they got shot down by the gang. Police finds only the broken wings.
9 EXT/INT. MOTEL – EVENING
A year later.
(Uncertainty) Neighbors watch TV: hatred for robots — squareheads — grows with the help of the news about missing people and flying killerbot. People are now agreeing to give up their privacy for better control of the robots. Seven with a suitcase sneaks by.
(Surprise) The baby was in the suitcase. Seven gives the baby her name, Lo, and a toy — two rag dolls looking like them.
(Suspense) Neighbors hear the baby and call the police. Seven and Lo escape.
10 EXT. CITY – DAY
A few years later, screens on the streets: the Nurse is now in politics, debating with two others, Benedetta, and Jeronimo. In the news, a dehumanization program is introduced to lower the amount of robots in the society in a way that’s respectful of every citizen’s rights. (Major twist) Every human-looking robot is sent to recycling. The humans get released.
(Suspense) Lo and Seven run behind the people while they are distracted. A drone gives a robot an invitation to recycling.
(Uncertainty) The drone is hovering over them, but they manage to escape.
11 INT./EXT. ABANDONED BUILDING – NIGHT
(Internal Dilemma) Lo asks difficult questions.
(Uncertainty) Police raid. They escape.
(Suspense) Seven risks its life to save little Lo’s toys, loses one life and leaves the kid alone.
(Misinterpretation) On the news another robot trying to end itself.
12 INT. SCHOOL – DAY
(Superior position) Lo is happy to be among people and adopt their ways.
(Uncomfortable moment) Lo gets ridiculed and called a squarehead for being too smart.
(Character changes radically) She tries to be less than what she is in order to blend in.
13 INT. HOLIDAY HOME – DAY
(External Dilemma) Argument, why we live so far from everyone. Safety. Doesn’t help her with homework.
(Major twist) A drone gets in. She is terrified.
(Character changes dramatically) Lo learns to catch spy-drones so that the two of them avoid the test.
14 EXT. SCHOOL – DAY
(Uncomfortable moment) Kids play a robot hating game, Lo watches.
(Internal Dilemma) They invite her to participate, she gladly joins.
(Superior Position) Seven can see that.
15 INT. LOFT – NIGHT
(External dilemma) Years later, teenage Lo argues with Seven about dating and all other human experiences.
(Character Changes radically) She doesn’t catch a spy-drone, so it scans their faces and prints an invitation for Seven to take a humanity test.
(Cliffhanger) Lo leaves with a guy who came to pick her up. She doesn’t promise to come and say goodbye.
16 INT. LOFT – DAY
(Intrigue) Lo comes back crying. From behind the closed door Seven asks her to see it off, since it will be recycled today — no reply.
(Uncertainty) The time goes by, she doesn’t come back.
(Reveal) Time to go, but Seven can’t find its invitation for the test.
END FLASHBACK
17 INT. TEST CENTER – DAY
(Reveal) Lo has Seven’s invitation. F11 doesn’t want to be dismantled alive (or how would people like the idea applied to them)
(Major Twist) She takes the test and is scheduled for recycling as a robot!
(Uncertainty) She says she is not a robot and robots follow her example.
18 INT. COURT / EXT. CITY – DAY
(Major Twist) On the screens the news about robot unrest. Mayhem and arrests in the test center. A bunch of robots claiming they are not robots, and Lo, stand before the judges.
(Superior position) Lo can’t answer usual questions about her origins and common human experiences (Seven watching the broadcast answers them differently at the same time).
(Intrigue) Lo must find a human who can confirm she is not a robot (who knows her intimately or from childhood). The whole world is given 10 minutes to vouch for her. (Is she waiting for her parents?)
19 EXT. CITY / INT. COURT – DAY
(Uncertainty) Seven runs to find Lo’s boyfriend.
(Betrayal) The boyfriend looking for fame tells on TV that he happened to date her and she must certainly be a squarehead since it didn’t go very far between them, which is unusual for him.
(Major Twist) Lo and others are sent to the recycling facility.
20 INT./EXT. VAN – DAY
(External Dilemma) Lo and others struggle to get out.
(Superior position) The TV debate between Nurse, Benedetta, and Jeronimo (about how manipulative and sneaky robots became) gets even more heated.
(Intrigue) Seven hides under the van to get in.
21 INT. RECYCLING FACILITY – DAY
(Uncomfortable Moment) The relentless recycling line takes the robots apart in the most utilitarian fashion.
(Suspense) Seven can’t stop it. Lo’s turn is coming up.
(Major Twist) Lo comes up with a way to trick it. All that survived escape.
22 EXT. CITY – NIGHT
(Suspense) The robots are chased by the police, they split. Seven, Lo and F11 hide together.
(Uncomfortable moment) Conversation about being human.
(Surprise) Nurse Agatha found dead.
23 EXT. CITY – NIGHT
24 EXT. MAIN SQUARE – NIGHT
(Uncertainty) Some robots including Seven are caught.
(Character changes radically) Lo comes to defend them.
(Major Twist) Other people join. Society gets divided.
25 INT. COURT – NIGHT
(Uncertainty) The governors and politicians look for solutions. They agree on creating a fair elimination game with the help of human citizens.
(Betrayal) Everyone votes for it.
(Intrigue) People send their suggestions. Benedetta is put in charge of running the show.
26 EXT. MAIN SQUARE – DAY
(More interesting setting) The machines build the playground in the old part of the city.
(Intrigue!) The rules are announced. (Send the next and the next until they figure it out)
(Uncomfortable moment) The drones record the action and the show is broadcasted everywhere.
27 EXT. PLAYGROUND – NIGHT
(Character changes radically) Lo leads the robots through the traps, to save Seven.
(Suspense) First deadly trap. Robots and people help each other to go through trials, they make it through. Wasting redundancy.
(Surprise) The one who made the way through the trap first disappears. They have a timer (move or die?).
28 EXT. CITY – NIGHT
(Superior position) What people see on TV is not what’s going on on the playground.
28 EXT. PLAYGROUND – NIGHT
(Suspense) Second deadly trap. Another one dies although they succeed.
(Reveal) The first victim turns up dead.
(External dilemma) A mysterious flying robot kills those who made the way for everyone in previous rounds.
(Major twist) Lo catches a drone and explains that the game is rigged.
30 EXT. CITY – NIGHT
(Reveal) People see how robots keep failing in the game.
31 EXT. PLAYGROUND – NIGHT
(Intrigue) Lo realizes there won’t be any winners. She comes up with a plan.
