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Day 13 Assignments
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Ron’s Finished Act 1
What I learned writing this lesson:
FADE IN “If I were king, the worst punishment I could inflict on my enemies would be to banish them to the Solomons”
FADE IN “On second thought, I don’t think I’d have the heart to do it”.
FADE IN Jack London
FADE OUT all text
FADE IN April 1943, PT Squadron 18, Rendova Island, Solomons
FADE OUT
EXT – ON WATER – NIGHT
We’re in pitch black. Apparently not moving. We sense/hear powerful engines idling, muffled. It’s quiet enough to where we can hear water slapping on ……….something. Are we on a boat of some sort? Slowly we see in the far corner of the screen a green glow, then we see a radar sweep within the green glow…………
Francisconi: (almost whispering) Skipper, got a bogey at 085 degrees, making 31 knots, heading 165, distance 4 miles.
Cooper: Battle stations, everyone! McCarthy and Cassidy, get on the 50s! Delaney and Lewis, get those torpedoes ready to fire! Cuccinelli, get up here with me! Francisconi, call off the distances as we hit ’em!
Lt. Larry Cooper advances his throttles, and whatever vessel we’re on leaps out of the water, accelerating at a rapid pace, the engines now unmuffled and roaring as our vessel is banging into the water violently, splash everywhere, still accelerating. The men are scurrying into their battle stations smoothly and professionally, almost like a dance, although fighting the banging and slipperiness on the deck.
Francisconi: 10,000 yards!
Cooper: Cuccinelli, set us up for an attack.
Cuccinelli gets the torpedo director aligned, does a few back-of-the-envelope calculations and reports to Cooper “all set, skipper”. 1 minutes has elapsed.
Francisconi: “9000 yards”
Our vessel is now at speed, maybe 40 knots, maybe more. It’s a teeth-rattling ride, but it’s very fast, and loud. There’s a rooster tail behind us, and a dim green glow as well. 2 minutes elapse.
Francisconi: “8000 yards!”
Cooper: “Cuccinelli, when we get to 3500 yards, confirm our intercept heading is 190 and let go 2 port torpedoes”
Cuccinelli: Aye sir
Francisconi: 7000 yards. 2 more minutes go by.
Everybody’s focused on their task, not a lot of talking going on.
Francisconi: 6000 yards!
2 more minutes of bashing, spray, noise.
Francisconi: 5000 yards!
Cuccinelli: (to torpedomen) “are you ready?”
Delaney and Lewis, simultaneously (aye sir!)
Francisconi: 4000 yards!
Cuccinelli: (to Cooper) “torpedoes 1 and 3 ready for launch sir”
Francisconi: 3500 yards!
Cuccinelli: “launch torpedo #1”, followed seconds later by “launch torpedo #3”.
Grease in the launch tube for #3 lights on fire.
Cooper: get that goddam fire out!
Delaney runs to a fire extinguisher and starts to put out the fire. But we’ve given our target something to shoot at. Suddenly three powerful search lights fire up in the distance and dark, clearly themselves on a fast vessel. They’re all searching their nearby ocean, because between the noise and the tube fire they know we’re out here, we’ve lost the element of surprise.
Cooper: “Cassidy, take out those goddam lights!”
Cassidy starts firing at the lights with his twin 50 caliber guns on the starboard side. It takes out one light almost immediately, but the other two are more elusive. And then we’re bathed in light, they’ve found us! Cassidy gets out the second light, but bullets are flying by us, splashing in the water mere feet away from our vessel, a few hit our gunwales, a few hit the pilot house on the deck. After what feels like hours, the third light is subdued.
Meanwhile our “fish” are on their way to an intercept with our target. Cuccinelli times it off when a few random bullets come flying out of the dark, hitting the plywood of the pilot house and spitting up debris all over. The skipper is hit! He’s taken some splinters in his eyes!
COOPER: Cuccinelli, you take the wheel, I can’t see!
CUCCINELLI helps COOPER away from the console, takes his place behind the console. The two torpedoes already unleashed should be hitting any moment now, but in the confusion nobody’s been able to time them out. CUCCINELLI starts to set up a second attack. Just then……….
