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Day 13 Assignments
Reply to post your assignment.
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16 Replies
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Emmanuel Sullivan’s Misdirects…When Appropriate!
What I learned is misdirects should be used sparingly. I’ve noticed in thriller movies, at least my understanding, misdirects are used less than a handful of times. It’s a great technique to keep the audience engaged and thinking about the story puzzle.
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Subject Line: Roscoe – Misdirects…When Appropriate!
“What I learned is…?” I might over mis-direct with clues. I need to work on this assignment. Interesting….
OPENING: A Navajo family is killed by a Skinwalker/Witch.
What is a skinwalker/witch? Why did the skinwalker kill the family?
INCITING INCIDENT: Tribal Cop is called into investigate Navajo deaths. Off the Indian Reservation.
Why are animal tracks larger than normal at crime scene?
OVERT CLUE: Stephen and Partner assume the tracks are from a skinwalker. This family clan might have an enemy.
CURRENT DIRECTION: Can tribal cop Stephen explain these deaths as spiritual in nature?
TWIST: A fearful, County Sheriff, says there is no money to help Stephen investigate. He’s on his own.
TURNING POINT 1: Stephen goes to home of his Navajo ex-wife Gabby.
CLUE MIS-DIRECTION: Gabby’s dog is torn apart by the limbs.
COVERT CLUE: Stephen and partner over-hear Gabby arguing with aunt Kathy about grandmother.
MIS-TRUST: Stephen divorced Gabby because of her infidelity.
TRUST: Gabby never lied about her Navajo traditions. She knows a skinwalker is after her.
Why does the skinwalker follow Stephen? How come the skinwalker shape-shifts into a black wolf?
CURRENT DIRECTION: Why does wolf stop at the cedar ash circle around Gabby’s home?
TWIST: Gabby stands inside that circle and the wolf won’t cross it. She is protected.
CURRENT DIRECTION: The skinwalker attacks Stephen’s truck.
TWIST: Stephen’s cop partner shoots the skinwalker who disappears into dust.
Gabby wasn’t inside the car crash that killed her family.
MIDPOINT: Stephen interviews Gabby’s uncle Jack.
CHARACTER MIS-DIRECTION: Jack tells Stephen that someone dug up Kevin’s grave. He’s the brother of Gabby.
OVERT CLUE: Jack tells Stephen and partner that there is supposed to be a family meeting. It’s about the “Will” of Gabby’s mother who was killed.
TRUST: Stephen always respected Gabby’s uncle Jack. The in-law supported Stephen in his divorce.
MIS-TRUST: Stephen believes Jack is lying to him for some reason.
Why does Gabby’s aunt Kathy attend a skinwalker meeting? Gabby then disappears.
CURRENT DIRECTION: Why does aunt Kathy threaten Stephen and Gabby?
TWIST: Aunt Kathy admits if she had the chance to kill Gabby. She would.
COVERT CLUE: Gabby sits in her car and finishes talking to a lawyer.
Why does Gabby visit a Navajo grandmother?
DIALOGUE MIS-DIRECTION: Grandmother says no likes Gabby’s aunt nor her uncle.
MIS-TRUST: Gabby never trusted anyone but her own dead grandmother.
TRUST: Gabby discovers an elder grandmother who helps her with this skinwalker.
CURRENT DIRECTION: Skinwalker catches up to Gabby.
TWIST: Skinwalker shape shifts into wolves and they kill Gabby’s close friend.
TURNING POINT 2: Stephen protects Gabby.
Why does Stephen and partner argue about why skinwalker is after her? Why does Stephen go to a modern Shaman? What did a gun shop owner give Stephen?
MIS-TRUST: Stephen never believed in any kind of shaman.
TRUST: A female shaman sends Stephen in the right direction concerning this skinwalker.
Climax: Stephen and Gabby fight against the skinwalker.
Resolution: The skinwalker is finally killed.
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Roscoe. I had the same thought about over-misdirecting. Hal makes is quite clear to keep this limited. I have so many misdirects I am misdirected myself into not know who is on who’s side and who is really doing what.
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Subject line: Larry Misdirects…When Appropriate!
What I learned is that by reviewing each element from the point of view of misdirection I could find additional opportunities for audience misdirection. In each case of the pedophile ring members, for example, I also made sure there are clues to true, evil identities so that on reflection it will become apparent as to who they really were.
1. Check these three to see how effectively you used misdirection.
2. Look through your Thriller Map for a few opportunities to add in misdirection.
A. Clue Misdirection.
B. Character Misdirection.
C. Dialogue Misdirection.
I rolled Questions #1 and #2 together.
At the beginning of the story action, however, there is the murder of a child which requires a response from the Ring as an investigation may uncover the Ring. There will be several suspects at first, but it will quickly boil down to one, the gym teacher alias the fall guy alias the red herring. The fall guy was set up by the Ring by using planted evidence, but the audience will not know this. I want the audience to be convinced the teacher did the deed, which misdirects the audience from the real culprit. So I focused on the planted evidence and added more “clues” pointing to the guilt of the teacher. By the time I was done I was convinced he did the dastardly deed.
A. The Red Herring character #1 – Gym Teacher
· the teacher has an argument with the future child-victim, witnessed by many
· the teacher has no alibi at the determined time of death: “I was driving around.”
· Pictures found of victim in compromising positions hidden in his school gym locker with only his fingerprints on the pics.
ADDED: Clue Misdirection
· Murder weapon found with his prints and blood of the victim
· At trial, superintendent gives testimony as to character of gym teacher (a not good character reference).
Red Herring Character #2 – Detective Hero’s Friend
· There are to be trust/mistrust issues between the Hero and his friend
· The friend will listen to the detective’s ideas throughout, but the Hero will not be sure the friend can be trusted because:
ADDED: Dialogue Misdirection:
The station Captain has ordered the friend to “shadow” and “report back” to the Captain “everything, and I mean everything” the detective does. The detective overhears this and he (and audience) takes this to mean that the Captain wants the friend to “spy” on the detective and the detective now believes the captain does not trust him and becomes suspicious (and the audience believes the Captain may be part of the Ring, I hope). In reality, the Captain wants the friend to monitor the progress of the detective to ensure proper police procedures are followed as he fears any cock-up would ruin the teacher investigation/case.
B. The Villain’s plan.
The action of the movie revolves around the murder of the child. The Ring wants to remain secret and if the real identity of the killer is found out it may blow the whole cover. The plan, then, comes in three stages. First set up a fall guy, which succeeds thanks to the judge, the Ring leader. When the Hero continues investigating, not convinced the teacher is guilty, the Ring threatens him so as to dissuade him from continuing. When that fails, the order is given to eliminate the Hero.
