Day 14 Assignments

[Roscoe Pond]

Subject Line: Roscoe’s Thriller Map – Version 1

“What I learned is…?” That my thriller is becoming more clear with MIS. I’m still working on this, but here is the beginning.

EXT. HIGHWAY – SANTA FE – NIGHT

An unknown person wearing a wolf fur-coat runs alongside an SUV. An arm bashes in the driver side window – with force. The SUV loses control and drives off of the highway. It rolls over twice. The unknown person steps around the SUV. He/she runs into the darkness.

EXT. HIGHWAY – SANTA FE – DAY

Stephen and his tribal cop partner Billy investigate the accident. Billy looks over at several Navajo people singing and praying on the highway. Billy tells Stephen that it was the “Tso” family. His ex-wife Gabby Tso wasn’t inside the SUV. Stephen wonders why they were called since this is off the Indian Reservation.

Stephen and Billy look at animal prints around the SUV. Those prints are larger than any normal animal. They both follow those prints as they disappear into the Santa Fe dirt.

Stephen and Billy assume the animal is a skinwalker/witch. Why did this skinwalker kill the Tso family? Stephen struggles with how to explain these deaths as “spiritual” in nature.

A fearful county sheriff approaches Stephen and Billy. He tells them that they have no law enforcement “funding” to help with this accident. They are on their own. Stephen tells the sheriff that it was the homicide of a Navajo family clan.

EXT. SANTA FE – NIGHT

Stephen and Billy are stll in their tribal cop uniforms. They get out of their truck and approach the trailer home of Gabby Tso. They both stop and aim their flashlights in the distance – past the back yard. A male picks up bloody animal limbs and shoves them inside a bag.

Stephen and Billy get to the front door which is partially open. They over-hear Gabby arguing with a woman named Kathy. Stephen whispers that Kathy is Gabby’s aunt. Gabby soon yells about her grandmother.

Stephen whispers to Billy that he never trusted Gabby. She committed infidelity during their marriage. She is dedicated though to her Navajo family clan. He bets that she may know about this skinwalker/witch. Why did it kill Gabby’s family?

[Larry Maenpaa]

Subject: Larry’s Thriller Map Version 1

What I learned is that the sequencing of the clues is very important and that by setting the order I could see if there was a logical flow. I saw some flaws in the clue trail which I tightened up.

Below is the basic backbone of the script, although details have been left out for brevity’s sake.

SPOILT ALERT: If you have been following my posts you know just about everything so there is not much M.I.S. So break out your Men In Black Neuralyzer and try to wipe out your memory of my story.

INT. – SCHOOL GYM – WINTER AFTERNOON

PETER SMITH, an elementary gym teacher, is conducting a basketball practice. JEROME, a talented but an ongoing pain-in-the-ass, gives Peter attitude so PETER has him do laps. PETER UPTON, school superintendent and PETER discuss the “problem child.” UPTON complains about his contact lenses bothering him. UPTON goes to see the principal. PETER leaves JEROME running and drives home, arriving quite late.

INT. – SCHOOL GYM – OUTSIDE CHANGE ROOM

Muffled man’s voice is heard giving instructions for someone to keep changing his body position. Each instruction is followed by a flashbulb going off. JAMES WASHINGTON, the school janitor who has brain damage, comes into gym, witnesses this from outside door and starts to run away. He drops his eyeglasses, retrieves them then hastily leaves.

INT. – CHANGE ROOM – INSIDE

CLOSE-UP: sports trophy, held in gloved hand, raised then strikes downward

INT. – WASHINGTON’S BEDROOM

WASHINGTON is curled up in his bed, mumbling over and over: “I remember, I remember.” MOTHER is at his side.

INT. – JUDGE’S CHAMBER – NIGHT

Two men sit in shadows on the fringe of a pool of light cast on a desk by a lamp. An envelope passes between the two, the receiving arm cloaked in a judge’s robe and there is a distinctive ring on the hand. The envelope is opened and the man, still in shadows, looks over the pictures saying he approves of them.

INT. – POLICE STATION – NIGHT

JACK WALINSKI, station captain, calls CASMIR BOROWSKI, a detective specializing in missing persons, tells him he has a new case, a kid named Jerome. Later, WALINSKI gets an anonymous tip that Jerome is dead, where to find the body, and who the killer is.

INT. – POLICE STATION – NIGHT

WALINSKI calls in BOROWSKI and assigns him to the murder case although he has never worked a murder case. Later, WALINSKI calls JIMMY KRONOS into his office, a friend of Borowski, and tells him “to shadow” Borowski and “report his every move.” Borowski overhears this from outside the office and becomes suspicious of Kronos and Walinski.

INT. – SCHOOL PRINCIPAL’S OFFICE – DAY

PETER is called into the principal’s office (adorned with teddy bears, children’s photos and a candy jar) and is arrested by BOROWSKI.

INT. – POLICE STATION, INTERROGATION ROOM- SAME DAY

SMITH is shown incriminating evidence: photos taken of Jerome and the murder weapon (sports trophy). He has no alibi. He’s formally charged.

INT. – POLICE STATION, CAPTAIN’S OFFICE – DAY

WALINSKI gets phone call from Police Chief. Chief: “Close case or people will get busted.” He relays this to BOROWSKI.

INT. – COURTROOM – DAY

Court room is packed, CHIEF sits close to PROSECUTION’S table. Evidence is presented by prosecution. UPTON testifies what he saw on the day child was killed and adds damaging character information. The JUDGE finds defence evidence inadmissible and directs jury towards a guilty verdict. C/U: as judge ends trial bringing down gavel, a distinctive ring is seen.

INT. – POLICE STATION – DAY

WASHINGTON and his MOTHER are at the station suggesting another man may be responsible for the death of Jerome as WASHINGTON had been attacked as a boy and brain-damaged in the assault. He works with the police artist who draws a vague likeness of Upton, but wearing heavy-rimmed glasses. KRONOS takes picture and buries it in his desk drawer. BOROWSKI directs BOROWSKI to go over the evidence of the WASHINGTON case.

INT. – POLICE STATION, EVIDENCE LOCKER -SAME DAY

Among other things, BOROWSKI finds pair of glasses with fingerprint on one lens. He assumes they belong to Washington.

INT. – POLICE STATION – SAME DAY

BOROWSKI brings glasses to WASHINGTON, but MOTHER says her son only wore glasses after the assault when his eyesight was damaged. BOROWSKI wonders aloud who the glasses belong to. He sends glasses to forensics.

INT. – POLICE STATION – DAY

BOROWSKI is sitting in a room studying a map on a wall with pins where all missing children and dead ones came from. There are clusters, primarily in the South side of Chicago. The Chief comes by and orders BOROWSKI to desist and “start working on NEW cases.” [Expletives deleted.]

INT. – JUDGE’S CHAMBER

JUDGE receives phone call; detective won’t leave case alone. Judge says Borowski is to be “scared off” from further investigation.

EXT. – SIDE STREET IN QUIET NEIGHBOURHOOD – MORNING

BOROWSKI has left his home and a car races at him, just missing him as the detective rolls out of the way.

INT. – BOROWSKI’S HOME – DAY

BOROWSKI tells wife what happened. WIFE says he needs to stop investigation or she leave him for the safety of herself and her son.

INT. – POLICE STATION – SAME DAY

BOROWSKI receives phone call about near “accident” and told to stop investigation. After, he receives a phone call. The fingerprint is not the teacher’s. After, he goes back to the map. KRONOS comes by and suggests the clusters could be around schools.

INT – BOROWSKI’S HOME – NIGHT

BOROWSKI has come home to find his home without wife and son. He drinks vodka heavily while questioning whether this is all worth the effort, given he still has no real lead to anything concrete.

INT. – POLICE STATION – DAY

BOROWSKI receives a phone call. The fingerprint on the glasses does NOT match the teacher. BOROWSKI has a map of Chicago school board and starts pinpointing schools and drawing boundaries of school attendance zones. Clusters centre around select schools and only certain zones.

INT. – JUDGE’S CHAMBER – SAME DAY

JUDGE receives phone call that Borowski persists. JUDGE orders Borowski “eliminated.”

INT. – SCHOOL PRINCIPAL’S OFFICE – SAME DAY

Principal on phone: “I’ve got one for you. She’s here now.”

INT. – SCHOOL CORRIDOR – SAME DAY

UPTON is escorting a child towards the exit. He carries a camera. BOROWSKI has come in for some follow-up with the principal. UPTON and BOROWSKI chat. BOROWSKI asks about the camera. UPTON says it’s a hobby. UPTON says he will “shoot’ the girl for a special Board project highlighting top students. BOROWSKI asks about his postings. UPTON says he’s only been assigned to one area.

INT. – POLICE STATION – DAY

BOROWSKI phones the school board and finds Upton has been overseeing many areas, and, when BOROWSKI plots his areas of responsibility on his map, they match the areas of clusters.

EXT. – POLICE STATION – DAY – SAME DAY

BOROWSKI is leaving the station. A rifle shot rings out. He ducks. A second shot barely misses him. WALINSKI races out and other policemen follow. BOROWSKI points to nearby rooftop.

EXT. – ROOF TOP – SAME DAY

WALINSKI reaches the top first and runs to the edge of the roof with a low-lying ledge. He scoops up two shell casings before anyone else is present. As BOROWSKI comes onto roof and peers over the edge WALINSKI reaches out, appearing ready to shove BOROWSKI. Another officer arrives and WALINSKI pulls BOROWSKI back.

INT. – SCHOOL PRINCIPAL’S OFFICE – AFTERNOON

PRINCIPAL on the phone: “I’ve found Borowski’s boy. He’s at Elm Street Elementary.” Close-up: As he hangs up the phone distinctive ring is seen on his finger.

INT. – POLICE STATION – SAME AFTERNOON

BOROWSKI receives a phone call from UPTON: “Good news. Your boy has been selected for our special Board project.” After, his wife phones: “Our son is not home from school yet.” He talks to KRONOS: “I’ve got a hunch about this case, but if I’m wrong I’m done for.”

EXT/INT. – NICE SUBURBAN HOME – NIGHT

BOROWSKI breaks into Upton’s home. He looks about. Numerous nick-knacks, including teddy bears, abound. He goes into the basement and finds a dark room. He finds pics of children, plus negatives of Jerome’s pictures and pics of his son with a label, “next” on one. He leaves, taking nothing.

INT. BOROWSKI’s HOME – SAME NIGHT

BOROWSKI receives a phone call directing him to an abandoned warehouse where a kidnapper is holding his son.

INT. – ABANDONED WAREHOUSE – SAME NIGHT

As BOROWSKI walks into a large warehouse space and stands in a pool of light. UPTON emerges from the shadow holding the BOY and a gun. As UPTON tells the detective he was too close to the truth, the boy kicks UPTON and runs. UPTON shoots at the boy. There is gun play with BOROWSKI. UPTON shoots BOROWSKI who falls down an elevator shaft and appears dead.

INT. – UPTON’S HOUSE – DAY

Police break in and enter darkroom.

INT. – SCHOOL BOARD AUDITORIUM – SAME DAY

UPTON is conducting an awards ceremony honouring “special children.” BOROWSKI’S BOY shows up on stage when his name is called. BOROWSKI shows up holding handcuffs.

INT. – POLICE STATION – SAME AFTERNOON

BOROWSKI interrogates UPTON who admits to killing Jerome and assaulting Washington. BOROWSKI leaves the room and the Chief comes in. He gives UPTON a coffee into which he secretly dropped a poison pill (NOT cyanide). C/U of hand with coffee shows distinctive ring. Chief rushes out of room. BOROWSKI returns and bends over UPTON who whispers something in his ear.

INT. – JUDGE’S CHAMBER – NIGHT

The Ring is in a meeting. There is a knock on the door. BOROWSKI’S voice is heard. The tops of three distinctive rings slide open and three little pills are revealed.

THE END.

N. B. I WILL LIKELY SUBSTITUTE A DSICRETE TATTOO INSTEAD OF THE RINGS AS MARKERS FOR THE RING MEMBERS.

[Jeff Bryce]

Peter Upton and Peter Smith… Too many Peters?

[Larry Maenpaa]

My goof. Thanks for noticing. Must have been eating Peter-butter when writing this. I meant it to be John Upton.

[Jeff Bryce]

Concerned you were becoming ONE with your story– a peterphiliac! lol.

[Larry Maenpaa]

Touche!

[Katharine Panzella]

I wrote a script, then took this class to refine it, get it ready for coverage. It’s now finished, I hope! If anyone wants to read it, send me your email. Best wishes.

[Jeff Bryce]

I’ll take the bait… Are you expecting a critique?

[Katharine Panzella]

You can read the thriller map I just posted. Or the script. Or both. I just sent it out for coverage so will get a critique back in a few days.

[Jeff Bryce]

I hear ya. Good luck.

[Emmanuel Sullivan]

Emmanuel Sullivan’s Thriller Map Version 1

What I learned is converting the tags into sluglines is easier now that the mystery, suspense, intrigue, twists, cover up, trust and distrust have been weaved into the story.

[Michael Williamsen]

Michael Williamsen #14 Thriller Map #1

“Zip Tie Strangler” or simply “ZiP!” ?

VILLAIN’S PLAN. Narcissist Attorney Bob will do anything to build and protect to become the biggest human and sex trafficking organization.

HERO Sheriff Mike’s ex-wife rookie reporter Victoria, dating the Villain. Must maintain “everyone’s sweetheart” image while manipulating them all to save her daughter and the kidnapped children

RED HERRING Sheriff Mike, alcoholic, dying of prostate cancer, in re-election for sheriff, will stop at nothing to save his daughter.

LOGLINE: Veronica must manipulate her alcoholic ex-husband Sheriff Mike, her kidnapping boyfriend, and the local gangsters to find her daughter who has disappeared.

—–

OPENING

EXT. BAR NIGHT

A thug is slashed violently in an alley. voice asks, “where are they?” The assailant wraps a ziptie around his neck. ZiP!

