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Day 14 Assignments
Reply to post your assignment.
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6 Replies
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Sunil Pappu’s Great Action Set Piece!
“What I learned doing this assignment is…to use the steps to create something really unique and with meaning that includes action with emotions and twists to engage the audience”
Pre-Action
Svetlana is being chased by KGB assassins and would have drowned in the icy lake if Igor hadn’t shot the assassin and rescued her. Igor is an ex-military sniper who disobeyed his orders to hide out in the forest than fight an unjust war. He doesn’t trust her yet and needs to know who she really is and why she is being hunted down by KGB. Now he is at risk of being exposed. Will he help Svetlana or not?
Action
Svetlana wakes up in bed chained. She becomes alert and looks around and sees no one. She unlocks her cuffs and looks for something to defend herself. Igor is out to get wood to light a fire, and they face off each other first with sniper rounds and eventually in hand-to-hand combat. It’s choreographed to pit them both as equal and is a good matchup. Their meet-cute is a sniper face-off!
Post-Action
Igor reveals that he’s against the war on Ukraine and was ready to end his life as he will be hunted down and hanged once he’s found out. Svetlana seeks his help to take down her nemesis and reveals she has a personal agenda. Igor agrees to help her stop Mikhail, who stands for the rogue regime taking innocent lives on and off the battlefield in this unjust war.
OUTLINE OF MY ACTION SET
Svetlana wakes up in bed chained. She becomes alert, looks around and sees no one.
Svetlana is held hostage after seeing her take out KGB assassins Igor knows she is dangerous. He sets up booby traps to protect his hideout and has sniper positions scoped out with rifles in place.
Svetlana uses her Houdini-like escape skills to get out of her chains and limps around to find a weapon to go after her captor.
She sees a photo of a Russian military platoon. She can’t tell who her captor is but slips the photograph into her pocket.
She sees sniper rifles and earpieces like the ones worn by the KGB assassins. Svetlana thinks she is being held captive by Russian assassins. Maybe more than one?
Igor is out to get wood to light a fire and is oblivious to his surroundings. Svetlana sees him on a sniper scope and identifies him in the photo with his platoon.
Igor is shocked by the sniper bullet that just grazes past him. It’s a warning shot. It splits a thin wooden splinter in his hands into perfect halves.
Igor knows the forest hideout inside out and surprises Svetlana with his agile moves.
Igor hides and picks up his rifle to fire back at her. He drives her to booby trap her and hits a bullet that drops a net onto Svetlana and traps her.
Svetlana rolls with the net and gets out of it using her escaping skills.
They start with guns, then go-to fists with the Russian martial arts of Systema and end up face-to-face with guns pointed at each other.
She is uncomfortable talking to Igor up close. As a sniper, she hates closed spaces. She disarms his gun and holds him down. Both are suspicious of the other. She gets a sniper rifle and challenges him to a sniper face-off in the snow. They set a timer to go off in 15 minutes to find their positions to hide.
Meet cute: Sniper faceoff – Svetlana and Igor are in the snow, trying to figure out each other on earpieces while they wait patiently for the other to falter and reveal their sniper positions to take a kill shot.
Identity Exposed: Svetlana reveals she is ex-KGB and now works for the CIA
Identity revealed: Igor confesses that he ran away from the Russian invasion of Ukraine.
Trick/Trap: Svetlana uses the snow to create a refracted image of her and escapes the fatal shot from Igor.
Deceived: Igor reveals his position tricked by Svetlana. Svetlana in the end gets Igor in the shoulder, but it’s a clean flesh wound that she nurses him back to health.
They both reveal their stories. Now, they trust each other.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by Sunil Pappu.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by
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Laura Woodworth’s Great Action Set Piece
What I learned doing this assignment was that I could elevate the tension, anxiety and fear built into this scene by applying the various action techniques. Still have a ways to go, but this action set is now better than where I started.
1. Scenes – the I-35 Bridge attack: building in pre-action, action, post-action.
2. Make it Unique.
3. Create through the 9 Action Emotions.
4. Add in more twists.
5. Rewrite to elevate it.
6. Outline (script):
EXT. BRIDGE – NIGHT
Tiny flashlights guiding their work, Ruben, Martin and Majd hang from the underside of the I-35W BRIDGE out of MINNEAPOLIS — a massive eight-lane bridge spanning the Mississippi. They work silently, securing an intricate array of five carefully placed BOMBS while Vegard oversees from the shore.
EXT. MINNEAPOLIS HOTEL – DAY
Starbucks in hand, Rachel and Aisha exit the hotel. They wave cheerily at Joe as they load suitcases into Rachel’s car. Aisha plops into the passenger seat beside Rachel.
AISHA
Boring! I know now everything I never wanted to know about banking.
RACHEL
Maybe you’ll be head teller someday.
AISHA
I’d rather have Joe’s job.
Rachel laughs as she checks the map on her phone.
RACHEL
A straight shot south on I-35. Kansas City here we come!
She tucks her phone in her purse and drives.
EXT. I-35 HIGHWAY/RACHEL’S CAR – DAY – SAME
Aisha chatters as they cruise down the interstate.
AISHA
We get home quick enough, I’m heading to the lake.
RACHEL
I don’t get it. You wear the hijab, and yet you strike me as a typical American college student.
AISHA
(pointing to her hijab)
This — is out of respect for my family. But it doesn’t define who I am or how I live.
RACHEL
So you’re not a practicing Muslim.
AISHA
My family’s in Pakistan. I’m making my own life here in the U.S.
She rolls the window down as they approach the crowded I-35 BRIDGE and hangs her head out, her hijab fluttering in the breeze.