ADDED: Character Misdirection
In the second phase, as the Ring begins its plan to dissuade the Hero, the friend follows the Hero to his house. He radios the Captain that “the detective is home now.” Of course he is just following orders to report back. Shortly after the home phone rings and Hero receives his first threat to back off or else. This happens to be a coincidence
C. The cover-up for each mystery present as “Reality.”
The ultimate plan of the pedophile ring is to hide the members’ identities and continue to find children for its pleasure. In order to continue to procure victims each Ring member keeps up an appearance of being “above board” and “above reproach” with fine, upstanding reputations and each plays a part in protecting the Ring. Early on, the existence of the Ring is revealed, but not the members. So part of the fun for the audience is trying to figure out who is in the Ring and who is not. So the key is misdirecting them as to who is or is not part of the Ring.
Ring Members: The Court Judge, the Police Chief, the Principal, the Superintendent
On review, I felt the Principal and Chief were weakest in character development so,
Principal
Originally;
· In his office “petting” a child
ADDED: Character Misdirection
· Walking corridor, friendly to kids tapping them on head and kids adoring principal
· Warm greetings to staff
· Handing out candy
· Office space adorned with pics of kids, teddy bears, other child knick-knacks
Police Chief
Originally;
· Shows concern when child victim is first discovered
· Gave order that teacher case was to “be closed” or someone would be “busted”
· Chief sits in on trial to ensure “fair trial”
· Orders Hero to stop post-teacher-trial investigation since he is “wasting valuable police time”
ADDED: Dialogue misdirection
Slogan: “I take charge, I take responsibility.”
It sounds like he is a law-and-order kind of guy who is hands-on in running the police department. IN fact he, from his position, he can use his authority to influence investigations to protect the Ring.
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Those poor Red Herrings! We beat them up, drag them down. It’s amazing they survive their roles! I actually quit coaching girls basketball in fear of being incidentally appearing as inappropriate behavior. I really felt I was building a lot of self-esteem in these girls. I just couldn’t take the risk.
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Hi Michael:
I understand your position totally. You have no idea how much paranoia exists and is fostered by School boards these days. In an overzealous effort to protect students Board people instill distrust of those “in the trenches” actually working with students.
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13 Michael Williamsen Misdirection WIL This story has a lot of misdirection (so I think), maybe too much, that concludes at the end with some mysteries still unanswered. I will need to test this aspect out soon before I get too deep. I might need to turn some into basic false clues and expand on the most impactful misdirection. I think some of the misdirects are misdirecting me to the point I still don’t know who the real serial killer is!
Here are the biggest misdirects I may want to expand:
We see the 10 most wanted kidnappers’ posters on sheriff Mike’s office wall as Bob recognizes them. Victoria marks off the three most recent serial killings accusing Mike (red herring) he is killing off his kidnapping suspects in a serial fashion.
Kidnapper Bob supports Deputy Dan for sheriff on the news. He has Deputy Dan leak that Sheriff Mike may be the serial killer on the news with a very badly done support comment leading us to believe the opposite.
Mayor gives uplifting support for Sheriff Mike’s re-election on the news. He has already been blackmailed to join villain Bob in the kidnapping ring. This could go either way: his support for Bob may just be to get insider information on the kidnappers for Mike. Maybe Mayor is playing both sides.
Victoria acts hostile towards her ex-husband Mike until ACT II 2<sup>nd</sup> turning point. In her last conversation with him she expresses how she really feels towards him and her dream for the future which has already been crushed.
Deputy Driver Dave fixes Victoria’s purse with a Ziptie (the murder weapon) in front of Sheriff Mike and Victoria. They all recognize the sound of the ZIP! Looking at each other hiding their own guilty face. Anyone of them could be orchestrating the Ziptie Strangler.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by Michael Williamsen.
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Likely best to not leave so many mysteries unanswered– may piss off the audience if you do. Might want to change the name of Deputy Dan or Deputy Driver Dave– too many D’s!
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This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by
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James — Oops – I put this 13 assignment on day 12 – silly me.
Here it is again.
FARM MURDERS:
OPENING:
Woman backing out of Barn at night – shock at discovering something, then heading out quick to the road – soon 3 HOODED GUYS with voice devices on, follow her – she runs, they chase after. When they get too close the Lead Hooded one says to fall back. “Give her a chance.” They wait for her to get to another farm and in the middle of the field they hit her over the head, she lands face down. They rub her face in the farm dirt – then slam her face into it – she is unconscious when a Thrasher approaches – only feet away she awakes to see it upon her and SCREAMS.
TWIST: At the end of the script we see that the Thrasher was to scare the Hooded Guys away and the woman – Tang’s Mom is still alive!!
At College: Tang refuses to tell her college friends of her home life.
TWIST: Friends ask him for his “dead name” at least. He says “That’s why I’m never going back – because “Tina” will always be alive there.”
Reveal Tang is a FBI WANNABE: Tang and friends discuss now weeks away from her double-major that his eyes are set on getting into the FBI.
INCITING INCIDENT: TANG, in last week of College, gets call to come home as the woman who died was her Mom.
Tang goes home to grieve and wants to comfort and get comfort from his dad, grieving hard but stoically.
TWIST: He turns away from his only child.
Reveal TINA: IN THE GYM where a memorial for Mom – cuz she assistant coached the HS sports and it’s the biggest place in the town to have all who loved her.
REVEAL that Tang used to be TINA – the best soccer player she had to place on the men’s team. Behind the Glass is her picture and top scorer in the mid-west.
Tang Has to assert himself to get medical and coroners report. Coroner says nothing suspicious – she’s the only one to work the thrasher on the farm and must of hit something and shot out in front of it and got run over.
TWIST: Farm folk call her TINA and so he uses it to threaten them: “I killed Tina so what do you think I’ll do to you if you don’t give me what I have a legal right to possess?!”
MISDIRECTION: Dialogue: A Young MAN, we’ll known him later as BUBBA, yells out “I killed your Mom so what do you think about that?!” And runs off before he can be recognized..
Finds comfort with Phil and a Girl she had a HS crush on like her as a “Him.”
Tang goes home and his Dad, in a wheelchair, won’t talk to him. Turns his back on his only child.
Prejudices from townsfolk who knew him as female. Specially from an old HS guy BUBBA:
TWIST: They call him TINA a lot and it builds that finally he yells at one of them – “My name is Tang! Tang, got it??” Guy says “Well, that’s the stupidest name ever.” TANG: “Okay, what’s your name?” GUY: “Bubba.” TANG: “Members of the jury, I rest my case.” (Tang recognizes the sound of his voice from outside the coroners office the day before)
TWIST: Another Guy threatens him with a shotgun he grabs from the cab of his beat-up truck. Tang uses his defense training to easily take the weapon from him and shoot out one of his tires. TANG: “That buckshot in your tire just doubled your trucks value. You can thank me later.” He shoots the other bullet into the air and hands back his empty weapon.
Eyes always upon Tang.
TWIST: Only the young teens people accept Tang, their eyes upon their iPhones “He’s Trans? Cool.”
[Covertly – Phil has set the old neighbors and friends against Tang for being Trans Male, all the wild being his truest friend, like they were best friends back in High School.]
3 GUYS dress in HOODS with voice disguise mechanisms to force Farmers, at gunpoint, to sign their farm deed over to them.
