Day 11 Assignments

[David Mailman]

David’s Dramatic Reveals.

“What I learned is…?” As usual, I had trouble figuring out how to apply the clear information in the lesson to the assignment. I kept trying to find coverups for all the reveals in each scene. Finally, I began to wonder if there was only one coverup at the beginning of the script for the first major setup until the final reveal at the end to solve the beginning coverup. I.e., few or no other scenes had their own coverups. All the intermediate scenes were only reveals with MIS.

1. Make a list of the important reveals that you want the audience to experience.

2. Sequence them to fit into your Thriller Map.

3. With each reveal, make sure the following are in place:

A. What is the reveal?B. How did it get covered up?C. What M.I.S. can be used to create demand to know the truth?D. When you reveal the truth, it must have dramatic impact.

4. Build any improvements into your Thriller Map.

5. Tell us about the reveals you built into your Thriller Map.

A lot of the reveal/coverups below are setups or foreshadowings/reveals.

R. Jack keeps a large tarantula in a terrarium in his boat.

C. Jack was afraid of spiders too, so he kept one around to overcome his fears.

C. Jack kept the map in the sand at the bottom of the terrarium.

R. Paul’s father died trying to save Lenny’s father.

I. Paul and Jack find this out when they think Lenny is a Cultist and may kill him.

C. Lenny didn’t tell them because he felt guilty.

R. One of the Cultists is placing a tracker on Jack’s boat and taking their ammunition. Paul comes aboard. The Cultist hides and pulls out a knife. He will cut Paul’s throat if he is discovered.

S. Paul keeps just missing him and then leaves.

R. The secret of the map, 1&2.

M. The first solution occurs when Paul realizes that longitude was standardized in the 1880s. Before that each country, like Spain, had their own Prime Meridian. The Santa Elena sunk in the 1790s.

I. The second solution occurs when Paul realizes the Santa Elena belonged to the Inquisition and they used a Meridian through their chapter house in Seville. This occurred to him in a dream where he was stabbed by the Grand Inquisitor in costume.

R. Sandy’ sees Paul’s mother being kidnapped and taken to a house in town.

C. Sandy sees a girlfriend and tells her she saw a second-hand Gucci in just her color at a store. Paul says he’s surprised that a smart girl is interested in fashion.

I. She calls all her girlfriends and tells them to call all their girlfriends because the people at the house are selling $800. handbags for $25. The house is mobbed by girls and the police are called. The mother is freed.

R. Jack reveals the Inquisitor Navigator’s golden cross to Paul’s mother and she wants to sell it.

R. During the betrayal, Paul uses it to distract the betrayer and beat him.

C. The Historical FLASH BACK showed a French soldier ripping something from around the neck of the dead Inquisitor Navigator.

R. The betrayer admits to being a member of the cult and indoctrinated as a child.

C. The betrayer mentions he was born in Paul’s town and hasn’t seen his family in a long time.

R. Paul picks up a spider and shames the exhausted divers into one last dive.

R. Paul overcomes his fears of spiders to overcome a Cult attacker.

S. Paul hates spiders.

R. Paul depended on his reputation and test-score to get into college. Paul was expelled for copying the ACT tests.

I. The Cult and principal framed Paul.

R. Paul’s father was killed on a rig belonging to Carlton Oil.

M. Sandy’s father was in charge of the rig.

R. Principal stopped Paul from being killed because he knew that Paul can solve map.

M. Body of neighbor with shotgun found in Paul’s yard.

R. The Grand Inquisitor commits suicide. His piracy failed. He pours the blood that was used to attract sharks to the divers over his head and jumps in.

I. The GI told his Cultists that they must be willing to die for the Cause.

R. The treasure is found by the sword shining in the water just as the divers are giving up.

M. The HISTORIC OPENING describes a Conquistador showing his friend his new shining sword.

I. He uses his sword to try to free his friend from fallen rigging during the storm, but is trapped too.

S. The sacrifice of his life for a friend foreshadows Paul’s actions.

I. Paul uses the sword to cut his wrist ties and kill his betrayer.

R. Paul’s HS principal is the chief secret villain. He worked through the Grand Inquisitor. He only wanted the money. He had forged documents that said he was from the Vatican.

C. He had no direct part in the Cult’s activities.

He obtained information from the student’s gossip.

He was buddies with the students.

R. The principal wants revenge. He is going to burn the library with Paul and Sandy in it.

C. The principal was fooling around with the sprinkler valves to the library.

S. The librarian kept telling people to wipe their feet on the mat outside. She smoked. Paul rescues them by igniting the gas as it comes under the door. It catches the gas-soaked mat and explodes in the hall where the principal is pouring it. He burns. The hall sprinklers still work.

