Day 14 Assignments

[Deleted User]

Karen Crider’s Most Memorable Line:

What I learned: A reminder of what we have already been taught. That subtext present in certain lines is powerful. It almost contains the same power as poetry. Something I immediately associate with. But then, the pen is more powerful than the sword. The greatest sword of all is the King James Bible. Its presence is ever with me… Thanks.

Percy has just been told by Nurse Phoebe, who cared for him as an infant, that he cannot marry Princess Zenith, for she is his sister.

PERCY (to Princess Zenith) You are my soul mate, my every thought.

Percy turns away. His shoulders sag. His body shudders.

NURSE PHOBE What you feel for one another shall fade. Trust me, you’re both going to be stronger for it.

PERCY What feeble power does a king possess when he cannot even claim the queen he loves?

–I want the above line to express Dusty’s sense of futility over something unfixable. With it implies grief, confusion and emptiness.

***

Percy flops on the floor. A cobweb hangs over his head. His long tongue flits out, curls, and grabs a spider mid- air. He smacks his lips.

DUSTY This is crazy. We’re both stuck in a world neither of us belong, and doing it for each other.

–I want the above line to express the human condition, of what we as individuals end up doing with our own lives. Whether we stay in a world we don’t belong for family, for a spouse, for need, for love, for whatever reason, we stay. Something we either realize or don’t. But in this case, Dusty does realize it and brings it to Percy’s attention.

PERCY If you want, you can come live in my world.

Percy gazes at Dusty, as he blinks his heavy-lidded eyes.

DUSTY You mean, Planet of the Dragons?

PERCY Yes, Freome’s an earth-like planet.

DUSTY Really? Certain times of the year on earth, you can see different planets with the naked eye, but I never seen a sign of Freome.

Dusty stares out the window at the sky.

PERCY I have. Maybe, my eye is more naked than yours.

–A fun statement that only Percy can appreciate. It’s subtext is obvious. Percy is trying to make Dusty understand, his planet is just as present as Dusty’s, just as pertinent, just as visible to his perspective as earth is to Dusty.

***

DUSTY

In combat, most soldiers are sure luck is the only thing that keeps them alive. Instead, my luck is my childhood dragon. Unbelievable!

PERCY

Friendships come and go, but sometimes water is thicker than blood.

–My concept is echoed through the mouth of my character, Percy the dragon. Sometimes, the only family we have is in our friends. Blood becomes insignificant. Water is all we have…

INT. CABIN – DAY

A fly buzzes Percy’s nose. Percy swats at it and misses.

DUSTY

I have to live through getting to Planet Freome first. What about my kids?

PERCY

What about them?

DUSTY

Well, I can’t just disappear!

–An ironic statement, because that’s exactly what he does. His kids disappeared on him years ago. Now it’s his turn, not to get even, but because Percy is the only family he has.

PERCY Isn’t that what they’ve done?

The fly circles back, as if to taunt Percy.

Percy belches out flame to decimate it. He misses, but sets a curtain on fire.

***

DUSTY

We’re you in Afghanistan, Percy? Is that why me and my platoon survived?

Percy stares out the window.

DUSTY

Good grief! Why do such a thing? I have a feeling if I stayed, we may have won the war, right? You’ve probably tailed me my whole life?

He laughs.

PERCY

Like the North Star.

–No greater love has this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. Which also exemplifies: A friend is closer than a brother; also, a friend loves at all times.

***

JUDGE BENNETT (to the baliff) This is the car hijacker? The one who flies a stolen car through the sky?

(to Dusty)

You a wizard or something?

DUSTY

No sir.

DETECTIVE RIMES

His fingerprints are all over that car. He’s also being charged with kidnapping the same woman–twice.

JUDGE BENNETT

(to Dusty)

If at first you don’t succeed? That your philosophy? How about practice makes perfect?

DUSTY

No sir…

***

DUSTY

(to Barry Jenks) (lawyer)

Okay, since my wife has died, I haven’t been myself. About that time, my best friend from childhood shows up.

BARRY JENKS

Percy, I presume?

DUSTY

Yes.

BARRY JENKS What does he look like? We can put an APB out on him.

