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Day 12 Assignments
Post your day 12 assignments here.
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9 Replies
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Karen Crider, Challenging Situations
Summary of how I would create scene differently: It’s just a matter of focusing. Something that allows my imagination to run away with me. All I have to do is follow, and the scene with its challenges appears.
What I learned: The importance of stressing your character. I’m nice. I do my best not to stress any, including my people on paper. My fun is in the writing. I delight in words and they keep my busy visualizing the possibilities of story.
Current Scene Logline: INT. ARCHIE’S DOUGHNUT SHOP-LATER
Essence: Archie, Cassidy’s father has caught her day-dreaming when she’s behind on her cake orders.
(Rooting-tootin,’ is a nickname for her bratty, seven- year- old brother.)
Brainstorm list of possible challenges: overload of customers, too many cake orders at one time, her dad disappears, she has customers demanding immediate service. She drops the only chocolate cake left in the cooler. Her customers are getting more impatient. Her hair is a tangle of sweat. Large ovals of sweat bead through her t-shirt; she needs deodorant.
INT. UPSTAIRS DEN- DAY
Archie, (Cassidy’s father ) has caught Cassidy daydreaming when she’s behind on her cake orders.
ARCHIE
(hollering)
Cassidy, why aren’t these cake orders finished? What have you been doing?
RUSTY
She’s dancing. She’s always dancing.
CASSIDY
(frowns at Rusty)
Coming…
…
INT. CASSIDY’S BEDROOM-DAY ( 2<sup>nd</sup> version) P. 40
During a break from decorating cakes, Cassidy practices her ballet routine.
ARCHIE
(hollering up the stairs)
Pardon ma’ lady, but customers are asking for
your presence and their cake orders. Are they ready?
Cassidy stumbles downstairs to the doughnut shop.
Mrs. Baker, a short, squat woman with a shorter temper, has been waiting for fifteen minutes.
She’s in no mood for excuses.
CASSIDY
I’m sorry, I’ve been on break.
Saturdays are usually slow.
Your order says pick-up time’s in
another hour. It’s not ready.
MRS. BAKER
I need the cake now.
I said, I maybe early.
CASSIDY
There are other orders in
front of yours.
Give me five;
let me see what I can do.
While they talk, two other customers enter both expecting a take home cake.
The glass display is empty. The shop fills with customers. The addicts are back.
Some stagger in with a glazed look in their eyes demanding their doughnut fix;
Cassidy fills their orders, while Mrs. Baker’s face is getting redder and redder.
Cassidy runs to get the last chocolate cake in the cooler. Mrs. Baker paces back
and forth, back and forth. Cassidy is stressed and sweaty. She promptly drops the cake on
the floor. It breaks in two.
Mrs. Baker throws her hands in the air, and utters something troubling in German.
CASSIDY
(to Mrs. Baker)
Can we make it a white cake?
Mrs. Baker storms out the door. The other two ladies following her footsteps.
I’ve just re-done the first page of this play outside of this assignment:
HOW TO TRAIN YOUR TUTU
Karen Crider
***FADE IN
EXT. TOWN OF GENOA, MINNESOTA-DAY
Within the lakes and woods of Minnesota, recedes a town, where tourist’s travel for miles, some for the scenery, some to visit family; and some to squelch the monkey that squats their backs; — the craving
that’s never satisfied; the drugs even the authorities struggle with. They know how hard it is for those hooked on doughnuts to go cold turkey. Those addicted to: glazed, powdered, jellied; sweet to
the palate, gooey to the touch, a seduction to the flesh. All hours of the day and night, cop cars squeal around corners, running over debris; dashing trash cans, and paved highways, but they’re actually fast
on the doughnut trail; like a blood hound, a fox: past Cub Foods, Syd’s Hock Shop, and even the post office where they read the sign: Genoa, MN. 56401;
past the bleak, back alleys, the grottoes of the accursed; the bleak alleys, the mire of the neon jungle; groveling for a dealer; one that halts the need that beckons the high, where the housewife and the
banker, the surgeon and lawyer lag in shadows, a distance behind the police waiting for their own fix, their own high, inside the early morning parking lot at:
ARCHIE’S DOUGHNUT SHOP
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Lesson 12 – Nadine Weathersby -Challenging Situation
What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is that you can always finds more ways to demonstrate your character traits in the dialog and to improve on the challenges and the tension to keep the audience engaged.
ASSIGNMENT:
Scene 1: Mrs. Saterfield has to tell her ex. Husband about their daughter’s cancer.
Current Logline: Mrs. Saterfield needs to share some sad news with her Ex-husband.
Essence: Mrs. Saterfield wants to shift the blame on her ex.
Brainstorm list of possible challenges: Mrs. Saterfield’s anger causes her to get physical with her ex.
Quick summary of how I will write the scene differently with the new challenge.
