Day 12 Assignment

[Bob Onufer]

<b align=”left”>Bob’s Dramatic Scene Transitions<b align=”left”>

<b align=”left”>What I learned doing this assignment was that 79 percent of my transitions can be categorized as flow. I will need to review the remaining scenes to see if they can benefit from more dramatic transitions.<b align=”left”>

<b align=”left”>ORIGINAL SCENE

INT. YOUNG AND ASSOCIATES OFFICE – CONTINUOUS

We are in the cubicle of JEFFREY ASH, Martin Cole reincarnate. Jeffrey is ahandsome twenty-four year old. He’s wearing a tie and his suit jacket hangs on a rack in the cubicle eerily reminiscent of Martin Cole’s arrangement. He’sabsorbed in whatever he’s working on at his desk on a state- of-the-art iMac.

MATT THOMPSON, a slightly overweight co-worker leans over his cubicle wall. Like David to Martin, Matt was Jeff’s fraternity brother and best friend. UnlikeMartin and David, neither of the two are married or otherwise encumbered.

<b align=”left”>MATT

Jeff. Hey Jeff.

Jeff continues to work on the iMac.

<b align=”left”>MATT (CONT’D)<div>

(louder)

Jeff.

Jeff pushes enter, looks up.

JEFF

Got it, Matt. What’s up?

MATT

A few of us are going over to get a drink after work.Interested?

JEFF

I was thinking of staying late and finishing this project. It’s due before Thanksgiving.

MATT

Jeff, Buddy. I’ve been telling you the same thing since college. You have to unwind a little to becreative. To do your best work. It’s for your own good.Come on.

JEFF

It’s an important project.

MATT

You need to get a life outside of work.A drink now and again is good for you. Besides, you’re making us all look bad.

<b align=”left”>JEFF

Okay. Ten more minutes.

Matt’s head disappears for a moment, then reappears in Jeff’s cubicle. He grabsJeff’s jacket and throws it at him.

<b align=”left”>MATT

Come on. Where’s that wild guy I knew in the fraternity.That guy would be out there dancing up a storm andbreaking hearts.

Jeff starts to put on the jacket.

<b align=”left”>MATT (CONT’D)

And he would definitely lose the tie.

<b align=”left”>INT. ADAM’S BAR – NIGHT

It’s a Thursday night and the placed is packed with twenty- somethings staying in the city for a drink on the town. For some reason, most of the patrons in the bar are women. Over ninety percent, in fact. Matt likes these odds and hassomehow managed to procure two seats at the bar. He motions for Jeff to comeover. Jeff, still wearing his tie, makes his way to Matt and takes a seat.

<b align=”left”>MATT

Two Bass Ales.

One of the BARTENDERS brings the drinks.

<b align=”left”> REWRITTEN SCENE WITH OVERLAP</div><div>

INT. YOUNG AND ASSOCIATES OFFICE – CONTINUOUS

We are in the cubicle of JEFFREY ASH, Martin Cole reincarnate. Jeffrey is ahandsome twenty-four year old. He’s wearing a tie, his suit jacket hangs on arack in the cubicle eerily reminiscent of Martin Cole’s arrangement. He’s absorbed in the project he’s working on at his desk on a state-of-the-art iMac.

MATT THOMPSON, a slightly overweight co-worker leans over his cubicle wall. Like David to Martin, Matt was Jeff’s fraternity brother and best friend. UnlikeMartin and David, neither of the two are married or otherwise encumbered.

<b align=”left”>MATT

A bunch of us are going over to get a drink after work.You should come.

Jeff continues to work on the iMac.

<b align=”left”>MATT (CONT’D)</div><div>

(louder)

Jeff.

Jeff looks up.

JEFF

I was planning on staying late and working on the Kohler project. It’s due before Thanksgiving.

MATT

Jeff, Buddy. I’ve been telling you the same thing since college. You have to unwind a little to becreative. To do your best work. It’s for your own good. Come on.

JEFF

Jensen says it’s a critical project.

MATT

You need to not stress out so much. A drink now and again is good for you. Get your creative juices flowing. Besides, you’re making us all look bad.

JEFF

Okay. Ten minutes.

