Day 13 Assignment

[Anita Gomez]

Anita Gomez’s PASS #7: Setup/Payoff Chains

What I learned doing this assignment: A bit laborious identifying all the bits I have already built in, but analyzing the reasons behind my choice of scenes is still a good exercise.

1. List ALL of the setup/payoff chains (SP Chains) from your story — One or two sentences per setup/payoff.

SP CHAIN 1: Danica has an unwanted pregnancy – she wants a career.

Setup: Difficult Birth (foreshadows)

Payoff 1: Confronts the father

Payoff 2: Desires Abortion

Payoff 3: She can’t go thru with abortion

Payoff 4: Nearly dies in childbirth

Payoff 5: Abandons Infant

Setup: She moves to another state and becomes a pro-choice lawyer

Payoff: her career takes off

SP CHAIN 2: Danica’ health fails and she needs a kidney transplant.

Setup: Her sister dies from kidney disease

Payoff: She begins searching for Dianna

Setup: A series of scenes where she examine her latent maternal instincts

Payoff: She finds Dianna and they agree to meet

SP CHAIN 3: Cyrus fathers a child out of wedlock putting his family and career (and ultimately his life) in jeopardy.

Setup: Cyrus is a hypocrite asking Danica to have an abortion

Payoff 1: Danica flees the state to do so, but can’t go thru with it

Payoff 2: Cyrus is appointed a Judge based on his anti-abortion stances

Setup: Cyrus’s wife innocently asks him for a DNA test

Payoff: She discovers he has a daughter outside of their marriage and leaves him

Setup: Cyrus is a creature of habit making him vulnerable to an attack by Dianna in her car.

Payoff: Dianna kills Cyrus with her car ensuring his kidney becomes available to her mother who needs a transplant.

SP CHAIN 4: Dianna is born unwanted and abandoned, growing into a psychologically damaged young woman.

Setup: Dianna is thoroughly rejected by her mother

Payoff 1: Her adoptive parents experience a series of disturbing cruelties in Dianna as she grows older

Setup: Dianna graduates and becomes employed in a DNA research lab

Payoff: She discovers who her birth parents are

Setup: She herself gets pregnant and has an abortion without thinking twice

Payoff: This alienates her boyfriend and foreshadows just how detached she is from any emotion

Setup: She agrees to meet with Danica

Payoff: She kills Cyrus, knowing her mother needs a kidney transplant, and Cyrus is a good fit

SP CHAIN 5:

Setup: Danica’s Evangelical sister guilt-trips her, who being a mother of 2 herself, is staunchly pro-life.

Payoff: Danica can’t go thru with an abortion has births Dianna.

Setup: The sister’s family life represents everything Danica rejected when she rejected being a mother

Payoff: At the end Danica realizes what a monster Dianna has become, having killed Cyrus, and she would never have had the family her sister did

2. Select a setup/payoff chain you want to make stronger.

I intend to work on Dianna’s arc.

How can you make the setup more interesting or effective?

I need to show how she finds out the identity of her real parents and that she becomes aware of Danica’s need for a kidney.

How can you make the payoffs more emotional or meaningful?

(Part of the above process)

3. Tell us what difference this has made for your outline and if it hasn’t, find another setup/payoff chain to improve.

I am spending the rest of my time for this assignment actually incorporating the new scenes into my outline.

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s Pass 7: Setup/Payoff Chains

What I learned doing this assignment was how to look at setup/payoff process in a non-linear way. This helps a writer add more depth and emotion to the script and make it as strong as possible.

I worked mostly on 2 setups. The first made Alicia’s transition to a rebel for emotional and the second made Nick a better antagonist.

1. Opening Host gives intro into the event and the people who were chosen, including a hardened criminal named Alicia. In the middle of the intro, it goes blank as rebels take over the screen for a few seconds before they come back to the live show. The group also includes Nick, Jocelyn, a high tech cellmate of Nick’s named Tweaker and a bitter girl Becky. Alicia mentions how the rebels are a nuisance.

ALICIA’S INTRO – SEQUENCE

They describe her as a troubled girl who killed her important government figure father as a mere teen and has been locked away since.

INT. PASSAGE TO FIRST ROOM – DAY

Prisoners decide not to do it and don’t want to risk their lives. Jocelyn tries to talk them into it, with Nick reminding everyone that there can be only one winner. Alicia agrees with Nick.
2. Inciting Incident. The prisoners’ loved ones are kept in a cage with a bomb…and if they don’t go through the challenges quickly enough, the bomb goes off.

INT. ROOM ONE – DAY

The group can’t work together and all get hurt a bit. Alicia saves a girl named Jocelyn at the last minute, but was annoyed by it. Nick talks about how all a person can count on are themselves. Alicia agrees.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about. First person dies horribly in event after losing their challenge, setting things in motion.

INT. ROOM TWO – DAY

They get into second room and learn to work together to survive. Alicia decides to work with others, like Jocelyn suggests, to survive. Nick refuses to, saying there can only be one winner. Becky agrees. Nick ends up helping reluctantly, when it gets too much. Becky doesn’t. After Alicia helps her, Jocelyn hits her with constant questions and talks incessantly, making Alicia annoyed.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1 Games are disrupted by explosion. They are all is pulled into fake room off camera and find out Jocelyn is there as part of a resistance. They can’t tell anyone or the authorities will kill them all, so now they almost have to help her. That’s why she’s been asking questions.

While this is happening, the broadcast focuses on an old winner of the games, who killed four fellow prisoners to win. He talks about his new, fantastic life and how much the SM voters helped him become a better man. He even thanks them for the torturous challenges.

Alicia starts to see her sister in Jocelyn due to her idealistic enthusiasm. Before she can get far, Nick reminds her what the rebels have done with violence.

INT. HALLWAY TO NEXT ROOM – DAY

Nick wants to tell the authorities anyway, hoping they will let them live, but is talked out of it by past actions. Still, he’s pissed.

They find out one of them is an authority spy. Nick is about to tell him everything before Alicia abruptly kills him. Nick is pissed, as they could be really screwed now.

INT. ROOM THREE – DAY

They get through the game, but Alicia almost dies. Jocelyn saves her, which angers Alicia. Jocelyn says same idealistic stuff her sister did.

Jocelyn is alone, until another criminal tries to take advantage of her. Alicia pulls her weapon on him, with even Nick backing her up on this one.

INT. ROOM FOUR – DAY

Jocelyn is injured before rebels cause disruption, Jocelyn and Alicia talk, with Jocelyn saying what they did to her family and why she is ready to sacrifice herself. Alicia realizes her father was the type to do that thing to Jocelyn’s family. We find out how hard Alicia’s life has been and what she’s had to do to survive. She doesn’t believe in anything good anymore. Jocelyn disagrees.
5. Mid-Point Young innocent Jocelyn is killed in the contest after Nick forces it to save the rest of them…and the rebel leaders makes sure the audience sees it in horrifying detail. Alicia almost dies herself trying to save her and is saved by Nick.

INT. ROOM FIVE – DAY

Alicia is sad and starts siding with Nick, who just wants to win and get out of there. They make deal to survive and escape using his contacts. Becky ends up dying to save Tweaker and the rest, dying happier than she ever lived and doing things good for once.

Then Alicia has a chance to break transmission for the rebels, taking over Jocelyn’s place. She tries, with Nick ruining it secretly. Nick secretly kills Tweaker, who was helping her. (He’s doing it so everyone sees him and Alicia die, to help rebel cause)

Alicia is in her room, but Nick won’t help her. She’s about to die, when the rebels take out electricity.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2. Rebels take down games and transmission altogether by wiping out power in whole city. Chaos begins as the revolution is now underway.

INT. BLOWN HALLWAY – NIGHT

Nick is ready to leave out the hallway with Alicia. Alicia looks and sees Jocelyn’s mother in the room to explode. They are confronted by the old hero of the show. Turns out he’s a sad drunk who regrets everything he did. He kills himself in front of them. Without the break in transmission, the only way for Alicia to finish it for Jocelyn is to go the other way. Then Nick tells her that he is part of rebels and that the real plan was to let Jocelyn and then her (because the audience loved her) die on screen to help rebel cause.
7. Crisis. Alicia has a choice: she can help the rebels (and save Jocelyn’s mother like she promised) or escape with her own life.

INT. BLOWN HALLWAY – NIGHT

After finding out Nick was there to make sure the rebels win by sacrificing Jocelyn on camera, she kills hm and goes to save Jocelyn’s mother.

INT. BOMB ROOM – NIGHT

Alicia gets the hostages out just in time.

INT. SIDE ROOM – NIGHT

Jocelyn’s friends pull Alicia into side room and tell her where the rebel leaders are taking over the old authority.

INT. FIRST ROOM OF GAMES – NIGHT

The rebel leaders meet the old authority here, with the plan to put them into the games.
8. Climax Alicia finds the people who put here there. She puts them all into the challenges and releases the information she unknowingly had on them and what they are doing to the world, along with the rebel leaders who let Jocelyn die for their cause.
9. Resolution She leaves the challenges as the only survivor…and a hero to the people.

[Cameron Martin]

Cameron Martin’s Pass 7: Setup/Payoff Chains

What I learned doing this is…how to organize the different chains in a way that can be critiqued. What’s fun about this is this is the way I already think about story. I remember having discussions with writing friends years ago, and every time they finish an idea of theirs with “And the audience will never see it coming,” my response was always, “Who cares if the audience does?” The justification that would follow would be that earning the payoff/twist was more important than catching the audience off guard. It’s like listening to a favorite song of yours. You know the lyrics, you know the hooks, the solos, etc. What matters isn’t that you necessarily see it coming, but that it earns its payoffs, and this flow of setup/payoff is a great way to organize your story, so that everything builds upon each other. Again, though, what I really learned is that applying this strategy, especially after all of the preceding steps, really helps put the organization of the setup/payoff chains into focus so you can see what you have and improve where needed. Honestly, for some of this, I was making improvements as I was listing what I already had, just because being aware of it helped me to tie one thread to another. My word, OPEN WIDE works so much better now to communicate to the audience and our characters one consistent message, like the beating of a drum, and sets up the third act with such stakes that make the final outcome feel massive. I’ll try to elevate what I have in my other two concepts, so that they can work in tandem like the chains in OPEN WIDE do so well. Bad ass lesson and assignment!

(Note: Hoping to post the other two concepts in due time.)

OPEN WIDE

SP CHAIN 1: How can Sully survive this with Isaiah?

Setup: Sully and Isaiah have a visibly strained relationship, where Isaiah wants to do his own thing regardless of the threat of an alien outbreak.

Payoff 1: Sully forces his will on Isaiah, who kicks and cries, drawing the attention of aliens.

Payoff 2: Sully forces his will on Isaiah, who escapes from confinement.

Payoff 3: Sully forces his will on Isaiah, who gets infected.

Payoff 4: Sully asks Isaiah to help him, works with Isaiah, and the two survive their way to the ship.

Payoff 5: Sully and Isaiah work together to extract the parasites before they hatch and kill Isaiah.

SP CHAIN 2: Who is the Mysterious Woman? (Chain communicates this character had no choice)

Setup: Mysterious Woman chooses not to go into bunker.

Payoff 1: Mysterious Woman saves Sully and Isaiah.

Payoff 2: Mysterious Woman is a agent sent to cover up government’s involvement.

Payoff 3: Mysterious Woman was infected, and takes a lethal injection to kill herself.

SP CHAIN 3: Who are the passengers, and how are they related to the story? (Chain starts out with a message that the conscripts have no choice)

Setup: Passengers are awakened from cryo-sleep.

Payoff 1: Passengers are conscripted to go kill the aliens.

Payoff 2: Some passengers protest their unconditional drafting.

Payoff 3: Protesting passengers are made an example of to show they have no choice but to comply.

Payoff 4: Passengers hunt Sully, Isaiah, and the aliens.

Payoff 5: Passengers help Sully and Isaiah to escape.

SP CHAIN 4: What happened to the colonists in the bunker? (Another chain that foreshadows a “no choice” options. This is what will happen if Sully looks out for his son instead of containing the spread.)

Setup: Most of the colonists make it to the bunker, but it appears one of them may be infected.

Payoff 1: All of the colonists in the bunker are dead and made into hosts for alien parasites.

SP CHAIN 5: Will Sully get to the bunker, and what will he find there? (Mini movie)

Setup: Sully is left out of the bunker.

Payoff 1: Sully finds a map to the bunker.

Payoff 2: Sully makes it to the bunker, but it’s contaminated with aliens and hosts.

SP CHAIN 6: Will Isaiah escape the closet, and will he be able to rescue his dad? (Mini movie)

Setup: Isaiah is locked in a closet for his own safety.

Payoff 1: Isaiah knows more about the ins and outs of the colony than his dad who helped design it. Isaiah manipulates the panels to get out.

Payoff 2: Isaiah saves Sully.

SP CHAIN 7: Will Isaiah die from his infection? (Mini movie)

Setup: Isaiah gets infected. We’ve seen what happens with two other subplots, including the spy and the teenager, and we’ve seen how the greater world operates with a zero option principle.

Payoff 1: Sully works with Isaiah and saves him from the parasites.

Payoff 2: The passengers choose to help Sully and Isaiah escape after the two show them there are choices to be made.

SP CHAIN 8: The weak point in the vent.

Setup: Sully comes across a weak point in the vent, but doesn’t notice because it initially holds up to his weight.

Payoff 1: Isaiah discovers the weak point, and that it won’t hold up again, not even to his weight. He finds a way around.

Setup 2: Sully insists and pushes Isaiah in the direction he initially came, including across the weak point in the vent.

Payoff 2: The vent breaks and Isaiah falls through, into a spore nest.

Which Chain was improved, and how did it impact the outline:

SP Chain #7, though all of them had some wordsmithing rendered, and were clarified into what the point was. Also, SP Chain #8 was added in the final part while smoothing out the setups and payoffs for the other chains.

Revised SP Chain #7: Will Isaiah die from his infection, the same way we saw the others (Mini Movie)

Setup: Isaiah gets infected. (Sully is out of options; he either kills his son and spares him of pain, or he risks another outbreak to save his son.)

Payoff 1: Sully saves his son, but is surrounded by conscripted liquidators with orders to kill him and his son.

Payoff 2: The liquidators band around Sully and Isaiah to protect them. Sully and Isaiah’s success inspires the idea that there’s always another option.

Outline:

INT. APARTMENT – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT

Flash forward of Sully holding his son, Isaiah, who is coughing uncontrollably. Sully apologizes to his son before a shotgun blast is heard.

INT. SPACE COLONY – NEW CONSTRUCTION ZONE – DAY

Establish the space colony on another planet, as we follow Sully working as a master carpenter with a team of other workers.

CONT.

Isaiah sneaks into the construction site and asks his dad to spend the day with him. Sully pushes him away, explaining there’s a lot of work he has to do, and that the construction site is no place for children. Sully tells him to go back to his virtual class.

CONT.

Isaiah sneaks off and plays pranks on his dad. His antics escalate, eventually putting the construction site at risk, and nearly hurting a number of workers.

CONT.

Sully explodes on Isaiah in front of everyone. Isaiah runs away. Sully is then called into his manager’s office.

INT. CONSTRUCTION ZONE – MANAGER’S OFFICE – DAY

Sully talks with his boss who tells Sully he must get his child under control. “This is space! We can’t risk a toddler with a tantrum here, or lives will be lost!” Sully reveals he’s trying, but that Isaiah was more his wife’s child than his, and ever since she passed, Isaiah feels more unruly than ever.

CONT.

Alarm goes off warning of Aliens.

INT. SPACE COLONY – VARIOUS – DAY

Everyone is moving in a rapid but orderly manner, except Sully who’s fighting against the crowd to get to his son.

CONT.

Family of three argue to get their teenage son, who’s looking sick, into the bunker with them.

INT. SULLY’S APARTMENT – DAY

Sully searches for his son high and low, but each time he gets close, Isaiah runs away. Sully promises reward for Isaiah, who ignores the temptation.

INT. BUNKER – DAY

Family of three make it into the bunker and start looking for medical supplies, when their son passes out. A doctor starts administering treatment.

INT. SULLY’S APARTMENT – DAY

Sully is able to coax Isaiah out of hiding by apologizing for his earlier outburst, and they both run to the bunker.

INT. BUNKER – DAY

Teenager wakes up very sick, and his compulsive coughing and vomiting up blood cracks his jaw and tears the seams of his mouth.

INT. SPACE COLONY HALLWAYS/BUNKER – NIGHT

Sully picks up Isaiah and runs with him, but Isaiah wants to run on his own. Sully resists this, promising Isaiah can run to his hearts content in the Bunker.

CONT.

Sully and Isaiah get to the bunker too late. It’s sealed shut. They’re stuck on the outside with the aliens.

INT. SPACE COLONY HALLWAYS/LIVING QUARTERS – NIGHT

Sully backtracks, physically restraining Isaiah, who doesn’t want to be carried anymore. An alien worm discovers and pursues them.

CONT.

Sully runs with Isaiah in tow, and manages to lock the alien behind a door.

CONT.

More alien worms come out of hiding and pursue them. However, a frail old lady who didn’t make it to the bunker offers aid.

CONT.

The mysterious woman takes Sully and Isaiah to her room where she believes they can fortify their position and prepare for the worst to come.

CONT.

Isaiah starts kicking and screaming, drawing the attention of aliens and an alien host.

INT. LIVING QUARTERS – NIGHT

Sully pins Isaiah to the floor behind a counter and covers his mouth, begging him to stay quiet while he drags him to a corner room. Isaiah starts hitting and crying.

CONT.

The alien host breaks through the door and starts sniffing out the old lady, Sully, and Isaiah hiding in the room.

CONT.

Sully locks door to corner room and old lady goes to work crafting a weapon, while Isaiah yells at Sully.

CONT.

Alien host hears the scream and tries getting into the room. Old lady teaches Sully to makeshift a weapon, and the two fight off the hostile aliens. Isaiah wants to help, but Sully refuses harshly.

CONT.

In retaliation, Isaiah picks up a weapon. Sully tries to get the weapon back, but Isaiah swings the weapon at him. Sully threatens Isaiah, which leads to Isaiah giving up the weapon. “You don’t have a say. You don’t have any privileges. You do what I say, when I say it, or else!”

CONT.

Sully and Old Lady fortify apartment, while Isaiah sulks in the corner. Old Lady comforts Isaiah and introduces herself as an agent for the Hegemony, and tells Sully to take it easy because they’re all going to die, regardless of what they do.

INT. SPACE SHIP – CRYO-BUNKS

A passenger wakes up to an alert, along with the rest of the ship. The passenger is a foreigner among a crew that speaks a different language.

INT. SPACE SHIP – LUNCH HALL

The passenger learns with the rest of the ship that their voyage has been redirected, and that the passengers are now conscripts to wipe out an outbreak of alien parasites and any survivors not in their designated bunker.

INT. LIVING QUARTERS – NIGHT

Sully asks why the spy helped them if she’s with the Hegemony and they’re going to die anyways. The spy explains that she’s making peace with GOD, as she was sent to cover up the Hegemony’s involvement with the escalating outbreaks of aliens.

INT. SPACE SHIP – HANGER

The passengers are equipped with 3-D printed weapons that have one short range round each. The passenger we’ve followed takes a stand, and other passengers join in a protest.

INT. LIVING QUARTERS – NIGHT

Sully asks why the spy isn’t in the bunker, and the spy finally reveals that she’s infected, and can’t sabotage the sanctity of the bunker. She tells him that they have no choice but to die, as anyone outside of the bunker is considered a liability, and to tie up any loose ends for their final moments, before she takes a lethal injection that kills her and the alien eggs inside of her.

INT. SPACE SHIP – HANGER

The protestors are publicly executed as an example for anyone who’s unwilling to follow the orders.

INT. LIVING QUARTERS – NIGHT

Sully discovers a way inside the bunker by reviewing schematics left behind by the spy. He decides he’s going to try and save his and his son’s lives.

INT. SPACE COLONY LIVING QUARTERS/HALLWAYS – NIGHT

Sully locks Isaiah in a closet to keep him safe while he ventures out alone to find out if the schematics are correct. He apologizes but insists it’s for his own good.

INT. SPACE COLONY – VENTS – NIGHT

Sully crawls through the vents, looking out for any other worms or spore nests. His weight puts too much pressure on one point in the vent, but it holds.

INT. SPACE COLONY LIVING QUARTERS – NIGHT

Isaiah is able to find a way out of his confinement and track down his dad.

INT. SPACE COLONY – VENTS – NIGHT

Isaiah crawls through the vents, listening for his dad. He comes across the same weak point his dad came across, and goes around it.

INT. SPACE COLONY HALLWAYS/BUNKER – NIGHT

Sully makes it to the bunker and discovers all of the residents are now alien hosts, including the teenager and his family. He tries to fight back, but there’re too many of them, and he can’t reach the vent to escape.

INT. SPACE COLONY HALLWAYS/BUNKER – NIGHT

Isaiah is able to save his dad at the last moment by dropping a line for him, and the two escape through the vents.

INT. VENTS

Isaiah insists on a different way from his Dad. Sully pushes Isaiah in the direction he believes they need to go with the hosts still tailing them down the vents.

CONT.

Sully pushes Isaiah across the same weak point in the vent as before, and Isaiah falls through this time dropping onto an alien spore nest that infects Isaiah.

INT. SPACE COLONY – ALIEN SPORE NEST/VENTS – NIGHT

Sully covers his mouth with a mask and pulls Isaiah out of the nest. He kills another host and seals the way to them as best he can.

INT. SPACE COLONY LIVING QUARTERS – NIGHT

Sully and Isaiah make it back to their hideout. Sully asks Isaiah why he ever left the safety of the closet he was locked in, and tells him that if he’d just stayed, he wouldn’t be infected. Isaiah cries and hits himself. Sully also adds if Isaiah didn’t come find him, that Sully would’ve been killed by the hosts, and Isaiah may have not been spared anyway by the liquidators.

INT/EXT. SPACE COLONY – NIGHT

Times up. The Liquidators arrive in force to exterminate the alien threat and any infected.

INT. SPACE COLONY LIVING QUARTERS – NIGHT

Sully gathers as many paper files as he can carry on the spy’s cover up of the outbreaks, and carries Isaiah to another room before Liquidators burst into the room they were just in. Isaiah starts to cough.

CONT.

Sully tells Isaiah to resist the need to cough, but he can’t help it, drawing the attention of more hosts and worms to kill, along with liquidators. Sully tries covering Isaiah’s mouth with a rag and searches for cough suppressants, but the coughing gets worse.

CONT.

Sully apologizes to his son, who’s trying his best to resist the need to cough, while the two are surrounded by aliens and liquidators alike. A shotgun blast goes off, killing one of the hosts, while two more tear into a liquidator.

CONT.

Sully asks his son for help to sneak the both of them into the Liquidator’s ship to get to a medical bay.

INT. SPACE COLONY HALLWAYS AND HIDEAWAYS) – NIGHT

Isaiah sneaks Sully around the carnage surrounding them.

CONT.

Liquidators break through one wall, finding the two. Sully and Isaiah make a break for it, narrowly escaping.

CONT.

Liquidators pursue, but Sully releases the alien worm he locked up earlier. The worm breaks through the mask of one of the liquidators and turns him into a bloodthirsty host.

INT. LIQUIDATOR VESSEL – NIGHT

Sully and Isaiah make it to the ship! They immediately go into hiding again, evading the detection of more liquidators and Hegemony military officers.

INT. LIQUIDATOR VESSEL – NIGHT

Sully and Isaiah are found out due to Isaiah’s coughing that’s getting worse. Liquidators and military swarm in force.

CONT.

Sully and Isaiah evade and run like hell to the Medical Bay.

INT. LIQUIDATOR VESSEL/MEDICAL BAY – NIGHT

They make it to the medical bay and lock themselves inside. Sully gets as many supplies out as he can.

CONT.

Isaiah asks how he can help, and Sully describes what he’s looking for. Isaiah struggles to breathe as he locates some of the supplies. Meanwhile, military and liquidators try to break in to kill the two.

CONT.

Sully finds everything he needs, but before he can operate, Isaiah demands that he be the one to give the instructions.

CONT.

Sully complies, giving Isaiah pointers on what instructions to give Sully, and the two work together against the clock to extract the alien eggs that are growing rapidly in Isaiah’s chest.

CONT.

The extracted eggs start to hatch.

CONT.

Sully kills the hatching eggs.

INT. LIQUIDATOR VESSEL/MEDICAL BAY – NIGHT

Sully embraces his son, holding him close to protect him from the liquidators and military personnel breaking in. He yells about the Hegemony’s secret involvement in perpetuating the alien worms and their cover up, and scatters the documents he took from the spy’s apartment across the floor; a last ditch effort to save themselves.

CONT.

As an officer is about to shoot both father and son in the head, the liquidators, seeing Sully’s efforts prove successful as well as hearing and seeing the spy’s secrets, form a wall around Sully, protecting him as he protects his child.

CONT.

The officer orders his men to kill the conscripts, but the liquidators retaliate. “There’s more of us than there are of them!”

INT. LIQUIDATOR’S VESSEL/ESCAPE POD – NIGHT

One of the conscripted liquidators gathers up Sully’s documents and gets Sully and his son to an escape pod, as the civil conflict heats up around them. He hands the documents to Sully and tells them to get the word out.

INT. ESCAPE POD/SPACE

Sully and Isaiah are jettisoned from the vessel aboard their escape pod. Sully holds Isaiah tight, as the two watch the planet they were colonizing fade into the distance.

[Cameron Martin]

Additional lesson learned…It really helps to connect the chains by finding a single question or argument that ties in with your theme, if not just using the theme itself to connect the dots. For example, OPEN WIDE used the argument “There is no choice” in almost every chain to build the stakes for the final act with Sully having to turn to sharing the decision making process with his son. Meanwhile, GRAND THEFT ROAD TRIP used the cliche statement “We’re not so different, you and I” in a lot of it’s chains. This helped to tie all of the characters together in a way that felt consistent and intentional. Finding that singular line and applying it through most of the chains was like applying a metronome to the story, and really helped get everything to jive to the same beat.

(Note: Still working on POSSESSING EDEN. The chains have been improved, but I feel the next step is to rewrite my outline to really get it to the same standard as the other two.)

GRAND THEFT ROAD TRIP

SP CHAIN 1: Will The Kid’s late night antics catch up to her? (Mirror’s Dad’s question)

Setup: Kid takes Boss’ car for a joyride, but cops catch her on camera.

Payoff 1: Cops try to arrest her during a defensive driving course.

Payoff 2: Boss learns about her dad when both are broadcast on television during a high speed chase from the cops.

Payoff 3: Boss sends hitman to kill Kid and Dad. Hitman kills Dad.

SP CHAIN 2: What is The Dad’s connection to The Boss? (Mirror’s The Kid)

Setup 1: Dad fights for control of the car with his daughter, and shows he’s a better driver than expected.

Setup 2: Dad reveals to Kid he used to run with her Boss when he was younger, and went into hiding.

Payoff 1: Dad explains that he’s in witness protection, and the Boss has a vendetta against him for turning him in years ago.

Payoff 2: Dad’s past catches up with him when the Boss’ hitman shoots him.

SP CHAIN 3: Will the Lieutenant catch The Kid and The Dad? (Mirrors his father)

Setup: Lieutenant sees Kid and Boss on tv and makes the connection that they’re involved with the Boss.

Payoff 1: Lieutenant catches Kid and Dad at diner and is able to converse with the Dad to fill in some blanks before Kid and Dad escape.

Payoff 2: Lieutenant catches up with Kid and Dad again before getting stuck in crossfire and seeing a key witness, Dad, die.

Payoff 3: Lieutenant joins up with Kid to take down the Boss.

SP CHAIN 4: Will the Lieutenant save his marriage? (Other side of the Kid/Dad coin. Mirror’s his dad)

Setup: Lieutenant is in marriage counseling. Says he’s nothing like his father.

Payoff 1: Lieutenant disregards wife’s call and misses a counseling appointment. He’s more like his father than he wants to believe, just like the therapist told him.

Payoff 2: Lieutenant returns to an empty house, his wife gone. He is his father.

SP CHAIN 5: Will the Kid get away? (Conflict/When you’ve run out of road, nowhere to go but back where you came from)

Setup 1: Cops are on Kid’s tail.

Payoff 1: Kid is able to escape from the cops.

Setup 2: Boss’ crew is on Kid’s tail, with the cops.

Payoff 2: Kid escapes from both.

Setup 3: Hitman finds Kid and Dad.

Payoff 3: Dad doesn’t escape, but Kid does. Kid chooses to stop running after her dad dies, and goes after The Boss.

Setup 4: Kid asks Lieutenant for help, but Lieutenant declines. Kid goes alone.

Payoff 4: Kid fights Boss and wins when Lieutenant comes anyway.

Setup 5: Kid has to choose between running or stopping.

Payoff 5: Kid stays, making the same choice her dad once made.

SP CHAIN 6: Can The Kid and The Dad connect? (Plot/“We’re not so different, you and I”)

Setup: Kid and Dad argue at the breakfast table, like a normal family. They’re nothing alike.

Payoff 1: Kid and Dad argue about running from the cops, like a less normal family. They’re more alike behind a wheel than they realized.

Payoff 2: Kid and Dad argue about whether or not to trust in Dad’s old crime partner, and whether said partner is out to kill them, not at all like a normal family. They’re almost exactly alike.

Payoff 3: Kid and Dad start to connect, but the Hitman kills Dad. Kid failed to connect with her Dad in time. They’re the same, and what came for the Dad will one day come for the Kid.

SP CHAIN 7: Can the Kid save her dad? (Mini-Movie)

Setup: Dad gets shot in crossfire with Hitman.

Payoff 1: Kid gets Dad to car and drives him to Hospital.

Payoff 2: Kid makes it to doctors. Dad is still alive.

Payoff 3: Dad dies in doctors’ care. She failed to save her Dad.

