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Day 15 Assignments
Reply to post your assignment.
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6 Replies
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Laura Woodworth’s Fast Formatting!
What I learned doing this assignment is to really push myself to create the tension and heightened action of the scene. LOL after writing the scene, I’ve already realized there are more places to elevate – but this is a start.
1. I chose to elevate the action scene with Rachel traveling over the I-35 bridge.
Basic formatting – dashes – ellipsis – sound/then explanation – mixing sluglines into action – stacking action – stacking dialogue.
2. I chose images, actions, and sounds to make the scene visceral.
EXT. BRIDGE – UNDERSIDE – NIGHT
Tiny flashlights guiding their work, Ruben, Martin and Majd hang from the underside of the I-35W BRIDGE out of MINNEAPOLIS — a massive eight-lane bridge spanning the Mississippi. They work silently, securing an intricate array of five carefully placed BOMBS while Vegard oversees from the shore.
EXT. MINNEAPOLIS HOTEL – DAY
Starbucks in hand, Rachel and Aisha exit the hotel. They wave cheerily at Joe as they load suitcases into Rachel’s car.
INT. RACHEL’S CAR – DAY – CONTINOUS
Aisha plops into the passenger seat beside Rachel.
AISHA
Boring! I know now everything I never wanted to know about banking.
RACHEL
Maybe you’ll be head teller someday.
AISHA
I’d rather have Joe’s job.
Rachel laughs as she checks the map on her phone.
RACHEL
A straight shot south on I-35. Kansas City here we come!
She tucks her phone in her purse and drives.
EXT. I-35 HIGHWAY/RACHEL’S CAR – CONTINUOUS
Aisha chatters as they cruise down the interstate.
AISHA
We get home quick enough, I’m heading to the lake.
RACHEL
I don’t get it. You wear the hijab, and yet you strike me as a typical American college student.
AISHA
(pointing to her hijab)
This — is out of respect for my family. But it doesn’t define who I am.
RACHEL
So you don’t practice your faith.
AISHA
My family’s overseas. I’m making my own life here in the U.S. This is my first Independence Day!
She rolls the window down as they approach the crowded I-35 BRIDGE and hangs her head out, her hijab fluttering in the breeze.
AISHA
I’m free!
Rachel laughs, then BRAKES as traffic STALLS on the bridge.
RACHEL
Looks like you’re not the only one with 4th of July plans.
Suddenly, an IMAGE FLASHES in her mind —
— The BRIDGE, HEAVING, buckling — COLLAPSING into the raging river below. It catches her breath —
RACHEL
That’s weird. Just weird.
AISHA
Everything alright?
RACHEL
Yeah — I just —
Rachel scans the bridge…
A group of rowdy teens travel in a nearby convertible…
A child in a van traveling northbound bounces a red beach ball off the back of his mother’s seat. He waves as he catches Rachel’s eye. In an almost surreal moment, she waves back…
… as traffic moves excruciatingly slow over the bridge.
EXT. BRIDGE – UNDERSIDE – CONTINUOUS
Out of sight below the lines of traffic, the five pale red detonator lights FLASH…
EXT. BRIDGE – CONTINUOUS
RACHEL
Music?
She flips on the radio and Aisha sings out the window as they inch across the bridge.
EXT. SHORELINE – CONTINUOUS
On the shore, a tall blonde eyes the traffic on the bridge, calculating. Vegard’s fingers twitch over the button on his phone.
EXT. BRIDGE – CONTINUOUS
Impatient drivers BLAST their horns as traffic comes to a stand still. Rachel POUNDS on her horn, adding to the nervous cacophony.
Traffic inches forward… while directly under her —
EXT. BRIDGE – CONTINUOUS
The detonator lights FLASH…
EXT. BRIDGE – CONTINUOUS
The traffic breaks — and Rachel JERKS the car into the other lane —
AISHA
Watch out!
— narrowly missing the bumper of the car in front of her.
RACHEL
Sorry — I’m not usually this claustrophobic —
She pushes the traffic along — and heaves a huge sigh of relief as they reach the other side.
She puts the pedal to the floor on the open highway, SPEEDING away as quickly as she can. She takes a last glance at the bridge as it retreats in her rearview mirror — still standing, still heavy laden with traffic — then shakes her head, laughing at herself as she drives on down the highway.
She CRANKS the music.
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Sunil Pappu’s Fast formatting!
“What I learned doing this assignment is…to use the various formats to write an action scene that is an easy read and has meaning.”
MY ACTION SCENE
Scene Arc: Svetlana is tortured for CIA secrets, but she breaks out and kills the agents to go after KGB Commander to stop the nuclear missile launch
Meaning: this is the climax scene where Svetlana has to believe in herself and face her nemesis and save the world and reunite with her new partner
Pre-Action: Svetlana knows she will eventually break from the torture, and she feels exhausted and resigned to her fate. She will let down the people who trust and believe in her once again.
Action: Svetlana breaks out of her restraints using her Houdini-like skills again and takes out the agents; she goes after Mikhail to stop the nuclear missile launch. Svetlana faces off with Mikhail in hand-to-hand combat. She manages to hit the anti-ballistic missile to destroy the nuclear warhead and blows up the missile silo. The blast wave takes out Mikhail’s chopper.
Post–Action: She must get out of the missile silo quickly to escape the blast and reunite with her sniper friend. She finally has a partner again and will do anything to protect him.
INT. TORTURE CHAMBER – MISSILE SILO – DAY
Svetlana is spread eagle. Hands cuffed to the iron rafter overhead, and her legs spread and cuffed at the bottom to the metal grills on either side.
SWISH. SLASH. SWOOSH.
KGB agent uses a knife to cut her all over her body expertly. Death by a thousand cuts…
…Mikhail steps under the spotlight. KGB agent STOPS! Puts away his knife. Steps back.
