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Day 12 Assignments
Reply to post your assignment.
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10 Replies
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Today I learned that I need more clues to set up the main mysteries. I like the way my script is improving and deepening. Still not sure about the “Map.”
MAIN MYSTERIES:
1. WHO OR WHAT IS CAUSING ACCIDENTS & THE CASINO DESTRUCTION?
Clues include:
a. Men smuggling drugs
b. Too many strange Russians in the area
c. Too many odd accidents
d. Money laundering
<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>e. <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Customers driven away by fights in casino
<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>f. Press is being fed bad information by whom?
<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>g. Who all in the union is creating problems?
2. WHO KIDNAPPED JOE’S DAUGHTER, and which one or ones?
Clues include:
a. All the sisters wear red bottomed shoes
b. Limo predominant
c. Russian Nanny
d. Strange gifts arrive
e. Strangers give the twins a ride home
<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>f. <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Nick is snooping
g. House robbery by a Russian
3. WHO IS NICK?
Clues include:
a. Nick is too accommodating and curious
b. Mayhem began when Nick was hired
c. Nick speaks several languages
d. Nick was schooled in Europe and Harvard
e. Nick has a soft heart
f. Nick has strange habits like playing with a knife
g. Nick doesn’t always follow up/drops the ball
h. Nick looks like Francesca
4. WHAT HAPPENED (to create hatred) BETWEEN JOE, MARGO, TONY AND MAKSIM?
Clues include:
a. Casino only plays 70s music and décor is 70s
b. What’s with Joe’s gold cufflinks?
c. Joe and Maksim knew each other during the war
d. Joe saved Maksim’s life
e. Maksim lost his leg
f. Joe left Margo alone in Germany
g. Joe wants a son after 2 daughters
h. Margo died in some unspoken, strange fashion
Joe doesn’t drink or curse – why?
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Michelle’s Engaging Clue Trails
What I learned is…mapping out clues and making sure they are the right kind of clues, elevates the script. It’s going to ensure your audience doesn’t either become frustrated or solve the mysteries it too easily.
MYSTERY #1:
Who is killing those closest to Griffin?
END RESULT: After receiving a heart from a serial killer, Adam becomes a murderer.
CLUES:
Ann mentions to Griffin that Adam and his wife thought she was rude to Griffin and that Ann should apologize. <div>
Adam is conflicted about being discharged from the hospital, which he now sees as home.
Why is the transplant surgeon avoiding Griffin? Why won’t he explain why he used the unapproved medication during surgery?
The transplant surgeon gives a talk about using genetic cell therapy during procedures.
At Ann’s funeral, the priest reads a bible passage from Corinthians known as “They Mystery of Resurrection.”
Ennis is at Ann’s funeral.
Detectives: someone skilled with a knife committed Ann’s murder.
Detectives: someone who was familiar with navigating the hospital committed Ann’s murder.
During his clinic visit, Adam sees Lillian and Griffin fight.
Cellular memory is vaguely talked about during Adam’s clinic visit as to why he might be craving different foods.
Lillian and Graham talk on the phone about firing Griffin right before Lillian is killed.
A medical assistant witnessed Lillian and Griffin fighting.
Griffin’s friend has a little too much knowledge about serial killers and moved to the community purposely.
When Hank arrives to do the surgical consult on Adam, he sees Hank and Griffin have words, as do other staff members.
Mollie breaks down because Adam is acting so different.
MYSTERY #2:
Who was the original serial killer that plagued the community?
END RESULT:
Boyd, Ennis’ best friend is the original serial killer.
CLUES:
Ennis and Boyd receive a Citizen’s Award for trying to save one of the victim’s of the serial killer.
Ennis brings Griffin to the spot where he tried to save the girl. He mentions that there is no good fishing there after midnight because of the tree cover.
While thanking Griffin for saving his life, Hank mentions something about being at “the right place at the right time.”
Griffin remembers the newscaster’s interview that the woman was found at 1:30a and Ennis’ advice about not fishing at the spot after midnight, where she realizes they weren’t there to fish.
MYSTERY #3:
Did the people in Griffin’s life, including her dad, know that Boyd was a murderer?
END RESULT:
Ennis knew but kept it a secret out of loyalty because Boyd saved his life. Griffin’s mom and Boyd’s wife suspected and/or knew.
CLUES:
Boyd’s wife offhandedly mentions that “some secrets are better left untold.”
Boyd’s wife flinches when the social worker touches her.
Boyd’s wife has a slight sigh of relief when she hears that Boyd is dead.
Ennis is fierce about his code of loyalty – “blood might make you related, but loyalty makes you family.”
Griffin’s mom packed away a box marked “Stuff for Griffin” before she passed away. In it is the VHS tape with the newscaster interviewing Ennis after her received the Mayor’s Award, an interview Griffin has memorized enough to recite, includes the fact that the Ennis and Boyd were fishing at 1:30a and came upon the victim at the fishing spot.
Griffin later takes the VHS tape out of the box and a note from her mother falls out that calls Griffin inquisitive, says she’s sorry, and to make her proud.
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Sherri D. Coffee – Gives Great Clues!
What I learned doing this assignment is to start with the mystery and end result to brainstorm the possible clues.
Mystery: Why did Patricia commit suicide?
End result: She was murdered because she threatened to reveal Ford’s dark money scheme.
