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Day 14 Assignment
Reply to post your assignment.
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25 Replies
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Logline: A Marine Science student and a Fishing Boat captain set out to sea with very different objectives.
Essence: Two differing viewpoints wrestle for dominance.
EXT. FISHING BOAT – DAY
A fishing boat pulls out of the marina. On board are SQUIRE (25), who pilots the boat but looks more like a spoiled frat boy than a captain; and NANCY (20), a tomboy and a Marine Science student at California State University Monterey Bay. Nancy maneuvers a long white pole to the side of the boat deck. She grabs the handle of a duffel bag and joins Squire at the helm, setting the bag at her feet.NANCY
So when I talked to you on the phone, you sounded like a much older man.SQUIRE
That was my Gramps. He’s in the hospital for some medical tests. I’m just helping out.NANCY
I hope it’s not anything serious.SQUIRE
What are ya gonna do? When you get to be his age…NANCY
Yeah, he seemed very knowledgeable.SQUIRE
The dude’s been booking fishing charters for decades. Since before I was born. But don’t worry. In our family, we learn this stuff by osmotis.NANCY
You mean ‘osmosis.’SQUIRE
I’ve always said osmotis. You sure?NANCY
Osmosis. Yes, I’m sure.Awkward silence, then he tries another tack.
SQUIRE
That’s some fishing pole you brought onboard. I’ve never seen one that long. And they say size doesn’t matter. Guess it does in this case!NANCY
That pole is how I apply the tracking device.Squire lets off the throttle, like he’s ready to abandon ship.
SQUIRE
Tracking device. Shit! Are you a narc?NANCY
Um…attach it…to the whale?SQUIRE
Whale! What whale? I figured we were going after big game fish.NANCY
Your grandfather told me he had experience with the procedure. You pull right up alongside the whale, and then I slap this device onto its back.
(she pulls a gadget from the duffel)
See? These suction cups hold it in place.Squire shakes his head, takes the wheel again.
SQUIRE
And the whale just sits still for this?NANCY
Well, no. It might take multiple attempts. That’s why this charter is till sunset.SQUIRE
Oh. That might be a bit of a problem. I gotta meet somebody back at the dock at five.NANCY
You would ditch me? Your grandfather’s charter customer? While he’s in the hospital? What have you got, like, a hot date?SQUIRE
More like an appointment. Why? Jealous?NANCY
Uh, no. Why would I be jealous? I don’t even know you.SQUIRE
Hey, a stranger is just somebody I haven’t slept with yet. … JOKE!(He takes out a smart phone and texts)
SQUIRE (CONT’D)
Anyway, you’re a student, right? Undergrad? College is for partying.NANCY
That’s what my classmates think. That’s why I’m going to blow them out of the water with all the data I collect from my whale.SQUIRE
Oh, so it’s a class project! Hey, I wonder if the chick who booked the boat tomorrow is in your class. Eliza something.NANCY
(blanching)
Eliza! Eliza Morton?SQUIRE
We keep appointments in the ship’s log.She pounces on the ship’s log and begins a frantic search. Squire’s phone pings. He reads the text and continues piloting.
NANCY
Yep. Eliza Morton.SQUIRE
Can I assume she’s not much interested in fish, either?NANCY
Dammit! She must’ve heard about the blue whale that’s been hanging around the area.SQUIRE
Anyway, good news. I re-arranged the meeting place, so we can stay out past five. We just need to make a little detour.NANCY
No, not okay. I chartered this boat! I ORDER you to take me to the Aumentos Reef so I can slap a tracking device on a blue whale.SQUIRE
And we will get there, we will! There’s just one little errand I have to run first.NANCY
What “errand”?SQUIRE
It’s just a thing. No big deal.NANCY
Absolutely not. My charter. Therefore, I’m the boss.SQUIRE
Are you the captain of this boat? No, I am.
(he glances at her, arms crossed, brow furrowed)
But you’re cute when you’re angry.NANCY
Ugh. Where do I file a complaint?SQUIRE
Right here, babe. Aw, c’mon. What can I do to put a smile back on your face? How about… Okay, I’ve got it. What if this outing was free of charge?NANCY
No charge for today’s outing?
(she considers a moment)
Okay, deal. But…you also cancel the outing with Eliza Morton.SQUIRE
Ah, so you ARE the jealous type.NANCY
Those are my terms.SQUIRE
You got it. Though, quite honestly, I don’t care about tomorrow. Today’s the day I need the ride.NANCY
(gloating)
Eliza won’t be able to find another vessel on such short notice.SQUIRE
And who knows? Maybe we’ll run into that whale of yours on the way to my meet-up. Here, why don’t you take a peek through the binocs and see if you can spot some blow-holes.Squire hands her a pair of binoculars. Nancy scans the ocean.
SQUIRE (CONT’D)
See any?NANCY
No, but… there is something out there.SQUIRE
What, like a Kraken?NANCY
It’s pretty far away.SQUIRE
(falsetto voice)
Oooh, noooo! Release the Kraken!NANCY
It looks like…a boat. Yep. A boat. And it’s headed straight toward us.Squire lets go of the throttle.
SQUIRE
What kind of a boat?NANCY
Speed boat, maybe?Squire grabs the binoculars.
SQUIRE
Shit. Shit, shit, shit. That’s the Coast Guard. We’re sunk.He hands the binoculars back to Nancy, who peers through them again.
NANCY
I wish they’d slow down. At that speed, they’re damaging all kinds of marine life.SQUIRE
They must have intercepted my text. Can they do that? Or maybe they’ve got the boat bugged.He brings the boat to a stop and kills the engine.
NANCY
Wait, why are we stopped?SQUIRE
No way we can outrun them.NANCY
Outrun who?SQUIRE
Listen, uh. Why don’t you make yourself useful and start inflating that lifeboat?He dashes down into the boat’s hold.
NANCY
Are you kidding? I can’t approach a whale on a lifeboat!SQUIRE (O.S.)
In about five minutes, you’re going to wish you had a lifeboat, so just do it.She turns around in circles, unsure of what’s going on. She listens, then calls down into the hold.
NANCY
What’s that sound of rushing water?He comes running back up, holding two fishing poles. Checks the binocs once more.
SQUIRE
Yep, we’re gonna be just in time.NANCY
The boat’s sinking!SQUIRE
Hey, check this out. Rapid inflate. It’s awesome!He pulls a tab and the lifeboat inflates.
