Day 11 Assignments

[Sharilyn Kyle]

Sharilyn Has Great Dialogue

What I learned doing this assignment is…I need more dialogue days.

TEASER

line BEFORE: SEXOLOGIST: An now for the “Bend-over.” Careful not to pop her as you caress her firm breast.”

line AFTER: SEXOLOGIST: An now for the “Bend-over.” Careful not to pop. As you push.”

I used dialogue skill set “Dialogue As Action” to fix this line because I think it’s funnier to have the characters awkwardly act out what they hear the “expert” do.

ACT ONE

line BEFORE: FOOD DELIVERY DUDE: Same order.

ERIN: Right.

FOOD DELIVERY DUDE: Different day.

line AFTER: ERIN: Same order.

FOOD DELIVERY DUDE: Different day.

I used dialogue skill set “Subtext” to fix this line because I wanna affirm Erin’s confidence with all-things-food but the delivery guys boredom in coming to her house everyday completing the same, monotonous exchange.

ACT TWO

line BEFORE: PATTY: Damn bitch! What do you be doing at night?

ERIN: You know what.

PATTY: Umf. I do. Don’t I?

ERIN: Yep.

line AFTER: PATTY: Damn bitch! What you be doing at night?

I used dialogue skill set “Setup / Payoff” to fix this line because Patty only needs one-line to hint at Erin’s food fucking which pays off at the end of the Act.

ACT THREE

line BEFORE: MI-YA: Okey dokey.

line AFTER: MI-YA: Too late.

I used dialogue skill set “Speak through Character Profiles” to fix this line because even though “okey-dokey” is Mi-Ya’s signature line, it doesn’t fit. Mi-Ya is Erin’s foil. She opposes Erin, even when she’s not trying to, as in this scene, where they will argue because Erin thinks Mi-Ya called the 1st responders..

ACT FOUR

line BEFORE: MI-YA: A truce.

ERIN: You always know what I want.

MI-YA: Need. Every girl should be a fierce feline.

line AFTER: MI-YA: Every girl should be a fierce feline.

ERIN: You always know what I want.

MI-YA: Need.

I used dialogue skill set “Speak through Character Profiles” to fix this line because Mi-Ya is making a truce by what she gives to Erin. She doesn’t need to say that it’s a “truce.”

line BEFORE: PATTY:Weird mutha fucka who always be around.

WEIRD NEIGHBOR DUDE: You look like you could use some help.

With the door.

MS. CHEN: We no need you.

(later) PATTY: Than you’ll ever be. So take your raggedy ass on.

line AFTER: PATTY: And where you come from?

WEIRD NEIGHBOR DUDE: From across the street. John.

MS. CHEN: We no need you. Got her.

(later) PATTY: Than you’ll ever be.

I used dialogue skill set “ Attack/Counter attack” to fix this line because there’s already tension between Ms. Chen and Patty but they gang up and turn on the Neighbor John b/c he’s not a part of their world…yet. Also I needed to give him a name and placement in the story.

I also used dialogue skill set “Speak through Character Profiles” to fix this line because Ms. Chen has partnered with Patty on the low to get rid of John. They resume their argument.

ACT FIVE

line BEFORE: ERIN: Fat.

PATTY: Yup.

ERIN: Don’t need that kind of truth.

line AFTER: PATTY: EF. AY. TEE. Fabulous ass and tits.

I used dialogue skill set “Ironic Dialogue” to add this line because Patty tells Erin the truth in a way that will pay off for her later in the series. She’s brutally honest but in a loving, funny way which is the core of the series.