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Day 12 Assignment
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[PS81] Antonio Flores’ Pass #6: Subplots with Meaning
What I’ve learned:
I finally got the idea. Now I finally understood what subplots are. This makes a total a-ha moment.
1. Identify the subplots that have naturally emerged in your story and tell us the beginning, middle, and end of each, like I did above with the English Bob subplot.
A. How can I show the conflict between Parisa and Ruthless in an elevated emotional way?
B. How can I increase the anticipation and worry for the fight between Parisa and Ruthless?
C. How can I introduce the world (the rules, the characters, and the conflict) that Parisa is about to walk into?
D. How can I set up a reason (other than rescuing her fiancé) that Parisa would fight Ruthless to death?
BEGINNING: After the first night getting beaten in the cage, Parisa meets Sandy. She helps her sooth injuries.
MIDDLE: Sandy wants to be an underground MMA fighter but has never studied martial arts.
END: Sandy somehow gets her way into the cage with Ruthless. Parisa begs ringmasters to cancel that fight. Sandy is easy prey. Ruthless kills Sandy. Parisa watches the whole action. She cries outside the cage.
2. Pick one subplot (or more) you’d like to improve and answer the question, “How can I make this more meaningful or emotional for my lead character?”
Perhaps Sandy could be an old acquaintance, schoolmate, etc., of Parisa.
3. Rewrite the beats of that subplot to add in the new emotion or meaning.
BEGINNING: After the first night getting beaten in the cage, Parisa bumps into Sandy, an old school mate. Sandy works as a facility janitor, and helps female fighters. She pep talks with Parisa and soothes her injuries.
MIDDLE: Sandy confesses to Parisa that she wants to be an underground MMA fighter, but has never studied martial arts. Parisa discourages her to do so — she could get hurt.
END: Sandy somehow gets her way into the cage with Ruthless. Parisa begs ringmasters to cancel that fight. Sandy is easy prey. Ruthless kills Sandy. Parisa watches the whole action. She cries outside the cage. A ringmaster looks at Parisa’s emotional reaction and asks: What? It was an accident, uh? (SETUP 02)
4. Add the improvements to your outline.
1. Opening
INT. GYM — NIGHT
PARISA, a lonely woman, gets up on a treadmill. Pictures on the wall show memories of her career as cheerleader and coach.
INT. UNDERGROUND MMA FACILITY — OCTAGON CAGE
Parisa’s fiancé, BAHADUR faces SHAHNAZ, a massive, muscle-packed fighter. Bahadur is in a daze. There is a cut in his arm. On the opponent’s corner, A MAN IN A TUNIC holds up a knife and grins. Poison.
2. Inciting Incident
INT. GYM — NIGHT
A TEXT PREVIEW displays on Parisa’a cellphone screen. Parisa’s uncle, MMA manager, SYLVAIN says: “I’M SORRY. HE’S GONE. THEY TOOK HIM”. Parisa wipes her tears and texts back: ‘HELP ME. I MUST FIND HIM.”
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about.
INT. UNDERGROUND MMA FACILITY — OCTAGON CAGE
Parisa’s uncle, MMA manager, Sylvain introduces her to the underground MMA ringmasters. Parisa gets in the cage for an “audition.” She gets badly beaten, but the ringmasters want her great looks on the show. They sign her in.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1
[NEW] INT. UNDERGROUND MMA FACILITY — OCTAGON CAGE
It’s Parisa’s debut night. Once again, she gets badly beaten.
[NEW] INT. UNDERGROUND MMA FACILITY — FEMALE LOCKERS
Parisa bumps into SANDY, a familiar face back from her school years. She now works as a janitor in the underground cage and helps female fighters. She pep talks with Parisa and soothes her injuries.
INT. SYLVAIN’S CAR — DAY
Parisa wonders how long it will take for her to develop MMA fighter skills. Sylvain persuades her to try dance.
INT. COLLAGE: DANCE LESSONS — DAY
Parisa refuses at first, but after her uncle’s insistence she enrolls. She shows how charming she is in salsa, tango and samba. Yet, dance lessons leave her with a sense of avoidance and guilt.
INT. COLLAGE: MARTIAL ARTS LESSONS — DAY
Parisa discovers that the dance coaches are masters of Chinese Shuaijiao (wrestling) and Brazilian Capoeira. The masters build up martial arts strengths from her cheerleader attributes: agility, coordination, sense of space-time, fast-twitch explosive muscles, and more.
INT. COLLAGE: UNDERGROUND MMA FACILITY — OCTAGON CAGE
Parisa’s performance improve from being punched, spitting the mouthpiece, and tapping the opponent… to kicking the opponent’s butt, getting her arm raised by the referee, winning by decision.
[NEW] INT. UNDERGROUND MMA FACILITY — FEMALE LOCKERS
Sandy confesses to Parisa that she wants to be an underground MMA fighter, but has never studied martial arts. Parisa discourages her to do so — she could get hurt.
5. Mid-Point
INT. UNDERGROUND MMA FACILITY — UNDERGROUND MAZE — NIGHT
As Parisa searches for her fiancé, she bumps into RUTHLESS, a brawny female fighter, who warns her not to ever mess around with her.
[NEW] INT. UNDERGROUND MMA FACILITY — OCTAGON CAGE
Sandy somehow gets her way into the cage with Ruthless. Parisa begs ringmasters to cancel that fight. Sandy is easy prey. Ruthless kills Sandy. Parisa watches the whole action. She cries outside the cage. A ringmaster looks at Parisa’s reaction and asks: What? It was an accident, uh? (SETUP 01)
INT. UNDERGROUND MMA FACILITY — UNDERGROUND MAZE — NIGHT
Meanwhile, PHILIP, Bahadur’s alleged runaway partner, finally gets Bahadur out of captivity.
EXT. UNDERGROUND MMA FACILITY — NEARBY STREET
Parisa follows them. They get ambushed and imprisoned.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2
INT. CARGO CONTAINER — NIGHT
They get transported to somewhere in the middle of the desert. Bahadur fills Parisa with all details about his abduction, the poison, Philip, and that breaking up was a way to protect her.
EXT. DESSERT – RULER’S PLACE – DAY
Parisa, Bahadur, and Philip meet THE RULER, leader of the criminal organization that uses the underground MMA fights as a screen. To win the poison’s antidote, they must win the final match.
INT. DESSERT – GUARDS TENT – NIGHT
Parisa, Bahadur and Philip are thrown into a 3:3 bareknuckle team fight. The rules change on the spot, Bahadur is too weak. Philip ends up fighting the three men. He is defeated.
[REVISED] INT. DESSERT – GUARDS TENT – NIGHT
Rules keep changing. Instead of making Parisa fight, she is now the prize for the three winners. The referee cuts Parisa’s shirt open with a knife. Parisa snatches the knife and stabs the referee. She flies the tent. The men split up to hunt her.
[REVISED] EXT. DESERT DUNE — NIGHT
Parisa rips her shirt off and produces a makeshift rope-dart. She buries herself in the dune sand. One by one, she takes the men down. [ESCALATING ACTION] Each victory provides her with more knives to attach — traditional Capoeira style — like spurs to ankles and then to her wrists as well. Parisa does not kill, just maims the three guards and returns to the tent wearing one of their shirts. (SETUP 02)
EXT. DESSERT – UNDERGROUND TRAINING CAMP – DAY
Parisa trains under the guidance of Bahadur and Philip. Philip wants to seduce Parisa. She rejects him.
7. Crisis
EXT. DESSERT – UNDERGROUND TRAINING CAMP – NIGHT
Philip figures out that by reducing Bahadur’s medicine dose, he can kill him and get Parisa.
EXT. DESSERT – UNDERGROUND TRAINING CAMP – NIGHT BEFORE THE TOURNAMENT
Philip lures Parisa to do a prep workout with him alone. He tries to rape her. Philip admits that he wants to have her before Ruthless rips her into pieces. His words enrage Parisa. She fights back and breaks his knee.
[REVISED] EXT. DESSERT – UNDERGROUND MMA CAGE – DAY
Parisa fights Ruthless in the first match of the tournament and gets the upper hand. The rules change on the spot: Parisa must kill her opponent (PAYOFF 02)— a gun is pointed at her fiancé. Philip does not intervene. Badahur snatches the gun and fires at Ruthless, but the gun was empty. They were played on. Parisa accidentally kills Ruthless. [NEW] Parisa whispers: What? It was an accident, uh, bitch? (PAYOFF 01)
EXT. DESSERT – UNDERGROUND TRAINING CAMP – DAY
Bahadur realizes that the tournament is part of a plan to curb their spirit. The three plan to steal a cellphone from a guard and send a message out.
EXT. DESSERT – UNDERGROUND TRAINING CAMP – DAY
The plan works. Parisa prevents her fiancé to keep the device and furtively passes it to Philip. The guard notices his cellphone is gone, points his gun at the fiancé, but then, he catches Philip texting and shoots him dead.
8. Climax
EXT. DESSERT – UNDERGROUND MMA CAGE – DAY
Bahadur is too weak to fight. Parisa enters the octagon with the “Ruler’s Favorite,” Shahnaz. She wins the antidote, but gets badly hurt. It’s the end for her.
EXT. DESSERT – UNDERGROUND TRAINING CAMP – DAY
A DRONE SQUAD and soldiers arrive. Philip’s message went through! The Ruler is busted. Badahur urges paramedics to help the lifeless woman in his arms.
9. Resolution
INT. GYM — DAY
Badahur quietly rolls a wheelchair into the gym where Parisa’s old cheerleaders team rehearse. Still bruised, but recovering, Parisa shares her discovery with her former students.
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Dev Ross – PASS#6 – Subplots
What I learned from doing this assignment: allowing subplots to play out most definitely deepened and, in some places, reshaped and sharpened my main story.
Concept: Outshined by the latest hate groups, a fading KKK Grand Dragon plots the murder of a black leader, but when he wakes the next morning, he is that black leader who is suddenly struck with a plan to murder the Grand Dragon.
1. EXT. FAIR GROUNDS – SUMMER DAY
A REPORTER speaks against the b.g. of harsh winds due to climate events while reporting the rise of extremism as Grand Dragon CAINE JAMESTON speaks at a White Supremacists Conference. Crowd boos him. He’s a SINO, a Supremacist in Name Only. He’s left hurt and confused.
2. INT. CAINE HOME – NIGHT
Caine’s wife, LIZZIE, saw it all on local news. Maybe it’s a sign: time to leave the hate business to others. Focus on their family. He reminds her that he does it ‘for family and for all white Christian families to save their country.’ She’s got to go – hurry to work night shift at hospital. Their daughter hurries off to meet boyfriend. Caine asks when she’s going to bring him around to meet them. She avoids, leaves. He eats dinner alone. Checks news. More on odd weather. Ignores it as fear-mongering. Watches coverage on WS rally. A new, younger speaker, ADAM SPENCER, from The Sons of Patriots gets rousing response: “Jews will not subvert us! Blacks will not pervert us!”
2. INT. CAINE’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Caine tosses and turns, grabs his nightstand Bible, gets up.
3. INT. BASEMENT – NIGHT
Surrounded by KKK memorabilia, he reads his bible. His grandfather’s Klan robe is on display.
FLASHBACK to Klan rally. He’s a five-year-old dressed in his own robe, watching his Grandpa set up a cross to burn.
OUT OF FLASHBACK
Sleeps on the couch. He’s wearing his grandpa’s robe.
4. EXT. HOME – DAY
Caine works as house painter. Elderly woman from his church asks him to apprentice her twelve-year-old grandson who’s come to live with her. The boy needs a male mentor. Caine’s obliging. Quotes Proverbs 22:6. “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old, he will not depart from it.” His grandpa taught him the trade and he’d always wanted a son to pass it on to. Grandma says she’ll bring boy around tomorrow.
5. INT. CAINE HOME – NIGHT
INCITING INCIDENT: Daughter, EMMY, reveals she she’s pregnant by boyfriend. Caine says then they’ll get married. She reveals he’s black. Enraged, Caine throws his daughter out of the house. Lizzie pleads with him but he reminds her what blacks did to his sister.
6. EXT. HOUSE PAINTING JOB – DAY
Caine paints. Grandmother brings her grandson around. He’s half black. Grandma leaves before her grandson Elijah is noticed. Caine reacts harshly upon seeing him. Explains to the boy that being mixed means you’re tainted. God doesn’t want us to mix. Says the boy will have to fight harder to be a good person. Elijah says he’s willing to work harder. He doesn’t want to be like his father. Caine can relate. He doesn’t want to be like his father either.
7. EXT./INT. CAINE BASEMENT – NIGHT
Inclement weather outside. Klan meeting inside. A handful show up. A rag-tag group of young and old men with chips on their shoulders and trauma in their pasts. Caine says members will return once they tire of the radical tactics of emerging supremacist groups. Reminds attendees the Klan used to have respectable doctors, lawyers and politicians in their ranks. They can regain that respectability again and, thus, regain control of the country. They are gentleman first, Christian men with integrity, not wild-eyed terrorists.
8. INT. CAINE BEDROOM – NIGHT
Lizzie spurns Caine’s advances. She’s tired. He’s tired of her refusing him. Shouts of “Nigger lover” come from outside.
9. EXT. CAINE HOME – NIGHT
Trucks screech away. They’ve left behind a cross burning on Caine’s lawn. A stuffed effigy hangs with a sign that says his daughter is a nigger lover. Fire trucks arrive. Fire Captain’s surprised that Caine’s house was targeted. There was a time when no one would fuck with him.
10. EXT./INT. CAINE HOME – MORNING
OUTSIDE: Ashes from burning cross blow across the neighborhood. Emmy knocks on the door, wanting to see if her parents are okay.
INSIDE: Caine forbids Lizzie to let her in. Lizzie and Emmy touch palms through front window. Lizzie informs Caine she’s working a double and, since he’s tossed out their daughter, dinner is up to him. Black Leader LINCOLN ABLE is on news. Wife comments on how the black nurses at the hospital all talk about him. Lizzie can see why. He’s charismatic. Caine take it as a dig.
11. EXT. HOUSE PAINTING JOB – DAY
Elijah’s offers again to help Caine. Caine reluctantly agrees. Its obvious boy needs a father figure. Caine’s heart softens. Wind knocks over ladder, paints, ending the work day.
12. EXT./INT. BAR – DAY
Caine stands outside the door. FLASHBACK to seeing Dad telling him to wait outside bar as he goes in.
Caine ENTERS, orders a coke. More on Lincoln Able on TV. Bartender complains: uppity black is going to get all the whites voted out of office. They’re going to lose their country but there’s nothing decent white folks can do about it. If they did, they’d get videoed, convicted by elites, sent to prison. Bartender poses a question to Caine: Would prison be worth it if you knew you by killing an evil, you’d made the world better? Caine orders a drink.
13. INT. CAINE’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Wind howls like a screaming banshee. Drunk Caine stumbles into his empty house. Regards a picture of him hunting with his Grandpa. Another with his older sister. He was just a helpless kid then. An errant spark of electricity and the TV turns on. Science based show on String Theory. The TV fuzzes and then Lincoln Able is in a news loop. He goes through the channels. All show blacks: MLK speaking, a sit-com, commercials with a black and white couple, a show where a black and white couple make love. Caine goes to his gun case, pulls out a rifle.
14. EXT. CAINE HOME – NIGHT
Elijah rides his bike. Stops at Caine’s house. Lightening seems to rip the sky in half. Strange colors slip through akin to the aurora borealis. The tripping lights encompass the neighborhood. Frightened, Elijah rides away.
15. INT. CAINE’S BASEMENT – NIGHT – CONTINUOUS
Caine sleeps on the couch while curled up with his rifle. The TV is still on and blasting images of blacks across his face.
ACT TWO:
1. EXT. SKY – MORNING
Sky ripples with ribboning colors…
2. INT. BASEMENT – MORNING
The man who went to sleep as Caine now wakes up as the black man Lincoln Able. He’s disoriented. An intense dream fades from consciousness. He’s in his basement surrounded by black empowerment items. He shakes off his bad night’s sleep.
3. INT. ABLE HOME – KITCHEN – MORNING
His wife, NUBIA, a nurse, hands him coffee. Apologizes for sending him to the basement but his tossing and turning and talking in his sleep kept her up. He woke up with a crazy thought… that he should murder the Grand Dragon. She laughs. Yeah, her peaceful warrior murdering somebody when he won’t even kill a spider? She’ll believe it when she sees it, but he can’t shake it.
4. EXT. BLACK NEIGHBORHOOD – DAY
Lincoln gives his group of white and black volunteers a pep talk before they go door to door to get out the vote. He’s got charisma. He can talk the talk and walk the walk. He sends them off to canvas with a warm smile and words of encouragement. A truck flying a Confederate flag motors past. “Fuck yous” are shouted.
5. INT./EXT. BLACK HOME – DAY
Lincoln speaks to an old couple about the issues and voting. The older black man holds a lot of bitterness. Little murders of his soul perpetrated by the white man. Lincoln acknowledges that the black man carries a chip on their shoulder. But you can’t let hate win you over. If you do, you’re as good as dead.
6. EXT. BLACK NEIGHBORHOOD – DAY
Lincoln continues canvassing. A car follows him. Lincoln turns around to look. A shimmer of light and… no car. He turns the corner and the car is following him again. It gets close, too close. He runs. Car almost hits him but then is gone again. Lincoln wonders if he’s going crazy. Then – the driver appears again. His car window opens and a rifle sticks out. But then it’s all gone again.
7. INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – DAY
Lizzie takes Emmy’s blood pressure. It’s high. She’s afraid she’s going to lose the baby. Emmy says her dad would like that. Lizzie tells her not to worry. Dad will come around. He’s a good man at heart.
INT. HOSPITAL- FRONT DESK – CONTINUOUS
Lincoln looks for his wife. The nurse station shimmers. Lizzie passes him. It shimmers again and it’s Nubia. He says he’s losing it.
8. INT. HOSPITAL – DAY
Lincoln gets a scan. Nothing wrong with him. Nubia suggests he’s pushing himself too hard. He’s got to stop. He can go back to teaching. Lincoln scoffs at that. Does she even realize what teaching has become?
9. INT. HOSPITAL PARKING LOT – NIGHT
Lizzie’s car won’t start. She tries to call her husband. It rings and rings.
10. INT. CAINE’S CAR – NIGHT
He left his cell phone on the seat next to a box of ammo.
11. INT. GUN SHOP – NIGHT
Lincoln buys a gun.
12. INT. CAINE’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Caine, studying the bible, sees his wife being dropped off. A black man is driving. She is effusive in her grateful thanks and good-bye.
13. INT./EXT. CAINE’S HOUSE – NIGHT
She enters. He slaps her. What was she doing with a black man? In an Iago-esque madness, he accuses her of rejecting him because she’s sleeping with the guy who dropped her off. Accuses her of wanting to sleep with Lincoln too. He rages on about his sister getting raped by black monsters?! Lizzie says the man was a co-worker who offered her a ride home because she asked him! Because she called her husband who was probably too busy at a Klan meeting to answer. When he calls her a liar, Lizzie accuses him of living in a hate fantasy of his own making. He brings up what happened to his sister! She counters – his sister was a drug-addict prostitute! It’s time he stopped pretending she was a saint! Calling her a whore, he hits her again and again until she’s still…
Emmy bangs on door outside. Wants to see her mom. She’s bleeding down her legs. The world quakes around her. Terrified, she dials 911.
14. EXT. BLACK NEIGHBORHOOD – NIGHT
Lincoln is drives home when the ground quakes and the neighborhood shifts – looks different.
15. EXT. CAINE’S STREET – NIGHT
Disoriented, Lincoln drives on, sees the car that tried to run him down. It’s got the same dents. He gets out of his car. He spies Caine burying something in the backyard. Caine spots him. Grabs his rifle. Lincoln runs. Dives into his car and speeds away.
16. EXT. LINCOLN’S HOME – DAY
He heads out. Checks his car. The bullet holes are real.
17. EXT. GET OUT THE VOTE RALLY – DAY
Lincoln is speaker. He’s struggling to speak. Not the peaceful warrior anymore, his speech turns hateful. The crowd reacts. Some boo, others cheer him on.
Elijah is there with his grandma.
Caine sets Lincoln in his sights. Caine fires. Misses. Crowd scatters. Lincoln is being rushed off stage when he spots Caine in the crowd and gives chase. He thinks he has him cornered but… it’s as if he’s disappeared into thin air.
18. INT. LINCOLN HOME – DAY
Lincoln finds his wife home. Unusual as she should be at the hospital working. She says she wasn’t feeling well. Lincoln sees someone hurrying toward the house with a rifle? He freaks, throws his wife to the ground for safety. Nothing happens. Nubia points out there is no man with a rifle. Worries for Lincoln. He’s paranoid, angry, defensive. He rages about driving while black. Walking while black. Jogging while black. When she tries to calm him, he slaps her. He’s never touched her. What’s happening to him…
19. EXT. LINCOLN HOME – DAY – CONTINUOUS
… weather roils and quakes.
20. EXT./INT. CAINE HOME – DAY
Caine, carrying his rifle, hurries inside. His daughter comes to the house. She lost the baby! Wants to come home. Caine says she’s tainted now. Sends her away.
21. INT. CAINE BASEMENT – NIGHT
He calls his sister. It’s late and she was asleep. He talks about her rape by black men, how he should have saved her but he’s making up for it now. She says to let it go. It was a long time ago. She was a drunk, just like their lousy parents. She’s sober now and tells the truth no matter how hard it is. Black men didn’t rape her. She was drunk and took them all on as a fuck you to their child molesting, KKK Grandpa. Caine idolized him but she hated him. Caine goes nuts. She’s a liar. His wife, daughter, and now his sister – all have betrayed him. They’ve all been tainted by the black man.
EXT. BLACK NEIGHBORHOOD – NIGHT
Caine drives around looking for someone black to kill. Aims his rifle at someone when…
He’s rammed by another car. It’s Lincoln. The chase is on.
ACT THREE
1. EXT. CITY STREETS – NIGHT
Car chase through the city. Alarms go off as ground shakes. The world’s fabric is rending…
Both crash their cars. Get out and pursue each other on foot.
2. EXT./INT. COTTON PROCESSING PLANT – NIGHT
Both men chase shadows. It’s cat and mouse where both appear, one disappears never quite in full view of the other. More quakes cause near collapse of building.
3. INT. LINCOLN’S HOME – NIGHT
Nubia is calling around asking friends if they’ve seen her husband. The weather outside is crazy. She finds receipt for the gun.
4. EXT. LINCOLN HOME – NIGHT
Nubia gets into her car, determined to find her husband. Drives off into the neighborhood. But as she drives, the neighborhood shifts until she no longer recognizes it…
5. EXT. SKY – NIGHT
It appears to be ripping apart.
6. INT. PLANT – NIGHT
The men’s search for each other intensifies. Shadows and shapes pulsing in and out. Their bullets ricochet and each is struck. Building is coming down. Both drag themselves to get out.
7. EXT. PLANT – NIGHT
Caine drags himself out into the night. Moon shines down on pools of water. As he bleeds out, he sees his reflection in the water and doesn’t understand.
8. EXT. PLANT – NIGHT
Lincoln drags himself out, sees his reflection in water. It’s not him but Caine. The two men are directly in front of the other. Their two heads could touch. In their dying moments, they look up at each other a BRIGHT FLASH OF LIGHT washes all out…
9. EXT. SPACE
Strings appear in the blackness and resonate like harp strings. (String Theory) A FLASH OF LIGHT then…
10. EXT. MIXED NEIGHBORHOOD – DAY
Literally, the sun shines on a newly formed reality. Caine’s daughter and husband stroll with their baby past black and white townspeople who warmly greet them. Grandma comes to comment warmly on Emmy’s baby mixed race baby. What’s his name? Emmy says her baby’s name is Elijah.
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PS81 – Dana’s Pass #6: Subplots with Meaning
What I learned during this assignment:
I built the police investigation into the plot to push the race against time, but to use their failure to catch the antagonist as a subplot and heighten the main character’s desperation jumped out at me. I intend to build-up the investigation to emphasis their failure and increase the sense of frustration and desperation.
Concept:
A patient with multiple personality disorder calls a radio psychiatrist and warns that his more dominant and violent personality will kill one member her kidnapped family every hour on air unless she can excise his violent personality before the end of the show.
Subplot – The Police Investigation
(The investigation is seen through the eyes of Detective Sorenson.)
BEGINNING: The police investigation begins when the husband calls the station and confirms he and the two daughters have been kidnapped. The police search for the patient and the Uber driver who picked up the husband and daughters and track the husband’s phone, which is being used to make the call the station.
MIDDLE: The police have tracked the husband’s phone to the home of the Uber driver. They dispatch SWAT, and enroute, the SWAT commander instructs his team to the operation. Sorenson tells Ellen to stall and wait for SWAT to arrive at the scene.
END: SWAT breaks into the Uber driver’s home. The Uber driver is dead. The husband’s phone on the table. The investigation is a dead end. The police are proven useless. The husband is subsequently killed, heightening the main character’s desperation.
“How can I make this more meaningful or emotional for my lead character?”
Failing to locate the patient results in the death of Ellen’s husband, forcing Ellen to take control of the situation and manipulate her patient into killing himself to save her daughters.
STRUCTURE OUTLINE
1. INT./EXT. ELLEN’S CAR – DAY
Ellen is late for work and listening to a competitor’s radio show. She receives a phone call from her producer. Ellen is missing the staff meeting with the station manager. Ellen completely forgot.
Now more anxious, Ellen answers a call from her husband, Roger. His car won’t start, and he’s using Uber to take their daughters to school before he heads to work. But he needs Ellen to pick them up after her radio show. They argue about her work interfering with their family, and when she hangs up, she uses a few harsh words toward her husband.
2. EXT. RADIO STATION – DAY
Ellen parks in the lot and runs inside, grappling with her purse and briefcase.
3. INT. HALLWAY – DAY
Ellen’s producer meets her in a panic. She takes Ellen’s purse and briefcase and hurries Ellen into the conference room.
4. INT. CONFERENC ROOM – DAY
Ellen enters a packed room. Every chair around the table is full. Sheepishly, she sits down, but the meeting is adjourned. She’s mortified.
After everyone leaves, Ellen meets with the station manager. He’s concerned about her ratings. She spends too much time with each caller. She’s not supposed to cure people. She’s supposed to advise them and move on. She needs to get her ratings up.
5. INT. ON AIR STUDIO – DAY
Ellen and her producer prepare for her show. Ellen relays the station manager’s meeting. Ellen questions if she has what it takes to be a talk show host. Thought she could reach more people on radio than her small private practice. She was middle of her class in medical school and residency. Her advisor advised against academics.
The producer tries to build her confidence. All they need is one great show.
One minutes air, her producer takes her seat the control booth. Ellen settles in behind her microphone.
6. INT. CONTROL BOOTH – DAY
The station manager enters. Ellen’s producer scolds him for his poor people skills dealing with Ellen, making her more self-conscience and nervous. He tells Ellen’s producer he’s already interviewed her replacement in case she fails. The station manager hovers to listen to the first call.
7. INT. ON AIR STUDIO – DAY
We hear the show’s intro. Ellen welcomes her listeners. She’s smooth and in control, but the first call is boring. Ellen delves too deep into theory.
8. INT. CONTROL BOOTH – DAY
The station manager leaves, disappointed. The producer screens the next caller, Jason, who suffers from multiple personality disorder. She puts him through immediately.
INCIDINT INDICENT
9. INT. ON AIR STUDIO – DAY
Ellen engages the caller, drawing him out. When she recognizes Jason as an old patient, she advises that it’s inappropriate to continue the conversation. But before she can end the call, Jason informs Ellen that his more dominant and violent personality has kidnapped her family and that he intends to kill one every hour on air unless she excises the personality by the end of the show.
Stunned, not sure how to respond, Ellen makes light of the threat. Her producer intercedes and disconnects the call and goes to a commercial. Ellen tells her producer how she knew the caller.
After several moments of indecision, Ellen grabs the studio phone and calls her husband. When the call goes to voicemail, she calls the school to ask about her children.
10. INT. CONTROL BOOTH – DAY
The station manager comes in. He quips about boring calls. Ellen learns her children have not arrived yet. Maybe they’re just late. The school will call when they arrive. She’s unnerved, and her producer keeps her from unravelling. Back on air in 10 seconds.
The station manager leaves to call the police, just as a precaution.
11. INT. ON AIR STUDIO – DAY
Ellen takes the next call, but is clearly distracted, concerned about her family’s safety.
12. INT. POLICE STATION – DETECTIVE SQUAD
Detective Sorenson is assigned the investigation by his lieutenant. He’s alone. His partner’s in court. The lieutenant has no-one else. Sorensen accepts the case believing it’s a snipe hunt. A crank caller to a radio station. Just in case, the lieutenant will get departments ready.
13. INT. ON AIR STUDIO – DAY
Ellen is on air with another caller. During the break, she tries her husband again. Nothing. Calls his work. He hasn’t arrived. And the school still hasn’t called back. She’s getting more nervous.
14. INT. FRONT DESK – RADIO STATION – DAY
Sorenson arrives at the station. The station manager greets him, explains the situation. He takes Sorenson to meet Ellen.
15. INT. CONRTOL BOOTH – DAY
Sorenson reassures Ellen not to worry. He’ll send units to her daughter’s school and her husband’s work. She tells him about her patient. He was never violent or threatening. Anyone ever threaten her? Can she think of anyone who would want to harm her or her family? Husband?
FIRST TURNING POINT – END OF ACT 1
16. INT. ON AIR STUDIO – DAY
The producer screens another call. It’s Roger, Ellen’s husband. And when he’s put on air, he confirms he and their two daughters have been kidnapped.
Ryan, the violent personality, has taken control. He explains the rules of his game. Ryan will only speak to Ellen. The show must never leave the air, even for a commercial. Etc.
17. INT. STATION – DAY
Sorenson coordinates the investigation. They need to track the husband’s phone. Put an APB on the patient, Jason and get his patient records. And they need to find the Uber driver.
