Day 16 Assignments

[Alan Larson]

ASSIGNMENT – DAY 16

Subject: Alan’s Amazing Opening Scene!

What I learned doing this assignment is…that my original scene still appears to be the best way to start this story, but those three pages could be substantially improved.

Three Other Possible Opening Scenes:

Unique World

The opening scene could start in the sex trafficking world, perhaps having a live auction of women on some private Pacific Island.

Instant Conflict

My book actually starts with the Highland Tavern scene where Rolex Guy roofies Erin, then Jay steps in to save her.

Shocking Scene

A horribly shocking scene would be 13 year-old runaway, Madison Hansen, already sold to and at the semi-truck brothel with a ‘John.’

– I chose to stay with the current opening three pages of the screenplay, which actually just changed/improved in the SU Thriller class I took right before this one. But hopefully, I made several improvements to those pages. I’d appreciate feedback on Jay & Holly’s interacting dialogue.

BEFORE – First Three Pages:

FADE IN:

INT. CHINOOK BISTRO OFFICE – DAY

Upscale restaurant. A printer WHIRRS out a Denver Police Wanted Poster sketch. A scarred hand picks up the poster.

INT. CHINOOK BISTRO – DAY

The scarred hand drops the poster on the hostess stand.

INSERT WANTED POSTER:

WANTED: Person of Interest in five Missing Girl cases. About 5’10”, brown hair, green eyes, athletic build, silver wedding ring. The sketch morphs into —

INT. CHINOOK BISTRO – NIGHT

— the matching face of RICHARD MILHOUS “JAY” CROCKETT (30), a bright, creative, athletic Wisecracking Everyman, prone to blurting out the most inappropriate things.

Nervous, sitting at a dark corner table, Jay twists off and on his silver wedding ring. A young woman giggles.

The woman, HOLLY SAMPSON (21), blonde in a red dress and heels, no rings, seated across from Jay faces the bar area. She wipes her mouth with a napkin, then leans forward.

HOLLY

Need to hurry home to the wifey tonight, Jay?

JAY

Hurry home? Only never these days.

HOLLY

Trouble in Paradise?

JAY

Paradise, cha. Why don’t we go drink wine at your place, Holly?

HOLLY

Can’t tonight. Big test tomorrow.

AT BAR

BLAKE (35), a tall blond surfer dude, leers at Holly. He checks his pants cargo pocket. It holds ROHYPNOL.

LATER

Jay and Holly walk to the bar. Jay veers to the men’s room. WAITRESS (18) with a scarred hand stares wild-eyed at Jay.

Holly stops in front of Blake. Blake sidles up to Holly and pats the small bulge in his shirt pocket.

BLAKE

Blue Dream. Won the High Times Cup. Best weed in the world.

Holly’s eyes light up. They smile at each other.

LATER

Blake sits and chats with Holly. Jay walks to Holly. Blake does a double-take at Jay, then turns away.

HOSTESS STAND

CHINOOK HOSTESS (20) and Waitress whisper. They lean and stare as Jay and Holly walk out past them.

Chinook Hostess rapidly shuffles her papers. She yanks out the Wanted poster and points at it. They both nod.

CHINOOK HOSTESS

Definitely him.

EXT. CHINOOK BISTRO – NIGHT

A classy restaurant in a plain strip mall. Jay walks Holly to her yellow VW Bug. They hug.

HOLLY

I love you, Jay.

JAY

Who’s your daddy?

HOLLY

Why do you always go there, jerk?

JAY

You know why.

Disgusted, Holly pushes him away, climbs into her car and messes with her phone. Jay shuffles away.

Holly opens the door, peeks out after Jay, then sneaks back toward the bistro.

INT. WHITE SPRINTER VAN – NIGHT

Blake and Holly sit on a mattress in the back smoking weed. Blake picks up a flask and hands it to Holly.

BLAKE

Coconut rum. Goes amazing with Blue Dream.

Holly takes a quick sip and tries to hand it back.

BLAKE

No. Give it a good swig.

Holly drinks, then holds the flask up for Blake to drink. He takes the flask, shakes his head and closes the lid.

LATER

Out cold, Holly’s prone. Blake ties her hands and gags her. He climbs into the driver’s seat. The MOTOR STARTS.

EXT. CHINOOK BISTRO – NIGHT

All the stores sit dark and closed. Holly’s yellow VW sits by itself under a dim streetlight.

EXT. 7205 ROCK CREEK HOUSE – NIGHT

An old rickety three story dump. A sign out front reads — 7205 ROCK CREEK ROAD.

The white Sprinter van parks. Blake carries an unconscious tied-up Holly from the van to the house.

INT. 7205 ROCK CREEK HOUSE BEDROOM – NIGHT

Small and old. Blake ties an unconscious Holly to the bed.

EXT. SMALL RURAL SOUTH DAKOTA TOWN – NIGHT

An older car stops. MADISON HANSEN (13), a slim precocious blonde sporting torn jeans, gets out and quietly closes her door. The car eases away. She scowls and folds her arms.

MADISON

To live or not to live? Which would be less painful?

Sad, she trudges toward an old ranch-style house.

AFTER – First Three Pages:

FADE IN:

INT. CHINOOK BISTRO OFFICE – DAY

Upscale, new. A printer WHIRRS out a Denver Police Wanted Poster sketch. A scarred female hand picks up the poster.

INT. CHINOOK BISTRO – DAY

The scarred hand drops the poster on the hostess stand.

INSERT WANTED POSTER:

WANTED: Person of Interest in five Missing Girl cases. About 5’10”, brown hair, green eyes, athletic build, silver wedding ring. The sketch morphs into —

INT. CHINOOK BISTRO – NIGHT

— the matching face of RICHARD MILHOUS “JAY” CROCKETT (30), a bright, creative, athletic Wisecracking Everyman, prone to blurting out the most inappropriate things.

Nervous, sitting at a dark corner table, Jay twists off and on his silver wedding ring. A young woman giggles.

The winsome woman, HOLLY SAMPSON (21), blonde in a red dress and heels, no rings, seated across from Jay faces the bar area. She crosses her arms, then leans back.

HOLLY

Sooo…what’s the status with the wifey today, Jay?

JAY

Same, same.

HOLLY

You need to make a decision.

JAY

Not tonight, Holly. Please? Let’s go to your place. Have more wine.

HOLLY

Not tonight. Big test tomorrow.

AT BAR

BLAKE (35), a tall blond surfer dude, leers at Holly. He checks his cargo pants pocket. It holds ROHYPNOL.

LATER

Jay and Holly walk to the bar. Jay veers to the men’s room. WAITRESS (18) stares wild-eyed at Jay. She gasps and covers her mouth with her scarred hand.

Holly stops near Blake. Blake sidles up to Holly. He pats the small bulge in his shirt pocket.

BLAKE

Blue Dream. Won the High Times Cup. Best weed in the world.

Holly’s eyes light up. They smile at each other.

LATER

Blake sits and chats with Holly. Jay walks toward Holly. Blake does a double-take at Jay, then turns away.

AT HOSTESS STAND

CHINOOK HOSTESS (20) and Waitress whisper conspiratorially. They sneak stares as Holly and Jay walk out past them.

Chinook Hostess rifles through her papers. She yanks out the Wanted Poster sketch. They both nod.

WAITRESS

Definitely him. Call the cops.

EXT. CHINOOK BISTRO – NIGHT

A strip mall. Jay walks Holly to her yellow VW Bug. They hug.

HOLLY

I love you, Jay.

JAY

Who’s your daddy?

HOLLY

Why do you always go there, jerk?

JAY

You know why.

Disgusted, Holly pushes him away, climbs into her car and messes with her phone. Dejected, Jay shuffles away.

Holly opens her car door, peeks out after Jay, then sneaks back toward the bistro.

INT. WHITE SPRINTER VAN – NIGHT

Blake and Holly sit on a mattress in the back smoking weed. Blake picks up a flask and hands it to Holly.

BLAKE

Coconut rum. Goes amazing with Blue Dream.

Holly takes a quick sip and tries to hand it back.

BLAKE

No, no. Give it a good swig.

Holly drinks, then holds the flask up for Blake to drink. He takes the flask, shakes his head and closes the lid.

LATER

Out cold, Holly’s prone. Blake ties her up, then climbs into the driver’s seat. The MOTOR STARTS.

EXT. CHINOOK BISTRO – NIGHT

All the stores sit dark and closed. Holly’s yellow VW sits by itself under a dim streetlight.

EXT. 7205 ROCK CREEK HOUSE – NIGHT

An old rickety three story dump. A sign out front reads — 7205 ROCK CREEK ROAD.

The white Sprinter van parks. Blake carries an unconscious tied-up Holly from the van to the house.

INT. 7205 ROCK CREEK HOUSE BEDROOM – NIGHT

Small, old. Blake ties an unconscious Holly to the bed.

EXT. OLD RANCH-STYLE HOUSE – NIGHT

A TV flickers inside. An old car stops. MADISON HANSEN (13), a precocious blonde sporting torn jeans, gets out and quietly closes her car door. The car eases away. She pouts.

MADISON

To live or not to live? Which would be less painful?

She scowls and trudges toward the house.

[Erica Miner]

Subject: Erica Miner’s Amazing Opening Scene!

What I learned doing this assignment is…I could tweak and improve my Opening Scene indefinitely, but at some point I had to take a leap of faith and choose one. I still feel ambivalent about my choice, so I will definitely need some feedback from my critique partner!

Brainstorm at least three other opening scenes for your script. Give us a one paragraph synopsis of each:

1. Plunge us deep into a unique world

The world of the most famous opera house on the planet is in itself unique. I start by showing this world, introducing it from the perspective of the protagonist, a neophyte violinist. but I enhance it with more protagonist action and dialogue that flies in the face of the “business as usual” of this unique world.

2. The unique character

I introduce the protagonist, Julia, in the world just outside of the famous opera house, through her wide-eyed ingenuousness, stubbornness, quick temper, and her deep caring about people.

3. The Shocking Opening

Instead of starting with the setup of the world of the opera house, or introducing this unique character, I start right off with the murder in the pit and the protagonist’s reaction to it.

I chose #3, The Shocking Opening

“Before” version:

INT. METROPOLITAN OPERA HOUSE– OPENING NIGHT

A deafening buzz of excited whispers among well-heeled PATRONS.

INT. ORCHESTRA PIT

MUSICIANS take their seats, start to tune. Among them is violinist JULIA KOGAN, 22, ingenuous and wide-eyed, with a body that doesn’t quit.

On her way into the pit, Julia stops at the conductor’s podium to straighten the baton and a musical score, “Don Carlo”. Then she makes her way to her seat, sits down, extracts her violin from the case and starts to tune.

MALE MUSICIANS check out Julia’s looks. FEMALE MUSICIANS notice this and eye Julia with resentment.

SIDNEY RICHTER, late 40s, wire-rimmed glasses, curly graying “wild man” hair, hurries in, parks himself next to Julia, watches her struggle to tune her creaky old violin pegs.

JULIA

Sidney! Help!

SIDNEY

Julia! When are you gonna get new pegs?

JULIA
When you stop nagging me about the old ones.

Sidney grabs the violin, rotates the pegs with ease, hands it back.

JULIA

My hero.

SIDNEY

I’d settle for “Big Brother”.

Sidney plucks his own violin and bow from the case, clicks the bottom of his bow to the same spot on Julia’s bow. She responds, clicking her bow with his.

SIDNEY
Solidarity.

JULIA

Solidarity.

The musicians all fall silent. Crystal chandeliers rise to the ceiling. A spotlight follows conductor ABEL TRUDEAU to the podium. Noticing his baton perfectly in place, Abel flashes a glance of appreciation at Julia. She beams back at him.

Abel raises his baton. Conducts with impassioned gestures. Julia plays with fervor to the max.

INT. ONSTAGE – THREE HOURS LATER

Don Carlo, Act 3. A desolate 16^th century dungeon. Tenor GIUSEPPE and ROBERTO, a statuesque baritone, sing a soulful duet.

GIUSEPPE
Che di’?

SUBTITLE: What are you saying?

ROBERTO
Per me giunto è il dì supremo…

SUBTITLE: For me, the supreme hour has come…

GIUSEPPE
Che parli tu di morte?

SUBTITLE: Why do you speak of death?

INT. PIT

A glint of metal coming from the Viewing Room catches Julia’s eye. She glances up toward it. A look of warning from Abel brings her attention back to the music.

INT. ONSTAGE

In the b.g., an ASSASSIN CHARACTER in the uniform of the Spanish Inquisition steals in noiselessly. Unseen by the two singers, he poses an Arquebus (Medieval rifle) on his shoulder.

ROBERTO
…Ed io morir per te.

SUBTITLE: …And I to die for you.

The Assassin Character points the rifle at Roberto. A loud GUNSHOT shatters the air. Roberto falls to the floor. Giuseppe stares in horror.

An equally loud gunshot reverberates through the theatre. Abel’s arms drop, mid-phrase. He slumps over the podium, blood trickling down his neck.

The Concertmaster, the violinist positioned closest to Abel, gapes at him, puzzled. One by one, Musicians stop playing. Some stand up, confused.

INT. AUDIENCE

Stunned silence. PATRONS look around in bewilderment, whisper to each other.

INT. PIT

Thrusting her violin aside, Julia rushes to Abel, touches his shoulder.

JULIA
Abel — Abel?!

Abel topples to the floor. Seeing the river of red gushing from his neck, Julia gasps and recoils.

JULIA
Oh my God, no!

A FLUTIST screams. Panicked Musicians flee the pit.

Shaken, Julia kneels beside Abel, cradling him in her arms, her clothes spattered with his blood.

“After” version: I decided to rewrite the original using #3 of the 10 Types of Opening Scenes. My plan is, after this shocker, to cut to a Flashback to give background and details about the setting and its characters and what led up to this shocking event. My book of MURDER IN THE PIT starts with these details, introducing Julia, where she belongs in the setting, the major and minor characters she encounters before the inciting incident. Again, I could really use feedback on whether this “different” approach would work.

INT. METROPOLITAN OPERA HOUSE – NIGHT

It’s opening night. A deafening buzz of excited whispers among well-heeled PATRONS fills the air.

INT. ORCHESTRA PIT

Pre-performance flurry of activity. MUSICIANS enter the pit, find their seats, tune their instruments. Among them is violinist JULIA KOGAN, 22. Wide-eyed, ingenuous, with a body that doesn’t quit.

Julia pauses at the conductor’s podium, straightens the baton and musical score, “Don Carlo”. She finds her seat, tunes her violin, practices a difficult passage. Executes it brilliantly. Other VIOLNISTS eye her with envy—especially the women.

Oblivious to the stares, Julia stops playing, struggles to turn her creaky old violin tuning pegs. SIDNEY RICHTER, late 40s, wire-rimmed glasses, curly graying “wild man” hair, rushes in, parks himself next to Julia.

JULIA

Sidney! Help!

SIDNEY

Julia! When are you gonna get new pegs?

JULIA
When you stop nagging me about the old ones.

Sidney grabs the violin, turns the pegs with ease, hands it back.

JULIA

I don’t know what I’d do without you.

SIDNEY

You may have to, someday.

JULIA

Don’t be so gloom and doom, Sid.

SIDNEY

That’s what you love about me, kid.

The famous Met Opera Austrian Crystal chandeliers rise to the ceiling. A spotlight follows the maestro, ABEL TRUDEAU, as he steps onto the podium. Noticing his perfectly positioned baton and score, he flashes a smile at Julia. She smiles back.

Abel raises his arms, launches into the music with passion. The orchestra responds as one instrument.

INT. ONSTAGE – THREE HOURS LATER

A 16^th century dungeon. Two singers, GIUSEPPE and ROBERTO, perform a soulful duet. In the b.g., an ASSASSIN CHARACTER in the uniform of the Spanish Inquisition steals in noiselessly. Unseen by the two singers, he poses an Arquebus (Medieval rifle) on his shoulder.

GIUSEPPE
Che parli tu di morte?

SUBTITLE: Why do you speak of death?

ROBERTO
Per me giunto è il dì supremo…

SUBTITLE: For me, the supreme hour has come…

INT. VIEWING ROOM

A glassed-in booth high up at the top of the theatre. The viewfinder of a RIFLE pokes through an opening in one window.

INT. PIT

A glint of metal coming from the Viewing Room catches Julia’s eye. She glances up toward it. A look of warning from Abel brings her attention back to the music.

INT. ONSTAGE

The Assassin Character points the rifle at Roberto. A loud GUNSHOT shatters the air.

INT. OPERA HOUSE

A SHOT reverberates through the theatre.

INT. ONSTAGE

Roberto falls to the floor. Giuseppe stares in horror.

INT. ORCHESTRA PIT

The music swells dramatically.

INT. PIT

Abel’s arms drop, mid-phrase. He slumps over the podium, blood trickling down his neck. The Concertmaster, the violinist positioned closest to Abel, gapes at him.

One by one, Musicians stop playing. Some stand up and glance at each other, confused.

INT. AUDIENCE

Stunned silence. PATRONS look around in bewilderment, whispering to each other.

INT. PIT

Thrusting her violin aside, Julia rushes to Abel, stares at him in horror.

JULIA
Abel — Abel?!

Abel topples to the floor. Seeing the river of red gushing from his neck, Julia gasps and recoils.

JULIA
Oh, no! No!

A FLUTIST screams. Panicked Musicians flee the pit.

Shaken, Julia kneels beside Abel, cradling him in her arms, her clothes spattered with his blood.

[Alan Larson]

Assignment Day 16 – Critique of Erica’s Amazing Opening Scene

Hi, Erica,

I’m by no means an expert at this, but I’ve often been told that Flashbacks are frowned upon. I think you could keep your original scene, avoid the flashback, and still amp up the suspense and danger in your opening by simply placing the “RIFLE pokes out scene” early in your script.

INT. VIEWING ROOM – NIGHT

A glassed-in booth high up at the top of the theatre. The viewfinder of a RIFLE pokes through an opening in one window.

And actually, after thinking about it a bit more, I’d put that scene right after Julia looked up at the glint of metal, then back to her music, and I’d change viewfinder to barrel.

Then I’d add this scene when Julia is at the conductor’s podium straightening the music:

INT. VIEWING ROOM – NIGHT

A glassed-in booth high up at the top of the theatre.

Up there, the viewfinder of a RIFLE puts Julia in its crosshairs as she stands at the podium.

That way the audience will be in a superior position to the characters, aware of the danger, likely to be in suspense about both Julia and the Conductor, and it happens on your very first page without having to do a Flashback.

Good Luck with this!

– alan

[Erica Miner]

I also have been told that flashbacks are not ideal, but before your suggestions I couldn’t think of a work around. I will experiment with what you’ve was and see if I can make it all fit.

Thank you!

Erica

[Erica Miner]

Hi again,

So in contemplating your changes, I came across a conundrum. You may or may not remember back when we were working with openings, that my original original opening was introducing Julia as she encounters the Street Violinist in Lincoln Plaza in front of the Met. My plan was to cut this, start with the murder scene, and then flash back to show it how all began in Lincoln Plaza, with one of those ‘6 HOURS EARLIER’ subtitles. Then show Julia relating to Sidney and others she meets inside the Met before the performance.

Are you saying that I could dispense with this introduction entirely, without a Flashback? I think it would be tough to show Julia’s all-important relationship with Sidney, without using any of that material.

Thoughts?

Erica

[Alan Larson]

Hi, Erica,

Yes, I remember and liked the original original scene. Conundrum indeed. At this point, we only have one more Assignment before we exchange scripts. Why don’t you let that percolate and do the next assignment tomorrow? Then, we’ll both think about it once I’ve read your entire script.

Good luck!

– alan

[Erica Miner]

Hi Alan,

That sounds like a plan. I’ve already rewritten the first few scenes to reflect your suggestions, and I like the way it works so far. I’ll let it brew. I’ve already started to study the next assignment, and I finally have a full day without other writing commitments tomorrow to work on it. Tall order, but we can do it, right?

Have I told you that you’re the best?

Erica

[Erica Miner]

I like that you kept with your original scene, and the improvements you made. The background is super important in this story, and the events are sufficiently complex to need to be set up carefully. The opening dialogue between Jay and Holly works much better in the After version, much more punchy. Go straight to Holly confronting Jay with his need to take action. Gives us a sense of his ambivalence about himself as contrasted with his putting everything aside to take care of another person who is important to him.

Little details–the scarred hand, the bulge in the pocket, all add to the suspense and our worry about the characters. Also, the contrast between the evil antagonist and the other characters make Blake that much more reprehensible.

Good job!

[Patricia Semler]

PAT’S AMAZING OPENING SCENE

What I learned doing this assignment is to be open to other possibilities, like trying on new clothes. Some work, some don’t. The resistance to making big changes is crazy, but allowing alternate scenarios in is liberating.

Alternate openings:

Instant conflict –

Contrast – What Monica is selling is security. What Dennis is providing is overreach. How much freedom are we giving up in the name of security?

Shocking- One of Dennis’ scenes is his vindictive sense of correction of bad behavior. Putting this up front shows his dangerous mindset.

Setup/twist –

Unusual VO – I could incorporate Monica’s selling points as an overlay to Dennis’ rigid interpretation of his duty.

Unique character- Monica’s a spin doctor. Her sanity hinges on venting frustration into visuals instead of confrontations.

Action –

Plunge into world –

Non-linear intro –

Trick – My “before” falls into this category. From the start I wanted to highlight Monica’s mindset over Mom’s nonsense.

I think I’ll give Shocking a try out.

BEFORE:

FADE IN:

EXT. MANSION – NIGHT

Wrought iron and brick fencing guards an expanse of lawn and moss-hung trees. A long pebble driveway leads to –

The imposing three stories of a gabled Victorian.

A FIGURE moves in the shadows, circling to the rear and the French Doors of a softly lit kitchen.

GLASS SHATTERS.

INT. MANSION – UPPER HALL – NIGHT

Dark and quiet. The FIGURE stalks behind a flashlight sweep. Right, left, down. Right, left, down.

INT. MANSION – BEDROOM – NIGHT

The door opens. A Queen-size bed of fussy organza. Vintage Chippendale furniture that screams money.

The flashlight beam lands on several jewelry boxes.

Necklaces, bracelets, rings are scooped into a pillow case.

INT. MANSION – CLOSET – NIGHT

A walk-in space full of neatly hung garments on three rails forming a horseshoe of convenience.

In the dark, behind the clothes, MOM ROSEMARY CASSIDY (72), delicate and barely breathing, huddles in a dressing gown.

Furniture scrapes O.S. Drawers bang shut. Footsteps close.

Rosemary’s hand drops to search the floor behind her. Fingers find purchase. She brings up a nightstick ready to poke.

COLIN (V.O.)

Wait, what? In the closet with a riot stick?

The scene freezes.

INT. MONICA’S CAR – DAY

Behind the wheel, MONICA CASSIDY (32) weaves with controlled urgency in and out of moderate traffic. The set of her jaw would warn anyone that to cut her off is a death wish.

A quick down shift and last second turn puts her off the main road and into a high class residential street. There’s steel behind her casually perfect make-up.

MONICA

It’s a great weapon for a ninety-seven pound grandma. I can make it a baseball bat.

COLIN (V.O.)

That works. I worry about you, Mo.

MONICA

Please. Mom has a collection. Just last week she beat a tumbleweed trash bag to death.

Houses drift further apart behind wide lawns and fancy fences. Monica slows, leaning in over the wheel.

MONICA (CONT’D)

Oh my God.

COLIN (V.O.)

What?

Her speed drops to a crawl.

HER POV – Two cop cars, fire trucks and EMT bus wait just outside a gate, lights flashing.

MONICA

The Fifth Cavalry is here. Gotta go.

COLIN (V.O.)

Give the diva my love.

AFTER:

INT. ALL EYES SECURITY – MONITOR ROOM – DAY

A warren of sound-proofed partitioned cubicles. RINGING PHONES, SOFT MEASURED VOICES and low key BUSTLE.

AGENTS fitted with headphones man video stations. Multiple monitors, some dark, others showing homes or store interiors.

Along the back wall another line of monitors shifts between the agents, providing 3 SUPERVISORS with oversight.

DENNIS’ CUBICLE

Impersonal, 3 screens flitting camera angles, a bare hum of electronics. An ergonomic chair dead center.

DENNIS WILEY (50s), one with his environment, left side of his face hideously scarred. His hands play the controls like a keyboard.

ON MONITOR – Camera angles flit around a large yard with numerous trees.

Dennis’ eagle eyes separate shrubbery from shadowy movement.

ON MONITOR – A tracking shot doubles back, fixes on a scurrying naked old man.

DENNIS (V.O.)

I have your father now. Looks like he’s going fishing again. Shall I lock him in the boat house for your convenience?

A tiny voice responds over his head set.

ON MONITOR – The old man slips into a cottage. An inside camera takes over the scene. The door locks behind him. Startled, he pulls at the door frantically.

DENNIS

I turned on the music for him. How could I forget his fondness for Chopin? There’s no need to thank me. I have a camera trained until you enter the door code.

The phone call is ended with a flick of a finger. Dennis’ gentle humor fades. He taps his microphone on.

DENNIS (CONT’D)

Mister Watkins. We talked about what would happen if you broke restrictions again.

MONITOR – The old man swivels toward the voice, defiance failing under a rising dread.

Dennis touches a button.

MONITOR – The boat house fills with ear-splitting heavy metal. Mr. Watkins covers his ears, crumples into a heap.

DENNIS (CONT’D)

The punishment must befit the crime. For your own good.

The boat house view goes to a side monitor. Dennis brings up a new location on his main. His scowl softens.

ON MONITOR

Wrought iron and brick fencing guards an expanse of lawn and trees around an imposing three storied gabled Victorian.

EXT. MANSION – NIGHT

A FIGURE moves in the shadows, circling to the rear and the French Doors of a softly lit kitchen.

GLASS SHATTERS.

INT. MANSION – UPPER HALL – NIGHT

Dark and quiet. The FIGURE stalks behind a flashlight sweep. Right, left, down. Right, left, down.

INT. MANSION – BEDROOM – NIGHT

The door opens. A Queen-size bed of fussy organza. Vintage Chippendale furniture that screams money.

The flashlight beam lands on several jewelry boxes.

Necklaces, bracelets, rings are scooped into a pillow case.

INT. MANSION – CLOSET – NIGHT

A walk-in space full of neatly hung garments on three rails forming a horseshoe of convenience.

In the dark, behind the clothes, MOM ROSEMARY CASSIDY (72), delicate and barely breathing, huddles in a dressing gown.

Furniture scrapes O.S. Drawers bang shut. Footsteps close.

Rosemary’s hand drops to search the floor behind her. Fingers find purchase. She brings up a nightstick ready to poke.

COLIN (V.O.)

Wait, what? In the closet with a riot stick?

The scene freezes.

INT. MONICA’S CAR – DAY

Behind the wheel, MONICA CASSIDY (32) weaves with controlled urgency in and out of moderate traffic. The set of her jaw would warn anyone that to cut her off is a death wish.

A quick down shift and last second turn puts her off the main road and into a high class residential street.

MONICA

It’s a great weapon for a ninety-seven pound grandma. How about a baseball bat?

COLIN (V.O.)

That works. I worry about you, Mo.

MONICA

Please. Mom has a collection. Just last week she beat a tumbleweed trash bag to death.

Houses drift further apart behind wide lawns and fancy fences. Monica slows, leaning in over the wheel.

MONICA (CONT’D)

Oh my God.

COLIN (V.O.)

What?

Her speed drops to a crawl.

HER POV – Two cop cars, fire trucks and EMT bus wait just outside the wrought iron gate of her ad, lights flashing.

MONICA

The Fifth Cavalry is here. Gotta go.

COLIN (V.O.)

Give the diva my love.