EXT. CRIME SCENE DAY

Sheriff Mike is the investigator of the kidnappings. He is investigating a murder. Victoria is a reporter at the crime scene of the man killed with the Ziptie. Victoria shows anger towards Mike, affection to both Mike’s driver DAVE as well as Villain Bob’s driver JOE, and Bob.

EXT. BORDER CROSSING CAGES – DAY

Thugs take children from border-crossing cages driving off in vans.

INT. MIKES OFFICE DAY

The Villain Bob and sheriff Mike get in a finger pistol shootout in Mike’s office.

Victoria is in Mike’s and her big house talking on the phone about the mortgage. She is cleaning a large windowless basement area sealed by a vault door. It is filled with guns, other weapons, bullet loading machines. She suggests selling items to pay mortgage. Mike says NO.

INCITING INCIDENT

INT. MIKES OFFICE DAY

Sheriff Mike and Victoria’s daughter has disappeared. Victoria accuses Sheriff Mike of taking her.

INT. BAR NIGHT

The Mayor is blackmailed to join kidnapper Bob saying: “what do we do with Mike?”

End of ACT I – we know what the story is about

ACT II

INT. MIKES CAR DAY

Sheriff Mike finds out he has terminal Prostate Cancer making him desperate to find his daughter.

TURNING POINT one – ACT II

Serial killings and kidnappings escalate.

Clues connecting Sheriff Mike, ex-wife Victoria, Mike’s driver Dave, and Villain Bob’s driver Joe.

Victoria steals evidence of the kidnappers from Bob.

MIDPOINT (middle of Act II) lines of loyalty are drawn

INT. RESTAURANT – EVENING

Victoria gives Sheriff Mike evidence Bob the Villain is the kidnapping ringleader. She realizes Mike did not take Lucy. Who did?

INT. MAYORS OFFICE MORNING

Sheriff Mike, thinking Mayor is a trusted friend gives him the evidence file. Mayor has already sided with the kidnappers.

EXT. PARKING LOT – DAY

Mike’s driver Deputy Dan fixes Victoria’s purse with a ziptie. Zip! They all recognize the sound and suspect each other of involvement in serial killings.

INT. DAVES APARTMENT – NIGHT

Victoria discovers Deputy Driver dan has his own evidence of kidnappers and a few weapons in his apartment. Deputy Dan is doing private investigation. Dan is related to Victoria. Kidnappers find out Dan is on to them.

INT. AIRPORT – DAY

Mike tries to save Dave by sending him out of the country. Dave is killed. He tells Mike that they were being followed.

INT. MIKES CAR – DAY

Sheriff Mike’s good friend Police Chief is killed.

EXT. SCHOOL PARKING LOT – DAY

School buses of children are kidnapped during Police Chief’s funeral.

TURNING POINT TWO -ACT II – all hope lost for the hero and red-herring

INT. MIKES APARTMENT – MORNING

Victoria is in bed with Mike. Mike is arrested and charged with being the kidnapper and the serial killer. Victoria escapes even before Mike tells her about the escape door.

Villain Bob’s driver Joe helps Mike escape into the Mexican Ghetto – with a tracker.

INT. MIKES OFFICE – DAY

Deputy Dan tells Mayor and Bob of Mike’s military medals; one is a sniper medal. Deputy Dan looks out the window and is shot in the head by a sniper.

CLIMAX

EXT. VARIOUS WAREHOUSES – MORNING

The Mexican Ghetto gangsters are empowered powered by truckloads of weapons and show their strength by rescuing their children and killing all the kidnappers.

INT. COFFEE SHOP – MORNING

The tracking device leads Villain Bob to Mike at a coffee shop.

Mike and Villain meet face to face in the coffee shop. Both stating their intentions to kill each other. Victoria is secretly hearing on Mike’s speaker phone. Bob reveals he has Mike and Victoria’s daughter.

Villain Bob shoots Mike.

Villain Bob encounters Mexican Gangsters with switch blades in the back alley.

. (at this point, we really don’t know who the ziptie strangler is. I could pin it on the Mexican Gangsters by them using the Ziptie but am preferring to leave it open.)

RESOLUTION

EXT. BEACH IN EXOTIC COUNTRY – MORNING

Villain’s driver Joe, Mike’s ex-wife Victoria, and daughter meet on the beach in Mexico. They pour Mike and Dave’s ashes into the ocean.

Victoria still has a zip-tie holding her purse together. They exchange startled stares. She pulls it off. Zip!

• This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by  Michael Williamsen.

[James Ridgley]

James Thriller Map. It’s a long one. Lol.

FARM MURDERS – (very tentative title)

LOGLINE: As an ambitious Trans Male, degree in Psychology and Forensic Accounting, and minor in LGBTQ Studies, waits for word on acceptance into the FBI, he is called home for the mysterious death of his Mother – on the family farm, where he struggles to uncover a major plot to buy off the family farms to a globally well-liked Billionaire.

EXT. BARN – NIGHT

Woman walks backwards out of Barn at night – shock at discovering something, then heads out quick to the road – soon 3 HOODED GUYS follow her –

EXT. FARM ROAD – NIGHT

She runs, they chase after. When they get too close the Lead Hooded one says to fall back. “Give her a chance.” They wait for her to get to another farm and in the middle of the field one of them finally tackles her and another hits her over the head, she lands face down. They rub her face in the farm dirt – she is unconscious when a Thrasher approaches – only feet away she awakes to see it upon her and SCREAMS.

EXT/INT. COLLEGE (INTERCUT WITH ABOVE)

Tang refuses to tell her college friends of her home life.

Friends ask him for his “dead name” at least. He says “That’s why I’m never going back – because “Tina” will always be alive there.”

Reveal Tang is a FBI WANNABE: Tang and friends discuss now days away from her double-major that he heard back from the FBI and they are interested.

Tang, on the morning of graduation day, gets call to come home as the woman who died was her Mom.

EXT/INT. TANG’S FAMILY FARM –

Tang goes home to grieve and wants to comfort and get comfort from his dad, who grieves hard but stoically.

But his Dad turns away from his only child.

INT. SCHOOL GYM

A memorial for Mom – she was assistant coach to the HS sports and it’s the biggest place in the town to have all who loved her pay their respects.

Tang used to be TINA – the best soccer player she had to place on the men’s team. Behind the Glass is her picture and top scorer in the mid-west.

INT. CORONERS OFFICE – DAY

Tang has to assert himself to get the medical and coroners report. Coroner says the found nothing suspicious – she’s the only one to work the thrasher on the farm and must of hit something and shot out in front of it and got run over.

He sakes his head – “At 11 pm??” Coroner berates him: “What do you know – you haven’t been here for the last four years.”

Farm folk call her TINA and so he uses it to threaten them: “I killed Tina so what do you think I’ll do to you if you don’t give me what I have a legal right to possess?!”

A Young MAN, we’ll known him later as BUBBA, yells out “I killed your Mom so what do you think about that?!” And runs off before he can be recognized.

INT. HAMBURGER JOINT – NIGHT

Finds comforting conversation with Phil and a Girl she had a HS crush on who now likes “her” as a “Him.”

Tang goes home.

INT. TANG’S FAMILY FARM –

Tang enters and his Dad, in a wheelchair, won’t talk to him. Turns his back on his only child.

EXT. COFFEE SHOP PATIO

Phil and Tang get back to being best buddies. BUT Prejudices from townsfolk who knew him as female and call him “TINA.” Specially from an old HS guy BUBBA.

They call him TINA a lot and it builds that finally he yells at Bubba: “My name is Tang! Tang, got it??” Bubba says “Well, that’s the stupidest name ever.” TANG: “Okay, what’s your name?” BUBBA: “Bubba.” TANG: “Members of the jury, I rest my case.” (Tang recognizes the sound of his voice from outside the coroners office the day before)

When Tang leaves to go home – Another Guy threatens him with a shotgun they grab from the cab of his beat-up truck. Tang uses his defense training to easily take the weapon from him and shoot out one of his tires. TANG: “That buckshot in your tire just doubled your trucks value. You can thank me later.”

He shoots the other bullet into the air and hands back his empty weapon.

Eyes always upon Tang. Only the younger teens accept Tang, their eyes upon their iPhones “He’s Trans? Cool.”

INT. FARMER’S HOME – NIGHT

3 GUYS dress in HOODS with voice disguise mechanisms to force A Farmer, at gunpoint, to sign their farm deed over to them.

INT./EXT. CORONER’S OFFICE – DAY

The coroner resists giving Tang his report on cause of his Mom’s death. TANG: “I mean she wasn’t chopped into one inch cubic bits, correct?”

Outside Tang meets with Phil who listens to her suspicions about her mom’s death and suggests many things to do to figure it out. Phil is very pro-active.

INT. TANG’S FAMILY FARM –

At Dinner with Dad: Dad says there is no reason for a cause of death. Tang says they have procedures for a death like that.

Dad wants to give Tang relief that Mom is alive and fine but can’t.

All Mom’s friends arrive and don’t want to tell Tang anything. 1. Trans now. 2. Think a “daughter” should never have left her parents for so long. 3. They are despondent because they think Mom is really dead.

[Oddly, the most conservative one now will later become Tangs friend?]

INT. SHERIFF’S OFFICE – DAY

The Sheriff acts like he’s hiding something. (Mom was the Sheriff’s HS sweetheart he was supposed to marry once)

[We don’t know that He is behind the fake death of Mom also and is hiding that!]

The Sheriff IS the law but doesn’t act like it. His son, Phil, who comes in to give Dad his new “healthy” lunch, confers more with Tang more about his Mom’s death – he seems to try harder, with Tang, to figure it out.

INT. LOCAL BAR – NIGHT

A Guy Tang’s age mentions the “HOODED GUYS” as a joke but Tang wants to know more.

But Guy gets nervous, makes an excuse and leaves OR makes a mean-spirited Trans joke out of the blue. (Later turns out to be one of the Hooded Guys- Maybe Bubba again?)

Tang finds suspicious cover-ups to her mom’s death, including the death of the Town MAYOR just a month before.

EXT. CEMETERY – DAY

After Mom’s funeral, cremated of course – a car with no plates – almost runs Tang over.

Old school classmates of Tangs stalk him; taunt Tang as the girl he was before he left.

Reveal that Tang thinks BUBBA maybe a Hooded Guy:

INT. SHERIFF’S OFFICE – DAY

Tang refuses to be intimidated when asking for all medical and crime reports on his Mom.

EXT. FARM LAND – DAY

At the site of Mom’s death – Tang doesn’t find much but takes blood samples from the wide splatter pattern, and then notices footprints and works them back near the Sheriff’s farm. Could the Sheriff be involved?

He keeps blood samples to send to the FBI

[***NEED TO FIND A PLACE in the script to put that the FBI report comes back: “it’s Pig’s blood.”]

Tang gets a hang for this as she finds the Mayor was killed in a very different way but suspiciously and calls the FBI to get someone over for these multiple murders – and hopefully, to see she is ready to join.

A Different FBI Person gets the call and thinks he’s a quack caller.

INT. CORONER’S OFFICE – DAY

Tang talks to the Coroner about the Mayor’s death and this time, oddly, the Coroner freely answers all his questions!

Coroner hands him a bag from storage which has lots of black clothing fibers. A definite clue which could lead to the hoods of the mysterious HOODED GUYS.

Coroner says they were found mostly in the Mayor’s hair.

Which makes Tang think the Mayor could’ve been one of the HOODED BAD GUYS.

EXT. TANG FAMILY FARM YARD – DAY

A B-B-Q for rememberence of Mom.

Tang brings up the Hooded Bad Guys up in conversation – Farm owners nervously call it an old urban legend.

Tang wonders: “If it’s an old legend why did he never hear it growing up there as “Tina?”

Farmers are certainly nervous while they tell the story, contradict each other and seem to make shit up on the spot.

The girl Tang had a crush on – when Tang was female – is infatuated right back and they become a couple. [Turns out she is a deputy and works for the Sheriff.

MONTAGE –

The more Tang digs and the Sheriff threatens to put him in jail – 25 years Sheriff – he won’t comment further against the word of a 22 yr old Trans.

***[Places throughout Tang tells Phil about her investigation and he shows Trust and Distrust at different times – such as saying that the Mayor’s death isn’t a murder!]

INT. TANG’S FARM –

Tang asks Dad to use Mom’s car and his almost refusal makes Tang suspicious.

EXT. FARM ROADS/TOWN ROADS

Tang drives her Mom’s old car and is chased. Both cars get stuck in a sand bar or corn field and they both run and the chase continues on the farm’s 4 wheelers which are dumped in downtown residential blocks of houses.

Tang hasn’t seen what they look like – other then dressed all in black with black hoods – but the chase continues.

EXT. RESIDENTIAL BACKYARDS

Tang is chased by unseen individuals (maybe Hooded Guys) and they now chase on foot – through backyards; Tang is grabbed by an owner of one house and held by his collar like a teenager caught stealing something!

The person chasing Tang leaves, foiled again. Tang calls his Girlfriend and tells her that the Hooded Person must be local – knows the area and rides 4 wheelers very well.

INT. TANG’S FARM – NIGHT

Tang has several friends over when – on her computer – an

Unknown person threatens to post photo’s of Tang’s top surgery.

Tang is upset and Phil, Girlfriend and another friend of theirs get Tang to talk about being Trans. Phil makes a joke about it – which hits Tang hard, seemingly very unlike who Phil is.

Tang takes the hurt to psychoanalyze Phil as she explains what she studied in college to be in the FBI to identify criminally minded people.

Tang, as a joke, says Phil has maniacal tendencies and no empathy for the suffering of others – but Phil gets angry and leaves saying they are no longer friends!

All Tang’s friends leave and Dad finally gives in and talks about Mom’s mouth getting her into trouble. Tang questions his use of present tense when he talks about Mom but he makes an excuse that he is still grieving and in shock.