She whimpers as Mikhail calmly uncuffs her arms. Then her legs. Deliberately. Slowly.
THUMP!
Svetlana crashes to the floor in a heap.
Mikhail SCRAPES a metal chair and drags it under the spotlight.
The KGB Agent moves forward-
-Mikhail raises his hand-
MIKHAIL
(in Russian, subtitled)
I got this!
Bends to pick up Svetlana and plonks her onto the chair.
He drags another chair and pulls himself close to her…
…knees almost touching-
-taking her right hand into his palm-
She whimpers and jerks her arm-
Mikhail tightens his grip around her elbow and grabs her thumb…
…looking into her eyes…
he smiles slowly-
CRACKLE!
Her bone snaps-
Svetlana manages a smile back.
MIKHAIL
(in Russian, subtitled)
My girl-
SVETLANA
Fuck you-
MIKHAIL
American mouth… but soul still Russian…
Svetlana blinks as he takes her wrist again and moves to her next finger…
MIKHAIL
(in Russian, Subtitled)
Alas! Your trigger finger… you just give me one name for each finger huh?
CLACK! CLACK! CLACK!
-Boots stop as KGB Agent bends to whisper into his ears.
MIKHAIL
(in Russian, subtitled)
Saved by the bell!… I’m not done with you…my girl!
Mikhail kicks off his chair and walks out.
Svetlana is cuffed to the chair.
Loud music blasts from the speakers…flood lights blind her.
INT. LAUNCH PLATFORM – DAY
Mikhail pulls out the launch key from the chain around his neck. General Vasili has the secondary key in hand.
Multiple screens show the missile, the hatch opening and the anti-ballistic missile ready for counterfire, the target location on the map, countdown clock.
LAUNCH CONTROLLER
All crew to return to stations in…10…9….8…
INT. BELOW LEVEL – MISSILE SILO – DAY
Engineers and crew rush to the stations. They check the fuel gauge monitors.
FLIGHT ENGINEER
Fuel ready. SATAN II is a go.
INTERCUT – COMMAND CENTRE / BELOW DECKS OF SILO
LAUNCH CONTROLLER
Telemetry?
TELEMETRY ENGINEER
Telemetry is a go.
LAUNCH CONTROLLER
Comms?
COMMUNICATIONS DIRECTOR
Comms on standby.
LAUNCH CONTROLLER
Counting down to ignition…in 2 minutes.
MIKHAIL
General?
General Vasili nods and approaches the launch station with his key. Mikhail pulls out his and is ready to insert…
INSERT – IGNITION PANEL SHOWING SLOTS FOR THE KEYS TO LAUNCH THE NUCLEAR MISSILE
LAUNCH CONTROLLER
Commander…
MIKHAIL
On my command…3…2…1
CLICK! CLICK!
Both keys are inserted. Mikhail turns the knob which lights up green.
LAUNCH CONTROLLER
Launch sequence authorized.
CLANK! CLANK! CLANK!
The metallic hatch opens up to reveal the sky…
INT. TORTURE CHAMBER – MISSILE SILO – DAY
Music blaring. the lights are flashing…
OOMPH!
Svetlana whimpers. KGB agent on guard stares at her with a deadpan look.
SVETLANA
(in Russian, subtitled)
Water… please!
KGB agent softens and brings a glass of water…
…Svetlana slides her broken thumb through her cuffs and –
-grabs his hand, twists it behind him-
-slides out the weapon from his holster-
-aims behind her without looking-
BANG! BANG! BANG!
-shoots the other agent.
-grabs this agent as a shield and drags him to the door-
-steps outside…
…two more guards…
BANG! BANG!
Takes them out!
BANG!
Gets rid of the agent and grabs his keycard…
…KLAXON blares! Announcing her escape…
…KGB Agents scramble…guns COCKED. Pour out onto all the floors.
INT. MISSILE SILO – LOWER DECK – CONTINUOUS
Svetlana grabs a coat and slips into the maintenance room.
INT. MISSILE SILO – UPPER DECK – CONTINUOUS
KGB agents run down the winding staircase…
INT. MISSILE SILO – LOWER DECK – CONTINUOUS
Svetlana jumps out trying to blend in…
A KGB agent spots her and rounds the corner…
INT. MISSILE SILO – BOTTOM DECK – CONTINUOUS
Svetlana hides behind a pillar. She spots a detonator and activates it…
…moves on to the next one…
BEEP! BEEP! CLICK!
Sets the next one…
INT. MISSILE SILO – LOWER DECK – CONTINUOUS
BANG! BANG! BANG!
KGB agent spots Svetlana and fires…
…steps below to the bottom deck…
HIS POV: a brick of C-4 is attached to the pillars supporting the missile unit, the pale red light of the detonator glowing…
He takes a step back, lowers his weapons and glances about…
…noticing the RED LIGHTS of a MORE THAN A DOZEN C-4 explosive charges scattered throughout the deck.
CLICK!
Svetlana points her pistol to his temple.
SVETLANA
(in Russian, subtitled)
Drop it!
He puts down his weapon.
WHACK!
Svetlana kicks him down and tackles him in one swift move to the ground-
CRACK!
Breaks his neck… lays him on the floor gently…
DING!
Svetlana sees the elevator door open, and a crew member enters-
-Svetlana slips in-
-elevator doors close.
INT. MISSILE SILO – ELEVATOR – CONTINUOUS
Crew member stares as he doesn’t recognize-
-Svetlana pulls out a gun.
SVETLANA
(in Russian, subtitled)
Top deck, please!
