Day 12 Assignment

[Michael O’Keefe]

DAY TWELVE ASSIGNMENT

O’Keefe – Gives Great Clues

What I learned from this assignment? First, it helped me to see where I can tie the clues, bread crumbs, Easter eggs into the script, how I can use clues to mislead the characters and my audience into thinking a certain way about a character. Second, it allows me to have other characters agree/disagree with the assessment based upon what they know or have seen or heard about the person under suspicion.

I. List out the three or four mysteries of your story.

1. Who killed Cindy, the Spanish teacher?

2. Who is framing Dino for Cindy’s murder and what’s his motive?

3. Why does the homicide detective, believe Dino when evidence says otherwise.

II. Create a list of clues for each of the main mysteries.

1. Who killed Cindy, the Spanish teacher?

A. The school janitor, Justin, who used to lust after Cindy in school.

1. He has a police record for stalking and assault

2. He is very good with audio/video equipment

3. the police discover hidden cam videos of Cindy on his computer

4. He sold revenge porn footage of Cindy & Dino having sex on the Internet.

B. The school Vice Principle, Ted, who got frisky w/ Cindy at a faculty party.

1. He was the one who hired Cindy for the position.

2. He authorized her pay, highest pay band as possible.

3. She was Ted’s favorite, the other teachers saw this.

4. Cindy got the newest and latest equipment for her classroom.

5. Receipt from local florist for flowers delivered to Cindy at school.

C. The local real estate mogul, Hawkins, had a brief affair with Cindy.

1. He was generous, but possessive, demanding turned to clingy.

2. Cindy ghosted Mr. Hawkins, who got mad: sent threatening emails/texts

3. Cindy told Dino that Mr. Hawkins was stalking her, she was afraid of him.

4. Cindy & Dino set a trap for him; at the place Cindy & Dino first kissed.

a. Hawkins follows Cindy’s Camaro, she pulls into the spot.

b. Hawkins get out of SUV, marches over, pounds on her window.

c. Dino jumps out of hiding and beats Hawkins’ ass, they leave

d. Dino flattens his front two tires

5. Mad, Hawkins yells: “I’m going to kill you, you dirty whore. You hear me!”

2. Who is framing Dino for Cindy’s murder and what’s his motive?

A. It could be the school Janitor as he is jealous, he put out a sex tape of them

1. he did it for the $, his mother’s got cancer, meds cost

2. he didn’t do it because he was jealous Dino was w/ Cindy

3. In fact, we learn via Dino, that he helped the janitor one day at school

a. school bully came up started shaming the janitor

b. Dino went up and stopped the bully

B. It could be Hawkins, he found out who Cindy was with, who beat his ass.

1. Hawkins did spy on Cindy, have a detective dig up dirt on her.

2. He even sent photos of her w/ Dino to her school

a. Ted, VP, intercepted the mail, he picked up principle’s mail

b. he found the photos, read the note, burned them; his look tells us

C. It could be Ted, because after he saw the photos of Cindy & Dino, he hates Dino

1. Ted calls Dino into his office over every late, every missed class, etc.

2. Ted is going to run Dino out of their school.

3. Dino’s fight w/ Bruce in the cafeteria gives him “reason” to expel Dino

D. Dino is railroaded out of school

3. Why does the homicide detective, believe Dino when evidence says otherwise.

A. In spying on Dino, she sees Dino at Cindy’s grave, alone, crying, flowers in hand.

B. Dino is honest about his affair w/ Cindy; tells detective everything.

1. Dino was ashamed of himself, but wanted, needed her affection.

2. She made him feel sleezy, but it was better than what he felt at home.

3. He started seeing Cindy when he was fifteen years old, she was his first.

C. The “evidence” the detective is receiving & the anonymous tips are the real clue

1. she and the police are being played

D. The evidence framing Dino has an ulterior motive, one they need to find.

[Rachelle Storti]

Rachelle Gives Great Clues!