[Rachelle Storti]

Rachelle’s Dramatic Reveals

What I learned: My map definitely needed updating, as the story has continued to morph. I ended up printing it out to identify where reveals could be inserted, which helped me create a long list (I didn’t think I had that many). I had been down on myself about the beginning feeling slow, but recognizing the subtle reveals I had there made it more interesting. This was a really fun assignment.

List of important reveals, sequenced w/ elements:

The sick/dying woman knew her killer.

Covered up by the fact that she was already sick/dying.

Mystery – who had access to her house and the drugs that killed her?

Intrigue – what reason did someone have to do this?

Suspense – figuring out who the killer is puts our hero in danger.

We are tipped off by the mother’s interaction with murderer. Truth revealed at the end when we find out it was the step-mother all along.

The sick/dying woman was Cyn’s mother and made her executor of the will.

Cover-up – Mom knew some things Cyn doesn’t yet.

Mystery – why include Cyn at all when she is irresponsible and purposefully moved 3000 miles away from home?

Intrigue – our villain wonders the same thing, must alter their plan to include Cyn.

Suspense – Cyn being left anything puts her in danger.

Truth is revealed when Cyn meets with the lawyer and Cyn reads the letter her mother left her.

Cyn has a drug problem.

Cover-up – She hides it well. She is prescribed the medicine she abuses.

Mystery – How will this affect her job and participation in the story?

Intrigue – This makes it easier for the villain to take advantage of her.

Suspense – She may kill herself before the villain gets a chance to.

Truth is revealed when she ducks into the bathroom on a crime scene to take her medicine.

Cyn is attracted to abusive men.

Cover-up – One of the officers on the crime scene is her lover, but doesn’t stick up for her.

Mystery – How will this play out in her relationships with other men in the story?

Intrigue – This makes it easier for the villain to take advantage of her.

Suspense – How can she be the hero when she doesn’t have agency over her own psyche or body?

Truth is revealed when her lover shows up, chastises her for not sticking up for herself and has abusive sex with her.

Jules is a nurse (access to meds).

Cover-up – she is the cover-up for the real killer. She’s naïve.

Mystery – Did Jules kill their mother prematurely?

Intrigue – All part of the villain’s plan to take the heat off themselves.

Suspense – Cyn is in danger staying with her sister, if her sister is a killer.

Jules is attracted to manipulators.

Cover-up – Her relationship appears too perfect but contains suggestive influence from her partner.

Mystery – Is Jules in control or not? Is she manipulative herself?

Intrigue – The villain counts on her being easy to use.

Suspense – Cyn is in danger if she can’t trust her sister to think for herself.

Cyn and Jules are sisters with a tumultuous relationship.

Cover-up – Cyn has been gone for several years, avoiding family drama. They don’t really know each other anymore.

Mystery – Is Jules angry with Cyn for something having to do with their past, the fact that she feels abandoned, or because she needs Cyn to come home to get something out of her?

Intrigue – The villain can use their strained relationship to his advantage.

Suspense – Cyn is in danger potentially from her sister or because her sister may never become an ally.

Truth is revealed on the phone when Jules tells Cyn their mother has died, and when Jules picks Cyn up at the airport.

Cyn is an alcoholic.

Cover-up – She’s been able to stay professional and sober for the moments that really count.

Mystery – Is she going to lose her job over this?

Intrigue – Another tool the villain can use against her.

Suspense – Cyn endangers herself.

Truth is revealed when she comes to work stumbling drunk.

Cyn realizes her mother didn’t die naturally.

Cover-up – The perpetrator injected her mother with insulin, but she’s not a diabetic.

Mystery – Who? Why? Etc.

Intrigue – villain was sloppy, is that part of their plan?

Suspense – Cyn is in danger when she figures out her mother didn’t die naturally.

Truth is revealed when Cyn is taking photos of her mother’s room

Cyn is attracted to powerful, professional women.

Cover-up – We haven’t seen Cyn dazzled by anyone until now.

Mystery – Why has she bonded so deeply with this character? How will the relationship be beneficial to her?

Intrigue – What secrets will Cyn let loose that are useful to the villain?

Suspense – Cyn is in danger when she reveals her secrets to this new confidant.

Truth is revealed when Cyn meets her psychologist step-mother.

What Cyn got in the will.

Cover-up – Cyn didn’t really know what she was getting.

Mystery – What did she get?

Intrigue – This is supposed to be the big payday the villain was counting on.

Suspense – If Cyn doesn’t have anything valuable to the villain what will they do with her?

Truth is revealed when Cyn meets with the lawyer and finds out her mother left her the house with the clause that she cannot sell it for 25 years. Plus a sum of $10,000 which is a lot of money, but not a grand inheritance.

Family history.

Cover-up – Secrets her mother kept from her.

Mystery – why did she wait until she was dead to reveal these things? What will Cyn do with this new information?