Crew member hastily presses his floor-
CREW MEMBER
(in Russian, subtitled)
I don’t… have… authorization-
Svetlana cocks her pistol-
SVETLANA
(in Russian, subtitled)
I hope for your sake-
CREW MEMBER
(in Russian, Subtitled)
…wait! one second…
He grabs the card hanging from her coat pocket… swipes it!
Pushes button. Elevator music PLAYS… they wait awkwardly…
CREW MEMBER
(in Russian, Subtitled)
Please, I won’t tell-
DING!
Doors open on the top deck…
…Svetlana grabs the crew member to shield her as she exits!
INT. MISSILE SILO – UPPER DECK – CONTINUOUS
KGB Agents spot her from across above and rush up the stairs.
BANG! BANG!
Svetlana shoots two shots at the agent-
-crew member dives back into the elevator before it shuts-
-She enters the launch platform. She runs and hides…
INT. LAUNCH PLATFORM – CONTINUOUS
She watches the Command Centre screens…
TICK! TICK! TICK!
…countdown clock ticks down!
CLICK! CLICK!
Svetlana arms her watch to detonate the bombs…
General Vasili is standing on the far deck with Mikhail…
GENERAL VASILI
(in Russian, Subtitled)
Mikhail! I’m not going to stand and watch you-
BANG! BANG!
Mikhail puts two bullets into the General-
FLICK!
-lights a smoke.
BEEP! BEEP!
Svetlana’s watch goes off.
BOOM!
One of the detonators goes off in the bottom deck…
KLAXON blares!
LAUNCH CONTROLLER
We have a breach… missile platform… unstable.
Mikhail rushes to the screen.
MIKHAIL
We have to launch…NOW!
LAUNCH CONTROLLER
But Commander-
MIKHAIL
It’s now or never!
LAUNCH CONTROLLER
Going for launch in 10…9-
WHACK!
Mikhail punches the launch button.
MIKHAIL
(in Russian, subtitled)
No time for this shit!
His POV: sees the missile lift off on the big screen-
-Spots Svetlana under the desk and grabs her-
CLICK!
-Svetlana punches her watch but-
-Mikhail grabs her hand and rips off the watch, and flings it on the ground-
YEEAAH!!!
-Svetlana growls and charges at him-
-knocks him to the ground-
-he twists her around and bangs her to the floor-
PUNCH! PUNCH!
Svetlana punches him in his ribs.
He swings her, and both fall onto the deck…
INT. MISSILE SILO – COMMAND CENTRE – CONTINUOUS
LAUNCH CONTROLLER
All stations. Lock control. Proceed to the exits!
KLAXON blares! WARNING: Missile silo unstable…
Crew and personnel rush to the exits!
KGB AGENT (V.O.)
(into the earpiece, in Russian, subtitled)
Commander, Chopper is ready on the roof.
MIKHAIL (O.S.)
(into the earpiece)
Get everyone out!
KGB AGENT
(into the earpiece)
Commander-
MIKHAIL
(into the earpiece)
Go! I have one last lesson to teach my girl-
SWOOSH!
Svetlana block Mikhail’s blows as she steps backwards…
INT. MISSILE SILO – UPPER DECK CONTINUOUS
JAB! JAB! JAB!
Mikhail takes an unexpected swing from Svetlana as she combines her Krav Maga moves…
He rushes onto her and both roll down…
MIKHAIL
(in Russian)
That’s new! Prison was good for you then…
SVETLANA
(in Russian)
I’m not a weak teen girl anymore…
MIKHAIL
(in Russian)
Yes but still know your weakness, my girl-
PUNCH!
He hits her below her belt and holds her close.
MIKHAIL
(in Russian)
I remember your sweet smell… (inhales deeply)
Svetlana kicks him in the nuts-
SVETLANA
I have been trying to get your stink out of my mind for two decades-
SWOOSH! WOOSH! WHACK!
She uses her Krav maga move to beat him down…
He grabs a metal rod-
MIKHAIL
You are a traitor-
SVETLANA
You are a coward-
She blocks his swings her hands-
CLASH! CLASH! CLING!
-grabs another rod and defends herself-
INT. MISSILE SILO – COMMAND CENTRE CONTINUOUS
On BIG SCREEN: WARNING LIGHTS
AUTOMATED (V.O.)
Time to target 2 minutes!
AUTOMATED (V.O.)
Evacuate! All personnel…structure
Unstable…
INT. MISSILE SILO – BOTTOM DECK CONTINUOUS
BANG! BANG!
C-4 charges go off in a blast and take out the bottom deck-
Crew members scramble-
-Bodies fly in the air-
-burnt alive-
INT. MISSILE SILO – TOP DECK CONTINUOUS
WHOOP! WHOOP! WHOOP!
The helicopter starts up…
Mikhail disarms Svetlana-
-pushes her to the edge with the rod-
-she grabs his face-
MIKHAIL
(in Russian)
You bitch-
-Svetlana scratches his face-
WHUP!
Mikhail swings his rod-
Svetlana swings from the edge and lands on the lower deck.
KGB agent grabs hold of Mikhail’s hand-
Jumps into the chopper-
Chopper takes off-
INT. MISSILE SILO – LOWER DECK – CONTINUOUS
Svetlana drags herself to sit up-
-spots the anti-ballistic missile-
INT. HELICOPTER – CONTINUOUS
Mikhail puts on his headphones.
MIKHAIL
(in Russian, subtitled)
Mission accomplished boys!
KGB AGENT
(in Russian, subtitled)
What about the girl?
MIKHAIL
(in Russian, subtitled)
Don’t worry! She’s not a very good student!
KGB AGENT
(in Russian, subtitled)
You did your best boss-
MIKHAIL
Ha! Ha! (they all laugh)
Chopper banks and lifts off…
INT. MISSILE SILO – UPPER DECK – CONTINUOUS
Svetlana loads the coordinates for the missile…
Her broken thumb hurts-
SVETLANA
(in Russian, subtitled)
Com’on…can’t fail again!
