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Day 12 Assignment
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ASSIGNMENT – DAY 12
Subject: Alan’s Dramatic Scene Transitions
What I learned from doing this assignment is…I was able to convert four scenes to meaningful visual transitions.
Post your most successful example of changing a transition. Give us the two scenes with a Before and After on the transition between them.
The Visual Transition
BEFORE
INT. HIGH-TECH OFFICE LUNCH ROOM – DAY
Modern, well stocked. No people except Jay.
Jay hurries to the coffee pot and pours a cup. A paper taped to the fridge catches his eye. He rips it off and it’s —
— a Wanted Poster sketch of Jay.
Jay snarls in anger and rips it to shreds. Then he sees more of them taped all over the room.
Angry, Jay’s hands curl into fists.
INT. BOSS’S OFFICE – DAY
BOSS (45), stern, sits at her desk. Jay sits in front of her.
AFTER
INT. HIGH-TECH OFFICE LUNCH ROOM – DAY
Modern, well stocked. No people except Jay.
Jay hurries to the coffee pot and pours a cup. A paper taped to the fridge catches his eye. He rips it off and it’s — a Wanted Poster sketch of Jay. His hands curl into fists.
Jay snarls and rips it to shreds. Then he focuses on the microwave where there’s taped another Wanted Poster.
INT. BOSS’S OFFICE – DAY
A Wanted Poster sketch of Jay in her hand, BOSS (45), stern, sits at her desk. Jay sits in front of her.
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Subject: Erica Miner Dramatic Scene Transitions.
What I learned from doing this assignment is…There are multiple possibilities of transitions that can be used in the same scene. In fact, I wasn’t sure which of the approaches was the most relevant for this transition scene, so I listed three of them.
FLOW – VISUAL – REVEAL / SHOCK
BEFORE:
INT. OPERA HOUSE/ARTISTS ENTRANCE
Julia finally manages to dig up her ID, shows it to the Guard, who buzzes her in.
INT. FOYER OUTSIDE WINGS
Julia passes a door marked “To Stage”, heads down a stairway marked “To Orchestra Pit”.
INT. ORCHESTRA ‘PIT’ LEVEL/ MEN’S LOCKER ROOM ENTRANCE
A fluorescent-lit area one level below the stage. Cold, grey concrete floors, bare walls. Noisy, high energy.
AFTER:
INT. OPERA HOUSE/ARTISTS ENTRANCE
Julia frantically hunts the bottom of her bag for her ID. The Guard gives her an encouraging smile. Suddenly she cries out in pain. She’s found the ID, but the sharp edge cuts her finger. She pulls it out of her bag, blood on it and her finger. The Guard shakes his head, buzzes her in.
INT. FOYER OUTSIDE WINGS
Sucking on her bleeding finger, Julia passes a door marked “To Stage”, heads down a stairway marked “To Orchestra Pit”.
INT. ORCHESTRA ‘PIT’ LEVEL/ MEN’S LOCKER ROOM ENTRANCE
A fluorescent-lit area one level below the stage. Cold, grey concrete floors, bare walls. Noisy, high energy. MUSICIANS stare as Julia, clutching her ID in one hand, nursing her gushing finger, races in.
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PAT’S DRAMATIC SCENE TRANSITIONS
What I learned doing this assignment is that scenes that seemed to flow in an orderly fashion sometimes aren’t as logical as perceived. The tie between jumps could be stronger in places, subtle in others.
This one felt like cheating because I eliminated a scene to achieve the effect, but that’s what subtext is all about. I’m looking forward to using this technique heavily.
BEFORE:
INT./EXT. – BACK PATIO – DAY
Mom Cassidy stays at the open kitchen door, ready to bolt inside. Monica and Warren drag up a broken tree limb.
MONICA
Here’s your burglar. You’re supposed to call Sam not the cops.
MOM CASSIDY
Uh, Sam. The man is useless. Not like Dennis. You’ll stay for coffee, officer? I baked this morning.
Warren stifles a grunt, avoiding eyes.
EXT. MOM’S HOUSE – GATE – DAY
Monica walks Warren back to his car. The other vehicles have left. She juggles her car keys.
WARREN
If this keeps happening the chief could cite you.
MONICA
I could use the vacation. Here’s an idea. We have plenty of room and she likes you. Move in. This way you can stop her nonsense before she hits 911. I wouldn’t even charge you rent.
Warren squints at her, alarmed that she’s dead serious. He takes a moment, almost smiles, then shakes his head no.
INT. ADVERTISING COMPANY – BREAK ROOM – DAY
Monica helps herself to coffee, ignoring a pair of gossiping secretaries. PAUL THORNTON (33), too rugged for his crisp suit, stands aside as the secretaries exit.
Monica glances as he joins her. She takes a half-step to give him room to make his own coffee. Their shoulders still brush. Monica pretends she doesn’t notice.
Paul grins, rubs his shoulder against hers. Monica almost laughs, faces him, coffee cup between as a shield.
MONICA
Do you know what Katie Scarlett did today?
PAUL
Besides her usual hysterical call? Good thing Colin loved that new presentation. He forgave you speeding out of here.
MONICA
She baked a cake.
AFTER:
INT./EXT. – BACK PATIO – DAY
Mom Cassidy stays at the open kitchen door, ready to bolt inside. Monica and Warren drag up a broken tree limb.
MONICA
Here’s your burglar. You’re supposed to call Sam not the cops.
MOM CASSIDY
Uh, Sam. The man is useless. Not like Dennis. You’ll stay for coffee, officer? I baked this morning.
Warren stifles a grunt, avoiding eyes.
INT. ADVERTISING COMPANY – BREAK ROOM – DAY
Monica makes coffee, ignoring a pair of gossips. A Tupperware sandwich container lies on the counter.
PAUL THORNTON (33), too rugged for his crisp suit, stands aside as the secretaries exit.
Monica glances as he joins her. She takes a half-step to give him room to make his own coffee. Their shoulders still brush. Monica pretends she doesn’t notice.
Paul grins, rubs his shoulder against hers. Monica almost laughs, faces him, coffee cup between as a shield.
MONICA
Do you know what Katie Scarlett did today?
PAUL
Besides her usual hysterical call? Good thing Colin loved that new presentation. He forgave you speeding out of here.
MONICA
She baked a cake.
She nudges the Tupperware toward him.
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Hi, Patricia,
Great job keeping up with all the assignments. I don’t have the time to review your class assignments, but when we get to DAY 18, I’d be willing to exchange feedback with you on your entire screenplay if you wanted to do that.
Thanks – alan
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Hi Alan, I feel the same about keeping up the pace. I’m enjoying this rewrite process on this script more than I thought I needed. Yes, I’d be happy to exchange scripts at the finale.
I’ve been skimming through the posts, so I’ll make the effort to attend to yours before we get there.
Pat
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Hi, Pat,
Great. And actually, I think we should continue to skim, as it might be better to have a cold read on our screenplays.
Thanks,
– alan
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