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Day 11 Assignments
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8 Replies
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Judith’s Reveals
Lesson 11 – Creating Demands for Reveals
What I learned is I wish there was an example of what a thriller map looks like. I have a bunch of pieces, but don’t know how to put it together. I wish we could get help with questions we have in the lessons.
REVEAL – 1
Mystery – What is Rachel up to?
Reveal – Rachel plans to make Emily’s life miserable and then take over her life because she blames her for the failure of her art store and life.
REVEAL – 2
Intrigue – Why has Rachel shown up ten years of rejecting Emily by sending back her letters with a “return to sender” stamp.
Reveal – Rachel felt that her mother loved Emily, her foster child more than her. During Rachel 10<sup>th</sup> birthday party and Emily arrived Rachel sat at the table alone while everyone welcomed Emily. there
REVEAL- 3
Intrigue – Rachel arrives at Emily gallery art show all smiles and with flowers. She causes a ruckus at the door for coming uninvited, but Emily welcomes her.
Reveal – Rachel’s intentions was to play on Emily’s feelings of wanting sisterhood with Rachel. What is Rachel up to after all these years?
REVEAL – 4
Mystery – A woman kills an elderly lady with poison tea. She drags a homeless woman’s body into the room lit with candles and causes the house on fire and leaves. Who is this woman?
Reveal – Rachel killed her mother and planted a body there to indicate that she died in the fire too.
REVEAL – 5
Intrigue – A weird hotel clerk first pretends he doesn’t know where Rachel went and as Emily is leaving, he gives her a hint.
Reveal – Rachel paid the Clerk off to make it look like the hint was accidental.
REVEAL – 6
Intrigue – Emily decides to welcome Rachel into her life and Rachel fools her by acting supportive and loving. For example, she hires a woman to pretend interest in investing in Eugene’s, Emily’s husband research project and then sets it up to make it look like he is having an affair.
Reveal – Rachel hired an actress to make it look like Eugene is having an affair.
REVEAL – 7
Suspense – will Emily pick up the clues and realize Rachel is up to no good before it is too late.
Reveal – Emily discovers a painting from the burned down gallery in Rachel’s car.
REVEAL – 8
Mystery – why is Rachel burning down the gallery housing Emily’s paintings.
Reveal – Rachel is jealous of Emily’s success because Emily stole Rachel’s painting as a kid, entered it in a contest, and won. Rachel should have won and been on her way to success. Mom didn’t believe that the painting was Rachel’s.
REVEAL – 9
Mystery – the Red Herring is killed after arguing with Emily about calling off the movers and Emily is accused of the murder.
Reveal – She didn’t call off the movers, Rachel did.
REVEAL – 10
Intrigue – Rachel calls the adoption agency and accuses Emily of being a drug addict.
Reveal – The agency puts off the adoption.
REVEAL – 11
Mystery – Are the two bodies Rachel and her mother. That is what the detective wants to find out.
Reveal – they can id the mother, but Rachel has no clues to her identity so they don’t know who the second body is.
REVEAL – 12
Intrigue – what will Emily do when the detective tells her Rachel was killed in the fire along with her mother?
Reveal – She tells the detective Rachel is alive and when the detective goes to the hotel to question her, the clerk tells him that Rachel left and didn’t tell him where she was going.
REVEAL -13
Mystery – Rachel kidnaps Katie, the little girl Emily is adopting. Will she kill her?
Reveal – Rachel kidnapped her to lure Emily to her and kill Emily.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 12 months ago by Judith Watson.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 12 months ago by
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Michelle’s Reveals
What I learned is…to carefully consider what a reveal is and how to craft them within my story. The explanation between exposition and reveals was simplistic and, more importantly, eye-opening. That reveals are vitally important to engaging the audience.
REVEAL 1:
Mystery: Why did Boyd and Ennis receive the Mayor’s Citizen Award?
Mystery: Why did Boyd’s wife almost seemed relieved that he was dead?
Suspense: Why did Ennis bring Griffin to the fishing spot?
Mystery: Why did Griffin’s mom leave her a note in the VHS tape from Ennis’ news interview?
Suspense: Griffin confronts her dad asking if he was the serial killer.
Reveal: Boyd attacked the woman at fishing spot. Ennis came after the attack. In order to cover it up, they made up a story about how they tried to save the woman.