I want to show more pent-up rage, hurt and fear by Mrs. Saterfield as she tries to blame their daughter’s sickness on him, she gets physical before they both realize that they must pull together to support their daughter.
EXT. AEROSPACE PLANT – ESTABLISHING SHOT – ATLANTA – DAY
INT. MR. SATERFIELD’S OFFICE – SAME DAY
Mr. BERNARD SATERFIELD, a distinguished mechanical engineer, answers his phone. His face saddens as he listens to Mrs. Saterfield. Momentarily, he speaks.
* (She is telling him that their daughter has cancer.)
MR. SATERFIELD
I’ll be right over.
INT. SATERFIELD HOME – LIVING ROOM – SAME DAY
Mrs. Saterfield paces the floor. Mr. Saterfield is seated listening.
MRS. SATERFIELD
And now, Chemotherapy, radiation, Oh GOD, it’s so frightening. I know it’s all the stress. You shouldn’t have walked out of her life like you did, and then Michael…
MR. SATERFIELD
Hold it Beverly! It was your drinking and jealous insults that drove me away.
MRS. SATERFIELD
(high strung)
I was lonely, you were never here. You practically lived at your job.
MR. SATERFIELD
I had to…to deal with the enormous debts you continued to pile up, and the liquor bills were staggering.
Mrs. Saterfield throws her arms in the air as she speaks.
MRS. SATERFIELD
You were cold and distant. I never felt loved.
MR. SATERFIELD
You never gave it. You were too busy surrounding yourself with things.
MRS. SATERFIELD
(almost screaming)
They seemed at times, warmer than you. They made me happy!
MR. SATERFIELD
(jumping to his feet)
That’s BS, Beverly, and you know it. You can’t find happiness in things! Nothing outside of you will bring you happiness. Happiness comes from within you.
Mrs. Saterfield knows she has heard something profound. She weakens and sobs openly.
MRS. SATERFIELD
And now this…my baby…LORD!
Mr. Saterfield breaks down crying. Mr. Saterfield puts his arm around her.
MR. SATERFIELD
Now let’s pull ourselves into the NOW, for Veronica’s sake.
Scene 2: Michael has been caught singing in a Night Club by his Preacher father.
Current Scene Logline: A new discovery creates a sad mood in the Daniel’s home.
Essence: There’s an elephant in the room based upon the previous night’s discovery.
Brainstorm list of possible challenges: There is already physical conflict, so I can add more damaging dialog and some history of other Preacher’s kids becoming successful secular singers like Aretha Franklin.
Quick summary of how I will write the scene differently with the new challenge:
I will write in the argument of other Preacher’s kids like Aretha Franklin and Marvin Gaye’s Dad by Michael Daniels.
What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is that you can always finds more ways to demonstrate your character traits in the dialog and to improve on the challenges and the tension to keep the audience engaged.
INT. DANIELS HOME – KITCHEN – DAY
A tearful Mrs. Daniels sits at the breakfast table discussing Michael with Reverend Jasper Daniels and Rev Malichai. Reverend Jasper has obviously broken the news to everyone and they all look distraught.
REV. MALICHAI
I just can’t b’lieve Michael would let the devil use him this way.
REV. JASPER
I saw him with my own eyes…my own flesh and blood sangin’ in that God-awful place.
Michael enters in a vibrant mood singing and kisses his mother on the cheek before he sits.
MICHAEL
Good Morning, Mamma, Daddy, Gramps…
He bounces around until he notices that no one answered. He then tries to evaluate the sullen looks on their faces.
MICHAEL
(playfully)
What’s up? Somebody die?
Mrs. Daniels begins to sob openly. Reverend Jasper squints his eyes in anger.
REV. JASPER
(very hostile tone)
Where were you last night?
MICHAEL
Hanging out with my friends, Lee, Doc and Speedy.
REV. JASPER
I saw you at that club last night. Boy, and I didn’t like what I saw. What you was sangin’, it was trash.
Michael listens intently.
REV. MALICHAI
No DANIELS ever took to sangin’ blues or rock n’ roll, son. We always been religious. We been Ministers sangin’ for the LORD. We been a family of good stock. We a religious…
Michael cuts him off.
MICHAEL
What is religious? BIBLE toting, scripture gymnastics, condemning and judging others who don’t think like you? Stifling the life out of people with all these ‘can’t do this’ and ‘can’t do that’s.’ I don’t want to be about that. My music is my Ministry.
REV. JASPER
(sternly)
A Minister’s place is in the pulpit and that’s where you’re going to be! The nerve of you, who do you think you are?
REV. MALICHAI
Son, you need to repent.
Michael looks defiant.
MICHAEL
My voice is a God-given gift and I’m going to sing what I want.
MRS. DANIELS
Michael, please promise us you won’t waste yourself like that.