The coroner resists giving Tang his report on cause of death. “I mean she wasn’t chopped into one inch cubic bits, correct?”
At Dinner with Dad: Dad says there is no reason for a cause of death. Tang says they have procedures for a death like that.
TWIST: Dad wants to give Tang relief that Mom is alive and fine but can’t.
All Mom’s friends don’t want to tell Tang anything. 1. Trans now. 2. Think a “daughter” should never have left her parents for so long. 3. They are despondent because they think Mom is really dead.
TWIST: The most conservative one now will later become Tangs friend?
The Sheriff acts like he’s hiding something. (Mom was the Sheriff’s HS sweetheart he was supposed to marry once)
TWIST: He is behind the fake death of Mom also and is hiding that!
The Sheriff IS the law but doesn’t act like it; his son, Phil seems to try harder, with Tang, to figure it out.
A Guy Tang’s age mentions the “HOODED GUYS” as a joke but Tang wants to know more.
TWIST: Guy gets nervous, makes an excuse and leaves OR makes a mean-spirited Trans joke out of the blue. (Later turns out to be one of the Hooded Guys- Maybe Bubba again?)
TURNING POINT: TANG finds suspicious cover-ups to her mom’s death, including the death of the Town MAYOR just a month before.
After Mom’s funeral, cremated of course – a car with no plates – almost runs Tang over.
Old school classmates of Tangs stalk him; taunt Tang as a girl;
Reveal that Tang thinks BUBBA maybe a Hooded Guy:
Tang refuses to be intimidated when asking for all medical and crime reports on his Mom
At the site of Mom’s death – Tang doesn’t find much but takes blood samples from the wide splatter pattern, and then notices footprints and works them back near the Sheriff’s farm. Could the Sheriff be involved?
CLUE: keeps blood samples to test on her own – sends to FBI and ***NEED TO FIND A PLACE in the script to put that the FBI report comes back: TWIST:- “it’s Pig’s blood.”
Tang gets a hang for this as she finds the Mayor was killed in a very different way but suspiciously and calls the FBI to get someone over for these multiple murders – and hopefully, to see she is ready to join.
TWIST: Different FBI Person gets the call and thinks he’s a quack caller.
Tang talks to the Coroner about the Mayor’s death.
TWIST: Coroner freely answers all his questions!
Coroner hands him a bag from storage which has lots of black clothing fibers.
CLUE: – a possible clue which leads to the hoods of the mysterious HOODED GUYS. Coroner says they were found mostly in the Mayor’s hair.
TWIST: Makes Tang think the Mayor could’ve been one of the HOODED BAD GUYS.
Farm owners nervously call it an old urban legend.
TWIST: If it’s old why did he never hear it growing up there as “Tina?”
CLUE: Farmers are nervous while they tell the story, contradict each other and seem to make shit up on the spot. [*** COULD this be a CHARACTER MISDIRECTION as in characters we should believe who are telling lies?]
MIDPOINT: The girl Tang had a crush on – when Tang was female – is infatuated right back and they become a couple. (**Could she be a News reporter OR a Cop to help Tang later??)
The more Tang digs and the Sheriff threatens to put him in jail – 25 years Sheriff – he won’t comment further against the word of a 22 yr old Trans.
***[Places throughout Tang tells Phil about her investigation and he shows Trust and Distrust at different times – such as saying that the Mayor’s death isn’t a murder!]
Tang asks Dad to use Mom’s car and his almost refusal could be a DIALOGUE MISDIRECTION because he is hiding the fact that Mom is still alive.
Tang drives her Mom’s old car and is chased. Both cars get stuck in a sand bar or corn field and they both run and the chase continues on the farm’s 4 wheelers which are dumped in downtown residential blocks of houses and they now chase on foot – through backyards; Tang is grabbed by an owner of one house and held by his collar like a teenager caught stealing something! The person chasing Tang leaves, foiled again.
CLUE: Hooded Person must be local – knows the area and rides 4 wheelers very well.
Unknown person threatens to post photo’s of Tang’s top surgery;
Tang is upset and Phil, Girlfriend and another friend of theirs get Tang to talk about being Trans.
TWIST: Phil makes a joke about it – which hits Tang hard, seemingly very unlike who Phil is.
Tang takes the hurt to psychoanalyze Phil as she explains what she studied in college to be in the FBI to identify criminally minded people.
TWIST: Tang says he has maniacal tendencies and no empathy for the suffering of others – as a joke but Phil gets angry and leaves saying they are no longer friends!
TWIST: Tang didn’t mean for that to happen but later glad when he is found to be the killer.
Tang’s Dad finally gives in and talks about Mom’s mouth getting her into trouble.
TWIST: Tang questions his use of present tense when he talks about Mom but he makes an excuse that he is still grieving and in shock.
ALMOST REVEAL: MOM’S DEATH is a ploy to get Tang home: DAD almost reveals it but Tang misunderstands as him grieving and he lets it go.
Tang finds out: Already sold Tang’s farm but Tang nor Dad knows about it. Tang’s Dad finally admits the Hooded Guys threatened him to sign his land away but he refused – he had no idea that Mom went through with it.
CLUE: Hooded Guys want land – must have a plan on what to do with it – an end game.
CLUE: Then Farms deeds are found to be bought up by shell companies.
Someone says that they saw the Mayor get into an argument with someone in the shadows by the Sheriff’s barn the day before he was found dead. (the Sheriff is the RED HERRING)
The Sheriff says the Mayor wasn’t murdered but the buried condoner’s report is quite different from the official statement.
Tang finds it seems connected to Mom’s death (farm machine?? Components found like black threads?)
Mayor had no enemies except the Sheriff ran against him more than once.
CLUE: Tang finds that Items from the same website which sells HOODS w Vocal Disguisers on them were sent to the Sheriff’s address. He demands that Tang go back to their college town and don’t open this can of worms.
REVEAL that Hooded Guys are local: Tang hears where and when the townsfolk have had encounters with the Hooded Guys and has an answer as to why they must be locals. 1. Had to have keys to the thrasher – had to have a place to torture the Mayor or ? (Maybe Mayor died of a heart attack – which coroner report says – but because he was beaten up on so bad! Perhaps Tang gets photos of his beaten face)
CLUE: Tang and Girlfriend find Hoods with mouth pieces in the Sheriff’s barn.
Tang and Girlfriend abducted with black hoods over their heads;
TURNING POINT 2: Tang girlfriend is killed or almost killed by a bullet meant for him.
REVEAL BUBBA is one of the Hooded Guys: Fits the profile and black threads on his shirt that he wears for days on end.
Tang demands a line-up for ONE WITNESS who one Hooded Guy threatened:
ONE WITNESS identifies BUBBA as the voice who threatened her. Soon after she says that the leader Hooded Guy had a mis-step to him, they can tell because they breed horses and you gotta watch for that or they aren’t worth as much but for studding.” (Phil has no toes on right foot from a farm accident)
TWIST: Phil had been acting like Tangs best friend all this time!
