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Day 16 Assignments
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Lori’s Profound Map Version 1 Requesting Feedback Exchange
TWELVE DAYS TIL CHRISTMAS
WRITTEN BY: Lori Lance
1. What is Your Profound Truth?
– It’s okay to continue living when the one closest to you has died.
2. What is the Transformational Journey?
a. Old Ways: A pastor who feels like it’s his responsibility to make Christmas memorable for everyone else is spiraling downward after the death of his wife.
b. Journey: Thomas is a small-town pastor who must face his first Christmas without his late wife. He searches for hope in order to give others hope in his Christmas sermon, all the while trying to avoid Christmas celebrations.
c. New Ways: The Pastor becomes receptive to help from his congregation and allows peace and joy back into his life.
d. Transformational Logline: A small-town pastor, the man that the town leans on the most, becomes the one it must hold up as he spirals downward in depression until he allows peace and joy back into his life for his first Christmas without his wife.
3. Who are your lead characters?
· Change Agent: Miriam, a long-time widow and friend of the Pastor and his late wife, would make a good change agent because she has had a similar experience.
· Transformable Character: Pastor Thomas
· Oppression: The oppression is time. Christmas is coming in twelve days, and Thomas must prepare a sermon on hope.
4. How Do You Connect With Your Audience in the Beginning of the Movie?
A. Relatability: Thomas seems anxious about Christmas coming so soon. Most adults have felt this. Everyone experiences loss at some point in their lives.
B. Intrigue: Things are going on under the surface with Thomas that the audience doesn’t know, but they can see that he’s troubled.
C. Empathy: Thomas is asked to take care of some difficult situations.
D. Likability: Thomas is sometimes self-sacrificing when it comes to helping others.
5. What is the Gradient of the Change?
EMOTIONAL GRADIENT: Forced Change. Christmas is coming, and Thomas is forced to take part.
DENIAL: The Pastor pretends everything is fine. – Challenge: He tries to make Christmas special for everyone else. Weakness: He’s in over his head.
ANGER: The Pastor gets angry when forced to engage in Christmas traditions that used to include his wife. – Challenge: He has trouble keeping up the charade. Weakness: He doesn’t consider other people’s feelings.
BARGAINING: He crosses boundaries as he tries to fix one family’s Christmas. – Challenge: Helping someone that doesn’t want help. – Weakness: He does not have control of other people’s feelings.
DEPRESSION: The Pastor spirals downward. – Challenge: Finding hope and joy by Christmas. – Weakness: He doesn’t have all the answers.
ACCEPTANCE: The Pastor gives his problem over to God and his congregation. – Challenge: Letting others help him. – Weakness: He needs his faith renewed.
6. What is the Transformational Structure of Your Story?
Mini-Movie
1 Status Quo and Call to Adventure:A quaint small town gets ready for Christmas. The main streetlamp lights are being decorated. Children are playing in the snow, and a nativity scene is created in front of a church. Inside the church, Pastor Thomas seems distraught over the lack of days before Christmas as he tries to complete his sermon, “The Hope of Christmas.” Christmas is coming whether he’s ready or not.
Mini-Movie
2 Locked into Conflict:Thomas is expected to console a grieving family after an accident, but he can’t.
Mini-Movie 3 — Hero Tries to Solve Problem but Fails:
The Pastor can’t pretend anymore. He doesn’t feel like celebrating Christmas. He undoes his Christmas decorations and shoves his decorated tree into a closet.
Mini-Movie
4 Hero Forms a Plan:Maybe he can make Christmas perfect for another family, but he crosses boundaries and makes them upset. He’s asked to stop trying to help.
Mini-Movie
5 Hero Retreats & Antagonist Wins:The Pastor spirals downward in depression.
Mini-Movie 6 Hero’s Bigger, Better Plan:
Pastor Thomas pretends that everything is fine.
Mini-Movie
7 Crisis & Climax:Thomas is nearly destroyed by going through the motions until he gives his problems to God and allows his congregation to help.
Mini-Movie
8 New Status Quo:Hope and peace are restored by Christmas.
7. How are the “Old Ways” Challenged?
What beliefs are challenged that cause the main character to shift their perspective…and make the change?
A. Challenge through Questioning:
· Is something wrong?
· Don’t you think she would want you to move on?
· Does moving on mean forgetting?
· What does Christmas mean to you?
· Can peace and joy be found in the twelve days before Christmas?
B. Challenge by Counterexample:
Christmas celebrations and traditions are happening
all around Thomas, and he can’t stop them.
Miriam finds peace and joy at Christmas even though
she is a widow.
Thomas meets a real scrooge, and he doesn’t want to
end up like him.
Thomas tries to make Christmas perfect for another
family, but that backfires when he crosses boundaries.
When talking to someone else about loss, they say,
“I think you of all people would understand.”C. Challenge by “Should Work, But Doesn’t”:
Thomas
is the pastor of a small-town church and writing a sermon about hope that should make him feel better, but he struggles to find words that feel
true.
As
Christmas celebrations happen all around Thomas, he should be able to get
into the spirit of things, but he only feels worse and spirals down into
depression.
Thomas
has always been a rock for others to lean on, but he becomes the one that
others must hold up.
Thomas
pulls out all the stops to make Christmas perfect for a family in need,
but it backfires when he crosses boundaries and makes things worse for
them.
Thomas
finally tells Miriam that he doesn’t want to celebrate Christmas because
his wife is gone. He ends up making the widow feel guilty about moving on,
and that’s the last thing he wants.D. Challenge through Living Metaphor:
Thomas hides his Christmas tree and
decorations but drags them out every time someone comes to his
house. It becomes an exhausting ritual that he can’t keep up. The
Christmas tree and decorations are a living metaphor for the pain he’s
trying to hide.Thomas is prepared to say “no” to all
Christmas celebrations, but when he turns down Miriam’s famous pie,
he must deal with her hurt feelings. The pie is a living metaphor for
traditions.When Thomas must oversee the Christmas play,
and his heart isn’t in it, he makes a little girl cry. Don’t you like
Christmas?” The play is a metaphor of what Thomas’ Christmas would
look like if his wife were still living.Thomas encounters a real scrooge, and he
is terrified that he will end up like him. The man is a metaphor for
Thomas’ darkest feelings.Thomas tries to write his Christmas sermon about
hope but is stuck because of his lack of hope. The Christmas sermon is a
living metaphor for hope.8. How are You Presenting Insights through Profound Moments?
A. Action delivers insight:
Action: Thomas tries to give a family in need the perfect Christmas but causes problems for them instead.
Insight: Thomas is denying his problems.
Action: The Christmas play that shows an idyllic family celebration throws Thomas into depression.
Insight: He longs for the old days.
B. Conflict delivers insight
Conflict: Thomas feels awful when he turns down Miriam’s gift. Insight: He truly cares about his town and congregation. He would never want to hurt someone’s feelings.
Conflict: When Thomas upsets a little girl at play practice, she accuses him of not liking Christmas. Insight: Thomas becomes aware of how his behavior must look to others.
Conflict: With every passing day on the calendar, Thomas is one day closer to facing his worst fear.
C. Irony delivers insight
Irony – Thomas doesn’t want to celebrate Christmas this year after the death of his wife. However, when questioned what his wife would want him to do, he says, “she’d say, Thomas, don’t be silly. Christmas isn’t about me.” (reasons) Insight: His wife wouldn’t want him behaving this way.
Irony – Though Thomas is trying to avoid Christmas celebrations, he tries to give a family in need the perfect Christmas he wishes he could have. (win/loss)
Irony – Thomas continually tries to write a sermon about hope when he feels there’s no hope. (motivation)
Irony – Thomas must help at the play practice, which shows the ideal family Christmas, something he believes he can no longer have. (win/loss)
9. What are the Most Profound Lines of the Movie?
When Thomas identifies the body from an accident as someone from his congregation, he says, “Death has won again.” He feels like he’s losing a battle.
When Thomas and Miriam are having a conversation about moving on, Miriam says, “Sometimes our joy needs a little nudge.” That’s a quote from a book, so I will need permission to use it or rephrase it, but it seems perfect for this character.
Thomas upsets a little girl at play practice, and the girl asks him, “Why do you hate Christmas?”
Miriam and Thomas fight about pie, which represents friendship and tradition. Miriam, in exasperation, yells, “Just take the darn pie!”
Thomas’ arc is complete from denial to acceptance when he gives his Christmas day sermon about hope. “In this world, we are all searching for the light. We are drawn to it because it is the only thing that can illuminate the dark places that scare us the most. We celebrate Christmas to remember that Jesus came to be our light, our hope. Isaiah 60:20 says, For the Lord will be our everlasting light, and the days of our sorrow will be over.”
10. How Do You Leave Us with A Profound Ending?
A. Deliver the Profound Truth Profoundly: By the end of the final scene, Thomas has successfully delivered his sermon about hope.
B. Lead Characters Ending Represents the Change: Thomas is moving on and has found hope again.
C. Payoff Key Setups: Thomas accepts help from others. The Christmas decorations and tree that have been hidden are on display. Thomas shares pie with Miriam. Thomas has completed the Christmas sermon.
D. Surprising, But Inevitable: Thomas finds hope again and delivers the Christmas sermon.
E. Leave Us with a Profound Parting Image/Line: The parting image will be joyful Christmas celebrations around the small town while music plays.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 5 months ago by Lori Lance.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 5 months ago by Lori Lance.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 5 months ago by
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What I learned doing this assignment is: My play needs to be largely deconstructed and redone, carefully working on all that I’ve leaned, one lesson at a time.
TITLE: Of Stigma and Grace
WRITTEN BY: Lynne Heatley
What is Your Profound Truth? Secrets are destructive. Love is infinite. People want to know who they are.
2. What is the Transformational Journey?
A teacher’s marriage ends after ten years when her husband finds out she had a son adopted out at birth; a son whose parallel story of early fatherhood culminates with mother and son being reunited after nearly thirty years.
The Old Ways:Social mores in 1956 dictate that a pregnant girl yield her child to adoption. Desperation/hiding/secrecy/trying to find a way to keep her child/learning to hide pain/constant internal silence/suffering with subsequent childlessness/concentrating on her career.
The New Ways: Adoption Act 1985 allows searching/love of own flesh and blood/joy in discovery of another/breaking silence/expanded lifestyle/extended family/expanded outlook.
3. Who are Your Lead Characters?
A young teacher who loses her son to adoption. The son. The husband.
The Change Agent is the son. He provides answers for his natural mother. He also needs to satisfy the silent connection that he feels. His life with his adoptive parents disintegrates and his need for his natural mother grows in proportion to his parents’ rejection.
A Transformable Character is the natural mother whose life changes through pregnancy. My character enters a world of unrequited pain, total silence, (friends and colleagues) and people pleasing (the future husband). Her recreated world collapses with the end of her marriage.
Betraying character — several.The person who recognizes Ros thirteen years later and leaks her secret/The husband who reacts without even asking his wife if the hearsay is true/Her son’s adoptive parents who love him initially but then despise him.
The Oppression for the Transformable Character is to be coerced into yielding her child for adoption. The attitude of her husband when they were engaged means she can never tell him her secret and thus she lives with the oppression of daily silence.
4. How Do You Connect With Your Audience in the Beginning of the Movie?
Ros -Transformational Character.
Relatability: This script is consciously created for the thousands of unmarried mothers who for many decades were coerced/forced into giving up their children for adoption in countries all over the world. Today unmarried girls can choose to keep their babies and the day will come in the not too distant future when all those bereft mothers will have died. This is their story, of life-long silent grief and impact that can never be undone. We see Ros finding herself pregnant. We learn from her the circumstances and see some of her pregnancy journey.
Intrigue: Ros marries some years later. A chance discussion makes her future husband’s views on the subject very clear and Ros chooses to stay silent. We wonder if the secret will remain so forever.
Empathy: We have seen the forces of society conspire to force Ros to yield her child against every instinct in her body. We have seen the judgement and treatment of medical staff.
Likability: Ros is an ordinary girl whose life changes forever in one night. She blames herself for accepting the lift home from a dance that results in her rape (days before contraception) and her reasons for not choosing to force accountability. We can see ourselves in situations where we have chosen not to battle an issue. We see her trying to challenge the system and losing.
Matthew -(son) Transformational Character and Change Agent
Relatability: We meet him as a small child with an older brother, being told by his adoptive parents how he was ‘chosen’. We see Matt with his little boy language and way of understanding, his reactions, and the reactions and questions of his older (natural born) brother. Cute children.
Intrigue: We wonder what changes will happen as he grows and how the family story will end. We realize he’s Ros’s son and wonder whether they will ever meet -by chance or choice.
Empathy: We watch on several occasions as the family dynamic changes during Matt’s childhood following the arrival of a third son -whose birth was deemed impossible. Matthew is no longer needed as a playmate for the first born son.
Likability: We see Matt unable to please his adoptive parents. He understands instinctively that since his younger brother’s birth his place in the family has changed and he no longer fits the mould. We wonder if things will go from bad to worse or whether they will improve.
5. What is the Gradient of the Change?
What steps do the Transformational Characters go through as they are changing?
Gradient 1. The Emotional Gradient
The “Forced Change” Emotional Gradient
Emotion Denial Ros avoids confronting her rapist.