MICHAEL
No, Mother. That’s why too many young people have given up on their dreams of living fully. Their parents’ demands are not always what they want for themselves. They want a full life…they want to enjoy church, a party as well as a concert. Some like Gospel, some like Reggae, some like rap…
Reverend Jasper pounds his fist and yells.
REV. JASPER
I know you gon’ out yo’ mind now. That rap is crap! The devil’s cheap tricks to keep young people confused and out of the church.
REV. MALICHAI
Son, please listen to your father and repent.
MICHAEL
(to his father)
You are just too blind to see that they don’t go to the church because the church won’t grow with them. They’re sick and tires of being told that everything they do is a miserable sin. They feel worse when they come out than when they went in… I’m going to sing the songs I feel in my heart and no sanctimonious old…
Reverend Jasper jumps to his feet.
REV. JASPER
NO, hell you ain’t. No SON of mine is going to bring shame on the Daniels’ name.
Michael jumps to his feet in anger.
REV. JASPER
In this house you’ll do what I say.
MICHAEL
I don’t think so.
Reverend Jasper slaps Michael. Mrs. Daniels stands and gets between them as they yell at each other.
MICHAEL
Let’s forget I’m your son. I can change my name. Maybe I’ll call myself “Johnny Sin.” This is my life and it’s time I made my own decisions about it. I’m going to sing my songs whether you like it or not!
Reverend Jasper tries to reach for Michael, but Mrs. Daniels twists and turns to adjust her body to keep them apart.
Reverend Malichai is now on his feet praying under his breath.
REV. JASPER
You’ll burn in HELL, get the Hell out of my house. I hope I never lay eyes on you again.
Michael leaves in a huff. Reverend Malichai puts his arms around Mrs. Daniels’ as she sobs.
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CM 12 Creating Challenging Situations
What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is even though I may have a conflict in the scene, a character’s goals, needs, values, wound and physical safety can and should be challenged to force them down their journey.
Scene 1: (Sc 5A)
Current Scene Logline:
Vanhi rebukes Charita for running away, schooling her on the plight of widows and orphans — yet, chooses to find
Essence:
Vanhi boldly assumes a risky new identity in order to find her daughter an advantageous match, thus securing Charita’s safety and future.
Brainstorm a list of possible challenges:
— Vanhi will have to spend her next egg on her bold plan
— Vanhi’s goal is for Charita to have safety and marriage; Charita has other plans
— Vanhi’s got a secret — beyond the fact that she’s a widow
— They need protection — they’re challenged at the gate, Vanhi successfully deflects
Summary on how to write the scene differently with the new challenge:
— Vanhi believes her own life is over. She will sacrifice the money she has (to live on for the rest of her life) to assume this new identity, sacrificing her future.
— Charita’s goal is love and autonomy, Vanhi’s is for Charita to have safety and marriage
— She will sell the special necklace that her husband gave her
— Charita is trying to discover the secret her mother keeps buried
— They need protection — they’re challenged at the gate, Vanhi successfully deflects
— Is Bhadrabahu friend or foe? Vanhi needs his help to pull this off
Scene 2: (Sc10)
Current Scene Logline:
King Abzar addresses the Merchant Delegation — he doesn’t grant them the sweeping power they want even though one is a relative. He discusses with the General, how to keep warring factions separated.
Essence:
King Abzar rules a wealthy city state, but violence could erupt from warring classes, foreign traders or different religious groups.
Brainstorm a list of possible challenges:
With this much money flowing, you’ve naturally got enemies
Wealthy Merchants threaten lower classes with physical harm, daughters; Anala is their advocate
Marriage alliance is brought up
Famine
Portuguese and Mughals plan to visit at the same time
Summary on how to write the scene differently with the new challenge:
Assassination attempt
Wealthy Merchants threaten lower classes with physical harm, daughters; Anala is their advocate
Marriage alliance — Abzar rebukes it harshly
No one should be starving when there’s this much money around
Abzar must find a way to keep them from fighting
Copyright 2021 Sydney Burtner, all rights reserved
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Kathleen S
I’ve learned that focusing on the protagonist’s progress in the story within the scene is the best thing. To consider all of the challenges and ways of maximizing interest is great to effectively make improvements to the writing.
Challenging Situations Scene 1:
A. Current Scene Logline: My scene 43 begins with the arrival of friends at our protagonist Lacy’s door. Her partner is absent and there is a ghost haunting her house. She asked them to help and they brought a Ouija board thinking it will be fun and their cheerfulness will chase away any bad spirits.
B. Essence: It is important to get the ghosts out of the house, and protect Lacy who is there all alone. The group of friends are cheerful about making plans for a wedding, but- the band of outlaws who are ghosts are threatening their lives, in particular Lacy.
C. Brainstorm list of possible challenges.:
One goal for Lacy is to solve the problem of ghost possession.