Phil traps Tang in his barn basement; Tang points out the “hitch” in his step – Phil shows her that his toes were cut off by this fucking being a farmer BS!!
CLUE: Person said Hooded Leader had a “hitch” in his step.
CLUE: Phil gets out his Hood with he voice-disguising mouth-ware to show Tang.
CLIMAX: Turns out it has been Tang’s best old friend from growing up who is the killer and he goes after him, they fight, he escapes – only to be chased down by his own father, the Sheriff, and arrested.
Turns out the Sheriff was protecting his son, Phil. And as he looks at his son in cuffs about to cry he sets him free and yells for him to run!!
TWIST: Paternal instincts are too strong after we thought he is doing the right thing.
It is Tang alone who has to chase him down on foot – in the very field where his own Mom was killed and duke it out with Tang the victor.
BUT when it looks like it’s done PERHAPS Phil throws dirt in Tang’s eyes and a THRASHER machine stops Phil from getting away – turns out to be Tang’s Dad, who also saved his Wife’s life (Tang’s Mom) in the opening scene.
Phil confesses: Killed the Mayor in Phil’s Garage cuz he found out our plan to steal the deeds, use out own notary for the documents and connections to sell to the Billionaire but they didn’t kill Tang’s Mom but meant to cuz she snooped around . We knocked her out in the field and someone else drove that thrasher over her!
Phil and the Sheriff are taken in by the Deputy.
RESOLUTION: Tang gets reunited with his Mom!!!
TWIST: She’s been alive all this time!!!
Dad, the Sheriff and the Coroner made up the story that she died because she knew you could find out who the Hooded Guys were and save their farms and that this was the only way you’d ever come back home again.
Tang also gets all the farm folks their deeds back and is shown gratitude by those who hated and were scared that Tang is a Trans Male.
Tang visits his Girlfriend, recovering in the hospital and Perhaps a phone call from the FBI – “when can you start?”
TWIST: He smiles at his Girlfriend which makes us think he may turn down the job offer to stay with her.
Girlfriend demands he go and fulfill his dreams – besides now she has the idea that getting out of town to go to college might be a good thing also.
TWIST: Tang suggests that this farm town ain’t so bad and that they hang out here for the summer and think about all their options.
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Kathy Misdirects…When Appropriate!
What I learned is I can continue to add more danger for my heroine”
1. Check these three to see how effectively you used misdirection
A. The Red Herring character.
B. The Villain’s plan.
C. The cover-up for each mystery present as “Reality.”
2. Look through your Thriller Map for a few opportunities to add in misdirection.
A. Clue Misdirection.
B. Character Misdirection.
C. Dialogue Misdirection.
1. The first scene shows Ben’s ex-wife, Betsy Conner, in a wheelchair at the airport, checking in for a flight to Portugal. We see her name on her passport. She tells both the gate agent and Simone that she is not coming back. She has a cast on her left leg. On the way to security, she drops her passport and Simone, who is there to greet Ben, picks it up. Simone doesn’t see her name on the passport.
2. Ben, a business associate, charms Simone into having dinner with him.
3. Ben takes her to the botanic garden.
4. Ben looks at her house, an expansive MCM on a big lot worth over a million.
5. He takes Simone and her son Josh to a nice Italian restaurant.
6. 6 months later he proposes and she accepts. ( inciting incident)
7. He has her sign a pre-nup. He tells Simone it’s about his business but he has added a sentence that says if she dies before Josh is 18, then Ben gets the house so he can care for him. ( character misdirect)
8. On the honeymoon, Simone finds a cryptic note of Ben’s, “call M about closing”. Ben says it’s nothing but it is a note about a past house closing that he did with Marcie.
9. Josh thinks Ben is buttering him up since he is always so nice. ( character misdirect)
10. Simone talks to her friend Beth about finding a morgage statement. Ben and Betsy Conner are on the loan. Simone knows that Ben lied to her about the closing.
11. Ben and Simone have a fight.
12. Ben secretly rips up her will.
13. They go to Thanksgiving dinner at his cousin Emily’s who tells Simone that Ben was a bully as a child and had 2 short previous marriages. ( character misdirect)Two marriages and 2 divorces in 2 years. ( turning point one, a major twist)
14. They talk about taxes. Simone kneels at his feet. Ben says he will pay them.
15. They go to a convention on the Ga. coast. Simone is tired so she goes to sleep. Ben meets Marcie, his lover, who tells Ben that she will take care of Simone. ( page 36)
16. Marcie hits Simone with a metal tennis racquet. Simone falls, has a concussion, needs stitches, remembers nothing.
17. Back home, Ben leaves and doesn’t give Simone any money.
18. Beth suggests that Simone investigate Ben.
19. Simone drives to Savannah and surprises Ben in his office. He scrambles to hide Marcie’s photo. After Simone leaves, he calls Marcie and tells her to get her stuff out of his condo.
20. Beth finds the ex-wives, calls Simone. Simone finds out that Ben lied to her. ( character misdirect)His first wife didn’t die. She is the lady in a wheelchair that Simone met at the airport. (pg.48)
21. In Ben’s condo, Simone finds a gun. Ben aims it at her and pulls the trigger. It isn’t loaded. He scares her.
22. While Simone sleeps, Ben meets Marcie. He tells her about the pre-nup. Marcie says Simone could be in an accident.
23. Simone wakes up, rummages through Ben’s desk, takes 2 CD’s. Simone tours Savannah the next day. Tells Beth she found 2 CD’s.
24. added another scene where Ben loosens the bolts on Simone’s car. Car goes off the road on the way home. (CC) Simone OK, thinks the mechanic accidentally didn’t tighten the bolts at her last wheel alignment.
25. Back home, Beth opens the CD’s. They find AmEx bills for expensive restaurants, women’s phone numbers and pictures of their houses. The women think that Ben has been having many affairs. (midpoint: A major revelation. The opposition is 10 times worse than thought.)
26. Simone cuts up Ben’s clothes.
27. Simone and Beth call a woman’s number. Rhonda Stevens tells them that Ben tried to get her house as a wedding present.
28. They call Ben’s ex-wife, Nancy Edwards, who lives in Atlanta. They drive to her house. Nancy tells them that Ben conned her out of her house and threatened her father.
29. Beth says Ben has 2 personalities and needs a doctor. ( character jumping to conclusions)
30. Simone and Beth confront Ben, tell him they know about his women, tell him he goes to therapy or Simone divorces him.
31. Marcie tells Ben that she has a plan that will speed things up.
32. Ben and Simone argue in the therapist’s office. Ben apologizes to Simone.
33. Montage of Ben and Simone sleeping apart, talking to the therapist.
34. A month later, a car, driven by a woman in a red dress, grazes Simone. ( character misdirect) (TURNING POINT 2: Major setback, lowest of the low, pg. 70) Beth meets her in the hospital. Simone tells Beth she saw a woman driving who wore a red dress. The detective says the car was stolen, is registered to a man in Atlanta.
