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Day 14 Assignments
Post your assignment by replying here.
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17 Replies
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Don Thompson – QE #3
Logline: NANCY and SQUIRE are thrown together in a corporate team-building exercise in order to come up with ideas to move the company to the next level of profitability.
Essence: Brilliance is not really so easy.
INT. HOTEL MEETING SPACE – DAY
BLAKE (30) stands in front of around FORTY EMPLOYEES of WEGOTITMADE.COM. He is perched in front of a Whiteboard that can flip over to the reverse side.
BLAKE: Ok now we’ve come to the fun part. We’ve paired you up based on some random configurations. (He flips over the board) Oh boy, isn’t this fun?
There are some GROANS and LAUGHS from the group as the White Board reveals the twenty or so pairings.
BLAKE: So find your assigned partner and report back to me in ten minutes with your profitability solution. Failure is not an option.
NANCY (40) and SQUIRE (35) eye each other from across the room, and approach each other sheepishly.
NANCY: I can’t believe they put us together.
SQUIRE: I guess it was random. Why don’t we sit over here? (He points to a couple of chairs and smiles). We can cuddle up and be productive.
NANCY: Watch it! One cuddle from you and you’ll be in the hospital.
SQUIRE: Calm down lady! No need to lawyer up – yet!
The two of them sit quietly for a bit.
NANCY: I think they should just blow up the whole company and start over.
SQUIRE: Come on, get serious Nancy. This reminds me of the last time we got paired up. Ms. Negativity all over again. But I still had fun. I always have fun.
NANCY: I’m a realist. You’re an idealist and don’t take things too seriously. In fact, serious is not even remotely on your radar. I mean, that food fight with catering was a little over the top!
SQUIRE: Yeah, never the twain shall meet.
NANCY: It’s a good thing they keep us on opposite sides of the building.
SQUIRE: If everyone were a realist like you there would be no human progress and we would all be at the level of amoebic slime. And there would be no opportunity to party.
NANCY: I wouldn’t go that far (laughs – beat) We would at least have evolved into walking slime.
Beat.
SQUIRE: I got it. We should recommend an incentive program for the best idea to come up in this session.
NANCY: They want us to develop the idea, not create an incentive for it.
SQUIRE: But we are forming the background from which success will spring. We are creating a framework for success. Infrastructure for future growth.
NANCY: Boy you really do sound like a management consultant! But I sort of like it. Infrastructure for growth.
SQUIRE. Infrastructure is a real buzzword nowadays. Everything is infrastructure. Just put a word in front of it and you have a new concept. Corporate Infrastructure. Office infrastructure. Sales infrastructure.
NANCY: That’s it! We need a new Sales Infrastructure!
SQUIRE: Can you believe how good I am? I have to take all the credit for this, I’m sorry Nancy. This is too good.
NANCY: You won’t share the idea with me?
SQUIRE: Why should I share anything? I came up with it, it’s my idea, I should get credit.
NANCY: But we’re a team.
SQUIRE: Ok… we’re a team. Sales Infrastructure. Now there’s only one problem.
NANCY: Yes?
SQUIRE: What the hell is sales infrastructure?
NANCY: It’s making sure you have enough support.
SQUIRE: It’s making sure there’s closeness in the sales staff. (he smiles at Nancy) Camaraderie.
NANCY: Accountability is key.
SQUIRE: Close accountability. Togetherness.
NANCY: There will be a twelve-step process for creating the Sales Infrastructure.
SQUIRE: Sounds good.
NANCY: Of course it’s good. We will sneak it into the next Board Meeting and they won’t even know what hit them. They’ll think they came up with the idea themselves. This is why we cannot mention it to Blake. We have to hang onto this. It’s too good. Too big.
SQUIRE: Then what do we tell Blake?
NANCY: We’ll tell him that based on our last experience together in a team-building session that we spent the entire time trying to forgive and forget your incredibly selfish behavior from last year and will need to skip this round of suggestions.
SQUIRE: Ok. I’m with you. Then we take this to the Board. Together.
NANCY: Exactly, and in a way that nobody ever figures out who came up with the idea but we somehow benefit from it. Leave that part to me.
BLAKE then chimes in.
BLAKE: OK folks – time’s up!
Blake turns the whiteboard over so that it is a blank slate.
BLAKE: Hit me with some ideas!
A YOUNG MAN chimes in:
YOUNG MAN: We need a new Sales Infrastructure!
BLAKE writes it down. Nancy and Squire eye each other despondently.
BLAKE: Brilliant! Now explain to me what that is.
END OF SCENE
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LOGLINE: Nancy has hired Squire at her landscaping company called Armstrong Garden Center. They have a job to do arranging the trees, flowers, and plants at a house owned by a Japanese man named Shinsuke. Squire messes up the arrangement not understanding the Japanese Shinto.
ESSENCE: Squire would rather go swimming and thinks he can seduce Nancy to get paid even though he hasn’t completed the work and misarranged the garden.
SCENE: (post scene here)
ASSIGNMENT 14
EXT FLOWERS AND BOTANICAL ARBORETUM STORE, ARMSTRONG GARDEN CENTER
Squire is working as a landscaper and gardener at the store. He is moving around trees and bushes and flowers outside with a pick up truck.
Nancy is working in the office and answering telephone calls. She is watching what he is doing as if he interests her a lot.
NANCY
(On the telephone)
The weather has been cooperating like mad this summer no draught and just enough rain…Why, you could even add a row of roses, have you thought of that? Fires or floods not a problem this year so far… plenty of succulents are always the best thing to surround a house.
(Listens)
Yes, of course I have everything you ordered. You’re going to love the yard and just enjoy all those lovely flowers and rows of plants. Now I want to be sure it’s all perfect, okay?
(Listens)
Very good, thanks and goodbye!
JUST BEYOND THE OFFICE
Squire has removed his shirt and is looking really buff and bronzed, glistening with perspiration. The sun is hot, and he is wetting himself with a garden hose, smiling.
SQUIRE
A-a-h! That’s better, I’m really cooled and refreshed. I was in a sweat just look at all the trees I had to move in the new shipment!
NANCY
Aren’t they beautiful? I just want to be sure that you care for them correctly, some of them need special treatment. I’ll tell you what… Take a break!
SQUIRE
Nancy, those donuts are mine! I’m heading over to the shade now and be right back.
NANCY
Squire, you don’t forget the delivery later this afternoon!
SQUIRE
Of course.
Nancy makes a phone call…
NANCY
Hello, Mrs. Grover this is Nancy calling from Armstrong Garden Center. How are you today? I just wanted to invite to see our new perrenials for your garden. Come and take a look, I know you’ll love them.
(Listens)
Excellent. When can you come?
(Listens)
Tomorrow at noon then. Have a good day!
Squire appears, stretching after being freshly rested.
NANCY
There you are. It’s about time you get the shipment over to Shinsuke’s house.
SQUIRE
Nancy, there are so many trees, succulents, and all those flowers, why don’t you come along and we’ll plant together?
NANCY
Squire, I’m very busy in the office this afternoon. You know I love planting gardens. Squire, if you weren’t late in the mornings you could have all those plants out already.
SQUIRE
Late? Nancy, I can hardly get enough rest after working so hard. You want overtime from me, it could pay more.
NANCY
You might need lunch on me tomorrow. I’ll go with you and make sure you can get everything done. I’ll have to close up the office, there’s no one here.
SQUIRE
Come on with me, and you can get my dinner. I’ll get the truck ready.
NANCY
Sounds like a plan!
EXT SHINSUKE’S HOME, LATER
Squire pulls up the truck into the Shinsuke home driveway. He begins to ready everything for the digging and the planting. Nancy helps unloading the trees, plants, and flowers.
SQUIRE
Did you see the swimming pool in back? How refreshing that looks!
Mr. Shinsuke isn’t home… I might jump in!
NANCY
If we could only get them to plant another row of flowers. I think maybe in the back. Let’s get to work! What time is it?
SQUIRE
It’s after 2pm.
NANCY
Squire, this should’ve been done already. Why didn’t you finish the groundwork yesterday?
SQUIRE
I couldn’t understand what the man was saying, he’s Japanese. He said all around the house are the flower beds, and the Japanese garden rock pathways are going here. I already dug up the trees that were bearing too much fruit.
NANCY
You what?!
SQUIRE
Too much fruit bearing, that’s what he said!
NANCY
Where are they? I’m sure he said to keep them. He just wanted them moved.
SQUIRE
He said too much fruit on ground. Flowers and not too much. I already got rid of most of them.
NANCY
Oh my gosh, I don’t think that’s right. Do you have his phone number?
SQUIRE
He doesn’t answer unless it’s an international call.
NANCY
Well, come on let’s plant.
They begin arranging all rows and planting things in the ground where they think they should be.
SQUIRE
Where does this go? This tree?
NANCY
Squire, I don’t know. You should’ve asked him and now you’re not sure.
(Pausing)
That’s an orange. He said between the other oranges. Where are they?
SQUIRE
Nancy, they’re gone. You know, I can’t think because it’s too hot. Besides, I can only think in Spanish, not Japanese at all.
NANCY
Really?
SQUIRE
I’m going to cool off…
Squire removes his shirt, and jumps straight into the pool.
NANCY
No, don’t! We have work to finish.
SQUIRE
Nancy, finish without me, I’m getting cool.
Nancy, gets back to the work of placing all of the plants in the ground.
Unexpectedly, Mr. Shinsuke arrives home. His car pulls up in the driveway.
SHINSUKE
Hello, gardener! You’re Nancy?
NANCY
Oh, Mr. Shinsuke you’re here!
(Shouts to Squire)
He’s here! He’s here already!
SQUIRE
He’s arrived!? Here I come.
Squire steps up to him dripping wet.
Shinsuke hello, it was very hot.
SHINSUKE
Yes, I think you should be working, not swimming. Why aren’t these arranged right? The spirits of Shinto are disturbed! I am home early to tell you the right way.
NANCY
Oh, dear sir I hope we can get everything arranged.