Survival is the foremost need. They scare her.
Friendship values, marriage vow.
Wounds that are actually caused by spirit possession.
Physical need for comfort and stability. Protection of property.
D. Quick summary of how you will write the scene differently with the new challenge.
I’m going to make this scarier, and more threatening to Lacy’s life. I also want to use our strategies of maximum interest techniques to add lots of suspense and surprise, perhaps also shock and/ or Horror.
Scene 2:
A. Current Scene Logline: Lacy goes to visit Fr. Mack at the parish to tell him about the ghost. She wants to confess that having the ghost in bed was pleasurable at first. Fr. Mack compels the ghost to leave her with the Holy spirit.
B. Essence: Fr. Mack explains to Lacy that the Holy Spirit is the ghost that we all can share, and that any ghost that possesses a person must leave them once and for all. Lacy wants him to help guide her and marriage plans to proceed.
C. Brainstorm list of possible challenges:
Goal, Lacy frees herself of any spiritual impurity due to the interaction with ghosts.
Needs. She needs the comfort of the church and her pastor to be in attendance at the ceremony and reception.
Values, Religious beliefs, and marriage
Wound, Lacy has been nearly raped by the ghost and fears her marriage isn’t timed right.
Physical, She has been shaken and disturbed by it.
D. Quick summary of how you will write the scene differently with the new challenge.
This scene I would like to write that she is under possession and begins to think that having the ghost’s constant attention is a good answer to Ken’s being absent from home. She could even welcome him in bed… but has thought about suicide.
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Don Thompson – Assignment #12 – Challenging Situations
What I learned is that depending on the scene or the nature of the challenge(s), the rewrite may be short or extensive. The rewrite may involve adding scenes to preface or bookend the scene being considered for additional challenges. The rewrite may require you to reflect on the theme(s) of the scene and overall story.
Scene 1:
A. Current Scene Logline: A journalist meets with a government official to discuss ways to go public with a controversial story.
B. Essence: There are risks involved with telling the entire truth related to a story.
C. Brainstorm list of possible challenges: 1) those that don’t want the story disclosed try to stop the meeting from occurring. 2) the journalist has second thoughts about the meeting, postpones, then decides to go ahead and meet. 3) the government official has expressed second thoughts about the meeting and does some due diligence on the journalist to make sure they can endure the scrutiny once the story hits the press.
D. Quick summary of how you will write the scene differently with the new challenge: Each approach would require adding scenes before, during, or after the scene in question. For #1, a literal physical obstacle could be put in place as the journalist attempt to attend the meeting. For #2, there is internal resistance, resulting in a phone call to cancel the meeting, then a reversal. #3 would require some extensive rewriting, including where first the official expresses doubt, then launches the due diligence efforts, and the reaction by the journalist once they find out that the due diligence (with perhaps some uncomfortable inquiry into their personal life) has occurred.
Scene 2:
A. Current Scene Logline: The headmistress of an 1840s French boarding school requests one of the teachers to put together a Christmas play involving her students.
B. Essence: The headmistress is testing the teacher to find out if she will stay or leave the school.
C. Brainstorm list of possible challenges: 1) One of the students or students could complain that the play will be too difficult and refuse to participate. 2) One of the parents of the students could complain that their child is not getting the role they desire. 3) One of her students is not Christian and she needs to find a way to accommodate the student’s religious upbringing.
D. Quick summary of how you will write the scene differently with the new challenge: For #1 this would involve additional scene(s) to deal with the problem student; #2 would require additional scene(s) involving the parent of the student, including how the teacher will try to convince the parent that the role is not only good for the student, but the best possible role they could be assigned; and #3 writing of additional scene(s) regarding this challenge could bring in themes of tolerance and understanding and be integrated into an overarching theme for the film (i.e., of tolerance and forgiveness).
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Julie Wochholz’s Challenging Situations
What I’ve Learned: Brainstorming challenges leads to finding some good ideas to write the scene with more drama and conflict – making it more interesting. It also gave me some ideas on how the characters can come into conflict with each other in a scene that before was very mediocre – I can rewrite the scene with much more conflict and comedy.
Scene 1:
Current Logline: Still confused about what has happened to her, Maya spots Evan across the gym at the crowded pep rally and struggles to get his attention.
Essence: Maya spots someone who can help her, but she has alienated herself from him earlier in the story, and now she needs to reconnect.
Brainstorm list of possible challenges:
Goal: Get Evan’s attention. Get to Evan.
Nothing she does works (see physical)
Needs: Find an ally. Figure out what is happening.
Maya spots Evan, but she has rejected his friendship and been mean to him – now she needs him.
Values: Betrayal (in the past) Need to reconnect to this relationship.
Maya disregards how many people she will make angry – and how unpopular this will make her – in order to reach Evan.
