Day 10 Assignments

[Lisa Duffy]

Lisa’s Meaningful Action

What I’ve learned doing this assignment is how meaningful action is just as important as dialogue. This scene takes place inside Clare’s hospital room, so the space is small and very contained, which doesn’t leave a ton of room for super dramatic action. I felt the action I added was the most expressive of the scene’s emotions without being unrealistic.

Logline: A homeless teenage orphan, chasing her dream of becoming the next Adele, must survive the streets of L.A. and the pursuit of the criminal who killed her family.

The deepest meaning of this scene is the anger and frustration both Margaret and Dr. Bartolomeo are feeling; Margaret, because she doesn’t want to be responsible for Clare and Dr. Bartolomeo, because he does not understand Margaret’s clear and undeniable rejection of her family duty.

SCENE

INT. DIVINE MERCY HOSPITAL – DAY

Beep. Beep. Beep. The heart monitor machine emits its steady cadence as Clare lays unconscious in the dark hospital room, directly across from the nurse’s station. They’re entering day three of suicide watch. Down the hall, the waiting room is still crammed with cameras and journalists waiting for a crack at some news from the doctors.

A hefty older nurse comes in Clare’s room to check the bag hanging from the IV stand dispensing sedatives and take Clare’s vitals. The door to the room quietly opens and Margaret slips inside the room and stands in the corner.

NURSE CASSIE

I’m sorry, ma’am, but visitation hours haven’t started, yet.

MARGARET

I’m not visiting, dear, I’m Clare’s aunt and I am meeting with Dr. Bartolomeo.

NURSE CASSIE

You’ll still need to wait out there.

Margaret stares blankly at the nurse for a moment, then clears her throat as she pulls out her iPhone, willfully ignoring her.

NURSE CASSIE

Excuse me, ma’am, but you’re–

Dr. Bartolomeo abruptly enters the room and holds the door open for Cassie to exit.

DR. BARTOLOMEO

Thank you, Cassie.

Cassie rolls her eyes as she obeys and exits. Margaret slips her phone into her jacket pocket.

DR. BARTOLOMEO

Good morning, Mrs. Kennedy, thank you for coming in.

MARGARET

What seems to be the problem, doctor?

Dr. Bartolomeo sits down on the bed next to Clare and takes out his pen flashlight, opening Clare’s left eyelid and shining the light to get a look inside. He repeats with the right eye, then puts the flashlight away.

DR. BARTOLOMEO

Well, as you can see, Mrs. Kennedy, Clare has been sedated the last few days as you requested. However, we cannot keep her this way.

MARGARET

Well, why on earth not? I think a few more days would be good for her. We’re preventing her from doing herself harm.

DR. BARTOLOMEO

We are preventing her from dealing with her personal crisis.

MARGARET

Dr. Bartolomeo–

DR. BARTOLOMEO

She is a healthy girl, Mrs. Kennedy. This is not good for her and I will not authorize any further sedations or hospital time. We have to discharge her.

Margaret takes a deep breath and paces a few steps back and forth.

MARGARET

Well, then what do you suggest I do with her?

Dr. Bartolomeo bends forward in utter confusion, tightly clasping his hands together.

DR. BARTOLOMEO

I suggest you take her home and care for her, Mrs. Kennedy. She’s been through hell and she’s got a long road ahead. She’s going to need all the family she has left to help her through this. Does she have any cousins her age?

MARGARET

My son lives at home, but he’s not around.

Dr. Bartelomeo walks to the sink and washes his hands. He grabs some paper towels and stares in disbelief at Margaret as he dries his hands. He tosses the wadded paper in the trash.

DR. BARTOLOMEO

Mrs. Kennedy, I’m not sure what it’s like in your family, but most people I know would surround someone like Clare with love and support. Is this something your family is capable of doing for her?

Margaret shifts down a few gears and softens her voice, feigning concern.

MARGARET

Well, of course, doctor. I’m just not convinced we are equipped to give her everything she’s going to need. What about a mental health facility?

Dr. Bartolomeo touches his forehead with his hand and then holds it out with sarcastic disbelief.

DR. BARTOLOMEO

Are you afraid of something, Mrs. Kennedy? I don’t understand your hesitation to bring her home.

The air is full of awkwardness.

MARGARET

(feigning concern)

Dr. Bartolomeo, I just worry that she might do something drastic… like kill herself. I worry that she can’t handle the reality of what’s happened.

