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Day 11 Assignments
Post your Day 11 Assignment here.
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Mark Hawk’s Outline
What I learned doing this assignment is that there are a multitude of ways to create an outline and not fight a new process that I’m not familiar with.
Title: IN THE ICE
GENRE: Sci-Fi
Logline: When an unknown substance is discovered in an ice core a power struggle for control of it threatens the lives of everyone involved.
OUTLINE:
ACT I
INT. COMMUNICATIONS ROOM – DAY
Toni sits at the communications console of the research station, writing down information about the group of Ecotourists that will be arriving within the hour.
INT. DRILL ROOM – DAY
Marta guides the core drill pipe as Reggie looks over Brian’s shoulder as he operates the drill controls.
Brian operates the controls of a core drill. He’s becoming increasingly annoyed that Reggie keeps looking over his shoulder.
Reggie stands beside Brian as he operates the core drill controls.
Leo walks into the main drill area as Brian operates the controls.
Marta notices that there is an odd vibration in the core drilling pipe and tells Brian.
Brian thinks the drill may be hitting a suspended rock in the ice, but both he and Marta can tell that the situation is getting worse.
Brian stops the drill, and both Leo and Reggie tell him to start back up.
Brian ignores them and starts raising the core drilling pipe.
Toni walks into the room and tells Leo that the Ecotourists will be arriving in two hours. Leo resents having to take part in these tours because they take away from project work.
INT./EXT. PASSENGER DRONE – DAY
Jeffery rides in a front seat of a four-person air drone as they make their way to an Antarctic research facility. He’s making this trip after bumping someone else off the trip so that he can be near Carol.
Simone rides in the other front seat of the air drone.
Carol rides in a rear seat of the air drone. She’s making this trip to see what is occurring at the site that is generating so much secrecy.
Simone lies about how many times she has been on ecotourist trips but keeps asking questions about what is going to happen.
Need more interactions between Carol, Jeffery, and Simone to create the conflicts and personalities.
EXT. LANDING PAD – DAY
Carol, Jeffery, and Simone land in an arial drone on the Research Stations landing pad.
Toni greets them and leads them into the station.
INT. HALLWAY – DAY
Leo’s back is visible in the doorway of the drill room.
Toni leads Carol, Jeffery, and Simone and introduces them to Leo.
Leo turns and invites the group into the drill room.
INT. DRILL ROOM – DAY
Leo gives a brief explanation into what occurs in the room.
Reggie notices the guests. She can’t help but introduce herself to Carol and tells her that she is her idol.
Jeffery can’t help himself and snorts in disbelief.
Add more dynamics between Carol and Jeffery.
During the welcome at the research facility, Jeffery interrupts and talks over Carol when she tries to introduce herself. When she tries to politely tell Jeffery that he is interrupting her, Jeffery becomes more aggressively dismissive. She has only been treated like this by one man in her life, and she makes a note to watch Jeffery carefully.
Drill makes ominous sounds.
Marta yells that there are massive vibrations on the drill pipe.
Brian stops the drill and begins raising it.
Brian tells Leo that the equipment is not working properly and that he cannot guarantee anyone’s safety.
Leo thinks he just can’t figure out why it won’t work and asks Marta.
Brian tells Leo that if he says it won’t work, it won’t work.
Marta agrees with Brian.
The drill rigging stalls and lurches trying to raise the last coring pipe. Brian and Marta switch places and the ground starts to rumble.
Marta tells Brian that she is noticing odd flickers on equipment as the coring pipe is being raised.
Brian is able to get the coring drill out of the core shaft and Marta starts lowering it flat onto the ice.
Brian turns and starts to approach the drill hole when the lights flicker and the drill pipe suddenly swings violently and impales Brian in the abdomen, killing him.
ACT II
INT. DRILL ROOM – DAY
Carol is repulsed by the sight of Brian’s body and leaves the drill room, followed closely by Reggie and Jeffery.
Toni tries to comfort Leo as he stands in shock not knowing what to do.
Marta begins the process of documenting what happens.
Simone looks around and asks what she can do to help.
Toni takes Leo out of the drill room.
Simone asks Marta if she can help her, but Marta turns down the help.
Marta is filled with conflicted emotions. She is sad that her boss has just died and is fuming that Leo, Reggie, and Toni all left the room.
Marta extracts the coring pipe from Brian’s lifeless body and setting it on the ground next to him.
She places Brian into a body bag and seals it up when she hears a humming sound that she can’t quite find, but appears to be coming from the coring pipe.
Marta carefully packages the ice core into a sleeve and discovers a dark material in the ice.
INT. HALLWAY – DAY
Marta runs into Toni just outside the drill room door.
Toni says that all communications are down, even satellite.
Marta tells Toni to get Leo and Reggie and ask them to come to the drill room.
INT. DRILL ROOM
Leo enters the drill room.
Marta shows him what she has found in the ice core.
Lights flicker as Leo and Marta pick up the ice core and take it to the storage room.
INT. CORE ROOM – DAY
Leo and Marta place the ice core on a long table.
Reggie enters and offers to help Leo as Marta tries to find out why the lights are flickering.
Marta runs into Carol and Simone in the doorway.
Carol asks if they can observe what is happening.
Marta is about to answer when Jeffery pushes through them into the room.
Leo believes that the unknown substance is organic or naturally occurring, but has no clue what it is.
INT. HALLWAY – DAY
Power fluctuations and faults impact all of the support systems, including heating.
Marta is forced to focus on correcting the issues and starts to hear buzzing anytime she is near the unknown substance.
No one else hears the buzzing.
INT. CORE ROOM – DAY
Carol tries to ask Leo questions, but he says that he really needs to focus on what he is looking at.
Reggie offers to answer any questions she has.
Toni watches everyone, trying to stay out of the way.
Carol learns from Reggie that the research is at an impasse because Leo is overly cautious about anything. Carol learns that Reggie has been working with an outside organization to take over the project.
Reggie tries to present herself to Carol as someone who is destined for something greater, but Carol seems cordial and doesn’t respond to Reggie’s tactics.
Leo calls Reggie and Toni over to give them an update on what he is seeing.
Leo insists that the unknown substance is some kind of unknown primordial substance, but Reggie and Toni disagree given that there is ice above and below it.
They examine it under a microscope and cannot see anything close to an organic compound.
Toni suggests that the unknown substance should be sent to McMurdo for further testing.
Leo wants to wait and perform a few more tests.
Reggie agrees with Toni, but Leo says that it’s his call to make.
The lights start to flicker again and a faint rumbling can be felt.
Leo asks Reggie to get Marta.
Reggie leaves, followed by Jeffery.
INT. EQUIPMENT ROOM – DAY
Reggie tells Marta that Leo wants to see her.
Marta says that things aren’t going to be fixed if he keeps acting like this.
Reggie tells Marta that Leo’s convinced himself that the substance is something natural and not to worry.
Marta tells Reggie that this substance is not like anything she has ever seen, especially the way the equipment behaves. It also hums, but Reggie says she doesn’t hear it.
INT. HALLWAY – DAY
Marta and Reggie leave the equipment room.
Marta heads for the core room and passes Jeffery.
Jeffery asks if they are in any danger.
Reggie says ‘no’, but Marta says ‘not yet’.
Jeffery stops Reggie and quietly offers her an obscene amount of money in return for the unknown substance.
Simone is standing in the doorway of the core room and sees Jeffery and Reggie having a quiet discussion in the hallway.
INT. CORE ROOM – DAY
Simone looks into the room and notices Toni watching her, which makes her feel uncomfortable.
Marta enters the room and Leo approaches her.
Leo tells Marta that she needs to get the electrical issues fixed as soon as possible.
Marta says that she’s working on it when she sees Toni pick up the unknown substance.
When Marta asks what Toni is doing, Leo turns around and tells Toni to put the substance down.
Toni apologizes, and Leo tells her to check to see if communications are still down.
INT. COMMUNICATIONS ROOM – DAY
Toni secretly sends an update and receives a coded response indicating that she is to take the unknown substance and deliver it to a contact.
Communications go out before she can send confirmation.
INT. CORE ROOM – DAY
Leo and Reggie talk about what should be done with the sample, and an argument starts about who is actually in charge.
Carol tries to calm both of them down, but Leo tells her to stay out of it.
Jeffery takes advantage of the argument and deftly walks to the container of the unknown substance, places into the pocket of his jacket, then leaves the room while the argument is still in full swing.
EXT. LANDING PAD – DAY
Jeffery makes his way to the drone and climbs inside.
INT. CORE ROOM – DAY
Marta has come into the room and has calmed Leo and Reggie down just as ground begins to rumble loudly.
Reggie looks around, then bolts out the door.
EXT. LANDING PAD – DAY
Reggie runs out and tries to crawl into the drone just as the doors start to close, but is pinned by the door.
Marta and the others walk out of the station door as the ground rumbles louder.
The drone climbs 30 feet, then pitches violently flies directly into the ground.
Jeffery and Reggie are dead.
ACT III
INT. CORE ROOM – DAY
The ground stops rumbling quite so much.
Carol and Leo get into a heated argument about what should be done now that three people have died in a matter of hours.
