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Day 11 Assignments
Reply to post your assignment.
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10 Replies
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Diana’s Outline
What I learned: By setting aside my inner editor/critic and allowing myself to create anything, I completed my assignments faster than ever, and the outline was a snap! Not saying it’s perfect. It has holes and can be elevated. But I have a working draft that I can use to flesh out into an amazing contained script!
Title: TBD
Genre: Horror
Logline: When a woman’s best friend sets her up on a blind date with a cannibal to punish her for sleeping with her husband, the friend must convince the cannibal not to eat her.
Concept: Woman set up on blind date with a cannibal.
Main Conflict: Date finds out she is dinner!
Act 1:
INT. FRIEND’S HOUSE – DAY
Opening: Woman making passionate love with man in bed.
EXT. FRIEND’S HOUSE – SAME
Car pulls up and door SLAMS. Woman notice’s best friend’s car in driveway.
INT. FRIEND’S HOUSE – CONTINUOUS
Woman storms inside and rushes upstairs. Suspects her friend has been sleeping with her husband. When confronted husband says her friend’s car broke down on the way to work and he drove her in. Best friend hiding in closet hyperventilating. Wife backs down and goes downstairs to make lunch for them. Problem: Friend’s purse is on the counter. Scratch lunch. Wife storms out with friend’s purse, dialing a number on her phone.
INT. FRIEND’S HOUSE – EVENING
Suspecting friend invites bff over for dinner with a loser date she found on Tinder. Worst date ever.
Inciting Incident: Husband and friend sneak off and fuck in the bathroom. Wife finds condom in bathroom trash when cleaning up that night.
Turning Point: Wife goes on cannibal café and schedules a date with a cannibal for her friend to get her out of the picture/punish her for sleeping with her husband. Then wife calls friend and apologizes for horrible date and tells her she has a winner this time.
Act 2:
INT. CAR – NIGHT
Friend, oblivious to the dangerous setup, is talking on phone with wife (some back and forth because the last blind date was so awful); friend reluctantly agrees to go on blind date with guy on yacht even though she mentions she can’t swim and is skeptical of the outcome.
INT. YACHT – NIGHT
Friend arrives. Date is very handsome and all charm.
Boat takes off. Woman is nervous when her date tosses raw meat overboard, apologizing for thawing out the wrong cut of meat, and sees sharks gobbling down the meat.
Date notices she is nervous and says they are perfectly safe. Perhaps they should have some wine. Maybe a Cab Franc to go with their meal.
They go downstairs and the date locks her in a tiny bathroom.
She screams to be let out. Starts hyperventilating. Claustrophobic.
New plan: Forget dating. Get off the boat! But how? She can’t swim and there are sharks out there in the open waters! Scratch that. Kill the date? But how? What weapon does she have?
Plan in action: Scrambles through her purse and finds a pen. Since she cannot escape, she must kill her date.
Midpoint Turning Point: When he comes to get her, she stabs him in the leg with a pen. They struggle, etc. She loses the fight. Cannibal drags her to the kitchen by her hair.
Act 3:
INT. YACHT – NIGHT
Rethink everything: Wakes up drugged and tied to a chair. What now? Date is sharpening his knives and she’s zip-tied and told she is the main course!
New plan: Convince date not to eat her. Date is intrigued, but hungry. Once the sauce is ready, he releases her from the zip-tie and forces her to take something to knock her out.
She knocks the pill out of his hand. They wrestle on floor. They both have knives. Mexican standoff. What now? Cannibal drops his knife and kisses her. She drops hers and kisses him back. They end up making passionate love on the kitchen floor.
Turning Point: Huge failure/Major shift: He can’t eat her because he is falling for (and intrigued by) her. She can’t kill him, for the same reason. Friend won over by cannibal who shares how he came to enjoy the taste of human flesh. Curiosity wins out and she tries a human heart he fries up on the stove that he pairs with other “delectables.” Over dinner and a lovely bottle of that cab franc they plot to get revenge on her friend.
Act 4:
INT. BEST FRIEND’S HOUSE – DAY
Final plan: Secret Santa awards her a private chef dinner for two at her home.
EXT. BEST FRIEND’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: Cannibal couple show up on doorstep with baskets of cooking supplies.
INT. BEST FRIEND’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Resolution: Cannibal couple eat husband and force friend to eat her husband before she becomes dessert.
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Renee’s Outline
What I learned doing this assignment is that my outlines typically start off pretty thin and don’t come fully together until I start writing. I like this formula and will continue to try and use it moving forward with other scripts.
Title: TBD
Genre: Sci-Fi Thriller
Logline: When a three-day journey into space is derailed by space junk, the all-civilian space crew must find a way to work together to return to Earth before they become lost in space.
Concept: all-civilian space crew must find a way to fix their ship.
Main Conflict – they only have 90 minutes to fix the ship before disaster strikes again.
1. Opening – Int. Dining Room – Night
Constance stands over a dining room table, fiddling with a prototype. Her girlfriend comes in and tells her they need to go.
2. Inciting Incident – Int. Banquet Hall – Night
Constance has just won a prestigious award, and along with the $50,000 cash prize, she’s also won a spot on the first-ever, all-civilian, 3-day flight in space.
3. Int. Conference Room – Day
Constance, her girlfriend, and her two daughters are saying goodbye.
4. Int. Elevator – Day
Constance meets Parker, the head of the mission and builder of the aircraft, for the first time. He is dismissive and condescending.
5. Int. SpaceCraft – Day
Constance meets the other two crew members. She likes the young man but is wary of the older, washed-up actor. She decides to keep her distance.
6. Int. SpaceCraft – Constance’s Room – Day
Constance is looking around her small sleeping quarters, taking everything in. William, the actor, comes in and makes a pass at her. She rebuffs his advances and he gets angry, storming out of the room.
7. Int. SpaceCraft – Cafeteria – Day
Constance sits by herself, trying to eat the unappetizing meal in front of her. William and Parker come in. Parker ignores her, William sneers at her. Matt follows them and sits down with her they talk about their lives.
8. Int. SpaceCraft – Hall – Night
Constance and Matt walk down the hall talking. They reach her room, he asks if he would like her to stay and keep watch. She declines. They go their separate ways.
9. Act 1 TP – Int. SpaceCraft – Constance Room – Night
Constance is asleep when the ship’s alarm goes off. She stumbles out of bed disoriented.