Action Ros marries without disclosing her secret to her husband.
Challenge/Weakness She must now live with eternal silence and grieve her baby’s loss alone.
Emotion Anger Dave learns about Ros’s baby.
Action He ends the marriage.
Challenge/Weakness He asked no questions and seeks to rectify his childless marriage by remarrying, to no avail.
Emotion Bargaining Matt seeks parental support for his coming fatherhood.
Action He is thrown out of home.
Challenge/Weakness He finally realizes his parents have lost all feelings for him. Even at 18, he’s determined to create his own loving family.
Emotion Depression Dave receives a letter from (sister) Helen.
Action Dave realizes he has treated Ros badly, and denigrated his mother at the same time.
Challenge/Weakness He is contrite and seeks to make amends.
Emotion Acceptance
Action Matt arrives on Ros’s doorstep.
Challenge/Weakness To create a relationship and negotiate difficult questions.
The “Desired Change” Emotional Gradient
Emotion Excitement Ros meets a man she wants to marry.
Action She marries him.
Challenge/Weakness Disquiet that a scathing comment made about unmarried mothers during their engagement means Ros must keep her son’s birth three years prior a secret.
Emotion Doubt The marriage remains childless after ten years. Ros has realized the problem is with her husband.
Action Ros determines never to reveal her son’s existence.
Challenge/weakness Becomes a people pleaser and support for a controlling, ambitious husband.
Emotion Hope A background hope that one day she may know her son.
Action Throws a party for a new male staff member.
Challenge/weakness She realizes she’s been recognized by the man’s wife, from the time she gave birth. She wonders whether to confront her later to beg for her silence.
Emotion Discouragement Ros faces her husband’s fury when he’s told.
Action Moves several suburbs away and continues her career.
Challenge/weakness She has little to fill the void that the marriage papered over.
Emotion Courage Ros supports a fellow teacher whose child has found her.
Action Ros’ twenty-nine year old son finds her. They meet.
Challenge/weakness Having to fill in the missing years. Fear of ‘putting a foot wrong.’
Emotion Triumph The void inside her is filled.
Action Ros meets unknown extended family, including two grandchildren.
Challenge/weakness Sorrow that her son’s adoption had become a loveless match.There is now the challenge of presently living some distance apart.
6. What is the Transformational Structure of Your Story?
MM#1 Ros is raped following a dance, becomes pregnant and leaves town to have her baby and give him up for adoption. Baby Matthew is adopted by a couple with one son.
Turning Point: Call to Adventure. A move to start life anew amongst strangers.
MM#2 Ros marries in a town far away. Matthew is told he is ‘chosen’ by his adoptive parents.
Turning Point: Locked In. Doesn’t tell her husband about her child. Continues her career. Lives the secret.
MM#3 The couple feel the social pressure of the times but become tired of trying for a baby after 5 years.
Turning Point : Failure to solve problems. Decide that the focus on conceiving a child needs to go. Matthew’s hunger for his natural mother grows in proportion to his parents’ rejection of him with the birth of another son.
MM#4 Ten years childless, Ros and David welcome a new staff member. Ros is recognized non verbally. Ros resolves to follow up.
Turning Point: Plan backfires. The new wife tells Ros’s secret before Ros can talk to her.
MM#5 Husband learns of the baby, and ends the marriage.
Turning Point: The hero retreats, the antagonist wins. Ros’ carefully constructed world has collapsed. Ros moves from the home. Matthew asks a Social Worker about tracing his mother but is told it is impossible. At 18 Matthew’s girlfriend becomes pregnant. Her parents are supportive. They marry.
MM#6 (NZ 1986) Ros contemplates searching for her son now that the Law permits. She supports another teacher whose child has found her.
Turning Point: Hero’s bigger, better plan. Matthew (son) finds Ros. Her void is filled. Layers of anguish settle within her.
MM#7. David, ex husband receives correspondence showing his mother had also lost a child to adoption.
Turning Point: Crisis and climax. David (adores his mother) realizes how he dismissed Ros without allowing an explanation.
MM #8 Ros makes peace with David. Ros and Matt meet.
Turning Point: New status quo. Ros travels to Matt’s hometown to meet his wife and her two grandchildren. She gains an extended family. Ros is sad that Matt’s adoptive parents were unable to sustain their initial love for him, and hopes that one day they might reconcile.
7. How are the “Old Ways” Challenged? What beliefs are challenged that cause a main character to shift their perspective…and make the change?
Fiancé discussing unmarried mothers at dinner party (1960)
‘Who’d marry one of those girls?’
Discovers wife was ‘one of those girls’.
‘What have you done to me? What have you done to my name?
Counter: learns his own parents had lost their first child to adoption. He is no longer the eldest of four. Dave realizes how badly he treated Ros, states he must apologize, understands his mother is still the same mother, and agrees to meet with his older sister.
Helen (sister) has already met with their mother. Whilst Dorothy (mother) was delighted to meet with the daughter she had lost, the old ways might have asked that she didn’t tell the children (from the marriage). Born in 1913, she’s of a generation that would find even more shame in her secret being known, so she’s the ‘counter’ to the mores of the times, and also the means to Dave changing his judgmental ways.
Questioning: Wife of Dave’s new staff member has brought in paperwork needed for her husband’s wages. Tells wages’ clerk she recognized Ros from living in a Church hostel in another city thirteen years ago and Ros had been there waiting for her baby to be born.
Libby: ‘Why are you telling me this? Have you said this to Ros?’
Begs her to get in touch with Ros and begs her not to repeat this to anyone.
Linda (on teaching staff) asks for the next day off. Admits she has a child who has found her and who will be in her city the following day.
Counter: Ros grants the day off and then lets Linda in on her own secret ‘There are a lot of us about.’ She’s taking a risk sharing this with Linda especially after her marriage ended because of her secret being told.
Matthew (29) finds Ros. He tried via social workers about ten years prior; was told the records were sealed forever. He drives eight hours without letting her know he’s coming, fearing rejection if he phoned or wrote first. Counter -his inner turmoil is calmed when he is welcomed -and Ros can see and touch her never forgotten only child.
Should work but doesn’t :
Ros chooses silence over her pregnancy and the adoption of her child. Ros marries expecting to keep her secret forever. Ros expects to have other babies when she marries.
Dave finds out 13 years later. The pivotal moment is him ending the marriage without asking for an explanation.
Matt and his adoptive parents. In the old ways they adored him, but after the birth of a second natural child, Matt’s genetic differences infuriate them. The adoptive parent/child relationship was expected to be life long but Matt is loathed more and more. At a young age Matt seeks help to find his natural mother but the Court documents are sealed. Matt knows he will find his own way in life when he grows up and leaves home.
Living Metaphors:
Matt -unable to please parents. Thrown out of home as a young apprentice. Contrast of being welcomed by pregnant girlfriend’s family.
Matt invites his parents to his ‘shotgun’ wedding. They don’t acknowledge.He pleads with them to get to know their grandchild but told ‘no grandchild of ours.’He attempts to engage them over the next ten years, but they maintain silence. Matt uses the opportunity for change and growth with Louise’s parents becoming his surrogate parents, encouraging and supportive of the young couple’s dreams.
Ros -has filled her life after divorce with a teaching career. She’s living alone when Matt knocks on her door.There is the unexpected moment when nearly thirty years of pain and anguish and wondering is dispelled in an instant. She’s been mentally imprisoned and now is the time for rebirth and growth and connection.
Dave receives a letter from an older sister born to his parents before their marriage. The letter allows him to realize that his saintly mother was also an unmarried mother (1930) who’d lost her firstborn to adoption. He’s stepped into a maze.
Dave had remarried and hoped to have children, but there are none. His moral compass has reset -he realizes how badly he treated Ros. He resolves to embrace his new sister, reassure his mother he loves her as much as he ever did, and to make some kind of amends to Ros – who has not been in his life since the divorce.
8. How are You Presenting Insights through Profound Moments?
A. Action delivers insight
Insight – Life goes on. (Flatmate) Margie’s dead fiancé’s family members are upset that she has moved her engagement ring to her right hand, a year after his death. She needs them to understand that she will never forget Pete but needs to have a social life.
Insight – Their marriage wasn’t worth enough to Dave to even ask Ros if a rumor was true; instead he reacted in anger and violence. She collects necessary documents and photos and hides them in her car.
Insight- Sometimes your best will never be good enough when prejudices are to the fore. Matt begins an independent life at 18, but over a decade later he’s still trying to gain acceptance from his adoptive parents.
Insight – the fear (1970s, 80s ) of a gay son being ‘outed’ and the deceit needed to keep up a facade. Rory’s parents are still waiting for him to meet the ‘right’ girl. Matt spends time with both his brothers and supports Rory one hundred per cent, but the adoptive parents don’t know that the three boys spend time together.
Insight – Do not presume, judge, or put people into boxes. Dave discovers his parents also lost a child to adoption before they married. Dave does end up ‘getting it,’ talks with his mother, meets and begins an ongoing relationship with his elder sister, and seeks out Ros (still in the same city -just a few suburbs away) to try and make amends for his cruel and judgmental ending of their marriage.
B. Conflict delivers insight
Insight -Sometimes we need to write a new page for ourselves to appreciate that life is beautiful.
Conflict is that Ros’ flatmate has moved her engagement ring to her right hand a year after her fiancé has been killed, and Margie being out and about socially is angering her dead fiancé’s family of multigenerational townsfolk. Conflict to be delivered with conversation between Margie and her fiancé’s upset sister who feels Margie must have forgotten her fiancé.
Insight -Violence of any sort is abhorrent, and sexual violence is not a separate category.
Conflict delivered by Ros’s non-consensual pregnancy. Conflict is delivered by Ros choosing not to report her rapist at a time when Courts proceeded with the view that somehow a girl provoked sexual assault.
Insight -There’s no ‘one size fits all.’
Conflict is the doctor delivering Ros’s baby referring to ‘You girls’. Conflict delivered by the doctor telling the nurse not to provide pain relief to Ros and the nurse quietly delivering relief after the doctor has left.
Insight -Tremendous devastation and havoc can destroy lives when a few words are spoken out of turn.
Conflict is someone recognizing Ros from her pregnancy days 13 years prior. Conflict is delivered when the woman tells her husband who in turn tells Ros’s husband (his new boss).
Insight -Every challenge is a chance to learn something new.
Conflict is Matt knowing his schoolgirl girlfriend is pregnant. Conflict is delivered when Matt tells his parents that he and Louise are to marry, with her parents’ permission and blessing, and wants his parents to accept Louise’s parents’ invitation to dinner for the two sets of future grandparents to get to know one another; and the total reaction is to demand Matt’s disconnection from the family.
C. Irony delivers insight
Insight: Death has a finality, closed adoption has no finality.
Irony – Margie loses her fiancé in an accident, Ros loses her child to the process of adoption. Margie comments that losing Pete was easier for her than Ros losing her son, because Pete’s death has a finality to it, wheres the loss of her son will leave Ros wondering for the rest of her days.
Insight: There’s more than one way to lose your child.
Irony – Matt’s adoptive parents who ‘chose’ him as a playmate for their natural born son have little interest in him after another ‘miracle’ son is born. They see Matt as different and hurl an accusation that he’s probably gay – (pure anathema to them). Their oldest (natural) son is in fact gay and knows he can’t reveal this.
Insight: Sometimes we choose whether we gain or lose.
Irony – Matt is petrified he will lose his own first child to adoption. His pregnant girlfriend’s parents are supportive. His parents disown him. Her parents gain two grandchildren, his lose enrichment.
Insight: Things are not always what they seem.
Irony – Dave accuses Ros of preventing pregnancy while they were married. When his second marriage is childless we can guess that it’s not Ros’s ‘fault’ that there was no baby.
Insight: Words can come back to haunt you.
Irony – Dave receives a letter that forces him to realize that the words he used with Ros apply also to his own, adored, Mother.
9. Profound Dialogue
Pattern A: Height of the Emotion. What are the Most Profound Lines of the Movie?
It is 1956 in a small town. Ros has had pregnancy confirmed -the conception was non consensual, having accepted a lift home from a social evening at an Air Force base outside of the town.
‘Who I am is forever changed.’
Thirteen years later and in another city some distance away, Ros’s husband of ten years learns of her pregnancy. They’re childless and his first reaction includes accusing her of deliberately avoiding having a ‘substitute’ child with him.
‘Every day of our marriage has been a lie.’
Matt at 18 and his girlfriend Lou, 16 and in her final year at school, discover there is a baby on the way. His parents refuse to accept an invitation from Lou’s parents to meet as the prospective grandparents.
‘We’re honorable people and won’t be meeting with any family whose schoolgirl daughter rolls in the hay.’
With a law change in 1985 Matt at 29 is able to search for his birth mother. He drives 8 hours on a Saturday to her current address, and Ros opens the door.
‘I’ve been aching for you all my life.’
Also with the law change Dave receives a letter from a sister born when his parents were 17 and 20 year olds and forced to adopt their baby out. He is wailing when he reads this, explaining to his (second) wife:
‘I called Ros the most vile names when I was telling my Mother why I was ending my marriage.’
Pattern B: Build Meaning Over Multiple Scenes
Line 1. ‘You ask me why I say I’m lucky?’
Talking to a friend about having given birth -Ros has no stretch marks.