FRANCISCONI: “2500 yards………….but the target’s turning to a new heading…………looks like 195 and increasing speed to 33 knots”.
CUCCINELLI sees a brief opportunity where his superior speed can set up the second shot he was seeking. He turns the boat, hard, to set up the shot.
CUCCINELLI: “Coming to 210″. Delaney and Lewis, prepare for release of #2 and #4 torpedoes”
The boat smashes through the waves, hurtling at very high speed. In the distance and the dark, we can see a bit of a green glow behind out target, just like our own.
FRANCISCONI: Now 2500 yards
Again, we are treated to 3 searchlights and a hail of gunfire. Once again, the 50 cal gunner (this time the port gunner, Carter) work to take out the lights. One by one they go down but the bullets keep coming.
FRANCISCONI: Now 1500 yards. Sir, are you planning to ram this boat?
CUCCINELLI: no, Francisconi, I’m planning to drop these fish right on their doorstep.
CUCCINELLI: release #2 torpedo! release #4 torpedo!
The torpedoes are launched off the starboard side of the boat, point-blank range. The transition to detonation should be no more than 30 seconds, and the countdown begins
FRANCISCONI: Now 750 yards!
The countdown gets to zero. We hear one loud “thunk” but no explosion. Cuccinelli sees the counterfire from our target, it’s getting bad. He can retreat or …………
CUCCINELLI steers the boat within 50 feet of the target, which is still sailing more or less silently through the strait unimpressed with our feeble attack. At this distance the gunners aboard the destroyer can’t get their own guns to aim at ours, they have stops that keep them from taking them that low. But this is a temporary solution, can’t last more than mere moments. They’re already taking shots with small arms!
CUCCINELLI: somebody get back to the smoke generator!
LEWIS, his torpedo already gone, dashes back to the smoke generator and turns it on. Suddenly there’s white smoke billowing out of it in great profusion, a perfect cover for a mad dash to get away.
CUCCINELLI turns the wheel hard perpendicular to the target, advances the throttles to full and makes a run to get out of range of the guns, hiding in the dark and smoke. It works! After about 90 seconds of racing away from the destroyer they intended to sink, they hear a loud explosion about 2 miles away, and see big flames. It’s coming from right about where the destroyer should have been. Did the 129’s torpedoes find their target after all? Was it somebody else?
INT – MESS HALL – DAY
CUCCINELLI is eating breakfast when a sailor comes in and says
SAILOR “sir, the Commander requests your presence in his office immediately”
CUCCINELLI gulps down a little coffee, leaves his plate, and gets up. He follows the seaman to the COMMANDER’S office. Does this have to do with that sinking last night?
INT-COMMANDER’S OFFICE – DAY
SEAMAN: “Commander Hart, Ensign Cuccinelli is here”
HART: Send him in.
CUCCINELLI steps in and snaps a smart salute. Tom Hart is a balding overweight Lt. Commander, smoking a hard-to-find cigar. CUCCINELLI wonders “where did he find that cigar?”
CUCCINELLI; you asked to see me, sir?
HART: Yes, I did, Mr. Cuccinelli. Remain at attention.
CUCCINELLI (in his mind) UH OH
HART: Mr. Cuccinelli, the last thing I need in this squadron is a loose cannon who refuses to keep an eye on his orders. I’m glad that Lt. Cooper’s going to be all right, but no thanks to you! You could have gotten your crew killed, and you yourself! Do you have no instinct for self-preservation?
CUCCINELLI: “Sir, the Lt got hit just before the release point for the first torpedo, we still had the firing solution, so I made sure the Lt was being taken care of and I continued pressing the attack. I believed that it was my duty to continue ……..and I still do, sir.”
HART: “Is that right, Mr. Cuccinelli? Is that what you learned in Melville? You got some kind of death wish? You put your boat -and your men – in grave danger out there last night. You should have abandoned the attack as soon as Cooper was injured. What makes you think you’re ready to take over command of a boat? You’re an XO on the 129, don’t forget that! You are a junior officer on a tiny wooden boat carrying 1OOO gallons of 110 octane fuel. You could be blown out of the water with a single well placed round. You’re busy trying to get yourself killed – and to take one of my boats with you! You seem to have a death wish, Mister.