REVEAL 2:
Intrigue: Did Adam receive Boyd’s heart?
Reveal: Boyd’s heart was implanted into Adam.
REVEAL 3:
Intrigue: Why is the heart transplant surgeon refusing to talk with Griffin?
Reveal: The transplant surgeon’s use of the unapproved medication is accelerating cellular memory causing Adam to become a serial killer.
REVEAL 4:
Mystery: In front of everyone, Ann is rude to Griffin in Adam’s room. Griffin blows it off as high school stuff.
Mystery: Ann and Griffin end up at the same bar together.
REVEAL: During a high school slumber party, Ann cut off another girl’s hair and Griffin turned her in.
REVEAL 5:
Mystery: Ann was Adam’s nurse. Ann mentions Adam told her she was rude and should apologize to Griffin.
Mystery: Adam sees/hears Lillian and Griffin fighting and Lillian telling her she won’t protect her any longer.
Intrigue: Somebody is watching Lillian on the phone with the CEO, watching her while on her walk, before attacks her.
Suspense: Detective’s arrest Griffin for the murders.
Reveal: Adam murdered Griffin’s colleagues.
REVEAL 6:
Mystery: Graham is secretly meeting with someone from Spring Health about an acquisition of the hospital.
Mystery: The Spring Health person is meeting with the heart transplant surgeon and talking with him about becoming CEO.
Mystery: Graham threatens the Spring Health person.
Suspense: Did the Spring Health person kill Graham? Did the heart transplant surgeon kill him?
REVEAL: After Graham’s death, the merger with Spring Health goes through and the heart transplant surgeon is appointed CEO.
REVEAL 7:
Mystery: Callie knew about the town’s murderous history and seems a little overly intrigued about it. Is Callie the killer?
REVEAL: Callie is attacked by Adam but she gets away. She is not the killer.
REVEAL 8:
Mystery: Boyd’s wife seems relieved he’s dead. She flinches when the Social Worker touches her.
Intrigue: Ennis keeps his Mayor’s Award hung on a wall.
Mystery: Griffin’s mom leaves her a confusing note in the VHS tape that has Ennis’ news interview when he gets the Mayor’s award.
Intrigue: Ennis tells Griffin there is no good fishing at the spot after midnight because of the trees.
Intrigue: The news reporter mentions that the men were fishing at 2 am.
Suspense: After Griffin receives a Mayor’s Award for saving Hank, she remembers the newscaster’s interview and confronts her Ennis.
Suspense: Is Ennis the serial killer?
Reveal: Boyd was the serial killer and Ennis helped him cover up the death.
Intrigue: Who else knew? Did Boyd’s wife and Griffin’s mom also know? Suspect?
REVEAL 9:
Intrigue: Griffin knows that Adam received Boyd’s heart.
Mystery: At Adam’s clinic appointment, they talk about the possible reasons for his behavior change.
Reveal: Griffin believes the surgeon’s use of the medication, Boyd’s heart, and cellular memory spurred Adam’s behavior change.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by Michelle Donnelly.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by
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Help! Today I learned that I am a better writer, however help is needed. I’m not exactly sure what a “Thriller Map” looks like completely; I have the pieced ideas but not a complete concept. Can we please have some feedback on this “Thriller Map” written & visually.
Mystery: Who are these strange men?
Suspense coverup: Fly in at night – what’s in the boxes – too dark to be seen clearly.
Reveal: Maksim’s Russian mercenaries out to harm Joe.
Mystery: Four sexy young women riding in a fancy Limo?
Intrigue: They seem like Vegas visitors, a bridal party having fun? Friends? Why so cynical?
Reveal: These 4 wealthy women own and run a L.V. casino.
Mystery: Why do all four women wear red-bottomed, designer shoes?
Intrigue: The women seem connected but disconnected from each other.
Reveal: The shoes state who they are – Wealthy but unique, disconnected, and nasty.
Mystery: Who is this perfectionistic, knife-wielding foreigner? Why and what is he up to?
Intrigue: What’s in the cargo boxes? Who ordered it? The unknown, cigar smoking man?
Reveal: None of these men – Maksim did.
Mystery: Who is this friendly cowboy who knows everyone?
