Day 15

[Bob Zaslow]

DAY 15- Bob’s “Build’s Meaning with Dialogue” assignment.

What I learned doing this assignment is the value of selecting the profound moments of dialogue that will be remembered by an audience. It forced me to take what might have been lazy writing and turn some key moments of dialogue into something that sparkled. More than half of what you’ll read below, I wrote for this assignment. Each day, I become more and more grateful to Hal for this course.

The Five Most Emotional Moments in my stageplay, I’ll Get Revenge on the Whole Pack of You! (The * represents the lines I’m leaning toward using.)

First Act- Malvolio pleads with Feste the Clown, disguised as ‘Sir Topas,’ a parson, to let him out of his prison.

Lines that may deliver the deepest meaning in the scene:

a)Malvolio: I say this house is as dark as ignorance though ignorance were as dark as hell. * (This line is Shakespeare’s)

b)Malvolio: Please, listen if you value light over darkness, which I do now more than ever in my life. * (This line is Shakespeare’s)

c)Malvolio: I say there was never a man so abused. Sir Topas, I am no more mad than you are.

Feste (disguised as Sir Topas): (Aside) No more mad than a clown? Could he hurdle a lower bar? *

d)Malvolio: Please, listen if you value light over darkness, which I do now more than ever in my life.

Feste: Prove to me that you are not more puzzled than the Egyptians in their fog.

* * *

Later in First Act- Malvolio rags on some important enemies in Lady Olivia’s house.

a)Malvolio: Have you no wit, manners, nor honesty, but to gabble like tinkers at this time of night? You make an alehouse of my lady’s house!

Sir Toby: Are you anything more than a steward? Do you think because you are virtuous, there shall be no more cakes and ale?’ (These two lines are Shakespeare’s)

b)Malvolio: You’d make a dung heap from a palace! Your wit is half of what you think it.

Sir Toby: And you, sir, turn celebrations into a cemeteries. There’s more of casket than cask about you.*

c)Malvolio: Mistress Maria, if you prize my lady’s favor and despise this contempt for her, you would not give means for this uncivil behavior.

Maria: Go soak your head! *

d)Malvolio: Mistress Maria, if you prize my lady’s favor, drop these two ruffians.

Maria: When did your father stop molesting you?

* * * *

Second Act- the group of five attempt to trick Malvolio into believing that his Lady Olivia has written a love note to him.

a)Malvolio (to himself) – And when we’re married, I envision myself extending my hand to Sir Toby, thus quenching my genuine smile with and austere regard of control…

Sir Toby- (Hidden in bushes and out of earshot) And does not Sir Toby quench you right in the mouth?! * (This line written by Shakespeare)

b)Malvolio (to himself, looking up from the forged love letter) – I will do everything that you will have me do, my love. Everything!

Malvolio (looking up from the forged love letter) – I will a steward no more be / Your deepest love hath set me free! *

* * * *

Later in the Second Act – Malvolio hatches his first plan of revenge; this one is against Maria, who wrote the phony letter. She has recently married Sir Toby and they’ve discovered she is pregnant. They’re overjoyed, so Malvolio schemes with a local barrister to draw up false documents saying Sir Toby is still married to someone else.

a)Malvolio- Sweets to the sweet, sours to the soured / Maria’s joy’s now beat, so sad she was deflowered.

b) Malvolio- Let the one who punished me fit the crime. She who wrote the missive will bear the bastard.*

* * * *

Fifth Act- Malvolio (the steward) has seen how devastating his malicious pranks have been. And with his last prank, he accidentally burns down Fabian’s (the baker’s) mill. Thus, depriving him and his family of their livelihood, as well as depriving the whole town of bread.

a)Malvolio- My zeal, now melted by the smell of burnt flour and petty payback, has cooled and congealed into a mass. Mark this stench, steward. To purge it, you must right it. To right it, you must purge thyself. *

b)Fabian- I thought I had almost nothing, but now I have almost nothing but loss.

c)Fabian- By his revenge, by our revenge, we are all engaged to this loss. *

[Bob Zaslow]

DAY 15 PART 2

Bob’s “Builds Meaning with Dialogue” exercise.

What I learned doing this assignment is that story arcs created by key lines can hold the sections of the play together and give it a satisfying flow that will build audience attention. Each time I took a line and saw how it reverberated on other scenes, I felt like I was discovering a depth and flow in my play that I never saw before.

