-
Day 11 Assignments
Reply to post your assignment.
-
7 Replies
-
Sunil Pappu’s Level 2 Action Emotions
“What I learned doing this assignment is…to create a scene using all three emotions of surprise, shock and suspense and take a dull scene to make it more interesting.”
OUTLINE OF MY SCENE:
Surprise: KGB snipers are placed all around the missile silo covering all the angles for entry and exit to the silo. Svetlana using her scope, sees movement and follows it with her scope. She confirms the location of the sniper on her radio with Igor. Igor creates a distraction using a dummy, and the sniper fires. Svetlana takes out the sniper. Igor moves to his position instead and responds on the enemy radio to confirm his kill.
Shock: Igor takes out one sniper after another as Svetlana makes her way into the silo and starts setting up detonators on timers inside, breaching the perimeter and setting off an alarm that activates the silo to auto-lock all exits and rolls down the metal shutters, close. Meanwhile, Igor is spotted by the last KGB sniper as he checks in with Svetlana if she’s inside safely. When he rechecks his scope, the KGB sniper is gone. He looks around, turning his scope and hears a rifle cock behind him. He turns around and gets knocked to the ground with the butt of the rifle. Svetlana calls on the radio and gets no response… she hurries as she moves up the levels towards the launch platform.
Suspense: KGB Commander Mikhail is alerted of the breach, and the surveillance monitor captures Svetlana hiding her face as she moves across the camera. He pauses and zooms in to recognise her face and smiles. He orders the guards to look for her and capture her. Meanwhile, the KGB sniper radios in, and Mikhail leaves the silo using an underground exit which he asks the guards to close behind him. His fingerprints and eye scans are the only ones that can reopen the doors. The agents and military guards search the silo on all levels. Svetlana hurries up as she goes back to change the timers to go off sooner. She rushes around and sets up sniper rifles at vantage points. The guards are on her level and cross just behind her as she hides inside a missile storage unit.
Large empty crates are knocked down one by one. Svetlana grips the gun tightly as they come closer. Will they catch Svetlana? Meanwhile, outside, Igor is on his knees as a man stands over him with his gun pointed at his head. Mikhail picks up the fallen radio and speaks into it to catch the attention of Svetlana. A rescue dog growls as she is caught in a trap with her leg bleeding… Svetlana can hear the muffled sounds, and the guards stop to listen to her soft sobs. Mikhail picks up his pistol and shoots the dog dead! Svetlana drops her gun and the radio as she hears the loud bang! Mikhail’s voice comes over the radio again, telling her to surrender or it’s going to be her friend next. Igor tells her to get the job done and not worry about him and spits on the boots of the man hovering over him. He takes a kick in his groin and curls up onto the floor in agony. Svetlana steps out and drops her gun to surrender as the guards grab her.
SCENE:
EXT. OUTSIDE MISSILE SILO – DAY
KGB SNIPERS are strategically hidden around the missile silo covering all the angles for entry and exit to the silo.
KGB SNIPER # 1 (O.S.)
(into radio)
North entrance. Clear.
KGB SNIPER # 2 (O.S.)
(into radio)
You have to be crazy to wander into this cold weather. We are just wasting time.
KGB SNIPER # 1 (O.S.)
(into radio)
Do you have somewhere else to be?
KGB SNIPER # 2 (O.S.)
(into radio)
Yeah, a girl is waiting at the club!
KGB SNIPER # 1 (O.S.)
(into the radio)
You mean your sister-in-law? (laughs)
KGB SNIPER # 3 (O.S.)
(into the radio)
Ok, boys, cut it out!
Svetlana using her scope, sees movement and follows it with her scope.
SVETLANA
(into the radio)
Got him! Ready for my shot.
IGOR (O.S.)
(into the radio)
Copy that. I’m in position.
SVETLANA
Release the dummy.
IGOR
Copy. Releasing dummy.
Igor creates a distraction using a dummy, and Sniper # 1 fires. Svetlana takes out the sniper instead.
SVETLANA
Got him.
KGB sniper # 1 stops laughing abruptly.
KGB SNIPER # 3
What was that? Did anyone take a shot?
KGB SNIPER # 2
Negative 2.
KGB SNIPER # 3
Copy 2. 1 come in?