(Suspense) Third deadly trap.
(Surprise) They die. Lo and seven quit the game by losing. (Drones check that they are dead)
32 EXT. CITY – NIGHT
(Misinterpretation) People rejoice that the robot who started this mess is killed (Lo).
33 EXT. PLAYGROUND – NIGHT
(Internal Dilemma) Other robots keep on, inspired by them.
(Reveal) Lo and Seven escape to look for the flying robot.
(Suspense) Hide and seek with the flying robot.
34 INT. INVENTOR’S HOUSE – MORNING
Lo and Seven find the flying robot’s den, and his wings.
(Reveal) Benedetta is there — it’s a robot, one of the guys who was humiliating Seven in the beginning. He dresses into Benedetta suit. (What was he planning to announce?)
(Mystery) He wants to get rid of other robots so that they can’t protect people from his well-intended plan of ruling them. (Coming up with a plan of attack as he talks).
(Suspense) He tries to kill Lo, Seven fights for her. Lo fights to save Seven. Seven sacrifices itself to reboot Benedetta while Lo thinks Seven has another life left in it. (You are my life)
The drone following Lo had her phone attached to it.
(Major twist) When robot returns to default settings, Lo befriends him to create a new world.
35 EXT. CITY – MORNING
(Uncomfortable moment) People see the recording of Benedetta’s confession from Lo’s phone.
36 INT. LOFT – MORNING
(Internal dilemma) The toys of Lo and Seven holding hands watch the recording.
37 INT. INVENTOR’S HOUSE – MORNING
(Cliffhanger) Lo puts on the wings and steps out of the window. Flies away.
-
John T’s Fascinating Scene Outlines
Vision – to become a reliable box office success all over the place.
What I learned doing this assignment is that by considering and creating more interest using the techniques deepens the meaning and entertainment value of the story.
INT. TARA’S PARTY INFLATABLE HOUSE – NIGHT
(More interesting setting)
Phil attends the surprise b-day for his adopted niece, Megan, who lives down the street with her mother, Tara. Pilots Drew and Chet and Flight Attendants Rhonda, Louise, Delilah and Georgia celebrate Megans’s new job as a flight attendant, a job Phil helped her get.
Megan keeps hugging Phil. She thinks of him as more than just a father figure . The flight attendants note this is kind of weird. Phil is very uncomfortable.
(Uncomfortable Moment)
Louise is downright jealous.(Internal Dilemma
Subtext – Megan shows a little too much affection.
Essence – A celebration.
Arc – starts out happy then goes a little weird.
Responsive to the pitch/high concept: Twisted beginning of the story to a twisted end.
Conflict – Louise doesn’t like what Megan is doing.
Hope/fear – not so much.
INT. BLUE NEST DINER – NIGHT
Phil sit in a cozy restaurant booth having an attentive conversation with someone sitting across. But there’s no one there! A waitress thinks he’s crazy.
(Misinterpretation) For a moment we can see a faint image of his wife.
(Surprise)
The waitress explains to another why she thinks Phil does that.(Mystery)
Subtext – something is wrong with Phil
Essence – he does not appear normal.
Arc – familiar behavior to psycho.
Responsive to the pitch/high concept – yes, presents Phil as the target.
Conflict – Waitress freaks out.
Hope/fear – Normal to weird.
EXT. CEMETERY – DAY
Phil visits his wife’s grave, still mourning her death from two years earlier.
INT. PHIL’S HOUSE – DAY
Phil attends to his rare coin collection, suddenly becomes perturbed.
(Character changes radically).
Sits alone in his living room, brooding, talking to himself.
(Internal Dilemma)
Subtext – Phil capable of violence?
Essence – he’s volatile.
Arc – normal behavior to abnormal.
Responsive to the pitch/high concept – yes, presents Phil as a possible loony.
Conflict – implodes over seemingly nothing.
Hope/fear – calm to upset.
INT. SKYZA LIMITS AIRLINES – AIRCRAFT – DAY
Capt. Phil shows up late for his flight. His co-pilot covers for him, concerned about Phil’s demeanor. He knows how unpredictable he can be.(Uncertainty)Rhonda, Louise and Georgia talk about Phil not being the same since his wife’s death.
Louise witnesses a couple on the flight arguing and she gets emotional.
(Uncomfortable Moment)
Phil is nice to Louise – she seems like a fragile female in need of TLC though he treats her like a guy, a sort of bromance.
(Surprise)
Subtext – Phil relates to Louise on some level.
Essence – What is he triggering on, both good and bad?
Arc – from normal behavior to strange.
Responsive to the pitch/high concept – yes, something going on between Phil and Louise.
Conflict – Louise appears fragile when faced with conflict – Phil to the rescue.
Hope/fear – Phil calms Louise down.
INT. LAYOVER CITY – AIRPORT HOTEL BAR – NIGHT
Phil meets the flight attendants for drinks. Louise makes a pass at him.
(Uncomfortable Moment)
Phil declines, leaves early. Louise feels spurned, draws a sad face on the restroom mirror with her lipstick.
(Betrayal)
She returns without makeup.
(Uncomfortable Moment)
Subtext – Louise is getting too close to Phil – he’s uncomfortable.
Essence – We see where Phil stands with women, at least Louise.
Arc – Phil establishes his future with Louise.
Reflective of the pitch/high concept – yes, goes with the major story arc – Louise as one of the guys.
Conflict – Louise overreacts, we see the potential for conflict and violence.
Hope/fear – Happy to sad, out of place to more out of place.
EXT. LAYOVER CITY STREET ALLEYWAY – NIGHT
An unseen man
(Intrigue)
sees a pair of hoodlums assaulting a hooker who is propositioning a girl. (Suspense) The man takes them on, one of them with a knife. The man disarms him, stabs the other. They run away but not before one of them picks up his wallet. This guy knows martial arts and knife tactics. And then we see his face – it’s Phil! (Surprise)
Subtext – Secret guy is Phil who knows all about knife tactics!
Essence – we suspect Phil is the killer.
Arc – from knife victim to meting out knife punishment.
Reflective of the pitch/high concept – yes, Phil as killer.
Conflict – deadly slashing going on.
Hope/fear – Phil could get slashed like his wife but he gets the upper hand.
INT. PHIL’S KITCHEN – DAY
Phil burns his souffle, can’t cook like his wife, throws the dish in the sink.