DUSTY

Well, he’s huge, has a super- long snout, breathes fire, growls a lot, and snores so bad the cabin expands and contract with each breath.

BARRY JENKS

(chuckles)

What is he, a dinosaur?

DUSTY

A dragon, and my dearest friend.

Barry stares at Dusty; He glances about nervously, fearful for his safety.

BARRY JENKS

You don’t need a lawyer; you need a psychiatrist.

(–I wanted to enlarge the lawyer’s plight in dealing with his client. I hope I have done that here; as well as, added an edge to humor as well. Something I always have fun with. )

***

Nurse Phoebe’s brother, the king, and his queen, have just been massacred by insurgents. Nurse Phoebe has just found him.

NURSE PHOEBE

(weeping) What have they done to you, my king? Where are your nobles and sentries, your warriors, your protectors against these beasts?

(–I was aiming for grief in her words/actions, the need for revenge. The devastation that can only be felt by those who experience it first hand. )

Behind her, an insurgent–a dragon whose body carries a mucous-slimed, barnacle-like sheen appears. Sinewy whiskers flag his face. His open maw displays huge fangs. His mass quakes the courts.

She crouches like a cat against its prey.

He circles, charges, slinging smoke and flame.

She side-steps him to no avail.

With one bound, he sinks his teeth into her shoulder. Nurse Phoebe howls and turns invisible.

The insurgent twists and turns, trying to find her. She crawls toward the sword, sticky with her brother’s blood. She retrieves it, turns toward him, thrusting it deep within the dragon’s heart.

A death gurgle fills its throat. Its body spasms. She stares at its wide-open gape: closing/ opening/ closing, in its dying reflex. She smiles, as she slices off its head, and kicks it across the courts; eyes probing, blood pulsing, leaving behind its morbid trail.

[David Mailman]

David’s Most Memorable Line

“What I learned doing this assignment is…?” In the script, I cut out a lot of dialogue and used action as much as I could. There were relatively few lines that weren’t conversations that dealt with decisions. All the lines I showed in this Lesson were new and added. I don’t think I will use any of them.

2. Give us the scene, the line you are rewriting, and a clear statement of the meaning you want that line to deliver.

3. Ask yourself, what does this line need? Brainstorm 10 – 20 new versions of the line.

The first treasure hunt fails. The crew break up in anger.

A. LENNY. I didn’t expect to be working with his useless son. How about a spider for a going-away present? PAUL You bastards make me sick. Go to Hell. Paul stalks out.

ADDED LINE PAUL. /You’re all losers. /Find it on your own. /Why did I tie up to you jerks? /I’m back to where I started. /Get drunk and shove it.

Paul breaks up with Sandy. He is depressed at losing the treasure, his crew and career. He takes it out on Sandy.

B. PAUL. Carlton Oil! Those are the bastards that wouldn’t give us a cent for my father’s death.

That’s why we’re living the way we are. All those greedy fat cats living high on the hog while we live like pigs. SANDY. Are you blaming my father or me? Legal makes those decisions. My father is a good person. I’m offering help. My father can help. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and act like a man. Paul, furious, kicks his chair out and stalks off.

ADDED LINE PAUL. /No one calls me a coward. /I can do better than you. /You think you’re so damn special. /You need to fit in. /You’ve always had it so easy. You don’t know what it’s like.

Janet realizes Paul’s father wasted his life.

C. JANET. OK. The last time. I don’t want you to follow in your father’s footsteps.

ADDED LINE Your father was a selfish, stupid bastard. /The Hell with heroics. /Cowards live to come home to their family. /Your father never had any luck he could see. /Your father couldn’t see what was in his own home.

The family agrees to one last treasure hunt. Paul has completely committed.

D. PAUL. I’m for one more trip. Can’t you feel that we’re getting closer? It’s like fate is pushing us. I can’t leave this now. There are too many things riding on it. LENNY OK. I haven’t lost anything yet. JACK. I owe one more look to all me family. PAUL. Mother, I have to go. I need to go. I can’t deal with the failure of not going.

