Day 14 Assignments

[Judith Watson]

Judith’s Readable thriller map –

What I learned was having done all that work clues, trust, etc., made writing the thriller map so the scene came alive.

MAKING MY THRILLER MAP READABLE – Lesson 14

OPENING –

INT. HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT

A room decorated with a Christmas tree. A huge number of candles line the room looking like a necklace. A THIEF moves around the room, pulling out drawers and looking for items to steal. Finding a treasure, they stuff it into a backpack. Lying on the floor are two bodies. One by a recliner and another laying by the Christmas tree. Being satisfied there is no more loot, the robber lights the numerous candles and kicks them over instantly setting the room on fire. The fire creeps toward the dead bodies and they burst into flame. The thief escapes through the rear of the house.

EXT. HOUSE – NIGHT

A black Mercedes sits in front of the burning house. When the living room windows explode, a NEIGHBOR rushes from her house and immediately returns inside. A blue Chevy zips from the back of the burning house and roars down the street.

EXT. WOODS – BARN/ART STUDIO – DAY

EMILY PARSONS, 30’s, races through the woods. She emerges from a row of trees and heads toward the Barn/art Studio and quizzical look on her face. She rushes past the barn toward her house.

INT. GLASS HOUSE – DAY

Emily rushes into the hall and calls out to EUGENE, her husband. She asks him what’s happened to the movers? He tells her she called them to ask them to come later. Pissed, she grabs the hall phone knocking over the mail. It spills on the floor. She talks with the movers and bawls them out for not coming on time insisting she never called them. Putting the phone back onto its cradle, she notices the mail on the floor. Picking up the mail, she sees an envelope marked “return to sender.” She looks up at

Eugene, twists her face. He shrugs his shoulders. A determined look graces her face and she tears up the letter and throws it in the trash. A big smile kisses Eugene’s face as he tells her “good for you.”

INT. ADOPTION AGENCY – DAY

Emily and Eugene sit in front of the ADOPTION COUNSELOR, GRACE, 60’s, not believing what she is telling them. The adoption of a little girl, KATIE, 8, has been delayed. They’ve gotten information that Emily may be a drug addict. Infuriated, Eugene denies that and demands knowing where they got that false information. Grace informs him that it is a formality they must check out for the safety of Katie. She calms him by telling him she doesn’t believe the allegation. Emily is stunned into silence.

INCITING INCIDENT –

INT. ART GALLERY – NIGHT

A successful and glamorous affair. Emily’s paintings are selling like hot cakes. She can hardly contain her joy. Circulating and enjoying all her patrons, Emily is distracted by a ruckus at the front door. The SECURITY GUARD is trying to keep an uninvited guest from entering. Emily goes to the door and sees her sister, RACHEL SIMMONS, late 30’s, at the door. She is the “return to sender,” letter person. She carries a bouquet of flowers and a card from their mother. Emily stares in disbelief, stunned for a moment, then tells the guard to let her in. The other Patrons watch, wondering what is going on. Emily tells everyone all is well. She looks at Rachel in disbelief. Rachel hands her the flowers and card and tells her mom sent these for you. They move into a private area and Emily asks what she is doing here. Rachel tells her that she and mom talk it over and realized what a fool Rachel has been to deny their relationship. She’d like to try to make-up if Emily is willing. Christmas together would be a great time to begin anew. Emily doesn’t know what to say. Rachel says this was a mistake. She gives her her phone number and tells Emily to let her know what she decides. She leaves.

INT. ROBBED HOUSE – DAY

DETECTIVE THOMAS, 50s, enters just as the CORONER is loading the bodies on gurneys. He notices the placement of the bodies and asks them to wait a second. He takes a picture of their locations. He looks at the body located by the Christmas tree. I’d like to take that locket. The Coroner says they don’t need it. They get these kinds of fires around Christmas all the time. Thomas nods his head as if agreeing with him.

Thomas removes the locket from the corpse’s neck. The Coroner loads up the two bodies. Exits. Thomas sees that under the fallen body is a partially burned photo album. Thomas looks around the room. He sees a teacup on the floor. Puts it in an evidence bag. He looks through the photo album. A woman with two young girls through childhood activities, some partial, a few fully visible.

EXT. ROBBED HOUSE – DAY

Thomas exits the house. A busy-body neighbor stands outside. She asks him what happened. He tells her he doesn’t know yet. She asks if they are all right. He shakes his head no. The neighbor becomes upset and said she called the fire department right away. She tells him the woman and her mother were such nice people. She never met the sister. Thomas takes notes. Thomas asks if she saw anyone around the house. Was it a robbery? We’ve had a lot in the neighborhood. She always thought it was so safe here, but things have gotten so bad. That is why she put in a security system that records everything outside her front door. She remembers she came out of the house when she heard car shriek around the corner. She didn’t see it. Thomas asks if he can check her security tapes.