HER POV: she looks through the scope at the nuclear warhead…she aims-
BEEP!
The missile is locked on target!
CLICK!
She presses her trigger finger to fire!
EXT. HELICOPTER – CONTINUOUS
WHOOSH!
Anti-ballistic missile passes by-
MIKHAIL (V.O.)
(into the headphone)
Don’t worry boys! No one can make that-
SWOOSH!
The ballistic missile flies to catch up with the nuclear warhead…
EXT. MISSILE SILO – UPPER DECK CONTINUOUS
HER POV: Svetlana sees the target through the scope…
BOOM! BOOM!
The nuclear warhead gets hit mid-air!
INT. MISSILE SILO – COMMAND CENTRE CONTINUOUS
Big Screen: Missile disintegrates and causes a shock wave!
EXT. HELICOPTER – CONTINUOUS
The shock wave hits the chopper blades-
Chopper swings wildly out of control-
-dives rapidly-
CRASH!
Goes up in flames!
EXT. MISSILE SILO – UPPER DECK CONTINUOUS
BOOM!
Explosions go off inside the missile silo-
The structure crashes down-
Svetlana leaps off the top deck and rolls away-
-silo door drops shut-
BOOM! BOOM!
Explosions go off inside, and the sky turns grey with smoke!
-Svetlana walks out from the rubble-
EXT. FOREST HIDEOUT – CONTINUOUS
Sees movement on the ground-
She rushes to-
HER POV: Igor tied up on the floor. Dead dog bleeds next to him.
Svetlana rushes to-
IGOR’S POV: looks into her eyes and smiles.
IGOR
You came…
Svetlana cradles his face and cries holding onto him.
SVETLANA
Shut up-
They kiss passionately.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by Sunil Pappu.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by
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Danielle LEGRAND’s Fast Formatting
What I have learned doing this assignement is describing an action scene so as to make the audience feel and live almost physically what is happening on the screen.
Location : The scene takes place in a shady night club cellar.
Scene Arc :
Beginning : HEATHER and MICKAEL – alias The First Lady and the scientist find the place where ANDREW- THE President- is confined by the VILLAINS
End : They get rid of the gangsters and save ANDREW.
Meaning or Change expressed for the Action :
. Before the Action : Dark world. Everything seems to be lost.
ANDREW has been caught, he has not received any antidote, the VILLAIN is still masked and the White HOUSE is unable to cope.
. During the Action : Dim lightning.Fighting as if their lives depended on their Victory ( and it is the case) ANDREW’s allies succeed in overpowering the mobsters.
. After the Action : Light and Hope come back as they get out of the shady place.The three ot them are alive and secure.
INT. NIGHT- CLUB CELLAR. DAYBREAK.
HEATHER and MICKAEL force their way into the place using Mickael’s Swiss knife. HEATHER enters firsts. She tries to switch on the light but MICKAEL holds her arm back.
MICKAEL
NO !
At the same moment…
… swish…
An arrow gets stuck into the wall panelling next to HEATHER’s head.
HEATHER
instinctively shrinking back
What ‘s the…
MICKAEL
Fuck !
They both get down and run with a stoop for a shelter under the tables…
…Bang…Bang…Bang …
A rifle shoots repeatedly at them from behind the bar.
MICKAEL ducks the bullets clasping the precious antidote bag to his chest…
…some cracks…
…on the floor …
HEATHER is creeping towards the counter and…
Bing ! …
She hits the man on his head with a big bottle of Bourbon.
Broken glass smash into pieces all over the room and mix with the alcohol and the bleeding of the man’s head. He falls down on the marble floor with a groan.
Still on guard, HEATHER sees a staircase leading downwards on her right .
HEATHER
This way !
MICKAEL picks up the rifle and follows her when …
Stomp … stomp…
Sound of heavy footsteps …
… Climbing upstairs !
HEATHER finds a hold on the banister and …
Bam !
She strongly strikes the MAN running upstairs with both feet on his stomach.
PAF !
The MAN tumbles …
Ba da bum… Ba da bum …
ARH !
…all the way downstairs…
Carefully, HEATHER and MICKAEL also get downstairs. He is ready to shoot with the rifle pointed downwards. In the cellar, ANDREW is tied to an old chair. Bad bruises on his face. A man is standing next to him with a gun on his left temple.
THE MAN
(with a fierce look)
One more step and he is…
…Ouch !
While MICKAEL does a right and left with the rifle on both knees of the mobster …
… In three light steps HEATHER has delivered a hail of kicks in his face.
Bodyfall.
ANDREW
(shabby looking)
Someone’s got an aspirin ?
MICKAEL
(smiling)
I think I have better for you, Mister PRESIDENT !
…
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Jan’s Fast Formatting
My apologies, the real life biz needed all my attention and energy, therefore I have melted my 14 and 15 into one homework.
WIL?: to melt the course classes into one scene and (hopefully) into my toolbox. PLUS: I believe if I got it and worked it out well then the scene will be self explaining.
EXT. BUS STOP – DAY
Near her new apartment, outskirts. KITTY walks, mobile rings. Display “Paul”.
KITTY
Hey, good morning
PAUL
(O.S.)
Hey. I have prepared some stuff we should tick off your bucket list today.
KITTY
As in… which bucket list?
PAUL
E.g. Residential office, bank, local account, credit card, local sim card, your IT connection. This bucket.
KITTY
Makes sense. When?
PAUL
Like now? Shall I pick you up?
KITTY
Can we meet in town, bit later? I want to sniff into my district.
PAUL
Let’s do 11 then, I`ll text you a location.
KITTY
Sure, talk then.
Kitty arrives at a bus stop, she compares the timetable with her phone.