AISHA
I’m free!
Rachel laughs, then slows as traffic stalls on the bridge.
RACHEL
It’s like everyone’s traveling somewhere today.
Suddenly, an IMAGE FLASHES in her mind of the BRIDGE, lurching, buckling — and COLLAPSING into the raging river. It catches her breath —
RACHEL
That’s weird. Just weird.
AISHA
Everything alright?
RACHEL
Yeah — I just —
Rachel scans the bridge. A child in a van traveling the other direction bounces a red beach ball and waves as he catches her eye. She waves back as traffic inches forward over the bridge.
Out of sight below her 5 twinkling red lights flash.
RACHEL
Music?
She flips on the radio and Aisha sings out the window as they slowly make their way across the bridge.
On the shore, a tall blonde eyes the traffic on the bridge, calculating…
Rachel heaves a huge sigh of relief as they finally reach the other side. She takes a last glance at the bridge as it retreats in her rearview mirror — then shakes her head, laughing at herself as she drives on down the highway.
She cranks the music.
INT. CHURCH – DAY – SAME
The sanctuary is noisy with people milling about after the service. Evan packs up his guitar. Brian approaches shaking his phone at him, concerned.
BRIAN
Did you see this? Have you talked to Rachel today?
Evan glances at a breaking news brief pulled up on Brian’s phone — and immediately calls Rachel.
EVAN
She should be on her way.
Lisa joins them.
LISA
What’s up?
Brian shows her his phone.
LISA
Is Rachel in this?
BRIAN
Don’t know.
Rachel’s phone goes to voicemail and beeps.
EVAN
(on phone)
Have you left the hotel yet? Call me.
He types a text. Where are you? Are you okay?
He waits, watching for the bubble that would show she was responding. Nothing. He scoops up his guitar.
EVAN
Maybe she’s home already.
EXT. INTERSTATE HIGHWAY/RACHEL’S CAR – DAY – SAME
The radio cranked, Rachel sips her coffee as she speeds down the highway while Aisha texts on her phone.
EXT. HOUSE – DAY – SAME
As Rachel pulls into the driveway, Evan, Brian and Lisa rush out of the house to meet her. Wary, she gets out of the car.
RACHEL
What’s up?
EVAN
Are you alright?
RACHEL
I told you I wouldn’t be home for church and I had to drop Aisha off.
LISA
We’ve been trying to reach you!
BRIAN
Evan’s been out of his skin worried.
EVAN
Why didn’t you answer my texts?
She looks at her phone — a string of messages from Evan.
RACHEL
I didn’t hear them come in.
EVAN
You must have missed it then.
LISA
Thank, God!
BRIAN
Man, oh man, thank God.
RACHEL
What? Missed what?
EVAN
The bridge on I-35 collapsed this morning.
BRIAN
The whole stinkin’ bridge.
Evan pulls her suitcase out of the trunk.
EVAN
It’s all over the news.
He grabs her arm as if to not lose her again and they funnel into the house where the news is blaring.
INT. FRONT ROOM – DAY
Horrified, Rachel watches the catastrophe on the TV screen.
NEWS REPORTER
(on screen)
At least seven people are dead and more than sixty injured as rescue teams search the wreckage on this busy 4th of July weekend. At this point, twenty people are still missing.
Behind the reporter, a macabre scene of smoke and fire and the COLLAPSED I-35 BRIDGE. Cars and trucks were sliding into the raging Mississippi and passengers thrown from their cars were stabbed on rebar or crushed between slabs of concrete, or drowning in the river below.
Rachel could see a red beach ball bobbing in the river as helicopters and divers swarmed the area in desperate attempts to save the drowning.
The news switched to the White House lawn and Gleason in his blue suit and red-striped tie.
GLEASON
(on TV)
President Sutton is shocked at the news and offers her sympathies to the state of Minnesota…
BRIAN
Who’s he?
NEWS REPORTER
Gleason, the White House Chief of Staff speaking on behalf of the President —
EVAN
Now you know why we were so concerned. I can’t even think…
He wraps his arm around her, but the touch startles her. She crumbles as the full weight of the news hits her.
RACHEL
Oh God, oh God —
LISA
You’re safe, Rachel. It’s okay.
RACHEL
It’s not okay. I knew.
RACHEL
I knew. God showed me it was going to happen and I didn’t — I didn’t pray. I’m driving over the bridge — that bridge — and I saw it — I saw it breaking and buckling and… Who has thoughts like that? It was unthinkable and yet God showed it to me. I didn’t listen, I didn’t pray. I thought it was just some crazy random thought.
She nears hysteria now as she continues her rant, trying to make them understand. Evan tries to console her but she shakes him off.
EVAN
Rachel —
RACHEL
It’s the bus all over again. I did nothing. Didn’t listen, didn’t pray and now all those children are dead.
EVAN
What are you talking about?
She stares at Evan like he should know.
RACHEL
The school bus and all those little kids killed! God showed me it was coming but I didn’t understand the vision. I thought — I thought it was just the enemy throwing Kayla’s death in front of me again.
(she waves at the TV)
And now more people are dead. This blood is on my hands.
She stands before them trembling —
RACHEL
I’m sorry. I gotta go for a walk.
She gives an apologetic glance as she opens the door — and slips out before the avalanche in her heart smothers her.
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Nick’s Great Action Set Piece
What I learned: Meaning is essential to writing a good action scene.
1. Build in the meaning.
Pre-Action
Juan and Emilio have found the girls. They are tied up and about to be raped. Juan has a plan and tells Emilio to go around to the other side of the barn and draw them out so Juan can go in and save them, otherwise they will be overwhelmed.