Igor moves to Sniper # 1 position and responds.
IGOR
(into the radio)
1 affirmative. I think I got one.
KGB SNIPER # 3
Be alert. There are more boogies.
IGOR
Ya. Copy 1. Out.
Igor unplugs the radio from the sniper and moves him out of his way.
IGOR
(into his radio)
Lana. North Entrance clear.
Svetlana packs up and grabs her rucksack. She slides out from the woods. She finds a scientist smoking outside and approaches him for a smoke, and pulls a gun on him. She grabs his credentials and enters the silo. She dumps the scientist in a restroom and ties him up before propping him onto a seat and bangs the cubicle door shut behind her. She walks out in the lab coat wearing his glasses.
INT. MISSILE SILO – DAY
Svetlana pulls out detonators and fixed the timer to the bomb, and starts planting them on the installations.
SVETLANA
(into the radio)
I’m in.
Outside, Igor smiles.
IGOR (O.S.)
(into the radio)
I never doubted you. Outside perimeter. Last position… to secure
He looks through the scope and finds the Sniper position abandoned. He scans the area… behind him, a GUN COCKS!
KGB SNIPER # 3 (O.S.)
Looking for me?
Igor turns around and gets knocked out by the butt of the rifle.
INTERCUT – INSIDE / OUTSIDE MISSILE SILO
Svetlana walks past a camera and tries to hide her face. The alarm inside the Silo goes off, and the shutters roll down.
Inside the Launch Command Centre…
Mikhail heads to the surveillance monitors and scans the videos. He sees the tape rewind and catches Svetlana crossing in a hurry…
KGB COMMANDER MIKHAIL
Stop! Go back…
The tape rewinds, and Svetlana comes into view, but the image is grainy.
KGB COMMANDER MIKHAIL
Can you enhance it…
The grainy image gets clearer. Mikhail smiles.
KGB COMMANDER MIKHAIL
Print it! Everyone, we have an intruder. Find her! NOW!
He pulls out his pistol to head down to the lower levels. His radio BUZZES…
KGB SNIPER # 3 (V.O.)
(into the radio)
Commander. We’ve got an accomplice.
Mikhail stops and changes direction. He gets into a private lift and uses his fingerprints to push a button for an underground floor, and swipes his card to authorize it.
Svetlana sees agents heading into her level and quickly scrambles to reset the timers to go off sooner. The guards stop and listen. They start to carefully search the place that is full of empty cartons like the one Svetlana is hiding inside.
Mikhail steps out of the lift and walks into a parking garage. He pulls off the covers on a snowmobile and gets it. He activates the automatic exit doors to open.
Svetlana checks her rifle and finds a tiny hole to look out. The agents surround her and sweep the storage room.
Mikhail leaps into the air on his snowmobile as the doors open just enough for him to skid out and he races down the slopes.
KGB COMMANDER MIKHAIL
(into his radio)
I’m coming to you. Keep him there.
KGB SNIPER # 3 (V.O.)
(into radio)
Copy that. Commander.
The guards knock down a few empty cartons and close in on Svetlana’s position. Svetlana fires. She shoots at the agents before they can get to her position and jumps out and runs up the levels fighting her way, and hides in a dark missile test chamber.
Guards scramble after her, and she shuts them out. They run to get the keys and call in reinforcements. More agents arrive.
Mikhail shuts off his snowmobile and gets down. He walks towards a camouflaged shack. Igor is kneeling as a man is standing over him. He steps aside to reveal Igor’s face to Mikhail and lifts his gun to point it at Igor’s head. Mikhail picks up the fallen radio…
KGB COMMANDER MIKHAIL
(into the radio)
Sveta… I warned you not to come!
Svetlana stops struggling to close the missile chamber. Outside, the agents get a battering ram and start pounding the door open.
A rescue dog growls as she is caught in a trap with her leg bleeding… Svetlana can hear the muffled sounds.
Mikhail picks up his pistol and shoots the dog dead!
Svetlana shuts her ears as she hears the loud bang! Mikhail’s voice crackles over the radio…
KGB COMMANDER MIKHAIL (V.O.)