An open Jeep stops, SYLVIE (26ish local) looks at Kitty
SYLVIE
Newbie in town?
KITTY
Is that so visible?
SYLVIE
Checking a timetable? Yes. Wanna come with, down town?
Kitty walks around, hops in. Off they go.
INT.EXT. JEEP – DAY
SYLVIE drives the open Jeep down a curvy outskirt road, Valetta and the sea downhill already visible.
KITTY
You speak totally without accent
SYLVIE
We all do …
She points over her shoulder
SYLVIE
It’s the Canadian University on Malta.
KITTY
No shit, Canada runs a U here? Cool
SOUND SCENE OVER GIRLS TALKING IN JEEP
GOON BIKER
(O.S.)
I guess we have her back on the radar.
DARK
(O.S.)
Copy that. Are you sure?
GOON BIKER
(O.S.)
50-50 chance. We’re one click away and she wears different apparel and long sleeve.
DARK
(O.S.)
Check it, get her, no injuries. Copy.
CUT TO:
SUSPENSE A triangle of five bikes, goons in leather jackets and helmets.
GOON BIKER
Copy that, sir.
Bikes speeds up into camera and out of frame.
BACK TO:
Kitty checks the traffic regularly behind them
SYLVIE
(smirks)
…and our faculty is only one year old. We’re kind of the guinea pigs here, but it’s brand new though. And the internet is a blaze.
KITTY
So you guys are why I move up here, my apt uses your signal.
SYLVIE
What are you here for?
DANGER : Kitty registers five e-motobikes following, yet nothing weird
KITTY
I am starting at the Queens and Kings. As a white hat.
SYLVIE
No shit. As resident white hat on Malta? How cool is that?
Sylvie unlocks her mobile with eyelock and hands it to Kitty
SYLVIE
I study IT biz management. Type in your number and I’ll text you, the IT gang up here is actually pretty cool.
KITTY
Sure, thank you. I hope I’ll be for a while
While she types Kitty checks the mirror again, her mood changes
KITTY
Not sure yet. Take the next left, slow down then and then speed and get away
SYLVIE
What?
Kitty checks the area
KITTY
Please do. We re followed, don’t turn around check your mirrors. See the motos?
SYLVIE
Yes
KITTY
Ok, speed up, see the bushes, take a left there.
EXCITEMENT: Sylvie checks on Kitty, she is serious. She hits the pedal and the Jeep jumps forward.
CUT TO
DANGER: The goons on the e-driven bikes react and increase the speed easily.
CUT BACK
EXT. CORNER MAIN ROAD / SIDE STREET – DAY
The Jeep takes down the road and turns a sharp left. Sylvie hits the brakes and ….
ADRENALINE:… Kitty jumps out and rolls away before the Jeep stops
PLAN: Kitty waves Sylvie to speed it and covers.
DANGER: The bikes turn around the corner and chase behind the Jeep when…
EXCITEMENT:… Kitty jumps out of from her cover and knocks the last goon off his bike.
The other four bikes are in pursuit of the Jeep.
Kitty hits the helmet of the goon 5 two three times against the tarmac making sure he is unconscious. She picks up the bike hops on and turns into the other direction.
DILEMMA: Kitty looks back
INTERCUT
Sylvie, the Jeep and the four bikes in pursuit.
CUT BACK
NEW PLAN/ DECISION: Kitty donuts the bike, hops off. She takes the helmet and biker jacket of goon 5 and take them on. She hits him unconscious again.
TWIST: Kitty jumps on the bike and follows the goons.
DANGER: The four bikes become five again, chase …. and stop the Jeep. Kitty stops alone on the other side of the Jeep, HUMOR: tries to hide her cut off jeans and naked legs.
GOON BIKER
Where is the other lady?
KITTY
I don’t know. She got off at her final destination, back there at the corner
GOON BIKER
Heck, back guys
He makes the biker sign for a 180°turnaround and off they speed, from where they came.
EXCITEMENT: – Kitty takes a bit more time to turn, gives Sylvie …
STACKING DIALOGUE: (mute) … a thumbs up, only now
RELIEF: … Sylvie realizes who is behind the helmet visor and grins, makes a call me sign.
– Kitty follows the other bikes
Twist: – Kitty drives behind the four bikes, the street forms a fork and Kitty takes the other road.
EXT. MAIN ROAD – SIDE STREET – DAY
NEW SITUATION: The Goons arrive at the corner and find Goon 5 unconscious on the boardwalk. And no bike.
GOON BIKER
We were five at the Jeep? Right?
Goon biker 2 and 3 look at each other, nod
GOON BIKER
She‘s playin us, god dammit. Back.
DANGER: Chase.
PLAN FAILS Kitty realizes the goons are back in pursuit
EXT. HIGH SEASON’S GROWTH FIELD – DAY
NEW SITUATION: she drives off the road into high season’s growth.
ADRENALINE: Kitty sees a cute little baby bunny ducked in the growth, looking at her in pain approaching….
DECISION … Kitty hits a break and swings around the baby bunny on the front wheel. She sees four helmets in the growth, none is directly in line behind her. Kitty ducks.
– The bikes shoot by, none stops
NEW PLAN – Kitty takes a 90° turn and drives away, ducked and mid speed
– No Kitty ahead. Goon 2 stands on his bike and sees Kitty in a different direction. He signals Goon Biker, they change direction.
PLAN FAILS – Kitty realizes goons are back in pursuit and pulls the throttle.