10. Int. SpaceCraft – Control Room – Night
Mission control contacts the crew to let them know that the navigation system was damaged and that they will need to fix it in the next 90 minutes, before the field of space junk orbits the earth and comes into contact with their ship again.
11. Int. SpaceCraft – Control Room – Night
Parker speaks with mission control and tries to fix the navigation system. Constance wants to help, but he refuses.
12. Act 2 TP – Int. SpaceCraft – Control Room – Night
Parker refuses to listen to Constance and gets impatient with Mission Control. He ends up shorting out the comm system, cutting them off from Mission Control. They are on their own.
13. Int. SpaceCraft – Control Room – Night
Constance looks through all the cabinets and finds a manual. She frantically flips through the pages, looking for the schematics for the comm system. She stops on a familiar schematic for the navigation system. It’s the one she was working on in the opening scene.
14. Int. SpaceCraft – Cafeteria – Day
Constance is searching through the cabinets, looking for tools. Parker gets angry with her and they fight. Matt protects Constance and they convince William that Constance can fix the issue.
15. Act 3 TP – Int. SpaceCraft – Control Room – Day
Constance works on the navigation system and the comm system. She fixes both. They have contact with Mission Control again. They find out the heat shield has also been damaged.
16. Ext. SpaceCraft – Day
Constance must go outside the craft and make repairs on the heat shield.
17. Climax – Int. SpaceCraft – Control Room – Day
The four strap in and prepare to re-enter Earth’s atmosphere and go home. Constance gets to talk to her daughters before they try to get home.
18. Int. SpaceCraft – Control Room – Day
They make it through and crash land in the Ocean.
19. Ext. SpaceCraft – Day
The hatch opens and Constance looks around. There’s a helicopter coming to rescue them.
20. Resolution – Int. Helicopter – Day
The four crew members sit solemnly in the helicopter as it flies them to dry land.
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Matthew Frendo’s Outline
What I learned doing this assignment was how to integrate deeper characters and setups into an outline. This will make both areas stronger as well as strengthen the entire script.
Act 1:
EXT. ALLEYWAY – DAY
Opening
– Nikki, a haggard, tough looking girl who hasn’t slept in days, fights
some guys off of a beaten girl. She takes her to the hospital, finding a
flyer in her hand. She takes the flyer, which is an invitation to be a test
subject for an hour to get paid $1000. When asked by a nurse who she is,
she says “nobody.”INT. VAN – DAY
Darnell the Butcher kills old leader of gang, saying he’s making it too weak and it won’t work for their future plans. After killing him, he tells his people to set the body outside Murphy’s Pub, where the “right people” will see it.
EXT. CONDEMNED NEIGHBORHOOD – DAY
Gangster type goes to an old building with a “condemned” sign in an abandoned neighborhood. He takes it off and puts on a testing facility sign.
EXT. CONDEMNED BUILDING – DAY
Inciting
Incident – Nikki goes to be a test subject, needing the money, to take the
girl’s place. She notices it’s in a condemned neighborhood, but then
follows another addict in. A piece of building falls off as they enter. She
sees a demolition setup outside as she walks in.INT. CONDEMNED BUILDING – DAY
Nikki
and the addict, along with a third man, find food and drink and chow down,
before passing out.
NIGHTMARENikki has a nightmare of silhouettes in war with screaming and crying and apologies mixed with bullets and blood and violence. She wakes up in a sweat.
INT. CONDEMNED BUILDING – NIGHT
When
they awake, a TV set comes on to explain situation. Darnell is on screen,
with a few members of his gang, in the basement. One of the 3 “test
subjects” swallowed the only key out of the building. And now, they are all
stuck there until the 3 guys he’s initiating into his gang kill the three “test
subjects” and rip the key out of their stomach. Nikki sees an explosive in
corner (not looking like explosive) and is about to try and leave right before
TV comes on (setup).INT. BASEMENT – NIGHT
Darnell tells the initiates that they are all trapped there until they get the key. If they don’t find it quickly enough, not only will they be out of the gang, but Darnell will kill them too. Then he kicks back in a seat and eats popcorn, watching it all play out over the monitors.
Turning
Point – 3 Testing subjects find out they are trapped in the building and
are there to be hunted as part of a gang initiation while the gang leaders
watch from the basement. Darnell brings initiates there and explains the
rules to join their gang.Act 2:
New
plan Escape from the building before getting killed.Plan in action During this scene, Nikki’s actions show her more and more to be a SEAL until it’s officially shown at midpoint.
INT. CONDEMNED BUILDING – NIGHT
Nikki
tries to go downstairs…and gets shot at. Has a panic attack when one
initiate hits her…and accidentally kicks him down building. During panic
attack, sees brief glimpses / flashbacks of war and screaming.EXT. FIRE ESCAPE LEDGE – NIGHT
Nikki
calls for police…but Darnell calls them off and we find out he is a cop.
Junkie hides. Nikki tries to climb down fire escape…and it breaks on her.INT. CONDEMENED BUILDING – NIGHT
Other
guy tries to reason with them with sympathy… and they kill him. Nikki’s
war memories come back.EXT. ROOFTOP OF CONDEMNED BUILDINGS – NIGHT
Midpoint
Turning Point Nikki jumps over to the next building…but then sees they are
going to kill the addict. She hears what her husband told her and looks
around at her life. Flashback to war, when she killed her husband
accidentally during battle and was dishonorably discharged for it. Then
she decides to save them and jumps back over.Act 3:
Rethink
everything Now is working to find ways to fight back and save the addict
too.INT. CONDEMNED BUILDING – NIGHT
New
plan Nikki saves addict…right before floor gives out. They end up falling
next to an initiate, who Nikki fights and kills. Taunts bad guys, Bad guys
are nervous now that they see her fight on screen. Nikki takes out cameras.
Find out Butcher has bigger plan to use the earlier murder to start a gang
war, then use his status as a cop to take them all out, giving him control
of the city’s drug trade.BASEMENT
Butcher
sends his brother to get her, while calling off cops again. He’s getting
pissed and nervous now.HIDDEN ROOM
Nikki
and addict find more demolition bombs set up and brother tells them they
picked this building because it’s set to be demolished in the morning. Time
is running out and people are calling Darnell to get things done. Nikki
and addict kidnap brother and Nikki makes a smaller bomb out of one of the
demolition bombs.