SHINSUKE
Where are the oranges that should be here? Where is my favorite orange tree?
SQUIRE
I’m sure we can get you a new one.
SHINSUKE
Oh no! That was the oldest tree. You’re not supposed to have cut it down.
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QE Cycle #3 Scene
LOGLINE: Two detectives who have distrust for each other and are assigned to the same job fail miserably.
ESSENCE: Each detective must deliver on his/her role to save their skin.
Scene:
INT. PENTHOUSE CONDOMINIUM – NIGHT
SQUIRE (35) sets the dining table with a smile on his face. He wears his service weapon in its holster on his right side as he puts two plates down.
He spots the stereo and calmly turns on some smooth gentle MUSIC. DING! DING! He answers the door.
Squire opens the door and finds NANCY (30) a gung ho seven year veteran of the force. Both their faces instantly sour.
NANCY
Hell no! This is not happening!
Nancy stomps inside as Squire closes the door.
SQUIRE
I’m not going to argue with you. If you have a problem, talk to Inspector Grimes.
Squire turns down the music.
SQUIRE
I only ordered my food. They’re a few menus on the table.
NANCY
At least I get to choose my dinner.
SQUIRE
I have the table set. Enjoy when you’re ready.
NANCY
I’m not hungry. Let’s go over the brief.
Squire retrieves a folder from the coffee table.
SQUIRE
Did I mention your perfume is mesmerizing?
NANCY
Yeah, it’s soap fragrance.
Squire flips through the pages and hands them over to Nancy.
NANCY
I can’t believe this guy. He has a one year old daughter and gets involved with shit. He should be with his family at home.
SQUIRE
Everyone has their reasons. If not for them, what would we do?
Squire sits down on the sofa.
SQUIRE
This is the fanciest stakeout I’ve ever been on.
Nancy makes her way to the window and looks out.
NANCY
Did we get the best intel on this guy?
SQUIRE
I made sure of it.
NANCY
How long has your unit been trailing this guy?
SQUIRE
Let’s focus on tonight’s job.
NANCY
I do things by the book. No need to hurt the innocent involved.
Nancy completes perusing the pages and closes the folder.
NANCY
You didn’t answer my question. How long has your unit been trailing this guy?
Squire offers a smirk.
SQUIRE
About ten months. I’ve been at it for the same time period.
Nancy listens to the MUSIC.
SQUIRE
I chose it to reduce any stress.
NANCY
A lot’s riding on tonight.
SQUIRE
Many bad people will be put away for a long time.
Nancy takes off her jacket and tosses it on a chair.
NANCY
When did you make detective?
SQUIRE
We should concentrate on the case at hand.
NANCY
I made it four years after graduation.
Squire’s cell phone RINGS and he quickly answers…
SQUIRE
Got it.
He hangs up.
NANCY
What’s the latest?
SQUIRE
Our friend is on the move.
Squire turns off the lights as Nancy surveys out the window to the rooftops below.
They observe a man with a duffel bag on a rooftop.
NANCY
That’s not our guy.
SQUIRE
You weren’t followed here? Because that fragrance can leave a trace.
NANCY
You’re the only one that seems to have a problem with me being here.
They watch the man on the rooftop leave.
SQUIRE
I guess he misses his friend.
NANCY
This isn’t going as expected.
KNOCK! KNOCK! Squire steps to the door.
SQUIRE
Who is it?
MAN (O.S.)
Pizza delivery.
Squire immediately grabs his firearm. Nancy becomes concerned.
NANCY
What’s wrong? It’s your food.
SQUIRE
I ordered Chinese.
She quickly pulls out her gun. They both aim at the door.
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LOGLINE: Two volunteers for the “Izzy for President” campaign are challenged to come up with a way to raise $1,000,000 with only a $20,000 budget.
ESSENCE: Each believes that whomever shines the brightest will be appointed the campaign chair,
***********************
MUTUAL TRUST
By Sandra Hildreth
INT. INSIDE IZZY’S OFFICE – DAY
Campaign posters with IZZY’s smiling face, hang in every available space on the walls. The office is crowded with furniture, literature boxes, and plain, wooden, dining chairs. Izzy’s desk is large, highly carved, shiny and topped with a thick piece of clear glass. A studio portrait of Izzy, his wife, their three children and six grandchildren is on the corner of the desk.
SQUIRE and NANCY enter the office. Izzy stands up, shakes both their hands, then motions toward the chairs. The two visitors sit down.
IZZY
Squire. Nancy. Thank you for coming in with such short notice. I have a huge favor to ask. Sylvia had a family emergency and is no longer able to be my campaign manager.
NANCY
Oh, Izzy, that is awful. You must be devastated.
IZZY
That doesn’t come close to how I’m feeling right now. Not only am I worried about her and her situation, she was in the middle of planning the next fundraiser and had to drop everything.
SQUIRE
My sympathies to her and to you, Izzy. Is her leaving temporary or permanent?
IZZY
Unfortunately, she won’t be coming back.
SQUIRE
Do you know who you’re going to name to take her place?
IZZY
No, I don’t, and unless I get the fundraiser going, I won’t have enough money to continue my campaign, which leads me to why I’ve invited you here. I would like you two to take over the planning and get this activity moving.
SQUIRE
Both of us?
NANCY
How far along is the project?
IZZY
Good question, Nancy. The date is set and the venue is booked, but that’s it.
SQUIRE
What the heck. That sounds like a challenge I’d like to take on.
IZZY
Along with Nancy, of course. Nancy, you in?
NANCY
Of course. Who’s the lead?
IZZY
I’ll leave that up for you two to work out. There are two laptops on the conference table in Sylvia’s office. I’ve given you access to the work station drive and with all her notes and information. Any questions?
NANCY
Not a question, really, but an offer. I’m in the middle of your speech for the rally. I know how important that is and I’d really like to finish that myself rather than hand it off to someone. I’m willing to work on that this weekend if that’s OK with you?
IZZY
Certainly, that’d be OK with me. More than OK, matter of fact. I truly appreciate your helping me out like this. That really makes me happy.
SQUIRE
How generous of you, Nancy. Any way I can help, just let me know, OK?
NANCY
Thank you. I will. Ready to get started?
SQUIRE
Absolutely!
The three stand up and shake hands. Nance and Squire leave Izzy’s office, turn the corner and enter Sylvia’s. The laptops are on opposite sides of the conference table. They each take a seat and wiggle the mouse to wake up the screen.
NANCY
Whew! That was a surprise. I’d like to take the lead, if you don’t mind. I’ve had a lot of experience setting up events.
SQUIRE
Why don’t we work a bit on this and decide who takes the lead after a bit. I’d like to take a look at what we’ve got here, first, if you don’t mind.
NANCY
I’m not sure why you want to wait, but if that’s how you feel…
SQUIRE
Thank you. I appreciate that.
The two open files on the laptops and get immersed in reading the information. Nancy leans back and locks her hands together behind her back.
NANCY
Hm. The Banquet room at the Fairmont. Seating for 400. Luckily, this late in spring should be OK weather-wise. Not much chance of an ice storm nor the dreadful Texas heat, yet.
SQUIRE
Agreed. You look like you have an idea brewing in that pretty little head of yours. Care to share?
NANCY
Hm. I’m wondering about a Las Vegas theme with roulette, blackjack, Texas Hold ’em. Slots. You know, the works!
SQUIRE
That sounds fantastic! I can see it now. Dealers in their little short skirts and sexy blouses.
NANCY
Don’t forget the hunks, too. We have to get the ladies gambling, too.
SQUIRE
What about the menu?
NANCY
Open bar, of course, just like Vegas. Then prime rib. The works, followed by Crème Brûlée
SQUIRE
Let’s run it by Izzy. Oh, and by the way, since you thought of this, I think you should be the lead. I acquiesce to you.
NANCY
Thank you, Squire. I appreciate that. Ready?
Squire and Nancy walk arm-in-arm to Izzy’s office and knock on the door.
IZZY
Come in.
They enter the room, Izzy stands up, they shake hands, then all sit down.
SQUIRE
Nancy has taken the lead in this project and came up with an idea she’d like to share. Nancy?
NANCY
As you probably know, Sylvia booked the Fairmont ballroom that seats 400. What do you think about a Las Vegas theme, complete with gaming tables, very attractive dealers and a prime rib meal?
IZZY
And you agree with this idea, Squire?
SQUIRE
This was Nancy’s idea. That’s why she’s the lead
Nancy and Squire lean back in their chairs. Their body language and faces show complete satisfaction with themselves.
Izzy leans forward, braces himself with his hands on his desk and rises very slowly, his face frozen, trying to hide any emotion.
IZZY
And I guess you thought if you let her present this idea I would appoint you my manager? Think again. I want a leader on my team, not someone that’s conniving and manipulative.
Nancy leans forward in her chair and faces Squire, her face turning bright red. Squire drops his eyes and squirms slightly.
IZZY
And Nancy, Did you not read my platform and stance on “keeping casinos on Native American land where it belong”? I am sorry neither of you passed this test. Squire, Get your things and go volunteer someplace else. This isn’t where you belong. Nancy, please, take the time to read what I believe in. And if you’ll excuse me, I have some campaigning to do.
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Julie Wochholz QE Cycle #3
LOGLINE: Assigned to silently infiltrate an area conquered by aliens and obtain essential intel to help defeat them, Nancy and Squire clash while moving towards their goal, until something happens to alter Squire physically.
ESSENCE: Both Nancy and Squire want the mission to succeed, for their own ambitions, but would each prefer sole credit for getting the job done.
SCENE:
INT. A SMALL FUTURISTIC AIRCRAFT – NIGHT
TWO SOLDIERS, dressed in camo, make final preparations.
NANCY (35) checks her weapons. She looks up to see SQUIRE (29), flash his winning grin at her.
NANCY
What are you so happy about? We may not make it back.
SQUIRE
Sure we will. I have you to protect me.
NANCY
Don’t count on it.
Nancy pops open the hatch and leaps out of the plane. Squire follows.
IN THE DARK SKY
As Squire rushes towards the pitch black Earth below –
SQUIRE
Yee-haw!