Wound: Maya has betrayed her old friends.
Maya spots Evan, but she has rejected his friendship and been mean to him – now she needs him but can’t reach him
Maya turned her back on Evan but now fights physical obstacles to reach him.
Physical: Maya needs to get across the gym floor where a pep rally is going on to reach Evan for help.
– There is too much noise for Evan to hear Maya’s shouts
– Too many kids for Evan to spot Maya waving at him
– Maya has to push through rows of kids to get down to the gym floor
– Teacher tries to stop her from crossing the gym floor to get to the other side
– Band, cheerleaders, Mascot, team members all get in her way. She falls. They fall. Cheerleaders in a difficult formation are toppled to the ground.
– Maya disrupts the pep rally
– At the other side of gym, the furious coach and team members try to catch Maya
– Once across she can’t spot Evan
Quick summary of how I will write scene differently: Go full on with the physical comedy as Maya tries to reach Evan. Every step she takes towards Evan causes more chaos until she utterly destroys the pep rally to reach him.
Scene 2:
Current Logline: Maya and Evan break into the school administration office on the weekend looking for records to find Olivia.
Essence: Maya and Evan are desperate to find and work with Olivia to get home.
Brainstorm list of possible challenges:
Goal: break into office. Find records. Find info about Olivia. Do not get caught.
They cannot find any record of Olivia
They almost get caught – twice
Needs: Find Olivia.
They fail
Values: Friendship. Work together. Honesty.
Evan is honest and obedient, breaking and entering causes anxiety.
Maya cannot work well with Evan – everything she says and does stresses him out and causes him to shut down.
Maya is bossy – hurts Evan
Evan gets defeated by old tech and Maya’s attitude.
Wound: Rift between Maya and old friends
Evan does not yet trust Maya.
He starts to Q everything she says and what her real goal is.
Physical:
Difficult to break into office.
Can’t find files.
Can’t figure out old computers.
Password?
Distractions
Avoid being seen by others in the school
Quick summary of how I will write scene differently: Instead of working well together, Maya is bossy and insulting towards Evan; causing him to get anxious, hurt, distrustful, feel defeated and ultimately explode. All this while dealing with the challenges of not being seen and caught while breaking into the office and the records, and dealing with old technology.
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Rebecca’s Challenging Situations
What I have learned that is improving my writing is that rather than making a goal easy to attain, adding challenges, solutions, counter challenges, and defensive moves can create much more interest and suspense to a scene.
Scene 1: INT. OFFICE UMWA HEADQUARTERS PITTSBURGH – MORNING
A. Current Scene Logline: Ragman takes his younger brother, a carpenter, visit the United Mine Workers office in Pittsburgh to introduce him to Phil Murray, head of the district United Mine Workers, so Ervin can volunteer to build barracks for the soon to be evicted Russellton miners. They are forced to meet with Fagan, second in command.
B. Essence: Ervin wants the union to provide materials if he volunteers to get barracks built and Phil Murray can do that.
C. Brainstorm list of possible challenges.
Goal: To meet Murray.
Murray is out of the office
Fagan, doesn’t want to meet them.
Fagan leaves and delegates to the secretary.
Needs: To head the project to get the shelters built asap.
Ervin has only two weeks to get the job done.
Money or materials to build the shelters
Recruit other carpenters to help
Too timid to confront Fagan or the secretary.
Values: Doesn’t want the families to suffer the winter in tents.
Fagan lacks compassion
Wound: Ervin accidentally killed a man during a fight.
Fagan’s manner irritates him.
Physical: Ervin is six foot three and powerfully built
He waits in front of Fagan’s office for hours.
D. Quick summary new scene:
Ragman takes Ervin to the UMW headquarters to introduce him to Phil Murray head of the district. Ervin wants to volunteer his carpentry skills to build barracks for the soon to be evicted mine families in Russellton and hopes Murray will provide materials. Murray is out of the office. Fagan, Murray’s second in command, avoids meeting with them. He leaves and delegates to the secretary. The secretary is not helpful. When Fagan returns from lunch, Ervin stands in front of his office door. Fagan baits a fight. Ragman intervenes.
Scene 2: INT. STABLE JAIL CELL – NIGHT
A. Current Scene Logline: Dennis Cooney aspiring boxer and and another Coal and Iron Policeman sit playing cards as they guard the cell containing Ervin. Cooney brags about his boxing talent and achievements. Ragman and Albert burst into the stable to save their brother, Ragman with a shotgun, Albert with fists.
B. Essence: Ragman and Albert are bent on saving their brother, Cooney determined to stop them and itching to kill.
C. Brainstorm list of possible challenges.
Cooney is a champion boxer.
A third jailer enters behind ragman and grabs him.
The gun flies into a horse stall.
Ragman must fight the third jailer to retrieve the gun.