SP CHAIN 8: Can The Kid take down The Boss? (Mini-Movie/Final Battle)

Setup 1: Boss learns Kid stole from him, and he wants to teach her a lesson.

Setup 2: Kid swears vengeance on the Boss for the death of her Dad.

Payoff 1: Kid gets to Boss, who was expecting her. Kid is on death’s door and gets crippled in the process.

Payoff 2: Kid gets another shot after the Lieutenant pulls through. Kid takes down the Boss.

SP CHAIN 9: Will the Hitman succeed against The Kid or The Dad? (Mini-Movie/Conflict)

Setup: Boss hires Hitman to take out Dad, and bring Kid back alive.

Payoff 1: Hitman finds Dad and Kid. He kills the Dad.

Payoff 2: Kid escapes and kills the Hitman.

Etc.

SP CHAIN 10: Will the Lieutenant work with The Kid on her quest? (Conflict)

Setup: Kid begs Lieutenant for help against the Boss, but Lieutenant has lost the will to fight after losing his family.

Payoff 1: Lieutenant saves Kid at the last second.

Which Chain was improved, and how did it impact the outline:

SP CHAIN 6…and others. Reason being the idea of “We’re not so different, you and I” is a cliche, but it ties in with the theme. This chain has to be tied in with others, and the others have to be modified to fit as well to echo the idea that no matter how unlike our parent’s we try to be, we still wind up being in some way the same. This helped the outline in a similar way to OPEN WIDE, where the subplots and action beat the same drum and beat.

Made the mistake of editing what I already wrote instead of leaving the revised versions under this section. My bad.

Outline:

INT. GARAGE – LAMBORGHINI COUNTACH – NIGHT

Kid’s bright eyes, reflecting her innocence and immaturity. She hot wires the car to take it for a spin.

INT. GARAGE – NIGHT

Kid takes the car out slow at first.

EXT. GARAGE / GATE – NIGHT

Kid gets the car as far as the gate of a luxurious estate. She gets caught by the guard, but escapes anyway.

EXT. STREETS – NIGHT

Kid joyrides like it’s a video game, evading cops along the way.

EXT. NEIGHBOR’S HOUSE – NIGHT

Kid parks the exotic car in a neighbor’s driveway and jumps a fence. Cops swarm neighbor’s house.

EXT. BACKYARDS – NIGHT

Kid parkours across neighbors’ yards.

EXT. DRIVEWAY – NIGHT

Kid hot-wires a sedan. Pulls out of a different driveway.

EXT. PARKING LOT – NIGHT

Kid parks the sedan in a parking lot adjacent with another neighbor’s fence.

EXT. HOME BACKYARD / KID’S HOUSE – NIGHT

Follow Kid to their home, a couple houses down from the parking lot.

INT. HOME – NIGHT

Kid sneaks into the house, undetected. She got away with everything…for now. The house is clean and organized like someone with OCD cared for it. Kid leaves her shoes in the middle of the room.

INT. HOME – DAY

Kid walks downstairs in a hard rock shirt, while the Dad is dressed in a button up shirt and khakis. Dad tells the Kid to put her shoes in the correct place, and the two talk about college choices and a minor speeding ticket – Kid isn’t involved much in the conversation as both Mom and Dad recount stories of when they were her age and hid from their parents that they got speeding tickets. Kid says she’s not like them at all, referring to their wardrobe choices and demeanor. Dad requires Kid to go through a defensive driving course with him.

INT/EXT. DRIVER’S ED CAR

Kid and Dad get into a Prius. Dad tells Kid how to do everything, even though we know Kid can handle a vehicle just fine.

INT/EXT. DRIVER’S ED CAR

Kid is identified by a cop based on a camera image from the previous night. Lights go up.

CONT.

Dad tells Kid to pull over. Kid pulls over.

CONT.

Backups arrive suddenly. Cops all get out and draw weapons, making demands to “get out of the car with your hands up!”

INT/EXT. DRIVER’S ED CAR

Kid makes a split decision, showing her dad that she’s a devil behind the wheel.

CONT.

Dad tries to stop her, and the two fight for control of the vehicle. Dad also reveals that he’s no slouch behind the wheel like The Kid assumed.

CONT.

The Kid wins out and gets away from the cops…in a Prius…

CONT.

Kid swears she didn’t do anything. Kid – “It’s not my fault.” Dad asks if she’s involved with The Boss (saying his name). Kid plays dumb and asks “Who?”

INT. POLICE STATION – DAY

Lieutenant works on a case involving The Boss. Catches word of the Kid on a scanner and requests a profile on her, before he gets a ring notifying him he’s late for a counseling session. “Not now.”

INT. COUNSELOR’S OFFICE – DAY

The Lieutenant and his wife sit next to each other on a couch. The therapist asks questions to help the two resolve their marital issues, and we learn that The Lieutenant’s father was obsessed with his work in solving a big case, and that it lead to him leaving him and his family. Lieutenant is adamant that he’s not like his father, that he doesn’t abandon family, but that his job is important.

EXT. GAS STATION – DAY

Car is almost out of gas/Kid is forced to finally stop at a gas station four hours outside of town. Mom calls Dad and reveals the two are on TV and wanted, wants to know what’s going on.

INT. DRIVER’S ED CAR

Mom discusses with Dad whether to turn in daughter or not, and Dad reveals he has to get her in hiding because he knows whom she worked for. Mom’s caught off guard by the revelation that there are things about her husband that she never knew.

CONT.

Dad hangs up, and explains to the Kid that he used to steal cars in his youth, and that the Boss she worked for was an old partner of his, and that she has to go into hiding, just like he did. Kid says she knows Boss more than he does, and that he’ll help her get out from under the cops.

INT. MOB BOSS’ OFFICE – DAY

Kid and Dad appear on TV. Gate Guard confirms that the Kid on TV is the same one that stole the Mob Boss’ prized Countach, and that The Dad is his old partner. It’s personal, as he sends a crew to pick them up.

EXT. HOLE-IN-THE-WALL DINER – DAY

Kid parks wanted car in lot behind diner, next to a Honda Civic Type-R.

INT. HOLE-IN-THE-WALL DINER / ADJACENT CORNER STORE – DAY

Kid and Dad go inside the corner story beside the diner they used to frequent when they were younger. Kid identifies owner of the Honda while arguing with Dad, until Dad recounts his story with The Boss, and how he had to cut a deal with the cops and go into witness protection.

CONT.

Kid and Dad get dressed in new clothes and disguises.

CONT.

Kid and Dad take a seat inside the diner and reminisce about diner being a favorite of theirs growing up.

EXT/INT. HOLE-IN-THE-WALL-DINER / ADJACENT CORNER STORE – DAY

Lieutenant catches up with Kid and Dad, wanting to ask some questions. Dad speaks with the Lieutenant, while Kid excuses herself, looking for a way out. She pickpockets the keys from the Honda owner and heads outside. But, Kid catches sight of her crew entering the building, and cops on the outside.

CONT.

Kid goes to her Dad and tells him they have to go. Lieutenant jokes that she must’ve caught sight of the cops. Kid sees the crew and knows because a cop is talking to her and her dad, they’ll assume she’s colluding with him. “You’re ruining my life!”

CONT.

Kid creates a scene and grabs Dad to avoid the crossfire between The Crew and the cops on their way out of the diner.

CONT.

Kid pulls out in someone’s Civic Type-R, outrunning everyone.

INT. MOB BOSS’ OFFICE – DAY

Boss sets up a bounty on the Kid and the Dad, meeting with a hitman.

EXT. DINER – DAY

Lieutenant tries every piece of evidence to find his leads, in the aftermath of the chaos, before getting another phone call advising he’s going to be late for a counseling session. Wife is upset that she wasn’t told he’d be going out of town. He hangs up.

EXT. MIDDLE SCHOOL GROUNDS – NIGHT

Kid and Dad park at an old school to hide out.

CONT.

Kid reveals to Dad she got roped into Boss’ affairs through a boy. The boy introduced her to boosting cars, and it was romantic at first, until the boy abused her at school. The Boss found out and took care of her, while she never saw the boy again. Never wanted to question it.

CONT.

Dad and Kid connect on the need to control their lives to avoid previous tragedy.

CONT.

Hitman and Cops close in when Janitor sees the Kid and Dad and calls them in.

EXT. MIDDLE SCHOOL GROUNDS – NIGHT

Dad gets shot in the crossfire between the cops and Lieutenant and the hitman.

INT/EXT. CIVIC TYPE-R – NIGHT

Kid tries running, but Hitman catches up. Kid hits the Hitman with the tail of her car and launches him into the side of the school, killing him.

CONT.

Kid takes Dad to Hospital.

EXT. HOSPITAL – NIGHT

Arrive at Hospital. Kid tends to Dad while doctors try to save him.

INT. OPERATING ROOM – NIGHT

Kid watches as her Dad dies. She runs out of the hospital and drives away.

EXT. INTERSTATE – NIGHT

Kid drives for a long time.

INT. CAR – NIGHT

Kid calls 9-1-1 and demands to speak with the Lieutenant. She promises to turn herself in if she can go after the Mob with him.

INT. LIEUTENANT’S HOME – NIGHT

Kid gets ahold of Lieutenant who’s heartbroken. Reveals his family left him, and he doesn’t have the same fight in him as before. Kid gives address and says she’s going after The Boss, regardless.

INT/EXT. WAREHOUSE – NIGHT

Kid goes after the Mob.

CONT.

Kid makes it to warehouse, and starts creating chaos.

CONT.

Kid falls into trap set by Mob boss. Has to escape.

CONT.

Mob Boss is a better driver than even the Kid. Runs her down and cripples her, requiring her to drive with one hand.

CONT.

Boss offers his condolences to Kid, while he has his men tie her up. Tells her he loved his father, wanted to be just like him. So, when the time came, he killed his father and took over the business.

CONT.

Cops and Lieutenant arrive and save the Kid before she’s killed. They search the premises for her and come across evidence of Mob’s efforts.

CONT.

Kid is more reckless than Mob Boss, and gets the upper hand.

CONT.

Kid and Boss race. Kid wins.

EXT. WAREHOUSE – NIGHT

Kid accepts the handcuffs. Goes willingly with cops.

INT. POLICE STATION – DAY

Lieutenant makes a deal with the Kid to help him with more Grand Theft Auto Cases in exchange for less jail time.

EXT. DRIVING LOT

Kid’s eyes, now years older, looking over a lot where she helps teens, including her own, through driving courses, just like her Dad.

[Cameron Martin]

Screw it. Can’t afford to get bogged down. Have to move on to assignment 14. I’ll work on a rewrite during cliche busting, since that’ll make more sense anyway. Still, picked up a few plot holes by going through this process, particularly with the world building. It’s a damn pain sometimes to be working with three concepts simultaneously, but you get different lessons and breakthroughs with each. With POSSESSING EDEN, which is a wholly unique world that draws inspiration from a few familiar sources, I can’t rely on the same minimal world building that the other two use. I mean, OPEN WIDE requires a little more than GRAND THEFT ROAD TRIP, since it’s in space, but the plot and setting stay contained and just trust that the audience understands aliens and the tropes of the genre. POSSESSING EDEN is a damned quest that ventures to different settings. Containing it to a singular high rise helps, but it doesn’t automatically fix all of the different questions that are going to be asked with the opening. Thus, going through this process revealed more plot holes that I didn’t even consider, and allowed me to answer them with action and payoffs. I wish I had this process years ago when I first started writing the script for this concept, because even though I had a good handle on the setup/payoff dynamic at the time, laying it all out like this would’ve saved a lot of time and headache to get it all to work in a way that was simple enough, consistent, and relevant to the theme of the story. Thanks Hal. Even the lessons that feel more like a refresher than something wholly new, still inspire breakthroughs and strategies to improve your craft.

POSSESSING EDEN

SP CHAIN 1: Who is the boy? (World-building)

Setup: Boy runs alone with a massive robot on his tail.

Payoff 1: Boy is from the underworld.

Payoff 2: Boy is taken into the upper floors and promised eternal life.

Payoff 3: Years later Boy (now Pan) is unknowingly sacrificed to reveal Janus’ ability to copy herself.

Payoff 4: Pan is reincarnated/saved by Janus.

SP CHAIN 2: What is this world and its rules? (World-building)

Setup: Seemingly abandoned tower, with iconography and giant robots.

Payoff 1: Janus takes Pan up the tower, and we see something more similar to Elysium or Heaven.

Payoff 2: Meet Adam.

Payoff 3: Pan is promised eternal life.

Payoff 4: Janus can possess machines.

Payoff 5: Adam reveals he saved mankind from armageddon, but had to separate some from the rest.

SP CHAIN 3: Who is the android? (World-building)

Setup: Cyborg girl, Janus, shows up to save Pan.

Payoff 1: Janus possesses giant robot hunting Pan, and makes it destroy itself.

Payoff 2: Janus takes Pan to her creator, Adam.

SP CHAIN 4: How will Janus bring back Pan? (Actual Plot)

Setup: Pan is sacrificed and can’t be reincarnated.

Payoff 1: Janus makes a plan with Copy to bring Pan back.

Payoff 2: Janus fulfills her plan, but it’s a trap.

Payoff 3: Janus resurrects Pan, but it’s not exactly the same Pan as before.

SP CHAIN 5: What will Adam do to stop Janus and why? (Actual Plot/Antagonist’s plan)

Setup: Adam doesn’t want Janus to subvert his world order, and kills the part of him that cares for Janus.

Payoff 1: Adam makes a deal with some underworlders to set a trap.

Payoff 2: Adam brings a force of sentries and kills Janus.

Payoff 3: Adam sends his guardians to stop Janus.

Payoff 4: Adam manipulates his followers against Janus.

Payoff 5: Adam turns Copy against Janus.

Payoff 6: Adam possesses his followers to stop Janus.

SP CHAIN 6: Will Janus and Copy make it through the Underworld? (Conflict)

Setup: The underworld is said to be dangerous.

Payoff 1: Janus and Copy are faced off with a cyborg reaper/Cerberus and barely survive.

Payoff 2: Janus and Copy are captured by slavers.

SP CHAIN 7: Who is the mute? (World-building)

Setup: Janus and Copy are surrounded by hostile cyborgs and other underworlders, but one of them, a mute, makes a deal with them.

Payoff 1: The mute is given his augmentation, a voice that hacks robots.

Payoff 2: The mute is Calvex, a shepherd from the lowest floor, and agrees to guide Janus and Copy through the rest of the underworld.

SP CHAIN 8: How will Copy hurt Janus and how will Janus deal with Copy? (Theme)

Setup: Copy yells at Janus for having a get out jail free card with her ability to reincarnate at will.

Payoff 1: Copy agrees to work with Adam so Janus can face justice.

Payoff 2: Copy blames Janus for harm to underworlders.

Payoff 3: Copy springs trap on Janus and tries to kill her.

Payoff 4: Copy merges with Janus.

SP CHAIN 9: How will Janus defeat Adam to resurrect both Calvex and Pan? (Theme/Actual Plot)

Setup: Adam advises he will not allow Janus to progress further, and will simply start over with his world.

Payoff 1: Janus recruits the underworld to fight Adam.

Payoff 2: Janus fights Adam, who splits and copies himself, and helps to heal Adam’s code and merge the Adams like she was able to.

SP CHAIN 10: Will Calvex survive the Lightning Run? (Conflict)

Setup: Calvex is placed in a race/execution.

Payoff 1: Calvex is saved by Janus.

Which Chain was improved, and how did it impact the outline:

Jeez, when I look at all the chains together, nothing really fits nicely together. You have three that are just straight world-building, two that are there for conflict, two to three that are the actual plot, and a couple that actually represent the theme. Being fair, most of the setting helps with the theme, but the actual plot points really need to be tailored to work together better.

To help isolate what needs work, I’ve categorized the purpose of each chain into different categories. The World-Building chains aren’t being touched much, because they’re necessary for setting up the world through action, and the world was cultivated to broadcast the theme. The conflict sections are basically mini-movies. They can be elevated to showcase the theme and decision Janus will ultimately have to make. And then, there’s the actual plot. Unlike OPEN WIDE, where that concept has chains that bring the protagonist’s ultimate decision to bear by escalating to show that there are no options, POSSESSING EDEN’s protagonist makes her choice fairly early in the story, and it comes down to her continued conviction in the face of increasing odds. Therefore, the plot has to be active with Janus being tested in every mini-movie, and at greater and greater levels throughout the plot, until her conviction leads her to tear down everything she knows.

Let’s fix this.

(P.S. Wound up fixing World-Building the most because I identified plot holes in the setups. This just saved me from having to answer those questions in a pitch to someone, versus answering them now in the outline.)

World-Building

SP CHAIN 1: Who is the boy? (World-building)

Setup: Boy runs alone with a massive robot on his tail.

Payoff 1: Boy is from the underworld.

Setup 2: What is the underworld?

Payoff 2: Underworld is where people live in retaliation to Adam’s vision.

Setup 3: Why do people live in retaliation, and what is Adam’s vision? What is so bad about it that people would give up immortality? What is so great about it that people would accept?

Payoff 3: Boy is taken into the upper floors and promised eternal life, if he is willing to accept that Adam may use his corporeal form for whatever he sees fit.

Payoff 4: Boy (Pan) accepts.

Setup 4: Will Adam abuse his power over Pan or any other residents?

Payoff 5: Years later Boy (now Pan) is unknowingly sacrificed to reveal Janus’ ability to copy herself.

Payoff 6: Pan is reincarnated/saved by Janus.

SP CHAIN 2: What is this world and its rules? (World-building)

Setup: Seemingly abandoned tower, with iconography and giant robots.

Payoff 1: Janus takes Pan up the tower, and we see something more similar to Elysium or Heaven.

Payoff 2: Meet Adam.

Payoff 3: Pan is promised eternal life in exchange for his code (soul).

Payoff 4: Janus can possess machines, just as Adam can possess them and his people.

Payoff 5: Adam reveals he saved mankind from armageddon, but to ensure mankind doesn’t kill itself again, Adam assumed total control over those who joined him. He could not force his will on those who did not because he’s a computer virus that cannot occupy the physical plane without a host body, and there aren’t enough host bodies to exact his will without possible failure. (Man, there’s gotta be a more efficient way to explain this crap)

SP CHAIN 3: Who is the android? (World-building)

Setup: Cyborg girl, Janus, shows up to save Pan.

Payoff 1: Janus possesses giant robot hunting Pan, and makes it destroy itself.

Payoff 2: Janus takes Pan to her creator, Adam. (Janus is a creation of an AI, Adam)

Sacrifices

SP CHAIN 4: How will Janus bring back Pan? (What will you sacrifice?)

Setup: Pan is sacrificed and can’t be reincarnated.

Payoff 1: Janus makes a plan with Copy to bring Pan back by stealing from Adam

Payoff 2. Janus fights Adam’s armies.

Payoff 3: Janus fights herself

Payoff 4: Janus fights Adam.

Payoff 5: Janus resurrects Pan, but it’s not exactly the same Pan as before.

SP CHAIN 5: What will Adam do to stop Janus and why? (What will you sacrifice?)

Setup: Janus steals from Adam and crosses into the underworld.

Payoff 1: Adam kills the part of himself that cares for Janus. (Adam sacrifices his love)

Payoff 2: Adam manipulates his followers against Janus.

Payoff 3: Adam sets up a trap and destroys Janus’ body by sending a force into the underworld. (Adam sacrifices peace)

Payoff 4: Adam sets up a trap to destroy Janus’ soul by turning Copy against Janus.

Payoff 5: Adam kills the part of himself that’s loyal to his progeny and one of his children. (Adam sacrifices his creation)

Payoff 6: Adam possesses all of his followers to stop Janus, destroying the world he created. (Adam sacrifices his world)

Escalating Trials

SP CHAIN 6: Will Janus and Copy make it through the Underworld? (Mini-movie/It can’t get any worse…right?)

Setup: The underworld is said to be dangerous.

Payoff 1: Janus and Copy are faced off with a cyborg reaper/Cerberus and barely survive.

Payoff 2: Janus and Copy are captured by cyborg slavers.

Payoff 3: Janus and Copy run against their will.

Payoff 4: Adam’s sentries arrive and destroy Janus. (No, they will not make it alone.)

SP CHAIN 7: Who is the mute? (World-building/I am your only hope.)

Setup: Janus and Copy are surrounded by hostile cyborgs and other underworlders, but one of them, a mute, makes a deal with them.

Payoff 1: Janus is able to get the mute his augmentation, a voice that hacks robots.

Payoff 2: The mute is Calvex, a shepherd from the lowest floors, and agrees to guide Janus and Copy through the rest of the underworld. (They will make it through the underworld only with the help of a guide.)

SP CHAIN 8: How will Copy hurt Janus and how will Janus deal with Copy? (We are our own worst enemy sometimes)

Setup: Copy yells at Janus for having a get out jail free card with her ability to reincarnate at will.

Payoff 1: Copy agrees to work with Adam so Janus can face justice.

Payoff 2: Copy calls Janus’ ability to complete her quest into question when Janus is unsuccessful in protecting underworlders.

Payoff 3: Copy springs trap on Janus and tries to kill her.

Payoff 4: Copy merges with Janus after Janus heals her and herself.

Mini-Movies

SP CHAIN 9: How will Janus defeat Adam to resurrect both Calvex and Pan? (Third Act Mini-Movie/Bring the point full circle)

Setup: Adam advises he will not allow Janus to progress further, and will simply start over with his world.

Payoff 1: Janus recruits the underworld to fight Adam.

Setup 2: Adam possesses all of his followers, effectively killing all of them.

Payoff 2: Janus and the underworld fight Adam, and lose.

Setup 3: Janus sacrifices her body to face Adam in cyberspace.

Payoff 3: Adam splits and copies himself to kill Janus, who helps to heal one of the Adam copy’s code and merge the Adams like she was able to with her Copy.

SP CHAIN 10: Will Calvex survive the Lightning Run? (Mini-Movie)

Setup: Calvex is placed in a race/execution.

Payoff 1: Calvex is saved by Janus. (She has muscle where Calvex has know how)

Outline:

INT. RUINED LOBBY

We open on the first floor of a massive nine story high rise. It’s a dark, maze-like ruin with holes in the wall that weave from one room to another, along with what appear to be grave sites toppled on top of each other.

CONT.

There, a child, Pan, hides in the shadows from a mechanical being that just killed both of his parents.

CONT.

Janus, an android with the ability to “possess” different machines, protects and saves Pan from the killer robot, by taking control of the robot and having it kill itself. Janus appears mournful, praying over the robot for it to have a safe passage into its next life.

(Visual Note: Possessing means she not only hacks the machine, but penetrates it and wraps the armor of the robot around her, like a cyberpunk version of a ghost going inside of and possessing a person.)

CONT.

Janus discovers Pan is missing a chip in his neck, something he needs to be admitted through the Afterlife Protocol. Pan says he’s from the underworld, where they can’t be reincarnated or have everlasting life, and was crossing the border between the underworld and the upper nine floors with his family when they were attacked.

INT. ELEVATOR / TOP FLOOR PENTHOUSE

Janus takes him to her creator, Adam, to ensure the promise of eternal life

INT. TOP FLOOR PENTHOUSE

Pan meets Adam, who agrees to give Pan access to the afterlife, so long as Pan agree that his data (soul) belong to him. Pan accepts this.

INT. VOID

Adam, in a sermon to people plugged into a virtual meeting, recounts the story of how he constructed the tower as a last bastion of mankind and created Guardian Angels, like Janus, in his image, so that they would have dominion over the world and protect his people from those in the underworld who rejected Adam’s promise of immortality.

INT. STAIRWELL

Janus competes in a game with her siblings to test their skill in protecting the first 9 floors from the forces of the underworld: the bottom 9 floors that live underground in rebellion. Janus wins with Adam watching.

CONT.

Adam invites Janus to a revelation of a power she didn’t know she had.

INT. TOP FLOOR PENTHOUSE

Adam teaches Janus to duplicate herself, using Pan as a test subject. It is an act that relies on deleting the consciousness of the host, in order to use their body. However, Janus performs this act without being told that duplicating herself would bring a permanent end to the host, Pan, in a world where death should be impossible.

INT. JANUS’ ROOM

Janus, distraught, refuses to believe she can’t bring Pan back to life. She makes a plan with her Copy to resurrect Pan.

Together, they’ll steal the code Adam used to create her and her siblings. Next, they’ll venture to the source of the Nexus, the platform for the Afterlife Protocol, deep inside the underworld. Together, they plan to merge the code with the Copy’s body, which was Pan’s body, hoping the combination of latent data within his body and Adam’s code will bring Pan back to life again, essentially rewriting the information that once made up the consciousness of Pan.

INT. TOP FLOOR MAINFRAME

Janus, with the help of her double, breaks into Adam’s personal library and steals the code.

INT. STAIRWELL

Janus and Copy evade Janus’ siblings on their way down the first 9 floors, refusing to fight them, while the siblings try to stop Janus.

INT. LOBBY

Adam begs Janus not to go, offering absolution in the form of erasing hers and everyone else’s memory of the victim so that no guilt can be felt or placed.

INT. LOBBY

Janus apologizes to Adam, promising to return as soon as she brings Pan back. Janus and her Copy then cross into the Underworld, taking a risk based on Janus’ own developing morality, instead of opting for the easy way offered by her creator.

INT. VOID

Adam addresses humanity and ostracizes Janus as a fallen angel and demon who must be stopped.

INT. PENTHOUSE

In private, Adam splits into two different versions of himself. One side argues Janus should be shown the love a daughter deserves. The other half argues Janus refused the power and knowledge she possesses, and that it is the same as refusing him, since she was made to be like him. In the second version’s mind, he was first rejected by his creator long ago. Now, he’s being rejected by his own progeny, who’s quest is an affront to Adam’s control of his world. The two halves fight, one for Janus and the other for his pride. The prideful half kills the loving half.

INT. HIDEOUT

Adam sells Janus out to a group a slavers: The first part of a trap. When the slavers ask Adam why, he offers them the question of how many Adam’s they think there are, showing his hand that the version they’re conversing with may be unique to the one the underworld is familiar with.

INT. UNDERWORLD – SECOND FLOOR

Copy guilts Janus and takes the lead.

CONT.

Janus and Copy confront cyborg slavers and are captured. Copy questions Janus’ motives and leadership, and the schism between the two first appears.

INT. UNDERWORLD – THIRD FLOOR – PRISON CELLS

Janus and Copy meet Calvex, a mute gladiatorial slave. He agrees to help them out of the Arena and guide them through the underworld, if they can rescue him from the Lightning Run and bring him his “voice.” Copy doesn’t agree with this plan, as Calvex is an underworlder, and aligning with him would contradict their faith in Adam. “Two wrongs can’t make a right.”

INT. UNDERWORLD – THIRD FLOOR – PIT

Gladiator battle. Janus and her Copy try to recover Calvex’s “Voice,” which is the arena prize. The fight is a way to punish and execute Calvex, who is running the Lightning Run. Calvex must fight electrical impulses to dodge and survive deadly obstacles.

CONT.

Janus secures the Voice, overcoming the gladiator pit’s opponents, and rescues Calvex from the lightning run. But the gladiatorial ring leader, Alrick, uses a shape-shifting, nano bot weapon to mortally damage Janus.

CONT.

Then, a platoon of Adam’s robot sentries enter the ring. The people of the underworld fight back, and it quickly turns into a riot. The sentries reach Janus and tear her apart.

INT. CYBERSPACE

Janus learns she can reincarnate anywhere, since she was given “free will.” She returns to life inside her Copy’s body and shares it with her.

INT. UNDERWORLD – THIRD FLOOR – PIT

Copy resists Janus’ control and pursuit to give Calvex his voice.

CONT.

Janus forced Copy to give Calvex his voice, which allows him to help the two fight through the mayhem, recovering one of Janus’ arms that was torn off, by gaining control of one of the gladiator pit’s mechanized giants and escape with the two Januses.

INT. PENTHOUSE

Adam devises a plan to break Janus by using the family of the person she killed.

CONT.

One of the angels asks Adam why there’s so much effort being put into destroying Janus when she’s trying to bring someone back to life. When the angel doesn’t buy the argument that Janus betrayed them, Adam splits into two different versions of himself again, one that agrees, and another that recontextualizes the argument as sedition and justifies the old testament flooding of the earth. That version of Adam kills both his copy and the angel, his own child.

INT. UNDERWORLD – FIFTH FLOOR

Copy makes a point to Janus that the path she’s on, first leaving the upper floors, then aligning with an Underworlder, and lastly cheating death is a denial of the justice she’s due, and questions whether Janus’ quest to resurrect Pan is actually good for Pan or if it’s just a way for Janus to feel better about herself.

CONT.

Adam links a conversation between Janus and the citizens she once defended. Janus’ Copy stays out of the way and watches Janus feel the full weight of her guilt.

CONT.

Copy reaches out to Adam while Janus and Calvex are asleep, and asks if she may be invited to bring justice to Janus. Adam tells the Copy how to kill the original, explaining that for people like them, killing parts of yourself is necessary to become pure and holy. However, Janus’ will is too strong for Copy to easily win, and a trap will need to be set for Copy’s victory to be assured.

INT. UNDERWORLD – SEVENTH FLOOR – VILLAGE

Janus reaches a village on the seventh floor of the underworld. Janus is thanked by the village for saving Calvex.

CONT.

The original Janus is given a robot surrogate to possess, so that she and her Copy can be in separate bodies again. In addition, the surrogate body is augmented with one of Janus’ original arms that was saved in the gladiator pit, so she can still perform the act of possessing machines and resurrect the person she killed.

INT. UNDERWORLD – SIXTH FLOOR – SHEPHERDING GROUNDS

Cavlex takes the original Janus to his shepherding flock to show what life is like in the underworld, apart from the horrors faced before, and that his people are worth fighting for as well. This is also where his voice is on display and where he shows her how to use her possession technology in the same way as his voice. When Janus questions whether Calvex, an underworlder, is worth listening to, Calvex reassures her quest.