INT. SKYZA LIMIT FLIGHT 45 – DAY
Megan on her first flight after training. She’s giddy and outgoing, noticed by a strange man who stares at her with a wicked smile after she makes a joke.
(Intrigue)(Uncomfortable Moment) The man pulls out pictures of the girls he’s trafficked.(Mislead / Reveal)
Subtext – Megan’s flirting could get her in trouble.
Essence – Megan attracts trouble.
Arc – from giddy to getty.
Reflective of the pitch/high concept – yes, future murder victim.
Conflict -the guy’s creepy.
Hope/fear – Megan’s smile fades when seeing this guy’s menacing look and his continual stare. The job is suddenly not fun anymore.
EXT. LAYOVER CITY – NIGHT
Megan meets a guy at a bar. His wife calls, so he leaves quickly. (Uncomfortable Moment) Megan walks back alone to the layover hotel. A masked man jumps her, stabs her.
(Intrigue)
Phil finds her body, steps in her blood. (Mystery) Notices a man watching, chases after him, loses him. [Later, we learn that it’s the guy who has Phil’s wallet.] Phil hears the sirens, hurries away. Did he kill Megan?
Subtext – Guy cheating on his wife puts Megan in harm’s way. Phil does’t know the man watching him is the same dirtball who attacked him.
Essence – Megan’s karma ends in her demise.
Arc – Megan having a good time to getting stabbed to death.
Reflective of the pitch/high concept – yes, she dies.
Conflict – murder
Hope/fear – Megan is full of hope, then fears for her life.
EXT. ALLEYWAY – NIGHT
Police detective finds Megan’s out of state wallet, so he contacts the FBI.
INT. FBI OFFICE – DAY
Agent Ben answers the phone.
INT. TARA’S HOUSE – DAY
At the wake, open casket,
(Uncomfortable Moment)
Phil promises Tara he won’t rest until he finds the killer. Tara has a surprise guest at the wake – Agent Ben who’s full of questions for Phil.
(Internal Dilemma)
Phil acts somewhat suspicious, answers evasively.(Intrigue)
Subtext – Is Phil hiding something?
Essence – Phil as a suspect.
Arc – from innocent to possibly guilty.
Reflective of the pitch/high concept – yes, Phil might be the killer.
Conflict – It’s obvious they don’t like each other.
Hope/fear – Phil goes from appearing cooperative to evasive. Ben goes from being merely inquisitive to suspicious.
INT. FBI OFFICE – DAY
Agent Ben gets chewed out by the ASAC in front of the SAC for failing to follow through on a different case.
(Uncomfortable Moment)
Ben is relieved when the SAC puts him on the Megan murder case – it’s his big chance to prove himself.(Mislead / Reveal) Ben is frequently humiliated by the ASAC who hints that Ben has big shoes to fill. Harangues him about his subpar shooting score and his need to lose weight. Ben murmurs, “bitch” just loud enough for the ASAC to hear. The SAC doesn’t hear it.
(Uncomfortable Moment)
ASAC threatens Ben in front of the SAC.
Subtext – They appear to resent each other.
Essence – Ben gets along with the SAC who appears to protect him from the ASAC.
Arc – Ben goes from being in the dog house to even worse with his immediate boss.
Reflective of the pitch/high concept – Ben as the underdog who muust outwit Phil.
Conflict – Resentment between Ben and the ASAC.
Hope/fear – Ben makes things worse for himself, or so it appears.
EXT. FBI SHOOTING RANGE – DAY
Ben misses a lot…
INT. TRAINING FACILITY – DAY
…but he’s good at hand-to-hand tactics.
Another agents remind Ben that he has big shoes to fill under the shadow of his father’s legacy.
INT. BEDROOM – DAY – FLASHBACK
A boy abused by his father, made to dress up in women’s clothing.
(Uncomfortable Moment)
(Intrigue)
(Mystery)
Subtext – who is the boy? Is it Ben?
Essence – abuse probably led to psychotic behavior on the part of somebody.
Arc – looks innocent enough until we see that it’s a boy with long hair being made to dress up like a girl.
Reflective of the pitch/high concept – definitely
Conflict – loads.
Hope/fear – bad to worse for the unfortunate lad.
EXT. PHIL’S DRIVEWAY – DAY
Phil works under his car. (Suspense)The Banger who stole his wallet tries to kick the jack out.
(Cliffhanger)
Phil gets out from underneath just in time, gives chase, loses him.
(Intrigue)
Subtext – Phil doesn’t know it’s the same guy who stole his wallet, wants to get even for his buddy’s death.
Essence – Phil almost gets killed, loses the guy. But gives Phil reason to respond violently. He is capable of killing.
Arc – Danger gets worse.
Reflective of the pitch/high concept – yes Phil as retaliatory, possibly as a murderer.
Conflict – yes
Hope/fear – Phil almost gets crushed to death, escapes, then loses the guy.
INT. PHIL’S HOUSE – DAY
Ben interviews Phil.(Uncertainty)
(Internal Dilemma)
Ben has a lot of questions, seems to doubt Phil’s story. Phil clams up. (Mystery)
Subtext – What is Phil hiding?
Essence – Phil doesn’t like Ben’s insinuations.
Arc – from friendly questions to probing.
Reflective of the pitch/high concept – Yes, is Ben right about Phil?
Conflict – personal animosity.
Hope/fear – Phil initially wins then loses the argument.
INT. CHIEF PILOT’S OFFICE – DAY
The chief pilot observes how despondent Phil is, gives him some time off.
INT. PHIL’S BASEMENT – DAY
Phil practices knife tactics.
EXT. DARK CITY STREET – NIGHT – FLASHBACK NIGHTMARE
Phil relives the night he lost his wife. Feels guilty because he was unable to defend her against a deadly knife attack. She died trying to save Phil.
(Internal Dilemma)
(Uncomfortable Moment)(Mystery)
INT. SHRINK’S OFFICE – DAY
Phil counseled by his shrink. She agrees to not report him to his employer,
(Internal Dilemma)
Skyza Airlines for having emotional problems.
(Intrigue)
They make progress on Phil’s grief. She encourages him to engage in different activities to take his mind off his wife’s murder, and to be open to new relationships.
(Misinterpretation) The only person Phil is interested in is her.
Subtext – Shrink helps Phil conceal his mental state from his employer.
Essence – Phil trusts and likes her.
Arc – Shrink encourages Phil with ways to deal with his trauma, seems to help.