Talking to her father about her husband on her wedding day.
Talking to Lou’s mother when she meets Matt’s family.
Line 2. ‘Girls like you….’
Huey after raping Ros and dropping her home. ‘…expect to flirt all night and be dropped at the door with a handshake.’
The doctor at the time of Matt’s birth. ‘…expect to have your babies whisked away in some nebulous kind of environment and then get back to your lives.’
Dave to Ros when ending their marriage ‘…are a scourge on everything that’s decent in womanhood.’
Line 3. ‘You can’t defend other women for fear of giving yourself away.’
Engagement party with talk of difficulty of getting the Pill before marriage(1956). Fiancé Dave is saying that boys sow their wild oats before marriage but he’d never marry any girl who’d got pregnant, describing them all as tramps, while another young man at the table says that can’t be so. Ros, v/o, tells herself to stay silent, as above.
Linda, a teacher on Ros’s staff needs a day off to meet a 31 year old child she’d lost to adoption.
Ros speaks of her own baby, now 29, but tells Linda they must keep each other’s secret as telling people can cause untold problems. As above.
Dave’s mother tells him about the baby she and his father had lost to adoption before they married -explaining that even when Dave was ridiculing Ros at the time of him ending the marriage, she couldn’t tell him, as above.
10. How Do You Leave Us With A Profound Ending?
A. Deliver The Profound Truth. Secrets cause pain. Extended family discover that love isn’t like butter -it doesn’t have to be spread more thinly as families, both natural, adopted and blended find and mix with one another. You cannot ‘lose’ someone when other family members are added to the mix. Family love isn’t about exclusivity. The final scene is a gathering at Matt’s in-laws that demonstrates this.
B. Lead Characters Ending Represents The Change
Ros has found her son. The son has found his mother. The husband realizes that his judgement destroyed his marriage and now becomes a better and less judgmental person, seeking to make amends.
C. Payoff Key Setups Folk overcoming feelings of shame/abandonment/failure in finding acceptance.
D. Surprising, but Inevitable
The adoptive parents have no idea their eldest son is gay. They cannot accept Matthew becoming a father at 18. Their view of life is inflexible.
E. Leave Us with a Profound Parting Image/Line
Ros has arrived to meet and stay with Matt’s extended family. She and Matt’s mother in law are in the garden.
Ros: I’m so lucky, so unbelievably lucky.
Louise’s mother: So are we all, dear Ros.
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jeff’s profound map
Hedgewood
written by Jeff Reynolds
What is your profound truth?
Everyone can create positive change
What is the transformational journey?
old ways
I could never do something like that.
journey
one step at a time each character gives love a chance
new ways
Say yes when love comes your way
trransformational logline
a homeless looking man who has decided to give love a chance gives love to a near homeless woman and a young homeless man
Who are the lead characters
Einstein-Jen- Dude are all transformable characters
change agent
book
oppression
life,nasty neighbor,death.
How do you connect with your audience at beginning of movie?
Audience has all experienced homeless situations before in their own life and are excited to see something being done. likeability, intrigue ,empathy
emotional graidient
forced change
Dude is beat up and everything is stolen from him, Jen loses her job and has no place to go
How are the old ways challenged?
All characters are fed up with the past, its been horrible and its time to move on.
How are you presenting insights?
Through action and education, Conflicts, fights
Profound lines of the movie?
uggghhh My dad, yeah probably the worst person who has ever lived. here we go again
How do you leave us with a profound ending?
The three characters not only get their own lives going again they get every audience members life a kick start and they want to join the love caper themselves. The world can be changed for the better. Its a decision away
parting image
The journey has been long and hard, Welcome my friends.( doors opening)
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Dale’s Profound Map
What I learned from this assignment was, when I reviewed all the lessons, there were more insights than I thought, and a lot of new ways to deepen the screenplay.
TITLE: Pickering’s Harem
WRITTEN BY: Dale Griffiths Stamos
WHAT IS YOUR PROFOUND TRUTH?
1. Sticking to your guns eventually pays off.
2. Learning to trust in your own insights and intelligence leads to greater self worth as well as recognition.
What is the Transformational Journey?
Old Ways:
She was brought up in a home of equality where both the boy and the two girls were given equal educations. She then went to Vassar where she received three degrees with honors: in physics, astronomy, and philosophy. In these rarified family and educational environments, she is led to believe that she, as a woman, can accomplish as much in the world of science, as a man.
JOURNEY:
New Ways:
Antonia learns, soon enough, that in the world she enters after graduation, the equality she expected is far from easily obtained. Nor is recognition of the unique work that she does. She discovers not only that she must fight for proper recognition, but she must overcome her natural shyness and timidity to stand up for herself and her discoveries.
Transformational Logline:
Antonia Maury, one of 19th century astronomer, Edward Pickering’s, “computers” who believes she can add to science but doesn’t realize she must fight for it, must navigate the biased and sexist world of late 19th century America, to learn to stand up for her worth and accomplishments.
WHO ARE YOUR LEAD CHARACTERS?
Change Agent (the one causing the change):
The change agent is Edward Pickering who is also, in many ways, an antagonist. He is an established astronomer, something Antonia longs to be, he is the one who hires her, albeit to only do “computing” work at less than half the pay the male employees get. He is the one who takes the bulk of the credit for one of her discoveries which spurs her, out of pride and a sense of justice, to resent this. He is also the one who rejects her classification system, forcing her to stick to her guns about it, even if recognition is long in coming.
Transformable Character (the one who makes the change):
The Transformable Character is Antonia Maury.
Betraying Character:
Antonia’s aunt, Anna Palmer Draper is, I believe, the Betraying Character, as she seems to represent women in science in the “old ways.” Even though she was very much a partner to her husband in his scientific endeavors, she is willing to take a back seat to him. She also represents the “old ways” in terms of women and their “proper” behavior, which she does not think Antonia is following. As such, she will end up not supporting her niece when the chips are down.
Oppression:
The Oppression is mainly the late 19th century world Antonia lives in—one in which women are underpaid and not thought capable of independent discovery. Pickering in his own way, is quite progressive when it comes to supporting women in the sciences. But he’s not progressive enough for Antonia’s need to make independent discoveries.
HOW DO YOU CONNECT WITH YOUR AUDIENCE IN THE BEGINNING OF THE MOVIE?
Relatability — They Are Us
We relate to Antonia’s naivete of how things really are in the world of science for women. We relate to her intelligence and desire to make a mark in the world.
Intrigue
For Antonia, the intrigue is how will she, as a highly intelligent and well educated woman in the sciences deal with a rather tedious and repetitive job that doesn’t pay women well? And will her contributions be recognized?
Empathy
We are at first excited for Antonia as she graduates and embarks on a career in astronomy, and then, like her, disappointed by how limited the work is (for example, she can’t be in the observatory looking at the night sky which she was so looking forward to). We also feel for her shyness and reserved nature. She is awkward and stumbles over her worlds – she is certainly not charming and beautiful like her aunt. (Perhaps Pickering praises her aunt to her, and she clearly doesn’t have these same traits.)
Likability
We see Antonia’s likeability in that, after her mother’s death, she delayed in responding to Pickering’s letter because she was taking over the household and arranging for her sibling’s education. We see she is caring and family-oriented.
GRADIENTS OF CHANGE
THE “DESIRED CHANGE” EMOTIONAL GRADIENT:
A. Emotion: Excitement
B. Action: Antonia gets a job at the Harvard Observatory as a “computer”
C. Challenge: Taking on her first science job after college / Weakness: Hubris / Expectation of more.
A. Emotion: Doubt
B. Action: Is disappointed to learn she cannot work in the observatory, wonders if her skills can properly be used as simply a “computer”
C. Challenge: To make use of her current position / Weakness: Resistance to the tedium of the job.
A. Emotion: Hope
B. Action: She begins to find interesting things in the work she’s doing – in particular in levels of a classification system that have heretofore not been discovered.
C. Challenge: To convince her boss, Pickering, of the value of her discovery / Weakness: Caught between wanting to please or placate him and wanting recognition
A. Emotion: Discouragement
B. Action: Leaves the Observatory, taking her data with her – not sure she will get the credit she deserves
C. Challenge How to continue her important work on her own or whether to abandon / Weakness: Pride
A. Emotion: Courage
B. Action: She returns to the Observatory, getting the credit she has asked for in the form of an article that features her research and has her name at the top. However, her classification plan is not adopted.
C. Challenge: How to move forward when the full value of her work is not really recognized. / Weakness: Resentment
A. Emotion: Triumph (and some loss)
B. Action: First she gets praise and recognition from other scientists, but her system is still not officially adopted. She pours herself into other work with the new director. Many years later, her classification system is touted as something that would have advanced astronomy by decades if it had been adopted. Then a final triumph then in receiving the Annie Jump Cannon Award for Astronomy.
C. Challenge: To accept that the recognition is better late than never / Weakness: Some residual resentment over the fact that she’d been right all along.
THE ACTION GRADIENT:
In Pickering’s Harem, there are setups in the beginning where the classmates tell Antonia how hard it will be out there (and it is.) There are the setups of various observations she makes that lead to distinct discoveries. There is the setup of her aunt telling her she must still “act like a lady” and her assertion in the end that a lady acts in many different ways. There are the setup situations with Pickering where she is looking to please him, but in the end realizes she must please herself instead. Questions that get setup and eventually answered are: Will Antonia overcome her insecurities and shyness to stand up to both Pickering and her aunt. Will she trust enough in her scientific instincts to know that her discoveries are valuable even if not immediately recognized
WHAT IS THE TRANSFORMATIONAL STRUCTURE OF YOUR STORY?
MM#1 pgs 1-15 Status Quo and Call to Adventure
Antonia’s normal world is one in which she is a Vassar student gaining honors in three areas, physics, philosophy and astronomy, attending a class taught by Maria Mitchell, who discovered a comet. She has received a home education from her father, equal to that of her brother (and her other sister – who also becomes a scientist.) She has been encouraged by her uncle in her interests in science, and even, from an early age, is invited into his lab to be his “assistant.” Not only does her father, a minister and an amateur naturalist, treat her equally, but so does her uncle.
The Call to Adventure/ Inciting Incident: When she goes to work for Pickering at HCO
Change Agent: Pickering
Transformational Character: Antonia
Old Ways: Entitled, naïve
The Vision: Make a contribution to science
Challenge: The work environment she enters only partially allows women to do science
Weakness: Shy, unassuming
MM#2 Locked into Conflict
Even though Antonia is disappointed to learn that she will not be able to make direct observations in the observatory (she might complain to her sister or her father about this?) and will only be a “computer” at less than half the pay, she soon realizes that her only other choice is teaching, and at least here, she is working in the scientific realm. So she begrudgingly accepts these conditions, albeit not ideal.
Old Ways: Some anger and resentment at this compromise
Challenge: How to still try and make a valuable contribution
Weaknesses: Doesn’t feel like she needs to follow authority (this may also be a strength)
MM#3 Hero tries to solve problem but fails.
In 1887, Pickering discovered the first binary star: Mizar (Ursae Majoris) and had Antonia calculate its orbit. However, she barely gets any credit for this work, which angers her.
Antonia then discovered a second binary, Beta Aurigae, (she is very excited by the discovery of double K lines) and calculated its orbital period,. She feels like she’s making a real contribution.
Change Agent: Pickering, through his not according her proper credit, forces her to stand up for herself more.
Old Ways: Assuming she doesn’t have to fight for herself, but it will be given her naturally
New Ways: Realizing she is going to have to fight
Weaknesses: Is still shy and emotionally fragile and so this is difficult for her.
MM#4 Hero forms a new plan
Fighting to express her own independent discoveries, Antonia realizes that the photos shot with the 11 inch Draper (her uncle’s!) telescope is enabling her to see things the other computers haven’t. She forms her own insights and in turn a more sophisticated classification system than the “accepted” Fleming/Pickering one. Annie Jump Cannon, meanwhile, works on simply refining that accepted system.
Vision: To make a true contribution to astronomy
Old Ways: Still believes her discovery will stand on its own
New Ways: Begins to believe she can make independent discoveries without Pickering or Fleming’s guidance
Turning Point / Midpoint: Pickering pressures her to finish her work, she leaves in frustration and exhaustion.
MM#5 Hero retreats and the Antagonism Prevails
Frustrated, Antonia goes home to live with her father – who complains to Pickering on behalf of his daughter (which she doesn’t want him to do.) She works at the Gilman School. She has taken her data with her because past experience has made her wonder if Pickering will give her credit for her discoveries. He asks her to come back, or at least let someone else continue with her data. “I do not think it is fair that I should pass the work into other hands until it can stand as work done by me,” she writes Pickering. Enter the antagonist, Anna Draper, who, though she is Antonia’s niece, represents the “old ways” in terms of women being contributors but being happy to be in the background, as she was for her husband. She tells Antonia she has still made plenty of contributions to science with the egotistical need to get personal credit for it. She even tells Pickering he should considering dismissing her. (Although, interestingly, she once harbored the dream of continuing her husband’s research herself. She ended up deciding to let Pickering, with his greater resources and equipment, take on the task.)
Vision: To get appropriate credit for her work.
Old Ways: Retreating, at first.
New Ways: Stands up to Pickering with her letter to him.
Betraying Character: She discovers that her aunt is encouraging Pickering to sever his relationship with her niece.