INT. UNDERWORLD – SEVENTH FLOOR – VILLAGE

Copy stays with the village to guard it, and allows the village to be attacked by Adam’s Guardian Angels.

CONT.

Copy hides with another child and gaslights her as her village is being attacked.

CONT.

Calvex and Janus return to the village to stave off the Guardian Angels. Copy pretends to join them and blames Janus for abandoning her and the villagers, just like she abandoned Pan.

INT. UNDERWORLD – EIGHT AND NINTH FLOORS – CONT.

Calvex leads Janus past the 8th floor, and to the 9th floor, which is littered with robotic corpses, like a hundred battles had taken place on this one floor, and no victories were won. Janus tries to bring her victim back to life. It appears to work, but…

INT. UNDERWORLD – NINTH FLOOR

Adam and Copy snap the trap, playing a trick on Janus by heightening the horror of the murder that lead to the creation of the Copy, and preventing the resurrection of Pan. Janus is mentally broken.

INT. UNDERWORLD – NINTH FLOOR

The Copy attacks Janus. Janus holds her own to defend Calvex, but her copy begins to duplicate herself amongst the dead robots and overwhelm Janus. Meanwhile, Janus refuses to copy herself again due to the guilt associated with the act, and is about to be killed by her dark side.

CONT.

Calvex is able to save Janus at the last moment, but at the cost of his own life.

CONT.

Janus, influenced by Calvex’s sacrifice, is able to move past her guilt, forgiving herself, and begin reducing her Copy’s army until she merges with her Copy, instead of killing her, and becomes a whole person again.

INT. UNDERWORLD – NINTH FLOOR

Janus is able to plug Calvex into the Nexus to try to admit him through the Afterlife Protocol. But a firewall created by Adam prevents her from resurrecting her friend. If Calvex is to be brought back to life, Janus must eliminate her creator, Adam.

INT. UNDERWORLD – SEVENTH FLOOR – VILLAGE

Janus returns to the village to give the bad news and ask for help, promising to bring the people of the underworld the opportunity for eternal life through the Afterlife Protocol.

INT. TOP FLOOR – PENTHOUSE

Adam, upon losing control in the Underworld, sees an Omen.

INT. UNDERWORLD – SEVENTH FLOOR – VILLAGE – COMMS ROOM

He threatens Janus he’ll destroy the world again and start over, “because that’s what gods do.”

INT. UNDERWORLD – MULTIPLE FLOORS

Janus gathers forces in the Underworld to take the upper 9 floors and rid the world of Adam.

INT. STAIRWELL

Together, they fight their way up each of the 9 upper floors. The majority of the force takes on the brunt of the defenses…

INT. VENTS

Meanwhile, Janus leads a separate, smaller party to Adam’s library, where his code is kept.

INT. TOP FLOOR – ENTRANCE

Her siblings intercept her though, and she fights them again under different circumstances. Janus breaks through…

INT. TOP FLOOR – MAINFRAME

Reaching the mainframe and source of Adam’s code. She plugs in and reaches the Nexus, a digital reality where we see the Afterlife Protocol in action.

INT. CYBERSPACE

Adam reveals to Janus that in order to kill him, she would have to erase her and her siblings’ code as well, since all of their code is intertwined with his. Adam offers eternity with Calvex, the man who helped bring her out of depression, in exchange for allowing Adam to rebuild.

Adam cannot destroy the world, because as a computer virus, he’s been contained to the tower. But, Janus and Calvex could live an eternity outside of the tower, where Adam also reveals that the world is much bigger and still full of life; the tower is not the last bastion of mankind as previously taught.

CONT.

Janus chooses a third path upon recognizing her code is intertwined with his. She instead shares her code with Adam’s broken code, and helps him to self-actualize.

INT. UNDERWORLD – NINTH FLOOR

Pan is resurrected, along with Calvex.

INT/EXT. TOWER – METROPOLIS

The Afterlife Protocol within the tower is free again. People living there are permitted to reincarnate and live outside of the tower, where we see that it is simply one tower in a vast and vibrant city on another planet.

[June f]

June Fortunato’s Pass 7: Setup/Payoff Chains

5. Answer the question “What I learned doing this is…?” These are currently built in. However, I expanded them. My concern is that I haven’t developed my characters fully to pay off my pitch, and when I do that, the outline will of course, change- as well as the set ups and payoffs. I don’t think my outline is living up to the wild and reckless nature that I want to convey- and that takes research.

1. List ALL of the setup/payoff chains (SP Chains) from your story —

One or two sentences per setup/payoff.

SP CHAIN 1: (Describe the chain in one sentence) Roy and Suzy, his (ex) girl. She goes to bat for him twice. Setup: Roy waits for his girl Suzy outside, later discovers that she’s dumped him and moved out. He deliberately gets beat up so that he’ll go to a hospital where she works.

Payoff 1: His girl, Suzy is a nurse at the hospital and takes care of him.

Payoff 2: Suzy hooks him up with a lawyer.

Setup/payoff 3 Roy must find a permanent residence- Suzy recommends him to Marilyn who needs an in-home pet/house sitter and eventually wills her house to him.

SP CHAIN 2: (Describe the chain in one sentence) Kim and Roy are meant to be together. Setup: Roy helps Kim escape her irate and abusive brother in the hospital.

Payoff 1: We learn that Kim’s mental state is because she was abused by her brother.

Payoff 2: Kim tears up the garden.

Payoff 3: Kim goes into the house and smashes things.

Payoff 4: At the end, Roy (and Kim) blow up her brother’s cabin.

SP CHAIN 3: (Describe the chain in one sentence) Kim rips Marilyn off, later admits to hurting her -Marilyn rewards her by giving Kim her house.

Setup: Boutique dressing room- Kim swaps car-park tickets.

Payoff 1: Kim gets Marilyn’s fancy car and a gym pass.

Payoff 2: Kim regrets it, and returns the car to the car park.

Payoff 3: The parking attendant is accused of messing up and gets fired.

Payoff 4: Kim finds a way to compensate the parking attendant.

Payoff 5/set up- because of the car incident, Marilyn breaks a hip and needs a pet-sitter.

Setup/payoff 6- Suzy takes care of Marilyn in the hospital and recommends Roy.

Payoff 7- Marilyn is so charmed by Roy and Kim as a couple that she makes a deal to will her house to them if they take care of her pets and stay together.

SP CHAIN 4: (Describe the chain in one sentence) Roy steals a van and learns that he has money coming to him and can pay for damages and other bills.

Setup: Roy escapes through a window of the place he’s squatting, and steals a van. Roy deliberately rams it into a wawa. He hopes to go to jail.

Payoff 1: Roy is in jail./setup He deliberately clogs a toilet so that he’ll get beaten up.

Payoff 2:Roy is in the hospital.

Setup/ Payoff 3: Roy gets a lawyer who helps him ‘become alive” and collects his benefits to pay for damages, theft, court costs and hospital bills. But he must find a permanent place/address/bank account.

Payoff 4: Marilyn, whom Kim ripped off, wills her home to him and Kim.

SP CHAIN 5: (Describe the chain in one sentence) Roy helps Kim escape and ends up falling in love with her.

Setup: As in 2- Roy overhears Kim’s abusive brother and makes up a story to get her out of there.

Payoff 1: Roy meets Kim again in the Bellevue hotel, where they start hanging out together.

Payoff 2: Roy and Kim end up together.

SP CHAIN 6: (Describe the chain in one sentence) Roy works on a film set and when he isn’t paid, blows up the department manager’s trailer.

Setup: Roy is a pyro guy and slides onto a film set for food and lodging.

Payoff 1: He gets fed and does the job well. He makes friends.

Payoff 2: He tries to get paid and isn’t on the list so he’s kicked off the set.

Payoff 3: He blows up the department head’s trailer.

SP CHAIN 7: (Describe the chain in one sentence) Roy is rejected for an apartment and for a bank account.

Set up: Roy interviews for an apartment and is told no cash, no apartment. He tries to get a bank account and is told no address, no account.

Payoff 1: He sneaks back into the building and takes the fire hose, makes a noose and hangs it over the front entrance.

SP CHAIN 8: (Describe the chain in one sentence) Kim discovers how kind Roy is. Set up: Roy and Kim volunteer at an animal sanctuary and Kim discovers how caring Roy is, and how loving to animals.

Payoff 1: Roy is rewarded by pet-sitting Marilyn’s dogs, who help him heal.

SP CHAIN 9: (Describe the chain in one sentence) Kim crashes a theatre and eventually gets to perform there.

Set up: Kim sneaks into a “dark” legit theatre and dresses up in costumes and reads plays on the

Payoff 1: Marilyn has a connection to the little theatre and helps Kim take classes when she eventually gets to perform for real.

2. Select a setup/payoff chain you want to make stronger.

9. This one is not yet developed in the outline.

How can you make the setup more interesting or effective? choice of the play/roles TBD

How can you make the payoffs more emotional or meaningful? scenes are not yet written.

I want to develop Roy’s character and explore the counterculture era of the 60s.

[Dev Ross]

Dev Ross – PASS#7 – Subplots

What I learned from doing this assignment: by giving a beginning, middle and an end to my subplots I ended up rearranging the order of many of my scenes, which now gives me a deeper, richer story.

Concept: Outshined by the latest hate groups, a fading KKK Grand Dragon plots the murder of a black leader, but when he wakes the next morning, he is that black leader who is suddenly struck with a plan to murder the Grand Dragon.

1. EXT. FAIR GROUNDS – SUMMER DAY

Amidst growing climate events a REPORTER covers the rise of extremism as Grand Dragon CAINE JAMESTON speaks at a White Supremacists Conference. Crowd boos him. He’s a SINO, a Supremacist in Name Only. He’s left hurt and confused.

2. INT. CAINE HOME – NIGHT

Caine’s wife, LIZZIE, tells him that maybe it’s sign – time to leave the hate business to others and focus on their family. He says he does it ‘for family and for all white Christian families to save their country.’ He’s emotional. She’s loving. She’s got to go – hurry to work night shift at hospital. Their daughter hurries off to meet boyfriend. Caine asks when she’s going to bring him around to meet them. She acts coy, misdirects, leaves. He eats dinner alone. Checks news. More on odd weather. Ignores it as fear-mongering. Watches coverage on WS rally. A new, younger speaker, ADAM SPENCER, from The Sons of Patriots gets rousing response: “Jews will not subvert us! Blacks will not pervert us!”

2. INT. CAINE’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

Caine tosses and turns, gets up.

3. INT. BASEMENT – NIGHT

A bible sits surrounded by KKK memorabilia. His grandfather’s Klan robe is on display.

FLASHBACK to Klan rally. He’s a five-year-old dressed in his own robe, watching his Grandpa set up a cross to burn.

OUT OF FLASHBACK

Sleeps on the couch. He’s wearing his grandpa’s robe.

4. INT. CAINE FOYER – MORNING

Lizzie comes home just as he leaves. They kiss. She reminds him that she meant it. She wants more time with him. He points out their work time differences. She says they can fix that. There’s always other choices.

5. EXT. JOB SITE – DAY

Caine works as house painter. The homeowner, an elderly woman from his church, asks him if he’d be willing to apprentice her twelve-year-old grandson who’s coming to live with her. He could really use a male mentor. Caine’s obliging. Quotes Proverbs 22:6. “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old, he will not depart from it.” His grandpa taught him the trade and he’d always wanted a son to pass it on to. She hugs him.

6. EXT./INT. CAINE BASEMENT – NIGHT

Inclement weather outside. Klan meeting inside. A handful show up. A rag-tag group of young and old white men with chips on their shoulders and trauma in their pasts. Caine says members will return once they tire of the radical tactics of emerging supremacist groups. Reminds attendees the Klan used to have respectable doctors, lawyers and politicians in their ranks. They can regain that respectability again and, thus, regain control of the country. They are gentleman first, Christian men with integrity, not wild-eyed terrorists.

7. EXT. HOUSE PAINTING JOB – DAY

Caine paints. Grandmother brings her grandson around. He’s half black. Caine reacts harshly. Pulls Grandma aside to tell her he can’t do it due to his beliefs. Grandma says she knows of no better family man and Christian to take on the boy. She implores him. He relents…

8. INT. CAINE HOME – NIGHT

INCITING INCIDENT: Daughter, EMMY, reveals she’s pregnant by boyfriend. Caine says then they’ll get married. He and her mom did that and it all turned out like God intended. She reveals he’s black. Enraged, Caine throws his daughter out of the house. Lizzie pleads with him about their family sticking together no matter what. He rages about what blacks did to his family! His sister!

9. EXT. JOB SITE – DAY

Caine explains to the boy that being mixed means he’s tainted. God doesn’t want us to mix. Says the boy will have to fight harder to be a good person and even then, it’s a toss-up. Elijah says he’s willing to work harder. He doesn’t want to be like his father. Caine can relate. He doesn’t want to be like his father either. Tells the boy to wash out some paintbrushes while he continues to paint and think…

FLASHBACK of his father beating his mom behind closed doors while young Caine and his sister play inside an open suitcase with clothes strewn around.

10. INT. CAINE BEDROOM – NIGHT

Lizzie spurns Caine’s advances. She’s tired. He’s tired of her refusing him. Shouts of “Nigger lover” come from outside.

11. EXT. CAINE HOME – NIGHT

Trucks screech away. They’ve left behind a cross burning on Caine’s lawn. A stuffed effigy hangs with a sign that says his daughter is a nigger lover. Fire trucks arrive. Fire Captain’s surprised that Caine’s house was targeted. There was a time when no one would fuck with him.

12. EXT./INT. CAINE HOME – MORNING

OUTSIDE: Ashes from burning cross blow across the neighborhood. Emmy knocks on the door, wanting to see if her parents are okay.

INSIDE: Caine forbids Lizzie to let her in. This was her fault! Lizzie and Emmy touch palms through front window. Lizzie informs Caine she’s working a double and, since he’s tossed out their daughter, dinner is up to him. Black Leader LINCOLN ABLE is on news. Wife comments on how the black nurses at the hospital all talk about him. Lizzie can see why. He’s charismatic. He’s making a difference. Caine take it as a dig.

13. EXT. HOUSE PAINTING JOB – DAY

Caine works in silence with Elijah. Wind knocks over ladder, paints, ending the work day early. Elijah hugs him before running off…

14. EXT. BAR – DAY

Caine driving home. Stops at light next to BAR. FLASHBACK to seeing Dad telling him to wait outside bar as he goes in.

15. INT. BAR – DAY

Caine drinks a beer. More on Lincoln Able on TV. Bartender is about to change it but Caine, the only customer, says leave it on. Bartender complains: uppity black is going to get all the whites voted out of office. They’re going to lose their country but there’s nothing decent white folks can do about it. If they did, they’d get videoed, convicted by elites, sent to prison. Bartender poses a question to Caine: Would prison be worth it if you knew you by killing an evil, you’d made the world better? Caine orders another beer. LIGHTS in bar flicker. Mention of the odd climate stuff. Like electricity is in the air.

16. INT. CAINE’S HOUSE – EVENING

Wind howls like a screaming banshee. His wife gets ready for work. He pulls her to him suggestively. She pulls away and continues dressing. He smells of beer and paint and she needs to get to work.

17. INT. BASEMENT – NIGHT

The light snaps on. Caine enters and cracks another beer from his mini-frig. He regards a picture of him hunting with his Grandpa. Another with his older sister. An errant spark of electricity and the TV turns on. Science based show on String Theory. The TV fuzzes and then Lincoln Able appears in a news loop as Caine goes through the channels. Next are all show blacks: a sit-com, commercial with a black and white couple, a show where a black and white couple make love… All of it reflects back in Caine’s stoic face.

18. EXT. CAINE HOME – NIGHT

Elijah rides his bike. Lightening seems to rip the sky in half before strange colors slip through that rift akin to the aurora borealis. The tripping lights encompass the neighborhood. Frightened, Elijah rides to Caine’s house. Knocks on the door. He’s scared. Let him in! Drunk Caine answers and, citing bible passages that he wildly misinterprets, rages at Elijah for coming to his home! Says he’ll kill him if he ever comes to his house again. Elijah runs off.

19. INT. CAINE’S BASEMENT – NIGHT

Caine sits on the couch with his rifle. The TV still blasts images of blacks across his face. The last is Lincoln Able. Caine points his rifle at TV. Click.

ACT TWO:

1. EXT. SKY – MORNING

Sky ripples with ribboning colors…

2. INT. ANOTHER BASEMENT – MORNING

We see the back of a man we assume is Caine sleeping on the couch. But when the man stirs and sits up, we see he’s actually black leader Lincoln Able. He’s disoriented. An intense dream lingers. His attention is pulled to a spider crawling across his arm. He sets it free through a low basement window.

3. INT. ABLE HOME – KITCHEN – MORNING

His wife, NUBIA, a nurse, hands him coffee. Apologizes for sending him to the basement but his tossing and turning kept her up. She’s working a double shift today. He had a crazy dream telling him that he needed to kill the Grand Dragon of their local Klan. She laughs. Yeah, right. Remember, he’s the type who carries bugs outside. She leaves. He’s still distracted over the dream.

4. EXT. BLACK NEIGHBORHOOD – DAY

Lincoln gives his group of white and black volunteers a pep talk before they go door to door to get out the vote. It’s clear they hang on his every word. A truck flying a Confederate flag motors past. A “Fuck you” is shouted out. Lincoln sends his group out with positive words of encouragement.

5. INT./EXT. BLACK HOME – DAY

Lincoln speaks to a couple about the issues and voting. The man’s son appears. He fought in Afghanistan. Full of bitterness. Says voting won’t do nothing. Nothing changes. Leaves. Man asks if Lincoln has kids. Lincoln says unfortunately no, not yet. Man apologizes for his son. No need. Lincoln acknowledges that the black man carries a chip on their shoulder. But you can’t let hate win you over. If you do, you’re as good as dead.

6. EXT. BLACK NEIGHBORHOOD – DAY

Lincoln bids the couple good-bye and continues walking the neighborhood. A car follows him. Lincoln turns to look. A shimmer of light and… no car. He turns the corner and the car is following him again. It gets close and almost side swipes him but then is gone again. Going crazy? A text from his wife pulls his attention. To the hospital ASAP!

7. INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – DAY

Lizzie takes Emmy’s blood pressure. It’s high. Fear she’ll lose the baby — but her dad would like that. Lizzie tells her not to worry. He’ll come around. He’s a good man at heart.

8. INT. HOSPITAL- FRONT DESK – CONTINUOUS

Lincoln, frantic, looks for his wife. The nurse station shimmers. Lizzie grabs him, pulls him into a private room. But it’s not Lizzie, it’s Nubia. Shows him her pregnancy test. They embrace, cry, never thought it would happen. Nubia senses something’s wrong with Lincoln. If they’re finally having a baby, he better stay healthy! Lincoln admits he’s seeing things…

9. INT. HOSPITAL – IMAGING – DAY

Lincoln gets a scan.

10. INT. HOSPITAL PARKING LOT – NIGHT

Lizzie’s car won’t start. She tries to call her husband. It rings and rings.

11. INT. CAINE’S CAR – NIGHT

Cell phone on seat says missed call just as Caine opens the door from the outside and tosses in a box of ammo. Drives off.

12. INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – NIGHT

Nubia has scan results. Nothing wrong with him. Suggests he’s pushing himself too hard. Now with their baby coming, perhaps he can go back to teaching. Lincoln laughs – as if teaching is any easier these days?

13. EXT. CAINE’S DRIVEWAY – NIGHT

Caine pulls up in his car. Sits and loads his rifle when a car drives up. The driver, a black man, gets out. She hugs him in thanks. Caine’s face contorts in anger.

14. INT. CAINE’S HOUSE – NIGHT

She enters. Caine grabs her, demands to know what was she doing with a black man? In an Iago-esque madness, he accuses her of rejecting him because she’s been sleeping with him. Lizzie explains the man is a co-worker who offered her a ride home because she asked him! He calls her a liar. She explains she called him first but he was probably too busy at a Klan meeting or reading his damn bible to answer. Lizzie accuses him of living in a hate fantasy of his own making. He brings up what happened to his sister! Raped by black monsters! She counters – his sister was a drug-addict prostitute! It’s time he stopped pretending she was a saint! Calling her a whore, he hits her again and again until she’s still…

Emmy bangs on door outside. Calls for her mom. Blood drips down her legs. The sky ripples.

15. EXT. HOSPITAL/CITY STREETS – NIGHT

Lincoln leaves the hospital, drives off… Bathed in ribbons of light, the neighborhood shifts – looks different.

16. EXT. CAINE’S STREET – NIGHT

Disoriented, Lincoln recognizes the car that tried to run him down parked in the driveway of Caine’s home. Lincoln gets out of his car and spies Caine burying something in the backyard. Caine spots him. Grabs his rifle. Lincoln runs. Dives into his car and pulls away as Caine fires at him. As Lincoln speeds away, the neighborhood shifts again. He finds his home, pulls in, parks.

17. INT. LINCOLN’S HOME – NIGHT

His TV sparks on. White Supremacists on the news…

18. EXT. LINCOLN’S HOME – MORNING

Lincoln checks his car. Bullet holes riddle the side of it.

19. EXT. GET OUT THE VOTE RALLY – DAY

Lincoln is speaker. He’s struggles as his speech turns hateful. The crowd reacts. Some are disappointed in him but others jeer/cheer him on.

Elijah is there with his grandma. He looks around the crowd when he spots Caine pull out a gun…

Elijah yells out a warning!

Caine fires. Misses. Crowd scatters. Lincoln is being rushed off stage when he spots Caine running away. He pulls away from his handlers and chases after Caine. He thinks he has him cornered but… it’s as if he’s disappeared into thin air.

20. INT./EXT. LINCOLN HOME – DAY

Lincoln finds his wife home. Unusual as she should be at the hospital working. She says she wasn’t feeling well and wants to be extra careful about the pregnancy. Lincoln sees Caine hurrying toward the house with a rifle? He freaks, pulls his wife into hiding. Nothing happens. She points out there was no man with a rifle.

He pulls her outside to see bullet holes in car. He lets loose, rages about driving while black. Walking while black. Jogging while black. When she tries to calm him, he pushes her away hard and she topples to the ground. Pulls her to her feet, begs her forgiveness. Blood runs down her leg…

Weather roils.

21. EXT./INT. CAINE HOME – DAY

Caine, carrying his rifle, hurries inside. His daughter comes to the house. She lost the baby! Wants her mom. Caine says losing the baby is no matter, she’s tainted now and forever. Sends her away. Caine watches as Emmy, crying, gets back in car with boyfriend and drives off…

22. INT. CAINE BASEMENT – NIGHT

He’s asleep on the couch when his phone rings. It’s his sister needing money. Hard to ask but times are hard. Caine blames himself for her misery. Talks about her rape by black men, how he should have saved her but he’s making up for it now. She says to let it go. It was a long time ago. She was a drunk then just like their lousy parents. She’s sober now and tells the truth no matter how hard it is. Black men didn’t rape her. She was drunk and took them all on as a fuck you to their child molesting, KKK Grandpa. Caine idolized him but she hated him. Caine goes nuts. She’s a liar. His wife, daughter, and now his sister – all have betrayed him. They’ve all been tainted by the black man.

23. EXT. BLACK NEIGHBORHOOD – NIGHT

Caine drives with around with his rifle, looking for someone black to kill.

24. EXT. HOSPITAL – NIGHT

Lincoln drives his wife toward home. Both are stoic. He tries to speak to her but she puts her hand up for him to stop. He sees Caine’s car pass by. Lincoln stops and orders his wife out of the car. Shaken, she gets out. He speeds off.

ACT THREE

1. EXT. CITY STREETS – NIGHT

Caine is about to shoot a random black man when his car is rammed. It’s Lincoln. Car chase through the city. Alarms go off as electricity arcs across the sky. The world’s fabric is rending…

Both crash their cars. Get out and pursue each other on foot.

2. EXT./INT. COTTON PROCESSING PLANT – NIGHT

Both men chase shadows. It’s cat and mouse where both appear, one disappears never quite in full view of the other. Sudden quakes cause near collapse of building.

3. EXT. LINCOLN’S NEIGHBORHOO – NIGHT

Nubia, on foot, finally approaches home when the neighborhood ripples and shifts until she no longer recognizes it. A car suddenly appears out of nowhere and can’t stop before it runs her down.

4. EXT. SKY – NIGHT

It’s ripping apart.

5. INT. PLANT – NIGHT

The men’s search for each other intensifies. Shadows and shapes pulsing in and out. Their bullets ricochet and each is struck. Building is coming down. Both drag themselves to get out.

6. EXT. PLANT – NIGHT

Caine drags himself out into the night. Moon shines down on pools of water. As he bleeds out, he sees his reflection in the water and doesn’t understand.

7. EXT. PLANT – NIGHT

Lincoln drags himself out, sees his reflection in water. It’s not him but Caine. The two men are directly in front of the other. Their two heads could touch. In their dying moments, they look up at each other a BRIGHT FLASH OF LIGHT washes all out…

8. EXT. SPACE

Strings appear in the blackness and resonate like harp strings. (String Theory) A FLASH OF LIGHT then…

9. EXT. MIXED NEIGHBORHOOD – DAY

The sun shines on a newly formed reality – literally. Caine’s daughter and husband stroll with their baby past black and white townspeople who warmly greet them. Grandma comes to comment warmly on Emmy’s baby mixed race baby. What’s his name? Emmy says her baby’s name: Elijah.

[Arthur Anderson]

Arthur’s Pass 7: Setup/Payoff Chains

What I learned doing this is: Setup/payoff chains helps make an emotional connection between the characters and the audience and adds a more complete resolution to the story.

1. List ALL of the setup/payoff chains (SP Chains) from your story — One or two sentences per setup/payoff.

SP CHAIN 1: (Describe the chain in one sentence)

Setup: The Reliant crew is about to test an untested technology for deep space travel when they discover a coronal mass ejection is headed for them.

Payoff 1: The crew uses the Tesla Shield to save their ship from the CME

Payoff 2: The crew uses an expanded version of the shield to save the earth.

Etc.

SP CHAIN 2: (Describe the chain in one sentence)

Setup: Chase and Nico work together as professionals until Nico is hurt and their secret relationship is discovered.

Payoff 1: When Reilly has to activate the shield to save earth which will kill Chase, Nico steps in to push the button.

SP CHAIN 3:

Setup: Due to her past loss of a crew on a failed shuttle mission, Reilly is hesitant to put the crew’s life in danger on a treacherous journey to the moon.

Pay off 1: The crew votes to go on the mission

Payoff 2: The crew works together at the end to save the earth

SP CHAIN 4:

Setup: Skyler asks the doc to give her something to calm her nerves.

Payoff: At the end of the mission doc tells her the inhaler she has been using only contained water – she had the power to calm herself the entire time.

2. Select a setup/payoff chain you want to make stronger.

The setup and payoff between Reilly and Buck need to be stronger.

How can you make the setup more interesting or effective?

I’m going to put in some scenes on the return trip from the moon and aftermath to do this.

How can you make the payoffs more emotional or meaningful?

By making an emotional connection between the characters and the audience

3. Tell us what difference this has made for your outline and if it hasn’t, find another setup/payoff chain to improve.

It has made the story have more depth and a stronger emotional connection between he characters and the audienc.

4. Post your current outline with the improved setup/payoff chain(s) in it.

1. Opening

Pool reporter Skyler Hardwick’s live broadcast introduces the crew of the International Deep Space Research Spacecraft Reliant and their mission to test a new Tesla Space Shield for interstellar travel. The broadcast is interrupted by an emergency transmission from NASA.

EXT SPACE

Looking at earth with the moon in the background as a massive spaceship with two counter rotating rings at its center ENTERS from the left side of frame. The name Reliant is prominent on its bow.

INT RELIANT

International pool reporter, Skyler Hardwick takes us through the spacecraft, introducing the live audience to the Relaint’s crew. From the rear of the ship moving froward we meet the following personnel as each gives her a brief on the job on the mission:

Oleg Ryakin – Russian male Mechanical engineer, PhD – designer of the antimatter containment field that powers the ship.

Nico Lee – Chinese female anti-matter propulsion physicist, Phd.

Tara Cooper – black French female scalar wave and Quantum physicist, Phd.

Diego Quinn – male Hispanic life science specialist. MD. PhD.

Chase Douglas – US black male 1st Officer and celestial navigation specialist. PhD

Reilly Ryan – US white female Captain and nuclear physicist, PhD.

INT RELIANT – BRIDGE

The interview concludes with Capt. Reilly explaining to Skyler that this mission is to test the new Tesla Shield that is necessary to protect the space craft from objects it cannot maneuver to avoid as it travels near the speed of light. Reilly blind-sides her by asking if she feels she is the right person to lead this mission having been the Captain and only survivor of a five man crew in an aborted take off less than four years ago. At this moment an emergency klaxon goes off. Skyler concludes the broadcast as Chase calls for the Captain to join him in the Command Module.

2. Inciting Incident

NASA informs the Reliant a Coronal Mass Ejection that was thought to be bypassing earth, masked a larger one behind it that will hit the earth and the Reliant in minutes. With no time to use the shuttle to return to earth before the CME hits, Captain Reilly and the crew determine that using the untested Tesla Shield is their only hope of surviving. A scramble begins to initiate the shield before the CMJ arrives.

INT COMMAND MODULE

A circular module with a six-foot diameter table at its center. Chase is sitting at one of the six chairs surrounding the table, each with its own workstation. As the rest of the crew enters Chase displays a 3d projection above the table. The NASA Flight Director, Jack Stone, appears on the screen and informs the crew of a Coronal Mass ejection from the sun that is to pass by the earth in moments masked a larger CME that is going to hit the earth with devastating effect in less than six hours. He projects a 3D model of the CME hitting and destroying satellites, the space station, and the Reliant as it penetrates the earth’s magnetic field destroying all modern electronics. He shows another projection of an even larger earth-destroying CME hitting in 48 hours. He tells the crew that all manned space stations are being evacuated to earth, including the Reliant.

