Day 12 Assignment

[Sandra Hildreth]

What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is to create heightened suspense, intrigue and interest using better characterization and actions/reactions.

Scene 1:

A. Current Scene Logline: Ashton, Quincy and Maria escape the compound

B. Essence: Maria, a captive herself, provides the means for the three captives to escape.

C. Brainstorm list of possible challenges. They have to extract Harry, who is badly hurt. Other captors will be chasing them quickly.

D. Quick summary of how you will write the scene differently with the new challenge. Change from being conveniently picked up by Maria, to them mistaking who is in the car and nearly shooting her. She reveals where Harry is so they may rescue him, but elicits promises from Ashton and Quincy they will return her to her village before they head for the airport.

Scene 2:

A. Current Scene Logline: The captives head for the Caracas airport.

B. Essence: The captives flee from their captors.

C. Brainstorm list of possible challenges. The captives must hide themselves and the car to rescue Harry. They watch cars leave the compound searching for the escapees. They find Harry, but because he’s so weak, the going is slow and they are caught, forcing another fight, but this time with guns.

D. Quick summary of how you will write the scene differently with the new challenge. Change from a leisurely ride from the compound to Caracas to more action and conflict, as well as adding the rescue of Harry here instead of later. More conflict as they get Maria to her village.

[Douglas Ryan]

Title: Doug Ryan: Challenging Situations

What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is much easier when I break down scenes using these techniques, and character traits.

Scene 1:

A. Current Scene Logline: Red enters a warehouse and is told to eliminate ALL of the people inside.

B. Essence: The opening scene that sets up Red as a badass killer with a debt to pay.

C. Brainstorm list of possible challenges.

Have Red be more forlorn about killing
Have him kill the guy being tortured right away forcing a question of what next from the others in the room
Red releases the panther causing everyone in the room to realize this is not good
Red has to watch his back as someone is watching from the shadows.

D. Red makes his way into the room but does not see an FBI agent in the darkness, and does his job killing all those in the room. Then Red notices the FBI agent causing a standoff where the only way out of the situation is for Red to release a caged panther. The panther decides not to harm Red but attacks the FBI agent allowing Red to escape.

Scene 2:

A. Current Scene Logline: Drake, a stay at home dad with two daughters visits the first preschool of many, the school is more like a glorified daycare with no accountability

B. Essence: Drake has to get his daughter into a preschool but this place is not fit for her or any other kid.

C. Brainstorm list of possible challenges.

Drake is asked to fill out paperwork that is cause for alarm
Drake really wants to get this over with but realizes real quick this is not the place for his daughter.
Drake is getting a “power sale” from the “Quality Team Of Educators” and his oldest daughter starts a revolution for the kids in “time out.” This gives him an out.
Drake’s baby poops and it smells so badly they have to go, but first he asks if he can change her and the quality team feels he should not change her but that they should.

D. Drake keeps getting passed from one person to the next, in his process of applying for this “preschool.” In this power sale his 10 month old poops and it is ripe! He asks to for the bathroom to change her and immediately a “team member” tries to take the baby from him. When he denies the offer, they say they are uncomfortable with him changing his own daughters diaper. He thanks them and leaves the place and proceeds to change his daughter in their van. He then goes back inside and drops the diaper into the waste bin smiles and leaves.

[Carol Paur]

Homework Lesson 12

What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is writing down the goal, need, values, and wound of the character brings the scene to life. Also, asking these questions: 1. What is the journey my protagonist is on? 2. Who am I challenging in this scene? 3. How can I have this scene challenge my protagonist or their steps in completing this journey? brings the scene into great focus and helps me keeps in mind the original intent of the movie so I don’t stray. I think this is powerful stuff.

Goal – to hide her terrible eating

Need – to look like she has her life in control by eating healthy food

Values – She values having her family think highly of her.

Wound – She was raped as a young woman but has never told her family.

A. Current Scene Logline: Karen tries to hide the junk food from her health-conscious daughter.

B. Essence: Karen wants to show that she is in control of her life by making healthy food choices

C. Brainstorm list of possible challenges. Cola spills all over the kitchen floor. She chokes on a piece of hot dog as her daughter enters. Mustard splatters on the magazine.

D. Quick summary of how you will write the scene differently with the new challenge.

The original scene has Karen successfully hiding the food away just in time before her daughter, Francis, arrives. The rewrite will have Karen spilling mustard and cola all over and choking on a hot dog when her daughter arrives, who had to do the Heimlich. When the hot dog pops out, Karen is busted.