PLOT POINT 1 –

EXT. EMILY’S HOUSE – DAY

Emily opens her front door. Staring at her is Rachel. She holds one of the “return to sender” letters in her hand. She tells Emily she found a bunch in a trash can. One had spilt out that she noticed when she walked by. She tells Emily that she is so sorry that over the last 10 years she has sent her letters back. She must have hurt her a lot. How foolish she’s been all these years not trying to make up. She hates to push Emily but if Emily has decided not to try reunion, it’s time for her to go home. Emily looks at Rachel holding the letter. She closes the door to the house and steps outside. She pulls matches from her pocket and leads Rachel to the letters. Puts them on fire. They women watch the letters burn.

INT. ART GALLERY – NIGHT

RACHEL walks through the gallery sprinkling something onto the paintings. She stops in front of one of the paintings. Pulls it off the wall and takes it outside. Returns. She continues sprinkling the liquid around. Takes a match and lights the gallery on fire. The paintings go up in flames. She exits unharmed.

INT. RESTAURANT – DAY

Rachel and Emily enter. Emily looks distraught. She and Rachel go to a table and get ready to order. Emily thanks Rachel for being there for her. She called Eugene, it seems a hundred times and he didn’t answer. She is so distraught over her paintings. Who could have done such a thing? She will have to redo the paintings or find a way to give back the money from clients. Suddenly, Rachel gets a strange look on her face as she points to someone at another table. Emily turns and looks. It is Eugene with a WOMAN, they are very friendly. Emily stands up, but Rachel pulls her down telling her to let it go. Emily shakes her head. She gets up again and marches over to Eugene’s table. So this is where you were and couldn’t answer your phone. I needed you. Eugene tries to introduce the woman, but Emily is so distraught that she starts yelling. The woman leaves and Eugene gets Emily to take this outside.

EXT. RESTAURANT – NIGHT

Emily and Eugene keep arguing. The woman drives by in her car. Freaked out at the incident. Eugene keeps trying to tell Emily she was an investor interested in his research, but Emily won’t believe him. She tells him she tried to call and tell him that the gallery was burned down, and all her paintings were ruined. He wasn’t there for her. He was with his whore. Rachel walks up and takes Emily to her car. Comforts her. Eugene calls the number of the investor, but it comes up that the number has been disconnected.

INT. EMILY’S HOUSE – NIGHT

Eugene and Emily have a huge fight and she kicks him out when he tells her he suspects Rachel is up to no good. She tells him Rachel has been there for her all along. Where has he been?

MIDPOINT –

EXT. ZOO – DAY

Emily walks up to Thomas wanting to know why they are meeting at the zoo. He smiles and tells her it is a pleasant place. She shrugs asks what he wanted to see her about. He tells her that her mother and Rachel were killed in a fire in her home. Emily collapse into herself. How can that be she and Rachel have been visiting this whole week. Thomas tells her that explains it. They couldn’t id the second victim. Emily tells him she is going to find out what happened. He tells her to let him handle it. Where is she staying? Emily promises to let him handle it, lying to him. They part.

INT. HOTEL MONROE – DAY

A cheap joint. Emily is greeted by a weird CLERK who tells her that Rachel left with no forwarding address. But, just as Emily is leaving, he remembers her talking about a place she use to go to on vacation. Emily thanks him and races off.

EXT. CABIN IN THE WOODS RESORT – DAY

Rachel knew Emily would come here after the Clerk told her that she talked about this place a lot. She is lying in wait for Emily and intends to kill her. Emily enters the cabin frequented by the family on vacation and Rachel attacks her. They fight and many reveals are presented: Rachel believed mom loved Emily more than her because she was left sitting at her birthday table when Emily arrived in the family as a foster child; Emily used Rachel’s art work to enter a contest and won putting Emily on her art career which Rachel believed robbed her of hers. She knocks Emily out, lights the cabin on fire, and runs away. The CARETAKER finds Emily and rescues her. Emily goes after Rachel who escapes. On the way home she learns that Eugene has been in a car accident.

INT. HOSPITAL – NIGHT

Eugene lays asleep in bed. Rachel stares at him ready to finish the job she tried earlier to kill him in a car crash, but she is interrupted by a NURSE. She exits intending to return later, but Emily arrives and stays there. New plans. She wants to finish the job of killing Emily, so she leaves with a new plan. The DOCTOR tells Emily to go home and get some rest.

INT. LYNN’S HOUSE – NIGHT

Emily goes to Lynn for some comfort. She finds her dying on the floor and tells her that Rachel has kidnapped Katie. Go stop her, she’s gone to your house to get ???? Emily calls an ambulance, but when it gets there, it is too late.

EXT. EMILY’S HOUSE – NIGHT

Emily arrives. Checks the barn/art studio. It is all lit up. Candles are placed all over the place. When Emily enters, she sees canvases painted with grotesque figures that Rachel has done, but Katie is not in sight.

INT. EMILY’S HOUSE – NIGHT

She searches the house, no Katie. Distraught, she exits. Hears Katie cry out in the woods. She goes after the sound. Still no Katie. She finds a recording with Katie’s voice. Rachel attacks, but Emily gets away. A chase and Emily nears the barn/art studio and hers Katie cry out. She goes inside.