Why does he like the 70s Retro Casino’s décor and play only 70’s music? Who is Otis?
Reveal: His life is in the shit hole now – The 70s was Joe’s most happy time of life.
Mystery: Who are the men that walked away smiling.
Intrigue: Did they start the fire/explosion. Was it Otis? Will there be more?
Suspense: How many are dead? Were they visitors or workers?
Reveal: Destruction belongs to Maksim.
Intrigue: The four women work at the casino. Are they related? Who’s party?
Suspense: Will the party be safe or more dangerous accidents/explosions?
Reveal: The four women own/manage the whole casino.
Intrigue: Who is Margo? Is she the owner of Margo’s? Is it her party? Who are these people?
Reveal: Margo is Joe’s perfect, dead wife that he still loves/grieves.
Intrigue: Why do the four sisters want to keep Joe and Tony out of the Casino?
Reveal: Power fighters, Joe and Tony disrupt the casino; create nasty scenes.
Suspense: Will the BDay party begin and end without disruption/mayhem?
Intrigue: Everyone thinks that it was successful; the kidnapping occurs after the party.
Mystery: Who are Joe’s real friends?
Reveal: Some are not, including John.
Suspense: Who is behind the accidents?
Intrigue: It’s not who is first believed.
Reveal: Maksim, an old friend turned enemy has a destructive plan ongoing.
Mystery: How do Otis and Joe know each other from Chicago?
Intrigue: Is Otis his real friend?
Reveal: Otis helps create the fix on what’s going on.
Suspense: Who can Joe trust?
Mystery: Who has created this ongoing evil.
Reveal: Joe figures out it’s not the local union.
Intrigue: Will Joe get the support he needs to save his casino and Gina?
Reveal: Tony steps up. General Sawyer steps up. Otis steps up.
Intrigue: Will the sisters find out that Gina is kidnapped?
Suspense: Will Tony or Joe tell the sisters what they know?
Reveal: The older sisters know, but why didn’t they tell Giovana?
Suspense: Pop Tony did not know Giovana used drugs.
Reveal: What will be his reaction?
Suspense: Will Giovana stay off serious drugs to be helpful? Will Tony convince/threaten his granddaughter to grow up, or he will disinherit her.
Reveal: Giovana being upset and angry about Gina, says she will go straight.
Mystery: Will Tony figure out a way to board the helicopter?
Intrigue: Will Joe and Otis throw him out if found. How will Tony react?
Reveal: Tony realizes he will be an obstacle, due to his issues.
Suspense: Can Joe save Gina before they kill her? Where is she?
Intrigue: Will all the equipment work? Will the team be good enough?
Reveal: His brilliant team knows how to go around obstacles.
Suspense: Is Gina drugged and dead?
Intrigue: Will her chip die before she is rescued?
Reveal: The UV and bad guys are discovered in the desert.
Mystery: Will Nick back Tony or continue revenge with Maksim.
Intrigue: Will Nick figure out who his father might be instead and not marry Francesca.
Reveal: Nick softens.
Mystery: Are the Martino women and Gina healing and doing well after the rescue?
Reveal: Gina has PTSD. Francesca is pregnant. Giovana is off drugs – for now.
Intrigue: Francesca’s pregnant to Nick – How long before she finds out he’s her brother?
Mystery: Will Francesca keep the baby or abort it once the truth is known.
Intrigue: Can the casino recuperate with all the issues destroying Joe’s business.
Reveal: Things are going slowly back to normal – the 50<sup>th</sup> Anniversary party will happen.
Suspense: Can Tony forgive; pull his family together and find family unity continues.
Intrigue: What else is Tony hiding? Is Tony really wheelchair bound forever.
Reveal: Tony can walk.
Suspense: Who shot Maksim? Was Maksim dead? Did he have a heart attack?
Intrigue: If alive, is he through with his Martino revenge? Go back to Europe?
Mystery: Will Nick support another of Maksim’s schemes, or live his own life?
Reveal: Maksim makes negative, future plans; Nick walks away.
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Sherri D. Coffee – Dramatic Reveals
What I learned is to brainstorm reveals and try to stagger to create suspense throughout the story.
