Day 11 Assignments

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis Has Great Dialogue

I learned from this assignment that brainstorming with the different dialogue strategies was very powerful. I learned that most lines can be elevated. It’s also a useful exercise if you try alternatives and then go back to your original.

Five Best Examples

Sequence 1 – Before

NORRIS

(re: hoses)

Y’think that’s gonna be enough?

HALLORAN

I used to fight these things, remember?

NORRIS

They’re saying to evacuate.

HALLORAN

I’m not leaving my house unprotected.

Sequence 1 – After (Using Setup/Payoff and Ironic dialogue)

NORRIS

Hey guys, what’re you still doin’ here?

CALEB

What does it look like?

NORRIS

Like David’s making a last stand against Goliath.

HALLORAN

Didn’t David win?

Line 2 – Before

MANNING

Tell me again how you did it.

Line 2 – After (Using Character Profile and Anticipatory Dialogue)

MANNING

Now I don’t want you getting a swelled head, but the Director’s asking how you did it.

Line 3 – Before

LOBBYIST

My kids hate me.

Line 3 – After (Using Setup/Payoff and Ironic Dialogue)

LOBBYIST

Teenagers oughta come with warning labels. Mine hate me.

Line 4 – Before

ZACK

Don’t you get tired of never going out?

Line 4 – After (Using Ironic Dialogue and Subtext)

ZACK

It’d be nice to make it past the front door one of these nights.

Line 5 – Before

SASHA

He’s the black sheep. Holds the same opinion of his sister as I do.

Line 5 – After (Using Character Profile and Anticipatory Dialogue)

SASHA

He’s the black sheep, fighting against everything his sister stands for.

[Marcus Wolf]

Lesson 11

Marcus Has Great Dialogue.

I learned that no matter how good you think your dialogue is, you can always go back and make at least some improvements.

I went through the entire script and tried to rewrite every line of dialogue. In most cases, I couldn’t find a better way to do it. But in a handful of places, I was able to tighten up the characters’ lines and add interest.