Day 13 Assignments

[Edward Gillow]

Title: Ed. Gillow Max Interest 2

What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is having thirteen interest techniques at my disposal.

LOGLINE: Moses has summoned Boone to see if they can bury the hatchet of their past differences.

ESSENSE: Moses needs this job to pay off his ranch, but he has to work with the unpredictable, racist Boone. He meets with Boone to see how this will work.

INT. MOSES’ RANCH – LATER

Moses and Boone sit at the dining table. Both men measure each other. (Uncomfortable moment) Finally:

MOSES

We have bad medicine between us. That is a problem. Like it or not, we must work together. (creating a future)

BOONE

If you do your job. I do mine. Then we’ll see what shakes out. No problem. (prediction)

MOSES

Hatred blurs a man’s judgement. (Anticipatory dialogue)

BOONE

What do you mean? (hook?)

MOSES

Your hatred blames me for your brother’s death. Can you not accept it was self-defense? (dilemma)

BOONE

Wasn’t self-defense. It was murder. (creating a future)

MOSES

Witnesses say otherwise.

BOONE

Don’t give a crap what they say. Nobody could outdraw my brother in a fair fight. Especially a redskin. (mystery)

MOSES

A man whose heart is full of hatred is not a suitable partner on a dangerous journey. (prediction)

BOONE

What are you afraid of? (hook)

MOSES

I have more to lose than you do. (prediction)

BOONE

Yeah, you do. More than you can imagine. Hatred is in your heart too. It’s a path which cuts both ways. (Anticipatory dialogue)

MOSES

You speak the truth. (uncomfortable moment)

Moses’ eyes bore a hole into Boone’s eyes.

MOSES

Know this truth. I will do what is in the best interest of my family. Then you and I will settle our differences. Done talking for now. (creating a future)

Red faced, Boone rises, ambles to the front door, stops, and turns. (uncomfortable moment)

BOONE

I meant what I said at the trial. Be seeing you, REDSKIN! (prediction)

Moses watches Boone leave, then looks to the Heavens.

MOSES

I cannot trust him, Grandfather. (Anticipatory dialogue)

Martha enters the room. They embrace each other.

[Robert Kerr]

Title: Robert Kerr, Max Interest 2

What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is with these new techniques I can generate a more extreme moment that builds on the drama and holds the audiences interest.

LOGLINE: Fran desperately wants to convince her father, Calvin, to attend the opening regatta. What she gets as a reply is both a surprise and a dilemma.

ESSENCE: Fran learns the cost for her choices.

EXT. FARM DRIVEWAY – EVENING

Fran is driving her VW Volkswagen up the driveway and sees Calvin coming out of the barn. She honks her car horn several times and Calvin turns around with a scowl on his face. Fran gets out of the car and walks toward Calvin

CALVIN:

Damn girl what is with that horn?

FRAN:

I have to do something to get your attention since you won’t talk to me. Our opening regatta is this Saturday and I want you, Momma and Susan to all be there. Figured since you more or less got me into this rowing, you should come see what it is all about.

CALVIN:

(Angerly)

You want me to come, okay little girl. I’ll come on one condition, no negotiation.

FRAN:

Sure, whatever it takes to get you there.

CALVIN:

Fine, here’s the deal. Since you broke our agreements in the first place, you either win the race or you quit this foolishness. I’m not footin’ the bills just so you can run around the country wasting time and money instead of caring for your daughter. That’s the deal!

FRAN

(Stunned by this change of attitude)

That’s not fair. I’m only doing this because you thought it was a good idea.

CALVIN:

That was before you quit your music and broke our original deal. Now, not so sure this rowing is such a good idea after all. If your not winning, your not rowing. I’m not financing a loser!

FRAN:

It’s our first regatta, ever. No way to predict if we can win against a seasoned crew. This is so unfair. If you make me quit, then the whole program collapses. That’s the deal they made with the university to get the crew up and running in the first place.