With a WHOOT his shoot opens and he drifts softly to the ground.
IN A DARK FIELD
Nancy grabs Squire’s parachute harness and yanks him hard.
NANCY
(whispering)
Shut the fuck up, idiot.
SQUIRE
They don’t patrol this far out.
Squire pulls his night vision googles over his eyes.
SQUIRE
You look great in this light.
NANCY
Let’s move, we’ve got a long trek ahead of us.
EXT. A MARSH – NIGHT
Squire slogs through wet cattails, Nancy following, as strange sounding insects chirp and buzz.
SQUIRE
We should have gone around.
NANCY
I’m commander of this mission, we do it my way.
(beat)
Why’d you volunteer for this anyway?
SQUIRE
Who said I volunteered?
NANCY
Come on, we get this done and we can
write our own ticket. You want central
command, right?
SQUIRE
That’s your ambition talking, not mine.
NANCY
They why are you here?
SQUIRE
Mileage points.
Squire’s foot lands on something hard and crunchy. He freezes.
WHATEVER IT IS moves beneath Squire’s foot, he wobbles, jumps back to catch his balance, but a DARK AND OILY THING rises out of the marsh sending him splashing into the water.
Squire turns to see the Thing heading for Nancy, who’s still on dry ground.
He swims away from the threat.
A THUNDEROUS SHOT is heard.
Squire turns back to see Nancy holding her weapon, the THING dead at her feet.
NANCY
That’s one for me.
SQUIRE
I was trying to lure it away from you.
Holstering her weapon –
NANCY
Yeah, right.
SQUIRE
That wasn’t one of them, was it?
NANCY
Hardly. But I have no idea what that mother-fucking
thing was. It isn’t from here.
Nancy looks up to watch Squire creep through the water back to her.
Through her night vision goggles Nancy spots something strange glowing from Squire’s eyes.
NANCY
Oh shit, Squire, get over here!
He climbs out of the marsh and sits on dry land. Nancy stoops down, pulls his night vision googles off to get a better look at his eyes.
They’re glowing a fluorescent purple, his irises a neon green – not black – flickering back and forth.
SQUIRE
What is it?
NANCY
Do they hurt? Sting?
SQUIRE
No, not at all. But –
He looks around.
SQUIRE
Everything is so in focus, I mean really in focus,
and bright, like it’s noon.
He looks across the marsh, panics.
SQUIRE
They’re here. They’re –
Looking now towards the path they arrived on.
SQUIRE
They’re everywhere.
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SUBJECT: Monica’s QE Cycle #3 – Write this Scene
What I learned to improve my writing is to realize I know what I’m doing and can improve on it if I just relax and go with the creative flow.
SITUATION: Two people who don’t trust each other are teamed up to do a job.
SCENE ARC: From: being forced together to: making a total mess out of the situation.
LOGLINE: The Galactic Alliance has decided to intervene in the human civilization on Earth and must choose the leader of the invasion.
ESSENCE: In order to save the planet Earth and the galaxy, difficult decisions must be made.
SCENE:
INT. OFFICE OF HIGH COMMAND – DAY
NANCY, blue skin, blonde hair, a beautiful Nordic alien, stares out at space from the observation deck of the Office of High Command. She surreptitiously observes the other candidates in the room through the glass. All passable commanders but none as good as her. She has intel on all of them. Deciding to use that intel, she turns away from the glass. Glides towards her first victim.
POV NANCY
The doors swish open and all heads turn towards it. In struts SQUIRE, roguishly handsome, even if he is from Centarii. He’s accompanied by his personal robotic assistant. Nancy stops mid-glide and changes direction towards Squire.
Back to scene
Squire
Didn’t think I’d see you again so soon.
Nancy
I swore I’d kill you the next time I saw you.
(she grabs Squire by the front of his shirt)
Leaving me on Draco to face the Lizards by myself.
Squire
You weren’t exactly by yourself. You had your entire
crew with you.
Nancy throws him away from her.
Nancy
They’ve sworn to kill you too. So before I do everybody
a favour….what are you doing here?
Squire
High Command selected me for an interview to lead
the invasion. And who better really, I can get anyone
to do anything for me. From what I hear those Terrans
are so full of themselves they won’t believe what’s happening
until it’s too late.
Nancy
That’s NOT the mission. You have to ferry the different factions
of their civilizations to their new home planets. You can’t leave anyone
behind. That takes organizational skills. Something you don’t have.
Squire
Ah darlin’, I don’t need organizational skills when I have…
Squire holds out his hand. The robot assistant slaps a thin tablet onto it.
Squire
See, Robbie here, has created a program. Downloaded all the Terran
information and presto made all the arrangements for each and every
Terran and their assortment of animals. All going to the right planet.
(beat)
When High Command sees this, who do you think they’re going to choose?
Nancy
I think they’ll choose Robbie and somebody more qualified to lead. Which
isn’t you.
(beat)
Why did you leave me on Draco?
Squire
That was your fault.
Nancy
It’s never your fault is it? Who’d you sleep with?
Nerrsa?
Squire
That’s Queen Nerrsa to you.
Nancy arches a brow when Squire saunters over to the observation deck. She follows him. Stands slightly behind him. In his ear she whispers….
Nancy
How’d that even work?
Squire shrugs.
Nancy
Well you won’t be able to sleep with anyone here to get your way.
These are all highly evolved beings with impeccable integrity. Unlike
Queen Nerrsa.
From the other side of the room doors swish open. An eight foot robotic assistant points to Nancy and Squire who turn to follow.
Squire
There’s always someone to sleep with. It’s lonely at the top or
didn’t you know that?
Nancy
When was the last time High Command allowed a Centarii to lead anything?
Don’t be too disappointed when I’m chosen. You can’t help it you’re a
shape-shifting toad.
Squire snorts. Flicks out his long, toady tongue and licks Nancy’s cheek from head to jaw.
Nancy grabs the tongue and starts to pull.
Nancy
You’ve used that one, one too many times Centarii.
Nancy yanks on Squire’s tongue to face her.
Nancy
You listen to me. If you ever want use of this tongue
again, you’ll pull out of the competition. Or I’ll space
you out of one of the vents on this space station.
INT. BOARDROOM – CONTINUOUS
Seated around a circular table are seven members of the galactic high command. The different alien races are represented. Nancy and Squire glide to the centre of the circular table and stand on a slightly raised dias.
A tall, white, skinny being with long silver hair, wearing a blue robe stands.
Being
We’ve been reviewing your records. And observing
your behavior in the observation lounge. You two
really ought to get a room.
Laughter all around.
Being
But I digress. We’ve selected both of you to be part
of the mission to Earth. We have reviewed Robbie’s
data and find it flawless.
Nancy
(interrupting)
No. The last time we were on a mission together
He sold me out to the Lizards. The Terrans are
Going to be confused and scared. The last thing
They need is this lothario selling their souls to him.
Being
You’re not being chosen as the leader. You’re support.
You’ll be on different ships.
Nancy
What?! Because of him?
Being
Because of both of you. Can’t be having the
Terrans thinking the rest of intelligent life in
the Universe is just like them.
(beat)
Dismissed.
-
Rebecca’s QE Cycle #3 Scene
LOG-LINE: Squire and Nancy, paired as a biker team, must work together to find the golden egg, their passport to financial freedom, and after meeting other challenges, now near their goal.
ESSENCE: Problem, each wants to find it first and keep it for themself.
SCENE: CHICKEN COOP – EARLY MORNING BEFORE DAYLIGHT.
After meeting other challenges of the hunt, Squire and Nancy, arrive two hours before daylight. The last clue reads, “Find the golden egg before the sun comes up, while the hens sit on their nest.” Squire wears a headlamp, Nancy holds a small pen flashlight. Squire looks around the hen house at the roosting chickens.
SQUIRE
Help me chase them out of here.
NANCY
I take it you’ve never been attacked by a chicken.
Squire takes on a tough guy stance.
SQUIRE
Bring them on.
NANCY
Shhh! Never disturb a roosting hen who lays the golden egg.
SQUIRE
Ok, farm girl what do you have in mind?
Squire’s headlamp illuminates Nancy who looks smoking hot in her biking leather. He eyes her up and down with a seductive smile.
NANCY
Turn that thing off.
Squire complies and moves in closer. Nancy pushes him out of her space, turns on her penlight, and aims it toward the bottom of the nest. She reaches it inside, grabs an egg and replaces it.
NANCY
Just an egg. Anyway city boy, that’s how it’s down. As you can see the hen still sleeps. How gentle is your touch?
Nancy aims the light at his face. He grins.
SQUIRE
Oh baby, let me show you.
Nancy moves her light to illuminate the base of the next nest.
NANCY
Ok, Romeo, your turn.
Squire squirms as he puts his hand under the sleeping hen and gropes underneath. He quickly pulls it out and the chicken cackles.
NANCY
Gentle, slow. If she cackles again she could wake up the flock.
SQUIRE
Nothing there.
Nancy moves on to the next nest and gently goes under and pulls out an egg and replaces it. She moves back to the nest that Squire checked, reaches in, gropes, gently pulls out an egg, and holds it in front of his face.
NANCY
What do you call this?
SQUIRE
An egg.
A storm cloud moves away from in front of the moon and gentle light illuminated the coop through the large window.
NANCY
Look a full moon.
Nancy hands her light to Squire.
NANCY
Her use this. The moonlight works for me.
Squire runs the light up and down her body.
SQUIRE
Kind of romantic isn’t it?
NANCY
Not really. I’m standing in a smelly chicken coop with you.
SQUIRE
Right, just like I said, romantic.
NANCY
Search for the egg before we run out of time. Remember, gentle as possible so not to wake the hens.
Squire and Nancy search each nest and come up empty. Nancy rechecks Squire’s nests as he watches. He frowns and begins to recheck the ones that Nancy did. A hen squeaks, Squire curses as he leaps back bumping into another nest.
SQUIRE
That god damned bitch bit me.
NANCY
Hen, Squire, hen.