Matt’s head disappears for a moment, then Matt’s full body reappears in Jeff’s cubicle. He grabs Jeff’s jacket and throws it at him.

<b align=”left”>INT. ADAM’S BAR – NIGHT

A pretty typical New York bar. Lighting is dark, some tables line the wall, and there is a stage at the far end of the bar.

MATT (V.O.)

Two Bass ales.

The bar is packed for a Thursday. For some reason, most of the patrons in thebar are women. Over ninety percent, in fact.

Matt likes these odds and has somehow managed to procure two seats at the bar. He motions for Jeff to come over. Jeff, still wearing his tie, makes his way to Matt and takes a seat.

</div>

[Pamela Rice]

Pam’s Dramatic Scene Transitions

What I learned: I had so many scenes in my script that did NOT have any transition devices. The scenes were mostly told chronologically — but not enough there to really connect the reader/viewer.

I’ve gone through my script and added one of the suggested transition types wherever I can. The example below is a VISUAL TRANSITION (Match Cut)

– – – – – –

TANGLED UP (Rom-Com/Thriller)

Logline: When a top Hollywood hairstylist witnesses a murder, he’s relocated to rural Vermont and works incognito as a dog groomer to evade the dangerous hitman. In his faux world, he meets his soulmate — but can’t tell her who he really is.

– – – – – –

SCENE SET UP: Protagonist HENRI and his best friend/B-List Actor JARED are at a Celebrity Fundraiser. Henri is chatting with Jared while he practices his part in the Living Art Tableaus being presented. The 2 scenes are the Catalyst and Inciting Incident of my story.

– – – – – – – –

INT. BEVERLY HILLS ART GALLERY – GALLERY SUITE B
Jared puts both hands to his cheeks and forms a silent scream. His nose is pinched, his eyes slightly squinted.

JARED
How do I look?

HENRI
Like someone just farted in church.
(beat)
Try channeling your inner Alfred Hitchcock.

They stand near an unlit display behind a velvet rope. A wall plaque reads “GALLERY SUITE B.”

Henri wears a brightly-colored designer shirt, dress slacks and designer loafers.

A waiter approaches. Henri places their empty wine glasses on a tray and grabs two fresh ones. He hands one to his friend.

HENRI
One more, and then I’m off to work
the room. Make some new contacts.

Jared takes a sip of wine, then places the glass back down.

JARED
Really? I had the impression that the
salon was already way over-booked.

Henri puffs his chest out, and places hands on his hips.

HENRI
(imitating his boss, Marc)
“Jared… Can you ever have too many
friends… or too many clients?”

Jared responds with a revised “Scream” face. Hands to his cheeks, his eyes open wider this time.

HENRI
So close. But maybe with a little less of
a “Home Alone” vibe next time.
(beat)
I know you got this. Child’s play, for a
man of your talent.
(raises his wine glass)
I mean, you’re starring in WILL OF THE WEST.
Cheers, brother!

They clink glasses.

JARED
Not quite the star.
Yet. But thanks.

Marc suddenly appears, excited. He carries a Marc Riche-branded shopping bag.

MARC
Great news.

HENRI
(tries to guess)
Made some new friends?

Jared looks around while Marc and Henri chat. He notices an empty silver serving tray. Holds it up to his face and studies his reflection.

MARC
Even better.

HENRI
New clients?

Marc reveals the contents of the bag. It’s filled with “MARC RICHE MODELING GLUE” hair gel tubes, labels correctly spelled.

MARC
My supplier dropped these off.
Naturally, he wanted to redeem
himself after today’s label fiasco.
(beat)
Could you be a dear, and run some
out to Bradley’s? Wants to freshen up his
style before his arrival.

HENRI
(caught by surprise)
Really? Was he out in
the Santa Ana Winds?

Jared practices his silent scream, making micro adjustments.

HENRI
It’s a quarter to five.
Rush hour to Malibu will–

MARC
(soothing)
— not be all that bad.

Marc gives the bag to Henri.

MARC
Bradley will be eternally grateful.

Before Henri can respond, Marc sashays off to mingle with the guests.