ADDED LINE /Can I go through life without trying? /Just think about a mountain of gold. /Dad would have wanted this. /What did Dad die for? /We can end all this. /The adventure of the century. /No more fear. /We’ll be famous.

E. Paul has forced his last enemy over the side of his boat. His attitude has changed from forgiving to punishment for injury.

Paul crawls to the railing, favoring his bleeding arm. He sees Jason struggling in the water. He takes a long look at the rope and life-ring attached to the railing. He uses the sword to cut the handcuffs. He gets up, moves to the wheel, and throttles up.

ADDED LINE. PAUL. /No more mister nice guy. /I am not in a giving vein today. /Say hello to your boss when you get down there. /I hope the sharks feel playful today. /Another professor who didn’t get tenure. /Time to see “Jaws” again. /Publish or perish.

Paul broke up with Sandy and now, knowing he was wrong, wants to make up.

F. 90. INT. MALL – DAY Sandy sits at a table drinking coffee and working on something. Paul walks up and stands by a chair. He looks hangdog and apologetic. His arm is in a sling. Sandy does not look up. A minute passes.

ADDED LINE PAUL /If this puppy followed you home, would you keep him. /Behold the hero returns. /Sorry, I really screwed up. /Forgive me. /I almost got fed to sharks. Not seeing you again would be worse.

Sandy pushes the chair out with her foot.

ADDED LINE SANDY /You’d better be housebroken. /You’re not a hero to me. Yet. /Let me consider the proposition. /Make me an offer I can’t refuse. /I can make allowances for idiots.

G. Janet, Paul’s mother, is kidnapped by the Cult. Sandy gets her friends to invade the Cult’s headquarters by saying there are tremendous bargains there. The resulting riot brings the police to enter the house. Janet was an assassin years previously. Sandy wants to meet Paul’s mother.

A POLICEWOMAN leads Janet, hysterical, down the stairs. Sandy leaves her car, goes up to them, and hands the leash to the Policewoman. She puts her arm around Janet. SANDY. Good afternoon Mrs. Mouton. My name is Sandy. I’m Paul’s friend.

ADDED LINE JANET /Damn. Five more minutes and I’d ‘ve killed the last of them. /Were those your friends? Typical teenagers. /I was more frightened of those girls than that Cult. /It’s a good thing I wasn’t wearing Prada.

H. FINALE. Paul has defeated his antagonist, the Grand Inquisitor, and found the treasure.

PAUL. I can’t get over how good everything is. Finding a treasure makes life awesome.

SANDY Which treasure is that? PAUL What do you mean? Which treasure? Everyone knows we got a big cut of the gold. Sandy stands, arms akimbo, and gives Paul a “C’mon Bozo, you can do better than that” look. Paul stares at her, then gives a sheepish grin and puts his arm around her.

ADDED LINE PAUL /Just don’t ask me to go to a church again. /Better than gold. /All that’s glitter is not gold. /Worth every scare. /Worth every doubloon. /Softer than gold. /All that’s gold is not glitter. /What do we do next?

I. LAST LINES. Spiders were Paul’s worst fear. He overcame his fear to defeat his enemies.

PAUL. You know, another thing. When Santos walked in here, all I saw was a big, hairy spider.

ADDED LINE SANDY /What! He didn’t need a shave that badly.

[Heather Hood]

Assignment 14 Memorable lines

What I learned from this assignment is: I can remember a whole bunch of memorable lines from other movies. Wish I could come up with great lines of my own.

I can clearly see some of my favorite lines standing out, but I’m not sure if that makes them memorable.

JODY

How come you only come round when there’s trouble?

WILLA

How come you always make trouble just so I come around?

And

JULES

Do we know where we’re going?

DEGAUL

Into the bowels of hell.

JULES

Well at least it’s somewhere familiar.

But I suppose the one that fits best is:

DEGAUL

There’s a world of difference between devotion to God and religious dogma.

Can anyone help me make that snappy?

[David Mailman]

I liked, ” At least it’s somewhere familiar”.

A tough one. Let me think about it.

Quickly. There’s a big difference between being good and seeming good,

[Heather Hood]

Hi David, my favorite was “The Hell with heroics”

Heather.