(into the radio)
Poor dog! It was suffering… you know I had to… ask your friend…
SVETLANA
(into the radio)
Leave him out of it… it’s me you want…
KGB COMMANDER MIKHAIL
(into the radio)
There is my girl…
Igor grabs the radio and shouts…
IGOR
(into the radio)
Lana! Get the job done!… I was going to end it anyway…
Svetlana plugs her earpiece back in as she sobs…
SVETLANA
(into the radio)
No Igor. I can’t lose you…
KGB COMMANDER MIKHAIL
(into the radio)
Ha! Failing to protect your friends again… Sveta…
The missile chamber door gives, and the agents storm in, pointing their guns at her.
KGB AGENT # 1
Drop your weapon. Get down! Now!
Svetlana drops her gun and kneels down.
SVETLANA
(into the radio)
Sorry, Igor…
Igor agitated shouts
IGOR
(into the radio)
No Lana! Burn it all down! Noo!
He spits on the boots of the man hovering over him and takes a kick in his groin, and curls up onto the floor in agony. Svetlana is handcuffed and dragged out of the chambers.
KGB SNIPER # 3
We have her Commander!
-
This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by Sunil Pappu.
-
This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by
-
Danielle’s Level 2 Action Emotions
What I have learned doing this assignement is to keep the audience’ s attention and curiosity.
INCITING MOMENT :
The nurse who comes and vaccinates the PRESIDENT according to schedule has been secretly switched with a VILLAIN’s accomplice. She inoculates the hero with a timing poison. In exchange with the antidote the VILLAIN wants the PRESIDENT to make a money transfer which could start a war against China.
SURPRISE :
INT. THE RESIDENCE INFIRMARY. DAY
THE NURSE pulls the needle of the syringe out and rubs the hero’s arm with a bit of cotton wool.
NURSE (smiling)
Here we are, Mister PRESIDENT ! The flu will no longer have any effect on you …
She leans forwards and whispers some words in his ear.
NURSE
Don’t tell a word or your wife will be killed. You have just been treated with the Ebola virus.
The PRESIDENT’s eyes widen with awe. At the same moment He receives a vocal message on his mobile phone.
MESSAGE
Keep quiet. I have got the antidote for your special vaccine. As soon as we receive the Chinese cobalt contract money- that is to say 1 billion dollars – to the right bank account, you’ll receive the antidote. Otherwise, you’ll be die very quickly. You have 8 hours left to comply. Note it well :
Bank account number : INDEPENDANT TAIWAN ORGANIZATION Nr 842713765 943-001 094814732.
In the meantime the nurse left as she came.
SHOCK :
The PRESIDENT stays motionless for a while. He runs his hands on his face. He is very pale as he turns his sleeves down.
The man at the door has seen the nurse getting out. She left the door open.
MAN at the door
(He looks inside the infirmary.)
Is everything all right, Sir ?
The PRESIDENT is breathing heavily. Big beads of sweat stream over his face. He has a job keeping his hands from shaking.
The PRESIDENT
Yes …yes. I will just have a private phone call to make.
The MAN respectfully shuts the door.
SUSPENSE :
The PRESIDENT calls the WESTWING SWITCHBOARD OPERATOR.
The PRESIDENT
Put me through to the…
The phone conversation is abruptly cut off and all the electrical lights and appliances go off.
-
I haven’t broken this down too much but the scene moves through suspense as Rachel pursues Ivanov, she hears someone being shot, there’s a moment when we know she’s in danger as Volkova and Lev exit the kitchen, then shock as Rachel finds Ivanov dying.
EXT. BAKERY – NIGHT
Rachel quickly approaches. A SIGN in Russian, hangs on the front door: SUBTITLED in English “back in 2 hours”.
INT. BAKERY – NIGHT
FRONT ROOM
Rachel enters and listens: semi-darkness and an eerie silence, tables and chairs are neatly laid out, waiting for new customers.
Angry VOICES from behind a door at the back of the room (the kitchen) cuts through the silence.
Two muffled gunshots then footsteps and the kitchen door is flung open.
Rachel jumps behind the counter and pulls out a hand gun from her ankle holster. (SUSPENSE)
Natalia Volkova and her MInder, Lev, enter. (SUSPENSE)
They speak in RUSSIAN SUBTITLED IN ENGLISH.
Lev stops and listens carefully.
LEV
You hear that?