Challenge: How to continue her work under these conditions.
MM#6 – Hero’s Bigger, Better Plan
Antonia agrees to return when it appears that Pickering will, in fact, give her proper credit for her discoveries in terms of spectral lines. It was published in 1897 as “Spectra of Bright Stars Photographed with the 11-inch Draper Telescope as Part of the Henry Draper Memorial and Discussed by Antonia C. Maury under the direction of Edward Charles Pickering.” It was the first time, in fact, that a woman is given this sort of credit. But it is only a partial victory.
Despite two other astronomers praising the important subtleties of her classification system, Pickering uses the Annie Jump Cannon system, adapted from the Pickering/Fleming system, as the official spectral analysis system for the The Revised Harvard Photometry, published in 1908. Danish astronomer, Ejnar Hertzsprung of Copenhagen, an astronomer who had discovered Antonia’s system and used it distinguish red dwarf stars from giants, wrote the following to Professor Pickering: “To neglect the c-properties in classifying stellar spectra, I think, is nearly the same thing as if the zoologist, who has detected the deciding differences between a whale and a fish, would continue classifying them together.”
Old Ways: Passively accept what is happening
New Ways: Create a new path for herself, one she can live with
MM#7: Crisis and Climax
Antonia must decide whether to continue work at the observatory or to leave it, because of the lack of recognition for how much more significant her classification system is than the one that is adopted. There will be a scene between her and Pickering where she challenges him on using Annie’s system and not her own. His answers do not satisfy her, and, at this important crossroads, she chooses to leave and returns to teaching.
Old Ways: Try to get along.
New Ways: Give up on adapting to a system that doesn’t fully recognize her contributions and strike out on her own to form a new path.
MM#8: New Status Quo
She returns in 1918 to the Harvard Observatory as an adjunct professor and researcher, under the leadership of Professor Harlow Shapley, who is much better about giving her full credit for her work. She throws herself into her passion for binary systems, her favorite being Beta Lyrae which still has mysterious aspects to it. Her work summarizing many years of research on the spectroscopic analysis of this star gets published in 1933.
NOTE: *Not until 1922 did the International Astronomical Union (IAU) modify its classification system based on the work done by Maury and Hertzsprung, a formulation known as the Hertzsprung–Russell diagram.[12][16] Astronomer Dorrit Hoffleit has presented scientific evidence to support the view that stellar morphology was held back by 30 years as a result of the failure to adopt Antonia Maury’s stellar classification theory sooner. And of course, in 1943, she gets properly recognized with the Annie Jump Cannon award. The film returns to this moment, and to her finishing her speech, as the audience of fellow scientists heartily applauds.
HOW ARE THE “OLD WAYS” CHALLENGED?
Old Ways: Antonia’s old ways include: 1)Belief that she will have equal opportunities in the world – in other words – naïve to the ways of the world for women 2) Pride in her intelligence and honors in three areas of study 2) Reserved and shy 3)Intimidated by Pickering 4) Intimidated by her aunt 5) Despite her initial confidence in her skills, once working under Pickering, she grows unsure of herself and even depressed. 6) Has no confidence when it comes to her looks and style (this is continually re-enforced by her aunt) 7) Belief that her work will stand on its own.
OLD WAY: Antonia believes that her education will provide her equal opportunities in the world of science. (OW: Naivete)
CHALLENGE: Her classmates at Vassar try to disabuse her of this belief – emphasizing that it is nowhere near what is out there in the “real world.”
OLD WAY: When she arrives at HCO, she believes she will have the opportunity to work in the observatory – as she has observatory experience. (Again: OW: Naivete)
CHALLENGE: But either Pickering or Mina Fleming let her know that women are not allowed in the observatory for two reasons: It is night and therefore more “dangerous for the ladies” and the equipment tends to be heavy to manipulate. Of course, Antonia finds both these reasons ridiculous.
OLD WAY: Working with her uncle’s 11-inch telescope, Antonia believes that she should be using her initiative to note the special elements that can only be seen with these more close up views. She expresses her excitement at this. (OW: Faith her abilities will get rewarded)
CHALLENGE: Pickering lets her know that they are already working with the simpler-to-use Pickering / Fleming system and seems somewhat annoyed that she wants to go outside the bounds of that. He is on a deadline, and that kind of meticulous detail will slow them down.
OLD WAY: Pickering assigns her the task of calculating the orbit on a binary star, Mizar, he has discovered – which she does. She then discovers and calculates the orbit of a second binary star., Beta Aurigae. She is proud of this!
CHALLENGE: When Pickering publishes results in the American Journal of Science in 1890 about Mizar, the only mention he makes of Antonia is: “…a careful study of the results has been made by Miss A.C. Maury, a niece of Dr. Draper.” This is not the full credit Antonia expected. (He also announced the achievement at a meeting of the American Journal of Science in 1890 – probably with no or little mention of Maury.)
OLD WAY: Working with Pickering and his complaints about her work bring up her insecurities and vulnerabilities. (She had missed the agreed upon Dec. 1, 1893 deadline to hand in her work.) As she says in a letter to him: “I have often said that your criticisms had from the beginning so shaken my faith in my own ability to work with accuracy that I have been struggling with a great weight of discouragement from the start.”
CHALLENGE: And yet, she is not willing to give her up her data on the Northern Bright Stars or new work on the new binary, Beta Lyrae, and she expresses this to Pickering.
OLD WAY: Feels, as she always has, intimidated by her aunt, Mary Anna Draper. This doesn’t help when her aunt sides with Pickering, and may remonstrate Antonia about not being a good team player. Why does she need credit – she was perfectly willing to let her husband get all the credit though they both worked together. (OW: Insecure, dominated.)
CHALLENGE: She questions her aunt and says to her: “And is that fair, aunt? Is that fair to us women, is that fair to science?” (Stands up to her aunt.)
OLD WAY: She has a hard time combatting the sense of insecurity around Pickering and his demands for the work.
CHALLENGE: But she rises to the occasion and completes the work in 1895.: She is given proper credit for it in 1897 in the publication: Spectra of Bright Stars Photographed with the 11-inch Draper Telescope.”
OLD WAY: She continues to think that her discoveries and mapping out of a new classification system will have its day. (OW: Believing a discovery stands on its own with no mitigating circumstances.)
CHALLENGE: Nonetheless, The Revised Harvard Photometry was published in 1908 with The Pickering / Fleming system.
OLD WAY: At the Solar Union’s Pasadena meeting in 1910, where Pickering wanted astronomers everywhere to respect this compendium as the standard reference authority, she would have retreated from a fight before.
CHALLENGE: Now she defends her system at the meeting, saying the “c-characteristic… represented a fundamental property of the stars.” Danish astronomer Ejnar Hertzsprung also comes to her defense and in 1905 distinguishes two types of red stars, dwarfs and giants, and argues his red giants were the stars Maury had categorized with c-characteristics.
OLD WAY: Expects recognition.
CHALLENGE: Finds a way to move on by throwing herself into another astronomical passion that of binary stars – in particular the mysterious Beta Lyrae. She ends up publishing a lot about her research.
OLD WAY: The expectation that she would get equal recognition as a woman in science.
CHALLENGE: It was more of a struggle and took much longer than she expected, but she is finally vindicated by the the International Astronomical Union (IAU) modifying its classification system based on the work done by Maury and Hertzsprung, a formulation known as the Hertzsprung–Russell diagram. (Russell and Hertzsprung began work on this in 1913, relying on some of Maury’s system.) And then, of course, her Annie Jump Cannon Award in 1943.
5 Question Challenges to an Old Way:
Antonia’s old way: To believe that her work and her merit should stand on their own, regardless of her sex.
1. Her classmates question her naivete and tell her that she will not be accepted equal to men in the outside world.
2. Mina Fleming tells her that she won’t be able to work in the observatory.
3. Pickering questions her need to work in such detail creating a more refined classification system.
4. Her aunt questions her need for credit for her work.
5. Her father questions her ability to work at HCO when it’s clearly upsetting her and affecting her health.
5 Counterexamples to an Old Way.
1. Mina Fleming is a counter example because although she is not happy with the pay she receives, she works within the parameters Pickering has set.
2. Pickering is a counter example when he does not give Antonia full credit for her work on the 1st binary star.
3. Annie Jump Cannon proves another counter example when, after reviewing both classification systems, she decides to support and work within the Pickering/Fleming system.
4. Her aunt is a counter example as she represents the imperative to be “feminine” and to be willing to let the man take the bulk of the credit.
5. The Solar Union is a counter example when the majority of them decide to adopt the Pickering/Jump Cannon system rather than her own.
5 Should Work, but don’t challenges:
1. Antonia has experience working in an observatory. She should be able to ask for and be given the opportunity to work in the Harvard Observatory, but Willamina Fleming lets her know that women are not allowed.
2. At Vassar, Antonia got proper recognition for her work. (She was only competing with fellow women, thus the playing field was level.) At HCO, her work on the binary, Mizar, is not fully recognized by Pickering.
3. At Vassar, Antonia’s meticulous hard work always paid off. She was rewarded with honors in three different areas of study. But at HCO, her meticulous hard work is met with annoyance by Pickering who 1) does not want to even consider a different classification system and 2) Is in a hurry to publish results and Antonia is slowing that process down.
4. Antonia believes that she can get her aunt to like her more by proving her work useful, but instead, her aunt remonstrates her even more.
5. She decides to return to teaching (Old ways in that this is the “safe” choice) but her desire to work in the field of astronomy pulls her back to HCO, where, in fact, she is able to throw herself into work on the binaries.
5 Living Metaphor challenges
1. The “fly swatter” and glass plates she works on are metaphors for the intricate and detailed (and sometimes monotonous) work she has been relegated to. (Working in astronomy doesn’t appear to be as exciting as she had expected.)
2. Her uncles 11-inch telescope is a metaphor representing both old ways and new, in that he was one of the people who make her feel her mind was valuable, and his telescope is now enabling her to see more detail in her work, and thus make novel discoveries.
3. When she overhears the male colleagues refer to the computers as “Pickering’s Harem,” this challenges her old way of thinking she will be treated the same as the men.
4. The article published by Pickering about the binary star Mizar challenges her old ways of expecting equitable credit.
5. Binary stars themselves are a type of metaphor for the “double life” she must learn to live – one in which she is a woman and a scientist.
HOW ARE YOU PRESENTING INSIGHTS THROUGH PROFOUND MOMENTS?
Action delivers insight
1. Antonia stands up for herself with Pickering
2. Antonia stands up for herself with her aunt
3. Antonia puts forth her classification system for consideration
4. Antonia pours herself into a new passion
5. Antonia receives proper recognition
Ways to turn the New Ways/Insights into Action:
1. Antonia leaves the observatory and takes her data with her – writing him that she has no intention of handing that data to anyone else.
2. Despite her aunt telling her she must appear at dinner in “proper attire,” she comes to dinner wearing her usual drab clothing.
3. Antonia, though nervous, stands up in front of the Solar Union and makes an impassioned plea for her classification system. Only one person stands up and claps, that is Danish astronomer Hertzsprung.
4. Antonia returns to HCO and we see her analyzing data of the binary star Beta Lyrae, late into the night.
5. Antonia receives the Annie Jump Cannon award, and walks to the stage amidst enthusiastic applause.
Conflict delivers insight
INSIGHT – You must stand up for your own worth and integrity.
Antonia stands up for herself with her aunt in the following ways:
Through action – by wearing her normal clothes to dinner, rather than changing to suit her aunt’s demands.
Through argument – by calling her aunt out on being “old school” – on thinking an intelligent woman must hide it, and stand behind the man, rather than on her own.
Antonia stands up for herself to Pickering in the following ways:
Through argumentation – by arguing for the importance of her classification system
Through action – by leaving HCO, thus leaving Pickering in the lurch.
Through refusal to comply – with Pickering’s demand to hand her work over to another HCO employee
Antonia stands up to the scientific community:
Through argument: By presenting her system, despite her shyness, to an important scientific gathering
Through action: By refusing to give up on making a difference to science, despite setbacks (which she does, not only in her original area, but in others).
Irony delivers insight
INSIGHT: Intelligence and capability alone do not always win the day.
Antonia throws herself into her task of calculating binary star orbits and even discovers a new binary on her own, but she only gets minimal credit for the work. (CREDIT)
INSIGHT: Being a woman doing science in the 1800s means you might not always get recognized for your contributions.
Antonia discovers amazing details in her analysis of the stellar photos that enables her to create a more exact and nuanced classification system, BUT… Her boss, Edward Pickering, does not accept her system. Instead he throws his support behind a simpler system created by her colleague, Annie Jump Cannon. (WIN/LOSE)
Antonia stops the work on her classification system and leaves the observatory. (WRONG THING/RIGHT REASON)
INSIGHT: Sometimes you have to made a radical decision to get people to pay attention to your needs.
It takes years for Antonia to get her long overdue credit – a deep want she has had. But she does rediscover her passion for astronomy by throwing herself into the study of a mysterious binary. (WANT/NEED)
INSIGHT: Let your passion lead you.