EXT. LANDING PAD – DAY
The bodies of Jeffery and Reggie are recovered by Marta, Toni, and Simone.
Simone witnesses Toni finding the unknown substance and hiding it in her pocket.
Carol tells Leo that the discussion is far from over just as Marta, Toni, and Simone approach.
Carol walks to the door to the station and opens it.
An alarm can be heard, and Toni says that it’s the weather alarm.
INT. HALLWAY – DAY
Toni heads for the communications room as the others head to the Mess Hall.
INT. MESS HALL – DAY
Carol tries to make a call using her satellite phone, but cannot get a signal.
Simone asks Marta if she’s okay.
Toni walks in carrying the printout from the weather warning console and tells everyone that there is an impending storm approaching which should hit in the next two hours.
Marta and Leo don’t understand how the weather warning could have been received if all communication is out.
Carol asks what needs to be done to get ready, and Marta says that everything needs to be secured.
Marta wonders if the weather communications receiver could be reprogrammed to transmit a distress call.
Carol tells Marta that it can wait until after the station has been secured.
Leo takes exception to Carol issuing orders, but Carol puts him in his place quickly.
Carol splits people into teams. One team composed of Carol, Leo, and Simone. The other team composed of Marta and Toni.
PLACEHOLDER – EVENING
The teams start securing the station.
INT. MESS HALL – NIGHT
Everyone gathers in the Mess Hall after securing the station.
Simone starts to ask about whether this could all be caused by that unknown substance.
Leo scoffs at the notion.
Toni wonders if she was seen pocketing the unknown substance.
Marta suggests that at this stage anything is possible.
Everything goes black as the electricity fails, which should not be possible.
Marta, Leo, and Toni pull mini flashlights from their pockets.
Marta starts to head out the door and asks Toni to help her.
INT. EQUIPMENT ROOM – NIGHT
Marta and Toni go into the equipment room to see if they can troubleshoot the electrical issues and discover that everything should be working.
Marta sends Toni to the drill room for some equipment.
Marta begins to think that Toni is taking too long with the equipment and leaves to help her.
INT. DRILL ROOM – NIGHT
Marta discovers that Toni packing gear like she is leaving.
Marta asking Toni loudly where she is going draws everyone else to the drill room.
Toni says she is leaving.
Simone asks if she’s taking the unknown substance.
Toni claims ignorance, but Simone says it’s in her pocket.
Toni finally pulls the unknown substance out of her pocket with one hand and a gun in the other.
Toni says that she’s leaving no matter what.
When she tries to leave by backing through a doorway outside, the unknown substance in her pocket expands rapidly into a long spear shape, piercing Toni up through the head.
Toni drops to the ground dead as the unknown substance quickly contracts into a non-threatening shape.
ACT IV
INT. MESS HALL – NIGHT
Carol finally convinces Leo that the unknown substance should be removed and closely studied in one of her facilities.
Marta doesn’t agree and explains that the unknown substance behaves more like a machine than something organic based on her experience.
Leo asks her how in the hell she would know anything about that.
Marta lowers her eyes, and Carol asks why she doesn’t agree.
Marta presents her observations in precise order.
Leo asks where she gained that type of knowledge, Marta admits that it was the way she was taught when she was obtaining her PhD in Applied Physics.
Leo is flabbergasted.
Marta suggests that the unknown substance may be part of something bigger and recommends that they try placing down the core drill hole.
Simone asks who’s going to retrieve the unknown substance from Toni’s body.
Marta volunteers.
INT. DRILL ROOM NIGHT
Marta walks into the drill room and approaches Toni’s body.
The ground begins to rumble as she removes the unknown substance from Toni’s pocket.
The rumbling stops as Marta stands facing the drill hole.
She looks at the unknown substance and hears a humming coming from it.
She asks if anyone else can hear the hum, but no one does.
The ground begins to rumble and violently shake.
Marta walks to the drill hole as carefully as possible and drops the unknown substance into it.
The rumbling and ground movement immediately stops.
Electricity comes back on, and communications have been restored.
INT. COMMUNICATIONS ROOM – NIGHT
Marta contacts McMurdo and informs them that there have been three deaths and that immediate rescue is needed.
McMurdo tells them that 2 drones are going to be sent as soon as the weather clears, which should be in about 6 hours.
EXT. LANDING PAD – NIGHT
Marta, Leo, Carol, and Simone board an emergency drone that has just arrived and safely leave the site.
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Marc Lynch’s Outline Part 2
What I learned doing this assignment: The more components added to the outline the more interest and intrigue is added to the story.
Title: Flight of the Hawk Balloon
LOGLINE:
While a lethal mountain lion terrorizes peaceful hikers in the Sandia mountain wilderness, a depressive teenager, searches for medical assistance for her father, a hot air balloon pilot, after their balloon crashes during a test flight in New Mexico.
GENRE: Drama/Adventure
Main Conflict: The mountain lion, “El Lion,” terrorizes and kills anyone who enters the mountainside.
Act 1: Introduce the characters and set up a conflict
Opening:
EXT. MOUNTAIN – DAY
Three youthful mountain hikers are killed by a vicious mountain lion: “El Leon.”
HOPE: The three hikers can have a pleasant hike overlooking the mountain valley.(Unpredictability/Not sure what or who the real threat is)
FEAR: The hikers see a dead, half-eaten animal on the hiking trail. But they keep walking. How was the animal killed and will the hikers run into the same fate? (Dangerous Environment)SET UP: The three hikers walk a mountain trail and find a lunch spot.
PAYOFF: El Leon kills all three hikersEXT. SCHOOLYARD – DAY
Helen is fist fighting the school bully in the schoolyard. The principal breaks up the fight and takes Helen to his office.
HOPE: I hope Helen survives the fight and wins. (Unpredictability/Out of control situation)
FEAR: What kind of punishment will Helen get from the principal. (Increasing Tension/What’s the worst that can happen)CHARACTER JOURNEY: Beginning: Helen has a fistfight in her schoolyard with the school bully.
Internal Conflict: Helen is a depressed teenager due to the divorce of her parents. Her mother blames Helen for the divorce.
Subtext :
Wound: No respect from her mother. She blames Helen for the divorce.
Motivation:
Dilemma:
Intrigue:Secret Identity:
Hidden Agenda :
Hidden Character History:
Character layers:INT. HELEN’S HOME – DAY
CHARACTER JOURNEY TURNING POINT 1:
After Helen is expelled from her school, her mother sends her to live with her father, a hot air balloon pilot, in Albuquerque, New Mexico.
Internal Conflict:
Subtext:
Wound:
Motivation: Helen wants to make her father proud of her and do good in her new home with her new “step” family.
Dilemma:
Intrigue:
Secret Identity: Helen is a naturalist.
Hidden Agenda:
Hidden Character: Helen is an “A” student but lazy with very little self esteem.
History
Character layersCharacter Layers: Helen
Layers Surface: A loner and a self-destructive teenager/Layers Beneath: An A student but lazy/Layers Beneath that: A real fighter and not “quitter.” Very self-reliant.
How revealed: A conversation she has with her father on the drive from the airport to her new home.
Also, how she reacts to adversity in the desert wilderness.
Internal Conflict
Subtext
Wound
Motivation
Dilemma
Intrigue
Secret Identity
Hidden Agenda
Hidden Character History
Character layersEXT. SANDIA MOUNTAIN WILDERNESS – DAY
Inciting Indecent: Their hot air balloon, with Helen and her father, the pilot, crashes in the New Mexico Wilderness.
HOPE: After her father passes out in the balloon. Helen gets instructions from the crew chief on how to fly and navigate the balloon. (Unpredictability/ Person on the edge)
FEAR: What if Helen loses control and can’t fly the balloon. (Increasing Tension/What’s the worst that can happen.)Internal Conflict: Helen lost control of the balloon while trying to recover it in mid-flight. Can she prove to herself and her family that she can get out of this situation.
Subtext:
Wound :
Motivation: Can she save her father and find medical assistance in the wilderness.
Dilemma:
Intrigue:
Secret Identity:
Hidden Agenda:
Hidden Character History:
Character layers :
Plot Layers:
Surface: Helen is sent by her mother to live with her father after being expelled from school/Beneath: Helen goes on a hot air balloon test run with her father days before the balloon festival is to begin/ Beneath that: Her father blacks out from a medical condition during the test run. Helen cannot fly the balloon and crashes it in the mountain wilderness.
How revealed: Helen survives the balloon crash but realizes her father has lost consciousness. Helen starts to walk into the wilderness looking for help.
HOPE: After the balloon crashes, she sees hikers and asks them for help. (Isolation/Alone)
Fear: Helen is alone in the wilderness with nowhere to turn for help.Until Little Joe Begay arrives and advises her to find Fatu. (Increasing Tension/Ticking Clock)Internal Conflict :
Subtext:
Wound:
Motivation: To save her father while E Leon terrorizes the mountainside.
Dilemma:
Intrigue: Secret Identity:
Hidden Agenda:
Hidden Character:
History
Character layersSETUP: Helen passes out in the balloon during the test flight.