Jared steps onto a wooden platform with a rail fence prop and a sunset backdrop. He signals to an unseen volunteer. Resigned and discouraged, Henri looks over at his friend.

A spotlight illuminates Jared. He nails his tribute to THE SCREAM, his expression eerily haunted.

EXT. MALIBU – BRADLEY & TIFFANY’S HOUSE – DAY

I deleted the text up to the dotted line.

Henri parks his convertible on the street in front of a black SUV. He places a handful of hair product tubes in a small plastic “MARC RICHE SALON” bag.

As Henri gets out of his car, he notices Bradley in the driveway, making a beeline to his front door.

HENRI
Oh, Hellooo… Bradley!

Distracted, Henri grabs the salon bag but leaves his iPhone in the console.

He trots up the driveway to catch up to Bradley.

– – – – – – – – – – – – New start of scene

Henri SCREAMS. His mouth is wide open, hands to his cheeks.

He’s horrified at the view through the living room window. A menacing man points a handgun at Bradley. GUNSHOTS ring out. Bradley falls to the floor, motionless in a pool of blood.

Frightened, Henri drops his bag with the hair gel. He hides behind a big Yucca tree planter. The KILLER heads toward the back door.

He walks quickly to his SUV, his face now obscured by a cowboy hat. He sees Henri’s convertible, snoops around.

He looks back at the house. Even behind the planter, Henri’s bright shirt stands out like a tropical flag. The Killer takes aim with his gun.

Henri takes off his mirrored sunglasses, tilts them back and forth. Temporarily blinds the Killer. BULLETS hits the planter. Henri’s sunglasses drop and shatter.

Henri and the Killer’s eyes meet.

[Johnny Cullen]

Johnny Cullen’s Scene Transitions

I love scene transitions and it was great seeing a few more examples of how to implement them. Here are two revised scenes with different Tranisitions.

Maeve shows Diarmuid the screen. We see the details EMERALD FIST TOURNAMENT 50K TOP PRIZE DOUBLES ONLY – SUCCESSFUL ENTRY!

Diarmuid stares at Maeve, Maeve stares at Diarmuid. They both smile. They high five!

DIARMUID

Fuck yeah!

MATCH CUT TO:

EXT. CELL VISITORS ROOM. DAY

Diarmuid and Maeve are sitting smiling blankly ahead of them. We see the reverse of Richard behind reinforced glass.

RICHARD

That’s your plan? You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.

MAEVE

We’re going to save you dad!

DIARMUID

It’s perfect, we just need to get our heads together, Me and Maeve are going to put in the hours, we’re born winners! Nothing can stop us.

Diarmuid flexes his bicep. Richard stares at them both. His face is as pale as a sheet.

RICHARD

I’m going to fucking jail.

——–

Diarmuid leans in confused and curious.

TOM AGENT

Diarmuid do you mind?

DIARMUID

You’re all a sad sack of backstabbing bastards!

CLIENT

Hey, Derek, Fuck off will ya.

Diarmuid takes a step back. We enter into his mind.

INT. LIVING ROOM. DAY.

We see Diarmuid as a child playing Emerald Fist in his room. Practising intensely.

WE hear shouting in the other room.

RICHARD

I’m done, I’m done you crazy bitch. This is the last time.

ALICE

Richard, please! Please Richard.

RICHARD

I can’t do this. He’s not my responsibility. It’s too much.

Richard storms past Diarmuid’s room with a badly packed suitcase in hand. He stares at Richard. Richard stares at Diarmuid. A second game controller outstretched on the bed.

RICHARD

Sorry Diarmuid. Another time maybe.

Richard storms out of the building. Alice howls next door. Diarmuid enters into the room.

ALICE

Fuck off Diarmuid!

DIARMUID

But mum…

INT. HOTEL CONFERENCE ROOM. DAY

We return to The Client finishing Alice’s sentence.

CLIENT

I said Fuck off!

Twitch streamer VIKRAM commentating on the match. The twitch streamer is reading off a document.

[Caroline Fritz]

Caroline’s Dramatic Scene Transitions.

What I learned: This was incredibly difficult.

First transition

Nick nods and gets up.

NICK

Anything else?

James shakes his head.

Nick leaves the office and walks back to his desk.