SQUIRE (CONT’D)
Okay, you hold onto these fishing poles.The lifeboat is now even with the water. He gets in.
SQUIRE (CONT’D)
Okay, hand me the poles and climb on in.The water is at her heels. She shoves the binoculars in the duffel bag and gets in the lifeboat. The fishing boat goes under.
SQUIRE (CONT’D)
Perfect. Now, when they get here, we’re just out for a little fishing excursion.NANCY
No. No way. I’m telling them exactly what happened.SQUIRE
And I’ll tell them it was your cargo, your meet-up.NANCY
What cargo?SQUIRE
You tell me.NANCY
What, like drugs?SQUIRE
(clutching his pearls)
You brought drugs on my boat?NANCY
This is outrageous.SQUIRE
Your choice. Is it prison time? Or…The sound of the Coast Guard boat is drawing near.
NANCY
Okay, whatever. Fishing excursion.SQUIRE
You’re holding the pole wrong. Here.NANCY
Don’t you even care about your boat?SQUIRE
My grandfather’s boat. Yeah. Bummer. But freedom’s good. Okay, here they come. Ready?-
Great job on the characters Kristina, you could almost feel the friction. And it was funny, too.
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Hi Kristina, would you like to exchange feedback?
Thanks
Ed
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Hi, Ed,
Let’s exchange feedback! Love your scenes!
I believe we’re supposed to exchange feedback on the rewrite of this exercise.
See you there!
KZ
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Ok, I see we complete lesson 15, then a rewrite , then critique for lesson 16. Look for my Draft # 2, in a day or two, thanks
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I posted draft # 2 below. Ready for feedback exchange. thanks
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Ed’s QE Cycle Scene # 3 – First Draft
Logline – On the morning of a big wedding, a florist’s morning takes a turns for the worst, or does it?
Essence – with friends like these who needs enemies?
INT. FLOWER SHOP – DAY
SQUIRE, 20’s, is surrounded by cut flowers and various floral displays in different stages of assembly. He’s busy arranging while sing-talking into a speaker phone.
SQUIRE (into phone)
Jamie? Why don’t you pick up? Where are you? I’m not panicking- yet, today is the day.
The Richmond/Raymond wedding. Remember? It’s big, it’s splashy, and famous, not to mention it means the world to me on so many different levels. Please get your cute ass in here ASAP!
Squire hangs up. The bell over the door jingles. NANCY, 40’s enters, her arms are full of supplies. She dumps them on the sorting table in a huff. She has large bruise across her face.
SQUIRE
Pumpkin, your beautiful face ——
NANCY
—— Somehow I knew I’d end up here today. Squire, I warned you about this.
SQUIRE
Love you too, Nancy. Start with the table arrangements, pleeeease.
NANCY
I’m doing the bouquets first. This is how you plan effectively – The wedding party flowers first, then the wedding, then reception. Unless you have a better idea?
She starts roughly sorting through vases of flowers, cutting down stems, plucking off leaves. He movements deliberate, intense.
NANCY
God, I told you, don’t hiring him just because he’s cute. But noooo. Why listen to your best friend? Answer – because said friend can be relied on to show up and save your ass – again.
SQUIRE
Someone’s in a mood. Let’s just have fun with flowers. This is going to be a great day!
NANCY
I slipped in the shower, okay? You need proof? (Eyeing an arrangement) These are all wrong by the way.
Nancy tears into a completed arrangement. Squire tangles with her to stop it. A thorn rips into his finger. He playfully sucks on the finger. He bats his big brown eyes, the dimples debut.
NANCY
Sweetie, you’re cute, but you’re gay. Whatever this is…ain’t happening.
SQUIRE
Just trying to keeping things light. I’m a florist not a mortician, although I may need one if this wedding tanks.
The door bell jingles again. A handsome man, 30’s, dressed in tuxedo, enters the shop. This is JONATHAN RICHMOND, one of the grooms. He’s disheveled and looks to have been crying.
NANCY
The plot thickens.
JONATHAN
How are you guys?
SQUIRE
Jonathan, you’re scaring me. Where’s Martin?
JONATHAN
Didn’t Jamie tell you?
SQUIRE
Jamie? Tell me what? I’ve been trying to reach him all morning.
JONATHAN
That’s strange. When I talked to him he said he would talk to Nancy and you guys would figure it out…Sorry.
SQUIRE
Oh Nancy, Is there something you need to say?
Nancy embraces Jonathan in a big hug.
NANCY
Oh, sweetie. I’m so, so, sorry. Are you okay?
JONATHAN
What happened to your face?
All puppy eyes, Nancy ignores him, as she tucks a flower into Jonathan’s lapel.
SQUIRE
Someone want to fill in the charming, but dumfounded florist, on what’s going on?
NANCY
The wedding is postponed——
JONATHAN
——It’s off.
NANCY
——I said, postponed.
SQUIRE
Ummm…are you two getting married? Because this sounds like a fight to me.
NANCY
I did want to say anything Squire, in the hope they’d work things out. I mean why not give love a chance? It’s worked before.
Jonathan locks eyes on Squire. He raises an eyebrow and flashes that devilish smile. They have a history.
JONATHAN
I’m guessing I won’t get the down payment back?
SQUIRE
Jonathan, honey, you owe me a lot more than the down payment.
JONATHAN
Tempting but…Whoa…That’s not what Jamie told us. Right Nancy?
SQUIRE
Nancy? My dear friend does not represent the Garden of Eden. She has other business matters to attend to.
NANCY
Oh grow up Squire. You were out and I wasn’t about to let the biggest order in your life walk out the door. Given Martin’s money problems, and Jamie looking like a deer on the headlights, I took action. I told Jonathan it would be alright for a down payment and the balance due after the wedding.
SQUIRE
His is my shop! If I wanted your help, I’d ask for it.
NANCY
Like today? Sweetie, you’re way in over your head. Business is not your forte, it’s okay. Go back to stripping, meet a rich man, sell your soul to the devil. Be a normal person.
JONATHAN
I take that under advisement, Nancy, Thank you….Jonathan, what happened?
JONATHAN
Martin lost the honeymoon money betting on a football game. I love him but I just can’t trust him anymore. It’s over.
NANCY
When god give you lemons, you make lemonade. Isn’t that right you two?
SQUIRE
Martin? The interior designer, bets on football games? Hell has frozen over.
The next thing you’re going to tell me is Jamie is somehow involved in this too.
A beat. Eyes diverted to the floor.
NANCY
I’m only the bookie. It’s not my fault the adorable idiot bet the wrong team.