Clues:
1. At the reception, Patricia makes sure to introduce Charlotte to Senator Smith.
2. Patricia describes foreign contracts and identifies clients to educate Charlotte.
3. Patricia provides Charlotte some files and a gift basket to welcome her to the firm. In the basket, there are hidden usb files for Charlotte to discover.
4. Patricia instructs Charlotte how to lobby and provides her a manual on investigations after CIA agent is ousted.
5. Ford praises Patricia while erasing all her files. He has her office wiped clean. Also, sends his men to her apartment.
6. Charlotte recovers from the shock of Patricia’s suicide and finally opens the gift basket. A note and usb file provide her a list of clues to document the money scheme.
7. Ford whispers at the reception that it will all be taken care of by this time tomorrow.
Mystery: What is Ford hiding?
End result: He is using foreign contracts to funnel money to 501’s who then use the money to support political candidates to do the foreign government bidding.
1. USB data.
2. Contract language and investigation uncovers contracts paying large sums.
3. Requests from 501’s for funding.
4. Political contributions list. Finds missing money.
5. Funding policy being discussed benefits the foreign governments.
6. Senator Smith asks lots of questions about the firm’s contributions.
7. Ford has 2 sets of files.
Mystery: How does the system work and who benefits?
End result: Ford is getting rich by taking foreign money, funneling to 501’s, and supporting politicians who vote yes for foreign government needs.
1. Ford adds another government to his generic contract file.
2. He deposits the check and takes his cut off the top.
3. He meets with the Chair of a large 501 group at the Fundraiser and commits to funds in exchange for a policy vote.
4. Senator Smith refers 501 groups to Ford.
5. Senator Smith reviews the budget vote with Ford and Charlotte, hiding the true intent of the allocated money.
6. Charlotte’s CIA uncle investigates the system in the shadows.
7. Charlotte finds the documentation of the money flow.
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Eric Humble’s Engaging Clue Trails
What I learned: that the clue trails are easiest to devise through brainstorming from the established Cover/Mystery/Reveal setup, then sprinkled into the outline in a non-linear fashion. This is the first time I’ve had such an easy experience leaving clues throughout the outline. It was very clear but I think has created a great sense of intrigue and mystery when experienced by the reader.
OUTLINE WITH CLUE TRAIL
MM1:
Beginning: The rival chef calls the FBI to blow the whistle on someone. TWIST: But while he’s waiting someone stalks him through his kitchen.
Inciting Incident: Raf is recruited by Leiber to cook the meal at the G7 summit to broker peace in Europe. Cover: Leiber claims the previous chef’s security check revealed he had political sympathies with one of the world leaders. He wants Raf because of Raf’s reputation for providing custom meals that help power players lure their counterparts into deals. Trust: Leiber gives him the job – is his contact man. Everything he knows about the job comes from Leiber.
Intrigue 1: Leiber acts like he’s most concerned with the US’s standing in NATO – the peace treaty is essential to re-establishing the US’s dominance within NATO. Insisting that the other countries are sheep following the US superpower.
MM2:
Raf is urged by his pregnant girlfriend to let this one go. He’s never satisfied with success; as soon as he achieves something, he’s off to the next thing… and she’s worried he’ll be that way about their family once the baby comes. But he can’t let it go. It’ll be the biggest dinner of his life!
Intrigue: Current Direction: Leiber has strong security in place but he’s been cleared…. TWIST: …except that’s the first level. The additional protocols are that no one leaves once admitted, sections of the kitchen are off-limits, and they won’t let anyone from the kitchen talk to the world leaders in the dining room. Violate any of these and he’ll be arrested instantly.
Covert Clue: Leiber comments that everyone wants peace, even Russia, who regrets every starting the war. It’s a question of saving face.
Raf knows head cook Sal. Trust: She’s an ex-flame, but at least she’s someone he knows – well. Distrust: She has a violent temper, and an axe to grind with him… comes at him with a knife, assuming his ambition is what drove him to get the other chef replaced. Distrust: Raf confronts her and tells her what’s between them has to wait – he has rank and he’s not going to let her mess this up for him. Covert clue/misdirect: Sal mentions that she has money enough to do whatever she wants in life. She doesn’t need any job.
Mystery 1: No one knows why the first chef left. Leiber claims his security clearance didn’t check out, something about his background. COVER UP: Sal claims she didn’t know him and he was a shit boss. All of the cooks were hired so as not to have history with each other. Covert clue: While inspecting the pantry, Raf learns from the other line cooks that the previous chef got the ingredients himself – went to the dockyards to get the prawns fresh off the boat – brought them in in huge containers
Intrigue 2: One member of NATO, a firebrand, is in a violent, drunken argument – railing that NATO always follows the US’s lead, even now when US credibility is low. If they’re as united as they say, NATO can be its own superpower without US Involvement. Current Direction: Rav is ordered to give him coffee and settle his stomach and mind with a snack… Twist: …and gets the sense this man has already gotten a system in place, a cabal waiting in the wings to take over the lead in foreign policy if the US can’t pull this peace deal off. He feels compelled to report this. Covert clue: The drunk world leader claims that there are people all across Europe ready to take the lead should the US fail.
Intrigue 3: Meanwhile, Leiber calms the situation by having water brought in for all the delegates – which, unknown to anyone, is poisoned with thallium.
Turning Point One/Life-Threatening 1: Current Direction: Looking for Leiber to report his suspicions, Rav enters the off-limits meat freezer. Twist: He discovers the rival chef’s body hanging there. Murdered! Will this be Raf’s fate?
Mystery 2: Who killed the original chef and why?