Turning
Point: Huge failure / Major shift Bomb accidentally goes off early,
killing 1 initiates and Darnell’s brother and hurting Nikki. Nikki hurt
near death but still kills another. Find out addict was medic who gets her
better.Act 4:
Final
plan Antagonist sends main hitman after her and finds brother body and we
find out his brother was messed up after killing their abusive father for
him. His plan is getting closer, but he ignores it and focuses on revenge
instead. He now has to choose between finishing his plan or avenging his
brother and possibly dying from demolition. He chases them and chooses
revenge.INT. CONDEMNED BUILDING -NIGHT
Climax/Ultimate
expression of the conflict – Nikki barely survives fight with hitman and
she and the addict plan to jump before demolition, when Darnell enters,
who wants to hurt her for killing his brother, Addict sacrifices himself
for Nikki, after having a dilemma between running or helping her.
Antagonist hurts Nikki, thinking she’s dead and cuts key out of addict’s
stomach. Nikki kills antagonist in brutal way.EXT. CONDEMNED NEIGHBORHOOD – NIGHT
Resolution
Nikki leaves, and sees girl she saved waiting for experiment. Nikki starts
to collapse…just as the building explodes. The girl hurries to help her up
and helps her walk on. The girl asks her name and she says “Nikki. I’m
Nikki.” -
Day 10 & 11 outline assignments take me back to what I said in my introduction. Excited to take advantage of the great deal on this course & learn what I can about the Contained Screenplay information in it. But the timing is a bit off for me to give the focused attention to developing a complete story. Even the “90 minutes” to put together the outline the class is looking for is beyond what I have to devote to it, and honestly, my project is nowhere near where I want it to move to a serious outlining phase. SO much more conceptualizing work to do. I’ve done what I can to keep up with the spirit of the assignments, but not enough for it to be fully formed & satisfying.
So, for Exercise 11, the best I have is a repost of previous structure material:
OUTLINE STRUCTURE (from Contained class):
Act 1:
Opening
– Chase moves into a remote country
house with a large tree stump in the backyard. His family remains behind
for the end of the school year.
Inciting Incident – An item of
torn clothes shows up on the stump.
Turning Point – A second
persona item mysterious shows up, this time covered in blood.Act 2:
New plan – Kindly old neighbors
inform Chase about the house being the former property of a suspected
killer who hung himself from the tree that is now the stump. Chase begins
to obsess on the stump items, decides to observe.
Plan in action – Cameras fail
at zero hour. More times arrive. He sits out to watch, but cannot stay
awake. His behavior becomes more erratic & obsessed.
Midpoint Turning Point – Something
shows up which may belong to his family. He cannot reach them. Something seems
to be stalking him in the woods bordering the property.Act 3:
Rethink everything – There may
be a supernatural or otherworldly explanation.
New plan – Destroy the stump. The
neighbor brings a stump grinder.
Turning Point: Huge failure /
Major shift – The stump erupts in blood and flesh when ground. Then cannot
be destroyed – it returns.Act 4:
Final plan – Hunt the things in
the woods.
Climax/Ultimate expression of
the conflict – TBD
Resolution – None. He may be
insane, in hell, or on another planet.<br clear=”all”>
Hope & Fear Exercise (Contained Class)
ACT ONE
HOPE: Chase had made a
good purchase of the house for a fresh start for his family.FEAR: He is alone in the
house. He has no transportation, they are a one-car family. His wife &
kid are held up in Chicago.FEAR: What’s in the ominous
shed? Are there things moving in the forest bordering the property?HOPE: Chase seems eager to
refurbish the house. He’s not depressed being alone. He’s inspired.FEAR: The first random
item of clothes turns up on the stump in the backyard.HOPE: Chase meets kindly
neighbor(s) in Mr/Mrs Dickens. Welcome to the “neighborhood”, such as it
is, rather remote. But it’s a close-knit community.FEAR: The previous owner
of the house is a story no one wants to tell.HOPE: Strange things
happening on the property, like left-behind clothes, are probably nothing
more than town teenagers who head out to the country to party. Nothing to
worry about.FEAR: The next item to
show up randomly on the stump comes blood-soaked.ACT TWO
HOPE: Chase sets up a
security camera to watch the stump at night.FEAR: The camera ‘malfunctions’
at the precise moment the next item appears on the stump, leaving the
phenomenon a mystery.FEAR: Chase becomes more
obsessed. Behavior stranger. Won’t call the authorities.HOPE: Mr/Mrs Dickens
checks in on him.FEAR: When pressed,
Dickens reveals that the old owner of the property, Godwyn, was a
suspected murderer who hung himself in the tree before it was cut down to
this stump.HOPE: Chase plans to sit
up all night and watch the stump himself.FEAR: The woods at night
are terrifying. Things seem to be moving around in the forest and hunting
other unseen things. Howls and screeches. Movements that don’t seem
natural. Chase retreats inside before anything appears on the stump.HOPE: Nothing follows him
inside. Maybe if he ignores it, there is no real danger.FEAR: Cannot get ahold of
his wife & kid back in Chicago. They are supposed to be on their way
by now.FEAR: The next morning
brings a new gore-coated item, and it just might be something belonging to
Chase’s wife.ACT THREE
HOPE: Chase reaches
someone else, a family friend, who assures him that everything is alright
with his family.HOPE: Dickens has a stump
grinder and is happy to come to get rid of the stump if Chase wants.FEAR: Chase has worsening
nightmares about ghoulish things that might be demons or monstrous alien
beings. He is coming unglued.HOPE: Chase invites
Dickens to come to destroy the stump with the grinder.FEAR: When ground, the stump
erupts in blood & gore.FEAR: The next day, the
stump returns unblemished.ACT FOUR
HOPE: Chase tries to
arrange transportation away from the house.FEAR: Despite his
persistent check-ins, no transport arrives.FEAR: Night falls. The
things in the woods are active as ever.HOPE & FEAR: Chase
arms himself and goes off to confront whatever is out there. -
All – Just an FYI. I posted a similar message to the Assignment 10 Forum as well. I am still working on my outline. Will have it posted by the morning of 3/9. Sorry for the delay.
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Assignment 11
What I learned doing the assignment is that doing the small steps (previous assignments) makes putting the outline together easier. It’s still sloppy, but I have a framework.