Reflective of the pitch/high concept – yes, Phil could be mentally disturbed beyond what is functional. Should he even be flying airplanes?
Conflict – Dr. wants to report Phil but he talks her out of it.
Hope/fear – Phil suggests they could date. She shuts him down.
Act 2
INT. COCKPIT – DAY
Phil goes back to work on his regular flight route. He’ hot and cold –
(Uncomfortable Moment)
scolds his co-pilot for making a routing error one moment, the next he’s pleasant to his regular crew of flight attendants,(Mislead / Reveal) Rhonda, Delilah, and Georgia.
(Suspense) – something of consequence is going to happen
(Uncertainty)
Subtext – Phil lashes out unexpectedly.
Essence – Is there something wrong with him?
Arc – FA’s calm him down.
Reflective of the pitch/high concept – yes, Phil as volatile.
Conflict – Between captain and co-pilot.
Hope/fear – Phil appears to get through without difficulty but then explodes at his co-pilot. Should he be on the job?
INT. LAYOVER HOTEL BAR – NIGHT
FA’s Rhonda, Delilah, and Georgia try to cheer Phil up. Louise tells the FA’s how much she would like to have a relationship with him. They laugh at her. Phil has had too much to drink, embarrasses Delilah.
(Uncomfortable Moment)
Louise gets hit on by another woman. Louise rebuffs her.
(Uncomfortable Moment)
Phil gravitates to a woman in a business suit, has a drink with her. (Intrigue) Louise appears jealous, downs several drinks watching them. [The lady is Phil’s therapist’s sister.]
Louise tells everyone her bladder is about to burst, runs to the bathroom, tells everyone that when she pees, it sounds like Niagara Falls.
(Uncomfortable Moment)
In fact, she does.
Subtext – a lot of hidden agendas.
Essence – Phil not attracted to Louise but is to the woman.
Arc – Louise loses out, and loses it, wishes she was a guy, life would be a lot easier.
Reflective of the pitch/high concept – yes, is Louise okay with her sexuality?
Conflict – Louise shows a different side of her, almost menacing.
Hope/fear – Louise goes from being hopeful with Phil to being dissed by him – this sets her off.
INT. LADIES ROOM – NIGHT
Behind the stall door, Louise stands on the toilet seat, sounds like a guy peeing.
INT. MARTIAL ARTS SCHOOL – DAY
Phil, already a brown belt, takes an advanced course in assault tactics using knives.
INT. DINER – NIGHT
Phil dines alone, has a conversation… again with no one.
INT. PHIL’S SHRINK’S OFFICE – DAY
Phil confides in his psychiatrist about his outbursts. She suggests that he try being friendly and open to new relationships. He confides that his wife was insanely jealous of other women.
(Major twist)
(Intrigue)
(Mystery)
Subtext – Phil reveals his secret knife fight.
Essence – Phil trusts and becomes more emotionally attached to Dr. Grayson. She kind of likes him, too.
Arc – Relationship deepens, perhaps beyond what is professional.
Reflective of the pitch/high concept – yes, Phil’s evolving.
Conflict – She pushes back against his overtures.
Hope/fear – Phil’s hopeful she will respond but she dashes his hopes.
INT. HOTEL NIGHTCLUB – NIGHT
(More interesting setting) they bump into each other on the street.
Phil meets a flight attendant from another airline, buys her a drink. They compare room keys – they’re staying on the same floor.
(Surprise)
She leaves with friends for dinner. (Mislead / Reveal)
Subtext – Phil is attracted to her. And she knows it. Louise is spying on him.(Intrigue)
Essence – Phil is taking his shrink’s advice not knowing this is pissing off Louise.
Arc – Phil doesn’t mind getting a gentle brush off. He’s almost relieved.
Reflective of the pitch/high concept – yes, Phil as somebody with the wherewithal to meet women and gain their confidence.
Conflict – minimal, maybe her boyfriend shows up.
Hope/fear – Phil has high hopes but loses his edge, confidence. Louise goes from fearful to hopeful.
EXT. HOTEL – NIGHT
Phil goes for a walk.
INT. HOTEL – NIGHT
Phil walks down the hall to his room, stops, sees a door ajar. He touches the door knob. His hand has blood on it. Was the blood already on his hand?
(Intrigue)
(Mystery)
INT. HOTEL HALLWAY – NIGHT
(Major twist)
Phil stands over the body of the same FA he had a drink with. Murdered the same way as Megan was stabbed. Phil picks up, drops the murder weapon, a knife. Runs to his room to wash the blood off.
Subtext – who killed her and why?
(Intrigue)
Essence – another murder involving Phil! Is he guilty? Did he black out?
Arc – Phil implicated once again.
Reflective of the pitch/high concept – yes, Phil as guilty/innocent.
Conflict – the aftermath of a gruesome death.
Hope/fear – Phil at least acts shocked, traumatized, but recovers quickly, runs to his room.
(Internal Dilemma)
(External Dilemma)
INT. HOTEL LOBBY – NIGHT
Phil is questioned by police,
(Superior Position)
(Intrigue)
as an anonymous witness/guest at the hotel. Phil leaves just before Ben arrives.
INT. AIRPORT – DAY
End of his trip,
(Surprise)
Phil is met by FBI agent Ben – now considers him a suspect. Ben tells Phil that the thug he chased after Megan’s murder was caught and released.
(Betrayal)
He is angered by this.
Subtext – Ben has more evidence of Phil’s possible guilt but doesn’t let on.
Essence – tension building between these two.(Suspense)
Arc – from cordial to uncooperative, to caustic.
Reflective of the pitch/high concept – yes, lawman pursues suspect but is he guilty?
Conflict – animosity builds, especially after Phil’s attacker was let out.
Hope/fear – Phil goes from hoping he can convince Ben of his innocence to being fearful he will charge him with murder.
INT. PHIL’S HOUSE – OFFICE – NIGHT
Phil makes a file analyzing the two murders with photos, newspaper clippings and printouts. Opens his locked closet – full of maps and strings.
(Intrigue)
Is he tracking or planning?
Phil talks to himself as if verbally jousting with Ben. He suspects that Agent Ben is tapping his phone, misinterpreting his answers and cooking up evidence to link him.
Subtext – Phil’s secret file and map room – what’ it’s purpose?
Essence – Phil has reason to believe his privacy and his rights are being violated. How will he retaliate?
(Internal Dilemma)
Arc – Phil goes from acting innocent to acting possibly guilty.