Mystery 3/Overt clue: The first chef left a warning carved into the handle of his chef’s knife: Poison.
Dessert. Russian Bl…
Trust: Raf finds a warning the previous chef carved into the chef’s knife – and believes it enough to make it his quest to find out who killed him before he becomes the next victim.
REVEAL: The original chef is dead.
DRAMATIC IMPACT: It looks like Sal killed him because he tried to talk her out of whatever she was about to do.
MM3:
COVER UP: Sal is an assassin planning to poison some part of the meal. Current Direction: Raf takes the logical first steps – goes to report it to Leiber.
Intrigue 4/Twist: Distrust: Leiber is suspicious of him for suggesting he went into the off-limits area.questions why he ventured into the off-limits area. Raf doesn’t trust that Leiber will take his side instead of arresting him and backs off, doesn’t tell him about the body. Leiber won’t let Raf disrupt the proceedings – there’s too much at stake. Insists on keeping the meal on a strictly-timed schedule… but makes it seem like this is because the peace deal is at stake, not because everyone will feel the effects of the poison by then.
Mystery 4: Learns from Sal that there was a dust-up when the previous chef wanted to change the dessert to something low sugar and vegan for everyone; everyone could have it and it didn’t conflict with anyone’s dietary requirements. Several of the NATO leaders’s staff objected and Leiber threatened to replace him unless he stuck to the pre-cleared menu.
Overt clue: He started questioning the menu… and thought there was too much blue on the dessert cakes.
COVER UP: Sal hates POTUS for his policies on Montenegro, where her family hails from. He’s a bully kicking small young countries around. The thallium poison must be intended for POTUS.
Intrigue 5: Leiber leaves a false clue that makes Raf think the poison is in the kitchen.
Overt clue: Sal has something concealed in her apron…. But it’s a phone, not poison. DEMAND: (Intrigue) Sal has snuck in a cell phone and Raf overhears her telling someone that the previous chef is out. He didn’t have what it takes.
Life-Threatening 2: Overt clue: Sal sneaks food out of the pantry and tries to get it to the closed-off section… but Raf catches her and she attacks him (unseen – he just sees that he has hurt the assailant’s hand). Doesn’t get away with the food – and the food doesn’t appear to be tainted.
OR Overt clue: Sal attacks him in the pantry when he finds the recipe under the seasoning.
TWIST: Mystery 6: Current Direction: There’s nothing there. Twist: Trust: Raf finds the rat poison container – thallium – tucked under a floor panel at the chef’s station, left there by the first chef. Its cartridge is empty… the poison has been removed.
MM4:
More ambitious plan: Contact the world leaders via food.
Life-Threatening 3: Current Direction: Raf tries to warn the US President –Twist: …but only the Chinese president, an enemy, figures out the message and converses with him… which could make him look like a foreign agent and is a breach of protocol.
Covert clue: Raf berates the cook whose presentation is flawless, as he’s a visual artist, but whose cooking is sub-par. Sal scorns Raf for using food as manipulation and as an instrument of his own celebrity. Food is an art that can stand for so much more – it can raise awareness, it can shine a light on certain cultures. You don’t need a disruptive protest to solve everything. Food can bring people together.
Red Herring Mystery 2: He catches Sal burning her hand to cover the wound he made during the scuffle.
Mystery 7: Raf gets a call from his business partner. Current direction: Tries to tell him everything. Needs to get him to contact the police… Twist: …but the partner is calling about something more urgent. An audit resulting from an undisclosed bank account. Their restaurant is in jeopardy.
Life-Threatening 4: Current direction: The Chinese president contacts him – he knows who the target is: the president of Montenegro, who is about to join NATO. He urges Raf to cook him something off the menu, something he will prepare himself. Raf is in a dilemma: trust an enemy or take the chance he’s right. Raf decides to do what the Chinese president says once he expresses admiration and a possible opening of one of Raf’s restaurants in Macao.
Trust Leiber/Distrust Previous Chef: Leiber discredits the previous chef – Leiber informs him that the previous chef wasn’t fired for political sympathies – he was fired for actively planning to kill one of the world leaders.
Midpoint/Twist: He cooks the alternate dish on the side and switches it before they serve it – but it’s a trap by the Chinese president – the president of Montenegro is allergic to an ingredient. He’s brought before multiple countries’ security forces. Twist: …including China, whose president has never heard of him. It was a set up by the real assassin, who knows Raf is onto him!
MM5:
Retreats to lick his wounds while villain basks in triumph!:
Life-Threatening 5: Leiber gets him out of it – so he can frame him for his own assassination plan. Mystery 8: Current Direction: Leiber is on his side and is rescuing him. He brings Raf into the restricted area… Twist: …for interrogation. Shows him (doctored) video looking like he’s receiving a payoff.
DEMAND: (Mystery) The negotiations are going well – too well. POTUS is prepared to make some
concessions and wrap this up early… and Leiber goads him into fighting for everything on
their agenda – gets vehement. Too vehement. POTUS suggests he have some water. He
refuses, goes to get some air first.
Covert clue: While he’s detained, he overhears this heated exchange between Leiber and POTUS. Comments on it. Leiber, calming himself, states the NATO countries sense an opportunity here to emerge from the US’s shadow.
DEMAND: Overt clue: Sal makes an excuse to go to the side of the line cooks… and slips something out from beneath the lid of seasoning…. A folded paper. Sal discovers a goodbye note from the previous chef in her pocket. (Intrigue) It’s a shopping list, but it makes her cry.