Title: Afloat
Genre: Thriller
Logline: Former friends from college must confront their past resentments, and work together in order to escape the dangers they encounter while exploring an abandoned riverboat in the Louisiana bayou.
Act 1
Opening: Four college friends meet after five years to hike into the bayou to look for an abandoned riverboat.
Lori is Happy, at peace with herself and the world
Jeremy is Happy, the leader
Cassie is reserved, happy with reservation
Donovan is Happy, relaxed, confident, joking and free-spirited
Inciting Incident: A local bayou boy warns them away from the riverboat.
Turning Point: Once aboard the riverboat, the boy steals their canoe, stranding them.
When they realize they are trapped on the riverboat Lora is not overly concerned as she relies on the others to make decisions that will save them.
Jeremy takes charge.
Cassie steps up to co-lead the group.
Donovan doesn’t realize that he severity of the situation. He’s still joking and having a good time.
Act 2
New Plan Get off the boat and back to shore
Plan in Action Swim or wade to shore
Midpoint Turning Point Jeremy is bitten by a snake and they must return to the boat
Lora goes inward and stays calm.
Jeremy confesses to having cheated on Lora with her roommate, Cassie, and sent Donovan to take care of her.
Cassie aligns herself with Jeremy and is hostile with Lora and Donovan.
Donovan realizes the severity of the situation and looks for possible escapes.
Act 3
Rethink Everything Lora must stay with Jeremy while the Donovan and Cassie go for help
After Jeremy’s snakebite confession, Cassie feels shame, but must get Lora and Donovan on her side if they’re to survive.
Donovan unravels. Donovan, set up as the villain, He must explain his rapey behavior.
New Plan Reason with the meth heads and get the canoe back
Turning Point: Huge failure/Major Shift Meth heads kill someone. The other returns to the riverboat pursued by meth heads
Act 4
Final Plan Fight the meth heads and take their boat
Lora must band with her enemies to defeat them.
Climax/Ultimate expression of conflict A final showdown on the riverboat
Certain of death, he clears his conscious and is at the mercy of his friends
With Jeremy out of the way, Cassie has the opportunity to become leader if she can defeat Donovan and reign in Lora.
Resolution The urban explores steal the boat and call the police
Lora leaves the riverboat with a new confidence and peace.
Cassie finds that winning is not the high she thought it would be.
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Jay’s Lesson 10 and 11
Title: The Revelation
Genre: Sci-Fi
Logline: While working to establish
a colony on Mars, a faithless doctor attempts to keep her team alive as they
struggle against the events of the Apocalypse. <div><div>
Act 1:
EXT. MARS – NAUKLUFT PLATEAU – DAY (Opening Image)
The team is the first to begin the colonization of Mars. They have already lost two colonists.
During a typical Martian dust storm, the colonists bury another one of their own. The protagonist, Eliza (physician/biologist), helps dig the grave. While the antagonist, Mateo (psychologist/theologian/priest) leads the prayers, the protagonist does not pray.
One of the team, Joanna (Mechanical Engineer), falls ill.
INT. MARS COLONY ALPHA – MED BAY – NIGHT
Joanna is going to be OK. Via a testing device, Eliza reveals to Joanna that she is ovulating. She and the commander, Victor (Mission Commander), are thinking about have a baby. It’s against protocol, and they do not know how the Martian environment will affect a fetus or a baby. They have a three-day window to conceive.
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – NIGHT – FLASHBACK
Young Joanna is with her dad at the hospital. Her mom, Lisa, has cancer. She’s been getting better, but suddenly suffers an aneurysm and dies.
INT. HOSPITAL CHAPEL – NIGHT – FLASHBACK
Young Joanna yells at God. Dad said you would save her. I hate you!
INT. MARS COLONY ALPHA – MATEO’S QUARTERS – NIGHT
Mateo counsels Sebastian (Computer Engineer). Sebastian hasn’t been able to connect with anyone. He’s better with computers than he is with people.
Afterwards, Mateo sends a video message to his brother. Reveals that he believes he’s a fraud. Can’t help anyone. He’s sad and lonely. Mars is getting to him.
INT. MARS COLONY ALPHA – OPERATIONS DECK – NIGHT (Inciting Incident)
The room shakes violently. An atypical storm. A priority message from Earth is coming in. The communications array is hit by a meteor. The message cuts off. The array must be fixed in spite of the storm.
EXT. MARS COLONY ALPHA – NIGHT
The commander goes out to fix the array and is killed. The protagonist has to assume command.
EXT. MARS COLONY ALPHA – DAY (Turning Point)
As the meteorites are not letting up, Eliza and Joanna decide to go out and fix the array using a solar panel for protection.
Act 2:
EXT. MARS COLONY ALPHA – DAY
Eliza and Joanna make it to the array and begin the repairs. The ground shakes. What’s going on?
INT. MARS COLONY ALPHA – – OPERATIONS DECK – DAY
Mateo and Sebastian indicate it’s a Mars quake. Something they have not experienced before. Mateo recalls lines from the Book of Revelation.
EXT. MARS COLONY ALPHA – DAY
The quake causes a giant crack in the ground. Victor’s body fall into the crack.
EXT. MARS COLONY ALPHA – CAVERN – DAY
At the bottom of the cavern all is eerily quiet. Then, a long, sticky ligament flies out of the darkness. It grabs Victor’s body and pulls him into the darkness.
EXT. MARS COLONY ALPHA – NIGHT
Eliza and Joanna work on the array. They hear a shriek of epic proportions.
INT. MARS COLONY ALPHA – NIGHT
Sebastian indicates there is an unidentified blip on radar. Headed your way.
EXT. MARS COLONY ALPHA – NIGHT
Eliza and Joanna speed up the efforts. We learn the WSA does not provide the crew with weapons. All Eliza has is a machete.
INT. MARS COLONY ALPHA – NIGHT
Sebastian indicates there is a second unidentified blip on radar. Also headed your way. Sebastian suits up to go out and help. Eliza orders him to stay inside. He doesn’t.
EXT. MARS COLONY ALPHA – NIGHT
Eliza and Joanna fix the array. As they do, they hear another shriek. They turn to see Alien #1.
INT./EXT MARS COLONY ALPHA – MAIN AIRLOCK – NIGHT
As Sebastian goes to exit the airlock door, he is struck by a meteorite and knocked out. He’s draped across the airlock door.