Reflective of the pitch/high concept – yes, if Phil is the killer, it all makes sense, or does it?
Conflict – stakes are raised.
Hope/fear – Phil must prove/concoct his innocence before Ben puts him behind bars.
INT. LOUISE’S APARTMENT – DAY
Shaken by the killings, Phil seeks the comfort of Louise and her friend, Tammy before he leaves on his next flight. Tammy is taken up with Phil, talks about hooking up with him. Louise scowls at the idea.
(Intrigue)
(Betrayal)
Subtext – Tammy has a crush on Phil when she finds out he’s available.
(Surprise)
Essence – Louise’s jealousy creeps up again.
Arc – Louise goes from being concerned to outraged.
Reflective of the pitch/high concept – Louise as unhinged.
Conflict – Louise tries to hide her anger from Tammy. Phil is hers!
Hope/fear – Louise is fearful Tammy won’t let go of the idea of hitting on Phil.
Phil leaves.
INT. FBI OFFICE – DAY
Ben wants to charge Phil but the ASAC tells him to stick to the evidence. She forbids Ben from seeking a search warrant or interfering with Phil’s flying, tells him to back off, stick to his primary investigation of embezzlement by a government employee. (Mislead / Reveal)
Subtext – (Intrigue) Ben is secretly working a corruption case against the SAC, with the ASAC’s supervision.
Essence – Make it appear Ben and the ASAC are on bad terms.
Arc – from professional to personal to confidential.
Reflective of the pitch/high concept – yes, the idea of hidden agendas.
Conflict – Phil vs the ASAC.
(Uncertainty) Hope/fear – Ben hopes he can nail Phil but the ASAC appears to put the kibosh on it. She knew Phil’s wife and how jealous she was when Phil was around other women, like flight attendants.
INT. PHIL’S HOUSE – DAY
Ben comes snooping around Phil’s house. Phil remotely turns on his car’s motor. Ben hears this, waits, as Phil slips out the back.
INT. LOUISE – DAY
Phil stays at Louise’s place. She’s quite happy to let him. She primps a lot, rubs his back. He has to move away. (Uncomfortable Moment) She turns down the sheets on her bed. She has white ribbons dangling from her bed posts.
(Intrigue) Phil fegns a headache, texts his shrink for advice. (Mislead / Reveal)
Subtext – Louise can’t hide her attraction to Phil.
Essence – Phil knows he’s taking advantage of Louise’s weakness.
Arc – Phil uses Louise to hide from Ben.
Reflective of the pitch/high concept – yes, Phil on the run so to speak.
Conflict – Phil is not interested in sleeping with Louise. She takes rejection hard.
Hope/fear – Louise goes from hopeful to sorrowful, to hopeful.
INT. PHIL’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Louise secretly packs Phil’s things for another trip.
INT. PHIL’S HOUSE – DAY
Ben breaks the rules and searches Phil’s house with his partner, Ned.
(Intrigue)
They find Phil’s file and
(Surprise)
secret closet full of details of the murders. Ben is compelled not to use it but Ned says he’s crazy not to.
Subtext –
(Internal Dilemma)
Will Ben use illegal evidence or abide by the law?
Essence – Ben puts himself in a quandary.
Arc – Ben goes from being stealthy to feeling guilty.
Reflective of the pitch/high concept – Ben as Phil’s worthy adversary.
Conflict – Ben argues with Ned about using the evidence. Ned tries to convince Ben so as to honor his father’s legacy.
Hope/fear – Ben goes back and forth on using the file, as his virtue meter cycles up and down. Do we want him to succeed?
INT. AIRPLANE CABIN – DAY
Some of the usual flight attendants arrive early and greet passengers. The FO is late. Phil is pissed but under control. (Suspense)
(Uncomfortable Moment)
Phil parks his bags and heads back up the jetway to retrieve paperwork. Delilah steps into the cockpit and sees Phil’s cell phone, rifles through photos of the murder victims. Sends them to a friend on social media, wondering if he could be the killer.
(Intrigue)
(Betrayal)
Subtext – Delilah looks at Phil’s phone, wants to get even with him for embarrassing her.
Essence – Phil’s photos are about to go public. Delilah shares them on social media, further incriminating him.
Arc – Word gets back to Ben – now he can use the photographic evidence. Phil doesn’t know it but he’s a wanted man.
Reflective of the pitch/high concept – yes, Phil as guilty one.
Conflict – Phil vs. the law and the airline and Delilah.
Hope/fear – Delilah almost gets caught looking through Phil’s cell phone while she airdrops the murder photos.
INT. LAYOVER HOTEL BAR – NIGHT
Louise tries to get intimate with Phil once again, attempting to extract sexual favors from him in return for her help.
(External Dilemma)(uncertainty) blackmail?
Phil finds her attractive but deflects her advances, (Mislead / Reveal) redirecting the conversation to her upbringing. Louise is distracted but remains undeterred.
Subtext – How far will Louise go?
Essence – Phil has to stop leading Louise on.
Arc – Louise goes from hopeful to discouraged to depressed.
Reflective of the pitch/high concept – Phil and now Louise as unstable.
Conflict – Phil must get tough about Louise’s obesession.
Hope/fear – – Phil tries to be as nice as he can but it’s not working.
INT. HOTEL SPA AND WELLNESS CENTER – DAY
In the sauna, Phil meditates into Delta brain waves and remote viewing.
(Intrigue)
(Mystery)
He’s shocked he can see things that may happen in the future, just as his shrink said was possible.
EXT. DARK CITY STREET – NIGHT – PHIL’S VISION
A hazy scene where a tall figure in black hooded drench coat shadows a young woman, following her. A fleeting view of a scorpion tattoo.
(Intrigue)
Is this the next murder? Is he viewing it or planning it? Note: Phil previously confided in his shrink that he was having visions.
(Major twist)
(Surprise)
INT. FBI OFFICE – DAY
Ben is on the phone with Delilah who tells him about the photos and where he can find Phil that evening.
(Betrayal) Ben asks a lot of questions, unwittingly casting doubt on whether Phil could be the killer. This leads her to doubt that Phil is the killer, regrets her move. (Mislead / Reveal)
INT. FBI SAC’S OFFICE – DAY
Ben shows unusual interest in the SAC’s financial statements on his desk while he waits for him to get off the phone. Ben says he knows he’s going over the ASAC’s head, but he has proof of Phil’s guilt provided by “an informant.”