CALVIN:

Not my problem. So, you want your family there Saturday, that’s my terms to get us there.

Agreed?

FRAN:

(Frustrated she turns and looks into the night and then pauses before she turns back to face Calvin)

Okay> Have it your way. But, I’m going to make you eat those words come Saturday and no more threats from you, ever!

[Alfred Travis]

Title: Alfred Travis Max Interest 2

What I’ve learned… Good craft

LOGLINE: KAREN, a girl Bo dated senior year college, catches up with Bo three years later.

ESSENCE: Karen feigns nice, a good friend to Bo for her robbery plot.

EXT. BUTLER NORTH BUILDING – DAY

As Bo exits his Art Space building KAREN calls out to him.

KAREN

Bo?

Bo turns and sees Karen. Something about her.

KAREN

Been awhile. What are you up to?

Bo is silent a moment.

BO

I’m renting an Art Space here.

He points to the Butler North Building.

KAREN

Let me guess – Music Composer, right?

BO

How did you know/

KAREN

I’m in the business to know.

BO

I have to go.

Karen points to her next door building.

KAREN

I’m in the Public Relations business. Come see me.

BO

Come see you?

KAREN

Yes.

BO

We’ll see.

Bo cuts across the street.

[Denice Lewis]

Denice’s Max Interest

What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is that there is always a new way to think about characters, situations, and plot. I realized my traits weren’t as effective as they could be and adjusted them. I love the interest techniques for how they make writing fun and raise the stakes.

Logline: Everett reluctantly follows Ann into his dead wife’s studio.

Essence: He is ineffectual at hiding his plan of revenge.

Scene: At this point in the script, the audience knows that Ann can’t se or hear her dad.

INT. SECOND FLOOR STUDIO – DAY

Ann skitters through the heavy iron door.

The room is like a primeval forest moved onto the walls. Ethereal. Peaceful. Until a large mirror reflects the sun through bars on the only window.

Quaint furniture, bathroom, living room/sleeping area, library/desk, open kitchen blend in.

Ann takes a deep breath to calm her shaking hands.

With care, she turns the paintings that face the wall. Fairies and woodland creatures stare at her, suspended in life. Her name scrawls in the corners. A softness fills her eyes.

ANN

Oh, Dad. You didn’t change a thing.

Everett slumps inside, eyes covered with his hands.

EVERETT

Please, leave the house.

A cloud pushes against the window like it wants inside.

Ann crosses the room through Everett. The air sparkles for an instant. She twists around. Shivers.

Everett moans.

EVERETT

I don’t deserve this.

Ann leafs through a well-worn children’s book, REVENGE OF THE FAIRY KING, by Mellieora Duncan. Ann’s paintings fill the pages in brilliant color. Tears straggle down her face.

ANN

How could I believe your fairy tales, Mom?

EVERETT

Don’t cry, Annie girl.

He pats her arm. It has no effect. He slaps his hands. Bites his fingers. Winces.

Rain materializes over his head. Pours through him. He yells, leaps away. Rain stays with him. He runs around in an angry frenzy.

EVERETT

Stop. Stop.

Rain disappears.

Ann frowns at the water on the floor. Wipes it up. Peers at the dry ceiling.

ANN

Great. I’m not stressed enough that I need a mystery?

She slides opens the window.

ANN

Why the bars, Dad?

She surveys the room. Her eyes stop at the massive chest secured in dusty chains.

ANN

I don’t remember this trunk.

EVERETT

No. Ignore it. Go away. You were raised here, but everything belongs to me.

Everett leaps to the trunk. Trips. Smashes into it. Sparkles in the air. HIs head partially vanishes through the lid. He screams. Pulls it out.

He splays across the trunk.

EVERETT

You can’t see me. You can’t see the trunk. We’re invisible.

Ann rattles the lock. Trembles with cold.

ANN

Where’s the key?

He sits on the lid.

EVERETT

In a place you’ll never find.

Ann ruffles through the desk.

ANN

You know I never give up.