35. Ben takes Simone to a fancy restaurant and apologizes. Says all the women were before her and that he loves her.
36. Ben and Simone kiss in bed. While Simone sleeps, Ben goes to the garage, grabs a wrench and pliers, kneels in front of Simone’s car, slides under it, slightly twists the brake line loose so that it will leak a little, then walks out.
37. Simone tells Beth that the car was stolen and hasn’t been found yet. She says Ben is a changed man, he’s putting money into their account, that Ben’s wife Betsy was crazy. Wife #2 Nancy lied to get back at him and her dad wasn’t threatened, he says crazy stuff, has Altzheimers. ( character misdirect)
SIMONE, Lots of women have red dresses.
BETH, There are too many coincidences.
SIMONE, You are a worry wort. ( dialogue misdirect) Josh is doing well and Ben’s more mellow. He doesn’t argue any more and he deposited two thousand dollars into our account yesterday.
38. Ben wants Simone to visit him in Savannah. Beth is worried. Simone says, “It’s a tour? What could go wrong?” (dialogue misdirect)
Added more danger: Simone turns off onto an airport exit ramp, puts her foot on the brake, and the car slows down. Simone puts her foot on the brake again and the car doesn’t stop. She mashes the brake pedal again. The car keeps moving and is very close to another car’s bumper. Simone screams. She wrestles the car to the right side of the road and onto a grass strip. It rolls to a stop.
39. Simone, without a cast, meets Ben at the Savannah airport. He calls Marcie, tells her the cast is gone. She says she’ll deal with Simone.
40. Ben tells Simone that the boat is not a tour boat, it is a friend’s boat. He doesn’t tell her Marcie is the owner. (dialogue misdirect)
41. At the marina, Simone sees “HASHTAG”, a 35 foot sailboat with a mast, 7 small windows, a deck with benches, and a large wooden wheel for steering. A hatch leads to the main cabin. Chrome railing encircles the vessel. On board, Simone meets Marcie, who Ben introduces as a colleague. Marcie says, “I’m sure we’ll become great friends“, which is a lie. ( character misdirect)
42. They cast off and motor into the Wilmington River. Simone goes into the cabin, calls Beth, tells her she is not on a tour, is sailing to St. Simons Island, and Marcie is on the boat. Beth is worried, tells Simone to call her when she gets to St. Simons.
43. Ben hoists the mainsail up. When it is full of wind, Marcie spins the wheel. The sail deflates. Ben swings the boom and the boat veers to the left. Simone screams, grabbing the railing as she falls. The boom narrowly misses her head. Ben secures the boom rigging to a cleat, says “nice jibe,” (dialogue misdirect) to Marcie.(character misdirect)
44. Simone goes into the cabin, finds a first aid kit, bandages her knee, sips a beer, finds a gun in a cabinet. Looks in a bin, finds makeup, a bra, panties, and a red dress, looks in another bin, finds a logbook for the boat, opens it, Marcie’s name is on the first page as the owner.
45. Simone calls Beth but no answer. Simone goes up to the deck. Waits for sunset.
46. Simone goes back into the cabin, calls Beth, tells her that Marcie owns the boat and spun the wheel, almost knocking her down. Beth says to get off the boat asap, doesn’t trust either Ben or Marcie.
Added: Before dinner Simone gets a call from the mechanic. Her car has a hole in the brake line. He says this doesn’t happen often, maybe caused by a rock.
47. After dinner Ben walks off with Marcie, who wears a red dress, leaving Simone alone to shop.
48. Back on the boat, Simone drops her shopping bags and calls Beth who says she is nervous about the gun, asks “who owns it?” Simone agrees to get a hotel room.
49. Simone packs her bag and sees that the gun is missing. She’s looking for it as Ben and Marcie stagger onto the deck. Ben comes into the cabin. (start of the CLIMAX) He’s drunk, starts a fight, binds Simone’s hands, socks her. She plays dead.
50. He grabs her cell and goes up the steps. Back on the deck, he tosses her phone overboard. Ben starts releasing the lines. Marcie’s afraid of getting caught. Ben starts the engine and they move away from the dock. He stomps back downstairs to the cabin.
51. Simone plays dead. Ben and Marcie head to the bedroom and shut the door. Simone tries to free her hands then heads up to the deck.
52. Simone elbows the hatch doors shut. She spots the tackle box, kneels, turns around on her knees, and fingers the lock. It pops open. She fingers a knife and uses it to slowly cut the rope around her wrists. It parts. She puts the metal crab net through the doors.
53. Simone turns to the radio next to the wheel, talks to the marine operator who tells her to turn on the running lights. She does. A white light from the mast spotlights the boat. A green light is on the right side and a red light is on the left side. A white stern light illuminates the water around the rear platform.
54. Ben notices the lights. As he kicks the doors, Simone says, “Operator, help. My husband is trying to kill me. There’s a gun on the boat…….somewhere.”
55. Intercut between Ben and Simone. He sees her through a hatch, and starts shooting. She’s talking to the marine operator but has to drop the microphone and run.
56. Simone climbs above the door as Ben shoots through the crab net handle. It splits and he opens the doors. She conks him on the head with a fire extinguisher and he falls back into the cabin onto Marcie.
57. The fire extinguisher rolls off the deck, through the railing, and disappears into the sea.
58. Simone shuts the doors again. She grabs a padlock from the tackle box and padlocks the doors.
59. She calls the marine operator again. The Coast Guard will be there in 10 min. Simone says, “I could be dead by then.”
60. Marcie shoots through the doors. Simone climbs to the bow. Marcie sees her, tells her Ben wants to apologize. Simone says, “I know you own the boat.” Marcie says the CG isn’t coming.
61. Simone calls the marine operator again, “send the CG”.
62. Shots come through the cabin doors. One grazes Simone, hitting in her left calf. Blood pours down her leg.
63. Ben’s head pops through the ceiling hatch. He sees Simone and shoots through the doors again, hitting the radio, which smolders. Simone climbs back on the upper deck. The radio is on fire.
64. Marcie sees the fire. Simone, toward the bow, turns, creeps back to the open hatch, and kicks the back of Marcie’s head, forcing her inside, then closes the hatch and stands on it’s edge. Shots go through it. Simone jumps back. The hatch pops open.
65. Ben aims the gun at Simone, tells her to open the doors. She ducks in front of the doors where he can’t see her, spots the tackle box, grabs a big wrench, leaps up, and hits Ben on the head with the wrench.
66. Ben, gun in hand, falls into the cabin on top of Marcie. The gun hits her head. Both lie in a pile on the cabin floor.
67. Flames reach a canvas tarp covering the narrow deck under the starboard railing. The canvas catches on fire and the flames spread along the right side. Simone opens a storage box to the left of the cabin doors. She grabs a towel and tries to put out the flames but the towel catches on fire so she throws it overboard. A coil of rope on the deck catches fire.
68. Simone backs away from the flames and climbs onto the cabin roof. She walks along the railing until she is at the bow.