INT. MARS COLONY ALPHA – OPERATIONS DECK – NIGHT
Mateo informs Eliza and Joanna of Sebastian’s predicament. Eliza orders him to get Sebastian back inside.
EXT. MARS COLONY ALPHA – NIGHT
Alien #1 shoots a volley of liquid at Eliza and Joanna. No luck hitting them. Alien #2 arrives. Looks the same as the other.
Throwing caution to the storm, Eliza and Joanna connect their tether units, throw the solar panel to the ground, activates their tether units (which are connected to the outside of the main airlock door), and they ride the panel like a snowboard back to the colony. The aliens pursue.
Back at the colony, the aliens stop short of moving into the exterior lights. Instead, they shoot sticky filaments out of their mouths, Joanna pushes Eliza out of the way, and the two tongues stick to Joanna’s suit.
Eliza clips her tether to Joanna. There is a tug of war. The aliens again shoot a volley of liquid. One burns through Joanna’s suit. She dies. Eliza uses the machete to cut Joanna’s body from the tether so Eliza can get back to the colony. As the aliens take in Joanna’s body, they shriek with delight and disappear into the darkness.
INT/EXT. MARS COLONY ALPHA – MAIN AIRLOCK DOOR – NIGHT
Eliza and Mateo get Sebastian into the airlock. The message!
INT. MARS COLONY ALPHA – OPERATIONS DECK – NIGHT (Midpoint)
The three remaining colonists hear the rest of the message. A comet appeared out of nowhere and is headed directly for Earth. It is an extinction level event. Mateo again quotes lines from the Book of Revelation. They all start drinking.
Act 3:
INT. MARS COLONY ALPHA – OPERATIONS DECK – DAY
The three remaining colonists are where they were the previous night. Eliza says she has a new plan to keep them alive – small footprint. They are going to turn off all unnecessary power and life support and huddle in the Mess Hall. She says that she would like each of them to secure a personal item from their quarters. First though, she walks Sebastian to the Med Bay to evaluate him.
INT. MARS COLONY ALPHA – MED BAY – DAY
Eliza puts Sebastian in the Med Bed and evaluates him. He’s OK.
INT. MARS COLONY ALPHA – MATEO’S QUARTERS – DAY
Mateo speaks to the metal cross on his wall. Ask God for direction. God gives him a sign. He now knows what he must do. He takes the metal cross as his personal item.
INT. MARS COLONY ALPHA – ELIZA’S QUARTERS – DAY
Eliza selects a picture of her, her mom, and her dad as her personal item.
INT. MARS COLONY ALPHA – SEBASTIAN’S QUARTERS – DAY
Sebastian selects a picture of him and a woman as a personal item.
INT. MARS COLONY ALPHA – MESS HALL – DAY
Mateo has set out a feast to celebrate his retirement from the priesthood. A shocked Eliza and Sebastian leave to shut down the unnecessary areas.
INT. MARS COLONY ALPHA – MED BAY – DAY
Mateo sneaks in to steal some amphetamines.
INT. MARS COLONY ALPHA – OPERATIONS DECK – NIGHT
Eliza and Sebastian shut down all unnecessary areas, including power and life support. This also includes the exterior lights.
INT. MARS COLONY ALPHA – MESS HALL – NIGHT
They talk about their personal items. Sebastian’s pic. His ex-girlfriend. How she ended it. He won’t tell them why. Eliza’s pic. She was a kid. The last time she, her mom, and dad were together. How her mom had cancer. How she died of an aneurism. Then, Mateo’s cross. How they have a purpose – to ensure the propagation of the human race. A warning klaxon blares.
INT. MARS COLONY ALPHA – OPERATIONS DECK – NIGHT
Sebastian checks the radar. Two unidentified objects moving near the colony. These two are larger than the last two. Eliza’s realizes the lights are off. They turn the exterior lights back on. One of the aliens scurries away. The other does not. It’s under the Ops Deck.
Its legs break through the floor. A warning klaxon indicates a breach.
It legs lash out – looking for something to stab. It stabs Sebastian’s leg. Eliza yells to Mateo to get the high-powered flashlight. Eliza slices off the alien leg that stabbed Sebastian. They shine the flashlight into the hole. The alien disappears.
Eliza directs Mateo to seal the breach. She takes Sebastian to the Med Bay.
INT. MARS COLONY ALPHA – MED BAY – NIGHT
Eliza puts Sebastian in the Med Bed. Tends to him. Starts him on pain and antibiotic drips. Remove the alien leg. The discuss Mateo. Where he might be going with what he is saying. How important it might be to propagate the human race. How he is sterile!
INT. MARS COLONY ALPHA – OPERATIONS DECK – NIGHT
Mateo fixes the breach, but not fully. He calls for the commander. He needs help fixing the breach.
INT. MARS COLONY ALPHA – MED BAY – NIGHT
Mateo enters the Med Bay under the guise of checking on Sebastian. He grabs Sebastian by the neck. Sebastian cannot speak. Mateo tells Sebastian that he is to be the one to propagate the human race. Mateo pushes buttons to OD Sebastian on pain killers.
INT. MARS COLONY ALPHA – OPERATIONS DECK – NIGHT
Eliza doesn’t see Mateo. Ask the computer where he is. Computer says location unknow. He removed hi tracking chip. That can’t be good.
Mateo saunters in. He tries to be romantic with Eliza. Eliza rebuffs him. He turns on her. Tells her she is to be the mother of his child. They fight. He punches her and knocks the wind out of her.
INT. MARS COLONY ALPHA – MESS HALL – NIGHT (Turning Point)
Mateo drags her into the Mess Hall and puts her on the table. Says since she won’t accept her fate willfully, it is going to be on his terms. To demonstrate his ironclad will, Sebastian is dead and, reaching into Eliza’s pocket, pulls out her photo and rips it to shreds. Eliza body shudders and she dies!
Mateo cries out and stumbles out of the room.
Act 4:
INT. HOSPITAL – NIGHT – DREAM
Eliza sees her mother in a hospital bed. She sits up alive. Eliza’s eyes water.
EXT. MARS – OLYMPUS MONS VOLCANO – NIGHT – DREAM
From on high, her mom shows her a vision of the future. A thriving colony on Mars. Tells Eliza she needs to go back. But, what about Sebastian? Her mom says that God will provide. Also tells Eliza that her father is going to need her.