DR. BARTOLOMEO

She’s lost her parents and her siblings, so, of course it’s not going to be easy. But, before we commit her to some institution and deprive her of any possibility of a normal life, you should make every attempt to help her through this horrific time. She needs you, Mrs. Kennedy.

Margaret’s eyes narrow as she stands silent, like a stone pillar.

DR. BARTOLOMEO

We will refer you, of course, to counseling services, but it’s imperative for her to be with her family right now. At least for the next twelve months.

Margaret winces at the suggested time frame, but knows she has no other option.

MARGARET

I understand. We will do what we can to take care of her.

DR. BARTOLOMEO

Good. I will send a nurse in with the discharge paperwork and a referral for you. I’ve already halted the dispensation of the sedative so she should be waking within a few hours. Good day.

Doctor Bartolomeo exits the room and Margaret stands alone at the foot of the bed, glaring angrily at Clare. Beep. Beep. Beep.

[Joan Butler]

Joan Butler Assignment 10 Meaningful Action

I learned an interesting way of dealing with talking heads.

EXT. GARDEN YARD – DAY

Gaia is on a tall ladder next to a downspout removing debris from a gutter. Selma holds the ladder steady.

Because they are both nervous, they speak quickly.

SELMA

She’ll use it as an excuse to cancel the project?

GAIA

If I could do something, I would.

SELMA

I’ll get on it as soon as I get home.

GAIA

Keep that ladder steady. Don’t let me fall.

SELMA

I’ve got you.

GAIA

Blossom says Elizabeth’s abuser found the transition house last night.

Selma looks shocked.

SELMA

Did you call the police?

GAIA

That’s up to Petra. If I go around her, she’ll fire me for sure…

SELMA

What a bitch!

GAIA

(slower)

I need to warn you about something… It’s a nest!

SELMA

The warning?

GAIA

This is a very dangerous time for all of us… Elizabeth ran because her fear was stronger than her doublethinking and brainwashing.

SELMA

Go on.

GAIA

But now she’s been at the house for a few days, her fear will begin to subside… With more counseling, we’ll have a fighting chance… What’s in here?

SELMA

So she’ll go home?

GAIA

Got it. Or contact her abuser.

Gaia throws a dead rat to the ground.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by  Joan Butler.

[Marian]

Marian Redmann – Meaningful Action – Shark Abyss

What I learned doing this assignment is that it’s really important for me to think about the difference between meaningless and meaningful action in scenes, because “normal” actions easily become random if you don’t question them or brainstorm what they should communicate.

The scene with the father of the antagonist, Julian, was more or less a talking heads scene with a monitor. I used the chance to make the father intimidating not only through words, but also through his amoral actions, that he does not question. Through the hunting scene, I am able to expand the scope of the film and to pick up and continue the “mini-story” about the hunt for the last silver-skinned jaguar during the conversations with the father. In addition, I gave Julian a relaxation method that reflects the later use of stun guns. We feel his his pain and understand that he suffers under his overbearing father.

INT. RESEARCH SHIP/ COMMAND CENTER – DAY.

Julian watches the divers on a large monitor playing Lisanna’s body cam.

JULIAN

Trouble?

Hanno appears in the field of view. Signals “okay.”

HANNO

Everything under control.

Julian looks tense. He takes a stun gun and gives himself a shock. His body twitches. Julian regains his composure. Puts on his headset, dials.

INTERCUT WITH: EXT. SOUTH AFRICA – DAY

BURKHARD MESSERSCHMIED, Julian’s father, races through the savannah in an armored jeep. He speaks with the cutting commanding tone of a man who tolerates no back talk.

MESSERSCHMIED

Your briefing is overdue.

JULIAN

6 minutes!

MESSERSCHMIED

Make it quick, our scouts have spotted the silver-skinned jaguar. I must have it.

JULIAN

Isn’t it extinct?

MESSERSCHMIED

That’s the last one.

Towards Messerschmied, the normally self-confident Julian is almost submissive.

JULIAN

Everything is going exactly according to plan.

Messerschmied is not convinced.

MESSERSCHMIED

I was too hasty to put you in charge of the operation.

In front of Messerschmied, a young gazelle suddenly stands on the roadway. Messerschmied simply rams it away with his jeep. Blood spatters on the windshield.

MESSERSCHMIED

I can dump you any time.

JULIAN

I won’t let you down, father.