Cooney grabs the keys from Albert but they land in the cell
Cooney ready to fight but jailer two blocks his way.
Albert takes down the jailer and Cooney attacks
Albert KO’s Cooney and locks him in the cell
Ervin is badly beaten, the other prisoner deathly ill
Second jailer ran to the boarding house for reinforcements.
D. Quick summary of how you will write the scene differently with the new challenge:
Ragman and Albert burst into the stable jail to save their brother, Ragman with a shotgun, Albert with fists. Ragman gets blindsided and his gun flies into a horse stall. Ragman fights the jailer to retrieve the gun. Albert takes on the other two with his fists, one falls, the other, a champion boxers, matches Albert blow by blow. Albert KO’s him. Ragman retrieves the gun. They lock tow jailers in the cell, the third ran off for reinforcements. Ervin, badly beaten, can barely walk. The other prisoner is deathly ill. A quick escape almost impossible.
Scene 1: INT. OFFICE UMWA HEADQUARTERS PITTSBURGH – AFTERNOON
A. Current Scene Logline: Ragman drives his younger brother, a carpenter, to the United Mine Workers office in Pittsburgh so he can volunteer to build barracks for the soon to be evicted Russellton miners. They meet with Pat Fagan second under Phil Murray.
B. Essence: Despite not being a union member, Ervin hopes to convince Pat Fagan to allow him to head the barracks building project.
C. Brainstorm list of possible challenges.
Fagan refuses to meet with him.
Fagan turns him down because he isn’t union.
Neither Murray of Fagan are in the office.
Ervin refuses to meet with an underling.
Fagan seems more interested in Ragman the war hero.
Phil Murray shows up during the meeting with Fagan and the two dispute between tents or wood structures.
Ervin and Ragman wait two hours to talk to someone.
D. Quick summary of how you will write the scene differently with the new challenge.
Fagan refuses to meet with Ervin and Ragman saying he is too busy. Ervin and Ragman wait two hours until Fagan attempts to leave for lunch. Ragman confronts him as he blocks the door. Fagan passes them on to the secretary. Ragman tells the secretary to get Phil Murray on the phone. She states that Murray is out of the office and she doesn’t know how to reach him. Ragman calls her bluff. The secretary calls Murray and hands the phone to Ragman. The two chat for a few minutes before Ragman gives it to the secretary for her to talk to her boss. She tells Ragman and Ervin they are welcome to sit and wait. Fagan returns from lunch and still refuses to see them until the secretary sets him straight. Fagan goes to his office and makes Ragman and Ervin wait another hour before seeing them. Ervin begins his pitch and Fagan complains about him not being union. Murray returns and interrupts the meeting and gives Ragman a warm greeting. Fagan taken aback and quickly changes his position. Murray sits in on the meeting asks several questions. He appoints Ervin to lead the barracks building project and calls him a miracle. He orders Fagan to set in motion the delivery of lumber and tarpaper. When Fagan suggests tents, Murray tells him that most likely the strike will last through winter and tents will not keep the families alive.
Scene 2: INT. STABLE JAIL CELL – NIGHT
A. Current Scene: Dennis Cooney aspiring boxer and covert agent spying on the commander of the Coal and Iron Police sits playing cards with two jailers guarding the cell containing Ervin. Cooney brags about his boxing talent and achievements. Ragman and Albert burst into the stable to save their brother, Ragman with a shotgun, Albert with only fists.
B. Essence: Ragman and Albert are bent on saving their brother, Cooney even more determined to stop them and itching to kill.
C. Brainstorm list of possible challenges
Albert grabs the keys
A third jailer enters from out side, grabs Ragman from behind, the gun flies in the air.
The gun lands in a horse stall and angers the horse
Cooney rushes Albert and the keys land in the cell
Albert lifts his fists ready to take on Cooney and Jailer one.
Cooney does the same, ready to fight.
Jailer one gets between Cooney and Albert.
Cooney holds back until Jailer One gets decked in two punches.
Cooney moves in for his own action and gets in a few solid blows.
Cooney’s offense soon dissolves.
He defends blow after blow against punches that feel like sledge hammers.
Boom, Cooney’s body slams against the cold steel of the cell.
Cooney pushes his thumbs towards Albert’s eyeballs but scratches his cheek instead.
Albert connects a forceful undercut to Cooney’s jaw and Cooney slithers to the floor.
Albert and Ragman help Ervin and the other prisoner escape.
Cooney wakes up to find himself and the other jailers locked into the cell.