INT. HOSPITAL CHAPEL – NIGHT – DREAM
Lisa leads Eliza to the doors of a chapel. Says goodbye to her daughter. Eliza enters. Kneels and prays.
INT. MARS COLONY ALPHA – MESS HALL – NIGHT
Eliza’s eyes fly open. She’s alive. No sign of Mateo.
INT. MARS COLONY ALPHA – MED BAY – NIGHT
Sebastian is still hanging on. She treats him. Groggy, he wakes up. He asks about Mateo. Eliza says she is going to talk and reason with him. Sebastian believes that spaceship has sailed.
INT. MARS COLONY ALPHA – OPERATIONS DECK – NIGHT
Talking doesn’t work. All three fight. Mateo smashes Sebastian’s head with a vodka bottle. Sebastian goes down in a heap. Eliza stabs Mateo in his side with a machete. Mateo grabs Eliza. She shoves her fingers into his wound. Eliza stumbles to the Med Bay.
INT. MARS COLONY ALPHA – MED BAY – NIGHT (Climax)
Eliza looks for more adrenalin. Mateo comes in. Pushes her to the floor. Mateo pulls off his boots and pants. Throws them on the floor. Mateo’s metal cross slides out of his pants. He pulls off Eliza’s boots and pants.
She tries to fight back. Suddenly, another Mars quake. A spay can of antiseptic falls to the floor. Eliza grabs it. Sprays Mateo in the eyes. She grabs some defibrillator paddles and shocks Mateo. He crashes to the floor.
Eliza sits on the floor with her head in her hands. She gets up. Searches the cabinets. Finds some pills. Goes to Mateo. Give them to him. She climbs on top of him. She tells him she is sacrificing herself for humanity. He says – finally – give it to me! She says – I’m not giving it to you. I’m taking it from you.
Mateo’s body tenses. Then goes limp. Eliza wails.
Behind Eliza, Mateo sits up. He grabs her hair and pulls her head backwards. Says no one takes anything from me. Eliza searches the floor for something, anything. Her hand is guided to Mateo’s cross. She slits his throat.
INT. MARS COLONY ALPHA – OPERATIONS DECK – NIGHT
Eliza rushes to Sebastian. He’s alive.
INT. MARS COLONY ALPHA – MED BAY – NIGHT
Eliza helps Sebastian into the Med Bed. She tells Sebastian she has failed. Failed to keep them all alive. He says it sounds like she did what she need to do and that now it’s time someone started taking care of her.
INT. MARS COLONY ALPHA – OPERATIONS DECK – NIGHT (Resolution – 8 months later)
Eliza screams. Wails. A baby cries. Then another.
A klaxon blares an incoming priority message. A large number of humans has survived. They are on a ship headed to Mars. Eliza’s father is on the ship.
</div></div>
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Still working on this hasn’t quite come together yet…
Lesson 10 Part 2
Character Depth
Jen
Character Role/Profession: CEO and co-owner of a Mining Conglomerate.
Age: late 30s.
Traits: Risk taker; Successful; Entitled; Occasional acts of Kindness
Motivation: Is trying to overcome her fear while helping the ghosts.
Secret: She ignored safety violations at several of her family’s mines and many workers have died a fact she’s been able to keep a secret.
Wound: She had a friend who was a ghost when she was young but her parents didn’t believe her.
Subtext: Afraid of the dark.
Layers: Surface Layer: A CEO of a mining Company on her first vacation for 3 years is looking forward to the time off with her husband and a getaway from their children.
Beneath that: She doesn’t like taking time off.
Beneath that: She’s covering up some deaths at her company.
How Revealed: The ghosts appear/ she dreams.
Jason:
Character Role/Profession: A Doctor.
Age: early 40s.
Traits: Egotistical; Saves lives; Calm; OCD
Motivation: Curiosity and wants to support his wife.
Secret: One of his patients over dosed on medication they didn’t really need. He’s covering for a fellow Doctor who he had an affair with.
Wound: He was bullied at school, but eventually stood up for himself.
Subtext: Losing control.
Layers: Surface Layer: A medical Doctor looking forward to taking his wife on her first vacation in 3 years and a getaway from their children.
Beneath that: He’s chosen Scotland the birthplace of her great grandfather – giving her some time to explore her ancestors.
How revealed: He wants to stop at a Castle along the way.
Beneath that: He’s in a trial for a jet lag pill.
How Revealed: We see them taking the pill before they enter the Castle restaurant.
Plot Layers:
Surface Layer: Jason has planned a romantic two night stay at a Castle that used to be owned by Jen great-great grandfather.
Beneath They don’t know the tortured history of the castle.
Beneath that: They have taken jet lag pills prescribed by Jason.
How Revealed: We see them taking them before they go into the restaurant.
Beneath that: The owners have also spiked their food.
How revealed: See the owners spike their food.
Location Layers:
Surface Layer: A Castle.
Beneath that: A Bed and Breakfast.
Beneath that: Ghosts that need to pass over.
Beneath that: A mysterious dead body:
How Revealed: The current owners need to rescue Jen and Jason.
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I learned a lot through the steps of this process and look forward to taking the 30 day class to finish this script. My outline was very easy and I am posting for feedback on the Lesson 12 thread. I look forward to reading others!
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Linda’s Outline
What I learned doing this assignment is it’s good for a first draft but as I continue the SU coursework, it’s going to keep getting more focused and better.
Title: TBD
Genre: Drama, War story
Written by: Linda Anderson
Logline: In 2004, a young military chaplain, on his first tour of duty in Iraq, persuades his war-hardened commander to let him and two others stay behind when their bombed-out base is evacuated, even though he’s risking all their lives to fulfill a sacred promise to 20 fallen soldiers.
Concept: What if a chaplain in a dangerous war zone has to fulfill his commitment to fallen soldiers and their loved ones but he’s going through a dark night of soul?
Main Conflict: Serving in the military during the Iraq (Bush’s) War conflicts with a chaplain following in his father’s footsteps as pastor of a large southern congregation.
Act 1:
OPENING
Scene 1:
EXT. CAMP WOLF IRAQ—DAY
A demolished, evacuated FOB (Forward Operating Base). A few torn tents remain standing. Makeshift signs outside them say “Mortuary,” “Chaplains Tent,” “Command,” “Chapel,” and “Internet Cafe. The only thing left of the chapel is a crucifix flipped on its side amidst the rubble.