DRAMATIC REVEAL: Raf finds the note after she throws it away… and cooks the dish. Orders her
on a break and serves it to her. She’s appalled… then confesses the original chef was her lover.
This was the way they’d met, shopping for these ingredients and he promised to cook her
something she’d never experienced before. And he told her that if the day ever came when
they’d part ways, he’d end it by cooking it to her again. This must mean he’s gone.
DEMAND: (Mystery) Sal loved him – and thinks he’s still alive… because she’s trying to
contact him.
Overt clue: Raf gets hold of the phone and calls the one number in it – and the person answers in Montenegrin.
Red Herring Mystery 4: Distrust: Leiber goes over the cooking staff’s bona fides. None with allegiances to any of the governments represented except the USA. Sal is listed as Spanish… but Raf knows she was born in Montenegro.
TWIST/Life-Threatening 7: Someone (Leiber) threatens Raf’s girlfriend – sends him a live video feed of her. She’s being watched and doesn’t realize it. Cook the dinner and stop playing detective.
MM6:
Most ambitious plan yet: Takes control of the kitchen himself and locks security out.
Trust: The previous chef leaves a note to use the original kitchen in the off-limits area. It’s clean. He does so.
Covert clue: Sal mentions that the chef had strong feelings about Russia and NATO’s treatment of Montenegro. It’s a proud nation, tired of being bullied and forced to accept certain sanctions against Russia that hurt its people harder than the other nations, as he saw it.
Mystery 9: Current Direction: Raf is under close guard as he proceeds to cook as planned. Twist: Raf takes Leiber hostage and switches kitchens and orders everything recooked immediately with fresh ingredients he commandeers a Secret Service agent to bring in from the outside.
Intrigue 6: Trust: Leiber, coming to him as a friend, focuses Raf’s attention on the special “no-sugar” dessert that will only be served to the US President… a seemingly obvious choice for the poison.
Raf orders everyone to switch clothes with the person to their left. Then has everyone check their pockets. No poison.
Red Herring Mystery 5: Sal didn’t switch clothes with the other cooks.
Red Herring Mystery 6: Distrust: DEMAND: (Intrigue) Sal breaks from Raf and runs to the dead body of the original chef… but as Leiber arrests her, he notices there’s a hatch in the floor.
Current Direction: Sal appears to be the assassin. Raf lets Leiber go to take her into custody and question her. Twist/Trust: DRAMATIC REVEAL: But she pleads with him to trust her – and says “they’re running out of food.”
DEMAND: (Intrigue) Leiber is in a rush to get the dessert served. Looking at his watch anxiously.
(Suspense) The world leaders start looking a little ill. Everyone has drunk the water.
REVEAL: He returns to investigate… discovers the second kitchen is housing protesters she and the original chef had smuggled in to invade and disrupt the peace conference.
Mystery 10: But before he serves the new food, Raf convinces POTUS to let Leiber feed it to Sal to bluff her into talk in his holding cell… and to prove there’s no poison in it. Ostensibly as a bluff (believing Raf has eliminated the possibility of poison).
Red Herring Secret: Sal is a sleeper agent for one of the smaller NATO countries unhappy that peace will come at the cost of it seceding a small tract of land to Russia, despite the US President and NATO leaders’s endorsement of this concession. Her mission, with the help of her lover the previous chef, was to disrupt the peace treaty by making one of the world leaders ill… but not to hurt anyone.
Down at the End of Act Two:
Want in Jeopardy: Twist: Sal eats it – and dies. Raf looks guilty as ever.
Need in Jeopardy: He pulled this stunt to show off once and for all to the world leaders.
Mystery 11: DEMAND: (Intrigue/Mystery) Raf charges into the room and eats the remainder of the food. And is fine… it isn’t poisoned… but then he sees the only thing he hasn’t consumed is the drinking water. That’s where the poison is, but it’s too late. He’s being taken into custody.
Turning Point Two: DRAMATIC REVEAL: One of the line cooks, an annoying guy interested in art whose presentation always stuns but whose cooking quality is lacking, comments on the unique coloring used for the cake – Prussian blue is overused. Then he regales Raf with the history of the pigment and how it’s a natural antidote to thallium poisoning. Raf realizes they’ve all been
poisoned – but everyone but POTUS will get the antidote because he’s diabetic.
MM7:
Crisis: Raf has to get Prussian Blue to the President.
Decision Point: Throws away his career and freedom to do the right thing.
DRAMATIC REVEAL: He intercepts Leiber and tells him the poison is in the drinking water. Leiber acts like he’s calling it in. Then holds a gun on Raf. You chefs, always need to know everything that’s going on in your kitchen.
Life-Threatening 8: Leiber orders the Secret Service to shoot him on sight as an assassin.
DRAMATIC REVEAL: As POTUS is dying, Leiber gloats that he works for a cabal who want to elevate the status of certain NATO countries by allowing Russia to wage war and sabotaging the US’s might in forging the peace treaty.
Climax: Raf squares off with Leiber and uses his cooking skills to switch poisons and antidotes.
Life-Threatening 9: Leiber sabotages the oven to explode and kill him.
MM8:
Villain is Back One Last Time!: Leiber goes after Raf’s girlfriend.
Resolution: Raf runs a well-respected but unassuming restaurant that allows him to spend time with his girlfriend… who is pregnant and whom he’s going to marry.