Scene 2:

Goal – support her eldest daughter as she runs a marathon

Need – To be a good mother

Values – Her relationship with her daughters

Wound: Her mother did nothing when her husband, Karen’s step-father, abused her.

A. Current Scene Logline: Karen and the family go to their daughter/sister’s Francis’s marathon.

B. Essence: The two non-running girls are bored but Karen wants to be a unified, supportive family.

C. Brainstorm list of possible challenges. Girls won’t get out of car. Runners scowl at the family. Girls argue loudly. Henry wants to give in to them so he won’t be embarrassed. Henry and Karen argue over this. Francis tells them all to leave if they can’t behave.

D. Quick summary of how you will write the scene differently with the new challenge. Instead of the family going to see Francis, they all argue and create a scene. It starts with Cheryl and Gretchen refusing to leave the car. Then they argue loudly in front of everyone. Henry steps in and says they should let the girls stay home. Karen and Henry argue. They go to the car and pout. Francis is sad.

[Rebecca Sukle]

Rebecca’s Challenging Situations

What I have learned that is improving my writing is that rather than making a goal easy to attain, adding challenges, solutions, counter challenges, and defensive moves can create much more interest and suspense to a scene.

Scene 1: INT. OFFICE UMWA HEADQUARTERS PITTSBURGH – MORNING

A. Current Scene Logline: Ragman takes his younger brother, a carpenter, visit the United Mine Workers office in Pittsburgh to introduce him to Phil Murray, head of the district United Mine Workers, so Ervin can volunteer to build barracks for the soon to be evicted Russellton miners. They are forced to meet with Fagan, second in command.

B. Essence: Ervin wants the union to provide materials if he volunteers to get barracks built and Phil Murray can do that.

C. Brainstorm list of possible challenges.

Goal: To meet Murray.

Murray is out of the office

Fagan, doesn’t want to meet them.

Fagan leaves and delegates to the secretary.

Needs: To head the project to get the shelters built asap.

Ervin has only two weeks to get the job done.

Money or materials to build the shelters

Recruit other carpenters to help

Too timid to confront Fagan or the secretary.

Values: Doesn’t want the families to suffer the winter in tents.

Fagan lacks compassion

Wound: Ervin accidentally killed a man during a fight.

Fagan’s manner irritates him.

Physical: Ervin is six foot three and powerfully built

He waits in front of Fagan’s office for hours.

D. Quick summary new scene:

Ragman takes Ervin to the UMW headquarters to introduce him to Phil Murray head of the district. Ervin wants to volunteer his carpentry skills to build barracks for the soon to be evicted mine families in Russellton and hopes Murray will provide materials. Murray is out of the office. Fagan, Murray’s second in command, avoids meeting with them. He leaves and delegates to the secretary. The secretary is not helpful. When Fagan returns from lunch, Ervin stands in front of his office door. Fagan baits a fight. Ragman intervenes.

Scene 2: INT. STABLE JAIL CELL – NIGHT

A. Current Scene Logline: Dennis Cooney aspiring boxer and and another Coal and Iron Policeman sit playing cards as they guard the cell containing Ervin. Cooney brags about his boxing talent and achievements. Ragman and Albert burst into the stable to save their brother, Ragman with a shotgun, Albert with fists.

B. Essence: Ragman and Albert are bent on saving their brother, Cooney determined to stop them and itching to kill.

C. Brainstorm list of possible challenges.

Cooney is a champion boxer.

A third jailer enters behind ragman and grabs him.

The gun flies into a horse stall.

Ragman must fight the third jailer to retrieve the gun.

Cooney grabs the keys from Albert but they land in the cell

Cooney ready to fight but jailer two blocks his way.

Albert takes down the jailer and Cooney attacks

Albert KO’s Cooney and locks him in the cell

Ervin is badly beaten, the other prisoner deathly ill

Second jailer ran to the boarding house for reinforcements.

D. Quick summary of how you will write the scene differently with the new challenge:

Ragman and Albert burst into the stable jail to save their brother, Ragman with a shotgun, Albert with fists. Ragman gets blindsided and his gun flies into a horse stall. Ragman fights the jailer to retrieve the gun. Albert takes on the other two with his fists, one falls, the other, a champion boxers, matches Albert blow by blow. Albert KO’s him. Ragman retrieves the gun. They lock tow jailers in the cell, the third ran off for reinforcements. Ervin, badly beaten, can barely walk. The other prisoner is deathly ill. A quick escape almost impossible.