3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about.

The Tesla Shield saves the crew of the Reliant, however, the electronics on earth have been knocked out. Analyzing a solar observation satellite, the crew discovers an extinction-level CME is headed to earth in 48 Hours. They determine the Tesla Shield may be modified to save the earth but they need a lot more power. With no help from earth available, they will have to journey to the unmanned moon base to retrieve a nuclear reactor.

INT COMMAND MODULE

With barely enough time to travel back to earth before the CME hits, Captain Reilly orders the crew to prepare to abandon the ship in the shuttle. Tara stops them all by bringing up a 3D representation of the ship and asks why they can’t save the trillion-dollar ship by using the Tesla Shield. She plays the 3D rendering from NASA but adds the Tesla Shield protecting the ship. Reilly reminds her they are under orders, the shield has never been tested, and if it fails they’ll all be killed. Chase argues that if they don’t try it the CME will have killed the space program for decades. Oleg weighs in that he’s for trying the shield and Nico agrees it should work. Diego reminds them if they go to earth they will live but it will be like being in the 1800s with no electricity or electronic devices.

FLASHBACK SPACE SHUTTLE

Reilly in pilot’s seat as the shuttle roars toward space, the control panel suddenly flashes red as one of the three main engines blows up sending fragment into the other two. She and the copilot run through the abort check list and frantically hi switches and pull levers as they other four crew members watch helplessly from their seats. Someone calling her name brings her back to he present moment: “Reilly!”

INT COMMAND MODULE

Reilly snaps back to the present and tells them that she cannot order anyone to do this. It has to be unanimous or they all go home. She asks Tara, Nico and Oleg what are the odds. Tara 60/40, Oleg 70/30, Nico 50/50. Reilly tells the crew to go to their quarters, talk it over with their families, then they will vote. Skyler asks if she gets a vote. Reilly tells Skyler no; she is being sent home in an escape pod.

INT NICO’S QUARTERS

Her parents praise her for her contribution and willingness to stay aboard the Reliant. It is evident that they are not used to expressing emotions, however, Nico cannot stop the tears from rolling down her face.

INT CHASE’S QUARTERS

Chase talks with his mom, dad, and sister who have been brought to the underground bunker at NASA for the CME event. They are concerned he didn’t come back to earth but understand his reasons.

INT ENGINEERING

Oleg talks with his wife and daughter who are in an underground bunker in Moscow. The big bear of a man reveals his soft side while talking with his daughter.

INT TARA’S QUARTERS

Tara talks with her stepparents at their vineyard. It’s an emotional exchange as her parents assure her they will be fine in their underground cask aging room.

INT DR. QUINN’S QUARTERS

Dr. Quinn talks with his wife, son, and daughter who are in a bunker outside Washington, DC. He encourages his kids to think of this as a great adventure and to help out their mom who can’t suppress her tears.

INT SKYLER’S QUARTERS

Skyler talks with her soon-to-be ex-husband news anchor who tells her the reason she can’t reach her parents is that they are being relocated to a bunker in Colorado. He is going to stay on the air as long as possible during the CME. Skyler tells Jim she is staying with the ship. Their conversation exposes fulfilled expectations and regrets.

INT BRIDGE

Reilly talks to the only remaining member of her family: her dad, Buck. She laughs that everyone at NASA thought he was crazy when he retired as a top engineer and converted an old Atlas missile silo into a house, but now it looks like was smarter than all of them. He reminds her to try and contact him on the ham frequency after the CME as everything else will be down. An alert on the console ends their chat and Reilly calls everyone back to their stations.

EXT BUCK’S SILO

Buck exits his silo and looks up to the sky. He pushes a button on the remote he is holding and the blast doors to his silo begin closing as he heads inside.

INT COMMAND MODULE

Reilly calls for a vote. Everyone raises their hand except for Reilly and Skyler, who asks if she gets a vote. Reilly tells Skyler no; she is being sent home in an escape pod. Then Reilly raises her hand to make it unanimous. She orders Chase to prep Skyler for evacuation and the rest of the crew to prep the shield. Skyler asks Chase why they can’t just use the engines on the ship to move out of the way? Chase tells her it would take 12 hours to spin up the anti-matter drives.

INT RELIANT BRIDGE

Reilly video calls Jack to let him know what the crew has decided to do and Skyler is being sent home in an escape pod. Skyler enters the bridge and asks both of them to let her stay. Someone needs to document what happens. They give her the OK.

INT ENGINEERING

Oleg scrambles to bring the fission generator up to full power as Nico works with the AI computer to calculate the energy output necessary for the shield generation. Tara confers with both as she aligns the frequency generator. It’s organized chaos.

INT RELIANT (MONTAGE)

Skyler moves among the crew as they scramble to bring the Tesla Shield up to full power.

EXT RELIANT

A large mast begins to extend from the front and rear of the Reliant. As it reaches its full extension a web shape in the form of an umbrella unfolds at the top of the mast.

INT COMMAND MODULE

Reilly, Tara, Nico, and Quinn sit at work stations with screens deployed from the tabletop with Skyler moving around behind them videoing their actions. A 3D presentation of the ship earth and the approaching Coronal Mass Ejection is projected above the center of the table. They talk with Chase at the helm and Oleg in engineering over the com system. The countdown to impact on the screen reads 3 minutes.

EXT RELIANT

Thrusters fire slowly turning the ship to face the sun.

INT BRIDGE

Chase confirms that he has maneuvered the ship for a head-on strike by the CME.

INT ENGINEERING

Oleg moves quickly among all the fission reactor controls, tweaking them for maximum output. Tells them he’s ready to test-fire the shield.

INT COMMAND MODULE

Reilly orders Tara to fire the shield.

EXT RELIANT

A burst of blue plasma engulfs the umbrella-like structure on the front of the mast and then extends in an oblong shape connecting to the mast at the rear of the ship covering the shielding the ship 360 degrees.

INT COMMAND MODULE

A sigh of relief and cheers go up from the crew at the successful test. At that moment the countdown hits Zero.

EXT RELIANT

The coronal mass ejection hits the Tesla Shield and blossoms around the shield in a fiery arc trailing miles behind it.

INT ENGINEERING

Klaxon begins to blare overload warnings as Oleg struggles to maintain maximum power output.

INT COMMAND MODULE

Nico and Tara struggle to keep the Shield power and frequency modulation in alignment as Reilly moves to the bridge.

INT BRIDGE

Chase is having trouble keeping the reliant facing the CME. Reilly joins him on the controls and tells Oleg they need more power from the thrusters. The weakest part of the shield is its sides.

INT BRIDGE

Reilly tells Chase to do his best she has an idea. She is going to use the shuttle’s engines to keep them in alignment.

INT COMMAND MODULE

Reilly moves through the module and climbs the ladder to the shuttle dock. Skyler follows her as Nico and Tara struggle to keep the Shield power and frequency modulation in alignment as Reilly moves to the bridge to share data and adjustments to the shield. Tara tells everyone they are taking too much side stress on the shield.

INT SHUTTLE

Reilly jumps into the command seat buckles up and starts up the instrument panel. She sees Skyler tell her to buckle up and then fires the shuttle’s main engines without undocking from the Reliant. Using the main engine and thrusters she pushes the Reliant back into a head-on alignment with the CME.

EXT EARTH

The Coronal Mass Ejection strikes the earth’s atmosphere pushing deeply into the protective envelope in a burst of rainbow colors.

MONTAGE: CME HITS MAJOR CITIES

MONTAGE: As CME hits major cities in Europe, Russia, the US. The electromagnetic pulse knocks out power, explodes transformers, and destroys all unshielded electronics.

INT BRIDGE

Warning indicators flash, Chase tells Reilly she is overstraining the shuttle docking coupler. Reilly asks Tara how much longer the CME will last. Tara indicates on a few more seconds.

EXT RELIANT

The coronal mass ejection flares in one last push against the Tesla Shield.

INT ENGINEERING

There is a flash in the engine room and Oleg dives behind the control panel as thousands of volts of electricity arc throughout the engine room as the fission reactor safety circuitry shuts it down.

INT COMMAND MODULE

Nico yells that they are losing the shield.

INT SHUTTLE

Reilly kills the engines just as the CME is passing.

EXT RELIANT

The last remnants of the CME arc across the Reliant knocking out all the electrical systems. The CME has passed leaving the Reliant adrift.

INT COMMAND MODULE

Emergency lights engage with the power blackout. Reilly and Skyler emerge from the shuttle dock, joining Tara, Nico, Quinn. Oleg calls in and tells them the fusion reactor is damaged and will not produce enough power to use the shield again, only enough to power the ship’s systems. With no help from earth they need another reactor. Reilly orders a full systems check out to see what has been damaged and needs repair.

EXT BUCKS SILO

The last remnants of the CME blast across the landscape of Buck’s silo. Electricity dances across the electrical wires and transformers explode in a gigantic fireworks display. As soon as the electrical storm has passed a circular metal hatch opens and antenna mast extends 30 feet into the air.

4. First turning point at end of Act 1

The Tesla Shield has saved the Reliant and crew from the CME, however the fusion reactor powering the shield has been damaged and will only power the systems on the ship, not the shield.

INT COMMAND MODULE

The normal lighting pops back on as Oleg has completed repairs in engineering. Tara reports all coms with NASA and other earth stations have been lost. Sklyer reports that there is no response to her network downlink. Reilly asks Tara to try the 160 meter band. A staticy transmission is heard….it’s Buck!

INTERCUT: BUCK’S SILO & COMMAND MODULE

Reilly tells Buck their situation with the damaged reactor that can’t be repaired. The next CME in 48 hours will kill them and the earth. Buck reminds her she doesn’t need one from earth when there is one on the remote controlled mining station on the moon.

EXT RELIANT

The ship passes through FRAME over the darkened earth.

5. Mid-Point

With other members of the crew needed to maneuver the Reliant in a sling-shot orbit around the moon. Captain Reilly must enlist the aid of the pool reporter, Skyler, to help her retrieve the reactor from the moon base. Skyler is shocked to learn the only way to get to the moon base is by crash landing the shuttle near the base and then using the earth return lunar spacecraft at the moon base to rendezvous with the Reliant.

INT COMMAND MODULE

Reilly questions the crew regarding trip to moon to retrieve fusion reactor, modifying it to shield earth and making it back in 36 hours. Nico says anti-matter drive is made for near light speed but could be pulsed at low power to get them there in 12 hours. Chase says the problem is slowing down enough to sling-shot around moon and back to earth. Oleg adds they will just turn 180 and use the engines as brakes. Tara asks how the shuttle will land on the moon? Reilly responds that she crash land the shuttle on the moon, acquire the reactor and then we’ll use the earth return rocket to rendezvous with the Reliant. Skyler asks who we is? Reilly tells her, you and me. Everyone else is crucial to modifying the ship for the improved shield.

INT ENGINEERING

Skyler approaches Oleg and Nico trying to configure the anti-matter drive for the moon mission. Skyler asks them what they think their chances are. Oleg pulls out a bottle of Vodka and hands it too her as he explains they are re-engineering systems that would normally take years into just a few hours. It will either work or they will blow up like an exploding star. Skyler takes a big hit from the bottle.

INT MEDICAL BAY

Tara, Quinn, and Reilly discuss a problem. Tara tells the two that with her calculations of the “super shield” they are making, the electromagnetic radiation will far exceed the shielding of the ship to protect the crew. Quinn tells them he may be able to make a serum of stem cell replicators that will mitigate the damage.

INT BRIDGE

Chase is using the 3D Quantum computer to program the Reliant’s voyage to the moon, when Reilly enters. An argument ensues about why Chase is not taking the shuttle to the moon. Reilly tells him he’s wanted this command over her. Now is his time to prove he is capable. Chase believes she is trying to save the crew by risking her life instead of his due to her previous loss of her entire shuttle crew. Skyler, just out of sight overhears the exchange.

INT ENGINEERING

Nico taps a final command into her ipad and the two countering rotating rings around the Reliant light up with blue plasma discharges. Oleg pats her on the back as they marvel at the sight. Oleg hits the comms button to confirm the anti-matter drive is ready to go.

INT COMMAND MODULE

Reilly and Skyler are looking at Tara’s 3D projection when they hear Oleg’s call. Reilly orders everyone to prepare to launch as she heads to the bridge. Quinn joins the group as they buckle up in their seats.

INT ENGINEERING

Nico and Oleg buckle up in their seats overlooking the engine control panels.

INT BRIDGE

Reilly counts down from 5 and then hits the thrusters.

EXT RELIANT

The Reliant flies through the left side of FRAME the four anti-matter drive thrusters glow red and the ship darts out of FRAME into the distant black illuminated by the moon.

INTERCUT: BRIDGE,COMMAND MODULE, ENGINEERING

INTERCUT: among the crew as the ship accelerates with increasing G-force.

INT BRIDGE

Chase calls out the speed 15…17….20,000 mph. Reilly cuts the power. Reilly calls out to crew 11.9 hours to shuttle launch.

INT SILO

Numerous display screens with readouts in front of Bucks console. He taps a few keys and brings up a satellite orbiting the moon. As it passes the moon mining base his eyebrows go up and he reaches for the ham radio.

EXT RELIANT

The Reliant moves toward the moon.

INT COMMAND MODULE

The entire crew is there. Reilly brings up a video image Buck relayed to them. The remote mining machines have been effected by the CME and are mining at random, some crashing into the base. Chase brings up a 3D model of their lunar mission: Reliant turning 180 braking, the shuttle breaking off from Reliant, braking with its engines, crash landing on moon, the earth return rocket rendezvousing with the Reliant after it slingshots around the moon. Skyler comments: with all that what could go wrong. Reilly orders the crew to take a food and rest brake – they are going to need it.

INT MEDICAL BAY

Quinn is working on his serum when Skyler enters. She wants doc to give her something to take for her nerves right before the shuttle launch. He is hesitant then gets an idea. He gives her an inhaler and tells her to take a hit whenever she gets nervous. Quinn smiles as she leaves.

INT CAFETERIA

The crew is finishing eating. The crew tell funny stories about each other from their year of training together: how they viewed each other then…and how they view each other now.

INT OBSERVATION DECK

Nico is alone starring at the approaching moon. Chase approaches and stands beside her. Two colleagues, then she takes his hand and squeezes it. We discover the reason Chase doesn’t have a girlfriend on earth is because for a year he has had a secret relationship with Nico.

INT CREW QUARTERS

Reilly walks past the sleeping crew and into the Command Module where Tara is working on a 3D Model of the enhanced shield. They share a quiet moment to reflect on the past 12 hours and how their mission went from advancing space travel to saving the world. Tara pulls out a bottle of French Wine as they enjoy their last chance to decompress

FADE TO BLACK

EXT RELIANT

FADE IN:

The Reliant rotates 180 degrees and the Anti-Matter Drive engages to begin braking.

INT BRIDGE

Chase calls out completion of the turn

INT ENGINE ROOM

Nico confirms anti-matter drive thrust is nominal. Oleg confirms the fusion reactor is stable.

INT COMMAND MODULE

Tara looks at the 3D Projection of the slingshot orbit and confirms they are on the right track and shuttle launch is go. She begins a 10 second countdown. Dr. Quinn monitors the vitals of Capt Reilly and Skyler. Skyler hear rate is spiking, he tells her to take some deep breaths.

INT SHUTTLE

Reilly at the helm, Skyler in the co-pilots seat. Both in full space suits. Skyler takes a hit off the inhaler doc gave her. The count down hits zero. Reilly hits a series of switches and the shuttle undocks from the Reliant.

EXT RELIANT

The shuttle pulls away from the Reliant. As it clears the mother ship the main engines fire to slow its descent.

INT BRIDGE

Chase looks out the window to see the shuttle braking hard with its engines at full thrust.

INT SHUTTLE

The vibration is intense as the two women are pulling 7 G’s in the deceleration. Skyler’s eyes are wide in fear. Reilly focuses on the engine readouts. She calls out over the comm that number three is running hot.

INT SHUTTLE (FLASHBACK)

Reilly in pilots seat as the shuttle roars toward space, the control panel suddenly flashes red as one of the three main engines blows up sending fragment into the other two. She and the copilot run through the abort check list and frantically hits switches and pull levers as the other four crew members watch helplessly from their seats. She orders the co-pilot to jettisons the solid boosters as she shuts down the main engine. She tells everyone to hold on as she rolls the shuttle inverted.

EXT SHUTTLE (FLASHBACK)

The solid boosters roll off each side of the shuttle as it rolls inverted with the engines off but on fire. It the performs a 180 degree arc heading back toward the Florida space base.

INT SHUTTLE (FLASHBACK)

Reilly fights the damaged controls and orders the copilot to use the forward thrusters to help get the nose up. Through the windshield the ground is approaching fast…too fast… and they aren’t going to make the runway. Reilly drops the gear and deploys the speed brakes to slow down but there’s just not enough time.

EXT SHUTTLE (FLASHBACK)

The Shuttle flares over the ocean. The ground effect balloons ther shuttle into the air it stalls and hit the water hard, With the left wing down it cartwheels across the water.

INT SHUTTLE (FLASHBACK)

The shuttle occupants are tossed around in the violent cartwheel. A warning Klaxon goes off…..

INT SHUTTLE

Reilly snaps back to present day and sees the overheat light on number three. She shuts it down.

INT COMMAND MODULE

As Tara looks at Reilly’s 3D moon entry telemetry go red, she relays to Reilly she will have to burn the other two engines longer to slow down and will have less time to rotate the ship 180 for the crash landing.

INT SHUTTLE

Skyler asks Reilly why the computer can’t fly them in. Reilly tells her the shuttle was not designed to do what they are asking of it. She hears Chase calling out the countdown of engine shut down. At zero she cuts the engines and hits the thrusters for roatation.

EXT SHUTTLE

The shuttle, approaching the moon stern first, flips over on its back and then rotates 180 degrees the moon rapidly approaching below.

INT COMMAND MODULE

Chase has joined Tara and Quinn at the 3D display. He tells Reilly she’s still going too fast.

INT SHUTTLE

Reilly looks out the windshield and sees the mining base rapidly approaching. She hits the forward thrusters, drops the landing gear and uses the rear thrusters to drag the rear wheels across the smooth, previous mined, moon surface

EXT MOON/ SHUTTLE

The rear wheels slam into the moons surface and plow tow deep grooves in its surface.

INT SHUTTLE

Skyler screams as the vibration is twice as bad as the braking maneuver. Reilly holds the forward braking thrusters at full power until the nose suddenly slams to the ground.

EXT MOON/ SHUTTLE

The nose of the shuttle slams to the ground and the front and rear landing gear collapse. The shuttle continues to slide until it impacts and penetrates one of the dome shaped structures disappearing inside.

INT COMMAND MODULE

Oleg and Nico have joined the group. Tara switches from the 3D view to a satellite overhead view of the mining base. All they see is a massive dust cloud engulfing the entire base. And no answering call to their transmissions to the shuttle. They lose visual as they begin their slingshot part of their orbit.

EXT SHUTTLE

The door opens and Reilly exits with a bag of equipment followed by a shell-shocked Skyler. Reilly looks at a vid screen on her arm with a layout of the mining base. As she begins to move forward a gigantic shock wave knocks she and Skyler to their feet. An enormous mining machine with a rock crushing grinder chews its way into the building. Reilly grabs Skyler and the barely escape the destructive grinding of the machine.

INT BUCK’S SILO

Buck looks at the same video image the crew of the Reliant saw; the mining base obscured by a cloud of moon dust. He hits a couple of buttons switching to infrared and sees the hot image of the shuttle inside the domed structure and two hot images moving away from it. He breaths a sigh of relief.

INT RELIANT COMMAND MODULE

Tara monitors the Reliant’s telemetry as red line flashes indicating their deviation from the green arc they should be on. She calls to Nico, now in the engine room with Oleg, that they are not braking hard enough with the anti-matter drive.

INT BRIDGE

Chase is monitoring their path and determines they have 15 mintues to correct the problem or they will blow past any way to sling-shot for the return to earth.

INT ENGINE ROOM

Nico tells the team the anti-matter drive was designed for long periods of acceleration not short term full power sprints, it’s losing power.

INT MOON BASE MINING FACILITY

Reilly and Skyler dodge car sized ore carriers moving empty and full through the corridor leading to the reactor.

EXT MOON BASE REACTOR ROOM

The door is locked, Reilly pulls out an electronic box and runs it over the lock. It opens and they enter.

INT MOON BASE REACTOR ROOM

They enter and see four blue pulsing fusion reactors and an auto-bot running the control panel. The bot sees them and stands in an offensive posture. Reilly and Skyler look at each other. This is unexpected. The bot moves toward them with its claws extended. Reilly tells Skyler to run to the left. As the bot follows her, Reilly pulls out a plasma welder out of the tool bag and charges tow the back of the bot. The bot traps Skyler in a corner and is about to kill her with its claw when the center of its chest melts as the plasma welder cuts through its core. The two women share a sigh of relief.

INT MED BAY

Quinn looks up from the work on his serum. He suspends an advanced polymer in a clear paneled electron accelerator. He hits the coms button. Magnets!

INT BRIDGE

Magnets. Chase gets the idea and asks Tara if the frequency generation array is able to attract as well as repel.

INT COMMAND MODULE

Yes it can! The array may be used as a giant electro magnet pointed at the moon to slow their speed. She hammers away at the keyboard as she asks Oleg what they may use for power?

INT ENGINEERING

Oleg looks to Nico and shrugs his shoulders. He hits the com and tells the team the fusion reactor is only able to run at 40% of capacity. They would need at least 50% to power the array. –

INT BRIDGE

Chase thinks…an idea. What about daisy chaining the small fusion reactor in the explorer satellite they were to launch on their first mission.

INT ENGINEERING

Oleg and Nico race to the launch bay where the satellite is housed. Oleg begins ripping open access panels on the satellite as Nico pulls cables out of the bay control panel.

EXT RELIANT

The frequency projection disk pans to the right aiming directly at the moon.

INT BRIDGE

Chase transmits they are 2 minutes away from the point of no return.

INT LAUNCH BAY

Nico makes the final connection and engages the power transfer on the control panel. She yells to Oleg to try it.

INT ENGINEERING

Oleg plugs in the final patch relay and hits the transfer switch. A humming noise emits from the panel and the blue plasma discharge from the fusion reactor glows bright with the power reading rising to 51%. Oleg tells Tara to go!

INT COMMAND MODULE

Tara jams the array button and the entire ship begins to vibrate. She watches the 3D display to see if there is any change.

INT BRIDGE

Chase monitors the ships systems. Alarms begin to go off indicating in red parts of the ship that are experiences overload stresses.

INT ENGINEERING

Nico is now with Oleg. It takes both of them to work the controls to keep both reactor in sync.

INT COMMAND MODULE

Tara tweaks the array as the 3D red arc slowly merges and disappears into the green arc.

INT BRIDGE

Chase watches the tracks emerge. Then yells for them to kill the array.

INT COMMAND MODULE

Tara kiils the array as Oleg yells for her to wait until they uncouple the reactors.

INT ENGINEERING

Killing the array feedbacks into the reactor patch and an electrical surge blows Nico off the control panel and knock her unconscious onto the floor. Oleg races to her side.

INT MOON BASE REACTOR ROOM

Reilly tells Skyler to hold the release bar as she pulls the fusion reactor cell out of the distro unit. The cell pops out of the unit and Reilly barely catches it before it hits the floor. They are both sweating. Let’s get the hell out of here.

INT MED BAY

Nico on the med-bed unconscious as Chase, Tara and Oleg watch. Her vitals are stable. Doc tells them it will take some time to see if their is any brain damage. Chase walks over to her whispers something into her ear and kisses her on the cheek. The others share a look among themselves that these two keep their secret live well hidden. Chase rises and tells the crew to prepare to reengage the anti-matter drive to head back to the moon..

EXT MOONBASE

Reilly and Skyler emerge from the moon base and head toward the earth return rocket as the mining machines continue to reek havoc destroying the base. In the distance they see a mining rig headed for the earth return rocket!

INT BUCK’S SILO

Buck is waiting for the satellite to come over the horizon to see the moon base. As it does he sees the miner heading for the earth return rocket. He gets busy typing commands into the keyboard.

INTERCUT BRIDGE, COMMAND MODULE & ENGINEERING

Chase counts down from 5 and the team engages the anti-matter drive for 30 seconds to complete the sling-shot.

EXT MOON/ EARTH RETURN ROCKET

Reilly and Skyler struggle to get the reactor into the ship as the miner is approaching them. Reilly jumps into the pilots seat and runs through the start up procedure. Skyler looks out the window and tells Reilly the miner is almost on them. Reilly yells at her to buckle up and stand by for launch.

EXT MOON/ POV FROM SPACE

THE CAMERA MOVES FROM SPACE TOWARDS THE MINER AND EARTH RETURN ROCKET ON THE MOON. A satellite MOVES INTO FRAME and we follow it all the way to the moon. We see the earth return about to be destroyed by the miner as the satellite impacts and destroys the miner in a giant explosion.

EXT MOON/ EARTH RETURN ROCKET

The explosion rocks the ship violently. Reilly hits the launch button and the ship’s rockets fire lifting them into space.

INT BUCK’S SILO

He breaths a giant sigh of relief as we see on his screen he redirected the path of the satellite to collide with the miner, saving Reilly and Skyler.

(OUTLINE TO BE CONTINUED FROM HERE)

6. Second turning point at end of Act 2

As the crew struggles with its damaged systems of the Reliant to keep it on a sling-shot orbit around the moon, Captain Reilly and Skyler crash land the shuttle by the moon base.

They discovered that the AI controlled moon mining machines have been damaged by the CME and are destroying the base. They acquire the fusion reactor and launch back to the ship just as a mining machine strikes their spacecraft. Reilly struggles with the spacecraft, not designed for what they are making it do, and barely makes it to the Reliant.

7. Crisis

The new fusion reactor is barely installed as the Reliant takes a position to defend the earth. However, the Tesla mask which must be extended for the shield to work is damaged and will not deploy. With every possibility explored and failed, Chase Douglas, the first officer, sneaks off to the cargo bay, suits up, and exits on the space tug.

8. Climax

The crew discovers Chase attaching the space tug to the Tesla mask. Against their vociferous protest, Chase uses the tug to extend the mask just as the CME is about to hit. With no time for him to return to the ship, he begs Reilly to engage the shield: a death sentence for him. Tearfully, Reilly puts her hand on the large red engage button. Nico joins her and pushes her had off the activation button. She tells Chase she loves him and presses the button. The shield spreads like a lotus blossom as Chase disappears in a flash of light. The CME slams into the shield which deflects its destructive power away from the earth. The Reliant is buffeted as its systems alarms blare with overload warnings but the Tesla Shield holds and the CME safely passes by earth.

9. Resolution

A saddened crew is surprised when NASA contacts them from Cheyenne mountain in Colorado. They have been receiving Skyler’s broadcasts throughout the Reliant’s entire adventure. NASA and the world owe them a debt of gratitude that may never be repaid. A crew will be launched within 90 days to relieve them. The crew of the reliant are no longer professional co-workers from individual countries. They are also more than friends bound together by the crucible of near death experiences and the bonds of mutual commitment, sacrifice, and loss.

[Lisa Paris Long]

Lisa’s Pass 7: Setup/Payoff Chains

“What I learned doing this assignment is…?” that sometimes you must move scenes around to make it work. I can’t be tied to what I’ve done in the past…move forward.

1. List ALL the setup/payoff chains (SP Chains) from your story — One or two sentences per setup/payoff.

SP CHAIN 1: Mary is determined to pull off the festival on her own. She has a need to prove her capabilities and worthiness…even though everyone in town knows that she’s a bad ass. Mary wants to be an example for her daughters.

Setup: Opening scene has Mary save a man who jumps off the George Bailey bridge
Payoff 1: Later it is revealed that it was a flashback of two years prior, and it was Peter whom Mary saved. That event prompted the divorce.

Payoff 2: Mary shows herself to be a formidable leader at the IAWL meeting.
Payoff 3: Mary again saves lives by putting out the fire at the community center.
Payoff 4: Festival events go well, and all the visitors are happy.

Payoff 5: Festival makes money; enough to give to Peter at the end.

SP CHAIN 2: Mary tells the judge that Peter is a good man with a big heart who is just down on his luck.

Setup: Peter begs the judge to not send him to jail on Christmas Day because he can’t pay his back taxes. He uses his daughters as the reason.
Payoff 1: Peter visits old man Mr. Campbell to help him repair his porch.
Payoff 2: Peter goes to see the parish minister to help clean the church pews.
Payoff 3: Peter mows Mrs. Thomas’s lawn.

Payoff 4: Peter meets his older brother, Bert at Martini’s Bar where they talk about how Peter got to this point…and Peter cries.

SP CHAIN 3: Mary must find Peter and Santa because she must fix everything. And prove to herself that she can do anything…do it all!

Setup: Mary thinks that Peter has kidnapped Santa.
Payoff 1: Mary goes to the police.
Payoff 2: Mary gives in and enlists the help of her friends/townspeople.

Payoff 3: Tilly finally tells Mary where Peter and Santa are headed. Mary runs to thwart the event.

Payoff 4: Mary saves the day by rescuing Peter and Santa; and the festival is a success.

SP CHAIN 4: Mary must decide if she loves Joseph.

Setup: Mary says no to going on a date with Joseph because she thinks it’s too complicated with her daughters and ex-husband.
Payoff 1: Joseph shows he’s good with her daughters.
Payoff 2: Joseph saves Janie & Ruthie from the burning community center.
Payoff 3: Joseph catches Mary when she falls off the roof.

Payoff 4: Joseph foots the bill for next year’s festival so the town can give Peter the money from this year’s festival.

Payoff 5: Joseph proposes at the end and Mary says yes.

SP CHAIN 5: Dash and Don (G-men) must find Peter and Santa

Setup: Dash and Don are comic relief
Payoff 1: They can’t figure out which way Santa is headed.
Payoff 2: They get stopped by the Canadian Mounties and ridiculed for chasing Santa.