INT. CITY OFFICES – DAY

Tang finds out that their own farm was sold but Dad knows about it. Tang’s Dad finally admits the Hooded Guys threatened him to sign his land away but he refused – he had no idea that Mom went through with it.

Now that Tang knows the Hooded Guys want land – she wonders as to what plan they must have – their end game.

EXT/INT. BIG CITY – RECORDS OFFICE – DAY

Tang’s Girlfriend offers to go to the city a few hours away by car with him to see who owns their farms. On the way they have sex in the car and find a hidden camera! Who is tracking Tang??

Then Farms deeds are found to be bought up by shell companies. Names are obscure Japanese Animie character names – that’s odd.

INT./EXT. ????

Someone says that they saw the Mayor get into an argument with someone in the shadows by the Sheriff’s barn the day before he was found dead.

INT. SHERIFF’S OFFICE – DAY

The Sheriff says the Mayor wasn’t murdered but the buried condoner’s report is quite different from the official statement.

Tang finds it seems connected to Mom’s death (farm machine?? Components found like black threads?)

Tang is confused by what the Sheriff says and Tang’s Girlfriend says that the Mayor had no enemies except the Sheriff who ran against him more than once.

INT./EXT. ????

Tang finds that Items from the same website which sells HOODS w Vocal Disguisers on them were sent to the Sheriff’s address. He confronts the Sheriff who tells Tang to go back to their college town and don’t open this can of worms.

INT. VARIOUS FARMERS HOMES – DAY

Tang hears where and when the townsfolk have had encounters with the Hooded Guys and has an answer as to why they must be locals. 1. Had to have keys to the thrasher – had to have a place to torture the Mayor or ? (Maybe Mayor died of a heart attack – which coroner report says – but because he was beaten up on so bad! Perhaps Tang gets photos of his beaten face)

EXT./INT. SHERIFF’S BARN – NIGHT

Tang and Girlfriend sneak into the Sheriff’s barn and find Hoods with mouth pieces.

Tang and Girlfriend are abducted – black hoods are slammed over their heads. Their hands tied up quick!

INT. TRUCK – FARM ROADS – NIGHT

Tang and Girlfriend are hooded to be taken somewhere else but Tang feels the truck stop and he tries to open the door and escape and a fight breaks out and both of them jump out an open door.

Their hand ties are easy to break off.

Rolling on the ground they both take their Hoods off to see the Truck far in the distance – can’t see any plate numbers – when it pulls over and a rife is aimed toward them.

Girlfriend shields Tang and gets hit in the shoulder by a bullet.

Tang girlfriend is almost killed by a bullet meant for him.

INT. HOSPITAL – ROOM – DAY

As Girlfriend will recover, Tang walks by BUBBA:

REVEAL BUBBA is one of the Hooded Guys: Fits the profile and black threads on his shirt that he wears for days on end.

INT. SHERFF’S ROOM – DAY

Tang demands a line-up for ONE WITNESS who one Hooded Guy threatened:

ONE WITNESS identifies BUBBA as the voice who threatened her. Soon after she says that the leader Hooded Guy had a mis-step to him, they can tell because they breed horses and you gotta watch for that or they aren’t worth as much but for studding.” (Phil has no toes on right foot from a farm accident)

Phil had been acting like Tangs best friend all this time!

INT. SHERIFF’S BARN –

Phil traps Tang in his barn basement; Tang points out the “hitch” in his step – Phil shows her that his toes were cut off by this fucking being a farmer BS!!

Person said Hooded Leader had a “hitch” in his step.

Phil gets out his Hood with he voice-disguising mouth-ware to show Tang.

Turns out it has been Tang’s best old friend from growing up who is the killer and they fight. Phil escapes.

EXT. SHERIFF’S BARN – FIELDS – SAME TIME

Phil runs off – only to be chased down by his own father, the Sheriff, and arrested.

Turns out the Sheriff was protecting his son, Phil. And as he looks at his son in cuffs about to cry he sets him free and yells for him to run!!

It is Tang alone who has to chase him down on foot – in the very field where his own Mom was killed and duke it out with Tang the victor.

BUT when it looks like it’s done PERHAPS Phil throws dirt in Tang’s eyes and a THRASHER machine stops Phil from getting away – turns out to be Tang’s Dad, who also saved his Wife’s life (Tang’s Mom) in the opening scene.

Phil confesses: Killed the Mayor in Phil’s Garage cuz he found out our plan to steal the deeds, use out own notary for the documents and connections to sell to the Billionaire but they didn’t kill Tang’s Mom but meant to cuz she snooped around . We knocked her out in the field and someone else drove that thrasher over her!

Phil and the Sheriff are taken in by the Deputy.

INT. DAD’S TRUCK – DAWN

Dad drives Tang outside of town to some strange house.

EXT. STRANGE HOUSE – MORNING

Tang reunites with his Mom! She’s been alive all this time!

Dad and Mom explain that they, the Sheriff and the Coroner made up the story that she died because she knew you could find out who the Hooded Guys were and save their farms and that this was the only way you’d ever come back home again.

INT. SCHOOL GYM – DAY

Tang also gets all the farm folks their deeds back and is shown gratitude by those who hated and were scared that Tang is a Trans Male.

INT. HOSPITAL – DAY

Tang visits his Girlfriend, recovering in the hospital and Perhaps a phone call from the FBI – “when can you start?”

TWIST: He smiles at his Girlfriend which makes us think he may turn down the job offer to stay with her.

Girlfriend demands he go and fulfill his dreams – besides now she has the idea that getting out of town to go to college might be a good thing also.

TWIST: Tang suggests that this farm town ain’t so bad and that they hang out here for the summer and think about all their options.

THE END

[Melanie Forchetti]

Melanie’s Thriller Map 1

What I learned is: it’s a process but mapping everything out before writing the synopsis certainly helps! There are so many moving parts, the possibility of dropping something is huge.

Here’s a start…

ACT 1:

EXT. APARTMENT COMPLEX – DAY

VIVIENNE pulls her car into the apartment building’s parking lot. Waiting out front is her teen daughter, NATALIE, and her ex-husband DANNY. Danny acts strange, reserved, waves goodbye as Natalie gets in. They pull away and Vivienne sees a huge cut on Natalie’s arm. Vivienne’s questions Natalie if her dad had injured her and she evades answering, defending her father. Natalie wants to know why she never gives him a chance anymore. The blood seeps through her bandage and Vivienne heads to the Urgent Care.

INT. COFFEE SHOP – DAY

Before work, Vivienne shares a coffee with her best friend, LILY. She shares her suspicions about Danny hurting Natalie. Lily, instead, stands up for him. Vivienne questions how she could make that call when she didn’t really know him. Lily reveals they had an affair after Vivienne had filed for divorce but reassures her that she hasn’t talked to him in ages. Shocked, Vivienne grabs the bill and leaves.

INT. VIVIENNE’S CAR – DAY

Vivienne drives by “La Fois” restaurant (where Danny had proposed to her) and sees Danny having lunch with a blonde WOMAN. She almost gets into an accident. She ends up at work – the 911 Call Center – and talks herself into going in.

INCITING INCIDENT

INT. UPSCALE HOME – NIGHT

HOPE, a blonde Woman, is watching TV when all the lights go out. SOMETHING crosses in front of her window. She rushes upstairs, clamors in a drawer for her flashlight, and calls “911.”

INT. 911 CALL CENTER – NIGHT

Vivienne answers calls, multitasking, literally putting out fires. She sips tea at her station. A call comes in from Hope reporting a power outage. Vivienne tells her a power outage is not an emergency and hangs up to take another call. The woman calls back and now thinks she saw something outside but Vivienne decides there’s not enough to send out a police car. When she calls back a third time Vivienne hears a THUMPING noise, an exchange between her and the attacker, referred to as a pet name, a piercing SCREAM and then silence.

INT. UPSCALE HOME – CONTINUOUS

Officers arrive – too late. They find Hope dead at the bottom of the stairs with what looks like blunt force head trauma.

INT. CONFERENCE ROOM, POLICE HQ – DAY

Vivienne is being questioned by Police Officers. She tries to remain calm, recounting the call. Learns that there was a fragment of wood found in Hope’s wound. She remembers a thumping sound before the scream. They show her a picture of the woman and she recognizes her as the woman her ex-husband was with at lunch. But she also remembers her from somewhere else. They say the woman’s husband is holding her at fault for not taking action sooner and could be pressing charges.

INT. HALLWAY – CONTINUOUS

The 911 Call Supervisor is next to be questioned, she sees Vivienne is shaky and recommends that she take the day off, assuring her that everything will be fine.

EXT. FUNERAL – DAY

Vivienne watches Hope’s funeral from afar. (FLASHBACK to her burying her father as a little girl). Feels like someone is watching her. She starts to have problems breathing, runs to her car.

INT. URGENT CARE – LATER

Vivienne sees the same Doctor from before who tells her she has just had a panic attack. She’s tachycardic, light-headed – he tells her to try to relax. Maybe seek another line of work or get help. He gives her a business card for a psychiatrist to call…Dr. Hugo Gage.

INT. VIVIENNE’S HOME – NIGHT

Vivienne starts to pay off some bills but thinks she’s having another attack. Natalie notices, concerned. After she gets Natalie to bed, she takes out the business card and calls to set up an appt with the psychiatrist.

…..

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty’s Thriller Map Version 1

What I learned is…the Thriller Map is challenging to write and takes a lot of time and effort, but the results are worth it because the map helped me make sense of my plot and the sequence of events.

Title: TERROR ON THE TOTEM TRAIL

Villain’s Plan: Tuvelle has been stalking McKenzie and then she hires her neighbor, Todd, to stalk McKenzie too, wearing a creepy mask and cape while they’re hiking to Perilous Peak. Tuvelle wants to gain McKenzie’s trust, then push her off of Perilous Peak to her death.

Hero: McKenzie

Red Herring #1: Todd, dressed as the Figure With a Creepy Mask

Red Herring #2: The bird watcher guy

Logline: While searching for the Lost Totem Trail on her way to Perilous Peak, a woman encounters a hysterical young woman who says she’s being stalked by a man wearing a creepy mask, but the young woman may not be all she appears.

ACT 1

1. EXT– DOWNTOWN SAN DIEGO STREET – NEW YEAR’S EVE – NOON

A Figure Wearing a Creepy Mask follows McKenzie as she drives to work, but she is too wrapped up in the music to notice. The license plate says Note: Add clue for license plate name.

2. EXT — DOWNTOWN SAN DIEGO PARKING LOT

McKenzie exits her car, carries her purse and hurries down the sidewalk and looks at the date and time on her cell phone, 12 pm, Dec 31. She frowns, SIGHS and picks up her pace.

The Figure With a Creepy Mask lurks behind McKenzie. She hears footsteps behind her, looks back, and the masked figure darts into an alley.

McKenzie frowns, shakes her head and shivers. She looks at her phone’s time again: 12:01 pm. She quickens her pace, looks behind her again…nobody is there.

3. EXT/INT — SAN DIEGO – BOARDMAN & BOARDMAN, ESTATE PLANNING LAW

McKenzie enters the office, waves good morning to the receptionist, and heads to her office.

4. EXT./SAN DIEGO – BOARDMAN & BOARDMAN, ESTATE PLANNING LAW

The Figure With the Creepy Mask lurks by the office, and then flits by and turns a corner.

5. INT. SAN DIEGO – BOARDMAN & BOARDMAN, ESTATE PLANNING LAW – MCKENZIE’S OFFICE

McKenzie pulls a flyer off her bulletin board. The flyer says START YOUR NEW YEAR’S FITNESS GOALS EARLY. JOIN THE SAN DIEGO HIKER’S CLUB FOR A NEW YEAR’S EVE DAY HIKE UP TO PORCUPINE PEAK AT CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK! MEET UP AT 2 PM.

McKenzie’s employers, her Uncle John and Aunt June, allude to the “fiasco 10 years ago”…she still gets lost driving to her Mom’s house. They warn her if she doesn’t get to the hike on time and misses the hiking group, and gets lost on the trail and falls in a hole and has to cut her leg off to get out?

Their son and McKenzie’s cousin, Brent, pops his head in too. A lightbulb goes out on the ceiling and McKenzie grabs a sturdy chair, and she and Brent play a tug-of-war with the chair, but McKenzie gets on the chair and has vertigo and has to sit back down.

McKenzie tells them she can’t help them set up for their New Year’s Eve party but she will be at the party before Midnight…she needs to meet her hiking goal. McKenzie dresses for hiking and leaves.

6. EXT./SAN DIEGO – BOARDMAN & BOARDMAN, ESTATE PLANNING LAW
McKenzie, carrying her purse and cell phone, hurries down the side walk, a slight wind blows her hair. She shivers and turns to look behind her, but nobody is there.

7. EXT–DOWNSAN DIEGO PARKING LOT
McKenzie unlocks her car…but hesitates, shivers and looks in the back seat, but nobody is there. She starts to drive out of the parking lot and has a flat tire. She uses Fix-A-Flat to fix the tire then pulls out of the parking lot.

The Figure With the Creepy Mask follows McKenzie’s car, but McKenzie still doesn’t notice she’s being followed.

8. INT. SAN DIEGO – MCKENZIE’S CAR
McKenzie calls her Mom on her cell phone and talks on the speak phone about the New Year’s Eve party they’re attending that night. She says she’s on her way over there to drop off some champagne for tonight’s party.

McKenzie drives in circles and calls her sister, Betty, for directions to her house. Betty, McKenzie’s sister, tells her to pull over and wait, and she’ll be there.

McKenzie parks in front of her Uncle Walter’s house. He comes out and says hello and says he’ll see her at the party tonight.

Betty drives by, honks and waves and McKenzie follows Betty and the masked figure follows them at a distance. The Figure With the Creepy Mask drives by McKenzie and shakes their fist at her, but she’s looking down for a second and doesn’t notice.