Three lines (and scenes that work for an arc) that I want to build deep meaning around:

MALVOLIO: You’d make a dung heap from a palace! Your wit is half of what you think it.

SIR TOBY: And you, sir, turn celebrations into cemeteries. There’s more of casket than cask about you.

LINE 1 and scenes that can carry out an arc:

I can see Toby’s retort, “There’s more of casket than cask about you,” being repeated whenever Malvolio’s nasty pranks of revenge end up killing or nearly killing relationships, careers, finances, and hopes. For example, Sir Andrew loses much of his fortune; Feste the Jester is left out on the street without the duke’s patronage; Fabian’s bakery and mill have burned to the ground. Metaphorical caskets.

LINE 2 and scenes that can carry out an arc:

When Malvolio says, “Let the one who punished me fit the crime. She who wrote the missive will bear the bastard,” it immediately affects Maria who thinks her marriage to Sir Toby is null and void, and sets her dreams for a happy life in the trash bin. Ironically, Malvolio continues to pull stunts on other members of the cabal who conspired against him, which in no way fit the crime. They are punishments beyond the pale. And they get more and more hurtful as the play progresses.

It’s not until Act Five, when he eases up his prank on Fabian, that the goat he sent in to befoul his bakery turned over a lantern and burned it to the ground. He finally sees that his punishment did not fit Fabian’s “crime” or any of the others. That’s how ‘let the punishment fit the crime’ carries over in an arc from beginning to end.

LINE 3 and scenes that can carry out an arc:

Near the end of the play, Fabian says, “By his revenge, by our revenge, we are all engaged to this loss.” Although this line is said in Act 5, it will resonate back to act 2, when Malvolio says he will get revenge on the whole pack of them. And then, the idea of loss will come up again, when Maria is made to believe she has lost her legal motherhood; and again, when Sir Andrew loses a large sum of money to a phony scheme; once again, when the jester is sent off packing for a crime he did not commit; and finally, the loss of Fabian’s mill and the town’s loss of sustenance, bread. They are all, in a sense, to blame for Malvolio’ vendetta. And therefore, ‘All engaged to this loss.”

[Joan Butler]

Bob–Wow! you not only created dialogue, you made it sound like Shakespeare. That’s amazing.

[Bob Zaslow]

You’re very kind to say so. Thank you, Joan.

[Joan Butler]

What I learned: I found it very difficult to create stand-alone profound lines. I could only think of 2 and these are definitely not unique.

Assignment 1 Stand-Alone Profound Lines

1. Selma has just told Gaia, Selma’s boss, about the lie and about watching her mother get killed.

Gaia says, “I’m here to support you if you need me.

Selma shakes her head. Gaia turns and brushes a tear from her face. Selma watches her walk away.

Selma says, “I don’t need you… But I want you.”

2. Selma and Elizabeth have become friends. Selma has just told Elizabeth she could die if she goes home.

Elizabeth says, “I don’t care.”

Selma replies, “But I do!”

Assignment 2 Repetition

What I learned: I enjoyed creating the arc (possibly because it was easier).

1.

This is not a line, just the words “ice cream”.

Elizabeth and Bella are two women living in the transition house. When they first meet Bella asks Elizabeth if she wants some Ice cream.

When Elizabeth wants to go back to her abuser, ice cream becomes a friendly threat. “I’m going to make you eat ice cream and play gin rummy until you can think straight.

When Bella leaves the transition house to start a new life, she says, “I’ll keep my freezer stocked with ice cream.” Meaning I care about you and my door is always open.

2.

At the beginning of counseling— Selma says, “I’m taking you through a step-by-step process.” Elizabeth replies, “This process, have you seen it work for other women like me?” Then Selma lies to Elizabeth.

At the midpoint Elizabeth discovers the lie. She says, “You said you’d seen your process work with other abused women… But you haven’t, have you?” She is furious.

In their last session together, they have become friends. Elizabeth says, “This sounds like another one of your step-by-step processes.”

She smiles. “Have you seen it work with other women like me?” Selma replies, “No, but I’ve read about it.”

Elizabeth counters with, “Then, of course, it must work.”

Selma grins.

3.

This is only the word “cheesecake” After Mark scalds Elizabeth, he says he will buy her a cheesecake to make her feel better.

In the last session, Selma explains how Mark has brainwashed her using cheesecake.

At the end, when Mark is arrested Elizabeth says to him with disgust, “I never want to see another cheesecake.”