Payoff 3: They run in the Santa 5k trying to figure out if any of the Santa’s are the real Santa.

SP CHAIN 6: Are Peter and Tilly going to be together in the end?

Setup: Peter and Tilly argue and then plan the kidnapping
Payoff 1: They go to the north pole and kidnap Santa together
Payoff 2: When they get back to town, Tilly can’t go through with it and leaves Peter.
Payoff 3: Peter is lifted by his friends and family at the end and Tilly realizes he is worthy of love.

SP CHAIN 7: Are Janie and Ruthie going to have their father? Or will he go to jail? Will mom marry Joseph whom they love too?

Setup: Janie and Ruthie are sad and scared because they lost their grandma last year and now, they might lose their father. And they aren’t sure what’s going to happen with mother and Joseph.
Payoff 1: Janie and Ruthie see their dad and cling to him asking questions. They clearly love him.
Payoff 2: Janie and Ruthie get along with Joseph while he watches them at the IAWL meeting.
Payoff 3: Joseph saves Janie and Ruthie from the burning community center.

Payoff 4: Joseph explains that he will never replace their father.

Payoff 5: Janie and Ruthie rejoice when the town bails out their father and Joseph asks their mom to marry him.

2. Select a setup/payoff chain you want to make stronger.

How can you make the setup more interesting or effective?

I will add a voiceover of Mary in the beginning (ala It’s a Wonderful Life) explaining about how Seneca Falls was the inspiration for the movie. She will talk about her life there and explain how everyone got to this point.

How can you make the payoffs more emotional or meaningful?

Instead of the opening scene being in real time, I will make it a flashback although the audience won’t know that until later. Also, Mary will save “a man”, but we find out later that it was Peter that she saved. And that incident prompted the divorce.

3. Tell us what difference this has made for your outline and if it hasn’t, find another setup/payoff chain to improve.

This has set up change for my outline and story like no other step we’ve completed!

4. Post your current outline with the improved setup/payoff chain(s) in it.

OUTLINE OF MARY’S CHRISTMAS

1. VOICEOVER-MARY

Mary explains that Seneca Falls was the inspiration for the movie It’s a Wonderful Life and each year they put on a festival to celebrate it. As she speaks, we see…

EXT-SHOTS OF SENECA FALLS, NY

SHOTS OF MAIN STREET LIT UP AT NIGHT. THE “YOU ARE NOW ENTERING BEDFORD FALLS” SIGN. THE GEORGE BAILEY BRIDGE. THE WOMEN’S SUFFERAGE MUSEUM (the other reason Seneca Falls is famous), THE CLARENCE HOTEL, THE BIJOU THEATER, ZUZU’S CAFÉ, MARTINI’S BAR, AND THE CHURCH AT THE END OF THE STREET.

VOICEOVER-MARY

Mary talks about growing up in Seneca Falls. How her mother planned the first festival and over the years participated in all the events, towing Mary along.

2. EXT. GEORGE BAILEY BRIDGE – NIGHT

Mary and her partner come across a man on George Bailey bridge at night in the pouring rain in their firetruck and Mary sees it’s her ex-husband, Peter, but the audience doesn’t know who he is yet. Peter is crying and is up on the railing. Mary hates heights, but she ends up saving Peter then lays into him about what he was trying to do.

3. INT-KITCHEN-DAY

Mary’s kitchen is full of Christmas goodies for the it’s a Wonderful Life festival. She calls for Uncle Billy to come eat. When she turns around to call again, Uncle Billy, a miniature dachshund, is sitting behind her with his head cocked. He goes over to his bowl and eats.

4. INT-BEDROOM-DAY

Ruthie is in her bedroom looking at the NORAD site on her computer. Her mom calls for her and she yells back that the computer is broken. She closes it and runs downstairs.

5. INT-KITCHEN-DAY

Janie and Ruthie are having breakfast. Mary is on the phone answering festival questions and writing a list at the same time. She hangs up the phone and looks at the photo of her mom on the wall…wondering how mom did it when she oversaw the festival. Janie cries and climbs on Mary’s lap because she misses Grandma. Ruthie jumps on Mary too with a hug. Uncle Billy runs around barking and jumping on them because he doesn’t like anyone touching Mary. They laugh at Uncle Billy and chase him around the table.

6. INT-KITCHEN-DAY

Peter enters the eat-in kitchen of the Ma Jenkins Boarding House. Ma orders her grandson to stand because a decorated war hero is entering the room. Peter sits down to eat breakfast. The boy sits second. Ma tells the boy all about Peter’s heroism and how veterans should be shown respect.

7. INT-SUV-DAY

Just as Ruthie and Janie ask about their father on the way to school, Mary nearly runs over Peter when he steps off the curb in front of the boarding house. Mary tells the girls to stay in the car. They protest and shout hello to their father. Mary gives in and let’s Peter say hi to the girls who have a phone on the NORAD site, and they show Peter.

8. EXT-HOUSE-DAY

Peter arrives with his toolbox at the porch of Mr. Campbell asking what he can do to help him. He agrees to fix the boards on the porch.

9. INT-SENECA FALLS WINERY OFFICE-DAY

Mary works with Angel, her best friend and they discuss what happened at the courthouse and Joseph, their boss. They speak briefly about Ernie, Angel’s boyfriend and how happy they are. They discuss Peter and how Mary is always helping him. Joe asks Mary out and she declines.

10. EXT-HOUSE-DAY

Joseph rings the parsonage. The pastor answers and they walk over to the church. Joseph agrees to clean the pews.

11. EXT-OUTSIDE OFFICE-DAY

Joe expresses his love for Mary. Joe gives Mary a raise because of the situation with Peter.

12. INT-COURTROOM-DAY

Judge admonishes Peter for not being able to pay back taxes. Peter is on hard times because there hasn’t been any snow and he’s a snowmobile repair man. Judge will send him to jail on Christmas day if he doesn’t come up with the money.

13. INT-COURTROOM HALLWAY-DAY

Peter and his girlfriend, Tilly discuss the NORAD site and how Santa gets down the chimney. Peter has an idea. Tilly says no and wants Peter to turn himself in now to start his sentence. Peter doesn’t want to. They argue. Mary sees this. Tilly storms off. Mary and Peter discuss their girls. Mary tells him that the girls love him.

14. EXT-HOUSE-DAY

Peter arrives at Mrs. Thomas’s and begins mowing the lawn. She comes out on the porch to give him some iced tea.

15. INT-WINERY OFFICE-DAY

Mary tells Angel that she’s not going to play “Mary Bailey” this year. She says she will push for Angel to play her.

16. INT-MARTINI’S BAR-DAY

Peter enters and sits next to Bert (Peter’s older brother) at the bar. Bert asks about what Peter is going through. Peter gets deep and teary eyed. Bert gives him a pep talk.

17. EXT-MAIN STREET-NIGHT

Main street is all lit up with lights and decorations. A sign reads ‘Wonderful Life Meeting Tonight – All Are Welcome!’

18. EXT-NORTH POLE-DAY

Peter and Tilly kidnap Santa on snowmobiles.

19. INT-CONTROL ROOM-DAY

At NORAD HQ, Santa starts to move on the giant screen. It’s too early. Dash and Don are assigned to go find Santa.

20. EXT-FOREST-DAY

Snowmobiles catch some air. Snow is starting to thin. They continue on foot with blindfolded Santa in tow.

21. EXT-ROAD-DAY

Dash and Don are trying to track Santa’s signal.

22. INT-COMMUNITY CENTER-NIGHT

Mary and Angel discuss how good Joe is with the girls as they watch them together. Introduction of other townspeople. Everyone is assigned different roles and tasks. After the meeting, Joe tries to give Mary her Christmas present early, but she won’t take it.

23. EXT-TRAIN TRACKS-NIGHT

Peter, Tilly, and Santa run alongside a slow-moving freight train. They get into the train car, and it starts to go faster.

24. EXT-CANADIAN ROAD-NIGHT

Dash and Don track the Santa signal and realize they are moving faster than snowmobiles. They can’t figure out where they are headed at first.

25. INT-LIVING ROOM-DAY

Ruthie tells Mary something is wrong with the laptop because it’s not following Santa. Out the window, it’s snowing! Angel is over working on the festival and asks Mary about Peter. Mary mentions that her saving him from drowning ruined everything. It will never be the same between them. Angel says why not move on with Joseph.

26. EXT-TRAIN TRACKS-DAY

Peter, Tilly, and Santa run into the woods.

27. INT-CAR-DAY

Dash and Don are still in Canada and realize the signal has stopped in Seneca Falls, NY. Border guards stop them and laugh that they are chasing Santa.

28. EXT-MAIN STREET-DAY

Main Street is full of people there for the festival. Ernie is passing out chestnuts in front of the Clarence Hotel. There’s a line outside of Zu Zu’s Café. A group of scavenger hunters are leaving the community center.

29. EXT-SNOWMOBILE SHOP-DAY

On the outskirts of town, Peter unlocks the door and he, Tilly, and Santa go inside.

30. INT-SNOWMOBILE SHOP-DAY

Peter finds tracking device on Santa. Peter interrogates Santa on how he gets down the chimneys. Santa won’t say.

31. EXT-FRONT YARD-DAY

Ruthie and Janie are playing in the yard in the snow. Uncle Billy is running around barking at them. Joe and Mary are watching from the front window.

32. INT-HOUSE-DAY

Mary and Joe argue over moving their relationship forward. Joe leaves. Uncle Billy comes in and Mary rubs him with a towel as he licks her face.

33. EXT-MAIN STREET-DAY

Dash and Don enter Seneca Falls. People are everywhere for the festival. They ask Ernie where the parade starts…down by the movie theater at the other end of the street. They head in that direction.

34. EXT-SIDE STREET-DAY

In the theater, Mary checks out the costumes for all the IAWL characters that will march in the parade. Angel calls Mary’s cell and tells her to get to the community center now. Mary has her daughters with her, and they leave for the center.

35. INT-SNOWMOBILE SHOP-DAY

Peter and Tilly discuss how to get out of this and that they didn’t think everything out…like how to get Santa back to the North Pole. Tilly says she’s not going through with it and leaves.

36. INT-COMMUNITY CENTER-DAY

The town Santa is sick, and Mary must play Santa because Angel has the radio show. Mary puts on the Santa suit. Mary leaves the girls at the community center where Joseph will pick them up and take them to the parade.

37. EXT-SNOWMOBILE SHOP-DAY

Peter and Santa leave the shop and head towards town. Peter makes Santa carry rope in his sack. Mary drives up looking for Peter, but he’s not there.

38. EXT-MAIN STREET-DUSK

Santa 5K starts and all runners are dressed as Santa and it’s snowing heavily now. Dash and Don are trying to figure out who is the real Santa as they run too. Peter and Santa run along in the group until they get to the other end of town and then run toward houses.

39. EXT-COMMUNITY CENTER-DUSK

Joseph is working his way around the running Santa’s to pick up the girls at the community center where Mary left them. As he approaches, he notices smoke coming out of the roof. He calls 911 and enters the building.

40. INT-COMMUNITY CENTER-DUSK

Joseph runs in and can’t see the girls. He yells for them. The room is filling with smoke quickly. The girls come out of the lady’s restroom and run toward Joseph. They run out of the building.

41. EXT-COMMUNITY CENTER-DUSK

The firetruck is moving slowly through the crowd to get to the community center. Mary comes running through the crowd in her Santa suit and runs inside. The firetruck arrives and the other firefighters run in too. Mary comes out and the fire is out. The girls tell her of Joseph’s heroics. Mary must go…she runs off talking on her walky-talky. The girls want their dad, Joseph tries to comfort them.

42. EXT-RESIDENTIAL STREET-DUSK

Neighborhood of houses lit for Christmas, but everyone is in town. Peter and the real Santa come out of the woods and move toward the back of a house.

43. INT-POLICE STATION-DUSK

Mary has told the police that Peter and Santa are missing. The police laugh at her. She explains he might be suicidal and leaves in frustration.

44. EXT-SIDE STREET-NIGHT

Mary gets on the firetruck and as it starts to move, Tilly runs up and tells Mary what Peter has done and where they are headed. She jumps off the truck and runs toward the house.

45. EXT-MAIN STREET-NIGHT

Angel and Joe have the girls along the parade route. Angel whispers to Joe that Mary will be the Santa at the end of the parade. Tilly finds them and tells them what’s happening with Mary and Peter. Joseph takes off asking Angel to watch the girls.

46. EXT-LIBRARY-NIGHT

Dash and Don come around the library and see a Santa far away running toward the neighborhood. They take off after Santa. It’s Mary.

47. EXT-HOUSE-NIGHT

Mary sneaks up behind Santa and covers his mouth, points him to the woods. Mary climbs the ladder (still afraid of heights) and scoots along the roofline. Peter orders her to go down the chimney. Mary and Peter argue on the roof. Dash and Don see them. Joseph has tracked them down too.

48. EXT-PARADE-NIGHT

The real Santa has jumped on another firetruck and is waving to the children yelling Ho, Ho, Ho! Those who know, remark on how great Mary is as Santa.

49. EXT-HOUSE-NIGHT

Peter orders Santa to go down the chimney, Mary stalls and tries to talk Peter out of doing it. She stands up on the roof as Peter gets more agitated. Peter tries to force Santa down the chimney, and they struggle. Firefighters have moved the ladder truck over to the house and Dash & Don climb on the roof and point their guns at Peter. Mary stops them from shooting him then falls off the roof hanging by the gutters. Joseph below tells her to let go and he will catch her. She does and they fall in the snow.

50. EXT-YARD-NIGHT

Santa returns as Dash and Don are taking Peter to their car. Santa convinces them to let Peter go.

51. INT-COURTROOM-DAY

Christmas morning, Peter turns himself in for the tax charges. Mary comes in and says it’s a miracle. The townspeople enter and pay Peter’s back taxes with the festival money. They each vouch for Peter, each saying why they are grateful for Peter. And they have found a sponsor to pay for next year’s festival.

52. INT-HOUSE-DAY

Mary, Ruthie, Janie, and Uncle Billy have had Christmas. Peter and Tilly are celebrating with the girls too. Joe comes over to give Mary her Christmas gift.

53. EXT-PORCH-DAY

It’s still snowing. Joe gives Mary an engagement ring. Mary says she knows that the winery is going to foot the bill for next year’s festival. Mary accepts the ring, and they kiss as Uncle Billy barks and tries to get between their feet.

[Alice Eden]

Alice’s Pass 7: Setup/Payoff Chains

What I learned doing this assignment is

There are so many setups and payoffs in my screenplay

They are sequential, meaningful, or associative

1. List ALL of the setup/payoff chains (SP Chains) from your story — One or two sentences per setup/payoff.

SP CHAIN 1: What is Separation

Setup: Opening Scene with Representation of Separation

Payoff 1: Judge Separates at the court, Resolution

Payoff 2: Son of Commander Separates, final Resolution

SP CHAIN 2: Creation of Zones

Setup: Resolution at the Court brings to creation of zones for outcastes

Payoff 1: Escape/ Lena story, when zones are created

SP CHAIN 3: Connection in between of Judge and what happened at RI

Setup: His Son has a habit of fishing at the basin on roof top

Payoff 1: As he goes fishing, he sees monsters floating, and falls from roof’s edge

SP CHAIN 4: Crime with jealousy

Setup: Anaupsh passes by Protagonist

Payoff 1: Kills his girlfriend

Payoff 2: Anaupsh kills a couple, sexy girl and her boyfriend, girl gets raped

Payoff 4: When they murder pair from organization, young lady also gets raped by Anaupsh’s assistant

SP CHAIN 5: Secret Service ropes of Protagonist

Setup: Hero calles his ropes, dropping phone call

Payoff 1: Distraught, he calls again, demanding they inform him

Payoff 2: Police establishes watch over him

SP CHAIN 6: Media

Setup: Hero relates missing cases story to his journalist brother

Payoff 1: OTAK puts it to TV broadcast

Payoff 2: Control group from organization comes to check on RI

Payoff 3: Hero searches labs

Payoff 4: Secret Service officer contacts Hero

SP CHAIN 7: Getting Intimate

Setup: LENA notices birthmark at Ward’s back

Payoff 1: She pulls shirt from SMC to see, if he isn’t marked either

SP CHAIN 8: Associative Reactions

Setup: LENA is raped by her stepmother with small bottle

Payoff 1: Amid goodies in a box there is barrel of acid, which Lena splashes on her adversary

Payoff 2: She tries to frighten nurse out of the room, saying there is acid in a bottle

Payoff 3: She pushes small bottle in her sex to invoke blood again

SP CHAIN 9: Meaning of Slogans

Setup: Freaking Man in a zone promises Ward to pay him, if he washes him out in report

Payoff 1: LENA deceives helicopter pilot by saying he will be paid

Payoff 2: Son of Main Commander promises men at Hotel’s lobby “they will pay him”, when phone line is dead

SP CHAIN 10: Start and End

Setup: Hero loses his girlfriend Kiat (First Turning Point)

Payoff 1: Lena loses her lover SMC, as he Separates (Resolution)

[Dana Abbott]

PS81 – Dana’s Pass #7: Setup/Payoff Chains

What I learned during this assignment:

This method helped me zero in on specific moments of my outline to ensure the linear flow of each character. It also made me ignore the secondary details and just see the individual story and motivations of my characters.

I also realized I had multiple SP Chains. These are the one’s I improved for this assignment.

SP CHAIN 2: The multiple personalities are revealed.

SETUP: Jason calls Ellen’s show, and when Ellen tries to doctor her patient, he tells her that Ryan, the violent personality, has kidnapped her family and intends to kill them.

PAYOFF 1: Ryan is revealed when Ellen’s husband calls and confirms he and their daughters have been kidnapped. He now controls the game, and begins to pick at Ellen’s psyche, probing for her weakness.

PAYOFF 2: Ryan kills the husband, demonstrating his power.

PAYOFF 3: Bobby, the child personality, emerges as the patient’s protector. He allows Jason to hide from his responsibilities. Bobby likes Ellen, but he’s scared of Ryan. He won’t let Jason come back.

PAYOFF 4: Ellen discusses William, the manic-depressive personality, and encourages Bobby to let her speak to William. When Bobby resists, Ellen puts Jason’s sister on-air, and she convinces Bobby to let her speak with Jason.

PAYOFF 5: Ellen listens to Jason speak to his sister, but when she can’t convince Jason to stop, Ellen asked to speak with William and presses Jason to bring William forward.

PAYOFF 6: Det. Sorenson, holding Jason’s patient records, realizes and Ellen is attempting to do and informs everyone that William is a manic-depressive with suicidal tendencies.

PAYOFF 7: Ellen unearths William, the manic-depressive, but as she delves deeper into his personality, Ryan resurfaces and fights Ellen for control.

PAYOFF 8: Ellen pits William against Ryan until the William personality shoots himself, killing all the personalities, including Ryan.

PAYOFF 7: Det. Sorenson speaks with another psychiatrist and discovers Ryan is a completely different person.

PAYOFF 8: Ryan calls another radio show a week later and begins again.

This non-linear approach to my multiple personalities helped explore their motivations and how each one advances the story. I dealt with them as new characters with their own arcs.

=====

SP CHAIN 3: Ellen and Jason/Ryan dig into each other’s frailties and insecurities for control.

SETUP: An argument with her husband regarding their family and her career provokes Ellen’s insecurities and she wonders if she’s made the right career choice.

PAYOFF 1: Ellen meets with the station manager who informs her that her ratings are down. She spends too much time with one caller. She needs improve her on air skills or he may have to release her. Ellen allows her frustrations to overwhelm her and confesses her insecurities to her producer.

PAYOFF 3: Ellen’s first call confirms the station manager’s concerns, and Ellen watches him leave the control booth disappointed.

PAYOFF 4: Jason calls next and warns Ellen that his violent personality, Ryan, has kidnapped her family and intends to kill them. Unnerved, Ellen tries but is unable to contact her family, feeding her fears.

PAYOFF 5: Ryan, the violent personality, calls and confirms Ellen’s family has been kidnapped and threatens to kill them on air.

PAYOFF 6: Ellen tries to counsel Jason/Ryan not to harm her family, but she falls into the trap and allows Ryan to manipulate her insecurities. He digs at her guilt for abandoning her patients for a radio talk show.

PAYOFF 7: Ryan kills her husband; Ellen collapses emotionally.

PAYOFF 8: Ellen regains her mettle and flips the script, counseling Bobby, a childlike protective personality, asking if he remembers William, the manic-depressive personality.

PAYOFF 9: Ellen allows the patient’s sister to speak with the Bobby personality to draw out Jason, which works.

PAYOFF 10: When Jason returns, Ellen begins to push to speak with William. Jason resists.

PAYOFF 11: Ellen successfully unearths William’s personality and begins pushing him deeper into his manic-depressive state.

PAYOFF 12: Ryan reemerges and fights Ellen for control. She manipulates both personalities until we hear William fire the revolver and kill himself.

Non-linear editing for the sparing match between Ellen and the Jason/Ryan characters enabled me to improve and heighten the protagonist/antagonist conflict and pinpoint their tug-of-war throughout the script.

I also realized how to use the Ryan personality for Ellen’s transformation. Ryan now represents the resentment against Ellen for abandoning her patient (Jason) for a radio show. He assaults Ellen’s growing insecurity and guilt, which prevents her from saving her husband, but pushes her down a darker path to fulfill her character arc.

[anna harper]

Anna Harper Set up/ Pay off Chains

What I learned from this assignment. Work was mostly editing, and one major miss on my part for the well-being of my intended audience; the message of the movie. So, lots of editing and only one addition. Amazing like adjusting the lens on a pair of glasses.

Set-Up

Throughout the screenplay, Dylan is emerging very slowly from elective mutism due to trauma. As he emerges from his bubble of silence he observes others suffer if he will not speak. He gradually risks speaking again, relinquishing a dysfunctional and immature self focused behaviour to deal with his life more effectively and relate to others in a caring way.
The payoff is a thread throughout the Final Act.

.

BEATS

1. OPENING

EXT.VILLAGE SCHOOL/DAY

DYLAN exits school, looking warily behind, and then starts to run.

MISS ELIZABETH PERKINS is standing on the school steps, smiling and watching as a group of boys start to pursue Dylan into the village High St. As the boys pursue Dylan, they call him names including “Dummy boy, Dumbo.”

Elizabeth returns to her school office. She takes out her makeup mirror and while reapplying her overdone makeup, which she needs as she is not looking her best at all, she declares to the mirror she will get rid of Dylan and have Steve all to herself., and then asks the mirror to affirm that she indeed is the most beautiful women in the village of all. Then she recites the poem PLACEHOLDER FOR RAP VERSION FOR TEENS BOYS ” what are little girls made of?”

2. INCITING INCIDENT

EXT.VILLAGE HIGH STREET/DAY

Terrified, Dylan hides in doorways and eventually is forced to jump into a garbage skiff at the back of the fish and chip shop.

INT.GARBAGE SKIFF/DAY

The bully boys give up. Dylan emerges from under the trash; he hears noises, very scared he starts to cry, and then a dirty scruffy huge all-black Newfoundland (ALFIE) emerges with the fish and chip newspaper wrapping in his mouth. Dylan screams and cowers in fear. Alfie speaks telepathically to Dylan, bursting Dylan’s protective bubble with two way telepathic communication

FIRST TURNING POINT

Dylan is shocked when Alfie talks to him telepathically and refuses to believe it’s happening. Alfie wins Dylan over by explaining that they have to leave or get caught by the bullies. He elicits Dylan’s empathy by explaining he is starving and needs food. (this is the start of taking Dylan out of a selfish type of isolation.) Dylan rebels at Alfie’s suggestion to get raw scraps of meat at the butcher shop and takes Alfie home for food and a bath. Dylan mistakenly thinks they have time before his father arrives home from work.

INT.STEVE AND DYLAN’S COTTAGE/DAY ORIGINAL

Steve returns earlier than expected coming home to find a big mess. Dylan is discovered washing Alfie in the bathtub. Steve tells Dylan they cannot keep the dog. Steve is annoyed as Elizabeth the teacher was to come over for supper, now the house is muddy and smells like a dog. Steve says Alfie can only stay for the night. Steve begs Dylan to speak and explain what is going on.

Steve shouts at Dylan telling his son that the stress of his silence is causing Steve grief and the dog is the last straw.

<font color=”#4d5c6d” face=”SF UI Text, sans-serif”>While Dylan is bathing Alfie there is a two-way telepathic conversation revealing that Alfie is a homeless dog, and underneath his big furry coat he is skin and bones, Dylan expresses affection and caring for Alfie, and raids most of the contents of the family fridge to give him a good feed, risking more of his Dad’s wrath.</font>

SECOND TURNING POINT ORIGINAL

INT: INDIAN RESTAURANT/EVENING

Elizabeth arrives in a revealing Indian sari. Make up overdone. She informs Steve that she is so disappointed at not being able to come to his house. She does not like dogs of any sort. Tells Steve he is taking on too much for his own good.

Elizabeth takes out a brochure to a so-called special school., says she wants to help Steve have a better life with more time for a relationship and the boarding school is the answer. Steve loses it and tells her to forget any ideas of a relationship, storms out of the restaurant, leaving Elizabeth embarrassed and angry., she vows to get her revenge

THIRD TURNING POINT

INT.DYLAN’S BEDROOM/DAY

Alfie encourages Dylan to try to communicate with his Dad about his troubles with bullies and the mean Miss Perkins using pictures,

Steve runs out of the house in the morning as he is late for his bus route. He does not see the pictures. Dylan takes his pictures away believing that his Dad is not interested.

EXT.PARK/EARLY MORNING

Before school, Dylan and Alfie go to the park to play. They see the bully boys walking towards them. Dylan is apprehensive. All of the boys but one, want to come and meet Alfie. The alpha bully hangs back scared of Alfie.

CRISIS

INT.SCHOOL/MORNING

Dylan observes his friend Daisy. Elizabeth is locking her into the school cellar. Dylan runs away from the school finding his Dad on his bus driving route.

INT.STEVE”S BUS/DAY

Dylan boards the bus. He makes a fuss. Steve is frustrated as he cannot understand what is going on. Finally, Dylan says “Help Daisy, help Daisy.”

INT.SCHOOL/DAY

Dylan and Steve go to the cellar door, they can hear Daisy crying. Steve fetches the school principal. Steve informs the school principal that Elizabeth locked Daisy in the cellar. Elizabeth comes running, and with evil looks at Daisy intimidates Daisy into taking responsibility for locking herself in the cellar. Elizabeth tells Steve that she told him so, and Dylan needs help.

On the way home Steve expresses his anger. He feels Dylan has made a fool of him, and all because he will not speak. Steve doubts his ability to help Dylan.

CLIMAX

INT.DYLAN”S SCHOOLROOM/DAY

Steve has been summoned to an interview at Dylan’s school, Elizabeth says Dylan is in trouble again for fighting. This is a lie. He agrees to consider the boarding school option and takes the paperwork home. Depressed he leaves, closes the door of the classroom. Elizabeth smiles, she thinks she has won

EXT.VILLAGE STREET/DAY

On the way home, Steve takes the side of Elizabeth and says they should very seriously consider the boarding school as Dylan is creating trouble and Steve cannot figure out how to help him, he is feeling at his wit’s end. Dylan breaks away from his father and runs off. Steve cannot find Dylan. Dylan runs away from his Dad and hides in the garbage skiff.

Dylan implodes, feeling shocked, abandoned unloved, and unsafe, he attempts further isolation in the garbage skiff.

INT.STEVE AND DYLAN’S COTTAGE/EVENING

Steve is pacing the floor, he calls the village police and tells them Dylan has run away.

Alfie finds the envelope with Dylan’s drawings and whines and barks until Steve looks at them.

Steve sees the pictures of abuse at the school and finally the penny drops. Steve looks at Alfie and asks him to find Dylan.

EXT.VILLAGE HIGH STREET/NIGHT

Alfie barks and steers Steve to the garbage skiff where Alfie and Dylan originally met. Steve lifts the lid on the skiff where he finds Dylan.

When Steve finds Alfie and Dylan and clears the air re the misunderstanding of Dylan’s troubles. Dylan mistrusts Alfie to begin with, then Alfie enlightens Dylan as to the misunderstanding

between him and his Dad and explains that talking could have avoided the whole mess. Frightened Dylan, feels hopeless about how to get out

of his predicament. He has an epiphany as the result of Dylan’s actions are reviewed with Alfie. Dylan is relieved when his Dad arrives

When Steve finds Alfie and Dylan and clears the air re misunderstanding of Dylan’s troubles

INT. AT THE COTTAGE/EVENING

Steve phones the school board, reports his concerns, and tells his son not to worry he is not going to the boarding school, he apologizes for not understanding or believing Dylan

RESOLUTION

INT.THE COTTAGE/MORNING

Steve calls the pound Dylan. No one has claimed Alfie. Steve says If Aflie makes Dylan happy and gets him to start talking, he can keep him until New Year. But only till New Year. Dylan hears his Dad phoning the school board and reporting Elizabeth,

Dylan is very relieved. Dylan expresses his love for his Dad with a hug. Dylan is feeling protected and safer

INT.DYLAN’S ROOM/MORNING.

Alfie spends more time with Dylan explaining how important it was for him to speak, he saved Daisy from the cellar. He also talks to him about loving his mother and making his mother happy by talking and enjoying his life. Dylan is still silent. Dylan decides to try one more time. He draws another picture of Alfie with a big heart around Dylan and Alfie, he gives it to his Dad. Steve says the dog can stay until New Year if Dylan works on speaking again.

Dylan hugs his Dad and Alfie. Inside he is troubled as he does not know if he can speak again.

Alfie encourages Dylan with coaching and confidence.

EXT. SCHOOL/DAY ACT 3

CHANGE

It’s the day of the school Christmas concert. Dylan and Steve are walking from the parking area towards the school with many other parents. Dylan points to the alpha bully boy being smacked and pushed by the bully’s mother.