The second chicken attacks Squire’s back side. He turns and takes a swipe at the hen. The hen’s wings flare up, her feet aim for his face, and she squawks to wake the dead. Squire cover’s it and stumbles into another box. His headlamp falls off and he drops the pen light. The other hens get restless like a fox in the henhouse. Several more leave their roosts and peck at Squire.
NANCY
Now you went and did you dumb-ass.
Nancy grabs the headlamp, turns it on, flashes it at the attacking chickens, and pulls Squire to safety. Nancy turns out the light. They hide behind some stacked crates. Another cloud darkens the moon.
SQUIRE
(Whispering)
They got me good; drew blood. God damned chickens. My face stings, my hand hurts.
Nancy dabs his face with her shirt cuff.
NANCY
I warned you. Good thing you had on your biking leather.
SQUIRE
Your sure have a gentle touch.
The hens settle down again. Squire puts his lips seductively to Nancy’s ear.
SQUIRE
The nests turned up empty. Read that clue again.
Nancy turns her face towards him, their lips inches apart.
NANCY
Find the golden egg before the sun comes up, while the hens sit on their nest.
SQUIRE
But the nests were empty.
NANCY
Perhaps, the egg isn’t under the roosting chickens.
Squire moves in closer
SQUIRE
What if you found it first? Would you let me know?
He kisses Nancy and runs his hands up and down her body. Nancy feels a lump under his leather. She reaches in and he moans. She pulls out the golden egg and rushes away knocking over the crates. The chickens shriek, cackle, their wing flutter.
Squire tackles Nancy.
SQUIRE
It’s mine.
Nancy squirms away.
NANCY
I want it.
Squire grabs her arm and the egg flies into the battling chickens. A shotgun goes off outside. Squire grabs at Nancy and kisses her hard before taking on the chickens and grabbing the golden egg. A farmer bursts into the house, his headlamp illuminates Squire, and he aims the shot gun. Nancy runs over to grab the egg, and rolls behind the tumbled crates.
FARMER
God-damned chicken thieves. I should shoot the both of you.
-
Logline: Nancy must get her cake masterpiece ready in an hour.
Essence: Nancy knows there’s a conspiracy against her and she tries to foil their plans.
FONDANT ROOM IN BAKERY – DAY
NANCY (50s) stands before a 7 layered undecorated cake getting a sense of it’s spirit before she gets to work decorating it.
RALPH (35), the chef of the bakery, walks in talking.
RALPH
I know it’s only been a few days…
(he hesitates)
but I got you a new partner.
NANCY
I don’t want a partner.
RALPH
I know George meant a lot to you and it’s been hard for you since his heart attack…
NANCY
Am I not keeping up with the work?
RALPH
(pointing to the cake)
They’re coming to pick it up in an hour.
NANCY
What?! What’s going on?… I won’t even have time to set it. What happened to tomorrow morning?
RALPH
(matter-of-factly)
The client wants it in an hour.
Nancy paces back and forth a couple of times.
RALPH
Nancy…
NANCY
Why are you doing this?
RALPH
It’s the client –
NANCY
Fine, but I’m going to choose my partner.
RALPH
There’s no time.
NANCY
Fine! As long as it’s not…
SQUIRE (24), walks in as she says his name.
NANCY
Squire.
SQUIRE
Ooo. I love how you say my name.
NANCY
Absolutely not. He’s barely out of school let alone diapers! He doesn’t have the skills to pull this off. He doesn’t know my moves.
SQUIRE
Ooo. You got moves?
RALPH
(walking out)
One hour.
NANCY
(pointedly)
Stay out of my way.
SQUIRE
Your wish is my command, me lady… I’ll get started on the roses.
NANCY
That’s my specialty.
He makes his way to the icing board for the roses.
SQUIRE
So I heard your beautifulness is retiring next week.
NANCY
Yes, and I don’t want one of my last chef d’oeuvres to be ruined by a beginner.
Squire places his first rose on a board.
SQUIRE
Did you know that french is the language of love.
Nancy spares no time in squashing his rose.
NANCY
Listen. I care more about the client at the moment. If you’re going to be my partner, you’re going to do as I say.
SQUIRE
You’re pretty sexy when you’re forceful.
She hands him the silver ribbon.
SQUIRE
Are you saying you want me to tie you up.
She tries to reach for the fondant but Squire is in the way. He smiles.
NANCY
I need the fondant.
He picks it up and hands it to her with a smile.
She starts on the roses.
NANCY
Your charms won’t work on me, boy.
He winks at her even though she’s too busy with the roses to notice. Then he notices the color of the ribbon she gave him is silver.
SQUIRE
I thought the ribbons were suppose to be gold.
She hides her deception.
NANCY
Nope.
He takes a look at the requisition.
SQUIRE
It says gold.
NANCY
They called to change to silver.
SQUIRE
But…
NANCY
I didn’t have time to change it on the req.
After a moment –
SQUIRE
You da boss.
NANCY
The cordon blue schooling taught you at least that much.
He feels the jab.
After a few moments, he finishes with the ribbon.
SQUIRE
I’ll get started on the topper.
NANCY
I made it yesterday.
He looks at the back of her head with steely eyes. She turns around, ready to confront. He lifts his shoulders and…
SQUIRE
Okay.
She’s surprised by his ease. After a few moments, she softens.
NANCY
Thank you for helping.
Squire pulls the topper out of the refrigerator.
SQUIRE
I knew you’d come around to my charms.
NANCY
You had to ruin the moment.
She places her roses on the cake.
He slides by Nancy. She’s so focussed on her roses that she doesn’t notice him a few inches away. He takes a whiff of her perfume…
SQUIRE
Mmm…
She’s startled and whips her arm around, hits him. The topper goes flying, lands on the floor, and breaks into a million pieces. He slips on one of the pieces and knocks Nancy off kilter. She tries all she can not to fall forward on the cake…
NANCY
Noooooooo.
Squire watches her in slow motion and muffles his laugh.
She can’t avoid the cake and totally destroys it. The both land on the floor with cake and fondant all over them.
At that very moment, Ralph walks into the disaster. He’s at a loss for words until…
RALPH
The ribbon’s suppose to be gold.
NANCY
I told him, but no, you insisted on him being here.
SQUIRE
It’s not her fault. She couldn’t resist my boyish charm.
She screams and an icing-wrestling match ensues. Ralph tries to break it up but gets pulled in to the icing bloodbath.
-
Doug Ryan QE-#3
Logline: On moon base Gamma botanist Dr Nancy Li’s prized sustainable plants have been demolished, and instead of helping the constable assigns his intern Squire to help solve the crime.
Essence: Nancy cares more for her plants than the people of the base, and cares even less about the baby faced lothario trying to help her solve the crime.
INT. BIOPOD 6 – DAY
Doctor NANCY LI, 30s surveys the damage of her prized plants. She is holding back the tears as she kneels down and pets one of the leaves still intact to her
NANCY LI
My poor genoa fiddle leaf. I will find the bastard that did this and
Behind her is CONSTIBLE RAY 60s, a bear of a man and his intern SQUIRE LOAF, 25 chubby with a huggable face.
CONTIBLE RAY
Ahem! Doc, this is my intern Squire. Now he gonna take over here cuz. Well cuz I don’t give a shit and quite frankly it’s a small moon and you’ll have better luck finding him than I will.
Nancy turns without getting up and scans the two men with passion reserved for gutting a fish.
NANCY LI
Why because I’m more in tune to the people of this moon than you are.
CONTIBLE RAY
Pretty much, and Squire here is gonna learn the ropes. I figure he can help you and you can help him. It’s a win, win. Plus I get to catch up on my stories.
Nancy stands and glares disapprovingly at Squire, who holds his limp hand out with a boyish smile.
SQUIRE
Hi.
NANCY LI
Ray. This is some bullshit. He’s like 10 years old.
SQUIRE
Um. Ouch.
CONTIBLE RAY
I don’t give a fart in church. He’s your partner now.
Ray makes his way to the path just barely missing the plants.
SQUIRE
You know we could just head over to your office grab some grub and hash this out. You know look at the footage.
She ignores his pathetic attempt at a pass, and looks past him.
NANCY LI
Hey Ray.
Ray halfway to the exit turns around.
NANCY LI
This is some bullshit! He’s gonna end up in somethings belly and you’re gonna be all “what happened to my intern?” And I’m gonna be like, shoulda been here to do it yourself.”
SQUIRE
Hello! Right here. Aw thats ok.
CONTIBLE RAY
Deal with it. Oh and if he gets eaten that’s on you.
NANCY LI
Un-un! On you!
CONTIBLE RAY
I’m not doing this Doc. Just work with the kid, that’s an order.
She throws her hands up as he exits at the other end of the room.
Squire smiles at her and goes to lean on an imaginary pole and almost falls over.
NANCY LI
Idiot. This whole I’m so stupid I must be cute routine ends now.
SQUIRE
Sure, sure. I got ya Doc Nancy.
She looks at him with angry eyes.
NANCY LI
What the hell is wrong with you? Stop stepping on the evidence.
She shoves him back onto the path and leans down studying the ground where he was stepping. She picks up a flower petal and strokes it gently.
SQUIRE
You really love these plants eh.
She doesn’t look up, as she lays the petal back down onto the ground.
NANCY LI
That I do. These plants were supposed to be our oxygen and food supply for 3 months.
Squire looks around at the other damaged plants and flowers. He notices some trees were not harmed. Nancy turns and sees him studying the rest of the Biopod’s contents.
NANCY LI
Not that you would have any but what is your insight?
He puts his hands in his pockets and tilts back on his heels.
SQUIRE
Why were those trees and plants not touched. Seems odd that they only came over here and there.
He points to another area with damage. She follows his finger, she notices another intern DEBBIE, 20’s at the other end cataloguing.
NANCY LI
Go talk to Debbie. She might know.
SQUIRE
But isn’t this your pod?
NANCY LI
I’m in charge of 3 pods. I don’t know everything.
SQUIRE
Well Ray said..
She pops up to get eye to eye with him.