D. Quick summary of how you will write the scene differently with the new challenge.
Ragman and Albert burst into the jail, Ragman with a gun, Albert to grab the keys to the cell. As Albert approaches the cell a third jailer enters the building an grabs Ragman. The gun flies into a horse stall angering the horse. Cooney rushes Albert and the keys land in the cell. Albert lifts his fists ready to take on Cooney and Jailer One. Cooney does the same. Jailer One steps in front of Cooney blocking his attack. Cooney holds back until Albert decks the jailer with two blows. Cooney moves in for action and gets in a few solid punches for the upper hand. His offense soon dissolves as he defends blow after blow of punches that feel like sledge hammers. Boom, Cooney’s body slams against the hard steel of the cell. He goes for Albert’s eyes with his thumbs. Albert ducks; Cooney hits his mouth. Alberts lip bleeds. Albert connects a forceful undercut to Cooney’s jaw. Cooney slithers to the floor. Cooney wakes up to find the prisoners gone and he is locked into the cell with the other jailers.
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HenrHenry Kana QE Scene 2 (Max Interest Techniques-Rev 3)
Logline: Two Archelogist hunt for ancient treasure which cause one to lose his life in the search
Essence: One treasure hunter takes advantage of another.
INT. HOUSTON MUSEUM OF ARCHOLOGY – CONFERENCE ROOM –DAY
Nick and Mary Ann are studying several maps on the conference room table.
Nick: I want you to make copies of all of these maps, especially the ones that show the existing temples, pyramids and grave yards. I don’t want John to get his hands on the originals. The more we keep between ourselves the better chance we stand to pull this off.
John sticks his head in the door way crack.
John: I am in the right place, Mrs. Livingston, I presume? (smiling)
Mary Ann: Yes, John, come in and join us.
Nick: Hi John
John: Hi!
Nick unfold a map of Central America and motions to John to come over. Nick points to Belieze.
Nick: That’s it. That’s where we going. (Pointing to a river on the map).
John: How do you know we will find any thing. I’m interested in finding King Zapata’s Treasure.
Nick: Look, last time I was down there I purchased this old map from a Shaman. (pointing to the old map on parchament)
John: How do you know it’s real. He could have been just making it all up. You know the jungle is a vast place down there.
Nick: Well, he told me the story handed down by his Grandfather and the map looks authentic. It only cost me $500.
John: That’s a well off Shaman. Let’s see, ten treasure hunter per month. Ten grand haul for the month, not bad. Did he have a Satellite Dish?
Nick: Yes, but they all do.
John: Ok, let’s get on with the plans. I will go down first and establish a base camp at our drop off point on the New River, assuming that where we are going.
Nick: Yes. Mary Ann will help you with permits and logistics.
Mary Ann: On it boss.
John and Mary Ann being to study the maps and been to make a list of equipment and supplies.
EXT. A MONTH LATER ON THE BANKS OF THE NEW RIVER – LATE EVENING
A small motorized dugout cruises along the banks of the New River. Suddenly a flury of arrows and spears fly from the jungle along the river bank. The dugout moves away from the bank and the arrows and spears fall harmlessly in the river. One or two arrow are stuck in the side of the boat. Nick stands up in the boat and shouts several commands in Spanish.
Nick: Alto! Mi Amigo! Alto!
Nick sits back down and the dugout continues puttering up the river.
John sits in a chair in front of a camp fire sipping on fresh steaming coffee. He is awaiting the arrival of Nick Jones, a competitor archeologist. A motorize dugout cruises up to a make shift dock. Out hops Nick.
Nick: Morning John, how are things? Making any progress? What’s with the angry natives. I thought this was a safe site.
John: Yes, it is. They are just blowing off steam cause they didn’t feel like they got enough compensation. Progress, you tell me, did you bring it? We will be lost without it.
Nick: Bring what? (Chuckling) I hope my secretary packed it? I told her to.
John: Damn you Nick. We can’t use the Stone and Rods without it.
Nick: I’m sure Mary Ann packed it. She was folding it up when I left the office. I sure it here in my travel bag.
John: Finding King Zapata’s treasure will be useless without that Map. With the winding trails, changes in elevations it will be like looking for a, “needle in a haystack.”
Nick: You have the Stone and Rods? Show me!
John crosses to a metal suitcase, places it on the camp table, and pops it open revealing a diamond shaped stone with two copper rods with eye pieces.
John: There you see, we kept safe till you got hear per our written agreement. Now where is the map?
Nick: Right here.
Nick opens his carry bag and pull out a folded piece of parchment. He unfolds it and places it on the camp table. John studies the map.
John: This doesn’t look like the original map you showed me months ago.
Nick: It is. It’s a copy, you don’t think I would bring an original to a snake and mosquito infested place like this. Besides, we could get jump by natives or bandits. They are already agitated about this.
John: Don’t be ridiculous. I’ve been out here for two month and haven’t seen another soul except the natives I have working for me, and they go home every evening. Are you sure she copied the correct map and not a cheap thing off the street. There are at least a dozen fakes floating around out there.