[Bob Zaslow]

Joan- When Selma lies to Elizabeth, you could use her response to create a profound line that points to behavior that repeats throughout your play. Something like, “You just lied to me. That’s abuse!” It allows you to take a look at different character arcs and see where they’ve been abused as well…by lies or subterfuge or manipulation.

[Joan Butler]

Bob–That’s an excellent idea! Thanks.

[Bob Zaslow]

You’re welcome.

[Vivien Le]

Vivien’s Height of Emotion

What I learned doing this assignment is to create profound quotations for my film.

1. Emotion 1

When Father tells Alicia that he wants Mother to know about Anthony’s death, Alicia fervently objects to Father’s decision, arguing that it’s unethical and unfair to Mother. Father says that Anthony is Mother’s world, and the news risks to rob her of her will to live.

New line (Father): “Sometimes it’s more important to be kind then to be true.”

2. Emotion 2

When Alicia asks Father when he plans to tell Mother the truth, he says that time will tell him when Mother is ready. Alicia disagrees.

New Line (Alicia): “Why wait? The truth doesn’t change with time.”

3. Emotion 3

When Mother is consumed with Anthony’s affairs to the exclusion of everyone else in her life, Alicia questions Mother’s love for her family.

New Line (Alicia): “You’ve locked your love away with Anthony. Maybe you can’t love anybody else.”

4. Emotion 4

Alicia falls into despair when her web of lies about Anthony backfires spectacularly. Father gives Alicia strength to keep on going.

New Line (Father): “No matter how painful our experience is, if we lose hope, that’s our real disaster.”

5. Emotion 5

Alicia gets into regular quarrels with Mother about Anthony. Alicia uses logic in her arguments while Mother defy all logic. Father gives Alicia advise on how to deal effectively with people.

New Line (Father): “Human beings are like a boat and their heart is like water. When water goes with the boat, the boat floats, when water goes against it, the boat sinks. Always depends on the human hearts.”

[Ashley Sarikaya]

Ashley’s Height of the Emotion

This exercise helped me dig deep. It’s an exercise that I’ll refer to as I explore other scenes.

Make a list of the 5 most emotional moments in your screenplay.

1 – When Malinche says ‘good-bye’ to her infant son, Martin, so she can defeat the Spaniards.

2 – Itzamna visits Malinche at night with Martin. It’s the first time she is reunited with Martin.

3 – In a romantic scene, Malinche leads Hernando to a lagoon where there are quetzal birds. They swim. They talk about the quetzal bird, a symbol of freedom.

4 – Near the end of Act 2, Malinche gives her first speech to the people of Tenochtitlan.

5 – At Plot Point 2, Malinche is in prison and has taken on bird-like qualities. Malinche cries out to Hernando, but he looks disgusted. Jeronimo says that this devil will surely rot in hell.

With each of those scenes, go to the height of the emotion and brainstorm lines that can deliver the deeper meaning of the scene.

1 – Itzamna enters the room, telling Malinche that they have to leave now. Malinche kisses Martin on the forehead. For Malinche, Martin represents a feeling of home and safety that she hasn’t ever felt before. Perhaps she touches his heart and says, “Home is here.”

2 – When she holds Martin by the river, she says, “I’ve missed you so much, baby bird. The world is oddly silent without you.”

3 – Malinche and Hernando observe the quetzal birds called “feathered snakes”. The talk about their value in the New World and how they will let themselves die of hunger, rather than live in captivity. They also speak about how only emperors are allowed to wear quetzal feathers. Malinche disregards social rules and plucks two feathers from a quetzal bird. She puts one around Hernando’s ear and one around hers.

4 – Malinche opens her speech with telling the people that she is a ‘foreigner’. She is different. “Fear me. But you are only fearing yourselves. Every single person here is different. A foreigner. But together we are stronger. Together we can defeat those that squash our freedom. We can defeat those that dim our light.”

5 – After Hernando rejects her, she recalls the quetzal bird scene in Act 2 when she says, “I will let myself die of hunger, rather than live in captivity.” Hernando responds, “We are not the same. I’m an emperor and you’re just a bird.”

Give us a quick explanation of the emotion and meaning of the scene, then the new line that you are going to place there.

1 – Malinche leaves behind ‘home and safety’ to accomplish her goal. But ultimately, she can find that feeling within. She knows this, but doesn’t believe it. In her effort to comfort Martin, she says, “When you feel lost, look to your heart. I will always be there.”