PAYOFF: Helen can’t fly the balloon by the radio instruction from the crew chief and the balloon crashes in the mountain side.EXT. SANDIA MOUNTAIN WILDERNESS – DAY
Turning Point 1: Helen meets Little Joe Begay, a Navajo Indian. Little Joe is a spiritual shapeshifter. He gives her food and water. He warns her to beware of “El Leon.” He removes his facial bandana and shows her the facial scars give to him by “El Leon.” He tells Helen to find Fatu and she can help her with medical assistance for her father.
Finally, Little Joe Begay gives Helen “an herb” to help her cope with the desert wilderness. She falls asleep. When she wakes Little Joe has disappeared. Helen walks into the desert wilderness searching for Fatu.
Internal Conflict: Doubts about trusting Little Joe Begay
Subtext: Little Joy Begay and Helen. Trust.
Wound:
Motivation: Helen is desperate to get out of this situation.
Dilemma: Helen either trusts the advice of a stranger: Little Joe Begay or let her father die.
Intrigue :
Secret Identity: Little Joe is a spiritual shapeshifter.
Hidden Agenda:
Hidden Character:
History
Character layers :Act 2: Challenge the reality of the characters
EXT. DESERT WILDERNESS – DAY
New Plan: Helen walks into the desert wilderness. Crows fly overhead up in the sky. Helen follows them into the desert.
CHARACTER JOURNEY:
EXT. DESERT WILDERNESS – DAY
Helen walks into the wilderness looking for help.
Plan of Action: As Helen walks into the desert, she meets several hikers coming down the mountain. They warn Helen of the destructive force of “El Leon,” and advise her to turn around and not go any further. Helen asks each group of hikers she meets to help her but each group refuses.
HOPE: Increasing Tension/What’s the worst that can happen.
FEAR: (Unpredictability/ Could attack at any moment) El Leon.
Internal Conflict: Helen is learning as she travels to find Fatu, the hikers offer no real help and only want to leave the mountainside in fear of El Leon.
Subtext:
Wound:
Motivation: Time is running out to save her father.
Dilemma:
Intrigue:
Secret Identity:
Hidden Agenda:
Hidden Character:
History
Character layers:EXT. DESERT WILDERNESS – DAY
CHARACTER JOURNEY:
Midpoint turning Point: The herb that Little Joe Begay gave Helen starts to have an effect on her and the tone of the story changes in the desert from realism to magical realism. Birds, animals, trees, plants, talk to Helen and she walks through the desert mountainside. This is designed to express Helen’s insecurities and explore her internal conflict.
Location Layers:
Surface: The New Mexico Wilderness is peaceful and natural/Beneath: A vicious mountain lion terrorizes all humans who enter her territory/Beneath that: When Helen arrives into the New Mexico wilderness it changes the tone of the story changes from “realism” to “magical realism.” How revealed: As Helen walks the wilderness looking for medical assistance for her injured Father, animals, trees, cactus talk to Helen. This technique helps expose Helen’s internal conflict.
Exhausted. Helen drinks water from a mountain stream. A snake appears and talks to her in the form of her mother. It bites Helen in the face and swims off.
Fatu appears standing over Helen. She sucks the poison from Helen’s face and carries her out of the desert.
Hope: Can Helen overcome her internal conflicts. (Isolation/Psychological Issues)
FEAR: Increasing Tension/What is the character afraid of.Internal Conflict: Helen is turning delusional from the walking and heat and has serious doubts she can save her father and find Fatu.
Subtext:
Wound:
Motivation: Save her father
Dilemma: Quit searching for Fatu or Let her father die.
Intrigue:
Secret Identity:
Hidden Agenda:
Hidden Character:
History
Character layersAct 3: With Mid-Point change, everything must change
INT. FATU’S STAW BALE MOUNTAIN HOUSE – DAY
Rethink everything: Helen has finally found Fatu. She pleads her case to help with medical assistance. Fatu agrees due to her own conflict with “El Leon.” He kills her favorite dog and bit off part of her hand while trying to save her dog.
She now wants her own revenge on “El Leon.”
HOPE: Incompatibility/Forced to deal with each other
FEAR: Incompatibility/ Opposing Needs and desires.
Internal Conflict:
Subtext:
Wound:
Motivation: To finally get medical help for her father.
Dilemma: Either follow the rules and agenda Fatu set up or let her father die alone.
Intrigue:
Secret Identity: Fatu was once in the military and know how to use weapons and navigate the mountains.
Hidden Agenda:
Hidden Character:
History
Character layers:CHARACTER JOURNEY:
EXT. FATU’S BACKYARD – DAY
New Plan: Fatu and Helen practice using weapons to fight El Leon. They also go over strategies on the best approach to win the fight.
INT. FATU’S STRAWBALE HOUSE – NIGHT
They sleep on it and go out the next day. Helen’s dreams what the battle with El Leon might turn out to be.
HOPE: Will Helen and Fatu’s new plan work. (Increasing Tension/How many things could go wrong.
FEAR: Incompatibility/Triggering each other.
Internal Conflict
Subtext
Wound
Motivation
Dilemma
Intrigue
Secret Identity
Hidden Agenda
Hidden Character History
Character layersEXT. MOUNTAIN WILDERNESS – DAY
Major shift: Fatu and Helen come face to face with El Leon. El Leon defeats and kills Fatu. El Leon runs off after the kill. Helen is left alone again in the wilderness.
HOPE: Can Helen now get inspiration from Fatu’s death to continue to look for help. (Isolation/Loss of Companion)
FEAR: Where is El Leon hiding. (Unpredictability/Danger/Could attack at any moment)Internal Conflict: Can Helen continue to look for help and face the final battle alone with El Leon.
Subtext:
Wound:
Motivation
Dilemma:
Intrigue:
Secret Identity:
Hidden Agenda:
Hidden Character
History
Character layersAct 4: Test the change in the character
CHARACTER JOURNEY:
EXT. MOUNTAIN WILDERNESS – DAY
Final Plan: Take off parts of Fatu’s bloody clothes. Walk in the wilderness and leave Fatu’s scent to a location when El Leon will follow and be vulnerable to an attack and final battle
Climax: Final battle between Helen and El Leon.
HOPE: What method will Helen use to defeat El Leon. (Unpredictability/Out of control situation)
FEAR: Danger/Threat/AttackInternal Conflict
Subtext:
Wound:
Motivation:
Dilemma:
Intrigue: The battle between Helen and El Leon.
Secret Identity:
Hidden Agenda:
Hidden Character:
History
Character layersCHARACTER JOURNEY:
EXT. MOUNTAIN WILDERNESS – DAY
Resolution: A helicopter Search and Rescue team, which has been looking for Helen all through the story, has finally found her. The leader puts Helen in the helicopter to take her home.
INT. HELICOPTER – DAY
While in the helicopter, Helen has a vision and asks the pilot to go to Fatu’s house. A cloud of crows circles Fatu’s house overhead. Helen sees her father at the doorstep of Fatu’s house.
HOPE: Will Helen Father turn out to be okay.
Fear: Is Helen’s father dead.
Internal Conflict: No internal conflict.
Subtext :
Wound
Motivation:
Dilemma:
Intrigue:
Secret Identity:
Hidden Agenda:
Hidden Character:
History
Character layers:-
This reply was modified 4 years ago by Mark Lynch. Reason: I hit enter by accident when the assignment wasn't completed
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This reply was modified 4 years ago by Mark Lynch. Reason: I hit enter by accident when the assignment wasn't completed
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This reply was modified 4 years ago by
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Madeleine Vessel’s Outline
What I learned doing this assignment is every pass adds content and depth to the outline.
Overview:
Title: Chance EncounterGenre: ThrillerLogline: When a brokenhearted woman is suddenly taken hostage by a mentally unstable man, she must rely on a responding patrol officer to negotiate her release, not knowing he’s battling PTSD.
Act 1:
INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
OPENING: Dory eats dinner in front of a baseball game on the TV. The camera pans the crowd and stops on Dory’s fiancé, Jerry. Excited, she texts him using her mobile phone. She sees him text her back on TV, “Love u 2.” She smiles.
But then the camera pulls back, and Dory sees he’s with a beautiful woman, who teasingly turns to him and kisses him on the lips.
Suddenly, Jerry sees his face on the baseball marquis, realizes he’s on nationwide TV, and pushes away the woman he’s with.
At home, Dory collapses. Her happy life comes crashing down around her.
A friend calls Dory, “Are you watching the game?”
Dory breaks down. Tears run down her cheeks.
The friend says, “Jerry’s a bastard…. “
She warns Dory to expect bombardment by the press. “News reporters must already know the girl with Jerry isn’t you.” Dory hangs up.
INT. KITCHEN – NIGHT
Dory rubs soap on her engagement ring, trying to remove it. She fails. It won’t budge.
INT. BATHROOM – DAY
Elsewhere, in another bathroom, Tristan opens a prescription bottle and finds it empty.
He panics.
What will his mother say? He’s supposed to tell her when his prescription starts to run low.
Tristan’s eve more afraid of what he will do off his medicine.
EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD STREETS – DAY
Increasingly paranoid, Tristan wonders the streets, looking for help.
EXT. ACTIVITY CENTER OFFICE – DAY
Dory unlocks the door to the activity center and enters.