CHASE
– Kitty sees that the field ends and a natural wall of rocks is in her way, …
NEW PLAN … she uses three rocks as a ramp and
EXCITEMENT:…jumps high over the wall of rocks, only …
EXT. BEACH HANGOUT – DAY
SHOCK/ ADRENALINE: …to see the beach is two floors lower than where she jumped off… and
SURPRISE: (POV Kitty) …
KITTY
OMG! Shit
there is a bunch of people down there
– she flies with the bike and lands on sand …
EXT. BEACH HANGOUT – DAY
…and into a beach club, jammed with party people.
EXCITEMENT: – Goon 3 lands unfortunate, his chase is over. DANGER: Goon Biker, Goon 2 and Goon 4 make it and follow Kitty through the beach club
– Kitty speeds through people jumping out of her way …
… on a dance floor,
– BAAM Goon Biker makes a waiter with tablet go flying.
– Kitty ducks and sideways her bike, slides underneath a volleyball net
KITTY
(not that she’d like it)
Aaaahhhhh, jeez
– Goon 4 is too close, he stays on the beach volleyball field. And the net with him.
– Kitty speeds out of the club and around a corner.
EXT. BAY WITH MUDDY GROUNDS – DAY
ADRENALINE: Into the sea, speeding with a gist of water behind her.
TWIST: – all of the sudden the bike slows down more and more
KITTY
(muffled)
What the heck?
NEW SITUATION: – Kitty checks the bike, seems ok … She realizes she is driving on a weird kind of mud … She throttles the gas down and the bike takes back grip but refuses to gain speed. Kitty has to drive slow.
EXCITEMENT: Kitty turns, the goons have to drive slow as well. Cool.
TWIST/ DANGER: A chopper shows up, a goon roping down from the bird.
Antagonist new plan :The goon on the rope sinks towards Kitty’s level…..goon grabs Kitty from behind.
GOON ON ROPE
Let’s go honey, that’s it.
ADRENALINE: – Kitty manages to keep her balance into a stand up position and her feet under the handlebars, the goon can’t lift her and the bike.
KITTY
Really? too big for you.
ADRENALINE: Kitty finds her stand sideways on the bike, controlling the throttle with one foot to keep it moving and fighting the goon with one foot and her hands.
DANGER: – Kitty is running out of time, she has crossed the bay almost.
KITTY
Times up.
A’s PLAN FAILS EXCITEMENT: Kitty ducks and the goon tries to follow when Kitty jumps and finishes him with a roundhouse kick in the air while turns and flips back into her drivers position.
NEW SITUATION: – Kitty gets out of the muds and speeds again, the goons still in the mud.
NEW PLAN – Kitty reaches a road
– Where to go?
– Kitty takes the direction that leads into an ancient village.
DANGER: – The goons balance out of the mud, throttle up and speed behind her…
EXT. OLD VILLAGE – DAY
EXCITEMENT: … and all into an old village,
– through a small bazar
– narrow and curvy streets
– stairs down and…..
… Goon 2 signals Goon Biker to take a different route and follows Kitty up the ancient stair,
– Kitty jumps out of the stairs and goon 2 speeds to jump too at the end of the stair and ….
… BAAM crashes into the side of a delivery car .
EXT. PIAZZA WITH BALCONY OVER THE SEA – DAY
EXCITEMENT: – Kitty speeds around a corner onto a Piazza with a large terrace balcony over the sea.
SURPRISE: – From the only other street across the place comes a huge delivery truck and cuts her off all her alternatives. The truck rolls towards the terrace,
DANGER: – Kitty is too fast, there is no way out, they gonna collide …
ADRENALINE: … Kitty takes the bike onto the side and glides underneath the truck …
SUSPENSE/ FEAR…Kitty rolls away from the bike and she is still too fast
… the bike glides and shrieks on the cobblestones like on ice
– Goon Biker arrives just in time, manages to stop and to see …
…how the bike crashes through the balustrade and goes flying into high air …
SUSPENSE … while Kitty is rolling still too fast sideways into a store and out of sight.
– Goon Biker drives to the place where the bike broke through, looks down. The sea and nothing but the bike sinking.
NEW SITUATION: And no Kitty, she s gone.
GOON BIKER
Holy shit. (taps helmet mike) Boss, sir?
INT. SHOP BEACH ACCESSORIES – DAY
RELIEF – Lucky Kitty stranded in a store for beach accessories and rests within a pile of inflatable rubber ducks, unicorns, dolphins and swans. She takes the helmet off, checks her bare legs, arms and hands. Kitty sees the lizard pulses excited.
SOMETHING NEW REVEALS (Trust) Kitty fumbles her mobile out of her pocket, checks
– screen is broken
– Kitty tries to press something. YES! it rings.
PAUL
(O.S. through mobile)
That was quick.
KITTY
Yes. – Yes, please do pick me up.
PAUL
Sure. Where?
KITTY
(caught on the wrong foot)
Em, on the floor of a .. a, I’ll text you the location.
PAUL
Ok.
KITTY
And I need a new phone
But Paul already bung up on her.
Kitty checks her iwatch – 51 hours and 11 minutes left – running backwards.
Kitty looks at the lizard and allows herself to sink back onto the unicorn.
-
Nick’s Fast Formatting
What I learned: Finding the right word can eliminate a lot of verbiage and convey the same idea more dramatically.
A Climax Scene from Spooky Holler Massacray
INT. BARN – CONTINUOUS
Juan races up to Gloria.
JUAN
Gloria! I’m here!
He pulls her gag down.
GLORIA
Juan! Thank god! Ooh, baby, be careful! Don’t move me. You’ll tear my ear off.
JUAN
(sees the nail)
What did they do to you?
GLORIA
Get Coral, first.
Juan moves over to Coral, unlatches, raises the yoke. He turns back to Gloria. Coral stands, removes her gag, pulls up her shorts and ties her blouse ends together.
CORAL
Where’s Emilio?
JUAN
He’s distracting them for now. We must hurry!