Lev walks to the counter and leans over. Rachel is tucked under, he can’t see her, but she can smell him.
Volkova smiles broadly.
VOLKOVA
It’s Ivanov’s ghost.
They exit laughing. Rachel runs to the window and watches Volkova walk away: she’s carrying Ivanov’s small black briefcase.
INT. BAKERY – NIGHT
KITCHEN ROOM
Ivanov is lying on the floor barely alive, blood trickling from the corner of his mouth, he’s been shot once in the chest and once in each leg.
Rachel grabs two large dish cloths, kneels down, plugs the wounds to stem the bleeding.
RACHEL
Serge, I work with agent Edwards.
IVANOV
It’s too late.
(coughs up blood)
Volkova has the flash drive and my phone. She found out I was trying
to cut a deal with the CIA.
Ivanov is shaking, losing blood, in pain. He’s drifting in and out of consciousness.
Rachel places her hand gently behind Ivanov’s head and lifts it up to help him breathe.
RACHEL
Tell me about Dr. Steel.
IVANOV
She’s here in Vienna..she’ll find you..please protect her..
Ivanov is staring up at her: he’s dead. (SHOCK)
Rachel lets go of the cloth and closes his eyes. She checks his pockets: empty.
She stands up, grabs her backpack and sniper case, and quickly exits.
The second scene is surprise as Dr. Steel hijacks the car, suspense as we don’t know what’s going to happen to Audrey, then shock as the car rams into them.
EXT. MEDICAL CLINIC, VIENNA – NIGHT – CONTINUOUS
A FIGURE loiters inside a doorway adjacent to the clinic.
Melissa suddenly steps out of the shadows.
She’s holding a small piece of paper with the words “Medical
Clinic, 99 Folkestraße wait outside” and a PHOTO of Audrey in her hand.
Melissa’s POV: TOM (40s), Audrey’s driver, holds the BLACK LINCOLN’s rear passenger door open for Audrey.
Tom climbs into the driver’s seat.
INT. BLACK LINCOLN – NIGHT
Melissa brandishing a handgun, jumps in next to a startled Audrey in the rear passenger seat
AUDREY
Can I help you?
Tom in the driver’s seat is watching in the rear view mirror as he reaches into a compartment to the side of the drivers wheel.
TOM
You need to get out of this car right now or I’m calling the
police.
Melissa is holding a piece of paper. She flashes it at Audrey.
MELISSA
Please, Serge Ivanov sends his best wishes.
Audrey is stunned, studies Melissa.
AUDREY
I’m sorry, what?
MELISSA
He told me you were old friends. He said you would help me.
AUDREY
I see.
A BEAT
AUDREY
Tom, it’s okay. This lady is looking for Rachel.
Tom looks concerned.
TOM
Are you sure?
AUDREY
Yes, yes. Take us back to the house, thank you.
Tom places the gun back in the compartment, checks the mirrors, and pulls out.
Audrey turns to Melissa, still brandishing the handgun.
AUDREY
We’re going to drive back to my house. I’ll call my daughter now
and ask her to meet us there. She’s CIA and she will help you.
MELISSA
The CIA daughter. Serge mentioned her. But he said you would be more helpful.
AUDREY
I’d like you to put the gun away first.
Melissa rests the gun on her thigh.
Audrey dials on her smartphone.
RACHEL (V.O.)
(straight to voicemail)
Rachel Gilroy please leave your message after the beep.
AUDREY
Rachel, it’s mom. I have someone here who needs to meet with you
urgently. I’m going..
BANG. The Lincoln is RAMMED by another car.
Audrey and Melissa are thrown forwards, both are knocked unconscious.
-
This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by Barbara Gilmore.
-
This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by
-
Jan’s Level 2 Action Emotions
WIL ?: To take my initially thought out scene and turn and twist it to see where I can add surprise , shock and suspense.
Log: Kitty is surprisingly released from prison, leaving the station Petrus is wounded by a sniper and in the ambulance it’s not clear if she’ll make it. Petrus hands Kitty a part of the solution
„Stay in the question“ and touches her with her question mark tattoo.