18. INT. ON AIR STUDIO – DAY
Ellen, in shock, begins pleading with Ryan. She wants to talk to her family. Ryan won’t allow it. Why is he doing this? Because she failed Jason. She abandoned him for the “circus” (radio), and now he – Ryan – is giving her second chance to redeem herself.
19. INT. PLACEHOLDER – DAY
Sorenson conducts the investigation from the radio station. Jason is homeless. Check shelters, hospitals, find someone who knows him or knows where he might be.
20. INT. ON AIR STUDIO – DAY
Ellen doctors her patient as Jason flips back and forth between personalities. The clock is coming up on the first hour.
21. INT. PLACEHOLDER – DAY
Sorenson gets a call. They have traced the husband’s phone. SWAT is enroute to the location.
22. INT. SWAT VAN – DAY
The SWAT commander instructs his men on the plan.
23. INT. ON AIR STUDIO – DAY
Ellen is still engaged with Jason, talking him down. Sorenson – in the control booth – tells her to stall. SWAT is close.
24. INT. HOUSE – DAY
SWAT breaches the front door and storms inside.
25. INT. LIVING ROOM – DAY
The Uber driver is dead, ducked taped to a chair and tortured for fun. He’s been dead more than a day. SWAT finds the husband’s phone. The SWAT commander calls Sorenson.
26. INT. STATION – DAY
Sorenson gets the call. It’s not Jason. He’s using a spoof number, an App that uses her husband’s phone number to disguise his own.
27. INT. ON AIR STUDIO – DAY
Laughing at the police incompetence, Jason informs Ellen it’s time for her choose which member of her family must die. Unable to choose, Jason threatens one of her daughters, and when Ellen pleads for her not to be harmed, Jason tells her that she has chosen by default.
Ellen listens as Jason drags her husband, Roger, into the room. Roger tells Ellen he loves her just before Jason shoots him on air. Jason hangs up, using radio jargon about taking a break.
Ellen flees from the booth, hysterical.
28. INT. CORRIDOR – DAY
Sorenson grabs her, and she falls into his arm on the floor, sobbing out of control. She says she’s going to be sick. He races her to the restroom.
29. INT. RESTROOM – DAY
Sorenson kicks open the door. Ellen falls into a stall and throws up. Sorenson tries to comfort her, to keep her strong. She slaps him hard, taking out her frustration on him. She collapses to the floor and tells him she cannot go on.
Sorenson tells her that Roger may be still alive, they “don’t know what we don’t know.” And she can’t stop. She must be strong for her daughters.
The station manager comes in. The patient is back on the line.
30. INT. ON AIR STUDIO – DAY
Ellen, barely able to speak, sits back down at her microphone to engage with Jason/Ryan. But it’s someone new. A young boy, Bobby. Another personality. She engages Bobby about her husband. Roger is dead in the room. The daughters are in another room.
31. INT. STATION – DAY
Jason’s patient records are delivered to Sorenson. We see his picture for the first time.
MIDPOINT
32. INT. ON AIR STUDIO – DAY
Ellen falters. She becomes silent, wiping tears. She goes deep into thought. Her producer and station manager are worried. They try to get her to reengage Bobby. Sorenson enters. Everyone is concerned.
A determined visage appears in Ellen’s eyes. Her emotions now under control. She speaks with Bobby about Jason, about his past personalities, specifically one named William. Does Bobby remember William? The others wonder what she’s doing.
33. INT. CONTROL BOOTH – DAY
Sorenson opens Jason’s patient file and reads. He’s stunned by what he reads. William is a manic-depressive personality. And suicidal. Sorenson realizes Ellen’s strategy, and he tells the others to their shock.
Sorenson warns Ellen that her strategy is dangerous and ill-advised.
34. INT. ON AIR STUDIO – DAY
Ellen, still engaged with Bobby, gives Sorenson and the others a vengeful glare. She’s determined to save her daughters – her way. And delves into Bobby’s memory to draw out William’s personality. She’s becoming the psychiatrist she needs to become.
35. INT. PLACEHOLDER – DAY
Sorenson receives a call from Jason’s sister living in Memphis. She tells Sorenson everything she knows. Will she talk to her brother on air?
36. INT. ON AIR STUDIO – DAY
Ellen asks Bobby is Jason will speak to his sister, and she puts Jason’s sister on air. Ellen listens to Jason’s sister tearfully plead for him to stop. This breaks down Ellen’s emotions, but she remains resolute, reaching deeper into Jason to pull out William.
37. INT. RADIO STATION – DAY
Sorenson receives call from the department. They have a lead on Jason based on the information from the sister. But they need time.
SECOND ACT TURNING POINT
38. INT. ON AIR STUDIO – DAY
William finally reveals himself to Ellen. And while she’s anguished by the harm that she knows she’s causing her patient, Ellen pushes him deep into his depressive state.
Ellen councils William that he doesn’t want the death of her children on his conscience, and that the only way to stop Ryan is for William to kill him. But that means killing himself.
William pleads for Ellen to stop, but she presses him that if he wants to be at peace, he must find the strength to do what he knows he must do. Ellen pushes, tears running, sometimes unable to speak, torturing herself, sacrificing her humanity to save her daughters.
CRISIS: Ryan intercedes again, realizing what Ellen is attempting to do, and threatens to kill one of her daughters.
39. INT. CORRIDOR – DAY
Sorenson on the phone. They have a fix on Jason. Uunits are on the way.
40. EXT. BRIDGE – DAY
The SWAT van and police cars, lights on, racing to the location.
41. INT. ON AIR STUDIO – DAY
Ellen confronts Ryan hard, pitting William against him. She’s full psychiatric mode. She sets the two personalities against one another. They flip back and forth, the gun in hand, fighting for dominance.
Sorenson signals five minutes away.
42. INT. SWAT VAN – DAY
The SWAT team is getting ready.
43. INT. ON AIR STUDIO – DAY
Ellen pushes William to take control and stop Ryan once and for all, to save her daughters.
44. INT. CORRIDOR – DAY
Sorenson on his phone. SWAT is almost there. Minutes away. Sorensen yells they’re running out of time.
CLIMAX
45. INT. ON AIR STUDIO – DAY
Ellen pushes even harder. The two personalities yelling, one then the next, like two people arguing. William pleads for Ellen to stop. Ellen tells him to look at her daughters. She tells him their names. Don’t let Ryan kill them.
The gun goes off. Nothing. Silence.
Ellen stands, staring at everything and nothing. She looks to the others. They all wait, holding their breathes. We hear SWAT kick the door. Noise. Confusion. The call drops.
Ellen, almost unable to breathe.
Sorenson bursts into the studio. Jason is dead. Her daughters are safe.
Ellen collapses, sobbing in Sorenson’s arms. “What did I do? What did I do?”
46. EXT. RADIO STATION – DAY
Press and photographers surround the station. Sorenson walks Ellen out to a waiting car. She’s wrapped in a blanket, emotionally drained.
47. INT. CAR – DAY
The car pulls away from the station. Ellen looks back at Sorenson who’s watching her leave. She places her hand against the glass to wave goodbye.
48. EXT. RADIO STATION – DAY
Sorenson watches Ellen drive away. Camera flashes and questions assail him.
49. INT. POLICE STATION – DAY
Sorenson enters the squad room. The detectives stand and applaud. He’s given a heroes’ welcome. His lieutenant tells him to take the rest of the day.
Sorenson sits at his desk as everyone gets back to work. He receives a call, a physician from a local clinic. The physician tells Sorenson that he had been holding Jason for observation at his clinic under a different name for the past 10 days. Confused, Sorenson opens his computer. What’s the name? Randy Armstrong. He’s in the system. Sorensen types in the other name.
COMPUTER SCREEN: Jason’s picture pops up under Randy Armstrong. The physician didn’t put the face to the name until he saw Jason’s picture television.
Frantic, Sorenson opens Jason’s patient file. He scans the names of his other personalities.
INSERT JASON’S FILE. Sorenson’s finger drags down the page and finds Randy Armstrong listed as one of Jason’s other personalities.
The physician tells Sorenson that Randy was released and picked up by an Uber ride matching the dead Uber driver’s car an hour before Ellen’s family was kidnapped.
Sorenson suddenly realizes there had to be someone else involved.
CUT TO BLACK
VOICE OVER: A morning talk show host is talking about Dr. Ellen.
DISSOLVE TO:
50. EXT. CITYSCAPE – MORNING
VOICE OVER: A week has now passed. The host discusses the aftermath. One caller agrees with what Ellen did. Another doesn’t. The next caller tells the host he loves the show. It’s Ryan’s voice, who says, “I’m a long times listener. First time caller.”
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Lisa’s Pass #6: Subplots with Meaning
“What I’ve learned doing this assignment is…?” that the subplots are to help fill out the story, so it is multidimensional.
1. Identify the subplots that have naturally emerged in your story and tell us the beginning, middle, and end of each, like I did above with the English Bob subplot.
Subplot #1: Mary must run the It’s a Wonderful Life festival and make sure it comes off without a hitch
Subplot #2: Mary must decide if she’s still in love with Peter or ready to move on with Joseph.
Subplot #3: Peter and Tilly break up and then get back together at the end
Subplot #1 – Mary must run the It’s a Wonderful Life festival and make sure it comes off without a hitch
Beginning: Mary is organizing the festival like her mother did before her, so there is tradition and meaning in making the festival as success. Her mother died last year, and this has forced Mary to take it over. This is made clear at the IAWL meeting in the community center where Mary is running the show alone. The whole town is counting on her.
Middle: The festival begins, and Mary becomes torn between the festival and finding Peter and Santa. She learns that she must have others help to pull it off. Her friends come through for her.
End: The whole town and Mary help Peter by giving him the money from the festival which was a success after all…reinforcing that no one is alone who has friends.
Subplot #2 – Mary must decide if she’s still in love with Peter or ready to move on with Joseph.
Beginning: Opening shows Mary literally saving Peter’s life. A relationship with Joseph is revealed, but she is torn because Peter and her daughters make it complicated.
Middle: Mary fights for Peter and saves him again. But she loves him and always will because they were high school sweethearts and she saw him off to war, etc. Joseph continues to prove over and over that he is a stand-up guy and really loves Mary and her daughters. Joseph catches Mary when she falls off the roof. And he volunteers the money for next year’s festival. Mary worries how Joseph and Peter will interact going forward if she confesses her love for Joseph.
End: Mary decides that Tilly will make Peter happy and help lift him up. Mary confesses her love by accepting Joseph’s proposal…after all, Joe is literally, the richest man in town.
Subplot #3: Peter and Tilly break up and then get back together at the end
Beginning: Peter and Tilly’s relationship is revealed in court where Tilly supports him.
Middle: Tilly helps Peter kidnap Santa, but then can’t go through with it and leaves Peter on his own. Tilly eventually tells Mary where Peter is with Santa.
End: Peter and Tilly reunite at the end, leaving the way for Mary to marry Joseph.
2. Pick one subplot (or more) you’d like to improve and answer the question, “How can I make this more meaningful or emotional for my lead character?”
Mary can be jealous of Tilly even though she isn’t with Peter anymore.
3. Rewrite the beats of that subplot to add in the new emotion or meaning.
Subplot #3: Peter and Tilly break up and then get back together at the end
Beginning: Peter and Tilly argue at the court hearing about what he should do to avoid going to jail. Mary watches their argument from down the hall and tries to intervene. Tilly walks away because Mary is sticking her nose in their relationship.
Middle: Tilly helps Peter kidnap Santa, but then can’t go through with it and leaves Peter on his own. Tilly eventually tells Mary where Peter is with Santa. Mary realizes that Tilly is watching out for Peter.
End: Peter and Tilly reunite at the end, leaving the way for Mary to marry Joseph.
4. Add the improvements to your outline.
OUTLINE OF MARY’S CHRISTMAS
1. EXT. GEORGE BAILEY BRIDGE – NIGHT
Mary and her partner come across a man on George Bailey bridge at night in the pouring rain in their firetruck and Mary sees it’s her ex-husband, Peter. Peter is crying and is up on the railing. Mary hates heights, but she ends up saving Peter then lays into him about what he was trying to do.
2. INT-KITCHEN-DAY
Mary’s kitchen is full of Christmas goodies for the it’s a Wonderful Life festival. She calls for Uncle Billy to come eat. When she turns around to call again, Uncle Billy, a miniature dachshund, is sitting behind her with his head cocked. He goes over to his bowl and eats.
3. INT-BEDROOM-DAY
Ruthie is in her bedroom looking at the NORAD site on her computer. Her mom calls for her and she yells back that the computer is broken. She closes it and runs downstairs.
4. INT-KITCHEN-DAY
Janie and Ruthie are having breakfast. Mary is on the phone answering festival questions and writing a list at the same time. She hangs up the phone and looks at the photo of her mom on the wall…wondering how mom did it when she oversaw the festival. Janie cries and climbs on Mary’s lap because she misses Grandma. Ruthie jumps on Mary too with a hug. Uncle Billy runs around barking and jumping on them because he doesn’t like anyone touching Mary.
5. INT-KITCHEN-DAY
Peter enters the eat-in kitchen of the Ma Jenkins Boarding House. Ma orders her grandson to stand because a decorated war hero is entering the room. Peter sits down to eat breakfast. The boy sits second. Ma tells the boy all about Peter’s heroism and how veterans should be shown respect.
6. INT-SUV-DAY
Ruthie and Janie ask about their father on the way to school. Mary nearly runs over Peter when he steps off the curb in front of the boarding house. Mary tells the girls to stay in the car. They protest and shout hello to their father. Mary gives in and let’s Peter say hi to the girls who have a phone on the NORAD site, and they show Peter.
7. INT-COURTROOM-DAY
Judge admonishes Peter for not being able to pay back taxes. Peter is on hard times because there hasn’t been any snow and he’s a snowmobile repair man. Judge will send him to jail on Christmas day if he doesn’t come up with the money.
8. INT-COURTROOM HALLWAY-DAY
Peter and his girlfriend, Tilly discuss the NORAD site and how Santa gets down the chimney. Peter has an idea. Tilly says no and wants Peter to turn himself in now to start his sentence. Peter doesn’t want to. They argue. Mary sees this. Tilly storms off. Mary and Peter discuss their girls. Mary tells him that the girls love him.
9. INT-SENECA FALLS WINERY OFFICE-DAY
Mary works with Angel, her best friend and they discuss what happened at the courthouse and Joseph, their boss. They speak briefly about Ernie, Angel’s boyfriend and how happy they are. They discuss Peter and how Mary is always helping him. Joe asks Mary out and she declines.
10. EXT-OUTSIDE OFFICE-DAY
Joe expresses his love for Mary. Joe gives Mary a raise because of the situation with Peter.
11. EXT-NORTH POLE-DAY
Peter and Tilly kidnap Santa on snowmobiles.
12. INT-CONTROL ROOM-DAY
At NORAD HQ, Santa starts to move on the giant screen. It’s too early. Dash and Don are assigned to go find Santa.
13. EXT-FOREST-DAY
Snowmobiles catch some air. Snow is starting to thin. They continue on foot with blindfolded Santa in tow.
14. EXT-ROAD-DAY
Dash and Don are trying to track Santa’s signal.
15. INT-WINERY OFFICE-DAY
Mary tells Angel that she’s not going to play “Mary Bailey” this year. She says she will push for Angel to play her.
16. EXT-MAIN STREET-NIGHT
Main street is all lit up with lights and decorations. A sign reads ‘Wonderful Life Meeting Tonight – All Are Welcome!’
17. INT-COMMUNITY CENTER-NIGHT
Mary and Angel discuss how good Joe is with the girls as they watch them together. Introduction of other townspeople. Everyone is assigned different roles and tasks. After the meeting, Joe tries to give Mary her Christmas present early, but she won’t take it.
18. EXT-TRAIN TRACKS-NIGHT
Peter, Tilly, and Santa run alongside a slow-moving freight train. They get into the train car, and it starts to go faster.
19. EXT-CANADIAN ROAD-NIGHT
Dash and Don track the Santa signal and realize they are moving faster than snowmobiles.
20. INT-LIVING ROOM-DAY
Ruthie tells Mary something is wrong with the laptop because it’s not following Santa. Out the window, it’s snowing!
21. EXT-TRAIN TRACKS-DAY
Peter, Tilly, and Santa run into the woods.
22. INT-CAR-DAY
Dash and Don are still in Canada and realize the signal has stopped in Seneca Falls, NY. Border guards stop them and laugh that they are chasing Santa.
23. EXT-MAIN STREET-DAY
Main Street is full of people there for the festival. Ernie is passing out chestnuts in front of the Clarence Hotel. There’s a line outside of ZuZu’s Café. A group of scavenger hunters are leaving the community center.
24. EXT-SNOWMOBILE SHOP-DAY
On the outskirts of town, Peter unlocks the door and he, Tilly, and Santa go inside.
25. INT-SNOWMOBILE SHOP-DAY
Peter finds tracking device on Santa. Peter interrogates Santa on how he gets down the chimneys. Santa won’t say.
26. EXT-FRONT YARD-DAY
Ruthie and Janie are playing in the yard in the snow. Uncle Billy is running around barking at them. Joe and Mary are watching from the front window.
27. INT-HOUSE-DAY
Mary and Joe argue over moving their relationship forward. Joe leaves. Uncle Billy comes in and Mary rubs him with a towel as he licks her face.
28. EXT-MAIN STREET-DAY
Dash and Don enter Seneca Falls. People are everywhere for the festival. They ask Ernie where the parade starts…down by the movie theater at the other end of the street. They head in that direction.
29. EXT-SIDE STREET-DAY
In the theater, Mary checks out the costumes for all the IAWL characters that will march in the parade. Angel calls Mary’s cell and tells her to get to the community center now.
30. INT-SNOWMOBILE SHOP-DAY
Peter and Tilly discuss how to get out of this and that they didn’t think everything out…like how to get Santa back to the North Pole. Tilly says she’s not going through with it and leaves.
31. INT-COMMUNITY CENTER-DAY
The town Santa is sick, and Mary must play Santa because Angel has the radio show. Mary puts on the Santa suit.
32. EXT-SNOWMOBILE SHOP-DAY
Peter and Santa leave the shop and head towards town. Peter makes Santa carry rope in his sack. Mary drives up looking for Peter, but he’s not there.
33. EXT-MAIN STREET-DUSK
Santa 5K starts and all runners are dressed as Santa and it’s snowing heavily now. Dash and Don are trying to figure out who is the real Santa as they run too. Peter and Santa run along in the group until they get to the other end of town and then run toward houses.
34. EXT-RESIDENTIAL STREET-DUSK
Neighborhood of houses lit for Christmas, but everyone is in town. Peter and the real Santa come out of the woods and move toward the back of a house.
35. INT-POLICE STATION-DUSK
Mary has told the police that Peter and Santa are missing. The police laugh at her. She explains he might be suicidal and leaves in frustration.
36. EXT-SIDE STREET-NIGHT
Mary gets on the firetruck and as it starts to move, Tilly tells Mary what Peter has done and where they are headed. She jumps off the truck and runs toward the house.
37. EXT-MAIN STREET-NIGHT
Angel and Joe have the girls along the parade route. Angel whispers to Joe that Mary will be playing Santa at the end of the parade.
38. EXT-LIBRARY-NIGHT
Dash and Don come around the library and see a Santa far away running toward the neighborhood. They take off after Santa.
39. EXT-HOUSE-NIGHT
Mary sneaks up behind Santa and covers his mouth, points him to the woods. Mary climbs the ladder (still afraid of heights) and scoots along the roofline. Peter orders her to go down the chimney. Mary and Peter argue on the roof. Dash and Don see them. Joseph has tracked them down too.
40. EXT-PARADE-NIGHT
The real Santa has jumped on another firetruck and is waving to the children yelling Ho, Ho, Ho! Those who know, remark on how great Mary is as Santa.
41. EXT-HOUSE-NIGHT
Peter orders Santa to go down the chimney, Mary stalls and tries to talk Peter out of doing it. She stands up on the roof as Peter gets more agitated. Peter tries to force Santa down the chimney, and they struggle. Firefighters have moved the ladder truck over to the house and Dash & Don climb on the roof and point their guns at Peter. Mary stops them from shooting him then falls off the roof hanging by the gutters. Joseph below tells her to let go and he will catch her. She does and they fall in the snow.
42. EXT-YARD-NIGHT
Santa returns as Dash and Don are taking Peter to their car. Santa convinces them to let Peter go.
43. INT-COURTROOM-DAY
Christmas morning, Peter turns himself in for the tax charges. Mary comes in and says it’s a miracle. The townspeople enter and pay Peter’s back taxes with the festival money. They each vouch for Peter, each saying why they are grateful for Peter. And they have found a sponsor to pay for next year’s festival.
44. INT-HOUSE-DAY
Mary, Ruthie, Janie, and Uncle Billy have had Christmas. Peter and Tilly are celebrating with the girls too. Joe comes over to give Mary her Christmas gift.
45. EXT-PORCH-DAY
It’s still snowing. Joe gives Mary an engagement ring. Mary says she knows that the winery is going to foot the bill for next year’s festival. Mary accepts the ring, and they kiss as Uncle Billy barks and tries to get between their feet.
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Anita Gomez’s PASS #6 Subplots with Meaning
What I learned: This raised some important questions about both my leads and the supporting characters and helped me flesh out their back-stories and motivations, remembering to keep my beats EMOTIONAL.
1. Identify the subplots that have naturally emerged in your story and tell us the beginning, middle, and end of each, like I did above with the English Bob subplot.
A) Cyrus’s rise in political power:
Beginning: He cheats on his wife and gets Danica pregnant.
Middle: He’s promoted to TX Judge, then Circuit Court Judge, moving him into Danica’s professional sphere again, but with more power
End: His wife leaves him after discovering he fathered a child out of wedlock; and Dianna murders him for his kidney, for her mother to get.
B) Cyrus’ wife & kids:
Beginning: Wife is super-supportive of his ambitions, on campaign trail and in Ads.
Middle: The family does genetic DNA testing (on a lark)
End: His wife leaves him after discovering he fathered a child out of wedlock.
C) Dianna (daughter) – her growing up to do genetic research and adoptive parents:
Beginning: Abandoned as an infant at a Fire Station.
Middle: She grows into a brilliant but twisted young woman, unable to connect with her adoptive parents, or her co-workers, or have any intimacy.
End: She kills her biological father.
D) Danica’s Sister – her family & health issues:
Beginning: She condemns Danica’s desire to abort the unwanted pregnancy, forcing Danica to flee the state.
Middle: Her husband and kids reflect a never-to-be fulfillment that Danica has for a family, underscoring her regrets and life choices.
End: She dies from kidney disease causing Danica to examine her own health issues, putting her on the path to find Dianna.
2. Pick one subplot (or more) you’d like to improve and answer the question, “How can I make this more meaningful or emotional for my lead character?”
Both Danica’s sister and Dianna’s youth (and backstory) could use more input. It raises 2 important questions: (1) How much does Danica regret her decisions to give up her baby?; (2) Is Dianna, the product of 2 flawed narcissists, so psychologically broken that it would be better if she never had been born? Note to self: A & B above are both actually just part of the Cyrus story…. Maybe not subplots, per se.
3. Rewrite the beats of that subplot to add in the new emotion or meaning.
(See incorporated new scenes. below)
4. Add the improvements to your outline.
1. Opening Scene:
<st1:place w:st=”on”><st1:placename w:st=”on”>INT.</st1:placename> <st1:placetype w:st=”on”>HOSPITAL</st1:placetype></st1:place> – NIGHT
Danica is in the throes of childbirth (we don’t see her face revealed yet). It isn’t going well, and we hear from the doctors that she could die. GRAPHIC: “9 Months Earlier”
2. Inciting Incident:
INT. LAW OFFICES – NIGHT
Danica is working on a case. A senior partner (Cyrus) comes in, flirting with her in an all-too-familiar way. She confronts him with the fact that she is pregnant and past the 6 weeks allowable for an abortion in her state. In fact, he was instrumental in crafting this law for the TX legislature. We see him revealed as the hypocrite he is (ultra right-wing; married with his own kids; but still offering to send her away for an abortion).
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about.
INT. DANICA’S SISTER’S HOME – DAY
Danica confides in her Evangelical sister (mother of 2 kids herself) that she doesn’t want this child and wants to flee the state for an abortion. She fears for her health, having been born with only 1 kidney and reminds the sister how she herself almost died in childbirth, twice. The sister guilt-trips her / tells her all life is precious and “she’ll grow to love the child”.
<st1:place w:st=”on”><st1:placename w:st=”on”>INT.</st1:placename> <st1:placename w:st=”on”>CATHOLIC</st1:placename> <st1:placetype w:st=”on”>CHURCH</st1:placetype></st1:place> – THAT NIGHT
Danica is praying in an empty church for guidance. She gets no answer and leaves to the hollow sound of her own lonely footsteps.
EXT. HIGHWAY – NIGHT
Danica flees the state. She drives to <st1:place w:st=”on”><st1:state w:st=”on”>Louisiana</st1:state></st1:place> where the abortion laws are more accessible.
INT. ABORTION CLINIC – DAY
Danica has made an abortion appointment. She’s confronted by rabid anti-abortion protestors outside. She enters the clinic, but at the last minute, can’t go through with it.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1
<st1:place w:st=”on”><st1:placename w:st=”on”>INT.</st1:placename> <st1:placetype w:st=”on”>HOSPITAL</st1:placetype></st1:place> – NIGHT
We are back at the opening scene of a wretched birthing experience. Danica blacks out; She regains consciousness to the sounds of a screaming infant. A nurse tries to hand her the baby daughter, saying she is fine – except she too was born with the mother’s genetic defect of having only one kidney. The new mother turns away from the squalling infant.
<st1:place w:st=”on”><st1:placename w:st=”on”>INT.</st1:placename> <st1:placetype w:st=”on”>HOSPITAL</st1:placetype></st1:place> – LATER
Same nurse brings infant to Danica for nursing. She takes the beautiful baby in an awkward hold. Nurse tells her, “Most moms instinctively cuddle them to their chest on the left so the baby can hear your heartbeat.” Danica: “Not all of us are born mothers”.
EXT. FIRE STATION – NIGHT
After several hellacious sleepless nights a fraught Danica abandons her newborn daughter at a “Safe Haven” firehouse telling the child, “I never wanted you” leaving a note, “Her name is Dianna”.
EXT. <st1:street w:st=”on”><st1:address w:st=”on”>TEXAS HIGHWAY</st1:address></st1:street> – DAY
Giant billboards with Cyrus making politically motivated anti-abortion statements. He is running for a Judgeship. He is seen with his smiling wife and 2 young children surrounding him.
INT. LAW OFFICES – DAY
Partners are congratulating Cyrus on his appointment as a Judge. It’s a big win for him and the anti-abortion political action committee that supported him.
5. Mid-Point
INT. DIANNA’S ADOPTIVE PARENT’S HOME – DAY
Dianna is a beautiful baby, exuding shiny and bright promises for her new dating parents.
INT. LAW OFFICES – DAY
Danica’s own ambitions bear fruit and she climbs the professional ladder becoming a full partner in a prestigious law firm. She is cold, hard, and driven with a reputation as a ruthless winner of legal cases. As a loner, she rebuffs co-workers celebratory invitations.
INT. COURTROOM – DAY
Concurrently the biological father’s (Cyrus) story unfolds. Now a Judge he quickly gains the reputation as a conservative hard-ass, making harsh anti-abortion decisions from the bench – as noted by former partners bringing a case forward about a young girl who is seeking a judicial bypass from parental consent for an abortion, which he denies because of her “grades”.
INT. ADOPTIVE PARENT’S HOUSE
Dianna has grown into a beautiful and precocious young girl – but with a cruel streak. She brings home an excellent school report but then we see her hugging a kitten until it squeals and goes limp.
INT. CYRUS’ HOUSE – EVENING
Cyrus the family man, interacts with his two pre-teen kids in a fatherly but distracted and cool, distant way. The home he provides is materially beautiful, but he is detached, deferring the kids’ needs to his wife.
INT. JUDGE’S CHAMBERS – DAY
Cyrus, now older, has received notice of his appointment to Regional Circuit Judge, (which will put him once again in Danica’s professional orbit). He calls his wife and kids to have a celebration dinner, but they are all unavailable.
EXT. CYRUS’ HOUSE – EARLY NEXT MORNING
It is his habitual practice to retrieve his newspaper outside the gates of his driveway near the street. A car passes too close and he bobbles his coffee onto his pajamas and robe (foreshadowing).
INT. ADOPTIVE PARENT’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Dianna’s parents are worrying to each other about her lack of friends and emotional detachment (perhaps a report from school of cruelty)
INT. DANICA’S SISTER’S HOUSE – NIGHT
The family is having a fun and raucous game night. It’s obvious they are close. But the sister gets up, hiding from them some serious back pain she’s having.
EXT. UNIVERSITY GROUNDS – DAY
Dianna graduates college early. She is offered a prestigious job as a medical researcher in genetics. She goes into genetic research because of her own anatomical anomaly and uncovers others with kidney deficiency, which includes her mother.
INT. BIOLOGY LAB – DAY
We see Dianna displaying the same cold hard ambitious edge her biological mother has. Perhaps this plays out in her dispassionate dissection of animals in the course of her research, and how she blows off her co-workers and romantic advances.
INT. CYRUS’ HOUSE – CHRISTMAS DAY
Cyrus’s wife gives the family each a “23&Me” type DNA kit as gifts. Cyrus looks nervous but laughs it off as she says, “everyone’s doing them now” and he agrees to take the test, joking they might find they are related to royalty.
INT. BIOLOGY LAB – DAY
During this time Dianna seeks out and discovers the true identity of both her biological parents by doing DNA testing on herself.
INT. DANICA’S SISTER’S HOUSE – DAY
She has come for a visit and is wistful while playing with her niece and nephew – obviously wondering what it would have been like to be a mom herself. Danica catches a commercial on TV about Cyrus running for re-election as Judge, all about “family values” – she is disgusted.
INT. DEPARTMENT STORE – DAY
Danica is shopping in the girl’s department – first through infant wear, then toddlers through the teens’ sections. She is sad and pensive, obviously dreaming of brooding about the child she gave away.