Action
Juan, Emilio save their wives and, all together, they take on the skinheads one by one and kill them all in very macabre and humorous ways.
Post-Action
They are all together again and free to escape once and for all.
2. Make the Action Unique.
Environment:
A barn containing a torture chamber..
Rules:
Kill or be killed.
Villain:
Psychotic canibalistic skinheads.
Mission:
To save the girls and escape.
Struggle:
To overcome inbred racism.
Unique Skillset:
All four know karate moves. Juan has killer blades for legs. Emilio, an expert Frisbee thrower, throws circular saw blades.
Meaning:
Getting the lovers back together so they can all escape together. Finding the girls and freeing them. Together they are a clever fighting unit.
Allies:
None in this scene.
Weapon:
Pitchforks, guillotine, blades for legs, rotary saw blades, nail and washer.
3. Create through the 9 Action Emotions.
Anxiety: After freeing the girls and killing everybody, they are together again. They must now get to the SUV and escape, but they hear the roar of Harley’s with Mankill at the head coming through the Holler looking for them.
Fear: Mankill coming back with never-ending reinforcements.
Relief: Juan splits the stanchion with a karate kick and the nail is released and Gloria can remove it from her ear knowing that she is saved.
Surprise: Dora’s boys stampede over her to chase after Emilio.
Shock: The skinheads return just as Juan, Gloria, and Coral try to escape.
Suspense: Will Juan get Gloria free before the skinheads return? The clock is proverbially ticking.
Danger: When Dora gives the order to her boys to kill Juan et al.
Excitement: A) Juan snagging a skinhead’s intestine and pulling all 30 feet of it out. B) Gloria pitchforking a skinhead and sending him crashing against a moose head trophy on the wall.
Adrenaline: The whole fight scene.
4. Add in more twists.
Danger/New Resources:
Pitchforks come in handy to kill with when someone’s trying to kill you.
Attacked:
The skinheads come at them with knives and guns.
Lost Resources/new resources:
Emilio runs out of saw blades; uses a whip.
It Just Got Worse:
Mankill returns just as they kill all his kin.
Unexpected weapons:
Pitchfork, nail and washer, saw blades.
New Threat/Escape:
They must make it to the SUV before Mankill finds them.
5. Rewrite
INT. BARN – TWILIGHT
The Dutch door cracks open. Emilio and Juan peek in.
The Microcephalic Twins cheerfully play patty-cake on Coral’s butt as Dolf lustfully strokes Coral’s body. Coral protests behind her gag.
Gloria stands frozen against the stanchion, squints her eyes in disgust and forbearance as Leon opens her blouse, slobbers on her neck and shoulders.
EXT. BARN – CONTINUOUS
Emilio leaps forward, Juan pulls him back.
EMILIO
I’m going to kill them!
JUAN
The girls might get killed if we charge in! Go around to the lean-to! Make some noise! Draw them out! I’ll take care of this end.
Emilio races off.
INT. LEAN-TO KITCHEN – NIGHT
Dora Hitchcock carves on the female cadaver. Donny and Walt drink blood from glasses. Emilio crashes in, kicks the knife out of her hands.
DORA HITCHCOCK
Help yo’ mama! One o’ them bucks is loose…! Aaaack!
Emilio puts her in a choke hold and drags her backwards towards the exit door.
EMILIO
(to Donny and Walt)
Get your freaky brothers out here and let’s go outside and play hide and seek.
WALT
You gonna hide Mama?
Emilio loosens his hold on Dora and lets her call for help. He wants them all to run in so he can lead them out of the barn and away.
DORA HITCHCOCK
(raspy)
Shut up, Walt.
(raises raspy voice)
Leon! Dolf! Boys! Get your tushes in here and save yo’ mama. I got a live one around my neck needs slaughterin’.
INT. BARN – SAME
Leon, Dolf, Sonny, Buck, and the Twins turn to her pleas and stuff themselves through the lean-to door.
SKINHEADS
Mama! Mama! Mama! Mama! Mama!
INT. LEAN-TO KITCHEN – CONTINUOUS
The boys pile through the door to get to Emilio. He drops her by the door and flees. The boys run over her like a stampede at a concert.
INT. BARN – CONTINUOUS
Juan races up to Gloria.
JUAN
Gloria! I’m here!
GLORIA
Juan! You’re alive!
He pulls her gag down.
GLORIA
Ooh, baby, be careful! Don’t move me. You’ll tear my ear off.
JUAN
(sees the nail)
What did they do to you?
GLORIA
Get Coral, first.
Juan moves over to Coral, unlatches, raises the yoke. He turns back to Gloria. Coral stands, removes her gag, ties her blouse ends together.
CORAL
Where’s Emilio?
JUAN
He’s distracting them for now. We must hurry!
Coral drops and unties the ropes around Gloria’s legs. Juan examines the nail in Gloria’s ear.
JUAN
Where’s the hammer he nailed it with?
CORAL
Here it is!
She picks it up, hands it to Juan.
WE HEAR Emilio’s WOODY WOODPECKER TRILL in the distance:
EMILIIO (OS)
AaHaUhAa! AaHaUhAa! AaHaUhAa!…
BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! A pregnant pause.
Coral swings an anguished face to the sound.
CORAL
Emilio!
EMILIO
AaHaUhAa! AaHaUhAa!…
BLAM! BLAM!…
Juan tentatively brings the hammer claw up to the washer, touches the smashed, purple ear underneath.
GLORIA
Ow! Ooo!