INT. ACTIVITY CENTER OFFICE – DAY
A sign posted reminds staff to keep door locked when the activity center is closed to the public.
Preoccupied with her broken heart, Dory fails to lock the door.
EXT. POOL AREA – DAY
Dory sprays down the pool deck with a hose, weeping over her fiancé’s betrayal and over her wasted life. Now, what? What’s the point of her life? Why go on?
EXT. ACTIVITY CENTER – DAY
Tristan peeks through the swimming pool fence slats. He sees Dory skimming leaves off the surface of a swimming pool. He has often watched her doing this, but this is the first time he’s seen her weeping.
Tristan doesn’t like to see her weeping. He becomes agitated.
Tristan finds the door to the activity center unlocked. He enters.
EXT. SWIMMING POOL AREA – DAY
Inside the pool area, Tristan begs Dory to get away from the edge of the pool. He’s afraid she’ll drown.
Dory stops crying. Tristan’s sudden appearance is a surprise. The door into the swimming pool should have been locked.
Realizing Tristan’s acting irrationally, Dory strives for calm.
Dory assures Tristan she knows how to swim.
When Tristan only becomes more agitated, she steps back from the pool.
INCITING INCIDENT – Tristan tells Dory he’s afraid he’s going to hurt someone because he’s off his medication.
Clearly, Tristan’s mentally unstable. Suddenly, Dory is afraid. All she wants to do is get away from him, but it will take finesse.
Dory struggles to keep her wits about her. She needs to get Tristan out of the activity center without riling him up.
Clutching at straws, she asks him how she can help him. He doesn’t know.
She suggests he call a family member for help. He doesn’t have a mobile phone.
Dory offers him her own phone. He won’t take it. “If my mother finds out I haven’t taken my medicine, she’ll get mad.” The very thought of his mother finding out scares him. In fact he’s out of the house because he’s hiding from her.
Dory offers to call 911. Tristan becomes even more agitated. He’s afraid of the police. They put people in jail. Dory quickly tells him, “Okay, no police.” Tristan quiets down.
Dory asks Tristan how he feels about firefighters. He’s okay with them. They’re good guys. He has received help from them before.
Dory offers to call 911 and ask for the fire department. Tentatively, he agrees. With his permission, she calls 911 and asks for the fire department.
EXT. ACTIVITY CENTER – DAY
A fire truck responds.
INT. POOL AREA – DAY
TURNING POINT – One of the firefighters, Con, instantly recognizes Tristan as a man he knew in college. They were both pursuing a degree in forestry when Tristan was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenic.
Con knows Dory. He’s responded to the pool more than once. He reassures Dory as soon as he arrives. “Everything will be all right.”
Con struggles and fails to persuade Tristan to go with him to the hospital.
Tristan doesn’t trust Con on sight. He says, “There’s something evil about Con’s blue eyes.” Totally irrational.
The more Con pressures Tristan, the more he resists.
Finally, Tristan pulls something out of his pocket and takes hold of Dory. Arm around her neck, he uses Dory as a shield against Con.
Con leaves the Activity Center.
Tristan follows Con outside the Activity Center, dragging Dory with him.
Act 2:
INT. NEAREST POLICE STATION – DAY
Most of the station leaving for breakfast. They’re celebrating something.
Only one police officer stays in the office, holding down the fort. This is Sam.
Sam is a police officer newly assigned to desk duty at the district’s police station because he is struggling with PTSD flashbacks from a previous failed hostage situation in another district.
EXT. STREET OUTSIDE ACTIVITY CENTER – DAY
Con calls 911 for assistance with a hostage situation.
INT. NEAREST POLICE STATION – DAY
Sam answers Con’s call.
Sam learns that Con has a hostage situation and that the hostage taker may be holding a knife to the hostage’s back.
This is Sam’s dilemma. Does he waste precious time waiting for someone else to respond, or does he risk having a PTSD break and failing another hostage.
INT. POLICE UNIT – DAY
He proceeds to the hostage situation in a patrol car, calling for backup on the way.
On the way, Sam starts to experience PTSD symptoms. He starts perspiring heavily. He has difficulty getting his breath.
EXT. STREET OUTSIDE ACTIVITY CENTER – DAY
Sam arrives at the scene and introduces himself to Con, who fills him in on the situation.
Tristan whispers in Dory’s ear, “Sam has brown eyes.” Thinking this is a good sign, Dory asks Tristan to let go his grip on her, but he refuses. Tristan uses her as a shield against Sam.
MIDPOINT TURNING POINT. FEAR. Seeing Tristan using Dory as a shield triggers a PTSD flashback in Sam. Sam starts to perspire, starts shaking, vomits. Con thinks he has food poisoning. Actually, Sam has PTSD.
Con’s anger is palpable. He tells him either to stand down or do what has to be done. Dory’s life is in jeopardy.
Sam pulls himself together. After a moment, he reminds Con that not only Dory’s life is in jeopardy, but so is Tristan’s.
PLACEHOLDER. Sam works to develop rapport with Tristan and Dory.
Tristan is suspicious of Sam.
Dory likes Sam.
Dory finds out that Tristan lives nearby with his mother and sister. She relays this information to Sam, who is finally getting a grip.
Act 3:
RETHINK EVERYTHING. Sam sends for Tristan’s family members.
NEW PLAN. Tristan’s sister, Lilith, arrives on the scene. Tristan panics at the sight of her. “What’s she doing here?”
In a huddle with Sam, Lilith is gung-ho to help. Sam lays out a plan for her.
But then when Lilith starts to talk Tristan into letting go of Dory, she realizes that the situation could be an answer to both her and her mother’s prayers, a way to get rid of Tristan—death by cop.
It turns out that Lilith hates Tristan. He’s the cause of her and her mother’s current poverty. In addition, he takes up all their mother’s attention.
TURNING POINT: Lilith escalates the situation, screaming at him, telling him she hates him for the trouble he’s caused the family and hopes he dies by cop. Her intention is to scare Tristan and cause him to invite police action.
Tristan does panic. He puts Dory in a strangle hold. Blood flows from a scratch at Dory’s throat. Tristan panics more. He hasn’t meant to hurt Dory. To Lilith: “Look what you made me do.” To Dory: “I’m so sorry.”
Dory is caught between Tristan and Lilith. Lilith wants Tristan dead by cop. If she gets her way, Dory might also be a casualty.
Dory, miserable over her cheating fiancé, wavers between wanting to die and wanting to live. She’s at an intersection. Finally, she decides to choose life not death.
Sam, barely holding onto his reason, yells at Con to get Lilith out of there.
Con drags Lilith away screaming.
Once Con has Lilith away from the hostage scene, he comforts her. He understands her frustration. He shares with her his own struggle with a brother now in prison for committing a violent crime.
A news team shows up scaring Tristan, Dory, and Sam. They’ve all been either subject to or potentially subject to public scrutiny, with no good results.
Tristan’s family has previously been the subject of a news team with horrible results.
Dory expects to be the talk of the town regarding her fiancés betrayal.
Sam had to live with the results of the hostage situation gone wrong replayed by the news again and again.
One of the reporters confronts Sam about his past.
Sam orders the news reporters to back off. Lives are at stake.
Con and another firefighter push the news reporters back.
Pressed by Con for answers to the reporter’s allegations, Sam tells Con the truth about his condition.
What Con doesn’t know is that Sam is at a dangerous crossroad. He can’t get a previous hostage situation out of his head. Neither can he let someone else die.
Con gets on the phone and calls for another hostage negotiator.
Tristan is increasingly agitated.
Dory, trying to calm Tristan down, tells him she knows how it feels to have your whole life go to hell. She tells him she has just seen her fiancé cheating on her on nationwide TV. She bursts into sobs.
Tristan comforts Dory.
LAYER. HOPE. Sam realizes that Tristan doesn’t want to hurt Dory or anyone else. He realizes that Tristan trusts Dory and that she is empathetic toward Tristan.
Sam tells Dory and Tristan that saving both of them is his mission.
Tristan calms down. He begins to trust Sam because Dory does.
Act 4:
FINAL PLAN. Sam tells Dory and Tristan that the best solution would be for him to take Tristan to the hospital and get him back on his medication.
Dory talks to Tristan as she would her friend. He likes the idea of going to the hospital, but when Dory tries to persuade him to get into the police unit, he resists. He’s afraid. A police unit is not an ambulance, it’s for taking criminals to jail. “I’m no criminal.”
Dory offers to get into the back of the police unit with Tristan and accompany him to the hospital.
Con rejects Dory’s suggestion outright. He wants Sam to wait for another negotiator.
Initially Sam resists the idea too, but seeing a way to get Dory out of Tristan’s clutches, he agrees to Dory’s plan.
He discusses a plan with an angry Con. The only thing Sam’s worried about is what kind of weapon Tristan might be holding and whether or not he will be willing to use it. Still, time is wasting. They need to do something fast.
CLIMAX/ULTIMATE EXPRESSION OF THE CONFLICT. Dory persuades Tristan it’s safe to get into the backseat of the police unit with her. She promises to stay with him until he’s treated. That’s what friends do.
RESOLUTION. Dory leads Tristan by the hand to the police car. When she lets go of his hand to get into the backseat, it’s clear that he does not have a weapon in either hand.