INT. DIANNA’S APARTMENT – DAY
Dianna holds a home pregnancy test strip showing “positive” but she has absolutely no emotional reaction to this.
INT. DIANNA’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Exemplifying her pathological inability to connect with people, her boyfriend is breaking up with her, calling her an ice queen, stone cold bitch, etc. and accusing her of having an abortion of their child without consulting him. Dianna too calmly says that “it’s her body, her choice – and NO ONE leaves her… she does the leaving” and grabs a gun from a dresser drawer. He bolts before she can fire but we see she would actually be capable of cold-blooded murder.
INT. JUDGE CYRUS’ CHAMBERS – DAY
Cyrus is having a discussion with other lawmakers about how they want to see <st1:state w:st=”on”>Louisiana</st1:state> follow in <st1:place w:st=”on”><st1:state w:st=”on”>Texas</st1:state></st1:place>’ footsteps with an extreme anti-abortion law, noting he is the best person for the job. He is a puffed-up pompous self-assured man conveniently forgetting his own personal scrape with Danica’s unwanted pregnancy, and agrees to be considered as an appointee for The 5<sup>th</sup> Circuit Chief Judge. His motivations are purely for power and political gain within his party.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2
EXT. <st1:street w:st=”on”><st1:address w:st=”on”>SUBURBAN STREET</st1:address></st1:street> – DAY
Danica is a compulsive marathon runner. She begins to show signs of health issues.
INT. DANICA’S HOUSE – DAY
She receives news of her sister’s death from kidney failure. She meets with her brother-in-law and niece and nephew but has too many of her own regrets about giving away her own child. She longs for the strong family bond she sees in them.
INT. DOCTOR’S OFFICE – DAY
Danica sees her own doctor and is told she too has kidney disease, and must have a transplant to survive. She is told all the medical reasons why her best chance for survival is a close relative.
INT. DANICA’s HOUSE – NIGHT
She begins seeking out her daughter’s whereabouts online. We are unsure of her motive,– is it for a kidney or a relationship? She delves into her online DNA test results.
INT. CYRUS’ HOUSE – NIGHT
All smiles he announces to his wife that he’s been appointed to the 5<sup>th</sup> Circuit Court of Appeals, located in <st1:place w:st=”on”><st1:city w:st=”on”>New Orleans</st1:city></st1:place>. She tells him he’ll be moving there himself. She has the results of the family DNA tests and has discovered he has a grown child out of wedlock (Dianna).
INT. LAW OFFICES – DAY
Danica must prepare for arguments being heard to restrict abortions in the state of LA and she is tapped to argue against this in trial. She learns that the father of her abandoned child (Cyrus) will be the Circuit Appeals Judge hearing the case.
7. Crisis
INT. COURTROOM – DAY
Danica argues passionately in her presentation stating, “Not everyone’s cut out to be a parent. Not everyone SHOULD be a parent… mot every child should be born into a life of pain and suffering – because of physical defects or in want – and yet, life IS sacred… isn’t it?” In her intensely conflicted zealousness she collapses – both mentally and physically.
INT. DANICA’S HOUSE – NIGHT
She goes on a concentrated search for Dianna, the daughter, and using a “23&Me” type genetic app and Google searches, finds her. She contacts Dianna, not disclosing who she is – only a ‘close relative’. She has no idea Dianna already knows who she is; and in the course of email exchanges, the two women agree to meet early one morning.
8. Climax
EXT. <st1:street w:st=”on”><st1:address w:st=”on”>SUBURBAN STREET</st1:address></st1:street> – EARLY MORNING
Dianna gets into her silver sedan driving to the early morning appointment she set to meet her mother. We see a man bending over to get the morning paper from his driveway – we recognize him as Cyrus. She’s momentarily distracted. Brakes Squeal.
Blackout.
9. Resolution
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – DAY
Eyes blink open. The hospital room looks eerily similar to the opening scene.
A TV is on, set to the news. Wincing in pain Danica gets out of bed and walks to a mirror, lifting her gown to reveal a long scar mid-back. She has gotten her transplant, but looks confused. Her daughter, Dianna walks in, smiling, fresh as a daisy. The mother is stunned silent… this is obviously her daughter, as they practically look like sisters. Dianna turns to the TV and raises the volume with the remote. The anchor is reporting on the tragic death of Circuit Appeals Court Judge Cyrus at his home this morning, the only lead a silver sedan seen on the street … if anyone has more information… TV switched off, Dianna turns to her mother, “Well, at least he did one thing right in his life – he signed up as an organ donor.”
-
June Fortunato’s Pass 6 Subplots Day 12 for Retirement
ASSIGNMENT
What I learned: I’d started to think about the subplots but this helped to find places to inject
scenes and moments. Good steps.
———————
1. Identify the subplots that have naturally emerged in your story and tell us the beginning,
middle, and end of each, like I did above with the English Bob subplot.
Subplots for Retirement:
Marilyn is the lady in the dressing room whose car gets ‘borrowed’ by Kim. Because of Kim,
she’s delayed and her dogs freak out and one trips her- breaking her hip. She lands in the
hospital.
Suzy is a nurse who takes care of Roy, Kim and later Marilyn. She connects Roy and Kim with
Marilyn to mind Marilyn’s townhome and pets.
Main conflict: Roy needs to stop running but doesn’t want to do it without Kim.
How can I show Roy’s physical demise?
A. Doctors talk to Suzy and Roy.
B. Suzy tells Marilyn about Roy’s physical condition.
C. Kim tells Marilyn about Roy’s physical condition.
D. Roy collapses on the street. People ignore him because they think he’s high.
Dramatic question: Will Roy find a permanent place and will it be with Kim? Will he stop Kim
from committing suicide and convince her to instead, commit to him?
How can I introduce this world?
A. The apartment and bank rejections.
B. Roy must get caught, robbed, beaten.
C. Kim stares at her parent’s home, tears it up, screams at it.
D. Roy walks all night, sleeps on a park bench.
E. Soup kitchen alone. Soup kitchen with Kim- where they entertain people.
Dilemma: Roy is torn between running with Kim and feeling alive, and surviving/ staying in one
place. “Frankly, I’ve never cared much about money.”
Theme: Forgiveness, denial, trust
How can I set up a reason?
Marilyn has to trust someone. Then she learns that it was Kim who caused all of this
pain- she finds a way to forgive. It changes Kim. To know that she was the one that ruined this
lady’s life- she has to learn to forgive her father- Marilyn tells her that she doesn’t want to be
eaten inside with anger and hate- she knows that forgiveness is the elimination of distraction and
hot, negative emotions. She just wants to be happy and peaceful and find joy. And she suggests
that Kim do this, too.
3. Rewrite the beats of that subplot to add in the new emotion or meaning.
4. Add the improvements to your outline.
Scenes added in orange
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Opening
1) Roy waits for hours outdoors for his girl, Suzy, to calm down/his girl has moved out.
2) Roy enters the empty house – drinks from his stashed booze bottles, and sleeps in a hallway.
3) Landlord & cleaning crew arrive/Roy hides in the bathroom, gathers hidden hand tools,
escapes out of the window and jacks the cleaning crew’s van, which he deliberately smashes into
a WAWA to get a free bed (aka jail) He’s arrested.
4) In jail he protects a teen from the thugs in the cell. They find the food rancid, and together
smash it all over the floor and slide around.
5) Fearful that he’ll be forced to eat it anyway, and knowing that the thugs who share the cell will
pummel him, he stuffs the food into the toilet and clogs it.
6) In the hospital, in traction- his ex, Suzy, who’s a nurse finds him. Her first line is: “There’s the
guy who owes me $1500.” She makes sure that the person who’ll bathe Roy isn’t gentle, but on
the other hand she hooks him up with a pro-bono lawyer.
*6a) Suzy speaks with a legal rep/lawyer. She introduces her to Roy by saying, “This is the
woman who’s going to save your behind.” From there, the lawyer speaks with Roy.
6b) Doctors talk to Suzy and Roy. His condition is failing and he cannot live the rough life
anymore.
Inciting Incident(s) for Roy and Kim Sequence
While: Kim is in the hospital recovering from a bullet wound. She and Roy meet in the hallway.
It’s kismet. Roy decides to stay as long as possible.
7) Roy seeks Kim and overhears Kim in an argument with her father (a high-up muckety muck
in the city) and her father’s wife. They argue that they will deny Kim’s claim that they shot her,
and tell everyone that it was self-inflicted, and get her locked up. Kim is paralyzed with fear
and anger. They have done this before.
Roy interferes by saying that he and Kim are required in physical therapy. He grabs her clothes
and whisks her out. Kim slips away and heads to a restroom. Roy waits a bit, but when the
parents storm out of the room, he diverts them to the OR, stating that Kim collapsed and they
wheeled her out. They follow his directions.
8) Kim slips out of the restroom, fully dressed, grabs someone’s keys from the nurse’s station and
takes off.
9) Later, Roy looks for Kim but she is gone. Instead, he’s confronted by his ex, Suzy, whose keys
were stolen. She searches his room, but he’s clearly unaware of the circumstances. She tells Roy
that she’s hooked him up with a lawyer to help him settle his debts- including the $1500. he owes
her.
10) The court learns that Roy declared himself dead and therefore, he hasn’t been collecting his
SSI, Veteran’s benefits and Medal of Honor pay boost. The amount is significant. The lawyer has
somehow miraculously figured out how to correct that situation- but Roy is indigent, and if he
wants to ‘stay alive’ he has to get a bank account and to do that- a permanent address. His bills
for the van, wawa, hospital and to his ex are paid- but future benefits come with the bank/home
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criteria. He’s also told that his body cannot take the rough life for much longer. Nonetheless, they
are asking him to change who he is- his whole way of being- his identity. That’s a hard nut to
swallow. He’s wheeled back to the hospital, where he looks for Kim but she’s gone.
End of first 10 pages
11) Kim parks the ex’s Suzy’s car in a garage, and heads into a boutique. She chats with an older
woman in the next changing booth-Marilyn- advising on style, etc- and grabs clothes for her
some of which she keeps for herself by slipping them under her street clothes. She also swaps the
woman’s car-park ticket with her own.
12) Kim gets the really nice car and finds good things including a gym pass all of which she
takes.
13) The lady in the dressing room, Marilyn, goes to the car park and gets Suzy’s car instead. She
worries that her pets are home and need to be cared for. Instead, police are called to file a report
and she is greatly delayed.
14) Kim is in a fancy gym/club, sitting by the swimming pool talking loudly to herself.
15) Roy’s ex, Suzy, gets a call that her car was found. Roy’s still in hospital garb and smiles
sweetly.
16) The lady, Marilyn, finally gets home to her townhouse and her pets are frantic. One trips her
so she breaks a hip. While waiting for an ambulance, she calls a neighbor to pet sit but she
worries about the reliability of the kid.
The neighbor teen has an attitude and doesn’t pay attention to Marilyn when she describes what
to do. The teen also might get into trouble- with booze or leaving the place unlocked. Marilyn
feels panicked but doesn’t have much time. She calls the teen’s mom who doesn’t get involved.
Then she’s whisked away by an ambulance. “Lock the door! Please, please feed and pet my dogs
and walk them. “
17.) Kim goes to Marilyn’s car in the gym parking lot and drives it to the city park. There’s a
small cabin near a cliff. She pulls up and stares. There are people inside, so she drives away. She
speaks loudly to herself- and her better self decides to return the car to the car park where she
stole it. “You had your fun, Kim. That lady was nice. She didn’t deserve this any more than you
deserved what happened to you. Put it back.”
She parks and walks away. She enters the stage entrance of a theatre and finds a good place to
hide in the dressing rooms for the night. Later, when the theatre is empty she indulges in the
snack bar food and booze. She finds plays and reads them aloud.
18) Roy is released from the hospital with a reminder to get a bank account/permanent place by 6
weeks time. A box of hot baguettes delivered to the Bellevue hotel catch his eye. He grabs one
before anyone notices. Clean and in the suit given to him for court, he wanders into the Bellevue
hotel and finds his way to an unused apron-type balcony overlooking one of the meeting rooms.
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Excellent. He gets to listen to the meetings, and later, after everyone leaves, to grab food from
the break tables set along the walls. He even gets a couple of bottles of open wine. High times.
19) Kim: The theatre is ‘dark’ as in no shows, so Kim is having a blast dressing in costumes and
reading scripts aloud on the stage- acting all of the parts. When people enter a couple of days
later, she makes a hasty retreat- still wearing an Edwardian costume and grabbing her street
clothes. She passes the car park on her way out and overhears
19a) The car park attendant calls Marilyn. Horribly embarrassed, he says that Marilyn’s car was
there all along. He apologizes profusely. He doesn’t know how that could’ve happened. Then he
turns in his uniform. He’s been fired.
19b) Kim loudly criticizes herself and compares herself to her father, and curses herself- stating
that she’s a horrific person, no better than her father- etc.
Cut back and forth between Roy and Kim’s actions.
20) Roy goes to a bank but can’t get an account.
21) Kim takes a bus to the same place where she drove- the edge of the city park. She stares at
the cabin. There’s a cliff below it. She goes to the edge of the cliff and contemplates. Then she
turns angrily, and
yanks out all of the flowers around the cabin. She smashes a window. She blames them and
vows to be a better person. I will not be like you! Then she gets on a bus and heads back to
center city.
22) Roy tries to secure an apartment but without money to deposit he’s rejected.
When the rental agent leaves, he sneaks in and grabs the firehose, makes a noose and hangs it
outside over the entrance.
End of Act 1
Act II Roy and Kim together
23) Roy returns to the Bellevue to his balcony.
24) The older lady, Marilyn, now in the hospital is taken care of by Roy’s ex., Suzy.
Marilyn asks Suzy to try to call the kid who’s pet sitting. The meds she’s on make her confused,
she thinks. Suzy tries to get through but can’t. Marilyn can’t get info about her pets and is
worried sick. Suzy suggests that Roy might be a mooch, but when it comes to animals, he
would do great. Let him pet sit. He’s trustworthy. Marilyn says she’d consider giving him a oneday
trial but she needs to meet him. But Marilyn needs someone right now. She fears her dogs
are frantic. Suzy promises to check in after work. Marilyn’s home is very close and on Suzy’s
way home.
25) Kim wanders into the Bellevue and sneaks into a suite when housekeeping exits.
When she leaves the suite, she rigs the door to be able to re-open it.
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26) Roy gets a lovely plate of food from Sunday brunch and heads to a stairwell to enjoy it.
He finds Kim in the same stairwell eating and they connect. They compare food choices and he
gallantly offers her a napkin, etc. Afterwards, Kim invites Roy to her suite. It’s riskier than the
balcony, but a lot more comfortable. Plus, there’s a mini bar.
They share stories but are platonic.
27) Roy and Kim brainstorm places to mooch/freeload and try to outdo each other. They make a
list of pros and cons and then a bucket list for the two of them: a spin the bottle game. This is an
emotional breakthrough. Neither of them has had this kind of buddy- ever or maybe as a child.
Kim calls for room service for the room across the hall. When the people from across the hall
leave she catches the door and stays there until room service arrives. Then she rolls it back to her
suite and she and Roy have another feast. Later, lux baths and they sleep in beautiful beds.
27a) Suzy stops by Marilyn’s house. The door is unlocked, the place is a disaster- the kid had a
party- and the dogs are freaked. She calls her nurses’ station and leaves the message that she’s in
the house and will take care of everything. Then she gets busy with the pups and then cleaning
up the hellhole.
28) Roy and Kim can’t stay anywhere too long. They head on a ‘free’ casino bus to Atlantic city.
On the way, they stop at an animal refuge where Kim has volunteered. Here she learns what a
softie Roy is for animals. They beg a meal, and a night’s stay, and the next day get a ride to
Atlantic City.
28a) While Suzy is finishing cleaning the house, the teen shows up with a pile of friends. Suzy
commands the keys, and boots them out. Don’t come back here – nasty abusers. Exhausted, she
tries to get ahold of Roy but his phone goes to message. Then she leaves a message for Marilynshe’ll
stay overnight with the pets and talk to Marilyn tomorrow.
30) Roy and Kim are in Atlantic City and go to a carnival there. It’s a blast. They sneak onto
rides, into fun houses and steal food.
But when Roy sees a family- something about them triggers him to melt down- PTSD- he’s
distraught. He goes wild, jumps onto a stage, drags Kim onto the stage with him- it’s a horrific
scene. People haul him off and drag him into a holding room- where Kim stays with him and
sings to him, whispers to him, calms him. He reveals part of his past. She tells him that she
knows he’s a good man. Kim shows Roy love that neither he nor she has ever felt. She brings
him joy and with her, Roy later comes to believe that they can take on the world. She helps but
also triggers these things, and she stays by him until she pulls him out of it. Roy lets slip that
he’s smitten with Kim and wants to stay with her but his time is running out. Instead of just
disappearing, she flatly refuses. He’s heartbroken, but then again, he always felt that he was
shit, not worth the air he breathes.
His facing the past, his fear and abject self loathing resonates with Kim so she disappears when it
gets too close to her own trauma for comfort.
When police arrive, she talks to them outside of the room, and then when she convinces them
that Roy’s OK, and she leaves.
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31) Roy wanders the beach looking for Kim. Finally, he catches the casino bus back to
Philadelphia CC, and intends to go back to the Bellevue balcony. On the way there, he sees
Suzy, who’s anxious to release herself from pet sitting, so she takes him to meet Marilyn.
32) Roy and Marilyn hit it off but Roy is unsure that he’s actually ready to commit. Suzy takes
her lunch hour to show Roy the place and the ropes. Roy takes to the dogs instantly. Suzy videos
him with the dogs. Suzy returns with Roy to the hospital- they show Marilyn the video and
Marilyn is convinced that Roy will be OK. Suzy & Marilyn asks him to give it a try for a
couple of days. Why are you being so nice? Because I don’t want your sorry ass in my house
anymore. Get it together, Roy.
33) Kim, having slept in a meeting room closet in Atlantic City, returns to the Bellevue. She
looks for Roy on his balcony but he’s no longer there. She takes up his old residence on the
balcony.
Act II mid-point sequence
Roy starts a progression of scenes where he slowly comes to terms with his past.
34) Roy sits alone with the dogs. He stares. He’s not sure he likes this new life.
35) Kim goes to the hospital and asks if Roy was admitted. She finds her way up to talk to Suzy,
whom she knows Roy used to be with. This peaks Suzy’s curiosity no end. But she’s tightlipped
about Roy. On the way out, Kim sees Marilyn and stops by her doorway. Marilyn recognizes her
from the dressing room and asks this nice girl to visit. Kim enters. She feels great remorse about
the car but she knows that she escaped blame. Marilyn and Kim hit it off. Marilyn says that a
man named Roy is taking care of her pets but if anything happens, maybe you can do it- because
I’ll be here for 6 weeks…. “I knew you were a nice girl” makes Kim weep and she makes her
excuse to leave.
36) Roy walks the dogs and then carefully stows them in the house- well fed and loved. Then he
goes out walking. He eventually sleeps on a park bench for the night. When he rises the next
morning, a film crew is setting up near the park. He investigates and weasels his way onto the
set- they think that he works with them. He eats breakfast, then heads out to take care of the
dogs.
37) After taking care of the dogs, Roy sits staring once again. He jumps up, goes to the hospital
and hands Suzy Marilyn’s keys. Now Suzy is stuck with petsitting again. Marilyn suggests KIm.
But who knows how to get ahold of Kim? Roy goes to the film set.
38) EXT. FILM SET Roy weasels his way onto a film set and works as a Pyro Technician. The
crew
think he’s one of them. He sleeps in the honeywagon, eats the food, gets clothes from the
costumer and actually earns his way until payday, when he can’t get paid. The unions are pissed
off. His supervisor and pals who like him, give him some cash but he must leave. On his way
out, he sets pyro under the union boss’ trailer.
39) The explosion can be heard in the hospital.
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40) Roy wanders. He’s looking for Kim.
Second turn-end of act 2: Roy longs for Kim.
40) Kim is at the cabin near the cliffs again. This time, she peers into the windows. Empty. She
unlocks the door and enters. She takes a shower, changes clothes which fit her, and when she
leaves, she breaks as many ceramic and glass items as she can. Then she relocks the door and
gets on a bus.
Act 3
41) INT. DEPARTMENT STORE -DAY
Roy finally discovers Kim shoplifting. He’s thrilled. She shows him how to do it- They even
shoplift sandwiches- wine. They go up to the top of city hall and look over the city and have a
picnic.
Roy tells her about the pet sit. Kim explains that she’s the ‘bitch’ who caused Marylin’s mess-
Roy and Kin bond. Roy discloses secrets. Kim just a little.
And sleep in the city hall tower- overlooking the city and holding each other tight. It’s brilliant,
and they kiss for the first time. Kim can’t face her demons, so she leaves in the night.
When Roy wakes, freezing up there, His heart is broken all over again but this time, he suspects
that she doesn’t want to do this life without him, either.
41a) On his way back to the hospital, Roy collapses on the street. People ignore him because
they just think he’s high. He leans against a building and bawls.
42) Roy returns to the hospital to get the petsitting gig again. At this point, Marilyn has heard
that Kim and Roy are probably an item, and this time insists that he and Kim take care of her
dogs and home together.
43) Roy goes to Marilyn’s house and walks the dogs. He sneaks them into the hospital to see
Marilyn.
44) Meanwhile. Kim has thought about the petsitting gig and goes to see Marilyn. Roy is there.
The tour sequence
Roy and Kim trade favorite mooch places while checking in with the dogs and Marilyn. They
spend a night at the theatre, a night at the Bellevue, a night at the four seasons, etc, and make the
rounds. They even spend a night under the pipe organ in the old wannamaker department store,
and at longwood gardens under the banana trees. But each time, they take care of Marilyn’s dogs,
they sneak the dogs in to see Marilyn- they visit the cabin on the cliff. Kim tells him that this is
where she intends to commit suicide.
Kim does Marilyn’s hair and paints her nails and brings her clothes- And for fun, they shoplift,
sneak into the new AMC movie complex, and so on. Little by little, Roy reveals his past.
Roy knows that Kim’s dark secrets lie in that cabin on the cliff. She has told him that she intends
to commit suicide there. Often they are separate as Kim disappears.
INT. HOSPITAL- DAY
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Roy and Kim meet at the hospital daily. More visits with the lady in the hospital and sneaking
the pets in. Roy has taken on the commitment and he’s getting better at it.
Marilyn makes a deal that if they promise to stay together, she’ll consider leaving her house and
pets to them in her will. She doesn’t want the government or her nasty nephew and niece in law
to take her house anyway.
While at the hospital, Suzy tells them that Marilyn is being moved to hospice. No pets. The
nurses in hospice discourage pets because it lengthens people’s lives.
INT. BELLEVUE SUITE- NIGHT
On a lark, the two crash the Bellevue hotel suite because, well, having a permanent place is so
unsexy for Kim. They’ve snuck the pets in, too. At one point, they grab food, also for the pets,
bottles of champagne- etc.
While Roy is scouting food, Kim finds Roy’s medal of honor tucked into an old towel,
and learns that Roy saved his fellow soldiers in war.
Roy finally gives up his past- why he lives this life; why he acts this way. It’s because,
finally, despite the fact that Kim’s so elusive, he trusts her. She has his heart. But she won’t
commit, goddamn it, she won’t commit and life isn’t worth living without her.
She slips away once again. The hotel just isn’t fun without her.
EXT. TOWNHOUSE – NIGHT
When he gets to the townhouse, he’s locked out. The woman’s niece in law has taken over
ownership. Roy and Kim have somehow lost the pet sit house.
7. Crisis: The clock is nearly run out. Roy has lost everything. Roy can’t find a place, can’t find
Kim and can’t figure it out alone anymore. Without Kim, too, life is not worth breathing. He
decides to follow a plan they discussed, and jump to his death near her family’s cliffside cabin.
8. Climax:
EXT. CLIFFSIDE CABIN
ROY is at the cliff. He is about to jump, and Kim appears. Instead of doing a “Thelma and
Louise”, when Kim catches Roy contemplating suicide she finally tells her truth. He convinces
Kim that he has a plan to make her happy and they both pull each other away from the brink.
Fiercely empathetic, Roy, a pyro guy, blows up the cabin on the cliff which houses the dark
events of Kim’s past and his own. They both weep cathartically at the sight.
Roy begs Kim to give him a chance at life. He says that he will try, every day, to forgive himself.
He promises to be patient and accept her in every way.
Roy has a plan to stay mischievous. “Settle down” does not mean to ‘settle” Roy promises an
exciting and mischievous life for Kim and begs her to share his life.
9. Resolution:
INT. COURTROOM- DAY
to Post 2022 0228 Day 12 pass 6 subplots
9
Roy and Kim win the legal right to the housesit and put their names on the address. The lady
from the hospice is there.
INT. HOSPICE- DAY
Back at the hospice, they promise the lady that they will take care of her pet babies and home.
Roy keeps Kim’s life happy with pretend mooching and lots of smooching. He will pre-pay
everything and make her believe that they’re getting over on people and she suspends her
disbelief to play the life game with him. They visit the lady throughout her last days.
The lady feels so good on some days, that she thinks she may even move back to the house
and live with them. Which, in the last seconds of the film, makes Roy and Kim look at each
other and you know what they’re thinking: “Uh Oh. Gotta go.”
Concept
* Crazyass Roy can get his SSI and vet’s benefits, but only if he stops running and gets a
permanent place to live. Just when he almost convinces himself to do that, he’s smitten with
Kim- a smart and sassy moocher who loves him, too, but can’t stop to face her own dark past.
– Protagonist Goal- Roy 60s
*To get his god given SSI and Veterans benefits and have a choice to live as he wishes- but since
he can’t do that- to find a permanent address so that he can get his benefits. After he meets Kim,
to get Kim to be the permanent home for his heart. To stop her from committing suicide.
– Protagonist Goal- Kim 50s
To find every way possible to damage her parents’ reputation- those ‘good people’ by insuring
that with every action- others know whose daughter she is – to live wild and never give her
parents what they wanted- And when she meets Roy- to gain an ally to do outrageous things- to
have as much fun as possible and to make him promise that when she commits suicide, they
know it was because of her parents.
– Protagonist Character Arc: Roy
* A runaway freight train- a man who lives rough; plows through life and avoids being fully
human… a charming super moocher who can’t work for long because he expects himself to fail –
a man afraid to tell anyone who he really is
to
A man who comes to terms and who finds the strength to accept himself- a willingness to finally
learn to live, to love and to hope.
– Protagonist Character Arc: Kim
A woman on the edge who’s so deeply wounded and insecure that she carries on loud
conversations with herself – the bold “self” announces to the world how strong she is- and that
strong persona pushes her to take monumental risks- to spite herself- to do herself damage- she
aches to be stable but cannot stop shouting against her painto
A woman who knows that she can have true security, really can give her trust, and is coming
together, to become what she should have been all along.
– Main Conflict: Roy
Time is limited- can’t get a place without money and can’t get money without his place- Kim
won’t go along so what’s the point of going on anyway? But he’s got to convince her because her
goal is wrong.
-
Cameron Martin’s Pass #6: Subplots with Meaning
What I’ve learned doing this assignment is…First, to watch a movie and look for the skills used in reference to the assignment. For this one, I watched PREDATOR, and searched for the subplots in that film. I picked PREDATOR because I hadn’t seen it yet, and because I was at least aware it was a contained movie, meaning the opportunity for subplots would be more restricted. This was helpful as it showed another way subplot could be used through the previous mission plot line, where we see a squad of green berets that were skinned and left hanging. They’re brought up a handful more times throughout the story as an ominous message of what’s to face our protagonist. It’s extremely simple compared to what the lesson referenced in UNFORGIVEN, but it showed what you can do with just a little. There’re a couple of others that add a touch of flavor to the characters and the overall story, but the Green Berets had a different feel. Also, the other thing I’ve learned doing this assignment is how to expand concepts from the previous assignments (notably Theme and Action/Reaction) through creating subplots. My concept OPEN WIDE especially benefited from this in making the world feel more real, and really taking the simple relationship between a father and son and showing how society is included in that same relationship of using force versus communication and respect with getting to an end result. In addition, it helped another logic problem with POSSESSING EDEN, as well as made the relationship between The Dad and The Kid in GRAND THEFT ROAD TRIP much more interesting, as it gives them something to both fight about and relate to throughout the narrative.
OPEN WIDE
Subplot #1: The Parent and the infected child (What will happen to Sully and Isaiah if they escape off world?)
Beginning (Setup) – Parents and teenage boy are hustled into bunker. Something’s suspicious about them, but the parents insist and are allowed in with their child.
Middle (Tie In/Question to Protagonist) – Teenager’s mouth opens wide enough to break the jaw and tear the lining of his outer mouth, as he’s coughing and vomiting up blood.
End (Payoff/Warning to Protagonist) – The next time we see the family, it’s when Sully infiltrates the bunker, and everyone’s infected and blood thirsty.
Subplot #2: The Conscripts (Edicts are the answer)
Beginning (Setup) – Passengers aboard a spaceship on their way to another colony are woken up by an alert. Their voyage is redirected to Sully’s colony to contain the parasites.
Middle (Tie In/Question to Protagonist) – The civilian passengers don’t want to be conscripted to fight aliens, and a handful of them protest.
End (Payoff/Warning to Protagonist) – The protestors are publicly executed, and the remaining passengers are warned they can die now, or fight the aliens to contain the spread and possibly survive.
Subplot #3: Disregarded Warnings
Beginning (Setup): Sully finds another resident who didn’t make it to the bunker.
Middle (Tie in/Question to Protagonist): Other resident was a spy, performing coverup operations before getting infected. He was responsible for covering up the Hegemony’s involvement with the alien outbreaks.
End (Payoff/Warning to Protagonist) – The Spy reveals he didn’t make it to the bunker because he’s been infected, and has to die for the sake of containing the spread. He tells Sully no one’s getting out of the colony alive.
Plot in Structure:
1. Opening: Sully works on a project for his superiors while wrangling a child adamant on drawing as much attention as possible, until Sully explodes on the child.