9. EXT/INT – SAN DIEGO – MCKENZIE’S MOM’S HOUSE
McKenzie goes inside texts for an Uber driver to pick her up. She and her Mom and sister argue about McKenzie’s law career. McKenzie says she’s bored and wants a more adventurous job.

McKenzie shows her Mom a hiking magazine with the cover is a photo of Yosemite and a lady park ranger. She points to it and says this is her goal.

McKenzie’s Mom and Betty laugh and say she has no sense of direction and no glowing blue and green totem is going to show up and lead her up to Perilous Peak or back down if she gets lost on the trails again.

10. INT. SAN DIEGO – MCKENZIE’S MOM’S HOUSE

McKenzie pulls out the flyer from her purse and shows it to her Mom and says she’s heading to Cuyamaca Rancho State Park for the meet-up hike.

McKenzie’s Mom snatches the flyer out of McKenzie’s hand, wads it up and toss it across the room, where it lands in a trash can and says it’s for your own good. McKenzie grabs the flyer out of the trash and says she’s going anyway, since her Mom just threw down the gauntlet. (Inciting Incident)

The Figure With the Creepy Mask flits away from McKenzie’s Mom’s door, and hides by the side of a neighbor’s house. There’s a large cardboard cut-out of the Grim Reaper at their door.

McKenzie opens the door and SCREAMS when she’s sees the Grim Reaper, then kicks it and says nothing will keep her from Perilous Peak. It must be a joker doing this!

11. EXT. CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK/VISITOR CENTER

An Uber driver pulls up with McKenzie in the car. The car with the figure wearing a creepy mask pulls up nearby and parks. McKenzie gets out of the car and Figure With hides behind some trees, watching her.

McKenzie shows the flyer the Ranger Bob. He says the hiking group has already left on the hike. The Park Ranger gives McKenzie a map of the trails but warns her they’re dangerous and she doesn’t want “another mishap,” and says she shouldn’t attempt the hike alone, and the map shows an alternate route to Perilous Peak.

McKenzie stares at a huge wall mural of the various mountain trails that lead to Porcupine Peak. On the wall is a large mural of hiking trails with a trail highlighted with glowing blue and green totems.

A placard by the mural says THE LEGEND OF THE LOST TOTEM TRAIL. The park ranger makes reference to what happened10 years ago, but she laughs and says she’s determined to break the bad luck spell.

12. EXT. CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK TRAILS

McKenzie follows the map, but takes a wrong turn, and ends up lost. She tries to call the Ranger for directions but can’t get cell service. She starts to head back down the mountain trails. It starts to thunder and the sky darkens.

13. EXT. CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK TRAILS

McKenzie heads toward a rock outcropping. A man jumps down from a tree in front of her and scares the hell out of her! He’s a bird watcher, and he lost his footing. He asks her why she’s hiking alone and tells her it’s not a good idea. She asks him why he’s hiking alone. He says it’s ok, he’s a guy.

The bird watcher asks her if she wants to hike back to the visitor center with him, since it might rain and she declines. She asks if he’s seen the large hiking group heading to Porcupine Peak. He says yes, about an hour ago, and they were hiking fast, and says she won’t catch up to them in time to reach the peak. He leaves.

14. EXT. CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK TRAILS
McKenzie hears a young woman’s SCREAMS and hesitates. She runs towards the sounds.

15. EXT. CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK TRAILS
McKenzie searches everywhere for the screaming woman. She gets even more lost in on the winding trails, following the trail markers, but taking wrong turns.

She trips over a hiker’s Tiffany blue backpack with diamonds on it and rolls down a trail, scraping her leg. She gets up and runs up the hill and picks up the backpack. It has blood on it and she pulls out a bloody scarf and SCREAMS. Lightning flashes and thunder rumbles.

16. EXT. CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK TRAILS – RIDGE
The Figure With the Creepy Mask appears above on a ridge and YELLS. He brandishes a knife and points it at McKenzie. We hears more SCREAMS from the young woman. McKenzie hesitates on what to do next.

17. EXT. CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK TRAILS – LARGE ROCK OUTCROPPING WITH HIDDEN RECESS

McKenzie follows the SCREAMS and finds a young woman, TUVELLE, hunkering in a rock-covered recess. It starts to lightning, thunder and rain.

McKenzie gives Tuvelle her backpack and Tuvelle says she’s being stalked by a guy wearing a creepy mask and brandishing a knife. She tells McKenzie she thinks she’s twisted her ankle. McKenzie agrees to help her get back to the Visitor Center.

They wait out the storm under the rock, and swap stories about their backgrounds and goals. Tuvelle tells McKenzie the trails may be washed out below and to head to Perilous Peak for cell coverage if they are. T

Tuvelle can’t walk on her ankle so she decides to wait there for McKenzie to either get to the Visitor Center for help or to Perilous Peak and call for help and McKenzie leaves.

(Turning Point at End of Act 1)

ACT 2

18. EXT. CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK TRAILS – RIDGE

McKenzie sees the Figure With the Creepy Mask running down a ridge, waving a knife at her and she runs away down another twisted trail.

19. EXT. CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK TRAILS/CAVE ENTRANCE
McKenzie enters a cave to hide.

20. EXT/INT – CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK TRAILS/CAVE
The masked ghoul runs by the cave. McKenzie hears THUNDER, LIGHTNING and RAIN.

McKenzie rides out the storm in the cave and tries to call the cell number. She talks to Tuvelle briefly and Tuvelle screams and asks for help then the line goes dead.

A large tree falls in front of the cave entrance, blocking her way out.

21. INT. CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK TRAILS/CAVE
McKenzie makes her way through the cave tunnels that are lit with torches. She heas CHANTING and SINGING.

McKenzie discovers strange men and women, dressed in long robes, and wearing pendants, and dancing around a fire pit, signing songs. The group is led by an old woman who says they are the Off-the-Grid Club, here for their monthly meeting.

They do a dance and ask her to join with them to live off the grid, at least one day a year, and take the road less traveled. McKenzie agrees and takes the pledge.

McKenzie asks if there’s a back entrance to the cave. The old woman says yes, and it leads to the rarely used back side of trails up to Perilous Peak. She points McKenzie to a cave with green and blue fluorescent ancient symbols painted on the walls glowing blue and green tiki torches and says to follow it to the exit.

22. INT. CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK TRAILS/CAVE/BACK SIDE OF PERILOUS PEAK

McKenzie exits the cave. It’s stopped raining. She sees a trail up ahead and runs towards it and trips on some tree roots. She rolls down a ravine to the bottom and then over a ledge. McKenzie SCREAMS as she hangs on for dear life to a shrub bush.

The bird watcher man appears, and pulls her back up and she explains her story about the screams and the backpack and that Tuvelle may be hurt and about the Masked Figure. They try to call for help but can’t get phone coverage.

The bird watcher says many trails are washed out and it’s too dangerous to hike to Perilous Peak. He encourages her to go with him back to the visitor center to get help for Tuvelle, but many of the back trails down to the Visitor Center are washed out too.

McKenzie declines and gives him Tuvelle’s cell number and asks him to let Ranger Bob know about Tuvelle and to send help. She will continue to try to find the trail up to Perilous Peak when she can get cell coverage.

The bird watcher warns her that she needs to return to the visitor center before night fall as it gets treacherous after dark and the storm could get worse. McKenzie promises to get back before nightfall. Todd leaves and promises to relay the message to Ranger Bob.

23. EXT. CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK TRAILS ON BACK SIDE OF PORCUPINE PEAK— CLEARING SURROUNDED BY A GROVE OF TREES

McKenzie tries to climb a tree and gets dizzy, then rests, then overcomes her vertigo and climbs the low-hanging tree, pulls out her binoculars and is startled. She sees a sign for an old abandoned gold mine.

The branch breaks off and she falls and rolls down an incline but crawls back up to the ledge. She climbs up another tree branch and looks again with her binoculars. She spots the sign for the gold mine.

The Masked Figure comes into her view on a nearby ridge and makes a MOANING sound. McKenzie SCREAMS. He spots her and shakes the knife at her and starts to run her way. McKenzie rush away from the clearing and towards the abandoned gold mine.

24. INT. CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK TRAILS/CAVE/BACK SIDE OF PORCUPINE PEAK–ABANDONED GOLD MINE

It starts to LIGHTNING and THUNDER and RAIN again! She runs into the gold mine. The Masked Ghoul runs past outside the mine, brandishing a knife.

We hear feet run past the mine entrance and then come back. The Masked Figure rushes into the mine and waves the knife and moans.

McKenzie rush deeper into the mine and the guy with the creepy mask chases them. It starts to THUNDER and LIGHTNING again. The WIND whips up and the old mine SHUDDERS.

An old wooden support beam CRACKS and falls across the path behind her. The mine behind her caves in. She keeps running using their flashlights to try to find an exit.

McKenzie come across some old mine carts with hand levers on a rail track. She jumps in and begins using the levers to get away.

The Masked Figure crawls out from the rubble by the old support beam and crawls over it and catches up to McKenzie. He jumps in an old mine cart and uses the levers to roll behind her.

The old mine carts dip and goes up and down, around the bend like a runaway mine train. They come to an exit covered with cobwebs. McKenzie blasts through the old door as it shatters in splinters

25. EXT. CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK TRAILS/CAVE/BACK SIDE OF PORCUPINE PEAK–ABANDONED GOLD MINE EXIT – CONTINUOUS

The old mine cart hurtles to a stop at the end of the rail line. McKenzie is hurled several feet out of the cart in a heap on the rails, as her old mine card whizzes out on the rails and abruptly ends, throwing them a few feet out of the cart. McKenzie lands in heap at a group of old pine trees.

McKenzie spots a trail sign towards PERILOUS PEAK and she follows the trail, out of breath to

26. EXT. CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK TRAILS/BACK SIDE OF PERILOUS PEAK/HALLOWED OUT LOG BENCH – CONTINUOUS

McKenzie hears SOBBINS and sees Tuvelle, who sits on a log. She said was chased by a man with mask and knife, and hobbled her with her sprained ankle.

McKenzie says the same figure has been chasing her, he must be able to be two places at once.

Tuvelle SCREAMS and points to a red mark on her arm and a Black Widow Spider on the log. Tuvelle has been bitten by the spider!

(Midpoint Turning Point)

ACT 3

27. EXT. CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK TRAILS/BACK SIDE OF PORCUPINE PEAK/HALLOWED OUT LOG BENCH – CONTINUOUS

McKenzie takes a bandana out of her backpack and ties it around Tuvelle’s spider bite on her wound to slow down the spread of the venom.

McKenzie uses her binoculars and spots some large wooden arrows on trees that say ALTERNATE ROUTE TO PERILOUS PEAK. LIGHTNING. THUNDER. CRACK!

McKenzie uses her binoculars to search for markers or signs for Porcupine Peak. She spots fluorescent painted blue and green totems that line the trail of tall pine trees. Tuvelle limps and leans on McKenzie as they slowly make their way.

28. EXT. CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK TRAILS/BACK SIDE OF PERILOUS PEAK/ALTERNATE ROUTE TO PERILUS PEAK/GREEN AND BLUE TOTEM MARKERS ON TRAILS

McKenzie and Tuvelle get to the trail head and can see the glowing in the far distance, further up the mountain trail. They hear RUMBLING and a RUSH of rocks. It’s a ROCK SLIDE.

Large and small boulders tumble down the trail, and they dive into some bushes just in time, as the boulders and rocks rush past them. They’re forced to backtrack. They inch their way back down the trail, and McKenzie spots an elevated ridge.

29. EXT. CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK TRAILS/BACK SIDE OF PORCUPINE PEAK/ALTERNATE ROUTE TO PERILOUS PEAK/RIDGE/ROCKY CLEARING

McKenzie tries to climb up to the ridge and gets vertigo and has to stop and deep breath and regain her composure. She keeps climbing up the ridge to a clearing and then uses her binoculars to survey the horizon.

She spots a trail that leads to a grassy clearing down below in the distance and beyond the grassy clearing again spots the glowing blue and green totems that line the steep mountain trail.

30. EXT. CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK TRAILS/BACK SIDE OF PERILOUS PEAK/GRASSY CLEARING

Tuvelle leans on McKenzie and they slowly make their way down a trail that lead to the grassy clearing and they slowly make their way across the field. They look behind them. The coast is clear, no sign of the Figure With the Creepy Mask.

It starts to THUNDER and RAIN. McKenzie trips on something sticking out of the ground. They find a large metal circular hatch with a big rusty handle.

The hatch is stamped with PROPERTY OF U.S. DEPARTMENT OF DEFENSE/WAR MUNITIONS STOARGE, 1942.

31. EXT. CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK TRAILS/BACK SIDE OF PORCUPINE PEAK/GRASSY CLEARING/HATCH IN GROUND

The hatch is unlocked. McKenzie and Tuvelle heave up the heavy metal opening. They grab flashlights out of their backpacks and shine them down on creaky cobwebbed stairs.

32. EXT./INT./ CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK TRAILS/BACK SIDE OF PORCUPINE PEAK/GRASSY CLEARING/UNDERGROUND STAIRS

Tuvelle and McKenzie slowly head down the stairs which end at

33. INT. CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK TRAILS/BACK SIDE OF PORCUPINE PEAK/GRASSY CLEARING/UNDERGROUND MUNITIONS TUNNEL

They come to a tunnel that with blue and green wall sconces that cast a mysterious blue/green glow on the tunnel.

McKenzie and Tuvelle make their way slowly through the tunnel and hear VOICES MURMURING AND LAUGHING somewhere below them. They come to

34. INT. CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK TRAILS/BACK SIDE OF PORCUPINE PEAK/GRASSY CLEARING/UNDERGROUND MUNITIONS TUNNEL/MUNITIONS STORAGE ROOM

They enter the storage room which is also lit with blue and green earie lights. The room has various WWII labeled munitions and Army supplies. They walk across the room, looking for an exit and McKenzie steps on a trap door and falls down a long chute to

35. INT. CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK TRAILS/BACK SIDE OF PORCUPINE PEAK/UNDERGROUND CAVERN/WAR ROOM

McKenzie lands with a thud in the room then Tuvelle comes down the chute out of her way, CRYING IN PAIN, holding her ankle.