This is good news to both Con and Sam. Sam’s plan is a go.
INT. POLICE UNIT – DAY
Dory gets in the backseat and moves over to the seat behind the driver. Tristan gets in, and Con closes the door after Tristan. Then without warning, Sam opens Dory’s door, pulls her to safety, and slams the door again, enclosing Tristan in the cage by himself.
EXT. POLICE UNIT – DAY
Dory falls into Sam’s arms.
EXT. STREET OUTSIDE ACTIVITY CENTER
Jerry, Dory’s fiancé, shows up. He’s seen the hostage situation happening on TV.
The news reporters are all over him.
Jerry tries to get close to Dory. Over the reporters’ heads, he apologizes to her, denying that the other woman meant anything to him.
Con cuts him off. Con saw what Jerry did on nationwide TV.
Sam orders the news reporters back. He asks her if she wants Jerry to come any closer. She gives her consent.
In front of Jerry, Dory asks Con to cut off her engagement ring.
Con cuts off her engagement ring.
Dory returns the ring to Jerry and tells him she never wants to see him again.
Dory asks Sam if she can come with him and Tristan and the hospital, but Sam tells her it’s too dangerous. He’ll talk to her later. He gives her his mobile phone number.
INT. POLICE UNIT – DAY
Sam in the driver seat, takes off for the hospital with Tristan, alone and scared in the cage.
On the way, he notifies dispatch that the hostage situation is resolved. No backup required.
Sam parks the police unit.
Tristan, realizing he’s at the hospital and not the jail. He thanks Sam.
INT. POLICE STATION – DAY
Sam finds a message from Dory. She wants to know how Tristan is.
Sam returns Dory’s phone call. He tells her that Tristan is fine. She doesn’t have to worry about a thing.
EXT. STREET OUTSIDE ACTIVITY CENTER (TWO WEEKS LATER)
Tristan is on his medication and stable, happily cycling on the street. He passes by Dory, on her way to the swimming pool.
She panics, but Tristan doesn’t recognize her. Away he goes, happy as can be.
She smiles.
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<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>SUBJECT: Monica’s Outline
What I learned doing this assignment is the outline was easy to create because all the pieces were already done. But I still had a bit of trouble with the process because it was something different from how I usually create.
Overview:
Title: THE SECOND COMING<div>
Genre: Thriller/Paranormal
Logline: The night a new Pope is chosen, he gets a text from
someone telling him he has an illegitimate daughter and she’s the second
coming of Christ.Act 1:
INT. HOTEL – NIGHT
· HOPE: Mother and daughter are going to have a nice vacation in Rome and meet some of mom’s friends when she was a nun. They watch the new Pope on television.
EXT. BALCONY – NIGHT
· OPENING: After he was chosen the new Pope is waving to the crowd virtually.
· LAYER: Lots of texts come in offering congratulations. But gets a text from someone — He has an illegitimate daughter.
· INCITING INCIDENT: The daughter is the second coming of Christ and it’s going to be all over social media.
INT. – BEDROOM – NIGHT
· CJ SECRET: He will deny he ever had relations with the mother even if it’s a lie.
· MOTIVATION/SUB-TEXT: Is afraid. Doesn’t want anything to ruin his papacy.
· INTRIQUE: Things that go bump in the night – like a ghost – has him afraid and facing an existential crisis.
INT. OFFICE – DAY
LAYER: A mother and daughter
visit the Vatican. They wait in an office.
LAYER: The Pope enters but neither mother nor
daughter kneel and kiss his ring.
REVEAL: The mother introduces
the Pope to his daughter.
CJ HOPE: The mother tells him
it’s time for a change in the world. Tells him her daughter is the second
coming of Christ.
CJ FEAR: The Pope says she has
no proof he’s the father or that the daughter is the Christ.
CJ DANGER: The mother tells him
she has DNA test results.
CJ HOPE: The daughter tells him she’s not the
second coming of anything.
CJ FEAR: The Pope tells the daughter she’s a
demon.
FEAR: The Pope has them
escorted out of the Vatican by Swiss guards.
INTRIGUE/CREATING A
FUTURE/SET-UP: As the mother and daughter leave the office, a large crack
appears on the wall and the room shakes.EXT. VATICAN – DAY
· TWIST/LAYER: One of the mother’s friends, a nun, recognizes her and invites her to stay at their convent on the Vatican grounds.
INT. VATICAN CONVENT – DAY
· DILEMMA: Knowing her life is in danger she tells her friend.
· CJ: The mother pours her heart out to her friend that she had an affair with the Pope when they were both quite young.
· SOMETHING UNSEEN: The friend consoles her. Shows the mother to her room.
INT. POPE’s OFFICE – DAY
· BETRAYAL: The nun confronts the Pope. Asks what is to be done?
· DANGER: The mother must die.
· CJ HIDDEN AGENDA: He must set in motion a plan to get rid of the mother and the daughter.
· CJ DILEMMA: Ego and power versus his spirituality. Falls to his knees to pray for guidance.
· TWIST/TURNING POINT: His daughter has been hiding in the office this whole time listening to him plot her death. She’s not fooled by his supposed piety.
Act 2:
INT. POPE’s OFFICE – DAY CONTINOUS
· DILEMMA: Accept the daughter as he knows she is his or disown her so he can have the power that goes with being the Pope.
PLAN: The Pope can’t have this
woman being the Christ.
PLAN IN ACTION: The mother and daughter must die. The
Pope picks up the phone and calls someone.· DANGER: The daughter steps out of the shadows. She stands perfectly still as she starts to move things around with her mind.
· FEAR: The Pope runs from his office.
INT. SISTINE CHAPEL – DAY
· INTRIGUE: As the daughter admires the art she tries to think how she can get out of this situation. A whizzing sound flies by her ear.
SOMETHING UNSEEN/SECRET
IDENTITY: She drops, rolls and pulls a gun at the same time. Running
footsteps are heard.
FEAR: Finds a bullet lodged in
the wall. She pries it out.INT. BEDROOM – NIGHT
· CJ AGENDA: The mother opens her laptop. Works away. Then slams it shut. She just posted the DNA results of the Pope and her daughter.
· LAYER: The daughter bursts into the bedroom. We have to go. They tried to kill me. And they’re planning on killing you.
INT. POPE’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
· His phone buzzes.
DILEMMA: His phone beeps and
there’s a text from a reporter asking him if he is the father of a child.
Social media goes crazy!· CJ: The 2000 year old sham is up and he stands to lose everything. Why when he just became Pope? It’s not fair!!!
HOPE/FEAR: He calls the Swiss
Guard assassins. Kill them and do it now.INT. BEDROOM – NIGHT
· HOPE/FEAR: The assassins sneak into the mother and daughter’s room. But…..
· INTRIGUE: They’re gone.
· SUSPENSE: The assassins go room by room in the convent – they’re nowhere to be found.
EXT. TUNNEL – NIGHT
· SUSPENSE: The mother and daughter flee into Rome via ancient tunnels.
INT. HOTEL – NIGHT
· MYSTERY: Leaves her mother at the hotel and locks her in.
· SECRET IDENTITY: The daughter collects more ammunition for her gun. Buts a knife or two in her boots.
· SUSPENSE/MAJOR TWIST: They’ve been followed.
EXT. TUNNEL – NIGHT
· CREATING A FUTURE: The daughter heads back into the Vatican.
· UNCERTAINTY: The assassin is following the daughter. The fight is on.
INT. HOTEL – NIGHT
· IRONY: The mother orders room service. She’s poisoned.
· FEAR: She dies.
EXT. TUNNEL – NIGHT
· SURPRISE: Daughter kills the assassin. Leaves no trace she was there.
EXT. VATICAN WALLS – NIGHT
· SURPRISE: She scales the wall.
INT. POPE’S OFFICE – DAY
CJ DILEMMA: Accept the daughter
as he knows she is his, try to turn her or disown/kill her so he can have
the power he’s worked so hard to achieve.
CJ LAYER: The Pope invites the
daughter to the office. Will accept her as his daughter. But the
relationship must be kept secret.
CJ LAYER/HOPE: Let’s sit down to get to know each
other.
MIND-GAME: The daughter knows
something is up because of her secret identity.
CJ HOPE: She can get the truth from him about her
mother.
CJ LAYER: The Pope warns her
not to discuss the ridiculous notion that she is the second coming.
BETRAYAL: The phone rings. The
mother is dead. The Pope breaks it to the daughter.
DANGER: The daughter barely
controls her anger. There will be no partnership. His life is now forfeit.
She leaves.
LAYER: Pope’s phone buzzes. A news story breaks
that implicates the Catholic Church and brings the Pope and all the
institution stands for into question.
MID-POINT TURNING POINT/FEAR:
The Vatican disconnects all internet services and goes into lockdown mode.
She trapped and has no contact with the outside world.Act 3:
EXT. TUNNEL – NIGHT
· HOPE: Escapes into Rome.
INT. CAFÉ – NIGHT
· Finds a café with internet service.
· INTRIGUE/RETHINK EVERYTHING: Daughter’s phone buzzes. Sees the news story. Decides to investigate the truth behind the story.
· NEW PLAN: Break into the Secret Archives and find documents to collaborate the story.