[Janeen Johnson]

Janeen’s Challenging Situations

What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is that I need to be sure to have my main character’s goals, needs, values, wounds and physical attributes in mind when creating the action and dialogue of the scene to maximize the challenge.

Scene 1: This is the first scene in the 2nd act in my Family Comedy, The Canine Comedy Crew. The family has just learned in the previous scene (1st act turning point) that their elderly neighbor has given up on life after they told her the previous night that they wouldn’t turn her dogs into a canine comedy skit crew — that the job was too big for their 13-yo daughter (Abby) even though they had previously said they’d do it.) Lots of guilt at causing the neighbor to give up on life!

Current Logline: 13 yo Abby alternately cries and outright sobs to guilt her father and step-mother into taking on the CCC to save Betty’s life since it’s her fault Betty got hurt (she let go of their big untrained dog’s leash). They ignore her 10-yo step-brother.

Essence: Abby uses her old tricks of guilt and manipulation to get her way again with her dad and, now, her step-mom as well. They all continue to ignore 10-yo Noah.

List of Brainstormed Possibilities

Goal: Get help with the CCC & Keep Betty alive & Not feel guilty anymore.

**No one will help her — all too busy

Betty languishes further

Greg and Whitney openly blame her for Teddy knocking Betty down

**Noah blames her for not training Teddy before

Needs: Help with all of the work the CCC will take

*Her dad too busy at work

*Whitney too busy with work

Noah just says no.

Values: Understands that promises are to be kept

Won’t be able to keep her promise because she can’t do it all

**Won’t be able to keep her promise because the act won’t come together — dogs won’t obey the way Teddy won’t obey her.

Wound: Her mother abandoned (didn’t help her) either

Her dad will abandon her

Whitney won’t help her either — no new mother there!

Noah won’t help her

Physical: Betty’s dogs and Teddy need to obey her in order to perform

Teddy knocks her down

Betty’s dogs run away

Summary of How I will Write the Scene Differently:

13 yo Abby alternately cries and outright sobs to guilt her father and step-mother into taking on the CCC to save Betty’s life. She confesses that it’s her fault Betty got hurt (she let go of their big untrained dog’s leash) and Greg and Whitney just nod slightly and shrug to each other “That’s true” they seem to say.

Greg begins to relent, but when Abby jumps on that (it’s exactly what she wanted to happen), Whitney relents a little. Abby gets a little happier and Greg and Whitney see through her and tell her that they may only have an hour or two a week to help her. They look at the board and she realizes how much more there is to do.

Teddy comes over and licks her face. She pushes him away, but he returns to comfort Abby, clearly ignoring her requests that he sit or go elsewhere. Greg and Whitney agree that Teddy will not be in the act and ask Abby if she can do the play with Betty’s three dogs since they are already trained.

Abby says yes, with their help. Greg and Whitney give each other warning looks no to volunteer to help, but agree. They do an all-in ritual to signal they are on the same page and make Noah join them.

Abby is eager to tell Betty, but Greg and Whitney want Abby to have to put together a workable plan before they tell Betty — don’t want to disappoint her again.

Abby realizes she’s not likely to be able to do it by herself and Noah smirks because he knows she can’t.

Scene 2: This is the scene immediately after the one in Betty’s house. They are back home trying to decide what to take off Whitney’s giant family schedule to make room for the CCC work.

Current Logline: Abby gives up a few activities she doesn’t really like and Greg and Whitney complain about their jobs as they find a little free time on the calendar.

Essence: No one is making serious sacrifices to carry out their intent to do the CCC.

List of Brainstormed Possibilities:

Goal: Abby wants them to volunteer to help her and clear some of their time

Greg and Whitney complain about being too busy to do anything

Greg attends to emails/txts on phone

Whitney checks messages and groans at added tasks

Needs: Needs help with costumes, sets and dogs but won’t admit it

Can’t find an opportunity to ask for help with specific items

Can’t get anyone to volunteer even though she guilted them already

Values: Wants to be seen as the leader, but doesn’t want to do all of the work herself.

Wants someone else to take over the lead since she knows she’s over her head

Wants to get rid of some of her least favorite summer activities

Wants to not have to do this at all

Wound: Her mother didn’t help her when she needed it

Her mother broke promises to her so she thinks maybe she will do it too and feels awful about it

Her mother didn’t help when she needed it and now Greg and Whitney won’t either — she is not worthy of help.