NANCY LI
Ray is a lazy fat pice of laborite.
SQUIRE
Fine.
Squire walks down towards Debbie. Nancy looks around the ground and sees something sticking out of the ground. She unearths half a keycard.
She looks over at Squire who is waiving Debbie over to him. Nancy pulls out plastic baggie, deposits the keycard into it and looks around before she slyly puts it in her pocket.
NANCY LI
I’ll figure this out before him. Stupid kid. I got this. (she looks at the plants) Don’t worry babies mama’s gonna find the lowlife that did this and make him PAY!
She stands and makes her way to the other two. Squire is smiling and making eyes with Debbie.
SQUIRE
So you’ve only been here three years.
She is into him.
DEBBIE
Yeah. How bout you?
He tilts his head and raises his eyebrows to match his slick smile.
SQUIRE
I’ll never tell. At least not while the sun is shining. What time you off here?
She smiles and looks down, she’s blushing and trying to hide it. He knows he’s got her now.
DEBBIE
When the sun doesn’t shine.
SQUIRE
Well I had this perfect bottle of kelp wine.
DEBBIE
Ooh. I love kelp wine. We could sit back and I don’t know.
He smiles at her, and feels Nancy behind him.
SQUIRE
Well like I said, I had a bottle.
Nancy looks on in bewilderment.
NANCY LI
Debbie? You don’t actually like this proto do you?
SQUIRE
Hey who you calling proto?
Nancy burns him with her eye.
NANCY LI
So what did you find out? Intern.
He rubs his smooth face with his hand and sucks his teeth.
SQUIRE
Well I could tell you but the lead is too good. (Looking at Debbie) I’m gonna work that lead later tonight.
Nancy misses all the innuendo as Debbie giggles and blushes. Squire winks at her.
NANCY LI
(Rubbing her pocket) Look I got
nothing. So I’m gonna just head out for lunch. You wanna come?
He shakes his head no and looks deep into Nancy’s eyes. She is a bit intimidated by this.
SQUIRE
Naw I got some things I need to work out here. Pick me up a sandwich and chips.
Nancy doesn’t know why she is nodding yes but she is.
NANCY LI
Sure thing. Be back in an hour.
Nancy talks to herself as she leaves. Squire smiles knowing that he just got a free lunch.
DEBBIE
Um. Do you think you could have ordered something for me.
SQUIRE
Nope.
-
JOSEPH’S QE CYCLE #3
LOGLINE: Two Researchers make a play to move up in the world, but interfering with top secrets and espionage breaks are a quick way to a free-fall.
ESSENCE: A pair of distrustful nemeses have separately found a successful niche in their profession, but find they can’t tolerate colossal failure when they finally work together.
SCENE:
INT. WAREHOUSE LAB SPACE – DAY
A deserted mess of chairs, empty desks, and lab benches, with trash strewn about, finds a still professionally dressed, NANCY, and Squire, clad in Hawaiian shirt and shorts, each packing up the last of a few files into separate boxes on opposite sides of the large space.
SQUIRE
Guess they figured one of the last two standing should be someone who used to think I put a bomb in her toilet tank so that she’d blow her still tight glutes into pieces when she flushed.
NANCY
And one who still believes that I caused his anaphylactic reaction at an out-of-the-way restaurant in Southeast Asia. Forgetting that it was me who rushed him to the hospital.
SQUIRE
I know you were just covering your tracks.
NANCY
Just like now. The last of those viral chains will never see the light of day. Not unless I say.
SQUIRE
Why I nicknamed you Clean-up Hitter, precious girl.
Back to work, the two occasionally glance at each other over their shoulders.
NANCY
Better move it, pretty boy. You left some of your garbage in the break room. Won’t get any extra time for that.
SQUIRE
Material items can be replaced.
NANCY
Most of that crap, yes. But, you abandon that cat, I’m taking her.
SQUIRE
I was actually going to buy her a final gourmet meal, candle lights and all, before feeding her the virus.
NANCY
Let’s say you leave her to me, and I only report you for the Paris conference fraud. Or, try to feed her your virus, and I use this government issued Glock, under my skirt, to blow your head off and say it was self-defense.
SQUIRE
My virus?
NANCY
The Big, Little Man has your name on his paper.
SQUIRE
I brought them coffee when I was an undergrad. Jesus, honey, you know how credit works when there’s to be future payback.
NANCY
So that’s why he picked you to help me after everyone had gone.
SQUIRE
That, and, I’m the least likely to rattle. Plus…
NANCY
What?
SQUIRE
I get my name purged from any record of this fiasco.
NANCY
What about your lab partner?
SQUIRE
I’m afraid I don’t know who you’re referring to.
NANCY
That Pollyanna twin of yours who never had a restless night’s sleep over an experiment failing, like the rest of us have.
SQUIRE
As I said, not sure who it is you’re talking about.
NANCY
(aware now)
She dumped you over this. Should have known.
SQUIRE
Your President cut my funding. Turns out, she was a money chaser.
NANCY
And your old President had us shipped over to this Hell Hole. Where I haven’t been able to see my new Grand baby in two years.
SQUIRE
I’m alone, too, from here on. No strings, no pressures, no problems.
NANCY
I won’t let up that easy. I’ve been passed over too many times.
SQUIRE
I’m hard to resist, always have been. You’ll get over me, though. Besides, when you get back home you’ll be ready to move on.
NANCY
It’ll be totally different when I get back. Big, Little Man is headed for a demotion, once I leak what’s happened here.
SQUIRE
Not once he has his hands on the replicated virus stores.
(glances at watch)
Which should arrive tomorrow, about this time in Washington.
NANCY
You stole some. All for yourself, again?
SQUIRE
It’s been extra humid this season, don’t you think?
NANCY
What if I can have his inner circle arrested for sabotage before it arrives. Then, they turn on him, and-
SQUIRE
I always bow to your genius with that play. Why I love you. Gets me every time. Down deep. Really.
NANCY
See? There’s always a another low you could crawl to.
SQUIRE
Not cheaply, though. By the time I was finished making him believe he was six-foot-two, he was ready to open the vault.
NANCY
Maybe I use this Glock, anyway, you Jimmy Buffet piece of shit.
SQUIRE
I love you too, honey. But that flattery still won’t get you a share of my take for the shipment.
NANCY
(lights on)
Those two cartons marked “Green Deal”?
SQUIRE
What about them?
NANCY
I thought that was the last of the labs cash reserves.
SQUIRE
Jesus, Nancy, what did you do?
Squire frantically searches his cell phone email.
NANCY
I sent one on the plane, and the other I gave to Mister Peng. For the rest of his team to split.
SQUIRE
Peng? He’s the most bitter person about all of this. And a vindictive son-of-a-bitch.
Squire places a cell call.
SQUIRE (CONT’D)
(into cell, after several rings)
Peng?
PENG (V.O.)
Mister Squire, sorry I couldn’t say goodbye, but, you see, I have a very important meeting with the regional CCP Minister of Health.
SQUIRE
Don’t do it, Peng. That idea will kill a lot of your people, too.
PENG (V.O.)
Stay well, Mister Squire. And say hello to your President Trump for us. Tell him it’s nothing personal, but the red hat was our idea first.
Life’s blood draining from his face, Squire turns to find Nancy offering the Glock.
NANCY
You first. I remember you always had a weak stomach.
-
QE Cycle #3
Logline: Nancy and Squire are trapped on the side of a skyscraper on a window washing scaffold trying to dodge a hitman.
Essence: Being a peeping Tom may cost you your life.
EXT. SKYSCRAPER – DAY
Scaffolding hangs off the side of a modern, glass building 20 floors up. A man and woman both in their early 30’s and dressed in overalls squeegee the windows. They are SQUIRE and NANCY.
Squire looks through the window. He winks and waves. Intent on her work, Nancy doesn’t pay attention.
INT. OFFICE – DAY
A WOMAN in bra and panties is embraced by a MAN in boxers. They scowl at Squire. Squire smiles and blows them a kiss.
The man and woman look intently back at the window. The man picks up the phone and the woman grabs a remote control. Privacy shades come down.
Squire drops the squeegee in a bucket of water and sits down, letting his feet dangle in the air.
NANCY
What do you think you are you doing?SQUIRE
Oh now you’re talking to me.
NANCY
You stood me up last night!SQUIRE
My mother was sick and my car wouldn’t start.
NANCY
You could have called me!SQUIRE
My battery was dead.
(He smiles, pats the spot next to him.)
Come on, baby. Let’s forget it.
NANCY
How about we forget it after you put a ring on my finger?
SQUIRE
Nobody said anything about that. ‘Sides, I’m still married. Remember?NANCY
Sure, you are.SQUIRE
What, you don’t believe me? What about the two grand you owe Sharkey?
NANCY
Like you tell me everything.SQUIRE
I do! Mostly…honey you know I can’t remember details. I’m a live in the moment kinda guy…
NANCY
Having a ten year old daughter is a detail?
SQUIRE
Come on…
(He reaches for her leg, caressing her calf.)
Let’s enjoy this view for a minute.
EAR-SPLITTING GLASS BREAKING!
The sound of RAPID GUNFIRE.
SQUIRE
Holy shit!
They both crouch.
The shooting stops.
They look at one another.
Squire bangs on the window with the shades down.
Nancy presses a button and the scaffolding begins to descend. A MAN WITH A GUN sticks his head out of a broken window above them and aims an automatic rifle.
Squire tries to hide behind Nancy as they press themselves against the building.
The bullets hit the ropes causing one side of the scaffold to fall.
Squire and Nancy tumble to one end, holding on.
Squire loses his grip and falls further.
SQUIRE
Help me! I promise if we get out of this I’ll take you to the fanciest restaurant in town!
NANCY
Yeah? Maybe some day we will tell our kids about this.
SQUIRE
Kids? I said dinner.
NANCY
Do you want the rope or not?SQUIRE
Sure, I want the rope!
NANCY
Am I your fiance?SQUIRE
You can be anything you want!
Nancy throws him the rope and he pulls himself back up.