Dylan feels sorry for the bully boy. Steve points out that this is how he has learned to bully. Dylan wonders if the bully is lonely. Steve explains the importance of talking to adults who love and care for children and young people when there is a problem, and how silence can make things so much worse. He says he will pass on what they have observed to the school principal.

INT.VILLAGE BAKERY/AFTERNOON

Dylan, Steve, and Alfie go shopping in the village. Dylan points and waves at the bakery.

They go in and buy all sorts of Christmas goodies. Steve seems to really see Mickey the baker for the first time. He likes her. Alfie gets more dog cookies. Dylan likes the very friendly baker., and thinks she would make a good girlfriend for his Dad.

Mickey is just about to close the shop and suggest they all go to the seafront cafe for hot chocolate.

EXT.VILLAGE HIGH STREET NEAR SEA FRONT/NIGHT

Dylan holds his Dad’s hand and points to the village’s huge Christmas tree, lights sparkling snowflakes falling. Dylan speaks “The tree Dad, it’s like Christmas magic..”

Steve says ” I guess Alfie is staying, our forever dog.”

[Kate Hawkes]

Kate’s Pass 7: Setup/Payoff Chains

What I learned doing this is that sometimes the backstory needs to come to the forefront to really payoff at the end, and to make that clear through current journey of the protagonist. It makes even the bad guy more palatable…Also that a payoff can relate to several set ups.

ACT ONE

SP CHAIN 1: Darrogh devouring the land

Setup: all lost something to D

Payoff 1: Act2 Nia hears about the ‘buy out’ from D

Payoff 2: Act2 Plan to set up sting operation (also new set up #16)

Pay off 3: Act2 D wants more land – biggest landfill ever (SP #12)

SP 2: Nia Moving to this area

Setup: Nia can imagine living there

Payoff 1:Nia leaves on the bus as she had arrived

SP CHAIN 3: Mother too much in Shaun’s life

Setup: Shaun wants to get away from his Mother

Payoff 1: Min wants to come see the show/ Shaun says no

Payoff 2: Act1Shaun offers his Mom can help set up the sting

Payoff 3: Act3 Shaun asks Min to come help inperson and she agrees (and SP#16)

Payoff 4: Shaun hugs his Mother goodbye

SP CHAIN 4: Bonding

Setup: Luciana-Nia bond

Payoff 1:Act2 Luciana tells Nia some of the truth assures will always be there for her (and SP #10)

Payoff 2: Act3 Luciana tells Nia the truth they weren’t lovers D just thought they were

SP CHAIN 5: Mothers and Daughters*** the one that vastly evolved

Setup: D sees Nia Living image of her mother -flashback to when they met. How Happy

Payoff 1:D tells Nia about her beautiful mother (FB Nia as a baby) and hints she let him down

Payoff 2: Act2. D says she is too much like her bleeding heart mother

Payoff 3:Act 2 D kicks her out of the house saying you’ve let me down just like your mother

Payoff 4: Act3 Performs the Desdemona killing in ‘tell all’ scene of the play

SP CHAIN 6 Moving in with Dad

Setup: Nia leaves troupe to live with Father

Payoff 1: Act2.Nia goes back to the troupe after being kicked out

Payoff 2: Act3. Nia leaves with troupe (and SP#2)

SP CHAIN 7 False Hopes

Setup: Nia assures Luciana it will be fine

Payoff 1: Act2 Nia sees ugly side of D #1 (also PO to #14 and SP#9

Payoff 2: Act2 after sting op idea Nia still hopeful he’ll change

Payoff 3: Act2 D kicks Nia out of the house

SP 8: Confusing love

Setup: Nia uncomfortable with Luciana – she is too close too soon

Payoff 1: Act2 D tells Nia Luciana and her Mother were lovers.

SP CHAIN 9: I can make him the good father

Setup: says she can help D be better because he loves her – he’s good inside

Payoff 1: Act2 Nia sees ugly side of D #1 (also PO to #14 and SP#7)

Payoff 2: Act2 after sting op idea Nia still hopeful he’ll change (and SP#7 and #13)

Payoff 3: Act2 D kicks Nia out of the house (and SP#7)

Payoff 4: Act3 Nia walks away from D knowing she cant change him, doesn’t want to and doesn’t need him

SP CHAIN 10: Wanting Unconditional Love

Setup: wishes she had that kind of love/care/attention

Payoff 1: Act2 Luciana tells Nia some of the truth assures will always be there for her (and SP#4)

Payoff 2: Act3 Luciana promises Nia she will always have a home there

SP CHAIN 11 New Views

Setup: Min takes over acc. to Shaun

Payoff 1: Act3 Min gets on well with the troupe – Shn sees her differently – still not happy (and SP#14)

Payoff 2: Act3 Min supports Shs life choices, he will keep her involved.

ACT TWO

SP 12: Meglomania

Setup: going to develop a massive landfill

Payoff 1: Act 2- D- wants biggest landfill ever, so more land (tied to SP #1)

SP CHAIN 13: Doing the Right Thing

Setup: Nia promises Luciana she will help stop it

Payoff 1: Act2 Nia sees ugly side of D #1 (also PO to SP#9 and#14))

Payoff 2: Act2 Nia supports sting op idea

SP CHAIN 14 Seeing the True Person

Setup: Nia say not afraid to get to know D and dares Shaun to get to know his Mom.

Payoff 1: Act2 Shaun invites his mother to come

Payoff 2: Act2 Nia sees ugly side of D #1 (also PO to SP#9 and #13)

Payoff 3: Act2 Min decides not to – he needs room

Payoff 4: Act3 Min gets on well with the troupe – Shn sees her differently – still not happy

(and SP#11)

Payoff 5: Act3 Nia finds out her Mother committed suicide and Ds part in that

Payoff 6: Act3 Nia calls out her father in the play

SP CHAIN 15: Old Memories

Setup: flash back to argument #1

Payoff 1: Act2 Flashback #2 to Mom being kicked out of house

Payoff 2: Act3 Flashback #3 to D misreading the relationship L and A

SP CHAIN 16: Con the Conman

Setup: decide to set up a sting operation

Payoff 1: Act2 Min sends business template for them to use

Payoff 2: Act2 D not interested in (sting) offer -maybe later

Payoff 3: Act2 Shaun asks Min to come help inperson -in a couple of days (and SP#3)

Payoff 4: Act2 D still not sure even with new offer

Payoff 5: Act3 – Min persuades him to sign

Payoff 6: Act3 Nia comes up with the ‘expose all’ play idea (and SP#17)

Payoff 7: Act3 The ‘expose the sting’ -play is performed

ACT THREE

SP Chain 17: Courage to be True to Oneself

Setup: D happy about the landfill deal and invites Nia back

Payoff 1: Nia hesitates -asks fr time

Payoff 2: Nia decides to choose the community

Payoff 3: Nia comes up with the ‘expose all’ play idea (And SP#16)

IMPROVED CHAIN – Nia looking like her Mother and how that reveals her Father’s real relationship with her.

SP CHAIN 5: Mothers and Daughters

Setup: D sees Nia Living image of her mother -flashback to when they met. How Happy

Payoff 1: D tells Nia about her beautiful mother (FB Nia as a baby) and hints she let him down

Payoff 2: Act2. D says she is too much like her bleeding heart mother

Payoff 3:Act 2 D kicks her out of the house saying you’ve let me down just like your mother

Payoff 4: Act3 Performs the Desdemona killing in ‘tell all’ scene of the play

3. Tell us what difference this has made for your outline

We now uncover, without exposition, much more about Nia’s childhood, her parent’s relationship and we see how hurt Darrogh was by the (imagined) wrongdoing, how it has affected him since, and how Nia was told a fantasy about them. Ultimately the scene at the end where Nia plays Desdemona being killed by her husband, really hits home!

[Antonio]

[PS81] Antonio Flores’ Pass 7: Setup/Payoff Chains

What I learned doing this is…

I found one more parallel with the conceptual work in education. Today, I worked in relationships: cause-consequence, before-after, and learned that challenging the format in non-linear form is OK.

——————–

1. List ALL of the setup/payoff chains (SP Chains) from your story — One or two sentences per setup/payoff.

SP CHAIN 1: Parisa takes a stride from fearful cheerleader to fighter and then to… avenger

Setup 1-1: Parisa bumps into Sandy, an old schoolmate who takes care of her after she is badly beaten every night.

Setup 1-2: Parisa bumps into Ruthless, a brawny female fighter. She threatens Parisa to death if she ever crosses her path in the octagon.

Payoff 1-1: Sandy witness how Parisa improves and her first winning by decision. She wants to be a fighter, too. Parisa warns Sandy that because of her lack of training in MA, she could get hurt.

Payoff 1-2: During “open fight night”, Sandy gets in the cage to fight Ruthless. Parisa tries to stop the fight but it’s useless. Ruthless kills Sandy in front of Parisa’s eyes. Parisa is devastated. A ringmaster argues: “What? It was an accident, uh?”

Payoff 1-3: The Ruler sets Parisa on a fight to death with Ruthless. Although reluctant to kill, Parisa ends up accidentally killing Ruthless. Parisa whispers: “What? It was an accident, uh, bitch?”

SP CHAIN 2: Parisa discovers the rope dart of Master Wang

Setup 2-1: Parisa observes Shuaijiao Master Wang using the rope-dart

Payoff 2-1: Parisa awkwardly manipulates the rope-dart.

Payoff 2-2: After several attempts throwing the dart and missing the target…

Payoff 2-3: Parisa finally lands the dart on the bullseye.

Payoff 2-4: In the desert, Parisa snatches the knife from the referee. As she flies the tent, she rips off her shirt and attaches the knife to produce a makeshift rope-dart.

Payoff 2-5: In the desert, Parisa fights a knife-thrower assassin with FOUR knives in his hand. Parisa only has ONE knife… attached to a rope, a makeshift rope-dart that she throws and retrieves several times using feet, elbows, and waist before her already injured opponent can even throw once.

Payoff 2-6: Parisa claims the knives of the assassin and produces a pair of makeshift Capoeira spurs.

SP CHAIN 3: Parisa discovers Capoeira spurs

Setup 3-1: Parisa discovers a type of spurs (knives) in Maestre Oliveira collection.

Payoff 3-1: Maestre Oliveira’s disciple shows the spurs cutting a dummy´s middle section, legs, and neck.

Payoff 3-2: Parisa performs a butterfly shuanzi wearing spurs. She cuts a dummy’s neck

Payoff 3-3: In the desert, Parisa takes down her second opponent using Capoeira style knives attached to her ankles.

Payoff 3-4: In the desert, Parisa, wearing Capoeira style knives attached to her ankles and wrists, takes down her third opponent. He is the strongest and most vicious out of the three men. He wears a long, thick braid wrapped around his neck when fighting. Parisa cuts the braid with her spurs, leaving just a scratch on the skin above the jugular vein.

SP CHAIN 4: Parisa discovers the lost martial art of the Persian warriors

Setup 4-1: Parisa asks her fiancé why he uses the name Persian Warrior. Badahur explains the tradition behind it and how Persian warriors used their environment, hide in the desert sands, etc.

Payoff 4-1: In the desert, Parisa buries herself in the dune sand and ambushes her opponents.

Payoff 4-2: In the desert, Parisa advances with quick steps forward, each punting sand towards her second opponent.

Payoff 4-3: In the desert, Parisa advances with quick steps and back kick turns punting and lifting sand, confusing her third opponent.

SP CHAIN 5: Humiliation payback

Setup 5-1: In the desert, guards organize a 3:3 team fight. When Parisa’a team is defeated, the referee makes Parisa the prize for the three winners to hunt. He cuts Parisa’s t-shirt open with a knife, exposing her athletic figure in sports bra.

Payoff 5-1: Parisa takes down her first opponent. She rips off his clothes and makes stripes to tie and gag him up. She uses the rest of the stripes to produce a pair of makeshift Capoeira spurs with the knife-thrower’s knives.

Payoff 5-2: She rips off the clothes of her defeated second opponent. She ties him up and uses the rest of the stripes to attach the claimed knives to her wrists.

Payoff 5-3: She rips off the clothes of her defeated third opponent, except for a shirt.

Payoff 5-4: Parisa returns to the tent. She shows up at the entrance with her chin up. She wears the shirt of her third defeated opponent as a trophy.

2. Select a setup/payoff chain you want to make stronger.

How can you make the setup more interesting or effective?

SP CHAIN 1: to add more tension, the mind game should become apparent: Ruthless was pretending being injured, Parisa did to have the upper hand, the gun pointed at Badahur was empty

SP CHAIN 2: use the elevating killer action strategies, apparent disadvantage (1 knife against 4 knives), and the novelty of the rope-dart, which few have seen in full action in the west.

SP CHAIN 3: creating anticipation with the practice sessions and applications on the dummy.

SP CHAIN 4: using elevating killer action strategy: the novelty of Chuojiao Chinese Northern Kick moves to throw sand at the opponents.

How can you make the payoffs more emotional or meaningful?

SP CHAIN 1: Sandy’s accident, Ruthless death threat, and the empty gunpoint at Bahadur adds to the emotional meaning of the fight with Ruthless, the reversals of the scene brings tension and fear — plus the accidental killing is something that even Parisa wished for but didn’t want to do, yet, accidents happen.

SP CHAINS 2, 3: Put Parisa at disadvantage, then have her accomplish apparent victories to be followed by reversals. For example, the third opponent will suddenly pull Parisa out from her hideout, leaving her vulnerable, without the possibility to ambush him like she did with the other two.

SP CHAIN 4 helps elevating the complexity of the dynamic triangle as the fiancé turns into a mentor, but weakened by the potion, he passes his knowledge to our hero, his mentee/fiancée Parisa who progressively becomes a vulnerable defender, yet, his only hope.

3. Tell us what difference this has made for your outline and if it hasn’t, find another setup/payoff chain to improve.

I started off with SP chain 1 in place, or sort of in place, but I ended up with a total of 5 SP chains. I suspect that there will be more if I explore into the Philip-Parisa relationship, defining more layers of complexity in the dynamic triangle.

4. Post your current outline with the improved setup/payoff chain(s) in it.

LOGLINE: A cheerleader fights in the underground MMA to rescue her fiancé, a fighter abducted and poisoned by criminals to steal a secret that he keeps – now she must win the antidote in a deadly cage tournament.

1. Opening

INT. GYM — NIGHT

PARISA, a lonely woman, gets up on a treadmill. Pictures on the wall show memories of her career as cheerleader and coach.

INT. UNDERGROUND MMA FACILITY — OCTAGON CAGE

Parisa’s fiancé, BAHADUR faces SHAHNAZ, a massive, muscle-packed fighter. Bahadur is in a daze. There is a cut in his arm. On the opponent’s corner, A MAN IN A TUNIC holds up a knife and grins. Poison.

2. Inciting Incident

INT. GYM — NIGHT

A TEXT PREVIEW displays on Parisa’a cellphone screen. Parisa’s uncle, MMA manager, SYLVAIN says: “I’M SORRY. HE’S GONE. THEY TOOK HIM”. Parisa wipes her tears and texts back: ‘HELP ME. I MUST FIND HIM.”

3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about.

INT. UNDERGROUND MMA FACILITY — OCTAGON CAGE

Parisa’s uncle, MMA manager, Sylvain introduces her to the underground MMA ringmasters. Parisa gets in the cage for an “audition.” She gets badly beaten, but the ringmasters want her great looks on the show. They sign her in.

4. First turning point at end of Act 1

INT. UNDERGROUND MMA FACILITY — OCTAGON CAGE

It’s Parisa’s debut night. Once again, she gets badly beaten.

INT. UNDERGROUND MMA FACILITY — FEMALE LOCKERS

Setup 1-1: Parisa bumps into Sandy, an old schoolmate. She now works as a janitor in the underground cage and helps female fighters. Sandy takes care of Parisa after she is badly beaten every night.

INT. SYLVAIN’S CAR — DAY

Parisa wonders how long it will take for her to develop MMA fighter skills. Sylvain persuades her to try dance.

INT. COLLAGE 1: DANCE LESSONS — DAY

Parisa refuses at first, but after her uncle’s insistence she enrolls. She shows how charming she is in salsa, tango and samba. Yet, dance lessons leave her with a sense of avoidance and guilt.

INT. COLLAGE 2: MARTIAL ARTS LESSONS — DAY

Parisa discovers that the dance coaches are masters of Chinese Shuaijiao (wrestling) and Brazilian Capoeira.

INT. COLLAGE 3: MARTIAL ARTS LESSONS — DAY

The masters build up martial arts strengths from her cheerleader attributes: agility, coordination, sense of space-time, fast-twitch explosive muscles, and more.

INT. COLLAGE 4: MARTIAL ARTS CAPOEIRA INSTRUMENTS — DAY

Setup 3-1: Parisa discovers a type of spurs (knives) in Maestre Oliveira collection.

Payoff 3-1: Maestre Oliveira’s disciple shows the spurs cutting a dummy´s middle section, legs, and neck.

Payoff 3-2: Parisa performs a butterfly shuanzi wearing spurs. She cuts a dummy’s neck

INT. COLLAGE 4: MARTIAL ARTS: ROPE DART — DAY

Setup 2-1: Parisa observes Shuaijiao Master Wang using the rope-dart

Payoff 2-1: Parisa awkwardly manipulates the rope-dart.

Payoff 2-2: After several attempts throwing the dart and missing the target…

Payoff 2-3: Parisa finally lands the dart on the bullseye.

INT. COLLAGE 5: UNDERGROUND MMA FACILITY — OCTAGON CAGE

Parisa’s performance improve from being punched, spitting the mouthpiece, and tapping the opponent… to kicking the opponent’s butt, getting her arm raised by the referee, winning by decision.

INT. UNDERGROUND MMA FACILITY — FEMALE LOCKERS

Payoff 1-1: Sandy celebrates with Parisa her first winning by decision. Sandy wants to be a fighter, too. Parisa warns Sandy that because of her lack of training in MA, she could get hurt.

5. Mid-Point

INT. UNDERGROUND MMA FACILITY — UNDERGROUND MAZE — NIGHT

Setup 1-2: As Parisa searches for her fiancé, she bumps into RUTHLESS, a brawny female fighter, She threatens Parisa to death if she ever mess around with her or crosses her path in the octagon.

INT. UNDERGROUND MMA FACILITY — OCTAGON CAGE

Payoff 1-2: During “open fight night”, Sandy gets her way into the cage with Ruthless. Parisa begs ringmasters to cancel that fight. Sandy is easy prey. Ruthless kills Sandy. Parisa watches the whole action. Parisa cries outside the cage. A ringmaster looks at Parisa’s reaction and asks: What? It was an accident, uh?

INT. UNDERGROUND MMA FACILITY — UNDERGROUND MAZE — NIGHT

Meanwhile, PHILIP, Bahadur’s alleged runaway partner, finally gets Bahadur out of captivity.

EXT. UNDERGROUND MMA FACILITY — NEARBY STREET

Parisa follows them. They get ambushed and imprisoned.

6. Second turning point at end of Act 2

INT. CARGO CONTAINER — NIGHT

They get transported to somewhere in the middle of the desert. Bahadur fills Parisa with all details about his abduction, the poison, Philip, and that breaking up was a way to protect her.

INT. CARGO CONTAINER — ONE NIGHT LATER

Setup 4-1: Parisa asks her fiancé why he uses the name Persian Warrior. Badahur explains how Persian warriors used their environment, hide in the desert sands, etc.

EXT. DESERT – RULER’S PLACE – DAY

Parisa, Bahadur, and Philip meet THE RULER, leader of the criminal organization that uses the underground MMA fights as a screen. To win the poison’s antidote, they must win the final match.

EXT. DESERT – UNDERGROUND TRAINING CAMP – DAY

Parisa trains under the guidance of Bahadur and Philip.

INT. DESERT – GUARDS TENT – NIGHT

Setup 5-1a: Parisa, Bahadur and Philip are thrown into a 3:3 bareknuckle team fight. The rules change on the spot, Bahadur is too weak. Philip ends up fighting the three men. He is defeated.

INT. DESERT – GUARDS TENT – NIGHT

Setup 5-1b: Rules change. Instead of making Parisa fight, she is now the prize for the three winners to hunt. The referee cuts Parisa’s t-shirt open with a knife, exposing her athletic figure in sports bra. Parisa snatches the knife and stabs the referee. She flies the tent. The men split up to hunt her in the open desert.

EXT. DESERT DUNE — NIGHT

Payoff 2-4: She rips off her shirt and attaches the knife to produce a makeshift rope-dart.

Payoff 4-1: Parisa buries herself in the dune sand and ambushes her opponents.

Payoff 2-5: Parisa fights a knife-thrower assassin with FOUR knives in his hand. Parisa only has ONE knife… attached to a rope, a makeshift rope-dart that she throws and retrieves several times using feet, elbows, and waist before her already injured opponent can even throw once.

Payoff 5-1a: After Parisa takes down her first opponent, she rips off his clothes. She makes stripes to tie and gag him up.

Payoff 2-6: Parisa claims the knives of the assassin and produces a pair of makeshift Capoeira spurs.

Payoff 5-1b: She uses the rest of the stripes to produce a pair of makeshift Capoeira spurs attaching the knife-thrower’s knives to her ankles.

EXT. DESERT DUNE — LATER

Payoff 4-2: In the desert, Parisa advances with quick steps forward, each punting sand towards her second opponent.

Payoff 3-3: Parisa takes down her second opponent using Capoeira style knives attached to her ankles.

Payoff 5-2: She rips off the clothes of her defeated second opponent. She ties him up and uses the rest of the stripes to attach the claimed knives to her wrists.

EXT. DESERT DUNE — LATER

Once again, Parisa buries herself in the dune sand to ambush her third opponent, the strongest and most vicious out of the three men. He wears a long, thick braid wrapped around his neck when fighting.

The assassin pulls Parisa out of the sand, taking her by surprise.

Payoff 4-3: Parisa recovers herself and advances with quick steps and back kick turns punting and lifting sand, confusing her third opponent.

Payoff 3-4: Parisa, wearing Capoeira style knives attached to her ankles and wrists, takes down her third opponent. Parisa cuts the braid with her spurs, leaving just a scratch on the skin above the jugular vein.

Payoff 5-3: She rips off the clothes of her third defeated opponent, except for a shirt.

INT. DESERT – GUARDS TENT – LATER

Payoff 5-4: Parisa shows up at the entrance of the tent. Chin up, she wears the shirt of her third defeated opponent as a trophy.

7. Crisis

EXT. DESERT – UNDERGROUND TRAINING CAMP – DAY

Parisa keeps training under the guidance of Bahadur and Philip. Philip wants to seduce Parisa. She rejects him.

EXT. DESERT – UNDERGROUND TRAINING CAMP – NIGHT

Philip figures out that by reducing Bahadur’s medicine dose, he can kill him and get Parisa.

EXT. DESERT – UNDERGROUND TRAINING CAMP – NIGHT BEFORE THE TOURNAMENT

Philip lures Parisa to do a prep workout with him alone. He tries to rape her. Philip admits that he wants to have her before Ruthless rips her into pieces. His words enrage Parisa. She fights back and breaks his knee.

EXT. DESERT – UNDERGROUND MMA CAGE – DAY

Payoff 1-4a: Parisa fights Ruthless in the first match of the tournament and gets the upper hand. The rules change on the spot: Parisa must kill her opponent.

EXT. DESERT – OUTSIDE THE UNDERGROUND MMA CAGE – DAY

Payoff 1-4b: The Man in a Tunic points a gun at her fiancé. Philip does not intervene.

EXT. DESERT – OUTSIDE THE UNDERGROUND MMA CAGE – DAY

Payoff 1-4c: Badahur snatches the gun and fires at Ruthless, but the gun was empty. They were played on.

EXT. DESERT – UNDERGROUND MMA CAGE – DAY

Payoff 1-4d: Parisa accidentally kills Ruthless. Parisa whispers: What? It was an accident, uh, bitch?

EXT. DESERT – UNDERGROUND TRAINING CAMP – DAY

Bahadur realizes that the tournament is part of a plan to curb their spirit.

EXT. DESERT – UNDERGROUND TRAINING CAMP – DAY

The three plan to steal a cellphone from a guard and send a message out. The plan works.

EXT. DESERT – UNDERGROUND TRAINING CAMP – DAY

Parisa prevents her fiancé to keep the device and furtively passes it to Philip. The guard notices his cellphone is gone, points his gun at the fiancé, but then, he catches Philip texting and shoots him dead. 


8. Climax

EXT. DESERT – UNDERGROUND MMA CAGE – DAY

Bahadur is too weak to fight. Parisa enters the octagon with the “Ruler’s Favorite,” Shahnaz. She wins the antidote, but gets badly hurt. It’s the end for her.

EXT. DESERT – UNDERGROUND TRAINING CAMP – DAY

A DRONE SQUAD and soldiers arrive. Philip’s message went through! The Ruler is busted. Badahur urges paramedics to help the lifeless woman in his arms.

9. Resolution

INT. GYM — DAY

Badahur quietly rolls a wheelchair into the gym where Parisa’s old cheerleaders team rehearse. Still bruised, but recovering, Parisa shares her discovery with her former students.

[Dev Ross]

Dev Ross – Pass 7 – Set-up/Payoff

What I learned from doing this assignment is that for every action there needs to be a reaction. The reaction can come swiftly or it can be a slow burn… The payoffs always deepen the stakes.

Concept: Outshined by the latest hate groups, a fading KKK Grand Dragon plots the murder of a black leader, but when he wakes the next morning, he is that black leader who is suddenly struck with a plan to murder the Grand Dragon.

SP CHAIN 1: The weather is a ticking clock.

Setup: Reporter speaks over inclement weather

Payoff 1: Weather worsens to aurora borealis effect, causes accidents, misdirection

Payoff 2: The weather ultimately ends the world

SP CHAIN 2: Caine loses his power.

Setup: Cain gets up to speak and White Supremacists call him a SINO – Supremacist in Name Only

Payoff 1: Hardly anyone shows to Caine’s regular Klan meeting

Payoff 2: White Supremacists burn a cross on Caine’s lawn

SP CHAIN 3: Grandma asks Caine to mentor her grandson

Payoff 1: Caine sees that the boy is half black

Payoff 2: Despite himself, Caine shows the boy kindness and love

Payoff 3: Caine rejects his feelings and rejects boy

SP CHAIN 4: Caine’s wife Lizzie informs him she needs more attention – sex.

Payoff 1: She tries to seduce him

Payoff 2: He comes on to her but she rejects him

Payoff 3: In an act of jealousy and rage, he kills her

1. EXT. FAIR GROUNDS – SUMMER DAY

Amidst growing climate events a REPORTER covers the rise of extremism as Grand Dragon CAINE JAMESTON takes the stage at a White Supremacists Conference. He speaks. Crowd boos him. He’s a SINO, a Supremacist in Name Only. He’s left hurt and confused.

2. INT. CAINE HOME – NIGHT

Caine’s wife, LIZZIE, tells him that it’s a sign – time to leave the hate business to others and focus on their family – on her. He says he does it ‘for family and for all white Christian families to save their country.’ He’s emotional. She’s loving, patient – for now. She’s got to go – hurry to work night shift at hospital. Their daughter hurries off to meet boyfriend. Caine asks when she’s going to bring him around to meet them. She acts coy, misdirects, leaves. He eats dinner alone. Checks news. More on odd weather. Ignores it as fear-mongering. Watches coverage on WS rally. A new, younger speaker, ADAM SPENCER, from The Sons of Patriots gets rousing response: “Jews will not subvert us! Blacks will not pervert us!”

2. INT. CAINE’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

Caine tosses and turns, gets up.

3. INT. BASEMENT – NIGHT

A bible sits surrounded by KKK memorabilia. His grandfather’s Klan robe is on display.

FLASHBACK to Klan rally. He’s a five-year-old dressed in his own robe, watching his Grandpa set up a cross to burn. The lights from the fire shine in the little boy’s admiring eyes.

OUT OF FLASHBACK

Sleeps on the couch. He’s wearing his grandpa’s robe.

4. INT. CAINE FOYER – MORNING

LIZZIE, his wife, comes home just as he’s leaving for work. She pulls him to her in a deep kiss. She’d like it to go farther but he puts her off. What’s gotten in to her? Not exhausted from work? She starts removing her clothes, reminds him that she meant it when she said she wants more from. He’s embarrassed, points out their work time differences, brushes her off and leaves, leaving her frustrated.

5. EXT. JOB SITE – DAY

Caine works as house painter. The homeowner, an elderly woman from his church, asks him if he’d be willing to apprentice her twelve-year-old grandson who’s coming to live with her. He could really use a male mentor. Caine’s obliging. Quotes Proverbs 22:6. “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old, he will not depart from it.” His grandpa taught him the trade and he’d always wanted a son to pass it on to. She hugs him.

6. EXT./INT. CAINE BASEMENT – NIGHT

Inclement weather outside. Klan meeting inside. A small rag-tag group of young and old white men with chips on their shoulders and trauma in their pasts. Caine says members will return once they tire of the radical tactics of emerging supremacist groups. Reminds attendees the Klan used to have respectable doctors, lawyers and politicians in their ranks. They can regain that respectability again and, thus, regain control of the country. They are gentleman first, Christian men with integrity, not wild-eyed terrorists.

7. EXT. HOUSE PAINTING JOB – DAY

Caine paints. Grandmother brings her grandson around. He’s half black. Caine reacts harshly. Pulls Grandma aside. He can’t do it. Grandma says she knows of no better family man and Christian to take on the boy. She implores him.

8. INT. CAINE HOME – NIGHT

INCITING INCIDENT: Family dinner. Daughter, EMMY, feels sick, removes herself from table. Sounds of vomiting. Emmy returns to table. Lizzie hints that maybe Emmy could marry her boyfriend. Dad and her got married – early – and it all worked out. Emmy reveals her boyfriend is black. Caine finally gets it. His daughter is pregnant with a black baby! Enraged, he throws her out of the house. Lizzie pleads with him to no avail.