INT. NICK’S DESK – MORNING

He sits down and breathes out to compose himself. Cracks his knuckles.

1. FLOW

2. The Question and Answer Transition

3. The Overlap Transition

4. The Visual Transition

5. The Reveal/Shock Transition

6. The Subtext Transition

1.

Nick nods and gets up.

NICK

Anything else?

Nick leaves the office and walks back to his desk.

INT. NICK’S DESK – MORNING

Nick sits down.

Nick cracks his knuckles.

Nick breathes deep.

2.
Nick nods and gets up.

NICK

Anything else?

James shakes his head.

INT. NICK’S DESK – MORNING

He sits down and breathes out to compose himself. Cracks his knuckles.

3.
Nick nods and gets up.

NICK

Anything else?

James shakes his head.

Nick leaves the office and walks back to his desk.

INT. NICK’S DESK – MORNING

He sits down and breathes out to compose himself. Cracks his knuckles.

Behind him James slams his door

4.
Nick nods and gets up.

NICK

Anything else?

James shakes his head.

Nick leaves the office and walks back to his desk.

INT. NICK’S DESK – MORNING

He sits down and breathes out to compose himself. Cracks his knuckles.

5.

Nick nods and gets up.

NICK

Anything else?

James shakes his head.

Nick leaves the office and walks back to his desk.

INT. NICK’S DESK – MORNING

He sits down and breathes out to compose himself. Cracks his knuckles.

6. Nick nods and gets up.

NICK

Anything else?

James shakes his head.

INT. NICK’S DESK – MORNING

He sits down and breathes out to compose himself. Cracks his knuckles.

Second Transition

Eh. I have to go apologize again.

Nick walks out of the break room toward Ella’s desk.

INT. ELLA’S DESK – AFTERNOON

Ella talks on the phone to her mom.

1. FLOW

Eh. I have to go apologize again.

Nick walks slowly out of the break room.

Nick takes his time.

He clutches his coffee cup.

He can see Ella on the phone.

He approaches her desk.

INT. ELLA’S DESK – AFTERNOON

Ella talks on the phone to her mom.

2. The Question and Answer Transition

Eh. I have to go apologize again.

INT. ELLA’S DESK – AFTERNOON

Ella talks on the phone to her mom as Nick approaches.

3. The Overlap Transition

Eh. I have to go apologize again.

Nick walks out of the break room toward Ella’s desk.

INT. ELLA’S DESK – AFTERNOON
NICK
Ella, do you have a minute?

Ella swivels in her chair, she is talking on the phone. She gives him a dirty look.

INT. NICK’S DESK – AFTERNOON

Nick slumps in his chair.

4. The Visual Transition

Eh. I have to go apologize again.

Nick walks out of the break room toward Ella’s desk.

INT. ELLA’S DESK – AFTERNOON

Ella talks on the phone to her mom. Nick slinks away.

INT. ELLA’S DESK – AFTERNOON

Nick approaches Ella’s desk. She is still on the phone.

5. The Reveal/Shock Transition
Eh. I have to go apologize again.

Nick walks out of the break room toward Ella’s desk.

INT. ELLA’S DESK – AFTERNOON

Ella talks on the phone. Nick overhears her conversation.

ELLA

I know that he wants to date me but I am not interested.

Nick slinks away.

6. The Subtext Transition
Eh. I have to go apologize again.

Nick walks out of the break room toward Ella’s desk.

INT. ELLA’S DESK – AFTERNOON

Ella talks on the phone.

Nick walks away, dejected.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by  Caroline Fritz.

[Rebecca Jordan]

Rebecca’s Transition Scenes, #12

What I learned from doing this assignment is that I can probably get rid of some more transitions. I had pretty good organic transitions in regard to setting a convention for going back and forth in time. This assignment has helped me go back and refine to what is needed and I also layered even more elements of irony, suspense and reveals to deepen their meaning.

I started in the middle of a pretty long scene with a series of transitional scenes that follow. Changes/adds are in bold, or noted. These are visual and sound transitions below.

CARLEE

No Beth, you are such a child! Please just get the fuck out of my home.

Carlee waves them toward the door.

WARREN

Okay ma’m. Let’s go.