The room is lit with green and blue lights. A colorful mural on the wall depicts a vista of Porcupine Peak with the blue and green totems on the backside of it. GHOSTLY MEN AND WOMEN dressed in WWII military uniforms plan strategies around a large table map of the South Pacific.

McKenzie gathers her courage and asks them for the exit. The ghostly figures turn in unison and point to a hidden door in the wall that’s marked with a painting of glowing blue totem. McKenzie presses the blue totem on the wall and a secret door swings open and they go through it and come to rickety old stairs.

36. INT. CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK TRAILS/BACK SIDE OF PORCUPINE PEAK/UNDERGROUND CAVERN/EXIT STAIRS

They follow the stairs up to trap door and push it upward, then step outside to

37. EXT. CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK TRAILS/BRIDGE/BACK SIDE OF PORCUPINE PEAK

McKenzie and Tuvelle arrive at a swaying rickety bridge over a rushing creek. Tuvelle runs over it, but McKenzie is afraid and hesitates. McKenzie doesn’t notice that Tuvelle has no problem with her ankle.

McKenzie picks her way across the bridge and falls through it. She plunges into the stream below and hits her forehead on a rock.

(Turning Point: Huge failure/Major shift)

ACT 4

38. EXT. CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK TRAILS/BRIDGE – CONTINUOUS

We hear YELLS around the corner and The Figure With the Creepy Mask rushes towards the bridge then bridge, slips and almost falling in but makes it across. He sees McKenzie in the creek and dives in the water and pulls her out of the water, her head bleeding.

Dazed, McKenzie grabs at the figure’s face and pulls off his mask. The Figure says he’s named Todd and is Tuvelle’s neighbor. She hired him to scare them on the trail. He says this has gone far enough and he asks Tuvelle for his $1,000 she promised to pay him.

Tuvelle says Todd is lying and is crazy and not trust him. McKenzie steps away from him, unsure who to trust. He tries to tie a bandana on MKenzie’s bleeding forehead but she resists him.

Todd drops the bandana and a knife falls out of his cloak. Tuvelle tells McKenzie to trust her, not Todd. Todd and Tuvelle both scramble for the knife and roll around on the ground.

McKenzie grabs the bandana from the ground, and not knowing who to trust, ties the the bandana around her head to stop the bleeding and runs away.

Tuvelle grabs Todd’s arm and they fight for the knife. Tuvelle trips on rock, tripping Todd and they both roll down to

39. EXT. STEEP EMBANKMENT NEAR BRIDGE/STREAM

like two cats in a cat fight, SCREAMING AT EACH OTHER.

40. EXT. CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK TRAILS/BRIDGE/BACK
SIDE OF PERILOUS PEAK/EDGE OF GRASSY CLEARING/BRIDGE OVER STREAM

McKenzie, wild-eyed and afraid, sees her chance and runs away, and turns right at an old weathered sign that says TO FIRE LOOKOUT TOWER.

41. THE FIRE LOST LOOKOUT TOWER TRAIL
McKenzie runs up the twisty trail.

She goes around a corner and the trail abruptly turns downward and she sees a small valley and across the valley is an old fire lookout tower.

McKenzie runs down the steep trail to

42. HIDDEN VALLEY/LOST FIRE LOOKOUT TOWER/OUTSIDE LADDER

McKenzie picks her way across the rocky valley to an old fire lookout tower. A tall ladder built into the side of the tower leads upwards.

McKenzie tries to climb the ladder, gets vertigo, but overcomes it and keeps going up the 500 foot tall ladder, not looking down. She struggles to open an old, heavy rusty door and rushes into

43. INT. LOST FIRE LOOKOUT TOWER

McKenzie freezes, too afraid to move and stares at a GHOSTLY PARK RANGER who turns and smiles at her, then points through the huge panoramic window to the LOST TOTEM TRAIL that glows with blue and green totems, lighting the way up to Perilous Peak.

44. EXT. EMBANKMENT NEAR BRIDGE AND STREAM

Tuvelle lunges for the knife and Todd steps aside, and she falls, YELLING. Todd demands that Tuvelle pay him the thousand dollars she owes him.

She laughs at Todd then karate chops him in the neck and kicks him in the gut. Todd falls down, writhing and HOWLING in pain, dropping the knife.

Tuvelle grabs the knife and runs by Todd, then pauses, turns back, runs back to Todd and kicks him in the side for good measure, grabs his binoculars and LAUGHS as he GROANS.

She scrambles up the embankment as Todd rolls over and gets up and runs after her.

45. EXT. CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK TRAILS/BRIDGE/BACK
SIDE OF PERILOUS PEAK/EDGE OF GRASSY CLEARING/BRIDGE OVER STREAM

Tuvelle scurries like a rat up a tree and uses the binoculars to scan the horizon. Through her eyes we see

the trail that has the sign that says TO LOST FIRE LOOKOUT TOWER
and then she spots the hidden valley and fire lookout tower. She sees McKenzie in the lost lookout tower, though the tower’s giant window.

46. EXT. MONTAGE

–Tuvelle sprints away, with Todd running after her, trying to keep up

–Tuvelle takes the trail with the sign that says TO LOST FIRE LOOKOUT TOWER with Todd trailing behind her

47. EXT. HIDDEN VALLEY WITH LOST LOOKOUT TOWER

Tuvelle is only a few steps ahead of Todd, who winces in pain while he tries to keep up, as they climb the ladder to the tower, but when she enters the tower, there’s no ghost.

Through the giant panoramic window, Tuvelle spots McKenzie in the distance below, resting on a giant rock and checking her bloody forehead.

48. GIANT ROCK 300 FEET BEYOND THE TOWER AND HIDDEN VALLEY

McKenzie stands up and uses her binoculars. She can see the glowing blue and green totem trail up ahead, several hundred feet away.

She heads towards the trail, excited to finally find the Lost Totem Trail, and forgetting to watch out for sharp rocks.

McKenzie trips on a rock and falls, twisting her ankle. In pain, she pulls herself up to sit on a rock and pulls a bandage out of her backpack to wrap her ankle.

49. EXT. HIDDEN VALLEY WITH LOST LOOKOUT TOWER

Tuvelle scurries down the tower’s ladder with Todd close behind her and they rush to

50. GIANT ROCK 300 FEET BEYOND THE TOWER AND HIDDEN VALLEY

They confront McKenzie as she sits on the rock, rubbing her painful bandaged ankle. Todd tries to convince McKenzie to trust him, and Tuvelle tries to convince McKenzie to trust him, and in the end, McKenzie trusts Tuvelle.

Tuvelle pulls out pepper spray and threatens to spray Todd if he doesn’t leave them alone. Todd stops, not knowing what to do, but he still pleads with McKenzie not to trust Tuvelle, that she’s the one who’s crazy.

51. EXT. CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK LOST TOTEM TRAIL – CONTINUOUS

McKenzie leans on Tuvelle as the two struggle up the trail, the glowing green and blue totems lighting the way.

They spot a glowing blue and green little steps. Tuvelle climbs on it and hoists herself over the side to

52. EXT. CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK/PERILOUS PEAK

Tuvelle lies on the ground and extends her hand, helping McKenzie up and over the little steps and onto the peak.

They stare in amazement at the glorious peak, with vista views for miles and miles in each direction.

A marker says PERILOUS PEAK SUMMIT – 6,200 Feet.

McKenzie, wincing from her swollen ankle, limps to a rock and plops down.

She pulls her wet back pack off of her back and fishes in it for her cell phone. It’s wet from the stream. She tries to dial nine-one-one, but can’t get cell coverage.

They hear a NOISE and a YELL of RELIEF as Todd hoists himself up and onto the peak.

(Climax/Ultimate Expression of the conflict)

Tuvelle pulls the knife out of her backpack and rush at Todd. He dodges her and runs towards McKenzie, who stares in disbelief.

McKenzie gets up and smiles, and hobbles over to Tuvelle and hands out in friendship and asks Tuvelle to drop the knife.

Tuvelle puts the knife down on rock and smiles at McKenzie. Tuvelle fishes in her backpack for something. She tips her backpack upside down and spills its contents everywhere.

There’s sunblock, bottles of water, snacks, a coiled up rope and other supplies and several fake plastic Black Widow spiders and press on spider bite tattoos fall out, then a can of pepper spray rolls out and Tuvelle picks it up.

McKenzie spots the fake spiders and tattoos, then bends over and picks them up, pointing at the fake spider bite on Tuvelle’s arm and realizes Tuvelle’s Black Widow Spider bite is a fake!

Tuvelle CHUCKLES and sneers at McKenzie, a mean look in her eyes, like she’s suddenly transformed to Cruella Da Ville.

Tuvelle admits that she did hire Todd to scare them and she’s been following McKenzie and sabotaging her since Nov 1, since McKenzie stole her “new prospect” at the Halloween party and made her break her winning streak with men and her grandparents called her a “magnificent loser.”

McKenzie says the guy Tuvelle is referring to is her cousin Brent, and he needed a ride home because he drank too much and was sick, that’s why they left early.

Tuvelle doesn’t believe McKenzie’s story. She walks around, fingering the pepper spray, stopping to stare at Todd, then McKenzie, who are both befuddled by her strange behavior.

Tuvelle holds up the pepper spray and points it at McKenzie’s face and CHUCKLES.

Todd calls her a “Looney Tunes Gold Digger” and Tuvelle points the pepper spray at Todd.

Tuvelle turns into a nasty critter, SNARLS, SLAPS Todd, then sprays it in his eyes.

Todd HOWLS in pain, rubbing his eyes as staggers around. McKenzie, gets up and limps towards him, trying to help him.

Tuvelle LAUGHS and rushes over to the rock, picks up the knife, lunges at Todd, and stabs him in the leg.

Todd staggers backwards and tumbles off the cliff, SCREAMING.

Tuvelle laughs and walks slowly toward McKenzie with the knife. McKenzie shrinks back and SCREAMS and tells Tuvelle she’s certifiable crazy!

Tuvelle says she even threw rocks at McKenzie’s car on the freeway! McKenzie says Tuvelle needs help.

Tuvelle grabs the knife on the rock, LAUGHS and lunges towards McKenzie, cutting McKenzie’s arm.

The two fight over the knife as McKenzie SCREAMS ‘God hlp me!”

We hear the TUM TUM TUM of drums.

Several spooky glowing giant blue and green totems appear over the edge of ridge and floats towards them.

One of totems hovers right over Tuvelle. We hear it SHRIEK and GROAN.

Tuvelle SCREAMS, jumps back, drops the knife and stumbles backward, trips on a boulder and falls off the cliff to her death, SCREAMING all the way down to the rocks hundreds of feet below.

The haunted totems circle McKenzie and give off a warm glow as she stares in disbelief, then gets a hold of herself.

McKenzie smiles at them and waves and thanks the spiritual beings.

The haunted totems swirl away across the summit and then disappear.

(Resolution)

McKenzie hears Todd’s YELLS for help. She looks over the cliff’s edge and sees Todd clinging to a bush in a crevice.

McKenzie grabs her backpack and digs out a small tarp, rolls it up and uses it as a rope.

She throws the makeshift rope over the cliff and Todd grabs it.

She struggles and uses all her might to hoists him up and over the cliff to safety.

Todd, overwhelmed, LAUGHS then struggles up on his feet and hops over to a boulder, his leg bleeding.

McKenzie grabs a can of hydrogen peroxide out of her backpack and sprays it on his wound, then takes a t-shirt out of her backpack, rolls it up and uses it to bind Todd’s bleeding leg.

She grabs some bottled water from her backpack and rinses Todd’s eyes. Todd notices the bleeding cut on her arm.

We hear THUNDER and see flashes of lightning and it starts to lightly rain again.

Todd offers his arm for McKenzie to lean on, as the two hobble to the ledge of the peak.

We hear the TUM TUM TUM of drums.

Todd grins and nods YES.

He hoists himself over the ledge to the glowing blue rock below, then helps McKenzie down off of edge of Perilous Peak.

53. EXT. CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK/LOST TOTEM TRAIL – CONTINUOUS

Several blue and green ghostly totems appear again and float before them, then slowly line each side of the trail that lead them down toward the visitor center.

Around the bend, in the distance, they see the Visitor Center. They continue to follow the totems down the trail, the Visitor Center within fifty feet, and then the totems swirl around them, then disappear.

The sun sets and Todd kisses McKenzie and thanks her for saving his life.

McKenzie says “you’re welcome” and invites him to a New Year’s Eve party. He says yes and kisses her again as the two keep walking towards the Visitor Center.

[Jeff Guenther]

I like the scene numbers. Helpful here.

[Jeff Guenther]

Jeff Guenther’s Thriller Map for Script Scenes

What I learned is: (1) Thriller text ranges from ~30% of Reel 1 material to ~60%+ of Reel 8 material. (2) This process will still require a lot of seek-and-destroy missions to eliminate plot holes. (3) Basically, the process works by building in thriller elements with the first steps; other things may also be built in. (4) The Mini-Movie Method may not be the best structure to use. (5) I probably should have done more work on the character list early on.

Reel 1. Setup: Allie’s status quo, ending with the inciting event.

EXT – ST. ROCHUS HOSPITAL – DAY.

Allie, 28, strides carefully along a rainy street, talking to boyfriend on phone. She asks about their premature (premature relative to their wedding) one-year old daughter. He tells her he still hasn’t found work and his unemployment has run out. She reports on her last interview, a position at BurgerPalooza for $12 an hour. She intends to take it, but has heard about another opening that is not great, but is within walking distance, probably pays a lot better: St. Rochus. Her boyfriend gives his succinct opinion of the place: “PLPLPLPPPPPPPT!” She stresses that she . . . they are desperate. She’s burnt her bridges at her old hospital, she reminds him, and they’re flat broke.