INT. SECRET ARCHIVES – DAY
· CREATING A FUTURE: Breaks into the Secret Archives.
DANGER: She searches the Secret Archives. Finds
documents to collaborate the story and a whole lot more.
HOPE: Takes pictures of all the documents.
Then moves them to a new location.
LAYER: Some of the documents will bring down
the CC.EXT. TUNNELS – NIGHT
· FEAR: When she attempts to leave through the tunnels again she finds it guarded. She must get the evidence onto the Cloud and to the world.
· HOPE: She remembers she has a second cellphone. She retrieves it from her backpack. Retraces her steps and sets the second phone up. Returns to where the guard is. Calls the cellphone. The guard leaves to investigate. She takes off down the tunnel.
· FEAR: The door to the outside is locked.
· HOPE: She quietly makes her way back to the guard. Knocks him out. Takes his keys.
· LAYER: Runs into Rome to post the pictures.
INT. CONFERENCE ROOM – DAY
· DILEMMA: Only very senior officials. How to handle the breaking news story? Lie like always.
· SURPRISE: The Pope’s phone buzzes. The pictures are on the internet.
· SURPRISE: The daughter bursts into the conference room. Tells them she knows all of what has happened in the past.
· MAJOR TWIST: One of the senior officials pulls a gun. She’s too fast for them. She kills him. Asks who is next? She kills all the officials.
· SECRET IDENTITY: Who are you? Ex-special forces.
· DILEMMA/DANGER: She accuses the Pope of being the anti-Christ. She’s in danger. He tells her she doesn’t know what she’s talking about.
TURNING POINT: HUGE
FAILURE/MAJOR SHIFT: The daughter confronts the Pope for his role in the
story when he was just a new priest.
UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENTS: The Pope
tells her to prove it.INT. SECRET ARCHIVES – NIGHT
BETRAYAL: In the dead of night the Pope decides to
shred the evidence only to find the documents gone.
SURPRISE: The daughter is hidden in the secret
archives, filming the Pope.Act 4:
INT. POPE’S OFFICE – DAY
· SURPRISE: The Pope meets the daughter alone. Says he now believes she’s the Christ. But it has to be managed properly.
· MYSTERY: Why the sudden turn around?
· FEAR: From the shadow of the room she is seized by guards. The Pope pours two glasses of wine.
· HOPE She tells the Pope she knows the wine is poisoned. If she dies more evidence will be released to a news stand near you.
· TWIST: The poisoned wine reveals — the Pope as the anti-Christ.
· FEAR: No one will know she’s dead. And they have some of the best hackers to find what she posted to the Cloud. He approaches her with the glass as she struggles with the guards.
· HOPE: She’s the second coming she performs the miracle of the disappearing glass. While they’re all in shock she takes down the guards because she’s ex-special forces.
· FEAR: In his rage, the Pope attacks her.
· HOPE: She flings the glass of poisoned wine into his face. She escapes.
FINAL PLAN: The Pope calls the
assassins. The final attempt on the daughter’s life. Don’t miss this time.EXT. – ST. PETER’S SQUARE – DAY
CREATING A FUTURE: With a video camera set up the daughter
stands in St. Peter’s square.
SUSPENSE: There are snipers all
around the top of the circle by the Apostles.
CLIMAX/ULTIMATE EXPRESSION OF
THE CONFLICT: With bullets raining down on her, the daughter starts to
bring down the physical structure of the Vatican. She remains untouched by
the bullets.
SUSPENSE: The Pope, also up on
the roof, sees the bullets missing her, he grabs a gun and starts to shoot
at her.
INTRIGUE: The daughter turns to where the Pope is,
raises her arms, the roof crumbles to the ground. Burying all the snipers
and the Pope in rubble. With the Vatican in rubble the daughter posts the
video on social media.
RESOLUTION: The daughter gives
a virtual press conference to the world. Shows a new way to have a
relationship with God.
</div> -
MICAH’S OUTLINE
What I learned doing this assignment is how much going through all these steps forces you to keep reviewing your outline over and over, thus allowing you to constantly find new ideas and solutions.
TITLE: Starbright
GENRE: Dark Comedy
LOGLINE: A prostitute’s client has just dropped dead in her home, and she must get rid of the body before her husband gets home.
INT. BEDROOM – NIGHT
A prostitute named Selena is entertaining a high profile client in a velvety bedroom. They are both snorting cocaine. During the roughhousing, Selena cuts her finger and the client becomes nauseous from the sight of blood. Selena heads into the bathroom.
INT. BATHROOM
Selena eyes her hidden wedding ring sitting on the counter. She can’t bring herself to to cheat on her husband (who is out of town until tomorrow night). Selena calls her pimp, Morg, and says she can’t go through with it. But she is in debt to Morg, and he assures her this will be her last client. She relents.
Selena hears the client scream outside the bathroom.
INT. LIVING ROOM
What appeared upstairs to be a fancy brothel is actually Selena and her husband’s summer cabin. The intoxicated client has tripped down the stairs and struck his head, lying in a pool of blood.
INT. BEDROOM
Selena rushes to get her phone. She’s so high it takes her a moment to remember to call the police.
INT. LIVING ROOM
Selena is put on hold. While she waits, she checks for vital signs and finds none. She suddenly becomes worried about both the police and her husband finding out about her hooking, and when the police answer she claims to merely have seen a bear on the freeway.
Selena calls a friend who is a nurse and tries to resuscitate the client, to no avail.
Selena gets a call from her husband Richard, who is coming home a night early. She has to get rid of the body NOW. Selena tells Richard she’s feeling sick and asks if he’ll stop to pick up some soup for her, which he agrees to do.
Selena calls her friend back for help. Her friend suggests Selena find herself an alibi, but otherwise can’t get involved any further and hangs up.
INT. BEDROOM
Selena strips away all her brothel-y shit and paints the scene to make it appear as if a burglar had gone through the room. She practices her story for the police as she goes.
Selena suddenly suffers a cocaine crash and can barely move.
Morg calls asking about the client and wanting to know if he’s paid yet. Selena pretends she’s still entertaining the client. Morg sounds suspicious but takes Selena at her word.
INT. LIVING ROOM
Slugging from the cocaine crash, Selena tries to dress the nearly-nude client and becomes trapped under the body. While there, she gets a phone call from Richard, who has gotten her soup. While their talking, someone comes knocking on the door.
Selena asks Richard to pick her up a special ice cream that is only available at a certain store. Again, he agrees. Selena then wriggles her way free and answers the door. Dylan, a neighbor from another cabin down the road, asks about an unknown car (the client’s) parked some ways from the house. Selena claims to know nothing about it.
She gets the idea to claim she’s heard someone prowling around outside, planting the idea that there’s an intruder nearby. The talkative neighbor offers to stay with Selena so she feels safe, but she eventually convinces him to go back home to make sure that his wife is okay.
Alone again, Selena places a fire poker in the client’s hand to make it look like he attacked her, then maces him. He wakes up! Selena goes to call him an ambulance.
But seeing his own blood, the client freaks, believing that Selena tried to kill him. He goes into a frenzy and attacks Selena, who is forced to defend herself. They fight over the fire poker and the client is killed. Now the client is truly dead, and Selena is culpable for his death. Selena screams and collapses.
INT. LIVING ROOM – LATER
Selena lies next to the corpse and reminisces about meeting Richard for the first time, reflecting how he’s always treated her as an equal partner and re-affirming how much she loves him.
Richard calls again and says the store is out of the ice cream. She insists that it’s important and begs him to go to another store. Richard asks if her sickness and cravings mean that she’s pregnant. Reluctantly, Selena lies and says that she is. He agrees to go to another store for her.
Selena is determined to solve this problem and save her marriage. She looks up online how to dispose of a body.
INT. BEDROOM
Selena snorts up some cocaine to cure her lethargy.
INT. LIVING ROOM
She rolls up the body up in a carpet.
EXT. CABIN – NIGHT
Selena loads the body into her car, starts the engine, and immediately crashes into a nearby tree (‘cause she’s high).
Morg calls, demanding to talk to the client. Selena confesses that he’s dead. Morg hangs up the phone—he’s on his way!
Selena looks up other ways to get rid of a body and finds instructions for dismembering a corpse.
INT. LIVING ROOM
Selena drags the corpse back in and gets carving utensils from the kitchen. But she can’t bring herself to perform the nauseating task, and chooses instead to bury the body whole. She’s need to find a shovel.
EXT. NEIGHBOR’S CABIN – NIGHT
Selena sneaks into the neighbors’ shed to steal a shovel. Dylan hears her and come to investigate. Selena manages to elude him and escape with the tool.
INT. WOODS – NIGHT
While digging a grave for the body, Selena hears someone in the woods around her. It’s Dylan. How does she explain what she’s doing? She says she’s “dig-zercising,” which is all the rage with the kids and celebrities. Dylan finds this weird, but ultimately believes her. While he’s yattering on, Selena gets a phone call and is able to pull away from the conversation.
It’s Richard on the phone. He’s gotten the ice cream and is on his way home. Selena rushes back to the cabin.
EXT. CABIN – NIGHT
There’s a strange car parked outside the cabin and the front door is open.
INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Selena finds Morg inside, taking in the scene.
Morg assures Selena he can get everything taken care of. But in exchange Selena will have to continue to hook for him, as well as pay him additional hush money.
This is it. Defiantly, Selena calls Richard, getting his voicemail. She leaves him a message confessing everything, freeing her from Morg’s blackmail.
Selena attempts to call the police. A chase ensues. She and Morg fight over the phone, Selena trying to dial the police the whole time. Eventually, Morg gets the phone and destroys it.
There’s a knock at the door. It’s Dylan yet again. Morg reveals a gun and tells Selena to get rid of Dylan or he will kill him.
EXT. CABIN – NIGHT
Selena answers the door. Dylan reveals that he is in love with Selena, misconstruing all her odd behavior throughout the night as discreet efforts to show her affection for him.
Selena kisses Dylan and surreptitiously retrieves his phone. They fall to the ground and while they’re making out she dials 911. When the police answer, she’s quietly gives them her address and says there’s been a murder. But Morg catches wise and smashes the phone. Dylan gets shot (non-fatally).
Enraged, Morg tries to kill Selena. They struggle over the gun, and while Selena can’t get it out of his hand, she’s able to eject the magazine and retreat back into the cabin.
INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Selena begins to crash again from the cocaine as she rushes to lock the doors and windows. Morg attempts to break in from several locations.
The police are heard approaching. Morg breaks inside.
Selena grabs her mace and rushes up the stairs. Just as Morg gets to her, she maces him and he falls down the stairs to his death.
The police arrive and Selena tells them that Morg killed the client, and that she in turn killed Morg in self-defense.
EXT. CABIN – NIGHT
Richard arrives home, having not yet listened to the voicemail. Selena deletes it and they embrace. Richard asks her if they should start thinking of baby names. “Let’s wait,” she answers.
Problems to Solve:
Looking over all this again, I think I’ve written something that’s maybe an hour long. Need to find ways of extending the story.
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Hi Micah,
Did you want to exchange? If so, I can get to you tomorrow. I’m working on one of my scripts that needs to be finished in a couple of weeks. If that is ok, let me know.
Monica @ marisman@shaw.ca.
Thanks.
Monica.
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Hope’s outline – pass 1
What I learned: Going the passes route makes so much sense! Still lots to do, of course, but now at least I’m at a great starting spot.
Title: A Merry Little Kidnapping
Concept: A princess is abducted and held for a $2 million ransom, but before the kidnappers discover she’s just a kid who aged out of foster care, she must escape – or come up with the ransom.
Genre: Comedy
Outline
Act 1
INT. DORM ROOM – DAY
Princess Rowena Louisa Victoria has the campus practically to herself during Christmas break.
Hope: The college president calls to make sure she has everything she needs; commiserates that she couldn’t travel to Europe over the break. She tells him that she’ll be facetiming to her royal parents right after she hangs up. They are taking a break from their royal duties to spend as much time as they can this Christmas Eve.
He assures her food services will has a Christmas feast in store for her tomorrow, Christmas Day.
Threat: A radio report playing in the background warns of a major snowstorm heading for the city.
After the call, the princess breaks down in tears. No facetiming. Snow is falling.
EXT. VAN – DAY
Danger: On the street in front of the campus, two low-level thugs, Hugh and Clash, plot to make easy extra Christmas money. Abduct the princess, get her back to their hideout, and give the royal family 48 hours to come up with $2 million for her release. They park near her dorm.
The snow has picked up. Thicker now. Clash argues they should call off the abduction because of the weather. Hugh insists they go forward with it.
They next argue about how to get her back to their hideout to contact her family.
INT. UNIVERSITY CONFERENCE ROOM – DAY
Beginning: Roger, a custodian, is cleaning up after his retirement party. A banner hangs on the wall congratulating him on his retirement after 25 years.
It’s his final job to do at the college. He’s depressed and cranky about being forced to retire.
EXT. CAMPUS – DAY
Turning point: Clash and Hugh climb out of the van and enter the dorm.
EXT. CAMPUS – DAY
Turning point: Roger exits a building and sees the strange van. He looks inside. It’s empty, but ropes and a blanket are in the back.
His boss radios him to tell him to lock up and go home due to the worsening snowstorm.
INT. DORM – DAY
Clash and Hugh look for the princess’ dorm room. Hugh has the school newspaper, which has a front-page article about the princess in front of her dorm room. The door is decorated.
They finally see the door and knock.
Inciting incident: Princess Rowena opens the door. They shove their way inside. They wear ski masks and have guns.
They order the princess to call her parents. They demand $2 million for her release.
She refuses. Makes excuses about why she can’t call them.
Turning point: Clash and Hugh are flustered. Clash says argues they should call it off. Hugh dope slaps him. Too late now! They force her out of the dorm room and into the hallway. They’ll get her to call her parents
EXT. DORM – DAY
Clash and Hugh hustle her to the van. The snow is coming down hard.
They get her into the van, forcing her into the back. Hugh sits beside her, gun in her side.
Clash tries to back up, but the van is stuck. The tires spin.
The kidnappers argue. The van is snowed in, and they realize they must get the princess out of the van and back into the dorm. They aren’t sure what to do. They argue about staying with the van until it stops or returning to the dorm. Clash wins this one and they get the princess out of the van. They head back into the dorm.
Exiting a nearby building, Roger sees them with Princess Rowena . Roger is confused, not recognizing the men. He tries to call out to his boss on his radio, but just static! He heads into another building.
Turning point: Blizzard conditions. The lights in the parking lot go out. The kidnappers struggle to the princess back into the dorm.
INT. DORM ENTRYWAY LOUNGE – DUSK
Lights out, it’s eerily quiet with no sound of a furnace or central air. Clash and Hugh hurry the princess back to her room.
Act 2
INT. DORM ROOM – DAY
Midpoint: The kidnappers order her into a chair. Give her another chance to call her parents via cell phone. She refuses and promises not to tell anyone if they leave. They can get home to spend Christmas with their families, she says. Don’t they want to spend Christmas with their families? Clash softens, mentions his daughter the college student.
But they tie her up.
Hugh lashes out. He points out that the van is snowed in. The princess offers to help them dig it out, if they just leave. Nope, but they leave the princess tied up and head back outside to dig out the van.
EXT. DORM PARKING LOT – DAY
Hugh and Clash try to dig out the van with their feet, hands, whatever. But the snow comes down hard and they can’t get the wheels clear.
EXT. DORM PARKING LOT – DAY
Roger sees them; realizes the princess isn’t with them. He angles around, avoiding their line of sight and gets into the dorm.
INT. DORM ROOM – DAY
Princess Rowena gets her hands free and unties herself. As she’s about to leave the room, the phone rings. She answers: The university president is calling to make sure she’s okay. He knows the power is out. He offers to get into a 4-wheel drive truck and get over there as soon as he can.
She doesn’t say anything about the kidnappers! She tells him she always wanted to camp, but never did as a child. She’s happy for the a short little adventure.
The president says he’ll call in the morning. Call over, Princess Rowena grabs a coat and runs to the door. She hears someone coming. She runs the opposite direction as Roger comes around the corner, using a cell phone flashlight.
INT. DORM ROOM — DAY
Midpoint: Roger gets to her room and sees she’s escaped. When he returns to the door, he hears the kidnappers returning. He runs the opposite direction.
He starts looking for her while avoiding the kidnappers who just returned!
INT. DORM HALLWAY – DAY
Princess Rowena tries every door. All locked! She keeps running. She finally hides in a supply closet, cold and scared.
INT. DORM HALLWAY – DAY
Clash and Hugh discover she’s gotten away. They hunt for her, angry and desperate, tossing blame back and forth.
INT. SUPPLY CLOSET – DAY
Princess Rowena hears footsteps outside the closet door. The footsteps stop, the doorknob turns. The door opens. It’s Roger!
He see her and motions her to be quiet and together they sneak out – just before Clash and Hugh turn down that hallway.
INT. DORM HALLWAY – DAY
Midpoint: Roger and the princess hide elsewhere in the dorm. Roger assures the Princess Rowena that he can get to a landline phone, which should still be working, to call the police. The princess doesn’t want to act rashly. She wants to get off campus, forget the whole thing, not create a crisis for her little nation or the royal family.
Confused, Roger reminds her about the storm/blizzard outside. Peanuts, she says. Her nation has mountains, and she’s been in plenty of snow. She’s sure she can get through it and get off campus. Roger insists that he go with her.
EXT. CAMPUS – DAY
Outside, the snowstorm is deadly! Whiteout conditions as the princess and Roger struggle to see where they are. They get separated, the wind howls, they must find each other quickly – or freeze to death.
INT. DORM HALLWAY – NIGHT
Hugh and Clash find the open supply closet door and realize the princess is no longer inside the dorm. They race to the exit.
EXT. CAMPUS – NIGHT
Hope: The princess and Roger find each other just outside the campus library. Roger doesn’t look too good. They hear Clash and Hugh in the distance, hunting for the princess. The princess suggests they hide in the library. Roger pulls out a heavy key chain and soon they’re stumbling into the library’s main entrance.