What I learned… I had hardly any clues sprinkled into the early parts of the story and had ‘villain monologue’ placeholders at the end of my story – which I don’t much like in movies! My thriller map is very long, so I’m not going to post that now (I don’t want to clog up the forum with 15 pages of notes). So stay tuned for when I’ve whittled it down. I have a new ending and some additional exciting developments.

Main Mysteries w/clues for each:

1. Who killed Cyn and Jules’ mother? (End Result: Step-mother, Alexander’s mother, and their mother’s old partner in crime)

• Jules doesn’t like the step-mother but Cyn does.
• She had an affair with their father, the real reason their parents got divorced.
• She had a son who died (picture on her desk)
• She appears untrustworthy through her secret phone calls.
• Step-mother knew their mother. They were associates.

2. Why did their mother make Cyn executor of the will? (End Result: To get Cyn to come home and take care of things).

• Letter to Cyn explaining why.
• Jules already got her inheritance.

3. Why did Cyn leave in the first place? (End Result: Because she was running from her trauma).

• Brother’s tragic death
• Parent’s divorce
• Alex
• Addiction

4. Who is Alex/Xander? (End Result: The son of Carly – Cyn and Jule’s step-mother. He is dating both women – Xander to Jules and Alex to Cyn).

• Picture on Carly’s desk
• Nobody has seen him in the same room at the same time with these women.
• He spies on the sisters at the police station
• He confronts Cyn at Jules’ house with the gun she had locked in the safe (only Xander knew the combination).
• He makes his living off credit card scams.
• He loses his temper when Cyn connects the dots

[Wilke Durand]

THRILLER MAP

1. What’s eating Lilly? Why is she depressed and writes about suicide?

2. The gynecologist is connected to pedophile network and needs the baby to pay off the 2 criminals he’s working with.

3. What is really happening in the billionaire couple’s house?

4. What has happened to the detective in the past? Why is she as troubled as she is?

Mystery 1. What is eating Lilly? Why is she depressed?

COVERT CLUES

· Stepdad is sad that Lilly is so hostile to him. In front of her mom, he asks her to stop that behavior. He also talks with the mentor in a loving way about her but asks what exactly did Lilly told her about what’s happening in her life?

· Stepdad enters her room when she is asleep and fatherly strokes her hair. Is he slowly moving towards her breasts?

· He stands too close to Lilly. Not in a fatherly way.

· When gynecologist asks her about the father, she cries hysterically. Gynecologist tells stepdad she is too far gone and will have to give birth to the baby and then stepdad no longer wants to take Lilly home.

· Detective visits the house of stepdad and mom. Puts pressure on stepdad.

· When it’s all over, Lilly doesn’t want to go home. Stepdad insists.

· She calls her mentor and leaves a message on voicemail telling her why she can’t stay here any longer.

· Stepdad rapes her but she has a chandelier underneath her blanket. She hits him and tries to get away. Her mother wakes up and overhears the conversation between her husband and daughter.

1. OVERT CLUES

· Mentor talks with her wife about Lilly and expresses her doubts about stepdad.

· Stepdad realizes the gynecologist lied about the length of Lilly’s pregnancy. He remembers she had her period after a gala. Gynecologist confronts him with knowing all this private information about his stepdaughter. Is he abusing her?

· Stepdad wants gynecologist to perform the abortion after all and blackmails him: he will go to the police telling them about his secret abortion clinic.

· When it’s all over she doesn’t want to go home. She seems scared.

· Mom is asleep again. He tries to rape her. Enters her room just as in opening scene. She has a chandelier hidden under her blankets. She manages to dial the mentor’s number. She runs and there is a fight. Mother wakes up. In an emotional confrontation Lilly tells her that he was the father.

MYSTERY 2. The gynecologist is connected to pedophile network and needs the baby to pay off the 2 criminals he’s working with.