Physical: Teddy doesn’t obey her

Noah pays no attention to her

Greg and Whitney don’t pay attention to her

Summary of How I will Write the Scene Differently:

They are back home trying to decide what to take off Whitney’s giant family schedule to make room for the CCC work.

Abby will try to bully her dad into helping (and Whitney), but they will push back, ignoring her and complaining to each other that they have too much work to do and very demanding bosses.

Abby will cross out piano lessons, get Whitney to take out her travel time to take Abby to/from lessons and will stop there, returning to her “I’m so busy” discussion with Greg.

Abby will stare at Noah to get him to volunteer and he’ll just shrug and go back to reading a dog training book.

Abby will suggest getting rid of soccer, Whitney and Greg will agree since it is boring and time-consuming for them. Abby will bully Noah into agreeing to drop it too.

Everyone drops their soccer-related time commitments and then Greg adds clearing space in the garage for sets to his now empty time, Whitney leaves to get dinner (effectively ending the session), and Abby resolutely adds all of the tasks from Betty’s CCC schedule into the small amount of time she freed up creating a ridiculously crowded and unrealistic schedule. Noah ignores Abby and Teddy chews on one of Whitney’s high heeled shoes. Abby will look at the finished schedule, sit down and cry. Even Teddy will ignore her since she rejected his advances in Betty’s house in the previous scene. It’s a dark moment for Abby (but not THE DARK MOMENT :-> ).

[Hope McPherson]

Hope’s challenging situations

What I learned: When I approached the scenes with challenges, interest techniques, and character traits in mind, the challenging situations were, indeed, a lot easier to come up with. They also elevated the interest of these two scenes by about 300%, way more than doubling the quality.

Scene 1

A. Current scene logline: Discovering her newly inherited farm includes a motley little herd, Charlie meets Dr. Jared Mack.

B. Essence: Charlie meets Jed at the worst possible time.

C. Brainstorm list of possible challenges:

Jared accuses Charlie of trespassing and calls 911.

Jared yells at Charlie for doing everything wrong.

Charlie is terrified by the goat, llama, and donkey.

Charlie runs back to her car, which won’t start.

Charlie decides to turn them loose, causing a car accident on the nearby road.

D. Summary of how scene different with new challenges:

Charlie will discover the animals and, terrified, will climb up into the hay loft to get away from them. Jared will enter, discover the animals into everything and loose in the barn, and once he sees Charlie, he’ll accuse her of trespassing and threaten to call 911. Charlie falls from the ladder as she climbs down, lands on her back, and soon as the llama, goat, and donkey staring down at her.

Scene 2

A. Current scene logline: Charlie invites Jared into the farmhouse, and they introduce themselves over hot chocolate.

B. Essence: They figure out their connections to the deceased great aunt.

C. Brainstorm list of possible challenges:

Jared accuses Charlie of profiting off of her great aunt’s death, especially because she’d never visited.

Charlie forgot the keys for the house and buildings, may have to sleep in the barn or break into the house.

They argue over the animals, and Charlie wants him to take them then and there.

Charlie and Jared have awkward introductions in the barn, and Charlie tells him that he’s the trespasser. Tells him not to come back.

D. Summary of how scene different with new challenges

Charlie will climb into the hay loft, afraid of the animals. When Jared comes in, he doesn’t know how the animals got into the barn. Charlie calls out for help, but he’s angry and accuses her of trespassing. As he calls 911, she tells him who she is. They argue and she tells him not to come back. He says he’s happy to comply and walks out. She calls after him, because she’s still stuck in the hay loft.

[Don Thompson]

Don Thompson – Assignment #12 – Challenging Situations

What I learned is that depending on the scene or the nature of the
challenge(s), the rewrite may be short or extensive. The rewrite may involve
adding scenes to preface or bookend the scene being considered for additional
challenges. The rewrite may require you to reflect on the theme(s) of the scene
and overall story.

Scene 1:

A. Current Scene Logline:
A journalist meets with a government official to discuss ways to go public
with a controversial story.

B. Essence:
There are risks involved with telling the entire truth related to a story.

C. Brainstorm list
of possible challenges: 1) those that don’t want the story disclosed try to
stop the meeting from occurring. 2) the journalist has second thoughts about
the meeting, postpones, then decides to go ahead and meet. 3) the government
official expresses second thoughts about the meeting and does some due
diligence on the journalist to make sure they can endure the scrutiny once the
story hits the press.