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Jeff Hall Gives Great Clues
(Please understand that my “thriller” is not a straight-forward thriller. I believe it is a psychological/thriller. As of now, there are not as many mysteries as these lessons seems to require.)
What I learned doing this assignment is… Every thriller HAS to have questions/mysteries and the audience needs to FEEL like they’re included in the mystery. This is done thru honest clues.
Main Mysteries
Who is this slayer? Food remains at the table, aligns with train schedule, the limp.
How is he slaying so easily? Bent wick, strange occult symbols, mouths open. Book of drawings.
Can an addict loser stand a chance of finding this “ghost” before he slays again? Ben leaves his life behind (job/fiance) pursue this ghost. He struggles with his addiction. Another murder happens when he’s in that town.
As Ben follows the slayings, can he survive the justice-starved citizens? He is hung, he is shot, he is ran out of town.
OPENING: Mysterious slaughter of family by unknown killer. Protagonist, Ben, gets high off opium.
a. Who is slaying?
TWIST- Current Direction: Peaceful night / Twist: Slaying of family
b. Why are the slaying occurring?
CLUE – A table setting left on dining table
CLUE – bloody limping foot print
CLUE – Bent wick
c. The towns deputy, Ben, is depressed, addicted, and unhappy.
INCITING INCIDENT: Ben’s innocent friend is accused and hung for the murder.
a. Ben’s friend is drug out into the street.
TWIST- Current Direction: Obviously innocent man and moment / Twist: Mob swarms in and hangs the man
TRUST: Ben trust sheriff to give friend fair trial / DISTRUST: Sheriff lets mob take and hang friend.
b. Ben is trampled on as he attempts to save him.
c. Ben’s innocent friend is hung.
TURNING POINT 1: Ben is forced to quit job/lose fiance in order to pursue the real murderer. Jumps the train.
a. The sheriff threatens Ben to “leave well enough alone”.
TWIST- Current Direction: The good sheriff is fair and universally liked / Twist: Turns a blind eye to murder
b. After discovering another “mirror” slaying, Ben declares he will persue murderer. Sheriff fires him.
TRUST: Ben expects sheriff to allow him to pursue murderer / DISTRUST: Sheriff refuses to save face.
c. Ben’s fiance leaves him because of job loss.
TWIST- Current Direction: Happy engagement and moment / Twist: She leaves him for a simple set back.
TRUST: Ben expects fiance to understand his decision / DISTRUST: Fiance breaks engagement
d. Injured as he jumps train.
MIDPOINT: He uncovers a trail of countless murders done by cover of night.
a. Finds other murders.
b. Treated like a bum as he joins hobos.
CLUE: on a dead hobo, he finds a book of drawings. Death scenes and satanic symbolism. “The coming end”
TRUST: Hobos are kinds to him / DISTRUST: Ben wakes up and everything has been stolen.
TURNING POINT 2: In the next town, Ben is accused and hung for another slaying. Barely survives.
a. Ben is accused and hung for the murders.
TWIST- Current Direction: Sheriff is kind and helpful / Twist: Accuses him of murder and sentences to death.
TRUST- The towns people are kind to him / DISTRUST: The townspeople are quick to accuse and hang him.
b. Severe injury to the neck. But survives.
TWIST- Current Direction: Ben is hung / Twist: Saved by his sheriff and survives.
CLIMAX: The serial murderer attempts to murder all the children in orphanage.
DISTRUST: Marie keeps him locked up with gun on him / TRUST: Marie saves him.
a. Attempts save the children at the orphanage.
TWIST- Current Direction: Tranquil innocent setting / Twist: attacked by an insane serial murderer.
b. Pursues the Tall Man and fights him.
RESOLUTION: Ben defeats the murderer and settles in to care for the children.
a. A peaceful setting with Maria (orphanage ‘mom’) and the children.
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· Mona Miller’s list of important reveals
· What I learned is that I find it really, really difficult to “reverse engineer” the story to include these things. I’m doing my best, but this is hard. I wish I could see an example of a “Thriller Map.” I’m confused.
1. Make a list of the important reveals that you want the audience to experience.
List of Reveals by Character: Expedition Leader and Ali Patel
A. E.L. and Patel meet to discuss each member of the expedition and go over their files on each climber. We see how corrupt each man really is when they’re alone together.
B. The Reveal is that the two know each other very well and the E.L. is subject to Patel’s power.
C. It was covered up because in all public interactions, Patel treats the E.L. very professionally and with some distance – not as if he is an underling. Patel’s control of the Expedition Touring Company is a secret.
D. Later, when Patel doesn’t get the full dossier he expects about this new climber who’s joined the trek at the last minute (our Hero) he blows up at E.L. and E.L. is very scared, really nervous. E.L. later jokes with Hero about whether he’ll ever be able to enjoy the bonus deposited in his offshore bank account by Hero and Hero wonders why E.L. is so nervous. [E.L. is later injured in a strange climbing accident, and then killed when someone blows up the med-evac helicopter.]
E. E.L. sends off some kind of message using the sat phone when Patel isn’t looking, after Patel has totally clobbered him with criticism and E.L. knows Patel is probably going to eliminate him. We know the message has something to do with Dr. Graves (whom E.L. obviously likes) but we don’t know what it is. (E.L. is looking at her dossier and smiling as he sends the message.) [Later we find that E.L. protected Dr. G in the terrorist village.]
Brett Dean, CIA Agent (Hero)
A. The expedition members have been told their sat phone (which Patel has) no longer works. Everyone is extremely worried about being cut off from loved ones, business. Some people want to stop the expedition and go down the mountain, which would interfere with the Hero’s mission.