Squire taps on the computer. His finger tracing around the screen following the flow of accounting transactions.
SQUIRE
I see where Jamie got the money.
NANCY
Yea that part was really stupid on his part. At least he only owe’s me two grand now.
SQUIRE
And yet again you neglected to tell me about this?
Nancy feigns innocence. The phone rings.
SQUIRE
What else can go wrong today?….(answers) Hello, Garden of Eden, this is Squire…
He listen’s intently, then hangs up.
SQUIRE
That was Martin…Jamie is in the hospital…he said Nancy put him there?
JONATHAN
Squire, we can go see him…how about after brunch? There’s so much to get caught up on.
Nancy twirls around a pair of pruning sheers, with a malevolent twinkle in her eye above the bruise.
END SCENE
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This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by Edward Lusk.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by Edward Lusk.
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Hi, Ed – I posted feedback on this scene in Day-16
https://www.screenwritingclasses.com/forums/discussion/day-16-assignments-15/-
Thanks I posted Notes in Day 16 for you as well.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by
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George’s QE 3# First draft
LOGLINE: After being forced to work on a science project together, SQUIRE—a bad boy with even worse grades—realizes NANCY—the nerdiest girl in school—could keep him from flunking out.
ESSENCE: People will give up pieces of themselves to get what they want.
INT. MR AVERY’S SCIENCE CLASSROOM — DAY—10 MINUTES AFTER THE TARDY BELL
The classroom door opens and in walks SQUIRE, 18, handsome with long curly hair and chiseled features. He smells of leather and danger.
AVERY: Squire, you’re late.
SQUIRE: Sorry, teach.
AVERY: Well, NANCY, it looks like you have a project partner after all.
SQUIRE: A what?
NANCY: Excuse me, MR. AVERY, sir. (she pushes up her thick glasses) You couldn’t possibly expect me to agree to take him on as a partner. I’d prefer to work by myself.
AVERY: Unfortunately Nancy, I do expect you to be his partner.
The class rumbles a little.
AVERY (CONT’D): Okay people, quiet down.
SQUIRE: Naw, it’s cool, teach. I’ll just sit this one out.
The class rumbles a little louder.
NANCY (to herself): Good. Then it’s settled.
AVERY: Well, if you sit this one out, you’ll also be sitting out graduation.
The class gasps and ‘oooohs’.
SQUIRE: What do you mean, sittin’ out graduation?
AVERY: I mean that if you do not pass this project, you will not have enough credits to graduate.
The class erupted in catcalls and various exclamations, as Squire makes his way back to the lab table Nancy is sitting at all alone. Squire has a bounce in his step and flirts with every girl on the way. NANCY is a little nervous as she has never been so close to such a hot guy before and tries not to watch him, ignoring him when he sits down next to her.
AVERY (CONT’D): I said, quiet down, people! Now settle down and get to work. Your experiments are due tomorrow, so use the rest of this class to work on them, quietly.
The class moans and Mr. Avery retreats to his desk, as Squire plops down next to Nancy.
SQUIRE (happy): Hey there, partner.
NANCY: Why are you so happy?
SQUIRE: Why not?
NANCY: Mr. Avery just told you, you might not graduate. That’s why not.
SQUIRE: I guess I just look at things differently.
NANCY: Differently? How else could you look at flunking high school?
SQUIRE: Things just always have a way of working out for me. Like better than expected.
NANCY: That makes no logical sense. How can you be sure things always work out for you?
SQUIRE: I can’t explain it. If you know, you know.
Nancy pushed up her glasses and looks off in thought.
NANCY: I mean, it’s not even mathematically possible. How do you do it?
SQUIRE: Look… what’s your name?
NANCY: Nancy.
SQUIRE: Nancy, I’m Squire by the way—
NANCY (nervously interrupts): Yeah, I know; everyone knows who you are.
SQUIRE: Like I was saying, I just decide what I want to happen and then it happens.
NANCY: Like you are controlling the future? That’s impossible.
SQUIRE: Don’t matter if you believe me or not.
NANCY (slams fist on lab table): You’re lying! Prove it to me. How are you not going to flunk out of high school?
Mr. Avery (not looking up from his desk): Everything okay back there?
SQUIRE: Okay, okay, relax, Nance. I’ll tell ya. This is what is going to happen. I’m gonna get an A on the project and I’m going to graduate. There’s no way you won’t get an A and since I’m your partner…
NANCY: Oh, you think you can get away with doing none of the work and still get a good grade? It’s not my fault we got forced to work together.
SQUIRE: That’s exactly what’s gonna happen. You don’t want a partner anyways, so I let work alone, and you let me share your grade, and I get to graduate. You said it yourself, it’s not my fault we got forced together. It’s perfect, really. It’s a win-win.
NANCY: Win-win? How’s it a win for me? I’d be doing the science project regardless.
SQUIRE: Yeah, it’s a win for you. Besides, we don’t have a choice.
NANCY (sighs): Unfortunately, I see that you are right. (beat) But, I have a condition.
SQUIRE: What?
NANCY (biting her lip): You have to go to prom with me.
SQUIRE: What?! No way. I already have a date, my girlfriend.
NANCY: Well, I guess you don’t want to graduate then.
SQUIRE: The only way I don’t graduate is if you fail the project, and we both know there is no way you would purposely fail a project. Shit, you probably get all depressed when you get an A instead of an A+. And remember, we are being forced, we ain’t got no choice.
NANCY: Well, there is a significant difference between an A and an A+. (beat) If you don’t go to the prom with me, then I’ll tell Mr. Avery that you didn’t do any of the work. Then you will fail and not walk at graduation.
SQUIRE: What? You’re psycho. I’m going to MY senior prom with YOU. Fuck that.
NANCY: It’s your choice. (beat) Maybe we’ll be in the same science class next year?
Squire is annoyed and knows he has to go to the prom with Nancy or he won’t graduate.
SQUIRE (defeated): Ok.
NANCY: Really?
SQUIRE: Yeah. I’ll do it. (sigh) I gotta graduate.
NANCY (clenches fists): Excellent. Clarissa and Tammy will choke on their 4.0s when they see us together.
END SCENE
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Ed’s QE Cycle # 3 – DRAFT # 2.
Logline – On the morning of a big wedding, a florist morning takes a turns for the worst, or does it?
Essence – with friends like this who needs enemies
INT. FLOWER SHOP – DAY
SQUIRE, 20’s, is surrounded by cut flowers and various floral displays in different stages of assembly. He’s busy arranging while sing-talking into a speaker phone.