CUCCINELLI; “Sir, I”…………….
HART (cutting off Cucinelli): I hear that you could have been painting some graffiti on the sides of that Jap destroyer! What possessed you to get that close to your target?
CUCCINELLI: “I’ll admit, sir, that I got a little too close, it was pretty chaotic out there, and so the best course of action was to cut in close to the destroyer, so their guns couldn’t reach us. We were only there for 45 seconds, and then I managed to get out of there”.
HART: Did you not learn attack profiles in Melville? What the hell did they teach you there? To go put your ass on the line even when you don’t have to? Do you not know your job is to SINK that boat, not go snuggle up against it? These people are your enemy, Cuccinelli! You do know they’re trying to kill you, right?
CUCCINELLI; “Sir I made an emergency decision and I took my shot and I believe it paid off”.
HART: Are you talking about sinking that destroyer? We’re not sure it was the 129’s torpedoes that took that out, do you know that? We had a report from a coastwatcher a few days back who says he saw the Japanese laying mines out there a few days ago. It’s possible – likely, even! – that the Japs just ran into their own mine! If it turns out it was your torpedo, I’ll eat my hat!
CUCCINELLI “it won’t happen again, sir”.
HART: you bet your ass it’s not going to happen again, Cuccinelli. As it turns out, I don’t have anyone ready to pick up Cooper’s job, so you’re the default captain of the 129 for the time being. Cooper will be back in a week or so. In the meantime, no patrols for you. You need to earn my trust back, and by God, it’s not going to be easy. I need to see you show command authority and judgment. In the meantime, tonight your assignment is to go rescue that Aussie coastwatcher. We need to go get him and his radio off Kolombaranga, the Japs have started to close in on him. He’s been very valuable to us, and now he needs our help. You’ll set out at dusk and this mission will be completed in the dark. You’ll get details from Lt. Commander King later today. Other than that, dismissed. You’re on the bubble, Cuccinelli. One more screwup and you’re out of this squadron. Got it?”
CUCCINELLI yes, sir, got it.
CUCCINELLI snaps another salute, does a smart about-face, and leaves HART’S office.
CUCCINELLI is walking back to his hooch, and we can see on his face that the apology was insincere. He’s still determined to go out there and kill Japs, and he’ll just have to be more discreet about his adventures.
EXT – ON WATER – NIGHT
PT129 is sitting about a mile off an island lagoon in the dark. Engines idling, muffled, much as we started our opening scene. CUCCINELLI is at the Skipper’s station, there’s no XO.
CUCCINELLI to crew, almost whispering: “My plan is to drive in closer, maybe 500 yards, as quietly as possible. We’ll wait for a light signal at 2010 hours, the letter G in Morse code. We’ll respond with a G of our own to confirm that we’re here. Then we’ll release two life rafts, one for the coastwatcher and one for the radio. Delaney and Lewis, you’ll row over to the shore. You’ll row back with the coastwatcher in one raft and the radio in the other, probably take 20 minutes or so. Francisconi, you’ll be monitoring the radios. While you’re gone I’ll get the boat turned around, quietly, so we’re ready to haul ass once you’re back on board. Any questions?”
Delaney and Lewis nod their assent.
CUCCINELLI advances the throttles, slowly. It takes about seven minutes at idle to sneak in at 500 yards. CUCCINELLI waits until 2010, and two dashes of light emerge from the shoreline. That’s not a G, that’s an M, it’s missing the “dot” at the end of the sequence. CUCCINELLI sends back a G (dash dash dot). This time the M comes back correct (dash dash dot). Wonder why it was wrong the first time? Should CUCCINELLI scrub the mission? No, he’s got to perform here to get Hart’s respect and confidence back
Delaney and Lewis disembark from the 129 on the life rafts and start paddling to the shoreline of an assumed island 500 yards away. It’s pitch black out, easy to get lost.
CUCCINELLI turns the wheel hard and lets the idling motors propel the boat 180 degrees, so that now the bow is pointed out away from the island. It takes him 3 or 4 minutes, but there’s still 3 times that to wait. It’s tense, they’re in enemy territory in pitch black, hard to know where danger lies. Tension builds with each passing moment.