Scene Outline :
Surprise : Commissaire Lusar leads Paul and Petrus towards the exit of the police station, they assisting Kitty to walk, she is still not at her full capacity after what happened in the prison cell. Kitty is surprised that she has not to stay the night, is it because Petrus confessed having created the panic and had drugged her? Lusar doesn’t not fully confirm, it is because her ex Chief of UNRA in Prague told him about her. And these two elements make way more sense than the many information he is receiving about her, probably from fake accounts. She should stay in her new apartment and do what ever she is doing on her computer for her new company. And with that they split ways outside the station. Lusar wants finally a calm evening with wife and kids.
Shock: Petrus and Paul lead Kitty towards Paul’s car when a voice shouts „Commisaire Lusar“; Lusar turns and a shot plops not very loud „Watch, what you just did“. Petrus shrieks and falls to the ground. Paul hides and Kitty with educated reflexes tries to check where the sniper is on the roofs around her. Lusar comes running, cell in his hand, checking if more shots are an option and demands an ambulance to the station, it’s an extreme urgency
Suspense: In the ambulance an emergency doc engages to stop the bleeding, it’s near or a liver wound, he can’t tell. Petrus is about fainting and Kitty speaks intensively into her ear, keeping her conscious but fails. The doc doesn’t know if she’ll make it. Kitty takes Petrus hand and oblivious their two tattoos touch : the lizard and the question mark. Petrus leapfrogs back into consciousness. Kitty is mesmerized by what she just witnesses. Petrus tells Kitty to go and find the third tattoo, it’s important for the world; and she should become aware of the skills of a lizard, that’ll help. Petrus presses her tattoo on Kitties tattoo and asks her „to stay in the question. Always. As long you’re in the question you re without limits“ with that she faints again. Kitty frozen, the doc shrugs with his shoulders , he looks helpless.
INT./EXT. ENTRANCE POLICE STATION
Surprise :
Commissaire Lusar leads Paul and Petrus towards the exit of the police station, they are assisting Kitty to walk, she is still not at her full capacity after what happened in the prison cell.
KITTY
(sarcastic,indistinct)
And you’re sure I’m not better of stayin’ in the cell?
LUSAR
(not falling for it)
I’d be happy having friends like these two. Walk and get well. Wouldn’t it be great we all have a calm evening?
KITTY
Is it because Petrus confessed having drugged me?
LUSAR
Yes. And because of what your ex Chief told me about you
KITTY
You spoke with Martinek? Why?
PAUL
Who is Martinek?
They are leaving through the exit, down a few steps.
LUSAR
Didn’t you know our tough gal here was back then in Prague an URNA officer?
PETRUS
You are a cop? Jeezz.
PAUL
I might be dumb what is URNA?
KITTY
A special team. Kind of SWAT.
LUSAR
C’mon. Too overmodest. It is a paramilitary educated and trained special force in Czech Republic. A Rapid Response Unit. And you were the only woman in two units same time.
PETRUS
Isn’t that something, lucky I’m still alive.
PAUL
(under his breath)
I had sex with a green baret? Hey
Kitty looks at him.
KITTY
Can I go back to the cell? Stop it.
LUSAR
Certainly we can. But he was totally positive about you and that’s why you walk free.
Looks at them.
LUSAR
And with that, we split ways. Go to your new place, enjoy Malta and do whatever you have to do with your new assignment.
PAUL
I actually like the idea.
Petrus wants to interfere but Lusar walks in the other direction.
LUSAR
(from his back)
Enjoy the night. My wife will.
Petrus, Kitty and Paul walk the other direction. A few steps quiet.
KITTY
Say it.
PETRUS
You don’t have time for a calm evening, your clock is ticking.
KITTY
See.
PAUL
What clock?
KITTY
Long story. I am about to die.
PAUL
What?
PETRUS
Stop it, you still have …
Petrus is looking at her wrist, when…
Shock:
SNIPER
(O.S.)
Commissaire Lusar! Look!
Lusar some fourty-five meters away, turns and looks.
Kitty, Paul and Petrus look what just happens. Kitty moving the other two sideways.
SNIPER
(O.S.)
Look what you just did.
PLOP – SOUND
A muffled shoot plops … and
… Petrus shrieks astonished, looks and falls to the ground.
Lusar looks at his jacket and shirt, nothing. HIS POV: Petrus falling. He starts running.