INT. OFFICE – DAY
The shades go back up and the couple is now fully dressed. They stare in horror at Nancy and Squire who are barely hanging on.
Squire smiles and waves. Remember me?
The frayed ropes break and the scaffolding drops to the earth below, taking a screaming Nancy and Squire down with it.
WOMAN
The streaks are still there.
The man takes out his phone and dials.
MAN
You idiot. I said to bill, not kill the window washer. -
INT – EMPTY REC ROOM – DAY
NANCY, 30-something, sharp suit, classy hair stands with arms crossed sizing up what her boss is saying.
SQUIRE, 30-something, sharp suit, attractive, stands facing their boss, a glint of admiration in his eyes.
DANA, 50-something boss, sharper suit/jewelry, all business, faces Squire, but mirrors Nancy’s stance.
DANA
I’m putting you two in charge of the children’s holiday party. Work together and make the company proud.
Nancy and Squire nod, Dana acknowledges them both and walks away.
NANCY
I will blow her away with this party.
Squire guffaws, does a panoramic survey of the party space.
SQUIRE
I’ve already got a lock on the team lead position.
NANCY
How so?
SQUIRE
You’re my competition, so I’m not telling. Knock yourself out on the party, though.
Nancy snorts.
NANCY
I’ll ace the party and the lead, but you do your little thing here. (beat)
The kids will love what I have planned for them.
Nancy strides away. Squire shakes his head in good-humored derision.
SQUIRE
We get the assignment thirty seconds ago and she already knows what she’s going to do? No matter what you do, Miss Nancy, I’ll go one better.
INT. REC ROOM – DAY
The room is decorated with many Christmas trees. A bouncy house has an inflatable dinosaur inside that is decked out with a mock saddle and reins.
Two decorated Christmas trees are spaced along the same wall. The first simply decorated tree has no presents under it. The second in company-colored ornaments, has beautifully wrapped gifts under it with corporate logo ribbons.
A corral is on the opposite side of the bouncy house with piles of inexpensive unwrapped gifts in it.
Large tables in the middle of the room are laid out with gift-wrapping materials for the kids to use.
Two tables on the other side of the room have separate lunch options set up. The cowboy themed table sports burgers, beans and tin cups of “Cowboy Coffee” aka cocoa. A large plate of sugar cookies is surrounded by individual tubs of soft frosting labeled Christmas “Cowpoke Biscuits and Gravy”.
The second table has a variety of simple, non-messy kid finger food with clever souvenir cups that come in two parts embellished with the company logo. The top part has one handle and a spill-proof drink lid on top. The bottom has the second handle and a tilt-out section filled with a variety of finger foods.
NANCY and SQUIRE glare at each other, then straighten when DANA approaches. Nancy mirrors Dana’s posture while Squire does a quick, non-sexual, but approving glance at Dana’s holiday attire and puts on a wide grin.
DANA
So what’s all this?
She turns to Squire first. Nancy glares at him as he speaks.
SQUIRE
I went with a Cowpoke Christmas theme. Kids can rope a present for charity, ride a bucking bronco, help themselves to some cowboy chow and then pick up their present from under the tree of wrapped gifts.
Dana nods in seeming approval.
Nancy quickly smiles as Dana turns to hear about her party plans. Squire gives Nancy a wink.
DANA
Nancy?
Squire stands in mock boredom. Nancy explains, gesturing.
NANCY
I designed an altruistic Christmas generosity experience for the kids. Each child can select a gift to wrap —
(she looks with venom at Squire)
without needing to rope it —
(she returns to sweetness)
Then wrap it appropriately – with Santa’s elves to help if necessary – and hand it to Mrs. Claus who will put it under the charity tree and hand them an appropriate gift from under the company tree in return.
Nancy indicates the lunch table.
NANCY
Then they can select a two-part souvenir cup with non-messy snacks on the bottom and spill-proof 100% juice on the top. They snap the two parts of the cup together and, voila, they can carry around their party snacks without spilling anything on their party clothes.
Dana raises one eyebrow in doubt and walks away. Nancy triumphantly cocks her head at Squire. He chortles and adds a sly wink.
INT – REC ROOM – LATER
The camera pans across the tumultuous scene as Dana surveys the carnage.
Kids with cowpoke party hats, are struggling to lasso presents in the corral. They clumsily twirl ropes or throw them toward the packages in the corral with little effect. Many whine in frustration when they fail.
Inside the bouncy house, the fake saddle has slipped off the dinosaur. Kids wait impatiently to get in. Those already inside jump as high as they can trying to land on the dino’s back with no success. It looks dangerous.
BOUNCY HOUSE ELF
Time’s up, kids. You can get in line if you want another turn.
BOUNCY HOUSE KID
Just one more try and then we’ll come out.
Tries and fails to get up on the dino.
BOUNCY HOUSE KID
Just one more try. Just one.
Dana gives Squire a withering glance and he laughs it off, but frowns when Dana turns back to the scene.
At the wrapping table, an elf congratulates a little girl who proudly takes her beautifully wrapped present to Mrs. Claus. The little girl balks when Mrs. Claus reaches for the gift.
LITTLE GIRL
No! I wrapped it, you can’t have it.
Mrs. Claus attempts to exchange it for one of the company-provided gifts from under the tree.
MRS CLAUS
But that one’s for charity, dear. I’ll give you this present instead. It’s even better than the one you picked out, I promise you. It’s a lot more expensive.
LITTLE GIRL
I don’t care. I picked this one especially and I wrapped it myself. It’s mine!
Mrs. Claus and Dana look pointedly at Nancy who is mortified.
A little cowpoke runs across the floor with a tin cup of cocoa in one hand and an unwrapped plush toy in the other. The cocoa spills on the plush toy and on Squire’s suit and shoes. The little cowboy ignores it and holds up the toy proudly.
LITTLE COWPOKE
Isn’t this great? I picked the best one.
SQUIRE
It’s ruined now. Go get another one.
The little cowpoke balks. Squire snatches the cup and soggy toy from the cowpoke’s hands, tossing them both in the trash.
The child cries and runs across the room to his mother.
Squire looks around for napkins to clean up the mess.
Dana shakes her head is disappointment. Nancy gloats.
A girl takes the two separate parts of the souvenir cup to the Cowpoke table. She dumps out the non-messy treats and stuffs a sugar cookie into the bottom part of the cup. Then she scrapes icing out of a little “gravy” cup onto the cookie with her finger, wiping her finger on her party dress when she finishes.
Finally, she smashes down the top half of the cup into the bottom until it clicks and quickly pours a tin cup of cocoa onto the top of the spill-proof cup. It overflows and soaks the tablecloth, dripping onto the floor. Oblivious, she grabs the cup off the table as though it’s spill-proof sending a shower of cocoa flying. She carefully picks up her beautifully wrapped company gift in both arms, the dripping cup still in one hand, and struts across the room.
Dana closes her eyes to hold back her wrath and then balls her fists.
DANA
Lucky for me, Angela is in the running for team lead too.
NANCY AND SQUIRE
No!
Dana stalks off in disgust.
Squire gestures “what happened?” to Nancy.
NANCY
That’s just not right.
They both step closer to one another, facing Dana’s retreating figure as ANGELA steps toward Dana.
Nancy squints her eyes, obviously plotting her revenge and Squire sizes up Angela with a glint in his eye.
SQUIRE
Angela, huh?
Nancy gives him a jab in the ribs.
-
Logline: Tasked with organizing/running the children’s Holiday Party at their firm, Nancy and Squire, sales execs fighting for one team lead position vie to our-organize each other and tip the scales for the boss.
Essence: Oneupmanship sinks Nancy and Squire’s chances of advancement.
-
Logline: Nancy and Squire are thrown together in a slime making competition.
Essence: Nancy and Squire sabotage their team building.
EXT. PREIKESTOLEN, NORWAY – DAY
It’s the final round of the reality television show – Slime Pickings.
Near the edge of the cliffs stand the final two contestants.
NANCY (50s and pudgy) stands next to a table with Slime ingredients. Next to her is SQUIRE (30s, Black, handsome) standing next to his table with Slime ingredients. RALPH, the show’s moderator, faces them.
RALPH
We are now down to the final round. Nancy, how did you do it?
NANCY
(smirks)
If I told you, I’d have to kill you.
SQUIRE
Come on, Nancy. You’ve been holding out on me.
NANCY
Squire, stop trying to seduce me. I don’t rob cradles.
SQUIRE
Oh, but you’re such a hot cougar.
NANCY
Can he get away with that on national television? Maybe I’ll have to check with my lawyer.
Ralph clears his throat.
RALPH
This final round requires that… you two work together.
NANCY
No!
SQUIRE
Yes! Now I get to see your moves.
Nancy steps away from her table, shaking her head.
NANCY
I can’t work with this guy. Nope. I’m done.
RALPH
Are you willing to kiss away one million dollars?
Squire gets on his knees and crawls over to Nancy, kissing her hand. She yanks it away.
NANCY
Do we have to share the money?
Ralph shakes his head. Nancy thinks for a moment.
NANCY
Could we make it two million?
RALPH
You read the contract.
SQUIRE
Marry me, Nancy! We can pool our riches.
NANCY
That’s if I can win with you.
RALPH
You will only have ten minutes to create your own recipe for Slime. Remember, it must be smooth, non-sticky and stretchable.
RALPH
Are you ready?
Squire scurries to his feet and nearly knocks down Nancy.
NANCY
I don’t need you, Squire. Just let me do my stuff.
RALPH
You gotta work together. If the judges see you working alone, you’ll automatically be disqualified. On your mark, get set, go!
A massive digital timer counts down the minutes. Squire picks up the glue bottle and tips it over the bowl.
NANCY
No! I never put the glue in first. Who taught you how to make slime?
SQUIRE
We only have ten minutes.
He pours it into the bowl.
NANCY
(shrieking)
No! You’re going to ruin everything.
She rips the bowl away. Glue spills everywhere, even on them. Nancy takes paper towel and swipes out the bowl. She then pours water into it.
NANCY
Water, first, Squire.
SQUIRE
That’s not how I learned.