JUAN
(dreading it)
I can’t get the claw in without mauling your ear.
GLORIA
(mustering courage)
Okay! Okay!…Wait!…
(a nervous chuckle)
Better my ear than my life. Right?…Okay, do it!
Juan looks up at an area on the post above her head.
JUAN
I’ve got a better way.
He focuses on the area as he steps back.
GLORIA
(nervous)
What are you doing?
JUAN
Trust me on this, sweetheart.
Gloria squeezes her eyes shut. Juan twirls a round-house kick into the stanchion’s corner edge, rips away a three-foot splint just above Gloria’s head.
CLOSE ON a crack splitting through the nail like a lightening bolt, releasing it.
Gloria is free. She winces as she yanks the nail from her ear, looks angrily at it, tosses it.
CLOSE ON nail as it lands on the washer, NAIL POINTED UP.
Gloria knots her blouse, then gingerly touches her ear.
JUAN
You all right?
GLORIA
Now I am.
They kiss. He releases reluctantly, grabs her arm.
JUAN
Come on! We gotta go!
GLORIA
(looking down)
Where did you get those legs?
JUAN
Later…
He grabs Coral’s hand. They start to run, freeze. Buck and Microcephalic Twin #1 glare at them over the Dutch door.
BUCK
Whey ya goin’ with them there does?
Buck kicks open the half-door, stomps in.
Juan and the girls spin around, take a step, freeze.
Dora Hitchcock stands woozily in front of the lean-to doorway, glaring. Around her stand Leon, Dolf, Sonny, Donny, Walt, and Microcephalic Twin #2.
DORA HITCHCOCK
You kilt ma boys, blowed up ma shed, ‘n made a motacicle junkyard of ma front yard. You crispies is outta control. So here’s what we gonna do.
GLORIA
Crispies? How many names you got for us?
DORA HITCHCOCK
Tell me yo’ sorry and I maght fergive y’all befo’ I butcha y’all. Be mo’ kosha that way.
(shakes her head)
I grant cha… Y’all’s the most wildest crittas ma boys ‘n yours truly ehva tangled with.
GLORIA
Critters! We’re human beings, you psychopathic sow!
DORA HITCHCOCK
Ooh. Big words. Gots a little feisty left in ya, don’ cha? You don’ make it easy, that’s fer sure.
(to the skinheads)
Boys!
Leon, Dolf, Sonny, Donny, Walt, and Microcephalic Twin #2 spread out around her.
DORA HITCHCOCK
Y’all’s a once-‘n-a-lifetime catch! It’ll be a special hona to serve y’all up as a fi’-star guest en-tree.
THOP! A 5-inch circular saw blade instantly appears on Dora Hitchcock’s forehead. She stumbles backwards, BANGS against the wall, collapses to the floor, out cold. The horse collar crashes over her head.
Leon, Sonny, Dolf, Donny, Walt, and Microcephalic Twin #2 turn to her, stare down uncomprehendingly.
SKINHEADS
Mama? Mama? Mama? Mama? Mama?
Coral whips around, her face registering surprise and relief as Emilio steps through the Dutch door behind Buck and Microcephalic Twin #1.
CORAL
Emilio!
Buck and MT #1 turn to Emilio as he fires a saw blade between MT #1’s teeth. THOP! Rips his cheeks back to his tonsils. His jaw drops into a “Scream”-like yawn. He ROARS LIKE A BASSOON, pulls away the blade.
Buck draws his gun, jumps, freezes in saucer-eyed shock.
Juan pulls his foot blade out from Buck’s ass.
JUAN
Piggy-pokey, mother fucker!
Buck drops to his knees; twists around to fire at Juan. THOP! A saw blade in his neck. Blood spurts. The gun discharges aimlessly — BLAM! He tips over, crashes to the floor.
Juan snatches up the gun, turns to the stunned skinheads.
JUAN
Stay right where you are!
Microcephalic #2 pulls out his knife, charges towards Emilio. Coral lunges against the back of his legs, clamps on. He crashes forward onto his face, then doesn’t move anymore.
Emilio takes MT #2’s knife, stands with Juan. Gloria and Coral dash over to the wall, grab hayforks.
Walt charges. Juan squeezes the trigger: CLICK! CLICK!
Juan jumps aside, spins a 180-degree aerial wheel into Walt’s thorax. THUK! Walt crashes forward.
Emilio zings a saw blade. Dolf ducks it. It sticks vertically into the stanchion. THUD!
EMILIO
(to Juan)
My last one!
They dash over to the wall, make a stand in front of Gloria and Coral. Skinheads move towards them, teasing their knives.
Sonny lunges at Juan. Juan spins, snags his blade on a log chain hanging from the rafter. He falls backward, kicks the knife out of Sonny’s hand.
Sonny grabs him by the blades, wheels him around, slams him into the back of Leon, creeping towards Gloria. Gloria instantly anchors the end of the pitchfork handle to the floor with her foot as Leon lurches at her at full speed.
GLORIA
Eat this, you fuck!
Leon sinks into the fork tines with momentum, causing the pitchfork and him to rise over her and crash into the mounted moose head. The hayfork stays vertical, balanced.
ON LEON: His nose smashed against the moose’s snout. Their dead, startled eyes stare at one another.
Sonny wheels Juan around like a hammer thrower. Juan drops his head, just missing a stanchion.
Emilio dodges a knife as it swipes by. He flicks his fingers into Donny’s eyes. An eye drops out, hangs. Donny ROARS, swings his knife at Emilio. Emilio backs off.