B. To help the group and calm people down, Brett Dean reveals he has his own sat phone. He doesn’t say why. [It was necessary for his CIA mission.] Patel is surprised, unnerved by this news. Dean does not yet know Patel is his target, but Patel now realizes Dean is dangerous and definitely not a friend.
C. Later, Brett Dean reveals that contrary to what Patel told the group, the E.L. never made it to a hospital, nor did anyone on the med-evac helicopter. It must have crashed. Patel smoothly lies to everyone that he knew this but wanted to keep up their spirits and their focus on the climb. Dr. G supports his emphasis on focus and not making mistakes during this dangerous climb, leading Brett Dean to distrust her. She is truly concerned about the group’s safety.
Mysterious Dark-Haired Woman
A. The Reveal is that she is not the sophisticated, worldly femme fatale she pretends to be. That is just a cover.
B. When alone with the non-drinking staff member, who has been working for Ali Patel and the fundamentalist Islamic cause for a long time, she admits she admires his sobriety and seriousness. She likes him (very rare for her) and opens up a little.
C. This staff member later kills her because she demonstrated disloyalty to the leader (Ali Patel) by criticizing his “Western” vices. [Staff member was taken in by her cover identity; doesn’t understand how complex she is.]
D. Later in the movie, the dark-haired woman seems relieved that Hero and Dr. G. killed Patel. Why? Will she have more power in the terrorist organization with Patel gone? Was she afraid of Patel? Is she disloyal to everyone?
E.. She tells some of the sherpas, including the one she had the personal conversation with, that Patel is dead at the hands of Brett and Dr. G. Most seem appalled. She tells them that she is the next person to take on Patel’s power. He selected her. A few of them seem sympathetic, agree that Patel was a ruthless killer who made no exceptions, and hope for a better quality of leadership. Trying to seem agreeable to them (they make her nervous), she betrays her usual black and white view of the world, and agrees he could have been kinder in his judgments, and was too influenced by these rich westerners.
F. They kill her. [Twist; R] He would never have picked a woman to lead them and she dared to criticize him.
Dr. Liza Graves
A. When treating the seriously injured E.L. in the medical tent, Dr. Graves hears Ali Patel talking to sherpas in Arabic (which she understands). She’s troubled by their conversation, but doesn’t share her concerns with anyone, even Brett (Hero). He also overhears part of the conversation, knows it’s not “Urdu” as Ali Patel tells him, but doesn’t understand any of it. They almost talk to each other, but each avoids revealing what he knows. Not exactly a “Reveal” but a moment when two characters who have much in common could have connected but didn’t. Later on, after much death and destruction, they do share this with each other – and we learn that Dr. G was lured by possibilities of employment, paying off her debt, and Brett was in “I can’t trust anybody” mode.
B. Brett is really surprised at how independent, capable and brave Dr. G is. He feels he shouldn’t have let her go to the “indigenous village” [cover for a terrorist training camp] alone. We find out E.L. protected her with his last minute message to the terrorist training camp. E.L. was sure Patel was going to have him killed and didn’t want more people to get killed.
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Day 12 LESSON 12 – Engaging Clue Trails 2022-05-19 Friends in High Places
What I learned is that:
We want the audience to be trying to solve the mysteries that the Hero is up against
A CLUE is anything that serves to guide or direct the audience toward the solution of a problem.
A clue has us think into the future of the script and try to solve the puzzle. A reveal could be the actual solution or it could have us understand something that has already happened
A clue could be something that feels insignificant in the moment, but becomes more important later.
<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>ASSIGNMENT
1) List out the three or four main mysteries in your story.
a) Who is the Socialite Strangler
2) Create a list of clues for each of the main mysteries in your story.
a) Only strangles rich single women.
b) Women died quickly, possible martial arts training
c) Bodies are buried in relatively close proximity to each other.
d) Bodies are wrapped in blankets sealed with duct tape.
e) Puncture holes in duct tape and tears in the blanket on victim #2
3) Decide which clues you want to use and sequence those into clue trails for each mystery.
4) Add the clue trails to your Thriller Map.
5) Give us the latest version of your Thriller Map.
Next clue: Professor’s class topic teachings.
1) List out the three or four main mysteries in your story.
a) Why does the Professor want to find a psychic to use to prove his theory, “cause does not have to precede effect”?
2) Create a list of clues for each of the main mysteries in your story.
a) Tells his class that he has been stopped in his tracks using his retro-intention to experiment and be his thesis for his doctorate.
b) Tests the class to find if anyone there is psychic.
Clue #2 Chaplain taking interest in Warren
1) List out the three or four main mysteries in your story.
a) Why is the chaplain taking particular interest in Warren’s psychic abilities”?
2) Create a list of clues for each of the main mysteries in your story.
a) Begins by trying to discredit Warren having visions as being against religious doctrine quoting various scriptures to scare Warren to stop. Accusation made
b) Appears to change his mind and invites Warren to come down to the precinct to talk with him. Things that have one meaning to help Warren when first heard, but the meaning turns out to be different when he questions Warren about the vision and what else he has seen.
c) Relates to Warren he has been a detective and Warren’s theory about the rake being left in his mother-in-law’s garage seems too unbelievable as to be the motive of the killer to end up killing his mother-in-law. The chaplain’s background as a detective becomes foreground to advise Warren which is used to milk Warren to find out if he has seen the face of the killer.
d) Clues that show up before we even know the mystery, the rake. Finding out what happened to his rake.
e)
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Revised Day 12 Assignment
· ASSIGNMENT:
· Mona’s list of important clues and reveals (Day 12)
· What I learned is that I need to never lose the big picture. I must not give up!