INT. BARN/ART STUDIO – NIGHT

All the candles are lit, and Katie is tied up. Emily runs to Katie and starts to untie her, but Rachel stops her. They fight. Katie finishes untying herself and Emily tells her to get out. Rachel and Emily continuing fighting. The fire raging around them. Emily runs toward the exit, but Rachel watches her and stands there. Emily tells her to come, but she insists on staying. Emily tries to get to her, but it’s no use.

EXT. BARN/ART STUDIO – NIGHT

She runs from the building, and she calls the fire department. She and Katie watch the building burn.

EXT. CEMETARY – DAY

Emily puts flowers on her mother’s and Rachel’s grave while Eugene and Katie watch. She says her goodbyes. And Eugene, Emily and Katie walk off hand in hand.

[Sherri Coffee]

Sherri D. Coffee – Readable Thriller Map

What I learned doing this assignment was to put together all the elements of Mystery, Intrigue and Suspense and create a story that incorporates the elements of the thriller map.

Opening: After graduating law school, Charlotte begins a new position at a prestigious lobby firm. Her first event is a fundraiser at the home of the Media giant Anne Coleman. She meets, greets, and observes. A well-dressed man surveys the crowd and secretly snaps photos.

INT. Mansion – PM

On her first day on the job, Charlotte stands in a receiving line to greet the hostess. Anne Coleman extends her hand and her desire to get to know Charlotte better. The well-dressed man snaps photos.

EXT. Mansion – PM

Charlotte exits the patron filled ballroom onto the outdoor patio and lawn. She spots her new boss Patricia in a serious discussion with her new firm’s founder Ford. They lower voices as Charlotte approaches and end the conversation abruptly when she arrives. Ford says hello and leaves. Patricia introduces her to several clients and employees.

EXT. Mansion – PM

Ford finds Senator Smith. Is he going to make the call tomorrow? The Senator hesitates. Ford reminds him of the “watered grass” around him. Isn’t it a beautiful lawn? The lawn cannot grow without water. The Senator nods yes and walks away. well-dressed man snaps photos.

INT. Mansion – PM

Patricia introduces Charlotte to several international and domestic organizations and companies. Conversation with Anne raises some questions. Charlotte’s research begins.

Inciting Event:

Ford holds a company meeting in the conference room. He announces the opening of a DC Office to solidify the Federal lobbying presence. After helping Ford establish the firm, Ray is confident he will be selected. But Ford names Patricia to lead the DC Firm. Ray is angry. Ford does not understand. Why doesn’t Ray see the money, power, and influence the DC Firm will add to the business?

INT. Ford Firm – AM

Ford announces the DC office will be led by Patricia. Ray closes his portfolio and walks out. Charlotte wants to know what this change means for her career. Ray begins to pack up his office. Ford walks in and the confrontation ends with some strong words. Ray walks out the door. Charlotte watches and wonders if she made a mistake.

Turning Point 1:

Patricia had a new sense of urgency to train Charlotte for her position. They meet with Senator Smith in his office. Charlotte notices the paper folded to an article on the Senator’s desk: CIA Agent Abruptly Leaves Agency. Patricia gives Charlotte the task of organizing another fundraiser with Anne Coleman.

INT. Ford Firm – AM

Charlotte’s research into clients and political invitees for the fundraiser raises some questions about the firm’s contracts. She is more confused when her questions are met with vague answers. Several clients leave to join Ray’s new firm. Charlotte reaches out to Anne to discuss event. Charlotte arrives home to find the well-dressed man from the fundraiser waiting on her.

Midpoint:

Charlotte’s uncle is the well-dressed man. He asks Charlotte for her help with his investigation of the firm. He reveals that he was the one who got her the job. She wants to quit and is unconvinced to help. Charlotte’s conversations with Anne and several key advocacy organizations reveal some information that convinces Charlotte to help her uncle. Ford continues to work with Senator Smith to add new foreign government clients.

Turning Point 2:

Charlotte takes the information she has uncovered and tries to understand the system. How does the money get to advocacy organizations? Politicians? Why is Anne involved? Patricia is uncomfortable with Charlotte’s curiosity. Ford is suspicious and devises a plan to get rid of Charlotte.

Climax:

Charlotte pieces together the pieces and races to provide the information to the CIA. Ford notices a breach in his accounts. Ford and Patricia race to stop her. Ford contacts Senator who contacts CIA Director. Charlotte’s uncle is in the office with the CIA Director. Charlotte barely makes it to the Agency in time to deliver the information.

Resolution:

Ford and Patricia are indicted. Ray offers Charlotte a position in his firm, and she accepts.

[Eric Humble]

Eric Humble’s Readable Thriller Map

What I learned: is that writing a thriller is much simpler when you break the process into Big MIS then follow each of the threads backwards before twisting everything together. This has been a great class, and I can’t wait to write the script from this outline. It’s one of the best, fastest outlines I’ve ever written.

MM1:

INT. AUXILIARY KITCHEN – NIGHT

CHEF VICTOR hauls a heavy crate into a darkened kitchen. Hears a noise and pauses, now continues on toward the freezer. He makes a call to the FBI. Has vital information but won’t make a report until he gets some assurances… then he hears a louder noise. Hangs up. Continues into the freezers, leaving the crate. Enters into the dark. And is gone.