Reveal 1: Charlotte’s uncle is a CIA agent who is investigating her new firm. Patricia and Ford do not let her know that they know. The truth is revealed when Charlotte arrives at the firm to see the headline of her uncles CIA oust on Ford’s desk. She views with caution. Ford and Patricia discuss the case and mention his investigation of the firm. They give Charlotte an investigation 101 guide in case anyone even a relative approaches her.
Reveal 2: Ford is so successful that he expands his state lobby firm and opens up a DC office. The money he has earned from all the foreign government contracts and advocacy 501 organizations enables him to expand. His contracts with foreign governments are generic and provide a venue to contribute large sums of money to 501 organizations to support political candidates. At the office opening, a politician reveals the 501 support is so valuable to his reelection bid to Charlotte in hopes of continuing the relationship with the firm.
Reveal 3: Patricia hires Charlotte because her uncle is CIA. Charlotte is made aware of that fact when she investigates the usb file Patricia provides in her training materials.
Reveal 4: Patricia is having an affair with the powerful Senator Smith. Charlotte discovers when she walks in on them in a compromising position.
Reveal 5: Ford works with a CIA mole to have her uncle ousted from the agency. After Patricia’s death, Ford follow up with mole to find out if the investigation is dead.
Reveal 6: Charlotte has suspicions due to usb file information and foreign government involvement in fundraising. She researches the process and rules. She uncovers each reveal of how funding flows from foreign governments to 501s and ultimately to support political parties and candidates. She secretly uncovers the funding streams at the firm.
Reveal 7: Ford has gotten rid of the CIA, Patricia, and is working to set Charlotte up. He creates another 501 and puts her in charge. He uses a foreign contract to provide the money to start the 501. He hides his motive by providing her more career responsibility.
Reveal 8: Charlotte is contacted by her uncle. He reveals what he knows about the investigation and tells her she is in danger.
Reveal 9: Ford comes to Charlotte with an illegal check from a client for the 501 and tries to rush the deposit. He in essence is setting her up to make an illegal deposit. charlotte knows it is illegal.
Reveal 10: Ford thinks Charlotte deposits check and calls to her attention. She states that she found out it was illegal, sent back to the client, and awaits a valid check to deposit. Ford’s set up did not work.
Reveal 11: Ford is still trying to cover up the “dark” money flow as he grows his wealth, power, and influence. Charlotte plays the game as she sharpens her skills and uncovers more information about his scheme. She reveals to her uncle what she has found.
Reveal 12: Charlotte is in danger. Her apartment ransacked. She runs. Only to be found by her uncle who reveals he is still with the CIA. The oust was a rouse to throw Ford off.
Reveal 13: Ford works with Senator Smith to direct the 501 funds to select candidates. Senator Smith keeps detailed records and after the transfer is complete, he sends the file to Charlotte’s uncle. He has been working with the CIA all along to entrap Ford.
Reveal 14: Senator Smith suspects Ford had something to do with Patricia’s suicide. He hired his own investigators to reveal that Ford in fact killed her because she was working with the CIA.
Reveal 15: Charlotte realizes just how dangerous politics can be when her career and life are threatened by the power people who want the system of dark money to continue.
Improvements to the Thriller Map will be to add these reveals into a current scattered story line!
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Eric Humble’s Reveals
What I learned is: This lesson really made me rethink and strengthen my red herring track, as most of the covers/reveals stem from that storyline. I think I have a much firmer grasp of MIS now that I’ve gone through and structured the reveals using this method.
MM1:
Beginning: The rival chef calls the FBI to blow the whistle on someone. TWIST: But while he’s waiting someone stalks him through his kitchen.
Inciting Incident: Raf is recruited by Leiber to cook the meal at the G7 summit to broker peace in Europe. Cover: Leiber claims the previous chef’s security check revealed he had political sympathies with one of the world leaders. He wants Raf because of Raf’s reputation for providing custom meals that help power players lure their counterparts into deals. Trust: Leiber gives him the job – is his contact man. Everything he knows about the job comes from Leiber.
Intrigue 1: Leiber acts like he’s most concerned with the US’s standing in NATO – the peace treaty is essential to re-establishing the US’s dominance within NATO. Insisting that the other countries are sheep following the US superpower.
MM2:
Raf is urged by his pregnant girlfriend to let this one go. He’s never satisfied with success; as soon as he achieves something, he’s off to the next thing… and she’s worried he’ll be that way about their family once the baby comes. But he can’t let it go. It’ll be the biggest dinner of his life!