CARLEE

This is my home. And unless you have a warrant, you are not welcome here. She’s not welcome here, Officer. You seem nice.

Beth already down the stairs.

BETH

This is useless.

Carlee closes the door behind them. Flips both birds at the door!

CARLEE

Fuck You!

HALLWAY

Carlee yells down the hallway.

CARLEE

Stew! Rachel has to go now.

And please don’t argue with me. I can’t have this.

STEW (os)

Okay.

CARLEE

I mean it. I do not need that bitch coming into my house with the cops insulting me.

WALK IN CLOSET

Rachel, still curled up, whimpers quietly.

CARLEE (O.S.)

Rachel, honey. Come on. You have to go home now.

Rachel stops crying. Wipes her face. Slides the bifold open. Is blinded by the light.

BACK TO:

EXT. SIDE OF THE ROAD – DUSK

TRUCK

Sunset illuminates Rachel asleep in the front seat. Police Officer wraps on the window. Rachel jumps.

HIGHWAY OFFICER

Move along now. This is no place to be sleeping alone in your truck.

Rachel gives a wave of acknowledgment. Guzzles a bottle water from paper bag on the front seat. As the officer drives off, she finds the roach in the ashtray. Fires it up.

INT. CRAPPY MOTEL, FRONT DESK – NIGHT

Rachel weighted down with luggage and such. Drags her ass down the gloomy hallway with stained carpet tiles.

RACHEL

Fucking piece of shit dirt bag motel.

Rachel finds her room. Inserts the key card. Green light flashes. Hand on the door knob pushes door open.

EXT. APARTMENT, COURT YARD BUILDING – DAY, 1977

SOUND of DOOR BUZZER. Rachel’s youthful hand on the door knob at the entry, bag slung over her shoulder. She pushes the door open.

INT. STAIRWELL – CONTINUOUS

Stairwell, dark and dank, in need of a paint job and new carpet. Rachel, at the bottom of the stairs, knocks on the door.

RACHEL

Hello.

JERRY

Yeah. Hi. Come On in.

Rachel pushes the door open.

INT. DINGY OFFICE – CONTINUOUS

JERRY, 40’s, kicked back in his chair feet up on the desk, hands behind his head exposing dark sweat stained arm pits and his lint filled belly button from under his ill fitted t-shirt. He watches football on a tiny black and white television, throws back an Old Milwaukee. Squishes the can and lops it into the over flowing trash.

Jerry sees Rachel, sits up in his chair.

JERRY

Come on in! Come in! Don’t be shy.

Rachel takes one step in.

JERRY

What can I do you for missy?

RACHEL

Hi. Remember me?

JERRY

You look familiar.

RACHEL

I was here about a week ago.

RACHEL

Looked at the corner apartment upstairs? Said I’d be back.

JERRY

Yeah, I remember. What’s da name?

RACHEL

Rachel.

JERRY

I figured you didn’t want it. People been lookin’ at it.

Rachel’s eyes widen.

RACHEL

Is it gone?

JERRY

Someone was looking at it.

RACHEL

Oh.

JERRY

You were supposed to bring a check by da udder day.

RACHEL

Yeah, I’m sorry.., I um.., I ended up having to work some double shifts. And then I had to go out of town for a couple of days… for work.

He sizes her up. She poises herself to look down at him.

RACHEL

Is it available? I can give you a deposit today. Cash.

Jerry rummages through some messy stacks of paper on his desk.

JERRY

Did you already fill out da paper work?

Rachel fidgets, twisting the handles of her bag. She sees the tumbling stacks of file folders with papers sticking out.

RACHEL

Yeah. I did… already filled it out.

Jerry gives up.

JERRY

Okay. Well if you give me a deposit today da place is yours.

RACHEL

Okay.

Rachel digs through her bag..,

Pulls out little wads of cash from various pockets. Stacks them into a pile, straightens the bills as she counts.

Jerry’s attention is back to the television.

BACK TO:

INT. BAR – NIGHT

Big screen TV, sports. The bar is dead, only a handful of patrons scattered about. BARTENDER, 60, engrossed in a crossword puzzle at one end of the bar.