(Intrigue)
SAC gives Ben permission to fly to Phil’s layover city to arrest him. (Superior Position) Phil realizes that a key piece of evidence exonerates Phil. (Mislead / Reveal)
Subtext – Ben is secretly investigating his boss, the SAC.
Essence – Ben nevertheless wants to arrest Phil on suspicion of murder.
Arc – Ben goes from beseeching to satisfied, on more than one level.
Reflective of the pitch/high concept – Ben can now pursue his man, and Phil.
Conflict – The SAC reminds Phil of his poor relationship with the ASAC. Ben plays along, make up a story about how she didn’t like his father.
Hope/fear – Ben goes from hopeful to elated. He might even make an arrest.
INT. PHIL’S CAR – MOVING – DAY
Phil’s getting strong vibes that something bad is going to happen tonight at the Sunflower Hotel.
(Superior Position)
Just then he gets a text from Tammy’s phone to meet him there in room 767.(Suspense) He tries to call her back to warn her that she might be in danger. No answer.
Subtext – Phil must find out if Tammy is in danger. He must go to her immediately. (Uncertainty) What was her phone number?
Essence – tension mounts
Arc – from bad to worse – he can’t contact Tammy.
Reflective of the pitch/high concept – yes, escalation as per the thriller genre.
Conflict – anticipatory.
Hope/fear – he’s got a text, but then can’t contact her.
INT. AIRPORT – DAY
Ben hurriedly boards an airplane. Wonders if Phil is the captain… on his way to commit another murder.(Suspense)
INT. LAYOVER CITY AIRPORT – NIGHT
Ben runs through the airport to meet his ride. He gets winded easily. Uses his inhaler. (Uncertainty)
INT. BEDROOM – NIGHT
(Intrigue)
Flashback: An unidentified boy is abused by his father, made to pose for pictures dressed up like a girl. Is it Ben? Phil? The serial killer?
INT. SUNFLOWER HOTEL – NIGHT
Phil cases the joint, runs into Louise. She tells him that Tammy called her for help. Louise hides her surprise that Phil is there.
Phil asks Louise if she knows where Tammy is. Louise says no. (Mislead / Reveal) Phil is worried that something bad will happen to her soon.
(Intrigue)
Louise tries desperately to stop Phil from leaving her in the lobby. Phil heads for the elevator.(Character changes radically)
Subtext – Louise is lying.
Essence – Phil must react quickly to save Tammy.
Arc – impending climax
Reflective of the pitch/high concept – yes
Conflict – impending violence
Hope/fear – find Tammy
INT. SUNFLOWER HOTEL – NIGHT
Ben spots Phil heading for the elevator – just misses him.
INT. SUNFLOWER HOTEL – SEVENTH FLOOR – NIGHT
Phil runs to room 767, pounds on the door. He hears muffled screams. He grabs a fire ax.
(Intrigue)(Suspense)
(Surprise)
INT. TAMMY’S HOTEL ROOM 767 – NIGHT
He bashes in the door and finds Tammy, bloodied, gagged and tied to the bed posts.
(Intrigue)
(Mystery)
Her wrists are slit. Phil runs to her, starts to untie her.
Ben arrives, pulls a gun on Phil. Tammy screams when she sees Louise behind Ben.
(Major twist)
(Surprise)
Louise stabs Ben in the back. The gun goes off, hitting Phil in the shoulder. Ben goes down, unconscious. Phil collapses too.
Louise talks crazy to Phil – now they can finally be together – just need to get rid of Tammy.
(Uncomfortable Moment)
(Major twist)
Phil tries to talk her out of it, tells Louise that she needs help. Louise laughs it off. She moves closer to Tammy, knife in hand. Ben revives, shoots, hits the glass door, fires again at Louise, grazes her. Phil pounces on Louise. They both struggle for the knife. They go crashing through the shattered glass door to the balcony, and over the edge. Phil hangs on to the railing, Louise hanging on to Phil, losing her wig – she is a he!
INT. BEDROOM – NIGHT – FLASHBACK
An unidentified boy is abused by his father, made to pose for pictures dressed up like a girl. Now we see who it is – Lewis as a boy.
(Surprise)
(Mislead / Reveal)
BACK TO SCENE
Lewis explains that in order for them to be together, they have to get rid of witnesses. Phil smacks Lewis to the ground and begins to untie Tammy. (Suspense) Lewis attacks with a knife. This time, Phil knows what to do.
Phil uses his learned knife skills, ones that he would never be defenseless as when his wife was stabbed to death.
Lewi’s dress falls, revealing that Lewis wears BVD’s, and has a package. Phil spots the scorpion tattoo behind Louise’s ear.
(Major twist)
(Surprise)
Lewis wields a knife close to Phil’s throat. Phil tries to disarm Lewis. Ben intervenes to save Phil. Lewis shoots Ben again.
Phil musters all his energy, charges Lewis . They both go over the edge.
(Cliffhanger)
Phil lands on the lower floor balcony, hanging on for dear life. Same for Lewis – he tells Phil he killed the girls so they could be together.(Mislead / Reveal) Phil must either save himself or risk his life saving Lewis. Lewis grabs his arm. Phil uses a newly learned knife move, stabs Lewis’ hand, kicks him off the rail. Lewis falls to his death.
Essence – Killer about to be revealed.
Arc – Will Tammy be the next victim?
Reflective of the pitch/high concept – yes
Conflict – yes, fight to the death.
Hope/fear – will the good guys win?
Resolution
– we now see the boy forced to dress up like a girl that we thought was Phil or Ben was really Lewis.
INT. HOSPITAL – BEN’S ROOM – DAY
Ben is being discharged, has an important meeting at the office. Phil reminds him he’s a lousy shot.
INT. FBI OFFICE – DAY
Ben is credited with solving the crime and saving Phil’s life. Was really investigating the SAC for embezzlement (with the help of the ASAC), wears a vest (one reason he looks overweight) when shot by Louise.
(but as a ruse to
fool the corrupt SAC whom Ben is investigating).
Ben arrests his boss.
(Major twist)
(Surprise)
(Mislead / Reveal)
Ben reads him his rights.
ASAC secretly dating Ben’s informant, the SAC’s secretary
Ben gets promoted.
Phil was compiling a file to catch the killer.
(Major twist)
(Surprise)
(Mislead / Reveal)
Phil’s shrink helps him so he doesn’t need her anymore. She suggests a dinner date. He says no.
Doorbell rings – it’s his date – her.
Phil visits his wife’s grave says goodbye to her. R17: Phil perfects his souffle.