Intrigue: Current Direction: Leiber has strong security in place but he’s been cleared…. TWIST: …except that’s the first level. The additional protocols are that no one leaves once admitted, sections of the kitchen are off-limits, and they won’t let anyone from the kitchen talk to the world leaders in the dining room. Violate any of these and he’ll be arrested instantly.
Raf knows head cook Sal. Trust: She’s an ex-flame, but at least she’s someone he knows – well. Distrust: She has a violent temper, and an axe to grind with him… comes at him with a knife, assuming his ambition is what drove him to get the other chef replaced. Distrust: Raf confronts her and tells her what’s between them has to wait – he has rank and he’s not going to let her mess this up for him.
DEMAND: (Intrigue) Sal has snuck in a cell phone and Raf overhears her telling someone that the previous chef is out. He didn’t have what it takes.
Mystery 1: No one knows why the first chef left. Leiber claims his security clearance didn’t check out, something about his background. COVER UP: Sal claims she didn’t know him and he was a shit boss. All of the cooks were hired so as not to have history with each other.
Intrigue 2: One member of NATO, a firebrand, is in a violent, drunken argument – railing that NATO always follows the US’s lead, even now when US credibility is low. If they’re as united as they say, NATO can be its own superpower without US Involvement. Current Direction: Rav is ordered to give him coffee and settle his stomach and mind with a snack… Twist: …and gets the sense this man has already gotten a system in place, a cabal waiting in the wings to take over the lead in foreign policy if the US can’t pull this peace deal off. He feels compelled to report this.
Intrigue 3: Meanwhile, Leiber calms the situation by having water brought in for all the delegates – which, unknown to anyone, is poisoned with thallium.
Turning Point One/Life-Threatening 1: Current Direction: Looking for Leiber to report his suspicions, Rav enters the off-limits meat freezer. Twist: He discovers the rival chef’s body hanging there. Murdered! Will this be Raf’s fate?
Mystery 2: Who killed the original chef and why?
Mystery 3: The first chef left a warning carved into the handle of his chef’s knife: Poison.
Dessert. Russian Bl…
Trust: Raf finds a warning the previous chef carved into the chef’s knife – and believes it enough to make it his quest to find out who killed him before he becomes the next victim.
REVEAL: The original chef is dead.
DRAMATIC IMPACT: It looks like Sal killed him because he tried to talk her out of whatever she was about to do.
MM3:
COVER UP: Sal is an assassin planning to poison some part of the meal. Current Direction: Raf takes the logical first steps – goes to report it to Leiber.
Intrigue 4/Twist: Distrust: Leiber is suspicious of him for suggesting he went into the off-limits area.questions why he ventured into the off-limits area. Raf doesn’t trust that Leiber will take his side instead of arresting him and backs off, doesn’t tell him about the body. Leiber won’t let Raf disrupt the proceedings – there’s too much at stake. insists on keeping the meal on a strictly-timed schedule… but makes it seem like this is because the peace deal is at stake, not because everyone will feel the effects of the poison by then.
Mystery 4: Learns from Sal that there was a dust-up when the previous chef wanted to change the dessert to something low sugar and vegan for everyone; everyone could have it and it didn’t conflict with anyone’s dietary requirements. Several of the NATO leaders’s staff objected and Leiber threatened to replace him unless he stuck to the pre-cleared menu.
COVER UP: Sal hates POTUS for his policies on Montenegro, where her family hails from. He’s a bully kicking small young countries around. The thallium poison must be intended for POTUS.
Intrigue 5: Leiber leaves a false clue that makes Raf think the poison is in the kitchen.
Life-Threatening 2: Raf goes looking in the pantry and someone unseen (Sal) attacks him. He doesn’t see that it’s Sal, just that he hurt the assailant’s hand.
TWIST: Mystery 6: Current Direction: There’s nothing there. Twist: Trust: Raf finds the rat poison container – thallium – tucked under a floor panel at the chef’s station, left there by the first chef. Its cartridge is empty… the poison has been removed.
MM4:
More ambitious plan: Contact the world leaders via food.