INT. APARTMENT – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
(Opening Image) Flash forward of Sully holding his son, Isaiah, who is coughing uncontrollably. Sully apologizes to his son before a shotgun blast is heard.
INT. SPACE COLONY – NEW CONSTRUCTION ZONE – DAY
(Establish the Ordinary World) Establish the space colony on another planet, as we follow Sully working as a master carpenter with a team of other workers.
CONT.
(Theme Stated) Isaiah sneaks into the construction site and asks his dad to spend the day with him. Sully pushes him away, explaining there’s a lot of work he has to do.
CONT.
(Set Up) Isaiah plays pranks on his dad, eventually putting the construction site at risk, and nearly hurting a number of workers.
CONT.
(Call to Adventure and the Denial of that Call) Sully explodes on Isaiah in front of everyone. Isaiah runs away.
INT. CONSTRUCTION ZONE – MANAGER’S OFFICE – DAY
(Meeting with the Mentor) Sully talks with his boss in a meeting about his son, promising to get his son under control.
2. Inciting Incident: An alarm goes off, warning the colonists to gather in a bunker to wait out an infestation of parasitic alien worms until liquidators can arrive to exterminate the worms, but Sully can’t find his child before the bunker closes shut.
CONT.
(Catalyst) Alarm goes off warning of Aliens.
INT. SPACE COLONY – VARIOUS – DAY
Everyone is moving in a rapid but orderly manner, except Sully who’s fighting against the crowd to get to his son.
INT. BUNKER – DAY
Family of three argue to get their teenage son, who’s looking sick, into the bunker with them.
INT. SULLY’S APARTMENT – DAY
(Debate) Sully searches for his son high and low, but each time he gets close, Isaiah runs away. Sully promises reward for Isaiah, who ignores the temptation.
INT. BUNKER – DAY
Family of three make it into the bunker and start looking for medical supplies.
INT. SULLY’S APARTMENT – DAY
(Acceptance of the Call) Sully is able to coax Isaiah out of hiding by apologizing for his earlier outburst, and they both run to the bunker.
INT. BUNKER – DAY
Teenager gets very sick, and his compulsive coughing and vomiting cracks his jaw and tears the seams of his mouth.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about: Sully and his son have to find a way to survive together.
INT. SPACE COLONY HALLWAYS/BUNKER – NIGHT
Sully picks up Isaiah and runs with him, but Isaiah wants to run on his own. Sully resists this, promising Isaiah can run to his hearts content in the Bunker.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1: Sully joins up with a mysterious man who also didn’t make it to the bunker, and must fight off hostile aliens.
CONT.
(Crossing the Threshold with a minor sacrifice) Sully and Isaiah get to the bunker too late. It’s sealed shut. They’re stuck on the outside with the aliens.
INT. SPACE COLONY HALLWAYS/LIVING QUARTERS – NIGHT
(First Trial/Forging Allies) Sully physically restrains Isaiah, who doesn’t want to be carried anymore. An alien host pursues them.
CONT.
Sully runs with Isaiah in tow, and manages to lock the alien behind a door.
CONT.
More aliens pursue them. Another man who didn’t make it to the bunker offers aid.
CONT.
The mysterious man takes Sully and Isaiah to another room where he believes they can fortify their position and prepare for the worst to come.
CONT.
Isaiah starts kicking and screaming, drawing the attention of aliens and alien hosts.
INT. LIVING QUARTERS – NIGHT
Sully pins Isaiah to the floor behind a counter and covers his mouth, begging him to stay quiet while he drags him to a corner room. Isaiah starts hitting and crying.
CONT.
Aliens rush in.
CONT.
Sully locks door to corner room and mysterious man goes to work crafting a weapon, while Isaiah yells at Sully.
CONT.
(Second Trial/Escaping Death with a moderate sacrifice) Mysterious man teaches Sully to makeshift a weapon, and the two fight off the first wave of hostile aliens. Isaiah wants to help, but Sully refuses harshly.
CONT.
In retaliation, Isaiah picks up a weapon. Sully tries to get the weapon back, but Isaiah swings the weapon at him. Sully threatens Isaiah, which leads to Isaiah giving up the weapon.
CONT.
Sully and mysterious man fortify apartment, while Isaiah sulks in the corner. Mysterious Man introduces himself as an agent for the Hegemony, and warns that they’re going to die, regardless of what they do.
INT. SPACE SHIP – CRYO-BUNKS
A passenger wakes up to an alert, along with the rest of the ship. The passenger is a foreigner among a crew that speaks a different language.
INT. SPACE SHIP – LUNCH HALL
The passenger learns with the rest of the ship that they’re voyage has been redirected, and that the passengers are now conscripts to wipe out an alien parasite outbreak.
INT. LIVING QUARTERS – NIGHT
Sully asks why the spy helped them if he’s with the Hegemony and they’re going to die anyways. The spy explains that he’s making peace with GOD, as he was there to cover up the Hegemony’s involvement with the escalating outbreaks of aliens.
INT. SPACE SHIP – HANGER
The passengers are equipped with 3-D printed weapons that have one short range round. The passenger we’ve followed takes a stand, and other passengers join in the protest.
INT. LIVING QUARTERS – NIGHT
Sully asks why the spy isn’t in the bunker, and the spy finally reveals that he’s infected, and can’t sabotage the sanctity of the bunker. The spy takes a lethal injection that kills him.
INT. SPACE SHIP – HANGER
The protestors are publicly executed as an example for anyone who’s unwilling to follow the orders.
INT. LIVING QUARTERS – NIGHT
(Reaping the reward) Sully discovers a way inside the bunker by reviewing schematics.
INT. SPACE COLONY LIVING QUARTERS/HALLWAYS – NIGHT
(Approach to the Inner Cave/Gaining Confidence) Sully locks Isaiah in a closet to keep him safe while he ventures out alone to find out if the schematics are correct. He apologizes but insists it’s for his own good.
5. Mid-Point: Sully reaches the bunker but discovers all the residents were infected and are now monsters. Sully’s child is able to save him after breaking out of his confinement, but gets infected as a brood mother as a result.
INT. SPACE COLONY HALLWAYS/BUNKER – NIGHT
(Midpoint/Moment of Death and Rebirth) Sully discovers he wasn’t the only one who found a way into the bunker when all of the residents are found to be infected, including the teenager and his family.
INT. SPACE COLONY LIVING QUARTERS – NIGHT
Isaiah is able to find a way out of his confinement and track down his dad.
INT. SPACE COLONY HALLWAYS/BUNKER – NIGHT
Isaiah is able to save his dad at the last moment, and the two escape through the vents.
INT. VENTS
Isaiah insists on a different way from his Dad. Sully drags Isaiah in the direction he believes they need to go.
CONT.
(Securing the Macguffin or Refusing Temptation) The two come across an alien spore launcher that infects Isaiah.
INT. SPACE COLONY LIVING QUARTERS – NIGHT
Dad asks Isaiah why he ever left the safety of the closet he was locked in. Isaiah cries and hits himself.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2: The liquidators arrive to kill the infected and any survivors, but Sully and his son find a way to sneak onto the liquidator’s vessel to get back to earth.
INT/EXT. SPACE COLONY – NIGHT
(Bad Guys Close In) Times up. The Liquidators arrive in force to exterminate the alien threat and any infected.
INT. SPACE COLONY LIVING QUARTERS – NIGHT
(All is Lost) Sully carries Isaiah to another room before Liquidators burst into the room they were just in. Isaiah starts to cough
CONT.
Sully tells Isaiah to resist the need to cough, but he can’t help it, drawing the attention of more aliens to kill, along with liquidators. Sully tries covering Isaiah’s mouth with a rag and searches for cough suppressants, but the coughing gets worse.
CONT.
(Dark Night of the Soul) Sully apologizes to his son, who’s trying his best to resist the need to cough, while the two are surrounded by aliens and liquidators alike.
CONT.
(Prepare for Battle/Macguffin comes into play) Sully asks his son for help to sneak the both of them into the Liquidator’s ship to get to a medical bay.
INT. SPACE COLONY HALLWAYS AND HIDEAWAYS) – NIGHT
(Execution of Plan A) Isaiah sneaks Sully around the carnage surrounding them.
CONT.
Liquidators break through one wall, finding the two. Sully and Isaiah make a break for it, narrowly escaping.
CONT.
Liquidators pursue, but Sully releases one of the Aliens he locked up earlier.
INT. LIQUIDATOR VESSEL – NIGHT
(False Victory) Sully and Isaiah make it to the ship! They immediately go into hiding again.
7. Crisis: Sully and his son are caught, and they fight through hell to stay alive and get to a medical bay.
INT. LIQUIDATOR VESSEL – NIGHT
(Falling into the Trap) Sully and Isaiah are found out due to Isaiah’s coughing that’s getting worse. Liquidators swarm in force.
CONT.
(Opponent’s Victory at Hand) Sully and Isaiah evade and run like hell to the Medical Bay.
8. Climax: Sully seals himself and his son in the medical bay and they work together to extract the parasites within him before they hatch.
INT. LIQUIDATOR VESSEL/MEDICAL BAY – NIGHT
(Hero Goes Alone/Last Ditch Effort) They make it to the medical bay and lock themselves inside. Sully gets as many supplies out as he can.
CONT.
Isaiah asks how he can help, and Sully describes what he’s looking for.
CONT.
Sully finds everything he needs, but before he can operate, Isaiah demands that he be the one to give the instructions.
CONT.
(Final Battle/Greatest Sacrifice) Sully complies, giving Isaiah pointers on what instructions to give Sully, and the two work together to extract the alien eggs in Isaiah’s chest.
CONT.
The extracted eggs start to hatch.
CONT.
Sully kills the hatching eggs.
9. Resolution: Sully and his son save themselves, forming a closer relationship than either could’ve imagined after the torture they endured together.
INT. LIQUIDATOR VESSEL/MEDICAL BAY – NIGHT
(Self-Revelation/Realizing or Damning the Soul) Sully saves his son, with his son’s help, just in time.
(Closing Image) Father and Son embracing.
POSSESSING EDEN
Subplot #1: Adam’s Copies
Beginning (Setup) – Adam duplicates himself, just like we saw Janus do, but because he’s not in a physical form, he doesn’t need a host body. The two sides argue with one another over how best to handle Janus leaving. The more vengeful copy kills the more merciful copy.
Middle (Tie In/Question to Protagonist) – Adam duplicates himself again, this time with one of his children in the same room. Again, one of the duplicates dominates and kills the other along with the progeny.
End (Payoff/Warning to Protagonist) – Adam duplicates himself a third time to kill Janus. After Janus is able to heal and merge with her copy, however, she helps one of Adam’s duplicates to heal and merge with Adam, ending the self destructive cycle.
Subplot #2: Calvex the Shepherd (Teaching Janus how to heal)
Beginning (Setup) – Calvex the Mute unleashes his power in the form of an augmented voice box, which controls the machines in the underworld, similar to the power Janus has in the form of possession.
Middle (Tie In/Question to Protagonist) – Calvex’s ability to hack is different from Janus’ and is revealed through action. Where Janus outright takes over the host, and even wraps their body around her as a shield, Calvex’s voice affectively provides code for the robot to accept and repair themselves with, creating a mutual bond between shepherd and machine.
End (Payoff/Warning to Protagonist) – Calvex’s voice is unable to work on Copy, and he ultimately dies without helping Copy or Janus heal their code, implying the host has to be accepting of change and growth in order to heal damaged code. This will be Janus’ fight with herself (learning to be willing to heal herself) then again with Adam who’s code is so damaged over repeated killings of his duplicates, he may be too far gone to accept change.
Plot in Structure:
1. (Active) Opening – Janus saves a helpless boy, Pan, from a raging robot at the intersection of the upper floors of a massive nine story tower and the underworld (the lower nine floors), and takes the boy to her creator, Adam, to give the boy eternal life.
INT. RUINED LOBBY
We open on the first floor of a massive nine story high rise. It’s a dark, maze-like ruin with holes in the wall that weave from one room to another, along with what appear to be grave sites toppled on top of each other. There, a child, Pan, hides in the shadows from a mechanical being that just killed both of his parents. Janus, an android with the ability to “possess” different machines, protects and saves Pan from the killer robot.
Note-Possessing means she not only hacks the machine, but penetrates it and wraps the armor of the robot around her, like a cyberpunk version of a ghost going inside of and possessing a person.
CONT.
Pan is missing a chip in his neck, something he needs to be admitted through the Afterlife Protocol. Pan is from the underworld, where they can’t be reincarnated or have everlasting life, and was crossing the border between the underworld and the upper nine floors with his family when they were attacked.
INT. ELEVATOR / TOP FLOOR PENTHOUSE
Janus takes him to her creator, Adam, to ensure the promise of eternal life.
INT. VOID
Adam, in a sermon to people plugged into a virtual meeting, recounts a story of how he constructed the tower as a last bastion of mankind and created Guardian Angels, like Janus, in his image, so that they would have dominion over the world.
INT. STAIRWELL
Janus competes in a game with her siblings to test their skill in protecting the first 9 floors from the forces of the underworld: the bottom 9 floors that live underground in rebellion. Janus wins with Adam watching.
CONT.
Adam invites Janus to a revelation of a power she didn’t know she had.
2. Inciting Incident – As Adam’s favorite child, Janus is taught to create a copy of herself under his guidance, but, unbeknownst to her in doing so, she also kills Pan, whose body was needed to create the copy.
INT. TOP FLOOR PENTHOUSE
Adam teaches Janus to duplicate herself. It is an act that relies on deleting the consciousness of the host, in order to use their body. However, Janus performs this act without being told that duplicating herself would bring a permanent end to the host, Pan, in a world where death should be impossible.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about. – Janus, with the help of her Copy, plans to steal Adam’s code that allowed her to be made, and venture into the underworld to use said code in order to resurrect her victim.
INT. JANUS’ ROOM
Janus, distraught, refuses to believe she can’t bring Pan back to life. She makes a plan with her Copy to resurrect Pan.
Together, they’ll steal the code Adam used to create her and her siblings. Next, they’ll venture to the source of the Nexus, the platform for the Afterlife Protocol, deep inside the underworld. Together, they plan to merge the code with the Copy’s body, which was the victim’s body, hoping the combination of latent data within said body and Adam’s code will bring the individual back to life again, essentially rewriting the information that once made up the consciousness of the individual.
INT. TOP FLOOR MAINFRAME
Janus, with the help of her double, breaks into Adam’s personal library to steal the code.
INT. STAIRWELL
Janus and Copy evade Janus’ siblings on their way down the first 9 floors, refusing to fight them.
INT. LOBBY
Adam begs Janus not to go, offering absolution in the form of erasing hers and everyone else’s memory of the victim so that no guilt can be felt or placed.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1 – Janus rejects Adam’s offer of absolution, which is just erasing people’s memories, and abandons the upper floors to descend into the underworld, which prompts Adam to split into multiple versions of himself who all fight each other for supremacy, with the most vengeful of Adam’s copies winning and setting his sights on destroying his own creation.
INT. LOBBY
Janus apologizes to Adam, promising to return as soon as she brings Pan back. Janus and her Copy then cross into the Underworld, taking a risk based on Janus’ own developing morality, instead of opting for the easy way offered by her creator.
INT. VOID
Adam addresses humanity and ostracizes Janus as a fallen angel and demon who must be stopped.
INT. PENTHOUSE
In private, Adam splits into two different versions of himself. One side argues Janus should be shown the love a daughter deserves. The other half argues Janus refused the power and knowledge she possesses, and that it is the same as refusing him, since she was made to be like him. In the second version’s mind, he was first rejected by his creator long ago. Now, he’s being rejected by his own progeny. The two halves fight, one for Janus and the other for his pride. The prideful half kills the loving half.
INT. HIDEOUT
Adam sells Janus out to a group a slavers: The first part of a trap. When the slavers ask Adam why, he offers them the question of how many Adam’s they think there are, showing his hand that the version they’re conversing with may be unique to the one the underworld is familiar with.
INT. UNDERWORLD – SECOND FLOOR
Copy guilts Janus and takes the lead.
CONT.
Janus and Copy confront cyborg slavers and are captured. Copy questions Janus’ motives and leadership, and the schism between the two first appears.
INT. UNDERWORLD – THIRD FLOOR – PRISON CELLS
Janus and Copy meet Calvex, a mute gladiatorial slave. He agrees to help them out of the Arena and guide them through the underworld, if they can rescue him from the Lightning Run and bring him his “voice.” Copy doesn’t agree with this plan, as Calvex is an underworlder, and aligning with him would contradict their faith in Adam. “Two wrongs can’t make a right.”
INT. UNDERWORLD – THIRD FLOOR – PIT
Gladiator battle. Janus and her Copy try to recover Calvex’s “Voice,” which is the arena prize. The fight is a way to punish and execute Calvex, who is running the Lightning Run. Calvex must fight electrical impulses to dodge and survive deadly obstacles.
CONT.
Janus secures the Voice, overcoming the gladiator pit’s opponents, and rescues Calvex from the lightning run. But the gladiatorial ring leader, Alrick, uses a shape-shifting, nano bot weapon to mortally damage Janus.
CONT.
Then, a platoon of Adam’s robot sentries enter the ring. The people of the underworld fight back, and it quickly turns into a riot. The sentries reach Janus and tear her apart.
5. Mid-Point – After Janus cheats death and joins forces with Calvex, a guide to the underworld, Copy, who wants Janus to see justice for her actions, makes a plan with Adam to set a trap.
INT. CYBERSPACE
Janus learns she can reincarnate anywhere, since she was given “free will.” She returns to life inside her Copy’s body and shares it with her.
INT. UNDERWORLD – THIRD FLOOR – PIT
Copy resists Janus’ control and pursuit to give Calvex his voice.
CONT.
Janus forced Copy to give Calvex his voice, which allows him to help the two fight through the mayhem, recovering one of Janus’ arms that was torn off, by gaining control of one of the gladiator pit’s mechanized giants and escape with the two Januses.
INT. PENTHOUSE
Adam devises a plan to break Janus by using the family of the person she killed.
CONT.
One of the angels asks Adam why there’s so much effort being put into destroying Janus when she’s trying to bring someone back to life. When the angel doesn’t buy the argument that Janus betrayed them, Adam splits into two different versions of himself again, one that agrees, and another that recontextualizes the argument as sedition and justifies the old testament flooding of the earth. That version of Adam kills both his copy and the angel, his own child.
INT. UNDERWORLD – FIFTH FLOOR
Copy makes a point to Janus that the path she’s on, first leaving the upper floors, then aligning with an Underworlder, and lastly cheating death is a denial of the justice she’s due, and questions whether Janus’ quest to resurrect Pan is actually good for Pan or if it’s just a way for Janus to feel better about herself.
CONT.
Adam links a conversation between Janus and the citizens she once defended. Janus’ Copy stays out of the way and watches Janus feel the full weight of her guilt.
CONT.
Copy reaches out to Adam while Janus and Calvex are asleep, and asks if she may be invited to bring justice to Janus. Adam tells the Copy how to kill the original, explaining that for people like them, killing parts of yourself is necessary to become pure and holy. However, Janus’ will is too strong for Copy to easily win, and a trap will need to be set for Copy’s victory to be assured.
INT. UNDERWORLD – SEVENTH FLOOR – VILLAGE
Janus reaches a village on the seventh floor of the underworld. Janus is thanked by the village for saving Calvex.
CONT.
The original Janus is given a robot surrogate to possess, so that she and her Copy can be in separate bodies again. In addition, the surrogate body is augmented with one of Janus’ original arms that was saved in the gladiator pit, so she can still perform the act of possessing machines and resurrect the person she killed.
INT. UNDERWORLD – SIXTH FLOOR – SHEPHERDING GROUNDS
Cavlex takes the original Janus to his shepherding flock to show what life is like in the underworld, apart from the horrors faced before, and that his people are worth fighting for as well. This is also where his voice is on display and where he shows her how to use her possession technology in the same way as his voice. When Janus questions whether Calvex, an underworlder, is worth listening to, Calvex reassures her quest.
INT. UNDERWORLD – SEVENTH FLOOR – VILLAGE
Copy stays with the village to guard it, and allows the village to be attacked by Adam’s Guardian Angels.
CONT.
Copy hides with another child and gaslights her as her village is being attacked.
CONT.
Calvex and Janus return to the village to stave off the Guardian Angels. Copy pretends to join them and blames Janus for abandoning her and the villagers, just like she abandoned Pan.
INT. UNDERWORLD – EIGHT AND NINTH FLOORS – CONT.
Calvex leads Janus past the 8th floor, and to the 9th floor, which is littered with robotic corpses, like a hundred battles had taken place on this one floor, and no victories were won. Janus tries to bring her victim back to life. It appears to work, but…
INT. UNDERWORLD – NINTH FLOOR
Adam and Copy snap the trap, playing a trick on Janus by heightening the horror of the murder that lead to the creation of the Copy, and preventing the resurrection of Pan. Janus is mentally broken.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2 – Janus, Copy, and Calvex successfully reach the place where they can bring her victim back to life, but the trap laid earlier springs, and Copy ties to kill her counterpart; but when Calvex sacrifices himself to save Janus, she becomes inspired to heal her guilt and merge with her Copy instead of killing it or succumbing to it.
INT. UNDERWORLD – NINTH FLOOR
The Copy attacks Janus. Janus holds her own to defend Calvex, but her copy begins to duplicate herself amongst the dead robots and overwhelm Janus. Meanwhile, Janus refuses to copy herself again due to the guilt associated with the act, and is about to be killed by her dark side.
CONT.
Calvex is able to save Janus at the last moment, but at the cost of his own life.
CONT.
Janus, influenced by Calvex’s sacrifice, is able to move past her guilt, forgiving herself, and begin reducing her Copy’s army until she merges with her Copy, instead of killing her, and becomes a whole person again.
7. Crisis – Janus tries to upload Calvex through the Afterlife Protocol to bring him back, but Adam holds Calvex hostage in the form of digital code, preventing his reincarnation, and declares to Janus he’ll destroy the world and start anew because “that’s what gods do.”
INT. UNDERWORLD – NINTH FLOOR
Janus is able to plug Calvex into the Nexus to try to admit him through the Afterlife Protocol. But a firewall created by Adam prevents her from resurrecting her friend. If Calvex is to be brought back to life, Janus must eliminate her creator, Adam.
INT. UNDERWORLD – SEVENTH FLOOR – VILLAGE
Janus returns to the village to give the bad news and ask for help, promising to bring the people of the underworld the opportunity for eternal life through the Afterlife Protocol.
INT. TOP FLOOR – PENTHOUSE
Adam, upon losing control in the Underworld, sees an Omen.
INT. UNDERWORLD – SEVENTH FLOOR – VILLAGE – COMMS ROOM
He threatens Janus he’ll destroy the world again and start over, “because that’s what gods do.”
8. Climax – Janus, with the help of the underworld, returns to the upper floors and both defeats Adam and resurrects Pan.
INT. UNDERWORLD – MULTIPLE FLOORS
Janus gathers forces in the Underworld to take the upper 9 floors and rid the world of Adam.
INT. STAIRWELL
Together, they fight their way up each of the 9 upper floors. The majority of the force takes on the brunt of the defenses…
INT. VENTS
Meanwhile, Janus leads a separate, smaller party to Adam’s library, where his code is kept.
INT. TOP FLOOR – ENTRANCE
Her siblings intercept her though, and she fights them again under different circumstances. Janus breaks through…
INT. TOP FLOOR – MAINFRAME
Reaching the mainframe and source of Adam’s code. She plugs in and reaches the Nexus, a digital reality where we see the Afterlife Protocol in action.
INT. CYBERSPACE
Adam reveals to Janus that in order to kill him, she would have to erase her and her siblings’ code as well, since all of their code is intertwined with his. Adam offers eternity with Calvex, the man who helped bring her out of depression, in exchange for allowing Adam to rebuild.
Adam cannot destroy the world, because as a computer virus, he’s been contained to the tower. But, Janus and Calvex could live an eternity outside of the tower, where Adam also reveals that the world is much bigger and still full of life; the tower is not the last bastion of mankind as previously taught.
CONT.
Janus chooses a third path upon recognizing her code is intertwined with his. She instead shares her code with Adam’s broken code, and helps him to self-actualize.
9. Resolution – The Afterlife Protocol within The Tower is free again, allowing Calvex, Pan and the others living there to reincarnate and live outside of The Tower, where we see that it is simply one small building in a vast and vibrant city on another planet.
INT. UNDERWORLD – NINTH FLOOR
Pan is resurrected, along with Calvex.
INT/EXT. TOWER – METROPOLIS
The Afterlife Protocol within the tower is free again. People living there are permitted to reincarnate and live outside of the tower, where we see that it is simply one tower in a vast and vibrant city on another planet.
GRAND THEFT ROAD TRIP
Subplot #1: Dad, the retired car thief (Like Father, like Daughter or What happens when you try to run from your problems)
Beginning (Setup) – When the daughter runs from the cops with her dad in the car, Dad hits the breaks, which causes the daughter to pull a maneuver to get her dad off of the breaks, but the dad responds with some driving skills the daughter didn’t know he had. As the two fight for control of the wheel, it’s clear the dad is as skilled a driver as the daughter.
Middle (Tie In/Question to Protagonist) – The dad learns that his daughter commits grand theft auto for a mob boss, the same boss the dad once knew and worked with when he was younger. He escaped from a life of crime and owning up to his past by laying low and safe, only for his daughter to uncover it all by making the same choices he made when he was young. The Dad tries to set his daughter up to hide away, but the Kid resists, first believing times are different than when The Dad ran from the law, and then wanting to get back at The Boss, when he sends a hitman to take her out.
End (Payoff/Warning to Protagonist) – The Dad is finally killed by his former partner.
Subplot #2: The Lieutenant (What happens when you can’t let go or Generational obsession)
Beginning (Setup) – The Lieutenant works on an investigation into a string of car thefts, just like his father and his father’s father. He comes from a line of cops who were absent from their families, obsessed with bring down different criminal underground rings. The Lieutenant talks about this in a marriage counseling session, where his wife and he are having issues due to his lack of involvement or interest in anything but succeeding where the previous generations succeeded.
Middle (Tie In/Question to Protagonist) – The Lieutenant purposefully misses an appointment and ignores his wife’s call while he works the case, affectively pushing his family away just as his father did.
End (Payoff/Warning to Protagonist) – The wife moves out with the kids, leaving The Lieutenant alone in his own house, just like what happened with his dad.
Plot in Structure:
1. (Active) Opening – The Kid breaks into a Lamborghini Countach and takes it on a joyride, evading cops along the way, before leaving it and successfully sneaking into her parent’s house.
INT. GARAGE – LAMBORGHINI COUNTACH – NIGHT
(Opening Image) Kid’s bright eyes, reflecting her innocence and immaturity. She hot wires the car to take it for a spin.
INT. GARAGE – NIGHT
(Establish the Ordinary World) Kid takes the car out slow at first.
EXT. GARAGE / GATE – NIGHT
Kid gets the car as far as the gate of a luxurious estate. She gets caught by the guard, but escapes anyway.
EXT. STREETS – NIGHT
Kid joyrides like it’s a video game, evading cops along the way.
EXT. NEIGHBOR’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Kid parks the car and jumps the fence. Cops swarm neighbor’s house.
EXT. BACKYARDS – NIGHT
Kid parkours across neighbor’s yards.
EXT. DRIVEWAY – NIGHT
Kid hot-wires a sedan. Pulls out of the driveway.
EXT. PARKING LOT – NIGHT
Kid parks the sedan in a parking lot adjacent with another neighbor’s fence.
EXT. HOME BACKYARD / KID’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Follow Kid to their home, a couple houses down from the parking lot.
INT. HOME – NIGHT
Kid sneaks into the house, undetected. She got away with everything…for now.
INT. HOME – DAY
(Theme Stated) Kid goes downstairs in a JROTC uniform. Dad and Kid talk about college choices and a minor speeding ticket – Kid isn’t involved much in the conversation as Dad recounts a story of when he was her age and hid from his parents that he got a speeding ticket, and what kind of trouble he found himself in when they found out. Dad requires Kid to go through a defensive driving course with him.
INT/EXT. DRIVER’S ED CAR
(Set Up) Kid and Dad get into an embarrassing car. Dad tells Kid how to do everything, even though we know Kid can handle a vehicle just fine.
2. Inciting Incident – A cop is able to identify the Kid while she’s on a defensive driving course with her father, and attempts to pull the two over.
INT/EXT. DRIVER’S ED CAR
Kid is identified by a cop based on a camera image from the previous night. Lights go up.
CONT.
Dad tells Kid to pull over. Kid pulls over.
CONT.
Backups arrive suddenly. Cops all get out and draw weapons, making demands to “get out of the car with your hands up!”
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about. – The Kid slams the gas and takes her dad for the ride of his life as she successfully evades law enforcement, with the dad left wondering what happened to his daughter, and how does he get her back.
INT/EXT. DRIVER’S ED CAR
(Call to Adventure and Denial of that Call) Kid makes a split decision, showing her dad that she’s a devil behind the wheel.
CONT.
Dad tries to stop her, and the two fight for control of the vehicle. Dad also reveals that he’s no slouch behind the wheel like The Kid assumed.
CONT.
The Kid wins out and gets away from the cops.
CONT.
(Meeting with the Mentor) Kid confesses to Dad. Kid – “It’s not my fault.” Dad – “Where did I go wrong?” Showing difference in mindset between the two and what each has to figure out for the story.
INT. POLICE STATION – DAY
Lieutenant works on a case involving The Boss. Catches word of the Kid and requests a profile on her, before he gets a ring notifying him he’s late for a counseling session.
INT. COUNSELOR’S OFFICE – DAY
The Lieutenant and his wife sit next to each other on a couch. The therapist asks questions to help the two resolve their marital issues, and we learn that The Lieutenant’s father was obsessed with his work in solving a big case, and that it lead to him leaving him and his family.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1 – The Dad chooses to go with his daughter, instead of turning her into the cops, so that he can mend the relationship he didn’t know was broken.
EXT. GAS STATION – DAY
(Catalyst) Car is almost out of gas/Kid is forced to finally stop at a gas station. Mom calls Dad and reveals the two are on TV and wanted, wants to know what’s going on.