Donny charges low, like a bull. Emilio elegantly sidesteps as Donny runs headlong into the saw blade struck in the stanchion earlier, cleaving his skull.
Donny slumps into a genuflecting pose, head morticed to the stanchion, eyeball dangling.
Juan CRASHES into the hanging chain, grabs on. Sonny loses his balance, let’s go of Juan’s blades. He staggers up as Juan swings out and back, quick-steps against the barn wall, kicks off, snags Sonny in the gut as he swings by him.
Sonny stands in shock as he watches twenty feet of his small intestine unravel from his gut, then six feet of colon.
Juan kicks the intestine off his blade. It snaps lazily back, coils thickly around Sonny’s neck. Sonny CHOKES, topples backwards into a sitting position against the wall.
Coral makes jabs at Dolf with her hayfork. He knocks it away, grabs her by the throat, snarls:
DOLF
I want some of that red….
SNAP-SLAP! A black snake whip coils around his neck. He’s yanked backwards.
Emilio pulls on the whip, forces Dolf to run backwards in a circle, off balance, over to the guillotine.
Emilio trips into a manure gutter, falls, lets go of the whip. Dolf tumbles onto the guillotine table, slides through the blade’s tree frame, grabs onto the release lever.
The guillotine blade swooshes down: KARSZIT!
The top quarter of Dolf’s body rolls off, lands upright on the floor–an armless bust on an expanding pad of blood.
A severed length of whip hangs from Dolf’s neck like a thick Texas string-tie. His eyeballs flutter white.
DOLF’S BUST
(nodding off–dead)
Redheads!
EXT. SPOOKY HOLLER ROAD ENTRANCE – TWILIGHT
Mankill leads a stream of skinheads on Harleys off the blacktop, BLATS into the hollow.
INT. BARN – MORNING
Juan, Gloria, Coral join Emilio, who tries to get up.
EMILIO
I tore a ligament in my ankle.
Juan helps him up. Emilio hops, can barely stand. Coral gets under his arm.
CORAL
You’re my man, baby!
She gives him a kiss on the cheek.
They pause to survey their work: A skinhead on the end of a pitchfork staring at a moose, an alabaster bust on a red spread, the genuflecting man, a man entangled in intestines.
GLORIA
That’s some mean ass-kicking!
Juan signals quiet.
JUAN
Ssh! Listen!
They listen. Harley RUMBLING SOUNDS in the distance. They exchange looks of alarm.
JUAN
Let’s get outta here!
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Nick’s Great Action Set Piece
What I learned: Meaning is essential to writing a good action scene.
1. Build in the meaning.
Pre-Action
Juan and Emilio have found the girls. They are tied up and about to be raped. Juan has a plan and tells Emilio to go around to the other side of the barn and draw them out so Juan can go in and save them, otherwise they will be overwhelmed.
Action
Juan, Emilio save their wives and, all together, they take on the skinheads one by one and kill them all in very macabre and humorous ways.
Post-Action
They are all together again and free to escape once and for all.
2. Make the Action Unique.
Environment:
A barn containing a torture chamber..
Rules:
Kill or be killed.
Villain:
Psychotic canibalistic skinheads.
Mission:
To save the girls and escape.
Struggle:
To overcome inbred racism.
Unique Skillset:
All four know karate moves. Juan has killer blades for legs. Emilio, an expert Frisbee thrower, throws circular saw blades.
Meaning:
Getting the lovers back together so they can all escape together. Finding the girls and freeing them. Together they are a clever fighting unit.
Allies:
None in this scene.
Weapon:
Pitchforks, guillotine, blades for legs, rotary saw blades, nail and washer.
3. Create through the 9 Action Emotions.
Anxiety: After freeing the girls and killing everybody, they are together again. They must now get to the SUV and escape, but they hear the roar of Harley’s with Mankill at the head coming through the Holler looking for them.
Fear: Mankill coming back with never-ending reinforcements.
Relief: Juan splits the stanchion with a karate kick and the nail is released and Gloria can remove it from her ear knowing that she is saved.
Surprise: Dora’s boys stampede over her to chase after Emilio.
Shock: The skinheads return just as Juan, Gloria, and Coral try to escape.
Suspense: Will Juan get Gloria free before the skinheads return? The clock is proverbially ticking.
Danger: When Dora gives the order to her boys to kill Juan et al.
Excitement: A) Juan snagging a skinhead’s intestine and pulling all 30 feet of it out. B) Gloria pitchforking a skinhead and sending him crashing against a moose head trophy on the wall.
Adrenaline: The whole fight scene.
4. Add in more twists.
Danger/New Resources:
Pitchforks come in handy to kill with when someone’s trying to kill you.
Attacked:
The skinheads come at them with knives and guns.
Lost Resources/new resources:
Emilio runs out of saw blades; uses a whip.
It Just Got Worse:
Mankill returns just as they kill all his kin.
Unexpected weapons:
Pitchfork, nail and washer, see blades.
New Threat/Escape:
They must make it to the SUV before Mankill finds them.
5. Rewrite
INT. BARN – TWILIGHT
The Dutch door cracks open. Emilio and Juan peek in.
The Microcephalic Twins cheerfully play patty-cake on Coral’s butt as Dolf lustfully strokes Coral’s body. Coral protests behind her gag.
Gloria stands frozen against the stanchion, stares mortified as Leon opens her blouse, slobbers on her neck and shoulders.
EXT. BARN – CONTINUOUS
Emilio leaps forward, Juan pulls him back.
EMILIO
I’m going to kill them!
JUAN
The girls might get killed if we charge in! Go around to the lean-to! Make some noise! Draw them out! I got this end.