INT. UPSCALE RESTAURANT – NIGHT

Another chef, RAF, looks out from the kitchen – eyes two well-dressed businessmen-types waiting for their food. A tense conversation between them – whatever they’re discussing isn’t going well.

INT. KITCHEN – NIGHT

Raf sizes them up – then goes to work. Cooks like an artist, a dancer, a scientist all rolled into one.

INT. UPSCALE RESTAURANT – MOMENTS LATER

Finally, the food is brought out to the businessmen… who ease up. The conversation relaxes. Ends in a handshake. The tenser of the two gets up and leaves… and half the restaurant’s patrons follow! They were all this man’s agents.

The other one, LEIBER, remains… and Raf comes out to greet him – it’s as if they had some sort of deal in place all along. Leiber dismisses the remainder of the patrons – Leiber’s agents.

Leiber is the Secretary of State, and an old friend and former culinary school classmate, before he switched majors to political science. He sings Raf’s praises – he’s got an uncanny knack for sizing up people and catering to their psychological needs with food. Wonders aloud how many major deals have been put in place over his food? Because that was a doozy – he just helped him convince NATO’s Head of Security to hand over the reigns of security to Leiber during an upcoming Peace Summit at Camp David.

Which brings him to why he’s really here: at the summit, the President is expected to represent NATO and broker peace between Russia and Romania, who are at war. This is a big meeting – if the President can broker peace, he’ll re-establish the US’s dominance within NATO, something the world desperately needs against this Russian aggression.

And Leiber has lost his chef for the occasion – Chef Victor, Raf’s career rival, seems to have run off. He wants Raf to take over. If they pull this off, he’ll have an opening to get his restaurant chain into any of the NATO countries.

INT. RAF’S APARTMENT – NIGHT

Raf is urged by his pregnant girlfriend to let this one go. He’s never satisfied with success; as soon as he achieves something, he’s off to the next thing… and she’s worried he’ll be that way about their family once the baby comes. But he can’t let it go. It’ll be the biggest dinner of his life!

MM2:

INT. CAMP DAVID – DAY

Raf goes through a heavily-guarded security checkpoint… and his chef’s knives are confiscated. He bristles at the restrictions.

Suddenly, he gets a call from his business partner. The FBI is there. An IRS audit turned up an undisclosed bank account and they’re seizing their hard drives. The restaurant is in jeopardy. But before Raf can get to the bottom of it, a Secret Service agent snatches away his phone!

Because the checkpoint was only round one of Leiber’s security. Additional protocols: surrender your cell phone, no one leaves, sections of the kitchen – including a second, auxiliary kitchen – are off-limits, and no contact with anyone outside the kitchen. Violate any of these and he’ll be arrested instantly.

INT. PANTRY – DAY

While inspecting the pantry, Raf learns from the other line cooks that the previous chef, Chef Victor, got the ingredients himself – went to the dockyards to get them fresh off the boat – brought them in in huge containers to freeze them. Everything here, including the food stock, has been in place for months to ensure security. No one has been in or out until today.

INT. STOCKROOM – DAY

Raf is startled to discover his head cook is NATALIA – who takes a swing at him with a rolling pin. She’s an ex-flame whom he betrayed to take control of a restaurant… which sent her packing from NYC back to her native Moldova. Raf tells her the animosity between them has to wait – he has rank and he’s not going to let her mess this up for him. Natalia tells him she’s not afraid to walk – she’s gotten successful overseas, and has money enough to do whatever she wants in life. She doesn’t need this or any job. She comments that the first chef, Victor, seemed like an asshole, but at least he wasn’t Raf.

INT. UPPER FLOOR – DAY

Raf storms past the guards to make his objections to Leiber – but witnesses one high-ranking member of NATO, a firebrand, in a violent, drunken argument – railing that NATO always follows the US’s lead, even now when US credibility on the global stage is low. If they’re as united as they say, NATO can be its own superpower without US involvement. Rav sizes the situation up, arrives with coffee and sorbet to settle his stomach and mind… Meanwhile, Leiber calms the situation further by having water brought in for all the delegates.

INT. LOWER FLOOR – DAY

Raf is ordered back downstairs, but gets turned around. Ventures into the off-limits meat freezer…

…where he discovers Chef Victor’s body hanging among the meat. Victor’s chef’s knife is embedded in the base of his skull. Who killed him and why?

With their public feud and Raf’s reputation for stabbing people in the back, this will look like he killed Victor to get the job.

The knife handle has a warning carved into it: “Poison –

President” – then, faded: “russian.”

MM3:

INT. KITCHEN – DAY

Raf enlists Natalia’s help interpreting the clues on the knife, but doesn’t tell her Victor is dead… just that he found the knife, it’s a breach of security, so that must indicate that something happened to him… and he can’t shake the thought that Victor is trying to warn him of something with this. She’s curious why “russian” isn’t captialized, but Raf assumes it’s just because English is Victor’s second language.