SQUIRE
Jamie? Why don’t you pick up? Where are you? I’m not panicking- yet, today is the day.
The Richmond/Raymond wedding. Remember? It’s big, it’s splashy, and famous, not to mention it means the world to me on so many different levels. Please get your cute ass in here ASAP! Bu-bye.
The bell over the door jingles. NANCY, 40’s enters, her arms are full of supplies. She dumps them on the sorting table in a huff. She has large bruise across her face.
SQUIRE
Pumpkin, your beautiful face ——
NANCY
—— Somehow I knew I’d end up here this morning. Squire, I warned you about this.
SQUIRE
Love you too, Nancy. Start with the table arrangements, pleeeease.
NANCY
Listen and learn darling. The wedding party’s flowers are done first, then the wedding, then the reception. Unless you have a better idea?
She starts roughly sorting through vases of flowers, cutting down stems, plucking off leaves. He movements deliberate, intense.
NANCY
God, I told you, don’t hiring him just because he’s cute. But noooo. Why listen to your best friend? Answer – because said friend can be relied on to show up and save your ass – again.
SQUIRE
Someone’s in a mood. Let’s just have fun with flowers. This is going to be a romantic day!
NANCY
I slipped in the shower, okay? You need proof? (Eyeing an arrangement) These are all wrong, by the way.
Nancy tears into a completed arrangement. Squire tangles with her to stop it. A thorn rips into his finger. He playfully sucks on the finger. He bats his big brown eyes, the dimples debut.
NANCY
Sweetie, you’re cute, but you’re gay. Whatever this is…ain’t happening.
SQUIRE
Just kidding. I’m a florist not a mortician, although I may need one if this wedding tanks. I hope Jamie’s okay. Do you think I should leave and check on him?
NANCY
Let’s see, on one hand you have the wedding of the year that will make you famous and on the other you have missing numb-nuts who can’t tie his shoe and chew gum.
SQUIRE
I’d better stay. I’m sure he’ll show up soon.
The door bell jingles again. A perplexed look crosses Squire’s face. A handsome man, 30’s, dressed in tuxedo, enters the shop. This is JONATHAN RICHMOND, one of the grooms. He’s disheveled and looks to have been crying.
NANCY
The plot thickens.
JONATHAN
How are you guys?
SQUIRE
Jonathan, you’re scaring me. Where’s Martin?
JONATHAN
Didn’t Jamie tell you?
SQUIRE
Jamie? Tell me what? I’ve been trying to reach him all morning.
Nancy busies herself with an arrangement.
JONATHAN
That’s strange. When I talked to him he said he would talk to Nancy and you guys would figure it out…Sorry.
SQUIRE
Oh Nancy, care to comment?
Nancy comes around the counter and embraces Jonathan in a big hug.
NANCY
Oh, sweetie. I’m so, so, sorry. Are you okay?
All puppy eyes, Nancy ignores him, as she kisses him on the cheek then tucks a rose into Jonathan’s lapel. She winks at him.
JONATHAN
Your face….
SQUIRE
She slipped in the shower…Someone want to fill in the charming, but dumfounded florist, on what’s going on? I think I missed an episode.
NANCY
The wedding is postponed——
JONATHAN
——It’s off.
NANCY
——I said, postponed.
SQUIRE
Ummm…are you two getting married? Because this sounds like a fight to me.
NANCY
I did want to say anything Squire, in the hope they’d work things out. I mean why not give love a chance? It’s worked before.
Jonathan locks eyes on Squire. He raises and eyebrow and flashes that devilish smile. They have a history.
JONATHAN
I’m guessing I won’t get my payment back?
SQUIRE
Jonathan, honey, you owe me a lot more than the down payment.
JONATHAN
Tempting but…Whoa. That’s not what Jamie told me. Right Nancy?
SQUIRE
My dear friend does not represent the Garden of Eden. She has other more, unrefined, business matters to attend to.
NANCY
Oh grow up Squire. You were out and I wasn’t about to let the biggest order in your life walk out the door. Given Martin’s money problems, and Jamie looking like a deer on the headlights, I took action. I told Jonathan it would be alright for a down payment and the balance due after the wedding. It was on odds on favorite things would work out. Oops.
SQUIRE
His is my shop! These are my decisions to make. If I wanted your help, I’d ask for it.
NANCY
Sweetie, you’re way in over your head. Business is not your forte, it’s okay. Go back to stripping, meet a rich man, sell your soul to the devil. Be like a normal person.
JONATHAN
I’ll take that under advisement, Nancy, Thank you….Jonathan, what happened?
JONATHAN
Martin lost the honeymoon money betting on a football game. I love him but I just can’t trust him anymore. It’s over.
NANCY
When god gives you lemons, you make lemonade. Am I right you two?
SQUIRE
Martin? The interior designer, bets on football games? What the Shonda Rhimes is going on?
The next thing you’re going to tell me is Jamie is somehow involved in this.
A beat. Eyes diverted to the floor.
NANCY
I’m only the bookie. It’s not my fault the adorable idiot bet the wrong team.
Squire taps on the computer. His fingers taps around the screen following the flow of accounting transactions.
SQUIRE
I see where Jamie got the money.
NANCY
Yea that part was really stupid on his part. At least now he only owe’s me two grand.
SQUIRE
And yet again you neglected to tell me?
Nancy feigns innocence. The phone rings.
SQUIRE
What else can go wrong today?….(answers) Hello, Garden of Eden, this is Squire…
He listen’s intently, then hangs up.
SQUIRE
That was Martin…Jamie is in the hospital…he said Nancy put him there?
JONATHAN
Squire, how about going to brunch? There’s so much to get caught up on.
Nancy twirls around a pair of pruning sheers, a malevolent twinkle in her eye.
END SCENE
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Ed would you like to exchange scene 2 feedback. Best, Judith
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Sure thing, , Thanks.
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Hi Ed,
Fun scene. Thank you for trusting me with reading it.
I saw the use of many techniques in this scene and traits.
FOR NANCY –
Confrontational – through out, for example, “God, I told you, don’t hire him just because he’s cute. But nooo. Why list…..”
Scheming – she doesn’t tell anyone about the betting. Also not telling anyone the wedding is of.
Stubborn – “Sweetie, you’re way in over your head. Busines…”
Caring – Had the feeling he like Squire throughout, and it showed in the line, “Oh, Sweeting. I’m so, so sorry. Are you okay?” Action: she kisses him on the cheek.