D. Quick summary of
how you will write the scene differently with the new challenge: Each
approach would require adding scenes before, during, or after the scene in
question. For #1, a literal physical obstacle could be put in place as the
journalist attempt to attend the meeting. For #2, there is internal
resistance, resulting in a phone call to cancel the meeting, then a reversal.
#3 would require some extensive rewriting, including where first the official
expresses doubt, then launches the due diligence efforts, and the reaction by
the journalist once they find out that the due diligence (with perhaps some
uncomfortable inquiry into their personal life) has occurred.

Scene 2:

A. Current Scene
Logline: The headmistress of an 1840s French boarding school requests one
of the teachers to put together a Christmas play involving her students.

B. Essence: The headmistress is testing the teacher to find out if she will stay or leave the
school.

C. Brainstorm list
of possible challenges: 1) One of the students or students could complain
that the play will be too difficult and refuse to participate. 2) One of the
parents of the students could complain that their child is not getting the role
they desire. 3) One of her students is not Christian and she needs to find a
way to accommodate the student’s religious upbringing.

D. Quick summary of
how you will write the scene differently with the new challenge: For #1
this would involve additional scene(s) to deal with the problem student; #2
would require additional scene(s) involving the parent of the student,
including how the teacher will try to convince the parent that the role is not
only good for the student, but the best possible role they could be assigned;
and #3 writing of additional scene(s)
regarding this challenge could bring in themes of tolerance and understanding and
be integrated into an overarching theme for the film (i.e., of tolerance and
forgiveness).

[James Hernandez]

James’ Challenging Situations

What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is the discovery of my characters’ deepest layers, which come through by putting them in uncomfortable situations. These layers bring out their subtext and core of who they really are in the story.

Scene 1:

A. Current Scene Logline: Pappy seeks solace from Denny after the ruined deflowering party.

B. Essence: Denny has to protect Pappy, and offers him a stern caution.

C. Brainstorm list of possible challenges.

Goal: Get a successful deflowering party.

Denny points out Pappy’s lack of resolve

Pappy believes he will never lose his virginity due to his bad luck

Denny withholds the truth regarding Don Assante and his business

Needs: To have a stable relationship.

Pappy lacks a real and intimate female relationship, but hasn’t expressed it

Denny questions Pappy about what he truly wants in life

Values: Truth and intimacy.

Denny tells Pappy he should consider any women he currently has in his life

Wound: He remains inexperienced.

Pappy does not know how to converse without appearing amateurish

Denny brings up Pappy’s relationship with his father.

Physical: His body can’t move.

Pappy breaks down physically in front of Denny

Pappy becomes despondent and appears lacking vitality

D. Quick summary of how you will write the scene differently with the new challenge.

I will rewrite the scene by having Denny question Pappy about what he truly wants in his life. This will cause Pappy to reevaluate his life and recognize what’s important to him.

Scene 2:

A. Current Scene Logline: Pappy seeks Denny for final advice.

B. Essence: Denny has to keep Pappy protected without divulging the plan that is unraveling.

C. Brainstorm list of possible challenges.

Goal: To find his true love.

Pappy feels crushed at the moment

Needs: To settle down with someone he knows and cares for.

Denny is unaware Tabitha is on Pappy’s mind, and can’t help him

Pappy believes Tabitha wants nothing to do with him

Values: Friendship.

Denny notices Pappy wanting to mend things with Tabitha, but doesn’t know how

Denny shares his story with the waitress

Wound: His history of feeling inadequate.

Pappy showcases his most vulnerable side

Denny actually challenges Pappy to dig deep and do what’s right for him

Physical: Someone piques his interest.

Denny asks Pappy if he would be interested in the waitress

Pappy looks like he’s about to fall asleep

D. Quick summary of how you will write the scene differently with the new challenge.

I will rewrite the scene by having Pappy show his most vulnerable side. This will open him up and allow Denny to offer advice which will hopefully help.

[Joseph Rondina]

Joseph’s Challenging Situation

What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is a process which will ensure that my characters will not have smooth passage through each scene.

CURRENT SCENE LOGLINE:

Burdened by a new terminal diagnosis and the prospect of this being their last competition, a top-ranked challenger must out-duel jealous rivals for the title trophy.

ESSENCE: This final event is about more than winning or losing, it’s about reconciling the part of the character’s life that has brought both pleasure and the most pain, in order to move forward with difficult choices.