INT. KITCHEN – NIGHT

Raf and Natalia question a line cook Victor brought with him onto the job, someone he knows from the old country, Moldova – and he confesses that Victor has a politically subversive history. Back in Moldova, he helped smuggle Russian political prisoners to freedom in his food shipment containers. Got in some trouble for it, which is why he fled back to the U.S.

Throughout the questioning, the line cook keeps glancing quizzically at Natalia, as if perplexed that she’s asking these questions… as if she should know already. She gives him a hard look, as if warning him to keep quiet. Raf doesn’t notice this exchange… because he’s distracted when he notices that she has something concealed in her apron, which she’s fiddling with.

INT. KITCHEN – NIGHT

Next course is up and Raf has to get back to his duty. He berates a cook, JOSEPH, whose presentation is flawless, as he’s a visual artist, but whose cooking is sub-par – just as Joseph comments on the unique coloring used for the dessert cake – the unique blue pigment is overused.

Natalia scorns Raf for using food as manipulation and as an instrument of his own celebrity. Food is an art that can stand for so much more – it can raise awareness, it can shine a light on certain cultures. You don’t need a disruptive protest to solve everything. Food can bring people together.

Joseph tells them there was a dust-up when Victor thought there was too much blue on the dessert cake and wanted to change the dessert to something low sugar and vegan for everyone. Several of the NATO leaders’s staff objected and Leiber threatened to replace him unless he stuck to the pre-cleared menu… but Victor seemed rattled after that. Joseph prattles on about the pigment used to create the distinct blue color, but Rav brushes past this, ordering him to get the cooking right.

INT. KITCHEN – NIGHT

Raf gets the next course ready – a rush of activity.

INT. PANTRY – NIGHT

In the calm moment of triumph afterward – he hears something in the pantry – could be someone rooting around, or someone struggling with someone else. He catches a hooded person sneaking a crate of food out. But he is attacked! Raf manages to cut the assailant’s hand. The hooded person abandons the food and runs away… but he also hears some other footsteps headed the other way. He finds a list of ingredients on the floor.

He looks for the ingredients in the list, in case it’s some kind of code – and finds a container of thallium, a toxic element used in rat poison. It’s empty… the poison has been removed.

MM4:

INT. DINING ROOM – NIGHT

Raf goes to report it to Leiber. But Leiber is suspicious when he suggests he went into the off-limits area. Leiber won’t let Raf disrupt the proceedings – there’s too much at stake. He comments that everyone wants peace, even Russia, who regrets ever starting the war. It’s a question of saving face. Insists on keeping the meal on a strictly-timed schedule. Raf backs off without telling him about the body… or the poison.

INT. KITCHEN – NIGHT

Raf orders everyone to stop what they’re doing immediately and switch aprons, then check the pockets. Everyone complies, confused… and Natalia seems panicked about what her neighboring cook will find… only to discover the pocket is empty.

During the switching, she manages to burn her hand—the same hand that RAF injured on the assailant. An accident or is she covering up the original wound?

INT. KITCHEN – NIGHT

Natalia gets everyone back to work… then comes over to question him – what the hell was that? He tells her about the poison – it’s somewhere in this kitchen, since the place has been hermetically sealed for weeks. She urges him to shut it down – but Raf decides to ferret out the poisoner himself… so he’ll be considered a bigger hero when he pulls it all off. Think of the connections he’ll have all over the world!

He shows her the list of ingredients. She’s struck by it, restrains tears. He recognizes that it’s Victor’s handwriting from the other notes around here – thinks the poison must be in one of these ingredients. He’s going to substitute others for them in all the recipes.

Reviews are coming back – favorable. POTUS loved the last course. Natalia comments that she hates POTUS for his policies on Moldova, where her family hails from. He’s a bully kicking small young countries around.

INT. BREAKROOM – NIGHT

Natalia lures him into the breakroom under the pretext of seduction… and he gives in to it despite being conflicted because he has a pregnant girlfriend… but in the midst of undressing, Natalia picks his pocket of the list of ingredients. He notices. Strongarms her – what does she know??

She deflects – by kicking a floorboard loose and revealing a cell phone and a gun nested inside. She acts as surprised by the discovery as he is… but to us it seems that she isn’t really surprised. There’s commotion in the kitchen – a fire that has gotten out of control. She rushes out to deal with it.

Raf, meanwhile, checks the voicemail on the phone… last one was from Natalia, threatening Victor if he didn’t go through with her “plan.”

INT. KITCHEN – NIGHT

Midpoint: Raf returns to question her – to find Leiber’s security on him, guns drawn, ordering him to drop the phone… and seeing the gun in the floor. They tackle him to the ground. He glares at Natalia behind him, as Leiber assigns her the job of chef. Leiber has Raf brought away.

MM5:

INT. HOLDING AREA – NIGHT

The NATO head of security – from Raf’s restaurant at the beginning – has his security forces lock Raf down. But Leiber enters, takes charge, clears the room, as a friend… only to interrogate him himself. Shows him surveillance video looking like Raf is plotting to kill Chef Victor to get the job. Questions him on the sudden deposits of cash in his accounts – from shell companies owned by Russian oligarchs. Raf is dumbstruck, insists the video is a deepfake…

Leiber is called out urgently before he can drop the hammer on him.