Antonia has struggled during her life to get the love and approval of her aunt. In the end she asserts her own identity and pride in who she is, despite the aunt thinking otherwise. (IDENTITY)
INSIGHT: It is more important to please yourself than to please others
Antonia gives up on her classification system ever getting recognized, but 30 years later, not only does it become the adopted system, but she even gets the Annie Jump Cannon award (that being the ultimate irony!) (DEALS)
PROFOUND INSIGHT: In the end, the truth will have its day.
What are the Most Profound Lines of the Movie?
On receiving the Annie Jump Cannon award in 1943:
“Well, it is, of course, a great honor, although, it being now 1943, 45 years is quite the length of time between discovery and recognition, don’t you agree?”
“Thank god I have lived into my dotage, so that I might enjoy the honor while still of this world.”
“The irony has not been lost on me. It was Annie, after all, who revised a stellar classification system that was officially adopted in lieu of my own. It was she who received the accolades while all I received was decades long obscurity.”
“I came by my interests in science both naturally and by blood.”
“Maria Mitchell has proven: Why shouldn’t a woman discover a comet. And have it named after her? Are we any less capable? Any less intelligent? Any less diligent?”
In her speech on receiving the award: “The universe is unfathomably vast, but the human brain is greater yet, because it can comprehend it all.”
On Discovery of the second binary star, Beta Aurigae:
“Williamina, come quick! Look! Do you not see what I see? A doubling of the K lines – I believe it is another binary!”
“These twin stars are racing around each other at… oh my!… more than a 100 miles a second!”
“My dear Aunt Ann, everything is appearing in twos in my life these days: single and double tulips at the Boston Garden, my dual Vassar Alumnae memberships, and my lovely twin orbiting stars!”
“But of course, shh! Nothing must be said about these lovely binaries until all the calculations have been finished.”
“Please forgive, my dear Carlota, my need to boast, but eminent astronomer John Herschel wrote to Pickering, asking him to convey to me: his congratulations on having connected my name with ‘one of the most notable advances in physical astronomy ever made.’” Why cannot Prof. Pickering give me similar acknowledgement?
On not being able to strictly follow Pickering’s admonitions:
“My compulsive curiosity and my hunger to understand the meanings beneath the data overwhelmed any portion of the compliant within me.”
“He was the sun around which our planets (tightly) orbited. God forbid one of us escape that orbit; one of us dare create a gravitational pull (force) of our own!”
Anna Draper comments to Pickering: “The girl is stubborn, and far too independent-minded. Although she is my niece, I support you in any decision you make about her.”
Antonia – to her aunt regarding a woman not getting full credit: “Is that fair, aunt? Is that fair to us women; is that fair to science?”
On leaving HCO due to discouragement:
“I have been struggling against a great weight of discouragement from the start.”
“Your criticisms had from the beginning shaken my faith in my own ability to work with accuracy”
Antonia’s father: “My daughter is a lady and the feelings and rights of one.”
“Why did I have to obsessively pursue such a painstaking endeavor when a much simpler system already existed to which I could simply comply? Perhaps my obdurate personality will be my downfall.”
On a demand that she get due recognition for her work:
“I am most reluctant to cede my projects to anyone. I have in mind the completion of my work myself.”
“I do not think it is fair that I should pass the work into other hands until it can stand as work done by me”
“I think I should have full credit for my theory of the relations of star spectra and also for my theories in regard to Beta Lyrae.”
“At last! My ‘Spectra of Bright Stars’ is to be published, with my name in the title!”
HOW DO YOU LEAVE US WITH A PROFOUND ENDING?
A. Deliver The Profound Truth Profoundly
The Truth Will Out. Stick to your Guns and It Will Pay Off. Important Discoveries Will Find Recognition. Trusting and believing in yourself can lead to great discoveries.
B. Lead Characters Ending Represents The Change
In Pickering’s Harem, the transformable character, Antonia, represents the change by learning to trust in her instincts and persist against odds to construct her classification system and show the value and independent thinking of women in science.
C. Payoff Key Setups
In Pickering’s Harem, there are setups in the beginning where the classmates tell Antonia how hard it will be out there (and it is.) There are the setups of various observations she makes that lead to distinct discoveries. There is the setup of her aunt telling her she must still “act like a lady” and her assertion in the end that a lady acts in many different ways. There are the setup situations with Pickering where she is looking to please him, but in the end realizes she must please herself instead. Questions that get setup and eventually answered are: Will Antonia overcome her insecurities and shyness to stand up to both Pickering and her aunt. Will she trust enough in her scientific instincts to know that her discoveries are valuable even if not immediately recognized
D. Surprising, But Inevitable
What is the ending that seems like it will never happen in Pickering’s Harem? When she returns to HCO under the leadership of Shapley and throws herself into studying binary stars (in 1918), it seems her classification system will never get the due it deserves. But in 1922, it does and she is vindicated. And in 1943, she is even awarded.
E. Leave Us with a Profound Parting Image/Line
After Antonia says the line to the journalist about creating her own gravitational pull, we return to the receiving of the Annie Jump Cannon award and to the end of Antonia’s speech. She might say something like: “I speak to all you young astronomers out there, and particularly to the women. Do not let anyone divert you from making a discovery that you were uniquely born to do. Always stay true to the scientist within.”
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Karen Tolliver Profound Map Version 1
What I learned doing this assignment is it’s much easier to have all of your ideas contained in one place. Easier to read and see in order to make improvements to your script.
GENRE: Action Comedy
TITLE: THIS ISN’T ADDING UP
WRITTEN BY: Karen Tolliver
What is Your Profound Truth?
Another human being is not the source of your happiness. It’s what’s inside of you that makes you happy.
2. What is the Transformational Journey?
Old Ways: Naive, trusting the wrong men, not being loved by her father, allowing verbal and physical abuse in her life.
Journey: Sharon gets arrested for Embezzlement and is forced to look at her lying, cheating husband’s ways. She hunts him down in Aruba and a physical fight occurs leaving her to question her loyalty to him.
New Ways: Found herself and has inner peace, learned how to trust her inner being, finds a new relationship.
Transformational Logline: A naive, but intelligent Sharon gets caught for embezzlement, takes a journey to Aruba to find the real thief and discovers inner peace.
3. Who are Your Lead Characters?
Change agent: Carol Ridgeway <div>
Transformable Character: Sharon Anderson
Betraying Character: Andrea Taylor
Oppression: The forced pressure from the FBI
4. How Do You Connect With Your audience in the Beginning of the Movie?
Relatability: Sharon is a typical millennial woman who is very business driven loves her husband more than herself, and takes time out to bond with her girlfriends.
Intrigue: Sharon believes her husband is true to her, but is actually having an affair with his secretary and planning on running away with the company funds.
Empathy: Sharon is in jail arrested for embezzlement. She was set up. By her lying husband.
Likability: Sharon is always helping others giving advice to Andrea and keeping the peace inside the girls group.5. What is the Gradient of the Change?
Emotional Gradient: Forced Change. Sharon must believe Steven set her up for embezzlement and fight to clear her name.
We watch her go through these stages:
Denial: Sharon refuses to believe Steven had anything to do with the embezzlement of their Accounting Firm.
Anger: Her mother tells her Steven is just like her father.
Bargaining: Sharon travels to Aruba to catch Steven.
Depression: After an altercation with Steven, Sharon takes a walk on the beach alone.
Acceptance: Sharon confronts Steven and tells him she forgives him.
ACTION GRADIENT
SETUP
Sharon and Steven own their Accounting Firm and Steven is able to create a second set of books and steal from the company.
Sharon thinks she has the perfect marriage, but Steven is having an Affair with his secretary.
Sharon plans an Anniversary dinner and Steven is a “No Show”, but the FBI raid her house.JOURNEY
Sharon spends a night in jail, and later finds out Steven had two sets of Company Books.
Sharon fly’s over to Aruba to catch Steven and his secretary.
Sharon and The Girls have a showdown with Steven in Aruba.
Sharon meets James, a younger man who teaches her to search within herself.
Sharon and The Girls are followed by the crooked FBI agent in the airport and disguise themselves.PAYOFF
Sharon bugs the FBI agent office and she spies on him, finds out they want her dead.
Steven and the FBI agent come to Sharon’s house and get caught in booby traps.
James shows up at the house and is tied up.
Sharon tells Steven she forgives him, but Steven shoots Sharon.
Sharon was wearing her bullet proof vest and the police arrest Steven and the FBI agent.CHALLENGE/WEAKNESS GRADIENT:
Challenge: Released from jail and confronted with evidence of Steven’s second set of books.
Weakness: Naive, denialist, refuses to believe it.
Next Challenge: Everyone tells her Steven is no good.
Next Weakness: Sharon gets quiet.
Next Challenge: Sharon beats up Steven.
Next Weakness: Out of control, can’t change what happened.
Next Challenge: Sharon has a talk with God.
Next Weakness: Doesn’t know what to do now.
Next Challenge: Sharon confronts Steven, tells him he stole her life.
Next Weakness: Needs to learn to love herself.
6. What is the Transformational Structure of Your Story?
Mini-Movie 1 – Status Quo and Call to Adventure
The film starts with Sharon and Steven going on a Date Night where they agree no discussing business. Next Sharon, Steven, Carol, Diane, and Andrea go to an Award Dinner where Sharon wins Accountant of the Year.
Sharon prepares for a special Anniversary dinner with Chef at their home.
Sharon and her secretary Janea discover some files are missing.
Steven withdraws money from the bank and wires it to his account in Aruba.
Sharon and the girls go to Victoria Secret to buy sexy lingerie for the big night.
Steven sends “Fake” tax returns to the IRS and practice a “quitting scene” with his secretary Kate. They wait for Sharon to come out of her office, and they perform.
Steven is a “No Show” at the Anniversary dinner.
The FBI swarms the house and arrest Sharon for embezzlement.
Mini-Movie 2 – Locked Into Conflict
Carol bails Sharon out of jail
Diane tells Sharon and Carol, Steven has second set of Books, Sharon denies it.
Andrea makes soup for Sharon, and Sharon’s mom tells her “He’s just like your father” Sharon is infuriated.
Mini-Movie 3 – Hero Tries to Solve Problem – But Fails.
Sharon decides to get Steven in Aruba.
Carol’s husband David says Steven is buying property in Aruba.
Andrea has a fear of flying.
Steven and Kate are having fun in Aruba, but Steven drops the second set of books under the bed.
Sharon, Carol, Diane, and Andrea arrive in Aruba and go to The Soprano’s Bar. Andrea kicks a girl off stage and sings Karaoke, Sharon tries to stop her, but Andrea ends with holding up a picture of Steven and asking if anyone has seen him.
Mini-Movie 4 – Hero Forms a New Plan
A man at the Bar meets them outside and tells them he just sold his house to Steven.
Sharon and the girls go to the house, peeks inside and sees Steven and Kate kissing.
Andrea and Carol find ATV’s in the backyard and ride them through the front door, Sharon and Diane follow behind them.
Sharon attacks Steven, Kate hits Sharon, and Carol pulls Kate’s hair.
Andrea runs out from the kitchen and clobbers Steven over the head with a skillet leaving him unconscious.
Diane is upstairs and finds the second set of books under the bed. They all run out.
Mini-Movie 5 – Hero Retreats & The Antagonism Prevails
Sharon, Diane, Carol, and Andrea check in at the hotel. Diane and Sharon look over the second set of books.
Sharon can’t take it and takes a walk on the beach, has a talk with God.
Sharon finds a bar along the way, meets James the bartender who is studying to be a CPA.
James is quite younger than her and very handsome, but they have somethings in common, Accounting.
Sharon and James go out on a date to a restaurant. Carol, Diane, and Andrea follow them spying to make sure Sharon is ok. James gives Sharon some Godly wisdom and she confides in him her recent events in life. Sharon helps James study for the exam and invites him back to the hotel.
Mini-Movie 6 – Hero’s Bigger, Better Plan!
The girls pack their bags and go to the airport, but they notice their being followed.
They make a turn and the follower turns too. They run into the bathroom and come up with a plan.
They come out with a disguise on and the follower never notice them. They make it on the airplane, but something about him is familiar to Sharon.
Sharon remembers who the follower is. The FBI Agent who came to the house and arrested her.
Diane and Sharon make a plan.
Mini-Movie 7 – Crisis & Climax
James has passed his CPA Exam and is now on the airplane to LA for a job interview and to visit Sharon.
Sharon goes to see Agent Riggs and plants cameras in his office.
Agent Riggs calls Steven to tell him she is here. When he comes back to his office Sharon is gone.
Sharon and Diane watch them on camera.
Steven tells Riggs Sharon has to be killed, meet him at the house.
Sharon and the Girls booby trap the house.
Riggs and Steven come to the house and gets a shock from grabbing the handle. They walk around back and get hit with a rakes, trip wire and paint spilled on them.
James rings the doorbell. Steven answers and lets him inside. Riggs grabs him and ties him up.
Mini-Movie 8 – New Status Quo
Steven calls out Sharon and they talk.
Diane and Carol sneak into the living room while Andrea sneaks into the kitchen.
Diane Karate chops Agent Riggs knocking the gun on the floor, Carol and Steven struggle for the gun. Steven grabs the gun and shoots Sharon. Andrea runs from the kitchen with a skillet and hits Steven over the head. Sharon falls down the stairs and reveals a bullet proof vest. The police come and arrest the men.
Sharon has her day in court and the judge dismisses all charges against her, the girls walk out together.