OVERT CLUES

o Lily’s new friend informs her about the gynecologist but doesn’t show up at the meeting point.

o Gynecologist confesses that he brings girls to the couple but doesn’t know about the sexual abuse. She believes him.

o When he comes to collect Lilly, the couple accuse him of the fact that this was his plan all along. They threaten to ruin his life.

o Finds child’s pornography on his computer. Also the girl that has disappeared. Finds a secret file: operation baby.

o Lilly finds a diary with telephone numbers of teenage girls and calls a couple of them who all respond with: Hi Mr. Bocuse! That’s not his name.

o She tries to enter his computer finally she uses the password: Bocuse and enters. Numerous pictures of the names of the teenage girls she has found in his diary. Among them the friend who has disappeared. She wants to open a file named: operation baby. Access denied. He comes in. Confronts her.

o OVERHEARS conversation with criminals and realizes why they have an interest in her. She realizes the baby is for them.

o When Lilly miscarriages, he goes crazy. He tells her he’s dead now, she’s dead now too. Without a baby she’s of no use for them.

COVERT CLUES

o Gyn. Sends his assistant home and refuses to show Lily the ultrasound images.

o He tells Lilly and stepdad that she is not allowed to have an abortion, she is too far gone.

o He takes her to billionaire couple and helps her.

o Even though we think stepdad is trustable, we appreciate it when he listens to Lily when she says she’s scared of stepdad. He sees to it that stepdad doesn’t come near Lily again.

o When it turns out the billionaire couple are sexually abusing young girls and are abusing her, he promises to save her. Comes in with the 2 criminals posing as FBI agents. When her friend turns up dead, he comes to her rescue with 2 criminals and promises to go to the police.

o When the billionaire couple follow them the criminals and the gynecologist get shot at. They protect Lily.

Mystery 3. What is really happening at the billionaire’s home?

OVERT

· Talks with girl who permanently lives at the house. The girl tells her about the party and what her job in the house is.

· She discovers a control room and finds out that there are camera’s placed everywhere.

· The woman touches her breasts and asks her to do the same with her.

· The detective is on a stake out and sees all these extremely young girls going in and out

· In the control room Lilly sees how a young girl is raped.

· The girl is found dead. Lilly fears for her life and asks gynecologist for help.

· When gyn. is coming to get her, the couple accuses him in front of Lilly of being an accomplish. They admit it. These girls want it themselves. They take the money. These girls are nothing…trash…

COVERT CLUES

o When Lilly arrives, she must give her phone to them.

o She can’t be around when the parties are there

o The pictures and paintings of naked young girls are everywhere.

o She finds cameras in her room

o She can’t go out by herself.

o They ask her to be discrete. Can she do that?

Mystery 4. Detective is a victim of sexual abuse herself and has served time in prison after killing a predator when she took him into custody. She now is working as a security guard.

COVERT CLUES

o Doesn’t want to talk about Lizzies case with her wife.

o She has anxiety attacks when nobody is around.

o Why isn’t she joining the relation therapy sessions with her wife?

o She is fired from her job as a policewoman. Why? What happened?

o Forced by her wife to go to the mandatory therapy sessions needs to stay out of prison. What did she do?

o Her father is dying of cancer. Sister comes over to ask her to say goodbye. She refuses.

o When he dies, she doesn’t go to the funeral.

o In an emotional encounter with her family, she tells why she is not going and why they shouldn’t be going either. Forgiveness can only be given when asked by the predator.

OVERT CLUES:

· Her wife is worried about her mental health and talks to ex-boss chief of police.

· Her wife wants her to look into Lilly’s case, she is reluctant but takes on the case off the record and watches the billionaire couple and finds out gynecologist’s involvement.

· Asks her former boss for help. In cryptic discussion he warns her not to get too involved, afraid of what might happen.

· Wants to break into the apartment of gynecologist to safe Lilly. She has a gun but the mentor insists she gives the gun to her. No more shooting from her side. ‘You’re out on parole’.