SUPERSCRIPT: 2004, Camp Wolf, Iraq
INCITING INCIDENT
Scene 2:
INT. MORTUARY TENT–DAY
A lineup of 20 standing rifles capped by soldiers’ helmets, with a small pile of effects and soldiers’ boots in front of each. The last one has only a rifle and boots.
Rev. TANJI WILKES looks at the display of all that remains of 20 fallen soldiers who were killed in a surprise insurgent attack on the small base. He makes a promise that he’ll find their families and loved ones and tell them what happened here.
Scene 3:
INT. COMMAND TENT–DAY
While MAJOR SLOAN clears out debris, Tanji and his Chaplain’s Assistant, MARIO CHAVEZ, try to persuade him to let them stay behind and keep Tanji’s sacred promise to the fallen soldiers. Major Sloan, a war-hardened atheist, is a hard sell. They must stay to protect Tanji and the remains. Insurgents could attack again if they think someone is still there. IEDs and explosives could be hidden in the rubble. Still, he wants the families to have closure.
Scene 4:
INT. INTERNET CAFÉ–DAY
Devout and devoted Mario tells Major Sloan he’s not enthusiastic about the plan but Tanji is an unarmed chaplain and relies on him to do his job. Going through remains spooks him out. Hasn’t heard anything from his best buddy, Trey, in the chaos of fast evacuation to a nearby base. Major Sloan reveals he doesn’t think chaplains are worth his spit. Tanji is too inexperienced to pull off this plan. Could get all of them killed.
Scene 5:
INT. MORTUARY TENT–DAY
The base’s Iraqi interpreter, ADIBA, arrives from the nearby village to see if there are any survivors after the bombing. Tanji is holding a soldier’s Quran. Asks Adiba to do a prayer for the Muslim soldier.
Major Sloan tells Adiba it’s not safe to return to her village. Too much anger that she helped Americans. Promises to apply for her to emigrate to America after serving as base translator. Tanji gets Major Sloan to let Adiba help with sifting through the soldiers’ effects.
After Major Sloan exists, Adiba reveals her greatest hope is to be an American girl.
Scene 6:
INT. MORTUARY TENT–DAY
Tanji and Adiba catalog and take notes on the soldiers’ effects. Adiba tells Tanji she fears her brother Baqir is being recruited by insurgent Sunnis. Tanji spouts scripture and some doctrine from divinity school. He confesses to not being like his father, REV. WILKES, who is great at giving personal comfort. Adiba reassures him he’ll get better at it with more experience.
Scene 7:
INT. INTERNET CAFÉ–DAY
Mario researches and finds chaplains on bases where fallen soldiers families live. Keeps trying to find out if anyone at other bases in Iraq or the states have seen Trey. No one has.
Tanji struggles to write letters to forward to the chaplains so they can deliver the news to families. Adiba helps him put more of his heart into them. She asks Tanji to let her read the last letter he wrote to Rev. Wilkes. It reveals how Tanji knows he’s disappointed his father by not taking over their South Carolina congregation and ministry. Tanji says he needs his own ministry and mission, not his father’s and thinks being a military chaplain would do it for him.
He tells Adiba that instead of fulfillment, he’s seeing humans at their worst. Neither Tanji’s formal training nor the touchy-feely ways his father deals with his congregation work for him. He knows mortuary soldiers who break down with nightmares and PTSD from doing this job. Tanji tells Adiba about Rev. Wilkes’s belief that anyone who hasn’t accepted Jesus as their personal savior will go to hell. He rejects that view and has promised to be chaplain to all.
Mario overhears Tanji and Adiba. Prays to Jesus to help Tanji become a true believer again. Watching them confiding in each other, he looks worried.
Scene 8:
INT. CHAPLAIN’S TENT—DAY
Tanji finds a Jewish prayer for the dead in a pile of books that remain after the attack.
Scene 9:
INT. MORTUARY TENT—NIGHT
Tanji stands in front of a soldier’s helmet and effects, which contain a miniature Torah. He reads the Jewish Prayer for the Dead. Bows his head in prayer.
TURNING POINT:
Scene 10:
INT. MORTUARY TENT–NIGHT
A flare lights up a section of the base. Major Sloan shouts over loudspeaker for everyone to take cover. Adiba sees what looks like a man in the shadows. She hears BAQIR’S VOICE yelling to ask her if the American infidels are holding her captive. Before Major Sloan shoots at the shadow of Baqir, Adiba and Tanji plead with him not to kill her brother. Major Sloan shoots at the fleeing shadow. He says that now the insurgents know the base isn’t deserted.
Act 2:
Scene 11:
INT. INTERNET CAFE—DAY
Rev. Wilks gets through on a phone call to Tanji. He asks how many souls Tanji saved for Jesus over there in Bush’s war. Tells him Felicity, Tanji’s ex-fiancé, has told him that she still loves Tanji. They both want him to come home. Adiba enters and hears Tanji talking about Felicity. Tanji tells Adiba why things didn’t work out with Felicity.
Scene 12:
INT. INTERNET CAFÉ—NIGHT
Tanji’s chaplain battalion commander, Father Jim, calls from another base to find out how Tanji is doing. He’s heard about the attack on Camp Wolf. Tanji reveals his plunge into a dark night of soul. He’s losing his faith in a God he can trust to protect him.
Scene 13:
INT. COMMAND TENT–DAY
Adiba asks if Major Sloan has gotten her approved to go to America. Tells him she’s in love with Tanji and wants to marry him. She’s anxious God will condemn her for loving an infidel and Baqir—the only family she has left–will disown her. Major Sloan is furious with Tanji for leading her on when he knows the risks.
NEW PLAN:
Scene 14:
INT. COMMAND TENT–DAY
Against regulations, Major Sloan recruits Mario, to report back to him. He’s determined to get rid of Tanji.
PLAN IN ACTION:
Scene 15
EXT. CHAPEL TENT—NIGHT
Major Sloan commands Mario to help him pull out the toppled crucifix from the chapel, rants at God, and burns what’s left of it. He tells Mario that he used to believe but has seen too much and doesn’t trust in love anymore.