Emilio races off.
INT. LEAN-TO KITCHEN – NIGHT
Dora Hitchcock carves on the female cadaver. Donny and Walt drink blood from glasses. Emilio crashes in, kicks the knife out of her hands.
DORA HITCHCOCK
Help yo’ mama! One o’ them bucks is loose…! Aaaack!
Emilio puts her in a choke hold and drags her backwards towards the exit door.
EMILIO
(to Donny and Walt)
Get your freaky brothers out here and let’s go outside and play hide and seek.
WALT
You gonna hide Mama?
Emilio loosens his hold on Dora while she yells for help. He wants them all to run in so he can lead them away.
DORA HITCHCOCK
(raspy)
Shut up, Walt.
(raises raspy voice)
Leon! Dolf! Boys! Get your tushes in here and save yo’ mama. I got a live one around my neck ready for slaughter.
INT. BARN – SAME
Leon, Dolf, Sonny, Buck, and the Twins turn to her pleas and stuff themselves through the lean-to door.
SKINHEADS
Mama! Mama! Mama! Mama! Mama!
INT. LEAN-TO KITCHEN – CONTINUOUS
The boys pile through the door to get to Emilio. He drops her by the door and flees. The boys run over her like a stampede at a concert.
INT. BARN – CONTINUOUS
Juan races up to Gloria.
JUAN
Gloria! I’m here!
GLORIA
Juan! You’re alive!
He pulls her gag down.
GLORIA
Ooh, baby, be careful! Don’t move me. You’ll tear my ear off.
JUAN
(sees the nail)
What did they do to you?
GLORIA
Get Coral, first.
Juan moves over to Coral, unlatches, raises the yoke. He turns back to Gloria. Coral stands, removes her gag, ties her blouse ends together.
CORAL
Where’s Emilio?
JUAN
He’s distracting them for now. We must hurry!
Coral drops and unties the ropes around Gloria’s legs. Juan examines the nail in Gloria’s ear.
JUAN
Where’s the hammer he nailed it with?
CORAL
Here it is!
She picks it up, hands it to Juan.
WE HEAR Emilio’s WOODY WOODPECKER TRILL in the distance:
EMILIIO
AaHaUhAa! AaHaUhAa! AaHaUhAa!…
BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! A pregnant pause.
Coral swings an anguished face to the sound.
CORAL
Emilio!
EMILIO
AaHaUhAa! AaHaUhAa!…
BLAM! BLAM!…
Juan tentatively brings the hammer claw up to the washer, touches the smashed, purple ear underneath.
GLORIA
Ow! Ooo!
JUAN
(dreading it)
I can’t get the claw in without mauling your ear.
GLORIA
(mustering courage)
Okay! Okay!…Wait!…
(a nervous chuckle)
Better my ear than my life. Right?…Okay, do it!
Juan looks up at an area on the post above her head.
JUAN
I’ve got a better way.
He focuses on the area as he steps back.
GLORIA
(nervous)
What are you doing?
JUAN
Trust me on this, sweetheart.
Gloria squeezes her eyes shut. Juan twirls a round-house kick into the stanchion’s corner edge, rips away a three-foot splint just above Gloria’s head.
CLOSE ON a crack splitting through the nail like a lightening bolt, releasing it.
Gloria is free. She winces as she yanks the nail from her ear, looks angrily at it, tosses it.
CLOSE ON nail as it lands on the washer, NAIL POINTED UP.
Gloria knots her blouse, then gingerly touches her ear.
JUAN
You all right?
GLORIA
Now I am.
They kiss. He releases reluctantly, grabs her arm.
JUAN
Come on! We gotta go!
GLORIA
(looking down)
Where did you get those legs?
JUAN
Later…
He grabs Coral’s hand. They start to run, freeze. Buck and Microcephalic Twin #1 glare at them over the Dutch door.
BUCK
Whey ya goin’ with them there does?
Buck kicks open the half-door, stomps in.
Juan and the girls spin around, take a step, freeze.
Dora Hitchcock stands woozily in front of the lean-to doorway, glaring. Around her stand Leon, Dolf, Sonny, Donny, Walt, and Microcephalic Twin #2.
DORA HITCHCOCK
You kilt ma boys, blowed up ma shed, ‘n made a motacicle junkyard of ma front yard. You crispies is outta control. So here’s what we gonna do.
GLORIA
Crispies? How many names you got for us?
DORA HITCHCOCK
Tell me yo’ sorry and I maght fergive y’all befo’ I butcha y’all. Be mo’ kosha that way.
(shakes her head)
I grant cha… Y’all’s the most wildest crittas ma boys ‘n yours truly ehva tangled with.
GLORIA
Critters! We’re human beings, you psychopathic sow!
DORA HITCHCOCK
Ooh. Big words. Gots a little feisty left in ya, don’ cha? You don’ make it easy, that’s fer sure.
(to the skinheads)
Boys!
Leon, Dolf, Sonny, Donny, Walt, and Microcephalic Twin #2 spread out around her.
DORA HITCHCOCK
Y’all’s a once-‘n-a-lifetime catch! It’ll be a special hona to serve y’all up as a fi’-star guest en-tree.
THOP! A 5-inch circular saw blade instantly appears on Dora Hitchcock’s forehead. She stumbles backwards, BANGS against the wall, collapses to the floor, out cold. The horse collar crashes over her head.
Leon, Sonny, Dolf, Donny, Walt, and Microcephalic Twin #2 turn to her, stare down uncomprehendingly.
SKINHEADS
Mama? Mama? Mama? Mama? Mama?