Tilting upward from Allie’s bare feet on the rainy sidewalk, we see she is in a full nurse’s uniform, RN badge, carrying her cheap, sensible shoes in her hand.

She pauses in front of a building that would be imposing if it were not a decrepit piece of shit. This is, we soon see, “St. Rochus Hospital,” built, according to the brass plate, in 1890, though it could easily pass for Abe Lincoln’s favorite hospital. A tacky sign, its black letters blue from months of sunlight, informs us they are still “now hiring.” As she puts her shoes on, a <font color=”#000000″>cabbie at the curb suggests she put on track shoes, instead, and run away as fast as she can.</font>

INT – CEO FEENEY’S OFFICE – DAY.

CEO passes an application form across his Formica desk to Allie and, puzzled, asks why she wants to work there. She explains: No car, it’s close to home, her boyfriend is broke, too. He calls her attention to the morals and cohabitation clause in their contract, but then informs her they never check to see who their employees live with. He sells her on the job and her boss. He offers her a job, subject to a check of her resume. She accepts, and he introduces her to her boss, the head nun, Sr. Polygrippa, who is revealed (jump scare?) as a humorless, daunting woman of 6′-6″.

INT – VARIOUS WARDS & FLOORS – DAY.

Sr. Polygrippa shows Allie around the hospital. We observe that many patients are indigents. Allie mistakes a heavily-bandaged woman in a wheelchair for a patient. The woman is an on-duty nurse, recently beat up by an indigent. Laundry carts are moved around, parts of the building have been sealed off, <font color=”#000000″>elevators are marked “out of order.”</font> Their elevator is very slow, jiggles and jerks as they rise to another floor. The nun stresses their “charitable work,” which State law says they can’t refuse. Allie gives a surreptitious full-body eye-roll.

INT – GROUND FLOOR OFFICES – DAY

The following day, Allie is assigned to the non-paying wards. A cute and bubbly young patient named Clara Menzies, 11, is admitted for a scheduled tonsillectomy. As Allie wheels her out of the Admissions office, a fire breaks out right next to them in another offices. The fire alarm goes off. Pandemonium. Allie conducts Clara and her mother into a safe area outside the building.

Reel 2. Predicament ‘lock in’ to the conflict (end of Act 1).

INT – GROUND FLOOR – DAY

Part of the building is sealed off for smoke remediation. The hospital is not evacuated, she is told, because the fire was confined to a small area, well away from the patient areas.

The girl’s father, Mr. Menzies, arrives and thanks Allie for taking care of Clara. Both parents seem very concerned about their daughter. Mr. Menzies is especially worried about the fire, but Allie and the nun reassure him. Sr. Polygrippa immediately takes Allie off the Indigent ward and assigns her to paying patient rooms, including Clara’s room.

INT – FOURTH FLOOR – DAY

The next day, a toilet overflows in another room, damaging the room below it. A small fire breaks out in the waste basket in a vacant room, Room 433. A woman in Room 429 claims she saw someone enter her room at midnight. No one else saw anything. Polygrippa orders the dour, creepy Custodian to investigate the room, but he finds nothing.

INT – FOURTH FLOOR, ROOM 444 – DAY

Afterward, he tells Allie this wing, the oldest in the hospital, was rumored to be haunted at one time. He shows her Room 444 tells her it’s been locked for 20 years. He says even he has no key for that room and many other places in the hospital. Allie tries the door and it opens.

INT – FOURTH FLOOR NURSES’ STATION – DAY

The woman in Room 429 demands to be discharged and moved to another hospital. Polygrippa orders all the <font color=”#000000″>staff to maintain secrecy</font>. Clara’s mother hears about the “ghost” somehow and complains to Sr. Polygrippa, demands her daughter be moved to a different floor. Allie also fears for the young patient and <font color=”#000000″>promises mother she’ll protect the girl.</font> That wing is sealed off as haunted and the patients moved.

INT – THIRD FLOOR NURSES STATION – DAY

Allie only has a few patients and looks in on Clara often in Room 333. Clara is cute and responsive, and friendly to Allie. Meanwhile, a few other patients leave prematurely. Allie overhears Polygrippa tell another nurse that the hospital’s ratio of paying to non-paying patients is dropping.

INT – ROOM 333 – DAY

Clara’s mother visits her and tells her ghost stories, upsetting her and Allie. Mr. Menzies patiently tries to get his wife to stop telling stories to his step-daughter, with no success.

INT – ROOM 333 – NIGHT

Later that night, <font color=”#000000″>Clara has a nightmare</font>. When Allie goes in to quiet her, she sees the covers snatched off the girl, who wakes and screams. Allie grabs the girl and runs into the corridor. The creepy Custodian appears suddenly, scaring them. They find nothing that could have moved the covers. They move Clara to Room 330.

Reel 3. First attempt to deal with problem. Easy option fails, stakes rise.

INT – CEO FEENEY’S OFFICE – DAY

The next day, the CEO calls Allie into his office. Sr. Polygrippa is there. <font color=”#000000″>Someone has reported Allie</font> for cohabiting with a man she’s not married to and for having a child out of wedlock. She’s threatened with being fired for immorality, but it’s an empty threat, given the hospital’s situation. It looks like her position is secure . . . for now. As punishment, she’s told to look up old records in the basement.

INT – HOSPITAL BASEMENT – DAY

The spooky Custodian, Mr. Ralph “Red” Harrington, a denizen of the old basement, knows the hospital better than anyone else. He has a slide rule and all the building plans on his workshop walls. He admits to Allie that the rumors were true: The hospital was haunted 40 years ago, and certain sections were sealed off, then, along with several elevators. He tells spooky stories, worse than Mrs. Menzies, scaring Allie.

INT – ROOM 333 – DAY

Clara asks Allie why her step-father hasn’t come to visit her. Allie tries to contact him, but the phone has been disconnected. No one has seen him since he visited Clara in 333.

INT – VARIOUS LOCATIONS – DAY

Allie tells Polygrippa, who orders a search of the building. Some of the father’s personal property is found in a room. <font color=”#000000″>A doorman says he thinks he saw Mr. Menzies leave the hospital.</font> More phenomena occur on the Old Wing. Staff start to quit because of the strange happenings. Polygrippa promises them more money to work there. Sr. Polygrippa sprinkles holy water in all the rooms, and the phenomena stop.

Reel 4. More grandiose, extreme plan goes horribly wrong (ends with the mid-point)

INT – 3RD FLOOR LOCATIONS – DAY

The next day, the phenomena start all over again, only worse. The “solution” didn’t work. Sr. Polygrippa’s team tries burning sage, incense, candles, etc.

INT – 3RD FLOOR NURSES STATION – DAY

A dream-state hallucination shows us Allie has a phobia of surgical instruments due to an incident at her previous hospital. Polygrippa comes and tells Allie she is going to do Clara’s anesthetic for her operation. Allie tries to talk her out of it, but Polygrippa insists she can do it, unless she lied on her resume. She also says Allie should be there to protect Clara during and after the operation. Allie agrees to serve in the O.R.

INT – OPERATING ROOM – DAY

The operation is smoothly underway when<font color=”#000000″> more phenomena start</font>. Allie, already nervous starts to shake during the procedure when she sees one of the instruments levitate. Allie screams and runs out and is accosted by Sr. Polygrippa. Allie has to admit she has developed a phobia of surgical instruments, but is ordered to return to her post or resign. Two surgical lamps blow out. There are no spares in the OR storage cabinets. They get by with headlamps and the operation is finished successfully. Strange noises are heard several floors up, in sealed off areas. They move Clara back to her room.

INT – SR. POLYGRIPPA’S OFFICE – DAY

Sr. Polygrippa places a phone call to an elderly exorcist, Fr. Wilbur Dean, and requests his assistance.

INT – ROOM 330 – NIGHT

Allie stays with Clara that night. Clara thanks her when she wakes. Allie goes to get her mother in the next room.

INT – 3RD FLOOR AREA – DAY

Allie discovers Mrs. Menzies dead in Room 330, next door. The Police are called and question everybody. Coroner takes away the body of Mrs. Menzies.

INT – POLYGRIPPA’S OFFICE – DAY

The exorcist arrives and scares Allie with stories of possession. He asks a few questions, including Clara’s age and when the phenomena started. He eventually gets them to tell him about the fire as they admitted Clara. He leaves to prepare himself for the exorcism. Polygrippa tells Allie she’s found evidence of missing supply purchases, mentions that their insurance costs are up because of the high turnover of nurses. She also mentions that restaffing has begun.

The local newspaper is delivered. It contains news of Mrs. Menzies’ death and a story that an exorcist has been called in to St. Rochus’s. Details include information that must have been leaked by someone at the last staff meeting. Sr. Polygrippa is furious and anticipates patients and staff leaving, and fewer donations, because of the newspaper articles.

INT – HOSPITAL BASEMENT – DAY

Custodian shows Allie a building plan where phenomena locations have been marked; all but one near Clara’s room. He recommends moving Clara to the end of an old abandoned wing, Room 599.

INT – 5TH FLOOR – DAY

The exorcist ID’s Clara as the source of the poltergeist phenomena. He gets his gear together in Room 597, near Clara’s room. He wonders why Menzies didn’t tell the hospital Clara was a poltergeist. He sends Allie away while he readies his incense, candles, bell, Bible, rehearses his readings, prays, etc. The exorcist doesn’t come out of the room. They hear funny whistling noises then silence. Custodian is called and opens the door with his key. The exorcist is dead on the floor, his face against the door, with no signs of foul play. The police come and the coroner takes the body away.

Reel 6. New plan, Allie embraces change. All goes wrong, and new revelation. (end of Act 2)

INT – SR. POLYGRIPPA’S OFFICE – NIGHT

Allie gets mad, decides to face her fears, even if she loses her job. She meets with Sr. Polygrippa and insists on some action other than holy water. Polygrippa promises she’ll investigate the strange noises in the building. Polygrippa calls the CEO and asks for money for an engineering study of the building. <font color=”#000000″>Feeney says there’s no money, and </font><font color=”#000000″>the noises are part of structural repairs in the oldest areas of the building that are taking all the cash.</font> They’ve kept the repairs secret to avoid having the building condemned. He tells the nun the hospital is almost bankrupt.

INT – VARIOUS LOCATIONS – NIGHT

During a storm, Allie begins to investigate the rooms in the old wing. She <font color=”#000000″>finds capped pipes in the bed headwall that don’t seem to do anything. </font>Another nurse, Betty, thinks they were originally for air or vacuum lines that were replaced when the new wing was added.

The two nurses investigate the basement, where parts of building are sealed off. Allie finds voodoo doll in her locker. She shows them to Polygrippa & gets bawled out, ordered to stop snooping, let a consultant do the investigation. She returns to the basement and <font color=”#000000″>finds the Custodian dead, apparently electrocuted</font> by a lightning strike.

Reel 7. Change, rejoins the battle. Goal reached, but . . .Final twist, Villain turns the tables.

INT – MORGUE – NIGHT

Custodian is put in the old hospital morgue cold storage until police can arrive after the storm. Allie fears that something demonic killed the Custodian. Polygrippa says she’ll donates her own funds to order vital supplies and pay for the investigation. She arranges to meet Allie later.

INT – SR. POLYGRIPPA’S OFFICE – NIGHT

Polygrippa doesn’t show up. No one saw her leave the building. Allie searches for her and finds her personal effects left behind.

INT – VARIOUS LOCATIONS – NIGHT

Allie and others search the hospital, looking for the nun. Allie thinks she is being stalked. A co-worker reports Allie’s illegit daughter. Allie is told she’s going to be discharged as soon as Polygrippa is located.

Thinking she’s observed, Allie hides in the cold storage room and finds Polygrippa there, dead of a stab wound. Polygrippa has crucial records concealed in her Bank of Ireland: old employee records and recent expenditures. One document shows the paying patients to indigents ratio is dropping. She also found that EMTs are being bribed to bring more indigents.

The papers incriminate the Chairman of the Board. Allie gets evidence together and starts to leave cold storage. She sees Custodian’s body, covered by a sheet. She whips back the sheet and finds it’s been replaced by an anatomical skeleton. Allie tries the door to go meet with the auditors. It just got more dangerous. Allie is locked in cold storage room.

Allie uncovers a speaking tube in the cold storage room, and calls for help. Someone comes and lets her out. They go to check on Clara. The other nurse stays with Clara. Allie brings another nun back to the cold room to show them the skeleton. She jerks the sheet away, revealing the Custodian’s body, sans organs.

Reel 8. Finally defeats antagonist. Wrap up, epilogue, the New World

INT – SEALED OFF WING – NIGHT

As they pass the sealed off wing, they see a laundry cart left there. They find a concealed entrance and explore the spooky sealed off wing. Allie discovers an organ harvesting operating room, with a few organs in picnic coolers or liquid nitrogen dewars. A clipboard on the surgery wall lists Allie as donor #5.

Menzies arrives, chases, tries to kill her, admitting he’s trying to bankrupt the hospital so he can take it over. Allie runs to the top floor. Clara appears, grinning fiendishly, apparently possessed. Menzies reminds Clara he’s her father and orders her to kill Allie. Clara approaches Allie, arms outstretched, but turns and uses her poltergeist powers to shove Menzies over the railing and down the stairwell, instead:

Clara embraces Allie. Allie later tells the police Menzies stumbled and fell. Then the nurse wonders if Clara will decide to kill her?

[Jeff Bryce]

Jeff, I have a question about your lingo. This is my first class in arts. What do you mean by giving reel numbers? E.g. Reel 1 and Reel 8. Thanks, Jeff

[Ola Höglund]

Ola Höglund’s Thriller Map Version 1

What I learned is that this story is too long for a feature. It will end up as a 145 pages screenplay. Therefore, it has to be a mini-series in 3 episodes. I know where I could put the two cliffhangers.