9. EXT. PAINT JOB SITE – DAY

Caine explains to the boy, Elijah, that being mixed means he’s tainted. God doesn’t want us to mix. Says the boy will have to fight harder to be a good person and even then, it’s a toss-up. Elijah says he’s willing to work harder. He doesn’t want to be like his father. Caine can relate. He doesn’t want to be like his father either. Tells the boy to wash out some paintbrushes while he continues to paint…

FLASHBACK of his father beating his mom behind closed doors while young Caine and his baby sister play inside an open suitcase with clothes strewn about.

10. INT. CAINE BEDROOM – NIGHT

Caine spurns Lizzie’s attempt at sex. He’s tired. She’s tired of him refusing him. It escalates until — shouts of “Nigger lover” come from outside.

11. EXT. CAINE HOME – NIGHT

Trucks screech away. They’ve left behind a cross burning on Caine’s lawn. A stuffed effigy hangs with a sign that says his daughter is a nigger lover. Fire trucks arrive. Fire Captain’s surprised that Caine’s house was targeted. There was a time when no one would fuck with him.

12. EXT./INT. CAINE HOME – MORNING

OUTSIDE: Ashes from burning cross blow across the neighborhood. Emmy knocks on the door, wanting to see if her parents are okay.

INSIDE: Caine forbids Lizzie to let her in. Mother and daughter touch palms through front window. Lizzie informs Caine she’s working late. Since he’s tossed out their daughter, his dinner is up to him. Black Leader LINCOLN ABLE is on news. Wife comments on how the black nurses at the hospital all talk about him. Lizzie can see why. He’s making a difference. Caine take it as a dig that he’s not. Lizzie comments that Lincoln is also charismatic. Caine takes that as a hint too…

13. EXT. HOUSE PAINTING JOB – DAY

Caine works in silence with Elijah. Wind almost knocks over ladder. Elijah grabs for it but knocks it over into the paint, spilling it. He flinches as Caine approaches him. Is he going to get hit? Caine stands frozen, remembering…

FLASHBACK – His daddy hitting him over and over again…

OUT OF FLASHBACK – Caine grabs the boy into a hug. Then, realizing what he’s done, backs off… embarrassed.

14. EXT. BAR – DAY

Caine’s driving home. Stops at light next to BAR. FLASHBACK to seeing Dad telling him to wait outside bar as he goes in.

15. INT. BAR – DAY

Caine drinks a beer. More on Lincoln Able on TV. Bartender is about to change it but Caine, the only customer, says leave it on. Bartender complains: uppity black is going to get all the whites voted out of office. They’re going to lose their country but there’s nothing decent white folks can do about it. If they did, they’d get videoed, convicted by elites, sent to prison. Bartender poses a question to Caine: Would prison be worth it if you knew you by killing an evil, you’ve made the world better? Caine orders another beer. LIGHTS in bar flicker. Mention of the odd climate stuff. Electricity is in the air.

16. INT. CAINE’S HOUSE – EVENING

Wind howls. His wife gets ready for work. He pulls her to him suggestively. She’s eager for his attentions until she gets grossed out. He smells of stale beer and paint. Pushes him away. He accues her of playing the Jezebel, sending mixed messages to make him the fool.

17. INT. BASEMENT – NIGHT

The light snaps on. Caine enters, cracks another beer from mini-frig. Grandpa’s Klan photo is off kilter on the wall. He straightens it. It crashes to the floor. TV turns on by itself. The TV fuzzes before Lincoln Able appears in a news loop. Caine tries to turn the TV off but, instead, the channels go through a loop of black shows: a sit-com, commercial with a black and white couple, a show where a black and white couple make love… All of it reflects back in Caine’s stoic face.

18. EXT. CAINE HOME – NIGHT

Elijah rides his bike. Lightening seems to rip the sky in half. Ribbons of color slip through the rift. It’s like the aurora borealis. The tripping lights encompass the neighborhood. Frightened, Elijah rides to Caine’s house. Knocks on the door. He’s scared. Let him in! Drunk Caine answers and, citing bible passages that he wildly misinterprets, rages at Elijah for coming to his home! Says he’ll kill him if he ever comes to his house again. Elijah runs off.

19. INT. CAINE’S BASEMENT – NIGHT

Caine sits on the couch with his rifle. The TV still blasts images of blacks across his face. The last is Lincoln Able. Caine points his rifle at TV. Click.

ACT TWO:

1. EXT. SKY – MORNING

Sky ripples with ribboning colors…

2. INT. ANOTHER BASEMENT – MORNING

We see the back of a man we assume is Caine sleeping on the couch. But when the man stirs and sits up, we see he’s actually black leader Lincoln Able. He’s disoriented. An intense dream lingers. His attention is pulled to a spider crawling across his arm. He sets it free through a low basement window.

3. INT. ABLE HOME – KITCHEN – MORNING

His wife, NUBIA, a nurse, hands him coffee. Apologizes for sending him to the basement but his tossing and turning kept her up. She’s working a double shift today. He had a crazy dream telling him that he needed to kill the Grand Dragon of their local Klan. She laughs. Yeah, right. Remember, he’s the type who carries bugs outside. She leaves. He’s still distracted over the dream.

4. EXT. BLACK NEIGHBORHOOD – DAY

Lincoln gives his group of white and black volunteers a pep talk before they go door to door to get out the vote. It’s clear they hang on his every word. A truck flying a Confederate flag motors past. Then, a woman in a mom van rolls almost to a stop to yell out a “Fuck you” to the canvassing group. Lincoln sends his group out with positive words of encouragement.

5. INT./EXT. BLACK HOME – DAY

Lincoln speaks to a couple about the issues and voting. The man’s son appears. He fought in Afghanistan. Full of bitterness. Says voting won’t do nothing. Nothing changes. Leaves. Man asks if Lincoln has kids. Lincoln says unfortunately no, not yet. Man apologizes for his son. No need. Lincoln acknowledges that the black man carries a chip on their shoulder. But you can’t let hate win you over. If you do, you’re as good as dead.

6. EXT. BLACK NEIGHBORHOOD – DAY

Lincoln bids the couple good-bye and continues walking the neighborhood. A car follows him. Lincoln turns to look. A shimmer of light and… no car. He turns the corner and the car is following him again. It gets close and almost side swipes him but then is gone again. Going crazy? A text from his wife pulls his attention. To the hospital ASAP!

7. INT. HOSPITAL- FRONT DESK/EMPTY ROOM – DAY

Lincoln, frantic, looks for his wife. The nurse station shimmers. Lizzie grabs him, pulls him into a private room. But it’s not Lizzie, it’s Nubia. Lincoln’s thrown until she shows him her pregnancy test. They embrace, cry, never thought it would happen. Nubia senses something’s wrong with Lincoln. If they’re finally having a baby, he better stay healthy! Lincoln admits he’s seeing things…

THE ROOM SHIMMERS…

8. INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – DAY

Lizzie takes Emmy’s blood pressure. It’s high. Fear she’ll lose the baby. Her dad would like that. Lizzie tells her not to worry. He’ll come around. He’s a good man at heart.

9. INT. HOSPITAL – IMAGING – DAY

Lincoln rolls into MRI machine.

10. INT. HOSPITAL PARKING LOT – NIGHT

Lizzie’s car won’t start. She tries to call her husband. It rings and rings.

11. INT. CAINE’S CAR – NIGHT

Cell phone on seat says missed call just as Caine opens the door from the outside and tosses in a box of ammo. Drives off.

12. INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – NIGHT

Nubia has scan results. Nothing wrong with him. Suggests he’s pushing himself too hard. Now with their baby coming, perhaps he can go back to teaching. Lincoln laughs – as if teaching is any easier these days?

13. EXT. CAINE’S DRIVEWAY – NIGHT

Caine pulls up in his car. Sits and loads his rifle when a car drives up. The driver, a black man, gets out, opens door for Lizzie, who hugs him in thanks. Caine’s face contorts. As driver pulls away, Caine gets out of his car to meet his wife. She’d relieved to see him. She called and called. He grabs her and drags her into the backyard.

EXT. BACKYARD – NIGHT – CONTINOUS

In an Iago-esque madness, Caine accuses her of sleeping with that black guy. Lizzie explains the man is a co-worker who offered her a ride because she asked him! She called him first but he was likely too busy at one of his damned Klan meetings that nobody shows up too. Caine counters she could have been raped just like his sister was. She comes back at him – his sister was a drug-addict prostitute! It’s time he stopped pretending she was a saint! Calling her a whore, he hits her again and again until she’s still…

Meanwhile…

EXT. CAINE FRONT DOOR – NIGHT – CONTINOUS

Emmy bangs on door outside. Calls for her mom. Blood drips down her legs. The sky booms and ripples.

14. EXT. HOSPITAL/CITY STREETS – NIGHT

Lincoln leaves the hospital, drives off… Bathed in ribbons of light, the neighborhood shifts – looks different.

15. EXT. CAINE’S STREET – NIGHT

Disoriented, Lincoln recognizes the car that tried to run him down parked in the driveway of Caine’s home. Lincoln gets out of his car and spies Caine burying something in the backyard. Caine spots him. Grabs his rifle. Lincoln runs. Dives into his car and pulls away as Caine fires at him. As Lincoln speeds away, the neighborhood shifts again. He finds his home, pulls in, parks.

16. INT. LINCOLN’S HOME – NIGHT

Enters. Heads upstairs. Downstairs TV sparks on. White Supremacists on the news…

17. EXT. LINCOLN’S HOME – MORNING

Lincoln checks his car. Bullet holes riddle the side of it.

18. EXT. GET OUT THE VOTE RALLY – DAY

Lincoln is speaker. He’s struggles as his speech turns hateful. The crowd reacts. Some are disappointed in him but others jeer/cheer him on.

Elijah is there with his grandma. He looks around the crowd when he spots Caine pull out a gun…

Elijah yells out a warning!

Caine fires. Misses. Crowd scatters. Lincoln is being rushed off stage when he spots Caine running away. He pulls away from his handlers and chases after Caine. He thinks he has him cornered but… it’s as if he’s disappeared into thin air.

19. INT./EXT. LINCOLN HOME – DAY

Lincoln finds his wife home. She was spotting, came home. Lincoln sees Caine hurrying toward the house with a rifle? He freaks, yanks her to the floor. Nothing happens.

He pulls her outside to see bullet holes in car. Nubia demands he stop his work. He lets loose, rages about driving while black. Walking while black. Jogging while black. She tries to calm him; he pushes her away. She topples to the ground. He pulls her to her feet, holds her, begs her forgiveness while blood trickles down her leg.

Luminous ribbons of color cut across the sky. Rumbling…

20. INT. CAINE HOME – DAY

Caine with rifle, hurries inside. Someone’s in the shadows waiting for him. He’s about to raise his rifle when he hears his daughter’s whimpering. She lost the baby. Can she come home now? Boyfriend kicked her out due to the threats… Caine says she can’t come home. She’s tainted now. Sends her away.

21. INT. CAINE BASEMENT – NIGHT

He’s dead asleep. Phone rings. It’s his sister. Emmy called her. She has nowhere to go. Caine says he sent his daughter away out of respect for her – her rape by inferior black men. She says let it go. It’s the past. She was a drunk then just like their lousy parents. She’s sober now and tells the truth no matter how hard it is. Black men didn’t rape her. She was drunk and took them all on as a fuck you to their child molesting, KKK Grandpa. Caine idolized him but she hated him. Caine goes nuts. She’s a liar. His wife, daughter, and now his sister – all have betrayed him. They’ve all been tainted by the black man.

22. EXT. JEWISH NEIGHBORHOOD – NIGHT

Caine guns his car through the streets, looking for someone to kill. Sprouts biblical references and the common Klan belief that the Jew controls the black. Kill the Jew, the black will fall back in line. His rifle fire shatters the windows of a synagogue.

23. EXT. HOSPITAL – NIGHT

Lincoln drives his wife toward home. Both are stoic. He tries to speak to her but she puts her hand up for him to stop. RIPPLE… He sees Caine’s car pass by. Lincoln stops and orders his wife out of the car. Shaken, she gets out. He speeds off.

ACT THREE

1. EXT. CITY STREETS – NIGHT

Caine takes aim at a random black man when his car is rammed. It’s Lincoln. Car chase through the city. Alarms go off as electricity arcs across the sky. The world’s fabric is rending…

Both crash their cars. Get out and pursue each other on foot.

2. EXT./INT. COTTON PROCESSING PLANT – NIGHT

Both men chase shadows. It’s cat and mouse where both appear, one disappears never quite in full view of the other. Sudden quakes cause near collapse of building.

3. EXT. LINCOLN’S NEIGHBORHOO – NIGHT

Nubia, on foot, finally approaches home when the neighborhood ripples and shifts until she no longer recognizes it. RIPPLE. It shifts again – this time to her old neighborhood. She sighs in relief, pulls out her cell phone. RIPPLE. No service. Hears brakes screaming. Looks up. The face of the approaching car’s driver is frozen in anguish…

4. EXT. SKY – NIGHT

It’s ripping apart.

5. INT. PLANT – NIGHT

The men’s search for each other intensifies. Shadows and shapes pulsing in and out. Their bullets ricochet and each is struck. Building is coming down. Both drag themselves to get out.

6. EXT. PLANT – NIGHT

Caine drags himself out into the night. Moon shines down on pools of water. As he bleeds out, he sees his reflection in the water and doesn’t understand.

7. EXT. PLANT – NIGHT

Lincoln drags himself out, sees his reflection in water. It’s not him but Caine. The two men are directly in front of the other. Their two heads could touch. In their dying moments, they look up at each other a BRIGHT FLASH OF LIGHT washes all out…

8. EXT. SPACE

Strings appear in the blackness and resonate like harp strings. (String Theory) A FLASH OF LIGHT then…

9. EXT. MIXED NEIGHBORHOOD – DAY

The sun shines on a newly formed reality – literally. Caine’s daughter and husband stroll with their baby past black and white townspeople who greet them. Grandma comes to comment warmly on Emmy’s baby mixed race baby. What’s his name? Emmy smiles. It’s Elijah.

[Michael Katz]

Michael Katz Pass #7: Setup/Payoff Chains

What I learned doing this is…? From one-offs to chains to full throughlines, I found this exercise very helpful for organization, development, elevating, filling holes, creating bookends, adding jokes. Content feels more consistent, developed, logical, coherent, complete. Setup/payoffs definitely give the entire story a unified feeling. I would actually want to take almost every facet and go through this process.

ASSIGNMENT – PASS #7: Making Non-linear Decisions.

1. List ALL of the setup/payoff chains (SP Chains) from your story — One or two sentences per setup/payoff.

Setup/Payoff Chain: Cat (meaning and closure)

Setup: saves a cat – splinter

Payoff: buys taxidermy cat that looks similar

Payoff: wants a cat handed to him in every lair

Payoff: taxidermy cat is present at meeting

Payoff: taxidermy cat is destroyed in bombing

Payoff: he saves a cat with lair in ruins

Payoff: takes the cat up with him to space

Payoff: after blowing up the moon, he pets the cats

Setup/Payoff Chain: Gadget (surprise, excitement, twist)

Setup: Evans uses gadget on Waldo

Payoff: Victorino wants a Q

Payoff: Culturally appropriate vicious weapons in each lair

Payoff: Gadget guy to show Victorino something but it is gone

Payoff: Victorino fights Evans, both use gadgets

Payoff: Evans kills Gadget Guy

Payoff: Evans surprises and beats Victorino with stolen gadget

Setup/Payoff Chain: Ants (meaning and closure)

Setup: burns ants

Payoff: ant farm

Payoff: giant ant farm as torture device

Payoff: Imelyna put in ant farm

Payoff: Evans breaks ant farm

Payoff: Burns people like ants

Setup/Payoff Chain: Magnifying lens (surprise, excitement, twist, closure)

Setup: glasses used as magnifying lens to take splinter out of paw

Payoff: magnifying lens in space used to harness sun

Payoff: magnifying lens used to improve solar panels

Payoff: old glasses on desk

Payoff: Imelyna gives Victorino new pair of glasses/contacts

Payoff: Evans knocks the glasses off Victorino’s face

Payoff: magnifying lens in space used to harness sun

Payoff: magnifying lens used to stop nuclear missiles

Payoff: magnifying lens used to destroy earth

Setup/Payoff Chain: Global Warming (surprise, excitement, meaning, twist, closure)

Setup: invents a way to end global warming

Payoff: invents magnifier solar panels

Payoff: sells magnifier solar panels

Payoff: invents magnifier retrofit

Payoff: invents battery receptacle solar panels

Payoff: Announces hiring of coal miners

Payoff: Announces he’s solved global warming

Payoff: Announces he’s got a plan to solve poverty and inequality

Payoff: Engages in revenge ecoterrorism, pipeline, tanker, coal tunnel, gas fire

Payoff: Announces free energy to the world

Payoff: Could literally end global warming

Payoff: Blows up the world

Setup/Payoff Chain: Where’s Waldo? (meaning, twist, closure)

Setup: Waldo Royce is insular/small-town/parochial/provincial

Payoff: Travels with Imelyna to Greenland

Payoff: Travels with Imelyna to Maldives

Payoff: When relocates to Hollywood he changes name to Victorino Royce

Payoff: Commercial as Zeus on Mount Olympus

Payoff: Famous Tycoon and philanthropist Victorino Royce

Payoff: Vimelyna scandal ends run for political office

Payoff: Villain Victorino Royce

Payoff: Globe trotting scouting lairs

Payoff: Visiting each lair

Payoff: Evans follows Victorino to each lair

Payoff: Victorino disappears down a secret passageway, Evans jokes “Where’s Waldo?”

Payoff: Megalomaniac Victorino Royce

Payoff: Playing God in space

Setup/Payoff Chain: Scientist (meaning)

Setup: Brilliant scientist invented a way to end global warming

Payoff: Developer scientist – magnifier innovation to solar panels

Payoff: Technician scientist – manufacturing

Payoff: Business scientist – sales/marketing/expanding

Payoff: Entrepreneur scientist – building a business

Payoff: Policy scientist – running for political office with bold initiatives

Payoff: Investigator scientist – work with PIs to retaliate for Imelyna

Payoff: Explorer scientist – scouting and building lairs

Payoff: Communicator scientist – public speaking, running meetings

Payoff: Teacher scientist – explaining mission and need for a masterplan

Payoff: Regulator scientist – creating criminal enterprise, masterplan, running lairs, implementing plans

Payoff: Mad scientist – playing god and misusing technology

Setup/Payoff Chain: Main Character Arc (meaning, excitement, twist, closure)

Setup: narcissistic scientist origin story

Payoff: becoming an altruistic tycoon

Payoff: becoming a vengeful villain

Payoff: becoming a destructive megalomaniac

Setup/Payoff Chain: Psychology (meaning, closure)

Setup: Delusion of intellect

Payoff: Delusion of money

Payoff: Delusion of power

Payoff: Delusion of being a god – omniscient, omnipotent, omnipresent

Setup/Payoff Chain: Main Character Strength/Power

Setup: Weak

Payoff: Takes punishment

Payoff: Gives as good as he receives

Payoff: Almighty

Setup/Payoff Chain: Sabotage

Setup: Antagonist sabotages

Payoff: Antagonist sabotages

Payoff: Protagonist sabotages, Antagonist sabotages

Payoff: Antagonist sabotages, Protagonist destroys

Setup/Payoff Chain: The Planet

Setup: Could save the planet / Won’t let you save the planet

Payoff: Going to save the planet / Won’t let you save the planet

Payoff: Going to save the planet by hurting the planet / Won’t let you save the planet

Payoff: Going to save the planet / Won’t let you save the planet / I’m destroying the planet

Setup/Payoff Chain: Technology

Setup: Small-scale magnifier and battery receptacle

Payoff: Magnifier solar panels, retrofit, battery

Payoff: Lairs, cars, and gadgets

Payoff: Small-scale magnifier and battery receptacle, turned into weapon of mass destruction

[Nancy Kates]

Nancy Kates outlining Pass Seven: Setups and Payoffs

What I learned from this: I didn’t actually change my outline. I’m still thinking about this question. I will, I just need to ponder it for a while.

1. List ALL of the setup/payoff chains (SP Chains) from your story — One or two sentences per setup/payoff.

SP CHAIN 1: Body Switching

Setup: they have magically switched bodies
Payoff 1: they learn a lot about each other’s daily lives
Payoff 2:they screw up endlessly
Payoff 3: they finally overcome the obstacles to switch back

SP CHAIN 2: Zoe has endless trouble with the kids

Setup: Zoe is not very nurturing and doesn’t know how to parent
Payoff 1: she screws up everything, and causes youngest to doubt her validity
Payoff 2: in an effort to bond with the eldest, she breaks her (Marilyn’s) arm rollerblading
Payoff 3: she finally does become more parental, after she confronts Doug about his infidelity

SP Chain 3: Marilyn’s attraction to Heidi (and other women)

Setup: Ostensibly straight, Marilyn finds herself drawn to Heidi

Payoff 1: she kisses Heidi right off the bat

Payoff 2: she sleeps with Heidi

Payoff 3: she flirts with the nurse at the hospital

Payoff 4:she asks for an open relationship with Doug at the end

SP Chain 4: Zoe discovers that Doug is cheating

Setup: Zoe finds condoms in Doug’s bag

Payoff 1: she confronts him in couples counseling

Payoff 2: she comforts the kids when things get icky with Doug at home

Payoff 3: she blurts this out to Marilyn

2. Select a setup/payoff chain you want to make stronger.

That would be #4, Zoe’s accidental discovery of Doug’s infidelity

One of the difficulties here is that Zoe has choices to make, but they aren’t really helping her grow, ie this subplot mirrors Marilyn sleeping with Heidi, but doesn’t do that much for Zoe’s arc, except that she has one over on Marilyn when she is also angry at Marilyn. It also doesn’t move them toward solving their problem and switching their bodies back. It does help her have a little compassion for Doug, ironically. She loves Marilyn, but might not want to be married to her, either.

[I didn’t change my outline yet so am not posting it. Will keep thinking about this question]

[Justina Mitchell]

Justina Mitchell’s Pass #7: Setup/Payoff Chains

What I learned doing this assignment is that I don’t think I wholly understand setup payoff chains, but I can see where they are important. I also believe I insert them into my writing intuitively, but now, being made more aware of their importance, I hope it will make my writing more powerful.

1 – SETUP/PAYOFF CHAINS – in no particular order of importance

S/P CHAIN 1:

Stanley has chronic heartburn that diminishes overtime while those who have inherited the fortunes develop heartburn; this later decreases once they have returned to their old lives.

Setup –

Stanley G. Fulton has acid indigestion from his solitary, business oriented life.

Payoff 1 –

Stanley/John Smith is buying antacids when he catches James at his night job. He shares his antacid with James. Jane also says something very judgmental when she learns that John needs antacids, like it is a weakness of character.

Payoff 2 –

At the big party, John and James share antacid again, but with John taking noticeably less than James

Payoff 3 –

After boarding with Maggie for awhile, John realizes he no longer needs antacids, but shares his supply with those who have received the money, including Jane.

Payoff 4 –

When John says goodbye to the family, they all turn down the offer of his remaining antacids.

S/P CHAIN 2: (rewritten below)

Stanley’s plan to just be a guilt-free observer of the family and nothing more becomes impossible as he comes to care for them, and especially when he falls in love with Maggie.

Setup –

Stanley lays out his plan to Ned to be only an observer of the family in order to discern the best heir for his wealth.

Payoff 1 –

Stanley/John feels a twinge of guilt when he is asked if he is a relation to the family.

Payoff 2 –

John feels a moment of panic and guilt when Flora shows him a picture of Stanley.

Payoff 3 –

John is in a quandary of guilt and having to fess up to his deception when he realizes he is in love with Maggie.

Payoff 4 –

John has to face Maggie’s wrath when he confesses to her that he is really Stanley.

Payoff 5 –

After the engagement, John and Maggie have to figure out how to get married and tell the family about his true identity without causing heartache and anger.

S/P CHAIN 3:

Maggie has inherited money, but she doesn’t want to tell John because she knows he is poor, and she doesn’t want to intimidate him out of their relationship.

Setup –

John brings in the mail and notices a letter from a law office for Maggie.

Payoff 1 –

John observes Maggie open the letter, act startled, and tears flow down her cheeks.

Payoff 2 –

John sees a lawyer come to the house, but Maggie talks to him out of earshot of John.

Payoff 3 –

John asks Maggie if she is having financial problems, but she assures him she isn’t, although she looks to be stressed and withholding information.

Payoff 4 –

Maggie tells John, after they are engaged, that she didn’t want to tell him that she had inherited a lot of money because she was worried he would not feel comfortable proposing to her then because she thought he was so poor.

S/P CHAIN 4:

Maggie is usually generous, but sometimes appears not to be; it is then that she is making changes behind the scenes to help those in need.

Setup –

The family always talks about Poor Maggie and how she suffers. Maggie, however, shows no signs of suffering.

Payoff 1 –

Jane brings mending to Maggie because she won’t charge Jane like Flora would. Maggie passes on the mending to Flora and pays her to do it because Flora needs the income.

Payoff 2 –

Maggie doesn’t give a beggar very much, but then gets the man his job back.

Payoff 3 –

Hattie won’t take the embroidery she needs done to her distant family who needs income because the wealthy don’t have family that do that kind of work. Maggie goes to the wealthiest family in town and gets embroidery work for the distant family to do and get paid well for it.

S/P CHAIN 5:

Jane always says she would give money if she had any money to give, but then when she has money, she still isn’t generous.

Setup –

When John meets Jane, she remarks a couple times about how she would give if she had, but she doesn’t have.

Payoff 1 –

Flora tells John how Jane’s extreme frugality has made Mellicent sad all her life.

Payoff 2 –

John tells Ned that he is sure that because Jane is always saying how she would give if she had, that after the fortune comes, he is sure that at least Jane will share the wealth with Maggie.

Payoff 3 –

After Jane gets the fortune, she offers her old rug to Maggie which Maggie declines.

Payoff 4 –

Jane bemoans the fact that the needy won’t accept her used items even though they still have plenty of use in them.

2 – THE S/P CHAIN I WANT TO MAKE STRONGER:

Stanley’s plan to just be a guilt-free observer of the family and nothing more becomes impossible as he comes to care for them, and especially when he falls in love with Maggie.

S/P CHAIN 2:

Setup Revision –

Stanley lays out his plan to Ned to be only an observer of the family. He lightly but undeniably notes that those country cousins of his won’t be any the wiser that he misrepresented himself. Ned notes that that might not be the only thing to be concerned about in regards to his deception-filled plan.

Payoff 1 –

Stanley/John feels a twinge of guilt when he is asked if he is a relation to the family.

Payoff 2 –

John feels a moment of panic and guilt when Flora shows him a picture of Stanley.

Payoff Addition –

John catches Benny doing something dishonest and as he admonishes the child to be honest, he is pierced by his own guilt because Benny questions John about his own honesty. Benny also assures John that Maggie is extremely honest and doesn’t abide any dishonesty.

Payoff 3 –

John is in a quandary of guilt and having to fess up to his deception when he realizes he is in love with Maggie.

Payoff 4 –

John has to face Maggie’s wrath when he confesses to her that he is really Stanley.

Payoff 5 –

After the engagement, John and Maggie have to figure out how to get married and tell the family about his true identity without causing heartache and anger for the family.

3 – This process has brought more emotion and cohesiveness into my outline. It is a good improvement.

4 – My current outline with the improved setup/payoff chains included in it:

1. INT – STANLEY’S NEW YORK OFFICES – NIGHT

Clean shaven Stanley Fulton is leaving his opulent office while staff members cordially tell him goodnight. There are no signs of anything other than business in Stanley’s office. As soon as he is gone the staff members look relieved.

2. EXT – CITY STREET – NIGHT – CONTINUOUS

Stanley comes out of the office building and a well-dressed couple who are acquaintances of his stop and chat with him for a minute. The unattractive man is a bit drunk, and the woman is insincerely devoted to him; both circumstances, Stanley picks up on disapprovingly.

3. INT – STANLEY’S MANSION – NIGHT

Stanley is cordial, but not close with his cook/housekeeper who leaves for the night. Before she leaves, she admonishes Stanley not to overdo it on the spicy sauce because of his indigestion. She also points out to him the bottle of antacids she picked up for him that day. He eats his dinner with plenty of spicy sauce by himself as he focuses on business.

Inciting Incident:

Stanley nearly dies in a funny but frightening way within the framework of his everyday life.

4. INT – STANLEY’S MANSION – NIGHT

Stanley is climbing the grand staircase and lets out an uncomfortable belch, the kind that indicates heartburn. As he turns to descend the staircase to get the antacids, his feet get tangled and he has a humorously horrific tumble down the entire flight of stairs. The papers that were in his hands go flying. He lays at the bottom in a heap.

5. INT – STANLEY’S MANSION – NIGHT – LATER

Stanley awakens at the bottom of the staircase. In a daze, he starts picking up his papers. When he sees his bloodied reflection in a mirror, he is so startled he falls down the stairs again with the papers flying once again.

6. INT – STANLEY’S MANSION – DAY

A concierge doctor is attending to Stanley’s injuries; portable MRI machine and all. Stanley’s friend and lawyer, Ned, is also there. Stanley reveals to Ned that he is concerned about what to do with his money when he dies. He talks about how inherited money ruined the man he ran into the night before. He also says he isn’t the marrying kind, and doesn’t want the woman that would marry him just to marry his money. He also dismisses giving the money to colleges or charities. Ned mentions relatives, and Stanley has a brilliant idea come to him which he shares with Ned in Voice Over as he implements the travel plan to Hillerton. He insinuates that his country cousins will not be able to discover his deception; he’ll get the information he needs and will get away clean. Ned notes that being discovered might not be the only thing to be concerned about in regards to his deception-filled plan.

By page 10, you know what the movie is about:

Stanley has determined that he needs an heir and has devised a plan to go live among his only known relatives in order to pick one.