Messerschmied has already hung up.

[Kenneth Wood]

Kenneth Wood Assignment 10 Meaningful Action

What I learned: Adding meaningful action to the scene helps the film “show” not “tell” the story. It’s really good to create some kind of action which supports the dialogue of a scene. It’s always good to look at a scene with dialogue and see if action can be added which enhances the reason for the dialogue.

In this scene, Doug grapples with staying where he is at as a retail employee, or participating in the Santa’s new outreach to help the kids in The Project, the city’s most dangerous, gang-infested neighborhood.

Instead of him talking to himself, He talks to the can of flock, which represents his 18-year job, and the Pookie which represents the invitation to help the poor in a significant way.

I changed this scene to have a box of Pookies come from an order Doug, himself, made 12 months ago, and not as the fault of some anonymous person. It came just as he is in the valley of decision. The delivery man emphasizes that it is right on time on the very day it was to arrive, alluding to a Providential Hand at work.

This turned out to be so much more interesting than my original scene.

___________

INT. OUTDOOR ADVENTURE WORLD, DOUG’S OFFICE – DAY

Doug sits in his office chair typing into his laptop.

DOUG

Google, what neighborhood had the highest crime rate in the city?

He squints and then his eyes grow wide.

DOUG

The Project. Auto Thefts, 17. Robberies, 21. Violent Crimes, 28. Murders, 8. Okay, they’re insane. I’d really need a sign.

Doug closes the laptop and stares at a can of flock on his desk. A tiny, five-inch Christmas tree, made of green yarn, is also on the desk. He picks up the can and sprays a little into the air over the tree. He watches it fall.

A KNOCK on his door is quickly followed by a DELIVERY MAN carting in a large cardboard box.

DOUG

All deliveries go to the Receiving Office, not here.

DELIVERY MAN

This one says, “Care of Doug Glenn”. That you, Mister?

DOUG

Yes. Who’s it from?

DELIVERY MAN

Woodland Stuffed Animals.

DOUG

Oh, yeah. I ordered that twelve months ago. You guys are late.

DELIVERY MAN

Not according to the manifest. Expected delivery date, today on or before nine. See? It’s just now nine, which means it’s right on time.

He exits. Doug fishes out a box cutter, and opens the box. He pulls out a snowy white ferret, like Peyton’s.

DOUG

A Pookie. Lots of Pookies.

He fishes out another and another then picks up the box and dumps out its contents. All Pookies.

DOUG

I would have ordered an assortment.

Doug calls Abe.

DOUG

I wanted to ask, could I join you and not participate in The Project outreach?

Abe replies positively.

DOUG

I can decide that later? Okay. Let me think about it some more and I’ll let you know.

Doug hangs up. He picks out a single Pookie and walks back to the desk and sits. He points the Pookie at the can of flock.

DOUG

Flock, you make Christmas trees look snowy. And, yes, you bring a degree of Christmas spirit for the season. But, you, little Pookie…and all you little Pookies.

He looks the Pookie in the eyes.

DOUG

A tiny guy like you could sustain a little girl’s happiness long after the season is over.

He sets the Pookie on his desk and stares at it.

DOUG

Helping that girl and her mom meant more to me, than anything else.

He looks at the can of flock.

DOUG

As much as I love doing store displays for a living. Who cares? No big deal. I want more.

He takes a beat and then slaps his hands on the desk to raise himself upright and grabs the Pookie.

DOUG

(singing)

I WANT TO BE WHERE THE SANTAS ARE.

Doug take big bold strides over to the box of Pookies and grabs two hands full of them and tosses them up in the air and freezes. A heavenly light shines down. A little glitter falls on him.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 6 months ago by  Kenneth Wood.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 6 months ago by  Kenneth Wood.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 6 months ago by  Kenneth Wood.

[Daniel Rangel]

Daniel’s Meaningful Action

What I learned doing this assignment is…

By changing the scene location I was able to use what we know about the villain to increase the tension and add some humor.

===================================================================

BEFORE

===================================================================

19. INT. SUPANKINGU SUSHI – CELLAR – NIGHT

Ron paces between TWO THUGS at a table with a large metal briefcase.

Aldo enters.

RON Aldo.

ALDO What’s up Ron?

RON Mm. Wanted to talk.

ALDO Sure.

RON You know about these things.

ALDO Yeah…

RON First day of filming today. She coulda been a star, right?