Possible challenges:

Goal: be at their best, despite mental and physical deficiencies

Needs: comforting, but will meet more harsh attitudes due to the height of competition

Values: maintain sportsmanship in the face of anger, resentment.

Wound: will lose estranged family without settlement, as well as own life

Physical: Needs a flawless performance, somehow.

SUMMARY FOR RE-WRITE:

Misses timing cues.

Goes out of their way to acknowledge competitors accomplishments, but is met with hostility.

Violates competition rules in quest for victory.

Endures competitor digs about their personal life, which is in tatters.

Unsteady, weakening physical state during the competition.

[Monica Arisman]

Title: Monica’s Challenging Situations

What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is this way to brainstorm is made easier when there is an outline of making a character’s situation more challenging.

Scene 1:

A. Current Scene Logline: Trapped inside the portal Real Echo must find a way out.

B. Essence: Real Echo meets her dark side AI Echo.

C. Brainstorm list of possible challenges.

AI Echo replaces Real Echo in the “real” world.

A. Goal: Echo’s goal is to clone herself and make a virtual world where the clone and she can live in peace.

– Echo clones herself using technology and witchcraft but something goes wrong

– Echo creates a virtual world but the AI Echo has different plans for this world

– AI Echo tricks Real Echo and Real Echo escapes through the portal

– Real Echo doesn’t know where she is

– AI Echo takes Real Echo’s place

– Real Echo must escape the portal and its dark beings

B. Needs: Echo’s need is to be understood.

– AI Echo is always angry

– Afraid to express her feelings

– Wants love from her father but all they do is fight

– Wants to be the heir apparent as high priestess of the family coven

– Wants to demonstrate her superior technological skills only for it to go massively wrong

C. Values: Technology and dark witchcraft.

– She’s arrogant because she is superior in both technology and witchcraft but not as superior as when her grandmother the high priestess must rescue her

– Her creations turn on her

– She becomes more self-absorbed as the magic takes over her being

D. Wound: Feels neglected as the third child.

– Wants for nothing and is ungrateful which manifests as moody and angry

– Her anger feeds the dark beings of the portal making them stronger

– Becomes more and more reclusive pushing the rest of her family away

E. Physical: Her continued abuse of dark magic and technology is making her weak.

– Maybe her hair, which is rich and glossy, starts to fall out

– She starts to collapse more as she walks

– Headaches start to manifest

– Her hands start to shake

D. Quick summary of how you will write the scene differently with the new challenge.

Echo is pretty proud of herself. She’s created a virtual world where she and her new creation can live in peace. A portal opens in the corner of the room and AI Echo steps through. Real Echo helps the AI dress and switches her on. AI Echo looks around. Smiles evilly. AI Echo chases Real Echo around the room until Real Echo enters the portal. The portal closes up.

AI Echo must interact with the family. All of Real Echo’s thoughts and feelings about her family manifest greatly in AI Echo. AI Echo wants to know what it’s like to have the love of a family. But her attitude towards her sisters and parents is one of anger and arrogance. She starts to chant a spell at the breakfast table to open a forbidden box. AI Echo is stopped by her mother and the box taken away from her and secured in an unknown location. AI Echo becomes unstable and starts to shake causing alarm from her family.

AI Echo is escorted back to her room. The creations of Real Echo attack her once the door is closed and she is alone. Real Echo appears in the mirror and demands to be released from the portal. AI Echo refuses. AI Echo wants to know how to summon the high priestess. Real Echo tries to make a deal. If she’s released from the portal she’ll call her grandmother. Real Echo realizes her mistake by naming who the high priestess is. AI Echo opens her arm panel and presses a button. Real Echo disappears out of the mirror.

Real Echo turns to run through the portal only to be met by two dark beings. The beings remind her she’s there because of her arrogance, moodiness and anger. Real Echo gets angrier. The anger has an energy that emanates from Real Echo’s being. The dark beings open their mouths and breathe in the energy. The dark beings go from withered and stooped to young and strong. They attempt to grab Real Echo but she manages to step around them and race down the hallway of the portal. Meanwhile, AI Echo’s erratic behavior has the rest of the family staying away from her.

Real Echo doesn’t get far down the portal when a red mist surrounds her. She succumbs to the mist and is caught by the two beings just before she collapses. The two beings drag her to a room where other people are hooked up to computers. Real Echo is conscious enough to see the other people. Some have lost their hair, others have their skin hanging off their bones. Some shake so badly that they are dragged away and another is put in their place. The dark beings who have Echo tell her that is what is going to happen to her.