Intrigue – they are also secrets from the villain or things the villain can use against her.

Suspense – Does knowing these things put Cyn in more danger?

Truth is revealed when Cyn reads the letter her mother left her with the will. Potential secrets revealed = the deal her parents made when they divorced, why her mother made her executor of her will, secrets that only Jules knows the answers to.

Cyn and Alex history.

Cover-up – Cyn uses drugs and alcohol to cope. We haven’t seen much of why she does this.

Mystery – What happened between them?

Intrigue – there is something untrustworthy about Alex, but is he the villain?

Suspense – Her relationship with him is toxic.

Truth is revealed when they reunite for a binge. Potential betrayals = he cheated on her, gave her an STD, is responsible for some familial trauma.

Cyn has a gun.

Cover-up – She wakes up with it after a blackout episode.

Mystery – Where did she get it? Does she know how to use it? What is she going to do with it?

Intrigue – Is this part of the villain’s plan?

Suspense – Does this make her safer or more vulnerable?

Truth is revealed when she realizes it must have come from Alex.

Jules also got an inheritance.

Cover-up – Jules was angry that Cyn was resistant to coming home when their mother passed. Cyn assumed it had something to do with the will.

Mystery – What did Jules get? Why was she angry?

Intrigue – If the inheritance is part of the villain’s plan, Jules must be the Red Herring.

Suspense – Cyn is in more danger if she’s up against someone other than her sister.

Truth is revealed when Cyn interrogates Jules at gunpoint.

Xander is the murderer.

Cover-up – He is Jules’ fiancé. She trusts him.

Mystery – Why would Xander kill their mother when he could have just waited for her to die?

Intrigue – Xander is the murderer.

Suspense – Now both Cyn and Jules realize they are in danger and up against someone they barely know.

Truth is revealed when sisters are reasoning out who else besides Jules had access to their mother.

Alex is untrustworthy (spying on the sisters).

Cover-up – They don’t see him.

Mystery – Why does Alex care what they do together? Is he in on this?

Intrigue – What is Alex’s relationship to the villain?

Suspense – Women in danger being surveilled.

Truth is revealed to the audience alone.

Step-mother is untrustworthy (talking on the phone after she meets with Cyn).

Cover-up – Cyn trusts her. She has appeared professional and helpful until now.

Mystery – What’s her role in all of this?

Intrigue – What is her relationship to the villain?

Suspense – Now there are potentially three people out to get Cyn and/or Jules.

Alex is interested in Cyn’s inheritance.

Cover-up – Their romantic relationship has been the focus until now.

Mystery – What would Alex stand to gain from her mother’s death?

Intrigue – Is Alex our villain?

Suspense – Cyn trusts him too much.

Truth is revealed when Alex pries into the details of what Cyn got.

Xander and Alex are the same person.

Cover-up – Cyn has never met Xander and Jules has never met Alex.

Mystery – What is Cyn going to do with this information?

Intrigue – Will Alex find out Cyn knows his secret?

Suspense – Cyn is in danger if she can’t keep her cool around him and keep him believing she is clueless.

Truth is revealed when Cyn finds something of Jules’ at his house.

Cyn’s father is A.G. of VT.

Cover-up – this is the first time we meet her father.

Mystery – How do her addictions affect his profession?

Intrigue – Can we trust him?

Suspense – Even if he’s not our villain, will he do something to jeopardize Cyn’s safety?

Truth is revealed when he bails her out of jail.

Jules is pregnant with Xander (Alex) baby.

Cover-up – Jules leaves a note for Cyn saying she needed to take care of something and she’ll explain later.

Mystery – Is she ok?

Intrigue – Did the villain get to her?

Suspense – Cyn is in danger without the only other person who knows the truth about their mother’s death.

Truth is revealed when Jules gets home and tells Cyn she left to terminate her pregnancy.

Step-mom is Alex’s mother.

Cover-up – Nobody ever sees them together or is introduced to them as such.

Mystery – Why was this hidden?

Intrigue – Who’s the real villain here?

Suspense – Will Cyn figure it out in time to save her skin?

Truth is revealed when Step-mom shows up at Jules’ house under false pretenses.

Step-mom had history w/Cyn and Jules’ mother and is the one who killed her.

Cover-up – Nobody close to them knew anything about it.

Mystery – What was their history? Why can’t she let it go?

Intrigue – Now we know who the mastermind behind the whole thing was.

Suspense – Will Cyn and Jules come out on top?

Truth is revealed when Step-mom shows her hand, classic villain monologue style.

[Wilke Durand]

OPENINGIntrigue: A teenager is sleeping. Slowly the bedroom door opens. Suspense: The girl opens her eyes. Scared. Closes them again, pretends she’s asleep. Is it a burglar?Mystery: Who is this man who sneaks into her bedroom?Intrigue: He sits next to her on the bed and strokes her hair.Mystery: Is it her father?Intrigue: Why is she looking at him full of anger? Mystery: What is it that she needs to keep quiet from her mother?