FOR SQUIRE –
Selfish – wanting to run off of check on Jamie instead of doing his job and leaving it for Nancy
Happy – go -lucky – his attitude through the whole scene was playful. His sing/talk at the beginning set the mood well.
TECHNIQUES –
Hook – I wondered why Jamie wasn’t coming in to do his job.
Surprise – the wedding is postponed; Nancy is a bookie
Mystery – Jonathan was surprised that Jamie hadn’t talk to Nancy
Major Twist – Jamie is in the hospital and Nancy did not slip in the shower, but what did happen?
Cliff hangar – I bumped on Squire and Jonathan going to brunch after they found out about Jamie. It seemed that Squire was more concerned earlier, and I guess this could be his selfish trait. He doesn’t care about his friend but running off for fun. But the end did make me wonder what will happen next. So it could be looked at as creating a future also.
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Judith’s QE3 – scene – rewrite
Logline: Murder isn’t what it use to be.
ESSENCE:TWO KILLERS LEARN TO WORK TOGETHER
What I learned doing this assignment was having traits and interest techniques to use help make a better scene.
EXT. CLEARING IN A WOODSY AREA – DAY
SQUIRE, 40’s, stands with a two shovels, waiting. He whistles a tune as he watches a SUV approach. He doesn’t move, just waits, whistling.
The SUV gets closer. Stops. The person inside doesn’t move.
INT. SUV – DAY
NANCY, 30’s, stares at the whistling man. An angry expression crosses her face then she gets her composure. She takes a gun from the glove compartment. Gets out of the car tucking the weapon in her belt.
EXT. CLEARING IN A WOODSY AREA – DAY
She strolls toward Squire, stops in front of him. Looking him over, she fingers her gun and decides to hold back.
NANCY
Where the fuck is Charlie?
Shrugging his shoulders, Squire smiles at her.
SQUIRE
(friendly)
I’m Squire and you are?
NANCY
Where’s Charlie?
SQUIRE
They sent me. I was expecting that ugly gal, Louise, but wow, they sent me you. What a treat.
Nancy turns and heads toward the SUV. She pulls open the trunk. Squire catches up with her. He looks inside.
NANCY
Are you gonna help me or not?
He grabs the legs of a body wrapped in plastic and helps Nancy pull out the body. It crashes to the ground with a thud. They drag the body to the two waiting shovels.
Squire removes his jacket and grabs a shovel. Nancy stands there. He indicates to her to pick up the shovel.
NANCY
I don’t dig. I delivered and now I watch.
Digging in the ground Squire starts his whistling again.
SQUIRE
Have it your way. Both of us digging means I can take you to dinner sooner.
She watches him. A rustle in the trees.
NANCY
What was that?
He looks up. Smiles.
SQUIRE
Didn’t worry your pretty little head about it.
NANCY
Fuck you.
She moves over to the trees. Squire shakes his head and keeps digging.
INT. WOODS – DAY
Pulling her pistol Nancy cautiously enters. She moves into the dark woods. Ever alert and ready for anything.
She freezes when she hears a branch snap. Watches a deer scurry off. A look of relief.
Moving further into the trees, Nancy creeps to the area where the deer stood. Nothing. Even further into the trees, she peaks behind a tree. No one.
EXT. CLEARING IN A WOODSY AREA – DAY
When Nancy returns, the hole is deep now. Sweat pours from Squire’s brow. He smiles at her.
NANCY
Just a deer.
She looks at him. Smiles. Pulls out a hanky and moves to wipe his forehead.
NANCY
I’ll buy you dinner.
Squire lifts the body and Nancy helps. They throw it into the hole. As it plops down in the bottom, dust rises and fills the air.
Nancy picks up a shovel and throws the dirt onto the body. Squire admires her. Joins into the shoveling.
NANCY
I fill not dig.
They smile at one another. All’s well until a MAN and a WOMAN come screaming from the woods, guns drawn. They fire at Nancy and Squire hitting them in the chest. The couple crumble to the ground.
Squire looks at the woman and Nancy looks at the man. Confused.
SQUIRE/NANCY
Louise…Charlie…
Charlie and Louise roll Squire and Nancy into the grave. They shovel dirt onto to them. When the hole is filled, they high-five one another.
CHARLIE
What are we gonna tell the boss.
LOUSE
They never showed.
They head toward Nancy’s SUV and drive off. Dust twirling behind the car as they disappear.
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Hey everyone in this forum @Kristina Zill @Edward Lusk @Judith Watson I don’t think we should be posting 1st drafts and 2nd drafts in the same forum. I think the lesson is supposed to match the day number of the forum. Lesson 16 is posted in the forum day 16. I think we doubled up posting two lessons to one forum early on so we are a couple behind. Since we are usually the first ones done with assignments, let’s decide how to do this so we don’t have to flip through various different forums to critique and so we can all keep exchanging critiques. What do you guys think?
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Hi, George – good point.
Rewrites should be posted in Lesson 15. And then it looks like he wants us to post the critiques in Lesson 16. Is that your interpretation as well?
Thanks for getting us back on track!
KZ
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I agree, Rewrites in 15, critiques in 16.
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If we’re trying to match up forum numbers to classes, for QE#3, it seems like Draft One is posted Forum 14, Rewrite (after video lesson) posted Forum 15 , then exchanges and feedback posted on Forum #16. Does that seem correct ?
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I agree, Ed. Let’s do it.
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Sandra’s QE Cycle #3
LOGLINE: Things fall apart when two distrustful police officers are forced to work together to solve a murder.
ESSENCE: Collaboration works better than competition.
SCENE:
INT. POLICE STATION – DAY
Police CHIEF (50) balding, stocky, gruff, calls two police officers into the interrogation room. NANCY (30) slender, attractive, confrontational, stubborn, scheming, caring. SQUIRE (35) ruggedly handsome, evasive, selfish, happy-go-lucky, seductive.
CHIEF
I’ve called you down here to work on a case together.
The Mayor has been murdered, and we need you to
Interview a possible witness-suspect.
(beat)
And you are going to need to go undercover as
husband and wife to help find out what happened.
Squire smiling, moves in close to Nancy and puts his arm around her. She glares at him and brushes his arm away.
SQUIRE
Sounds good to me. We get to spend time alone together.
NANCY
I can’t … I’m getting married in two days.
CHIEF
It’ll need to be postponed if you want to keep your job.
NANCY
Surely there’s someone else.