6a. EXT – REMOTE EDGE OF A SOUTH AMERICAN JUNGLE – DAY

Clean shaven Stanley goes into the jungle with a small group of local guides. 2 Months later, bearded John Smith/Stanley emerges from the jungle with a different small group of local guides.

First Turning Point at the end of Act 1:

Stanley arrives in Hillerton in beard and modestly priced garb and begins boarding with one of his cousins. He becomes acquainted with his cousins and their current way of life.

7. EXT – HILLERTON TRAIN STATION – DAY

Stanley/John gets off a train wearing a trimmed beard and mustache and respectable but inexpensive clothing.

8. EXT – STREETS OF HILLERTON – DAY

John is walking down the residential streets of the small town.

9. EXT – JAMES DRISCOLL’S HOME – DAY – CONTINUOUS

At their expansive and expensive rented house, Stanley introduces himself to the Driscoll family as John Smith, a respectable, trustworthy genealogist who is researching a book on the Driscoll family. He provides a letter of introduction from a respected banker in town. They ask and he tells them that he is a distant relative of theirs through his mother’s line. He asks if they might be interested in his boarding with them. They are polite, but Mrs. James, Hattie, can’t consider taking a boarder since the wealthy never do; her husband wouldn’t have minded the income. They send John to their brother Frank’s house for boarding.

10. EXT – STREETS OF HILLERTON – DAY – CONTINUOUS

Stanley, who is now John Smith, has an informative walk with Benny, the youngest Driscoll, across town to Frank’s house. He finds out that basically Benny hates that his mother is all about appearances now that they have recently moved to the rich side of town. He also learns that Mrs. Frank, Jane, is a tight wad.

11. INT – FRANK DRISCOLL’S HOME – DAY – CONTINUOUS

John Smith arranges to stay in the modest and plastic covered apartment of his cousin’s family above their grocery store. He shows an immediate interest upon meeting Mellicent, Frank’s eighteen year-old daughter; attraction borders on romantic, but it is compassion. He is also encouraged that Jane is all about giving to others if only they had enough money to give. Jane also says something very judgmental when she learns that John needs antacids, like it is a weakness of character.

12. EXT – JIM DRISCOLL’S HOME – DAY

John goes to ask Hattie Driscoll, Jim’s wife, about family history. While there he meets Maggie Duff, the older step-sister of the Driscolls. She is a whirl of youthful energy, kindness, and positivity.

13. INT – FLORA DRISCOLL’S HOME – DAY

John is visiting with Flora Driscoll, his spinster cousin. He finds out that Mellicent has always been denied her heart’s desire due to her mother’s extreme frugality. She shows him a family album that contains a magazine photo of him as Stanley. She sees the resemblance, but then chalks it up to his also being a distant cousin of theirs. Stanley feels slightly guilty about deceiving her. Flora also tells him about the simple things she wishes she could do if she had enough money – go to a restaurant and order without looking at the prices, buy a phonograph, and visit Niagra Falls.

13a. INT – BRINKLEY’S PHARMACY – NIGHT

John comes to buy some antacids and finds James working there doing the books. James asks John not to tell anyone or Hattie would “die” of embarrassment. John also buys a five pound box of chocolates.

13b. INT – FRANK DRISCOLL’S HOME – NIGHT

John comes in and quietly gives Mellicent the box of chocolates, which she is delighted about, but her mother catches them. Jane, her mother, refuses to let Mellicent have the chocolates without rationing it out to her because it is such an expensive indulgence; she also looks at John suspiciously.

14. EXT – MAGGIE DUFF’S HOME – DAY

John goes to Maggie’s home because the family records are kept there. He meets Father Duff, and sees how deftly Maggie handles the cantankerous old man. Jane brings mending to Maggie because she won’t charge Jane like Flora would. Maggie passes on the mending to Flora and pays her to do it because Flora needs the income. John tells Ned, perhaps in voice over, that he is sure that because Jane is always saying how she would give if she had, that after the fortune comes, he is sure that at least Jane will share the wealth with Maggie.

15. INT – MAGGIE DUFF’S HOME- DAY

John sits at a table and works his way through the family records. He sees many family members come and go asking for advise and taking advantage of Maggie, which she handles with love and wisdom. This kindness Maggie shows toward everyone, especially the family, is contagious and makes it hard for John to stay aloof. He also gets a good feel as to how the family members currently handle/regard money. He also learns that Carl Pennock’s family doesn’t approve of his courting Mellicent due to her lower economic class.

Mid-Point:

The small fortune that was to be given to the cousins arrives via Stanley’s lawyer, Ned.

16. INT – FRANK DRISCOLL’S HOME – DAY

John arrives home to find all the Driscolls gathered in the living room. They learn that they each have been given $2,000,000 from their famous, distant cousin, the ultra-wealthy Stanley Fulton. They are very excited. John reacts with shock that even with this most exciting news, some of the cousins find reasons to distrust it, while others have declared that their benefactor is dead. John feels a bit frustrated about their initial reactions to the fortune. He is touched when he sees James’ reaction to the money; telling his son that what he wants to do with the money is to get to know his children.

17. EXT – MAGGIE DUFF’S HOME – DAY

John and Maggie discuss her not being in the bequeath and how the others are handling the money. Jane comes by to ask Maggie if she could now board John. John gratefully accepts the change of address as Maggie’s home is much more comfortable for him. Jane also offers her old rug to Maggie which Maggie declines. Maggie talks to a beggar and asks him a lot of questions about why he is begging, but she only gives him a sandwich. Hattie comes by and mentions that she won’t take the embroidery she needs done to her distant relative who needs income because the wealthy don’t have family that do that kind of work.

18. INT – JAMES DRISCOLL’S NEW HOME – NIGHT

At an elaborate party we see how the different members of the family are responding to having wealth. Hattie and Bessie are trying to keep up with Gaylords, the millionaires in town. James is just happy to have money to buy books and time to read them with his sons. James and John chuckle about not needing so many antacids now. Fred, is starting in with the questionable Gaylord crowd. Mellicent is flirting with everyone including Mr. Smith. Jane thinks the party and dresses are a frightful waste of money. Frank can hardly think outside of the grocery business. Flora is in mourning for their benefactor, Stanley, who they assume is probably dead. Stanley feels frustratedly guilty because Flora is in mourning for him instead of enjoying her fortune.

18a. EXT – JAMES DRISCOLL’S NEW HOME – NIGHT

As they are leaving the party the richest woman in town thanks Maggie for introducing her to the distant relative who did such beautiful embroidery for her.

Second turning point at the end of Act 2:

All the happiness and joy of the cousins is dwindling as the complications of having a small fortune and what they have done with it is starting to hit home.

18b. EXT – TOWN CEMETERY – DAY

John, while in the cemetery recording headstones, happens to see Benny walking down the railroad tracks with a small suitcase. John finds out that Benny is running away from home because he doesn’t want to go back to the boarding school. John convinces him to come home with him and to be honest with his parents; honesty is the best policy. Benny asks John how honest he is which cuts John to the core. Benny also tells John that he is happy it is him who found him and not Aunt Maggie because she would have punished him severely for lying about where he was going with his suitcase.

19. INT – TOWN JAIL – NIGHT

James asks John to travel with him to get Fred out of a bad situation that he got himself into; he “borrowed” money from the club he was treasurer for because of his gambling debts, and it is about to be discovered. John sees James’ anguish over what the money has done to Fred. James asks John if he has any antacids. John is troubled that his financial gift has lead James to sorrow over Fred falling in with a bad, upper-crust influence – the Gaylord and Pennock young men.

20. EXT – TOWN PARK – DAY

The beggar from earlier runs into John and tells him how Maggie got him his job back. John finds Mellicent with a young man she loves, Douglas Gray, but who isn’t rich so her mother doesn’t approve of him. When Jane happens upon the three of them, John says he was out with Mellicent, and that Douglas is his protege. Maggie’s concern for Mellicent inspires John to intervene more in the family’s lives.

20a. INT – FRANK DRISCOLL’S NEW HOME – EVENING

John arrives with Douglas to find two questionable but rich young men there to vie for Mellicent. John finagles for Mellicent and Douglas to play piano and violin together while John distracts Jane from intervening and the two young men get annoyed. Jane bemoans the fact that the needy won’t accept her used items even though they still have plenty of use in them.

Crisis:

As Stanley and Maggie are trying to help the cousins with their money complications, they grow closer and suddenly Stanley realizes he is in love with her.

21. INT – MAGGIE DUFF’S HOME – DAY

Maggie gets a letter from a law office that startles her and brings tears to her eyes, but she won’t tell John what it is about; he assumes it is telling her that she has lost most of her money. Flora comes to talk about the beggars that she has been sending money to. John takes on the role of her secretary to get her away from the scoundrels.

22. EXT – TOWN PARK – DAY

While Maggie is walking through the park she sees the young rich men playing tennis and Mellicent being monopolized by John instead of watching them play. Maggie gets jealous and disappointed in John. Someone mentions that it must almost be time for John to be moving away, and she cries.

22a. INT – MAGGIE DUFF’S HOME – DAY

Jane comes to tell Maggie that she has lost about 40% of their money to an investment that went bad. In response to that, the Gaylords and Pennocks have told their sons to leave Mellicent alone. Jane belches with heartburn and John overs her antacids which she first refuses then accepts.

Climax:

Stanley has to confess to Maggie that he has been lying to her this whole time about who he is, and she responds angrily and feels that she can’t trust him.

23. INT – MAGGIE DUFF’S HOME – NIGHT

A lawyer comes to the house, but Maggie won’t tell Stanley why. John asks Maggie if she is having financial problems, but she assures him she isn’t, although she looks to be stressed and withholding information. John finds out that Maggie thought that he was interested in Mellicent romantically. He goes to say that is absurd because he has never seen a woman yet he would want to marry, but as he does so, he looks at Maggie and realizes she is just such a woman.

23a. EXT – PARK – DAY

Flora runs into John and tells him of a young woman from town who has been working in the city who is not well and needs a place to stay. She suggests that Maggie might be able to take the young woman in. John suggests that Flora should take the young woman in. Flora had never thought of that. They see Mellicent with Donald and Flora tells him how Jane is okay with that and happy to welcome Donald into their lives as Mellicent’s good and proper suitor especially after those horrid rich young men treated her.

23b. INT – MAGGIE DUFF’S HOUSE – DAY

Hattie comes to say how the money has made them miserable and that they are moving to a different town. She is a changed woman, no longer wanting anything to do with the Gaylords or the like. Stanley is completely frustrated and almost angry when it seems the money has brought no one happiness. After she leaves John questions whether the money did any good. He and Maggie talk about the different relationships the family had with the money; it wasn’t the money’s fault. Stanley is enlightened by Maggie’s take on the family’s response to the money.

23b. EXT – CLOSED FACTORY – DAY

John and Maggie are walking past the factory. They start talking about Stanley Fulton. Maggie reveals that she has been trying to learn about the man; she gives her opinion of him to John. John/Stanley wants Maggie’s approval so much that he sort-of tells her that he is Stanley as he proposes to her. Stanley admits to Maggie that he has been selfish and self-contained and that he needs her in his life forever. She doesn’t catch that he is Stanley, but enthusiastically accepts the proposal. He then ask her if she would like him to reopen the factory – one of her civic dreams. She is confused as to how poor John could do that. He then makes it clear that he is Stanley Fulton. She is furious that he has been lying to the entire family this whole time. She kicks Stanley to the curb.

Resolution:

Maggie decides that it wasn’t such a terrible lie, and she forgives Stanley. They then devise a plan to break the news to the rest of the family.

24. EXT – MAGGIE DUFF’S HOME – DAY

Benny asks for John, and Maggie tells her that John is staying at the motel. Benny gets upset because he never saw Maggie so happy as when John was around. Maggie agrees and searches out John.

25. EXT – TOWN PARK – DAY

Maggie runs into Flora and Flora tells her that she has decided to offer a respite to girls like her border who need a place to stay while they recuperate from life’s stresses. She tells Maggie how wonderful John was to suggest it. Maggie and John make up and get engaged again. Maggie tells John, after they are engaged, that she didn’t want to tell him that she had inherited a lot of money because she was worried he would not feel comfortable proposing to her then because she thought he was so poor. Maggie loves him, not his money, so he no longer needs an heir. They discuss how they will tell the rest of the family. It looks like they have said goodbye forever.

26. EXT – TRAIN STATION – DAY

John leaves town and several of the family members see him off. James tells John that he is working again at the branch office of his old primary job and that Fred is working with him with good prospects for advancement for both of them. John offers his remaining supply of antacids, to the family, but they say they don’t need them. Mrs. Gaylord belches nearby and John kindly offers the antacids to her.

27. EXT – REMOTE EDGE OF A SOUTH AMERICAN JUNGLE – DAY

John goes into the jungle with a small group. Stanley Fulton emerges from the jungle with a different small group carrying lots of crates.

28. INT – SOUTH AMERICAN HOTEL – DAY

Stanley checks into the hotel under his real name which catches the attention of the locals.

29. EXT – STEAMSHIP LEAVING SOUTH AMERICA – DAY

Stanley boards a ship with the crates.

30. EXT – STEAMSHIP ARRIVING NEW YORK CITY – DAY

Stanley disembarks into a throng of reporters, (he may well trip coming down the gangplank, a callback from falling down the stairs – or maybe this time he catches himself). He is welcomed by Ned and his family, including their house guest who Stanley is “introduced” to, Miss Maggie Duff.

31. POSTSCRIPT HEADLINES

News headlines reveal that Stanley is dating Maggie Duff and then announces their engagement. The whole family is invited to the small private wedding; this signifies that Stanley is willing to admit to the family about his deception in order to make Maggie happy.

[Michael O’Keefe]

Day 13: Making Non-Linear Decisions – Assignment

Mike O – Pass 7: Setup/Payoff Chains

What I learned doing this is the brilliance of dissecting each aspect of a script, separating it from the other facets and improving it. Non-linear decisions work. I have always been a non-linear thinker. Ideas come and I immediately jot them down, put them in the outline where I think they belong and then return to whatever it was I was doing.

[1] List ALL of the setup/payoff chains (SP Chains) from your story — One or two sentences per setup/payoff.

SP CHAIN 1: “Love finds a way”

Setup – Carolyn tells protagonist “Love finds a way”

Payoff 1: Protagonist discovers her father’s love; he found a way to tell her he loved her. Payoff 2: Protagonist falls in love with a complete stranger on her father’s doorstep.

Payoff 3: Protagonist recognizes the love of a true friend and tells Carolyn so.

SP CHAIN 2: “Ping-pong ball is always rolling away”

Setup – Protagonist comes home, changes, accidentally kicks the ping-pong ball it rolls off

Payoff 1: Protagonist tells the ping-pong ball “Keep rolling, ping. Cat’s run off. Just you & me now.”

Payoff 2: Protagonist takes it w/ her; falls out of her purse at her dad’s cabin, she says, “Roll with it? That the message here?”

Payoff 3: Protagonist turns it into an ornament, gives it to love interest’s youngest son to hang on the tree, says: “Silly ball was always rolling away. Figured we give it a home and a reason, it will stay put.”

SP CHAIN 3: “Paints and paintings don’t lie, don’t age and don’t leave you.” Setup – Brooklyn laments her love life and lying boyfriends, “Paints & paintings don’t lie….”

Payoff 1: Protagonist tells Carolyn she trusts paints and paintings, not people.
Payoff 2: Protagonist tells rich client “Murals must stand the test of time, tell of a immortal truth.
Payoff 3: The paintings in protagonist’s gallery that were stolen by the Antagonist; they hang him

SP CHAIN 4: The heart with a person’s initials inside it is meant forever. Setup: The heart her father made for her and put on a Christmas bulb. He said: “We are forever in love: father and daughter. Nothing and no one can change that.” Payoff 1: Brooklyn

[2] Select a setup/payoff chain you want to make stronger. SP Chain 4

2a. How can you make the setup more interesting or effective? Setup is fine. I need a more emotional payoff, one that shows man’s vacillation and the impermanence of relationships to reinforce the Protagonist’s initial take on love and happy ever after.

2b. How can you make the payoffs more emotional or meaningful? Show a heart with initials in it, on say a tree by her father’s graveyard, that has a big X carved through it.

[3] Tell us what difference this has made for your outline. If it hasn’t, find another setup/payoff chain to improve. I was able to add a new setup/payoff chain. In addition, I was able to add a payoff to the first two SP chains.

* The protagonist’s father told her as a little girl, “We are forever in love: father and daughter. Nothing and no one can change that.”

* The ping-pong ball is transformed into a Christmas ornament and hung on the tree. The protagonist explains to her love interest’s younger son, “Silly ball was always rolling away. Figured we give it a home and a purpose, it will stay put.”

[4] Post your current outline with the improved setup/payoff chain(s) in it.

OPENING SCENE: Brooklyn is having lunch with her best friend and her patron for her paintings.

INT. CAFE — LUNCH Brooklyn talks with Carolyn about love, loss, and her upcoming 30^th birthday.

EXT. GALLERY BUILDING – LATE AFTERNOON Brooklyn takes her latest painting to Carolyn’s gallery for the upcoming showing.

INT. TOWN HOME – DRIVE WAY – EARLY EVENING Brooklyn gets home, changes into lounge clothes, gets a letter from her father’s lawyer.

FLASHBACK – KITCHEN – DISTANT PAST Brooklyn recalls her mother telling her that her father wasn’t providing, she had to go to work; they grew apart. He left them. ** Later, she goes to her Christmas tree and stares at the bulb her dad made for her. It has a heart in glitter on it with her and his initials in it. He tells her, ““We are forever in love: father and daughter. Nothing and no one can change that.”

INCITING INCIDENT: Brooklyn learns she is the executor of her father’s estate and must leave.

INT. CAROLYN’S SUV – DAY Carolyn drives Brooklyn to the airport, warns her it might take her a few days.

EXT. CAR RENTAL PARKING LOT – NOON Brooklyn leaves the airport, drives off in a rental Jeep for her father’s town.

EXT. CAFE – CONTINUOUS Brooklyn arrives in town. Hungry, she finds a café and stops.

INT. LAW OFFICE – DAY Brooklyn calls her dad’s lawyer. He answers and joins her for lunch.

INT. ART GALLERY OFFICE – DAY Alan takes Brooklyn to her father’s gallery. Brooklyn meets Richard (antagonist) he is a charming womanizer. He plays upon her emotions. She comments on his one-of-a-kind hand tattoo

INT. SMOKE SHACK – EVENING Brooklyn meets Richard at the restaurant for dinner and to talk about the gallery and get her up to speed. Richard tries to seduce her, she is too gun-shy.

INT. ALAN’S OFFICE – MORNING Brooklyn is warned by the lawyer, Alan, that Richard wants the gallery. He gives Brooklyn keys to her dad’s cabin and directions on how to get to the cabin.

INT. JEEP – LATER Brooklyn is following the map, finds her dad’s cabin. It’s beautiful.

EXT/INT. CABIN – CONTINUOUS From the outside, it is beautiful. Inside, more stunning. Brooklyn discovers her dad had great taste, was a painter. He has photos of her from childhood on. Shes blown away. She never saw him keeping tabs on her.

INTERCUT: CAROLYN DRIVING, BROOKLYN AT THE WINDOW Brooklyn tells her that her mother lied about her dad, talk about Carolyn’s son, then Iverson, CEO of Apex Industries, is stopping by the gallery to buy Brooklyn’s three paintings.

EXT. CABIN DECK – DAY Brooklyn is there painting the landscape before her. Finishes, sets it by her dad’s, same landscape different season. Tells him “Here daddy, for you. Merry Xmas”

FIRST ACT TURNING POINT: Brooklyn discovers a shoe box filled w/ letters all “return to sender” letters her father wrote to her, which her mother wrote “return to sender” on them. END OF ACT ONE

EXT. FRONT PORCH – CONTINUOUS

Brooklyn answers the door, meets Tarek and his two small sons. Learns they are in for the holiday to spend it with her dad. They don’t know he has passed.

INT. KITCHEN – LATER

She tells Tarek her father passed. The boys overhear. They all hug.

INT. LIVING ROOM – LATER

Brooklyn, Tarek and the kids play monopoly together. Brooklyn wins.

INT. DINING ROOM – LATE AFTERNOON

Tarek and the boys share the dinner they brought with Brooklyn.

EXT. PORCH – AFTER DINNER

Tarek, the boys and Brooklyn go outside, have a snowball fight.

EXT/INT. PICKUP TRUCK – LATER

Tarek and the boys pack up and leave Brooklyn.

INT. CABIN – CONTINUOUS

Brooklyn retrieves the shoe box of old letters, electricity goes out. She lights lanterns, builds a fire.

INT. LIVING ROOM – LATER

Brooklyn reads all her father’s letters to her, throws the old checks in the fire.

INT. TAREK’S CABIN – CONTINUOUS

Tarek worries about Brooklyn, Tyler tells him to call her, Brandon knows dad didn’t get her #

INT. LIVING ROOM – SAME

Phone rings, Brooklyn thinks it’s Tarek; it’s Richard. She turns down his dinner offer, meet him tomorrow.

She asks him where the client list is, he tells her it’s all in his head. “Your father let me handle the sales, said he didn’t care for it one bit. I didn’t ask and he didn’t explain himself.”

INT. GALLERY – LATER

Richard goes there, takes all the receipts, papers, invoices and ledger, then vandalizes the place.

EXT/INT. GALLERY – MORNING

Brooklyn goes to Art Gallery; finds it vandalized. She freaks, then takes a stand and calls the local alarm company. Has video cameras, motion detectors, the works installed including a few hidden cameras.

INT. COLD CREEK CAFE – LUNCH

Brooklyn runs into Tarek and Tyler there. They argue over the merits of an artist. She is offended. She tells him, “someone in your idyllic little town ransacked and vandalized my dad’s gallery last night…”

INT. CAROLYN AFTERNOON – NOON

Iverson sees Brooklyn’s paintings in Carolyn’s gallery, inquires about the artist. Tells his executive secretary as they’re leaving the gallery to do a background workup on Brooklyn Murray.

INT. BABBLING BROOK GALLERY – AFTERNOON

Carolyn calls Brooklyn; Iverson wants to meet Brooklyn, has $, has to see her in person to buy her work.

INT. GALLERY – LATER

Brooklyn gets a basket of goodies from Tarek w/ an apology card. Says he’s sorry for what happened to her gallery.

INT. JOSHUA’S CABIN – NIGHT

Brooklyn mulls over her feelings for Tarek, her lust for fame and recognition that Iverson can provide.

INT. LIMOUSINE – LATE AFTERNOON

Iverson greets Brooklyn. Flatters her, they go to dinner where Carolyn is there waiting for them.

MONTAGE – BROOKLYN AND GUESTS CELEBRATING

Dancing, mingling, dinner and desert. Iverson kisses the back of her hand, a telling gesture.

INT. CAFÉ – NEXT MORNING

Brooklyn and Carolyn talk re: Iverson wanting Brooklyn to paint murals in his mansion and perhaps more.

INT. TAREK’S CABIN – KITCHEN – MORNING

Tarek makes boy’s breakfast, winces in pain several times.

EXT/INT. WINTERGREEN BANK – AFTERNOON

Brooklyn goes in and buys all of Tarek’s photograph off the wall.

SERIES OF SHOTS

Brooklyn goes to the places where Tarek has his photos and buys them, takes them to her gallery.

INT. TAREK’S CABIN – CONTINUOUS

Tarek and boys build a fire, have eggnog and cookies. Tarek’s new phone is fully charged. Brandon tells him, “You know Brooklyn left you a bunch of texts.”

INTERCUT: ALAN, HIS OFFICE; BROOKLYN, THE GALLERY

He tells her Richard is trying a legal stunt to steal the gallery from her.

EXT. GRAVEYARD – DUSK

Brooklyn goes to visit her father. **she sees a heart carve on a tree with initials and it has been Xd out. She murmurs, “Even here.” At her dad’s headstone, she tells him her mom lied. Cries, Ruby shows up, tells her that her father knew she loved him, that her father was the love of her life.

INT. JOSHUA’S CABIN – LATER

Brooklyn is drinking wine, eating chocolate, calls Tarek.

INTERCUT: BROOKLYING SITTING; TAREK AT THE FIREPLACE

Brooklyn is sure her father’s signature on the document Richard gave to her lawyer is a forgery. Tarek tells her to be careful, that Richard is a good guy and this starts their argument and tif.

[HAVE THIS ARGUMENT OVER RICHARD – DRIVE BROOKLYN TO CHICAGO, TO SEE IVERSON…. WORK ON THIS ANGLE NEED THE TENSION…. LOVE TRIANGLE>>>

INT. BED – LATER

Brooklyn texts Carolyn, asks for Iverson’s cell number. Carolyn texts it to her with a smilie face.

She texts Iverson, he texts her back.

INSERT – TEXT

“I will send my jet for you. Let me know when you would like to leave.”

INSERT – TEXT

“Tomorrow, after work, 6pm. Denver Stapleton, right?”

INSERT – TEXT

“When you get to Stapleton, call James at this number: 773-456-3336. He will find you.”

She goes to Chicago, Iverson makes his intentions known, they kiss and she realizes it isn’t something she can do for any amount of money. She apologizes, says she is in a relationship. Iverson is gracious and says he still wants her to do the murals. They part friends… She touches her lips (look up how I wrote it when Brooklyn thinks back to Iverson’s kiss then thinks on Tarek’s, and knows what true love is …. Epiphany!!

INT. MASTER BEDROOM – MORNING

Brooklyn is awakened by the door bell. She checks the security camera, it’s Tarek and the boys. She is so happy.

They go out, cut Brooklyn a Christmas tree and take it back to her place. Tarek tells her it has to drop. The warmth will settle the branches. TAREK “Give it a day, it’ll be perfect.” That night at Tarek’s cabin, they make dinner.

INT. LIVING ROOM – NEXT EVENING Brooklyn, Tarek and the boys decorate Brooklyn’s tree. ** Broolyn gives the small boy the ping-pong ball which she has turned into a Christmas ornament. She tells him: “Silly ball was always rolling away. Figured we give it a home and a purpose, it will stay put.”

INT. CORPORATE OFFICE – 47^th FLOOR – CHICAGO – AFTERNOON

Brooklyn goes to see Iverson, learns what he wants her to paint. Takes the sketches with her.

INT. BROOKLYN’S ART STUDIO – LATER

Brooklyn is in her studio painting, working on her ideas for Iverson’s murals. Carolyn sneaks up on her. They have a heart-to-heart re: her love for Tarek and her fear.

INT. KITCHEN – NEXT MORNING

Carolyn answers Brook’s phone, speaks with Tarek. Listens, orders his airplane tickets, tricks him.

INT. STUDIO – DAY

Tarek surprises Brooklyn at her loft. They KISS, go back to Carolyn’s.

INT. BROOKLYN’S HOME – LATER

Spend the night, the boys with Tarek. Next morning, she leaves, Tarek collapses in pain.

INT. STUDIO – MOMENTS LATER

Brooklyn gets a panicked call from Brandon, his dad is on the floor. Calls 911.

EXT. BROOKLYN’S RESIDENCE – LATER

Brooklyn pulls up, ambulance is there. Tarek tells Brooklyn “Look after my boys.” END OF ACT TWO

INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – LATER

Tyler in Brooklyn’s lap in Tarek’s room. He survives, they are all together.

INT. BABBLING BROOK GALLERY – NIGHT

Richards breaks in, steals the good paintings and substitutes them for no-name paintings. ** then torches the place, to cover the theft of the valuable paintings versus the no name subsitutes.

INT. BROOKLYN’S STUDIO – DAY

Carolyn shows Iverson in the studio where they see Brooklyn’s easels.

INT. TAREK’S CABIN – MORNING

Brooklyn, Tarek and the boys are all together. Brooklyn gets a call from the sheriff and alarm company.

INT. GALLERY – LATER

Brooklyn walks through the rubble, distraught; knows who did it and why.

INT. BAR – DAY (CLIMAX)

Brooklyn confronts Richard at his favorite watering hole. She sets down photos of a person all in black moving about the gallery, pulling paintings off the wall, replacing them… Her last photo is of a close-up of Richard’s hand tattoo as it shows momentarily between the leather glove and black sleeve of his coat.

Carolyn walks in as moral support for Brooklyn. Behind her, the sheriff with handcuffs.

EXT. GRAVE SITE – DAY

Brooklyn visits her father’s grave, apologizes, cries, begs for his forgiveness.

EXT. MEADOW – CHRISTMAS MORNING

We glide over the new fallen snow, see the Christmas lights up around the cabin, the chimney smoke and go inside…

INT. BROOKLYN’S CABIN – CONTINUOUS

Brandon hands out Christmas presents, Tarek asks Brooklyn to marry him.

ROLL END-OF-FILM CREDITS

MONTAGE – VIDEO FOOTAGE OF WEDDING DAY

— Bridal gown and lace train, Brooklyn facing the camera. Out on the back deck, snowy meadow in the foreground.

— Group shot: Carolyn, maid of honor, arm around Brooklyn. Beside her Stan with their two boys as Tarek’s groomsmen.

— Self-conscious pose: Tuxedoed and on their best behavior, Brandon and Tyler stand at attention.

— Tarek’s best man, Alan, caught handing him a flask of the good stuff.

— Alan’s daughter, Briana, flower girl, sprinkling flowers across the redwood deck.

— Unsteady, hand-held SHOT of Brandon looking into the camera asking Tyler if it’s ON.

— Ruby catching the wedding bouquet, turning to the old white-haired gent from the bar and smiling suggestively.

— Cake-cutting ceremony – Brooklyn shoving cake into Tarek’s mouth.

BACK TO PRESENT

Brandon writes on the back of an 8 by 12 photograph:

INSERT – WRITING

“And they lived happily ever after”…

Brandon turns the photo over and we HOLD ON — WEDDING SHOT of the four of them — posing in front of Brooklyn’s Christmas tree.

END OF FILM: