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Day 16 Assignments
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Cameron Martin’s Pass 10: Essence Only
What I learned doing this assignment is…As I mentioned in assignment 15, I worked on this one in conjunction with the previous one. Time got away from me in light of my little brother’s birthday weekend. Regardless, I was caught off guard by Hal’s insistence on a 4-6 page outline. On one hand, I could change the font on my computer and BLAMO! I’ve got it down to 6 pages. BUT, that wouldn’t do this assignment justice. Based on the things I noticed with the previous assignment, it was great to edit my outline down by removing redundancies from the story, changing the organization of scenes for a better flow, and most importantly ensuring each scene turned in some way. Also, after talking with my wife and sister (a child psychologist) about the father/son dynamic, it was pretty clear the version of Sully I had was a real jerk. Though I tried to make the situation and characters empathetic, I may have pushed Sully into too far a corner for him to be redeemed by. So it was helpful to tailor back some of the perceptively negative choices my protagonist made from this outline, so that room could be made for a more complex relationship between father and son. Even though I came into this module having read and applied a number of outlining strategies, this was a welcome class to get more practice in and learn many more methods to get that initial outline down to something quick and easy to read.
LOGLINE: A father must survive an outbreak of alien parasitic worms that infect everyone in his commune, including his special needs son.
DRAMATIC QUESTION: Will the father be able to save his son?
MAIN CONFLICT: Almost everything in the world, from alien hosts to conscripted liquidators, is trying to kill the two.
DILEMMA: Will Sully be patient and team up with his special needs son, or will he limit and confine him for his own good.
THEME: Genuine communication and collaboration is necessary for survival.
OPEN WIDE
INT. APARTMENT – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Flash forward of Sully holding his son, Isaiah (about 8-10 years old), who is coughing uncontrollably. Sully apologizes to his son before a shotgun blast is heard.
INT. SPACE COLONY – NEW CONSTRUCTION ZONE – DAY
Establish the space colony on another planet, as we follow Sully working as a master carpenter with a team of other workers. One of the workers runs into a problem, but Sully is able to save the construction site and the workers.
CONT.
Isaiah sneaks into the construction site and asks his dad to spend the day with him. Sully tells him to go back to his virtual class, explaining there’s a lot of work he has to do, and that the construction site is no place for children.
CONT.
Isaiah sneaks off to pull a prank on his dad, nearly hurting a number of workers in the process. Isaiah runs away, scared of the punishment he’ll receive. Sully is then called into his manager’s office.
INT. CONSTRUCTION ZONE – MANAGER’S OFFICE – DAY
Sully informs his boss that Isaiah is mentally delayed in some areas, but the boss tells Sully he must get his child under control. Boss- “This is space! We can’t take risks here, or lives will be lost!” An alarm goes off warning of aliens.
INT. SPACE COLONY – VARIOUS – DAY
Everyone is moving in a rapid but orderly manner, except Sully who’s fighting against the crowd to get to his son.
CONT.
A family of three argue to get their teenage son, who’s looking sick, into the bunker with them.
INT. SULLY’S APARTMENT – DAY
Sully searches for his son high and low, but each time he gets close, Isaiah runs away.
INT. BUNKER – DAY
The family of three make it into the bunker and start looking for medical supplies, when their son passes out. A doctor starts administering treatment.
INT. SULLY’S APARTMENT – DAY
Sully is able to coax Isaiah out of hiding, and they both run to the bunker.
INT. BUNKER – DAY
Teenager wakes up very sick, and his compulsive coughing and vomiting up blood cracks his jaw and tears the seams of his mouth.
INT. SPACE COLONY HALLWAYS/LIVING QUARTERS – NIGHT
Sully and Isaiah get to the bunker too late. It’s sealed shut. They’re stuck on the outside with the aliens.
CONT.
An alien worm discovers and pursues them. Sully runs with Isaiah in tow, and manages to lock the alien behind a door.
CONT.
More alien worms come out of hiding and hunt them. However, a frail old lady who didn’t make it to the bunker takes Sully and Isaiah to her room where she believes they can fortify their position and prepare for the worst to come.
INT. LIVING QUARTERS – NIGHT
They make it to a corner room of the Old Lady’s apartment and slam the door on the aliens. The Old Lady teaches Sully to makeshift a weapon, and the two fight off the hostile aliens.
CONT.
Isaiah picks up a weapon and swings it wildly. Sully gets the weapon back, but not before getting hit with it. Sully- “You don’t have a say! You don’t have any privileges! You do what I say, when I say it, or else!”
CONT.
Sully and Old Lady fortify apartment, while Isaiah sulks in the corner. Old Lady comforts Isaiah and introduces herself as a spy for the Hegemony.
INT. SPACE SHIP – CRYO-BUNKS
A passenger wakes up to an alert, along with the rest of the ship. The passenger is a foreigner among a crew that speaks a different language.
INT. SPACE SHIP – LUNCH HALL
The passenger learns with the rest of the ship that their voyage has been redirected, and that the passengers are now conscripts to wipe out an outbreak of alien parasites and any survivors not in their designated bunker.
INT. LIVING QUARTERS – NIGHT
Sully asks why the spy isn’t in the bunker. The spy reveals that she’s infected, and tells Sully to take it easy because they’re all going to die, regardless of what they do.
INT. SPACE SHIP – HANGER
The passengers are equipped with 3-D printed weapons that have one short range round each. The passenger we’ve followed takes a stand, and other passengers join in a protest.
INT. LIVING QUARTERS – NIGHT
Sully asks why the spy helped them if they’re going to die anyways. The spy explains that she’s making peace with GOD, as she was sent to cover up the Hegemony’s involvement with the escalating outbreaks of aliens. She takes a lethal injection that kills her and the alien eggs inside of her as they’re hatching.
INT. SPACE SHIP – HANGER
The protestors are publicly executed as an example for anyone who’s unwilling to follow the orders.
INT. LIVING QUARTERS – NIGHT
Sully discovers a way inside the bunker by reviewing schematics left behind by the spy. He decides he’s going to try and save his and his son’s lives.
INT. SPACE COLONY LIVING QUARTERS/HALLWAYS – NIGHT
Sully locks Isaiah in a closet to keep him safe while he ventures out alone to find out if the schematics are correct. He apologizes but insists it’s for his own good.
EXT. SPACE COLONY – WALKWAY – NIGHT
Sully climbs across a bridge in a ventilation suit, looking out for any other worms or spore nests. His weight puts too much pressure on one point, but it holds…for now.
INT. SPACE COLONY LIVING QUARTERS – NIGHT
Isaiah is able to find a way out of his confinement and track down his dad.
EXT. SPACE COLONY – WALKWAY – NIGHT
Isaiah runs across the walkway in an oversized ventilation suit. He comes across the same weak point his dad came across, and goes around it.
INT. SPACE COLONY HALLWAYS/BUNKER – NIGHT
Sully drops into the bunker and discovers all of the residents are now alien hosts, including the teenager and his family. He tries to fight back, but there’re too many of them, and he can’t reach the escape.
INT/EXT. SPACE COLONY – BUNKER/WALKWAY – NIGHT
Isaiah is able to save his dad at the last moment by dropping a line for him, and the two escape.
EXT. SPACE COLONY – WALKWAY – NIGHT
Isaiah insists on a different way from his Dad. With the hosts still tailing them, Sully pushes Isaiah in the direction he believes they need to go, leading to Isaiah falling through the same weak point as before, onto an alien spore nest that infects Isaiah.
INT. SPACE COLONY – ALIEN SPORE NEST/VENTS – NIGHT
Sully, holding his breath, pulls Isaiah out of the nest and places replaces Isaiah’s broken ventilation mask with his. He kills another host and seals the way to them as best he can.
INT. SPACE COLONY LIVING QUARTERS – NIGHT
Sully and Isaiah make it back to their hideout. Though Sully is upset that Isaiah left the safety of the closet he was in, he thanks Isaiah for saving him, and admits he should’ve listened.
INT/EXT. SPACE COLONY – NIGHT
The Liquidators arrive in force to exterminate the alien threat and any infected, while Sully gathers as much of the Spy’s evidence as he can. Sully and Isaiah try to hide, but Isaiah develops a cough, drawing the attention of liquidators and aliens alike.
CONT.
Sully apologizes to his son and asks him for help, while the two are surrounded. A shotgun blast goes off, killing one of the hosts, while two more tear into a liquidator.
INT. SPACE COLONY HALLWAYS AND HIDEAWAYS – NIGHT
Isaiah and Sully try sneaking around the carnage surrounding them, but Liquidators find and chase after the two. Sully releases the alien worm he locked up earlier, and the two make a break for it and escape.
INT. LIQUIDATOR VESSEL – NIGHT
Sully and Isaiah make it to the ship, but are found out due to Isaiah’s coughing that’s getting worse. With nowhere else to hide, the two run like hell to the Medical Bay.
INT. LIQUIDATOR VESSEL/MEDICAL BAY – NIGHT
They make it to the medical bay and lock themselves inside. Meanwhile, military and liquidators try to break in to kill the two. Sully and Isaiah work together, against the clock, to extract the alien eggs that are growing rapidly in Isaiah’s chest.
CONT.
The extracted eggs start to hatch, but Sully pours a liquid substance over the hatching worms, killing them.
INT. LIQUIDATOR VESSEL/MEDICAL BAY – NIGHT
Sully holds his son close as military personnel break in. Sully reveals the Hegemony’s involvement with the outbreaks, but an officer pulls out his firearm to shoot the father and son.
CONT.
The liquidators form a wall around Sully and retaliate against the officer and his men, setting the stage for a mutiny.
INT. LIQUIDATOR’S VESSEL/ESCAPE POD – NIGHT
One of the conscripted liquidators gathers up Sully’s documents and gets Sully and his son to an escape pod. He hands the documents to Sully and tells them to get the word out.
INT. ESCAPE POD/SPACE
Sully and Isaiah are jettisoned from the vessel aboard an escape pod. Sully holds Isaiah tight, as the two watch the planet they were colonizing fade into the distance.
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June Fortunato’s Pass 10: Essence Only- for Retirement
LESSON 46 OF 146 Day 16: Write Your “essence Only” Outline Pass 10
“What I learned was- I always find ways to improve my storyline. It’s helpful to boil it down to
the basic story.”
1. Make your outline readable:
A. Sluglines tell us the location.
B. Place a one or two sentence description of what happens in each scene that delivers the essence of that scene.
2. Post your outline to the group. Include each of these:
A. Your logline. Crazyass super mooch Roy can get his SSI and vet’s benefits, but only if he stops running and gets a permanent place to live. Just when he almost convinces himself to do that, he’s smitten with Kim- a smart and sassy also moocher who loves him, too, but can’t stop to face her own dark past. Together they figure it out.
B. Dramatic Question. Will Roy find a permanent place and will it be with Kim?
C. Main Conflict. Roy needs to stop running but doesn’t want to do it without Kim & Kim can’t stop running or her dark past will catch up with her.
D. Dilemma. Roy is torn between running with Kim who makes him feel alive and surviving by staying in one place.
E. Theme. Forgiveness, denial, trust
Plot choice: Love
Character structure: Buddy
Lead characters: Roy, and secondary lead, Kim
Roy is a clever, wild, fun guy, 60s: a charming mooch who’ll do just about anything but also has a deceptive sense of morality. Inside, he harbors a deep spirit wound that prevents him from fully embracing others.
Kim, 50s, also harbors deep wounds, and she’s incredibly lonely but unwilling to bond with anyone, ever again. Smart and resourceful, she pushes the stream of negative thoughts out of her head with extremely loud conversations with herself. She is afraid to face herself- and doesn’t want to know what he sees. And he sees her.
4. Protagonist Character Arc: Roy- can’t get over what he did in the war, and vowed to atone for it by never having a comfortable life. He believes himself to be worthless, and that whatever he does will end in hurting someone. He learns to forgive himself and believe that he can have love and be loved. Kim’s love has helped him to feel worthy of living an easier life.
A) Part to be changed: After a shit childhood, and retaliating by killing the enemy in a war, Roy feels he can never deserve a comfortable life- that he was always worthless, and can’t accept what he did, despite the fact that he got a medal of honor for saving his comrades.
B) Biggest Fear: If he stops running, he’ll be caught up by his demons and haunted by the souls of those he snuffed out.
4a, Protagonist Character Arc: Kim: can’t forgive what people have done to her and can’t come to terms. She’s terrified that if she stops running her past will confront her and she’ll lose her soul. After helping Roy, and seeing his abject remorse, she learns to stop hurting herself. She feels secure and solid for the first time.
Inciting incident: Roy declared himself dead long ago and now, almost actually dies from his reckless behavior. A lawyer reestablishes the fact that he’s alive to pay his bills, but he can’t live rough anymore. He must get a bank account/and a permanent address, to collect SSI and vet benefits in 6 weeks time or lose it all.
Page 10 He has met Kim and is smitten. His attempts at getting a bank account and apartment are failing, and he’s losing his will to play that game.
End of Act I- Beginning of Act II Roy and Kim get together
Mid-point Act II- Roy is pet sitting and has a tentative possibility for an address but he had a
melt down so Kim disappeared. Now he feels lost and joyless. He goes back to his old life for a while, more reckless than ever- and that includes pyro.
Second turn- End of Act II
Roy longs for Kim. Kim re-acquaints herself with a woman she ripped off- and the woman forgives her. This is a step toward Kim learning how to forgive others. Roy has a physical breakdown on the street and cries for the first time since he was a child. Roy and Kim get back together but Kim disappears again.
Crisis
The clock has just about run out for Roy- and he has nothing- no place to live/collect his benefits, no Kim- and no ability to survive. He searches for Kim. He finds her in the same emotional state.
Climax
Kim finally tells him about her past. He saves her from suicide and instead, they blow up her brother’s cliffside cabin- the site of her past misery. The two vow to try together.
Resolution
They find ways to keep life exciting but not so rough. Roy has learned to forgive himself and Kim has learned to forgive others.
F. The entire outline showing ALL of your scenes in the movie. Dear fellow writers, please note: I’ve grouped my sequences and some scenes together. The numbers before the slug lines indicate actual scene numbers.
Opening
1,2,3. EXT. SUZY’S RENTAL – LATE AFTERNOON Roy waits outside until he realizes that his girl, Suzy, moved out. He crashes there but the landlord shows up so he steals the cleaning crew’s van and, wanting a place to sleep, he decides on “jail” and deliberately smashes the van into a Wawa.
4,5. INT. JAIL HOLDING CELL- EARLY AFTERNOON The food sucks so he decides that jail is not a good retirement plan. He baits his cellmates and gets pummeled so that he can go to option 2: the hospital – where coincidently his (ex) girl works.
6, 6a, 6b. INT. HOSPITAL ROOM- OSTEO UNIT – EVENING Roy is in traction. Doctors inform him that he can’t live “rough” anymore- his body is ruined. His ex, Suzy, hooks him up with a lawyer to represent him because he faces criminal charges, hospital debts and he owes her money, too.
6c,7, 7a,8,9.INT. HOSPITAL HALLWAY- OSTEO UNIT – WEEKS LATER – LATE AFTERNOON Roy meets another patient, Kim, who’s healing after a horrific ‘accident’ Kismet. Later, Roy rescues her from her oppressive (visiting) brother. Kim steals keys from the nurses’ station and bolts. They are Suzy’s keys. Suzy accuses Roy of taking them but he’s innocent.
10. INT. COURTROOM – MORNING After the war, Roy had himself declared dead and his lawyer figures out how to change that status so that he can collect his SSI and Veterans’ pay boost. His backpay covers all of his recent debts but he must get a bank account to collect further payments. This is a dramatic change of identity, and a catch 22- without an address- no bank account- no bank account = no address. Meanwhile, Kim has Suzy’s car and she doesn’t want to be found.
End of first 10 pages
11. INT. PARKING GARAGE – MORNING Kim parks Suzy’s stolen car in a parking garage where they park the car for you and give you a claim ticket.
INT. BOUTIQUE – CONTINUOUS Kim chats with another shopper, a kind woman, Marilyn, and swaps her parking claim ticket for hers.
12, 14. INT. PARKING GARAGE – CONTINUOUS Kim gets Marilyn’s car. Among the goodies in the car, she finds a gym membership. She drives Marilyn’s car to a cabin near a cliff and stares at it. She sees her brother through the window and drives away. She heads to Marilyn’s gym while
13. INT. PARKING GARAGE Marilyn learns that her car is missing, she’s greatly delayed and worries about her pets at home.
15. INT. HOSPITAL HALLWAY – EVENING Suzy’s car was found in the parking garage. Roy is still in the hospital under her watch.
16. INT. MARILYN’S HOUSE – EVENING Marilyn gets home late, her pets are frantic, and one trips her and causes her to break a hip. She calls a neighbor to pet-sit. The neighbor allows her kid to do it but he’s resentful.
17, 17a. INT. BELLEVUE HOTEL – POOL- EVENING Intro to Bellevue Hotel- Kim talks loudly to herself at the adjoining club swimming pool to express trauma from going to the cliff/cabin. She decides not to be like her brother, and to return Marilyn’s car to the parking garage.
17b. INT. PARKING GARAGE – EVENING Kim parks Marilyn’s car but keeps the gym pass. She walks to a nearby legit theatre.
17c. EXT./INT. THEATRE – NIGHT Kim sneaks in as the house crew is locking up. Kim longs to be an actor and has a blast performing on the empty stage and dressing in costumes in the dark theatre. (dark, as in “no performances”)
18. INT. HOSPITAL ROOM- OSTEO UNIT – EARLY MORNING Roy is released from the hospital. He’s reminded that he has 6 weeks to get his act together or lose it all.
18a, 18b EXT. BELLEVUE HOTEL – CONTINUOUS Roy discovers a box of fresh baguettes as they’re delivered outside of the Bellevue. He grabs one, and, dressed in his ‘court suit’ decides to explore inside. He finds a balcony above one of the meeting rooms that’s used to run pipes. It’s a perfect place: food, restrooms, shelter- to camp out and no one will find him.
19. INT. THEATRE – MORNING Clips of Kim, exploring and enjoying the theatre and theatre bar. The place feels like home until crew enter to set up and she sneaks out.
19a, 19b, 19c EXT. PARKING GARAGE – MORNING Kim passes the parking garage where she stole and then returned the car and overhears the parking attendant apologizing because he couldn’t find Marilyn’s car and now has found it- he gets fired. Kim feels incredibly guilty and vows to find a way to compensate him.
20. BANK Roy is rejected for an account.
21. INT. BUS – AFTERNOON Kim returns to the cliffside cabin. She yanks out all of the flowers, smashes a window and returns to center city.
22, 22a. EXT. APARTMENT BUILDING- AFTERNOON Roy’s attempt at renting and apartment is rejected, so he sneaks back in, grabs the fire hose, makes it into a noose and hangs it over the front door.
End of Act I
Act II Roy and Kim together
23. INT. BELLEVUE HOTEL – BALCONY Roy returns to live on the Bellevue balcony.
24. INT. HOSPITAL ROOM- OSTEO UNIT Now Marilyn is in the osteo unit. She’s frantic about her pets. Suzy tries to contact the kid/petsitter, can’t and promises to check in on the pets. She also recommends Roy as a bit weird but a serious animal lover and trustworthy.
25, 26, 26a, 26b,27 INT. BELLEVUE HOTEL – HALLWAYS AND SUITE Kim enters the Bellevue and goes to the gym. Later, she wanders the hotel and slips into an empty suite to crash in. Roy, also at the Bellevue, with a big plate of brunch food, finds Kim in a stairwell, also indulging. Kim invites Roy to her suite, they share stories and bond. Later, they steal another meal, this time by ordering room service to another room & grabbing it- and share the lux suite platonically.
27a, 27b INT. MARILYN’S HOUSE Suzy finds Marilyn’s house wrecked from a party. When the kid stops by with his friends to have another party, she makes him clean his mess and then boots him out.
27c. LOCATION TBD Due to his smashed window and trashed flower beds, Kim’s brother reports her to be found and sent to a psyche ward.
28. INT. BUS – PARKSIDE Kim takes Roy to show him the cliff/cabin. They stay out of sight. He doesn’t know why they’re there. Kim turns from sunny to strung out. He suggests going to a festival in Atlantic City. While they’re there a baby squirrel runs to him for protection. He replaces the fallen squirrel in its nest, and she’s impressed with his gentleness and animal whisperer magic.
28a INT. MARILYN’S HOUSE Suzy still can’t get ahold of Roy. She lets Marilyn know that she’ll stay for the night to take care of the pets but she’s determined to find an alternative to this arrangement.
29, 30a, 31 EXT. ATLANTIC CITY- FESTIVAL Roy and Kim have a great time at the festival/carnival until something triggers his PTSD, he melts down, acts crazy and people haul him into a small room. Kim stays with him, sings to him, calms him. It helps both of them. It’s emotionally revelatory. Roy asks her to be with him and she flatly refuses. She speaks with police and then disappears. In the morning, Roy searches for Kim on the beach without luck and he returns to Philly.
31a EXT. PHILADELPHIA STREET On the way back to his Bellevue balcony, he runs into Suzy who convinces him to meet Marilyn about pet sitting/and having an address for a while.
32. INT. HOSPITAL ROOM- OSTEO UNIT Roy and Marilyn hit it off. She decides to give him a try. Roy resigns himself to it, as well.
32a 32b INT. MARILYN’S HOUSE Suzy takes her lunch to introduce Roy to the pets/house. They take to him immediately and vice/versa.
33, 33a INT. ATLANTIC CITY – CLOSET, BUS, BELLEVUE, UNDERGROUND CAR PARK CUBBY Kim wakes in a closet in Atlantic City, looks for Roy on the beach, and takes a bus back to Philly. She looks for him on his Bellevue balcony, but he’s gone. Her suite is occupied. She ends up the underground car park- in a heating/cooling room/cubby or in an unlocked van.
Act II mid-point sequence
Roy slowly comes to terms with his past.
34. INT. MARILYN’S HOUSE Roy sits alone with the dogs- not so comfortable with this new life.
35. INT. HOSPITAL – OSTEO UNIT Kim searches for Roy/asks Suzy about his whereabouts. On the way out, Marilyn sees her and calls her into her room. Marilyn asks Kim if she’d be interested in pet sitting. Kim feels guilty as hell for causing Marilyn’s grief.
36, 37. INT. MARILYN’S HOUSE & STREETS & REVOLVING RESTAURANT & HOSPITAL Roy is anxious. He cares for the dogs and goes walking. He eventually sleeps on the floor of a tower / revolving restaurant and in the morning sees a film crew setting up below. He returns to take care of the dogs, then drops the keys off at the hospital. Now Marilyn and Suzy are stuck again.
38, 38a, 39. EXT. FILM SET Roy helps himself to the free food and weasels his way onto a Pyro crew- his wartime specialty. They love him and he’s good at what he does. His new friends let him stay with them, or he sleeps in the honeywagon or a truck if he has to. On pay day, the boss learns he wasn’t actually hired, doesn’t pay him and kicks him out. The friends give him some cash, and when he leaves, he blows up the union boss’ trailer. The crew who are left behind, get blamed for the “accident.”
40. EXT. STREETS Roy wanders looking for Kim.
40a. EXT. CLIFFSIDE & CABIN Kim, at the cliff/cabin again, unlocks the door takes a shower, dresses in clothes that are clearly
hers and breaks as many mirrors and ceramics as she can when she leaves. Then she relocks the door.
Act III
41, 41a, 41aa, 41aaa INT. DEPARTMENT STORE -DAY, INT. CITY HALL TOWER Roy discovers Kim shoplifting. They shoplift sandwiches; wine. Then they go to the top of city hall tower for a picnic. Roy tells her about his pet-sit and she confides that she was asked, too. They bond. They disclose secrets. They sleep in the tower, and when Roy wakes, Kim is gone.
41b, 41c EXT. STREETS Roy collapses on the street and people step over him. He breaks down. Follow up scene TBD.
42, 43, 43a, 44. INT. HOSPITAL HALLWAY & MARILYN’S HOUSE Roy re-enlists in pet sitting. Suzy knows how he is, but she takes him to Marilyn. Marilyn talks to him about pairing with Kim to cover the house and pets. “It’s not for long. They two of you can alternate if you need.” Roy walks the dogs to the hospital and sneaks them in to see Marilyn. She’s thrilled. While there, Kim, having thought about the pet sitting idea, goes to the hospital and finds them there. Roy and Kim quickly reattach.
The tour sequence
45,46,47,48,49,50,51 VARIOUS Roy and Kim share their favorite crash pads, and spend time at each, daily returning to take care of the dogs and to sneak them to see Marilyn.
52. EXT. CLIFFSIDE & CABIN They visit the cabin/cliff and Kim discloses her plan to burn the place down and then commit suicide there- in front of her brother.
53,54, 55, 56, 57 INT. HOSPITAL ROOM- OSTEO UNIT, EXT. STREETS, INT. DEPARTMENT STORE, INT. MOVIE THEATRE More touring to show each other the favorite places- and Kim also takes care of Marilyn’s hair/nails. At one point, Kim feels so guilty that she admits to Marilyn that her condition is all her fault. Instead of outrage, Marilyn forgives Kim. Kim’s never had that reaction or felt that forgiveness before. Through this sequence, Kim often also disappears but ultimately visits Marilyn and finds Roy again. Marilyn proposes that if Roy and Kim stay together, she might redraft her will to leave her pets and house to them. The deal would be legal and certainly she doesn’t plan to kick the bucket anytime soon, but in actuality, she’s sinking fast.
60, 61 INT. HOSPITAL – DAY Marilyn is moved to a Hospice. A minister visits daily, and she talks to him about marrying Roy and Kim.
62, 63, 64 INT. BELLEVUE SUITE- NIGHT & INT. MARILYN’S HOUSE Roy and Kim crash the Bellevue and get caught/chased. This time, however, they have someplace to go. At Marilyn’s house, they hide in a makeshift location because a whole house is still too normal for them. When Roy scouts for food, Kim finds his medal of honor. She asks about it, and he gives up his past. Kim slips away once again. The next morning, the neighbor barges in with police to kick him out. The police drag him to the same holding cell where he got pummeled. He calls Marilyn/Suzy.
HOSPICE Marilyn straightens it out and demands the return of her house key from her neighbor.
69. EXT. CLIFFSIDE CABIN Roy is released from jail and goes to find Kim.
CLIMAX
70. EXT. CLIFFSIDE CABIN Roy begs Kim to stay with him and promises to keep her life exciting. She discloses what happened in her life. Fiercely empathetic, Roy blows up the cliffside cabin. They both laugh and weep cathartically as the brother shows up and they run.
71. Note: Must resolve the brother’s attempt at committing Kim to a psyche ward.
RESOLUTION
74, 75, 76, 77 INT. COURTROOM- DAY & INT. HOSPICE- DAY Roy and Kim get the legal deed to Marilyn’s house. They visit Marilyn often, and also sneak Marilyn out for romps and visits to her home- and they always take care of the dogs.
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Lisa’s Pass 10: Essence Only
What I Learned is that it is difficult to whittle the essence to one or two sentences for every scene.
A. Logline: When Santa is kidnapped by her ex-husband, a super mom must save him, her ex, and the It’s a Wonderful Life festival.
B. Dramatic Question: Can Mary save Santa from the kidnappers and pull off the It’s a Wonderful Life festival at the same time?
C. Main Conflict: Mary must stop Santa’s kidnapper when she finds out that the kidnapper is the father of her daughters.
D. Dilemma: Mary must decide whether to try and save her ex-husband or just Santa and let it play out with law enforcement.
E. Theme: She is not alone who has friends…and family.
OUTLINE OF MARY’S CHRISTMAS
1. VOICEOVER-MARY
Mary explains that Seneca Falls was the inspiration for the movie It’s a Wonderful Life and each year they put on a festival to celebrate it. As she speaks, we see…
EXT-SHOTS OF SENECA FALLS, NY.
VOICEOVER-MARY (Continues)
Mary talks about growing up in Seneca Falls and how her mother planned the first festival and all the subsequent ones until her death last year.
2. EXT. GEORGE BAILEY BRIDGE – NIGHT
In their firetruck, Mary and her partner come across a man on the George Bailey bridge at night in the pouring rain. He jumps. Mary hates heights, but she jumps in and ends up saving him and then lays into him about what he was trying to do.
3. INT-KITCHEN-DAY
Mary’s kitchen is full of baked Christmas goodies for the it’s a Wonderful Life festival and she calls for Uncle Billy to come eat. Uncle Billy, a miniature dachshund, is sitting behind her with his head cocked and goes over to his bowl and eats.
4. INT-BEDROOM-DAY
Ruthie (Mary’s daughter) is in her bedroom looking at the NORAD site on her computer, and she yells downstairs to her mom that the computer is broken. Mary calls back for her to come on; she closes the computer and runs downstairs.
5. INT-KITCHEN-DAY
During breakfast, Mary is multitasking for the festival when Janie and Ruthie climb on Mary’s lap because they miss their grandma. Uncle Billy runs around barking and jumping on them (because he doesn’t like anyone touching Mary), they laugh.
6. INT-KITCHEN-DAY
As Peter enters the kitchen of the Ma Jenkins Boarding House, Ma orders her grandson to stand because a decorated war hero is entering the room.
On the way to school, Mary nearly runs over Peter when he steps off the curb in front of the boarding house. Mary let’s Peter say hi to the girls who are looking on a phone at the NORAD site, and they show it to him.
8. EXT-HOUSE-DAY
Peter arrives with his toolbox at the porch of Mr. Reed and asks what he can do to help. Peter agrees to fix the boards on the porch.
9. INT-SENECA FALLS WINERY OFFICE-DAY
Mary works with her best friend Angel, and they discuss what happened at the courthouse with Peter. Joseph asks Mary out and she declines.
10. EXT-HOUSE-DAY
Peter rings the parsonage bell. The pastor Frank answers, and they walk over to the church where Peter agrees to clean the pews.
11. EXT-OUTSIDE OFFICE-DAY
Joe expresses his love for Mary. Mary squirms, but accepts a raise when Joseph offers it.
12. INT-COURTROOM-DAY
Peter is facing tough times because there hasn’t been any snow and he’s a snowmobile repair man. Judge Campbell will send him to jail on Christmas day if he doesn’t produce the money for his back taxes.
13. INT-COURTROOM HALLWAY-DAY
Mary sees Peter and his girlfriend, Tilly arguing about Peter’s idea to kidnap Santa, but Mary can’t hear them. Tilly storms off and Mary approaches Peter to discuss their girls and Christmas.
14. EXT-HOUSE-DAY
Peter arrives at Mrs. Thomas’s and begins mowing the lawn. She comes out on the porch to give him some iced tea.
15. INT-WINERY OFFICE-DAY
Mary tells Angel that she’s not going to play “Mary Bailey” this year. She says she will push for Angel to play her.
16. INT-MARTINI’S BAR-DAY
Peter enters and sits next to Bert (Peter’s older brother) at the bar. Peter gets teary eyed about going to jail and his daughters as Bert tries to give him a pep talk.
17. EXT-MAIN STREET-NIGHT
Main street is all lit up with lights and decorations. A sign reads ‘Wonderful Life Meeting Tonight at the Community Center – All Are Welcome!’
18. EXT-NORTH POLE-DAY
Peter and Tilly kidnap Santa on snowmobiles as elves and Mrs. Claus yell after them.
19. INT-CONTROL ROOM-DAY
At NORAD HQ, Santa starts to move on the giant screen, but it’s too early. Dash and Don are assigned to find Santa.
20. EXT-FOREST US BORDER-DAY
Snow is starting to thin as Peter and Tilly continue by foot with blindfolded Santa in tow.
21. EXT-CANADIAN ROAD-DAY
Dash and Don are trying to track Santa’s signal.
22. INT-COMMUNITY CENTER-NIGHT
Mary and Angel discuss how good Joseph is with the girls, then Joseph tries to give Mary her Christmas present early, but she won’t take it. Introduction of other townspeople including Harry, Mary’s father, Ernie, Tilly’s boyfriend, and Mayor Partridge.
23. EXT-TRAIN TRACKS-NIGHT
Peter, Tilly, and Santa run alongside a slow-moving freight train. They get into the train car, and it starts to go faster.
24. EXT-CANADIAN ROAD-NIGHT
Dash and Don track the Santa signal and realize they are moving faster than snowmobiles. They can’t figure out where they are headed at first.
25. INT-LIVING ROOM-DAY
Ruthie tells Mary something is wrong with the laptop because it’s not following Santa. Mary looks at the site and says it’s just a temporary issue.
26. INT-KITCHEN-DAY
Mary tells Angel that her saving Peter from drowning ruined their relationship and caused the divorce. Angel asks why not move on with Joseph.
27. EXT-TRAIN TRACKS-DAY
Peter, Tilly, and Santa run into the woods.
28. INT-CAR-DAY
Dash and Don are still in Canada and realize the signal has stopped in New York. Border guards stop them and laugh that they are chasing Santa.
29. EXT-MAIN STREET-DAY
Main Street is full of people there for the festival. Vignettes of different townspeople working their jobs during the festival.
30. EXT-SNOWMOBILE SHOP-DAY
On the outskirts of town, Peter unlocks the door of the shop and he, Tilly, and Santa go inside.
31. INT-SNOWMOBILE SHOP-DAY
Peter finds a tracking device on Santa and interrogates him on how he gets down the chimneys. Santa won’t say.
32. EXT-FRONT YARD-DAY
Ruthie and Janie are playing in the yard in the snow. Uncle Billy is running around barking at them. Joe and Mary are watching from the front window.
33. INT-HOUSE-DAY
Mary and Joe argue over moving their relationship forward. Joe leaves. Uncle Billy comes in and Mary rubs him with a towel as he licks her face.
34. EXT-MAIN STREET-DAY
Dash and Don enter Seneca Falls and they ask Ernie if he’s seen a Santa. Ernie nods as Dash & Don turn around to see a sea of Santa’s running in the Santa 5k.
35. EXT-MAIN STREET-DAY
At the theater, Angel calls Mary’s cell and tells her to get to the community center now. Mary has Janie and Ruthie with her, and they all leave for the center.
36. INT-SNOWMOBILE SHOP-DAY
Peter and Tilly discuss that they didn’t think everything out…like how to get Santa back to the North Pole. Tilly quits and leaves the shop.
37. INT-COMMUNITY CENTER-DAY
The town Santa is sick, and Mary puts on the Santa suit because Angel has the radio show to do. Mary leaves Janie and Ruthie at the community center where Joseph will pick them up for the parade.
38. EXT-SNOWMOBILE SHOP-DAY
Peter dressed as Santa too, leaves the shop with Santa and they head towards town. Mary drives up to the shop looking for Peter, but he’s not there.
39. EXT-MAIN STREET-DUSK
Dash and Don run alongside the running Santa’s in the 5k trying to spot the “real” Santa. At the same time. Peter and Santa use the running Santa’s as a shield to get to the houses at the other end of town.
40. EXT-COMMUNITY CENTER-DUSK
As Joseph is on his way to pick up the girls at the community center, he notices smoke coming out of the roof. He calls 911 and enters the building.
41. INT-COMMUNITY CENTER-DUSK
Joseph comes out of the burning building with the girls in tow. Others are running out too.
42. EXT-COMMUNITY CENTER-DUSK
Mary runs through the crowd in her Santa suit and goes inside. After the fire is out, she checks on the girls and then runs off talking on her festival walkie talky.
43. INT-POLICE STATION-DUSK
Mary has told the police that Peter and Santa are missing. The police laugh at her. She explains he might do something terrible and leaves in frustration
44. EXT-RESIDENTIAL STREET-DUSK
Neighborhood of houses lit for Christmas, but everyone is in town. Peter and the real Santa come out of the woods and move toward the back of a house where Peter has hidden a ladder.
45. EXT-SIDE STREET-NIGHT
Mary gets on the firetruck to play Santa as Tilly runs up and tells Mary what Peter has done and where they are headed. Mary jumps off the truck and runs toward the house.
46. EXT-MAIN STREET-NIGHT
Tilly finds Angel and Joe who are marching in the parade as Mary and George Bailey and tells them what’s happening with Mary and Peter. Joseph takes off and Angel stays with Janie and Ruthie who are in the parade as Bailey children.
47. EXT-LIBRARY-NIGHT
Dash and Don spot a Santa far away running toward a neighborhood and they take off after the Santa (Mary).
48. EXT-HOUSE-NIGHT
Mary sneaks up behind Santa and trades places with him as Peter struggles with the ladder. Mary is still afraid of heights, but she gets on the roof anyway. Mary and Peter argue.
49. EXT-PARADE-NIGHT
The real Santa has taken Mary’s place on the firetruck and is waving to the children yelling Ho, Ho, Ho!
50. EXT-HOUSE-NIGHT
Peter tries to force Santa (Mary) down the chimney, and they struggle while Dash & Don point their guns at Peter. Mary stops them from shooting him then falls off the roof where Joseph catches her, and they fall in the snow.
51. EXT-YARD-NIGHT
The real Santa comes running and convinces Dash & Don to let Peter go.
52. INT-COURTROOM-CHRISTMAS EVE DAY
Peter turns himself in for the tax charges. Ma Jenkins, Bert, Mr. Reed, Pastor Frank, Mrs. Thomas each vouches for Peter, as the town pays his back taxes with the festival money. They found a sponsor to pay for next year’s festival.
53. INT-HOUSE-CHRISTMAS EVE
Ruthie, Janie, Uncle Billy, Peter, and Tilly are celebrating with the girls by watching IAWL on tv.
54. EXT-PORCH-CHRISTMAS EVE
55. INT-CHURCH-CHRISTMAS DAY DUSK
The congregation sings “Hark the Harold Angels Sing” with candles lit as Joseph and Mary walk down the aisle. Uncle Billy carries the ring around his neck.
56. EXT-CHURCH-CHRISTMAS DAY DUSK
Mary and Joseph come out of the church into the snow and get on top of a firetruck with the lights on and Just Married on the back. They drive off.
57. EXT-SENECA FALLS-NIGHT
SHOTS OF TOWN LIT FOR CHRISTMAS
58. VOICEOVER-MARY
Mary explains that “She is not alone who has friends…and family.”
(Note: The RED text in #7 and #54 doesn’t mean anything. It’s only shows in red when I paste it in my Reply)
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Kate’s Pass 10: Essence Only
What I learned is breaking each ‘big’ scene in to mini scenes gives a clearer, more interesting story and also more time/opportunity for character development.
LOGLINE:
A young actress finds that her recently found long absent father wants to destroy a small town that represents her values – now she must choose between the community and her longing for a loving father, ultimately joining them in a ‘sting’ operation and putting on a live ‘tell all’ public theatre performance.
DRAMATIC QUESTION
Will Nia have courage to stand up to her father and help the community save their land?
MAIN CONFLICT
Nia has to come to terms with the truth about her father, both to save the land and free herself of the childhood dream.
DILEMMA:
Nia has to let go of the idealized vision she held of her father to really see this one and then does she forgive him, be the good daughter, take care him? Or walk away and truly be free of him?
THEME:
While secrets often disempower people, knowing the truth frees us.
INT. TOWN MEETING – EARLY EVENING
A desperate crowd at a town meeting, led by the Latina Mayor Luciana, discuss how to stay solvent and bemoan the greed of Darrogh, the local billioniare. They have all lost something of their livelihood to him.
EXT. A PEACEFUL FIELD ON THE EDGE OF TOWN – EARLY EVENING
A tour bus of actors set up their campsite, preparing for their play this weekend. Nia tells Shaun, fellow thespian, she can imagine living there. He agrees – if only to get away from his high-powered biz Mother who is too involved in his life.
INT. LOCAL BAR – NEXT EVENING
Nia and the troupe mingle with the local community, most are fascinated by their life and looking forward to the play they are going to do except Bill, who is suspicious of these ‘alternative’ young theatre people. Luciana introduces herself and asks Nia a lot of questions.
EXT. THE FIELD – SATURDAY EVENING.
The Shakespeare show is ending and Darrogh is watching Nia – she is the living image of her mother, his dead wife.
MEMORY – IMAGE
D sees in Nia his beautiful young wife.
EXT. THE FIELD – SATURDAY EVENING. (CONTINUOUS)
Bill interrupts Darough’s reverie with his concerns about these weird out of towners.
INT. POST OFFICE – NEXT DAY
Nia meets Darrogh in the post office, he invites her to his house, under pretext of wanting to support the troupe.
INT. DARROGH’S PALATIAL HOUSE
Darrogh tells Nia she is his daughter and he is so happy to find her after these years. Talks about how beautiful her Mother was, how Nia looks just like her.
INT. FLASHBACK
Nia has a happy flashback of herself (3) with her Mother and Darrogh watching, smiling.
INT. DARROGH’S PALATIAL HOUSE (CONTINUOUS)
D hints that Amahla (Nia’s mother) let him down badly. He spins a story about what he’s been doing, making himself sound good.
EXT. THE TROUPE’S CAMP – EVENING
Nia says goodbye to the troupe to stay with her father, Luciana urges caution but Nia assures her it will be fine. Shaun has a text from Min, his mother, saying she wants to come and see their last show. He tells her no, he doesn’t want to see her.
INT. DARROGH’S HOUSE – LATER THAT EVENING
Darrogh makes it clear that he doesn’t want Nia mixing with the locals, he wants her to himself making her feel special and loved.
INT. COFFEE SHOP- DAY
Meeting clandestinely, Luciana tells Nia how Darrogh cheated her father out of the family ranch. She is very ‘familiar’, Nia is uncomfortable and rejects the offer to stay at her place, determined to have a relationship with the father who left her 15 years ago when she 7. She believes he is a good person and that she can help him be better because he loves her.
EXT. STREET – SAME TIME
Bill is observing them.
EXT. THE TROUPE’S CAMP
Nia tells Shaun he is not being kind to Min, his Mother, and she wishes she had that kind of attention. Shaun says he can’t let her be too close – she takes over – the classic Chinese Tiger Mother.
INT.TOWN MEETING – EVE
Luciana presents a letter from Darrogh in which he announces he is going to develop a massive landfill on the ranch he ‘bought’ from her family and offering to buy out the other little farms in the area but people have to decide in the next week. Bill suggests it is not a bad thing – an argument ensues, Bill leaves, not seeing –
INT.TOWN MEETING – EVE (CONTINUOUS)
Nia, listening incognito at the back of the room.
EXT. STREET – EVE
Nia is deeply moved by their plight, promises Luciana she will try and help, appeal to his humanity, sure her father loves her enough to listen.
EXT. THE TROUPE’S CAMP
Nia and Shaun meet after the meeting. She says she will stay with D because she’s not afraid to get to know him and dares Shaun to do the same with his Mother. He accepts the dare and texts Min to say Ok you can come if you really want to – not very warmly.
INT. DARROGHS HOUSE – NEXT DAY, BREAKFAST TIME
Nia tries to talk with her father appealing to his humanity. He belittles her as being a child and calls the people in the town losers and worthless because they don’t know how to make good money. Says she is too much like her Mother.
INT. FLASHBACK
A scene when she was 6 and she heard her parents arguing violently.
INT. DARROGHS HOUSE – NEXT DAY, BREAKFAST TIME
D apologizes – he is anxious about the land deal – it means so much to him. He brushes off her concerns.
EXT. THE TROUPE’S CAMP
Nia, shaken by her memory, meets Luciana who tells her she knew her mother when they were in college , filling her in (to some degree) on her Mother’s suicide, how Darrogh had isolated her and then did the same with the child Nia, and assures Nia she will always be there for her. She invites her to her house where there is to be small group meeting to decide what to do.
EXT. FROM A ROAD SIDE
Bill observes them from afar with binoculars..
INT. LUCIANA’S HOUSE – EVENING
A small group of towns people decide to set up a ‘sting’ company purportedly to manage and expand the landfill. Nia suggests that some of her theatre friends pose as ‘the businessmen’ but she will stay in her father’s house to keep an eye on him, still hopeful he’ll change.
EXT. THE TROUPE’S CAMP – NEXT DAY
Nia proposes the sting project – all agree and Shaun (who is sweet on Nia) says his mother can help set that up being very pro-environment and the rights of ‘small’ people. Before he can ask her, he gets a text from Min saying she has decided not to come – he is right and she needs to give him more room. She will send some advice for the fake business proposal.
INT. LUCIANAS HOUSE – 3 DAYS LATER
Fehearsal (with a script) of the ‘businessmen’ for the meeting with Darrogh.
INT. DARROGHS HOUSE – 4 DAYS LATER
The ‘Businessmen’ meet with Darrogh, who is interested but delays signing it – he will do it himself and doesn’t need them yet – maybe later in the process. He is trying to get more land from the other farmers to have the biggest landfill ever made.
INT. DARROGHS HOUSE – LATER THAT DAY
Bill tells Darrogh he has seen Luciana and Nia together a lot and he knows that Luciana and Darrogh have a history – suspects they are old lovers. D laughs, it’s no-one’s business but L did him wrong years ago. Thanks him for keeping an eye on his daughter.
INT. DARROGH’S HOUSE – EVENING
He confronts Nia about seeing so much of Luciana. Bill told him. Tells her L caused Amahla’s (Nia’s mother) death, that they were lovers and the shame was too much for Amahla. Nia very confused remembering that she was uncomfortable with Luciana that time, and she leaves the room.
INT. DARROGHS HOUSE – NIAS’ ROOM – LATER THAT NIGHT
Nia texting Shaun when Darough bursts in, says it’s him or them and anyway he doesn’t trust her – she doesn’t have his best interest at heart and she can go join the riff-raff as that’s her type anyway. Kicks her out of the house then and there, saying ‘you’ve let me down like your Mother’. She leaves with only what she arrived with.
INT. FLASHBACK
As she makes her way to the camp, to when he kicked her Mother out (when Nia was 6)
EXT. THE TROUPE’S CAMP
Nia arrives distraught. She doesn’t know who to trust but tells them about Bill spying on them and will keep going with the ‘sting’. Shaun was one of the fake businessmen when D didn’t sign the deal and now he really needs to get Min more on board plus he is moved by Nia’s hopeful and needy love for her father who Shaun can see is a shit. He calls his mother who agrees to come in person next week because she likes the sting project.
EXT. THE FIELD – A WEEK LATER
The surveyors and bulldozers arrive. Everyone is frantic.
INT.DARROUGHS HOUSE – 2 DAYS LATER
The’ Businessmen’ make a second proposal- they have ‘sales agreements’ from surrounding farms to their company. He is still not sure, tells them to wait.
EXT. THE FIELD – SAME TIME
Meanwhile the surveyors are at work in the land that he already has, beginning in the field where Nia first camped and where the Troupe’s bus still is.
EXT. THE FIELD – AFTERNOON
Min arrives to be part of the ‘businessmen’ to meet D one more time. Min and Luciana hit it off. Shaun sees her as others in the troupe see her and the first time appreciates her, even as he is also a bit jealous of her easy relationship with the others and is torn between letting her into his life and keeping his autonomy. Nia sees in Min/Luciana comfort level what she fears – her father is right.
INT. LUCIANA’S HOUSE – EVENING
Nia has it out with Luciana demanding the whole truth about her Mother’s death and their relationship, and sees for a first time a pure clear love. Luciana knew Amahla was straight and loved D so she left hoping they’d make it
FLASHBACK –
Luciana and Amahla are wrapping up the conversation when D comes in, misreads it all, refuses to hear anything more.
INT. LUCIANA’S HOUSE (CONT)
L tells Nia her mother did commit suicide but because of the pain of cancer and the fact she was kept from her daughter. Nia says that no one told her that, only that her mother died from cancer, and it broke her father’s heart – he couldn’t look at her it hurt too much. Nia always thought it love not disgust..
EXT. LUCIANA’S HOUSE
Bill is lurking and Nia calls him out – warning him to leave her and Luciana alone – for the firts time taking a stand.
INT. DARROGHS HOUSE – DAY
The ‘businessmen’, lead by Min, meet with Darrogh – he says he will sign the deal with the ‘company’ if the community agree to name the new landfill after him, with a big fancy gate. He is very excited and calls Nia to come and have lunch with him.
INT. PHONE CALL
Nia says she needs some time to think about it – that she is still upset about the landfill even though he is her father. He promises he’ll make sure everyone is taken care of if she’ll just come back.
INT. LUCIANAS HOUSE
Talking more with Luciana and some others, Nia chooses the community. Luciana says it is not enough to get the money from Darrogh, he has to be held publicly accountable. Nia comes up with the idea a play specially written to be performed and expose the whole story. There is to be a ribbon-cutting event next week to name the new landfill (even though it is not quite yet under construction). The perfect time to do it.
EXT. LUCIANA’S HOUSE
3 of the men at the meeting run Bill out of town.
INT. DARROGH’S HOUSE – 2 DAYS LATER
D alone at his desk. Tries to call Nia, no answer.
INT. LUCIANA’S HOUSE – NEXT DAY
Min and Luciana over coffee discuss how to make sure D comes to the play. – a special invite, a naming event at the landfill, and Nia will see him there.
EXT. THE FIELD – EVENING – 1 WEEK LATER – ON STAGE
The play is performed, outdoors under lights with the ‘dozers in the periphery, and slowly Darrogh recognizes the story and his role in it. (Includes a re-worked scene from ‘Lear’ with Cordelia).
EXT. THE FIELD – EVENING – (CONTINUOUS) – IN THE AUDENCE
D makes a scene demanding the contract be cancelled, but Min shows him it is all legitimate and there is nothing he can do. Luciana challenges D to stay for the end of the performance by his daughter. D takes his seat loudly sure Nia will take his side.
EXT. THE FIELD – EVENING – (CONTINUOUS) – ON STAGE
Nia performs the murder scene from ‘Othello’ with Nia (as Desdemona) looking like Amahla) and ends by calling D out for his failures as a father and sharing her grief as someone who now sees the truth is not like she had imagined and hoped – and had been told.
EXT. THE FIELD – EVENING – AFTER THE PERFORMANCE
D, heartbroken, appalled, slinks off to his house, leaving a party in his wake.
EXT. THE FIELD – EVENING – LATER
Shaun had played a key role in the performance and Min saw him in a new way, appreciating the life he has chosen.
INT. TOWN MEETING – A WEEK LATER – DAY
The community has their land back and the money to develop a back-to-nature retreat center for future sustainability as some had hoped for years. Nia thanks them all for everything – she can’t stay but needs to go on with her life. Luciana promises she’ll always have a home here.
EXT. THE TROUPE’S CAMP
Min and Shaun agree to stay closer – she will support his choice of life and work, he will keep her involved.
INT: DARROGH’S HOUSE- LATE AFTERNOON
Nis visits her father one last time and he pleads with Nia to forgive him and take him in. The house is to be foreclosed and he’ll have nowhere to go. She forgives him, but says he must depend on this community because she is going on with her life, free and independent. She refuses the car he offers for her travels.
INT: DARROGH’S HOUSE- LATE AFTERNOON (CONTINUOUS)
Nia walks out the door and down the grand driveway.
EXT. THE FIELD – HALF AN HOUR LATER – EARLY EVENING
The ‘dozers and surveyors pegs are gone, the Troupe is packing up, Luciana and Min helping. Shaun hugs his Mother goodbye, Luciana gives Nia a letter to read later and Nia and Shaun leave on the bus as they had arrived.
VOICE OVER
Letter from Luciana telling Nia not to worry about Darrogh, that because she loved Nia’s mother who loved Darrogh and gave birth to Nia, she will find him a place at the ranch she now has back.
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Anita Gomez’s Pass 10: Essence Only Outline
What I learned in this assignment: Brevity helped me focus on the essence, which helped me focus on the flow.
Logline: A young woman who can’t access an abortion abandons her baby at birth only to learn years later that the child is her best hope for a life-saving transplant, leading her to search for a daughter she never wanted, but who becomes her unexpected solution.
Dramatic Question: Should a woman with an unwanted pregnancy be forced to carry a child to term which puts her own life in jeopardy; and later, continue to reject the woman the child has become, or finally embrace her?
Main Conflict: The woman’s health is failing and she needs to find the now-grown abandoned daughter for a transplant.
Dilemma: Abort the child against her family’s religious beliefs and at the father’s request, or have the child at great personal health risk and ruin her career plans. LATER, the Dilemma morphs into: Find the abandoned child for selfish health reasons or try and connect with the now-grown brilliant daughter. Really it is the same ‘coin’: Destroy the child or let it live.
Theme: That there is no one perfect answer to an unwanted pregnancy – that an unwanted pregnancy can lead to an unwanted child.
Essence Only Outline:
<st1:place w:st=”on”><st1:placename w:st=”on”>INT.</st1:placename> <st1:placetype w:st=”on”>HOSPITAL</st1:placetype></st1:place> – NIGHT
Danica is in the throes of childbirth. It isn’t going well, and we hear from the doctors that she could die.
INT. LAW OFFICES – NIGHT
Flashback 7 months: Danica’s confronts senior law partner (Cyrus) that she is pregnant and past the 6 weeks allowable for an abortion – a law he was instrumental in crafting. He wants her to have an abortion anyway to protect his marriage, family and career.
INT. DANICA’S SISTER’S HOME – DAY
Danica confides in her Evangelical sister that she doesn’t want this child and fears for her health, having been born with only 1 kidney. The sister guilt-trips her / tells her all life is precious and “she’ll grow to love the child”.
<st1:place w:st=”on”><st1:placename w:st=”on”>INT.</st1:placename> <st1:placename w:st=”on”>CATHOLIC</st1:placename> <st1:placetype w:st=”on”>CHURCH</st1:placetype></st1:place> – THAT NIGHT
Danica is praying in an empty church for guidance. She gets no answer.
EXT. HIGHWAY – NIGHT
Danica flees the state driving to <st1:state w:st=”on”><st1:place w:st=”on”>Louisiana</st1:place></st1:state> where the abortion laws are more accessible.
INT. ABORTION CLINIC – DAY
Danica is confronted by anti-abortion protestors and finds she can’t go through with the abortion.
<st1:place w:st=”on”><st1:placename w:st=”on”>INT.</st1:placename> <st1:placetype w:st=”on”>HOSPITAL</st1:placetype></st1:place> – NIGHT
Back at the opening scene of a wretched birthing experience, Danica regains consciousness and told the infant was born with the mother’s genetic defect of having only one kidney. Danica emotionally rejects the infant.
<st1:place w:st=”on”><st1:placename w:st=”on”>INT.</st1:placename> <st1:placetype w:st=”on”>HOSPITAL</st1:placetype></st1:place> – LATER
Danica physically rejects her newborn: “Not all of us are born mothers”.
EXT. FIRE STATION – NIGHT
Danica abandons her newborn daughter at a “Safe Haven” firehouse telling the child, “I never wanted you” leaving a note, “Her name is Dianna”.
EXT. <st1:street w:st=”on”><st1:address w:st=”on”>TEXAS HIGHWAY</st1:address></st1:street> – DAY
Giant billboards picture Cyrus running for a Judgeship with politically motivated anti-abortion statements seen with his smiling wife and 2 young children.
INT. LAW OFFICES – DAY
Partners congratulate Cyrus on his election win as a local Judge.
INT. COURTHOUSE – DAY
Cyrus is presiding over an adoption proceeding unbeknownst to him that it is Dianna.
INT. DIANNA’S ADOPTIVE PARENT’S HOME – DAY
Dianna is a beautiful baby, exuding shiny and bright promises for her new doting parents.
INT. LAW OFFICES – DAY
Danica coldly and with ambition climbs the professional ladder becoming a full partner in a prestigious <st1:place w:st=”on”><st1:state w:st=”on”>Louisiana</st1:state></st1:place> law firm.
INT. COURTROOM – DAY
Cyrus gains the reputation as a conservative hard-ass, making harsh anti-abortion decisions from the bench – as noted by a case about a young girl seeking a judicial bypass from parental consent for an abortion, which he denies because of her “grades”.
INT. ADOPTIVE PARENT’S HOUSE
Dianna has grown into a beautiful and precocious young girl – but with a cruel streak.
INT. CYRUS’ HOUSE – EVENING
Cyrus interacts with his two pre-teen kids in a fatherly but distracted and distant way deferring the kids’ needs to his wife.
INT. JUDGE’S CHAMBERS – DAY
Cyrus, now older, has received notice of his appointment to Regional Circuit Judge, which will put him once again in Danica’s professional orbit.
EXT. CYRUS’ HOUSE – EARLY NEXT MORNING
It is his habitual practice to retrieve his newspaper outside the gates of his ‘McMansion’ when a car passes too close and he bobbles his coffee onto his pajamas and robe (foreshadowing).
EXT. HIGH SCHOOL BLEACHERS – NIGHT
At the Homecoming game Dianna surreptitiously lures the school mascot (a bulldog) under the bleachers feeding it something that causes seizures as she coolly observes.
INT. ADOPTIVE PARENT’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Dianna’s parents are worried about her lack of friends and emotional detachment. She tells them not to worry – she really wants to help others, and has decided to go into genetic research because of her own anatomical anomaly to uncover others with kidney deficiency (which she later discovers includes her biological mother and Aunt).
EXT. UNIVERSITY GROUNDS – DAY
Dianna graduates college early and is offered a prestigious job as a medical researcher in genetics to study along the lines of “Nurture vs. Nature” with a big Grant.
INT. BIOLOGY LAB – DAY
Dianna displays the same cold ambition of her biological mother playing out in her dispassionate experimentation and dissection of animals in the lab, and how her co-workers whisper behind her back. One coworker (a guy) stands up for her – and later becomes her boyfriend.
INT. DEPARTMENT STORE – DAY
Danica is shopping last minute for Christmas for her niece. She is sad and pensive, brooding about the child she gave away.
INT. DANICA’S SISTER’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Danica visits for Christmas and while the rest of the family has fun at game night she only observes. The sister gets up, hiding from them some serious back pain.
INT. CYRUS’ HOUSE – CHRISTMAS DAY
Cyrus’s wife gives the family each a genetic DNA kit as gifts. Cyrus looks nervous but agrees to take the test.
INT. DIANNA’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Dianna is in bed with her boyfriend. Sex for her is nothing more than a biological function.
INT. BIOLOGY LAB – DAY
Dianna seeks out and discovers the true identity of both her biological parents by doing DNA testing on herself.
INT. DANICA’S SISTER’S HOUSE – DAY
Another wistful visit and Danica catches a TV commercial about Cyrus running for re-election as Judge, all about “family values” – his platform’s anti-abortion and calls women’s bodies ‘host bodies’ – Danica is disgusted.
INT. DIANNA’S APARTMENT – DAY
Dianna holds a home pregnancy test strip showing “positive” but she has absolutely no emotional reaction to this and carelessly tosses it in the garbage.
INT. DIANNA’S APARTMENT BATHROOM – NIGHT
Her boyfriend finds the discarded positive pregnancy test and confronts Dianna. She shrugs and tells him “she already took care of that.”
INT. DIANNA’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Exemplifying her pathological inability to connect with people, her boyfriend accuses Dianna of aborting their child without even consulting him and of cold-blooded murder. Dianna throws him out.
INT. JUDGE CYRUS’ CHAMBERS – DAY
Cyrus meets with anti-abortion lobbyists and agrees to be considered as an appointee for The 5<sup>th</sup> Circuit Chief Judge. His motivations are purely for power and political gain.
EXT. <st1:street w:st=”on”><st1:address w:st=”on”>SUBURBAN STREET</st1:address></st1:street> – DAY
Danica is a compulsive marathon runner and begins to show signs of health issues.
INT. DANICA’S HOUSE – DAY
She receives news of her sister’s death from kidney failure.
INT. DANICA’S SISTER’S HOME – DAY
Danica meets with her brother-in-law, niece and nephew but has too many regrets about giving away her own child to be of much solace.
INT. DOCTOR’S OFFICE – DAY
Danica sees her own doctor and is told she too has kidney disease, and must have a transplant to survive. She is told all the medical reasons why her best chance for survival is a close relative.
EXT. <st1:street w:st=”on”><st1:address w:st=”on”>SUBURBAN STREET</st1:address></st1:street> – NEXT DAY
Danica finds she doesn’t have the strength to run that day.
INT. DANICA’s HOUSE – NIGHT
She begins seeking out her daughter’s whereabouts online but we are unsure of her motive – is it for a kidney or a relationship?
INT. BIOLOGY LAB – DAY
Dianna reads about her Aunt’s death and studying her own mother’s DNA health markers realizes Danica is also likely to die of kidney disease without a transplant. We see Dianna go to Cyrus’s DNA results on the computer but not what she finds.
INT. CYRUS’ HOUSE – NIGHT
Cyrus announces to his wife that he’s been appointed to the 5<sup>th</sup> Circuit Court of Appeals, located in <st1:city w:st=”on”><st1:place w:st=”on”>New Orleans</st1:place></st1:city>. She tells him the results of the family DNA tests uncovered a grown child out of wedlock (Dianna) and she will be leaving him.
INT. LAW OFFICES – DAY
Danica must prepare for arguments against restricting abortions in the state of LA. She is shaken to learn that the father of her abandoned child (Cyrus) will be the appointed Circuit Appeals Judge.
INT. DANICA’S HOUSE – NIGHT
She goes on a concentrated search for Dianna, the daughter, and using a DNA genetic app, finds her. Dianna is a shocking spitting image of her mother.
INT. LAW OFFICES – DAY
Danica can’t concentrate on work. She finally contacts Dianna by email, not disclosing who she is – only a ‘close relative’. Danica has no idea Dianna already knows who she is.
INT. COURTROOM – DAY
The anti-abortionist argument for new restrictive legislation includes “sanctity of life” comments, and how they must “protect the unborn” and “what if that little baby is the next president?” // “Even women who have been raped should be inspired because ‘God put them in this moment’, // “Life begins when DNA is created”, etc.
INT. LAW OFFICES – DAY
Danica is preparing for her arguments the next day but flailing, getting bogged down by all the statistics coming out of TX since they passed their “Heartbeat Act” and how it has impacted LA, etc. Her superior calls her out…. “What’s wrong with you?”
INT. COURTROOM – DAY
Danica’s passionate in her counter- arguments: “What if that next baby is another Hitler or Putin?” // “The state should never be allowed to compel victims of sexual violence to carry an unwanted child.” // “Not everyone’s cut out to be a parent. Not everyone SHOULD be a parent… not every child should be born into a life of pain and suffering – because of physical defects or into poverty…” All while Cyrus just sits there smirking at her. Danica collapses – both mentally and physically.
INT. DIANNA’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Dianna receives Danica’s email and suggests they meet early the next morning at Dianna’s prompting, who makes all the arrangements.
EXT. <st1:street w:st=”on”><st1:address w:st=”on”>SUBURBAN STREET</st1:address></st1:street> – EARLY MORNING
Dianna drives to the early morning appointment she set to meet her mother. We see a man bending over to get the morning paper from his driveway – we recognize him as Cyrus. Brakes Squeal. Blackout.
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – DAY
Eyes blink open to a hospital room. Wincing in pain Danica walks to a mirror realizing she has gotten her transplant, but looks confused. Her daughter, Dianna walks in and turns the TV news up reporting on the tragic death of Circuit Appeals Court Judge Cyrus at his home this morning. Dianna says, “Well, at least he did one thing right in his life – he signed up as an organ donor.”
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Dev Ross – Lesson 15 – Essence
What I learned from doing this assignment: Truncating my scenes into two lines made me focus so completely on what exactly my story is! I had already attached to how I was going to do them but with simplifying, I saw so many other possibilities!
Dramatic Question: Will the Grand Dragon assassinate the Black Leader?
Main Conflict: Choosing his obsession over his family.
Dilemma: He can’t stop because now black leader is trying to kill him.
Theme: Hate will ultimately destroy you
Concept: Outshined by the latest hate groups, a fading KKK Grand Dragon plots the murder of a black leader, but when he wakes the next morning, he is that black leader who is suddenly struck with a plan to murder the Grand Dragon.
1. EXT. FAIR GROUNDS – SUMMER DAY
Amid increasing climate events, Grand Dragon CLAY CAINE of the KKK speaks at White Supremacists Conference and gets booed off stage as a SINO, a Supremacist in Name Only. He replaced by youthful ADAM SPENCER, the hot new ticket in the hate game.
2. INT. CAINE HOME – DINING ROOM – EVENING
Clay’s wife, HANNAH, a nurse, suggests it’s time to leave Klan to focus on family. Daughter, EMMY, is off to meet a boyfriend she remains secretive about.
3. INT. CAINE HOME – TV ROOM – NIGHT
To Clay views news on climate change is fear-mongering. Changes channel to local coverage on WS rally: “Jews will not convert us! Blacks will not pervert us!” Shakes his head, this is not the way to bring the change they want.
4. INT. CAINE’S BATHROOM – NIGHT
He brushes his teeth. Stops to gaze at his reflection; FLASHBACKS to…
5. EXT. KLAN RALLY – NIGHT – FLASHBACK
Clay’s grandfather, Grand Dragon AUGUST ABLE gives a wickedly ‘patriotic’ speech to wild cheers and shouted praises. A cross burns as seven-year-old Clay, dressed his klan robe, watches.
6. INT. BEDROOM – NIGHT
Clay prays for a sign from God to tell him how to go forward.
7. INT. FOYER – MORNING
Hannah returns from work as he’s leaves for work. She apologizes for last night, pulls him close, kisses him. He puts her off, leaving her frustrated.
8. EXT. JOB SITE – DAY
Clay works as house painter. The homeowner, an elderly woman, asks if he’d be willing to mentor/apprentice her twelve-year-old grandson. Clay quotes Proverbs 22:6. “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old, he will not depart from it.”
9. EXT. CLAY’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Odd, disturbing weather outside…
10. INT. CLAY’S BASEMENT – NIGHT
KKK meeting to plot how to bring back their membership. Clay reminds that Klan members used to be respectable doctors, lawyers and politicians who were gentleman first, Christian men with integrity, not wild-eyed terrorists.
11. EXT. HOUSE PAINTING JOB – DAY
Grandmother presents her HALF-BLACK, grandson, ELIJAH, to Clay – who refuses to mentor him as God prohibits mixing. Grandma says she knows of no better family man and Christian to take on the boy.
12. INT. CLAY’S HOME – NIGHT
INCITING INCIDENT: At dinner, daughter, EMMY, runs off and vomit. When she returns, Emmy blathers on how Dad and her got married – early – and it all worked out. They learn Emmy’s pregnant with black baby and Clay, crying, throws her out.
13. EXT. PAINT JOB SITE – DAY
As they paint, Clay tells Elijah he’ll have to work hard to be decent. Elijah wants to work hard, doesn’t want to be like his father. Clay relates.
14. INT. CLAY’S CHILDHOOD HOME – DAY – FLASHBACK
Clay’s father beats his mom behind closed doors while young Clay and his baby sister play inside their mother’s open suitcase with all her clothes strewn about.
15. EXT. PAINT JOB SITE – DAY
Clay watches Elijah work diligently.
16. INT. CLAY’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Clay spurns Hannah’s attempt at sex. He’s tired. She’s tired of him refusing him. It escalates – a lot -until — shouts of “Nigger lover” come from outside.
17. EXT. CLAY’S HOME – NIGHT
Trucks screech away, leaving a cross burning on lawn. A stuffed effigy hangs with a sign that says his daughter is a nigger lover.
18. EXT. CLAY’S HOME – MORNING
Ashes from burning cross blow across the neighborhood. Emmy knocks on the door, wants to know if her parents are okay.
19. INT. CLAY’S HOME – CONTINUOUS
Clay forbids Hannah to let her in.
20. EXT. CLAY’S HOME – CONTINOUS
Mother and daughter touch palms through front window.
21. INT. CLAY’S HOME – MOMENTS LATER
Before leaving for work, Hannah comments positively on Black Leader LINCOLN ABLE who is on news. Clay takes her comments as a dig.
22. EXT. HOUSE PAINTING JOB – DAY
A sudden turbulent wind blows over the ladder which knocks over the paint before Elijah can right it. The boy covers his head to block the blows he knows are coming. Clay freezes, remembers…
23. INT. CLAY’S CHILDHOOD HOME – FLASHBACK – DAY
His daddy hits him over and over again…
24. EXT. HOUSE PAINTING JOB – DAY
Clay grabs the boy into a hug.
25. EXT. STREETS – LATE DAY
Clay berates himself about the boy. Must keep to his principles.
26. EXT. BAR – DAY
He stops at light next to BAR. FLASHBACK TO-
27. EXT. ANOTHER BAR – DAY – FLASHBACK
Clay’s father tells him to wait outside bar as he goes in. He’ll just be a minute… Laughter from inside as Clay waits and waits…
28. EXT. BAR – OUT OF FLASHBACK – DAY
Light changes. Clay drives on. Stops, backs up.
29. INT. BAR – DAY
Clay drinks, watches Lincoln Able on TV as bartender complains about blacks replacing them. LIGHTS in bar flicker due to the climate stuff. Clay says climate stuff is bull – believes it’s God trying to tell him something.
30. INT. BASEMENT – LATER – DAY
Electricity in the air makes Clay’s TV turn on by itself. It plays all black shows in a loop with the last showing a black and white couple making love.
31. EXT. CLAY HOME – CONTINUOS
A terrified Elijah, with tripping lights and electric static encompassing the neighborhood, bangs on Clay’s front door. Waving his shotgun, Clay says he’ll shoot him if he shows his black face at his house again.
32. INT. CLAY’S BASEMENT – LATER
The shotgun rests on Clay’s lap as his TV blasts more images of blacks. The last image is of Lincoln Able. Clay finally understands what God is telling him what to do. He points shotgun at TV. Click.
ACT TWO:
1. EXT. SKY – MORNING
Sky ripples with ribboning colors…
2. INT. ANOTHER BASEMENT – MORNING
We see the back of a man we assume is Clay sleeping on the couch. But when the man stirs and sits up, we see he’s actually black leader Lincoln Able. His intense dream lingers.
3. INT. ABLE HOME – KITCHEN – MORNING
His wife, NUBIA, apologizes for sending him to the basement but his tossing, turning was keeping her up and she’s working a double today. When Lincoln says he had a crazy dream about killing the Grand Dragon, she laughs.
4. EXT. BLACK NEIGHBORHOOD – DAY
Lincoln gives his volunteers a pep talk before they go door to door to get out the vote. A truck flying a Confederate flag motors past.
5. INT./EXT. BLACK HOME – DAY
Lincoln speaks to a couple about voting. The man’s son, a vet, appears, grumbles about the uselessness of voting. Lincoln acknowledges his feelings but they can’t let helplessness and hate win. You’re good as dead if you do.
6. EXT. BLACK NEIGHBORHOOD – DAY
Lincoln walks the neighborhood. A car follows him. Lincoln turns to look. A shimmer of light and… no car. Then — it almost swipes him but is gone again. Then, a urgent text from his wife…
7. INT. HOSPITAL- FRONT DESK/EMPTY ROOM – DAY
Lincoln, frantic, looks for his wife at the nurses’ station that shimmers and shifts. Hannah grabs him but it’s really Nubia who pulls him into a private room. She’s pregnant! Lincoln’s overjoyed but appears to have a fierce, blinding headache.
8. INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – DAY
Hannah takes Emmy’s blood pressure, which is high. Fears she could lose the baby. Hannah tells her not to worry, that her dad will come around.
9. INT. HOSPITAL – IMAGING – DAY
Nubia rolls Lincoln into MRI machine.
10. INT. HOSPITAL PARKING LOT – NIGHT
Hannah’s car won’t start. She tries to call her husband. It rings and rings.
11. INT. CLAY’S CAR – NIGHT
Cell phone on seat says ‘missed call’ just as Clay opens the door from the outside and tosses in a box of ammo. Drives off.
12. INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – NIGHT
Nubia has Lincoln’s scan results. Nothing there so she suggests he’s pushing himself too hard. Now with their baby finally coming, perhaps he can go back to teaching…
13. EXT. CLAY’S DRIVEWAY – NIGHT
Clay sits in his car and loads his shotgun when a car drives up. The driver, a black man, has given Hannah a ride. Reminding her of what happened to his sister, he yanks her into the house.
14. INT. CLAY’S HOUSE – NIGHT – CONTINOUS
Hannah explains the man is a co-worker who just gave her a ride home because her own husband was likely too busy at a Klan meeting to help her. Clay angrily counters she could have been raped – like his sister was. Calling her a whore, he hits her again and again until she’s still…
Meanwhile…
15. EXT. FRONT DOOR – NIGHT – CONTINOUS
Emmy bangs on door outside. Calls for her mom. Blood drips down her legs. The sky ripples with ribbons of color.
16. EXT. HOSPITAL/CITY STREETS – NIGHT
Lincoln leaves the hospital, drives off… Bathed in ribbons of light, the neighborhood shifts – looks almost the same only different.
17. EXT. CLAY’S STREET – NIGHT
Lincoln is disoriented. Then– he recognizes the car that tried to run him down — parked in front of Clay’s home. Clay shoots at him. Lincoln dives into his car, speeds away as the neighborhood RIPPLES and shifts again.
18. EXT./INT. LINCOLN’S HOME – NIGHT
Lincoln’s car screeches up. Parks. He enters house. Heads upstairs. Downstairs TV sparks on. White Supremacists on the news…
19. EXT. LINCOLN’S HOME – MORNING
Lincoln checks his car. Bullet holes riddle the side of it.
20. EXT. GET OUT THE VOTE RALLY – DAY
Lincoln introduces as speaker. He’s struggles. His speech turns hateful. The crowd reacts, jeering or cheering him on.
21. EXT. RALLY CROWD – CONTINUOUS
Elijah is there with his grandma. He looks around the crowd when he spots Clay pull out his shotgun… Elijah yells out a warning!
Clay shoot misses and the crowd scatters. Lincoln pulls away from his handlers and chases after Clay. He thinks he has him cornered but… it’s as if e’s disappeared into thin air.
22. INT. LINCOLN HOME – DAY
Lincoln finds his wife home. He spots Clay hurrying toward the house with his shotgun so yanks Nubia to the floor. Nothing happens. She thinks he’s losing it.
23. EXT. LINCOLN HOME – DRIVEWAY – DAY
Shows her bullet holes in car causing Nubia to demand he stop his work. They argue and he pushes her to the ground. He pulls her to her feet, holds her, begs her forgiveness while blood trickles down her leg.
24. EXT. SKY – DAY
Luminous ribbons of color cut across the sky. Rumbling…
25. INT. CLAY HOME – DAY
Shotgun toting Clay hurries inside. Someone’s in the shadows waiting for him; he almost shoots when he hears his daughter’s whimpers. She lost her baby so can she come home now? Clay sends her away.
26. INT. CLAY BASEMENT – NIGHT
Phone call – Clay’s sister reminds him that like their parents, she was a drunk back. Black men didn’t rape her, she took them on as a FUCK YOU to their child molesting, KKK Grandpa. Clay says she’s a liar just like his wife and daughter – who’ve all betrayed him with the black man.
27. EXT. BLACK NEIGHBORHOOD – NIGHT
Clay prowls the streets, looking for someone to kill while sprouting biblical references. He shoots out the windows of a black church.
28. EXT. HOSPITAL – NIGHT
Lincoln drives his wife toward home. She won’t speak to him. Clay’s car emerges from a RIPPLE. Lincoln stops and orders his wife out of the car.
ACT THREE
1. EXT. CITY STREETS – NIGHT
Clay aims at a random black man when his car is rammed by Lincoln. Car chase through the city. Alarms go off as electricity arcs across the sky. The world’s fabric is rending…
Both crash their cars. Pursue each other on foot.
2. EXT./INT. COTTON PROCESSING PLANT – NIGHT
Both men chase shadows. It’s cat and mouse where both appear, one disappears never quite in full view of the other. Sudden quakes cause near collapse of building.
3. EXT. LINCOLN’S NEIGHBORHOO – NIGHT
Nubia, on foot, finally approaches home when– the neighborhood ripples and shifts.
4. EXT. CLAY’S NEIGHBORHOOD – NIGHT – CONTINOUS
Confused, she stands in the middle of a street she does not recognize. RIPPLE.
5. EXT. LINCOLN’S NEIGHBORHOOD – NIGHT – CONTINOUS
Back to her neighborhood when car brakes scream. The face of the approaching car’s driver freezes in anguish as he runs her down…
6. EXT. SKY – NIGHT
It’s ripping apart.
7. INT. PLANT – NIGHT
The men’s search for amid their shapes rippling in and out. Their bullets ricochet and each is struck. Building is coming down. Both drag themselves in opposite directions to get out.
8. EXT. PLANT – NIGHT
Clay drags himself out into the night. Moon shines down on pools of water. As he bleeds out, he sees his reflection in the water. It’s Lincoln.
9. EXT. PLANT – NIGHT
Lincoln drags himself out, sees his reflection in water. It’s Clay. The two look up at each other as a BRIGHT FLASH OF LIGHT washes all out…
10. EXT. SPACE
Strings appear in the blackness and resonate like harp strings. (String Theory) A FLASH OF LIGHT then…
11. EXT. MIXED NEIGHBORHOOD – DAY
The sun shines down on a newly formed reality – literally. Clay’s daughter strolls with her baby past black and white townspeople who warmly ask what her baby’s name is. Emmy smiles. It’s Elijah.
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ProSeries 81 – Outlining Day 16 – Write Your Essence Only Outline
PS81 – Dana’s Pass #10: Essence Only
What I learned during this assignment:
Searching through the outline for the essence of every scene helped me reduce the outline from 8 pages to 6 pages. I was also able to merge scenes together while eliminating others completely, tightening the story.
Logline:
A patient with multiple personality disorder calls a radio psychiatrist and warns that his more dominant and violent personality will kill one member her kidnapped family every hour on air unless she can excise his violent personality before the end of the show.
Dramatic Question:
Can Ellen stop her patient from murdering her family?
Main Conflict:
Dilemma:
Does she play the killer’s game to persuade him from killing her family or does she manipulate him into killing himself before he can execute his threat?
Theme:
Sacrificing one’s morality to save another.
FIRST TIME CALLER – ESSENCE OUTLINE
1. INT./EXT. ELLEN’S CAR – DAY
Ellen Landry’s husband, Roger, calls to tell her his car wouldn’t start and he’s using Uber to drop their daughters at school before heading to work. He asks Ellen if she can pick them up after her radio show, and they get into an argument about her career interfering with family.
She cuts the call short when she gets another call from her producer. Ellen is missing her meeting with the station manager. Ellen completely forgot. Anxious, hurrying, she spills coffee on her skirt.
2. EXT. STATION – DAY
Ellen parks and, grappling with her purse and briefcase, hurries inside.
3. EXT. RECEPTION – DAY
Ellen’s producer meets her in a panic and hurries Ellen into the conference room.
4. INT. CONFERENC ROOM – DAY
Ellen enters and sits down as the meeting is adjourned. She’s mortified. The station manager meets with Ellen about her ratings. They need to improve, or he will have to release her.
5. INT. RESTROOM – DAY
6. INT. CONTROL BOOTH – DAY
The station manager enters. Ellen’s producer scolds him for his poor people skills. He admits he’s a schmuck, but the owner is concerned and wants him to find Ellen’s replacement just in case.
7. INT. ON AIR STUDIO – DAY
Ellen settles in at her microphone. She notices the manager hovering and is more nervous. Ellen welcomes her listeners, and the first call is boring. She watches the manager leave disappointed.
8. INT. CONTROL BOOTH – DAY
The producer screens the next caller, Jason, who claims to suffer from multiple personality disorder. She puts him through immediately.
INCITING INCIDENT
9. INT. ON AIR STUDIO – DAY
Ellen engages Jason, but when she recognizes him as her ex-patient, she advises him that she cannot continue the conversation on-air. Before she can end the call, Jason screams for her not to hang up. He then tells her that his dominant and violent personality has kidnapped her family, and he intends to kill them unless she can excise the personality by the end of the show.
Stunned, Ellen questions Jason about his threat. But Jason battles with someone else in a muddled argument and the call drops. Her producer goes to a commercial.
10. INT. CONTROL BOOTH – DAY
The station manager returns. He quips about boring calls.
11. INT. ON AIR STUDIO – DAY
Ellen tells them Jason was an ex-patient who suffered from DID (dissociative identity disorder). Worried, Ellen calls her husband. The call goes to voicemail. She calls the school. Her daughters haven’t arrived. Maybe they’re just late. The school will call when they arrive.
The station manager decides to call the police as a precaution due to policy. Ellen’s producer keeps her from unravelling and takes the next call. Ellen is distracted, concerned about her family.
12. INT. DETECTIVE SQUAD – DAY
Detective Sorenson is assigned the investigation. He complains the case is a snipe hunt.
13. INT. ON AIR STUDIO – DAY
During a commercial break, Ellen calls her husband again. Nothing. She calls his work. He hasn’t arrived yet. And the school hasn’t called back. She’s more on edge.
14. INT. RECEPTION – DAY
The station manager greets Sorenson when the detective arrives and explains the situation. He takes Sorenson to meet Ellen.
15. INT. CONTROL BOOTH – DAY
Sorenson questions Ellen and her producer about the call.
16. INT. ON-AIR STUDIO – DAY
Ellen tells him everything she remembers about Jason. Sorensen asks the routine questions and reassures her not to panic. He asks for a private room. Ellen takes the next call, decidedly more unnerved.
17. INT. CONFERENCE ROOM – DAY
Sorenson calls his station to start an investigation. He still thinks it’s a snipe hunt.
18. INT. ON AIR STUDIO – DAY
The producer screens another call. Ryan. “Long time listener. First time caller.” He engages Ellen in polite conversation, but Ellen is perplexed why exactly he’s called.
19. INT. CONFERENCE ROOM – DAY
Sorenson, still on the phone, learns the caller’s number belongs to Ellen’s husband. What?
20. INT. ON AIR STUDIO – DAY
Ryan puts Ellen’s husband – Roger – on the phone. Roger confirms he and their two daughters have been kidnapped. Ryan, Jason’s the violent personality, has taken control.
21. INT. CONFERENCE ROOM – DAY
The station manager calls Sorensen backs into the control booth.
22. INT. ON AIR STUDIO – DAY
Sorenson runs in to hear Ryan explain the rules of the game. The last rule: Ellen must talk him down or he’ll shoot her family one at a time starting at the top of the hour.
FIRST TURNING POINT – END OF ACT 1
23. INT. CORRIDOR – DAY
Sorenson coordinates the investigation with earnest. Track the husband’s phone. Find the Uber driver. Put SWAT on standby. Find the sister in Memphis.
24. INT. ON AIR STUDIO – DAY
Ellen, in shock, pleads with Ryan. Why is he doing this? She failed Jason. She abandoned him for the “circus” (radio), and today he – Ryan – is giving her second chance to redeem herself.
25. EXT. STATION – DAY
A TV van arrives. The reporter and camera men jump out.
26. INT. RECEPTION – DAY
The receptionist spies the TV van arriving outside and calls the manager.
27. INT. CORRIDOR – DAY
The manager tells Sorensen about the media. Sorenson says no statements. Jason is probably watching TV. Send people home. Lock down the station.
28. RECEPTION – DAY
The barbarians are at the gate. The manager is stunned as more vans and reporters show up.
29. INT. ON AIR STUDIO – DAY
Ellen doctors Ryan, but he won’t allow Jason to return. The clock is ticking toward the first hour.
30. INT. CONTROL BOOTH – DAY
Sorenson listens to Ellen and Ryan spar. He gets a call. The cops can’t get a fix on the husband’s phone. But they have a fix on the Uber driver who picked up Ellen’s family. His car’s GPS indicates he’s at home. And he’s not responding to calls. SWAT is enroute to the location.
Sorenson signals Ellen to stall. They may be close to finding her family.
31. INT. ON AIR STUDIO – DAY
Ellen nods and engages Ryan, stilling talking him down. But the minutes are ticking down.
32. INT. SWAT VAN – DAY
The SWAT commander instructs his men on the plan. It’s a hostage situation.
33. INT. ON AIR STUDIO – DAY
Ellen engages Ryan, still working him. Watching the clock on the wall as the hour approaches.
34. INT. HOUSE – DAY
SWAT breaches the front door and storms inside.
35. INT. LIVING ROOM – DAY
The Uber driver is dead. He’s been dead more than a day. SWAT finds the husband’s phone.
36. INT. CONTROL ROOM – DAY
Sorenson learns it’s not Jason, and that Jason is using a spoof number, number disguising his own.
37. INT. ON AIR STUDIO – DAY
Laughing at the police incompetence, Ryan tells Ellen it’s time for her choose one member of her family to die. He threatens her daughters. When Ellen pleads for him not to harm them, Ryan choses her husband by default.
Ellen listens as Jason drags her husband into the room. Roger tells Ellen he loves her. Ryan shoots him on air. Ryan then breaks the call. “We’ll be right back after this short break.”
Ellen flees the booth through a secondary door, hysterical.
38. INT. CORRIDOR – DAY
Sorenson grabs her, and she falls into his arms, sobbing. She says she’s going to be sick.
39. INT. RESTROOM – DAY
Sorenson kicks open the door. Ellen falls into a stall and throws up. Sorenson urges her to be strong. She slaps him, taking out her frustration, and collapses to the floor, unable to go on. Sorenson holds her. He tells her she can’t stop. She must be strong for her daughters.
40. STATION MANAGER’S OFFICE – DAY
The station manager argues with the owner on the phone about the situation. He slams the phone down, frustrated, angry.
41. INT. RESTROOM – DAY
Sorenson holds Ellen as she recovers. What can she tell him about Jason? Her patient files are on her laptop in her office. Her producer enters. The caller is back on-air and asking for Ellen.
42. INT. ON AIR STUDIO – DAY
Ellen reengages with Ryan, but it’s a young boy, Bobby. Jason’s protective personality. She engages Bobby. He confirms Roger is dead, but her daughters are safe. Ellen, barely able to speak, falters, silent, wiping tears. She stares at nothing, deep in thought. She listens to Bobby.
43. INT. OFFICE – DAY
Sorenson opens Ellen’s laptop. He opens Jason’s file and reads. We see Jason’s picture.
44. INT. CONTROL BOOTH – DAY
Ellen’s producer, in tears herself, and the station manager try to get Ellen to engage Bobby. Sorenson enters carrying Jason’s printed patient file. Everyone looks to him concerned.
MIDPOINT
45. INT. ON AIR STUDIO – DAY
A terrible aspect appears in Ellen’s eyes. Her emotions under control, she speaks with Bobby about William. Does he remember William? Everyone wonders what she’s doing.
46. INT. CONTROL BOOTH – DAY
Sorenson scans Jason’s patient file, stunned. He tells the others that William is a manic-depressive and suicidal personality. Sorenson looks to Ellen, realizing her intent, and warns that her strategy is dangerous and ill-advised.
47. INT. ON AIR STUDIO – DAY
Ellen, still engaged with Bobby, ignores Sorenson, determined to save her daughters – her way. She’s becoming the psychiatrist she needs to become.
48. INT. CONTROL BOOTH – DAY
Sorenson realizes Ellen’s in control now.
49. INT. ON AIR BOOTH – DAY
Ellen delves into Bobby’s memory to draw out William. Bobby resists. He never liked William.
50. INT. CORRIDOR – DAY
Sorenson receives a call from the police. They have tracked down Jason’s sister. They transfer the call to him. The sister tells Sorenson everything she knows. Will she talk to her brother on air?
51. INT. ON AIR STUDIO – DAY
Ellen learns Jason’s sister is on the phone and puts her on air. Ellen listens to Jason’s sister plead for him to stop, tormenting Ellen’s conflicted emotions. But when the sister cannot convince Jason to stop, Ellen delves deeper into Jason to draw William out.
52. INT. CORRIDOR – DAY
The department alerts Sorenson they have a lead on Jason’s location, but they need time.
SECOND ACT TURNING POINT
53. INT. ON AIR STUDIO – DAY
William reveals himself. Although anguished by the harm she’s causing, Ellen pushes him toward his depressive state. Does he want the death of her children on his conscience? She presses that the only way to stop Ryan is for William to kill him. But that means killing himself.
54. INT. CORRIDOR – DAY
Sorenson on the phone. They have a fix on Jason. Units are on the way.
55. INT. ON AIR STUDIO – DAY
William pleads for Ellen to stop, but she presses. If he wants peace, he must find the strength to do what he knows he must do. Ellen pushes hard, her tears running, almost unable to speak, torturing herself, sacrificing her humanity to save her daughters.
56. EXT. BRIDGE – DAY
The SWAT van and police cars, lights on, racing across the bridge. The scene is silent but for the VOICEOVER of Ellen manipulating William.
57. INT. ON AIR STUDIO – DAY
CRISIS: Ryan intercedes, realizing what Ellen is attempting, and threatens to kill one daughter. Ellen confronts Ryan hard, setting the two personalities against one another. They flip back and forth, the gun in hand, fighting for dominance.
Sorenson signals five minutes.
58. INT. SWAT VAN – DAY
The SWAT team getting ready.
59. INT. ON AIR STUDIO – DAY
Ellen, in full psychiatric mode now, pushing William hard. The two personalities yelling like two people arguing. Ellen pushes William to take control and stop Ryan once and for all, to save her daughters.
60. INT. CONTROL BOOTH – DAY
Sorenson on his phone. SWAT is almost there. Sorensen yells they’re out of time.
61. INT. ON AIR STUDIO – DAY
CLIMAX: William pleads for Ellen to stop. Ellen tells him to look at her daughters. She tells him their names. Don’t let Ryan kill them. Ellen presses harder, the personalities go back and forth, William then Ryan until…
The gun goes off! Ellen jumps from her chair. Nothing. Silence. Ellen stares at everything, nothing. Everyone waits, holding their breathes. SWAT kick the door. Noise. Confusion. The call drops.
Ellen is unable to breathe. Moment like minutes. Sorenson bursts in. Jason is dead. Her daughters are safe. Ellen collapses, sobbing in Sorenson’s arms.
62. EXT. RADIO STATION – DAY
Press and photographers surround the station. Sorenson walks Ellen to a waiting car. She’s wrapped in a blanket, emotionally drained.
63. INT. CAR – DAY
The car pulls away from the station. Ellen looks back at Sorenson who’s watching her leave. She places her hand against the glass to wave goodbye.
64. EXT. RADIO STATION – DAY
Sorenson watches Ellen drive away. Camera flashes and questions assail him.
65. INT. POLICE STATION – DAY
Back at his desk, Sorenson gets a call from a physician. He tells Sorenson that Jason was being held for 10-day observation at his clinic under a different name. Jason was released that morning and was picked up by an Uber. How could he have killed the Uber driver and planned the kidnapping while he being held for observation?
Sorenson searches police records to confirm the physician’s story and, stunned, realizes there had to be someone else involved.
66. CUT TO BLACK
VOICE OVER: A morning talk show host is talking about Dr. Ellen.
DISSOLVE TO:
67. EXT. CITYSCAPE – MORNING
VOICE OVER: The host discusses the aftermath of Ellen’s misery. The first caller tells the host he loves the show. It’s Ryan, who says, “I’m a long times listener. First time caller.”
-
Matthew Frendo’s Pass 10: Essence Only
What I learned is how to create an essence outline before writing. This makes it easier to look at the scenes together to see what works and what doesn’t work.
LOGLINE: What if the judicial
system was switched to social media voting, with those found guilty having to
go through livestreamed battles and deadly challenges as people at home vote on
their punishment?DRAMATIC QUESTION: Will the rebels be able to topple the corrupt system and free the other innocent prisoners?
MAIN CONFLICT: Can Alicia and her fellow prisoners make it through the punishment games and survive?
DILEMMA: Will Alicia escape with her own life or help the
rebels topple the system?THEME: To be the hero you truly are, you must sacrifice what you used to be.
TITLE: THE PRISONER LOTTERY
GENRE: ACTION
INT. OPENING SET – DAY
The host is picking the “lottery” winner convicts who will be in the games this time around. The third person they pick walks up to the front nervously, then detonates a bomb for the rebellion, killing most people.
INT. NEW OPENING SET – DAY
At their new set, they act like the old event didn’t take place, except for the fact that the prisoners who were picked were the only ones who survived the event and they look beat to hell. Group includes hardened criminal Alicia, rough looking Nick, ex-cop Stan, gangbanger Cigarette, sarcastic and bitter Becky, Nick’s buddy Tweaker, young and innocent Jocelyn and an asshole named Scum.
INTROS
They give intros for each character. Find out Stan killed Cig’s brother on the streets before going away for it. They also show Alicia to be a girl who killed her high-ranking government official father when she was 14 after her sister died, causing her mom to go crazy.
HALLWAY TO FIRST ROOM
They make a deal in the hall to not fight each other or do this. Then they walk in the first room.
INT. FIRST ROOM – DAY
In the first room, they tell them they won’t fight. Then they are shown their closest relatives in a room with a bomb…and find out if at least one of them doesn’t make it out of the games in 90 minutes, the bomb will explode. Alicia is the only one without someone, as she has no family. Then the game starts. They can’t work together and end up getting hurt, with Scum dying horribly.
INT. SECOND ROOM – DAY
They decide to work together to survive and to make social media voters be easy on them. Alicia reluctantly saves Jocelyn’s life.
INT. HALLWAY TO THIRD ROOM – DAY
As they are on their way, an explosion rocks the building. They are thrown all over the place and the cameras go off, as people come in and grab them in the darkness.
INT. HIDDEN ROOM – DAY
The people grabbing them end up being rebel leaders, who tell them that this is all part of the plan to end the authority. Jocelyn is their girl on the inside who will break transmission to give them the airwaves they need to reach the masses.
OLD BROADCAST
During this time, the authority plays a video of an old winner, who thanks the authority and social media voters for making him go through hell, saying it helped him learn and grow. He seems happy.
INT. HALLWAY TO THIRD ROOM – DAY
The prisoners get ready again and discuss what happened. Alicia starts to see her sister in the idealistic Jocelyn, while Nick reminds her about the violence the rebels have caused. Stan wants to go to the authority and hope it gets them released, but is outvoted.
INT. THIRD ROOM – DAY
They work together to get through the room. Cigarette almost kills Stan over his brother, but the others pull their guns, knowing they’ll need Stan to survive.
INT. FOURTH ROOM – DAY
This room is worse than before. Jocelyn is about to die and when Alicia tries to save her, Nick pulls her back, saving her life. It looks like Jocelyn’s done for before Becky comes out, happier than ever, and fights to the death to save Jocelyn.
INT. LUNCH ROOM – DAY
They are given a fantastic lunch. Jocelyn and Alicia talk, with Alicia seeing more and more of her sister in Jocelyn, mostly because they are both idealistic. Alicia doesn’t have ideals anymore.
INT. FIFTH ROOM – DAY
They are only one room before the transmission room, when Jocelyn is killed horribly. Alicia barely survives trying to save her, and Cig saves Stan but Stan doesn’t understand why. The audience and group are all shocked over the death of young Jocelyn. Alicia promises Jocelyn she will complete her mission and save her mother.
EXT. CITY STREETS – EVENING
A group of people are watching the show in the window of a shop. We see they are all in near-apocalypse environment, with rich towers blockaded behind them. A pissed off man throws his bottle at the store window and things start going off, turning into a riot.
INT. HALLWAY – NIGHT
They are all at a loss and Stan tries to apologize to Cig about his brother, talking about the situation that led to it. Cig won’t forgive him.
INT. SIXTH ROOM – NIGHT
Alicia and Nick make a deal to just escape together and use his contacts to disappear. But right before they win, Alicia goes to finish Jocelyn’s mission and break transmission, while Tweaker helps from the other room.
INT. OTHER ROOM – NIGHT
Nick kills Tweaker and we find out Nick’s with the rebels.
INT. SIXTH ROOM – NIGHT
The room starts collapsing as Alicia tries to finish. Stan sacrifices himself for Cig as a way to say he’s sorry. Alicia is about to be ended, when all power goes out suddenly.
INT. HALLWAY – NIGHT
The convicts don’t know what’s happened. Alicia asks about Tweaker, but before Nick can answer, they hear noise from outside.
EXT. STREETS – NIGHT
A full-blown riot is taking place, with people taking down the rich barricades.
INT. HALLWAY – NIGHT
Nick is readying them to get out, but Alicia is torn between escape and her promise to Jocelyn. While they are there, the old hero of the show comes out of hiding, scared. Turns out he’s a sad drunk who regrets what he did in the games and he kills himself in front of them.
BOOM!!!!
Before they can do anything, the wall to their right explodes, killing Cig. A ship is there for Nick. He explains he’s with the rebels and they had Jocelyn die on purpose knowing it would cause a violent uprising. He wants her to go, but she’s unsure of him now. He tries to grab her, so she kills him.
INT. OTHER PART OF HALLWAY – NIGHT
Alicia goes to save Jocelyn’s mother. And she’s running out of time.
INT. BOMB ROOM / OUTSIDE HALLWAY – NIGHT
Alicia is about to get into the room, with a couple of minutes to go, when it explodes early, killing everyone inside. Alicia is badly hurt and almost passes out before a group of hands grab her.
INT. SIDE ROOM – NIGHT
Jocelyn’s friends wake Alicia up and tell her the authority blew the room early. They know where the authority is because they are meeting their rebel leaders. Alicia makes them give her the location…which is the first room of the games.
INT. FIRST ROOM – NIGHT
Rebels meet authority…and start to make a deal giving themselves power and screwing over everyone else. Alicia walks in during negotiations and they offer her a deal to be part of them. But their happiness fades, when they find out she has brought the transmission up…and their whole deal was broadcast to the world. She then locks both the authority and rebels in the room and social media voters decide on their punishment, making them go through the same hell they made others go through.
EXT. GAMES – MORNING
Alicia walks out of the games to a cheering mob and finds she’s a hero now.
-
Arthur’s Pass 10: Essence Only Outline
What I learned is:
Boiling each scene down to its essential elements allows you to see the overall structure of your story and allows easy access to making enhancements to the film.
A. Your logline.
When a coronal mass ejection from the sun destroys all electronic technology on earth, six astronauts and one reporter on the international research spacecraft Reliant must adapt the experimental Tesla Shield technology that saved their spacecraft to shield humanity from a larger earth-destroying coronal mass ejection just days away.
B. Dramatic Question.
Will Captain Ryan be able to lead the crew of the Reliant to save the earth from the approaching extinction-level Coronal Mass Ejection from the sun?
C. Main Conflict.
The crew of the Reliant must adapt an untested Tesla shield technology to save the earth from extinction-level Coronal Mass Ejection from the sun within 48 hours.
D. Dilemma.
With no way for the crew of the Reliant to receive the necessary equipment, they need from earth to adapt their untested Tesla shield, Capt. Reilly Ryan must lead her crew on an unplanned hazardous journey to the moon to retrieve a fusion reactor from an unmanned mining moon base, adapt their Tesla shield on their return journey, and get into position to defend earth before the next Coronal Mass Ejection from the sun arrives, in just 48 hours.
E. Theme.
Humanity as a group is larger than the sum of its parts.
F. The entire outline showing ALL of your scenes in the movie.
SOLAR STORM
+ ++ Opening
1. EXT SPACE
Looking at the earth with the moon in the background as a massive spaceship with two counter-rotating rings at its center ENTERS from the left side of the frame. The name Reliant is prominent on its bow.
International pool reporter, Skyler Hardwick takes us through the spacecraft, introducing the live audience to the Reliant’s crew. Oleg Ryakin – Russian male Mechanical engineer, Ph.D. – designer of the antimatter containment field that powers the ship. Nico Lee – Chinese female anti-matter propulsion physicist, Ph.D. Tara Cooper – black French female scalar wave and Quantum physicist, Ph.D. Diego Quinn – male Hispanic life science specialist. MD. Ph.D. Chase Douglas – US black male 1st Officer and celestial navigation specialist. Ph.D. Reilly Ryan – US white female Captain and nuclear physicist, Ph.D.
3. INT RELIANT – BRIDGE
Capt. Reilly explains to Skyler that this mission is to test the new Tesla Shield. At this moment an emergency klaxon goes off.
+++ Inciting Incident
4. INT COMMAND MODULE
The NASA Flight Director, Jack Stone, informs the crew of a Coronal Mass ejection from the sun is going to hit the earth with devastating effects in less than six hours. Another larger earth-destroying CME hitting in 48 hours. Orders them to abandon ship.
+++ By page 10, you know what the movie is about.
The crew wants to stay on the ship and try out the Tesla shield.
Reilly has a flashback of her shuttle crash 4 years ago.
Reilly tells the crew to talk it over with families and come back to vote on whether to stay or not.
9. INT CHASE’S QUARTERS
Chase talks with his mom, dad, and sister.
Oleg talks with his wife and daughter.
11. INT TARA’S QUARTERS
Tara talks with her stepparents at their vineyard.
12. INT DR. QUINN’S QUARTERS
Dr. Quinn talks with his wife, son, and daughter.
13. INT SKYLER’S QUARTERS
Skyler talks with her soon-to-be ex-husband news anchor.
14. INT BRIDGE
Reilly talks to the only remaining member of her family: her dad, Buck.
15. INT COMMAND MODULE
Crew votes to stay and use the shield. Skyler will be sent to earth.
NASA and Reilly approve Skyler staying on board after her impassioned plea.
17. INT ENGINEERING
Oleg, Nico & Tara scramble to bring the fusion generator up to full power.
18. INT RELIANT (MONTAGE)
Skyler moves among the crew as they scramble to bring the Tesla Shield up to full power.
19. EXT RELIANT
A large mast begins to extend from the front and rear of the Reliant.
20. INT COMMAND MODULE
Reilly, Tara, Nico, and Quinn sit at workstations 3D presentation of the ship earth and the approaching Coronal Mass Ejection: 3 minutes to hit.
21. EXT RELIANT
Thrusters fire slowly turning the ship to face the sun.
22. INT BRIDGE
Chase confirms that he has maneuvered the ship for a head-on strike by the CME.
23. INT ENGINEERING
Oleg tells them he’s ready to test-fire the shield.
24. INT COMMAND MODULE
Reilly orders Tara to fire the shield.
25. EXT RELIANT
A burst of blue plasma engulfs the umbrella-like structure on the front of the mast shielding the ship 360 degrees.
26. INT COMMAND MODULE
A sigh of relief and cheers go up from the crew at the successful test. At that moment the countdown hits Zero.
27. EXT RELIANT
The coronal mass ejection hits the Tesla Shield and blossoms around the shield in a fiery arc trailing miles behind it.
28. INT ENGINEERING
Klaxon begin to blare overload warnings as Oleg struggles to maintain maximum power output.
29. INT COMMAND MODULE
Nico and Tara struggle to keep the Shield power and frequency modulation in alignment as Reilly moves to the bridge.
30. INT BRIDGE
Chase is having trouble keeping the Reliant facing the CME. Reilly is going to use the shuttle’s engines to keep them in alignment.
31. INT COMMAND MODULE
Tara tells everyone they are taking too much side stress on the shield.
32. INT SHUTTLE
Reilly uses the shuttle’s main engine to push the Reliant back into a head-on alignment with the CME.
33. EXT EARTH
The Coronal Mass Ejection strikes the earth’s atmosphere pushing deeply into the protective envelope in a burst of rainbow colors.
34. MONTAGE: CME HITS MAJOR CITIES
MONTAGE: As CME hits major cities in Europe, Russia, the US. The electromagnetic pulse knocks out power, explodes transformers, and destroys all unshielded electronics.
35. INT BRIDGE
Chase tells Reilly she is overstraining the shuttle docking coupler.
36. EXT RELIANT
The coronal mass ejection flares in one last push against the Tesla Shield.
37. INT ENGINEERING
Oleg dives behind the control panel as thousands of volts of electricity arc throughout the engine room as the fusion reactor safety circuitry shuts it down.
38. INT COMMAND MODULE
Nico yells that they are losing the shield.
39. INT SHUTTLE
Reilly kills the engines just as the CME is passing.
40. EXT RELIANT
The last remnants of the CME arc across the Reliant knocking out all the electrical systems. The CME has passed leaving the Reliant adrift.
41. INT COMMAND MODULE
Oleg calls in and tells them the fusion reactor is damaged and will not produce enough power to use the shield again, only enough to power the ships systems.
42. EXT BUCKS SILO
As soon as the electrical storm has passed a circular metal hatch opens and antenna mast extends 30 feet into the air.
+++ First turning point at end of Act 1
43. INT COMMAND MODULE
Oleg brings power back up as Tara reports all coms with NASA and other earth stations have been lost. A staticy transmission is heard….it’s Buck!
44. INTERCUT: BUCK’S SILO & COMMAND MODULE
Buck tells Reilly though no help from earth a fusion reactor is on the moon base.
45. EXT RELIANT
The ship passes through FRAME over the darkened earth.
46. INT COMMAND MODULE
The crew comes up with a plan to go to the moon to retrieve the fusion reactor.
47. INT ENGINEERING
Skyler approaches Oleg and Nico about the odds of moon mission success.
48. INT MEDICAL BAY
Quinn tells Reilly and Tara he may be able to make a serum of stem cell replicators that will mitigate the shields radiation output.
49. INT BRIDGE
Chase argues with Reilly that he should be the one to take the shuttle to the moon base.
50. INT ENGINEERING
Nico preps the anti-matter drive, Oleg hits the coms button to confirm the drive is ready to go.
51. INT COMMAND MODULE
Reilly orders everyone to prepare to launch as she heads to the bridge.
52. INT ENGINEERING
Nico and Oleg buckle up in their seats overlooking the engine control panels.
53. INT BRIDGE
Reilly counts down from 5 and then hits the thrusters.
54. EXT RELIANT
The Reliant flies through the left side of FRAME the four anti-matter drive thrusters glow red and the ship darts out of FRAME into the distant black illuminated by the moon.
55. INTERCUT: BRIDGE,COMMAND MODULE, ENGINEERING
INTERCUT: among the crew as the ship accelerates with increasing G-force.
56. INT BRIDGE
Chase calls out the speed 15…17….20,000 mph. Reilly cuts the power. Reilly calls out to crew 11.9 hours to shuttle launch.
57. INT SILO
Buck taps a few keys and brings up a satellite orbiting the moon, he sees a problem.
58. EXT RELIANT
The Reliant moves toward the moon.
59. INT COMMAND MODULE
The crew reviews a 3d rendering of the mission to the moon. Buck informs them mining machines are destroying the moon base.
60. INT MEDICAL BAY
Quinn gives Skyler something for her nerves.
61. INT CAFETERIA
The crew shares funny stories about each other from their year of training together.
62. INT OBSERVATION DECK
We discover Chase and Nico have a relationship.
63. INT CREW QUARTERS
Reilly & Tara share a moment to reflect on how their mission has changed.
The Reliant rotates 180 degrees and the Anti-Matter Drive engages to begin braking.
65. INT BRIDGE
Chase calls out completion of the turn
66. INT ENGINE ROOM
Nico confirms anti-matter drive thrust is nominal. Oleg confirms the fusion reactor is stable.
67. INT COMMAND MODULE
Tara looks at the 3D Projection of the slingshot orbit and confirms they are on the right track and the shuttle launch is a go. She begins a 10-second countdown.
68. INT SHUTTLE
Skyler takes a hit off the inhaler doc gave her. The countdown hits zero. Reilly hits a series of switches, and the shuttle undocks from the Reliant.
69. EXT RELIANT
The shuttle pulls away from the Reliant. As it clears the mother ship the main engines fire to slow its descent.
70. INT BRIDGE
Chase looks out the window to see the shuttle braking hard with its engines at full thrust.
71. INT SHUTTLE
Reilly calls out over the comm that number three is running hot, pulling 7 G’s in the deceleration.
72. INT SHUTTLE (FLASHBACK)
She orders the co-pilot to jettison the solid boosters as she shuts down the main engine. She tells everyone to hold on as she rolls the shuttle inverted.
73. EXT SHUTTLE (FLASHBACK)
It performs a 180-degree arc heading back toward the Florida space base.
74. INT SHUTTLE (FLASHBACK)
Reilly drops the gear and deploys the speed brakes to slow down but there’s just not enough time.
75. EXT SHUTTLE (FLASHBACK)
The Shuttle stalls and hits the water hard, with the left wing down it cartwheels across the water.
76. INT SHUTTLE (FLASHBACK)
The shuttle occupants are tossed around in the violent cartwheel. A warning Klaxon goes off…..
77. INT SHUTTLE
Reilly snaps back to the present day and sees the overheat light on number three. She shuts it down.
78. INT COMMAND MODULE
Tara tells Reilly she will have to burn the other two engines longer to slow down and will have less time to rotate the ship 180 for the crash landing.
79. INT SHUTTLE
Reilly hears Chase calling out the countdown of engine shut down. At zero she cuts the engines and hits the thrusters for rotation.
The shuttle, approaching the moon stern first, flips over on its back and then rotates 180 degrees the moon rapidly approaching below.
81. INT COMMAND MODULE
Chase has joined Tara and Quinn at the 3D display. He tells Reilly she’s still going too fast.
82. INT SHUTTLE
Reilly hits the forward thrusters, drops the landing gear, and uses the rear thrusters to drag the rear wheels across the smooth, previously mined, moon surface
83. EXT MOON/ SHUTTLE
The rear wheels slam into the surface of the moon and plow two deep grooves in its surface.
84. INT SHUTTLE
Skyler screams as the vibration is twice as bad as the braking maneuver. Reilly holds the forward braking thrusters at full power until the nose suddenly slams to the ground.
85. EXT MOON/ SHUTTLE
The front and rear landing gear collapse. The shuttle continues to slide until it impacts and penetrates one of the dome-shaped structures disappearing inside.
86. INT COMMAND MODULE
All the crew sees is a massive dust cloud engulfing the entire base. And no answering call to their transmissions to the shuttle.
87. EXT SHUTTLE
An enormous mining machine with a rock-crushing grinder chews its way into the building. Reilly grabs Skyler and they barely escape the destructive grinding of the machine.
88. INT BUCK’S SILO
Buck looks sees that Reilly made it to the moon base.
89. INT RELIANT COMMAND MODULE
Tara calls to Nico, now in the engine room with Oleg, that they are not braking hard enough with the anti-matter drive.
90. INT BRIDGE
Chase is monitoring their path and determines they have 15 minutes to correct the problem, or they will blow past any way to sling-shot for the return to earth.
91. INT ENGINE ROOM
Nico tells the team the anti-matter drive was designed for long periods of acceleration, not short-term full power sprints, it’s losing power.
92. INT MOONBASE MINING FACILITY
Reilly and Skyler dodge car-sized ore carriers moving empty and full through the corridor leading to the reactor.
93. EXT MOON BASE REACTOR ROOM
The door is locked, Reilly pulls out an electronic box and runs it over the lock. It opens and they enter.
94. INT MOON BASE REACTOR ROOM
Reilly and Skyler discover AI-bot running reactors, it attacks Skyler, Reilly saves her.
95. INT MED BAY
Quinn gets an idea that magnetic pull could help their deceleration problem. Magnets!
96. INT BRIDGE
Magnets. Chase gets the idea and asks Tara if the frequency generation array is able to attract as well as repel.
97. INT COMMAND MODULE
Tara reconfigures the frequency array as she asks Oleg what they may use for power?
98. INT ENGINEERING
Oleg tells the team the fusion reactor is only able to run at 40% of capacity, they need 50% to power the array.
99. INT BRIDGE
Chase asks about daisy-chaining the small fusion reactor in the explorer satellite.
100. INT ENGINEERING
Oleg and Nico splice the satellite reactor into the fusion drive.
101. EXT RELIANT
The frequency projection disk pans to the right aiming directly at the moon.
102. INT BRIDGE
Chase transmits they are 2 minutes away from the point of no return.
103. INT LAUNCH BAY
Nico makes the final connection and engages the power transfer on the control panel.
104. INT ENGINEERING
Oleg plugs in the final patch relay and hits the transfer switch. It works.
105. INT COMMAND MODULE
Tara jams the array button and the entire ship begins to vibrate.
106. INT BRIDGE
Chase monitors the ship’s systems. Alarms begin to go off indicating in red parts of the ship that are experiencing overload stresses.
107. INT ENGINEERING
Nico and Oleg work the controls to keep both reactors in sync.
108. INT COMMAND MODULE
Tara tweaks the array as the 3D red arc slowly merges and disappears into the green arc.
109. INT BRIDGE
Chase watches the tracks emerge. Then yells for them to kill the array.
110. INT COMMAND MODULE
Tara kills the array as Oleg yells for her to wait until they uncouple the reactors.
111. INT ENGINEERING
Killing the array feedbacks into the reactor patch and an electrical surge blows Nico off the control panel and knocks her unconscious onto the floor. Oleg races to her side.
112. INT MOON BASE REACTOR ROOM
Reilly’s arm gets stuck pulling out the fusion reactor fuel cell, Skyler saves her.
113. INT MED BAY
Nico is on the med-bed unconscious as Chase, Tara, and Oleg watch. They discover Chase and Nico are in a relationship.
114. EXT MOONBASE
Reilly and Skyler see a mining rig headed for the earth return rocket; their ride home.
115. INT BUCK’S SILO
Buck sees the miner heading for the earth return rocket. He types commands into the keyboard.
116. INTERCUT BRIDGE, COMMAND MODULE & ENGINEERING
Chase counts down from 5 and the team engages the fusion drive for 30 seconds to complete the sling-shot.
117. EXT MOON/ EARTH RETURN ROCKET
Reilly and Skyler struggle to get the reactor into the ship as the miner is approaching them.
We see the earth return rocket about to be destroyed by the miner as a satellite impacts and destroys the miner in a giant explosion.
119. INT EARTH RETURN ROCKET
The explosion rocks the ship violently. Reilly hits the launch button and the ship’s rockets fire lifting them into space.
Buck breathes a giant sigh of relief as we see on his screen he redirected the path of the satellite to collide with the miner, saving Reilly and Skyler.
++ Second turning point at end of Act 2
Tara, in the copilot’s seat, confirms the radar lock-on Reilly’s rocket as Chase radios Oleg to open the shuttle door and stand by for rendezvous.
122. INT SHUTTLE BAY
Oleg in his spacesuit hits a button. The shuttle bay decompresses, and the large door opens, revealing a retreating moon behind them.
123. INT EARTH RETURN ROCKET
Reilly sees the Reliant ahead. Reilly applies full foreword thrusters to slow them down. She explains this ship was designed for earth return, not docking.
124. INT BRIDGE
Tara tells Chase they need to speed up now or Reilly’s ship will but them like a torpedo.
Chase hits a button engaging the thrusters and pushes the throttle wide-open.
125. INT EARTH RETURN ROCKET
Reilly calls “out of fuel” for thrusters as they zoom toward the shuttle bay. Suddenly, the Reliant bolts ahead with the fusion thrusters wide-open.
126. EXT RELIANT
The Reliant moves quickly ahead with Reilly’s ship about to impact the shuttle bay. Its speed is just enough for Reilly’s ship to enter the shuttle bay.
127. INT BRIDGE
Tara reports overheat indications on the fusion reactor. Chase calls out engine shut down as he pulls back the throttles.
128. INT SHUTTLE BAY
A catch net stops the ship inches from Oleg. Oleg radios Reilly she just set the record for the most space crash landings in one day.
129. INT EARTH RETURN ROCKET
Skyler is taking a hit-off doc’s inhaler. Reilly asks if she’s OK. Skyler replies that it’s nothing a change of underwear won’t fix.
130. INT BRIDGE
Chase and Tara share a look of relief. On the radio: tells Reilly she just set the record for the most crash landings in space in one day.
131. INT EARTH RETURN ROCKET
Reilly radios to everyone to get ready for anti-matter drive firing to head back to earth. Chase tells her about Nico’s injury and their inability to fire it without her.
132. INT MED BAY
Nico is weak from her injuries, however, refuses to stay put and will fire off the anti-matter drive.
133. INT ENGINEERING
Oleg stands by Nico, a little shaky on her feet, as she fires up the anti-matter drive.
134. INT COMMAND MODULE
Tara monitors the Reliant on the 3D display with Quinn and Skyler watching.
135. INT BRIDGE
Chase counts down ignition from 5 seconds. Reilly hit the ignition button and throttles the anti-matter drive up.
136. INT ENGINEERING
Nico and Oleg’s fingers dance across their keyboard balancing the of firing the anti-matter drive engine.
137. INT COMMAND MODULE
Tara monitors the Reliant’s 3D projection trajectory toward the earth. When they reach 25,000 mph she calls for engine shutdown.
138. INT BRIDGE
Chase cuts the throttles; however, nothing happens. She radios Nico.
139. INT ENGINEERING
Chase radios they are going to miss earth, Oleg picks up a large pipe, walks over to the coupler, and hits it as hard as he can. There is a large clunk and the engine shuts down.
The crew is updated by Buck about chaos on earth and then they review the plan for deploying the modified Tesla shield.
141. MONTAGE: COMMAND MODULE/ENGINEERING/BRIDGE
MONTAGE:
BRIDGE – Reilly and Chase work on programming the Reliant for the braking maneuver and pin-point positioning for firing the shield
ENGINEERING – Oleg and Nico secure the additional reactor and run jumper cables to the main power junction box assisted by Skyler.
COMMAND MODULE – Tara is having problems with the frequency generator.
INT MED LAB – Quinn pulls a vial out of a torsion field generation device. The liquid inside is electroluminescent.
142. INT CREW MESS
Quinn injects crew with anti-radiation serum. Tara confides to Reilly that she still has not found the resonate frequency to make the expanded shield work.
143. MONTAGE: CREW QUARTERS
MED BAY- Quinn looks at his last vid com with his family.
ENGINEERING – Oleg looks down at the swirling vortex the fusion reactor is creating in its plasma containment chamber as he looks at a picture of his wife and daughter.
OBSERVATION DECK – Chase and Nico hold hands and then kiss against the star scape swirling around them.
INT CREW QUARTERS – Skyler is playing back the video journal has been making of their journey. The editing scenes with music are powerful and emotional. Tears unexpectedly run down her face.
INT BRIDGE – Reilly talks with Buck on the ham radio expressing her misgivings about what they are attempting – Buck comforts her with the fact all is not determined by random acts but by the hand of a divine creator and He does not make mistakes.
COMMAND MODULE- Tara is at her wit’s end trying to figure out the new frequency for the extended shield. She puts her head back in her chair and drifts into a fitful sleep…dreams.
FLASHBACK – Tara, 8 yrs old, throws a rock into a pond. It creates a series of waves that expand from small to very large.
PRESENT: Tara’s head snaps off the headrest back into the present. The dream is the answer to the resonant frequency generator.
The ship begins to rotate 180 degrees. THE CAMERA stays with the rear of the ship as the anti-matter drive fires.
145. INT COMMAND MODULE
Quinn sits next to Tara with the 3D representation of the Reliant, earth, and the approaching earth-killing coronal mass ejection. She radios to the crew they are T-30 mins to impact.
146. INT ENGINEERING
Reilly calls for an anti-matter drive shut down. Nico pulls back on the anti-matter drive power, while Oleg preps the fusion reactors for the shield.
147. INT BRIDGE
Reilly initiates the 180-degree roll of the Reliant to face the approaching CME, Skyler watches from behind them. As soon as the roll is completed, Reilly calls for Tara to deploy the Tesla mast.
148. INT COMMAND MODULE
The Tesla mast won’t deploy. Chase didn’t check it when it was stressed in sling-shot maneuver and he blames himself.
+++ Crisis
149. INT SHUTTLE HANGAR
Chase moves quickly to the space tug near the hanger door and gets inside. The hangar door opens the engine’s fire and he off.
150. EXT RELIANT -BRIDGE/ MAST MODULE
The space tug flies over the top of the reliant, does an inside loop, and stops in front of the stuck mast. Chase deploys the grappling arms and wraps them around the three-foot ball at the top of the mast.
151. INT SPACE TUG
Chase fires the engines full throttle and the mast begins to jerk and barely move.
152. INT COMMAND MODULE
The crew discovers Chase is deploying mast with the space tug. There won’t be time for him to return before CME hits. Reilly begs him to return.
+++ Climax
Chase tells him that will only save themselves, not the earth. That is the mission and it’s his fault for not testing the mast earlier.
154. INT COMMAND MODULE
Reilly orders Oleg to fire up the fusion reactors to full power. This is a death sentence for Chase. Tara call out 2 minutes to impact. Oleg brings the reactors up to full power.
155. EXT SPACE TUG
The mast but finally locks it into position as the tug runs out of fuel.
156. INT COMMAND MODULE
Reilly’s hand hovers over the large red shield deployment button. Nico takes the choice from her and presses the button.
157. EXT RELIANT
The space tug is engulfed in a blast of white light followed by the Tesla shield deploying like a giant umbrella around the ship. It’s width wide enough to cover the earth.
158. INT COMMAND MODULE
At this moment the Coronal Mass Ejection hits the ship. Tara struggles with the frequency modulator to reinforce the shield. Nico fires up the anti-matter drive routes power to the shield.
159. EXT RELIANT
The shield is white-hot and is beginning to buckle.
160. INT COMMAND MODULE
At first, it seems to be making things worst, then the entire ship vibrates and the shield expands against the opposing force and holds: the anti-matter drive is working.
161. EXT RELIANT
The shield extends into the CME and then it is over.
162. INT COMMAND MODULE
As quickly as it started the CME is passed. Reilly calls for a shutdown of the shield and Tara, Oleg and Nico work to bring down the power levels.
163. EXT RELIANT
The shield disappears as the end of the mast glows white-hot.
165. INT COMMAND MODULE
The crew looks out the window at the shattered space tug that holds Chase’s lifeless body.
+++ Resolution
A space tug emerges from the back of the Reliant and quickly makes its way to Chases, grabs the disabled tug, and takes it to the rear of the Reliant.
The crew in spacesuits, place their flight wings on Chase’s space pod and launch him into space.
Jack Stone and Buck are on the vidscreen showing the crew the world celebration of being saved by them. It will be several months before a rescue ship with a replacement crew will be able to relieve them.
The crew looks out into space and decides to use the months they have to explore deep space.
The counter-rotating rings of the Reliant glow bright blue, the anti-matter engines fire a long tongue of blue plasma, and the Reliant speeds off toward the distant planets ahead of it.
THE END
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[PS81] Antonio Flores’ Pass 10: Essence Only
What I learned is…?
Clarity is of an essence…
A. Logline.
A cheerleader fights in the underground MMA to rescue her fiancé, a fighter abducted and poisoned by criminals to steal a secret that he keeps – now she must win the antidote in a deadly cage tournament.
B. Dramatic Question.
Can Parisa become a fighter, win the poison’s antidote and get her fiancé back?
C. Main Conflict:
The Ruler wants to steal the secret as much as he craves for torturing Parisa and her friends, so even by winning the tournament, their escape is pretty much unlikely… and the clock is ticking.
D. Dilemma:
To get the antidote, Parisa must win a fight to death and become an assassin or give up the life of her fiancé.
E. Theme:
To escape, sometimes you need to stop running
1. Opening
INT. GYM — NIGHT
PARISA, a lonely woman, gets up on a treadmill. Pictures on the wall show memories of her career as cheerleader and coach.
INT. UNDERGROUND MMA FACILITY — OCTAGON CAGE — SAME TIME
Parisa’s fiancé, BAHADUR faces SHAHNAZ, a massive, muscle-packed fighter. Bahadur is in a daze. There is a cut in his arm. On the opponent’s corner, A MAN IN A TUNIC holds up a knife and grins. Poison.
2. Inciting Incident
INT. GYM — NIGHT
A TEXT PREVIEW displays on Parisa’a cellphone screen. Parisa’s uncle, MMA manager, SYLVAIN says: “I’M SORRY. HE’S GONE. THEY TOOK HIM”. Parisa wipes her tears and texts back: ‘HELP ME. I MUST FIND HIM.”
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about.
INT. SYLVAN’S CAR – DAY
Setup 8-1: Parisa fills uncle Sylvain with the details of the break up. Badahur said that he had to go with Philip and ditched her. Sylvain does not believe Bahadur was coming out of the closet. He offers to help Parisa break into the underground MMA world.
INT. UNDERGROUND MMA FACILITY — OCTAGON CAGE
Sylvain introduces Parisa to the underground MMA RINGMASTERS. Parisa gets in the cage for an “audition.” She gets badly beaten, but the ringmasters want her great looks on the show. They sign her in.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1
INT. UNDERGROUND MMA FACILITY — OCTAGON CAGE — NIGHT
It’s Parisa’s debut night. Once again, she gets badly beaten.
INT. UNDERGROUND MMA FACILITY — FEMALE LOCKERS — LATER
Setup 1-1: Parisa bumps into SANDY, an old schoolmate. She works as a janitor in the underground cage and helps female fighters. Sandy takes care of Parisa’s injuries. “How bad is it?” Parisa asks.
INT. SYLVAIN’S CAR — DAY
Setup 7: Parisa wonders how long it will take for her to develop MMA fighter skills. Sylvain persuades her to try dance. Parisa refuses.
INT. UNDERGROUND MMA FACILITY — FEMALE LOCKERS — NIGHT
Sandy takes care of Parisa’s injuries. “How bad is it?” Parisa asks. Sandy judges that Parisa will live, but she should learn to fight. She encourages Parisa to follow Sylvain’s crazy idea: take dance lessons!
INT. COLLAGE 1: DANCE LESSONS — DAY
Payoff 7-1: Parisa shows how charming she is in latin rhythms: salsa, tango and samba. Yet, dance lessons leave her with a sense of avoidance and guilt.
INT. COLLAGE 2: MARTIAL ARTS LESSONS — DAY
Parisa discovers that the dance coaches are masters of Chinese Shuaijiao (wrestling) and Brazilian Capoeira.
INT. COLLAGE 3: MARTIAL ARTS LESSONS — DAY
The masters build up martial arts strengths from her cheerleader attributes: agility, coordination, sense of space-time, fast-twitch explosive muscles, and more.
INT. COLLAGE 4: MARTIAL ARTS CAPOEIRA INSTRUMENTS — DAY
Setup 3-1: Parisa discovers a type of spurs (knives) in Maestre Oliveira collection.
Payoff 3-1: Maestre Oliveira’s disciple wears the spurs. Cuts a dummy´s middle section, legs, and neck.
Payoff 3-2: Parisa wears the spurs. She does a butterfly shuanzi jumping kick. Cuts a dummy’s neck
INT. COLLAGE 4: MARTIAL ARTS: ROPE DART — DAY
Setup 2-1: Parisa observes Shuaijiao Master Wang using the rope-dart
Payoff 2-1: Parisa awkwardly manipulates the rope-dart.
Payoff 2-2: After several attempts throwing the dart and missing the target…
Payoff 2-3: Parisa finally lands the dart on the bullseye.
INT. COLLAGE 5: MIXED MARTIAL LATIN — UNDERGROUND MMA FACILITY — OCTAGON CAGE
Payoff 7-2: Parisa dodges punches, limbo arching back avoids back spinning kick
Payoff 7-3: Pinned down, Parisa kicks back from the floor Capoeira style
Payoff 7-4: Parisa’s neck locked, she tango steps and pins down the opponent
Payoff 7-5: Parisa locks opponent’s neck and pressure point to submission…
Payoff 7-6: Parisa gets her arm raised by the referee — a win!
INT. UNDERGROUND MMA FACILITY — FEMALE LOCKERS
Payoff 1-1: Sandy celebrates with Parisa her first win. Sandy wants to be a fighter, too. Parisa warns Sandy that because of her lack of training in MA, she could get hurt.
EXT. UNDERGROUND MMA FACILITY ROOF – NIGHT
Payoff 8-1: Parisa monitors the access to the facility from top of the roof. A man “Parkour-jumps” from another building onto the roof of the MMA facility. He is PHILIP, the man who run away with her fiancé. As Parisa confronts him, THE RULER’S MEN attack them. Parisa and Philip run.
EXT. UNDERGROUND MMA FACILITY – NEARBY STREET – CONT
Payoff 8-2: A second group intervenes. They are heavily armed. The Ruler’s men run away. Philip is gone, too. The leader of the second group gives Parisa a package: “This is not the antidote, but it will keep him alive.” Parisa is confused. Antidote? Badahur is not with Philip? Before she can ask any question, they’re gone.
5. Mid-Point
INT. UNDERGROUND MMA FACILITY — UNDERGROUND MAZE — NIGHT
Setup 1-2: As Parisa searches for her fiancé, she bumps into RUTHLESS, a brawny female fighter, She threatens Parisa to death if she ever mess around with her or dares to cross her path in the octagon. Parisa gets extremely frightened.
INT. UNDERGROUND MMA FACILITY — FEMALE LOCKERS — NIGHT
Sylvain escorts Parisa to the lockers. “Good fight, kiddo. I’ll be waiting outside.” Parisa let her body stumble on the massage table. Closes her eyes. “How bad is it?” Parisa asks. Nobody answers. “Sandy… Sandy? Sand— Oh, no!” Parisa rushes back to the octagon cage.
INT. UNDERGROUND MMA FACILITY — OCTAGON CAGE — SAME TIME
Payoff 1-2: During “open fight night”, Sandy gets her way into the cage with Ruthless. Parisa begs ringmasters to cancel that fight. Nobody listens. Ruthless kills Sandy in front of Parisa’s eyes. Parisa cries. A ringmaster looks at Parisa and asks: “What? It was an accident, uh?”
INT. UNDERGROUND MMA FACILITY — UNDERGROUND MAZE — NIGHT
Meanwhile, PHILIP, Bahadur’s alleged runaway partner, finally gets Bahadur out of captivity.
EXT. UNDERGROUND MMA FACILITY — NEARBY STREET
Parisa follows them. They get ambushed and imprisoned.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2
INT. CARGO CONTAINER — NIGHT
Payoff 8-3: They get transported to somewhere in the middle of the desert. Bahadur fills Parisa with all details about his abduction, the poison, Philip, and that breaking up was a way to protect her.
INT. CARGO CONTAINER — ONE NIGHT LATER
Setup 4-1: Parisa asks Bahadur why he uses the name Persian Warrior. Badahur explains how Persian warriors used their environment, hide in the desert sands, etc.
INT. DESERT – RULER’S PLACE – DAY
Parisa, Bahadur, and Philip step into the darkness of a dome. Augmented reality starts as they step in THE OCTAGON. THE RULER’s vision: this place will be the Mecca of underground MMA. Parisa and friends will test drive this project. If they want the antidote and their freedom, they must play and win the final match.
EXT. DESERT – RULER’S PLACE – DAY
Badahur asks the Ruler, “What if we gave you the secret?” The Ruler laughs: “Secrets are a burden that YOU may want to get rid of. You will soon beg for me to take that burden off from you. Now, let’s play.”
EXT. DESERT – UNDERGROUND TRAINING CAMP – DAY
Parisa trains under the guidance of Bahadur and Philip.
Setup 6-1: How do you say “help me” in French? Parisa teaches Bahadur: Aidez – moi
INT. DESERT – GUARDS TENT – NIGHT
Setup 5-1a: Parisa, Bahadur and Philip are thrown into a 3:3 bareknuckle team fight. The rules change on the spot, Bahadur is too weak. Philip ends up fighting the three men. He is defeated.
INT. DESERT – GUARDS TENT – NIGHT
Setup 5-1b: Rules change. Parisa is now the prize for the three winners to hunt. The referee cuts Parisa’s t-shirt open with a knife. Parisa snatches the knife and stabs the referee. She flies the tent. The three men split up to hunt her in the open desert.
EXT. DESERT DUNE — NIGHT
Payoff 2-4: She rips off her shirt and attaches the knife to produce a makeshift rope-dart.
Payoff 4-1: Parisa buries herself in the dune sand.
EXT. DESERT DUNE — NIGHT
Payoff 2-5: Parisa ambushes her FIRST OPPONENT, a knife-thrower assassin with FOUR knives in his hand. Parisa only has ONE knife… attached to a rope. She throws and retrieves the rope-dart using feet, elbows, and waist before her opponent can throw even once.
EXT. DESERT DUNE — CONT
Payoff 5-1a: Parisa rips off his clothes. Makes stripes to tie and gag him up.
Payoff 2-6 / Payoff 5-1b: Parisa produces a pair of makeshift Capoeira spurs. She attaches the knife-thrower’s knives to her ankles. Parisa buries herself in the dune sand.
EXT. DESERT DUNE — LATER
Payoff 4-2: Parisa comes out of the sand. She advances with quick steps forward, each punting sand towards her SECOND OPPONENT.
Payoff 3-3: Parisa takes down her second opponent using the makeshift Capoeira spurs attached to her ankles.
EXT. DESERT DUNE — CONT
Payoff 5-2: She rips off the clothes of her defeated second opponent. She ties him up and uses the rest of the stripes to attach the claimed knives to her wrists. Once again, Parisa buries herself in the dune sand.
EXT. DESERT DUNE — LATER
The THIRD OPPONENT wears a long, thick braid wrapped around his neck. He is the strongest of the three men. As if guided by a sixth sense, he thrusts his hands in the sand and digs Parisa out.
EXT. DESERT DUNE — CONT
Payoff 4-3: Parisa recovers and advances with quick steps and back kick turns punting and lifting sand.
Payoff 3-4: Parisa jumps butterfly shuanzi kick. She cuts the braid with the spurs, leaving just a scratch on the skin above the jugular vein.
EXT. DESERT DUNE — CONT
Payoff 5-3: Parisa ties and gags up the man. She rips off his clothes… except for his shirt.
An AKA riffle touches the back of Parisa’s head. A guard says: “Mom says, dinner is ready. Time to go back.”
INT. DESERT – GUARDS TENT – LATER
Payoff 5-4: Parisa enters the tent with her chin up. She wears the shirt of her third opponent as a trophy.
Guards armed with AKAs bring the defeated opponents in. The Man in a Tunic is in charge now. He orders Shanaz “The Ruler’s Favorite” to kill the three men and the referee.
7. Crisis
EXT. DESERT – UNDERGROUND TRAINING CAMP – DAY
Parisa keeps training under the guidance of Bahadur and Philip. Philip wants to seduce Parisa. She rejects him.
EXT. DESERT – UNDERGROUND TRAINING CAMP – NIGHT
Philip figures out that by reducing Bahadur’s medicine dose, he can kill him and get Parisa.
EXT. DESERT – UNDERGROUND TRAINING CAMP – NIGHT BEFORE THE TOURNAMENT
Philip lures Parisa to do a prep workout with him alone. He tries to rape her. Philip admits that he wants to have her before Ruthless rips her into pieces. His words enrage Parisa. She fights back and breaks his knee.
EXT. DESERT – UNDERGROUND MMA CAGE – DAY
Payoff 1-4a: Parisa fights Ruthless in the first match of the tournament. Parisa gets the upper hand. The rules change: Parisa must kill her opponent. Parisa refuses.
EXT. DESERT – OUTSIDE THE UNDERGROUND MMA CAGE – DAY
Payoff 1-4b: The Man in a Tunic points a gun at Bahadur. Philip does not intervene.
EXT. DESERT – OUTSIDE THE UNDERGROUND MMA CAGE – DAY
Payoff 1-4c: Badahur snatches the gun and fires at Ruthless, but the gun was empty. They were played on.
EXT. DESERT – UNDERGROUND MMA CAGE – DAY
Payoff 1-4d: Parisa accidentally kills Ruthless. Parisa whispers: What? It was an accident, uh, bitch?
EXT. DESERT – UNDERGROUND TRAINING CAMP – DAY
Bahadur realizes that the tournament is part of a plan to curb their spirit.
EXT. DESERT – UNDERGROUND TRAINING CAMP – DAY
The three plan to steal a cellphone from a guard and send a message out.
EXT. DESERT – UNDERGROUND TRAINING CAMP – DAY
The plan works. Parisa prevents her fiancé to keep the device. She furtively passes it to Philip.
EXT. DESERT – UNDERGROUND TRAINING CAMP – CONT
The guard notices his cellphone is gone. Points his gun at Badahur, but then, he catches Philip texting and shoots him dead.
8. Climax
EXT. DESERT – UNDERGROUND MMA CAGE – DAY
Bahadur is too weak to fight. Parisa enters the octagon with the “Ruler’s Favorite,” Shahnaz. She wins the antidote, but gets badly hurt. It’s the end for her.
EXT. DESERT – UNDERGROUND TRAINING CAMP – CONT
A DRONE SQUAD and soldiers on JET BOARDS arrive. Philip’s message went through! The Ruler is busted.
EXT. DESERT – UNDERGROUND TRAINING CAMP – CONT
Despair. Badahur puts aside the antidote and cuddles Parisa in his arms. The antidote is meaningless without her.
EXT. DESERT – UNDERGROUND TRAINING CAMP – CONT
Hope. Badahur urges paramedics to help the lifeless woman in his arms. No reaction.
Payoff 6-1: Badahur yells: Aidez – moi! French paramedics finally notice him. Take them away. The antidote is left behind right where Parisa collapsed.
INT. AIR AMBULANCE — SUPERNATURAL MEET — DAY
Payoff 1-4: Parisa POV — A BLUR. “How bad is it?” Same conversation she had with Sandy back then. “I must go back?” Parisa is confused… Air ambulance crew commotion. “She’s back”, a voice says. Now Badahur realizes there’s hope, but he left the antidote behind.
EXT. DESERT – UNDERGROUND TRAINING CAMP – DAY
THE ANTIDOTE left behind at the extraction point. Radio static. Dispatcher transmits instructions to JET BOARD pilot. JET BOARD pilot retrieves antidote and glides away.
9. Resolution
INT. GYM — DAY
Badahur quietly rolls a wheelchair into the gym where Parisa’s old cheerleaders team rehearse. Still bruised, but recovering, Parisa shares her discovery with her former students.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 3 months ago by Antonio Flores.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 3 months ago by
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Alice’s Pass 10: Essence Only
What I learned is I went amazed at how many inconsistencies there were in descriptions of scenes content. Mostly it could be reworked into more direct way. However, to work on a single scene, I would look up my longer description, as it reminds me details of that scene.
I could not remake all of it, as those scenes are not yet solved.
Part 1
1. Make your outline readable:
A. Sluglines tell us the location.
B. Place a one or two sentence description of what happens
in each scene that delivers the essence of that scene.
2. Post your outline to the group. Include each of these:
A. Your logline.
In time of Separation, an artificial death protecting Advanced West society of Planet MIROPOLIS, workers of Research Institute get massacred, to create “new weapon”, interests clash, judge sentences wrongdoer at scandalous process, Separates, his subtle image reflected on video, his advice to filter people and expel outcastes is taken into practice…
B. Dramatic Question: How techno society transits into new way of life
C. Main Conflict: In between of layers and castes of techno society
D. Dilemma: How to make a transition, or how transition would look like
E. Theme: Techno techno society, filtering of population, creation of zones
F. The entire outline showing ALL of your scenes in the movie.
OPENING SCENE:
Representation (Visuals) of how SEPARATION (an artificial nano death, insinuated by signal from human brain of the bearer, whereas face and chest are separated symmetrically by vertical line), works. Inside perspective. Life stream as if moves on another rails. “What new qualities did you acquire?” “I can move walls apart!”
EXT. TOP OF RESIDENTIAL – DAY
Fishing at the basin on the rooftop. Protagonist #2 family is introduced.
EXT. ON A PLANE
North of Planet MIROPOLIS. Protagonist #1 and his girlfriend Kiat are on a plane, coming home from weekend. Plane is crossing sea from resort area to West Shore.
INT. PROTAGONIST’S APPARTMENT – DAY
Protagonist #1 receives assignment to prepare for Monday.
INCITING INCIDENT:
File with data from Anaupsh’s lab is damaged.
EXT. CITY STREET – NIGHT
Hero takes night ride to Research Institute to recover damaged file.
EXT. BEFORE GATES OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – NIGHT
Front of Research Institute (RI is introduced)
INT. LOBBY OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – NIGHT
Lobby is guarded.
INT. OFFICE – NIGHT
Hero recovers file, but printer lacks paper.
INT. CORRIDOR – NIGHT
Getting paper from corridor cabinet, Hero encounters night watch man.
INT. OFFICE – NIGHT
Kiat sends him a message via radiophone. “I love you”
INT. SOMEONE’S BEDROOM – MORNING
Alarm man, one of small lab workers, is introduced.
INT. OFFICE – MORNING
Hero expects Kiat to come.
INT. CORRIDOR OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – MORNING
Hero accidentally passes by Anapush on the way of speaking on report.
FIRST TURNING POINT:
Hero notices his girlfriend’s absence.
INT. BACK ROOM – MORNING
Kiat is brutally murdered.
INT. OFFICE – DAY
Hero tries to reach Kiat by phone.
INT. PROTAGONIST’S APPARTMENT – NIGHT
Hero keeps missing her.
INT. LANDING BEFORE KIAT’S APPARTMENT – DAY
Hero visits Kiat’s apartment and attempts to find out about her from her neighbor.
INT. LANDING BEFORE KIAT’S APPARTMENT – DAY
Second attempt. Her neighbor is not collaborative.
INT. KIAT’S APPARTMENT – DAY
Police breaks into apartment to find money, clothes, and documents intact. But don’t find enough reasons for missing case.
INT. AUDITORY – DAY
As Protagonist addresses Research Institute workers for support, other missing cases come out.
INT. RESIDENTIAL – DAY
Protagonist attempts to recover one of missing people by visiting his apartment.
INT. OFFICE – DAY
Hero is visited by man, searching for his wife who was working at Hero’s lab.
INT. SOCIAL SERVICES – EVENING
Hero lingers to contact Secret Service.
EXT. STREET PHONE BOOTH – DAY
Hero attempts to contact his ropes.
INT. DIRECTOR’S OFFICE – DAY
Hero tries to persuade Director of RI to search labs. Director drops out of it for meeting with Anaupsh.
EXT. BEFORE DIRECTOR’S – DAY
Hero is shown leaving. City Street.
INT. DIRECTOR’S OFFICE – DAY
Director gets murdered by Anaupsh’s assistant so that she would wipe out files with info on her lab work.
INT. AUDITORY – DAY
Protagonist learns of Director’s disappearance.
INT. PROTAGONIST’S APPARTMENT – DAY
Hero attempts to contact Director by phone.
INT. JUDGE’S APPARTMENT – DAY
Protagonist #2 family. To go fishing, or stay with family.
INT. JUDGE’S APPARTMENT – EVENING
Protagonist #2 family.
INT. LOBBY – EVENING
Hero notices night watch man is gone.
INT. POLICE OFFICE – DAY
Protagonist gets refused by policeman on account there are not enough of proofs people went missed.
INT. AUDITORY – DAY
Protagonist warns workers against area of local labs at Research Institute.
INT. LIBRARY OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – DAY
Protagonist accidentally runs on Anaupsh. He notices there is nor metallic plate stuck in her sandal any longer, which was electronic key she opened Director’s comp with.
INT. RI’S CORRIDOR OF HERO’S DREAM – NIGHT
Horrible dream about RI corridors.
INT. HERO’S BEDROOM – MORNING
Hero awakes.
INT. SOMEONE’S BEDROOM – MORNING
Alarm man gets late as his alarm clock went broken.
EXT. BEFORE THE GATES OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – MORNING
Protagonist warns alarm man against suspicious area, which is his home area.
INT. BACK ROOM – DAY
Alarm man is captured. This is witnessed by one scientist. They go with murdering him, but man has time to Separate. They cannot use his body, and must cover it up somehow differently.
INT. OFFICE – DAY
Protagonist’s friend mentions, he’s missing lab’s Head.
EXT. TRAIN STATION – EVENING
Protagonists friend is watched, as he is to board a train.
INT. TRAIN – EVENING
He boards train, deceived.
INT. POLICE OFFICE – EVENING
Protagonist is refused by police officer on account of his “better position”.
INT. CORRIDOR OF RI – EVENING
Protagonist recognizes his friend is gone.
INT. HERO’S APPARTMENT – NIGHT
Someone comes to Hero’s apartment at night.
MIDPOINT
EXT. STREET PHONE BOOTH – DAY
Hero calls his acquaintance at Secret Service, demanding they would say if missing cases were their job.
INT. HERO’S JOURNALIST BROTHER APPARTMENT – NIGHT
Protagonist visits his brother. He happens to be a journalist.
EXT. POLICE CAR – NIGHT
Police watches them over distance, listening to conversation with antenna.
INT. HERO’S JOURNALIST BROTHER APPARTMENT
Protagonist relates to his brother about missing cases.
INT. JUDGE’S APPARTMENT – DAY
TV news. “In one of huge institutions people get disappear in one of the area of the lab works” Judge remarks that’s where his sister works.
INT. PROTAGONIST’S APPARTMENT – DAY
Hero watches the news.
EXT. STREET PHONE BOOTH – DAY
Journalist calls his brother to learn of impression. Hero is dissatisfied, saying, his report was misleading at broadcast.
INT. ANAUPSH’S LAB – DAY
Anaupsh answers the phone.
INT. JUDGE’S APPARTMENT – DAY
Judge drops it down, hearing her voice, as he cannot stand her.
INT. ANAUPSH’S LAB – DAY
Anaupsh’s assistant turns attention on herself, as that one remarks on the case. This sexy girl who always was so unreachable at meetings appears to be very naïve.
INT. VIEW OF CLOSET FROM INSIDE – DAY
She gets pranked by her boyfriend who places a date with her.
INT. CAFE – NIGHT
Girl is waiting for him, but he doesn’t turn out.
EXT. CITY STREET – NIGHT
As she leaves café, she is lured by Anaupsh in her vehicle, where there is her boyfriend, already killed.
INT. LOBBY OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – NIGHT
They pass by night guard, posing her boyfriend as drunk.
INT. ANAUPSH’S LAB – NIGHT
Anaupsh proposes as if to restore him and girl sees construction from parts of human bodies before dropping on a floor. Anaupsh’s male assistant is not to pass such a specimens unnoticed.
INT. OFFICE – DAY
In result of broadcast, control group, in amount of one aged man and young lady is sent by organization to check at what is happening at Research Institute.
INT. ANAUPSH’S LAB – DAY
As Anaupsh gets uncovered, her assistants capture both people from control group.
INT. BACK ROOM – DAY
They both are beaten up, unconscious.
INT. SOME LAB – DAY
Hero starts searching through labs, followed by his lab’s workers.
INT. DYNAMICS LAB – EVENING
Two guys in this lab do carry guns. They assure Hero they don’t lock the doors making a trap.
INT. CORRIDOR OF RI – MORNING
Protagonist discovers both weapon men from Dynamics Lab are gone.
SECOND TURNING POINT:
Protagonist gets contacted by secret service officer. He affirms they also lost a number of people on Institute’s ground, and that he was afraid to pass inside.
INT. SECRET SERVICE OFFICE – EVENING
Secret Service officers receive indications from above not to do much about the case.
INT. CORRIDOR OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – EVENING
Strolling along, Protagonist looks into open lab and sees there girl assistant of Anaupsh rummaging through documents. She says she had to sort that out.
INT. CORRIDOR OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – NIGHT
Walking past Anaupsh’s lab, Protagonist can hear noise behind the wall, something knocks. He is surprised.
INT. LOBBY OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – NIGHT
Night guard confirms everyone from that lab are gone for the night.
INT. ANAUPSH’S LAB – MORNING
Hero waits for Anaupsh to come, to check her lab. She lets him in, saying it’s development nocking.
CRISIS:
She opens back room for him, and he can see huge animated construction, composed from human bodies, managed by DNA exchange. He recognizes it here and there. Passes out.
EXT. BACK STREET – EVENING
Officer who came to RI calls his top officer, saying, scientist does not answer his calls. He drops the phone and turns to go away, but is shot from behind a corner out of vehicle.
INT. SECRET SERVICE OFFICE – EVENING
Top officer gets notified, his employee went arrested for interest in this case. He is stunned. Upon consideration, exits office via back door.
EXT. OUTSIDE OF SECRET SERVICE OFFICE – EVENING
Top officer gets out, considers cars nearby, walks down, and is shot from behind.
CLIMAX:
Anaupsh presents her work at symposium. Two scientists at presidium get alarmed, but Anaupsh smartly lets her creation into outside world, to float at the sky. They sound alarm then.
EXT. CITY SCAPE – EVENING
Judge’s son witnesses monsters in the sky as he strolls fishing, falling from the edge of the roof in effect, encountered by helicopter, as aircraft dispatch destroys monsters spreading point-direct atomic weapon.
INT. JUDGE’S APPARTMENT – DAY
His son supports him, says to hold on.
INT. COURT – DAY
As Judge heads ahead to preside, hate is manifested toward him. Everyone blames Anaupsh, and yet believes they would let her clean.
RESOLUTION:
Judge sentences Anaupsh, and proposes creation of zones, to preserve society. He Separates under psychic attack, after what his subtle body walks out of court room.
EXT. SITY STREET – DAY
Journalist brother of late scientist watches street screens, streaming phenomenon. He immediately recognizes, zones are to be created.
INT. JUDGE’S APPARTMENT – EVENING
His son gets photo session for magazine.
INT. EDITORIAL OFFICE – NIGHT
Late Protagonist’s journalist brother gets criticized by his editor. What would people think of Separation after reading “Man after Separating, walked along the ail?”
RESOLUTION:
People with strict faces are at building construction, meant for outcastes.
“First Social Services were doing it, then when jails went full, they got that wasn’t enough, and called in military…”
Part 2
1. Make your outline readable:
A. Sluglines tell us the location.
B. Place a one or two sentence description of what happens
in each scene that delivers the essence of that scene.
2. Post your outline to the group. Include each of these:
A. Your logline.
…after reservations for outcastes are created, trained WARDS are to bring qualified back to society,
Born in reservation, LENA witnesses her Ward’s death, runaways, gets escorted by high rang military, becomes his lover, as anyone around undergo danger of being marked as “outcastes”.
B. Dramatic Question: How society survives with castes and zones
C. Main Conflict: In between of old ways and new ways
D. Dilemma: How to bring qualified back from zones
E. Theme: Liberation
F. The entire outline showing ALL of your scenes in the movie.
OPENING SCENE: Destruction of Black Archipelago by atomic weapon.
INCITING INCIDENT: Ward choses residence to be dispatched to.
INT. RESIDENTIAL ZONE – DAY
Ward unlocks his new apartment, belonged prior to his predecessor.
INT. WARD’S APARTMENT – DAY
Le-na visits him. She never takes a bath, to repel other residents.
FIRST TURNING POINT: He hides Le-na in his apartment behind locked doors. They start to be intimate. They take shower together, but he only does superficial sex.
MIDPOINT: His window is bulletproof, but door has space underneath. After knocking at his locked door didn’t help, residents put smoke via this opening. Ward then streams water outside.
SECOND TURNING POINT: When Ward unlocks the door, he claims sending report for Lena, to be liberated. When he refuses to liberate some freak, he gets shot down, Lena hurt, and his apartment robbed.
CRISIS: Le-na awakes and is directed by Ward to splash acid on her mother, pick up report and send it.
INT. ATTIC – DAY
As Lena sends report, there is girl newcomer descending from rooftop. They fight, Lena shoots her down, and is directed by Ward upstairs, where there is still a helicopter, which brought the girl.
CLIMAX: Le-na runs up to the pilot and deceives him, saying she was brought down to restricted zone by mistake. She promises him some payment!
RESOLUTION: EXT. HELICOPTER CABIN – EVENING
They take into air. Pilot asks for her address. “Quiet Street, Small House!” Le-na says. Pilot gets he was deceived. “Point gun at him!” says Ward’s voice. Le-na puts gun on him. His radio works, and Le-na screams for pilot. Man on that end of the line hears female voice.
ESCAPE story (above) as OPENING SCENE for Lena Outside of Reservation
(Lena Outside of Reservation, as a RESOLUTION to Escape story)
INCITING INCIDENT: INT. TECHNO STATION – EVENING
Le-na is picked up by high rang military. She recognizes him being special, and tries to pull shirt away from his back, to see if there isn’t body mark as well.
FIRST TURNING POINT: INT. HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
They become intimate.
INT. HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
Servant rolls in table with refreshment and some wine bottles, as he gets astonished, seeing Le-na standing totally naked amid the room.
INT. HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
Two officers come to expose her lover. They have a moment and exchange names. He says, he’s a Son of Main Commander, which is his rang.
MIDPOINT: INT. HOTEL’S LOBBY – NIGHT
Son of Main Commander descends with Le-na into lobby. He directs her to wait him at the glass doors. And tries to place a phone call, but line is dead. “You will pay me for that! “ he says to hotel’s owner. And receives a blow.
INT. HOSPITAL COMPARTMENT – NIGHT
Son of Main Commander awakes at a Hospital, saved by Le-na. They get enconters from nurse and some man, and lock inside. They unlock to the military bunch, and after some conflict, are saved by requested by him regiment.
EXT. AT HELICOPTERS – MORNING
As they are on the go to helicopter, saved by regiment, he arguments with regiment commander.
SECOND TURNING POINT: INT. HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT.
As they are staying at the hotel, now a couple, he sits on bed in clothes. Le-na reacts and after pulling his socks away, washing her hands, picks up bottle and pushes inside sex organs. He catches at her and hits. “Why have you done it?” She explains, she no longer has blood (she’ s lacking, and he is indifferent). He laughs with joy, explaining that is a pregnancy.
Their activity is overlooked by man in bright lit window across the street. He threatens them, gesturing, and dresses up to go out.
CRISIS: INT. HOTEL CORRIDOR – NIGHT
Son of Main Commander is encountered by Hotel’s owner, and then military dispatch. All tenants get out of their rooms. It appears, Hotel was stuffed with video cameras to observe tenants, by agreement of that man across the street and Hotel owner. As Son of Main Commander arguments matter with Commanding Officer, that one freaks out and gets tied up by his own soldiers. Soldiers get all lost, but one, who starts giving commands, by birth right!
CULMINATION:
One of cameras made video of something white in dark lobby. Hotel owner suddenly gets ill and is escorted to his room by two soldiers. Others search the rooms, and uncover body of ten years old daughter of Hotel owner. Tenant of that room dies right there, poisoning oneself till foam out of the mouth, and slides down the wall. After they turn away two technicians coming to pick up someone qualified as outcastes, real psychologist comes. He turns to be an aged man, experienced and talkative. He exchanges addresses with boy with shrieking voice, promises to distressed woman degree in psychology and new job.
RESOLUTION: INT. HOTEL ROOM – MORNING
Le-na again looks into window. There is wife of that man, now arrested, who shoots woman at hotel room near theirs.
INT. HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
Yet another hotel. They lie in bed as outside are sirens at the distance. He embraces her, tense. But cars run by.
RESOLUTION to PART 2, Wrapping Up: INT. FIGHTING ROOM – DAY
Their young military friend goes into grown up man, taking martial arts training.
INT. RESTRICTED ZONE – DAY
He endeavors to save a couple out of zone. As woman screams, closing her ears, hold by her man, he shoots back at a couple of people, shooting at him.
INT. TRIBUNAL – DAY
He gets sentenced. He doesn’t take it for real, but as a bad joke, as he really killed people. They then consent on him returning back to zone, now forever.
EXT. ROAD AND GRASS – DAY
Bus doors gets closed, and it leaves on its way.
INT. PRIVATE RESIDENTIAL – DAY
Le-na moves around the house, bearing sight of household, having kids, here and there, where they dropped clothes or toys, running for bus.
INT. GUESTROOM – DAY
Son of Main Commander sits as if thinking something over. Phone rings, but he doesn’t pick it up. Le-na awakes him from his thoughts. No, he not at all is going to go as a ward, this means imminent death. She worries, and starts to pull chain with pendant from her neck, as if to put on him as amulet, but he stops her.
He gets up, dons his military headwear and goes out. Le-na answers the phone. No, he is gone. She says.
EXT. OUTSIDE THE HOUSE – DAY
He goes a distance away, then stops. Wind blows into his face. He Separates. Narrow opening with even edges separates front of his face in the middle. His facial expression doesn’t change. He keeps standing same pose.
INT. HOSPITAL – NIGHT
As sentenced ward, here incognito, discusses with their friend psychologist his couple he brought back from zone, passing exam now, and Le-na, who went crashed.
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Justina Mitchell’s Pass #10: Essence Only
What I learned doing this assignment is that it isn’t necessarily easy to melt away the excess from each scene to get to its essence, but I can see where it will make it much easier to work with it by so doing.
CONCEPT:
A very wealthy man who has no heirs considers leaving his money to one of three distant, unfamiliar cousins, but to find out how they will handle a massive fortune, he decides to give each of them a small fortune while he lives among them incognito and observes their handling of it.
DRAMATIC QUESTION:
Once getting to know his distant cousins, will Richard be able to choose which to give his money to, and will he then be able to walk away?
MAIN CONFLICT:
Richard thinks he can move in and out of his relatives lives without becoming attached to them emotionally.
DILEMMA:
When Richard realizes he has fallen in love with Maggie, he knows he has to continue living the persona he created or risk losing her by telling her that he has been dishonest with her and the rest of the family for their entire relationship.
THEME:
Money doesn’t buy happiness; love does.
ESSENCE ONLY OUTLINE:
INT – RICHARD’S SAN FRANCISCO OFFICES – NIGHT
Richard Fulton leaves his office. We see that he is respected by his staff, but not overly friendly with them.
EXT – SAN FRANCISCO CITY STREET – NIGHT – CONTINUOUS
Richard encounters an acquaintance that inherited money. The man is given to excess in lifestyle and is being taken advantage of by a gold digger.
INT – RICHARD’S MANSION – NIGHT
Richard returns home to a solo dinner prepared by his chef/housekeeper who mentions his heartburn then leaves for the night.
INT – RICHARD’S MANSION – NIGHT – LATER
Richard climbs the grand staircase, turns to get his antacid medicine, and falls down the entire flight knocking himself out.
INT – RICHARD’S MANSION – NIGHT
Richard comes to, picks himself and his papers up. He nearly falls down again upon seeing his bloodied reflection.
INT – RICHARD’S MANSION – DAY
A doctor is examining and treating Richard’s injuries, while Richard talks to Nedra, his friend and lawyer. He tells her his concerns about who should inherit his money.
EXT – RICHARD’S PRIVATE AIRPLANE – DAY
Richard is flying his only passenger, Nedra, to lunch in San Simeon. Richard lays out his plan to her on how he is going to go observe his distant cousins to find out which would handle inheriting his wealth best.
EXT – RICHARD’S OPULENT SAILBOAT IN SAN FRANCISCO BAY – DAY
We hear Richard’s plan in voice over as we see him embark on his solo trip around the world. He sails out the Golden Gate then into the open ocean.
EXT – RICHARD’S OPULENT SAILBOAT AT A TROPICAL ISLAND – DAY
Voice over continues as Richard’s boat is hurriedly met by a Polynesian family that hide his boat in a covered cove/boathouse. Richard disembark’s with a full beard.
EXT – POLYNESIAN FAMILY’S BOAT – DAY
Voice over continues as Richard is traveling toward a city on another island.
INT – SMALL AIRPORT – DAY
Voice over continues as Richard is being addressed by his false identity, Edward Gray, and is leaving by plane.
EXT – ALBANY, NEW YORK AIRPORT – DAY
Voice over continues as Richard/Edward exits and hails a cab. He is dropped off at a car dealership where he buys a VW Diesel Rabbit with cash.
EXT – ROADS OF ALBANY & UPSTATE NEW YORK – DAY
Voice over continues as Edward drives to Saranac Lake, New York.
EXT – MAGGIE’S BED AND BREAKFAST – DAY – CONTINUOUS
Edward arrives and meets Father Hill on the front porch.
INT – MAGGIE’S BED AND BREAKFAST – DAY – CONTINUOUS
Edward introduces himself to Maggie and finagles staying long-term at her bed and breakfast despite it not being open yet. He states his purpose is to get a good history of the area in order to write a book before the 1980 Winter Olympics.
EXT – JAMES MOODY’S HOME – DAY
Edward introduces himself to his Moody cousins, (Frank, James, and Carol) and their families during a fancy family dinner. He gets a small insight into how they look at wealth. He also finds out that they have an older step-sister, Maggie.
INT – FRANK MOODY’S GROCERY STORE – NIGHT
Edward is introduced to Frank’s lovely daughter, Cynthia, 18. Carl Fowler comes in to ask Cynthia to a movie. Richard overhears Donna’s extreme frugality while she is talking to Cynthia. He also learns that Cynthia would love her own chocolates if only they could afford them.
INT – CAROL MOODY’S HOME – DAY
Edward visits Carol, the spinster cousin, who is a wealth of family photos and information. She shows him a picture of their ultra-wealthy, distant cousin Richard Fulton. She also tells him that lots of the town history is at Maggie’s since Father Hill was the town historian when the town hall started renovations.
INT – MARTIN’S PHARMACY – NIGHT
Edward buys antacids and a five pound box of chocolates. He finds James moonlighting there to make ends meet. Edward shares his antacids with him.
EXT – LAKE SARANAC HIGH SCHOOL – NIGHT – CONTINUOUS
Edward runs into Cynthia coming out of rehearsal and gives her the box of chocolates which she delighted about.