As he leaves, surveillance video of Raf and Natalia making out blips onto Chef Victor’s phone with a message: What would she think? Followed by a live video feed of Raf’s girlfriend … taken by someone watching her, whom she is clearly unaware of. A message: Cook the dinner on time and stop playing detective.

INT. DINING ROOM/ANTEROOM – NIGHT

The negotiations are going well. POTUS is prepared to make some concessions and wrap this up early… until Leiber vehemently goads him into fighting for everything on their agenda. POTUS is suspicious of how vehement he is, suggests he have some water. Leiber refuses, goes to get some air first.

INT. RESTRICTED AREA – NIGHT

Raf has overheard the whole heated exchange, comments on it. Leiber, calming himself, states the NATO countries sense an opportunity here to emerge from the US’s shadow. Leiber pours himself a whiskey, eschewing the table water… and Raf suggests he take the sprig of rosemary someone didn’t eat, light it on fire and drop it into the drink with some ice. Leiber does so – and the drink is perfect.

Raf shows him the markings on the confiscated chef’s knife, and tells him about the poison – about everything except the body downstairs. Natalia is the poisoner, and Leiber just handed her the keys to the kitchen.

Leiber conspires with Raf – there’s only one way Raf can get back down to that kitchen at this point… and worse, only one way he can get Leiber down there as well. Raf’s career, life, and future will take a hit if he does this and doesn’t deliver. Raf is all ears to the plan.

INT. CORRIDOR – NIGHT

The NATO security chief comes to transfer him out of Camp David to a US Secret Service holding facility… but Raf uses the chef’s knife (which he suddenly is armed with) to take Leiber hostage… but as they back away from the armed security, Leiber guides him to a secret door that leads down to the kitchens.

MM6:

INT. AUXILIARY KITCHEN – NIGHT

Raf continues the hostage charade and orders everyone to drop everything and go to the auxiliary kitchen. Orders everything recooked immediately with fresh ingredients he commandeers a Secret Service agent to bring in from the outside.

INT. AUXILIARY KITCHEN – NIGHT

The kitchen is surrounded by armed guards. There’s no getting out of this alive unless Raf comes up with something proving the existence of the poison plot. But with Leiber with him now, Leiber focuses Raf’s attention on the special “no-sugar” dessert that will only be served to the US President, a diabetic… a seemingly obvious choice for the poison, if his story is true. But Raf isn’t too sure – the knife specifically says “Russian.” There’s only one person who can confirm.

INT. AUXILIARY PANTRY – NIGHT

Natalia discovers the crate of food that Victor was seen dragging in the opening scene. She goes white at the sight… filled with a sudden dread. Opens it… to see nothing but food, exactly what one would expect to see – except she is in a panic at it.

INT. KITCHEN – NIGHT

Raf takes the ingredients out of the pantry, cooks a dish using just them. Pulls Natalia aside and serves it to her. She’s appalled, because he’s so certain these ingredients were poisoned… but then Leiber enters: they’re not. He’s brought along a kit to test for thallium – no poison on them. Raf takes a bite. So does Natalia, who then comments that Raf was always the better chef of the two. Raf presses her: so what’s with the list? She takes a sip of water and deflects, “What list?”

Raf calls her out – the list was in her pocket. She’s the one who attacked him in the pantry. She confesses Chef Victor was her lover.

This was the way they’d met, shopping for these ingredients and he promised to cook her something she’d never experienced before. And he told her that if the day ever came when they’d part ways, he’d end it by cooking it to her again. She got this in the mail two weeks ago, and that’s the last she’s heard from him. That’s when she petitioned to get this job.

Raf notes that she seems genuinely surprised – and doesn’t seem to know he’s dead. But Leiber presses her – what about the voicemail? What was she pressuring Victor to do?

INT. MEAT FREEZER – NIGHT

Natalia suddenly breaks from them, runs, but comes to a shocked halt at the dead body of Chef Victor. Raf lets Leiber go to take her into custody and question her… when she suddenly collapses. She’s been poisoned.

But she pleads with him to trust her – and says “they’re running out of food.” As Leiber hauls her out, Raf notices there’s a hatch in the floor.

INT. KITCHEN – NIGHT

The final course is just rolling out. Nothing left now but dessert – and Raf is off the hook now that they have Natalia in custody. Job well done.

INT. MEAT FREEZER – NIGHT

Rav returns – and opens the hatch. In a basement area, twenty Moldovan refugees, sick with hunger are huddled together. He gets them one of the containers of food. They tell him that Natalia and Victor snuck them down here in a container Victor got off the dockyards – the plan was to keep them hidden here since before the security sweep… they were to wait it out a month until the peace summit when Victor would let them out to go in and protest the US’s concessions that affect the smaller NATO countries.