Coral drops and unties the ropes around Gloria’s legs. Juan examines the nail in Gloria’s ear.
JUAN
Where’s the hammer he nailed it with?
CORAL
Here it is!
She picks it up, hands it to Juan.
WE HEAR Emilio’s WOODY WOODPECKER TRILL in the distance:
EMILIO (O.S.)
AaHaUhAa! AaHaUhAa! AaHaUhAa!…
BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! A pregnant pause.
Coral looks toward the sound, her face anguished.
CORAL
Emilio!
EMILIO (O.S.)
AaHaUhAa! AaHaUhAa!…
BLAM! BLAM!…
Juan tentatively brings the hammer claw up to the washer, touches the smashed, purple ear underneath.
GLORIA
Ow! Ooo!
JUAN
(dreading it)
I can’t get the claw in without mauling your ear.
GLORIA
Okay! Okay!…Wait!…
(a nervous chuckle)
Better my ear than my life. Right?…Okay, do it!
Juan examines an area on the post just above her head.
JUAN
I’ve got a better way.
He focuses on the area as he steps back.
GLORIA
(nervous)
What are you doing?
JUAN
Trust me on this, sweetheart.
She drops her eye down to his feet.
GLORIA
What the…?
She squeezes her eyes shut as Juan twirls a round-house kick into the stanchion’s corner edge,…
…and, SOUNDING LIKE TEARING CLOTH, he rips away a three-foot splint from just above Gloria’s head,…
…splitting through the nail like a lightening bolt, releasing it,…
…and Gloria is free. She works the washer with both hands, like taking off an earring, winces, then yanks the nail from her ear and throws it angrily onto the floor.
CLOSE ON nail as it bounces and lands on the washer, NAIL POINTED UP.
Gloria knots her blouse, then gingerly touches her ear.
JUAN
You all right?
GLORIA
How does it look?
JUAN
It’ll be fine. Did they — you know…?
GLORIA
Tried.
They quickly hug and kiss. He releases and grabs her hand.
JUAN
Come on! We gotta go!
GLORIA
(looking down)
Where did you get those legs?
JUAN
Later…Let’s Go.
He grabs Coral’s hand. They start to run, freeze. Buck and Microcephalic Twin #1 glare at them over the Dutch door.
BUCK
Whey ya goin’ with them there does?
Buck kicks open the half-door, stomps in.
Juan and the girls spin around, take a step, freeze.
Dora Hitchcock stands woozily in front of the lean-to doorway, footprint bruises on her face, glaring at them. Around her stand Leon, Dolf, Sonny, Donny, Walt, and M.Twin #2.
DORA HITCHCOCK
You kilt ma boys, blowed up ma shed, ‘n made a motacicle junkyard of ma front yard. You crispies is outta control. So here’s what we gonna do.
GLORIA
Crispies? How many names you got for us?
DORA HITCHCOCK
Tell me yo’ sorry and I maght fergive y’all befo’ I butcha y’all. Be mo’ kosha that way.
(shakes her head)
I grant cha… Y’all’s the most wildest crittas ma boys ‘n yours truly ehva tangled with.
GLORIA
Critters! We’re human beings, you — you psychopathic sow!
DORA HITCHCOCK
Ooh. Big word. Gots a little feisty left in ya, don’ cha? You don’ make it easy, that’s fer sure.
(to the skinheads)
Boys!
Leon, Dolf, Sonny, Donny, Walt, and Microcephalic Twin #2 spread out around her.
DORA HITCHCOCK
Y’all’s a once-‘n-a-lifetime catch! It’ll be a special hona to serve y’all up as a fi’-star guest en-tree.
THOP! A 5-inch circular saw blade instantly appears on Dora Hitchcock’s forehead. She stumbles backwards, BANGS against the wall and slides down to the floor, out cold. The horse collar crashes over her head–a ringer.
Leon, Sonny, Dolf, Donny, Walt, and Microcephalic Twin #2 turn to her, stare down uncomprehendingly.
SKINHEADS
Mama?…Mama?…Mama?…Mama?….
Coral whips around, beaming with relief at the sight of Emilio as he steps through the Dutch door behind Buck and Microcephalic Twin #1.
CORAL
Emilio!
Buck and MT #1 turn to Emilio as he fires a saw blade between MT #1’s teeth. THOP! Rips his cheeks back to his tonsils. His jaw drops into a “Scream”-like yawn. He ROARS LIKE A BASSOON, pulls away the blade.
Buck draws his gun and points it at Emilio, then jumps and freezes in saucer-eyed shock.
Juan pulls his foot blade out from Buck’s ass.
JUAN
Piggy-pokey, mother fucker!
Buck drops to his knees; twists around to fire at Juan. THOP! A saw blade in his neck. Blood spurts. The gun discharges aimlessly — BLAM! He tips over, crashes to the floor.
Juan snatches up the gun, turns to the stunned skinheads.
JUAN
Stay right where you are!
Microcephalic #2 pulls out his knife, charges towards Emilio. Coral lunges against the back of his legs, clamps on. He crashes forward onto his face, then doesn’t move anymore.
Emilio takes MT #2’s knife, stands with Juan. Gloria and Coral dash over to the wall, grab hayforks.
Walt charges. Juan squeezes the trigger: CLICK! CLICK!
Juan jumps aside, spins a 360-degree aerial wheel into Walt’s thorax. THUK! Walt crashes forward.
Emilio zings a saw blade. Dolf ducks it. It sticks vertically into the stanchion. THUD!
EMILIO
(to Juan)
My last one!
They dash over to the wall, make a stand in front of Gloria and Coral. Skinheads move towards them, teasing their knives.
Sonny lunges at Juan. Juan spins, snags his blade on a log chain hanging from the rafter. He falls backward, kicks the knife out of Sonny’s hand.