[David Mailman]

It’s always interesting to see what grabs others. That would not have been close to some of my favorites, “Your father never had any luck he could see.”, “I almost got fed to sharks. Not seeing you again would be worse.”, “If this puppy followed you home, would you keep him?”, “Say hello to your boss when you get down there.”.

[David Mailman]

In retrospect, I have been thinking about my added lines. Some may be worth including in the script. Would you like to exchange Lesson 15 third acts? I’d also include earlier scenes where the lines might go, for your opinion.

Does your line occur in the snow? How about something with “whitened sepulchers”. Or, “You have to know the difference between what God wrote and what man wrote.”.

[David Mailman]

You can’t do God’s will by doing what you’re told to escape punishment, like children.

Paraphrased from “The Nightwatchman” by Louise Erdrich

[Althea McPhail]

Althea’s Most Memorable Lines

I learned that focusing on the meaning and emotion of the lines gives direction for elevating the dialogue.

EXT. PARK- DAY

Bobbie sits on a blanket. Kendrick walks up and Bobbie goes to him. Observing this, unseen to the picnickers, is Evie, smiling and holding Aloysius restored to his full bloom appearance.

GM NET (V.O.)

Well, I’m back! As far as stand up, I’m still in testing mode but I got a standing ovation the last time. Hard to do better than that. Since the last time I was here, I’ve been in contact with people I agreed to pray for and believe in. They have been taking their next steps and we have been seeing answers to prayer. We need each other. Remember, together we make miracles happen.

FADE TO BLACK.

Meaning/emotion:

We need each other and depend on each other for love and support.

EXT. PARK- DAY

Bobbie sits on a blanket. Kendrick walks up and Bobbie goes to him. Observing this, unseen to the picnickers, is Evie, smiling and holding Aloysius restored to his full bloom appearance.

GM NET (V.O.)

I’m here again and still feel like I’m in testing mode but I got a standing ovation the last time so here goes. Since the last time I was here, my boss might have found his next love, my sweet girl, Bobbie, has matured overnight and I might have found someone able to keep up with me. I’m praying for and believing in a whole list of people. We are seeing prayers answered everyday. It’s the power of environment. Remember, we need each other because together we make miracles happen.

FADE TO BLACK

[Susan Silver]

Susan’s Most Memorable Line

What I learned doing this assignment is the more you can get inside your character’s head, the easier it is to come up with different lines. Also, clarifying the job the line should be doing is essential.

John comes out of the break room [of the retirement home], casually looks down the hall, and freezes when he sees Ruby and Kari together. He runs to them.

JOHN

Let’s head on back to your room, now, Ruby. You know you’re not supposed to be in this hall.

RUBY

Get your damn hands off me! I’m not supposed to be in this damn hall? I’m not supposed to be in this damn place! You stole my house. Some grandson you are! Traitor!

John smiles apologetically at Kari.

JOHN

Now, Ruby, do you need your special medication? You’re headed that way…

John forcefully turns Ruby around and escorts her down the hall. He looks back at Kari.

JOHN

(mouthing) Senile.

Kari looks confused, so John twirls his finger by his head, indicating “crazy” then points to Ruby.

RUBY

(defiance draining) Get me out of this life-trap. I’m no Bella. You’re just a … a monster!

JOHN

(harshly) That’s enough out of you!

They go down the hall and turn a corner, Ruby mumbling angrily but incoherently.

Kari still watching, motionless, stunned.

Rewrite John’s line: “That’s enough out of you!”

John desperately needs to shut Ruby up, because she will give his evil plan away to an unsuspecting Kari. So I think a threat would work the best here. Plus, I’ll add a little pinch because of that great feedback that said I’m too talky!

JOHN

(loudly, for Kari’s ears) Now, Ruby, you’ll feel better if you lie down a bit.

Then he hisses in Ruby’s ear as he pinches the underside of her arm.

JOHN

And I’ll feel
better if you never get back up.

[Judith Watson]

Judith’s Most Memorable Line – L14

What I learned doing this assignment is paying attention to certain parts of the script and the dialogue can make your screenplay something an actor may want to make.