INT. DORM HALLWAY – NIGHT
Hugh and Clash start a search, but quickly turn back. They can’t see anything. They try to get back into the dorm, but the entrance has automatically locked. They’re forced to schlep to the van and dig out the door enough to get inside. Its doors are frozen shut. Some heaving, kicking, yanking, and falling finally gets them inside. They search at daylight. The snowstorm continues.
Act 3
INT. CAMPUS LIBRARY– NIGHT
Hope: The princess helps Roger to a chair. He doesn’t look good. Roger pleads with her to call the police from a library landline to save herself. She refuses. He presses. She says she’s going to find the staff room kitchen, see if there’s food in a fridge.
INT. CAMPUS LIBRARY– NIGHT
Reveal: The princess returns with a half-box of crackers. He comments on this being a rotten Christmas Eve for her. He asks if her parents would expect to hear from her on Christmas Eve. She says they’re at their chalet and they aren’t expecting a call until Christmas Day.
She asks if his family would be worried about him now. Roger says his wife and daughter died years ago in a car accident. Holidays alone.
They sleep in chairs, doing their best to stay warm. The electricity returns. A low level of light returns in the library. The furnace starts reheating the building. They sleep on.
EXT. CAMPUS – DAY
Hugh and Clash are huddled together under a dirty blanket in the van. Daylight has reappeared. Clash wants to jump ship; they’ll never find the princess. Hugh looks out the window, sees footsteps through the snow going to the library.
EXT. CAMPUS LIBRARY – DAY
Danger: Hugh and Clash peer through the library windows – and see the princess and Roger sleeping in chairs! They yank on the doors. Locked! The princess and Roger are jolted awake. They run deeper into the library, out of sight.
Hugh runs back toward the van to get a crowbar.
INT. LIBRARY – DAY
Dilemma: Roger runs to a counter and grabs a receiver to call the cops. The princess yells, no!, and disconnects his call. She can’t call the police, she admits.
Hey … Her voice is different. Roger notices.
Major shift/reveal: The princess confesses: Her real name is Merry Rowe. She’s not a princess; she’s just hacker who doesn’t want to go to jail for fraud. She wants to disappear, start over again.
New plan: She wants to get to the library’s lower floor to a high-tech computer equipment lab. She picked up hacking skills in high school and she knows how to become someone new. She pleads with Roger not to call the cops until she disappears. Roger is stunned – and offended. He reads her the riot act until they hear Hugh start smashing the window with a crowbar.
INT. LIBRARY STAIRWAY – DAY
Merry and Roger head downstairs to the computer lab. He’s out of breath and looking even greyer. He asks her why she did it.
Merry hems and haws, finally admits she aged out of the foster care system and had nowhere to go. She had taught herself hacking skills in high school and realized she could be anyone she wanted to be.
INT. LIBRARY COMPUTER LAB – DAY
Dilemma: Merry and Roger get to the computer lab. Roger is grey. He collapses, heart stopped!
Merry sees the sign on the wall for the AED heart defibrillator and its red box. She grabs it off the wall and gets it to Roger’s side.
EXT. CAMPUS – DAY
Clash and Hugh break through the window and keep smashing with the crowbar.
INT. LIBRARY COMPUTER LAB – DAY
Merry opens the AED, pulls out the pads, and follows the directions. The AED and delivers a shock. It works! Roger opens his eyes.
EXT. CAMPUS – DAY
Hugh makes the hole large enough for them to get inside. The kidnappers shove their way in.
INT. LIBRARY COMPUTER LAB – DAY
Merry hears the kidnappers yelling from upstairs. Roger is groggy, but she drags him to behind a counter. She runs back for the AED, just in case. His eyes roll back …
Act 4
INT. LIBRARY – DAY
Clash and Hugh shout instructions to each other to search the main floor. No princess. They race to the stairway. They are about to split up, one to run upstairs and the other to race downstairs when they hear … somewhere a disembodied voice is instructing to “clear” and “don’t touch the patient.”
They run down the steps.
INT. LIBRARY COMPUTER LAB – DAY
Merry is with Roger behind the counter. Clash and Hugh find them quickly. PLACEHOLDER: Have her lay in wait for them? Throw a laptop at them?
Clash grabs the princess/Merry . She shoves him away, saying she’s helping Roger. Hugh pulls his gun. Aims at Roger. They insist on her attention. If they have to kill the guy, they will.
New plan: Merry blurts out that she’s not a princess! She has no money.
Clash and Hugh are silent. Then Hugh laughs. He doesn’t believe her! He cocks the gun, aims at Roger, who’s coming around.
Merry tries again. She looks them in the eye and challenges them to listen to her talk: No accent. She admits she was just a foster kid who aged out of the system.
Unpredictable: Angry, Hugh aims the gun at her. He gave up his Christmas for this?! He’s going to kill them both!
Mind game: Merry calmly tells him that they were thinking peanuts with $2 million. She can get them more. Even her persona has morphed from royalty to tough kid.
They’re listening.
Clash says they need to hurry and get out of there, with the snowstorm ended.
Final plan: Merry tells them they don’t have much time. And she can get them $4 million – by hacking.
Climax/ultimate expression of the conflict: With the power back on, Merry explains micro-deductions – from millions of bank accounts. She convinces them to give her their bank account numbers. She’ll prove it works. Hugh warns her that if it doesn’t work, they’ll both be dead.
With a few deft keystrokes, she takes less than $1 from each account. She tells them she can run a script that pulls micro-deductions from millions of account owners. She deposits $9,050 into each of their accounts.
They’re furious! They want more than $10,000 for their trouble. Merry explains more than $10,000 deposits must be reported to the IRS. She’s keeping them under the radar. You’re welcome.
Psychological: Roger’s radio cackles to life. His boss knows he never left campus. Asks him to check in on Princess Rowena to make sure she’s OK given the snow storm. Roger is still groggy. Merry grabs the radio, talks as the princess. Says she’s with Roger now in the library, and he had a heart attack. Get medics there as soon as possible!
The kidnappers are furious. One hits Merry . They tell her to get working or die.
Theft: Merry runs the script and they see millions of dollars being racked up in an off-shore account. She’ll give them the account number once the kidnappers get off the campus, she says. She hands them a thumb drive; tells them to text her once they are gone. They’re skeptical.
Merry assures them that she’ll be right behind them. Now that her secret is out, she needs to disappear again, start over as someone else.
The sounds of people shouting from upstairs in the library are heard.
Campus Security’s cameras must be back online, too, Merry says. No doubt the cops are with them.
Hugh and Clash snatch the thumb drive and run for a back exit. Once they’re gone, Merry adds another thumb drive to the laptop, makes a few more key strokes.
Footsteps, lots of noise, shouts from the stairway.
The campus president, two medics, and two cops rush into the computer lab. The president goes straight to Merry . She points at Roger, says (with accent back) to help him.
Impending doom: The medics and cops turn their attention to Roger. The president dotes on the “princess,” asking if she’s all right. Wants to know what happened and why are they in the library – and what happened to the main entrance?
Merry, as Princess Rowena , starts spinning a tale.
Unpredictability: From the ground, Roger croaks out that Princess Rowena is a con artist. She doesn’t exist. They need to arrest her!
Threat: All eyes are now on Merry . The cops stand up and turn her way.
INT. INTERROGATION ROOM – DAY
Helpless: Merry, wearing a jail jumpsuit, sits at a table. Her clueless public defender leafs through a folder.
Merry Rowe? He asks. She says, yes, that’s the name they gave her when she was found as a newborn behind a building on Christmas Eve. Merry Christmas, huh?
Unpredictable: A knock on the door. A cop pokes her head in, says Merry is free to go. All charges have been dropped.
The public defender can’t get out of their fast enough. Lucky her, he says. He hopes never to see her again.
INT. JAIL HALLWAY – DAY
Hope: Merry picks up her belongings at the little window. She sees the university president and Roger, who’s using a cane.
She apologizes and admits she doesn’t understand why she’s out.
The president explains the police discovered that no money was stolen. Micro-deductions came out of millions of accounts (even his), but they were also quickly re-deposited. Roger adds that he knows she put all that money back after Hugh and Clash ran off. The cops are still looking for them.
The president asks her why did she go to his college? She had the skills to be anywhere.
The college was as close as she could get to “coming home,” she says. That’s where she had been abandoned, 20 years earlier.
Roger’s mouth drops open. He had been heading back to the facilities office when he heard what he thought was a kitten. It was a baby. He’d always wondered what had happened to the baby he had found.
EXT. CITY SIDEWALK –DAY
Roger asks Merry where she’s going to go next. She’s not sure – but she has some money. She “fined” Hugh and Clash for their trouble. She removed money from their accounts? Roger asks. Yup.
The college president suggests whatever she does, she not be late back to class after Christmas break. The college has a great scholarship for former foster kids, and he’s heard that the Computer Department is always looking for student workers!
EXT. CITY SIDEWALK ATM– DAY
Hugh and Clash keep their backs turned to the street. They need to grab some of their newfound cash, get out of town and then get the windfall offshore. Hugh’s ATM card is spit back out – insufficient funds. What the – ? Clash shoves Hugh aside and tries his card. Same result. They’re furious!
A police car rolls to a stop and the cops climb out.
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