2 – With Martin in her arms, she finds a feeling of ‘home’ and ‘safety’. Perhaps she says, “I’ve missed you so much, baby bird. The world is cold and strange without you.” She then talks about Martin to Itzamna, “He makes me forget the nightmares of my past… He pulls me back to my heart, my home.”

3 – When Malinche plucks the feathers, she says, “I don’t see why only emperors can wear their feathers.” And Hernando responds, “Because only emperors are truly free.” In this scene, we understand the ‘why’ behind Hernando’s hunger for power. Both Malinche and Hernando desire freedom, but Hernando believes that only emperors are truly free.

4 – At the end of her speech, the guards arrest her and the next Mexica emperor in line finishes her speech. “This slave woman is not like you or me. She’s from the bottom of the barrel, using YOU to wiggle her way up to power. Don’t fall for her twisted bird songs. She will lead you to your death.” As Malinche is being taken away, she calls out, “Just as the Moon is reborn each cycle, so are we. There is no end, only new beginnings.”

5 – She realizes that it’s not about preventing the Spanish conquest, but about rebuilding. So, perhaps she responds, “I’d rather be a bird with a view from the heavens than an emperor blinded by gold.”

• This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  Ashley Sarikaya.

[Ashley Sarikaya]

Ashley Builds Meaning with Dialogue

I learned how to evolve the protagonist through profound dialogue. It helped me revise some of the dialogue in a way that shows her transformation.

1 – In Act 1, she tells the World Tree, “I can’t relive that nightmare, please.” The World Tree responds, “There is only death now and in the immediate future… At least on your timeline.”

Malinche is experiencing “escapism” or the denial phase of grief. She doesn’t want to confront her past.

2 – In Act 1, Itzamna says, “You have a haunting look in your eyes… It’s as if the ghosts of the past are still with you.” Malinche responds, “My trauma is like a ghost. Every time I think of something stupid to say, it reminds me to shut it.” Itzamna responds, “You can’t let fear paralyze you.” Malinche responds, “Fear keeps me safe.”

Malinche confronts her past.

3 – When referring to her infant son Martin in Act 2, Malinche says, “I used to think that he pulls me out of my nightmares… But he doesn’t… he gives meaning to my past.”

Malinche finds meaning and accepts her past.

[Vivien Le]

Vivien’s Build Meaning with Dialogue

What I learned from this experience is how to create meaningful moments.

1. Meaning 1: “Life is neither black nor white. Likewise, the truth is neither good nor bad.”

Alicia is a highly principled person. She spurns any form of lie or deception, denouncing it as a relationship killer. But though her emotional journey with her family following her brother’s death, she learns that telling the truth is not always a virtue.

1.1 Experience 1

Mother is in Sydney visiting Alicia and Grandma (Mother’s mother). Alicia receives a call from Father in Sydney telling her that her brother Anthony just died from a sudden illness. He tells Alicia to bring Mother back to Los Angeles without telling her the news.

Line (Father): “What benefit is there to tell your mother the news now? Let her enjoy her family’s love. She needs it.”

Like Alicia, Mother lives in a different country than her family, and only gets to see them once every 5 to 7 years. Father wants to hide the truth temporarily to let Mother enjoy her family’s love, which she’ll need when she hears the truth.

1.2 Experience 2

Alicia arrives in Los Angeles with Mother. Father announces that they won’t tell Mother the truth because he fears that she’d lose her will to live. Alicia fervently objects to his decision, denouncing it as unethical and unfair to Mother.

Line (Father): “Sometimes it’s more important to be kind than to be true.”

When the truth can destroy someone’s life, it’s no longer a virtue. It’s one’s duty to hide it, not to disclose it.

1.3 Experience 3

Mother is determined to go to Vietnam to bring her son home. Alicia and Father know that they can no longer hide the truth from Mother. Father wants to find a way to keep Anthony’s memory alive for Mother so that she won’t fall into despair when she’s faced with the fact that her favourite child has left them forever.

Line (Father): “It’s easy to tell the truth, it’s harder to help people cope with an unkind truth.”

2. Meaning 2: “Embrace your suffering.”

Father believes that he needs to stay strong for the family when a misfortune falls upon the family. When Anthony dies, Father tells himself that death, like life, is life’s mystery, and he should simply accept it. Alicia encourages Father to be in touch with his feelings.

2.1 Experience 1

Alicia watches Father going through his day with equanimity. He doesn’t display any sign of distress. He even tells jokes to Mother. Alicia tells Father not to suppress his emotion.

Line (Alicia): “Embrace your suffering, Dad. Don’t resist it, don’t flee from it. Your aversion to it only makes it hurt more.”