After another 13 minutes, out of the gloom, the two life rafts appear, almost silently, about 40 yards away. Jaworski and Greenberg make ready to get the men and the boats on the deck as quietly and quickly as possible.
Suddenly, all hell breaks loose. It was a trap! There are several lights on the shoreline, and half a dozen gun emplacements spitting out rounds at our vessel. The 50 cal gunners, Mccarthy and Cassidy, do their best to suppress the spotlights and the muzzle flashes, but it seems an eternity before the life rafts are aside the 129. Jaworski and Greenberg lift their own shipmates and the coastwatcher up on the 129’s deck, along with the radio, which is larger than they had expected, clumsy, 150 lbs of electronics with the odd bags for accessories. The coastwatcher has been hit while out on the water, and he’s bleeding.
CUCCINELLI jams the throttles forward and the 129 lurches out of the water, accelerating fast. CUCCINELLI orders the smoke generator turned on, and Delaney goes to it and gets it belching a thick white trail of smoke. Meanwhile, the boat is getting to speed, rapidly getting out of range of the Japanese shoreline gunners. Within minutes, the boat is out 3 miles in the water, and the threat from the Jap emplacements is minor. CUCCINELLI pulls back the throttles and “lays to” out in the strait. He runs back to the lazarette, where the coastwatcher is, down and still bleeding profusely.
CUCCINELLI: “how’s he doing?”
CASSIDY: not so red hot, skipper. He took a couple to the lungs. We’re doing our best but…….
COASTWATCHER: “You the blokes who thought you got that destroyer the other night?”
CUCCINELLI: “yeah, you the coastwatcher who said it was a Jap mine?”
COASTWATCHER; “yes, that was me. Can’t tell whether your attack was brave or stupid”.
CUCCINELLI: My boss thinks it was pretty stupid.
COASTWATCHER begins to fade……………he’s dying. The look on CUCCINELLI’S face says it all…………he’s got another ass chewing in his near future.
INT – COMMANDER’S OFFICE – DAY
PLACE HOLDER HERE
EXT – ON WATER – DAWN
CUCCINELLI’S coming back from an empty patrol, nursing his starboard engine. It’s getting very close to daylight, the 129 is running very late. PTs hate daylight, they’re unusually exposed, even to friendly fire. CUCCINELLI is hugging an island shoreline to minimize discovery. He’s only at about 20 knots.
Suddenly, a Navy Avenger flies low over the boat, unaware that the boat’s even there. Its bomb is still in the rack, making it clumsy in aerobatic terms. It’s trailing a little smoke and losing altitude, and within seconds it’s clear what his problem is – it’s a lone Zero, right on its tail. The Avenger is taking a beating, but the rear seat gunner in the Avenger is doing his best to take out the Zero. CUCCINELLI accelerates the boat and starts to head out into open water, to help the Avenger as much as he can. The 129 crew watches an aerial ballet, with the two planes taking shots at each other. Now they’re both smoking, the Avenger is showing flames. The 129 puts some rounds in the Zero as well, but the shots are tough if the PT boaters are to avoid shooting down their own Avenger.
Then it becomes clear that the Avenger is going down. It hits the water about 3 miles away, hard. 40 seconds later the Zero hits the water in a shallow dive, bounces a few times, and comes to rest, another 2 miles or so up the strait. CUCCINELLI advances his engines to close the distance to the Avenger, and when he gets there the Avenger is starting to sink, and the rear gunner is floating in a Mae West. No sign of the pilot.
LOPEZ: “Good to see you guys. I thought you went out at night?”
CUCCINELLI: long story, sailor. Where’s the pilot?
LOPEZ: Ah, Lt Nelson. I’m afraid he must be dead, sir. I think he was dead before we hit the water. Good guy, too”.
The PT crew gets a grapple hook out and brings aboard LOPEZ as the Avenger begins to sink.
CUCCINELLI: “welcome aboard PT129, sailor. What’s your name?
LOPEZ: “Petty Officer 3rd class Antonio Lopez, sir”.
CUCCINELLI: “Well, Lopez, we’re going to go over and see what’s left of that Zero. How’d you find yourself in this pickle?”