1. Make a list of the important reveals that you want the audience to experience.
2. The main mysteries in “The Ascent” are
a. What is going on with these high-end mountain climbing expeditions, with their “humanitarian mission” to help indigenous villagers high up in the mountains. Is it really that, or is it a coverup for something nefarious, like a way of smuggling guns, ammunition, materiel and people to a terrorist training camp?
b. Who is Ali Patel? Is he Brett Dean’s target, or the sophisticated worldly climber who happened to take over the Expedition Leader role after the EL’s “accident?”
c. Was the Expedition Leader deliberately eliminated, or was it truly an accident?
d. What message did the Expedition Leader send just before his accident (that seemed to give him some satisfaction) and to whom?
e. Is Dr. Liza Graves someone to trust? What does she want?
f. Even after Brett Dean figures out who Ali Patel is, how can he safely get back down the mountain? Whom can he trust? Are they surrounded by terrorists on their trek?
List of Reveals by Character: Expedition Leader and Ali Patel
A. E.L. and Patel meet to discuss each member of the expedition and go over their files on each climber. We see how corrupt each man really is when they’re alone together.
B. The Reveal is that the two know each other very well and the E.L. is subject to Patel’s power. The Reveal is also that there is something fundamentally wrong about these climbs. These treks cannot be what they seem.
C. It was covered up because in all public interactions, Patel treats the E.L. very professionally and with some distance – not as if he is an underling. Patel’s control of the Expedition Touring Company is a secret, and the real function of the treks is a secret.
D. When Patel doesn’t get the full dossier he expects about this new climber who’s joined the trek at the last minute (our Hero) he blows up at E.L. E.L. is very scared, really nervous; the character’s whole emotional state shifts. E.L. later jokes with Hero about whether he’ll ever be able to enjoy the bonus deposited in his offshore bank account by Hero [a black humor clue] and Hero wonders why E.L. is so nervous. [E.L. is later injured in a strange climbing accident, and then killed when someone blows up the med-evac helicopter.]
E. E.L. sends off some kind of message using the sat phone when Patel isn’t looking, after Patel has totally clobbered him with criticism. We know the message has something to do with Dr. Graves (whom E.L. obviously likes) but we don’t know what it is. (E.L. is looking at her dossier and smiling as he sends the message.) [Later we find that E.L. protected Dr. G in the terrorist village.]
Ali Patel and various other characters
A. Ali Patel is intrigued with Dr. Graves and sees how a woman with her skillset could be very useful to his operation. He also finds her very attractive. He never mixes business with pleasure, but she is tempting. He wants to know more about her. He senses that she is withholding something. He pursues her in the hope that she’ll open up. She’s clearly interested in his employment proposals. He would like the connection to be more. What is keeping her from falling for him? In his experience, that is very rare.
B. Patel is impressed with Brett Dean’s climbing skills but worried about who he really is. Dean is young to be on this expensive climb, he doesn’t seem to have real money but he’s there, and he’s competition for Dr. Graves. But Dean isn’t going after Dr. Graves the way Patel would have expected. Why not? Who is this Brett Dean? Why did he show up so late? Why has he been so generous, by offering his private sat phone to everyone? Why did he conceal its existence for so long? Why didn’t he tell everyone that the Expedition Leader and everyone on the med-evac chopper had gone down?
C. The dark-haired woman annoys Ali. She seems critical, he feels that. She botches her surveillance of Dr. Graves and now Dr. Graves is mad at her – the whole point was that those two should become friends. The dark-haired woman botched her assignment, but she acts as if Ali Patel is the one in trouble. Is she more powerful than Pate realized? Is his position within the terrorist organization in jeopardy? Does the leadership share her criticism that he acts too “Western?” Does she represent a different faction? Should he no longer trust her? Patel may start drinking less, socializing yes, being more remote from others, in response to the dark-haired woman’s implicit criticism of his lifestyle.
Brett Dean, CIA Agent (Hero)
D. The expedition members have been told their sat phone (which Patel has) no longer works. Everyone is extremely worried about being cut off from loved ones, business. Some people want to stop the expedition and go down the mountain, which would interfere with the Hero’s mission.
E. To keep his mission going, help the group and calm people down, Brett Dean reveals he has his own sat phone. He doesn’t say why. [It was necessary for his CIA mission.] Patel is surprised, unnerved by this news. Dean does not yet know Patel is his target, but Patel now realizes Dean is dangerous and definitely not a friend.
F. Later, Brett Dean reveals that, contrary to what Patel told the group, the E.L. never made it to a hospital, nor did anyone on the med-evac helicopter. It must have crashed. Patel smoothly lies to everyone that he knew this but wanted to keep up their spirits and their focus on the climb. Dr. G supports his emphasis on focus and not making mistakes during this dangerous climb, leading Brett Dean to distrust her. She is truly concerned about the group’s safety. She overheard suspicious communications in Arabic between Patel and others, but doesn’t trust anyone, so she doesn’t reveal what she heard or her knowledge of Arabic.