INT. DRIVER’S ED CAR
(Debate) Dad discusses with mom whether to turn in daughter or not, and reveals he has to get her in hiding because of he knows whom she worked for.
CONT.
(Acceptance of the Call) Dad hangs up, and explains to the Kid that he used to steal cars in his youth, and that the Boss she worked for was an old partner of his, and that she has to go into hiding, just like he did.
INT. MOB BOSS’ OFFICE – DAY
(Crossing the Threshold with a minor Sacrifice) Kid and Dad appear on TV. Gate Guard confirms that the Kid on TV is the same one that stole the Mob Boss’ prized Countach, and that The Dad is his old partner. It’s personal, as he sends a crew to pick them up.
EXT. HOLE-IN-THE-WALL DINER – DAY
Kid parks wanted car in lot behind diner.
INT. HOLE-IN-THE-WALL DINER / ADJACENT CORNER STORE – DAY
(First Trial/Forging Allies) Kid takes Dad to a fence next door to the diner they used to frequent when they were younger. The fence hooks them up with disguises and helps them pickpocket the car keys off a patron.
CONT.
Kid and Dad get dressed in new clothes and disguises.
CONT.
Dad reminisces about diner being a favorite of theirs growing up. The two argue about hiding versus going to The Boss for help. The Kid thinks her Boss will help them, while The Dad knows better.
EXT/INT. HOLE-IN-THE-WALL-DINER / ADJACENT CORNER STORE – DAY
(Second Trial/Escaping Death with a moderate Sacrifice) Lieutenant catches up with Kid and Dad, wanting to ask some questions. The Kid is able to hide and escape, while the Dad speaks with the Lieutenant. Kid catches sight of her crew entering the building, and cops on the outside.
CONT.
Kid goes to join her crew, but Dad catches her and tries to run away with her.
CONT.
Kid grabs Dad and avoids the crossfire between The Crew and the cops on their way out of the diner.
CONT.
(Reaping the Reward) Kid pulls out in someone’s Civic Type-R, outrunning everyone.
CONT.
The Dad and The Kid argue about hiding versus going to The Boss, this time with The Kid arguing they should go after The Boss. The Dad convinces The Kid to drive outside of town.
5. Mid-Point – The Boss puts a hit on The Kid and The Dad.
INT. INTERROGATION ROOM
The fence is brought in for questioning and killed by the Mob Boss.
CONT.
Boss sets up a bounty on the Kid and the Dad, meeting with a hitman.
INT. POLICE STATION – DAY
Lieutenant tries every piece of evidence to find his leads, getting another phone call advising he’s late for a counseling session. He hangs up.
EXT. MIDDLE SCHOOL GROUNDS – NIGHT
(Approach to the Inner Cave/Gaining Confidence) Kid and Dad flee to the Kid’s old school outside of town to hide out.
CONT.
(Midpoint/Moment of Death and Rebirth) “This is where it happened.” Kid reveals to Dad she was abused at school by classmates while teachers and admins looked the other way.
CONT.
(Securing the Maguffin or Refusing Temptation) Dad and Kid connect on the need to control their lives to avoid previous tragedy. New memory is made.
CONT.
(Bad Guys Close In) Hitman and Cops close in when Janitor sees the Kid and Dad and calls them in.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2 – The dad is shot in the crossfire between cops and the hitman.
EXT. MIDDLE SCHOOL GROUNDS – NIGHT
(All is Lost) Dad gets shot in the crossfire between the cops and Lieutenant and the hitman.
7. Crisis – The Kid gets herself and her dad out okay, but her dad’s bleeding out.
INT/EXT. CIVIC TYPE-R – NIGHT
Kid tries running, but Hitman catches up. Kid hits the Hitman with the tail of her car and launches him into the side of the school, killing him.
CONT.
(Dark Night of the Soul) Kid takes Dad to Hospital.
EXT. HOSPITAL – NIGHT
Arrive at Hospital. Kid tends to Dad while doctors try to save him.
8. Climax – After watching her father die, the Kid cuts a deal with the Lieutenant and goes after The Boss.
INT. OPERATING ROOM – NIGHT
Kid watches as her Dad dies. She runs out of the hospital and drives away.
EXT. INTERSTATE – NIGHT
(Prepare for Battle/Maguffin comes into Play) Kid calls 9-1-1 and demands to speak with the Lieutenant. She promises to turn herself in if she can go after the Mob with him.
INT. LIEUTENANT’S HOME – NIGHT
Kid gets ahold of Lieutenant who’s heartbroken. Reveals his family left him, and he doesn’t have the same fight in him as before. Kid gives address and says she’s going after The Boss, regardless.
INT/EXT. WAREHOUSE – NIGHT
(Execution of Plan A) Kid goes after the Mob.
CONT.
(False Victory) Kid makes it to warehouse, and starts creating chaos.
CONT.
(Falling into the Trap) Kid falls into trap set by Mob boss. Has to escape.
CONT.
(Opponent’s Victory at Hand) Mob Boss is a better driver than even the Kid. Runs her down and cripples her, requiring her to drive with one hand.
CONT.
Cops and Lieutenant arrive and save the Kid before she’s killed. They search the premises for her and come across evidence of Mob’s efforts.
CONT.
(Hero Goes Alone/Last Ditch Effort) Kid is more reckless than Mob Boss, and gets the upper hand.
CONT.
Kid and Boss race. Kid wins.
9. Resolution – The Kid sets up a memorial to her father and dedicates her life and love of cars to his memory by becoming a stunt driving instructor.
EXT. WAREHOUSE – NIGHT
Kid accepts the handcuffs. Goes willingly with cops.
INT. POLICE STATION – DAY
Lieutenant makes a deal with the Kid to help him with more Grand Theft Auto Cases in exchange for less jail time.
EXT. DRIVING LOT
Kid’s eyes, now years older, looking over a lot where she helps teens, including her own, through driving courses.
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Alice’s Pass #6: Subplots with Meaning
What I’ve learned doing this assignment is…
I finally know, what subplots are
All my subplots are more of less good, but Judge subplot, it seems watered down, maybe more emotional meaning
Part 1
1. Identify the subplots that have naturally emerged in your story and tell us the beginning, middle, and end of each.
Or if you don’t have any subplots, look at your supporting characters and identify how they might interact with your lead characters in a meaningful/emotional way to improve your story.
SUBPLOT #1
Judge and his Family, His Son and Granddaughter
Setup: Judge and His Son, man fishing on a roof, are introduced, though we don’t know yet why
Their family, a bit sad, as small granddaughter is lacking mother, and his son’s habit of fishing
Payoff: His son witnesses monsters floating and falls from the roof
As Judge is gone, his son gets interviewed about his father’s personality
SUBPLOT #2
Alarm Man
Beginning: Is one of small lab workers who always awakes by alarm
Middle: He ridicules missing cases matter at meetings
End: As his alarm doesn’t work, he is late, and is captured, working at the area where people disappear most (i.e. where Anaupsh’s lab is located)
SUBPLOT #3
Sexy Girl and Her Boyfriend
Beginning: This is very sexy girl who keeps at the meetings with special expression on aface, suddenly turns being very naïve, as she faces adversary
Middle: Her boyfriend agrees on a date with her
End: She gets lost seeing him gone, boards Anaupsh’s car, follows her to RI, and is raped and killed at the lab
SUBPLOT #4
Aged Man and his Girl Assistant from Secret Service
Beginning: They come to check at RI after news broadcast
Middle: They have a map and can see how part of lab is concealed, and they want to look at that
End: They are captured and destroyed
SUBPLOT #5
Journalist Brother of Protagonist
Beginning: He is careerist, bright but not that advanced, who creates broadcast report for his brother scientist who is concerned
Middle: He gets removed from Court Room, as he is very aggressive addressing Jury, after his loss, as his brother is gone
End: He is to witness exchange of a society, as he remains the way he is, not very good with descriptions of events he composes as a journalist, so he might understand, but can’t recapture it
2. Pick one subplot (or more) you’d like to improve and answer the question, “How can I make this more meaningful or emotional for my lead character?”
SUBPLOT#1
Is partly to show from inside conditions of society, as his young granddaughter is future generation, who will face this filtering he himself propagates, and who knows?
3. Rewrite the beats of that subplot to add in the new emotion or meaning.
4. Add the improvements to your outline.
Part 2
1. Identify the subplots that have naturally emerged in your story and tell us the beginning, middle, and end of each.
SUBPLOT #1
Story of one of the tenants in a Hotel #2, involving crime scene discovery
Beginning: Is one of tenants, not young, neither beautiful woman who is one of Hotel workers who rented room for one night, who keeps screaming anxiously as crowd of tenants fills corridor
Middle: She is made by psychologist to relate her story and share worries, as they uncover crime scene
End: She is promised education and new job as psychologist, which is in demand at a time, instead of hotel job
SUBPLOT #2
Young Military becoming a ward, and his way into reservation
Beginning: He recognizes himself as a leader, as his officer goes lacking
Middle: He gets trained and becomes a ward
End: He is to come back to reservations forever instead of death sentence
2. Pick one subplot (or more) you’d like to improve and answer the question, “How can I make this more meaningful or emotional for my lead character?”
SUBPLOT #1
Woman screams a couple of times “This is it! This is it!” each time when it turns on harsh side with military and filtering
As they discover dead girl’s body, she relates her story
Girl being Hotel Owner’s daughter was lacking upbringing, witnessing things at hotel
Woman wanted to exchange her attitude, and knowing Hotel’s Owner is attracted to her, rented a room for one night date, to evoke jealousy in a girl
Now she is sure she will face deportation into zone, but is reassured by psychologist that she has a keen, and could get degree and work as psychologist
3. Rewrite the beats of that subplot to add in the new emotion or meaning.
Maybe to add beat where we see this woman working or receiving degree? Maybe too much
4. Add the improvements to your outline.
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Arthur’s Pass #6: Subplots with Meaning
“What I’ve learned doing this assignment:
Subplots add dimension and emotional connectivity between the characters, the story, and the audience.
1. Identify the subplots that have naturally emerged in your story and tell us the beginning, middle, and end of each, like I did above with the English Bob subplot.
Chase and Nico seem to have only professional interaction at the beginning of the film. In the second act, we learn that they have been having a secret relationship. In act three when Reilly has to make the decision to activate the shield which will kill Chase, Nico is the one who puts her hand over Reilly’s and pushes it down to engage the shield.
Or if you don’t have any subplots, look at your supporting characters and identify how they might interact with your lead characters in a meaningful/emotional way to improve your story.
2. Pick one subplot (or more) you’d like to improve and answer the question, “How can I make this more meaningful or emotional for my lead character?”
A lead character in the midst of conflict has an action they must take — and that action involves a supporting character. Skyler, the reporter, is going to be a character I will build a subplot around. She starts out as just a reporter but then is thrown into a position of having to become involved in her story to save humanity. Along this journey, it is her naivety in working with Reilly that establishes a big sister little sister bond that makes an emotional connection to the audience and propels the story forward.
3. Rewrite the beats of that subplot to add in the new emotion or meaning.
3. Add the improvements to your outline.
BLACKOUT: SOLAR STORM
Pool reporter Skyler Hardwick’s live broadcast introduces the crew of the International Deep Space Research Spacecraft Reliant and their mission to test a new Tesla Space Shield for interstellar travel. The broadcast is interrupted by an emergency transmission from NASA.
EXT SPACE
Looking at earth with the moon in the background as a massive spaceship with two counter rotating rings at its center ENTERS from the left side of frame. The name Reliant is prominent on its bow.
INT RELIANT
International pool reporter, Skyler Hardwick takes us through the spacecraft, introducing the live audience to the Relaint’s crew. From the rear of the ship moving froward we meet the following personnel as each gives her a brief on the job on the mission:
Oleg Ryakin – Russian male Mechanical engineer, PhD – designer of the antimatter containment field that powers the ship.
Nico Lee – Chinese female anti-matter propulsion physicist, Phd.
Tara Cooper – black French female scalar wave and Quantum physicist, Phd.
Diego Quinn – male Hispanic life science specialist. MD. PhD.
Chase Douglas – US black male 1st Officer and celestial navigation specialist. PhD
Reilly Ryan – US white female Captain and nuclear physicist, PhD.
INT RELIANT – BRIDGE
The interview concludes with Capt. Reilly explaining to Skyler that this mission is to test the new Tesla Shield that is necessary to protect the space craft from objects it cannot maneuver to avoid as it travels near the speed of light. Reilly blind-sides her by asking if she feels she is the right person to lead this mission having been the Captain and only survivor of a five man crew in an aborted take off less than four years ago. At this moment an emergency klaxon goes off. Skyler concludes the broadcast as Chase calls for the Captain to join him in the Command Module.
2. Inciting Incident
NASA informs the Reliant a Coronal Mass Ejection that was thought to be bypassing earth, masked a larger one behind it that will hit the earth and the Reliant in minutes. With no time to use the shuttle to return to earth before the CME hits, Captain Reilly and the crew determine that using the untested Tesla Shield is their only hope of surviving. A scramble begins to initiate the shield before the CMJ arrives.
INT COMMAND MODULE
A circular module with an six-foot diameter table at its center. Chase is sitting at one of the six chairs surrounding the table, each with its own work station. As the rest of the crew enters Chase displays a 3d projection above the table. The NASA Flight Director, Jack Stone, appears on the screen and informs the crew a Coronal Mass ejection from the sun that is to pass by the earth in moments masked a larger CME that is going to hit earth with devastating effect in less than six hours. He projects a 3D model of the CME hitting and destroying satellites, the space station, and the Reliant as it penetrates the earth’s magnetic field destroying all modern electronics. He shows another projection of an even larger earth-destroying CME hitting in 48 hours. He tells the crew that all manned space stations are being evacuated to earth, including the Reliant.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about.
The Tesla Shield saves the crew of the Reliant, however, the electronics on earth have been knocked out. Analyzing a solar observation satellite, the crew discovers an extinction-level CME is headed to earth in 48 Hours. They determine the Tesla Shield may be modified to save the earth but they need a lot more power. With no help from earth available, they will have to journey to the unmanned moon base to retrieve a nuclear reactor.
INT COMMAND MODULE
With barely enough time to travel back to earth before the CME hits, Captain Reilly orders the crew to prepare to abandon the ship in the shuttle. Tara stops them all by bringing up a 3D representation of the ship and asks why they can’t save the trillion dollar ship by using the Tesla Shield. She plays the 3D rendering from NASA but adds the Tesla Shield protecting the ship. Reilly reminds her they are under orders, the shield has never been tested, and if it fails they’ll all be killed. Chase argues that if they don’t try it the CME will have killed the space program for decades. Oleg weighs in that he’s for trying the shield and Nico agrees it should work. Diego reminds them if they go to earth they will live but it will be like being in the 1800’s with no electricity or electronic devices.
FLASHBACK SPACE SHUTTLE
Reilly in pilots seat as the shuttle roars toward space, the control panel suddenly flashes red as one of the three main engines blows up sending fragment into the other two. She and the copilot run through the abort check list and frantically hi switches and pull levers as they other four crew members watch helplessly from their seats. Someone calling her name brings her back to he present moment: “Reilly!”
INT COMMAND MODULE
Reilly snaps back to the present and tells them that she cannot order anyone to do this. It has to be unanimous or they all go home. She asks Tara, Nico and Oleg what are the odds. Tara 60/40, Oleg 70/30, Nico 50/50. Reilly tells the crew to go to their quarters, talk it over with their families, then they will vote. Skyler asks if she gets a vote. Reilly tells Skyler no; she is being sent home in an escape pod.
INT NICO’S QUARTERS
Her parents praise her for her contribution and willingness to stay aboard the Reliant. It is evident that they are not use to expressing emotions, however, Nico cannot stop the tears from rolling down her face.
INT CHASE’S QUARTERS
Chase talks with his mom, dad, and sister who have been brought to the underground bunker at NASA for the CME event. They are concerned he didn’t come back to earth but understand his reasons.
INT ENGINEERING
Oleg talks with his wife and daughter who are in an underground bunker in Moscow. The big bear of a man reveals his soft side while talking with his daughter.
INT TARA’S QUARTERS
Tara talks with her step parents at their vineyard. It’s an emotional exchange as her parents assure her they will be fine in their underground cask aging room.
INT DR. QUINN’S QUARTERS
Dr. Quinn talks with his wife, son and daughter who are in a bunker outside Washington, DC. He encourages his kids to think of this as a great adventure and to help out their mom who can’t suppress her tears.
INT SKYLER’S QUARTERS
Skyler talks with her soon to be ex-husband news anchor who tells her the reason she can’t reach her parents is that they are being relocated to a bunker in Colorado. He is going to stay on the air as long as possible during the CME. Skyler tells Jim she is staying with the ship. Their conversation exposes fulfilled expectations and regrets.
INT BRIDGE
Reilly talks to the only remaining member of her family: her dad, Buck. She laughs that everyone at NASA thought he was crazy when he retired as a top engineer and converted an old Atlas missile silo into a house, but now it looks like was smarter than all of them. He reminds her to try and contact him on the ham frequency after the CME as everything else will be down. An alert on the console ends their chat and Reilly calls everyone back to their stations.
EXT BUCK’S SILO
Buck exits his silo and looks up to the sky. He pushes a button on the remote he is holding and the blast doors to his silo begin closing as he heads inside.
INT COMMAND MODULE
Reilly calls for a vote. Everyone raises their hand except for Reilly and Skyler, who asks if she gets a vote. Reilly tells Skyler no; she is being sent home in an escape pod. Then Reilly raises her hand to make it unanimous. She orders Chase to prep Skyler for evacuation and the rest of the crew to prep the shield. Skyler asks Chase why they can’t just use the engines on the ship to move out of the way? Chase tells her it would take 12 hours to spin up the anti-matter drives.
INT RELIANT BRIDGE
Reilly video calls Jack to let him know what the crew has decided to do and Skyler is being sent home in an escape pod. Skyler enters the bridge and asks both of them to let her stay. Someone needs to document what happens. They give her the OK.
INT ENGINEERING
Oleg scrambles to bring the fission generator up to full power as Nico works with the AI computer to calculate the energy output necessary for the shield generation. Tara confers with both as she aligns the frequency generator. It’s organized chaos.
INT RELIANT (MONTAGE)
Skyler moves among the crew as they scramble to bring the Tesla Shield up to full power.
EXT RELIANT
A large mast begins to extend from the front and rear of the Reliant. As it reaches its full extension a web shape in the form of an umbrella unfolds at the top of the mast.
INT COMMAND MODULE
Reilly, Tara, Nico, and Quinn sit at work stations with screens deployed from the table top with Skyler moving around behind them videoing their actions. A 3D presentation of the ship earth and the approaching Coronal Mass Ejection is projected above the center of the table. They talk with Chase at the helm and Oleg in engineering over the com system. The countdown to impact on the screen reads 3 minutes.
EXT RELIANT
Thrusters fire slowly turning the ship to face the sun.
INT BRDIGE
Chase confirms that he has maneuvered the ship for a head on strike by the CME.
INT ENGINEERING
Oleg moves quickly among all the fission reactor controls, tweaking them for maximum output. Tells them he’s ready to test fire the shield.
INT COMMAND MODULE
Reilly orders Tara to fire the shield.
EXT RELIANT
A burst of blue plasma engulfs the umbrella like structure on the front of the mast and then extends in an oblong shape connecting to the mast at the rear of the ship covering the shielding the ship 360 degrees.
INT COMMAND MODULE
A sigh of relief and cheers go up from the crew at the successful test. At that moment the countdown hits Zero.
EXT RELIANT
The coronal mass ejection hits the Tesla Shield and blossoms around the shield in a fiery arc trailing miles behind it.
INT ENGINEERING
Klaxon begin to blare overload warnings as Oleg struggles to maintain maximum power output.
INT COMMAND MODULE
Nico and Tara struggle to keep the Shield power and frequency modulation in alignment as Reilly moves to the bridge.
INT BRIDGE
Chase is having trouble keeping the reliant facing the CME. Reilly joins him on the controls and tells Oleg they need more power to the thrusters. The weakest part of the shield is it’s sides.
INT BRIDGE
Reilly tells Chase to do his best she has an idea. She is going to use the shuttles engines to keep them in alignment.
INT COMMAND MODULE
Reilly moves through the module and climbs the ladder to the shuttle dock. Skyler follows her as Nico and Tara struggle to keep the Shield power and frequency modulation in alignment as Reilly moves to the bridge share data and adjustments to the shield. Tara tells everyone they are taking too much side stress on the shield.
INT SHUTTLE
Reilly jumps into the command seat buckles up and starts up the instrument panel. She sees Skyler tell her to buckle up and then fires the shuttles main engines without undocking from the Reliant. Using the main engine and thrusters she pushes the Reliant back into a head-on alignment with the CME.
EXT EARTH
The Coronal Mass Ejection strikes the earth’s atmosphere pushing deeply into the protective envelop in a burst of rainbow colors.
MONTAGE: CME HITS MAJOR CITIES
MONTAGE: As CME hits major cities in Europe, Russia, the US. The electromagnetic pulse knocks out power, explodes transformers, and destroys all unshielded electronics.
INT BRIDGE
Warning indicators flash, Chase tells Reilly she is overstraining the shuttle docking coupler. Reilly ask Tara how much longer the CME will last. Tara indicates on a few more seconds.
EXT RELIANT
The coronal mass ejection flares in one last push against the Tesla Shield.
INT ENGINEERING
There is a flash in the engine room and Oleg dives behind the control panel as thousands of volts of electricity arc throughout the engine room as the fission reactor safety circuitry shuts it down.
INT COMMAND MODULE
Nico yells that they are losing the shield.
INT SHUTTLE
Reilly kills the engines just as the CME is passing.
EXT RELIANT
The last remnants of the CME arc across the Reliant knocking out all the electrical systems. The CME has passed leaving the Reliant adrift.
INT COMMAND MODULE
Emergency lights engage with the power blackout. Reilly and Skyler emerge from the shuttle dock, joining Tara, Nico, Quinn. Oleg calls in and tells them the fusion reactor is damaged and will not produce enough power to use the shield again, only enough to power the ships systems. With no help from earth they need another reactor. Reilly orders a full systems check out to see what has been damaged and needs repair.
EXT BUCKS SILO
The last remnants of the CME blast across the landscape of Buck’s silo. Electricity dances across the electrical wires and transformers explode in a gigantic fireworks display. As soon as the electrical storm has passed a circular metal hatch opens and antenna mast extends 30 feet into the air.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1
The Tesla Shield has saved the Reliant and crew from the CME, however the fusion reactor powering the shield has been damaged and will only power the systems on the ship, not the shield.
INT COMMAND MODULE
The normal lighting pops back on as Oleg has completed repairs in engineering. Tara reports all coms with NASA and other earth stations have been lost. Sklyer reports that there is no response to her network downlink. Reilly asks Tara to try the 160 meter band. A staticy transmission is heard….it’s Buck!
INTERCUT: BUCK’S SILO & COMMAND MODULE
Reilly tells Buck their situation with the damaged reactor that can’t be repaired. The next CME in 48 hours will kill them and the earth. Buck reminds her she doesn’t need one from earth when there is one on the remote controlled mining station on the moon.
EXT RELIANT
The ship passes through FRAME over the darkened earth.
5. Mid-Point
With other members of the crew needed to maneuver the Reliant in a sling-shot orbit around the moon. Captain Reilly must enlist the aid of the pool reporter, Skyler, to help her retrieve the reactor from the moon base. Skyler is shocked to learn the only way to get to the moon base is by crash landing the shuttle near the base and then using the earth return lunar spacecraft at the moon base to rendezvous with the Reliant.
INT COMMAND MODULE
Reilly questions the crew regarding trip to moon to retrieve fusion reactor, modifying it to shield earth and making it back in 36 hours. Nico says anti-matter drive is made for near light speed but could be pulsed at low power to get them there in 12 hours. Chase says the problem is slowing down enough to sling-shot around moon and back to earth. Oleg adds they will just turn 180 and use the engines as brakes. Tara asks how the shuttle will land on the moon? Reilly responds that she crash land the shuttle on the moon, acquire the reactor and then we’ll use the earth return rocket to rendezvous with the Reliant. Skyler asks who we is? Reilly tells her, you and me. Everyone else is crucial to modifying the ship for the improved shield.
INT ENGINEERING
Skyler approaches Oleg and Nico trying to configure the anti-matter drive for the moon mission. Skyler asks them what they think their chances are. Oleg pulls out a bottle of Vodka and hands it too her as he explains they are re-engineering systems that would normally take years into just a few hours. It will either work or they will blow up like an exploding star. Skyler takes a big hit from the bottle.
INT MEDICAL BAY
Tara, Quinn, and Reilly discuss a problem. Tara tells the two that with her calculations of the “super shield” they are making, the electromagnetic radiation will far exceed the shielding of the ship to protect the crew. Quinn tells them he may be able to make a serum of stem cell replicators that will mitigate the damage.
INT BRIDGE
Chase is using the 3D Quantum computer to program the Reliant’s voyage to the moon, when Reilly enters. An argument ensues about why Chase is not taking the shuttle to the moon. Reilly tells him he’s wanted this command over her. Now is his time to prove he is capable. Chase believes she is trying to save the crew by risking her life instead of his due to her previous loss of her entire shuttle crew. Skyler, just out of sight overhears the exchange.
INT ENGINEERING
Nico taps a final command into her ipad and the two countering rotating rings around the Reliant light up with blue plasma discharges. Oleg pats her on the back as they marvel at the sight. Oleg hits the comms button to confirm the anti-matter drive is ready to go.
INT COMMAND MODULE
Reilly and Skyler are looking at Tara’s 3D projection when they hear Oleg’s call. Reilly orders everyone to prepare to launch as she heads to the bridge. Quinn joins the group as they buckle up in their seats.
INT ENGINEERING
Nico and Oleg buckle up in their seats overlooking the engine control panels.
INT BRIDGE
Reilly counts down from 5 and then hits the thrusters.
EXT RELIANT
The Reliant flies through the left side of FRAME the four anti-matter drive thrusters glow red and the ship darts out of FRAME into the distant black illuminated by the moon.
INTERCUT: BRIDGE,COMMAND MODULE, ENGINEERING
INTERCUT: among the crew as the ship accelerates with increasing G-force.
THE BRIDGE
Chase calls out the speed 15…17….20,000 mph. Reilly cuts the power. Reilly calls out to crew 11.9 hours to shuttle launch.
INT SILO
Numerous display screens with readouts in front of Bucks console. He taps a few keys and brings up a satellite orbiting the moon. As it passes the moon mining base his eyebrows go up and he reaches for the ham radio.
EXT RELIANT
The Reliant moves toward the moon.
INT COMMAND MODULE
The entire crew is there. Reilly brings up a video image Buck relayed to them. The remote mining machines have been effected by the CME and are mining at random, some crashing into the base. Chase brings up a 3D model of their lunar mission: Reliant turning 180 braking, the shuttle breaking off from Reliant, braking with its engines, crash landing on moon, the earth return rocket rendezvousing with the Reliant after it slingshots around the moon. Skyler comments: with all that what could go wrong. Reilly orders the crew to take a food and rest brake – they are going to need it.
INT MEDICAL BAY
Quinn is working on his serum when Skyler enters. She wants doc to give her something to take for her nerves right before the shuttle launch. He is hesitant then gets an idea. He gives her an inhaler and tells her to take a hit whenever she gets nervous. Quinn smiles as she leaves.
INT CAFETERIA
The crew is finishing eating. The crew tell funny stories about each other from their year of training together: how they viewed each other then…and how they view each other now.
INT OBSERVATION DECK
Nico is alone starring at the approaching moon. Chase approaches and stands beside her. Two colleagues, then she takes his hand and squeezes it. We discover the reason Chase doesn’t have a girlfriend on earth is because for a year he has had a secret relationship with Nico.
INT CREW QUARTERS
Reilly walks past the sleeping crew and into the Command Module where Tara is working on a 3D Model of the enhanced shield. They share a quiet moment to reflect on the past 12 hours and how their mission went from advancing space travel to saving the world. Tara pulls out a bottle of French Wine as they enjoy their last chance to decompress
EXT RELIANT
FADE IN:
The Reliant rotates 180 degrees and the Anti-Matter Drive engages to begin braking.
(Outline to Be Continued From Here)
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2
As the crew struggles with its damaged systems of the Reliant to keep it on a sling-shot orbit around the moon, Captain Reilly and Skyler crash land the shuttle by the moon base.
They discovered that the AI-controlled moon mining machines have been damaged by the CME and are destroying the base. They acquire the fusion reactor and launch back to the ship just as a mining machine strikes their spacecraft. Reilly struggles with the spacecraft, not designed for what they are making it do, and barely makes it to the Reliant.
7. Crisis
The new fusion reactor is barely installed as the Reliant takes a position to defend the earth. However, the Tesla mask which must be extended for the shield to work is damaged and will not deploy. With every possibility explored and failed, Chase Douglas, the first officer, sneaks off to the cargo bay, suits up, and exits on the space tug.
8. Climax
The crew discovers Chase attaching the space tug to the Tesla mask. Against their vociferous protest, Chase uses the tug to extend the mask just as the CME is about to hit. With no time for him to return to the ship, he begs Reilly to engage the shield: a death sentence for him. Tearfully, Reilly puts her hand on the large red engage button. Nico joins her and pushes her hand off the activation button. Nico tells Chase she loves him and presses the button. The shield spreads like a lotus blossom as Chase disappears in a flash of light. The CME slams into the shield which deflects its destructive power away from the earth. The Reliant is buffeted as its systems alarms blare with overload warnings but the Tesla Shield holds and the CMJ safely passes by the earth.
9. Resolution
A saddened crew is surprised when NASA contacts them from Cheyenne mountain in Colorado. They have been receiving Skyler’s broadcasts throughout the Reliant’s entire adventure. NASA and the world owe them a debt of gratitude that may never be repaid. A crew will be launched within 90 days to relieve them. The crew of the reliant are no longer professional co-workers from individual countries. They are also more than friends bound together by the crucible of near-death experiences and the bonds of mutual commitment, sacrifice, and loss.