Father buries negative feelings. He doesn’t want to show his weakness to his family.

2.2 Experience 2

Alicia reads a letter from the hospital. It’s from the organ coordination department. The letter says that the recipient of Anthony’s heart, Mark, has a second chance in life. Father nods, he says nothing. Alicia suggests that Father write an Anthony/Mark poem. Father is a poet by nature.

Line (Alicia): “Dad, would you like to dedicate a poem to Anthony and Mark? They would love it. You can give it to Mark when we see him.”

Tears fill Father’s eyes. He looks almost relieved to let his heart cries out.

2.3 Experience 3

Alicia and Father run inside the Buddhist Temple. They see Mother walking down from the Ash Temple where Anthony’s ashes are kept. They know that Mother knew the truth. They walk towards Mother. Father holds her and Alicia tight in his arms. Tears fall freely on his face.

Line (Father): We’ll go through this together as a family.

3. Meaning 3: “Always depend on the human hearts.”

Alicia is logical and strong minded. She can come across as inflexible or controlling. Mother is emotional and strong minded. She can come across as impulsive. Their diametrically opposite personalities often cause unhealthy quarrels between the mother and daughter. Father gives Alicia insights into make peace with Mother.

3.1 Experience 1

Mother makes Anthony’s favourite Vietnamese snacks and asks Alicia to send them for him. Alicia tells Mother that Anthony can buy these snacks inexpensively anywhere in Vietnam. She suggests that Mother keeps the snack for the family. Mother reproaches Alicia for not understanding a Mother’s love. Father assures Mother that he’ll send the food to Anthony. Later, Father gives Alicia some insights to deal with conflict.

Line (Father): “The way to change other’s mind is with affection and not with confrontation.”

Alicia learns that reason does not work with Mother. To talk to Mother, she needs to understand the language of a mother’s love.

3.2 Experience 2

Mother is determined to go to Vietnam to bring Anthony home. Alicia pleads with a travel agent to talk Mother out of going Vietnam. Alicia takes Mother to the travel agency and things go as planned, but Mother is very unhappy. Father suggests that they begin thinking of how to tell Mother the truth.

Line (Father): “We think that holding on makes us strong, but sometimes it is letting go.”

Alicia’s control over Mother creates unhappiness in the family. She must learn to let go.

3.3 Experience 3

Anthony has a secret girlfriend, Cindy, who’s free-spirited and lives a bohemian life. She has green and orange hair and wears a dozen of earrings on her ear. Cindy is pregnant with Anthony’s child. Alicia is certain that Mother would not approve of Cindy had Anthony introduced her to Mother. But Alicia believes in Cindy’s goodness and in Mother’s love for Anthony’s offspring.

She takes the risk to introduce Cindy to Mother. The unborn grandchild keeps Anthony’s spirit alive to Mother. She embraces Cindy wholeheartedly. She gives her hope and helps her move forward.

Line (Father): “The more you are motivated by love, the more fearless your action can be.”

Alicia knows at last how to think with her heart, and not with her mind.

[Tom Minier]

Assignment 1: Tom’s Height of the Emotion

What I learned in this assignment was that finding emotional peaks in the story is easy, but trying to come up with a profound line is challenging. I took a first pass at this and identified where I wanted lines that could move an audience, and had a couple ideas for good dialogue, but I wasn’t comfortable calling it profound. In the second pass I reviewed the lesson again and looked for the essence in the dialogue I wanted to create, and that opened up everything for me. Some pretty darn good dialogue developed. I was surprised by this because normally I need to get into the scene and characters and let the dialogue flow from there. It was interesting to work in reverse.

Assignment 2: Tom Builds Meaning with Dialogue

What I learned doing this assignment was to focus on how a line evolves with the character or story. I found that in my story my lines with deeper meaning weren’t said by one person but rather passed along or back and forth raising the stakes of their meaning each time. The lines came easier for me in this lesson, but the changing meaning was challenging.

[Chhimed Drolma]

ASSIGNMENT 1

Chhimed’s Height of the Emotion.

What I learned doing this assignment is how to layer meaning into important lines.

1. A.V. witnessing the death of her second mother, F, who tells her, “Use your heart to help others.”

1. A.V. thinks the meaning of that is to help others in the military with her fierceness. Later she thinks it’s to help her crew survive. Towards the end, she figures out that it’s more of a person-to-person emotional kind of empathy and support and that helping others helps her, too.