Nick: I’m sure it is. If it wasn’t I’m not sure you could even identify it as a fake. Why don’t you study it tonight by the camp light and plot us a path to the treasure if you can or is that out of you ability.
John: One more comment like that and I’m going to make you see stars.
Nick: Ha, ha, ha. Better bring your native helpers. Study the map and we will set out in the morning to find the treasure. I’m turning in. I had a hard day’s travel. Good night.
John: Good night. Be sure to shake out your shoes in the morning. Scorpions and Spiders you know.
Nick: I didn’t fall off the wagon yesterday. Good night
Nick enters the camp tent. John sits at the table examining the map. He holds it up to the camp light to make sure it’s not a forgery. He flips the map over several times.
John: At least it not a fake, I hope?(Mumbling)
Ext: Mountain Trail Head – Day
After hiking and climbing through the jungle for about an hour, John and Nick stumble into an opening containing Mayan figures and many unusual looking stones.
John: Quick, look at the map, do any of the figures match.
Nick: Map, what map, you had it last night.
John: Ok, ok, just wanted to get a rise out of you.
Nick: This is your warning. Nextime pow or maybe a Saw Rasp Viper. Careful what you do.
John lays out the map and begins to move the stone and rods over the map. Nothing seems to fit exactly right.
Nick: Let me see those. You’re not holding them right.
Nick holds them over the map like divining rods. They cross, sparks fly and ignite the Maps.
John and Nick frantically slap at the burning map. They get it out but there are several wholes in the map.
John: You idiot.
John punches Nick in the nose.
Nick: Ouch, why did you do that.
John: You deserved it for burning those holes in the Map. Now look what your have done.
John holds up the map. The morning light shines through and lines up on several statues. The ground begins to shake and rumble. A Grave covers opens up a grave pit revealing gold, diamonds, rubies and ancient gold coins. The top of the jewels are covered with slithering snakes. John pulls out a professional snake catcher and begins to put the snakes in a burlap bag. He collects the most poisioness ones first and then on to the harmless one.
John: Good thing there weren’t very many poisioness one.
Nick: Jackpot.
Nick picks up the diamond shape stone and hits John over the head and knock him out cold. Nick empties his back pack and greedly fills it with gold, jewels and coins. He drags John unconconse body into the grave. Nick takes the stone and places it against the eye of the statues. The grave closes over John body. Nick slings his back pack and begins walking back down the trail.
Nick: (Softly Singing) Hiho, hiho, it’s home from work we go.
We can hear the muffled screams of John.
John: Come back here you thief, conniving conman. The authorities will catch you.
Nick: And who in the hell is going to tell them. Not me. Ha, Ha! And your in no position too.
Nick, with his shoulders back and a bounce in his step continues down the trail whistling.y Kana
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Tom’s Challenging Situations
What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is quality increases when the protagonist is figuratively and literally “kicked in the teeth.”
Scene 1:
A. Current Scene Logline: Protagonist Kate’s ex-lover introduces her to his wife Margo. When she found out Kate and he were having an affair, she was nine months pregnant and gave birth early to a preemie who was autistic.
B. Essence: Margo wants Kate to get her son into the astronaut academy Kate’s daughter is in, despite the fact he’s autistic.
C. Brainstorm possible challenges. Margo uses every insult and criticism to manipulate Kate into getting their son into the academy.
D. Summary: How to write the scene differently with the new challenges:
D. Summary: How to write the scene differently with the new challenges:
Margo talks down to Kate, says because she enticed her husband into an affair, she gave birth early which caused her son to be born with autism, she owes them and must get their son into the academy. She says NASA has a value system. If Kate can become an astronaut, their son certainly should. Kate’s wound is the affair with Art.Scene 2:
A. Current Scene Logline: When protagonist-astronaut Kate catches her NASA boss and ex-husband antagonist Warren sabotaging her Mars spacecraft she will fly to Mars on, he deflects blame by criticizing her.
B. Essence: She wants to know what he’s done to the spaceship.
C. Brainstorm possible challenges: When Kate accuses him of sabotage, Warren says she should leave safety matters up to the “men” like him who are in charge. If she has no specific evidence something’s wrong, nothing’s wrong. She should be grateful she became an astronaut. Her affair should have disqualified her.
D. Summary: How to write the scene differently with the new challenges:
Warren says, “Don’t worry your pretty little head. Our workmen take good care of it.” Kate accuses him of damaging the spaceship. He says she doesn’t know what could be wrong with it. She insists she’s well trained and knows when something’s amiss. Warren says fine, what’s wrong? She can’t say. He accuses her of being a slut. She had a fling with a married astronaut, used sex to become an astronaut. She opens a panel and claims he reversed some wires. But when Warren starts the engine, it runs smoothly. Warren smirks. Kate seethes. #-
This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by Tom Wilson.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by Tom Wilson.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by Tom Wilson.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by
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