Kitty shoves Paul behind a car, her educated reflexes work despite she is not at her best. She is checking where the shot came from
Lusar comes running, cell in his hand.
LUSAR
Officer down, outside the station…an emergency ambulance … Urgent…. NOW!
CUT TO:
Suspense:
INT. EMERGENCY AMBULANCE – DUSK
EMERGENCY DOC engages to stop the bleeding, PETRUS on a stretcher, KITTY by her side. A lot of blood.
EMERGENCY DOC
It hit the liver or very close to it, I can’t tell.
KITTY
What can we do here? now?
EMERGENCY DOC
(over his shoulder)
Not much, too wide, too much blood. Keep her awake. For another four minutes maybe.
KITTY
(leans into Petrus ear)
You hear this, four minutes? Cake, that’s cake.
Kitty is close to Petrus, calm yet intense.
KITTY
You can do that. Petrus, c’mon stay with me.
Petrus coughs blood. Kitty wipes it away
KITTY
You hear me, stay awake. I need you.
Petrus falls unconscious. Kitty looks at the doc. He shrugs.
Kitty grabs Petrus hand and holds her.
KITTY
I know you hear me. We will make it to the hospital. Stay with me.
Kitty holds Petrus hand and …
SUPER
… oblivious she touches with her tattoo the question mark tattoo of Petrus’ wrist.
Petrus leapfrogs back into consciousness. Kitty is mesmerized by what she just witnesses.
PETRUS
Aahh. How do you find the tattoos? Stay in the question! Do you understand? Stay in the question.
Petrus turns her wrist, presses again her question mark tattoo on Kitties wrist with the lizard’s face.
Petrus presses and watch her energy impulsing the lizard
PETRUS
How do you find the two tattoos? As long you stay in the question you are without limits.
With that Petrus looks at her wrist
PETRUS
But now you have only twelve hours left
Petrus faints again. Kitty frozen, the doc shrugs with his shoulders, he looks helpless.
-
Lesson 11 Level 2 Action Emotions
Surprise – Shock – Suspense
Laura Woodworth’s Level 2 Action Emotions
What I learned doing this assignment is how to elevate the emotions within my scenes for better engagement, tension and suspense.
Create a scene that uses all three of these Action emotions (Surprise, Shock, Suspense).
1. Choose a scene: The Chicago attack
2. Create an outline:
Suspense: build in with intercuts the suspense of the planned terrorist attack with Rachel getting sick and out of commission. She sleeps while the attack moves forward!
Surprise: set up/pay off:
• Setup: after she is warned of the attack, she’s late with no time to pack her usual lunch.
• Payoff: she gets food poisoning from eating out!
Shock: the bus blows while Rachel sleeps. When she goes to work everything is “weird” – beefed up security, the bank closing, the employee meeting. The shock of seeing the video of the attack in Chicago, with many dead or maimed. This is a major turning point for Rachel as she realizes the weightiness of what God is showing her.
3. Scene: this builds up through several scenes, intercutting.
INT. KITCHEN – DAY
Distraught, Rachel circles a new city on her map.
ON NOTEBOOK: Chicago
She glances at the clock — it’s late. She tucks the notebook away in her bible and hustles to get ready for work.
INT. FBI BULLPEN – DAY
A map covers the front wall. PHILADELPHIA and PHOENIX are circled in BLACK.
MATTHEWS
Cities that start with “p”? There’s no rhyme or reason —
ROBERTS
With a p? And what about O-hio. Minne-sota.
BARNES
Our job is to determine where they’re planning to strike next.
He presses his marker into Ohio and Minnesota.
BARNES
And see if we can connect the dots with solid evidence.
EVAN
And Syria is still our best guess?
BARNES
Although not conclusive.
DIANE
All the current claims bear no legitimacy.
EVAN
Either accidents or misfires, whoever is truly behind this is probably too embarrassed to come forward at this point.
BARNES
Misfires, yes. But we may not be so lucky next time. Dig deeper, look for the ties. Before another incident.
Dismissed, the team gathers their emptied coffee cups. Evan follows Matthews out.
EVAN
Why would Syria push us like this? It doesn’t add up.
MATTHEWS
Nothing makes sense right now. If it’s a big hitter, it’s almost incomprehensible that they would have two foiled attempts.