LOPEZ “We were on an early raid with our squadron, the plane developed engine trouble, we had turned around, limping back to base when this lone Zero – what are the odds! – flew out of the sun right at us a few miles away. No idea where he came from or why he’s by himself. Too bad for Lt. Nelson, small change in circumstances and he’d still be alive”.
CUCCINELLI goes to the skipper’s station, advances the throttles, points the boat in the direction where the Zero crashed. It takes but a few moments to close the gap, and our crew finds itself in the middle of the strait, many miles from any land. As the boat slows and comes across the wreckage of the Zero, we see a Japanese pilot in an inflated life raft, glaring at his enemy. You can see that if he had the tools at his disposal, he’d kill all these US Navy sailors – enemies all. But he doesn’t have any tools, here he’s just a poor Japanese slob stuck miles from land, and he’s at their mercy now.
FRANCISCONI brings up the Thompson from the gun locker just in case.
CUCCINELLI gathers his crew together to discuss what to do.
CUCCINELLI: “What should we do with this guy? There’s no facilities on Rendova for POWs, he’d be an awful handful, can’t bring him back to base.
BAKER we could just kill him and get it over with.
FRANCISCONI (in Italian, to Cooch) “non voglio fare i crimena di guerra”
CUCCINELLI (to Francisconi) “lo so”
While all this is going on, LOPEZ looks over at the pilot.
LOPEZ: gaggle gaggle gaggle in Japanese
The pilot glares at LOPEZ but says nothing.
CUCCINELLI; “wait, you speak Japanese?”
LOPEZ; well, I grew up in Los Angeles, sir, we have a lot of Japanese there, most of them in Idaho now, but growing up we had a Japanese family next door and they had a son my age and I spent a lot of time over there, and you just kind of pick it up”
CUCCINELLI; “OK, so what did you say to this pilot?”
LOPEZ: I told him I hope he’s out here for three weeks dying of thirst and that at the end of that time he’s discovered by a shark and eaten, slowly”.
CUCCINELLI; “Francisconi, hand me that Thompson”.
FRANCISCONI; “Sir?”
CUCCINELLI; “hand me the goddam Thompson”.
Francisconi hands over the Thompson and then (off camera)
BANG!
One shot rings out over the water. As the camera looks around, we see the pilot, now in the water, no Mae West. His life raft is punctured, losing air, as the pilot sinks into the water.
CUCCINELLI “there, that problem’s solved”.
CUCCINELLI hands the Thompson back to FRANCISCONI, walks over to the skipper’s console, advances the throttles. The 129 is back on its way home.
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Ron’s Finished Act 1
Hit “post” a little too fast. So here’s the rest of the lesson.
What I learned writing this lesson:
I see the temptation to wordsmith once you have a coming-together script, fell prey to it once or twice. As the beats come together, it’s watching muscle get put on bone. As a newbie to this process, I can see that as I write subsequent screenplays, this process will mature and improve my writing, and I can get better (and faster) at this specific process which, if followed, is likely to result in success.
Makes me want to take the rewrite class. Once the basics are down, the secret “must” come from a rewrite process that squeezes the most drama out of every single scene.
The “secret” of a 30 day to a full script is that it’s a 20% script. That’s not reneging on the promise of the class, it’s just that it’s not a fully developed script, yet. But it IS a full script, just not at 95% level of refinement.
I salute the Croasmuns for developing this methodology. I think it may be the secret to a successful first screenplay for me.
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“What I learned doing this assignment is…?” Keeping pace! Continuing learning process of writing the outline interconnected with the theme and the building in antagonist as it was explained (referred to lesson 8).
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Carol Dougherty’s Act 2 Reaction to TP 1
What I learned doing this assignment: At times, it’s hard to remember we are doing this one lesson at a time. As I started working on this one, I started to project ahead to what I saw coming and felt overwhelmed. I had to remind myself I only had one outline and one scene due today.
I can see I have things to cut, things to add, but if I remind myself that this is just to get a first draft on paper, I can relax and do it. Frankly, that is not easy for me to do! And I also can see, having been through writing a first draft of Act 1, some of the things I can do to help myself with Acts 2 and 3. But only after I did today’s assignment.
Beat Sheet Line: Pen blows up in rehearsal.