Mysterious Dark-Haired Woman
A. The Reveal is that she is not the sophisticated, worldly femme fatale she pretends to be. That is just a cover.
B. When alone with the non-drinking staff member, who has been working for Ali Patel and the fundamentalist Islamic cause for a long time, she admits she admires his sobriety and seriousness. She likes him (very rare for her) and opens up a little.
C. This staff member later kills her because she demonstrated disloyalty to the leader (Ali Patel) by criticizing his “Western” vices. [Staff member was taken in by her cover identity; doesn’t understand how complex she is.]
A. Later in the movie, the dark-haired woman seems relieved that Hero and Dr. G. killed Patel. Why? Will she have more power in the terrorist organization with Patel gone? Was she afraid of Patel? Is she disloyal to everyone?
B. She tells some of the sherpas, including the one she had the personal conversation with, that Patel is dead at the hands of Brett and Dr. G. Most seem appalled. She tells them that she is the next person to take on Patel’s power. He selected her. A few of them seem sympathetic, agree that Patel was a ruthless killer who made no exceptions, and hope for a better quality of leadership. Trying to seem agreeable to them (they make her nervous), she betrays her usual black and white view of the world, and agrees he could have been kinder in his judgments, and was too influenced by these rich westerners.
C. They kill her. [Twist; R] He would never have picked a woman to lead them and she dared to criticize him.
Dr. Liza Graves
A. When treating the seriously injured E.L. in the medical tent, Dr. Graves hears Ali Patel talking to sherpas in Arabic (which she understands). She’s troubled by their conversation, but doesn’t share her concerns with anyone, even Brett (Hero). He also overhears part of the conversation, knows it’s not “Urdu” as Ali Patel tells him, but doesn’t understand any of it. Dr. Graves and Brett almost talk to each other, but each avoids revealing what he knows. Not exactly a “Reveal” but a moment when two characters who have much in common could have connected but didn’t. Later on, after much death and destruction, they do share this with each other – and we learn that Dr. G was lured by possibilities of lucrative and interesting employment, paying off her debt, and both were in “I can’t trust anybody” mode.
B. Brett is really surprised at how independent, capable and brave Dr. G is. He feels he shouldn’t have let her go to the village alone. We find out E.L. protected her with his last-minute message to the terrorist training camp. E.L. was sure Patel was going to have him killed and didn’t want more people to get killed.
Which of the subsidiary characters can be trusted? [How to safely descend]
Offer them the chance to use the sat phone and see whom they contact?
Offer them the chance to stay in the village and a later expedition will take them down?
See who runs away from the now decimated group, even though they’re all much more likely to descend safely staying together?
See which people are willing to help others, and which refuse?
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Julio Tumbaco Gives Great Clues!
What I learned is the invaluable skill of including balanced overt and covert Clues are.
3 Main Mysteries of Story:
- NICOLE’s transition to NICK
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OWEN accepting NICK’s info about his death
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ELLA accepting OWEN’s knowledge of the accident
List of clues for each of the main Mysteries<div>NICOLE’s transition to NICK
- the resemblance of NICOLE and NICK
- ELLA’s sexual freedom
OWEN accepting NICK’s info about his death
- detailed intimacies about ELLA’s past
- NICK’s spiritual/ghost presence in present activities
ELLA accepting OWEN’s knowledge of the accident
- OWEN’s suspicion grows daily
- OWEN becomes fixated on NICK
Opening: in a car, a baseball uniformed player runs over another baseball uniformed player
Inciting Incident: while having kinky sex with ELLA, OWEN sees and talks to NICK
NICOLE’s transition to NICK
CLUES: the resemblance of NICOLE and NICK & ELLA’s sexual freedom
Turning Point 1: OWEN tells ELLA that NICK informed him that ELLA killed NICK
OWEN accepting NICK’s info about his death
CLUES: detailed intimacies about ELLA’s past and NICK’s spiritual/ghost presence in present activities
Midpoint: ELLA killed NICOLE not NICK
Turning Point 2: ELLA discovers OWEN’s plan to go to the police
ELLA accepting OWEN’s knowledge of the accident
CLUES: OWEN’s suspicion grows daily and OWEN becomes fixated on NICK
Climax: ELLA changes her strategy from denial to empathy and support; sends OWEN to a suicide trauma therapist
Resolution: ELLA convinces OWEN that his death is the only way to his happiness w/NICK
</div>
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This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by Julio TUMBACO.
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Daniel’s Engaging Clue Trails
What I learned is this is an excellent way to ensure that the story to solving the mystery makes sense and is consistent in guiding the audience towards the conclusion.
Mystery #1:
Who is responsible for the disappearance of various criminals throughout the city?
End Result: Crime is down in the city.
Clues:
Where have these criminals disappeared to?
No persons have been reported missing, so no crime committed no investigation.
Its been said that those who have done the snatching moved and acted like professionals, like they have had training of some kind.
No bodies have been found.
The Police have not a clue what is going on. Were informed by an informant that people are missing.
A witness says he saw men dressed like professional painters put someone in the back of a white utility van.
Men dressed as professional painters came by the home of the hero’s girlfriend, who happens to be a lady of the night.
The Hero receives a note telling him to stop looking for the ones cleansing the city. Let them do the work to make this place what it can be. If he interrupts their work it will come at a personal cost to him.
The Hero does not relent in his investigation, he receives a call from another officer that his old church has been set on fire. When he gets to the scene of the fire, he talks with a Patrolman, who talked with a witness. And our here says “Let me guess, men got out of a white utility van, dressed as painters, and the fire started when they left?” the Patrolman responds “How’d you know that sir?”
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