NANCY
You never told me who taught you.
Squire takes the can of shaving cream and presses the lever. Foam oozes into the bowl.
NANCY
Hey! Did I tell you to put the shaving cream in? Baking soda comes next. Where is it?
They scramble through the different bags and boxes searching for baking soda. Meanwhile the shaving cream deflates.
SQUIRE
I found it.
He opens the box and pours the entire contents into the bowl, making it explode, coating Nancy’s face and body. She falls to her knees.
NANCY
Milly! There goes your cancer treatment.
RALPH
Seven minutes.
Nancy stands up and swipes her face with paper towel. She then cleans out the bowl once again.
NANCY
Get the water!
Squire grabs the water pitcher and pours.
NANCY
That’s too much.
RALPH
Six minutes.
SQUIRE
We don’t have time.
He takes another box of baking soda and stirs it in with the water.
Nancy grabs the can of shaving cream and pours it in. She begins to stir it with her hands.
NANCY
The important part is to kneed it.
SQUIRE
Kneed it? You haven’t added the glue.
He grabs the glue bottle and opens it when a howling wind comes off from the cliffs. The glue coats Nancy.
RALPH
Four minutes.
A flock of birds swoop overhead. One flies into Nancy and gets stuck. She throws herself onto the ground, wrestling with the bird.
Meanwhile, Squire continues making the slime.
RALPH
Help your teammate, Squire, or you’ll be disqualified.
Squire tries pulling the bird off Nancy, but manages only to fall into the foray and get stuck. They roll back and forth, getting closer to the edge of the cliff.
Nancy manages to heave her body off from Squire and the bird and rushes over to the table. Squire nearly falls down the cliff but manages to stand up and run to the table.
In a panic they add more ingredients, stir, kneed, add more ingredients, stir, and kneed.
RALPH
Times up! Hands up in the air.
Squire and Nancy lift up their messy, dripping hands.
Ralph and the camera people walk over to the slime bowl to see a glopping mush.
RALPH
I’ve never seen so much action in a slime competition.
SOUND: BUZZER
RALPH
But I’m afraid this is not Slime Pickings!
Nancy and Squire pick up some of the slime and throw it at Ralph.
-
Hope McPherson — QE Cycle #3
Logline: After the death of their mother, siblings must clear out her house.
Essence: Sibling rivalry never ends.
INT. LIVING ROOM – DAY
This house is almost, but not quite, the house of a hoarder – stacks of boxes, mid-20th century furniture, dust-turned-to-grime coating it all. This is house of someone unable to let go of the past.
Two women are clearing it out.
NANCY, a sturdy middle-aged spinster in a sweat pants and oversized T-shirt, stands with hands on hips and mouth puckered like she’s sucking on lemons. She turns toward DEBBY, a smaller version of herself in blue jeans. She points at a pile of magazines and then tips her thumb toward the front door.
NANCY: The recycle bin is outside.
Debby nods and attacks a nearby pile of magazines. She catches sight of an old photo of a woman and her son and daughter. She stops to pick it up.
DEBBY (smiles): Is this you and your mother and … little brother?
Nancy looks at the aged 8×10. Sighs. Smiles, in spite of herself, then snaps out of it.
NANCY: No time to reminisce. Keep moving.
Nancy gathers assorted tchotchke and clutter on a shelf. Dumps them into a nearby box labeled GARBAGE.
DEBBY (shrugs): You were cuties.
Nancy snatches the photo from Debby, tosses it into another box labeled SAVE.
NANCY: Let me know if you see an old Japanese jewelry box in this mess.
Debby nods. Debby cradles a stack of magazines and heads out the front door.
Outside, a dog barks, two car doors slam.
SQUIRE (O.S.) Heya! Nancy! You here?! Nanc!
NANCY (mutters): Perfect timing as always.
DEBBY (O.S.): Squire!? Aren’t you a sight for sore eyes! Where have you been?
SQUIRE (O.S.): Deb! How do you keep looking younger every year? You look fabulous!
O.S. Debby giggles.
In the living room, Nancy rolls her eyes, shakes her head.
SQUIRE (O.S.): My sis in there?
DEBBY (O.S.): I don’t think she happy with you right now.
O.S. Squire laughs.
SQUIRE (O.S.): I can’t break a perfect record now, can I?
He laughs again, louder.
DEBBY (O.S.): Oh, stop that. Not in front of your lady friend. (The sound of a playful slap and more giggling.)
Nancy picks up an frying pan that had been on the floor.
SQUIRE (O.S.): I better get in there then, huh? Come on, Cass!
Squire – a bleached blonde whose middle-aged body still remembers the glory days on a football field — whooshes into the house with CASS, in tow. Cass, at least 20 years younger and slightly overweight, wears high-heeled sandals and short shorts.
SQUIRE: There she is! Cass, this is my big sister! Nancy, this is Cassidy!
Cass holds out her right hand to shake. Holding the flying pan, Nancy shrugs, smiles tightly, drops the frying pan int the GARBAGE box.
She and Cass shake briefly.
NANCY (to Squire): Nice of you to finally grace us with your presence.
Squire laughs.
SQUIRE: Good to see you, too, Sis!
She grins. They hug.
NANCY (into his ear): You couldn’t even come to the funeral?
SQUIRE: (into hers): You know I’m no good at that spiritual crap.
They separate. Squire takes in the room.
Debby re-enters.
DEBBY: Do you want me to look for that jewelry box in the bedroom, Nancy?
Squire’s ears perk up.
SQUIRE: Jewelry box?
DEBBY: Japan— NANCY: Don’t worry about that!
NANCY: Squire, you and your friend, um, Candy?
CASS: Cass.
NANCY (smiles): Cass! You’d be a huge help clearing out the kitchen drawers. Everything goes into the dumpster in the driveway.
Squire rests a hand on Cass’ lower back.
SQUIRE: Thanks, Love. If you don’t mind doing that, I’ll help Nancy find that jewelry box.
Cass shrugs. Squire kisses her cheek. She disappears into the kitchen.
Squire beams at Nancy.
SQUIRE: What’s so special about the box, Nanc?
She ignores him, sees Debby.
NANCY: Deb, can you grab the other end of this coffee table?
She picks up one end of the ugly little coffee table. Deb rushes over to grab the other end.
NANCY (to Squire): Grab anything you can, too, and chuck it into that dumpster outside. As long as you’re here, you may as well be useful.
She and Debb shuffle out the door on either end of the coffee table.
Squire looks around the room, doesn’t pick up anything. Spies the family portrait in the SAVE box. He pulls it out. Stares at the photo, tosses it into the GARBAGE box.
He heads for an old secretary against a wall. Nancy re-enters, sees him.
NANCY: Why don’t you help Cass in the kitchen?
SQUIRE: Why don’t you tell me what’s so important about the jewelry box?
Nancy silently fumes. Clears off more from the shelf and drops the items into the GARBAGE box.
DEBBY: I think I’ll go help Cass!
Debby hurries into the kitchen.
Nancy works with her back to her brother.
NANCY: You waltz in here after all those months? Who do you think you are? Never a call. Not even a damn email. Now, when we’re under a time crunch, you magically appear.
SQUIRE: What do you think I could have done? You lived here in town. You’re not married.
NANCY: You aren’t either, now!
SQUIRE: But I have a life.
Nancy whirls around, throws a book at his head. Squire ducks. It barely misses his head.
SQUIRE: Is the box Mom’s old money box? She never did trust banks. And God knows she didn’t put a dime into this place.
NANCY (voice rising): You’ll get half the proceeds of this house, but I’ll be damned if you get anything else. I’m the one who was with Mom at the end. I’m the one who made her dinners, took her to her appointments, and wiped her butt when she couldn’t anymore.
Squire laughs.
SQUIRE: What else did you have to do all day?
NANCY: AHHHHHHHH.
Nancy charges her brother. They go down in a heap. She scratches and he fends her off, laughing. That makes her even more mad.
Debby and Cass lean out of the kitchen, eyes wide as they watch the siblings fight.
DEBBY (to Cass): Ready to get out of here?
Cass: Sure am!
Cass holds up a Japanese jewelry box, grinning. They dodge the siblings and head for the door.
-
Joe’s QE Process Part 2
LOGLINE: Married couple Nancy and Squire haven’t finished an argument yet as they attempt to fix a broken elevator.
ESSENCE: The best time to resolve a marital issue is not while trying to fix a high-rise nursing home elevator, with the criminal who broke it.
SCENE:
INT. HIGH RISE NURSING HOME – NIGHT
SCREAMS from the elevator stuck between the 25th and 26th floors. NURSING STAFF with soothing voices call to the trapped patients.
NURSE 1
They are on their way.
NURSE 2
You’ll be out soon.
NURSE 1
Just hold on a few more minutes, and you will be free.
The other elevator doors open. Out steps Nancy, big and bold, pushing Squire, tiny and wiry, back into the car.
NANCY
Don’t argue with me; the guide rail is NOT bent.
SQUIRE
I bought a dessert downstairs; so I’m good.
NANCY
What? What does that have to do with the price of bread?
SQUIRE
Nothing. I’m happy. You go ahead and help these poor unfortunates.
Chows down on a slice of cheesecake.
Nancy turns to the nurses, whole expression changes.
NANCY
Hello, dears. Step back, please. I can take it from here. Just one question. When did this happen?
NURSE 1
Exactly one hour ago. When an angry family member left the building.
Steps up to the broken elevator.
NANCY
Hey, in there! Back away while I use a crow bar or you’ll get hit!
The screams change to gasps. Squire steps out of the elevator licking his fingers.
NANCY
(to Squire)
Yeah, you finish your dinner on work time. I’m the ol’nly one knows what to do here, anyways.
SQUIRE
I will. And I’ll give you the rest of my dessert. You deserve it.
Picks a crumb off the floor. His expression suddenly changes.
SQUIRE
Wait! What day is it?
NANCY
Better you keep your mind on your dinner.
Squire looks at the wall calendar. Tosses the bag of chips.
SQUIRE
We’re being monitored today.