INT. BANK – LADIES RESTROOM – DAY
Rachel steps out of a stall, pale and shaky. Amber enters —
AMBER
You puke again? Are you alright?
RACHEL
Must have been the sushi.
AMBER
The new place?
Rachel nods weakly as she moves to the sink — and then races back to the stall to vomit again.
AMBER
You’d better go home, girl. I’ll tell Joe. And pass around the warning to stay away from the place.
INT. BEDROOM – DAY
The blinds pulled, Rachel sleeps fitfully in the semi-darkness.
EXT. CHICAGO – WRIGLEY FIELD TRAIN STATION – DAY
The ballgame over, fans spill out of the ballpark. A growing crowd gathers at the train station nearby. A young BRIT calmly steps in among them.
The train arrives and the crowd surges aboard with the Brit among them. The doors squeeze shut and the trains pulls away.
Seconds later — a horrific EXPLOSION as a deadly BOMB rips through the train — thrusting shards of bloodied metal, shattered glass and severed body parts through the air.
On a nearby street, Vegard watches, his lips twitching towards a triumphant smile. One by one, police and emergency vehicles zoom past him, SIRENS BLARING as they race to the nightmarish scene on the tracks. Satisfied, he gets into Ruben’s waiting car and they drive away.
INT. BEDROOM – DAY
Rachel jerks awake, sweating and disoriented. She turns toward the clock and notices a sticky note from Evan.
ON NOTE: Crazy stuff happening. Won’t be home till late -Evan.
She lies for a moment, orienting herself — then slowly gets ready for work, still weak from the food poisoning.
INT. BANK – DAY
Rachel slows as she approaches the bank entrance where a security guard bars the doorway.
SECURITY GUARD
Badge?
Perplexed, she digs her bank badge out of her purse and flashes it at him. He admits her into the empty lobby. Amber and other BANK TELLERS close their windows and pull the blinds on the drive-through. Brian rushes past —
RACHEL
Brian! What’s happening?
He turns, walking backwards to keep moving.
BRIAN
Man, you look like crap!
AMBER
Security meeting. In the conference room.
Rachel follows them.
RACHEL
Why? What for —
BRIAN
We’ve been attacked.
RACHEL
What do you mean, we?
AMBER
Terrorist attack. Chicago.
She follows Brian and Amber and the stream of bank employees into the conference room and takes a seat. The room is noisy with chatter and phones dinging with incoming texts. She pulls up the news on her phone.
ON SCREEN: Chicago blast kills 24; injures 89
She clicks on the video and watches, horrified as the closed caption rolls through.
NEWS REPORTER
(closed caption scroll)
A crowded red line train was the target of a suicide bomber yesterday, just minutes away from Wrigley Field…
Incredulous. Impossible. There seems to be no end to the photos of the carnage in Chicago — each one a dagger in her soul.
-
Nick’s Level 2 Action Emotions
What I learned: Developing a good sense of suspense will necessarily lead to some kinda surprise.
OUTLINE:
Suspense: The intro to the scene as we focus on the web covered SUV then hear a twig snap.
Surprise: Lance’s and Donny’s heads on Gloria and Coral’s shoulders.
Shock: Lance’s hand was severed off and Donny’s eye is plucked out of its socket.
SCENE:
EXT. CAMPGROUND – NIGHT
The moonlight casts tree branch shadows over the forlorn SUV, like a spider’s web, still and unperturbed as if painted on. We STAY on it awhile as we listen to the night SOUNDS OF INSECTS AND FROGS.
Suddenly, a faint sound of a stick breaking comes from the woods. Unless you were listening for it, you wouldn’t hear it. Nature’s night music suddenly goes dead quiet. The web shadow over the SUV jiggles…It’s been disturbed.
Over Gloria and Coral’s shoulders as they lean forward and stare down the long lane at the tiny images of Juan and Emilio in the distance moving a Harley out of the lane.
CORAL
(worried; towards Emilio)
Hurry.
GLORIA
I think they’re done.
CORAL
Good. Now we can get out of here.
REVERSE SHOT: Four heads: Gloria and Coral stare intently at us. Lance’s head appears to be resting on Coral’s shoulder, Donny’s on Gloria’s, leering at them with goofy grins.