Title: “MANDALA”

Logline: A psychiatry researcher and a detective suspect each other of being “the element killer”, with both claiming to be subject to a setup, while trying to save their marriages in this university town of the desert where all the money and psychopaths of power gather.

1. INT – UNIVERSITY LIBRARY – EVENING

Two men in their fifties, psychiatrist researcher NOEL BOROWIAK and detective CLAY ROSTAGNO, discover each other between the bookshelves, but Borowiak notices that Rostagno tries to avoid him. They observe each other like two spies in the deserted dome building, with only a couple of students and a face deformed librarian around, putting back books.

Rostagno is on his way out when Borowiak surprises him on the other side of the bookshelf. “Why do you avoid me?” Rostagno wonders what Borowiak is doing here in this university town. Borowiak says a headhunter recruited his wife as the chief librarian here. But why has Rostagno moved from his beloved New York to this desert town when he hates wind? Rostagno answers vaguely that he is divorced, and he moved here “because of what you and I talked about in our meeting in New York…”

Rostagno investigates stolen books. It turns out it’s the same books that Borowiak borrowed when he wrote his controversial articles about a changed America, about a society gone psychopathic, and how the digital world affects our brains with no freedom left when your cell phone is your closest friend and biggest enemy. Why are the books stolen? Were the articles too sensitive for the psychopaths in power in this kind of “Silicon Valley moved to Palm Springs-town”?

Borowiak plans to write a book about “the difference between psychopaths and psychopaths – if they can change their behavior”. Borowiak tells pensive Rostagno about the brain scans that can discover whether you have the brain of a psychopath or not. They mention that Borowiak interviewed Americas worst serial killer and Rostagno interrogated him.

The dumb librarian points out that the library is closing now. The truth seeker Borowiak and the more prestigious Rostagno, who only met each other twice in New York, concludes that it’s an extremely strange coincidence that they both have ended up in this town at the same time…

2. EXT – DESERT/INT – POLICE CAR – MORNING

11 months later. Rostagno and wannabe partner DWIGHT listens to Chief of Police PIPER’s directive. Be careful. The ranch belongs to the town’s most influential businessman, MORENO.

3. EXT/INT – RANCH – MORNING

Rostagno investigates the explosion with Moreno’s body blown up in pieces. Moreno owns companies within oil, security and aviation, starting out as a dynamite company. Accident or suicide?

4. INT – BEDROOM – MORNING

Candles in the dark. Colored grains of sand from the pointed mouth of the pipe are carefully distributed in an artistic circular pattern. It’s Borowiak who tries to make a Buddhist mandala. But his wife, CARMEL, pulls up the blinds with a bang. Daylight dazzles. Carmel informs that a carpenter will examine the kitchen ceiling’s moisture damage and Borowiak’s literary agent is downstairs. Borowiak doesn’t want to have anything to do with neither his agent nor a carpenter.

The agent enters the bedroom full of empty ice cream packages. He asks why Borowiak is depressed according to Carmel who says he only leaves his room to get more ice cream. Borowiak denies that he is depressed. What is Borowiak’s problem then? The agent cancels the book contract. The advance must be paid back, but Borowiak has used all the money and can’t pay it back.

5. INT – POLICE STATION – DAY

Dwight complains to Piper about Rostagno being a bad detective with a weird behavior. For example he didn’t do his job on the stolen books. Piper informs that it was her decision to not investigate the stolen books any further. Why? She doesn’t answer. Dwight has discovered that Rostagno was fired from the NYPD. Piper responds that Rostagno is the one who caught Americas worst serial killer in New York. The killer with the scary nickname no one wants to say? Yes. Dwight impressed.

6. EXT/INT – VILLA – DAY

Rostagno investigates a garage where a researcher in the environmental chemistry industry is found dead in her car due to a deadly gas. Looks like suicide. Two suicides the same week? Rostagno suspicious. What do the two victims have in common?

7. INT – BOROWIAK’S HOUSE – NIGHT

Borowiak walks down the stairs in his home during the worst skyfall, checking out the sound from the kitchen. Someone in his house? No, it’s just the carpenter’s provisional roof blowing away – or? Borowiak throws kitchen utensils into the pool that his flooded kitchen has turned into. He lays down in the “pool” as if he was a backstroker, being photographed by his son.

8. INT – POLICE STATION – DAY

Rostagno calls Borowiak, but he doesn’t answer.

Rostagno tries to get a date with Piper, but he doesn’t succeed.

9. INT – BOROWIAK’S HOUSE – DAY

Borowiak kidnaps the carpenter responsible for the roof leak until the roof is fixed.

10. INT – POLICE STATION – DAY

Rostagno interrogates Borowiak about the kidnapping. Borowiak pleads guilty while eating ice cream. Rostagno asks about the two suicides/murders since Borowiak helped him out with profiling in New York and Borowiak wrote about Moreno’s company in his controversial articles. But Borowiak doesn’t want to help him. Instead, he tells the classic story about the boat with five experienced sailors who just disappeared with the boat found intact in the perfect weather. What had happened? Rostagno can’t solve that riddle. Borowiak says “it is suicide to be careless”.

Rostagno asks Borowiak how reliable the brain scans are. Why does Rostagno ask all these questions about psychopaths? Rostagno ask more questions about Borowiak’s life. Finally, Borowiak wonders if he is a suspect in some other way. Rostagno tells him to get a lawyer.

Rostagno comments on Borowiak’s meticulous way of scraping the last ice cream out of the package. Borowiak doesn’t think Rostagno is meticulous. Rostagno asks “if that was what Borowiak wrote in his statement…” Mysterious Borowiak just leaves.

11. INT – BOROWIAK’S HOUSE – DAY

Borowiak and his wife Carmel argues about the photo of her and her father, the Greenpeace captain. It’s 30 years today since her father died. She has to stop thinking of how her father died on that boat.

12. INT – UNIVERSITY LOUNGE – NIGHT

Big party. Carmel with a new hairstyle is introduced to Piper who is also invited unexpectedly. Carmel asks why Piper moved from New York to the desert to become chief of police. They state that money and power people from all over America finds its way to this booming research and startups town with a university being run almost like the mafia with almost no crimes committed. Carmel believes everyone working there is somehow monitored. She has had her computer checked for spyware by her librarian colleague. Carmel asks why the police didn’t follow up on the stolen books. She also asks about the town’s big daddy Moreno who got killed in the explosion. Piper marks that Carmel asks many questions. Carmel answers that she should have become a detective. Both ladies want to change the world: Carmel instinctively based on conscience, Piper logically based on reason.

The chief of research at the university, Mrs DIBLEY, talks to the newspaper publisher Mr SAND when the catering waiter ELTINGH creates a situation ending up with Eltingh being thrown out. Eltingh is a former employee at the university who got fired by Dibley.

13. EXT – DESERT/INT – CAR – NIGHT

Borowiak is stalked by Rostagno when driving through the wind turbines to a bar.

14. INT – BAR – NIGHT

Borowiak overhears some basketball players talking about how the New York Serial Killer (NYSK) escaped prison during his mother’s funeral, with the help of a small gun hidden in the dead mother’s vagina. Borowiak explains that the mother took her life facing a cancer verdict, leaving this special legacy that no one discovered. The basketball players don’t believe that Borowiak has met NYSK. They don’t want to talk anymore about NYSK since they are afraid of nightmares.

Borowiak starts humming like the Buddhist monks to take away the dark energy. He explains that a true mandala is a work of art, a masterpiece, that you don’t sign and the world will never see because you destroy it as soon as it is complete, just like you will never see what Picasso drew in the sand on the beach before the waves washed over it. The only thing that has changed, during the making of the masterpiece, is your inner self. No applause. A mandala is about making no mistakes. “Just like a serial killer works” one of the players adds, comparing it to basketball with no team or crowd.

15. INT – UNIVERSITY LOUNGE – NIGHT

The newspaper publisher Sand gets a call from an anonymous informer with a distorted voice to meet at the bar Borowiak visits.

16. INT/EXT – BAR – NIGHT

Rostagno watches Borowiak from the Pizza hut opposite the bar. Borowiak leaves.

17. EXT – VILLA – MORNING

Sand is found drowned in his swimming pool with things symbolizing money/power thrown into the pool, looking like the kitchen pool Borowiak dealt with. A third suicide? No, definitely three murders now. Dwight notices some green sand on the bottom of the pool. Rostagno tells Dwight to not ask the witness any questions. Rostagno is the one asking questions. No one else.

18. EXT – BOROWIAK’S HOUSE – MORNING

Borowiak almost crashes into Carmel with his car, not recognizing her with the new hairstyle. They both arrive home, both asking each other: Where have you been all night?

19. INT – POLICE STATION – DAY

Rostagno wants to call in the FBI. He wants to prove himself to the FBI as well. Piper wants them to solve the potential murders themselves, not involving FBI. Why? She gives in.

20. EXT – BOROWIAK’S HOUSE – DAY

Borowiak with plastic gloves oils the wooden shaft on his kitchen knife that he threw into his kitchen pool. When he walks away, we see the newspaper covering the table from oil. It headlines the three murders. A hand with a plastic glove takes Borowiak’s knife from the paper. Borowiak’s hand?

21. INT – UNIVERSITY LIBRARY – DAY

Carmel is warned by the dumb librarian that she could be questioned by Dibley for doing wrong. Psychopathic Dibley humiliates Carmel in front of all the staff. The librarian gives Carmel support.

22. INT – POLICE STATION – DAY

Two FBI AGENTS arrive, profiling the killer. A killer who doesn’t like violence, letting the victims kill themselves probably under gun threat. Explosion – fire, gas – air, drowning – water. Next murder has to do with soil? An “Element killer” that is some sort of a climate/societal terrorist with a message. Otherwise, the killer wouldn’t let them all commit suicide the same week.

Rostagno risks his reputation in front of FBI when he launches Borowiak as the prime suspect based on Borowiak’s articles, the stolen books, all Borowiak said during the kidnapping interrogation, and Sand’s pool looking like Borowiak’s kitchen pool, with Sand going to the same bar Borowiak went to, even though Sand came to the bar after Borowiak left.

FBI with their data comes up with another possible suspect fitting with the profiling: Eltingh – the waiter who was fired from the university two years ago.

23. EXT – ELTINGH’S HOUSE – DAY

Rostagno and FBI ends up in a shooting with Eltingh. Dwight is very close to shoot Rostagno.

24. EXT – TENNIS CLUB – DAY

Rostagno needs to talk to Dibley about Eltingh. He notices a peculiar forehand technique while watching Dibley play tennis with colleagues Carmel, the dumb librarian and one of the librarians who saw Dibley humiliate Carmel in the library. Where has he seen that special forehand before?

While waiting for Dibley to join the other players in the clubhouse, Dwight brings up the shooting at Eltinghs house. Rostagno says he shot a colleague in New York who died when they were chasing NYSK. He knows how easy it is to make the wrong decisions and reactions when you are really scared. Dwight asks if Rostagno is afraid of NYSK coming back. Rostagno says NYSK will never go back to the US. His face is as well known as any Hollywood celebrity.

25. INT – POLICE STATION – DAY

Rostagno is sure Eltingh is not the killer, but Piper wants him to to do his best in front of the FBI. Rostagno risks his reputation interrogating Eltingh in a tough manner, with Rostagno’s self-hate cracking out between the lines as if Rostagno himself could be a killer with revenge as his fuel in life.

Eltingh had the same job as Carmel now have. But strange things happened his last year as if someone, maybe Dibley, manipulated situations. Dibley abused Eltingh who believes he got fired because he researched how the university is financed etc. He is sick of all the unfairness. “If democracy doesn’t work the way it’s supposed to, then you have to follow your own moral code.” But Eltingh says he would never seek revenge. It would never give him back his dead wife and never make his son healthy. In revenge there is nothing to gain. Rostagno convinced Eltingh is no killer.

26. INT – UNIVERSITY LIBRARY – DAY

Dibley scares the shit out of Carmel outside her library office window when Carmel reads about the murders on her computer. Carmel instinctively clicks off the browser.

27. INT – BOROWIAK’S HOUSE – DAY

Carmel resents her job situation. But Borowiak doesn’t listen to his wife when he finds surveillance microphones in their damaged kitchen… He doesn’t say anything to Carmel about his findings. Who has installed the microphones? What does this mean?

28. EXT – FLOWER SHOP – DAY

Borowiak tells the flower shop to send flowers to his wife every birthday after he has died…

29. INT – BOROWIAK’S HOUSE – DAY

Inspired Borowiak babbles about the sunflower field he has seen today. Carmel doesn’t get his attention. She is surprised by the wall of roses Borowiak has created for her. But she is so sick of his egoism. Roses is not the solution. She wants a divorce.

30. EXT – AVIATION GRAVEYARD – NIGHT

Rostagno and Piper investigate a tip in the scary aviation graveyard in the desert, until she realizes that Rostagno has lured her into a date with dinner under the stars, served by a butler. They dance close to the edge risking falling down. Romance in the air.

31. EXT – BOROWIAK’S HOUSE/UNIVERSITY/DIBLEY’S HOUSE – DAY

Rostagno’s car follows Borowiak’s car – which follows Dibley’s car…

32. EXT – SUNFLOWER FIELD – DAY

Borowiak lures Rostagno in a soil pit he can’t get out of when Rostagno pursues Borowiak by foot. Rostagno fears for his life. Borowiak tells Rostagno the solution to the riddle about how the sailors disappeared according to the tall tale. Or were the sailors forced to jump into the water by someone else threatening them? Rostagno responds: Just like Sand was forced to jump into his pool with the sinking rucksack? Borowiak agrees: Interesting coincidence. He adds: The one of us who is careless/sloppy… loses. Borowiak rescues Rostagno out of the pit and disappears.