She checks the couch, cupboards, drawers. Withdraws two bobby pins from her bun. Long hair falls to her shoulders.

EVERETT

When did you watch me do that?

Ann bends the bobby pin, Sticks one in the barrel of the lock. The other pushes the inner pins. She twists.

CLICK. Lock falls open.

EVERETT

NO. YOU’RE IN DANGER.

Ann casts off the heavy chains.

Everett wails.

A BLINDING white light explodes from the trunk. Knocks Ann to the floor. She hits her head, blacks out.

Finn, twelve inches, materializes from the light. Grows to full-sized. Fat, unkempt. Fairy wings hang under his ratty bathrobe. He waddles as fast as he can toward the door.

Everett’s eyes bulge. His face, red.

EVERETT

Get back in.

A drop of rain pours on his face. He looks up. Rain floods his face.

EVERETT

Stop.

Rain disappears.

Finn pulls on the door. HIs hands SIZZLE. He yells, scuttles backward. He rushes toward the window. Backpedals from the bars.

EVERETT

Have a little trouble with iron, boy? Told you I’d have my revenge.

Finn whirls. Sneers.

FINN

‘Tis you.

Everett strolls around Finn.

EVERETT

Almost didn’t recognize you.

Finn gawks in the mirror. Flicks his fingers over his face and body. Fat melts away. He transforms into kick-ass handsome. Clothes reveal lean muscle. His wings unfurl.

EVERETT

Like you better fat.

Finn lurches through Everett. Air sparkles an instant. He bangs into a wall. Glares.

FINN

What are you?

EVERETT

Don’t know. Guess I died.

FINN

I’ve never seen a ghost like you.

EVERETT

Don’t feel like one.

Worry pinches Finn’s face.

FINN

How long since you locked me up?

Everett grins.

Five years, give or take.

Finn punches Everett in the face. A twinkle of light. His fist dents the wall.

Everett laughs.

FINN

Mellieora would never agree to my incarceration. What have you done with her?

EVERETT

Ain’t telling.

Finn makes a fist of green light. Throws it at Everett.

Everett yells. Sails through the room. Slams through the window. Clings to the tree.

EVERETT

Blasted fairy. Should have killed you when I had the chance. Why were you having an affair with my wife?

FINN

Stupid old man.

Finn’s foot bumps an unconscious Ann. He leans over with concern.

FINN

Mellieora?

EVERETT

Don’t touch her.

Finn lifts Ann to the sofa.

Everett slides down the tree.

Finn lays her down gently. Brushes long hair from her face. His excitement drains. He slumps to the floor in grief.

FINN

I waited a lifetime. Where are you?

[Zev Ledman]

Zev Ledman MAX INTEREST

What I learned that is improving my writing?- Adding more Interest Techniques to the scenes makes the story more compelling.

INT. MATISYAHU’S HOME – SUMMER – DAY

A Jewish circumcision ceremony. Zalmy, sits holding the baby.

Matisyahu stands over a small linen-covered table beside Zalmy. Judah and Miriam, wearing her necklace, huddle around them. Laid across the table is a small flask of wine, a small white cloth, and a small, very sharp knife.

Matisyahu pours some wine on the cloth and lets the baby suck on it while Eleazer, Malka, Jonathan, Jokanon, Simon, and their wive, look on along with Jauk and two young children.

MATISYAHU: And God told Avraham, all males shall you circumcise on the eighth day. It is an everlasting covenant.

Matisyahu picks up the small blade, but his hand lightly shakes. Everyone is alarmed. Matisyahu tries to control his shaking hand to no avail.

Judah: It’s okay, Abba. I’ll do it.

The door flies open and Theo, Five soldiers, and a fiftyish, regally dressed LOCAL OFFICIAL rush in. Everyone’s alarmed.

Theo smirks at an anxious Zalmy and, at the same time, notices Judah and gives him a dirty look. Matisyahu’s sons prepare to fight.