Coral whips around, her face registering surprise and relief as Emilio steps through the Dutch door behind Buck and Microcephalic Twin #1.
CORAL
Emilio!
Buck and MT #1 turn to Emilio as he fires a saw blade between MT #1’s teeth. THOP! Rips his cheeks back to his tonsils. His jaw drops into a “Scream”-like yawn. He ROARS LIKE A BASSOON, pulls away the blade.
Buck draws his gun, jumps, freezes in saucer-eyed shock.
Juan pulls his foot blade out from Buck’s ass.
JUAN
Piggy-pokey, mother fucker!
Buck drops to his knees; twists around to fire at Juan. THOP! A saw blade in his neck. Blood spurts. The gun discharges aimlessly — BLAM! He tips over, crashes to the floor.
Juan snatches up the gun, turns to the stunned skinheads.
JUAN
Stay right where you are!
Microcephalic #2 pulls out his knife, charges towards Emilio. Coral lunges against the back of his legs, clamps on. He crashes forward onto his face, then doesn’t move anymore.
Emilio takes MT #2’s knife, stands with Juan. Gloria and Coral dash over to the wall, grab hayforks.
Walt charges. Juan squeezes the trigger: CLICK! CLICK!
Juan jumps aside, spins a 180-degree aerial wheel into Walt’s thorax. THUK! Walt crashes forward.
Emilio zings a saw blade. Dolf ducks it. It sticks vertically into the stanchion. THUD!
EMILIO
(to Juan)
My last one!
They dash over to the wall, make a stand in front of Gloria and Coral. Skinheads move towards them, teasing their knives.
Sonny lunges at Juan. Juan spins, snags his blade on a log chain hanging from the rafter. He falls backward, kicks the knife out of Sonny’s hand.
Sonny grabs him by the blades, wheels him around, slams him into the back of Leon, creeping towards Gloria. Gloria instantly anchors the end of the pitchfork handle to the floor with her foot as Leon lurches at her at full speed.
GLORIA
Eat this, you fuck!
Leon sinks into the fork tines with momentum, causing the pitchfork and him to rise over her and crash into the mounted moose head. The hayfork stays vertical, balanced.
ON LEON: His nose smashed against the moose’s snout. Their dead, startled eyes stare at one another.
Sonny wheels Juan around like a hammer thrower. Juan drops his head, just missing a stanchion.
Emilio dodges a knife as it swipes by. He flicks his fingers into Donny’s eyes. An eye drops out, hangs. Donny ROARS, swings his knife at Emilio. Emilio backs off.
Donny charges low, like a bull. Emilio elegantly sidesteps as Donny runs headlong into the saw blade struck in the stanchion earlier, cleaving his skull.
Donny slumps into a genuflecting pose, head morticed to the stanchion, eyeball dangling.
Juan CRASHES into the hanging chain, grabs on. Sonny loses his balance, let’s go of Juan’s blades. He staggers up as Juan swings out and back, quick-steps against the barn wall, kicks off, snags Sonny in the gut as he swings by him.
Sonny stands in shock as he watches twenty feet of his small intestine unravel from his gut, then six feet of colon.
Juan kicks the intestine off his blade. It snaps lazily back, coils thickly around Sonny’s neck. Sonny CHOKES, topples backwards into a sitting position against the wall.
Coral makes jabs at Dolf with her hayfork. He knocks it away, grabs her by the throat, snarls:
DOLF
I want some of that red….
SNAP-SLAP! A black snake whip coils around his neck. He’s yanked backwards.
Emilio pulls on the whip, forces Dolf to run backwards in a circle, off balance, over to the guillotine.
Emilio trips into a manure gutter, falls, lets go of the whip. Dolf tumbles onto the guillotine table, slides through the blade’s tree frame, grabs onto the release lever.
The guillotine blade swooshes down: KARSZIT!
The top quarter of Dolf’s body rolls off, lands upright on the floor–an armless bust on an expanding pad of blood.
A severed length of whip hangs from Dolf’s neck like a thick Texas string-tie. His eyeballs flutter white.
DOLF’S BUST
(nodding off–dead)
Redheads!
EXT. SPOOKY HOLLER ROAD ENTRANCE – TWILIGHT
Mankill leads a stream of skinheads on Harleys off the blacktop, BLATS into the hollow.
INT. BARN – MORNING
Juan, Gloria, Coral join Emilio, who tries to get up.
EMILIO
I tore a ligament in my ankle.
Juan helps him up. Emilio hops, can barely stand. Coral gets under his arm.
CORAL
You’re my man, baby!
She gives him a kiss on the cheek.
They pause to survey their work: A skinhead on the end of a pitchfork staring at a moose, an alabaster bust on a red spread, the genuflecting man, a man entangled in intestines.
GLORIA
That’s some mean ass-kicking!
Juan signals quiet.
JUAN
Ssh! Listen!
They listen. Harley RUMBLING SOUNDS in the distance. They exchange looks of alarm.
JUAN
Let’s get outta here!
xxx
-
What I learned from doing this assignment is that I’m able to apply lesson 14 to other areas of my script.
Set Up
A deadly virus has been stolen from a local laboratory by Mark Taylor. Rachel Gilroy is trying to stop it’s release.
Pre-Action:
Rachel has caught up with Mark, the deadly virus, and Dr. Steel preventing them from releasing it, but in the process has been kidnapped by Mark and has been exposed to the virus. Without the antivirals she’ll be dead in less than 1 hour.
Action
Rachel finds out she’s infected with the virus and has only 1 hour to live (Shock).