7. How are the “Old Ways” Challenged?
Old Ways: Teenage girls should start developing big breast.
Challenge: Andrea, “Don’t worry you’ll get these someday”
Old Ways: Woman need to entice men by wearing sexy lingerie
Challenge: Sharon tells the girls “I don’t wear that”
Old Ways: The Police do what ever they want to do.
Challenge: The police steal her money, but accuse her of stealing.
Old Ways: Sharon believes her husband would never hurt her.
Challenge: Sharon finds out about “Second set of books” and now believes he can hurt her.
Old Ways: Her mother says, “He’s just like your father”
Challenge: Sharon gets angry quietly.
Old Ways: Andrea is afraid of flying
Challenge: Statistics show you’re likely to die in a car crash.
Old Ways: White people can’t sing
Challenge: Andrea grabs the Microphone from the White woman and sings.
Old Ways: People only talk to God when their in trouble
Challenge: God always listens and Sharon gets her answer.
Old Ways: When is the correct time to date after leaving someone?
Challenge: When your husband did you wrong you have no obligations to him, it’s time to live for you.
Old Ways: Your new man could be a killer.
Challenge: The girls say, “Let’s follow them, to make sure he doesn’t hurt her”
Old Ways: Only people with kids are responsible people.
Challenge: Consider the consequences of your own actions.
Old Ways: Blonde’s have more fun.
Challenge: Andrea says, “I’m enjoying the attention”.
B. Challenge by Counterexample:
Counterexample #1. Challenge: Teen age girls in front of Victoria Secret window looks at the new Push-up Bra.
Counterexample: Sharon says, “ It’s not your outside appearance that matters it’s what’s on the inside that counts”.
Counterexample #2. Challenge: Sharon believes Steven would never hurt her, he loves her.
Counterexample: Carol says, “When a person truly loves you they treat you like they want to be treated, with honer and respect. This (points to the file) is none of that.”
Counterexample #3. Challenge: Sharon’s mother tells her Steven is “Just like your father”.
Counterexample: Sharon in a Voice Over, “She’s right, how could I have trusted him after he pretends to love me so much and lies about everything that he’s doing behind my back.
Sharon cries and gets on her knees. “Dear God, how could I have been so blind, but I know I came into this world not having an example from my father how a man should love me, treat me right, or respect me. I know that its not your plan for me, so now I’m going to trust You and look inside of me for the answers”.
Counterexample #4. Challenge: Andrea snatches the microphone from a Caucasian lady singing Karaoke.
Counterexample: Diane says, “ Oh my God. I’m so embarrassed. Would you look at this heifer. Does she think just because she’s Black she can sing better? I got two words for her “Tina Marie”.
Counterexample #5. Challenge: Is it too soon to Date after Steven?
Counterexample: Sharon says, “ I asked God to help me and BAM I meet James. I think it’s a sign. Laugh if you want, but he’s tall, dark, and handsome. But, more than that I asked for someone who could put some joy into my heart right now. Someone that can take my mind off Steven and I can help and be of service too.
C. Challenge by “Should Work, But Doesn’t”:
1. Old Way: Sharon buys a sexy lingerie to entice her husband Steven on their 25 Wedding Anniversary.
Challenge: But it doesn’t work because Steven never comes home that night.
2. Old Way: Steven and Sharon are on their date night and the #1 rule is no business during the date.
Challenge: Steven’s secretary, Kate (whom he’s having an affair with) enters the restaurant with papers for him to sign. He excuses himself and the two kiss in the backroom but, it doesn’t work because they were noticed by an employee. Also, Sharon noticed lipstick on his collar, but ignores it.
3. Old Way: Things keep disappearing in Sharon’s office like the Horowitz file.
Challenge: Sharon leaves her office and Kate tries to sneak past Sharon’s secretary Janea with the file in hand, but it doesn’t work because Janea catches her.
4. Old Way: Sharon believes her husband would never hurt her.
Challenge: But it doesn’t work because Sharon flashbacks thinking about all the good times her and Steven had together.
5. Old Way: Andrea has a fear of flying and she’s on the airplane.
Challenge: Andrea starts to read information about airplane crash statistics and finds out a car crash is more likely, but it doesn’t work when the airplane goes bump in the air.
D. Challenge through Living Metaphor:
1. Old Way: Teen age girls stand in front of Victoria Secret window looking at the New Push Up Bra.
Living metaphor: Halle Berry is on a TV screen next door giving an interview saying, “It’s a lot of pressure to get plastic surgery, but I stand my ground. I believe aging is natural…”
2. Old Way: Sharon thinks the Police Department stole her money after leaving the jail and returning her belongings.
Living metaphor: After getting to the car, Sharon reaches into her pants pocket and pulls out her money.
3. Old Way: Sharon’s mother tells her Steven is “Just like your father, who abandon you”.
Living metaphor: Carol’s husband who is a wonderful man and father enters the room and tells Sharon what he knows about Steven.
4. Old Way: Andrea snatches the Karaoke microphone from a Caucasian lady and sings.
Living metaphor: Christina Aguilera walks on stage and snatches the microphone from Andrea and blows the audience away.
5. Old Way: Sharon is depressed and takes a walk on the beach talking to God.
Living metaphor: Sharon drops to her knees crying and an Angel appears before her giving her encouragement.
8. PRESENT INSIGHTS OF THE NEW WAYS THROUGH PROFOUND MOMENTS
Action delivers insight:
1. New Ways/Insights: Live life for yourself, not for the pleasing of others.
Action: Sharon realizes she’s been living her life for others and takes a chance on a younger man and goes on a date with him.
2. New Ways/Insights: Look inside yourself, find your inner-being and allow it to guide you through all things.
Action: Sharon learns the art of Meditating, and begins to meditate ritually.
3. New Ways/Insights: Know how valuable you are and know your worth.
Action: Sharon gets up every morning, looks in the mirror and tells her self “I am beautiful, no matter what” then she listens to Mary J Blige song “Good Morning Gorgeous”.
4. New Ways/Insights: We are vibrational beings first, then we feel. Always strive to feel happy.
Action: Sharon, Carol, Andrea, and Diane go on a horseback riding trip.
5. New Ways/Insights: Trust Yourself.
Action: Sharon makes a list of all the things she likes about herself. Carol, Andrea, and Diane tell her positive things about herself. Sharon visualizes her future in a dream. Sharon makes a list of all her successes. Sharon visualizes things going well when she booby traps the house for the FBI agent and Steven.
B. Conflict delivers insight:
1. Insight: Don’t make a man the only source of your happiness. Learn to get it within yourself first.
Conflict: A fight.
Ways to Deliver: Sharon made Steven the center of her world then she catches him with his mistress in Aruba.
2. Insight: A secret is revealed.
Conflict: An argument.
Ways to Deliver: Carol tells Sharon and the girls, her husband David has cheated in the past.
3. Insight: Team work makes the Dream work.
Conflict: Physical confrontation.
Ways to Deliver: Sharon and the Girls confront Steven and his mistress face to face.
4. Insight: Find out what makes you special and Do It.
Conflict: Argument.
Ways to Deliver: Andrea and Carol argue about responsibility, they all end up talking about their careers and guide Andrea to find hers.
5. Insight: Too much competition could mean you are self absorbed.
Conflict: Competition.
Ways to Deliver: Steven gets jealous of Sharon winning awards for her work, so he steals from the company and makes her the fall guy.
C. Irony delivers insight:
1. Insight: Don’t make a man the only source of your happiness.
Irony Opposites (A): Sharon makes Steven the center of her world gives him a lot of attention, then she catches him cheating on her.
(B) Sharon doesn’t make Steven the center of her world gives him no attention, then he cheats on her.
2. Insight: Team work makes the Dream work.
Irony Opposites (A): Sharon and The Girls confront Steven and his mistress in Aruba, working together and win the fight.
(B) Sharon and The Girls confront Steven and his mistress in Aruba, don’t work together and Steven wins the fight.
3. Insight: Find out what makes you special and Do It.
Irony Opposites (A): Andrea and Carol argue about responsibility.
(B) Andrea and Carol don’t argue about responsibility.
4. Insight: Too much competition can mean you’re self-absorb.
Irony Opposites (A): Steven gets jealous of Sharon winning Awards, steals from the company and makes her the fall guy.
(B) Steven doesn’t get jealous of Sharon winning Awards, doesn’t steal from the company.
5. Insight: Grow up and be independent.
Irony Opposites (A): Steven lives at his girlfriends moms house.
(B) Steven tells his friend grow up and stop living at his moms house, live on his own.
9. PROFOUND DIALOGUE
5 most emotional moments:
1. Sharon’s gratitude for Steven being in her life: the one person who has always believed in me since day one. You saw greatness in me I didn’t know was there. You stuck by me reminding me everyday how gorgeous I am, how intelligent I am, and telling me I can do anything.
2. Andrea tells a teen age girl to get plastic surgery one day: Sharon plays an Interview Halle Berry says, Plastic surgery is like crack that people are trying to push on you. Aging is natural, I want to always look like myself, even if it’s an older version of myself.
3. Sharon is angry about being arrested for Embezzlement: I just got an award for best Accountant of the Year, do you honestly think I would steal from my clients?
4. Sharon is afraid after hearing Steven wants to kill her: after all we’ve been through together. He knows my mom and everything about me. He thinks I’m supposed to let that happen?
5. Sharon being brave and confronted by Steven: you can’t kill me because the old me is already dead. I gave you everything and all you did was take, take, take from me. Now it’s my turn to take back what belongs to me. My Life!
Builds Meaning with Dialogue
3 Lines from my script:
Line 1 : You are my rock and the reason I can do what I do so well.
Arc: Sharon tells Steven at her acceptance speech for Accountant of the Year Award.
Sharon tells her girlfriends after the fight Steven and his mistress and win.
Sharon tells Steven at a confrontation when he’s about to shoot her. “You were my rock and the reason I can do what I do so well” (when she set booby traps for him in the house).
Line 2: Steven would never do something like this to me.
Arc: Sharon tells her girlfriends after they bail her out of jail and suspect out he’s the reason she was arrested.
After finding the evidence Steven set Sharon up Diane says it sarcastically to herself.
Sharon meets a great younger guy who wines and dines her and says, “Steven would never do something like this to me” to herself.
Line 3: I’m taking back what belongs to me.
Arc. Sharon decides to go after Steven and take back her life.
After finding Steven in Aruba and confronts him.
When Sharon is confronted by Steven who wants to kill her she tells him “I forgive you”.
10. How Do You Leave Us With A Profound Ending?
Profound Truth? “Know your value and self-worth”. After being taken advantage of in the worse possible way by her husband. Sharon realizes she must put herself first in order to survive. In her showdown with her husband, Sharon takes back her power he attempts to kill her by shooting her, but she wears her bullet proof vest and survives. </div>
The Change? Sharon has shown a vast improvement. From a naive, shy, not believing her husband” can do no wrong” person, to a “I can handle my own business” woman with authority and conviction.
Payoffs? Does Sharon start to believe her husband is capable of hurting her?
Does Sharon know Steven is sending money to Aruba?
Does Sharon know he embezzled all the Accounting firms funds?
Does Sharon know Steven’s secretary is apart of the Aruba plan and they’ve been cheating on her for a long time?
Does Sharon know that the FBI agent is crooked?
Does Sharon know there are better men out there like James?
Does Sharon know her name will be cleared?
Surprising? The final scene is surprising, Sharon, Diane, Carol, and Andrea are waiting for Steven and Agent Riggs to show up at the house. When they arrive lots of booby traps have been set for them which they fall into. James shows up and rings the doorbell, Steven invites him in and Agent Riggs ties him up. In an attempt to get Sharon out of hiding, she does for James sake. Diane, Carol and Andrea intercede and spoil their plans, but Steven manages to shoot Sharon in the chest. Thanks to her Bullet Proof Vest she was wearing she’s alive.
Parting Image/Line? The Girls, Sharon’s mother, and James are all in the court room. Sharon is on trial with Carol as her lawyer. Carol ask the Judge to dismiss the charges against Sharon based on the second set of books Steven made. The Judge grants the request and Sharon is set free. The Girls walk onto the courthouse steps and Sharon says, “There’s nothing she can’t do as long as she has her Girls”. She puts her fist in the air and the Girls raise their fist too. All at the same time they say, “Amen”.
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Lauren’s Profound Map Version 1
What I learned doing this assignment:
I’ve unearthed more profound moments than I thought were there initially. While there are still many unknowns within this story, I’ve uncovered many interesting insights I didn’t realize before. Seeing the completed Profound Map, with all the discoveries, gives me an appreciation of how much there is to know about this fascinating model.
If someone would like exchange feedback, I’d be happy to do so.
TITLE: LAMIA (working title)
WRITTEN BY: Lauren DeCicco
1. What is Your Profound Truth?
Every human being has divine value and a purpose only they can fulfill.
2. What is the Transformational Journey?Old Ways:
Problem State: With a ruthless, uncaring attitude, she works for the sex trafficking organization as a pied piper, unknowingly gathering children to be sold into sex trafficking rings.Her Old Way of being can be described as:
Her Main Rule: Help the organization succeed as they are all she knows of family.