ALDO She had major talent. But don’t worry Ron, we’ll take care of Cedillo’s gang.

RON Was it really Cedillo though?

Thug 1 and 2 glare suspiciously at Aldo.

ALDO I don’t follow.

RON We got some info. They had nothing to do with this.

ALDO That right? Well, I’ll see what I can find out for you.

RON Why the hurry?

Thug #1 closes the door and locks it.

RON (CONT’D) Studio security says you picked up Sandy the night she got killed.

ALDO Me?

RON You said you didn’t see her.

ALDO No, I said I picked her up and dropped her off at the hotel.

RON You and Sandy had no beef, right?

ALDO Sandy? No, she was like a sister.

RON Why didn’t you bring her home Aldo?

ALDO She said she was going to rehearsals with Pep and Redmond. That I should drop her off.

RON There was no call sheet for that night Aldo. No rehearsals either.

ALDO Really? They musta–

RON How come you left her alone Aldo?

ALDO Alright, I’m gonna level with you… it was Pepe.

RON Pepe?

THUG #1 Aldo did it Ron. They were banging!

RON (to Thug #1) Careful.

THUG #2 He’s lying Ron. Just look at him. He’s scared.

THUG #1 I know it’s an unpleasant thought, but most of us think she was running around on you.

RON Don’t you fuckin’ say that!

THUG #1 I’m trying to help Ron!

THUG #2 Ron. They were banging.

Thug #1 nods.

They all look to Aldo.

RON Pin him down.

Thugs grab Aldo by the arms and throw him to the ground. Ron opens the briefcase–

Side 1: All manner of RUBBER, ALUMINUM, GLASS and CERAMIC DILDOS.

Side 2: HORSE CROP, BULL WHIP, 17” TACTICAL KNIFE, VARIOUS CLAMPS and an JUMBO-SIZED RUBBER FIST.

Ron unsheathes the knife.

RON (CONT’D) On the belly. I’m going to do him the way he did my Sandy.

TCHKK!! Ron cuts the seams out of Aldo’s pants and tosses his boxer shorts to the side.

ALDO Ron, no please don’t!

He props his phone up playing the sex-video he showed Pepe earlier.

RON Is that you?

ALDO No!

RON Is that you and Sandy?

ALDO No, Ron you gotta believe me! It was Pepe, I swear it! It was Pepe!

RON (to Thug #2) Give me “The Hand of God”.

ALDO Ok, I was fucking her! You’re right about that. But Pepe’s the one who killed her! You gotta believe me!

Ron is trembling, he wants to begin but curiosity gets the best of him.

RON You better start talking and fast.

===================================================================

AFTER

===================================================================

19. INT. FANTASTIC DEE-LITES – CELLAR – NIGHT

Ron paces. TWO THUGS stand at a table with a large metal briefcase, a 64oz dispenser of personal lubricant and an emergency first-aid kit.

Aldo enters.

RON Aldo.

ALDO What’s up Ron?

RON Mm. Wanted to talk.

ALDO Sure.

RON You know about these things.

ALDO Yeah. Wish I didn’t…

RON First day of filming today. She coulda been a star, right?

ALDO She had major talent. But don’t worry Ron, we’ll take care of Cedillo’s gang.

RON Was it really Cedillo though?

Thug 1 and 2 glare suspiciously at Aldo.

ALDO I don’t follow.

RON We got some info. They had nothing to do with this.

ALDO That right? Well, I’ll see what I can find out for you.

Aldo heads for the door.

RON Why the hurry?

Thug #1 closes the door and locks it.

RON (CONT’D) Studio security says you picked up Sandy the night she got killed.

ALDO Me?

RON You said you didn’t see her.

ALDO No, I said I picked her up and dropped her off at the hotel.

RON You and Sandy had no beef, right?

ALDO Sandy? No, she was like a sister.

RON Why didn’t you bring her home Aldo?

ALDO She said she was going to rehearsals with Pep and Redmond. That I should drop her off.

RON There was no call sheet for that night Aldo. No rehearsals either.

ALDO Really? They musta–

RON How come you left her alone Aldo?

ALDO Alright, I’m gonna level with you… it was Pepe.

RON Pepe?

THUG #1 Aldo did it Ron. They were banging!

RON (to Thug #1) Careful.

THUG #2 He’s lying Ron. Just look at him. He’s scared.