Outline Reaction to TP 1:
BEGINNING: Pen is exhausted from filling her hours after her picnic with Kate.
MIDDLE: Pen tries to do the scene, but it is an emotional scene when she is already feeling emotionally raw and exposed. To make it worse, Kate is one of those watching her. She blows up and tells Sebastian to replace her. He talks with her and asks her to trust him, and they make their way through the scene together.
END: Kate tries to tell Pen how wonderful the scene was and Pen can’t hear it, leaving Kate hurt.
Reaction to TP 1:
INT. REHEARSAL HALL – DAY
Pen stands with a light fleece throw around her shoulders, approximating a cloak. She is acutely aware of Kate watching next to Sebastian. The scene only has Pen and Sandy at this point and a handful of others in the room.
Pen is unsettled after her time with Kate in the rowboat. She tried to fill her time so as not to think too much. She’d gone to the company meeting, practiced yoga, went to an evening performance, even pitched in to help Jacky in the green room for a while. Nothing worked.
STAGE MANAGER
Ms. Parrish?
PEN AS VIOLA/CESARIO
(nods and pulls the cloak tight)
Make me a willow cabin at your gate,
And call upon my soul within the house.
Pen glimpses Kate’s face and stops. Everyone remained dead silent.
PEN AS VIOLA/CESARIO
Hallow your name to the reverberate hills,
And make the babbling gossip of the air
Cry out, ‘Olivia…’
Pen stopped again. Sandy waited for the rest of the line, glanced at Sebastian. The fleece throw slipped from one shoulder and Pen threw it to the floor.
PEN AS VIOLA/CESARIO
That’s it, Sebastian, I’m through.
Shocked gasps are heard in the room.
PEN AS VIOLA/CESARIO
(glares at Sebastian)
I can’t do it. How could anyone be so bloody stupid as this woman? I can’t play the part when I see her as nothing but a silly twit. You’ll need time to get someone else up to speed on this part. Best to start right now.
Sebastian doesn’t move, doesn’t take his eyes off Pen.
PEN AS VIOLA/CESARIO
I’m not being a prima donna. I’m thinking of the company. And whoever plays her. It takes time to make it work, for the cast to adjust to a new Viola.
(she stares, baffled by his lack of response, shrugs her shoulders)
Well, that’s it then.
Pen drops the fleece on a makeshift divan and crosses the rehearsal hall to the bench under the window to gather her things. Her fingers shake so much she struggles to unfasten the straps of her bag.
Sebastian comes up behind her. A strong, manicured hand covers both of hers. She looks up to meet his eyes, filled with compassion.
SEBASTIAN
(voice low)
I won’t stop you if you really want to go, Penelope. But I don’t believe you do.
(takes her hands in his)
Do you trust me?
(she nods)
Let’s try the scene again. I’ll be with you.
Sebastian leads her toward Sandy. One arm circles her waist, his other hand holds both of hers. He leans close and rests his forehead against hers. They stand that way for a long moment, then he begins to pivot.
Little by little he moves slightly faster, takes small steps, raises his head and slips behind Pen until they are sweeping in a wide circle, their faces up and out. It is like two swans, swimming as one on the lake. He slows and stops.
Pen faces Sandy, and in one of the seats behind her, Kate, who sits with a rapt expression on her face.
SEBASTIAN
(whispers)
Begin, Cassandra.
SANDY AS OLIVIA
Why, what would you?
Pen focused her attention on Sandy. Sebastian still had one arm around her waist and was pressed against her back. She wore him like a second skin. His intention seemed to transmit itself to her through some magical osmosis and she let go.
PEN AS VIOLA/CESARIO
Make me a willow cabin at your gate,
And call upon my soul within the house…
Sandy and Pen intensify the pace through the remainder of the scene. Sebastian lets Pen go, though she can still feel him there. At the end of the scene Pen and Sandy spontaneously hug.
Pen glances at Katie, whose eyes are wet, her expression awed. Pen turns away.
SEBASTIAN
Well done.
PEN
Thank you.
Sebastian nods to the stage manager, who announces a break. Sebastian takes Sandy aside and talks to her.
Pen escapes back to the window seat and stretches. Kate approaches from behind her.
KATE
Pen?