Brainwashed
Focused on her own survival
Believes she’s helping children have a better life other than living on the street
Breaks the law, criminal
Unemotional
Heartless
Brutalized, starved by the organization to keep her in checkJourney:
Lamia meets her brother, Asher Young, after many years and he tells her of her true upbringing which flies in the face of all the lies the organization has been feeding her. Asher shows her the real past and also the correct way of dealing with sex traffickers. It’s the opposite of how she’s been living her life. She discovers he was right and the organization has been lying to her. They are actually selling the children instead of providing them comfortable lives in wealthy families.New Ways:
Solution State: She forgives herself for her crimes, sacrifices herself, saving the victims and destroying the organization.Her New Way of being can be described as:
Brokenhearted over her evil deeds
Gains her freewill
Loves the kidnapped children and will sacrifice herself to save them
Dies in the process of destroying the organization
Transformational Logline:An indoctrinated woman, raised by a trafficking organization, kidnaps children but when she discovers they’re being sold across the world, she sacrifices herself to free the children and destroy the organization.
3. Who are Your Lead Characters?Change Agent (the one causing the change): Asher Young, Lamia’s estranged brother
Transformable Character(s) (the one who makes the change): Lamia
Betraying Character (if you have one): Lamia’s co-worker within the organization
Oppression: The sex trafficking organization
4. How Do You Connect With Your Audience in the Beginning of the Movie?A. Relatability –
Lamia (Transformational Character): Her instinct to survive no matter what the circumstances are is very strong.Lamia’s brother, Asher (Change Agent): He wants to save his sister from her hellish life; he won’t give up on her.
B. Intrigue
Lamia (Transformational Character): Why does she do these horrible things? Why doesn’t she run when she’s outside the compound collecting children?Lamia’s brother, Asher (Change Agent): How did he know how to find her? How did he acquire the skills to hunt down sex traffickers? Why does he care what happens to his sister if she’s a member of this terrible organization?
C. Empathy
Lamia (Transformational Character): Her existence is bleak, she’s horribly mistreated, she’s clearly moved by the visit with her brother. There’s a good human being trapped inside her somewhere.Lamia’s brother, Asher (Change Agent): He watched the murder of his mother and the kidnapping of his sister. He was too young to stop what happened to them.
D. Likability
Lamia (Transformational Character): She has a similar sense of humor as her brother. She’s somehow retained her humor even after all she’s been through. She shows small acts of kindness to the children: loosens the handcuffs on them when the driver isn’t looking and/or gives a piece of candy/sip of water to another.Lamia’s brother, Asher (Change Agent): He genuinely loves his sister and has an affable personality despite his past. He’s spent much of his life tracking down and assassinating sex traffickers.
5. What is the Gradient of the Change?What steps do the Transformational Characters go through as they are changing?
Gradient 1. The Emotional Gradient
A. The “Forced Change” Emotional Gradient
Denial:
She lives within the confines/rules of the organization without question.Anger:
Lashes out at the organization after discovering they’re trafficking the orphans; runs from her brother even though he can rescue her from the organizationBargaining:
Thinks there must be a mistake: she tries to change what’s happening and asks the organization to help stop the sale of children; tries to free the childrenDepression:
She is unable to find a way to escape as well as rescue the children. Her plan to destroy the organization and save the children is thwarted. Won’t leave her room, she can’t eat or sleep.Acceptance:
Recognizes her brother is her true kin; Sacrifices herself to defeat the only family she’s known.
Gradient 2. The Action GradientLogline: An indoctrinated woman, raised by a trafficking organization, kidnaps children but when she discovers they’re being sold across the world, she sacrifices herself to free the children and destroy the organization.
Setup: Lamia, the brainwashed woman, kidnaps children from the streets believing they will be placed with wealthy families and have better lives.
Journey: She meets her estranged brother who hunts/kills sex traffickers. He tells her she was kidnapped at six years old and their mother was murdered. She discovers from her co-worker the children she’s been kidnapping are being sold into sex slavery across the world.
Payoff: Lamia finds a weakness in the organization and sacrifices herself to destroy the organization and with the help of her brother’s group saves many of the kidnapped children.
Gradient 3. The Challenge / Weakness GradientChallenge: The organization keeps her malnourished and abuses her physically, emotionally and psychologically to keep her in check.
Weakness: She’s been brainwashed into believing they care for her and these experiences are normal.
Challenge: Her brother’s information regarding her real family flies in the face of everything she believes about the organization; she’s punished by the organization and has some of her organs harvested, becoming weaker/no longer allowed outside the compound
Weakness: Mistakes her brother as an evil force even more so than the organization; thinks she can convince the organization to change their operations.
Challenge: Tries to discover a weakness in the organization to stop it
Weakness: Goes against the entity she looks up to and who has provided all she’s known of family
Challenge: Has the opportunity to escape and leave her life of pain behind
Weakness: Loves the trafficked children and knows she must sacrifice herself to save them.
Challenge: Must believe her brother is telling the truth, gives up her new dream of having a life with her brother; Destroys the organization she believed was her family;
Weakness: Dies in the process of saving some of the children, hoping to absolve herself for her crimes
6. What is the Transformational Structure of Your Story?Mini-Movie 1 Status Quo and Call to Adventure
—Lamia lives within the confines/rules of the organization without question. The organization keeps her malnourished and abuses her physically, emotionally and psychologically to keep her in check. She’s been brainwashed into believing they care for her and that these experiences are normal. She collects children off the streets, chains them up in the collecting vehicles, places them in cells at the compound. On the streets she is sweet and generous to lure the children, as she’s been taught. When at the compound she treats them without feeling for their fears and cruel treatment by the others at the organization.Turning Point: Call to Adventure.
— She lashes out at/questions the organization after discovering they’re selling the orphans; discovers there’s a possibility the children are being sold into sex trafficking across the world instead of being placed with adoptive families. She confronts the organization but they assure her this is false. She continues working the streets, gathering children but she has serious doubts regarding the organization’s true operations.
Mini-Movie 2 Locked Into Conflict—Her brother finds her working the streets, collecting children. He tells her he’s been searching for her since she was kidnapped by the organization when she was six years old, of her true beginnings and the truth about what the organization is really doing with the children she and the others have been collecting. He tells her it doesn’t matter what she’s done, she is worth saving as much as the children are. Her brother’s information regarding her real family flies in the face of everything she believes about the organization; She runs from her brother even though he can rescue her from her half-life. She doesn’t believe she has self-worth. She doesn’t believe the organization should be destroyed as they’re a force for good.
Turning Point: Locked in.— Her whole world begins to crumble. Her mind cracks and she relives the encounter with this person who says he’s her brother –Who am I? Am I really helping these children?– Must save the children and returns to the compound with increasing doubts about the org. He must be an imposter: she mistakes her brother as an evil force even more than the organization is; thinks she can convince the organization to change their operations.
Mini-Movie 3 — Hero Tries to Solve Problem But Fails.—Lamia thinks there must be a mistake: she tries to change what’s happening and asks the organization to help stop the sale of children; tries to free the children. Gets severely reprimanded. She scours the compound looking for clues as to what the true nature of the organization is. She secretly asks her fellow child collectors about what could be going on- Have they heard/seen anything suspicious? Do they have proof of the real operations? Where do the vanishing children really go if not to wealthy families? She tries to discover a weakness in the organization to stop it. She goes against the entity she looks up to and who has provided all she’s known of family. She has the opportunity to escape.
Turning Point: Standard ways fail.—She escapes and tells the authorities what the organization is doing. They’re in on the whole operation. Her brother and his friends try to take her from the authorities. Her brother tells her the organization must be destroyed. He recounts Lamia’s past to her: the organization killed their mother and kidnaped her. He now hunts sex traffickers and has tracked them back to this organization which is holding her against her will. There’s a fire fight- her brother fails to rescue her as there are too many officers. The authorities return her to the organization.
Mini-Movie 4 Hero Forms a Plan—The trust the organization placed in her to be able to leave the compound and be an honorable member of the organization is now gone. They no longer allow her to leave the compound.
Turning Point: Plan backfires. (MIDPOINT falls here)
—She tries to overthrow the organization from within. She’s caught. They knock her out, sedate her.
Mini-Movie 5 Hero Retreats & Antagonist Wins
—She wakes transformed, a shadow of her former self, within a secret portion of the compound she never knew existed: The organ harvesting wing. She discovers large portions of her body now have poorly sewn stitches: across her abdomen and lower back. Children are there too- all have similar badly performed surgeries. Living in a nightmare, she realizes everything she’s believed about the people who raised her are lies: these are inhuman criminals. Her brother was right.
Turning Point: The decision to change.—She sees the dead bodies piled up along the floor and half dead children: children she aided in luring to this horrific place. Her heart aches at the sight, the emotional/physical pain scorches her, it’s unbearable. She loves them and knows only she has a chance to save them. She knows she must sacrifice herself to save them. She’s been given this divine opportunity, placed in this position to save these precious lives. Lives she herself has unknowingly endangered.
Mini-Movie 6 Hero’s Bigger, Better Plan!
—Lamia recognizes her brother is her true kin; She sacrifices herself to defeat the only family she’s known. Contacting her brother and his friends, she’s ready to be rescued. Uses a secret network to reach her brother and provides him with how to enter the compound.
Turning Point: The ultimate failure.
—One of the other child collectors rats her out (Betraying character). As punishment, the organization forces her to choose the next group of children to be sold. She refuses and she’s beaten until unconscious.
Mini-Movie 7 Crisis & Climax
—She finds the weakness in the organization. (Not sure what this is yet.)
Turning Point: Apparent victory.— Her brother and his friends break into the compound, free some of the children and try to rescue her. She refuses to go with the group to rescue the remaining children. She gives up her new dream of starting over and reconnecting with her brother.
Mini-Movie 8 New Status Quo— Lamia dies in the process of saving the remaining children, hoping to absolve herself for her crimes.
Turning Point: New status quo.
— She dies yet she has destroyed the organization.
7. How are the “Old Ways” Challenged?What beliefs are challenged that cause a main character to shift their perspective…and make the change?
A. Challenge through Questioning
How her brother, Asher, could work against her and the organization which has raised her and cared for her.
How the organization can lie to her about what is actually happening to the children.How she could act so coldly and treat the children so poorly all these years.
Why she never suspected the real motives of the organization when they’ve mistreated her all her life.
Why she has only thought about herself and her own survival.Why it’s never occurred to her the organization has nefarious motives.
B. Challenge by Counterexample
1 Old Way: Lamia is unemotional and heartless in general but especially in how she treats the children.Counterexample through Character: When she meets her brother, Asher, on the street he says he’s been watching her treatment of the children she takes. He struggles to hold back tears of joy at finding his little sister after a lifetime of searching for her. There is also tremendous sadness from seeing how poorly she treats the children when she places them in the vehicles. Lamia is struck by Asher’s empathy for the kidnapped children.
2 Old Way: She is brutalized, starved by the organization to keep her in check.
Counterexample through Dialogue: Asher tells her of her past and the life she once lived- there’s a better way to live.
Asher: This isn’t the sister I knew when we were little. She was kind to everyone. She loved and cared for even the smallest creature. You were brought up in a loving home. Our mom did all she could to make us happy and feel loved. It isn’t right what they’re doing to you in that place.
3 Old Way: She doesn’t care about the children she kidnaps. This is merely her job.
Counterexample through Experience: The organization performs surgery/removes organs, she wakes to find some of the children she’s taken who’ve gone through the same thing. She sees their pain, the exact pain she is feeling.
4 Old Way: She believes everyone exists at this meager level, this is normal.
Counterexample through Character: Asher confronts her with what a normal life looks like. She takes in his nice clothes and polite manners. He tries to give her money. She refuses for fear of repercussions. His appearance and manners strike her as someone who is well off and kind. Perhaps there is another way of life within her reach.
5 Old Way: Lamia does whatever she’s told by the organization even when it’s wrong, immoral and lawless.
Counterexample through Dialogue: She learns how Asher has dedicated his life to slowing down trafficking and making it more difficult for traffickers.
Asher: I watched our mom die. I was taken and placed in an orphanage. I’ve spent my entire life looking for you. When I learned there was a possibility you were caught up in this lifestyle, I tasked my group to stop at nothing to find you and do anything we can to slow the progress of those who took you. Mom’s final words to me were, Asher, you must find your sister.
C. Challenge by “Should Work, But Doesn’t”1 Old Way: She doesn’t care about the children she kidnaps. This is merely a job.
Challenge: One child hugs Lamia and doesn’t let go. Hugs are something she hasn’t experienced throughout most of her life. She yells at the child to stop and calls her names but she won’t let go. The child’s tenacity and desperation softens her. She doesn’t reciprocate yet she stops yelling and emotionally abusing the child.
2 Old Way: Accepting the organization as the main controller and decision maker of every aspect of her life without question.
Challenge: She discovers what they’re actually doing with the kidnapped children. She must ask questions, look further into what’s going on and secretively go behind the backs of those she once put all her trust in.
3 Old Way: She only thinks about her own survival without concern for anyone else.
Challenge: She cries over the mangled dead body of the child who hugged her so tightly before. Lamia’s self centered, detached way cracks and she feels deep emotions for someone else.
4 Old Way: She believes her real family abandoned her and sold her to the organization. She was told her real family doesn’t want anything to do with her.