Life-Threatening 3: Current Direction: Raf tries to warn the US President –Twist: …but only the Chinese president, an enemy, figures out the message and converses with him… which could make him look like a foreign agent and is a breach of protocol.
Red Herring Mystery 2: He catches Sal burning her hand to cover the wound he made during the scuffle.
Mystery 7: Raf gets a call from his business partner. Current direction: Tries to tell him everything. Needs to get him to contact the police… Twist: …but the partner is calling about something more urgent. An audit resulting from an undisclosed bank account. Their restaurant is in jeopardy.
Life-Threatening 4: Current direction: The Chinese president contacts him – he knows who the target is: the president of Montenegro, who is about to join NATO. He urges Raf to cook him something off the menu, something he will prepare himself. Raf is in a dilemma: trust an enemy or take the chance he’s right. Raf decides to do what the Chinese president says once he expresses admiration and a possible opening of one of Raf’s restaurants in Macao.
Trust Leiber/Distrust Previous Chef: Leiber discredits the previous chef – Leiber informs him that the previous chef wasn’t fired for political sympathies – he was fired for actively planning to kill one of the world leaders. They found his lab at home where he was making the poison… and Leiber suspects he had an accomplice on the cooking staff.
Midpoint/Twist: He cooks the alternate dish on the side and switches it before they serve it – but it’s a trap by the Chinese president – the president of Montenegro is allergic to an ingredient. He’s brought before multiple countries’ security forces. Twist: …including China, whose president has never heard of him. It was a set up by the real assassin, who knows Raf is onto him!
MM5:
Retreats to lick his wounds while villain basks in triumph!:
Life-Threatening 5: Leiber gets him out of it – so he can frame him for his own assassination plan. Mystery 8: Current Direction: Leiber is on his side and is rescuing him. He brings Raf into the restricted area… Twist: …for interrogation. Shows him (doctored) video looking like he’s receiving a payoff.
DEMAND: (Mystery) The negotiations are going well – too well. POTUS is prepared to make some
concessions and wrap this up early… and Leiber goads him into fighting for everything on
their agenda – gets vehement. Too vehement. POTUS suggests he have some water. He
refuses, goes to get some air first.
DEMAND: (Suspense) Sal discovers a goodbye note from him in her pocket.
(Intrigue) It’s a shopping list, but it makes her cry.
DRAMATIC REVEAL: Raf finds the note after she throws it away… and cooks the dish. Orders her
on a break and serves it to her. She’s appalled… then confesses the original chef was her lover.
This was the way they’d met, shopping for these ingredients and he promised to cook her
something she’d never experienced before. And he told her that if the day ever came when
they’d part ways, he’d end it by cooking it to her again. This must mean he’s gone.
DEMAND: (Mystery) Sal loved him – and thinks he’s still alive… because she’s trying to
contact him.
Red Herring Mystery 4: Distrust: Leiber goes over the cooking staff’s bona fides. None with allegiances to any of the governments represented except the USA. Sal is listed as Spanish… but Raf knows she was born in Montenegro.
TWIST/Life-Threatening 7: Someone (Leiber) threatens Raf’s girlfriend – sends him a live video feed of her. She’s being watched and doesn’t realize it. Cook the dinner and stop playing detective.
MM6:
Most ambitious plan yet: Takes control of the kitchen himself and locks security out.
Trust: The previous chef leaves a note to use the original kitchen in the off-limits area. It’s clean. He does so.
Mystery 9: Current Direction: Raf is under close guard as he proceeds to cook as planned. Twist: Raf takes Leiber hostage and switches kitchens and orders everything recooked immediately with fresh ingredients he commandeers a Secret Service agent to bring in from the outside.
Intrigue 6: Trust: Leiber, coming to him as a friend, focuses Raf’s attention on the special “no-sugar” dessert that will only be served to the US President… a seemingly obvious choice for the poison.
Raf orders everyone to switch clothes with the person to their left. Then has everyone check their pockets. No poison.
Red Herring Mystery 5: Sal didn’t switch clothes with the other cooks.
Red Herring Mystery 6: Distrust: DEMAND: (Intrigue) Sal breaks from Raf and runs to the dead body of the original chef… but as Leiber arrests her, he notices there’s a hatch in the floor.