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Anna Harper Day 12 SUBPLOTS
What I learned from this assignment. I approached this work with curiosity as I had no expectations, I was surprised to see how much the work could be amplified and become more meaningful, more intense with a few changes to the character’s beats.
SILENT NIGHT
CONCEPT
It’s almost Christmas in a picture-perfect English village. a stray Newfoundland dog, Alfie who has telepathic superpowers befriends 13-year-old Dylan saving him from a series of wicked events. The loving relationship between Alfie and Dylan helps Dylan to understand how his choice to be mute must change in order that Dylan has a happier life and to accept the death of his mother. saving him, just in the nick of time, from being sent away to a ‘special school, arranged by his covertly and generally evil Dad’s girlfriend, Miss Perkins, (Dylan’s grade 6 teacher.) Alfie saves the magic and joy of Christmas by introducing a very lonely Steve (Dylan’s Dad) to a new love interest,
BEATS
OPENING
ANTAGONIST ELIZABETH
ORIGINAL BEAT
DYLAN exits school, looking warily behind, and then starts to run.
MISS ELIZABETH PERKINS is standing on the school steps, smiling and watching as a group of boys start to pursue Dylan into the village High St.
CHANGE
BEGINNING OF THE SUBPLOT BEATS
1. Elizabeth returns to her school office. She takes out her makeup mirror and while reapplying her overdone makeup, which she needs as she is not looking her best at all, she declares to the mirror she will get rid of Dylan and have Steve all to herself., and then asks the mirror to affirm that she indeed is the most beautiful of all. Then she recites the poem “what are little girls made of.?
SECOND TURNING POINT
MIDDLE
5. INT: INDIAN RESTAURANT/EVENING
Elizabeth suggests that the answer to Steve’s problems and the impediment to their continued relationship is to send Dylan to a boarding school. Steve dumps an angry Elizabeth
CHANGE
Elizabeth arrives in a revealing Indian sari. Make up overdone. She informs Steve that she is so disappointed at not being able to come to his house. She does not like dogs of any sort. Tells Steve he is taking on too much for his own good.
Elizabeth takes out a brochure to a so-called special school., says she wants to help Steve have a better life with more time for a relationship and the boarding school is the answer. Steve loses it and tells her to forget any ideas of a relationship, storms out of the restaurant, leaving Elizabeth embarrassed and angry., she vows to get her revenge.
8. CRISIS
MIDDLE
INT.SCHOOL/MORNING
Dylan observes his friend Daisy. Elizabeth is locking her into the school cellar. Dylan runs away from the school finding his Dad on his bus driving route.
INT.STEVE”S BUS/DAY
Dylan boards the bus. He makes a fuss. Steve is frustrated as he cannot understand what is going on. Finally, Dylan says “Help Daisy, help Daisy.”
10. INT.SCHOOL/DAY
Dylan and Steve go to the cellar door, they can hear Daisy crying. Steve fetches the school principal. Steve informs the school principal that Elizabeth locked Daisy in the cellar. Elizabeth comes running, and with evil looks at Daisy intimidates Daisy into taking responsibility for locking herself in the cellar. Elizabeth tells Steve that she told him so, and Dylan needs help.
On the way home Steve expresses his anger. He feels Dylan has made a fool of him, and all because he will not speak. Steve doubts his ability to help Dylan.
CLIMAX
12.INT.DYLAN’S SCHOOLROOM/DAY
END
Steve has an interview with Elizabeth at Dylan’s school, He agrees to consider the boarding school option and takes the paperwork home. Depressed he leaves, closes the door of the classroom. Elizabeth smiles, she thinks she has won.
30. EXT. SCHOOL/DAY
It’s the day of the school Christmas concert. Dylan and Steve are walking from the parking area towards the school with many other parents. Dylan points to the alpha bully boy being smacked and pushed by the bully’s mother. Steve points to Elizabeth leaving the school escorted by a board official and carrying her possessions in a box. Steve notes that grownups can bully and Elizabeth got what she deserved the sack.
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Michael Katz Pass #6: Subplots with Meaning
What I’ve learned doing this assignment is…? I found that there were a lot of naturally emerging subplots with minor characters. Victorino has to take actions, and he needs others to get stuff done. I fleshed out the B/M/End for each, then I realized that I could give them great emotional meanings by how they died. Likable characters, that do good work, are then killed unceremoniously by the spy = creates sad emotion for the audience. I also will use each subplot to illustrate a facet of a megalomaniac.
Increase the emotion or add deeper thematic meaning.
TRAINER SUBPLOT – how can I physically show Victorino’s transformation into a megalomaniac?
Beginning Setup: Victorino gets beat up rather quickly and easily by Evans, and, for the narcissistic overachiever, it stung his ego to the core.
Victorino hires Imelyna’s trainer from one of her movies, Imelyna shows him up, he gains conditioning and skills, but this trainer is also such a really nice good guy
Middle: Victorino trains hard, he surpasses Imelyna, he even starts to believe some of the mumbo jumbo that the trainer espouses
Victorino beats the trainer, and thinks he’s ready.
Evans infiltrates Victorino’s lair and stumbles into the trainer, the trainer is not an aggressive thug, yet Evans starts fighting him, they have an epic fight, Evans kills him, and the audience feels bad
Victorino finds the trainer, assumes it’s Evans, he is steaming mad, Imelyna returns and is devastated
End Payoff: Victorino has a fight with Evans, evenly matched, evenly matched with gadgets, but Evans calls for a time out so they can have a drink of water, Victorino offers to make him a martini, while making the martini they have their heart-to-heart, Evans tests the drink with litmus paper, they toast to Imelyna, then they fight more, for a long time, but Evans cheats and gains the upper hand, Imelyna intervenes before he kills Victorino
CLOTHING DESIGNER SUBPLOT – how can I visually show Victorino’s transformation into a megalomaniac?
Beginning Setup: Narcissistic Victorino sees himself on the news, and is jealous of how perfectly put together Imelyna is, and he wants a makeover to look like a certified tycoon, he wants whoever designed Imelyna’s outfit from a movie she was in
Imelyna has various designers she knows bring their latest collections for Victorino to try on, he picks a few outfits, one designer has a vision of how Victorino should look and will do a custom job for him
Middle: The designer brings Victorino three custom outfits which are more villainy, he likes 2 but 1 is a little too much and he doesn’t quite feel comfortable in it, the designer leaves it with him anyway, “it’ll grow on you”
End Payoff: Beginning of Act 3 Victorino dons the custom outfit signifying his complete metamorphosis into a megalomaniac
HR MANAGER – how can I mentally show Victorino’s transformation into a villain?
Beginning Setup: Victorino and Imelyna are starting a company, they need all sorts of workers, where do all they all come from, so their first hire is the HR Manager, who is people smart and trustworthy
Middle: HR Manager hires for every position, when time for villainy she comes up with life servitude for family payment, coal miners for minions, international hires
End Payoff: Evans keeps finding Victorino’s lairs, and paranoid Victorino suspects the very innocent and highly trusted HR Manager…and kills him, Evans later admits he has listening device on the glasses
PR/MARKETING MANAGER – how can I show Victorino’s humorous side?
Beginning Setup: Imelyna understands the importance of good PR, and so the HR Manager brings in the PR/Marketing Manager, who is famous for doing [meta]
Middle: We get to watch some self-referential hilarious brainstorming sessions where they banter around ideas for TV commercials, company name, names for products, scandal, PIs, media interviews, spin, evil project name, lair names, she’s got a whiteboard, brainstorming exercises, sarcastic wit, great ideas
End Payoff: one of the many dead at the hands of Evans destructive bombs, Evans will leave some pithy note attached to him
GADGET GUY – how can I show Victorino’s vicious villain side?
Beginning Setup: Victorino tells the HR Manager that he needs a special weapons guy (since Evans used a gadget in their first encounter), Gadget Guy is like Q from James Bond (fresh version tho)
Middle: Each lair will have special features that he’ll walk Victorino through on a tour, secret passage ways, hidden weapons, gadgets, etc.
End Payoff: one of the many dead at the hands of Evans destructive bombs, Evans will have killed him in an ironic way setup with Victorino asking for a particularly cruel way to die
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Matthew Frendo’s Pass #6: Subplots with Meaning
What I learned doing this assignment was how to add subplots that have real meaning to the story. Adding them early gives them a better chance of being stronger and working well.
1. Opening Host gives intro into the event and the people who were chosen, including a hardened criminal named Alicia. In the middle of the intro, it goes blank as rebels take over the screen for a few seconds before they come back to the live show. The group also includes Nick, Jocelyn, a high tech cellmate of Nick’s named Tweaker and a bitter girl Becky.
ALICIA’S INTRO – SEQUENCE
They describe her as a troubled girl who killed her important government figure father as a mere teen and has been locked away since.
INT. PASSAGE TO FIRST ROOM – DAY
Prisoners decide not to do it and don’t want to risk their lives. Jocelyn tries to talk them into it, with Nick reminding everyone that there can be only one winner. Alicia agrees with Nick.
2. Inciting Incident. The prisoners’ loved ones are kept in a cage with a bomb…and if they don’t go through the challenges quickly enough, the bomb goes off.INT. ROOM ONE – DAY
The group can’t work together and all get hurt a bit. Alicia saves a girl named Jocelyn at the last minute, but was annoyed by it. Nick talks about how all a person can count on are themselves. Alicia agrees.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about. First person dies horribly in event after losing their challenge, setting things in motion.INT. ROOM TWO – DAY
They get into second room and learn to work together to survive. Alicia decides to work with others, like Jocelyn suggests, to survive. Nick refuses to, saying there can only be one winner. Becky agrees. Nick ends up helping reluctantly, when it gets too much. Becky doesn’t. After Alicia helps her, Jocelyn hits her with constant questions and talks incessantly, making Alicia annoyed.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1 Games are disrupted by explosion. They are all is pulled into fake room off camera and find out Jocelyn is there as part of a resistance. They can’t tell anyone or the authorities will kill them all, so now they almost have to help her. That’s why she’s been asking questions.While this is happening, the broadcast focuses on an old winner of the games, who killed four fellow prisoners to win. He talks about his new, fantastic life and how much the SM voters helped him become a better man. He even thanks them for the torturous challenges.
Alicia starts to see her sister in Jocelyn due to her idealistic enthusiasm. Before she can get far, Nick reminds her what the rebels have done with violence.
INT. HALLWAY TO NEXT ROOM – DAY
Nick wants to tell the authorities anyway, hoping they will let them live, but is talked out of it by past actions. Still, he’s pissed.
They find out one of them is an authority spy. Nick is about to tell him everything before Alicia abruptly kills him. Nick is pissed, as they could be really screwed now.
INT. ROOM THREE – DAY
They get through the game, but Alicia almost dies. Jocelyn saves her, which angers Alicia. Jocelyn says same idealistic stuff her sister did.
Jocelyn is alone, until another criminal tries to take advantage of her. Alicia pulls her weapon on him, with even Nick backing her up on this one.
INT. ROOM FOUR – DAY
Jocelyn is injured before rebels cause disruption, Jocelyn and Alicia talk, with Jocelyn saying what they did to her family and why she is ready to sacrifice herself. Alicia realizes her father was the type to do that thing to Jocelyn’s family. We find out how hard Alicia’s life has been and what she’s had to do to survive. She doesn’t believe in anything good anymore. Jocelyn disagrees.
5. Mid-Point Young innocent Jocelyn is killed in the contest after Nick forces it to save the rest of them…and the rebel leaders makes sure the audience sees it in horrifying detail. Alicia almost dies herself trying to save her and is saved by Nick.INT. ROOM FIVE – DAY
Alicia is sad and starts siding with Nick, who just wants to win and get out of there. They make deal to survive and escape using his contacts. Becky ends up dying to save Tweaker and the rest, dying happier than she ever lived and doing things good for once.
Then Alicia has a chance to break transmission for the rebels, taking over Jocelyn’s place. She tries, with Nick ruining it secretly. Nick secretly kills Tweaker, who was helping her. (He’s doing it so everyone sees him and Alicia die, to help rebel cause)
Alicia is in her room, but Nick won’t help her. She’s about to die, when the rebels take out electricity.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2. Rebels take down games and transmission altogether by wiping out power in whole city. Chaos begins as the revolution is now underway.INT. BLOWN HALLWAY – NIGHT
Nick is ready to leave out the hallway with Alicia. Alicia looks and sees Jocelyn’s mother in the room to explode. They are confronted by the old hero of the show. Turns out he’s a sad drunk who regrets everything he did. He kills himself in front of them.
7. Crisis. Alicia has a choice: she can help the rebels (and save Jocelyn’s mother like she promised) or escape with her own life.INT. BLOWN HALLWAY – NIGHT
After finding out Nick was there to make sure the rebels win by sacrificing Jocelyn on camera, she kills hm and goes to save Jocelyn’s mother.
INT. BOMB ROOM – NIGHT
Alicia gets the hostages out just in time.
INT. SIDE ROOM – NIGHT
Jocelyn’s friends pull Alicia into side room and tell her where the rebel leaders are taking over the old authority.
INT. FIRST ROOM OF GAMES – NIGHT
The rebel leaders meet the old authority here, with the plan to put them into the games.
8. Climax Alicia finds the people who put here there. She puts them all into the challenges and releases the information she unknowingly had on them and what they are doing to the world, along with the rebel leaders who let Jocelyn die for their cause.
9. Resolution She leaves the challenges as the only survivor…and a hero to the people. -
KATE’S PASS #6: SUBPLOTS WITH MEANING
What I learned doing this assignment was how fun it is to weave in a second story! And how it strengthens the journey of the protagonist.
SUBPLOT
Shaun – a fellow thespian on the tour (Chinese American)
Min (quick/clever)- his mother, a businesswoman (Chinese)
Shaun resents his mother’s engagement with his life – she doesn’t really approve and thinks he could do more – he is an only child and his father is dead
Nia wishes she had that sort of attention
Min becomes a key part of the success of the sting.
At end when Nia says goodbye to her father Shaun engages with his Mother.
BEATS (for the subplot only)
1. OPENING
A tour bus of actors arrives on the edge of the town, and set up their campsite, preparing for their play this weekend. Nia tells Shaun, fellow thespian, she can imagine living there. He agrees – if only to get away from his Mother who is way too involved in his life – this far away from New York where she works in high powered business.
2. INCITING INCIDENT
Shaun has a text from Min, his mother, saying she wants to come and see their last show. He tells her no, he doesn’t want to see her. This is his life.
3. BY PAGE 10, YOU KNOW WHAT THIS PLOT LINE ABOUT.
Nia tells Shaun he is not being kind to her, and she wishes she had that kind of attention. Shaun suggests she mind her own business. He can’t let her be too close – she takes over. The classic Chinese Tiger Mother.
4. FIRST TURNING POINT AT END OF ACT 1
Nia and Shaun meet after the meeting – Nia needs some input. She says she will stay with D because she’s not afraid to get to know him and dares Shaun to do the same with his Mother. He accepts the dare and texts Min to say Ok you can come if you really want to – not very warmly. She doesn’t reply immediately
5. MID-POINT
Nia proposes the sting project – all agree and Shaun says his mother can help set that up. She is very pro-environment and the rights of ‘small’ people. But before he can ask her, he gets a text from Min saying she has decided not to come – he is right and she needs to give him more room. And perhaps he’ll get this out of his system. She sends a template and some advice for the fake business proposal.
6. SECOND TURNING POINT AT END OF ACT 2
Nia arrives at the camp having been kicked out by D, she is distraught. D wont sign the deal (Shaun was one of the fake businessmen) and now he really needs to get Min more on board plus he is moved by Nia’s hopeful and needy love for her father who Shaun can see is a shit. He calls his mother. Min agrees to come in person because she likes the sting project. It’s still a rather cold businesslike agreement.
7. CRISIS
Min arrives to be part of the ‘business’ to meet D one more time – and she leads them to victory. Shaun sees her as others in the troupe see her and the first time appreciates her, even as he is also a bit jealous of her easy relationship with the others. He is torn between letting her into his life and keeping his autonomy.
8. CLIMAX
Shaun plays a key role in the performance and Min sees him in a new way – appreciating the life he has chosen, and she has bonded with the troupe.
9. RESOLUTION
Min and Shaun agree to stay closer – she will support his choice of life and work, he will keep her involved. He leaves on the bus with Nia and the others.
THE PLOT-SUBPLOT OUTLINE
1) OPENING SCENE
INT. TOWN MEETING – EARLY EVENING
A desperate crowd at a town meeting, led by the Latina Mayor Luciana, discuss how to stay solvent and bemoan the greed of Darrogh, the local billioniare. They have all lost something of their livelihood to him.
EXT. A PEACEFUL FIELD ON THE EDGE OF TOWN – EARLY EVENING
A tour bus of actors arrives on the edge of the town, and set up their campsite, preparing for their play this weekend. Nia wanders through dreamily over the field and tells Shaun, fellow thespian, she can imagine living there. He agrees – if only to get away from his Mother who is way too involved in his life – this far away from New York where she works in high powered business.
INT. LOCAL BAR – NEXT EVENING
Nia and the troupe mingle with the local community most whom are fascinated by their life and looking forward to the play they are going to do (a Shakespeare). Luciana introduces herself and asks Nia a lot of questions – they bond.
2) INCITING INCIDENT
EXT. THE FIELD – SATURDAY EVENING.
The Shakespeare show (Midsummer?) is ending and people are having a fine old time. Darrogh is watching Nia – she is the living image of her mother, his dead wife.
INT. POST OFFICE – NEXT DAY
Nia walks into Darrogh in the post office, he invites her to his house.
INT. DARROGH’S PALATIAL HOUSE –
Darrogh tells Nia she is his daughter and he is so happy to find her after these years. He spins a story about what he’s been doing, making himself sound good.
EXT. THE TROUPE’S CAMP
Nia says goodbye to the troupe- she wants to stay with her father. Luciana urges caution, he’s not to be trusted. Nia assures her it will be fine.
Shaun has a text from Min, his mother, saying she wants to come and see their last show. He tells her no, he doesn’t want to see her. This is his life.
INT. DARROGH’S HOUSE
Darrogh makes it clear that he doesn’t want her mixing with the locals. He wants her to himself. She feels special and loved.
3) BY PAGE 10
INT. COFFEE SHOP- DAY
Luciana and Nia meet (clandestinely) – Luciana tells Nia what Darrogh is really like, for example how he cheated her father out of the family ranch. She is very ‘familiar’ and Nia is a little uncomfortable. Nia rejects an offer to stay at her place, determined to have a relationship with the father who left her 15 years ago when she 7. She believes he is a good person (that’s what her family told her) and that she can help him be better because he loves her.
EXT. THE TROUPE’S CAMP
Nia tells Shaun he is not being kind to Min, and she wishes she had that kind of attention. Shaun suggests she mind her own business. He can’t let her be too close – she takes over. The classic Chinese Tiger Mother.
4) FIRST TURNING POINT AT THE END OF ACT ONE
INT.TOWN MEETING – EVE
Luciana presents a letter from Darrogh at a town meeting in which he announces he is going to develop a massive landfill on the ranch he ‘bought’ from her family and offering to buy out the other little farms in the area but people have to decide in the next week then the offer is off the table. Nia is listening incognito at the back of the room.
EXT. STREET – EVE
Nia is deeply moved by their plight, promises Luciana she will try and help, sure her father loves her enough to listen
EXT. THE TROUPE’S CAMP
Nia and Shaun meet after the meeting – Nia needs some input. She says she will stay with D because she’s not afraid to get to know him and dares Shaun to do the same with his Mother. He accepts the dare and texts Min to say ‘Ok you can come if you really want to’ – not very warmly. She doesn’t reply immediately.
5) MID-POINT.
INT. DARROGHS HOUSE – NEXT DAY, BREAKFAST TIME
Nia tries to talk with her father appealing to his humanity. He belittles her as being a child and calls the people in the town losers and worthless because they don’t know how to make good money.
INT. FLASHBACK
to a scene when she was 6 and she heard her parents arguing violently.
EXT. THE TROUPE’S CAMP
Luciana and Nia meet at the campsite. Nia is in shock. Luciana tells her she knew her mother when they were in college back, filling her in (to some degree) on her Mother’s suicide, how Darrogh had isolated her and then done the same with the child Nia, and assures Nia she will always be there for her. She invites her to her house where there is to be small group meeting to decide what to do.
INT. LUCIANA’S HOUSE – EVENING
A small group of towns people decide to set up a ‘sting’ company purportedly to manage and expand the landfill. Nia suggests that some of her theatre friends pose as ‘the businessmen’ but she will stay in her father’s house to keep an eye on him and she is still hopeful he’ll change.
EXT. THE TROUPE’S CAMP
Nia proposes the sting project – all agree and Shaun says his mother can help set that up. She is very pro-environment and the rights of ‘small’ people. But before he can ask her, he gets a text from Min saying she has decided not to come – he is right and she needs to give him more room. And perhaps he’ll get this out of his system. She sends a template and some advice for the fake business proposal.
6) SECOND TURNING POINT AT END OF ACT TWO
INT. DARROGHS HOUSE – 1 WEEK LATER
The ‘Businessmen meet with Darrogh. He has read the proposal and is interested but delays signing it – he will do it himself and doesn’t need them yet – maybe later in the process. He is trying to get more land from the other farmers. He wants the biggest landfill ever made.
INT. DARROGH’S HOUSE – EVENING
He realizes that Nia is hanging out with Luciana, he overhears a phone conversation and confronts her. Names Luciana as causing Amahla’s (Nia’s mother) death saying that they were lovers and the shame was too much for Amahla. Nia doesn’t believe him. Darrough says it’s him or them and anyway he doesn’t trust her – she doesn’t have his best interest at heart and she can go join the riff-raff as that’s her type anyway. He kicks her out of the house then and there, with only what she arrived with.
INT. FLASHBACK
to when he kicked her Mother out (when Nia was 6)
EXT. THE TROUPE’S CAMP
Nia arrives at the camp having been kicked out by D, she is distraught. She doesn’t know who to trust. But will keep going with the ‘sting’. Shaun was one of the fake businessmen when D didn’t sign the deal and now he really needs to get Min more on board plus he is moved by Nia’s hopeful and needy love for her father who Shaun can see is a shit. He calls his mother. Min agrees to come in person because she likes the sting project. It’s still a rather cold businesslike agreement.
EXT. THE FIELD – A WEEK LATER
The surveyors and bulldozers arrive. Everyone is frantic.
INT.DARROUGHS HOUSE – 2 DAYS LATER
The’ Businessmen’ make a second proposal- they have sales agreements from surrounding farms to their company. All Darrogh has to do is buy in and he will be set for life. He is still not sure. Tells them to wait. Meanwhile the surveyors are at work in the land that he already has, beginning in the field where Nia first camped and where the Troupe’s bus still is.
7) CRISIS
EXT. THE FIELD – AFTERNOON
Min arrives to be part of the ‘business’ to meet D one more time – and she leads them to victory. Shaun sees her as others in the troupe see her and the first time appreciates her, even as he is also a bit jealous of her easy relationship with the others. He is torn between letting her into his life and keeping his autonomy.
INT. LUCIANA’S HOUSE
Nia has it out with Luciana demanding the whole truth about her Mother’s death and their relationship, and sees for a first time a pure clear love. Luciana knew Amahla was straight and loved D
FLASHBACK –
Luciana and Amahla are wrapping up the conversation when D comes in, misreads it all, refuses to hear anything more.
INT. LUCIANA’S HOUSE (CONT)
L tells Nia her mother did commit suicide but because of the pain of cancer and the fact she was kept from her daughter.
INT. DARROGHS HOUSE – DAY
The ‘businessmen’ lead by Min meet with Darrogh- he says he will sign the deal with the ‘company’ if the community agree to name the new landfill after him, with a big fancy gate. They agree. He is very excited and calls Nia to come and have lunch with him.
INT. PHONE CALL
Nia says she needs some time to think about it – that she is still upset about the landfill even though he is her father. He promises he’ll make sure everyone is taken care of if she’ll just come back.
INT. LUCIANAS HOUSE
Talking more with Luciana and some others, Nia realizes that she has to choose and chooses the community. Luciana says it is not enough to get the money from Darrogh, he has to be held publicly accountable. Nia comes up with the idea a play specially written to be performed and expose the whole story. There is to be a ribbon-cutting event next week to name the new landfill (even though it is not quite yet under construction). The perfect time to do it.
8) CLIMAX
EXT. THE FIELD – EVENING
The play is performed, outdoors under lights with the ‘dozers in the periphery, and slowly Darrogh recognizes the story and his role in it. (Includes a re-worked scene from ‘Lea’ with Cordelia). He is furious and makes a scene demanding the contract be cancelled, but the Businesswoman shows him what he has signed and that it is all legitimate and there is nothing he can do – except let the world know what a fool he has been.
The is one more scene to be played. D takes his seat again, stunned into compliance and loudly sure his daughter will take his side.
Nia performs the scene from ‘Othello’ when he kills Desdemona, only in this rendition the races are opposite. She ends with a little speech calling him out for his failures as a father and sharing her grief as someone who now sees the truth is not like she had imagined and hoped – and had been told.
He slinks off to his house, leaving a party in his wake.
Shaun plays a key role in the performance and Min sees him in a new way – appreciating the life he has chosen, and she has bonded with the troupe.
9) RESOLUTION
INT. TOWN MEETING – A WEEK LATER – DAY
The community has their land back and the money to develop a back-to-nature retreat center for future sustainability. It has been a dream of some of them over the years and now it is possible. Nia thanks them all for everything and they her. She says she can’t stay but needs to go on with her life. Luciana promises she’ll always have a home here and hands her a letter to read later.
EXT. THE TROUPE’S CAMP
Min and Shaun agree to stay closer – she will support his choice of life and work, he will keep her involved.
INT: DARROGH’S HOUSE- LATE AFTERNOON
Nis goes to visit her father one last time before she leaves. Darrogh pleads with Nia to forgive him and take him in. The house is to be foreclosed and he’ll have nowhere to go. She forgives him, but also tells him he must depend on this community because she is going on with her life, free of his shadow and independent. He offers to give her a car for her travels. She refuses and says goodbye, walking out the door and down the grand driveway.
EXT. THE FIELD – HALF AN HOUR LATER – EARLY EVENING
The ‘dozers and surveyors pegs are gone. Nia reads the letter from Luciana – she tells Nia not to worry about Darrogh, that because she loved Nia’s mother who loved Darrogh and gave birth to Nia, she will find him a place at the ranch she now has back. The theatre troupe’s bus pulls up, she climbs in, Shaun hugs his Mother goodbye, and they leave as they had arrived.
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Nancy Kates Outlining Day 12 Subplots
What I learned: I might need to think about this topic further. At the moment, the subplots are pretty well woven into the main plot, which is probably good, but they might be taking over, at times. I’m trying to strengthen Zoe’s part of the story, which still feels weaker than Marilyn’s.
I have double protagonists, and the key subplots are each person’s relationship to the other’s spouse. They’re really still very central to the main plot, however. I’m not 100 certain they are subplots, exactly.
1. Marilyn’s sexual attraction to Heidi and betrayal of Zoe
This subplot stems in part from Heidi’s frustration with her dormant sex life with Zoe. I may need to signal that Marilyn already has a crush on Heidi before the story begins, though she’s kind of in denial about it, and in denial about her attraction to women, in general.
Zoe is also in denial about Heidi’s request that they have an open relationship. She thinks it would be the end of things for them. She’s not really in touch with her own frustrations—she wants Heidi to be more present with her, instead of traveling all the time and staying at work.
Part of the difficulty with this subplot is that Zoe doesn’t get to have any say in it, and in some ways, neither does Heidi, since she doesn’t know she is actually sleeping with Marilyn for those few days.
One solution is that Marilyn can be starting to have these attractions even before they switch bodies, without making a huge deal of it. Zoe needs a way to grow in this subplot, too…haven’t quite figured that out yet, since she comes off as a bit of a victim, the way it is written.
2. Zoe’s discovery of Doug’s infidelity
This is supposed to be somewhat parallel to the Marilyn sleeping with Heidi subplot, but it isn’t, really, because it doesn’t do that much to help Zoe grow. What does help her is being with the children, so I need to add more scenes with them, including one where she sits down with them and explains that they as a couple are having some issues, but that it hopefully won’t impact the kids. This subplot is more about Zoe being part of a family system, rather than just about Doug’s infidelity, which of course impacts Marilyn in a huge way, but not Zoe as directly (it may have an impact in the moment but it isn’t actually her drama).
Day 12 outline Switcheroo
INT ZOE APT – DAY: everything has to be absolutely perfect in the apartment, at least visually. Reality is more complicated: her partner, Heidi wants to have an open relationship, since they’re not really having an active sex life. Zoe is angry about this, and wants to control things. She’s also tired of teaching—see her having annoying phone call with an overprivileged student. She fantasizes about another life, maybe as a restaurenteur. Something more creative than teaching undergrads English.
INT. MARILYN OFFICE and HOUSE – DAY: Marilyn gets a call from her daughter while at work. Flash to house: things are fairly chaotic. Marilyn is exhausted from helping everyone around her, including her work colleagues. She invites Zoe to a Wiccan ritual for Litha (summer solstice ritual); Zoe rolls her eyes at first, but reluctantly agrees to go with her. Zoe jokes that maybe a little Wiccan energy could reignite her dormant sex life with Heidi.
EXT. BEACH – NIGHT: Women gather for ritual around bonfire. There is a HEAD PRIESTESS dressed in wild outfit. Marilyn surprises herself by feeling some attraction to one of the other women in the circle…Zoe is the lesbian, not her. As the ritual goes along, she instructs them to find a stone, make a wish, and cast it into the fire, warning them that the fae folk (faeries) sometimes make mischief with these things. They all drink a potion, singing and dancing late into the night. They cast their stones and make wishes.
EXT.. BEACH – MORNING They wake up on the beach, alone. Everyone else from the ritual has gone home, and the fire is out. They are in each other’s bodies. They find a note from the Head Priestess: don’t tell anyone, and figure it out within 72 hours. Zoe asked what Marilyn wished for. The answer: to be someone else, possibly a lesbian. They totally freak out.