NANCY
Eat your dessert. I almost got the door open.
Squire leaps over to grab the crow bar above where Nancy does, but too late. The doors swing open. The nurses swoop into take out the patients. Nancy and Squire step back. Squire grabs a paper from one of the patients. Pockets it.
NANCY
You all will be okay now. Just go with your nurses.
SQUIRE
Yes, we are just HAPPY WE COULD HELP!
Nancy shoots him a glare.
NANCY
WE? I did all the work, per usual.
Squire pinches her cheek.
SQUIRE
And a lovely job you did. And I did.
They step into the vacant elevator. He’s nervous, stays near the doors.
NANCY
They’s watching and listening on our monitors. That’s what this day is all about, for our annual review.
Gets close in on Squire.
NANCY
They know EVERYTHING just happened. And who did what, lazy bones.
Drops the crowbar on Squire’s foot.
SQUIRE
(into his monitor)
OUCH! Now with my bad foot, anything I do will be extra hard. But I don’t mind, since I’m here with my honeybunch. We’re a great team of elevator fixers, if there ever was one. Always helping the other. A real team. Real team work. Makes me happy just thinking about us.
Picks up the crowbar. Goes to toss it out but it hits a button. The doors close. The lights go out. The emergency light comes on. It barely illuminates their faces.
SQUIRE
It broke again!
NANCY
YOU BROKE IT!
SQUIRE
I? I? Am I not the one staying right here with you, through thick and thin? Besides, we’re repair people. We can fix this.
NANCY
Go up through the roof, then, to that do-hicky what holds the cable.
SQUIRE
Not sure I can make it, with my foot and all. But I’m more than happy to help you up.
NANCY
Through the roof. Cable holder. Now.
SQUIRE
Can’t.
NANCY
Why?
SQUIRE
Forgot my tools, or something.
NANCY
Like you forgot our anniversary today.
SQUIRE
That’s different. I was…thinking about getting you a card when…when I remembered all the good times we’ve had, like the time–
Nancy picks up the crow bar.
NANCY
Like the time I hit you like this.
Swings the crowbar. Squire ducks. The bar hits the button panel. The car lurches down, stops, lurches down a couple of floors. Stops suddenly. The lights flicker back on.
Squire is visibly shaken.
SQUIRE
You’re welcome! See? Everything always turns out well in the end. What a team!
NANCY
Like I said, Like the time I hit you like this.
Swings at Squire who ducks again. This time he grabs Nancy and dips her, tango-style, then swoops her back up.
SQUIRE
Happy anniversary, my darling.
NANCY
Happy anniversary. Now step back while I fix this or we’ll be here til tomorrow.
SQUIRE
And get all the credit on our monitor day?
NANCY
Why not? You never do nothing anyway.
Squire produces an origami swan made out of the chips bag. Nancy stares at it.
NANCY
Well, ain’t that beautiful!
Drops her tools as she accepts it.
NANCY
Guess you ain’t all bad. Dear. Wait! Didn’t I see a patient with this?
SQUIRE
No. Maybe. It’s still a love token.
Nancy crushes it on Squire’s head.
NANCY
I’ll buy you a present with my raise. After this, you ain’t gettin’ squat.
SQUIRE
I have you. That’s all I need.
Does a jig that shakes the elevator. It shudders. They frantically push all the buttons. The doors slide open. They leap out as the elevator snaps loose and plummets to the basement with a sickening CRASH!
SQUIRE
Guess you were right – that guard rail wasn’t bent, or that car would have stopped halfway down.
NANCY
May have to use that raise to buy these people a new elevator.
SQUIRE
Easy come easy go. At least we have each other.
NANCY
I wonder if that disgruntled family member…
They rush to the basement. The smashed elevator. On the top, the remains of an explosive.
NANCY
That elevator should have crashed here with all those poor people.
SQUIRE
That was me. In disguise. My mother died here one year ago today. That was not the only bomb I planted.
NANCY
I know. I followed you.
Nancy blows a whistle. A dozen police descend on the two.
NANCY
Happy anniversary. Dear.
-
LOGLINE: A car accident draws scammers like flies.
ESSENCE: Everyone’s a con artist.
SCENE: A Lamborghini runs off a country road.
EXT. TWO LANE HIGHWAY WHERE TWO TOWNSHIPS MEET – NIGHT
SQUIRE assists NANCY as they exit a Lamborghini and climb from a ditch.
Their sports car just wiped out a giant high voltage steel tower.
Nancy’s outfit and hairdo are decades younger than her mid-forties.
Squire’s smile charms. His eyes scheme. Jet black hair belies his sixty years.
SQUIRE
I’m missing the last hour. What
just that happened that disappeared?NANCY
This time it ain’t one
of your senior moments.SQUIRE
One minute we’re having the usual heated
discussion. Next, we tramp around in the boonies.NANCY
I fear our best days are behind us.
So much for our rosy future.SQUIRE
What the hell just happened?
NANCY
Damned if I know. You okay? Cuts, bruises?SQUIRE
We just totaled a quarter-million dollar wet dream
car I didn’t get extra insurance for. I’m just peachy.A police car pulls up. Policewoman FRITZ exits and greets them.
NANCY
It’s good they have female
police personnel out here in the …SQUIRE
Glad you got here quick. Did
someone call or …Officer Fritz nods at the downed steel tower.
OFFICER FRITZ
Our power just went out and …
NANCY
At the cop house?SQUIRE
She means “police station,” didn’t you, Honey?NANCY
Don’t Honey me, Cocksucker. After what you did.OFFICER FRITZ
Whoa! What happened here? Sir?Another police car – flashing lights, siren – arrives from the other direction.
Nancy nods at Squire.
NANCY
He’ll just lie. He had way too many snorts at
that dumpy eatery of yours. Insisted he
had to check his Schwab on his phone.
Same time doing twenty over the speed limit.Fritz writes.
Squire gapes at Nancy like she’s possessed.
SQUIRE
Who are you? Officer, it was
quite the opposite. She insisted
on driving and I let her. My bad.OFFICER FRITZ
Let’s see your drivers’ licenses.Squire and Nancy hand them over.
OFFICER FRITZ
Same last name. You’re married.
NANCY
Were. He pimps me. Only way I get my alimony.
I wear knee pads and brush my teeth a dozen times a day.The other police car screeches to a halt. Uniformed officer MARLON fumbles from the car, tightens his belt holding up heavy cop paraphernalia.
He advances on them trying to look older than his twenty years. Halts. Rushes back to grab his uniform hat. Stuffs it on. Joins them.
Nancy fields a grin like she’s about to mount this lad where he stands.
NANCY
Can we vote which officer cuffs us face
down. Does what he must to get us to
come. Up. Again and again. With the truth.OFFICER FRITZ
All taken care of, Officer Marlon.Marlon whips out a GPS. Waves it in a loop for the best signal.
OFFICER MARLON
Not according to this. Their vee-hickle’s
just inside our town line.OFFICER FRITZ
Skid marks. The car left the pavement
on our side. It’s our collar.OFFICER MARLON
But it’s my turn.NANCY
Are you two screwing with us?Officer Marlon composes himself to look serious and say something cop-ish.
Squire uses his best sad face on Fritz.
SQUIRE
I’m above this aggravation. How serious is this?
Fritz glances over at the car and enormous wrecked high voltage tower.
A utility truck pulls over. Workmen carry equipment to the downed tower.
OFFICER FRITZ
Car moving plenty fast. Driver lost control. Pure
and simple. Don’t know what you pay for electricity.
Next month’s bill’s gonna be a whopper.MARLON
What about that deer?
Fritz stops writing.
SQUIRE
What deer?Marlon shows him pictures of deer galloping across the highway.
SQUIRE
I forgot about that deer. Swerved to avoid it.Caused us to run off the road just like that.
Squire reaches for a picture. Marlon pulls it out his reach.
MARLON
How much cash yah got on yah?
OFFICER FRITZ
Better yet.
She holds up a photo of an attacking seven-foot grizzly bear Photoshopped like it’s standing in the middle of the two lane highway.
MARLO
My deer are more believable.
Squire looks through his wallet.
SQUIRE
Two thousand.Marlon examines his tiny wallet.
MARLON
I spotted more inside that there flap.SQUIRE
Those are grocery store coupons.OFFICER FRITZ
How about the fierce some bear for $1800?Marlon shuffles his deck and produces another photo.
MARLON
My best deer for $1775.A car with a State Farm Insurance ad on the side slows down and parks.
OFFICER FRITZ
That’s Mel. Your time is running out.Squire wipes sweat off his neck and takes deep breathes.
Nancy takes his hand.
NANCY
What’ll it be? Defrauding the insurance
company, or do you have an extra quarter
million to buy the wrecked booty-magnet?SQUIRE
What about the tower of power?
I bet it costs more than the Lambo.MARLON
For $2000, which deer picture do you like?SQUIRE
You just said $1775.OFFICER FRITZ
A person’s better motivated to
run off the road by a bear. $3000.MARLON
The man has only $2000.Fritz whips out a wireless credit card reader. She waves it in a loop.
OFFICER FRITZ
Good signal.
Reluctantly Squire pulls out a credit card.
MARLON
If you want my best deer, I’ll let it go for $25,000.SQUIRE
Why’s the price keep going up for Chrissakes?MARLON
It’s a true mystery.
Fritz holds the card reader under Marlon’s nose.
OFFICER FRITZ
If you wanta use my
machine, we be splittin’ it.In his eighties, insurance man Mel exits his car with a clipboard. Takes pictures of the car and the tower. Joins the others.
MEL
What’s happened to
these lovely children?OFFICER FRITZ
Give us a moment.She takes Mel by the arm and walks him over to the Lamborghini.
They finish whispering and return.
Mel hands Squire the clipboard.
MEL
Sign at the bottom.SQUIRE
What’s all this handwriting?
What am I signing?MEL
It’s your account of how that horrible beast …
He turns to Fritz.
MEL
What was it this time? Bear or deer?Squire stares at Nancy. She doesn’t hide the grin that creeps over her face. #
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