69. The flames along the tarp grow higher.
70. The mainsail edge blackens, smolders, then catches fire.
71. Simone holds onto the bow railing and stares into the depths. “I love you Josh.”
72. The CG arrives and extinguishes the flames. Ben and Marcie are handcuffed. The sailboat is towed to shore. The duo are jailed.
73. They go in front of a judge. Marcie confesses, “He was gonna con her out of her house like his other wives.” The judge tells Ben, “You gave your wife a passport to peril.”
74. On an airliner, Simone sits next to a handsome French man. Two glasses of red wine are on the tray between them. “I divorced Ben a year ago. It’s taken this long to sell his condos. Versailles first or maybe the Louvre?” The man speaks, “Both are national treasures.” Simone: “My grandmother named me. She grew up on Guadeloupe and always wanted me to see Paris.” Man, “I’d love to see the Louvre again. I’m free on Friday.” She sips her wine and laughs. “Friday will be perfect.”
75. CLOSE ON: A PASSPORT STICKING OUT OF HER BAG.
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Kathryn misdirects
I learned that I had another opportunity for a false villain in the incumbent.
Misdirected clues added:
The good Dr. is friends with the current President.
The clinic was funded by an organization the President’s wife started.
When the good Dr dies the President disappears.
The President has the same monitoring watch as Max.
The President approaches Emily privately about reopening the clinic.
The President steps down before his loss is called.
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Melanie Misdirects…When Appropriate
What I learned: I discovered that I had already included a few misdirects unintentionally. This exercise has triggered some new ideas on how to effectively use some of these misdirects for the red herring character further!
Clue Misdirection:
The recent calls to Danny on her best friend’s phone were to coordinate a party he was throwing for Vivienne where he wanted to ask for her hand again.
Character Misdirection:
I need to work these into beats but want to work on Danny’s mishandling of the wound found on Natalie in the beginning, his meeting with the soon-to-be murdered blonde woman, his anger at Vivienne’s growing suspicion through Act 3 and his lack of empathy when her best friend ends up in the hospital. I feel a lot of this misdirection is really his lack of sensibility from a woman’s point of view and will be subtle at most.
Dialogue Misdirection:
On the 911 call in the beginning, Vivienne pieces it together that the woman caller is talking to Danny, her husband. She’s enraged hearing her call him a pet name except in reality she is actually talking to Hugo, her husband. In the end Hugo slips using this pet name in one of their sessions.
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Leona Heraty Misdirects…When Appropriate!
What I learned is…misdirections are fun to write! I already have a few in my story/Thriller Map, and I need to add a dialogue misdirection too.
1. Check these three to see how effectively you used misdirection
A.
The Red Herring character.
This is Todd, who is hired by
Tuvelle to wear a creepy mask and cloak and chase her and McKenzie on the
trails.
B.
The Villain’s plan.
Tuvelle is angry at McKenzie
for making her “end her winning streak” with men and turning her into a “magnificent
loser” so she hired her neighbor, Todd, to chase them around the trails so
scare McKenzie, then they end up at Perilous Peak, where Tuvelle tries to
murder McKenzie by pushing her off the cliff!C. The cover-up for each mystery present as “Reality.”
Mystery 1: A masked figure is following McKenzie
Cover-up: We assume it’s a man following McKenzie, but it’s really Tuvelle.Mystery 2: A masked figure is chasing McKenzie and Tuvelle on the trails leading up to Perilous Peak
Cover-up: It’s Todd, Tuvelle’s neighbor, who Tuvelle hired to chase them and scare McKenzie on the trails.Mystery 3: After McKenzie pulls Todd’s mask off, he says he was hired by Tuvelle to scare them, but McKenzie doesn’t know if she should believe him or not.
Cover-Up: Tuvelle says she’s never met Tod before in her life, and he’s a crazy guy who may murder them!Mystery 4: On Perilous Peak, McKenzie doesn’t know who to believe or trust, Tuvelle or Todd?
Cover-Up: Tuvelle pulls up Todd’s pant leg and exposes his hiking knife…is he really a killer?2. Look through your Thriller Map for a few opportunities to add in misdirection.
A.
Clue Misdirection.
Todd has a hiking knife
strapped to his leg…is he a killer?
B.
Character Misdirection.
An older guy jumps down from a
tree on the trail, and scares McKenzie, and she thinks he’s weird, and
later thinks he might be the figure wearing the mask and stalking them.
C.
Dialogue Misdirection.
I’m still working on this one!3. Decide on the ones that work and add them to the Thriller Map.
I already have the misdirections in my Thriller Map.-
This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by Leona Heraty.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by
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What I learned is (1) sometimes you already have enough misdirection (2) a little too much courts disaster if you confuse any readers. (3) it may be safer to finalize misdirecction on a later pass.
Jeff Guenther’s Thriller Map, Revised for Misdirection
Legend, Clue Category Tags:
What is causing the bizarre phenomena? Bizarre phenomena cause = “BPC”
Why is the hospital losing so much money? Losing money because = “LMB”
How did 4 people die or disappear? Death Clues = “DC”
How are conversations being overheard? Listening in Clues = “LIC”Reel 1. Setup: Allie’s status quo, ending with the inciting event.
a) MIS: Allie’s boyfriend is broke, unemployed.
Allie fears unemployment
a) MIS: They need money for illegit daughter [her secret could be revealed.]
a) MIS: Allie considers job she doesn’t want for the money
a) M/I/S: Allie is looking for work at Burgerpalooza
CURRENT DIRECTION: Taking the job at Burgerpalooza
TWIST: 7. New options emerge. Allie hears of job opening.
a) REVEAL: Allie’s new job lead is in an old hospital
TRUST: Feeney (CEO) is polite and friendly to Allie.
d) M/I/S: CEO sells her on the job, her boss
b) REVEAL: Allie is a nurse
d) REVEAL: Desperate, Allie takes job at Hospital.
c) REVEAL: Hospital has a bad rep
d) REVEAL: Allie’s boss is the head nun, Sr. Polygrippa
TRUST: Polygrippa’s a nun; you can trust nuns, right?
DC We see laundry carts moved around. OVE
DC Parts of building are sealed off. OVE
DC Certain elevators are “out of order” OVE
* Other elevators are very slow, jiggle as they rise COVE
CURRENT DIRECTION: Thinks Hospital job is safe.
e) M/I/S: Hospital has a lot of “charity cases” MISDIRECT
e) MIS: “charity cases” = indigents
e) MIS: indigents = alcoholics/druggies
e) REVEAL: TWIST: 11. got more dangerous. Indigent patients may attack her [physical danger]
f) M/I/S: Young patient, Clara, is admitted [VILLAIN’S PLAN: ATTACK THE HOSPITAL]
f) h) MIS: Clara needs a tonsillectomy MISDIRECT
BPC Patient Clara is pre-adolescent, a little young for a poltergeist COVE
TRUST: Clara is a patient, therefore to be assisted
f) MIS: Mysterious fires in rooms, starting with a financial office
DC Parts of building are sealed off. OVE
BPC The first fire burnt critical records, = not BPC. COVE/OVE
f) MIS: Paranormal phenomena happen MISDIRECT
BPC Often happen in empty rooms. OVE
All BPC happen after patient X admitted. COVE
TRUST: Menzies fools Allie by showing concern about Clara MISDIRECT
BPC Happen near Patient Clara’s room. OVE
f) MIS: Phenomena get closer to girl
f) MIS: Allie moves the girl to protect her
CURRENT DIRECTION: Allie’s off the indigent ward.