EXT BEACH – MORNING After a lot of discussion, they exchange keys, phones, information. Zoe tries to solve the problem with logic, decides they need to consult someone else.
INT SANTERIA SHOP MISSION DISTRICT – DAY: Before going home, they visit a Santeria practioner, hoping to undo what has happened. She asks them a lot of questions (past lives, tofu consumption), burns a few candles, and then gives up. She can’t help them.
INT MARILYN’S HOME – EVENING: Zoe (in Marilyn’s body) is completely out of her element, doesn’t know how to take care of the kids, feeds wheat to the gluten-free kid, contends with the youngest, who senses that this person is not really her mother, let’s the tween watch Stranger Things, but then Doug objects. Zoe calls Marilyn, in a massive panic.
INT ZOE’S APT. – DAY TO EVE: Marilyn (in Zoe’s body) is able to relax for the first time in ages. She takes a bubble bath in the spa tub, and leisurely makes dinner for herself and Heidi, which surprises Heidi when she returns home, since Zoe doesn’t really cook. Marilyn kisses Heidi hello, per Zoe’s instructions, and is surprised by how erotic she finds the kiss, which is actually quite chaste.
INT MARILYN’S BEDROOM – NIGHT: Zoe (in Marilyn’s body) sleeps as far away from Doug as is humanly possible, which is sort of easy because they have a king-sized bed. His snoring keeps her awake, and at least one child knocks every three hours. It’s a nightmare.
INT MARILYN’S HOUSE – MORNING: Zoe (in Marilyn’s body) tries to serve breakfast and get the kids ready for school, but is totally clueless about their routine. Doug brings up various issues and complaints from couples counseling. Zoe dresses as Marilyn and gets in her car to go to work, but secretly heads off to meet Marilyn, leaving Doug with the task of getting the kids to school. He is annoyed.
INT ZOE’S APT. – MORNING: Marilyn (in Zoe’s body) noses around Zoe’s apartment, looking for anything that could help them. She pulls a bunch of philosophy books off the shelves, and starts going through them. Then she finds Heidi’s Tarot deck and tries to use it, though she has no idea how to read the cards. She’s enjoying this break from her regular life.
EXT PARKING LOT – DAY They meet up to talk about what to do, which quickly becomes a huge argument. Zoe dismisses Marilyn’s approach, which is to find a spiritual solution, clinging to her own sense of logic and order; Marilyn is not really on board with Zoe’s approach, either.
INT ZOE’S APT – DAY: They decide to work from Zoe’s apartment—Heidi will be out all day. Marilyn coaches Zoe through a work call that she totally flubs. Marilyn admits she loves Zoe’s carefree life: Zoe gets angry and leaves. Exhausted, Marilyn orders a fancy dinner in for herself and Heidi.
INT. ZOE’S APT – NIGHT: Heidi is enthralled by the dinner and unexpected sparks from Marilyn (in Zoe’s body). After dinner, Marilyn rests her head on Heidi’s lap, on the couch. They start making out, and this leads them to the bedroom, where they have wild, passionate sex. Marilyn tries to tell Heidi she is not who she thinks she is; Heidi senses something is really strange, but doesn’t listen. Marilyn acts out various fantasies that Zoe would not have thought of…Heidi finds this very compelling. [midpoint for Marilyn]
INT MARILYN’S HOUSE – NIGHT: Zoe (in Marilyn’s body) is a lot calmer about the evening routine. She reads to Willow after dinner, who goes along with it, even though she still doesn’t trust Zoe. She has a sweet moment tucking Peter into bed. Doug gives her a fantastic foot massage, and reminds her about their upcoming couples’ counseling appointment.
INT MARILYN’S HOUSE – THE NEXT DAY: Zoe (in Marilyn’s body) rifles through Doug’s shoulder bag while he’s in the shower, trying to find out more about him. She discovers some condoms, which seem to be clear indications that he is cheating on Marilyn. This is an “oh, fuck” moment for Zoe. What should she do? Confront him, since he thinks she is Marilyn? Tell Marilyn?
INT/EXT MARILYN’S HOUSE – AFTERNOON: After school, Gwen, the eldest, announces she’s going roller blading. Zoe (in Marilyn’s body) decides to join her. Gwen is very confused: Marilyn has no idea how to skate, and tries to dissuade Zoe, who is much more athletic than Marilyn. Doug is out of the house, playing tennis with a friend. After rolling down the sidewalk for a while, a child in a nearby house loses control of a ball that rolls directly into Zoe’s path, causing her to crash. Her arm is broken. Gwen starts to run back to the house to call Doug, but Zoe stops her: only Marilyn can take her to the hospital. Zoe frantically calls Marilyn. Gwen is really sweet to Zoe, thanking her for trying to roller blade with her. It’s a bonding moment. Marilyn swoops in to bring Zoe to the ER. [this is the midpoint for Zoe]
INT. ER – EARLY EVENING: The two women flub their way through the intake process, with Marilyn giving Zoe pertinent details of her medical history. The intake nurse is pretty confused by this performance, which is a bit like Abbott and Costello go to the hospital. The nurse openly flirts with Marilyn (in Zoe’s body), which amuses Marilyn and irritates Zoe. What is going on with Marilyn?
INT. ZOE’S CAR – NIGHT: Marilyn (in Zoe’s body) drives Zoe back to her house. Both of them are angry with each other—Marilyn accuses Zoe of being lax, and breaking her arm…in pain, Zoe feels vulnerable, and realizes how little control she actually has, over anything. Subtext: Marilyn feels mighty guilty that she slept with Heidi, though tries to deflect about how things are going for her.
INT. ZOE’S APT. – NIGHT: Heidi asks Marilyn (in Zoe’s body) about something they discussed in couple’s counseling. Marilyn pretends to have forgotten, which really puzzles Heidi. She frantically texts Zoe, who is too busy with the kids to respond. Gwen makes fun of Zoe for her terrible roller blading, but the other kids and Doug are actually really sweet about it. Doug makes dinner and tries to pamper her.
INT ZOE’S HOUSE – DAY: Marilyn works remotely. She starts to take care of something that is the responsibility of one of her coworkers, then realizes she really doesn’t have to, and tells him off. She shocks herself.
INT: ZOE’S APT. – DAY: They’re working together again from Zoe’s place. Marilyn holds up a bag of psychedelic mushrooms, hoping that taking them would somehow reverse the spell. Zoe refuses to ingest any, but only after Marilyn swallows her share. Zoe is incredibly angry: Marilyn is now out of commission for the rest of the day. They talk about how to find the High Priestess, before Marilyn gets too weird. They don’t even know her name. Zoe gets on social media and finds a photo, then uses it to search. The woman’s name is Josephine D’Angelo. She’s a realtor in South San Francisco, when she’s not doing Wiccan stuff. Marilyn coaches Zoe about couples counseling with Doug, and admits they haven’t been intimate in a year. Zoe asks her why she stays. Marilyn talks about the kids, then asks why Zoe never had any, which is a vulnerable moment for Zoe.
INT.DR. SCHWART’S OFFICE – DAY: Doug and Zoe (in Marilyn’s body) go to couples counseling. He starts complaining about her disorganization with dinner and the kids, and other things on his mind. After a while, Zoe has had enough: Doug has essentially been lying (to Marilyn and Dr. Schwartz) during the whole couples counseling process, and she abruptly confronts Doug about the condoms. They have a huge fight. He admits he is seeing someone on the side. Dr. Schwartz is shocked: she hadn’t seen this coming. Doug expresses remorse. Zoe is supposed to be angry on Marilyn’s behalf, and is to some degree, and yet also has compassion for Doug.
INT. RUTH’S OFFICE -DAY: Heidi and Marilyn (in Zoe’s body) go see Ruth, their hippie Mamma lesbian couples therapist. Her office is full of books about Tantric sex and psychology. Marilyn is still tripping a little bit. Heidi happily recounts their sexual breakthrough, which causes Marilyn to giggle uncontrollably, until she admits taking mushrooms. Heidi and Ruth are shocked: buttoned-up Zoe would never take mushrooms. Heidi wonders: does she know Zoe at all? Marilyn pleads for patience, since she has sort of ruined the session.
INT. ZOE’S APT – NEXT MORNING: Marilyn (in Zoe’s body) wakes up in Heidi’s arms, overwhelmed with desire again. They make love passionately, then, guilt-stricken, Marilyn texts Zoe.
INT. MARILYN’S HOUSE – DAY. Things are really weird—Doug is furious with Zoe (in Marilyn’s body), even though he’s the one who cheated, and has been lying about everything. Zoe is beside herself, having to deal with all of this, plus her broken arm. The kids realize that the parents are not speaking to each other, but don’t know why. Zoe is angry at Marilyn, again, for being clueless, and also feels guilty about discovering something that Marilyn didn’t know. She sits down with the three kids, to make sure they don’t feel scared, and is honest with them: she’s having some difficulties with Doug, but it shouldn’t impact their lives. This is a breakthrough moment for Zoe. She might not have done this the way Marilyn would, but she was kind, nurturing, parental, and really comforting to the children.
INT. CAR – DAY: They drive to South San Francisco to find the High Priestess.
EXT JOSEPHINE’S OFFICE: They ring the doorbell, but Josephine is not around. They leave her a note, urgently requesting a ritual session with her. Overcome with guilt, Marilyn (in Zoe’s body) confesses to sleeping with Heidi, and they have another massive fight. Marilyn points out that Zoe and Heidi had been experiencing lesbian bed death, ie maybe this is actually going to help Zoe in the long run, if they ever undo the magic. In the heat of the moment, Zoe decides to tell Marilyn that Doug is having an affair, and that she confronted him at Dr. Schwartz’s. Marilyn is angry at Zoe for telling her, and for doing the confrontation for her. After they calm down, they brainstorm some other ideas for undoing the switch, but realize they need Josephine, the high priestess. Zoe accuses Marilyn of being a doormat with Doug: Marilyn accuses Zoe of being a control freak, and lacking empathy.
INT. CAR – DAY (CONTINUOUS): Marilyn profusely apologies for sleeping with Heidi, and admits she had no idea that lesbian sex would be so hot. This makes Zoe angry all over again. Marilyn points out that even Doug would not expect sex from Zoe (in Marilyn’s body), ie she’s off the hook for that. Zoe gets a frantic call from Peter’s school: he has chicken pox. She drops off Marilyn and rushes back to Alameda to fetch him. After tucking Peter into bed, she ignores Doug, and tries to make sense of the texts, emails and phone calls from Marilyn’s office that have been blown off. She texts back, claiming a family emergency (which is kind of true, actually).
INT. MARILYN’S HOUSE – NIGHT: Josephine calls Zoe back, and agrees to meet with them the next day. Zoe texts Marilyn, relieved. She has more nice moments with the kids. The youngest one has decided to accept this fake Marilyn as good enough, for now.
INT. JOSEPHINE’S APT. – DAY: The whole place is like a Wiccan altar on steroids. Josephine ushers them in, introduces herself, and asks them how she can help. Both Marilyn and Zoe are sputtering, then Marilyn somewhat angrily accuses Josephine of causing the body switch. Josephine smiles gently, and says it wasn’t her, but it could have been the fairies. She asks if one of them made a wish that could have contributed to the situation…and Marilyn confesses that she did. Josephine acts like a therapist, asking each of them, in turn, what she has learned from living in each other’s body. Zoe talks about finding her inner nurturer and letting go of some of her control freak tendencies, though she’s still angry at Marilyn’s betrayal. She also admits that it was wonderful to connect with the children, and nurture them a bit. Marilyn speaks about becoming more empowered to follow her desires, and to take care of herself, instead of everyone else. She apologizes, again, for hurting Zoe: it wasn’t about Heidi, it was about desire. Josephine nods. The two women suddenly feel quite ill, and rush to the bathroom. After each of them throws up, they look at each other and realize they’ve undone the magic, and are back in their own bodies. They rejoice. Rejoining Josephine, she talks about the profound gifts of this learning experience. They roll their eyes at her.
INT. MARILYN’S HOUSE – NIGHT: Marilyn and Doug have a very tentative conversation about their marriage. Doug shows deep regret. Marilyn admits that she also cheated, but makes it sound like that only happened because she found out about his infidelities. She asks for an open marriage, and hints that she might be bisexual.
INT. ZOE’S APT. – NIGHT: Zoe has a deep talk with Heidi, telling her she still believes in their partnership, and talking about all of Heidi’s great qualities. She admits that she’s been too controlling, and also that she fantasizes about chucking her teaching career for something more fun, which surprises Heidi. Zoe seems much more relaxed, and eager to reconnect physically with Heidi. She broaches the subject of possibly adopting a child, which they haven’t talked about in ages.
Zoe and Marilyn text each other to set up their own counseling session with Dr. Schwartz, as friends again, at least sort of.
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Justina Mitchell’s Pass #6: Subplots with Meaning
What I learned doing this assignment is that subplots add to the richness of the story and must, for the most part, revolve around the main characters. At the very least, they must address the Necessary Questions. And, too many subplots can be just as bad as not enough of them; 2-4 per movie is great.
MY SUBPLOTS:
Mellicent and John Smith and Donald Gray’s Relationship
Beginning:
Upon meeting Mellicent, John is immediately drawn to her in a compassionate way that looks almost like a romantic way. John learns that Mellicent has always been sad because of all the things her mother has not let her have due to the pretense of not having enough money.
Middle:
John works to give Mellicent the things she wants that her mother doesn’t approve of – chocolates, fashionable clothes, Donald Gray.
End:
John has kept the undesirable young men which Mellicent’s mother approved of away from Mellicent so that Donald Gray and Mellicent have happily ended up together.
Flora and John Smith’s Relationship
Beginning:
John sees how his financial gift will greatly improve Flora’s existence.
Middle:
Flora’s trusting nature leads her to be taken advantage of by scoundrels, and John intervenes on her behalf.
End:
Flora finds a way to meaningfully share her wealth – perhaps instigated by John.
How can I make this subplot more meaningful or emotional for my lead character?
Have John suggest to Flora to open her home to help young women who need a respite.
End:
John suggests that Flora take in a young woman for rest and recuperation instead of Maggie doing so. This helps Flora find a meaningful, ongoing purpose and companionship for her life as she decides to offer her hospitality on a rotating basis so many young women will be benefited.
James and John Smith’s Relationship
Beginning:
James is working two jobs to support the lifestyle his wife desires. John is sympathetic.
Middle:
When the money comes, John learns that James just wants to spend time with his children. The money gives James the gift of time which touches John deeply.
End:
James is happy to return to just one regular job, and still have time for his family.
How can I make this subplot more meaningful or emotional for my lead character?
John can interact and help James more closely than just observing.
Beginning:
John encounters James working his night job which James is embarrassed by.
Middle:
John witnesses Jame’s thankfulness at receiving the money, and being able to spend time getting to know his children. John will later accompany James as he goes to clear Fred’s name before Fred’s foolishness ruins Fred’s life.
End:
John learns before he leaves and that James and Fred are working together and are both happy doing honest work and having time with family.
Maggie Receives an Inheritance
Beginning:
Maggie manages to be happy despite having limited financial resources.
Middle:
Maggie receives communications from a law firm that makes John worry that her finances are in trouble, but she won’t tell him what is going on.
End:
Maggie finally tells John that she didn’t lose money but that she inherited money. She didn’t want to tell him, because she knew he was poor, and she was worried it would get in the way of his possibly proposing to her.
OUTLINE WITH SUBPLOT IMPROVEMENTS:
1. INT – STANLEY’S NEW YORK OFFICES – NIGHT
Clean shaven Stanley Fulton is leaving his opulent office while staff members cordially tell him goodnight. There are no signs of anything other than business in Stanley’s office. As soon as he is gone the staff members look relieved.
2. EXT – CITY STREET – NIGHT – CONTINUOUS
Stanley comes out of the office building and a well-dressed couple who are acquaintances of his stop and chat with him for a minute. The unattractive man is a bit drunk, and the woman is insincerely devoted to him; both circumstances, Stanley picks up on disapprovingly.
3. INT – STANLEY’S MANSION – NIGHT
Stanley is cordial, but not close with his cook/housekeeper who leaves for the night. He eats his dinner by himself as he focuses on business.
Inciting Incident:
Stanley nearly dies in a funny but frightening way within the framework of his everyday life.
4. INT – STANLEY’S MANSION – NIGHT
Stanley is climbing the grand staircase when he, forgetting something, turns to descend the staircase. His feet get tangled and he has a humorously horrific tumble down the entire flight of stairs. The papers that were in his hands go flying. He lays at the bottom in a heap.
5. INT – STANLEY’S MANSION – NIGHT – LATER
Stanley awakens at the bottom of the staircase. In a daze, he starts picking up his papers. When he sees his bloodied reflection in a mirror, he is so startled he falls down the stairs again with the papers flying once again.
6. INT – STANLEY’S MANSION – DAY
A concierge doctor is attending to Stanley’s injuries; portable MRI machine and all. Stanley’s friend and lawyer, Ned, is also there. Stanley reveals to Ned that he is concerned about what to do with his money when he dies. He talks about how inherited money ruined the man he ran into the night before. He also says he isn’t the marrying kind, and doesn’t want the woman that would marry him just to marry his money. He also dismisses giving the money to colleges or charities. Ned mentions relatives, and Stanley has a brilliant idea come to him which he shares with Ned in Voice Over as implements the travel plan to Hillerton. Stanley feels slightly uncomfortable when Ned suggests his exit from his deception might not be easy.
By page 10, you know what the movie is about:
Stanley has determined that he needs an heir and has devised a plan to go live among his only known relatives in order to pick one.
6a. EXT – REMOTE EDGE OF A SOUTH AMERICAN JUNGLE – DAY
Clean shaven Stanley goes into the jungle with a small group of local guides. 2 Months later, bearded John Smith/Stanley emerges from the jungle with a different small group of local guides.
First Turning Point at the end of Act 1:
Stanley arrives in Hillerton in beard and modestly priced garb and begins boarding with one of his cousins. He becomes acquainted with his cousins and their current way of life.
7. EXT – HILLERTON TRAIN STATION – DAY
Stanley/John gets off a train wearing a trimmed beard and mustache and respectable but inexpensive clothing.
8. EXT – STREETS OF HILLERTON – DAY
John is walking down the residential streets of the small town.
9. EXT – JAMES DRISCOLL’S HOME – DAY – CONTINUOUS
At their expansive and expensive rented house, Stanley introduces himself to the Driscoll family as John Smith, a respectable, trustworthy genealogist who is researching a book on the Driscoll family. He provides a letter of introduction from a respected banker in town. He asks if they might be interested in his boarding with them. They are polite, but Mrs. James, Hattie, can’t consider taking a boarder since the wealthy never do; her husband wouldn’t have minded the income. They send John to their brother Frank’s house for boarding.
10. EXT – STREETS OF HILLERTON – DAY – CONTINUOUS
Stanley, who is now John Smith, has an informative walk with Benny, the youngest Driscoll, across town to Frank’s house. He finds out that basically Benny hates that his mother is all about appearances now that they have recently moved to the rich side of town. He also learns that Mrs. Frank, Jane, is a tight wad.
11. INT – FRANK DRISCOLL’S HOME – DAY – CONTINUOUS
John Smith arranges to stay in the modest and plastic covered apartment of his cousin’s family above their grocery store. He shows an immediate interest upon meeting Mellicent, Frank’s eighteen year-old daughter; attraction borders on romantic, but it is compassion. He is also encouraged that Jane is all about giving to others if only they had enough money to give.
12. EXT – JIM DRISCOLL’S HOME – DAY
John goes to ask Hattie Driscoll, Jim’s wife, about family history. While there he meets Maggie Duff, the older step-sister of the Driscolls. She is a whirl of youthful energy, kindness, and positivity.
13. INT – FLORA DRISCOLL’S HOME – DAY
John is visiting with Flora Driscoll, his spinster cousin. He finds out that Mellicent has always been denied her heart’s desire due to her mother’s extreme frugality. She shows him a family album that contains a magazine photo of him as Stanley. She sees the resemblance, but then chalks it up to his also being a distant cousin of theirs. Stanley feels slightly guilty about deceiving her. Flora also tells him about the simple things she wishes she could do if she had enough money – go to a restaurant and order without looking at the prices, buy a phonograph, and visit Niagra Falls.
13a. INT – BRINKLEY’S PHARMACY – NIGHT
John comes to buy some antacids and finds James working there doing the books. James asks John not to tell anyone or Hattie would “die” of embarrassment. John also buys a five pound box of chocolates.
13b. INT – FRANK DRISCOLL’S HOME – NIGHT
John comes in and quietly gives Mellicent the box of chocolates, which she is delighted about, but her mother catches them. Jane, her mother, refuses to let Mellicent have without rationing it out to her because it is such an expensive indulgence; she also looks at John suspiciously.
14. EXT – MAGGIE DUFF’S HOME – DAY
John goes to Maggie’s home because the family records are kept there. He meets Father Duff, and sees how deftly Maggie handles the cantankerous old man.
15. INT – MAGGIE DUFF’S HOME- DAY
John sits at a table and works his way through the family records. He sees many family members come and go asking for advise and taking advantage of Maggie, which she handles with love and wisdom. This kindness Maggie shows toward everyone, especially the family, is contagious and makes it hard for John to stay aloof. He also gets a good feel as to how the family members currently handle/regard money. He also learns that Carl Pennock’s family doesn’t approve of his courting Mellicent due to her lower economic class.
Mid-Point:
The small fortune that was to be given to the cousins arrives via Stanley’s lawyer, Ned.
16. INT – FRANK DRISCOLL’S HOME – DAY
John arrives home to find all the Driscolls gathered in the living room. They learn that they each have been given $2,000,000 from their famous, distant cousin, the ultra-wealthy Stanley Fulton. They are very excited. John reacts with shock that even with this most exciting news, some of the cousins find reasons to distrust it, while others have declared that their benefactor is dead. John feels a bit frustrated about their initial reactions to the fortune. He is touched when he sees James’ reaction to the money; telling his son that what he wants to do with the money is to get to know his children.
17. EXT – MAGGIE DUFF’S HOME – DAY
John and Maggie discuss her not being in the bequeath and how the others are handling the money. Jane comes by to ask Maggie if she could now board John. John gratefully accepts the change of address as Maggie’s home is much more comfortable for him.
18. INT – JAMES DRISCOLL’S NEW HOME – NIGHT
At an elaborate party we see how the different members of the family are responding to having wealth. Hattie and Bessie are trying to keep up with Gaylords, the millionaires in town. James is just happy to have money to buy books and time to read them with his sons. Fred, is starting in with the questionable Gaylord crowd. Mellicent is flirting with everyone including Mr. Smith. Jane thinks the party and dresses are a frightful waste of money. Frank can hardly think outside of the grocery business. Flora is in mourning for their benefactor, Stanley, who they assume is probably dead. Stanley feels frustratedly guilty because Flora is in mourning for him instead of enjoying her fortune.
Second turning point at the end of Act 2:
All the happiness and joy of the cousins is dwindling as the complications of having a small fortune and what they have done with it is starting to hit home.
19. INT – TOWN JAIL – NIGHT
James asks John to travel with him to get Fred out of a bad situation that he got himself into; he “borrowed” money from the club he was treasurer for because of his gambling debts, and it is about to be discovered. John sees James’ anguish over what the money has done to Fred. John is troubled that his financial gift has lead James to sorrow over Fred falling in with a bad, upper-crust influence – the Gaylord and Pennock young men.
20. EXT – TOWN PARK – DAY
John finds Mellicent with a young man she loves, Douglas Gray, but who isn’t rich so her mother doesn’t approve of him. When Jane happens upon the three of them, John says he was out with Mellicent, and that Douglas is his protege. Maggie’s concern for Mellicent inspires John to intervene more in the family’s lives.
20a. INT – FRANK DRISCOLL’S NEW HOME – EVENING
John arrives with Douglas to find two questionable but rich young men there to vie for Mellicent. John finagles for Mellicent and Douglas to play piano and violin together while John distracts Jane from intervening and the two young men get annoyed.
Crisis:
As Stanley and Maggie are trying to help the cousins with their money complications, they grow closer and suddenly Stanley realizes he is in love with her.
21. INT – MAGGIE DUFF’S HOME – DAY
Maggie gets a letter from a law office that brings tears to her eyes, but she won’t tell John what it is about; he assumes it is telling her that she has lost most of her money. Flora comes to talk about the beggars that she has been sending money to. John takes on the role of her secretary to get her away from the scoundrels.
22. EXT – TOWN PARK – DAY
While Maggie is walking through the park she sees the young rich men playing tennis and Mellicent being monopolized by John instead of watching them play. Maggie gets jealous and disappointed in John. Someone mentions that it must almost be time for John to be moving away, and she cries.
22a. INT – MAGGIE DUFF’S HOME – DAY
Jane comes to tell Maggie that she has lost about 40% of their money to an investment that went bad. In response to that, the Gaylords and Pennocks have told their sons to leave Mellicent alone. Jane and Mellicent are okay with that and happy to welcome Donald into their lives as Mellicent’s good and proper suitor.
Climax:
Stanley has to confess to Maggie that he has been lying to her this whole time about who he is, and she responds angrily and feels that she can’t trust him.
23. INT – MAGGIE DUFF’S HOME – NIGHT
A lawyer comes to the house, but Maggie won’t tell Stanley why. Stanley finds out that Maggie thought that he was interested in Mellicent romantically. He goes to say that is absurd because he has never seen a woman yet he would want to marry, but as he does so, he looks at Maggie and realizes she is just such a woman.
23a. EXT – PARK – DAY
Flora runs into John and tells him of a young woman from town who has been working in the city who is not well and needs a place to stay. She suggests that Maggie might be able to take the young woman in. John suggests that Flora should take the young woman in. Flora had never thought of that.
23b. INT – MAGGIE DUFF’S HOUSE – DAY
Hattie comes to say how the money has made them miserable and that they are moving to a different town. She is a changed woman, no longer wanting anything to do with the Gaylords or the like. Stanley is completely frustrated and almost angry when it seems the money has brought no one happiness. After she leaves John questions whether the money did any good. He and Maggie talk about the different relationships the family had with the money; it wasn’t the money’s fault. Stanley is enlightened by Maggie’s take on the family’s response to the money.
23b. EXT – CLOSED FACTORY – DAY
John and Maggie are walking past the factory. They start talking about Stanley Fulton. Maggie reveals that she has been trying to learn about the man; she gives her opinion of him to John. John/Stanley wants Maggie’s approval so much that he sort-of tells her that he is Stanley as he proposes to her. Stanley admits to Maggie that he has been selfish and self-contained and that he needs her in his life forever. She doesn’t catch that he is Stanley, but enthusiastically accepts the proposal. He then ask her if she would like him to reopen the factory – one of her civic dreams. She is confused as to how poor John could do that. He then makes it clear that he is Stanley Fulton. She is furious that he has been lying to the entire family this whole time. She kicks Stanley to the curb.
Resolution:
Maggie decides that it wasn’t such a terrible lie, and she forgives Stanley. They then devise a plan to break the news to the rest of the family.
24. EXT – MAGGIE DUFF’S HOME – DAY
Benny asks for John, and Maggie tells her that John is staying at the motel. Benny gets upset because he never saw Maggie so happy as when John was around. Maggie agrees and searches out John.
25. EXT – TOWN PARK – DAY
Maggie runs into Flora and Flora tells her that she has decided to offer a respite to girls like her border who need a place to stay while they recuperate from life’s stresses. She tells Maggie how wonderful John was to suggest it. Maggie and John make up and get engaged again. She tells him that she inherited $1,000,000 from her father’s side of the family; that was why the lawyer had come. Maggie loves him, not his money, so he no longer needs an heir. They discuss how they will tell the rest of the family. It looks like they have said goodbye forever.
26. EXT – TRAIN STATION – DAY
John leaves town and several of the family members see him off. James tells John that he is working again at the branch office of his old primary job and that Fred is working with him with good prospects for advancement for both of them.
27. EXT – REMOTE EDGE OF A SOUTH AMERICAN JUNGLE – DAY
John goes into the jungle with a small group. Stanley Fulton emerges from the jungle with a different small group carrying lots of crates.
28. INT – SOUTH AMERICAN HOTEL – DAY
Stanley checks into the hotel under his real name which catches the attention of the locals.
29. EXT – STEAMSHIP LEAVING SOUTH AMERICA – DAY
Stanley boards a ship with the crates.
30. EXT – STEAMSHIP ARRIVING NEW YORK CITY – DAY
Stanley disembarks into a throng of reporters, (he may well trip coming down the gangplank, a callback from falling down the stairs – or maybe this time he catches himself). He is welcomed by Ned and his family, including their house guest who Stanley is “introduced” to, Miss Maggie Duff.
31. POSTSCRIPT HEADLINES
News headlines reveal that Stanley is dating Maggie Duff and then announces their engagement. The whole family is invited to the small private wedding; this signifies that Stanley is willing to admit to the family about his deception in order to make Maggie happy.
-
Day Twelve: Subplots That Have Meaning – Assignment
Pro-Series Mike O – Pass #6: Subplots with Meaning
“What I’ve learned doing this assignment is… the function and importance of subplots in supporting the lead characters and in emphasizing the theme as well as giving the story more depth and intrigue. I think of sub-plots like spokes on a tire, they lead to the center the main characters and the theme.
[1] Identify the subplots that have naturally emerged in your story & tell us the beginning, middle, and end of each, like I did above with the English Bob subplot. Or if you don’t have any subplots, look at your supporting characters and identify how they might interact with your lead characters in a meaningful/ emotional way to improve your story.
Remember, the three rules regarding Sub-Plots:
1. Subplots involve a supporting character & one or more of your lead characters.
2. Subplots either add emotion or meaning (theme based) to the story.
3. Subplots have a setup and a payoff.Subplot # 1: Carolyn, Brooklyn’s agent and close friend, is also her surrogate mother and matchmaker. She adds meaning to the theme of love, of having a deep and meaningful relationship. Carolyn is a supporting character and her story is a subplot.
Beginning: Opening scene, talking about love over lunch. Carolyn tells her, “when you least expect it. Love finds a way.”