SQUIRE
Maybe he’s not the right guy for you.
CHIEF
If there was, you wouldn’t be here.
We need everyone on this case.
Chief flips a light switch and we can see through the window in the next room. Sitting with her head in her arms on the table, IRIS (50’s) dirty and in ragged clothes, appears to be asleep.
SQUIRE
What do we know so far?
Chief throws a file on the table.
CHIEF
Read the report…I have to get back upstairs.
Chief leaves the room. Squire begins looking through the file.
SQUIRE
Mayor was hit on the head with a trophy in his home office.
Iris is in her 50’s, homeless, arrested for shoplifting, petty theft…
was found disoriented nearby…
NANCY
Suppose you think you should question her first.
SQUIRE
(smiling)
Ladies first.
Nancy storms into the other room. Throws the file and a pad of paper on the table and sits down across from Iris.
NANCY
(loudly)
WAKE UP. We need to talk. What’s your name?
Iris remains with her head on the table and eyes closed.
IRIS
(whispers)
Iris.
NANCY
(louder)
Okay, Iris. Sit up, this is serious.
IRIS
I can hear you…not feeling great…
NANCY
Smells like you’ve been drinking.
IRIS
Uh huh. It’s legal.
NANCY
What were you doing at the Mayor’s house?
IRIS
Is that where I was?
NANCY
The Mayor’s been murdered. Did you see anything?
IRIS
I don’t remember.
Nancy grabs the file and pad and storms out of the room and goes into the observation room.
NANCY
She’s too drunk to question.
(softens)
She may need medical attention.
Gash on her arm.
Squire holding a cardboard tray with two coffees and breakfast wraps.
SQUIRE
(smiling)
Let me show you how it’s done, sweetie.
There’s some on the table for you.
Squire quietly enters the other room, and places the tray on the table and sits down.
SQUIRE
Hi, Iris. I brought some coffee and breakfast.
This should help you feel better.
Iris sits up, takes a bite and a sip of coffee. Stares a Squire.
IRIS
Squire is that you?
SQUIRE
Mother?
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LOGLINE: Nancy and Squire help move somebody’s stuff.
ESSENCE: Even Ivy Leaguers can screw up a simple job.
SCENE:
INT. SUSAN’S APARTMENT, CAMBRIDGE, MA, FRIDAY AFTERNOON, SUNNY SUMMER DAY
Nancy and Susan, friends, recent Harvard grads, stylish and classy, struggling with their first professional jobs, are ready for the day. Nancy has agreed to help move someone’s personal belongings into storage who left on short notice for a year of study in Europe.
SUSAN
Who’s this guy helping you move all that stuff today?
NANCY
Squire? Arlen’s roommate.
SUSAN
Why’s Arlen not helping?
NANCY
He got called last minute to fill in a double shift at the hospital, 16 hours, poor thing! Amazing what you have to put up with to be a doctor. I think Harvard tries to work their med students to death, and if they don’t die, they make them doctors! But I made him a fancy lunch – two paninis, kettle chips from Whole Foods, and Yodels, his favorite. More than his old girlfriend ever did for him.
SUSAN
Loretta? Wait, they broke up?
NANCY
Oh they will soon. I found a few things out about her he really should know, that my peeps will drop ever so discretely. Besides, he doesn’t like her that much anyway and just needs a little help, if you know what I mean.
SUSAN
Understood! And how thoughtful of you to help her move her stuff to that storage place while she’s away in London. You really are a saint (wryly). But what about Arlen’s roommate? Is he gonna be a doctor too? Is he cute?
NANCY
He’s some kind of software dweeb. Designs games or something. Not exactly my ideal pick for a moving helper, though. Probably never lifted anything bigger than a backpack in his life. Looks more like Arnold Stang than Arnold Schwartzenwhatzis.
SUSAN
Well, I never went for muscle men anyway, and there’s good money in games these days, but… is he cute??
NANCY
He’s ok. He’d be better looking if he was in med school.
The doorbell buzzes. Nancy gets the door. It’s Squire.
NANCY
Hello Squire, come in!
Squire, 24, not bad looking if you like the hipster-haircut-and-scruffy-beard look, enters.
SQUIRE
Hello, ladies! (notices Susan) …and who’s this?
NANCY
Squire, this is my friend Susan. Susan, Squire.
SQUIRE
(takes Susan’s hand)
Greetings, lovely lady. I am (with a Shakespearean flourish) your squire!
Susan is amused by the gesture and play on words.
SQUIRE
Will you be joining us today?
NANCY
Unfortunately, no, Susan’s off to the Vineyard for the weekend.
SQUIRE
More’s the pity… For us of course. Are you going to the beach? Me, all I need to be happy all day on the beach is a PB&J, can of pop and sunscreen!
SUSAN
Some beach, some sailing. I hear you’re a software developer.
SQUIRE
Something like that.
SUSAN
Gaming?
SQUIRE
Something like that.
SUSAN
Where do you work?
SQUIRE
In that office complex, the big one between the Science Museum and MIT. Fourth floor.
Susan grabs an overnight bag and heads for the door.
SUSAN
Fascinating. Well, I’m off. Have fun moving Nancy, and nice meeting you, Squire.
SQUIRE
Likewise, I’m sure. Perhaps…
SUSAN
(already into the hall)
Ta!
NANCY
(leans out the door, waves)
Bye, have a great weekend!
Nancy goes back in the apartment and finds Squire poking through the refrigerator.
SQUIRE
Orange popsicles, my favorite!
Squire takes one out, starts unwrapping it. Nancy, irritated, says nothing.
NANCY
Let’s get going, I don’t want this to take all day.
SQUIRE
Hey, how hard can it be to move a few boxes?
NANCY
I just got here myself. Everything is in the second bedroom. All we have to do is take all Loretta’s things to unit #161 at the Alewife Stor-U-Stuff, slap a lock on the door and we’re done.
Nancy steps over to the second bedroom and opens the door. The room is full of boxes and garbage bags crammed with stuff.
NANCY
Good grief…
SQUIRE
What? What’s the matter (enters) Oh fuuuuuhhh….
NANCY
You brought Arlen’s truck, right?
SQUIRE
He said I could use it, but, well, I don’t like trucks, they use too much gas, they’re not good for the environment, and he said it was just some boxes, so…
NANCY
So… what?
SQUIRE
So I brought my Prius. It’s got a lot of room in the back and I used it when I moved… besides, what’s the rush? That bed in the other room looked comfortable and maybe we should rest up before we exert ourselves. What do you think?