TRUST: Sr. Polygrippa seems competent.
TWIST: 11. got more dangerous. Strange phenomena [the unknown] in paying patient ward.
f) MIS: Janitor says one wing was haunted previously MISDIRECT
* Janitor says he doesn’t have keys to everything OVERT
DC We see laundry carts moved around. OVE
DC Parts of building are sealed off. OVE
LMB the phenomena are scaring away paying patients COVE/OVE MISDIRECT
Allie fears for the young patient [danger to someone they know]
Allie promises (mother or nun) to protect the patient
j) M/I/S: Clara’s mother is a nuisance MISDIRECT
f) M/I/S: Wing is sealed off as haunted.
Reel 2. Predicament ‘lock in’ to the conflict (end of Act 1).
CURRENT DIRECTION: Allie only has one patient.
TRUST: Clara is cute and responsive, nice to Allie MISDIRECT
LMB the indigent:wealthy ratio is getting bigger. COVE/OVE
j) MIS: Clara’s mother tells stories
TRUST/SYMPATHY: Menzies plays the victim, being patient with his alcoholic wife.
g) M/I/S: Menzies is girl’s stepfather
TWIST: 11. got more dangerous. Allie sees escalating phenomena, definitely supernatural
The eldritch janitor [RH?] scares her [stalked]. MISDIRECT
CURRENT DIRECTION: Allie’s job is safe.
TWIST: 9. A trust is violated. Her secret comes out. MISDIRECT
CURRENT DIRECTION: The Hospital is a safe place.
DC We see laundry carts moved around. OVE
TWIST: 8. A mistake haunts them. Janitor: hospital haunted a long time ago, plastered up
DC Certain elevators are “out of order” OVE
i) M/I/S: DISTRUST:’s creepy, tells Allie scary stories.
i) MIS: Janitor scares Allie.
g) MIS: DISTRUST: VILLAIN / Clara’s father, Menzies, disappears.
DC Must search the building. OVE
DC They were last seen in a room(s) COVE
DC No one saw them leave the building. OVE or MISDIRECT, say they were seen
DC Parts of building are sealed off. OVE
DC Personal effects left behind. OVE
CURRENT DIRECTION: The hospital is fully staffed
TWIST: 6. New consequences emerge. Staff start to quit. VILLAIN’S PLAN PART 1
Sr. Polygrippa’s team uses holy water, prayer, etc.
LMB Salaries have been raised to get nurses to work there. OVE
Most BPC occur on 4th floor, Old Wing OVE
DC Parts of building are sealed off. OVE
CURRENT DIRECTION: The phenomena seem to abate. MISDIRECT
TWIST: 14. The “solution” makes things worse. Doesn’t work
LMB CEO salary goes up along with nurse salary by contract. COVE
CURRENT DIRECTION: Polygrippa tries more things.
h) MIS: Allie tries to not assist during the operation
TWIST: 11. It just got more dangerous. Allie assigned to protect Clara, stay with her.
Reel 3. First attempt to deal with problem. Easy option fails, stakes rise.
h) MIS: Polygrippa insists she can do it, per her resume.
CURRENT DIRECTION: Allie will assist in the O.R.
TWIST: 11. It just got more dangerous. Allie fears infections from sharp medical instruments.
Clara is operated on. Phenomena start.
h) MIS: Allie starts to shake during the procedure
CURRENT DIRECTION: Operation is smoothly under way.
h) MIS: one (all?) of the sharps levitate(s).
h) REVEAL: Allie has a phobia of surgical instruments.
TWIST: 2. Lost their resources. Shortage of O.R. materiel found VILLAIN’S PLAN 3
LMB Hidden construction is siphoning off sinking funds COVE
Sr. Polygrippa explains construction noises as “remolition.”
MOTIF: Sharps, scalpels [presence of weapons]
They move Clara to another room.
DC Certain elevators are “out of order” OVE
TRUST: Clara thanks Allie a lot.
j) MIS: Clara’s mother dies in the room next to her. VILLAIN’S PLAN 2
DC She was last seen in a room(s) COVE
DISTRUST: Clara’s mother is found dead. MISDIRECT
Reel 4. More grandiose, extreme plan goes horribly wrong (ends with the mid-point)
j) REVEAL: Clara’s mother was alcoholic; Mother’s autopsy says she died from excess alcohol
Allie wonders where Mother got the alcohol.
LMB Unknown supplies purchases COVE
CURRENT DIRECTION: They decide to shut down two floors. With paying patients.
DC Certain elevators are “out of order” OVE
TWIST: 7. New options emerge. Exorcist is found.
f) MIS: TRUST: Exorcist called in by Sr. Polygrippa
Exorcist scares Allie with stories [talking about the danger]
LMB Insurance costs are up after indigents attack nurses. COVE
CURRENT DIRECTION: Restaffing begins. Exorcism starts.
k) MIS: information is leaking from meetings MISDIRECT
LIC Happened in meeting room. OVE
TWIST: 9. A trust is violated. Calling in exorcist leaked to newspaper,
CURRENT DIRECTION: Staff is up to previous level.
TWIST: 6. New consequences: Patients leave re newspaper VILLAIN’S ULTIMATE PLAN
Phenomena traced to proximity of Clara (next door, floor above, etc.)
DISTRUST: Phenomena center around Clara’s room
TRUST: Janitor tells Allie what she needs to know. (repeatedly)
Janitor may remember the old speaking tubes. OVE
i) REVEAL: The Janitor is an ally, knows the hospital well
DC Janitor knew a lot, maybe too much. COVE
They shut down nearby rooms, move Clara.
CURRENT DIRECTION: Outbreak of phenomena is contained.
f) MIS: Exorcist gets his gear together.
f) REVEAL: TWIST: 10. unexpected side of someone. Exorcist ID’s Clara as poltergeist. Panic.
DISTRUST: Menzies hadn’t told Allie Clara was a poltergeist.
CURRENT DIRECTION: He prepares to exorcise Clara.
TWIST: 1. Something planned for doesn’t happen. Exorcist killed mysteriously.
LMB Donations have dropped off. COVE
TRUST: Janitor tells Allie what she needs to know. (repeatedly)
k) REVEAL: The rooms have an antique speaker tube system. Listening and gas injection
LIC Different people there each time. OVE
Reel 5. Allie retreats to address flaw Confronts her weakness. Fear? Lack of Faith?
Allie begins to investigate the rooms.
CURRENT DIRECTION: Allie finds something strange about the room.
LIC Allie or b.f. inspects room panels & finds more tube covers. OVE
Other nurse can’t identify tubes.