I didn’t choose a line to rewrite. I’ve gotten such good feedback, then I completely rewrote my plot point 1. The line I’m hoping is memorable is the last line, something…for something

INT. ART STORE – DAY

Emily empties her cart placing art supplies on the check-out counter. The CLERK smiles at her as she checks out the customer in front of her.

Pulling her cell phone from her pocket, she dials…

EMILY

Rach, Em here. Meet me at the carousel in Golden Gate Park? We need to talk.

A smiles graces her face.

EMILY

One hour…agreed.

EXT. GOLDEN GATE CAROUSEL – DAY

Strolling toward Emily, her back turned to her, Rachel sports a resolute look. Emily fidgets as she looks around searching for Rachel.

RACHEL

(shouting)

Emily, over here.

Emily waves at her. Waits till she gets close. An uneasy meeting. They keep a distance apart. Watching one another.

EMILY

Remember when we rode the carousel as kids?

RACHEL

You don’t want to get on that thing now?

The carousel comes to a halt. Emily motions for her to get come. She holds up two tickets.

RACHEL

It was always your thing.

Nodding, Emily moves toward the ride…

Reluctant, Rachel follows her.

Emily mounts a horse and Rachel gets on the one next to her.

The music starts, the carousel bumps, then slowly moves, the animals start to gallop. Joy crosses Emily’s face. Rachel hangs on for dear life.

The CONDUCTOR comes by to collect the fare. Emily gives the tickets to him. He gives her a flirty smile.

Rachel notices, smirks…

The ponies go up and down. Up and down. Up and down. Emily watches Rachel for a long time. Then…

EMILY

You know you embarrassed me coming to the gallery show unannounced. My customers were taken aback. I was really angry.

RACHEL

I’m so sorry, I wasn’t thinking. It didn’t hurt your sales did it?

EMILY

Fortunately not.

Fighting KIDS run by. The conductor races after the boys.

RACHEL

Remember…

EMILY

Us…

An uneasy silence between Emily and Rachel.

EMILY

Why now? Ten years of return to sender letters. Why now?

RACHEL

Mom. She’s getting old. We talked it over and I realized how foolish I’ve been.

(beat)

Can you ever forgive me?

Emily just stares at Rachel…

RACHEL

You kept writing.

The carousel slowly comes to a stop. Dismounting, Emily gets off. Watches Rachel struggle off her pony.

Emily points the way.

Strolling through the park in silence for a long time, Emily stops. Turns toward Rachel.

EMILY

What nursing home did you move mom to?

Taken aback, Rachel, sighs…

RACHEL

Quid pro quo.

EMILY

What?

RACHEL

You have to promise me you won’t call her until we decide…us.

Emily bites her lip.

EMILY

Something….for something. Even if we don’t…

RACHEL

Even if we don’t. I promise.

[Susan Silver]

EMILY
Something….for something. Even if we don’t…

We’re not supposed to critique the rest of the scene, but I just need to say, I LOVE it! The carousel idea is brilliant–so lively visually, and it brings together so much for the characters as well as bringing their childhood to life. Plus, much like clowns, there’s just a tinge of creepy thrown in too. I really love it. (And, ha! Rachel struggling to get off the horse says so much about her!) About the line “something….for something,” it’s definitely catchy, but I’m not sure the meaning is conveyed. What is Emily referring to? If she allows Rachel to decide when she calls her mom, then Rachel must do something for her? And then Rachel is promising without knowing exactly what it is? (That would make sense, though, as Rachel will say anything at this point to fool Emily.) Would the audience know at this point what Emily’s “something” will be? The line might hold more weight if we had more info when it was delivered.

[Benito Selim]

Benito Selim’s most memorable lines.

What I learned doing this assignment is despite the reception of your script, a memorable line can have an effect on the viewer that always takes them back to your story. A memorable line can also represent a turning point, relief or reveal in your film also.

Upon going my script, I didn’t find one line but up my southern slang for Sherriff Randall. Sheriff Randall is an older man who’s from the south and been there his whole life. His interaction with the younger crowd leaves room for comedy since he uses a lot of old sayings.

I have revamped some lines but will be going through his entire dialogue.