NANCY
(exasperated)
Ugh! NO! Look at all this we have to move. You were supposed to bring his truck and you didn’t because “trucks are bad” Well, trucks are really good when you need to move a lot of things! Now, who knows when we’ll ever get done? Grab something, let’s go!
She grabs two boxes, one on top of the other, and heads outside. Squire schlumps along behind with a trash bag stuffed with clothes. The Prius holds more than Nancy expects but a lot less than a truck, and after three trips, Squire starts whining.
SQUIRE
Can we take a break? I’m exhausted!
NANCY
No! It’s only 4:30, we’ve hardly made a dent in everything, and we could have been done by now. And you’ve eaten all the popsicles!
Nancy looks out the window and sees a couple of kids nosing around outside the Prius.
NANCY
Hey you kids, get away from that car!
The kids give her the finger but leave. Nancy turns and sees Squire out cold on the couch. Exasperated, she grabs a paper cup, fills it with water, and throws it on Squire. He gasps and sputters.
NANCY
Come one! Let’s go!
Six trips later it’s well after dark, but they’re finally done with their last load at the Store-U-Stuff. They slide the door down on a crammed-full storage unit and heave a sigh of relief.
NANCY
The lock, please.
SQUIRE
Lock?
FADE TO BLACK.
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Paul’s Scene:
GOING DOWN
Logline: Two airplane pilots allow their personal feelings to cause a crash.
Essence: Not all professionals are professional.
Scene:
GOING DOWN
INT. COCKPIT OF A B-737. DAY.
NANCY is pilot-in-command and SQUIRE is a young co-pilot.
SQUIRE
Passing 10,000 feet
NANCY
Well, I hope your landing are smoother than your take-offs! How many hours do you have on the 737?
SQUIRE
Oh, I don’t know. But I’ll check my log-book when we land and let you know.
NANCY
Put her on a heading of 140.
Squire fiddles with the controls.
SQUIRE
Heading 140.
(Glancing over at Nancy, with a mockingly seductive voice)
Captain!
NANCY
Oh, I’m going to enjoy this flight.
SQUIRE
Levelling off at 30,000 feet.
Nancy grabs the controls and pulls the nose up.
NANCY
Didn’t you hear! We were cleared to 32,000!
SQUIRE
Oh, what’s a couple of thousand feet between…
Squire is interrupted by a sudden jolt to the airplane, and alarms start sounding.
SQUIRE (CONT’D)
What the…!
Squire is interrupted again by another jolt to the aircraft.
NANCY
I have her. Contact ATC!
SQUIRE
Anchorage Approach, Anchorage Approach. Flight MT 359. Suspected bird strike. Reviewing options. Over.
TRAFFIC CONTROLLER
Anchorage Approach to MT 359. Maintain 32,000 feet and update us on flight conditions. Over.
SQUIRE
MT 359 will do. Remaining on frequency. Over.
A stewardess enters the cockpit, visibly distraught.
STEWARDESS.
What’s happening?
Nancy is struggling to maintain control of the aircraft.
SQUIRE
Oh, hello there. Love your hair!
STEWARDESS.
Captain! There’s smoke coming from the port-side engine.
Squire strains to look out of his window.
NANCY
Port is the technical term for the left, Mr Co-Pilot!
Squire sinks back into his seat.
NANCY (CONT’D)
(Addressing the
Stewardess)
Get back there and tell the passengers we have the situation under control.
The Stewardess goes to leave the cock-pit.
SQUIRE
And I’d love a coffee.
<br clear=”all”>
The Stewardess throws him an astonished look.
SQUIRE (CONT’D)
(A wide smile on his face)
Two sugars… Sweetheart.
The Stewardess exits the cockpit.
SQUIRE (CONT’D)
I reckon we should do a 180.
NANCY
No, we can control…
There is a third, far more brutal strike to the plane and it enters erratic turns that Squire can’t control.
NANCY (CONT’D) You take her!
Squire takes the controls.
NANCY (CONT’D)
(Panic in her voice)
Anchorage Approach, Anchorage Approach. Mike Tango 359. Do you receive me? Over.
FLIGHT CONTROLLER This is Anchorage Approach, reading you 5. Over.
NANCY
We need to make an emergency landing. Need co-ordinates. Over.
FLIGHT CONTROLLER
Take a heading 50. Juneau. Over.
NANCY
Juneau?! That’s got to be 500 miles from here! We can’t make it! Over.
SQUIRE
(Still struggling with the controls)
Captain, you’re not in Iowa anymore. This is Alaska.
NANCY
Oh, shut up! Anchorage Approach, we’re losing altitude. This is a Mayday, Mayday.
SQUIRE
Well, Captain, it looks like dinner’s off for this evening, right?
NANCY
You can’t control this airplane, but at least control your tongue!
SQUIRE
(In a slow, seductive tone) My tongue?
Nancy looks at him in disgust but says nothing.
SQUIRE (CONT’D) See any more smoke from the leftside engine?
Squire strains to look out and now sees flames coming from the engine.
NANCY
OK. We’re done for! Anchorage Approach, Mike Tango 359, we’re a gonna!
The aircraft enters a sharp dive.
NANCY (CONT’D)
Tell my daughter I love her!
SQUIRE
Well, this has been one hell of a …
His words are cut short as the plane smashes into the mountain-side.
END
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GOING DOWN Draft #2
INT. COCKPIT OF A B-737. DAY.
NANCY is pilot-in-command and SQUIRE is a young co-pilot.
SQUIRE
Passing 10,000 feet
NANCY
Well, I hope your landing are smoother than your take-offs! How many hours do you have on the 737?
SQUIRE
Oh, I don’t know. But I’ll check my log-book when we land and let you know.
NANCY
Put her on a heading of 140.
Squire fiddles with the controls.
SQUIRE
Heading 140.
(Glancing over at Nancy, with a mockingly seductive voice)
Captain!
NANCY
Oh, I’m going to enjoy this flight.
SQUIRE
Levelling off at 30,000 feet.
Nancy grabs the controls and pulls the nose up.
NANCY
Didn’t you hear! We were cleared to 32,000!
SQUIRE
Oh, what’s a couple of thousand feet between…
Squire is interrupted by a sudden jolt to the airplane, and alarms start sounding.
SQUIRE (CONT’D)
What the…!
Squire is interrupted again by another jolt to the aircraft.
NANCY
I have her. Contact ATC!