TWIST: 6. New consequences emerge. DISTRUST: Sr. Polygrippa orders Allie to stop snooping [demand to stop investigating.]
CURRENT DIRECTION: Allie investigates basement, MISDIRECT
DC Parts of building are sealed off. OVE
TWIST: 11. It just got more dangerous. Allie Finds notes in her locker [threats]TRUST: Janitor tells Allie what she needs to know. (repeatedly)
DISTRUST: Nurse shows the threatening notes to her & gets bawled out
CURRENT DIRECTION: Allie talks to Janitor, who knows stuff about the old wing.
Janitor may remember the old speaking tubes. OVE
TWIST: 4. A new problem. Janitor dies in storm; put in cold storage until police can arrive
DC They were last seen in a room(s) COVE
Allie could fear what killed the janitor, think it’s demonic.
Allie gets mad, decides to face her fears, even if she loses her job
Allie meets with Sr. Polygrippa, other peers
TRUST: Polygrippa meets with nurse and promise action will be taken
CURRENT DIRECTION: Sr. Polygrippa agrees to fix something
l) M/I/S: Reference to $MM operating budget
l) M/I/S: References to $MM sinking funds
TWIST: 6. New consequences emerge. Someone overhears her conversations [surveillance]
LIC Happened in meeting room. OVE
CURRENT DIRECTION: They requisition the repairs. DISTRUST: Feeney refuses Allie funds
TWIST: 5. A lie uncovered. Requisition denied. Repair $$ not available VILLAIN’S PLAN 3
l) REVEAL: The hospital is being drained of cash
m) REVEAL: The hospital is almost bankrupt.
Reel 6. New plan, Allie embraces change All goes wrong, and new revelation. (end of Act 2)
CURRENT DIRECTION: Clara will be discharged soon.
TWIST: 9. A trust violated. Co-worker reports Allie [someone near them.] Allie is punished.
CURRENT DIRECTION: Polygrippa donates her own $$ funds to order repairs, arranges to meet Allie.
TRUST: Polygrippa donates money
DISTRUST: Polygrippa doesn’t show up as she said she would.
DC They were last seen in a room(s) COVE
DC No one saw them leave the building. OVE
TWIST: 4. A new problem occurs. Polygrippa disappears VILLAIN’S PLAN 2
Allie searches for Sister Polygrippa.
DC Personal effects left behind. OVE
DC Last seen on 4<sup>th</sup> floor, old wing. OVE
CURRENT DIRECTION: The funds are secured; they need Polygrippa’s signature.
TWIST: 11. It just got more dangerous. Allie’s attacked while looking for Sister
Allie escapes but finds why there’s no money–unneeded supplies etc., are being bought.
TRUST: Allie finds Feeney doesn’t have the funds
Allie informs the CEO.
o) M/I/S: Management learns personal info re Allie
CURRENT DIRECTION: CEO calls in the auditors.
o) REVEAL: Co-worker is a spy. MISDIRECT
TWIST: 6. New consequences emerge. Allie threatened with firing.
Reel 7. Change, rejoins the battle. Goal reached, but . . .Final twist, Villain turns the tables.
The hospital is bankrupt [loss of a job or career.] VILLAIN’S ULTIMATE PLAN
CURRENT DIRECTION: Allie looks for the books to give to the auditors.
TWIST: 11. got more dangerous. Allie’s attacked while checking records [lured into danger].
CURRENT DIRECTION: Allie hides in the cold storage room.
TWIST: 13. The worst thing possible happens. Allie finds Polygrippa in cold storage;
DC No known common cause. COVE
Polygrippa has records in her Bank of Ireland.
Allie finds evidence nun was looking at old employee records.
Allie finds evidence nun was looking at recent expenditures.
n) M/I/S: Indigent to paying patients is increasing
TRUST: Nurse finds Sr. P stole the papers that incriminate CEO
CURRENT DIRECTION: Allie gets evidence together and starts out of cold storage
v) M/I/S: She sees Janitor’s body, covered by a sheet.
v) REVEAL: Janitor’s body has been replaced by an anatomical skeleton.
TWIST: 6. New consequences emerge.
CURRENT DIRECTION: Allie tries the door to go meet with the auditors.
TWIST: 11. It just got more dangerous. Allie is locked in cold storage room
Reel 8. Finally defeats antagonist. Wrap up, epilogue, the New World
Allie uncovers speaking tube in cold storage room, calls for help.
w) MIS: She brings someone back to the cold room to show them.
w) REVEAL: They now find body, sans organs
x) MIS: They backtrack the body to the sealed off wing.
CLUE: Laundry cart left there OVE
Polygrippa’s evidence shows funds were spent for unbudgeted items VILLAIN’S PLAN 3
n) REVEAL: Allie finds that EMTs are being bribed to bring more indigents VILLAIN’S PLAN 4
n) MIS: paying patients are being driven away by rumors
CURRENT DIRECTION: Allie plans to call the police.
DC Parts of building are sealed off. OVE
x) REVEAL: Organ harvesting surgery has been put in that wing
TWIST: 11. got more dangerous. Allie finds organ harvesting. VILLAIN’S ULTIMATE PLAN
y) REVEAL: She might be next. Allie fears she might be next.
DISTRUST: Menzies stalks Allie at the end
g) REVEAL: Menzies is the Villain, trying to get control of the hospital
CURRENT DIRECTION: Allie runs away from the transplant surgery wing.
TWIST: 11. It just got more dangerous. The head of the Hospital sees her.
DISTRUST: maybe Allie discovers Feeney’s in league with Mr. Menzies
CURRENT DIRECTION: Allie hides in the basement.
TWIST: 11. got more dangerous. 12. Secret ID uncovered. Menzies chases, tries to kill her.
CURRENT DIRECTION: Allie runs to the top floor.
TWIST: 11. It just got more dangerous. Poltergeist appears in front of her, grinning fiendishly.
DISTRUST: Allie sees Clara in possessed state. (Yeah, that’ll do it!)
Menzies reminds Clara he’s her father, tells her to kill Allie
DISTRUST: Menzies sics Clara on Allie in her possessed state
CURRENT DIRECTION: Clara approaches Allie, arms outstretched.
TWIST: 3. Someone changes sides. Clara turns, pushes her father down stairwell
TRUST: Clara kills Menzies using her poltergeist powers.
Clara embraces Allie. Allie tells the police Menzies stumbled and fell.
DISTRUST: What if Clara decides to kill Allie? Allie wonders.
END
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Your story’s not my genre, but I really like your layout, and your opening comments. What I’ve learned in this course is that identifying MIS, reveals, twists, smoke-&-mirrors, etc, is good knowledge but it doesn’t guarantee anything. Plotting along a storyline grid is the standard, and try to keep to it (but yawn). To me, “uniqueness” of THE STORY is most important. And the first sign of cliche kills it. As does crap dialogue. AND then there’s the important part: Can the story be pitched within a minute? Hope we all get the chance and have success. Best, Jeff
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