Middle: Carolyn arranges for Brooklyn to meet her rich patron who is enamored with her and her work.
End: Carolyn flies Brooklyn’s love interest to Chicago to be with Brooklyn knowing he is the one for her.
The payoff – Carolyn’s prediction that Brooklyn will find love in the first five minutes of the movie, comes true by the end of the film!
Subplot #2: Iverson’s attraction to Brooklyn’s work, his desire for her and his realization that in spite of his fame, wealth and influence, Brooklyn is going to follow her heart.
Beginning: Iverson sees Brooklyn’s paintings in Carolyn’s gallery, inquires about the artist. Tells his executive secretary as they’re leaving the gallery to do a background workup on Brooklyn Murray.
Middle: Iverson flies Brooklyn back to Chicago in his private jet to meet her in person and to proposition her professionally regarding murals he wants painted at his mansion.
End: Iverson talks with Carolyn about bank-rolling a Gallery in Denver for her.
[2] Pick one subplot (or more) you’d like to improve and answer the question, “How can I make this more meaningful or emotional for my lead character?”
Subplot #2 – I would like to make Iverson more persuasive so that his desire for Brooklyn forces her to choose between a “great provider” as her mother put it and “true love.” What she believes in. It is not there yet.
3. Rewrite the beats of that subplot to add in the new emotion or meaning.
OPENING SCENE: Brooklyn is having lunch with her best friend and her patron for her paintings.
INT. CAFE — LUNCH Brooklyn talks with Carolyn about love, loss, and her upcoming 30<sup>th</sup> birthday.
EXT. GALLERY BUILDING – LATE AFTERNOON Brooklyn takes her latest painting to Carolyn’s gallery for the upcoming showing.
INT. TOWN HOME – DRIVE WAY – EARLY EVENING Brooklyn gets home, changes into lounge clothes, gets a letter from her father’s lawyer.
**FLASHBACK – KITCHEN – DISTANT PAST Brooklyn recalls her mother telling her that her father wasn’t providing, she had to go to work; they grew apart. He left them
INCITING INCIDENT: Brooklyn learns she is the executor of her father’s estate and must leave.
INT. CAROLYN’S SUV – DAY Carolyn drives Brooklyn to the airport, warns her it might take her a few days.
EXT. CAR RENTAL PARKING LOT – NOON Brooklyn leaves the airport, drives off in a rental Jeep for her father’s town.
EXT. CAFE – CONTINUOUS Brooklyn arrives in town. Hungry, she finds a café and stops.
INT. LAW OFFICE – DAY Brooklyn calls her dad’s lawyer. He answers and joins her for lunch.
INT. ART GALLERY OFFICE – DAY Alan takes Brooklyn to her father’s gallery. Brooklyn meets Richard (antagonist) he is a charming womanizer. He plays upon her emotions. **She comments on his one-of-a-kind hand tattoo
INT. SMOKE SHACK – EVENING Brooklyn meets Richard at the restaurant for dinner and to talk about the gallery and get her up to speed. **Richard tries to seduce her, she is too gun-shy.
INT. ALAN’S OFFICE – MORNING Brooklyn is warned by the lawyer, Alan, that Richard wants the gallery. He gives Brooklyn keys to her dad’s cabin and directions on how to get to the cabin.
INT. JEEP – LATER Brooklyn is following the map, finds her dad’s cabin. It’s beautiful.
EXT/INT. CABIN – CONTINUOUS From the outside, it is beautiful. Inside, more stunning. Brooklyn discovers her dad had great taste, was a painter. He has photos of her from childhood on. Shes blown away. She never saw him keeping tabs on her.
INTERCUT: CAROLYN DRIVING, BROOKLYN AT THE WINDOW Brooklyn tells her that her mother lied about her dad, talk about Carolyn’s son, then Iverson, CEO of Apex Industries, is stopping by the gallery to buy Brooklyn’s three paintings.
EXT. CABIN DECK – DAY Brooklyn is there painting the landscape before her. Finishes, sets it by her dad’s, same landscape different season. Tells him “Here daddy, for you. Merry Xmas”
FIRST ACT TURNING POINT: Brooklyn discovers a shoe box filled w/ letters all “return to sender” letters her father wrote to her, which her mother wrote “return to sender” on them. END OF ACT ONE
EXT. FRONT PORCH – CONTINUOUS
Brooklyn answers the door, meets Tarek and his two small sons. Learns they are in for the holiday to spend it with her dad. They don’t know he has passed.
INT. KITCHEN – LATER
She tells Tarek her father passed. The boys overhear. They all hug.
INT. LIVING ROOM – LATER
Brooklyn, Tarek and the kids play monopoly together. Brooklyn wins.
INT. DINING ROOM – LATE AFTERNOON
Tarek and the boys share the dinner they brought with Brooklyn.
EXT. PORCH – AFTER DINNER
Tarek, the boys and Brooklyn go outside, have a snowball fight.
EXT/INT. PICKUP TRUCK – LATER
Tarek and the boys pack up and leave Brooklyn.
INT. CABIN – CONTINUOUS
Brooklyn retrieves the shoe box of old letters, electricity goes out. She lights lanterns, builds a fire.
INT. LIVING ROOM – LATER
Brooklyn reads all her father’s letters to her, throws the old checks in the fire.
INT. TAREK’S CABIN – CONTINUOUS
Tarek worries about Brooklyn, Tyler tells him to call her, Brandon knows dad didn’t get her #
INT. LIVING ROOM – SAME
Phone rings, Brooklyn thinks it’s Tarek; it’s Richard. She turns down his dinner offer, meet him tomorrow.
**She asks him where the client list is, he tells her it’s all in his head. “Your father let me handle the sales, said he didn’t care for it one bit. I didn’t ask and he didn’t explain himself.”
**INT. GALLERY – LATER
Richard goes there, takes all the receipts, papers, invoices and ledger, then vandalizes the place.
**EXT/INT. GALLERY – MORNING
Brooklyn goes to Art Gallery; finds it vandalized. She freaks, then takes a stand and calls the local alarm company. Has video cameras, motion detectors, the works installed including a few hidden cameras.
INT. COLD CREEK CAFE – LUNCH
Brooklyn runs into Tarek and Tyler there. They argue over the merits of an artist. She is offended. She tells him, ** “someone in your idyllic little town ransacked and vandalized my dad’s gallery last night…”
**INT. CAROLYN AFTERNOON – NOON
Iverson sees Brooklyn’s paintings in Carolyn’s gallery, inquires about the artist. Tells his executive secretary as they’re leaving the gallery to do a background workup on Brooklyn Murray.
INT. BABBLING BROOK GALLERY – AFTERNOON
Carolyn calls Brooklyn; Iverson wants to meet Brooklyn, has $, has to see her in person to buy her work.
INT. GALLERY – LATER
Brooklyn gets a basket of goodies from Tarek w/ an apology card. **Says he’s sorry for what happened to her gallery.
INT. JOSHUA’S CABIN – NIGHT
Brooklyn mulls over her feelings for Tarek, her lust for fame and recognition that Iverson can provide.
INT. LIMOUSINE – LATE AFTERNOON
Iverson greets Brooklyn. Flatters her, they go to dinner where Carolyn is there waiting for them.
MONTAGE – BROOKLYN AND GUESTS CELEBRATING
Dancing, mingling, dinner and desert. Iverson kisses the back of her hand, a telling gesture.
INT. CAFÉ – NEXT MORNING
Brooklyn and Carolyn talk re: Iverson wanting Brooklyn to paint murals in his mansion and perhaps more.
INT. TAREK’S CABIN – KITCHEN – MORNING
Tarek makes boy’s breakfast, winces in pain several times.
EXT/INT. WINTERGREEN BANK – AFTERNOON
Brooklyn goes in and buys all of Tarek’s photograph off the wall.
SERIES OF SHOTS
Brooklyn goes to the places where Tarek has his photos and buys them, takes them to her gallery.
INT. TAREK’S CABIN – CONTINUOUS
Tarek and boys build a fire, have eggnog and cookies. Tarek’s new phone is fully charged. Brandon tells him, “You know Brooklyn left you a bunch of texts.”
INTERCUT: ALAN, HIS OFFICE; BROOKLYN, THE GALLERY
He tells her Richard is trying a legal stunt to steal the gallery from her.
EXT. GRAVEYARD – DUSK
Brooklyn goes to visit her father, tells him her mom lied. Cries, Ruby shows up, tells her that her father knew she loved him, that her father was the love of her life.
INT. JOSHUA’S CABIN – LATER
Brooklyn is drinking wine, eating chocolate, calls Tarek.
INTERCUT: BROOKLYING SITTING; TAREK AT THE FIREPLACE
Brooklyn is sure her father’s signature on the document Richard gave to her lawyer is a forgery. Tarek tells her to be careful, that Richard is a good guy and this starts their argument and tif.
[HAVE THIS ARGUMENT OVER RICHARD – DRIVE BROOKLYN TO CHICAGO, TO SEE IVERSON…. WORK ON THIS ANGLE NEED THE TENSION…. LOVE TRIANGLE>>>
INT. BED – LATER
Brooklyn texts Carolyn, asks for Iverson’s cell number. Carolyn texts it to her with a smilie face.
She texts Iverson, he texts her back.
INSERT – TEXT
“I will send my jet for you. Let me know when you would like to leave.”
INSERT – TEXT
“Tomorrow, after work, 6pm. Denver Stapleton, right?”
INSERT – TEXT
“When you get to Stapleton, call James at this number: 773-456-3336. He will find you.”
She goes to Chicago, Iverson makes his intentions known, they kiss and she realizes it isn’t something she can do for any amount of money. She apologizes, says she is in a relationship. Iverson is gracious and says he still wants her to do the murals. They part friends… She touches her lips (look up how I wrote it when Brooklyn thinks back to Iverson’s kiss then thinks on Tarek’s, and knows what true love is …. Epiphany!!
INT. MASTER BEDROOM – MORNING
Brooklyn is awakened by the door bell. She checks the security camera, it’s Tarek and the boys. She is so happy.
They go out, cut Brooklyn a Christmas tree and take it back to her place. Tarek tells her it has to drop. The warmth will settle the branches. TAREK “Give it a day, it’ll be perfect.” That night at Tarek’s cabin, they make dinner.
INT. LIVING ROOM – NEXT EVENING
Brooklyn, Tarek and the boys decorate Brooklyn’s tree then play a revenge game of Monopoly. Learn Brooklyn is leaving again for Chicago.
INT. CORPORATE OFFICE – 47<sup>th</sup> FLOOR – AFTERNOON
Brooklyn goes to see Iverson, learns what he wants her to paint. Takes the sketches with her.
INT. STUDIO – LATER
Brooklyn is in her studio painting, working on her ideas for Iverson’s murals. Carolyn sneaks up on her. They have a heart-to-heart re: her love for Tarek and her fear.
INT. KITCHEN – NEXT MORNING
Carolyn answers Brook’s phone, speaks with Tarek. Listens, orders his airplane tickets, tricks him.
INT. STUDIO – DAY
Tarek surprises Brooklyn at her loft. They KISS, go back to Carolyn’s.
INT. BROOKLYN’S HOME – LATER
Spend the night, the boys with Tarek. Next morning, she leaves, Tarek collapses in pain.
INT. STUDIO – MOMENTS LATER
Brooklyn gets a panicked call from Brandon, his dad is on the floor. Calls 911.
EXT. BROOKLYN’S RESIDENCE – LATER
Brooklyn pulls up, ambulance is there. Tarek tells Brooklyn “Look after my boys.” END OF ACT TWO
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – LATER
Tyler in Brooklyn’s lap in Tarek’s room. He survives, they are all together.
INT. BABBLING BROOK GALLERY – NIGHT
Richards breaks in, steals the good paintings and substitutes them for no-name paintings. ** then torches the place, to cover the theft of the valuable paintings versus the no name subsitutes.
INT. BROOKLYN’S STUDIO – DAY
Carolyn shows Iverson in the studio where they see Brooklyn’s easels.
INT. TAREK’S CABIN – MORNING
Brooklyn, Tarek and the boys are all together. ** Brooklyn gets a call from the sheriff and alarm company.
INT. GALLERY – LATER
** Brooklyn walks through the rubble, distraught; knows who did it and why.
** INT. BAR – DAY (CLIMAX)
Brooklyn confronts Richard at his favorite watering hole. She sets down photos of a person all in black moving about the gallery, pulling paintings off the wall, replacing them… Her last photo is of a close-up of Richard’s hand tattoo as it shows momentarily between the leather glove and black sleeve of his coat.
Carolyn walks in as moral support for Brooklyn. Behind her, the sheriff with handcuffs.
EXT. GRAVE SITE – DAY
Brooklyn visits her father’s grave, apologizes, cries, begs for his forgiveness.
EXT. MEADOW – CHRISTMAS MORNING
We glide over the new fallen snow, see the Christmas lights up around the cabin, the chimney smoke and go inside…
INT. BROOKLYN’S CABIN – CONTINUOUS
Brandon hands out Christmas presents, Tarek asks Brooklyn to marry him.
ROLL END-OF-FILM CREDITS
MONTAGE – VIDEO FOOTAGE OF WEDDING DAY
— Bridal gown and lace train, Brooklyn facing the camera. Out on the back deck, snowy meadow in the foreground.
— Group shot: Carolyn, maid of honor, arm around Brooklyn. Beside her Stan with their two boys as Tarek’s groomsmen.
— Self-conscious pose: Tuxedoed and on their best behavior, Brandon and Tyler stand at attention.
— Tarek’s best man, Alan, caught handing him a flask of the good stuff.
— Alan’s daughter, Briana, flower girl, sprinkling flowers across the redwood deck.
— Unsteady, hand-held SHOT of Brandon looking into the camera asking Tyler if it’s ON.
— Ruby catching the wedding bouquet, turning to the old white-haired gent from the bar and smiling suggestively.
— Cake-cutting ceremony – Brooklyn shoving cake into Tarek’s mouth.
BACK TO PRESENT
Brandon writes on the back of an 8 by 12 photograph:
INSERT – WRITING
“And they lived happily ever after”…
Brandon turns the photo over and we HOLD ON — WEDDING SHOT of the four of them — posing in front of Brooklyn’s Christmas tree.
END OF FILM:
Like many of the other skills, this one is easier than it seems. In fact, the biggest problem most writers have is that they have too many subplots. Be selective about your subplots.
REMEMBER The three rules regarding Sub-Plots:
1. Subplots involve a supporting character & one or more of your lead character(s).
2. Subplots either add emotion or add meaning (theme based) to the story.
3. Subplots have a setup and a payoff. -
Day Twelve: Subplots That Have Meaning – Assignment
Pro-Series Mike O – Pass #6: Subplots with Meaning
“What I’ve learned doing this assignment is… the function and importance of subplots in supporting the lead characters and in emphasizing the theme as well as giving the story more depth and intrigue. I think of sub-plots like spokes on a tire, they lead to the center the main characters and the theme.
[1] Identify the subplots that have naturally emerged in your story & tell us the beginning, middle, and end of each, like I did above with the English Bob subplot. Or if you don’t have any subplots, look at your supporting characters and identify how they might interact with your lead characters in a meaningful/ emotional way to improve your story.
Remember, the three rules regarding Sub-Plots:
1. Subplots involve a supporting character & one or more of your lead characters.
2. Subplots either add emotion or meaning (theme based) to the story.
3. Subplots have a setup and a payoff.Subplot # 1: Carolyn, Brooklyn’s agent and close friend, is also her surrogate mother and matchmaker. She adds meaning to the theme of love, of having a deep and meaningful relationship. Carolyn is a supporting character and her story is a subplot.
Beginning: Opening scene, talking about love over lunch. Carolyn tells her, “when you least expect it. Love finds a way.”
Middle: Carolyn arranges for Brooklyn to meet her rich patron who is enamored with her and her work.
End: Carolyn flies Brooklyn’s love interest to Chicago to be with Brooklyn knowing he is the one for her.
The payoff – Carolyn’s prediction that Brooklyn will find love in the first five minutes of the movie, comes true by the end of the film!
Subplot #2: Iverson’s attraction to Brooklyn’s work, his desire for her and his realization that in spite of his fame, wealth and influence, Brooklyn is going to follow her heart.
Beginning: Iverson sees Brooklyn’s paintings in Carolyn’s gallery, inquires about the artist. Tells his executive secretary as they’re leaving the gallery to do a background workup on Brooklyn Murray.
Middle: Iverson flies Brooklyn back to Chicago in his private jet to meet her in person and to proposition her professionally regarding murals he wants painted at his mansion.
End: Iverson talks with Carolyn about bank-rolling a Gallery in Denver for her.
[2] Pick one subplot (or more) you’d like to improve and answer the question, “How can I make this more meaningful or emotional for my lead character?”
Subplot #2 – I would like to make Iverson more persuasive so that his desire for Brooklyn forces her to choose between a “great provider” as her mother put it and “true love.” What she believes in. It is not there yet.
[3] Rewrite the beats of that subplot to add in the new emotion or meaning.
OPENING SCENE: Brooklyn is having lunch with her best friend and her patron for her paintings.
INT. CAFE — LUNCH Brooklyn talks with Carolyn about love, loss, and her upcoming 30<sup>th</sup> birthday.
EXT. GALLERY BUILDING – LATE AFTERNOON Brooklyn takes her latest painting to Carolyn’s gallery for the upcoming showing.
INT. TOWN HOME – DRIVE WAY – EARLY EVENING Brooklyn gets home, changes into lounge clothes, gets a letter from her father’s lawyer.
**FLASHBACK – KITCHEN – DISTANT PAST Brooklyn recalls her mother telling her that her father wasn’t providing, she had to go to work; they grew apart. He left them
INCITING INCIDENT: Brooklyn learns she is the executor of her father’s estate and must leave.
INT. CAROLYN’S SUV – DAY Carolyn drives Brooklyn to the airport, warns her it might take her a few days.
EXT. CAR RENTAL PARKING LOT – NOON Brooklyn leaves the airport, drives off in a rental Jeep for her father’s town.
EXT. CAFE – CONTINUOUS Brooklyn arrives in town. Hungry, she finds a café and stops.
INT. LAW OFFICE – DAY Brooklyn calls her dad’s lawyer. He answers and joins her for lunch.
INT. ART GALLERY OFFICE – DAY Alan takes Brooklyn to her father’s gallery. Brooklyn meets Richard (antagonist) he is a charming womanizer. He plays upon her emotions. **She comments on his one-of-a-kind hand tattoo
INT. SMOKE SHACK – EVENING Brooklyn meets Richard at the restaurant for dinner and to talk about the gallery and get her up to speed. **Richard tries to seduce her, she is too gun-shy.
INT. ALAN’S OFFICE – MORNING Brooklyn is warned by the lawyer, Alan, that Richard wants the gallery. He gives Brooklyn keys to her dad’s cabin and directions on how to get to the cabin.
INT. JEEP – LATER Brooklyn is following the map, finds her dad’s cabin. It’s beautiful.
EXT/INT. CABIN – CONTINUOUS From the outside, it is beautiful. Inside, more stunning. Brooklyn discovers her dad had great taste, was a painter. He has photos of her from childhood on. Shes blown away. She never saw him keeping tabs on her.
INTERCUT: CAROLYN DRIVING, BROOKLYN AT THE WINDOW Brooklyn tells her that her mother lied about her dad, talk about Carolyn’s son, then Iverson, CEO of Apex Industries, is stopping by the gallery to buy Brooklyn’s three paintings.
EXT. CABIN DECK – DAY Brooklyn is there painting the landscape before her. Finishes, sets it by her dad’s, same landscape different season. Tells him “Here daddy, for you. Merry Xmas”
FIRST ACT TURNING POINT: Brooklyn discovers a shoe box filled w/ letters all “return to sender” letters her father wrote to her, which her mother wrote “return to sender” on them. END OF ACT ONE
EXT. FRONT PORCH – CONTINUOUS
Brooklyn answers the door, meets Tarek and his two small sons. Learns they are in for the holiday to spend it with her dad. They don’t know he has passed.
INT. KITCHEN – LATER
She tells Tarek her father passed. The boys overhear. They all hug.
INT. LIVING ROOM – LATER
Brooklyn, Tarek and the kids play monopoly together. Brooklyn wins.
INT. DINING ROOM – LATE AFTERNOON
Tarek and the boys share the dinner they brought with Brooklyn.
EXT. PORCH – AFTER DINNER
Tarek, the boys and Brooklyn go outside, have a snowball fight.
EXT/INT. PICKUP TRUCK – LATER
Tarek and the boys pack up and leave Brooklyn.
INT. CABIN – CONTINUOUS
Brooklyn retrieves the shoe box of old letters, electricity goes out. She lights lanterns, builds a fire.
INT. LIVING ROOM – LATER
Brooklyn reads all her father’s letters to her, throws the old checks in the fire.
INT. TAREK’S CABIN – CONTINUOUS
Tarek worries about Brooklyn, Tyler tells him to call her, Brandon knows dad didn’t get her #
INT. LIVING ROOM – SAME
Phone rings, Brooklyn thinks it’s Tarek; it’s Richard. She turns down his dinner offer, meet him tomorrow.
**She asks him where the client list is, he tells her it’s all in his head. “Your father let me handle the sales, said he didn’t care for it one bit. I didn’t ask and he didn’t explain himself.”
**INT. GALLERY – LATER
Richard goes there, takes all the receipts, papers, invoices and ledger, then vandalizes the place.
**EXT/INT. GALLERY – MORNING
Brooklyn goes to Art Gallery; finds it vandalized. She freaks, then takes a stand and calls the local alarm company. Has video cameras, motion detectors, the works installed including a few hidden cameras.
INT. COLD CREEK CAFE – LUNCH
Brooklyn runs into Tarek and Tyler there. They argue over the merits of an artist. She is offended. She tells him, ** “someone in your idyllic little town ransacked and vandalized my dad’s gallery last night…”
**INT. CAROLYN AFTERNOON – NOON
Iverson sees Brooklyn’s paintings in Carolyn’s gallery, inquires about the artist. Tells his executive secretary as they’re leaving the gallery to do a background workup on Brooklyn Murray.
INT. BABBLING BROOK GALLERY – AFTERNOON
Carolyn calls Brooklyn; Iverson wants to meet Brooklyn, has $, has to see her in person to buy her work.
INT. GALLERY – LATER
Brooklyn gets a basket of goodies from Tarek w/ an apology card. **Says he’s sorry for what happened to her gallery.
INT. JOSHUA’S CABIN – NIGHT
Brooklyn mulls over her feelings for Tarek, her lust for fame and recognition that Iverson can provide.
INT. LIMOUSINE – LATE AFTERNOON
Iverson greets Brooklyn. Flatters her, they go to dinner where Carolyn is there waiting for them.
MONTAGE – BROOKLYN AND GUESTS CELEBRATING
Dancing, mingling, dinner and desert. Iverson kisses the back of her hand, a telling gesture.
INT. CAFÉ – NEXT MORNING
Brooklyn and Carolyn talk re: Iverson wanting Brooklyn to paint murals in his mansion and perhaps more.
INT. TAREK’S CABIN – KITCHEN – MORNING
Tarek makes boy’s breakfast, winces in pain several times.
EXT/INT. WINTERGREEN BANK – AFTERNOON
Brooklyn goes in and buys all of Tarek’s photograph off the wall.
SERIES OF SHOTS
Brooklyn goes to the places where Tarek has his photos and buys them, takes them to her gallery.
INT. TAREK’S CABIN – CONTINUOUS
Tarek and boys build a fire, have eggnog and cookies. Tarek’s new phone is fully charged. Brandon tells him, “You know Brooklyn left you a bunch of texts.”
INTERCUT: ALAN, HIS OFFICE; BROOKLYN, THE GALLERY
He tells her Richard is trying a legal stunt to steal the gallery from her.
EXT. GRAVEYARD – DUSK
Brooklyn goes to visit her father, tells him her mom lied. Cries, Ruby shows up, tells her that her father knew she loved him, that her father was the love of her life.
INT. JOSHUA’S CABIN – LATER
Brooklyn is drinking wine, eating chocolate, calls Tarek.
INTERCUT: BROOKLYING SITTING; TAREK AT THE FIREPLACE
Brooklyn is sure her father’s signature on the document Richard gave to her lawyer is a forgery. Tarek tells her to be careful, that Richard is a good guy and this starts their argument and tif.
[HAVE THIS ARGUMENT OVER RICHARD – DRIVE BROOKLYN TO CHICAGO, TO SEE IVERSON…. WORK ON THIS ANGLE NEED THE TENSION…. LOVE TRIANGLE>>>
INT. BED – LATER
Brooklyn texts Carolyn, asks for Iverson’s cell number. Carolyn texts it to her with a smilie face.
She texts Iverson, he texts her back.
INSERT – TEXT
“I will send my jet for you. Let me know when you would like to leave.”
INSERT – TEXT
“Tomorrow, after work, 6pm. Denver Stapleton, right?”
INSERT – TEXT
“When you get to Stapleton, call James at this number: 773-456-3336. He will find you.”
She goes to Chicago, Iverson makes his intentions known, they kiss and she realizes it isn’t something she can do for any amount of money. She apologizes, says she is in a relationship. Iverson is gracious and says he still wants her to do the murals. They part friends… She touches her lips (look up how I wrote it when Brooklyn thinks back to Iverson’s kiss then thinks on Tarek’s, and knows what true love is …. Epiphany!!
INT. MASTER BEDROOM – MORNING
Brooklyn is awakened by the door bell. She checks the security camera, it’s Tarek and the boys. She is so happy.
They go out, cut Brooklyn a Christmas tree and take it back to her place. Tarek tells her it has to drop. The warmth will settle the branches. TAREK “Give it a day, it’ll be perfect.” That night at Tarek’s cabin, they make dinner.
INT. LIVING ROOM – NEXT EVENING
Brooklyn, Tarek and the boys decorate Brooklyn’s tree then play a revenge game of Monopoly. Learn Brooklyn is leaving again for Chicago.
INT. CORPORATE OFFICE – 47<sup>th</sup> FLOOR – AFTERNOON
Brooklyn goes to see Iverson, learns what he wants her to paint. Takes the sketches with her.
INT. STUDIO – LATER
Brooklyn is in her studio painting, working on her ideas for Iverson’s murals. Carolyn sneaks up on her. They have a heart-to-heart re: her love for Tarek and her fear.
INT. KITCHEN – NEXT MORNING
Carolyn answers Brook’s phone, speaks with Tarek. Listens, orders his airplane tickets, tricks him.
INT. STUDIO – DAY
Tarek surprises Brooklyn at her loft. They KISS, go back to Carolyn’s.
INT. BROOKLYN’S HOME – LATER
Spend the night, the boys with Tarek. Next morning, she leaves, Tarek collapses in pain.
INT. STUDIO – MOMENTS LATER
Brooklyn gets a panicked call from Brandon, his dad is on the floor. Calls 911.
EXT. BROOKLYN’S RESIDENCE – LATER
Brooklyn pulls up, ambulance is there. Tarek tells Brooklyn “Look after my boys.” END OF ACT TWO
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – LATER
Tyler in Brooklyn’s lap in Tarek’s room. He survives, they are all together.
INT. BABBLING BROOK GALLERY – NIGHT
Richards breaks in, steals the good paintings and substitutes them for no-name paintings. ** then torches the place, to cover the theft of the valuable paintings versus the no name subsitutes.
INT. BROOKLYN’S STUDIO – DAY
Carolyn shows Iverson in the studio where they see Brooklyn’s easels.
INT. TAREK’S CABIN – MORNING
Brooklyn, Tarek and the boys are all together. ** Brooklyn gets a call from the sheriff and alarm company.
INT. GALLERY – LATER
** Brooklyn walks through the rubble, distraught; knows who did it and why.
** INT. BAR – DAY (CLIMAX)
Brooklyn confronts Richard at his favorite watering hole. She sets down photos of a person all in black moving about the gallery, pulling paintings off the wall, replacing them… Her last photo is of a close-up of Richard’s hand tattoo as it shows momentarily between the leather glove and black sleeve of his coat.
Carolyn walks in as moral support for Brooklyn. Behind her, the sheriff with handcuffs.
EXT. GRAVE SITE – DAY
Brooklyn visits her father’s grave, apologizes, cries, begs for his forgiveness.
EXT. MEADOW – CHRISTMAS MORNING
We glide over the new fallen snow, see the Christmas lights up around the cabin, the chimney smoke and go inside…
INT. BROOKLYN’S CABIN – CONTINUOUS
Brandon hands out Christmas presents, Tarek asks Brooklyn to marry him.
ROLL END-OF-FILM CREDITS
MONTAGE – VIDEO FOOTAGE OF WEDDING DAY
— Bridal gown and lace train, Brooklyn facing the camera. Out on the back deck, snowy meadow in the foreground.
— Group shot: Carolyn, maid of honor, arm around Brooklyn. Beside her Stan with their two boys as Tarek’s groomsmen.
— Self-conscious pose: Tuxedoed and on their best behavior, Brandon and Tyler stand at attention.
— Tarek’s best man, Alan, caught handing him a flask of the good stuff.
— Alan’s daughter, Briana, flower girl, sprinkling flowers across the redwood deck.
— Unsteady, hand-held SHOT of Brandon looking into the camera asking Tyler if it’s ON.
— Ruby catching the wedding bouquet, turning to the old white-haired gent from the bar and smiling suggestively.
— Cake-cutting ceremony – Brooklyn shoving cake into Tarek’s mouth.
BACK TO PRESENT
Brandon writes on the back of an 8 by 12 photograph:
INSERT – WRITING
“And they lived happily ever after”…
Brandon turns the photo over and we HOLD ON — WEDDING SHOT of the four of them — posing in front of Brooklyn’s Christmas tree.
END OF FILM:
Like many of the other skills, this one is easier than it seems. In fact, the biggest problem most writers have is that they have too many subplots. Be selective about your subplots.
REMEMBER The three rules regarding Sub-Plots:
1. Subplots involve a supporting character & one or more of your lead character(s).
2. Subplots either add emotion or add meaning (theme based) to the story.
3. Subplots have a setup and a payoff.
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