DONNY
Boo!
Gloria and Coral turn and recoil in horror. Lance slaps his hand over Coral’s face and suffocates a scream. Donny pins Gloria’s shoulders and mouth with a bearhug.
DONNY
Don’ get much easya than this!
Coral and Gloria struggle, eyes wide in terror.
LANCE
Like catchin’ lightnin’ bugs.
Lance twists Coral’s head upwards.
LANCE
Where is the bucks, little doe?
Coral chomps down on Lance’s finger, kicks him in the shin.
LANCE
Ooooh! You fuckin’ bitch!
He pummels her with his fist. She slumps against him, out cold.
Gloria wrenches her own arm free. Jabs her fingers back over her shoulder into Donny’s eye. He throws his head back. His right EYEBALL dangles from its socket.
DONNY
Aaaah! You fuckin’ cunt! Aaaaah!
He lets go. She spins around, fires her foot into his crotch. He drops to his knees, SCREAMING, whips out his Bowie knife, swings it blindly towards Gloria.
Gloria jerks her head back as Walt’s hand goes for her throat. The blade whizzes by her face, slices Walt’s hand clean off.
SLO-MO: The severed hand spins slowly through the air, pinwheeling blood. The knife blade continues its blood-trailing arc across the moonlit sky.
The hand flops to the ground. The two middle fingers twitch against the palm.
Gloria stands frozen, mesmerised by the sight.
Big-Dumb Leland lunges at her.
She turns to run. Donny grabs her by the ankle. Big-Dumb tackles her, tries desperately to pin her to the ground with his weight. Gloria kicking, SCREAMING, clawing.
BIG-DUMB LELAND
Damn! This ain’t no lightnin’ bug! Gots a real tiga here! Grab her damn legs!
Donny drops onto her legs, his eyeball swinging freely.
Gloria chomps down on Big-Dumb’s arm.
BIG-DUMB LELAND
Aaaah! She bahts! Fuck it!
He slugs her across the jaw. She’s out.
They rise panting, stare down at her unconscious body.
BIG-DUMB LELAND
Damn! The prettya they is, the meana they tussle. She were a handful. Like downin’ a buck.
DONNY
Hey! Where the bucks, anyhow?
ON LANCE looking off to where Gloria and Coral were looking. He sees something. Squints. Decides he didn’t.
LANCE
Forget about them. They be ’round. We gots their bitches.
Donny approaches with his eyeball cupped in the palm of his hand against his cheek. It hangs from the vacuous eye socket by its optic nerve.
DONNY
That bitch plucked ma fuckin’ eye clean out like it was a plum or sump’m! Cain’t see to put it back in.
LANCE
Here.
Lance impatiently crams the eyeball back into its socket.
LANCE
There! Good as new.
Donny’s eye is now toed in towards his nose, staring slightly downwards, half buried in the corner.
DONNY
I kin see ma nose pretty good. Pretty blurry though.
Walt stares at his bloody stump, sobbing.
WALT
How’m I gonna dip ma tabaccy?
(with more anguish)
Gawddam! How’m I gonna wipe ma ass?
LANCE
Make Donny wipe it. He sliced yo’ butt wipa off.
Big-Dumb snickers with him, unsympathetically.
WALT
He cain’t see to wipe his own ass!
LANCE
Stop sulkin’, Walt. Now pick up yo’ hand ‘n bring it along. Mama might could use it in one of her recipes.
(beat)
Let’s get these does to Henry befo’ they come to.
Lance throws Gloria over his shoulder. Big-Dumb scoops up Coral, cradles her like a baby. They head through the woods.
-
WAYNE HAZLE – LEVEL 2 – ACTION EMOTIONS
(My scene went right into SHOCK)
What I learned doing this scene was to grab my audience by the jugular!
SURPRISE:
SHOCK:
SETUP:
A crowd watches a military parade. The plane carrying the President and Vice-President fly overhead.
TRANSITION:
As the plane lowers Janine sees the trail from a missile go across the sky.
TRAGEDY:
The missile hits the plane and it explodes into
SUSPENSE:
Pandemonium, people run in all directions.
Police and press head to the site of wreckage
Janine traces the streak of the missile. Sher deciders to head that way
Log in to reply.