Then, Joseph comments on the unique coloring used for the cake again – Prussian blue is overused. He regales Raf with the history of the pigment and how it’s a natural antidote to thallium poisoning. Raf realizes that there isn’t a plot to poison one of the world leaders – they’ve all already been poisoned – and everyone is set to ingest the antidote with dessert – except POTUS, who will abstain because he’s diabetic. He finally understands Victor’s clue – not “Russian,” but “Prussian Blue.”

MM7:

INT. KITCHEN – NIGHT

Raf has to get Prussian Blue to the President when the others have dessert.

INT. CORRIDOR – NIGHT

He intercepts Leiber and tells him the poison is in the drinking water. The world leaders have all already been poisoned… at the cocktail party that was going on while he sobered up the drunken world leader.

Leiber acts like he’s calling it in. Then holds a gun on Raf. You chefs, always need to know everything that’s going on in your kitchen. Leiber is the one behind the whole thing – and he’s still got the set-up in place to frame Raf for it all, even the poisoning of Natalia!

But the gun Leiber has is the one Natalia unearthed from beneath the floor – and it’s unloaded. Raf escapes through the secret door.

INT. PANTRY – NIGHT

The food coloring is upstairs with the desserts.

Rav, thinking quickly, pockets a chocolate bar… why, we don’t know.

INT. AUXILIARY KITCHEN – NIGHT

He gets Prussian blue pigment from Joseph, who brought along his art kit along with pigments.

INT. SECURITY ROOM – NIGHT

Leiber orders the Secret Service to shoot him on sight as an assassin.

INT. SECURITY ROOM – NIGHT

The NATO head of security is overhearing all this… thinking… orders his men to come with him.

INT. TUNNEL/HOLDING AREA – NIGHT

Raf uses the secret door to sneak Prussian Blue dye into the holding area, forces it into Natalia’s mouth… tells her she’ll feel better once it has metabolized in a few minutes.

INT. KITCHEN – NIGHT

President is a diabetic – which is why Leiber knew he’d refuse dessert. Raf has to get him to inadvertently intake too much sugar and need insulin… into which he’ll inject the Prussian blue. If the President is on the verge of a diabetic coma, he’ll have no choice but to take the “tainted” insulin.

He has to:

a.) get hold of insulin… which one of the refugees has… and place the Prussian blue pigment in it.

b.) Bake something that looks savory or like vegetables, but is actually a super-sweet cake.

INT. MEAT FREEZER – NIGHT

The NATO head of security comes upon the hatch beneath Chef Victor’s body. Hears voices. Opens it to see the refugees eating hungrily. He’s baffled.

INT. KITCHEN – NIGHT

Raf has to quickly bake the deceptive cake that looks like root vegetables, which he does with Joseph’s assistance… but Leiber is there, armed with a kitchen knife.

INT. HOLDING AREA – NIGHT

Natalia groans, takes a turn for the worse. A secret service agent goes to help her – when she springs up and gets his gun. Locks him in the room.

INT. KITCHEN – NIGHT

Raf turns up the flames, purposefully sprays Leiber with vodka, running in a line to the gas stove. He holds a flaming food item on the end of a grill skewer over it – and continues cooking with one hand, freezing Leiber on the spot.

But Leiber reveals he has poisoned Raf already – and the poison is kicking in. His heart is stopping… when Natalia, recovered, shows up to help.

INT. PRIVATE MEETING ROOM – NIGHT

Everyone finishes dessert, feeling bolstered… but in the midst of final talks, POTUS feels ill. The drunken world leader from earlier gloats, introducing POTUS and the Russian President to the cabal surrounding them – they want to elevate the status of certain NATO countries by allowing Russia to wage war and sabotaging the US’s might in forging the peace treaty. So now the real negotiations, more favorable to Russia, may commence.

But Raf shows up with a treat to go along with the coffee, which should rejuvenate his spirit – root vegetables, no sugar. But as he’s eating it, Leiber also arrives, and the cabal know him to be their man. They allow them both to stay to serve coffee.

It’s getting harder and harder for Rav to stagger about.

The President realizes he’s eaten too much sugar. Raf apologizes, offers him insulin – but it’s blue, and he doesn’t trust it. But he, too, is now gasping for hair, fading under the double hit of too much sugar and thallium in the blood. Raf implores him – trust me, it’s insulin.

The Secret Service barge in – and Leiber accuses Raf of trying to poison POTUS with tainted insulin.

And Leiber has a spare insulin vial for POTUS, just in case. POTUS takes it… but is still bleary. Raf reveals it was a fake-out – they really were root vegetables with a natural sweetness but low sugar. Now the President has taken too much insulin… and needs sugar to counter it. One of the aides rushes into the dinner room and gives him a piece of the blue cake.

Raf takes the blue insulin and injects it into himself. They’re all tense, guns on him. “What was in that?” Raf: “Antidote… and insulin.” Then he takes out the chocolate bar and chomps down on it.

POTUS, recovering, demands to know what the hell is going on? Raf tells him his Secretary of State is a murderer and a traitor. Leiber counters that no one said anything about a cabal – the President isn’t well and has to be looked after. The others gaslight him, back him up. The Russian president remains mute. Raf tells him his Secretary of State is a murderer. Leiber once again counters – that’s an outrageous accusation from a chef who just tried to poison the President. I don’t suppose you have a witness to this crime?