There are anti-virals on board the helicopter. Rachel pushes the helicopter into a death dive in a bid to kill Mark and regain control of the helicopter. That way she can administer the anti-virals that will save her life. However, Mark wakes up and regains control of the helicopter and pushes Rachel out of the helicopter into a cold deep lake below.
Adrenaline.
It just got worse, got better, got worse. Plan fails Plan succeeds, plan fails.
Post Action
Rachel lands in the lake she’s under gasping for air. Then Mark and Dr. Steel need to jump from the helicopter as it lists, explodes, and plunges into the lake.
Rachel took a chance to try and gain control of the helicopter and get the drugs she so needed but has failed.
This is the all is lost moment.
But up ahead Nick’s helicopter appears and drops down to pick up Dr. Steel and Mark who are now in the water. Nick pulls Dr. Steel on board, but shoots Mark and pushes him underwater (TWIST).
Nick’s helicopter continues on to his yacht.
Rachel is able to pull herself out of danger for now and continues swimming towards the yacht in search of the anti-virals that will save her life. (Danger/Anxiety).
INT. MARK’S HELICOPTER (MOVING) – DAY
Mark, annoyed with himself, stuffs his smartphone into his pocket. He looks over at Rachel then out the window.
His POV: flying at four thousand feet the AUSTRIAN COUNTRYSIDE rapidly disappearing behind them to the south the distant peaks of Großes Wiesbachhorn. Rachel looks over at him.
RACHEL
Why are you doing this, Mark.
MARK
Because I want to.
RACHEL
Really? A smart guy like you wants to throw away his life on a whim?
Mark scoffs.
MARK
It’s a highly profitable business.
RACHEL
Doing what exactly?
MARK
That’s your job to figure out.
RACHEL
Who is Dr. Steel, Mark.
Rachel glances at the yellow backpack then at Mark.
RACHEL
You’ve stolen a deadly virus and are endangering billions of lives. You hate your fellow citizens that much.
Mark pushes the gun into the side of Rachel’s neck.
MARK
Shut up and focus.
MARK
(points with gun)
There’s our landing spot.
Rachel’s POV: Nick’s YACHT on the horizon.
Rachel suddenly slams the helicopter into a DIVE, accelerating into the LAKE below.
Mark leans back into his seat, gripping the armrest and accidentally dropping his gun.
In the back seat, Joe is slammed against the door and FALLS out of the helicopter. Melissa remains handcuffed to the back seat.
MARK
What the hell are you doing!
Rachel is enjoying the WHITE KNUCKLE RIDE.
RACHEL
Too trusting and naïve? Or too much of a hero?
Rachel pulls the helicopter UP, SPINS IT, until Mark becomes disoriented and passes out.
Rachel steadies the helicopter then switches on “AUTOPILOT”, handcuffs Mark to the passenger door, removes the yellow backpack from his back, and opens it.
She rummages around the syringe packs, orange and green vials, and pulls out a white rectangular box labelled “Antiviral drugs” and places that carefully onto the dashboard, then puts on the yellow backpack.
She pulls her smartphone from Mark’s pocket, picks up his gun, and slides it into her ankle holster. THROUGH BINOCULARS Rachel searches for the yacht.
IN THE BACKGROUND Mark wakes up and quickly orientates himself. He pulls out a concealed gun from his under-arm holster. He FIRES hitting the ceiling, DEPRESSURIZING the cabin. The ALARMS go off. Mark is pissed, pushes his gun into her face.
MARK
That was quite the ride. Now get me out of these before I kill you.
RACHEL
(holds up her hands)
I’ll just get the key.
Rachel pulls out a gun from her ankle holster and shoots
Mark in the leg. The HELICOPTER suddenly LURCHES and STUTTERS.
The white rectangular BOX flies across the dashboard.
Rachel tries to grab it, Mark FIRES, narrowly missing as she pulls it away. He fires again, Rachel ducks, the bullet narrowly misses Melissa.
Mark fires a third time and hits Rachel’s bandaged shoulder. She reels back in pain and is unable to respond as he reaches over and RIPS the yellow backpack from her.
Mark shoots off his handcuffs then jumps into the pilot’s seat. He brings the helicopter under control, steering it closer to the yacht.
He reaches across Rachel and opens the door, he PUSHES her out, and she FALLS from the helicopter. EXT. LAKE – DAY
Rachel HITS the water about one kilometer from Nick’s Yacht.
She struggles in the currents and is UNDERWATER for what seems an eternity.
Eventually, she kicks harder and swims to the surface.
She’s up for air gasping and spluttering.
It’s WINDY and the water is cold. She’s ALONE, dazed, and reeling from the fall. The bandage on her left shoulder is partially torn, her wound is bleeding again. She drifts in and out of consciousness.
INT. MARK’S HELICOPTER (MOVING) – DAY – MOMENTS LATER
The helicopter begins to LIST.
Mark picks up the white box and stuffs it into the yellow backpack which he puts on around his chest. He grabs a flare and hooks it onto the backpack.
He grabs two life jackets from underneath the Pilot’s seat. He puts one on.
He climbs into the rear seat and unlocks Melissa’s cuffs. She’s awake now. He puts on her life jacket.
He pulls Melissa out of the helicopter with him.
Mark and Melissa PLUNGE into the lake and resurface.
The HELICOPTER falls behind them, HITS the water, and EXPLODES.
EXT. LAKE – DAY
Rachel drifts in and out of consciousness. Her POV: up ahead burning helicopter wreckage bobs on the lake’s surface.
-
Jan’s -missing this class 14
due to full time attention to real life biz I worked in my 14 into the 15. J
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