Sonny grabs him by the blades, wheels him around, slams him into the back of Leon, creeping towards Gloria. Gloria instantly anchors the end of the pitchfork handle to the floor with her foot as Leon lurches at her at full speed.
GLORIA
Eat this, you fuck!
Leon sinks into the fork tines with momentum, causing the pitchfork and him to rise over her and crash into the mounted moose head. The hayfork stays vertical, balanced.
ON LEON AND MOOSE HEAD: His nose smashed against the moose’s snout. Their dead, startled eyes stare at one another.
Sonny wheels Juan around like a hammer thrower.
— Juan SEES it coming, tucks in his head as his hair grazes a stanchion.
A knife SWIPES across the screen. Emilio dodges it and, like a cobra, flicks his fingers into Donny’s eyes. Both eyes pop out, and hang down his cheek like paddle balls.
Donny ROARS, swings his knife at Emilio. Emilio backs off.
Donny charges low, like a bull, arms spread to capture. Emilio elegantly sidesteps as Donny hurtles by, trips and runs headlong into the saw blade struck in the stanchion earlier, cleaving his skull and sticking him there.
Donny slumps into a genuflecting pose, head morticed to the stanchion, eyeballs swaying and bumping each other.
Sonny whirls Juan in faster circles. He lets go of Juan’s legs and falls back dizzy. Juan CRASHES into the hanging chain, grabs on, and swings out with it. Sonny staggers up, starts toward Juan as Juan swings out and back, quick-steps against the barn wall, comes around, and snags Sonny in the gut with a sweeping kick and pulls it out.
Sonny stands in shock as he watches twenty feet of his small intestine unravel from his gut, then six feet of colon.
Stretched to its limit, Juan kicks the intestine off his blade. It snaps lazily back and coils thickly around Sonny’s neck. Sonny CHOKES, topples backwards into a sitting position against the wall.
Coral makes jabs at Dolf with her hayfork. He knocks it away, grabs her by the throat, snarls:
DOLF
I want some of that red….
SNAP-SLAP! A black snake whip coils around his neck. He’s yanked backwards.
Emilio pulls on the whip, forces Dolf to run backwards in a circle, off balance, over to the guillotine.
Emilio trips into a manure gutter, falls, lets go of the whip.
Dolf tumbles onto the guillotine table —
slides through the blade’s tree frame —
grabs onto the release lever —
The guillotine blade swooshes down —
KARSZIT!
The top quarter of Dolf’s body rolls off the table–
lands upright on the floor —
an armless bust on an expanding pad of blood.
A severed length of whip hangs from Dolf’s neck like a thick Texas string-tie. His eyeballs flutter white.
DOLF’S BUST
(nodding off–dead)
Redheads!
EXT. SPOOKY HOLLER ROAD ENTRANCE – TWILIGHT
Mankill leads a stream of skinheads on Harleys off the blacktop, BLATS into the hollow.
INT. BARN – MORNING
Juan, Gloria, Coral join Emilio, who tries to get up.
EMILIO
I tore a ligament in my ankle.
Juan helps him up. Emilio hops, grimaces, can barely stand. Coral gets under his arm.
CORAL
You’re my man, baby!
She gives him a kiss on the cheek.
They pause to survey their work: We see a skinhead on the end of a pitchfork staring at a moose, an alabaster bust on a red spread, the genuflecting man, a man entangled in intestines.
GLORIA
I woulda never thought I had it in me to commit such mayhem.
EMILIO
When cornered, no choice. You fight to stay alive. It was them or us. Better them.
CORAL
Funny, I‘m not sickened one bit. They deserve what they got.
Juan signals quiet.
JUAN
Ssh! Listen!
They listen. Harley RUMBLING SOUNDS in the distance. They exchange looks of alarm.
JUAN
Let’s get outta here!
-
I think with a bit more practice I can improve and get into a rhythm almost to tighten up the scenes.
EXT. LAKE – DAY
Rachel, cold and tired, is ten meters from the yacht when gunfire PEPPERS the water around her.
She ducks underwater, dodging piercing bullets.
EXT. LAKE – DAY
Rachel grabs onto the bow and comes up for air, now hidden from view, she rips off her jacket, and throws it.
She listens to Nick’s CONVERSATION.
NICK (O.S.)
Where’d she go?
NICK’S PILOT (O.S.)
Look, her jacket.
EXT. DECK, NICK’S YACHT – DAY
Nick and his Pilot, binoculars in hand, are standing on the deck.
Nick leans over the side. His POV: Rachel’s jacket is floating away from the yacht
EXT. BOW, NICK’S YACHT – DAY
Rachel treads water.
NICK (O.S.)
(shouts, taunts)
I have the pills and your mom. What do you have for me, agent?
EXT. DECK, NICK’S YACHT – DAY
Nick paces the deck.
NICK’S PILOT
(points)
Look.
Hands the binoculars to Nick.
NICK
Is that what I think it is?
NICK’S PILOT
Should we warn her?
NICK
(amused)
No, stupid.
EXT. BOW, NICK’S YACHT – DAY
Rachel holds onto the bow, the swell of the water lifts her up and down and up. Her POV: a SHARK FIN is gliding towards her.
Rachel, looks for an escape.
NICK (O.S.)
(taunts loudly)
Are you sure you don’t want to join us?
Rachel swims back under the bow.
EXT. DECK, NICK’S YACHT – DAY
Nick leans over the railing.
NICK
(shouts)
We’re done waiting for you.
The shark follows Rachel under the bow.
NICK’S PILOT
(points)
I think she’s dead, boss.
Nick’s POV: thrashing, turbulence, and a cloud of BLOOD. The SHARK quickly swim away.
Nick smirks, turns and walks towards the cockpit.
NICK
Two down three to go.
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