Suddenly, the NATO security chief storms the room with his men, guns drawn on Leiber and the other leaders. In fact, he has twenty witnesses… and behind him, the Moldovan refugees file in. They saw him kill Chef Victor. Natalia leads them – and wants to talk to the President.

MM8:

INT. WHITE HOUSE RECEPTION – DAY

Afterwards, Raf and Natalia are invitees at a gala, along with Raf’s girlfriend. Raf asks Natalia what she’s doing for dinner… but not for a date. He wants her to have dinner at his place – his fiancee will be dying to meet her.

POTUS introduces Raf to a foreign dignitary interested in opening business to Americans… the President has put in a good word with him. Raf declines the offer – he’s got family here. But recommends Natalia – his better in every way.

INT. RAF’S RESTAURANT – BACKROOM – DAY

Raf’s cooks are preparing meals for a shelter for Moldovan refugees – he’s stern. They’re not just giving food to these hungry people, they’re giving a taste of home during peacetime. Raf takes off, passes the reigns to his protege so he can go on a baby-moon with his girlfriend… where he plans to propose.

[Jeff Hall]

Jeff Hall’s Thriller Map Version 1

Ext. Victorian Farm House – Night

Peaceful night. Family sleeping. We see large feet walk into the house. Carries Ax. Family slaughtered.

Killer sits at diner table to eats their food.

Int. Jail House – Day

Roy, the family’s help, discovers the bodies in the morning. He is blamed by the town but Ben, deputy, knows he’s innocent. A mob shows up and drags him to the street. Ben can not stop them and the sheriff does nothing to stop them.

Roy is hung.

Int. Jail House – Day

Ben discovers a mirror murder in the adjacent town, but the sheriff refuses to let him even try to find the real killer.

Ben wants in on the sheriff sleeping with his fiance. Ben empties his gun in the wall around them and throws his badge at them. Storms out.

Ext. Train – Day

The train starts to leave and Ben jumps on it. Next town, he informs that sheriff that he’s investigating, but is treated with suspicion. Another mirror slaying occurs in that town and Ben sees the Tall Man at a distance. The mob comes for the suspicious newcomer. Despite the sheriff’s opposition, the mob strings him up. Ben’s sheriff rescues. Ben survives and flees on the next train. Finds a book of occult drawings and writings by an individual.

Ext. Third Town – Day

An injured Ben is thrown off the train and taken in by an orphanage. Being suspicious, he is locked in a room for the safety of the children. He goes through withdraws from his addiction and partially recovers from his injuries. Convinces Maria, the orphanage “mother” to bolt the windows and doors.

Ext. Third Town – Night

Ben guards the town at night. Ben notices a Tall Man and follows him as he enters a home. Ben bursts and stop him, but he is the employee of that farm house. The man of the house chases Ben who rans back to town and hides. The man is murdered by the Tall Man. Ben is held under suspicion in the jail. The wife shows up and attempts to shoot Ben in jail.

Ext. Orphanage – Night

The Tall Man sets fire to the orphanage. The children can not escape because the windows and doors are bolted. On the roof, the Tall Man creates a hole with his ax. He stands of that hole ready to inhale the souls of the passing children.

The town is soon alarmed and makes a futile attempt at putting the fire out.

Ben sees the Tall Man and climbs on the roof. They fight and Ben falls through the roof. Saves children. Tall Man vanishes.

Ext. Train – Morning

Train whistle blows, Ben knows the Tall Man will be on it. He jumps on it. Jumps from boxcar to boxcar. He is attacked by the Tall Man. They fight. Large choreographed fight on train. They fall off a large bridge into a river. Ben crawls onto the shore. The Tall Man is nowhere to be found.

Ext. Orphanage – Day

Ben helps rebuild the orphanage and plays with the children. He holds Maria’s hand.

[Julio TUMBACO]

Julio Tumbaco’s Thriller Map Version 1

What I learned is how invaluable it is to map out Mystery, Intrigue and Suspense, overt and covert clues, redirecting and reveals.

EXT. NYC HELL’S KITCHEN SIDE STREET – DARK OF NIGHT

Tightly gloved hands grip the steering wheel with madness and desperation suffocating the driver and the steering wheel.

A red, 5 speed sports car comes to a sudden and impertinent halt.

INT. CAR- NIGHT

Traffic signal light turns red, green, then amber and then red again. The driver’s eyes drift away teary and sleepy. When the light turns green again, the car behind honks and drives around. The driver, startled, steps on the accelerator then slams on the brakes, the clutch is released and the car stalls. Automatically, the driver pulls on the hand brake.

The driver dressed in a gray softball uniform soiled with vomit and grass stains, steps out to see what got in the way. It is another dirty uniformed lifeless player.

The driver drags the lifeless body to the driver’s seat, releases the hand brake and puts the shift gear in neutral- the car rolls away to crash upon an unsuspected innocent light pole.