Current Direction: Sal appears to be the assassin. Raf lets Leiber go to take her into custody and question her. Twist/Trust: DRAMATIC REVEAL: But she pleads with him to trust her – and says “they’re running out of food.”
DEMAND: (Intrigue) Leiber is in a rush to get the dessert served. Looking at his watch anxiously.
(Suspense) The world leaders start looking a little ill. Everyone has drunk the water.
REVEAL: He returns to investigate… discovers the second kitchen is housing protesters she and the original chef had smuggled in to invade and disrupt the peace conference.
Mystery 10: But before he serves the new food, Raf convinces POTUS to let Leiber feed it to Sal to bluff her into talk in his holding cell… and to prove there’s no poison in it. Ostensibly as a bluff (believing Raf has eliminated the possibility of poison).
Red Herring Secret: Sal is a sleeper agent for one of the smaller NATO countries unhappy that peace will come at the cost of it seceding a small tract of land to Russia, despite the US President and NATO leaders’s endorsement of this concession. Her mission, with the help of her lover the previous chef, was to disrupt the peace treaty by making one of the world leaders ill… but not to hurt anyone.
Down at the End of Act Two:
Want in Jeopardy: Twist: Sal eats it – and dies. Raf looks guilty as ever.
Need in Jeopardy: He pulled this stunt to show off once and for all to the world leaders.
Mystery 11: DEMAND: (Intrigue/Mystery) Raf charges into the room and eats the remainder of the food. And is fine… it isn’t poisoned… but then he sees the only thing he hasn’t consumed is the drinking water. That’s where the poison is, but it’s too late. He’s being taken into custody.
Turning Point Two: DRAMATIC REVEAL: One of the line cooks, an annoying guy interested in art whose presentation always stuns but whose cooking quality is lacking, comments on the unique coloring used for the cake – Prussian blue is overused. Then he regales Raf with the history of the pigment and how it’s a natural antidote to thallium poisoning. Raf realizes they’ve all been
poisoned – but everyone but POTUS will get the antidote because he’s diabetic.
MM7:
Crisis: Raf has to get Prussian Blue to the President.
Decision Point: Throws away his career and freedom to do the right thing.
DRAMATIC REVEAL: He intercepts Leiber and tells him the poison is in the drinking water. Leiber acts like he’s calling it in. Then holds a gun on Raf. You chefs, always need to know everything that’s going on in your kitchen.
Life-Threatening 8: Leiber orders the Secret Service to shoot him on sight as an assassin.
DRAMATIC REVEAL: As POTUS is dying, Leiber gloats that he works for a cabal who want to elevate the status of certain NATO countries by allowing Russia to wage war and sabotaging the US’s might in forging the peace treaty.
Climax: Raf squares off with Leiber and uses his cooking skills to switch poisons and antidotes.
Life-Threatening 9: Leiber sabotages the oven to explode and kill him.
MM8:
Villain is Back One Last Time!: Leiber goes after Raf’s girlfriend.
Resolution: Raf runs a well-respected but unassuming restaurant that allows him to spend time with his girlfriend… who is pregnant and whom he’s going to marry.
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Ian Patrick’s Dramatic Reveals
What I learned is how to reveal things in a dramatic way
REVEAL 1
Intrigue: A number of murders are being committed
Suspense: How long will they continue?
Mystery: Is it the work of one person or more?
Reveal: They appear to be committed by angry Black citizens aiming at white nationalists, racists and police
REVEAL 2
Mystery: How were police attending a funeral shot at from such a long distance?
Reveal: The shooter was using a rare long distance rifle
Intrigue: Does he have military training?
REVEAL 3
Intrigue: After a search, the lead detective’s badge is found where the shooter fired from
Mystery: How did it get there?
Suspense: Is he involved?
Reveal: It was planted by a fellow officer involved in the white nationalist movement
REVEAL 4
Intrigue: The lead suspect is a neo-Nazi leader calling for a race war
Mystery: How could he be the shooter if he was in the hospital at the time recovering from a gunshot wound?
Reveal: It’s actually his second-in-command who is behind it all
REVEAL 5
Suspense: Is the BLM rally going to be the next group of victims?
Intrigue: Can the lead detective figure out the actual target?