Challenge: Her brother, Asher, takes a chance when Lamia is working the street collecting children to tell her about her beginnings, that she was wanted, their mother was murdered and he suspects the organization kidnapped her. She doesn’t believe Asher yet the information hits her hard.
5 Old Way: Lamia is beaten and starved to keep her in line.
Challenge: She discovers the same marks on one of the children as she has. This begins to bring her out of her brainwashed stupor and see reality.
D. Challenge through Living Metaphor
1 Old Way: Lamia believes her family abandoned her and never loved her.
Living Metaphor: The photograph
Challenge: Asher gives her a photograph he’s been carrying for many years. It’s Lamia as a small child hugging her mother. Her mother looks just like she does now.
2 Old Way: Lamia is clearly malnourished but doesn’t know this isn’t normal.
Living Metaphor: The food
Challenge: A child passes her on the street, looks back at her with sad eyes and whispers to her father. A little while later, the child returns and hands her a sandwich. What’s this for? asks Lamia. You eat it, says the child, you look like you haven’t eaten in days.
3 Old Way: She is heartless and unfeeling toward the children.
Living Metaphor: Asher’s necklace
Challenge: Asher wears a leather necklace with dozens of score marks on it. He explains that each cut on the necklace represents a child he’s saved from sex trafficking.
4 Old Way: She believes the organization treats her okay and she is lucky to be cared for the way she is.
Living Metaphor: Asher’s wounds
Challenge: Asher shows her wounds on his body from his time in an orphanage when he was growing up. He tells her this isn’t how children or any human being should be treated. Later, back at the compound, she considers her own scars as well as the fresh wounds across her body.
5 Old Way: She doesn’t think kidnapping children is wrong because the organization says they place them in wealthy families where they have better opportunities.
Living Metaphor: Asher’s proof
Challenge: Asher shows her his documented research of the true motives of the organization. He asks her why the organization never placed her in a wealthy family after they kidnapped her. She don’t know.
8. How are You Presenting Insights through Profound Moments?A. Action delivers insight
1 New Way / Insight: 1 Looking outside of oneself and serving others can be the beginning of a transformation into a higher self.Action: Lamia gives her meager portion of food to three starving children within the compound. She stands a little taller afterwards, a small smile breaks across her face.
2 New Way / Insight: Death and sacrifice can bring life and renewal.
Action: She leads the rest of the children out of the compound and tells them to run to Asher. She reenters and destroys the compound with members of the organization inside. Asher and the children watch the compound burn.
3 New Way / Insight: Life can be truly unfair. But there’s usually a reason.
Action: She wakes in the organ harvesting section of the compound. She’s in tremendous pain after the surgery. She discovers other children there that she’s never seen before. She makes the decision to help them. She finds the weakness in the organization.
4 New Way / Insight: Life can change in an instant.
Action: She meets her brother, Asher. He recounts her life with her real family. She suddenly knows where she comes from and learns she wasn’t thrown away.
5 New Way / Insight: Our life’s purpose is usually right in front of us our entire lives.
Action: She comforts a child who’s been recently beaten. She tends to his wounds, helps him eat and drink. She searches the faces of the other children and smiles. She’s determined to change what’s happening.
6 New Way / Insight: Sacrificing oneself for others can begin the healing process.
Action: A child is caught hiding a piece of bread in his pocket and is about to be punished. Lamia rushes the guard, knocking him over. She is beaten in the child’s place.
B. Conflict delivers insight
Insight: Death and sacrifice can bring life and renewal.1: Falsely accused
Lamia believes her family abandoned her and the organization kindly took her in. Asher tells her of her good upbringing and the love he and their mother has for her. She lashes out in a rage. Asher shows her a photograph of the three of them together. He tells her how their mother was murdered in an attempt to prevent her from being taken.
2: Physical confrontation
A little boy attacks a guard. It’s revealed his little sister is being raped by the guards. The boy dies during his punishment but it brings to light the abuse his sister has been enduring. Lamia is able to better protect the little girl after the boy’s sacrifice.
3: Stakes raised
Lamia is placed in solitary confinement for sharing some of her meal with one of the children. She escapes through a passage and discovers dozens of pregnant teenagers in this separate portion of the compound. They are chained to the wall. She finds some are near death. One teen calls Lamia by her name. She asks how she knows her. She says she remembers the day when she took her from the street. The teen dies as she gives birth- A new little life in this terrible world. Lamia holds the baby and is overwhelmed by the scene of so many young girls in this horrifying existence.
4: Argument
Asher and Lamia have a yelling match over her decision to return to the compound to save to children instead of leaving with him. Both have sound points. But she wins out in the end telling him she’s lived her life. The children are merely beginning their lives. They must be given the chance to live a better life. She knows the compound better than he does and believes she can accomplish the rescue.
5: Power struggle
One of Lamia’s rivals tries to outshine her in the number of children taken from the streets. He hates her because he feels she’s treated better than the other Collectors. He attacks her and is severely beaten and reprimanded. He tells Lamia she will not live through the night. As he and Lamia scour the city, in a fit of rage he grabs two children and runs down the middle of the street. The children’s father pulls a gun, threatens to shoot him, gives chase. The collecting vehicle is not there to pick up the stolen children. The rival continues running, the father shoots him in the head. He drops the children. Lamia gathers the children from the busy street and their father points the gun at her. She releases them back into their father’s arm. She lives another day.
C. Irony delivers insight
Insight: Life can change in an instant.
– MOTIVATION: Getting your “need,” but losing your “want.”
Want: to be part of a loving family
Need: to destroy the organization1: She and her brother are reunited and have the opportunity to be happy after a lifetime of questions and heartache. She gives up her want/lifelong dream. She must sacrifice herself and destroy the organization to stop their hellish reign within the child trafficking world.
Insight: Our life’s purpose is usually right in front of us our entire lives.
– REASONS: Doing the wrong thing for the right reasons:
2: Lamia discovers one of the children she kidnapped has had most of his organs removed and is slowly dying. He begs her to kill him. She suffocates him to end his suffering.
Insight: Death and sacrifice can bring life and renewal.
WIN/LOSS: a loss that is really a win:
3: Lamia’s only friend within the organization tries to escape the compound. During the escape, he is trapped and she attempts to help him but he dies in the process. She makes the discovery which reveals the weakness of the organization.
Insight: Life can be truly unfair. But there’s usually a reason.
– CREDIT: Do something amazing, but the credit goes to another:
4: Lamia saves the life of one of the children. Her rival takes the credit and blames her for something he did. She is reprimanded and sent to solitary. The child disappears. Her rival is promoted within the ranks of the organization. Lamia learns from the haughty rival that the children aren’t being placed with wealthy families, they are being sold. This begins her vow to stop the organization.
– CREDIT: Getting credit for something amazing that you didn’t do:
5: An explosion rocks the compound. Some of the higher ups die/are injured in the blast. On the news, her brother Asher and his group are reported to be responsible for the explosion. In the news broadcast, Lamia is seen talking with Asher on the street. She is beaten and interrogated by the organization regarding her knowledge of Asher’s group. They think she is in some way connected to the explosion. She has no prior knowledge of the attack. She didn’t believe Asher was hunting traffickers and searching for her. Now she realizes Asher is telling the truth.
9. What are the Most Profound Lines of the Movie?Pattern A: Height of the Emotion
1) Lamia is six years old. Her mother is murdered in front of her. She is kidnapped.
Emotion: Lamia is confused, scared and horrified at being taken by strangers who have just shot her mother.
Meaning: Her safety net has been destroyed.
New line- Lamia shouts at her mother: You promised you’d never leave me!
2) The suffering young boy convinces Lamia to suffocate him.
Emotion: Desperation. Both from the young boy and Lamia.
Meaning: This is Lamia’s chance to help someone who she’s had no concern or care for.
New line- The young boy tells Lamia: This is the only way I can leave this place.
3) Lamia meets her brother, Asher. She learns of her true past, her family who wanted her.
Emotion: Shock.
Meaning: Everything the organization has told her has been a lie.
New line- Lamia points to Asher’s face: I haven’t seen this kind of light in anyone’s eyes in a long time.
4) Lamia learns the children she’s been kidnapping are being sold into sex slavery.
Emotion: Sheer horror.
Meaning: She realizes she’s a big part of the reason why so many children have met this fate.
New line- Lamia to herself: I’m one of them. I’m as evil as the organization.
5) Lamia sacrifices herself to destroy the compound and organization.
Emotion: Bittersweet.
Meaning: She wants to be with Asher but the opportunity to end the organization is too great an opportunity to pass up even at the expense of her own life.
New line- Lamia to Asher: Taking all these demons to hell with me is the best thing I’ve done in my life.
Pattern B: Build Meaning Over Multiple Scenes
1
Line- Lamia: Please help me.Arc:
Beginning meaning: She is helpless and afraid.
Ending meaning: She is fearless and brave.Different meaning:
Helpless: Lamia asks one of the guards at the compound for help when she’s brought there at six years old.
More secure: She asks one of the children to help her when she’s trying to aid the other children.
Fearless: She asks Asher to help her when she’s planning to destroy to compound.2
Line- Lamia: Please don’t leave me.Arc:
Beginning meaning: She can’t live without her mother.
Ending meaning: She is accepting of her brother and wants to be with him.Different meaning:
Insecure: She tells her mother not to leave her as she’s kidnapped.
Needs comfort: She asks a child to stay with her after she wakes from her surgery.
Acceptance and belief: She tells Asher to stay with her when she meets him on the street.3
Line- Lamia: I didn’t know what I was doing.Arc:
Beginning meaning: She makes excuses for her actions and tries to stay in line.
Ending meaning: She defies the authority figures and is sarcastic.Different meaning:
Submits to authority: She tells a guard this after hitting a child for stealing another child’s food.
Disbelief: She tells herself this when she discovers she’s been aiding an organization in selling children into sex slavery.
Sarcasm and defiance: She tells a higher up within the organization this when they realize she’s going to destroy the entire compound.
10. How Do You Leave Us With A Profound Ending?A. Deliver The Profound Truth Profoundly
Profound Truth: Every human being has divine value and a purpose only they can fulfill.Lamia is the only person who knows the compound like the back of her hand but she’s the only person within the organization who wants to save the children’s lives. She changes her feelings and thoughts about the worth of the children and herself. She believes she has worth and even after all the horrible things she’s done in her life, she can change the lives of the children.
She sacrifices herself for the children knowing she alone can accomplish this. She aids in rescuing the children within the compound, delivering them to her brother, Asher, and his group. Lamia gives Asher a keepsake she’s been holding onto since she was a little girl. Asher understands when she gives it back to him, she’s not coming back and will die in the compound.
B. Lead Characters Ending Represents The ChangeThe Change: No matter how awful someone’s beginnings are, people have the ability to transform into their best selves.
Lamia believes all the bad things the organization tells her. But a shift occurs when she’s faced with her brother who tells her of her past, that she was once a good person and she believes she can be a good person again. Saving the children and her sacrifice is her small way of altering some of the evil she’s done in her life.
Lamia (Transformable Character):
From: having no self worth and being taught to feel little if anything for the children she’s been collecting most of her life
To: dying to save them.Asher Young, Lamia’s brother (Change Agent):
From: searching his entire life for his sister
To: having enough strength to let her sacrifice herself knowing this is what she must do to heal herself.
C. Payoff Key SetupsProfound Truth: Every human being has divine value and a purpose only they can fulfill.
Lamia once believed she was a bad person and was doing good in the world by helping children have a better life. Once she discovers the truth: they’re being sold and having terrible lives because of her, she makes a plan to save them and destroy the organization.
It answers the questions:
Will Lamia remain in her state of disbelief about her life?
Will she continue thinking she has no worth?
Will she believe Asher is her brother and have a relationship with him?
Will she discover the true nature of what the organization is doing with the children?
Will Lamia and her brother live happily now that they’ve found one another again?
Will she be able to save the children?
Will she succeed in destroying the compound?Setup: The organization has taken everything from Lamia.
Payoff: They must suffer and must do so at the hands of the one they took everything from.Setup: Asher tells her she has self worth and doesn’t have to live this life of crime anymore. She still has goodness inside her and can change.
Payoff: She finally believes him and realizes she can die knowing she did something good for the first time in her life.Setup: Will Lamia and Asher live in peace and be able to reconnect after so many years apart, each on the opposite ends of child trafficking?
Payoff: They won’t, however, they understand each other and why she must die.Setup: Can she and Asher get along enough to save her and the children?
Payoff: Lamia dies in the final act of saving the children and delivering them into the safety of Asher and his group.Setup: Will the organization get away with their crimes?
Payoff: No, they’re destroyed.
D. Surprising, But InevitableAsher wants Lamia to escape with the children and live with him. He and his group plan how they’re going to go inside the compound and detonate the explosives. Lamia convinces Asher that she must be the one who takes in the explosives as she knows the compound and where the members are at all times. She must be the one who sets the detonators. She tells him she will be able to get out in time. She secretly knows the only way to destroy the organization is to remain and die with the members. Lamia dies in the explosion.
E. Leave Us with a Profound Parting Image/LineProfound Truth: Every human being has divine value and a purpose only they can fulfill.
Lamia hands Asher a note, grabs the detonator and explosives and runs back into the compound. She turns back, waves to him. Asher reads the childlike handwritten note from his sister: Thank you for showing me my worth. I finally know why I’m alive.
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