Scene 16:
INT. INTERNET CAFÉ—DAY
Adiba asks Mario to pry open a vending machine. She pulls out health bars, chips, and nuts while he watches. She asks him for a couple Military Rations packets. He gets them for her from a pile on the floor. When he asks what she’s doing, she says it’s a surprise for Tanji. He warns her against falling in love with Tanji if she wants Major Sloan to help her get to America.
Scene 17:
INT. CHAPLAIN’S TENT—DAY
Tanji writes to tell Felicity he can’t renew his relationship with her or join in her dreams of being a minister in an uptown church. He doesn’t know his future yet, but that’s not it.
Scene 18:
INT. CHAPLAIN’S TENT—NIGHT
Adiba brings a pot of stew, a couple of flashlights, and paper plates and arranges them on a folding table. This is her version of a romantic dinner. While they eat it, they tentatively talk about what could be in their future.
Scene 19:
INT. CHAPLAIN’S TENT—NIGHT
A mysterious light flashes from outside the tent. It seems otherworldly to Tanji and Adiba. It’s accompanied by a beautiful sound. Adiba concludes that God has smiled on them and their hopes for a future together.
MIDPOINT TURNING POINT:
Scene 20:
EXT. CHAPEL—NIGHT
The shadow of Baqir looms on a sand hill above Camp Wolf. He’s wearing a bomb vest. Baqir detonates the vest. Mario jumps on Tanji and shields him with his body, keeping him from being hurt, but Mario is bleeding. Adiba is struck by shrapnel. Tanji crawls out from under Mario and makes to Adiba. She’s too badly injured to tell him she loves him and dies in his arms.
Major Sloan finds them and pulls Tanji away from Adiba. He blames Tanji for her death and Mario’s injury.
Act 3:
Scene 21:
INT. CHAPLAIN’S TENT—NIGHT
Tanji is devastated at Adiba’s death. His prayers reveal his anger at a God who would allow such carnage.
Scene 22:
INT. CHAPLAIN’S TENT–DAY
Mario, only slightly wounded and recovering, runs in to tell Tanji he has a phone call from the states. Tanji asks why Mario saved his life. Mario says it was his duty. Tanji thanks him but wonders if it would have been best for everyone if he’d died with Adiba. Mario realizes Tanji actually did love her.
RETHINK EVERYTHING:
Scene 23:
INT. INTERNET CAFÉ—DAY
Felicity calls Tanji to tell him Rev. Wilkes has had a heart attack and wants him to come home and take over the congregation.
Tanji calls Father Jim. Tells him about Adina’s loss. The pain of fulfilling his task for the fallen soldiers has broken him. Tells Father Jim about the spiritual experience the night of Adina’s death. Father Jim wonders if it could have God warning them of danger. Tanji rejects that interpretation. Why didn’t God save them? Admits he can’t handle being a military chaplain.
NEW PLAN:
Scene 24:
INT. COMMAND TENT–DAY
Tanji tells Major Sloan he’s finished all but the last soldier’s notifications. There is only the rifle and shoes for the one left, and he can’t figure out this soldier’s identity. He requests an emergency family leave. Major Sloan tells him to make it permanent. He’s not cut out for a war zone. He’ll help make that happen.
INT. COMMAND TENT—DAY
Scene 25:
Major Sloan grills Mario about what he’s found that could make a case for dismissing Tanji from duty. Mario is conflicted about the betrayal. All he has is Tanji’s relationship with Adiba which is against regulations. Major Sloan says he’ll take it.
INT. INTERNET CAFÉ–DAY
Scene 26:
Mario is searching on the computer and anxious that he hasn’t heard from Trey. Tanji helps Mario in the search. Mario explains why Trey meant so much to him—a guy who has dozens of lovesick girls writing to him and makes Camp Wolf soldiers in the Internet Café laugh at his escapades. Trey showed Mario respect even when others ridiculed him for his fervent devotion to his God, duty, and country.
TURNING POINT:
Scene 27:
INT. CHAPLAIN’S TENT–NIGHT
Tanji writes to Rev. Wilkes to tell him he’s coming home. He’s a failure in Iraq.
Act 4:
Scene 28:
EXT. CHAPEL–DAY
Mario finds Trey’s helmet at the bottom of a heap of rubble. He’s overcome with grief and rage.
FINAL PLAN:
Scene 29:
EXT. CHAPEL–DAY
Mario arms himself to commit suicide and maybe blow them all up. Major Sloan orders Tanji to let him take care of Mario. He may have to shoot him. Tanji argues that he’s the only one Tanji trusts, because chaplains don’t carry weapons. He disobeys command and goes to minister to Mario.
PLACEHOLDER:
Important and wise things Adiba and his father have told him in the past that now give him guidance on how to help Mario.
CLIMAX:
Scene 30:
EXT. CHAPEL–DAY
Tanji keeps Mario from blowing up Tanji and himself. Mario agrees to get psych help. Mario hands his weapons over to Tanji.
Tanji stops Major Sloan from shooting at Mario by telling him he’s now unarmed. Mario is crying as Tanji brings him to Major Sloan, who feels guilt over having conflicted him. Mario thanks him for saving his life.
RESOLUTION:
Scene 31:
INT. COMMAND TENT—DAY
Tanji has proven to Major Sloan and himself that he’s a courageous military chaplain. While Tanji is home on emergency leave, Major Sloan recommends him for a service medal for saving Mario.
EXT. CHAPEL—DAY
Scene 32:
At the ceremony where Major Sloan awards Tanji a medal, Adiba appears in the mist and declares her love for Tanji.
INT. INTERNET CAFÉ—DAY
Scene 33:
Tanji speaks on the phone to his father. He tells him he’s finishing his tour of duty and has found his purpose. Rev. Wilkes understands what being his own man and serving God in his own way means to his son.
***
First thing to solve: Why does Major Sloan hate Tanji so much? Where does this become known?
Second thing to solve: What does Major Sloan do while the others work on the task? Does he eventually start helping? Why?
Third thing: How does Tanji communicate with the families? How many? (Idea: uses Skype phone to contact base chaplains where families live.)
Fourth thing: When does this start and finish? When do they find out there were no weapons of mass destruction? How to build in the events of the war?
Fifth: need more about how sifting through effects of fallen soldiers makes each character come to terms with life and death, what’s important to them, and a test of their faith
Sixth: more about the soldiers and lives they lived; how it relates to Tanji and his daddy issues; Tanji’s letter home
Seventh: anything about history of military chaplains? When? How? Add as Superscript to end of movie?
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