4. When you reveal the truth, it must have dramatic impact.

1.

A. What is the reveal? Her stepdad is the father.B. How did it get covered up? She is loyal to him. He is a loving stepdad. He even tells the mentor not to blame her for her hostility. She’s just a teenager with a mother who can’t handle her. She’s lost. C. What M.I.S. can be used to create demand to know the truth?
When gynecologist asks her about the father, she cries hysterically.Gynecologist tells stepdad something and then stepdad no longer wants to take Lilly home.When it’s all over she doesn’t want to go home. She seems scared. D. When you reveal the truth, it must have dramatic impact. Where is mum? She is away to rest. He tries to rape her. Enters her room just as in scene 1. She manages to dial the mentor’s number. She runs and there is a fight. She tells him that he was the father.

2. REVEAL: LILLY finds out she was not too late to have an abortion.

How did they cover up:

A. Gyn. Sends his assistant home and refuses to show Lily the ultrasound images.

B. Lily’s new friend informs her about the gynecologist but doesn’t show up at the meeting point. Gynecologist is there and tells her: you see? She’s not to be trusted.

C. He confesses that he brings girls to the couple but doesn’t know about the sexual abuse. She believes him.

D. He helps her get away from the couple.

E. Finds child’s pornography on his computer.

F. The criminals have an interest in her. She realizes the baby is for them.

3. A. What is the reveal?

The gynecologist is connected to pedophile network and needs the baby to pay off the 2 criminals he’s working with.

B. How did it get covered up?

He tells Lilly and stepdad that she is not allowed to have an abortion, she is too far gone.

He takes her to billionaire couple and helps her.

Even though we think stepdad is trustable, we appreciate it when he listens to Lily when she says she’s scared of stepdad. He sees to it that stepdad doesn’t come near Lily again.

When it turns out the billionaire couple are sexually abusing young girls and are abusing her, he promises to save her. Comes in with the 2 criminals posing as FBI agents.

When her friend turns up dead, he comes to her rescue with 2 criminals and promises to go to the police.

When the billionaire couple follow them the criminals and the gynecologist get shot at. They protect Lily.

C. What M.I.S. can be used to create demand to know the truth?
What kind of business does the gynecologist have with the 2 criminals and why are they so interested in Lilly.
He lies about everything to her. Why?

D. Lilly finds a diary with telephone numbers of teenage girls and calls a couple of them who all respond with: Hi Mr. Bocuse! That’s not his name.

E. She tries to enter his computer finally she uses the password: Bocuse and enters. Numerous pictures of the names of the teenage girls she has found in his diary. Also the friend who has disappeared. She wants to open a file named: operation baby. Access denied. He comes in. Confronts her.

E. When you reveal the truth, it must have dramatic impact.
When Lilly miscarriages, he goes crazy. He tells her he’s dead now, she’s dead now too. Without a baby she’s of no use for them.

A. Reveal: the housekeepers are to be trusted. When Lilly’s friend is found dead, they inform the police.

B. How did it get covered up?
They rapport the fact that the girls have been in the control room.
They overhear Lilly’s friend’s plan to run away together and tell the couple.

C. What M.I.S. can be used to create demand to know the truth?

When the girl is removed from the island. Her fear and cry for help makes them doubt whether the billionaire couple is to be trusted

D. When you reveal the truth, it must have dramatic impact.

They are threatening them to be send away by the billionaire couple once they ask them about the disappearance of the girl.

E. A Jane Doe is found dead in a different state; it’s Lilly’s new friend. The housekeepers report it to the police without telling the couple.

F. They help Lilly escape.

4.

A. Reveal:

Lilly’s friend is to be trusted after all when she’s found dead in another state.

B. How did it get covered up?

She shows up at the meeting point to escape but brings the couple and the housekeepers.

5. A. Reveal: Detective is a victim of sexual abuse herself and is send home after killing a predator when she took him into custody.

B. How does it get covered up?

Doesn’t want to talk about Lizzies case with her wife.

Avoiding the mandatory therapy sessions and has to choose: get her job back or writing parking tickets

C. What M.I.S. can be used to create demand to know the truth?

She has anxiety attacks when nobody is around.

Why isn’t she joining the relation therapy sessions with her wife?

She is fired from her job temporarily. Why? What happened?

Her father is dying of cancer. Sister comes over to ask her to say goodbye. She refuses.

When he dies, she doesn’t go to the funeral.

D. When you reveal the truth, it must have dramatic impact.

In an emotional encounter with her family, she tells why she is not going and why they shouldn’t be going either. Forgiveness can only be given when asked by the predator.