Scene 2:

A. Current Scene Logline: Real Echo must battle AI Echo. If Real Echo wins she goes back to her family. If AI Echo wins she will be destroyed.

B. Essence: Unleashing black magic has consequences.

C. Brainstorm list of possible challenges.

A. Goal: Real Echo must win.

– Fight dirty

– Activate the self-destruct option in AI Echo

– Real Echo must sacrifice herself

B. Needs: Real Echo needs unconditional love.

– Real Echo has rejected her family’s love at every turn

– She herself doesn’t recognize love

– Afraid to express her needs

C. Values

D. Wound: Real Echo is the product of a witch sex ritual gone wrong

– The knowledge of how she was conceived has pushed her to the edge of insanity

– AI Echo has always resided within Real Echo’s body

– Her witch powers have been taken away

E. Physical: Real Echo is physically weak.

– AI Echo thrashes Real Echo

– Only way to win is to outsmart the AI

– Real Echo goes limp and lays still waiting for AI Echo

D. Quick summary of how you will write the scene differently with the new challenge.

Real Echo, AI Echo and Mark (Echo’s dad) have been transported to the 10^th dimension. The LIGHT BEING’s who are guardians of the dimensions explain that there are consequences to actions. Especially when both Echoes have unleashed black magic and it is rippling throughout the other dimensions.

The LIGHT BEING’s solution is to have the Echoes fight. If Real Echo wins she can go back to her family. However, if AI Echo wins she will be destroyed. Mark encourages Real Echo to win.

The first contest will be hand-to-hand combat. But AI Echo is physically superior to Real Echo. The Echoes circle each other. AI Echo rushes Real Echo and throws her across the room. AI Echo jumps over to her fallen opponent and picks her up with one hand. Real Echo kicks out and manages to hit AI Echo hard enough to drop her and send the AI stumbling back. Real Echo runs at the AI until she has the AI pinned against the wall. Real Echo uses her entire weight against the AI while she tries to release the AI’s control panel. The AI shrugs Real Echo off sending her flying.

Real Echo lands near a table with an assortment of tools on them. Real Echo grabs the first one she lays her hand on – a screwdriver. AI Echo stalks towards Real Echo. Real Echo pries off one of the heels of her boot. A remote falls out. AI Echo has nearly reached her. Real Echo presses the remote. Nothing happens. AI Echo smiles and tells her she can’t destroy her because they have always existed as one. Real Echo jumps to her feet, screwdriver in hand. AI Echo grabs a knife from the table.

The Echoes circle each other again. AI Echo tells Real Echo if she could just learn to express her need for love, then she wouldn’t need the AI. But because Real Echo doesn’t know what love is she will be destroyed now. Real Echo starts to chant a spell and move her fingers in an intricate pattern but just as she is about to release the energy, the room vibrates violently. The vibrations throw the two Echoes to the ground as the atmosphere is charged with electricity. Witchcraft is not allowed says the Light Being’s.

The atmosphere calms down. AI Echo launches herself at Real Echo. Real Echo holds the AI off keeping an eye on the knife. The AI taunts Real Echo that she is a result of deviant sex rituals practiced by her witchy parents. And the world will be better off without Real Echo. The AI is hit by an errant string of electricity causing her to let Real Echo go and to convulse. Real Echo sees her chance and stabs the screwdriver into the AI’s eye. Then Real Echo rips off the back of the AI’s head and pulls all the wires. AI Echo slumps and goes dark.

Real Echo falls to the ground weeping. She curls up into the fetal position crying uncontrollably.

[Carolyn Bliesener]

Carolyn’s Challenging Situations

What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is…practice makes all things better and easier. I labored over this forever, and once I got through one scene, the second one came much faster. I also spent a great deal of time thinking about the essence. It allowed me to linger over a scene that was so short, but needed to convey so much. It’s not there yet, but it’s much further along than it was.

Scene 1

Logline: Cleo and Aunt May eat Thanksgiving dinner.

Essence: It is Cleo’s first Thanksgiving without her mother.

Goal: Have a nice Thanksgiving meal.

They argue, Cleo leaves.

Cleo’s estranged husband shows up.

Needs: For the dinner to go well.

Cleo gets drunk and passes out in a bowl of creamed corn.