Rachel, 50’s, at the bar alone, watches the bartender who finally looks up.

RACHEL

I’ll take another shot of Jack when you get a chance.

BARTENDER

Sure.

Bartender sighs, slowly waddles over with a bottle of Jack. Refills the shot glass on the bar.

BARTENDER

Another beer too?

RACHEL

No thanks. How much?

BARTENDER

Four bucks.

Rachel sets Five bucks on the bar. Throws back the shot.

RACHEL

Thanks.

She heads over to the arcade games. Puts a hand full of quarters from her pocket on top of the pin ball machine and one into the slot. Rachel’s anger escalates as the balls drop into the gutter. She checks her phone. Sees a text from Paul. Ignores it. Back to pinball.

EXT. GALLEY WAY – DUSK, 1977

STEW’S CAR

Stew, 16, drives. Rachel, 13, in the passenger seat. They share a joint. Coasting down an alley behind brown stone apartment buildings.

They approach a galley way between to buildings.

RACHEL

Just turn in here?

STEW

Where?

RACHEL

Right here.

STEW

Are you out of your fucking mind? It’s all grass.

RACHEL

It’s okay. Nobody can see you. // Just back in.

STEW

Not unless someone just happens to be near their window.

Stew backs into the galley way. Careful not to mess up his rims.

STEW

This is not good.

RACHEL

My bedroom window is right back there. Stop. Right here is good.

EXT. STEW’S CAR – CONTINUOUS

Rachel and Stew are out of the car.

STEW

Which one is it?

RACHEL

Right there.

STEW

What are you gonna do? Climb up the side of the building?

RACHEL

You’re real funny. Duh. I have the key. You wait here. I’ll throw my shit out the window.

Stew looks up at window and then at the car.

STEW

I don’t think so.

RACHEL

Whatever. It’s just gonna be clothes. I’ll carry down the rest.

STEW

Hurry up.

Rachel, already on her way, running.

RACHEL

I’ll be fast. Believe you me.

STEW

Are you packed at least?

RACHEL

Why would I be packed? Jeez. I’m just gonna throw it down.

Rachel disappears around the corner.

Stew leans on his car. Lights up a smoke. Checks his watch. And the window. Then gets in the car and moves up away from the window.

Stew finishes up his smoke, stubs it out. Finally, the window above opens. A pile of clothes fly out the window. As if weightless, the clothes separate and slowly float down. Mick’s face still turned upward in awe. A shirt lands on his face. And the rest of the clothes come crashing down, landing in heap around him.

STEW

What the fuck?

RACHEL

(from the window)

Just shove it all in the trunk.

He folds some clothes and puts them in a pile. Rachel has another pile of clothes.

RACHEL

Don’t fold it. Jeez! Just shove it in the trunk.

INT. RACHEL’S BDRM – CONTINUOUS

Rachel, with a nearly full bag slung over her shoulder, runs around the room checking drawers. On her way out, she sees a framed photo of herself with her Mom on her dresser. She leaves it there. Then on second thought turns back, grabs it and shoves it into the bag.

EXT. STEW’S CAR — MOMENTS LATER

Rachel runs toward the car with her bag.

RACHEL

Let’s book. It’s getting dark.

She throws her stuff in the trunk. Slams it shut.

INT. STEW’S CAR — CONTINUOUS

Stew slowly pulls out and turns into the alley.

A squad car right behind them turns on flashing lights.

RACHEL

Shit! Holy shit! Alright. Just be cool. Drive normal.

STEW

Aw! Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

EXT. STEW’S CAR — CONTINUOUS

The squad car pulls right up to the driver’s side of the car. Stew rolls down his window.

Rachel wears a Cubs cap.

OFFICER

Is everything okay here?

STEW

Yes officer. I was just turning around.

OFFICER

That’s not a driveway young man.

STEW

Yeah. I know. I’m really sorry officer.

OFFICER

Alright. Well let’s move it along.

STEW

Thank you sir. Have a good one.

INT. STEW’S CAR — CONTINUOUS

STEW

Holy fuckin’ shit.

Rachel tries to catch her breath.

RACHEL

Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God.

Stew’s hands shake. He grips the wheel and slowly rides away.