Pen stops stretching and closes her eyes. A moment later she turns.
PEN
Hello, Katie.
KATE
Your scene was wonderful. You made me cry.
PEN
I saw.
(pulls on a sweater)
Sit.
(they both sit on the bench)
Are you learning a lot from Sebastian?
KATE
Oh, so much. He’s always asking me about what I see, but it never feels like he’s testing me.
(pauses)
Pen, don’t you want to talk about the scene?
PEN
(stifles a sigh)
You’re so very direct, Katie. It can be disconcerting, you know. Perhaps we could talk another time?
Kate immediately gets to her feet.
KATE
Sure.
She pauses for a second, then walks away, her back stiff. Pen watches her go.
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What I learned in doing my assignment is I think I went a little too fast with my Act 1 structuring. I slowed the pace when making some changes to the ending of my first act to introduce the second act.
The end of Act 1 is Barry moves in with Tina and her kids. The start of Act is Barry giving her a ring to bring a deeper level of their relationship.
Tina’s reaction to turning point. Key Scene 1 – ACT 2
INT. TINA’S APARTMENT – DAY
Beginning: Tina wakes up to Barry bringing her breakfast in bed, but it’s not food, it’s a ring.
Middle: Barry “potentially” proposes to Tina in hopes that their relationship will continue to go well.
End (Turning Point): Tina accepts and is happy to be potentially engaged, but she notices a subtle affection that Barry gives her daughter that causes her to do a double take but she’s in a deeper level of the relationship now.
Scene 1 of Act 2:
INT. TINA’S BEDROOM – DAY
Tina wakes up to Barry entering the room carrying a tray of covered food.
TINA: Morning, what’s this? You made me breakfast?
Barry gives her the plate. She uncovers it and sees nothing but a ring.
TINA: What the…
BARRY: Listen, no pressure, but I know when something is right. And this feels right.
TINA: Are you asking me to marry you?
BARRY: Potentially, yes. It’s a potential proposal. If things continue to go well, cool. If not, then I’ll get my money back.
TINA (laughing): You’re so stupid.
BARRY: Put it on.
Tina puts it on and admires it. DAYLEN and JAYLA busts in the room cheering.
TINA: Wait, ya’ll knew about this?
DAYLEN: Yep!
JAYLA: We’re gonna have a potential dad!
BARRY (to Jayla): That’s right, baby.
Barry takes Jayla’s hand and strokes it. Daylen jumps on the bed with excitement. Tina leans in to kiss Barry, but he pulls back and continues talking with Jayla while still holding her hand. Tina notices but brushes it off and laughs at Daylen dancing with excitement.
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M.M.’s Act 2 Reaction to TP 1
What I learned doing this assignment is to have fun doing a 20% version – gives more freedom to experiment and explore the character and the scenes.
ACT 1 TP (revised):
EXT. COLLEGE CLASSROOM – DAY
Bella smiles at Emilio, then half-heartedly introduces Mia to Emilio, who enjoys Mia’s flirtatious attitude. Mia asks Emilio if he has time to help her with the professor’s question on a specific painting he showed in class. Emilio grins and accepts. Bella’s heart drops. Mia places her hand on Emilio arm and coos up at him. He’s got her where he wants her. The two leave Bella standing alone in the hall in a sea of students swarming around her as they walk out of the building together.
ACT II, KEY SCENE 1: (Reaction to Act 1 Turning Point)
INT. BELLA’S DORM – NIGHT
BEGINNING: Bella tries to study but can’t. Paces up and down. Opens a book. Closes it. Lifts some handheld barbells to relieve the tension. Doesn’t work. Walks down the hall to Mia’s room and knocks. No answer. Another knock. Silence.
MIDDLE: Back in her room, she has only typed the title of a paper. She can’t concentrate. Goes to the dorm kitchen and pops a frozen dinner in the microwave. From the communal living room, she hears a deep male laugh and what sounds like Mia’s voice giggling. She peers around the corner into the room and sees what looks like Mia’s head.
END: Bella walks up to her and says, “Mia, what’s going on? I thought we were going to get together tonight.” The girl turns her head – it’s not Mia. Bella turns red with embarrassment and rushes to her room. For the first time she’s jealous.
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