May forgot to turn the oven on and the turkey never cooked.

Values: May is family-oriented and religious.

Cleo refuses to say grace before the meal.

May’s son doesn’t show up for dinner.

Wound: May’s two sons are estranged and her husband is dead.

Cleo misses her dead mother and breaks down, making May feel vulnerable.

Physical: Something happens at dinner.

The mashed potatoes are lumpy.

May drops the turkey on the floor.

Finding the mashed potatoes lumpy, Cleo breaks down in tears. Her mother always made the mashed potatoes on Thanksgiving because she made the best mashed potatoes anyone had ever tasted. And now she’s dead. Aunt May tries to cheer her up with a dance until Cleo brings up memories of May’s dead husband whom she misses terribly. They are both miserable.

Scene 2

Logline: In order to calm her anxiety, Jess participates in a guided group meditation.

Essence: Jess needs more than meditation.

Goal: To relax and benefit from the meditation

They run out of meditation cushions

She gets a case of the giggles

Needs: to get it under control, to find another way to relieve her pain without booze and drugs

The guy sitting next to her acts high and smells of pot.

A participant talks about the benefits of LSD.

The meditation teacher is drunk.

Values: Health and well-being. Working hard.

There’s burning incense and it causes Jess to cough nonstop.

Wound: The crushing guilt she feels about causing the car accident that killed her parents.

Sitting with eyes closed, Jess has a flashback to the accident.

Physical: Something happening during the meditation

Her phone rings and she answers it

A fire alarm goes off

Jess arrives at the meditation center late and all the cushions are gone. She folds her coat and sits on it, but it’s lumpy and uncomfortable. One large space is still available in the circle and she soon realizes why. The guy sitting next to her is drunk. Another participant kindly slides over the burning incense to mask the liquor smell, but it causes Jess to cough uncontrollably. Her phone rings, she answers it, excusing herself, grateful for the escape.

[Joseph McGloin]

Joe’s challenging situations

What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is I can add challenges galore to a scene, just like adding interest elements, then pick the best for the story and just let go of the rest of those hard-won insights and possibilities because they were just a “disposable” part of the creative process, which makes letting go of my really hard work more palatable. And what I used to count as final elements of a scene – any scene – I can now consider mere scaffolding and building blocks for an even better scene, to be let go of entirely and just move on to the next. That process is less painful now.

Look
through all the situations in your script and make a list of
the ones that aren’t challenging. Especially notice when you have
situations where you collaborated with your character.
Pick two situations you are going
to elevate. Give a logline for
each scene and list the essence.
For each situation, use the process
to brainstorm possible
challenging versions and select one that you will use to rewrite that
scene.
List them this way:

Scene 1:

 A.  Current Scene Logline: The alien and his daughter plan to meet with Air Force top brass to formulate a plan to prevent a leak of the aliens’ presence. 

 B.  Essence: two enemies combine forces to locate and neutralize the journalists

 C.  Brainstorm list of possible challenges.

His family is put in danger

The Air Force will kill the journalists if necessary

The Aliens’ presence is leaked to the entire base

The Aliens will remain stranded as the ship’s main engine part is missing

Humans appear as dismissive of his needs as he fears

Air Force threatens to imprison him if he doesn’t compyl. 

 D.  Quick summary of how you will write the scene differently with the new challenge.  

When the Alien balks at returning to his jungle home, he is hit with a rifle butt. Daughter intervenes, he waves her off. She gestures for him to push the button to summon the ship in space, he declines. By now the entire room is centered on the scuffle, and guards rush in from every door. Most gawk at the sight of an Alien who rises, dusts himself off, and leaves with his guard escort. 

Scene 2:

 A.  Current Scene Logline: To avoid certain capture, the journalist team detours from the sidewalk leading to the TV station by ducking into the church. 

 B.  Essence: Determine an alternate route to the TV station 

 C.  Brainstorm list of possible challenges.

The others insist he join them in another building

They take his phone

They destroy his phone

They rough him up in the church pew

Soldiers enter the church

The team insists he hide from the soldiers searching for them.

The team insists he lie about who they are 

 D.  Quick summary of how you will write the scene differently with the new challenge.  

Upon entry, one of the team grabs the phone Thomas is using and dunks it into the holy water font before drop-kicking it away. When soldiers enter, he is beaten by the team to keep him out of their line of sight. When they find the crew, Thomas is forced to lie about their identity and purpose for being in the church.