SQUIRE
Anchorage Approach, Anchorage Approach. Flight MT 359. Suspected bird strike. Reviewing options. Over.
TRAFFIC CONTROLLER
Anchorage Approach to MT 359. Maintain 32,000 feet and update us on flight conditions. Over.
SQUIRE
MT 359 will do. Remaining on frequency. Over.
A young woman in jeans enters the cockpit. Nancy is struggling to maintain control of the aircraft.
SQUIRE
Oh, hello there. I like your hair!
YOUNG WOMAN.
They told me to tell you there’s smoke coming from the port-side engine.
Squire strains to look out of his window.
NANCY
Port is the technical term for the left, Mr Co-Pilot!
Squire sinks back into his seat.
SQUIRE
(Addressing the young woman)
You can tell the passengers we have the situation under control.
NANCY
Oh, stop joking around!
The young woman goes to leave the cock-pit.
SQUIRE
And I’d love a coffee.
The young woman throws him a bored look and leaves the cockpit.
SQUIRE (CONT’D)
(A wide smile on his face)
Two sugars… Sweetheart! I reckon we should do a 180.
NANCY
No, we can control…
There is a third, far more brutal strike to the plane and it enters erratic turns that Squire can’t control.
NANCY (CONT’D)
She’s yours!
Squire takes the controls.
NANCY (CONT’D)
(Panic in her voice)
Anchorage Approach, Anchorage Approach. Mike Tango 359. Do you receive me? Over.
FLIGHT CONTROLLER
This is Anchorage Approach, reading you 5. Over.
NANCY
Emergency landing required. Need co-ordinates. Over.
FLIGHT CONTROLLER
Take a heading 50. Juneau. Over.
NANCY
(To Squire)
Juneau?! That’s got to be 500 miles from here! We’ll never make it!
SQUIRE
(Still struggling with the controls)
Captain, you’re not in Iowa anymore. This is Alaska. Mountains and ocean!
NANCY
Oh, shut up! Anchorage Approach, we’re losing altitude. This is a Mayday, Mayday.
SQUIRE
Well, Captain, it looks like dinner’s off for this evening, right?
NANCY
You can’t control this airplane, but at least control your tongue!
SQUIRE
(In a slow, seductive tone)
My tongue?
Nancy looks at him in disgust but says nothing.
SQUIRE (CONT’D)
Let me see if there’s any more smoke from the leftside engine.
Squire makes a half-hearted effort to look out.
NANCY
OK. We’re done for! Anchorage Approach, Mike Tango 359, we’re a gonna!
The aircraft enters a sharp dive.
SQUIRE
Well, this has been one hell of…
His words are cut short as:
VOICE ON INTERCOM
OK guys. Go get a coffee. Better luck next time.
Nancy and Squire get up and leave the cockpit, passing the young woman as they do.
NANCY
I swear, that’s the last time I’m doing simulator practice with him.
Squire winks at the young woman.
END
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Amechi’s QE PROCESS #3 First Draft
LOGLINE: Nancy and Squire both want to be the one to kill Tina.
ESSENCE: Nancy and Squire let their personal history get in the way of their jobs.
EXT. MANSION – NIGHT
THE BARE FEET of a muscular man disappear around a corner between the pool house and some bushes. SQUIRE emerges, adjusting a black guard’s uniform that’s a little too tight for him. He walks alongside a pool, checking out his reflection.
SQUIRE
(to himself)
Looking good, sir.A FEMALE SECURITY GUARD watches him from near the mansion’s back door. She eyes him suspiciously. He winks at her. She looks away.
Squire continues around the–
SIDE OF MANSION
A camera is mounted high on a wall. Squire, hanging from a rope, climbs from below it and eases himself around it, so as not to be seen. He pulls himself onto the—
ROOFTOP
And swings a small bag off his back. He opens it, removing small metal tubes that he assembles into a SNIPER RIFLE. He looks down the scope…
SCOPE POV
And swings his aim down towards a man walking over to the pool. The man’s back is to Squire. Squire focuses squarely between the man’s shoulders. Then suddenly swings his vision to the large back yard of the next house, where a WOMAN, 60s, sits reading a book on a lounge chair.
BACK TO SCENE
Squire places his finger on the trigger…
A pistol is pressed against his head.He glances over at NANCY, who looks furious. Squire cracks a smile.
SQUIRE
Hey love. The bosses sent you too?NANCY
They knew you’d mess up.SQUIRE
And you’re here to clean up the mess when I do?NANCY
I have a better way to do this. Why don’t you just go home?SQUIRE
I like getting paid? How long have you been up here?Nancy lowers the pistol.
NANCY
Six hours.SQUIRE
Can I finish this? We can catch up over a drink.NANCY
This means more to me than it does to you.SQUIRE
I’d let you take the shot, but we both know you can’t aim for shit.NANCY
I don’t miss.SQUIRE
Not even me?NANCY
Especially not you. You’re a distraction.SQUIRE
Still blaming me for all your flaws?NANCY
Go home, Squire. Tina’s going to die.SQUIRE
And I really have to be the one to pull the trigger.They look over as a delivery truck rumbles to a stop outside the front of Nancy’s home. A driver hops out with a box and carries it to the front door.
Squire sees Nancy’s eyes light up as Tina gets up to answer the door.
NANCY
Maybe neither of us need to.SQUIRE
(re: Delivery)
One of your special deliveries?NANCY
To clean up your mess, I’m going to make a bigger one.SQUIRE
Unless I shoot her first.NANCY
Maybe she’ll open the package inside.SQUIRE
So why even come?NANCY
I want to see the whites of her eyes before she goes. I want to be here to make sure.SQUIRE
It’s always more fun being up close.He gives her a grin. She’s not going for it.
NANCY
Who cares? As long as the job gets done.The delivery van pulls off. A CAR zips into the driveway. A pair of LITTLE GIRLS get out of the car and hurry for the door, ahead of their mother.
Squire and Nancy exchange a worried look.
SQUIRE
Um… Are you going to stop this or…?NANCY
We can’t.Squire tries to get up. Nancy holds him down. He knocks his sniper rifle off the roof.
They watch in horror as it tumbles and—A YELL.
They peek over the edge. Lying on the ground next to the gun is the man, blood streaming from his head.
The Female Security guard looks up at them and opens fire.
Nancy ducks out of the way.
Squire looks next door. Tina is in the back yard with the package, staring up at them.
Nancy bumps Squire aside, takes aim at Tina’s chest and squeezes the trigger.
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