He’s not insane – talking with his wife was the technique his shrink advised him to use while grieving.
(Major twist)
(Surprise)
(Mislead / Reveal)
Phil dines in the same restaurant as before, having a conversation – his dead wife? R7: No, with his recovered therapist. He now says yes.
Ben gets promoted., rewards Phil for his bravery. Phil has learned to appreciate life. Ready for a new relationship.
Subtext – true agendas, identities revealed
Essence – resolution
Arc – complete the story
Reflective of the pitch/high concept – yes
Conflict – no
Hope/fear – yes, Phil wins the girl he wants.
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Joaquin “Ibn Gray’s” Fascinating Scene Outlines!
My vision is that I am an A plus screenplay writer, who’s scripts are produced into extremely profitable movies which I cash large checks from.
What I learned from doing this assignment is layers upon layers make screenplays better.
1. EXT. OPEN PLAIN – DAY
BREWFORD and his family, ride a two-horse wagon across an open plain in 1863.
Scene Arch: Brewford drives a wagon across a dirt road. Everyone notices a Native American in the distance on a horse.
Essence: The family is migrating to a new land.
Conflict: They are harassed by three men on horses demanding freedom papers.
Subtext: Brewford is calm, witty and sees a potential treat.
Hope/fear: We hope they migrate safely.
Beginning (suspense) three men on horses’ haul ass on a dirt road approaching Brewford and his family from the rear.
Middle (Superior position) Brewford makes the men aware of a Native American sitting on a horse in the horizon. Out pops another on foot.
Ending (Character changes radically) The men on horses believe they might be outnumbered and ride away.
2. EXT. HOUSE – DAY
The family arrives at the new house. They deal with two strange men on their property.
Scene Arch: Brewford pulls up to a farm. Men ride away slightly upset pointing at Brewford Jr.
Essence: Happiness, joy.
Conflict: The men ride up on horses, BJ aims a shotgun at them. One of the men pull his pistol.
Subtext: Brewford is gentle, patience with his son’s actions, in control.
Hope/fear: We hope the men don’t shoot each other.
Beginning (More interesting setting) Brewford and family discover a fully furnished home. Brewford finds a workshop. Brewford Jr. discovers a chest of guns.
Middle (Major twist) Brewfords daughter runs out the house, happy, only to see two strange men on horseback approaching the house (Misinterpretation) Brewford Jr. emerges from behind the house then aims a rifle at the men.
End (uncomfortable moment) Brewford sees his son aiming a rifle and the men aiming at his son and daughter.
3. INT. CLYDES SPOT – DAY
A man stands near the bar, smoking and drinking. Three people approach him whispering in his ear.
Scene Arch: Clyde stands at the bar to playing a piano looking out of the window.
Essence: Clyde as a bad mother sucka. People fear him.
Conflict: What happens when you interrupt Clyde playing the piano?
Subtext: Clyde is displacing his pain.
Hope/fear: We hope no one will ever cross Clyde.
Beginning (Mystery) A man sits in the corner of the room slumped over in a chair bleeding form his head. A woman looks his direction nervous, slight panic attack.
Middle (Intrigue) A man approaches Clyde at the bar then whispers in his ear. A second man is seen in the other corner of the room. A rope hangs from the ceiling, his hands are tied above his head, as he bleeds. Another man approaches Clyde, whispering in his ear. A child struggling to get away is being held by a man.
Ending (Cliffhanger) Clyde walks to a piano then sits. He plays two notes followed by two shoots. The two men fall. Clyde begins his recital.
4. EXT. ridding into TOWN – DAY
Brewford and son ride into town then stop at the general store.
Scene Arch: Brewford and BJ slowly ride their horses into town then stop at the store.
Essence: Brewford gathering supplies for the house with his son.
Conflict: The townspeople eyeballing Brewford and BJ.
Subtext: Brewford being aware of his surroundings.
Hope/fear: We fear the looks by the towns people.
Beginning (More interesting setting) What a town? Blacks and Whites walk together hand and hand. Black children play in the streets. Whites and Blacks on horses. A black sheriff stands in front of the jail.
Middle (suspense) if looks could kill, as the towns people stare.
End (intrigue) The sheriff motions to some children. One makes their way to the store.
5. INT. CLYDES SPOT – DAY
Clyde plays the piano. Some members in the room appear frighten.
Scene Arch: Clyde views Brewford and BJ ride into town. Clyde tells his men to go bring him the young boy, Brewford Jr.
Essence: The soothing hypnotic sound of the piano.
Conflict: Clyde’s men beat someone up who disrupted the piano session.
Subtext: Clyde’s musical keystrokes make his men become more aggressive.
Hope/fear: We hope no one else interrupts Clyde’s playing.
Beginning (Suspense) The spectators are speechless and motionless, as Clyde plays the piano, and the dead men are dragged out of the room.
Middle (Uncomfortable moment) The women now alone, is approached by Clydes men, as they grope her.
End (Major twist) Clyde’s men exit the room from his musical tone and head gesture. They exit the spot, stand outside, and eyeball the general store. They walk into the street.
6. EXT. GENERAL STORE – DAY
Brewford and his son get supplies for their house.
Scene Arch: Brewford and BJ walk into the general store. The store owner welcomes them with advice and informing Brewford about the rules of the town.
Essence: Brewford loses his son outside the general store.
Conflict: Two men abduct BJ.
Subtext: Brewford scrambles to find BJ almost in a panic.
Hope/fear: We hope BJ can escape from the men.
Beginning (Mislead) The store owner welcomes Brewford and Son to the store and town, with Southern hospitality.
Middle (Betrayal) The store owner informs a small child to fetch him something. They run outside and speak to Brewford Jr.
End (surprise) Brewford Jr speaks with the child then is kidnapped by the two men he aimed his riffle at earlier.
7. INT. CLYDES SPOT – DAY
Brewford looks for his son, to Brewford hauling ass on his horse out of town alone.
Scene Arch: Brewford walks into Clyde’s spot during the piano recital. He leaves the spot pissed.
Essence: Brewford is looking for BJ.
Conflict: Brewford and one of Clydes men square off.
Subtext: Brewford is able to read the room and knows Clyde is in charge.
Hope/fear: We hope Clyde doesn’t harm Brewford for interrupting.
Beginning (Superior position) Brewford barges into Clydes spot demanding answers.
Middle (Uncertainty) The sheriff walks in the spot, Brewford approaches him then realizes he is not on his side of the law.