Local Official pulls out a small scroll and reads it.

LOCAL OFFICIAL: Matisyahu, you are a leader, honored and revered. By order of the king, you shall officiate our sacrificial ceremony.

MATISYAHU: We’re not finished here.

LOCAL OFFICIAL: This is not a choice.

He puts down the blade and signals his sons to stand down.

MATISYAHU: May one of my sons assist me?

Official acquiesces and nods. Miriam grabs her baby.

MATISYAHU (CONT’D): Eleazer, come.

Judah slyly passes a knife to Eleazer, who hides it. Local Official signals to Theo and points to the baby. Theo nods.

Matisyahu, Eleazer, two Soldiers, and Local Official leave. As the door closes, the other Soldiers ready their spears while Theo opens the small blanket to check out the baby.

He smiles and grabs the child away from a shaking Zalmy.

MIRIAM: Don’t touch my boy!

Miriam grabs Theo’s arm.

MIRIAM (CONT’D): Let him go!

Theo pushes Miriam to the floor. The Brothers hold Judah back from retaliating.

THEO: You need not worry. A noble family will care for this child. (to Judah) Be glad I’m under strict orders from the King. But, I shall return.

An alarmed Miriam rushes toward Theo, who pulls his sword.

THEO (CONT’D) Woman, if you or anyone else comes any closer, I’ll kill this child.

Judah shakes his head at Miriam, who stops.

The women cry as Theo and the soldiers leave with the child.

Judah and his brothers grab knives, staffs and sharp devices.

JUDAH (to Miriam) Stay with your mother and father. I won’t return without our son.

JOKANON’S STERN WIFE: Jokanon, don’t go.

Jokanon shakes his head and leaves with Judah and his brothers who grab knives, staffs, and sharp farm implements.

Jokanon’s wife cries as they leave, then yells at Miriam.

JOKANON’S STERN WIFE (CONT’D) Don’t you see? They’re professional soldiers with real weapons. Your son dies and we become widows.

MIRIAM: Nooo!

EXT. STEEP MOUNTAINSIDE – PATH – DAY

Judah and his three other brothers get ahead of the Soldiers and hide behind a clump of trees and large rocks.

They notice the soldiers coming towards them from afar following a path beside a steep mountainside.

JUDAH: Let them not get into formation. Attack as they near the cliff.

They prepare to attack when they notice Miriam, with her necklace, struggling toward the Greeks, weeping.

MIRIAM: Give me my child!

Judah’s brothers hold Judah back from jumping out.

The Soldiers stop on the path as Miriam draws near.

THEO: Do you desire to die?

MIRIAM: My life matters not. Let my son go.

Miriam tries to pull her son from Theo.

Judah jumps out from behind the trees and confronts the soldiers with a kitchen knife and a grain-cutting implements. They are some distance from him.

JUDAH: I implore you, do not harm them.

Judah drops his weapons to the ground as Theo grabs Dassie by the hair.

THEO: Delighted to see you. Since you saved me a trip back, I’ll give you a choice. Your son or your wife?

JUDAH: No honor may be derived from either child or woman! Take me instead!

Theo cracks a smile as he watches Judah fall to his knees with tears running down his face.

THEO: Wrong answer!

Theo intentionally lets go of the baby and Miriam, causing her to fall down the steep, jagged rocked mountain.

Theo watches as she cuddles the baby to protect it while bouncing off the jagged rocks and killing both of them. He turns back to Judah and shrugs, oh well, and smirks.

Judah grabs his weapons and races towards Theo and the Soldiers who, preparing for Judah, don’t notice the three brothers attacking from the opposite side.

Two soldiers are pushed off the cliff with their staffs while Judah and Theo fight ferociously.

Simon and Jokanon fight the third Soldier eventually killing him.

Judah severely wounds Theo, who agonizes at his fate. With tears streaming down his face, Judah angrily presses his lips together and kicks him off the steep mountain. Theo screams as he bounces off the jagged rocks and dies.