INT – FRANK MOODY’S HOME – NIGHT – CONTINUOUS
Cynthia tells her mother about the chocolates. Donna rations them out to her because they are expensive, and she mistrusts Edward for giving them to her.
INT – MAGGIE’S BED AND BREAKFAST – DAY
Edward asks Maggie about the town records and she shows him a room full of them. She then gives him a work table in the living room to work at. Edward starts working on the records.
INT – MAGGIE’S BED AND BREAKFAST – DAY
Edward while at his work table witnesses a montage of people coming to Maggie for help while offering her little in return. Edward helps Maggie with some of the renovations.
INT – MAGGIE’S BED AND BREAKFAST – NIGHT
Maggie, Father Hill, and Edward enjoy dinner together. Maggie mentions that Carl Fowler’s mother has told him to stop dating Cynthia because of their different economic class. Maggie suggests Edward visit some of the local sights, and he enlists her as his guide with Father Hill’s blessing.
EXT – FOREST – DAY
Maggie and Edward go hiking. She takes him to the rustic family cabin on a lake where they have lunch.
INT – GRAND OLD HOTEL – RAINY DAY
Maggie tells Edward about the history of the area. He talks to her about the family taking advantage of her which she discounts.
EXT – EDWARD’S VW RABBIT – RAINY DAY
Maggie and Edward see Cythina walking home from school in the rain. He gives her a ride home and she tells him about the chocolate rationing. They see Carol running in the rain to Frank’s house and she tells them to follow her.
INT – FRANK MOODY’S HOME – RAINY DAY – CONTINUOUS
Edward, Maggie, and Cynthia enter to find all the cousins gathered because they just found out that they have each been bequeathed $1.5M from their distant, missing, cousin Richard Fulton. Edward is surprised and touched by their different reactions.
EXT – MAGGIE’S BED AND BREAKFAST – DAY
Edward and Maggie discuss the money and her not being included as they work in the garden.
INT – MAGGIE’S BED AND BREAKFAST – DAY
Donna, a beggar, and Patty come by showing different takes on the money.
INT – JAMES AND PATTY’S NEW MANSION – NIGHT
An elaborate house party shows how the money is effecting the whole family. Maggie thinks Edward is flirting with Cynthia.
EXT – JAMES AND PATTY’S NEW MANSION – NIGHT
Edward and Maggie leave the party and discuss some of it. She tells him about her worries over Cynthia dating the rich young men.
EXT – HIKING TRAIL – DAY
Edward runs into Stevie who is running away from home till Edward convinces him not to. Stevie mentions how much Maggie abhors lying.
INT – MAGGIE’S BED AND BREAKFAST – NIGHT
James comes in with urgency and asks Edward to drive him somewhere.
INT – EDWARD’S VW RABBIT – NIGHT
Edward takes James to Albany to get money to his son, David, before he is discovered as a thief of his college fraternity’s funds which he stole to pay gambling debts.
INT – MAGGIE’S BED AND BREAKFAST – DAY
Edward returns to find Maggie worried about him and pretending not to be. Father Hill dies.
EXT – CEMETARY – DAY
Edward along with the rest of family comforts Maggie at the funeral.
EXT – TOWN PARK – DAY
The beggar tells Edward how Maggie got him a job. Edward discovers Cynthia with a good young man, Christopher, that Donna doesn’t approve of because he isn’t rich. Donna sees them all and Edward lies to protect Cynthia.
INT – FRANK MOODY’S HOME – NIGHT
Edward and Christopher visit and find the rich, young suitors there for Cynthia. Edward finagles to put Christopher and Cynthia together while Edward keeping Donna from interfering.
INT – MAGGIE’S BED AND BREAKFAST – DAY
Maggie gets a startling letter from a law firm, but won’t tell Edward what it is about. Carol arrives to talk about the letters she has been getting from beggars, and Edward volunteers to be her secretary.
EXT – TOWN PARK – DAY
Maggie catches Edward monopolizing Cynthia’s attention away from the rich young men who are vying for her attention. Maggie gets jealous.
INT – MAGGIE’S BED AND BREAKFAST – NIGHT
Donna comes to tell Maggie about losing 40% of their money, and that rich young men have been called off dating Cynthia by their parents in response to that loss.
EXT – MAGGIE’S BED AND BREAKFAST – DAY
A lawyer comes to meet with Maggie, but she won’t tell Edward why. Edward does find out that Maggie thought he was interested in Cynthia romantically. He realizes that he is interested in Maggie romantically.
INT – MUSEUM – DAY
Carol tells Edward of a young woman who needs a place to recuperate. He suggests that she could provide such a place.
INT – MAGGIE’S BED AND BREAKFAST – DAY
After finding out that James’ family is moving out of town, Maggie and Edward talk about the different family’s response to the money they inherited.
EXT – THE SARANAC LAKE WINTER CARNIVAL – NIGHT
Edward finds out that Maggie has researched Richard Fulton and she thinks he is selfish. They kiss for the first time.
INT – MAGGIE’S BED AND BREAKFAST – NIGHT
Edward sort-of states that he is Richard, and then proposes to Maggie. She doesn’t catch that he is Richard, but she accepts the proposal enthusiastically. Edward makes clear that he is Richard and she becomes infuriated and kicks him out.
INT – CAROLS NEW HOME – DAY
Carol tells Maggie about her respite care plan. She gives Edward the credit for the idea.
INT – MAGGIE’S BED AND BREAKFAST – NIGHT
Maggie arrives home just as a blizzard hits. Patty calls because they can’t find Stevie. Maggie calls Edward at the hotel to see if he knows where Stevie is.
EXT – EDWARD’S VW RABBIT – NIGHT
Edward drives Maggie around looking for Stevie. He explains to her why he lied to everyone about who he was.
INT – MOODY’S RUSTIC FAMILY CABIN – NIGHT
Edward and Maggie arrive at the cabin and find Stevie there. Stevie offers words of wisdom to Maggie about Edward.
INT – MOODY’S RUSTIC CABIN – LATER
Maggie forgives Edward and confesses about the money she has inherited. They snuggle and discuss how to tell the family about his true identity.
INT – MAGGIE’S BED AND BREAKFAST – DAY
At a small going away party with the family, lose ends are tied up. Maggie and Edward say goodbye forever.
EXT – REMOTE TROPICAL ISLAND – DAY
Edward/Richard arrives to reclaim his boat. Richard leaves after paying the family for keeping his secret.
EXT – RICHARD’S OPULENT SAILBOAT – DAY
Clean shaven Richard is sailing under the Golden Gate. He docks, disembarks, and is met by Nedra and her house guest, Maggie Hill.
POSTSCRIPT HEADLINES
Newspaper and magazine headlines talk of Richard and Maggie dating, getting engaged, and their upcoming wedding in her hometown of Lake Saranac, New York.
-
DAY SIXTEEN – WRITE YOUR ESSENCE ONLY OUTLINE – ASSIGNMENT
What I learned is this condensed version of the script will allow me to change, to amend and create on the fly, so to speak. It is a HUGE time saver and it truly will free my mind up to change and improve each scene with a tenth the time required when I have it all written out and must slow through my beat-sheet.
LOGLINE: As executor of her estranged father’s estate, Brooklyn discovers the truth about her parent’s divorce. On the verge of success as a painter, romance finds her at a crossroads: disillusionment and a mother’s deception conspire to undermine her world. Brooklyn rises above tragedy in order to create her happy ever after.
DRAMATIC QUESTION: Can Brooklyn accept her estranged father’s posthumous love and find love for herself.
MAIN CONFLICT: Brooklyn loves her father’s art gallery, her legacy, she must fight to keep the general manager from stealing it.
DILEMMA: Brooklyn learns of her mother’s deception and her father’s undying love for her. She must learn to forgive her mother in order to embrace her father’s posthumous love.
THEME: True love is unconditional. It forgives, it grows and makes life worth living.
OPENING SCENE: Brooklyn is having lunch with her best friend and her patron for her paintings.
[1] INT. CAFE — LUNCH Brooklyn (protagonist) talks with Carolyn about love, loss, and her upcoming 30<sup>th</sup> birthday.
[2] EXT. GALLERY BUILDING – LATE AFTERNOON Brooklyn takes her latest painting to Carolyn’s gallery for the upcoming showing.
[3] INT. TOWN HOME – DRIVE WAY – EARLY EVENING Brooklyn gets home, changes into lounge clothes, gets a letter from her father’s lawyer.
[4] FLASHBACK – KITCHEN – DISTANT PAST Brooklyn recalls her mother telling her that her father wasn’t providing, she had to go to work; they grew apart. He left them emotionally. She is the one who filed for divorce.
[5] INCITING INCIDENT: Brooklyn learns she is the executor of her father’s estate and must leave.
[6] INT. CAROLYN’S SUV – DAY Carolyn drives Brooklyn to the airport, warns her it might take her a few days.
[7] EXT. CAR RENTAL PARKING LOT – NOON Brooklyn leaves the airport, drives off in a rental Jeep for her father’s town.
[8] EXT. CAFE – CONTINUOUS Brooklyn arrives in town.
[9] INT. LAW OFFICE – DAY Brooklyn calls her dad’s lawyer. He answers and agrees to join her for lunch.
[10] INT. ART GALLERY OFFICE – DAY Alan takes Brooklyn to her father’s gallery. Brooklyn meets Richard (antagonist) he is a charming womanizer. He plays upon her emotions.
[11] INT. SMOKE SHACK – EVENING Brooklyn meets Richard at the restaurant for dinner and to talk about the gallery and get her up to speed. Richard tries to seduce her, she is too gun-shy.
[12] INT. ALAN’S OFFICE – MORNING Brooklyn is warned by the lawyer, Alan, that Richard wants the gallery. He gives Brooklyn keys to her dad’s cabin and directions on how to get to the cabin.
[13] INT. JEEP – LATER Brooklyn is following the map, finds her dad’s cabin. It’s beautiful.
[14] EXT/INT. CABIN – CONTINUOUS From the outside, it is beautiful. Inside, more stunning. Brooklyn discovers her dad had great taste, was a painter. He has photos of her from childhood on. She is floored, never saw him keeping tabs on her.
[15] INTERCUT: CAROLYN DRIVING, BROOKLYN AT THE WINDOW Brooklyn tells her that her mom lied about her dad. Carolyn tells her Iverson, CEO of Apex Industries, is stopping by the gallery to buy her three paintings. Brooklyn is now in the big times!!
[16] EXT. CABIN DECK – DAY Brooklyn is painting the landscape before her. Finishes, sets it by her dad’s, same landscape different season. Tells him “Here daddy, for you. Merry Xmas”
[17] FIRST ACT TURNING POINT: Brooklyn discovers a shoe box filled w/ letters marked “return to sender” It’s her mother handwriting, she wrote “return to sender” on them. END OF ACT ONE
[18] EXT. FRONT PORCH – CONTINUOUS
Brooklyn answers the door, meets Tarek and his two sons. Learns they are in for the holiday to spend it with her dad. They don’t know he has passed. She invites them in. There is instant chemistry.
[19] INT. KITCHEN – LATER
She tells Tarek her father passed. The boys overhear. They talk about him being in heaven w/ their mom.
[20] INT. LIVING ROOM – LATER
Brooklyn, Tarek and the kids play monopoly together. Brooklyn wins.
[21] INT. DINING ROOM – LATE AFTERNOON
Tarek and the boys share the dinner they brought with Brooklyn. Bonding and talking, feels real.
[22] EXT. PORCH – AFTER DINNER
Tarek, the boys and Brooklyn go outside, they have a snowball fight.
[23] EXT/INT. PICKUP TRUCK – LATER
Tarek and the boys pack up and leave Brooklyn.
[24] INT. CABIN – CONTINUOUS Brooklyn retrieves the shoebox of old letters, the electricity goes out. She lights lanterns, builds a fire.
[25] INT. LIVING ROOM – LATER
Brooklyn reads all her father’s letters to her, throws the old checks in the fire.
[26] INT. TAREK’S CABIN – CONTINUOUS
Tarek worries about Brooklyn, Tyler tells him to call her, Brandon knows dad didn’t get her #
[27] INT. LIVING ROOM – SAME
Phone rings, Brooklyn thinks it’s Tarek; it’s Richard. She turns down his dinner offer. She asks him where the client list is, he tells her, it’s all in his head.
[28] INT. GALLERY – LATER
Richard goes there, takes all the receipts, papers, invoices and ledger, then vandalizes the place.
[29] EXT/INT. GALLERY – MORNING
Brooklyn goes to Art Gallery; finds it vandalized. She freaks, then takes a stand and calls the local alarm company. Has video cameras, motion detectors, the works installed including a few hidden cameras.
[30] INT. COLD CREEK CAFE – LUNCH
Brooklyn runs into Tarek. They argue over the merits of an artist. She is offended. She tells him, “someone in your idyllic little town ransacked and vandalized my dad’s gallery last night…” and leaves.
[31] INT. CAROLYN AFTERNOON – NOON
Iverson goes to Carolyn’s gallery, to pick up paintings. He inquires about the artist. Later, tells his executive secretary as they’re leaving the gallery to do a background workup on Brooklyn Murray.
[32] INT. BABBLING BROOK GALLERY – AFTERNOON
Carolyn calls Brooklyn; Iverson wants to meet Brooklyn, has to see her in person to buy her works.
[33] INT. GALLERY – LATER
Brooklyn gets a basket of goodies from Tarek w/ an apology card. He’s sorry for what happened to her gallery and for how poorly he explained himself at the café.
[34] INT. JOSHUA’S CABIN – NIGHT
Brooklyn mulls over her feelings for Tarek, her lust for fame and recognition that Iverson can provide.
[35] INT. LIMOUSINE – LATE AFTERNOON
Iverson greets Brooklyn. Flatters her, they go to dinner where Carolyn is there waiting for them.
[36] MONTAGE – BROOKLYN AND GUESTS CELEBRATING
Dancing, mingling, dinner and desert. Iverson kisses the back of her hand, a telling gesture.
[37] INT. CAFÉ – NEXT MORNING
Brooklyn and Carolyn talk re: Iverson wanting Brooklyn to paint murals in his mansion and perhaps more.
[38] INT. TAREK’S CABIN – KITCHEN – MORNING
Tarek makes boy’s breakfast, winces in pain several times.
[39] EXT/INT. WINTERGREEN BANK – AFTERNOON
Brooklyn goes in and buys all of Tarek’s photograph off the wall.
[40] SERIES OF SHOTS
Brooklyn goes to the places where Tarek has his photos and buys them, takes them to her gallery.
[41] INT. TAREK’S CABIN – CONTINUOUS
Tarek and boys build a fire, have eggnog and cookies. Tarek’s new phone is fully charged. Brandon tells him, “You know Brooklyn left you a bunch of texts.”
[42] INTERCUT: ALAN, AT HIS OFFICE; BROOKLYN, THE GALLERY
Alan tells her Richard is trying a legal stunt to steal the gallery from her. He explains the stunt to her.
[43] EXT. GRAVEYARD – DUSK
Brooklyn goes to visit her father, sees a heart carve on a tree with initials and it has been Xd out. She murmurs, “Even here.” At her dad’s headstone, she tells him her mom lied. Ruby shows up, tells her that her father knew she loved him, that her father was the love of her life.
[44] INT. JOSHUA’S CABIN – LATER
Brooklyn is drinking wine, eating chocolate, decides to call Tarek.
[45] INTERCUT: BROOKLYING SITTING; TAREK AT THE FIREPLACE
Brooklyn is sure her father’s signature on the document Richard gave to Alan is a forgery. Tarek tells her to be careful, that Richard is a good guy. This starts an argument and pushes Brooklyn to go to Chicago.
[46] INT. BED – LATER
Brooklyn texts Carolyn, asks for Iverson’s cell number. Carolyn texts it to her with a smilie face.
She texts Iverson, he texts her back.
[47] INSERT – TEXT
“I will send my jet for you. Let me know when you would like to leave.”
[48] INSERT – TEXT
“Tomorrow, after work, 6pm. Denver Stapleton, right?”
[49] INSERT – TEXT
“When you get to Stapleton, call James at this number: 773-456-3336. He will find you.”
[50] INT. MASTER BEDROOM – MORNING
Brooklyn is awakened by the door bell. She checks the security camera, it’s Tarek and the boys. She is so happy.
[51] EXT. FRONT PORCH – CONTINUOUS
Tarek and the boys are dressed to be out in the elements.
[52] INT. CABIN – STAIRWELL
Brooklyn rushes down, goes to the door and lets Tarek in. They talk, about to kiss when door opens and boys come inside to use bathroom.
[53] INT. PICKUP – LATER
Brooklyn rides with them as they drive to a meadow to cut down a Christmas tree for her.
[54] SERIES OF SHOTS
1. Snow shoe rabbit, 2. white tail doe. Tree stump with Brandon, tyler & Joshua’s initials carved into the base.
[55] EXT. MEADOW – LATER
They find the perfect tree, take photos of it and themselves in front of it. Eat lunch there in the wilderness.
[56] INT. CABIN – LATER
Brooklyn waves goodbye as they drive off. The Christmas tree in the great room smells wonderful.
[57] INT. TAREK’S CABIN – KITCHEN – NIGHT
They make dinner together. Tarek and Brooklyn talk about the gallery, his work, the future.
[58] Tyler interrupts, drags Brooklyn to their tree, shows her the Xmas bulb he made for her.
[59] INSERT – TEXT
It is Carolyn, telling Brook that Iverson wants her, will pay 5$ per day for work on the murals.
[60] INT. LIVING ROOM – LATER
Tarek and Brooklyn on the couch, boys are in bed. She asks Tarek to come to Chicago, he says he can’t, $ is tight. She is upset. Hides it.
[61] INT. JOSHUA’S CABIN – GREAT ROOM – NEXT EVENING
Brooklyn, Tarek and the boys decorate Brooklyn’s tree.
[62] INT. LIVING ROOM TABLE – LATER
The group is playing Monopoly. Brandon senses Brooklyn is leaving. She says she’ll be back before Xmas. Brandon walks off. Tarek goes after him. Tyler, sits and cries. Brooklyn finds out that their mother said the same thing and never came back.
[63] INT. CORPORATE OFFICE – 47<sup>th</sup> FLOOR – CHICAGO – AFTERNOON
Brooklyn goes to see Iverson, learns what he wants her to paint. Takes the sketches with her and leaves.
[64] INT. BROOKLYN’S ART STUDIO – LATER
Brooklyn is in her studio painting, working on her ideas for Iverson’s murals. Carolyn sneaks up on her. They have a heart-to-heart re: her love for Tarek and her fear.
[65] INT. KITCHEN – NEXT MORNING
Carolyn answers Brook’s phone, speaks with Tarek. Listens, orders his airplane tickets, tricks him.
[66] INT. BROOKLYN’S ART STUDIO – DAY
Tarek surprises Brooklyn at her loft. They KISS, go back to Carolyn’s.
[67] INT. CAROLYN’S KITCHEN – LATER
Carolyn makes Tyler chocolate milk. They’re playing video games.
[68] INT. BROOKLYN’S HOME – LATER
Spend the night, the boys with Tarek. Next morning, she leaves to paint,
[69] INT. KITCHEN – LATER
Tarek collapses in pain. Brandon, in a panic, calls Brooklyn’s number.
[70] INT. STUDIO – MOMENTS LATER
Brooklyn gets a panicked call from Brandon, his dad is on the floor. She tells him to call 911.
[71] EXT. BROOKLYN’S RESIDENCE – LATER
Brooklyn pulls up, ambulance is there. Tarek tells Brooklyn “Look after my boys.” END OF ACT TWO
[72] INT. HOSPITAL – WAITING ROOM – CONTINUOUS
Brooklyn keeps the boys entertained with drawing, hangman and tic-tac-toe.
[73] INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – LATER
Tyler in Brooklyn’s lap in Tarek’s room. He survives, they are all together.
[74] INT. BABBLING BROOK GALLERY – NIGHT
Richards breaks in, steals the good paintings, substitutes them for no-name paintings. He then torches the place, to cover the theft of the valuable paintings versus the no-name substitutes. Leaves whistling.
[75] INT. BROOKLYN’S STUDIO – NIGHT
Carolyn shows Iverson what Brooklyn’s done on the ideas for his six murals
[76] INT. TAREK’S CABIN – NIGHT
Brooklyn is there nursing Tarek, the boys are there sleeping in their beds. Brooklyn gets a call from the sheriff and the alarm company. Tyler hears phone, runs into room panicked. She calms him. Leaves.
[77] INT. VEHICLE – LATER
Brooklyn sees the flashing lights of the fire truck and police car two blocks away. She drives up, is heart broken. Her father’s legacy is in ruins. She sits in her car dumbstruck. Sheriff comes over to her.
[78] INT. JOSHUA’S CABIN – LATER
Brooklyn reviews the videos, sees the man in black, she catches a glimpse of the hand tattoo. There is the proof she needs. She calls the Sheriff and tells Jack to meet her at the Smoke Shack Bar. He warns her don’t do anything foolish.
[79] INT. SMOKE SHACK – BAR – DAY (CLIMAX)
Brooklyn enters and confronts Richard. She sets down photos of a person dressed in black in the gallery, pulling paintings off the wall and replacing them. The last photo is a close-up of Richard’s hand tattoo as it shows momentarily between the leather glove and sleeve of the jacket. Carolyn walks in as moral support for Brooklyn. Behind her, the sheriff with handcuffs.
[80] EXT. GRAVE SITE – DAY
Brooklyn visits her father’s grave, apologizes, asks for his forgiveness.
[81] EXT. MEADOW – CHRISTMAS MORNING
We glide over the new fallen snow, see the Christmas lights at the cabin’s eaves, the chimney smoke and go inside…
[82] INT. BROOKLYN’S CABIN – CONTINUOUS
Brandon hands out Christmas presents. Brook’s present to Tarek, homemade Christmas bulb with a heart in glitter and their initials. The last present, is Tarek’s. A wedding ring as he asks Brooklyn to marry him.
ROLL END-OF-FILM CREDITS
MONTAGE – VIDEO FOOTAGE OF WEDDING DAY
— Bridal gown and lace train, Brooklyn, out on the back deck, snowy meadow in the foreground.
— Group shot: Carolyn, maid of honor. Beside her Stan with their two boys as Tarek’s groomsmen.
— Self-conscious pose: Tuxedoed and on their best behavior, Brandon and Tyler stand at attention.
— Tarek’s best man, Alan, caught handing him a flask of the good stuff.
— Alan’s daughter, Briana, flower girl, sprinkles flowers across the redwood deck.
— Unsteady, hand-held SHOT of Brandon looking into the camera asking Tyler if it’s ON.
— Ruby catches the wedding bouquet, turns to the old man from the bar and smiles suggestively.
— Cake-cutting ceremony – Brooklyn shoves cake into Tarek’s mouth.
BACK TO PRESENT
Brandon writes on the back of an 8 by 12 photograph:
INSERT – WRITING
“And they lived happily ever after”…
Brandon turns the photo over and we HOLD ON — WEDDING SHOT of the four of them — posing in front of Brooklyn’s Christmas tree.
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