33. EXT/INT – AIRPORTS – DAY

Rostagno chases Borowiak to the airport, boarding the same flight – he thinks – but it’s the wrong flight. Borowiak NY, Rostagno LA.

34. INT – POLICE STATION – DAY

Rostagno tells Piper that Borowiak more or less admitted he is the killer when he used a soil pit and told the story about a boat where the crew disappeared. We have to find what ship Borowiak refers to.

35. INT – NEW YORK POLICE BUILDING – DAY

Borowiak steals a police badge in the police locker room in New York pretending to be a carpenter.

36. INT – NEW YORK CAFÉ – DAY

Borowiak googles Rostagno. A wedding picture shows that Piper is Rostagno’s ex-wife. But Borowiak is interested in who is the best man.

37. INT – PIPER’S HOUSE – DAY

Lunch date. Piper says that she wanted to date Rostagno earlier, but she thought it was better if Rostagno could solve the murders first, getting his confidence back. She wants Rostagno to become strong again, being able to be loved, and stop punishing himself for what happened in New York. She has tested him while evaluating her feelings, but now she believes in him. They kiss for the first time since they were married. Rostagno in heaven.

38. INT – NEW YORK POLICE BUILDING – DAY

Borowiak interviews Rostagno’s best friend while the computer shows him being wanted for police badge theft. Borowiak says that Rostagno is investigated in a triple murder case. He learns that a headhunter has called the friend asking questions about Rostagno some years ago when Rostagno applied for a police job that Rostagno said he never applied for. Rostagno’s biggest fear being a loser.

Why did Piper divorce him? According to Rostagno he didn’t become the star she wanted him to be. The only reason Rostagno became a cop was because of Piper. He was completely obsessed with her. Piper would never have married Rostagno if she knew that.

Why would Rostagno be considered a loser if he was the one who caught NYSK? Rostagno thought it wasn’t his merit. Their psychologist profiled NYSK and the colleague he shot found NYSK.

Why was Rostagno fired from NYPD? Borowiak says the police psychologist wrote a statement after Rostagno shot his colleague, saying that Rostagno should continue working as before. So there has to be another reason. Could Rostagno have shot his colleague deliberately? Because of corruption, competition or jealousy? Borowiak learns that Rostagno was back in New York just after they met in the university library. Why? Rostagno’s friend asks if Piper could be in danger?

39. INT – PIPER’S HOUSE – DAY

Piper, in bed with Rostagno, gets a call from Rostagno’s best friend telling her about Rostagno. With both of them naked, she brings her gun out. Is Rostagno a psychopathic killer? Rostagno defends himself with just declaring his love for her. He says that this is evidence against Borowiak if he tries to set Rostagno up looking like Rostagno is the killer. Piper wonders what really happened between Rostagno and Borowiak in New York?

40. INT – NEW YORK POLICE HEADQUARTERS – DAY

Borowiak finds Rostagno’s file at the Internal Affairs office. He is shocked when he looks at the brain scan with Rostagno’s name on it. He can also see that someone has looked at the file a week after they met in the library. Borowiak searches by his own name and finds another brain scan confirming his fear. The search also warns about Borowiak being wanted for triple murder. He escapes the police building with cops looking for him.

41. INT – BOROWIAK’S HOUSE – DAY

House search by FBI. Microphones found. Plus small bottles with colored sand. Four bottles missing?

42. EXT/INT – BRONX – DAY

Borowiak buys a gun from the threatening Bronx mafia. Teenagers teach him to shoot.

43. EXT – JFK – DAY

The FBI agents arrive in New York to investigate, now that Borowiak is in NY.

44. INT/EXT – MULTIPLE LOCATIONS – DAY

Borowiak calls his wife Carmel from NY knowing that FBI and Rostagno listens to their conversation.

Borowiak says that he has misplaced their brain scans. Rostagno was scanned because of the splits he might have gotten in his head during the shootings when they caught NYSK. At the same time Borowiak scanned his own brain in his research work. He saw that he had the brain of a psychopath. In shock he must have mixed their scans. Borowiak’s brain scan ended up in Rostagno’s file when Borowiak as the police psychologist investigated Rostagno’s psychological status after the shootings.

NYPD has then seen “Rostagno’s scan” and fired him without telling him about the scan since that would have been illegal as a reason to fire someone. But Rostagno went to New York after we met in the library. He got hold of his file, discovering the real reason for him being fired. Therefore, he accuses me of lying to him when I told him he was alright and could continue to work. Borowiak realizes he is responsible for Rostagno losing his career and marriage, giving Rostagno motive to set him up and kill psychopaths to get his career and wife back.

Rostagno has for eleven months wrongfully been thinking that he has the brain of a psychopath. How does that affect a human being? You play the role you are given. Borowiak knows how affected he himself has been knowing that he has the brain of a psychopath. It is quite difficult even for a psychopath if you’re looking for the truth, even though psychopaths don’t care. But not even a psychopath wants to be called a psychopath, or especially not psychopaths. Being a psychopath always ends in darkness, sooner or later, more or less, just like revenge. Borowiak fears he could be violent, even though he has never in his life hit anyone. The reason for Borowiak’s “depression” has been his fear of Carmel knowing she is married to a psychopath. Now that she has decided to divorce him, he can admit the truth. He begs her to take him back.

Carmel notes that the killer has bugged them and mapped their whole lives in setting up Borowiak. She is scared. She wishes Borowiak never kidnapped that carpenter. But Borowiak claims that the roof leak and finding the microphones might have been their salvation, since Rostagno couldn’t plan for that. Scared Borowiak tells her this could be the last time they talk.

45. INT – POLICE STATION – DAY

Rostagno defends himself by explaining that this is Borowiak’s plan to set him up. Rostagno is relieved he doesn’t have the brain of a psychopath, but he feels betrayed by Piper when he learns that she never told him that she knew about the brain scan. That’s why she divorced him?

She demands him to stop pursuing Borowiak now that Rostagno has a motive. He can’t be involved in this case anymore.

46. EXT – DESERT – DAY

Carmel calls the headhunter that made her move from NY to the desert. She finds out there has never been a firm or a name like that. The headhunter seems to never have existed. Carmel leaves her cell phone in the desert to be sure no one can follow her or listen to her conversations. But first she texts the dumb librarian that she won’t come back to the library until after they’ve closed. No one can reach her on her phone from now on. Librarian responds with happy emoji.

47. EXT – HAMPTON HOUSE – EVENING

WILL GRAEBNER comes home, only to be directed under gun threat to the soil pit dug for his new swimming pool by someone in a motorcycle helmet with a distorted voice. He lies down in the pit together with today’s newspaper, as directed. He is buried under all the soil from the truck.

48. INT – FBI OFFICE NEW YORK – DAY

Photos from the Hampton soil incident. One photo shows the newspaper – dated 1999. The fourth element killing already took place 22 years ago? FBI discovers that Carmel was one of the witnesses the police talked to about possible scenarios of the accident. Carmel worked for Graebner in his house 1999, cleaning. Is Borowiak’s wife involved in the murders? They find out that Carmel’s father died mysteriously on a Greenpeace ship just the way Borowiak told Rostagno. Graebner, a true psychopath, was the chairman of the board in the bank financing the oil project that Greenpeace protested against. The same bank financing the university. The bank used a security company owned by the first explosion victim Moreno. Could this desert town with no crimes be the epicenter of evil?

49. INT – POLICE STATION/UNIVERSITY LIBRARY – DAY

Rostagno calls the library to see if Carmel is there. The dumb librarian texts to the other librarian taking the call, that she will be here at closing time.

50. INT – FBI OFFICE NEW YORK – DAY

FBI in NY discusses which one of them is the killer setting the other one up? Borowiak or Rostagno? If Rostagno knew about the soil accident and Carmel working for Graebner, Rostagno could use that to set up Borowiak. If the FBI can find out all of this about the Borowiak family, Rostagno could too. It doesn’t matter if Graebner was an accident or a murder. The only thing that matters is how it looks now with the three murders today.

One of the agents conclude that for the first time in his career he feels scared. If a killer sets up this whole climate Greenpeace terrorist façade just to get personal revenge, then the world has really gone mad. Is that how egotistical we all are? We don’t give a damn when it comes to the crunch.

The real key is why Borowiak moved to the desert after Rostagno moved there. It can’t be a coincidence. The killer must be behind that. The only common denominator is NYSK who Borowiak profiled and Rostagno caught. That’s the only two times they met, when Borowiak offered his profiling and when Borowiak investigated Rostagno’s psychological status after the shootings.

51. EXT – DESERT AIRPORT – DAY

Disguised Borowiak arrives at the desert airport, goes to Fedex and picks up his package with the gun in it. Does anyone of Rostagno’s airport tipsters see him?

52. INT – UNIVERSITY LIBRARY – EVENING

The librarian is about to close the library main entrance when Rostagno enters, leaving Dwight outside in the police car watching who might arrive.

Rostagno sees the librarian going into Carmel’s office space, placing four sand bottles in her cupboard. Rostagno hides in the closet. Is the dumb librarian involved in some way?

Rostagno texts Piper about the sand found on the murder scenes. Was there any colored sand around the soil pit in 1999? No, nothing in the reports about that. But yellow (fire) sand found at the explosion, blue (air) sand in the car with the gas, and green (water) sand in Sand’s pool.

Someone cuts Styrofoam with Borowiak’s knife.

Carmel comes to get her computer and picture of her dad that she has moved from their house to her office. Rostagno hides in the closet again, but he forgets his phone on the desk when he puts back the examined sand into the bottle. She sees the phone, but decides to not touch it, leaving it there.

53. EXT/INT – POLICE CAR/UNIVERSITY LIBRARY – EVENING

Borowiak kidnaps Piper to make Rostagno confess in her presence. They drive to the library in her police car.

Borowiak calls the library from Piper’s police phone. The librarian picks the phone up wondering who calls the library after closing, but he can’t answer with his voice. Borowiak understands it is the dumb librarian, so he asks him to text to this number if his wife is in the building. Librarian texts that Borowiak’s wife is here. It seems everyone will be in the library soon.

54. INT – UNIVERSITY LIBRARY – EVENING

Rostagno goes to the librarian’s office space and looks at his tennis rackets. He realizes where he has seen that forehand before…

In his shock a scared Rostagno backs away, dropping his phone in the dark while texting to bring in the task force. The librarian enters. Rostagno hides with his gun. The librarian sees the vibrating phone on the floor when Dwight outside in the car texts and calls. He takes it, reads Rostagno’s unsent message, and texts that Rostagno is coming soon. Now Rostagno is also without a phone.

55. EXT – PARKING LOT – EVENING

After cutting the library telephone line, the librarian goes out and kill Dwight with Borowiak’s knife, takes the gun, police radio and cell phone from Dwight. And fills the victim’s blood in a bottle.

56. INT – FBI OFFICE NEW YORK – EVENING

FBI watches the interview that Borowiak did with NYSK after he was prisoned. We learn that NYSK didn’t want to kill his hated mother. He wanted her to suffer, knowing her son was a serial killer hating her. Only if she would be a threat to his freedom, he would kill her. Besides, he doesn’t want to kill anyone where he could be a natural suspect. It’s all about not getting caught, not making mistakes. The mother was ashamed that her son got caught, being prisoned, not ashamed of his killings. NYSK says Rostagno is the only one hitting him, except his mother. “You were just lucky to catch me.” NYSK asks Borowiak a lot of questions: “It’s my time profiling you now.” Borowiak asks about the killings. NYSK describes one of them:

57. EXT – NEIGHBORHOOD – DAY

A young mother with a baby in a baby carriage talks on her cell phone while watching the smoke from Manhattan. Two airplanes have crashed into World Trade Center. She is on her way home to watch the news. But she is attacked by NYSK who brutally kills her, cutting off her head, smashing the head against the wall in rage. NYSK leaves the unaware baby in this sunlit idyllic neighborhood.

58. INT – UNIVERSITY LIBRARY – EVENING

Rostagno looks for both Carmel and the librarian with his gun ready. Borowiak and Piper enters the library from the backdoor.

Borowiak and Rostagno sneaks up on each other in the dark library. Carmel sneaks up and hits Rostagno’s hand with the frame of her father’s picture. His gun goes off. Borowiak reacts by shooting towards Rostagno in the dark, but the bullet hits his wife.

Carmel confesses to Borowiak that she researched her father’s death, taking the cleaning job at Graebner’s house to see if a natural accidental situation would occur. She killed Graebner in the soil pit 1999 since he was the one deciding the Greenpeace crew should drown, but she hasn’t killed anyone else. Borowiak shocked that his non-psychopathic wife has killed someone. She says her “headhunter” must be the killer. She dies. Devastated Borowiak handcuffs himself to his dead wife, screaming “I want you to kill me. You won.”

Rostagno tells Borowiak about the librarians forehand that Rostagno saw in New York without him knowing that… The dumb librarian is NYSK with a new face, the one setting them both up. Borowiak realizes the librarian stole the books to make them meet in his library. He could be up in the library lift.

Rostagno finds the librarian/NYSK looking dead in the library lift with a knife in his bleeding stomach and close to his mouth on the floor lies Dwight’s gun. Although Rostagno is careful, the librarian/NYSK overpowers him. He says he can now kill Rostagno with Borowiak’s knife and kill Borowiak with Rostagno’s gun. Rostagno pushes the button to make the lift go up in the air.

Borowiak lies handcuffed with his dead wife without the key, blaming himself, devastated. He can’t escape from the librarian/NYSK now.

Borowiak carries his dead wife between the bookshelves to surprise the librarian/NYSK when the lift comes down to the floor, shoots the librarian/NYSK, saving Rostagno’s life.

Borowiak and Rostagno are even. They outsmarted and overpowered NYSK as a team. Rostagno gets his self-respect and wife back. The meticulous truth-seeker Borowiak who is always right and never sloppy learns the truth, not only being wrong about Rostagno, his wife and the villain, but also learning the truth about himself. He is not the person he thought he was.