Reveal: The shooter is about to assassinate the white Mayor, hoping to inflame other racists to take to the streets
REVEAL 6
Suspense: Can the detective get to the shooter’s hidden location in time
Reveal: The shooter is waiting for him in order to frame him for the assassination
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Jeff Hall’s Dramatic Reveals
What I learned is… Best to keep info from the audience and reveal them in a dramatic way.
1. Make a list of the important reveals that you want the audience to experience.
The affair between the sheriff and the fiance.
Ben’s drug addiction.
The Tall Man’s reason and method of slaughter.
3. With each reveal, make sure the following are in place:
A. What is the reveal? Sheriff sleeping with fiance
B. How did it get covered up? Secret trysts.
C. What M.I.S. can be used to create demand to know the truth? Sheriff can not be found.
D. When you reveal the truth, it must have dramatic impact. Ben walks in on them in bed.
4. Build any improvements into your Thriller Map.
A. What is the reveal? Ben is addicted to opium.
B. How did it get covered up? Uses it in secret.
C. What M.I.S. can be used to create demand to know the truth? Ben has red glossy eyes at times. Ben sometimes just can not function.
D. When you reveal the truth, it must have dramatic impact. Maria relies on him to protect the children, but he is incapacitated when needed.
4. Build any improvements into your Thriller Map.
A. What is the reveal? Tall Man’s motivation
B. How did it get covered up? He operates at night
C. What M.I.S. can be used to create demand to know the truth? Strange incantations.
D. When you reveal the truth, it must have dramatic impact. He takes off his clothes revealing body completely tattooed with occult/satanic symbols.
4. Build any improvements into your Thriller Map.
5. Tell us about the reveals you built into your Thriller Map.
1. Ben’s future marriage is the only good thing happening in his life. His boss the sheriff and his fiance completely betray him and ruin his life. Puts him on the verge of suicide.
2. Ben’s has been addicted to opium since his father’s passing. He’s been keeping it a secret for years.
3. The Tall Man has been collecting the souls of his victims for years. This is his drug.
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Julio Tumbaco’s Dramatic Reveals
What I learned is that REVEALS are ket to maximum engagement. The work done here is critical in building the thriller journey.
1. Make a list of the important reveals that you want the audience to experience
- NICOLETTE’s transition to NICK
- OWEN accepting NICK’s info about his death
- ELLA accepting OWEN’s knowledge of the accident
2. Sequence them to fit into your Thriller Map
- Opening: in a car, a baseball uniformed player runs over another baseball uniformed player
- Inciting Incident: while having kinky sex with ELLA, OWEN sees and talks to NICK
- NICOLETTE’s transition to NICK
- Turning Point 1: OWEN tells ELLA that NICK informed him that ELLA killed NICK
- OWEN accepting NICK’s info about his death
- Midpoint: ELLA killed NICOLETTE not NICK
- Turning Point 2: ELLA discovers OWEN’s plan to go to the police
- ELLA accepting OWEN’s knowledge of the accident
- Climax: ELLA changes her strategy from denial to empathy and support; sends OWEN to a suicide trauma therapist
- Resolution: ELLA convinces OWEN that his death is the only way to his happiness w/NICK
3. With each reveal, make sure the following are in place:
A. What is the reveal?
- NICOLE’s transition to NICK
- OWEN accepting NICK’s info about his death
- ELLA accepting OWEN’s knowledge of the accident
B. How did it get covered up?
- ELLA and NICOLE are in a relationship
- OWEN thinks he’s losing his mind- “it’s not normal”
- Time, gender and memory
C. What M.I.S. can be used to create demand to know the truth?
- OWEN speaks of NICK and ELLA doesn’t make the connection
- ELLA recognizes the specific details of the accident but the gender of the deceased confuses her
- ELLA doesn’t want to remember, accept her crime, believe that OWEN is communicating with a ghost
D. When you reveal the truth, it must have dramatic impact.
- ELLA and OWEN speak of the same person and don’t know it.
- OWEN suspects he’s falling in love with a ghost, NICK
- ELLA’s confused, jealous and desperate
4. Build any improvements into your Thriller Map.
- FTM transition adds another layer to the identity quest
- The three-way exits inside crime, sex, jealous, and the supernatural
5. Tell us about the reveals you built into your Thriller Map.
- The assignment offers the opportunity to layer and build more tension, conflict and surprise.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by Julio TUMBACO.
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