End (External dilemma) Brewford stands down. He knows he is outnumbered. He leaves.
8. EXT. OPEN PLAIN – DAY
Brewford hauls ass back to the ranch.
Scene Arch: Brewford rides his horse, pulling BJ’s close at full speed, headed back home.
Essence: Brewford rushing back to his house.
Conflict: BJ’s horse not wanting to run full speed.
Subtext: Brewford controlling the horse.
Hope/fear: we hope the horse will corporate.
Beginning (Character changes radically) Brewford hauls like a mad man out of town.
Middle (Misinterpretation) The horse doesn’t want to run because Brewford Jr. isn’t ridding him.
End (Uncomfortable moment) Brewford is trying to force BJ’s horse to move. He realizes his actions and stops to comfort the animal.
9. INT. PLANTATION – DAY
Clyde’s life as the plantation owner.
Scene Arch: Clyde returns home. He goes straight to the barn to tend to his horses. He speaks to BJ
then has relations with two women of the house.
Essence: Clyde’s life as the plantation owner.
Conflict: Clydes dominance over BJ and the other slaves.
Subtext: Clyde physiologically bullying BJ.
Hope/fear: We hope Clyde doesn’t punish BJ or his slaves.
Beginning (Suspense) Clyde’s men lock Brewford Jr in a shed, as Clyde enters his horse stable.
Middle (Mislead/reveal) Clyde reveals how he became the plantation owner.
End (Surprise) Clyde serenades the two women of the house with his piano playing.
NOTE: ADD SCENE AT THE HOUSE.
Two Natives are present.
10. EXT. MEETING area – DAY
Brewford pleads for the community to stand up to Clyde.
Scene Arch: Brewford stands before a group, giving a speech until receiving news that his daughter and another girl are missing.
Essence: The need to gather a small army.
Conflict: Brewford’s daughter is kidnapped, and the people oppose Brewford’s plan due to the fear of Clyde.
Subtext: Brewford is slightly frustrated with the towns people.
Hope/fear: We hope the people will want to fight. We fear Brewford’s daughter isn’t going to be okay.
Beginning (More interesting setting) A secluded amp style theater with a podium among trees, surrounded by log cabins.
Middle (Misinterpretation) Someone stands against Brewfords cry for help.
End (Major twist) Someone announces, two children are missing. (uncertainty) Someone accuses Brewford of bringing bad luck to the community.
11. ext. MEETING area – DAY
People pass by Brewford, showing him no love.
Scene Arch: The Women of the town approach Brewford after his speech, then take him to meet a few ex-soldiers.
Essence: The women empathize with Brewford and his wife.
Conflict: The opposition of the towns people.
Subtext: Brewford realizes they aren’t soldiers.
Hope/fear: We hope someone will join him to fight.
Beginning (intrigue) Two women approach Brewford and his wife to inform them the towns people have a relationship with Clyde.
Middle (Betrayal) One of the men who spoke against Brewford is seen collecting money from a strange man.
End (Mislead) The two women suggest Brewford and his wife follow them to their house to meet their husbands.
12. INT. PLANTATION – DAY
Clyde prepares to possibly be visited by an enemy.
Scene Arch: Clyde gathers weapons. Clyde sees Brewford’s daughter from the window.
Essence: Clyde polishes knifes. Plays the piano, considering it might be his last time playing.
Conflict: Someone brings news the Calvary has crossed the Texas
border. They also bring Brewford’s daughter.
Subtext: Clyde realizes it might be over soon.
Hope/fear: We fear that Clyde may snap and harm BJ and his sister.
Beginning (external dilemma) Clyde gathers weapons then receives news from the sheriff about the calvary.
Middle (internal dilemma) Clyde is frantic, he chooses between weapons and the piano.
End (uncertainty) Clyde looks at the sheriff then ponders his words before sitting at the piano to play.
13. INT. SOLDIER SPOT – DAY
Brewford meets with the soldiers. He relates to them through war stories. They agree to help him fight.
Scene Arch: Brewford, his wife and the women approach two men. The men agree with Brewfords request.
Essence: The ex-soldiers agree to help Brewford rescue his children and others.
Conflict: One soldier is completely stand offish. Their horses go missing.
Subtext: Brewford prepares and gathers weapons.
Hope/fear: We fear they may be outnumbered without the guns and ammo.
Beginning (Character changes radically) Brewford introduces himself as a war hero to the men.
Middle (Reveal) The two men inform Brewford that they served in the army.
End (Betrayal) someone from the meeting is sneaking around the horses. (Major twist) horses go missing and guns.
14. EXT. HOUSE – DAY
Brewford and the soldiers gather supplies. (Note: Rifles in the wagon)
Scene Arch: Brewford and the soldiers ride to his house. The women are preparing horses and guns of their own. The natives have gathered to accompany Brewford on the fight.
Essence: The Natives mount up and ride with the men onto the plantation to fight next to them.
Conflict: The soldiers don’t believe the women should come.
Subtext: Brewford needs to decide if the women will ride.
Hope/fear: We fear the women may become captives also.
Beginning (Suspense) several people at the house gather supplies to go into battle.
Middle (Misinterpretation) The women folk prepare horses and guns as if they are riding into battle.
End (uncertainty) someone reveals that Clyde has more men then known.
15. EXT. PLANTATION – day
Brewford meets Clyde. They fight toe to toe.
Scene Arch: Brewford and his crew arrive, they have a shoot out with Clydes men.
Essence: The rescue.
Conflict: A knife fight. Turned into a bare-knuckle fight.
Subtext: Brewford and Clyde square off face to face, they fight without weapons.
Hope/fear: We hope Brewford kills Clyde and frees the children from captivity.
Beginning (superior position) Clyde receives word that Brewford is a war hero.
Middle (suspense) one by one Clyde’s men get killed
End (reveal) Brewford fights Clyde and defeats him. The children are reunited with their parents.
16. EXT. PLANTATION – DAY
The victory.
Scene Arch: The fight is over and the Calvary rides in.
Essence: The Calvary declares slavery officially illegal.
Conflict: A possible standoff with the Calvary.
Subtext: Brewford is relieved.
Hope/fear: We hope the Calvary doesn’t arrest Brewford.
Beginning (surprise) everyone is happy about the reunion.
Middle (major twist) The US Calvary arrives at the plantation with guns drawn on the survivors.
End (Reveal) The US Calvary announces the end of
slavery
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