THUG #1 I know it’s an unpleasant thought, but most of us think she was running around on you.

RON Don’t you fuckin’ say that!

THUG #1 I’m trying to help Ron!

THUG #2 Ron. I’m sorry, but… they were banging.

Thug #1 nods.

They all look to Aldo.

RON Pin him down.

Thugs grab Aldo by the arms and throw him to the ground.

Ron opens the briefcase–

Side 1: All manner of RUBBER, ALUMINUM, GLASS and CERAMIC DILDOS.

Side 2: HORSE CROP, BULL WHIP, 17” TACTICAL KNIFE, VARIOUS CLAMPS and an JUMBO-SIZED RUBBER FIST.

Ron unsheathes the knife and slides the container of lubricant into the rubbish bin.

RON (CONT’D) On the belly. I’m going to do him the way he did my Sandy.

TCHKK!! Ron cuts the seams out of Aldo’s pants and tosses his boxer shorts to the side.

ALDO Ron, no please don’t!

He props his phone up. It plays the sex-video he showed Pepe.

RON Is that you?

ALDO No!

RON Is that you and Sandy?

ALDO No, Ron you gotta believe me! It was Pepe, I swear it! It was Pepe!

RON (to Thug #2) Give me “The Hand of God”.

ALDO Ok, I was fucking her! You’re right about that. But Pepe’s the one who killed her! You gotta believe me!

Ron is trembling, he wants to begin the torture but curiosity gets the best of him.

RON You better start talking and fast.

[Jeff Hall]

Jeff Hall’s Meaningful Action

What I’ve learned is by adding action that is meaningful to the scene, I can open up a whole new dimension to the scene and character.

WITHOUT meaningful action…

EXT. CITY STREET – DAY

Ben watches Roy wobble down the street. His pants keep falling down, so he tries to put on his overalls while still craming his face with breakfast.

Through glazed eyes, Ben smiles at the amusement.

The smile leaves when Sheriff Merl Grayson (50ish, sideburns) emerges from the bar across the street.

Leans back in and kisses a woman on the lips. He looks out on the street both ways confirming all citizens are in church. He leaps out and crosses the dirt road.

SHERIFF MERL

‘morning, Benny.

BEN

Merl.

SHERIFF MERL

(grin)

Molly was feeling a little generous last night…and this morning.

SHERIFF MERL

She has friends ya know.

BEN

And I have a fiance.

SHERIFF MERL

Damn it, Benny… You’re nothing like your dad.

Ben reveals a slight tinge of pain. Jaws lock.

SHERIFF MERL

(beat)

Boys and their father. Same ol’ story.

Ben can not reply.

SHERIFF MERL

We both liked to support our local business women.

BEN

Mom didn’t appretiate it… Drove mom to an early…

ShERIFF MERL

Lighten up. Damn it. We all have a price tag. We’re all whores.

He slaps him on the shoulder and steps to the Jail House door and opens.

WITH Meaningful Action…

EXT. CITY STREET – DAY

Ben watches Roy wobble down the street. His pants keep falling down, so he tries to put on his overalls while still craming his face with breakfast.

Through glazed eyes, Ben smiles at the amusement.

The smile leaves when Sheriff Merl Grayson (50ish, sideburns) emerges from the bar across the street.

Leans back in and kisses a woman on the lips. He looks out on the street both ways confirming all citizens are in church. He leaps out and crosses the dirt road. Shirt tail out.

SHERIFF MERL

‘morning, Benny.

BEN

Merl.

SHERIFF MERL

(grin)

Molly was feeling a little generous last night…and this morning.

Ben stares out toward the road leading out of town. He does not look Merl in the eye.

SHERIFF MERL

She has friends ya know.

BEN

And I have a fiance.

Merl tucks his shirt into his pants and straightens his belt and holster.

SHERIFF MERL

Damn it, Benny… You’re nothing like your dad.

Ben reveals a slight tinge of pain. Jaws lock.

SHERIFF MERL

(beat)

Boys and their father. Same ol’ story.

Ben can not reply.

SHERIFF MERL

We both liked to support our local business women.

Merl looks at his reflection in the jailhouse window. Fixes his collar and combs his hair.

BEN

Mom didn’t appretiate it… Drove mom to an early…

ShERIFF MERL

Lighten up. Damn it. We all have a price tag. We’re all whores.

He slaps him on the shoulder and steps to the Jail House door and opens.